We Hate Movies - S8 Ep326: Episode 326 - Murder at 1600

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

On this week's episode, it's Snipesgiving the week of Thanksgiving as the guys chat about the Washington D.C. turkey-pardoning thriller, Murder at 1600! What's with all the huge battleground models Wesley's character has built in his apartment? Were those Kennedy sex tunnels real? And who in the world thought Dennis Miller would be a good fit for this film? PLUS: ED 209 dispatches with turncoat Alan Alda.  Murder at 1600 stars Wesley Snipes, Diane Lane, Dennis Miller, Alan Alda, Ronny Cox, Harris Yulin, Charles Rocket, Diane Baker, and Tate Donovan; directed by Dwight H. Little. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today on the program, Snipes Giving goes to D.C. as we cover Murder at 1600. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Happy Snipes Giving as this blessed month rolls on this week on the program, Murder at 1600, from 1997, directed by Dwight Little. This is a Wesley Snipes political thriller. This is a suspensile film. It's a what? Suspensful film. Suspensiful?

It's a pensive film? Yes, yes. This is what? Wesley Snipes, he's playing a Washington, D.C., police homicide detective. And is he partnered with Dennis Miller, or are they just friends on the force? And other partners, I think. Yeah, but they don't... They're not together that often.

They don't investigate crimes together. Yeah, so I don't think so. I feel like some test screening said less Dennis Miller, and they cut him out. I think that was all tests. Well, yeah, there wasn't any Diane Lane in the first cut, actually. They brought her on. It was all Dennis Miller. They had to reshoot the whole movie.

You know, here's a question. Why can't they fuck in this movie? Dennis Miller and Wesley Snipes? Well, yes. No, more Wesley Snipes and Diane Lane. Like, it's right there. I just feel like if it was Harrison Ford and Ryan Lane. I'll tell you, it's the production code.

Production code. The Hollywood production code, dude. The Hayes Code. Also, I think it's institutional racism. Oh, yeah. Yeah, short answer, institutional racism. But also, I think. They're trying to be a little classier than fair game.

Okay. Or like you're not just fucking in a train car while people are shooting at you. Actually, that's a good call. Like, at what point in this movie could they be fucking? I feel like you'd have to write in a special set of downtime. I'm not even asking for it, but I mean, like, he's dropping her off at her motel quite a few times. That happens I feel like once or twice. And that's actually a perfect scenario in where you could be fucking a virtual stranger because you're like you're hiding out.

You can't go home So you're gonna fuck in this motel Where you're in hiding After the egg man gets shot through the chest Like halfway through this Like you could get into a motel That would be working Or when she drops him off at his place

Earlier in the movie When he first reveal his insane apartment With that like crazy full scale model of DC You could fuck on top of that And it's like King Kong fucking Godzilla That would be so cool That I would see Okay I want to see King Kong and Godzilla

Fuck now How would that work? Who would, who would, like, lead the dance? I guess what am I. I'm thinking King Kong is the top. He's the leading. I think it's just straight up hours worth of 69. Oh, that would be amazing.

Like, they talk about it for a while. They can't make a decision as to who's doing what. Yeah. And it's just hours of 69. This is how the world ends with two monsters slobbering on their genitals. Dude, man, slobbering that con. It's a snake eating itself, but it's a gorilla filating a fucking, I don't know, a lizard person.

Well, I don't know that there's much person. Yeah, I mean, like, it's a guy in a suit. Okay, so there are two guys in suits fucking each other. Okay. And Andy Circus is making all the cum sounds. So this movie starts off kind of like a lethal weapon situation here. There's a guy who's going to commit suicide publicly. And so Wesley Snipes has to come in to save the day.

Seemingly only because this dude is holding us. up traffic? Yeah. I mean, that's a Dennis Miller quip. I'm going to up traffic,

B'n't fucking up traffic, babe. Oh, God, I got to get downtown. We got a lunch date, babe. They ain't gonna hold that table. Human life is nothing,

man. That's what he says now. Man, Dennis Miller fucking sucks, and he fucking sucks in this movie hard. So Wesley Snipes also quips that

this is the third bureaucrat this month that's tried to kill themselves. Yeah. In the middle, of the city? Yeah, dude, it's a fucking hot time in the old town tonight.

I guess so shit. News cycle must be worse than today. Yeah, I guess midterm elections didn't go so well and it's like, well, I could just announce I'm not going to run for re-election or publicly kill myself. And we have to mention it's Charles Rocket in this scene. He actually publicly killed

himself. No, he did not. Well, he was outside. Was it outside? I think so. He cut his throat. Did he? I thought he saw him. I thought he shot him. I thought he No, he cut his own throat It's horrific. It's Charles Rocket, he was a Saturday Night Live guy He got fired for saying fuck on the air

One of those tragedies He's good and dumb and dumber He's really funny He is, I mean he's good and not funny It's Pat Yes, he's the bad guy I think so right He's the shining part of It's Pat

Yeah, yes, I would say that I feel like and rightfully so If somebody tried to make an It's Pat sketch today it would end with Pat being like mind your fucking business. Like, you know what I mean? Like, everyone's like, what's her deal?

You know what, dude? Mind your fucking business. It's worse than what's her deal. It's what is, you know what I mean? It's like, what's the whole premise is finding out the gender. Yeah, it's like, none of your fucking business. I always hated those sketches because it was one of those like, it's no one's business and this isn't that funny.

Yeah. And boy, they just made that whole thing a movie. They sure did. Right. And then they introduced Dave Foley, who was playing. another. Chris, which I think was a holdover from the sketches. Oh, really? She would, uh, Julia Sweeney, I say she, uh, I don't know the gender of pat. Yeah, please do not. I'm not going to assume. But Julia Sweeney would always, oh, my partner, Chris.

And like, it would be like another, uh, androgynous person. So do you think that all the pat heads were like, oh my God, Chris finally made it into the movie? Yes. The three pat heads out there. Uh, maybe Dennis Miller was a pat head. Like, who knows? I don't know. Yeah, I'm not going to be in that sketch, man. You know what? Leave me out, babe. I'm just going to read the news. I'm fine with it. Lauren, you can write me out. What was the best Dennis Miller sketch? Like, obviously he did

Weekend Update, but I'm trying to think of a good sketch performance. I think he's good in the It's a Wonderful Life Routine. He plays the brother in that and they both beat the shit out of Mr. Potter, anybody else? Vaguely recall. I don't know. Weekend updates kind of it, as far as I'm

concerned. It's like, you know what? Just put a fucking black and white photograph from the news next to him and let him make a fake quote from it. That's all I need. Well, yeah, he's a sarcastic fuckhead and like, oh, I need, like, that's all he's good for in those things. That's fair. So, this whole

thing is Wesley Snipes, like, gets out of the car and he's going to, like, talk to this dude and whatnot. Was he cut from a movie about Bugsy Siegel? What is this haircut? A Wesley Snipes? Yeah, because he's got, like, the shaved part. Yeah, exactly. He's like, walked off

Ballward Walk Empire. He's got, like, the cigar constantly in his mouth, unlit. It's not even like a cigar. It's like a little tiny thing. Harlan Regis. It does sound like a boardwalk on Pirates. There's a lot of weird names in this movie, by the way. The names are nuts. Well, this was... There's a guy named Burton Cash. Yeah. Not to mention Spikings.

Spiking. There's a best one. Her name is Chance. Yes. Nina Chance or something like that. Yes. It's bizarre. This whole movie. It's very bizarre. One of the bizarre things was And this is always for the better. Wesley Snipes was brought in to replace somebody. Oh, was he? Yeah.

Oh, man. Now I... I didn't get to hit the Tribune this week. Oh, fuck. It's like John Goodman. No. I think it's Bruce Willis, actually. Oh, really?

It's something like that. Better movie. Yeah, it's been made better. I mean, it's a better movie now. Yes, exactly. Yes, yes. What was released was better. But he winds up punching Charles Rock in the face.

Right. It's just a little weapon. And he's ready. Like, the gun is in his mouth. It's so. so incredibly awkward. And then he punches him in the face. And then Dennis Miller's like,

oh, geez, babe, didn't have to get all violent. It's like, shouldn't you be happy? Traffic's cleared up now. Get back in the car. But apparently the safety was on. And he's a crafty detective. World's greatest detective. I think you might be.

He's not bad, man. So Dennis Miller is the Watson here. And then we cut to... Oh, sorry, confirming from the Tribune. It's the first thing. Wesley Snipes replaced Bruce Willis in the lead role of Detective Harlan Regis. After Willis withdrew from the movie.

Because he fucking hates Ronnie Cox. No, really? No, no. I will not be in the same room with that, man. Thank you very much. Ronnie Cox made fun of my fucking ace harmonica playing one time. He once said the Beverly Hills cop was better than die hard. Fuck that man.

Fuck him hard. So we cut to the White House and what I call erotic nonsense. Oh my God. This is about as nonsensical eroticism you can get. Like, do we need that? that much. She's getting fucked on the president's desk.

Well, the reveal is amazing. Yeah, yeah. Because the George Washington portrait and the Thomas Jefferson portrait are watching

them fuck. Dude, you would fuck if the founding fathers were watching too. I will say, like, in those portraits

of those founding fathers, you don't see where their hands are. I don't know what those paintings are doing. It's not Harry Potter. John Cleese isn't just

fucking masturbating in a painting. I always This was a very, a bit unsettled by the fucking living paintings in Harry Potter. You know what, leave me the fuck alone. And there's not enough accurate reaction to, like, seeing a living painting in those movies. They're kind of like, oh, what's that? Oh, that's weird.

I'd be like, excuse me, that's a fucking living painting right there. And it opens up so many questions. Can I go in there? Can they come out? What the fuck are we talking about? You have to burn it immediately. It's an abomination. And it's at a soul free.

My God. Right, yeah. Put them to wrap. Yeah, nobody seems to care that there's just ghosts trapped in these... I don't know. I think they go to, like, that limbo hell and Beetlejuice. Oh, right. If you do that, I think that's some real shit, man.

That's fine. I'll just, I know, I'll scatter the ashes in a museum. You know what's coming, though. You don't even need that reveal because it's like the founding fathers, it's shadowy, like, dark at night. And the sexophone is fucking going hardcore. Also, the movie's called Murder at 16. So we then cut to, like, this, like, this, like... montage of cleaning up the White House and there's that guy my favorite guy in the movie who

becomes a character later swimming on the floor oh just crab walking man oh yeah it's the weird like is that really a more efficient way to polish a floor i don't know get a fucking floor buffer this is the white house that must be destroying his knees oh yeah like i mean he's not gonna be be able to walk in like 10 years but his chorus must be outrageous yeah oh my god shred cheese off of it This is this weird, like, this is how the White House closes down for the night. And it's like everybody cleaning, taking out the trash, crab walking down a marble hallway. To be clear, he's got like a shammie towels on his hands and knees. Right.

He's like doing like a weird, like crab. It's almost like dog paddling. Yeah, it is swimming on the fucking floor. It's kind of cool to watch. And then this poor cleaning woman stumbles upon this woman murdered in a stall in the bathroom. And the Secret Service goes crazy, obvious. obviously, because they go crazy. Well, they've got machine guns.

They're insane? Yeah, yeah, they don't have machine guns any other time. So now they're going to take them out. Diane Lane finds the dog. What's that? Dian Lane finds the dog that becomes very important later. Oh, that's right. Well, you know.

And we're introduced to her as well. Right. So she works for the Secret Service. And then we cut to Wesley Snipes, getting a phone call in his car, and it's kind of the best line of the movie. No, he's at a bar with Dennis Miller.

He's like typing up his report and Dennis Miller's like getting wasted. Which is like, how can you expect to get work done at a bar, first of all? This really confused me

because like the typewriter at the bar thing tells me you're a reporter. No, it tells me you're a novelist. Or an alcoholic. He's playing Charles Bukowski. Yeah, seriously. Or maybe he's the guy from piano man.

He's a, Bill is a real estate novelist. which I've never understood Or like Wesley Snipes In fact totem, I kind of I could get into that Yes Another drink for all my friends Except for Dennis Willer

Everybody else gets a drink Fade I know where you come over here And we get The other Like the sort of the B plot Because more important Which is the hostage crisis In North Korea

Which like Leave this out I mean you need it Mm-hmm. For the end, I guess. But my God. No, you don't. Well, this was the dartboard times of like, of peacetime from 96 to 2000. I was like, who's going to give us trouble in this movie? Is it the Albanians? It's the Chinese. Yeah. North Koreans. Oh, North Korea. That'll be fun. That'll never happen. I mean, they hate us anyway. So what the fuck? Let's do it. So is it at the bar then where he receives the phone call? And it's just like, you know, oh, Wesley Snipes here.

$600. What? Come on. Lorimer Street, 1600 Lorimer Street. Oh, for a second. I thought you said Pennsylvania Avenue. Well, we'll be right down there. Just come on, man. Just giving the address. Yes.

Oh, the White House. Where is that again? Uh-huh. 1600 what? Got it. I'll be right there. No, it's not actually the way. I mean, it's the same thing, but it's actually across the street.

We just said the White House because it's closer. It's right there. We'll signal to you when you get there. Come on. Like, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. apartment B. Bring the buzzer, elevators to the left. Yes, exactly.

I'll wait outside for you. You know what? It's just easier if I wait outside. I mean, it's called outside. I'll bring it into the lobby at least. He gets there and there's all these people already doing the investigating and whatnot. And already, I mean, I don't know, this seems a little bit improbable that you're calling like a homicide detective. Yeah, I mean, it seems like the idea later is discussed.

It's like, yeah, it's just for the optic so that the Washington. PD is in. They would never, this body would go into the incinerator. You'd ever hear about this. It would only be federal, right? It would be like FBI. They're military police.

There would be a total cover up. Yeah. It's a Walter White barrel. Get it in here and fucking get rid of it. They have the basements full of those. I mean, yeah, somebody's been killed at the White House before, right? Thousands. Thousands.

Yes. Scores of people dead at the White House. All bar. another one for the grave. I got a couple leftovers from the CIA. Uh-oh, mommy, he's still twitching. Yeah, I mean...

Oh shit, it's Vince Foster back from the grave. Oh, no, motherfucker. He's trying to get revenge. Hey, Hillary, it's zombie Vince Foster. Get the machetes. Oh, my God. Better movie, a seance at 1600. Yes.

And they're trying to get these demons out. Oh, dude, that's got to be like the fucking Grand Central Station of Ghost Activity. Sequel set up, they accidentally send the ghost of Lincoln to hell. And now fucking, we got to get Lincoln out of hell. Nice. Oh, absolutely. Oh, actually, though, how about this? Then there's like a face off in hell, Abe Lincoln v. Hitler.

Oh, I would love that movie. That would be pretty cool. I will say because of these freaking ridiculous models Wesley Snipes has in his apartment. There is a Beetlejuice connection here. A little bit. That is so true. That is so true. There's like Abe Lincoln in a fucking mausoleum.

Hey, babe. He's Agnet. I'm gonna go on the boy. I can't believe that his hobby in this is model. We could, yeah. Let's get into it. Isn't it of the Civil War? Yeah.

It's multiple Civil War battles because he's like on that table over there, it's the battle of whatever the fuck. And over here, it's just this other scene of. DC. Basically him and Diane Lane get parted up. She's going to represent the Secret Service. He's going to represent the DCPD and they go to his apartment while he gets changed. And it's tables upon tables upon tables of reenactments. It puts the guy from Ronan to shame, man. I'm curious because I don't really remember. Does he have much family in this movie? He says it's his dad, but that's it. That's the only thing you hear about it, dad. Right. Because this apartment, And, like, you wouldn't be able to live here.

Well, I mean, he smells of divorce, but they never bring it up. Only a divorced man would get this much into models. Well, he's also awkwardly, like, responsible for saving this apartment building. Oh, right. Oh, well, that's the whole reason of that stupid cold open to me is to have him be like, Interstate Commerce Commission, they're trying to fucking, they're going to suck down my whole. Oh, right. Charles Rocket plays a guy who just got fired from the Interstate Commerce Commission, and Wesley Snipes bonds with him over his mutual.

hatred of the interstate commerce commercial because I really care. They are going to like evict everyone in this apartment building and bulldoze it to make a parking lot. So this movie could end with a talent show to save the old building. Happening right at 1600

Pennsylvania Avenue. I could do stand-up, babe, we'll get it. Actually, Wesley Snipes doing total eclipse of the heart. That would do something for me. But I mean the thing of it is, Diane's like, wow, this is crazy. And he's like, yeah, look at all. it just keeps me saying and blah, blah, the murder rate being what it is, this is kind of cheaper

than therapy. By the way, it's definitely not cheaper than therapy. Athe is, this apartment scores big. It's huge. I think he's got the whole floor. He's got the whole floor. He's got all these little knickknacks and doodads and things that you need to have these really intricate models built versus like, you know, whatever man. It's 1997. You probably got like pretty decent health insurance. It's like, what, a $30 copay for a string? This is probably where they're trying to kick him out because he's probably like rent controlled and he's paying like $2 a month. Oh yeah.

Oh, that could be. For a humongous apartment. I mean, if the models weren't there, this would be a gorgeous place. It looked like a fucking scene from the leopard. So he goes to this bathroom in the White House and everything and there's all these people around. And who is it that has this line? Because it happens a couple times in

this movie. I think it's some investigator right here though, not really a main character who's like, uh, yeah, I I don't know, 24, 25 years old tops, she's a baby. That's a weird one. They keep calling her a bit, like a child, a baby. The president himself. But yeah, so then, like, he's investigated.

It's this weird thing where there's too many people in this stall, and then Alan Alda pops his head in. Alan Alden in this movie's. I love Alan Alden. Oh, so do I, dude. And, like, spoil alert, he's the guy who killed. Yeah. Like, and this is Roger Ebert. To be fair, you got Harris Eulen, who might be the guy.

Yeah, no, no, no. Roger Ebert made a really good point once. I forget what review it was. I forget what the point was, but he said, like, look for the actor who's big enough that he could be in his own movie, but is there just to be there. Yeah. That's your killer. Oh, it's like a law and order, man. You can guess the person responsible by the guest star status most of the time.

And yeah, I guess that's Alan Alda. And I don't know. I was kind of fooled by the Harris Yulin Red Herring also, because it's fucking Harris Yulin, man. In my mind, Harris Yulin is a big deal. Harris Yulin has like two to three scenes, whereas Al-Nalda

has got like six or seven going on there. Well, you know it's him when later in the movie for no reason he's jogging with Wesley and I said, well, like, clearly. And Harris Yulins are like, you don't want me to go on the jog? Well, all right. I love to jog. Be quiet. I'm more of a wets, man.

Would you like to toss me a barbell? And it's always weird when like, he did it on the West Wing too When he plays like, Alan Alda plays as like hawkish Republican And it's like, or just a hawkish guy in general It's like, yeah, we got to send our boys in. It's like that doesn't, that's not true. Right.

Right. Because now the villain of the movie, Alan Alda, really. And Harris Yuland to an extent, they represent the deep state. Yeah. They want to get this president into war with North Korea. Yes, big time. They're fucking foaming at the mouth. And they're willing to set up his family for murder.

murder over it. Right. And they're willing to go to war with China too. They're like, we should just go to war with China now

and get it done with with and I'm like, wait, what? Listen, Mr. President, it's me, Harris Eulen. Be quiet. Everybody knows war

with China is inevitable so let's just do it. Do it right now. Mr. President, have you ever heard of a Band-Aid? You've just got to rip it off. But like, it's Alan Alda. Alan Alda should be

outside the White House with the Bullhoi. Like, we got us head our boys home. Right, yeah, exactly. But here he's the national security advisor. Michael Flynn. Right.

Pretty much. I didn't have any improper connections with the Russians at all. Oh, it was Turkey. Oh, yeah. I was getting involved in that weird kidnapping plot. Who sure are that coming? My son says that they got child sex rings over there. He's been sharing a lot of interesting things with me.

So this is also where we meet Spikings. Is that this dude? Spiking. The dude who used to be on Murder 1 If you're 100 years old And remember that show That's all I remember this guy from He's like a heavy

He has a great I was telling him Andrew last night He has a great X-Files episode Where he's like a Like a voodoo priest secretly Oh yeah He's a mid-90s heavy Like a white bald dude

Like he's just one of the first bald white actors You know what he looks like honestly He looks like A sharp egg Like an egg Touch this egg, it'll catch you. I was going to say, it'd be like, if, if, um, what does that mean? I don't know.

He looks like an egg with like, because he's bald, just because he's bald. Yeah, but it's like, he's got like elf ears or something. Yeah, I guess I see it. No, I think, to me, it's like if Don Rickles fucked porky pig. Yes. Like, that's what this dude looks like. I don't know. This guy probably was like in line with Larry Drake for a lot of roles.

Like, he probably could have been the. villain in Darkman. Yeah, but Larry Drake smoked. He's also funnier, so. Yes. Why does it that Wesley Snipes says to Diane Lane? I just, I randomly just was writing like terrible dialogue down. He says,

looks like I'm playing Boo Boo the Fool. Oh, I don't know that one. The what? And she gets all, sex game he has. She gets all offended about it or something. And then he says, it's the part where he's like, you resent the implication. Oh, no, because he says, you resent the

implication, and she says, well, I resent the implication because she's like, what do you call this? She's just a female Secret Service agent. And he's like, oh, I know why they're showing you to me. I can't. He's like, well, I resent the implications. Is anyone around here speak English? Oh, that's right.

That's English, dude. And also, like, this character isn't an idiot. Don't make him say things that make him sound like a fucking idiot. Well, he does sound like a fucking idiot a lot because he goes to a bar at one point at this function when he meets the speaker of the house. and he asked for a fruit juice Pick one

Right like figure it out You want apple juice you have it move on to the next one But just saying fruit juice What are you saying? I just took it as fruit punch Oh like Hawaiian punch Which no one has Yeah that's true

Don't just gonna have fucking It is 97 they might have a wine punch At a government function I don't think so I think it's beer and wine You just crack it up You got that like the old fashion can open or you're cracking open Hawaiian seas.

So they have like this whole thing where they search this woman's bank records and whatnot and they believe that she was planning to flee the country and she's got a one-way ticket to St. Croix is the idea. This is a sloppy fucking cover-up

Oh, if there ever was one. Well, it doesn't make any sense because she was just like some rando white house secretary. So what the fuck was the- She was a baby. She was just a baby. It's very important to know

she was just a little baby that got murdered in a bathroom. They burnt all the binkies. Oh, you're playing Boo Boo the Fool. But I don't understand. What is it they think she stole? Like, what is the motive?

She stole the files at Comet Pingpong. No, I think she was going to... She was a baby down in the basement. Cannibalistic baby. The secret plans for the basement that doesn't exist. Yeah, if you guys would need me, I'll be over at Comet Ping Pong. I'm going to be molesting children. I'm going to cut my own nipples open

and wear a voodoo priestess headdress. Me and Hillary are going to do that. They also have a killer chorizo pie out there. It's delicious. Man, that sounds pretty good in chorizo pizza. I want to go to Comic Pinball. I bet you do. Did they have to close?

I think they're still open. That's good. That poor business. I know. No, but... I don't know. Well, I was trying to remember what they're saying.

is aside from... Oh, no, her motive is that she slept with you find out later, she's sleeping with somebody in the White House, she's going to like do a tell-all book and then move to the Virgin Islands or something.

Because she had an appointment, they find her appointment book at one point or something and she had a meeting with a salacious... That's later, but they go to her apartment and the fucking CIA, whoever did this,

just took out every picture in her picture book like, oh, nobody will expect anything. Who cares? I mean, if you walk into a suspect's apartment and there's literally nothing there. I mean, what do you got to go on? And you know what, by the way, CIA, if you're going

to take out every photo from the photo album, just take the fucking photo album, dude. Like, cut out the middle, man. Don't leave an empty photo album there. No, no, that's what they're expecting. All right, uh, gently remove. Oh, there's tape on the back of this, but it's just, oh, I don't want to tear it now. We're going to give

these back to this dead woman's family after this blows over. We definitely can't just burn this. Yes. We set the whole house on fire. Yes. burn everything. That's the thing I never understand because later in the movie

because this movie I mean this movie there's a lot of like downtime it's a big time and for a movie that's an hour and 46 minutes by the way

you gotta pep it up with something later in the movie like Diane Lane is like trying to get a tape that an incriminating tape I think it's an audio cassette or her answering machine or some bullshit

and like they've filed it away don't file it throw it away I never understand that she goes into like a big Raiders of the Lost Army storage closet and there's a box that's like

murdered White House Secretary and yeah it's her answering machine tape is there and this date book but I think the idea though is that's all left there because it's all phony shit and in Sharpie it says evidence against the government do not burn

it's right next to the Oswald's shit man there's a great somewhere around here there's a great clip of like and I feel like it's another bad red herring situation because it comes on the heels of someone like basically like doing a

well who could it possibly have been and it cuts to a TV and it's like I don't know if it's a commercial or an ad or like a news story rather of Ronnie Cox just playing baseball with a bunch of kids yeah did you catch this little thing it's a story it's like a human interest story

like he threw out the first first pitch at the TV literally oh who could it possibly be cut to the president on television it's kind of funny Ronnie Cox as the president this week's thinking about this while watching this, because Ronnie Cox also played the president in Captain America. Oh, fuck,

that's right. I was about to say Ronnie Cox, president, better country. Well, yeah, totally. We live in a world now. By the way, Captain America that old is. Oh, yes. Yes, the 1990. With J.D. Salinger's famous for his son. Oh, right. That's why J.D.

Salinger is famous. Right. Is his son portrayed Captain America in the 1990 Captain America. Matt to Salinger. That's right. Yeah, he's, oh, Matt Salinger's dad there. Yeah. Go back. Oh my god, did you hear Matt Sallinger's dad dying? The thing is

so you got Ronnie Cox and you think about all of the old white actors that was always the stand in for the president. Right. But now because A.O we had Obama and then now we have a literal clown as the president. It's just like who who is

like the easy peas like that's the president now. Like if you're casting a movie, if you watched a movie and Guy Fieri was the president. A nice trill on that fucking name. You'd be like, oh yeah, that makes sense. You'd be like, yeah, sure, okay. Oh, yeah, I'd buy that.

You'd be like, yeah. Oh, look at those world we living right now. Look at those fucking bleach tips. Yeah, he's the president. Why not? Oh, Dane Cook, the president. Got it. Uh-huh.

Yeah, there isn't that, like, you can't really have that elite, like, you know, the Morgan Freeman's. Sure. I even appreciate a good Aaron Eckhart, man. Absolutely. Those movies are fucking terrible, but he makes a good president. But now, yeah, it's anybody. Like, literally.

anyone could be president. Fucking Paul Rubens. I could be president, Mark. Oh, my God. President Gallagher in the next Sharkado movie. Oh, we're going to get some legislation pass. God damn it. First of all,

saving the watermelon. It's a very important initiative. I've got to spearhead. We've got to smash North Korea. Oh, man. War time Gallagher? Fuck, yeah. It's bad enough that he's president, but he's going to be a war.

a time president? Oh, my God. All right, here's my next military strategy. Someone get a bunch of unopened bags of chips. Put them on the table. They're going to go blam-o. Give me a banana cream pie. I want to represent the Muslim state.

He takes off his newsboy cat puts on a military can. Now I'm patent. It's just Gallagher in front of a huge American flag. I'm just imagining the state of the union and it's like It's, you know, the speaker and the vice president behind Gallagher, but everyone in the front row of the audience has plastic coats on.

President Gallagher is going to give the speaker. Oh, you don't need any Supreme Court justices. You're already wearing a big black trash bag. Mr. President, we have gone through the whole thesaurus, and we have used every, every synonym for smash. We're really running out here, guys. Oh, it's like Rob Lowe and Josh Maloney. Polina pining over the Gallagher State of the Union.

He gets pissed off and tells him to go back to the drawing board of that. This is all wrong. You don't smash in the middle of a speech. You smash at the end. Stupid son of a bitch. I was going to say there is that petition they want Kevin James to replace Kevin Spacey. Oh, right. And that would make complete sense to me.

Again, yeah, this is the world we live in. We did an episode on pixels 100 years ago. Yeah. And we said it would be like impossible. possible for him to be president. And my God, I wish we had that president now. President Hot Dog. Yeah.

President Chris Christie. Well, yeah. So some point around here, Wesley Snipes is like hanging in this huge apartment alone at night. And he thinks he hears someone a creeping into his house. And thus we get like kind of the only really big action scene-ish in the movie. Just two one or more later later. It picks up a little bit.

is like this scene is really like a hey you've fallen asleep well wake up just for a second no no no no no dennis miller isn't here don't worry about it someone is going to break into wesley snipes apartment right now and go yeah i'm banned to the fucking dvd tvd cutscenes babe yeah i mean this is snipes doing snipes and i mean actually again wesley snips is really good in this movie he is it's kind of cool again this is a different look for wesley you know what you mean like he's playing the kind of the smartest guy in the room detective guy which i don't I can't remember a lot of roles where he's done that. Well, because it's never really like a detective so much as it's just like

an ass kicker. Yeah, exactly. Cop ass kicker guy. So, well, this movie is like forcing him to kind of do a little bit of police work. Yeah. And he gets to just be a dude who's good at being a police detective. And he's chasing this dude through alleyways. It's raining.

He chases him to the place where... He's chasing him through the rain in like tank top. Yeah. Lovely. Oh, yeah. It's just like... He's just in shape. Well, because he's like, isn't he interrupted doing ironing or something like that?

Yeah, I think he's doing the week's ironing. It's like night ironing. It's like late night housework. But also, he chases him to the place where Peter Parker killed his dad's killer there or Uncle Ben's killer. Like, there's like abandoned warehouse they wind up in. Yeah, it's kind of weird. I was expecting the Joker to pop out at some point or maybe at least a two-face. So this is my question, actually.

I was talking about this yesterday because I'm a loser. To yourself? to myself. I go to my fiatza. And she listens sometimes. What would be the best Wesley Snipes Batman villain? Like who would he best be served playing?

Oh. So he's Batman. I just want him to be. What Batman villain would he play? Would he play? Okay. Hmm. And you can go 90s, Wesley or now Wesley?

I mean, I think we said it before, but the Joker would be awesome, right? It'd be, you know, like Simon Phoenix was kind of a Joker-esque character. Yeah, yeah. That would work for a two-face, too, though. I could see him as any of. I can see him as Bain.

Like, you know what I mean? Like a, you know. No, no. And I'll tell, well, unless you had like the obnoxious, like, chatty, Tom Hardy Bain. But then you don't get his face, his beautiful face. That's true. I don't want that. I can see him as a riddler.

Yeah, a riddler could work. He could break fucking backstall, man. Yeah, he can. Fucking pave a road with spinal columns. Oh, well, in that case, the Eggman. And no, we know who's going to play Eggman, the sharp egg. Spikings. And I'm not to, like,

repeat suicide squad, but he would be a great killer crock and like because then again shirtless face, although they put a makeup on it. I don't know. I don't know about that. We could reinterpret killer crock. Yeah, I mean, that's the, you can reinterpret any of these guys. I think TwoFace is also a really good one.

Like, he could do a little bit like a gravelly voice. Well, because Wesley is like he's very good at like turning shit on and off. Yeah. And that's what you'd have to do for Two-Face. But I really do think he's the Batman. Yeah, I think he's a great Batman. He would be a great Batman. A plus Batman.

I could totally see that. Yeah, now I'm just thinking about that and how much I'd rather watch that than Ben Affleck in a couple weeks. Yeah, man, whatever. Or actually a couple days ago. Well, I'm just talking about, you know, in the current time in which we're recording this episode,

that's still a week out. Man, what a wretched undertaking that's going to be probably, huh? Yeah, we'll see. We'll see. Also, so there's a new piece of information here. Wesley Snipes finds a photograph of this woman who was murdered and it appears that on the actual photo negative there's more of the frame than what you got

because apparently photo stores just cropped all your shit back in the day according to this one like crime scene technician I didn't know that this guy's like oh yeah photo stores can't trust him and we get also some CGI computer magic with this photos oh let me enhance the photo I'm like what you can't even do that now you're talking about fucking actual film let me create the rest of this photo It might look something a little like this.

And I mean, and the big clue is crossed arms. No normal man would do that. No, that's a secret service agent. Well, and it's a thing because at this point, they're like, oh, by the way, that person in the White House that this woman was fucking was the president's son. Mr. Tate Donovan. Right. Playing Kyle. Kyle.

Oh, God. Kyle Neal. Kyle Cox. Oh, no. Yeah, Kyle. Kyle Cox. No, yes, President Neal. So Kyle Neal, he's a college student.

I feel like Tate Donovan's a little old to be playing a college freshman. I think he's a law student. Oh, is that one? I think he's a senior auditor going to these classes just to see what's up. God, I hated those people. They were always like bringing sandwiches to the lecture hall. It's like fucking wait the three hours. Well, yeah, I mean, he's a plate.

My blood sugar. What, sorry. You want to keep on talking about blood sugar. I'm just making fun of old people I hate. That's fair. he's a playboy like that's that's his whole thing is that he right is that is that's a fact you think he's cleaning up huh he they say he is and he says he is of course he's like roger quimby but because he was dating that baby right yeah he did he did get the baby

my god she's just a baby you can't murder babies i'm so mad oh my god i'm pro life here huh then he goes to a dance club where there's a bunch of babies babies he used to date Oh, baby dance. Well, this is the best part of the movie because Wesley Snipes follows him to a dance club. And, like, Kyle is flirting with one woman. And then this other woman's like, hey, Kyle, it's me. Remember we had sex? And he's like, yeah, bye.

And then like Wesley Snipes is like, hey, oh, now I could use the fact that I look like Wesley Snipes to my advantage. And he's like, I'm just going to flirt with this woman. She's like, can I buy your drink? And I'm like, yeah, obviously. Yeah, well, I'm here. I'm Wesley Snipes. Let's do it. Tate Donovan ran away from me.

He would have the world's worst hair. cut on right now. I could make it work. I got a cigar in my mouth. The man's in the white house. Let's do it. And he finds out that like he's a philanderer, blah, blah, blah. And like, he calls up Dennis Miller in the middle of the night to give him this information. Like, what is Dennis Miller doing in this film? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I mean, I guess he's comic relief, but can, not everything needs fucking comic relief. Let's just have a serious goddamn movie about a woman getting murdered. Beyond the magic of the photos, which is, which is magic. Oh, we should say, by the way, that the whole thing with that photo is when he looks at the full frame, there's a secret service agent there.

Yes. And Wesley Snipes is like, all right, Diane Lane, who the fuck is the secret service agent? And she's supposed to be helping him. Yeah. And she's like, I can't tell you that. It's top secret. It's top secret. It turns out it is Burton Cash, which is some name. I feel like all these were temporary names. Yes. They were meant to go back and put real ones in. Oh, well, this also, I mean, it feels like, this is, it feels like it's based off an airport novel. Yeah, oh, absolutely. So, like, you would have these trash names just left in this book. But it's not based off an airport novel, somehow.

Somehow it's not. I think it was just, well, it actually, it was rumored to be based off of Margaret Truman's murder in the White House. And it's interesting, Margaret Truman, she was a mystery writer, she was the daughter of Harry Truman. I used to read her books all the time. Wow. And she had this series of D.C. murder novels. Like murder at the Pentagon, murder at the FBI, murder of the CIA, and so on. They changed it just enough so they could cut her out of any royalties.

I think that's kind of what some people were saying. And I read murder at the White House, but I don't remember what the deal was other than there's literally a murder of the way. Was it a baby that got killed? It was not. I don't think so. I mean, she took like side plots from Tom Clancy novels and just made them into full-blown novels. She kind of did. She had like a-you-was probably first, right?

She had, like, a detective character. He wasn't like a detective, but he always got wrapped up in this show. His name was Alex Cox. Mack and Annabelle. I read way too many of those. Mac and me? Yes, it was Mac and me. Okay, so the magic of that, there's another bit of magic here,

and that is that Dennis Miller is married. Oh, right. For some, I don't understand why he's... Someone said till death do us part to Dennis Miller. I want this all of the time. What's awesome, though, with his phone call, is him, like, hiding under the comforter talking on the phone with his best friend Wesley Snipes? And you just see, like, a thing that's supposed to be a person? I think it was just a pile of pillows.

Or maybe he's doing, like, a Ferris Bueller's day off thing. There's a mannequin next to him. Don't say a word, babe. Oh, no. Oh, no, they're getting a divorce and he's lonely. Oh, that's it. Oh, he's got a real doll. Or it's a corpse.

Or it's a corpse. Because he's a detective. Yeah. You know, maybe, yeah. I mean, maybe it's, maybe, I don't know. It would actually be awesome then if it turned out Dennis Miller, like, did the whole thing. And the reveal is finding that he's murdered his wife. He's got, like, his whole apartment's like a murder house.

Yeah. And there's like corpses everywhere. They're refrigerator. Dennis Miller is like a modern day like H.H. Holmes. Yes. There's my murder house. I'm sorry. As unbelievable as him.

being married is him having the white city babe. Him having power is even more unbelievable. Power over others, it just doesn't make sense to it. He had power over all those like black and white photos he made fun of it. He had power over the nation, man.

He had that HBO show. What? Dennis Miller. I'm losing my voice speaking about Dennis Miller because he's taken my brother with. So Tate Donovan, he's like a red herring obviously. It's like, oh, Tate Donovan and Diane Lane, by the way, we can get Diane Lane, who used to be an Olympic sharpshooter, question mark, why bother?

Comes to nothing. I mean, she shoots some stuff and she's a good shot. There's no, there's specifically a fucking part where she's supposed to shoot somebody, and she misses, and Wesley Snipes is like, I fucking thought you went to the Olympics for that. And she's like, yeah, well. Yeah, well, I'm drunk. So, you know, what's your excuse? The titular Martha.

Speaking of Batman. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Fuck. She's in that Justice League movie. Why? Great question. Well, because Superman's not going to be in it, though, right?

It's definitely not going to be in it. We're in for like a 45-minute fucking memorial service, guaranteed she's making a speech. They're dedicating a park to Superman. I would love to go to Superman Park. There better be a slide there. So, but like, she used to be on Tate Donovan's detail. She caught him beating up his girlfriend. and she was like, yeah, reassigned me.

You know, like, that's... And they covered it up. They did cover it up. Covered it up. Just like they would have covered up this titular murder at 1600. I just realized in my notes, by the way, this woman, this baby woman who was murdered

is named Kitty Neal. So the murder of Kitty Neal. No, Kitty Neal is the mother. That's... Oh, oh, oh, that's right. She plays the first lady who is played by an actress who delivers my favorite line reining in any movie,

is The Silence of the Lans. Oh, yes, she's the senator there. Take this thing back to Baltimore. 5.09, sound to burn. Tough in your nipples, didn't it? Yeah, so there's like a Tate Donovan like Wesley Snipes scene where in Tate Donovan does reveal like, oh yeah, she apparently

she's like, you know, renting a car, but she doesn't even have a driver's license. What? And she's getting like a garbage disposal put in or something? That proves that she was not going to flee the country to U.S. territory, question mark. Right where is the Virgin Islands? Who's president of the Virgin Islands? That's a great question.

I don't know, but I just spoke with him. He's like the green goblin in the mirror everybody. I wish the deep state existed. Somebody fucking figure this shit out. It turned out it was just an old story. It wasn't real. Well, at some... So she was going to get a garbage disposal,

put in, like, the day after she disappeared and, like, ah, babe, maybe she scheduled it way in advance. Oh, no. She bought it the day before. Yeah. But, I mean, it's pretty responsible of her to make all these nice home improvements. At 25, doing better than us. And it looks like it's an apartment.

I don't think that's a house. But the funny thing is, like, when Eleanor Aldo was crafting this scheme, didn't someone be like, oh, by the way, you're saying that she's renting a car. She never dropped. Did you just get it done? No one's going to research it that far. It's fine. I don't know.

You stop me in the middle of my day and playing golf. You're talking to be a fucking garbage disposal? Mr. Advisor, do you want her credit card information or like her phone calls or anything? Dude, just cancel the service, like the guy coming out. And, you know, forge a, you know, give her a driver's license. Yeah. They control the DMV. That's actually true.

Actually, I had a really bad conversation with the guy at the DMV, the head of that. I'm not getting, I'm not buying him anything. Yeah, no, they're not going to do it. I swung all my foreign security clearances. Oh, my God. Mr. Advisor, we have all these computer magicians, and they can just take care of, Literally anything. Just get it done.

And by that I mean, do it badly. Listen, how is any of this talking about the DMV leading to me bombing North Korea? I want to bomb the DMZ, not the DMV. So there's a scene with Ronnie Cox and Harris Yulin. It's like the team. Oh, this is an embarrassing meeting. And there's like a nobody vice president as well that's there. Yeah.

Well, that guy's just going to be a puppet in Alan Alder's puppet government. Vice President, nobody. And like they're, you know, everyone is saying that they have to go in and use military action. This is the scene where it's like, let's go to war with China. They escalate from North Korea.

Ah, China too. Why not? Yeah, well, we're going to be there anyway, so it's totally fine. It's on the way. We can go back. We'll finish Vietnam. We'll finish the North Koreans. We'll just, we'll finish what we started, Mr. President. It's the only thing we can.

do well because the whole thing is they have troops they've taken there's a hostage situation smuggled footage first of all this videotape got smuggled out of North Korea that shows American troops

being like treated poorly by North Korean soldiers and I'm just thinking how the fuck did they get there? Yeah what's going on? What were the circumstances? Exactly. You know it's probably I mean the president

doing we're trying to overthrow their government and then they get fucking snippy about it Mr. President. Listen Mr. President, I'm going to tell you something you might not want to hear but you're going to listen up. I'm all ears. The North Koreans have a little bit of an attitude, sir.

They've been mouthing off to the United States government. It's on China to fix. I'm going to pressure China by giving them better trade deals. It's a good idea. You know who's in this movie, by the way? and he's kind of an important character,

but not really, is the guy who played Mr. Morgan on something. Oh, yeah. Well, he has like a fucking fight with Wesley Snipes at the end of the movie. Yeah, that's kind of the only thing that makes him sort of important, but he's just sort of like,

another like heavy for Alan Alda, I guess, is the idea. Well, so the thing is, Spikings, who's this guy, who's the head of the Secret Service, is trying to cover this thing up and he's doing a miserable job of it. Diane Lane goes rogue, because Wesley Snipes pressure

is her to go rogue, essentially. Because he does, so he'll call Dennis Miller in the middle of the night, but he goes to her house in the middle of the night. He's like, listen, this is what's going down. It's all hands on deck. I need you to break into these archives and fucking steal all this evidence for me. And this is an action scene that happens. That's something. The action scene of her breaking into the archives? Escaping the archives with the thing. Mr. Morgan's after like the fucking T1,000. Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. Oh, there's actually a good, yeah, when she's like running through cities. streets again. Yes. There's so much in this movie that

you're, here's what it is. It tricks you into thinking that stuff is happening. But stuff is not happening. Like that whole chase scene, it's totally forgettable. And the whole time you're like, well, this is getting good. Well, other than like this, just the stupidity of everything, it's

really straightforward. Right. Like, there's nothing to like outlandish here other than the fact that the computer magic happens. There's not a, it's like a conspiracy that's pretty cut in Yeah, it's just a spoiler alert, it's just me. It's just the deep state. The beginning and the end and also sort of the middle.

That's kind of, it's the rub. Showed my hand when I showed up in that bathroom there at the beginning of the movie. Shouldn't have done that. Should have held off. Go and jogging with Wesley Snipes. There's this weird part too where spiking sexually harasses her. It's right before the archive break in where he's like, Now use guys in the secret service got to keep things together.

and I don't want you snooping around where you ain't supposed to be and he like puts his hands on her shoulders It's like one of those team player lines You're like Oh right yeah you Oh this is actually a great exchange Because he's like

Oh yeah You were in the Olympics You know everything about being a team player And she's like Sharp shooting isn't a team's boy You know you gotta loosen up When you're into Olympics Don't you like that

I'm a low budget Lawrence Tierney That's honestly what this is The funny thing is Diane Lane She's got a prequel movie that I would love to watch. She was on the Olympics, and she met Reagan, and Reagan had a female Secret Service agent who, like, took her under her wing, and, like, they made this friendship, and she got her into the Secret Service. That's a really powerful film. There's her Faye Dunaway Roll, right there.

Exactly. Oh, perfect. And it could kind of be, like, the professional, dude. She's, like, showing her all the ins and outs of being the Secret Service agent. Yes. I'd watch that. But then the table's turn, and she tries to kill Reagan. And then Diane Lane has to kill her.

Well, I thought Reagan would be the Gary Oldman. In the professional. Oh, okay. Everyone, mommy. Do you ever listen to Mochart? I'm taking my dementia pills and cracking it in my mouth, Mommy. Reagan just doing the twist. Ah, that is a movie worth watching.

Reagan just running around the fucking Oval Office of the shotgun. gun just conducting. In a tan suit. Ooh, gross. So in this meeting that we were talking about, you know, it's like we got to bomb China while we're there. Let's just do it all. And Ronnie Cox

is like, as the president, I'm making the call that we're just going to hang back. And everybody in the room's like, oh, but Mr. President. Everyone gets like so mad about it to the point where Harris Eulen tells him off. And then he's like, well, I hate to do this.

He said it's borderline criminal. It's criminal act by the president for not getting us into World War III. Guess what you're fired, Harris Eulen. How about that shit? You just called me a criminal for this? Ronnie Cox does it, dude. He's like, I expect your resignation on my desk by morning. And he's like, you'll have it.

Be quiet. I'm not going to resign. And then the ATAT Walker from Robocop comes out. And he's like, oh, no. N209. N209. Yeah, man. I feel like N209 follows Ronnie.

talks around everywhere. Oh, right even to this very moment. Like Ronnie Cox is trying to go to Whole Foods. Oh, God damn it. Go home. You're not wanted here anymore. He's like, old rusty. I feel bad for N209.

Get out of here at 209. We don't want you anymore. What did I say? It looks back. Like, f-hmm. Now, Ed, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but I'm trying to give my daughter away at her wedding. And I appreciate the bow tie. I really do.

Ronnie, you take that Ed 209 behind the shed and you shoot that fucking thing. You hear me? God damn it. We are putting good money after bad trying to keep this Ed 209 in shape. It is long past it's pride. Do you need to get rid of it? Do you have any idea how much ammunition it costs to fucking arm that thing?

Look, we will just get a new Ed 209. We'll give it like a month and then we'll get a new Ed 209 and it'll be fine. You're not even going to think about this one anymore. But Ed and I have been through so much. Oh, get out of here, Ed. Not now. We're talking about your fate, buddy. Barely even use your robocop. Man, just like old yellering.

It would be amazing. Well, I like the idea of like Ronnie Cox throwing N209 a Frisbee and N209 shooting it in the sky. All right, buddy, one last throw. Pull. All right, Ed, we're going to go for a trip in the country. That's right, Ed, Ed, get excited. you're going to go move to a farm upstate.

Trucks right here behind this barn. This empowering story about a little boy's robot came all the way like 100 miles and followed him home. That's really sweet. Somewhere around here they mentioned, and this was what I was confused by just a drop line, something about an Oval Office threesome.

Well, this is the weird thing that never actually, unless I'm wrong, is never resolved. is Kyle definitely had sex with her and she told somebody else or maybe Kyle said that he was sharing a mistress with his father. Oh, and that's what he was disgusting. And sharing meaning like he has sex with her on Monday

right dad has sex on Tuesday or something. Well, the... Oh, that's fine then. No, I mean, it's not fucking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Well, the fucker in the, in the opener is definitely a Ronnie Cox age. You think so? You think so?

That man is older than Tate Donovan. I'm sorry. There's no way. Maybe it's me, Alan Aldo. I've got to commit to the bit. I get a taste too. I'm laying pipe in the oval.

Was it just like a sex actor? Or do you think they're trying to do that like, oh, who could it be? I think it's a, well, they use a sex actor because it's like, who could it be? Because you can't just put fucking Tate Dunham in there. Yeah, I guess I didn't really even notice. It was just like...

It's an older man. I was looking at the emblem on the carpet so you know that it's the Oval Office. But the thing is, you never know whether or not Ronnie Cox did or... Because at the end of the movie, it's all, you know, Alan Alda pulling the strings. And, like, he's... But you never know whether or not that's true, whether he fucked this lady or not. I'm relatively certain he did. Oh, okay.

I think there, like, somebody asks him at one point and he just, like, has, like, that I'm not going to answer, just look at you straight-faced. Yeah. Yeah, I did fuck her. Yeah, yeah, I fucked her. And then his wife finds out. She's like, take that thing back to Baltimore. Which is actually just up the road.

Yeah, yeah. That's right. Not a long commute at all. Just take the Amtrak. So there's something here about like Tate Donovan like has to lose his secret service detail. Sure. And it's a weird like he goes to his lady friend's house and she's like, oh, I've been so scared. And this is, my life is falling apart.

I'm so glad to see you. He's like, yeah, yeah, I got to borrow your car. I have to use your Batman backyard that fucking... Yeah, what the fuck was this? I mean, he scales a hill. And then his car is on a deck for some reason. He brings her a blue rose. Whatever that happens if that ever gets.

It's so weird, though. I was like, where is this car? And it's just, yeah, it's sitting on a deck. Well, very odd place for a car. Yeah, it seems like there would have. have to be like an adjacent hill that you'd go up from there. Because it's like, all right, where am I going to put this car? How about on this wooden platform overlooking a cliff?

Well, it's very much like, to your point, the 60s Batman, where like the, whatever, the grass would fall down and the batmobile would shoot out of the side of a mountain. Yeah, that's what it looks like. You're like way outside of town. Why is he ditching the Secret Service at this point? Because you need to talk, Wesley Snipes sends him a note, like, I know we need to talk. Oh, right, I know what you did or whatever, meet me at such and such a location.

And this is how you know he's the playboy because even his goddamn professor is like, oh, ho, ho, going to see the ladies, huh? Yeah. Oh, right, yeah. This was what was weird, though. How does he, how does Wesley Snipes slip this letter to him in the lecture hall? He just knows.

He's got his ways. I mean, you just see people like passing a note to Tate Donovan in this massive lecture hall. Well, as we know, Wesley Snipes has this scale model of Washington, D.C., so he knows where all these secret tunnels are, question mark. All the ins and out to DC, man. So we can get to it. So they wind up, Tay Donovan's like, hey, blah, blah, it's not me looking at the other stuff.

We wind up meeting Spikings because Spikings is like getting wise to something for some reason. Right. And they're going to meet him and his like his palatial abode, you know. In Alexandria, we're told. This is where Spikings lives. And it's your classic whodunit thing where he's about to reveal the whole thing and then he gets shot in the fucking chest. Oh, man. Spikings just explodes right here. it was pretty great and it's this dude what's this guy's ridiculous in cash burton cash is just

laying waste to this guy's house yeah he's trying to kill diane lane and wesley seifes at this point but then they realize they have to sneak into the white house because uh obviously that uh allan all is going to pull a coup and force uh ronnie cox to resign that's sort of like the last how are they gonna how are they going to get into the white house through jfk's sex tunnel man you should have just fucking demolished those sex tunnels immediately after that assassination at least scrub and rinse like really

well I just mean like because like now and forever it's like how are we going to do anything secret in Washington and the screenplay writing is always the go-to well you know those Kennedy fuck tunnels well okay here's the more were they actually Kennedy fuck tunnels that's how he shepherd them all in they weren't Lincoln's fuck tunnels

When went in, bodies went out. And that's how it's got to be. I mean, maybe they existed before Kennedy, but he put them on the map. And more interesting is all the doors that these tunnels lead to are unlocked. Yeah, that's a really good point. And there's only a motion sensor at the end of it.

Like, there should be motion sensors throughout. Now, this is the biggest mistake of this movie. They're like, this is what we need to do to sneak into the White House. All right, Diane Lane, let's go And then he's like, oh, hang on a second We need one more person for this team And like in comes Dennis Miller

Who's like tired because it's the middle of the night Yeah, you know what? Just go home There's no reason to be here He adds nothing to it I don't even remember what the excuse is for calling him He's dressed like fucking big pussy from the Sopranos At the end of this movie Dude, he is wearing this Reebok fucking jumpsuit

To beat the band He looks ridiculous And, like, what he adds to the team is he distracts, like, the two guards by Dennis Millering all over there. Oh, let me just go talk to these cops, babe. And it's great because you get an inkling that they've done this before because, like, Wesley's doing something. And then Dennis Miller comes up, he's like, hey, you think it's about time for the meet and greet? And I was like, oh, man, you've nicknamed this maneuver. Like, you're rolling this?

Yeah, he just walks up to them. He's like, hey, you doing, babe, bye, you hear about this? Madonna's got a book coming out about sex. This is like, what? Who's this guy? Are you doing material right now? Just talking to you about a book coming out, babe. Come on.

I bet you Sean Penn's got a sweaty brow from it. Hey, Jimmy, get over here. This guy's pretending to talk to us, but he's really testing out stand-up comedy material on us. Also, shouldn't we be secret service agents? Whatever. Who cares? They're not suspicious of this dude at all,

probably because he's just a middle-aged white guy. In a tracksuit. They're like, yeah, oh, this guy in a track suit. just trying to have conversation with us in the middle of the night. No big deal. Every page is about sex, babe. I mean, it's like, what was it? Is it a Greco-Roman emperor?

Man, you know, all right, go back and retool this, please. Here's our notes. As Secret Service agents, who you were testing this material out on. That book came out in 1995. So they do sneak into the tunnels. And for some reason, Dennis Miller comes with. That's what I don't understand. And like, fine, you want to leave him for the distracting portion of the mission?

Fine, sure. But he doesn't need to get in this tunnel. And I think the character even says as much. And you're like, yeah, stay back. You know what, dude, stay on here at the foot of this tunnel and just keep a lookout. But also, the whole idea is silly because their thing is like, oh, my God, Alinald is going to force Rodney Cox to resign. There's no, the only way we can stop this is by going through this tunnel and blah, no, no, go to the press. The short answer, because they have this tape that clears everyone of Ronny's.

Which, by the way, they go to a Best Buy or whatever the fuck and they put it on, like, the VCR that hooks it up to every fucking TV in the building. Dude, this is a really obnoxious bit where, like, the TV salesman keeps coming over. It's an aggressive VCR salesman, FYI. It's a forehead there. You want to... This is a really popular bit, and I don't know where it came from. Because this also happens in Bad Boys 2. Yes.

I remember it most memorably from ruthless people. I don't know where you put the tape inside of an electronic store and then all the TVs start playing it Oh sure Well that's just a thing you could do I just don't know where it came from No

It's an old hat kind of a thing But yeah just go to the press Like we have the tape It's Alan Alder because like even Alan Aldo Like leaks to somebody Leaking Saying that like the president is about to resign Over this thing

Right Over the murder at the White House Like when they're done taking up every TV At Best Buy And they turn it off. And then that's when they see they've been implicated in the press. Oh, of course. That's the thing is all of a sudden it goes from like,

we're commanding all of these TVs through this one VCR to like, now they're all turned to the same cable news station or whatever. And it's like their faces are up. And it's like these two people murdered this secretary in the White House. And you know what that turned out to be. Fake news. Oh, right. It was right there in front of us this whole time.

Can you see and end those dogs. reported Wesley Snipes He did not do it Okay, all right It happened But the reporting Was fake And so Alan Alda

barges into the Oval Office And he's like I have your resignation Mr. President And it's like all right Alan Alder resigns No Alan Alder wants Ronnie

He puts the thing on it He also It's criminal What you're doing It's wrong You have to start With all the country Look we're only

Killing If you don't do anything we only killed 13 soldiers. We have to kill 13,000. 13 million, I think. But this also puts the timeline on it. It's like at 10 o'clock, Mr. President, you better resign by 10. I want you to be resigned before Coden.

I want Cohn. I want to watch Codin knowing that you've resigned, Mr. President. So he's scheduled this like 10 p.m. press conferences, the whole thing. And Alan, all the reveals right here. kind of what the whole well at least like the seed of the motivation was because I guess whatever this blown up in North Korea was

the people that are hostages there are because the president pulled out and left those dudes behind and Alan Ald is like all right Mr. President as a former military man I stand by no one left behind

and you left them behind like that's this whole thing is like you left these dudes there they should have come back corpses are alive, it doesn't matter. So I killed this baby for that. Yep. And then he's also like setting up like your son will go to prison forever.

Yes. We frame this entire thing. Right. In order for you to resign. So you pick resign and would cover everything up and everyone's happy. You could go golfing or, you know. Well, it's, it's laying the ground for a military coup because like, how could you have a government after this? after learning about all this shit that goes down

I ask myself that every day Yes and it's so much less than this I'm actually like a military coup sounds okay It doesn't sound that bad Oh man Eulen is Mattis Oh sure dude why not I think Harris Eulen was like Kind of a good guy here

He's like a secret good guy We'll never know because he just resigns There's a weird they try to get him to be Gotta write a book for like half a second there's like security footage they're trying to like figure out who's going in and out of the White House is the whole thing.

That's how they solve this is they see Alan Alda going through security with this other dude because the whole count was off like how many people are in the White House and Alan Alda says 31. Isn't it a Buckley Cash or whoever that fucking guys?

Burton Cash. Burton Cash. Yeah they're like oh he let Burton Cash in with him kind of thing but also Harris Eulen is on that tape for a hot second and they're like say hey nah he's already out of the movie Yeah it's fine.

Can't bring him back. Let's not bother. Can we talk about, I almost, I mean, like the thrill, the, like, arousal of watching Dennis Miller get shot. Oh, isn't it great? Isn't it just the best? I was like, oh my God, is he going to, oh, oh, is he going to die? Thank God. Andrew, you and I were talking about this. You remember that Dennis Miller died in this movie, like kind of like a fake memory. I have a fake memory of like Dennis Miller being behind it all for some reason. And I kind of had, I was like, oh, this is the movie where like, Dennis Miller's in on it. No, dude, he does not have the chops to be a character who's in on it.

Alan Aldo would not suffer him. Because they would have to talk. He barely has the chops to pretend like he just got shot. Like, he's laying on the ground. And it's got, all I could think about was John Belushi and Blues Brothers when, like, Carrie Fisher makes him, like, jump down in the mud and whatever. Yeah. Like, he's just laying there like, ugh.

Oh, yo-yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't worry about me, babe. Yeah, I'll be fine. You know what? Keep the movie going. I'll be all right. There's not motion sensors down here or anything. Give me, uh, on your way out, do me a favor, babe.

Give me some black and white photos of Boris Yeltson. Got some thoughts. Got some thoughts to tell the dirt. Well, it's awesome. Hey, dirt. The dude that shoots him, of course, is our friend, uh, Cash Moonshine. What is this guy's name? Burton Cash.

My name's going to be Cash Moonstime. So Burton Cash follows them into the sewer and he's who shoots Dennis Miller. You get a really awesome Wesley Snipes fight scene here where it's pretty much Wesley Snipes fighting the Rat King.

Because it's like this white fucking red-headed guy in a sewer and Wesley Snipes is beating the shit out of him and he fucking pops this dude right in the skull. Well, no, isn't it, doesn't Diane Lane shoot Tim Burton? I thought it was Wesley Snipes that gets it.

Gets the round-off. Because aren't that he's like, I think he's like got snipes by like the throat or something. Oh, is that where her sharp shooting comes in? Yeah, she finally gets in. She's not drunk this time. Well, because that's when Spikings is murdered, she tries to shoot this dude and this is.

And that's where Wesley gets the criticism. Oh, I think she redeems herself at this point by killing. I see. All right. So that dude's dead. And we continue on into the White House. And like they set off a motion sensor and all of all these teams come down to get them. And like,

Lane is like basically a decoy and Wesley Snipes does some cool karateing up into a tunnel which is kind of fun. It gets a little diehardy around here because he's just like in this vent crawling through shit and all these dudes are like running by the hallway like underneath him. Is this around when he dresses up as a janitor? Yes and he starts whistling. Yeah seriously it's just like usual guys out sick today. I'm just a guy in the White House now cleaning up. And normal guys whistle at the White House. Yeah, I'm just your standard whistling janitor. It's the, it's 1942, I guess.

Dude, like here is how you can make yourself quite obvious to be not who you are. One little tune. Yeah. Yeah. That is the standard whistling that Wesley Snipes is doing. You do that at the White House. Alarms start just going off. Exactly.

Oh, it's that fake whistle. He whistled that fake song. Get him. Get him. We can't have motion sensors, but we're going to have those. This is when he's in the elevator with Mr. Morgan and somebody else. They're doing like slap boxing, like studentsigal slap fighting. I didn't know that Mr. Morgan could do this.

I didn't think so either. It was pretty great. It's awesome. It was nice to see. Is there a third guy in the elevator? There is some white guy in there. And he's like immediately taken out. Yeah.

And then Wesley Snipes and Mr. Morgan go at it. Mr. Morgan loses kind of in spectacular beatdown fashion. Mm-hmm. And then. He leaves that elevator again like, Nothing to see in that elevator They noticed because his shoes were different or something Like that's not that janitor's shoes

Those shoes are way too nice to be a janitor's shoes I'll know like get him get that janitor, he's whistling Nobody hears the fake whistle song Am I crazy here or what guy Is our fake whistle alarm broken or what You know what we're going to clear out the whole secret service This is unacceptable So Diane's like arrested

Yeah, Dinah Lane gets arrested And so does Wesley Snipes at this point And then the president is like going through Like whatever process he has to do to resign And then like Western Snipes calls It's a great moment though Because like Ronnie Cox kind of pushes this door open And there's like 12 dudes just staring at him

And he's basically like Let's get this show on the road And he's like walking down the hallway To like you know Quit being the president Yeah Like the resignation speech is right here Wesley Snipes is like

I know that your son is innocent Yeah, like, dude, if you're Alan Alda and you have these goons arresting this guy, you got to fucking make sure that mouth is closed. Get him out, get him and get him into the tunnels. Like, the only reason this presidency is saved is due to a hallway shouting. It's so lazy. This is my favorite line is they get Wesley Snipes down on the ground and they're like, but he starts reading Alan Alda his rights. Oh, right. And he says, you have the right to remain silent, you prick.

Yep. Which, I always kind of wonder, because this happens in a couple of movies where, like, we add little modifiers to the Miranda rights. I think that it validates them. Exactly. You got to be careful, dude. I think that's how Kruger got off. Yes, like, you're right to make silent. You sick, son of a bitch. Yep. And that's all it took, dude. And it was like, nope, Miranda did not count. Set this child murderer free. I recorded it.

Let's go to the audio tape. And it's just whatever. It's kind of just this. The whole movie comes to everything in this hallway. Yes, and Ronnie Cox punches Alan Alder in the face, which is pretty great. He falls over a couch. This is where it really becomes a movie that you would make to be shown inside another movie. Because he's like, yeah, Roddy Cox fucking cleans Alton Alda's clock and then fucking like, Wesley Snipes is like, nice hook, Mr. President. Oh, nice, nice hook, Mr. President.

Like, what? What? And then, like, doesn't, like, a gun materialize in Al-Nolda's hand out of nowhere? It's liquid metal. Right, because not only... They don't show him pulling it out of anything. I don't know what happens here, dude, but not only does Alan Alde get punched over a couch, he then gets murdered in fabulous fashion right here.

Is this the only time Alan Alden's been shot, like, repeatedly? In cinema? Yeah. You just meeting the pictures, right? Yeah, I mean, he's alive. God bless. Yeah, I kind of think so I don't know

That last season of West Wing has a grisly end Oh yeah Yes What? The last season of West Wing Has a grizzly end But yeah like I don't know Like Hawkeye never

Professor or something Yeah like Hawkeye never got shot at Yeah Not like this Not like this He just gets fucking blown away Dude Wesley Or no is it Diane Lane

Or are they both doing it I think Diane Lane Fires a gun While wearing handcuffs In that She takes a bullet For the president Oh, that's right. She jumps in front

of Ronnie Cox, which... Yeah, sure. Yeah, right. Sure. Also, what's the vice president's involvement in this coup is my thing? Because he... He's just the puppet, dude? In the other room, he's getting ready to, like, give his first address or something. He's in hair and makeup. Alan Alda's, like, barking

direction at him. If you want to be smart about it, you keep him in the dark, right? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you know, when you want to involve him, you want him to be clean. Yeah, but no, this dude's in on it. Okay. To a point. He looks like Michael Dukakis, actually. Man, what a dark time That would never president

So yeah Dianlin gets shot Alan Alda gets obliterated And it's like Ed 209 That's actually true Like Ronnie Cox is like It's gonna stay the president And the Ed 209

Runs down from the countryside And just shoots Alan Alda like a thousand times Oh that'd be a sweet idea In that movie like you know Ronnie Cox is in trouble And he's like oh man I really wish I had my killing robot right now I missed you, boy.

Oh, well, Alan Alda's hamburger now. And so is everybody else. Everybody is destroyed. You were just supposed to kill the one guy. Bad Ed 209, bad. Oh. Yeah, so I mean, like, that's kind of the end of the movie. There is a frustrating bit at the end of this movie.

The buddy, buddy shit. No, well, that sucks. They should make out. should at least make out. That would be so. Come on. Ronnie Cox and Wesley Snuggish. I was about to say the same fucking thing. Yeah, that's institutional racism,

keeping those two, again, afar from each other. No, there's a bullshit thing where it's like no star of the film whatsoever. It's just a bunch of extras dressed up as EMTs in this shot and one's like walking kind of with a purpose and you hear this ADR just go,

yeah, we got one guy in a tunnel. He's going to be all right. No! No! Just let Dennis Miller be dead. We need him for the sequel. It's not going to be, you know, murder at 1, 1, Pennsylvania. It might be. No.

He bled out. Come on now. It's been like an hour. I mean, that dude, you know, cash Starbuck or whatever that guy's name was. Well, Wesley, I sent you this tape. If you ever found yourself in a sequel to a suspense thriller, there are certain rules you have to follow. Murder at 1600, colon the second term. Oh, yes.

Oh, wow. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, and now Wesley Snipes is on Ronnie Cox's Secret Service detail. Oh, yeah, absolutely. He's leading it. He's proved himself. Or no, maybe he's vice president. The vice president has to go down for this.

So maybe we don't like to fucking, why not? Yeah, actually, that's true. That dude's finished. Yeah, let's just bring in this other guy. Mike, you're done. So, yeah, Dennis Miller's alive, but you don't see him ever again. And then it's like we get some buddy, buddy here between Snipes and Cox. And it's one of those like, listen, I'm the president, whatever you want.

Like, I'll do it. And he's like, hmm, do you know the head of the Interstate Commerce Commission? You're like, oh, yeah, that apartment building or whatever the fuck. Do you know about this thing nobody cares about? Because I would like to close this screenplay the old-fashioned way. It's like, you know, well, Wesley Snipes, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship. Sure. And then, you know, here's something that's kind of surprising to me about this movie.

It's through the whole thing. There's not one bit of, like, bad, like, fart thriller rock of any kind here. It's all just strings. It's a bunch of, like... Don't try to class this shit up just because it takes place at the White House. Isn't there some Grisham pianos? Like, yeah, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's most of it, I think.

Yeah, Grisham is great at the piano. It's great in front of a typewriter, great in the piano. But I don't even think Wesley Snipes gets any, like, parting words with a piano. Diane Lane, though. No. There's no, like, you know, thanks for, you know, this great adventure we had. I mean, it's not like they're attracted to one another. Yeah, they couldn't be. I mean, like, please. That would be against the law. I feel like that was the deleted thing. Like, it's this whole thing

about, like, do you know this person at the Interstate Commerce Commission, Mr. President? Blah, blah, blah. But then it's like cut to outside the White House. She's got like a post-emergency poncho on that they always give you, you know. Or a blanket. She died. Sorry. Yeah, I mean, we're six years out from jungle. fever like really yeah you could have done it it's all right there no that makes it a different kind of movie and we want a movie that can open big all right right yeah we got to open all over america this isn't this isn't a presidential thriller for the coastal elites only okay uh whatever yeah

i guess she'll be fine too she was just shot in the shoulder there's actually no because he comes up and he's like oh you took a bullet for me or something like that and she needs to have a line like just doing my job, Mr. President, nothing. She's just like, ha, I did it. And he was like, holy shit, aren't you that lady that won the gold medal for skeet shooting like 10 years ago? Oh my God, my favorite sharpshooters saved my life. Wow.

Can I get, when you're better, can I get your autograph? Didn't you and Fay Dunaway take down Reagan? I wish. Yeah, seriously. Would anybody recommend murder at 1600? It's a classic hangover movie for me. Like, it's slow, but it's not too. too boring. Wesley's good in it.

You know, I think it's pretty good. It's okay. It's not good, but it's not bad. Exactly. It's a hangover movie because you do not have to pay attention to any of it. Once you know what the concede is, you can drop in any scene and you know what's going on. Right. Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. I felt like it was kind of dull. Yeah. It's just like, you know, you got the Grisham piano.

I just, you know, I think political thrillers like this, it's hard for me to get into. It's just on my bag, babe. I will say Absolute Power is a much better movie. Also, stay tuned. Yeah, Absolute Power is the better version of this movie. I don't think I'd recommend this either. And here's why I think it's a dangerous hangover movie, dude.

All right, let me set the scene. You were out till like 5 a.m. Right? You come home, you wake up the next morning, you're like fucking puk and bile. It's already like 3 o'clock in the afternoon. This day is done. You sit down.

You're like, all right, here's this huge glass of water. I have like the huge thing of tile and all that's just going to sit here with me Let me turn on the TV here You're just watching it And everything in this moment Is just like you're fucking dancing On a high wire you know

You're like Philippe Petit Just dancing on this wire dude Between between being kind of hungover And certain doom Uh huh Right and then Dennis Miller creeps onto your TV And just all the bile

Is just flying out of your body I guess that should be a little note Is that if you have a nuclear hangover yeah absolutely do not watch if this is a five starer do not put on murder at 1600 if you were home by 1 30 a.m you probably could deal this 5 a.m. 1 IPA too many you're like oh fuck now I'm hung over so by the way on the snipes giving table I would say this is mashed potatoes for me yes yes I agree with that

without gravy yeah no gravy no fucking sweet garlic you put in there it's just white fluff I think Alonald is the gravy baby that is true that is true I have been known to flavor a conversation. Aren't I delightful? That's murder at 1600 directed by Dwight Little. If you want more W.HM, check out. W.A.G.M.

Podcast or find us over at HeadGum. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter, of course. We are at W.H.M. Podcast and write into that mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Rate and review the show, wherever you get us. We'd greatly appreciate that. Support the Patreon.

Yeah, sure. There you go. Patreon.com. slash we hate movies bonus shows bonus commentaries all sorts of bonus shit for you on there and a subscription to the big daddy dispatch as well our monthly newsletter detailing the ins and outs of everything W HM we we pitched some fun sequels this this time around so this that's right you can get the schedule a month in advance see what we're going to do you could you could have done a Wesley Snipes movie marathon to prepare for this or you could have seen which Wesley Snipes movies were not doing and complained about it Which is fine, and they will, you know, again, there's every year there's a Snipes giving.

It might not be a theme month again. Yeah, sure. But Wesley Snipes will come back around. Like, let me tell you, like Passenger 57 will be an episode before this shows closes down. Yes. It will happen. August. Next week we have Drop Zone.

That's the turkey, I feel. Oh, it's got. Yeah, it's the turkey. But, you know, some families like ham, that's U.S. Marshals. We'll have that some other day. Maybe for Easter We'll have U.S. Marshals. Yeah, a franchise that didn't know

was a franchise rising from the grave. Yeah, so yes, it is Drop Zone next week with the one and only guarantee us. Oh, God, just get ready for Drop Zone, everybody. Just put everything down right now and watch Drop Zone. It's going to be great. It's going to be a three-hour episode.

This takes a lot. Until next week, where we go skydiving. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadegh. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.