We Hate Movies - S8 Ep328: Episode 328 - The Punisher (2004)

Episode Date: December 5, 2017

On this week's episode, the gang ventures back into the world of Marvel Comics with the 2004 misfire, The Punisher! What's with this destination wedding-style family reunion the Castle Clan is throwing? How was this dye job approved by the producers? And how do you have John Travolta play your villain and you don't let him tap dance all over the scenery? PLUS: Yes, we also talk a bit about that new Netflix Punisher that's much, much better!  The Punisher stars Tom Jane, John Travolta, Ben Foster, Laura Harring, Samantha Mathis, Will Patton, Rebecca Romijn, Kevin Nash, John Pinette, and Roy Scheider; directed by Jonathan Hensleigh. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on We Hate Movies, we're going into the Marvel Universe and it's not as cool as they thought it was. It's The Punisher from 2004. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddack. Chris Cabin. Eric Siski. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Like we said up top, it's The Punisher from 2004, directed by Jonathan Hensley.

He's more of a screenwriter, Chris Cabin. You got that filmography handy? Armageddon was the big one. Also, Nicholas Cage is next. Oh, wow. Oh, fuck. It's just straight up bizarre. It's just such a shit show.

it's him and Jennifer Beale and like there's some time travel element oh nice i saw that movie but i have no memory yeah same here and i saw it in the fucking theater i did not do that i was like oh it's a nicholas cage movie what a mistake didn't he also he's also the pen behind the first fantastic four movie oh really he also died with the vengeance that's something he did write die hard with a vengeance which is nice that's uh that's before armageddon though yeah so that's a bigger and better, well, it's not a bigger movie, I guess, unfortunately. In a fair world. Yody also wrote, by the way, speaking of coming this Christmas, he wrote the original Jumanji.

Oh, yeah. So he was the one who came up with all those hilarious monkey jokes. I guess he's getting probably a character credit off that new one. I don't think they keep any of the characters, though. And I'll tell you one that he co-wrote that was terrible, and that's The Punisher, 2004. Wait, didn't he also direct that too? He did indeed, and it's a disaster. Tell me more. Well, it's ours Thomas Jane.

Oh, wait, you mean from HBO's hung? You are correct, Eric. You are correct. Is that still on the air? It is not. It died after two seasons. What was the thing? The poster for that show was like him with a bunch of mannequin legs?

Yeah. Or were those real lady legs? He had a smile that was like, my dick is big today. Yes. That was the whole point. Today only huge penis I feel like if you want to do a pizzeria Four dudes want to do

Four people want to do a pizzeria With TV t-shirts from HBO's hung They'll be yeah you guys got to go Like it all has to do is to HBO's hung on it Like yeah you got to get it Wasn't that the conceit of the show Was he just had a huge cock and fuck Well he yeah and he becomes in a jiggle

With Jane Adams Oh right Jane Adams was on there I thought you were going to say Eric That made me think if like all gambling what you were actually waiting to get your reward was bigger dick length. Oh, man. Like if you shot craps and all of a sudden you won the crap.

Okay, so I walk into a casino and I could go to the crap table. Yes. And if I roll right, I get a bigger dog. Yes. And if I roll wrong, do I take a crap? No, it goes back. It goes back. Yeah.

What if there's nowhere to go back to? Wait, are you guys talking about Jumanji again? It's Jumongi, but for penises. Thank you for doing in this movie. You know how this movie's badass, by the way? How you know it's badass? It starts with like little animated bullet holes. Somebody saw Kill Bill Volume 1.

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, let's do that. Man, this movie fucking sucks. It's not fun. It's not fun. Like the Dolph movie's fun as shit and the Ray Stevenson one is fun as shit. You know why one single reason? You see that old lady's head get turned right around.

It's a fun. Right round, round, baby. And you got Wayne Knight's microchip in that one. We're talking about this, obviously, because just two weeks ago, we had another mass shooting. No, we didn't. Whoa. No, it was. The Punisher would be one, right? Oh, my God. By the way, this doesn't come out for like a couple weeks, so who knows, this country's terrible. You know what? There's one every day. Just turn off your head. No, we're doing this because Netflix's The Punisher came out. Oh, right. With John Bernthal. Hey, I'm like three episodes in and you want to talk about some

sweet, sweet nap time. Oh, my, it's so boring. I really like it. So far, I'm bored. I only saw two episodes so far and I was really enjoying it. And it gets very good towards the end. Why are you making me try to give a shit

about microchip? I don't fucking care. And I'm not stealing a joke because I saw people talking about this. One of the chapbo guys said it. But microchip should be fat. Microchip. Of course he should be fat.

Of course! Yes! Of course! Of course! Yeah. But they already did that. Wayne Knight already did it and he was, I mean, that was ridiculous. Wayne Knight's not doing anything now?

Well, we're kind of moving in a new direction of like a sexy Ed Snowden type. Yeah, that's exactly what this is. And it's obnoxious. Also, by the way, and then we'll talk about this movie. But pretty sure. And like, whatever the episode is where he discovers Microchips identity, the punishment, be the Punisher in this show. None too thrilled.

He's Jewish. No. No, no, no. Because there is, what's his fucking name that they make him in this show? Frank Castle. No, not Frank Castle. Leberman.

There is a fucking line reading where John Bernthal as the Punisher is like something, something, Lieberman. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He could just be saying his name. But also, I kind of agree with her.

I don't know, man. I was getting a mild whiff of anti-semitism. Here's the thing. You look at the Punisher logo. You're like, what is this guy about? What is this politics, right? And like, you look at everyone on Facebook who has that logo as their logo or like mixes it in with the police for some reason. Yep.

Figure that out. Like the Blue Lives Matter slash the Punisher collab. Because the cops tend to support him in these books. in the comic books. Especially in the Garth Enis books, specifically, or am I saying that right? I think it's Enis. I think I would say Enis books.

Like he, the cops are like completely on his side. Enis. That's at the penis casino. Well, also about John Bernthologist this is my last parting shot. Is he always sounds like he's moving a refrigerator when he's doing stuff?

Dude, there's a lot of... It's like, ooh! Steve, that refrigerator is just heart, be sensitive. Okay, okay, for a minute. You guys wouldn't understand. He's a big, tough guy. Yeah, that's true. That's noises, big tough guys, mate. That's true. Tough noises. Yeah. I like the Punisher with the sledge. I mean, I like Bernthal in general, and I like the portrayal. I just, the show's just kind of pittering along. Yeah, I'm going to keep watching. Like I said, I'm only three deep. So when I get fist deep, we'll see what happened. Get at least two, six or seven. That's where it really turns.

But, I mean, I still like the first. You know what's an, an, an excuse. citing way to kick your movie off set it in Tampa yeah who I don't know why couldn't this just be Miami the sexier

tax credits that's what I'm assuming this was like a thing where like it was cheap to film in Tampa and they're like Tampa's tax credits we'll take anything you can ride off all the gators

now in the comics does it does it take place a nigh city i don't know if it's new york or what i think it might be new york city all the well i know if we're gonna keep on go back to the enous one because that's what this is loosely based on i guess mostly based on that um that was new york city yeah and it was the new chie crime family not the saints yeah the saints oh wait because i haven't gotten that shit yet Howard saint or something yes well first

oh wait oh it's that saint well that's what we're talking oh i thought you were talking about the show has the St. Family. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay. And this has nothing to do with Val Kilmer's the same? No, no. He is not part of the Prime family. I think this director wrote that actually. Really? No. Let me just look it up real quick.

This guy wrote everything. Let me just look it up real quick. Fuck you screenplay for the saint. Really? But I got to check my underwear to see if he wrote his name on it. Yeah, you know what? Check it out. Because there might be shit on it. Did he also write shallow grave? I mean, at this point, he

Literally in anything. So yeah, it's Frank Castle. We open on a bust, a arms deal gone wrong, I guess. This is a terrible sting. A really, really bad sting. It's out in the open, by the, they're on the beach. They're on the beach. It's the guy from Oceans 11, the nerdy guy, whose name I'll never remember.

Yeah, I don't know. The microchip. He should be microchip. That guy's a little, at least a doughy microchip. But I don't need a sexy. Here's my thing about this dude from oceans. Later in this film, you see him with his shirt off. Yeah.

And this actor's been working out. He's supposed to be like a nerdy, flubby fuck-up criminal. And I think this actor was like, oh, fuck, I'm going to be on camera with my shirt off. This is 100% it. Dude, this guy's arms. Like, you look at him how he looks in the ocean movies, which are years after this. Or, like, I guess, betwixt actually. Yeah, around this.

He's fucking jacked. It's weird. Like the Punisher's torturing this guy and I'm like, why is this guy? It's 2004, you think he was dropping some stack or two? Oh, totally, yes. Remember that craze? No, what is this?

It was just a diet pill that probably killed a bunch of people. Probably, huh? Well, I mean, I think it's also because they, in that scene... Stack them too high with stacker two. Two by two in a grave. Killed people or killed marriages. You're taking more of that stacker two! And then he's so thin and sexy

This is why I can't get pregnant Oh my God, yeah No, you didn't lose weight Two, you'll shoot blanks You fucking got big You didn't lose weight You got big, you got bigger Stacker

Oh wow, is that shrinker I think you'd lose some weight too But you got jacked off You got jacked off on it Is this anything to do with HBO's hug Might very well Might have been a subplot So it's the guy from whatever

he brings this kid who winds up being John Travolta's son to a arms deal and Tom Jane the first of many bad die jobs I mean you know Frank Castle is supposed to be undercover I guess with his like famous jet black hair

they know who he was or whatever but like Hey Frank Frank Frank He's dressed straight out of fucking Miami Vice man He looks like he could be running with Colin Farrell Oh God and he's got this accent Oh, yeah, he did the Russian thing. And, like, his name's Otto Krieg.

Cool. And that's what they got him. And, like, so, I mean, what happened? They bust this thing. But obviously, it's a trap for the authorities to get these people. Right. Like, the second they do the deal and shake on it, everybody comes out of hiding. I don't know how it turns into it.

Foolishly, they're like, oh, you know, it's a cool idea to, like, throw everyone off Frank scent will, like, shoot him with Blank. and have squibs and he'll fake die but that just escalates everything to where they're shooting actual criminals well I think that there's like a gun someone like gestures with a gun and then one of the SWAT guys or whatever

is like he's got a gun and they start firing and I guess that's like the castle fails safe like if shit goes south got fake murder me there's a third party like it's Krieg and the John Saint and Oceans 18 11 guy. And there's another guy and he has an Uzi. And he just

blasts off at one point. And then you find out that this is like the third, like this is the last time he's ever retiring from the undercover game. And now that they're able to move from Tampa, everyone in the movie is very excited. Everyone is super excited to be leaving Tampa. Yeah. So this thing goes south. Travolta's son gets murdered. And so then like Castle

has like a brief retirement party where everybody's like, it's one of those like, oh, guys, you shouldn't have but it's the Punisher, so nobody cares. I don't think you do this in the FBI, R.C. I don't think you have a happy birthday. No, it's a retirement

party. But even so, it would be off-site. It's not at the place where your body's taken. Yeah, that's a really good point. Like, yeah, he like rolls off the stretcher and then there's like, surprise! Like, what the fight? Is this a clean house? I don't see there's a botched

operation where like three people are dead and like one guy's like his handler or whatever is like hey man at least we beat the spread and he's like does that how this works? Well you know it's yeah people are dead but it's people no one cares about.

Sure. The FBI's point of view. That's true. Whatever. Is it the FBI? It's just like it is. It is. Because later on there's a newspaper

that refers to Frank Castle as ex-FBI instead of former. Here's what. it doesn't make any sense in the scene in the shootout or whatever where he's murdered there's definitely like an EMT

or like an agent or something or it's like an agent in an EMT and the guy does like time of death oh yeah for whose benefit it doesn't make any sense so if this EMT is in on it and he's doing a fake time of death

who cares nobody's paying attention if this EMT is not in on it he's a bad EMT because Frank Castle is clearly alive, so what am we fucking doing? He's just a bad E-M-T. That's all it is. Well, as we'll learn also, the saints have their fingers everywhere so they could get security

fucking footage from the site or something. Guys, my wife is deading it. I'm just sleeping. He just pronounces everybody dead. Oh no, honey, the dog is dead. It's curled up by the fireplace. Old man fell down in a parking lot.

That's time of death. I'm still away. Give it a minute. So they're moving to London Frank Castle is taking his kid, they've got a son They've got one boy Which is traditionally a boy and a girl I think is how that works

Yeah, right And wait what? In the comics he's got two kids Okay, but in this he's just got one He's just got the one And what is his full Christian name? It's Frank Castle But I think there's some stuff where

The third No, this might be a, I was reading this Because I'm not a huge Punisher fan But I was reading the Wikipedia a little bit There's like a cast Leone kind of a thing? There definitely is. I think it's like an Ellis Island chop job. Really? Yeah. I thought they let

Italians through with their names. So you can identify this. I thought I was reading about this, Stephen. It was something that Frank Castle changed himself. Oh, I see. I think he was like Castiglione. I'm going to be going after guys like that. Better change

my name. Also, I'm trying to make it on Broadway. It'll just be easier. When was the last time you saw Castiglione as president? Congratulations, President Castiglone. Hey, I'll take it. Oh, no, please. So before London, though, we have to make a quick stop in Puerto Rico, where I guess Roy Shider lives and is hosting a family reunion.

He's a drug dealer. Yeah, that makes sense, wouldn't it? Is he Frank Castle's father-in-law? He's credited? No, he's credited as Frank Castle's senior. Oh, is that right? It's his father. Oh, shit.

And did you hear how he got into this movie? Because it makes no sense him being in this movie for the amount of time he does. Did he get tricked? Was he tricked? Pick one of these cards. No, you went to the dick casino. You'll get bigger or you have to do this movie.

One or the other. He lost too much. He got too much in. The Shylock had to do it. Wait, so why is he in this movie? He was neighbors with the director and writer. Oh, man. You're just inviting your neighbors to be.

movies. Did he know he was in a movie? Do you think this was the party? I'm just imagining Roy Shider with groceries trying to get into his brownstone apartment and he's like, hey, Roy, how's it going? Oh, hey man. He's talking to me about this punishing movie. If you're free on Saturday, we're going

to Puerto Rico. Oh my God, I'm such a big fan of the seven ups. What's his jaws? I never heard of. What's that? Speaking of, I was wondering, so like he goes to Puerto Rico. That's what this big very big family

reunion is happening. Family reunion slash eventual massacre. Do you think maybe there was a Jaws Punisher after Roy Shider? Like you know what I mean? Like it's, you killed my family. Yeah, I think that was. That's the shark in part

four. Yeah, exactly. That's the shark punisher. I just imagine that as like the third quarter of castaway and he's just on a raft. like snow clothes on where's that shark I'm gonna get that shark

with this wooden stick yeah at least something would happen in that maybe so they go to Puerto Rico meanwhile John Travolta is assessing the situation back home he murders some dude who is supposed to be on the lookout

for his kid but no he doesn't weirdly he picks up the guy from Ocean's 11 and he's like beating him down and he's like oh you know I could send you to prison where you'll die a very pornographic death A pornographic death. Now, was that in HBO's hug?

Probably. Sorry, I'll stop talking about that. But it's a terrible line. Oh, one of many. Well, this is Mr. Will Patton as Quinton, Howard Saints, number two, has the worst lines in this movie by a mile. He's pretty terrible. Travolta's got some bad ones. The Punisher himself has some bad ones.

We haven't even gotten to the trio of losers yet. Oh, the island of misfit toys. So, but the weird thing is, there's a very, I kind of misremembered this movie because I thought it was like, oh, is Travolta's just doing this swordfish character. I was like, no, Travolta's asleep this entire movie. He is, he's very much not over the top. I mean, that's why I said last week, how like it's not really Travolta's fault that this movie is so bad. It can't be. He's not doing anything.

No. I mean, it's funny that you say that because I had the exact same false memory. I remembered him fucking tap dancing through this movie and it's not the case he's a somnambulist Wow

Yeah That word of day calendar's working out Yeah And I'm drinking But no Speaking of Travolta And this movie Yeah

I think he saw this He saw Will Patton Get that haircut And he was like Yeah I could do that And that's what Taking a fellow One two three is

He's dressed the exact same way He does have that bad like flat Caesar haircut and like a little tiny sunglasses as well yeah oh yeah you're right oh you're right and that chop shop mustache right yeah oh it's really bad

so it picks up the dude from Ocean's 11 and he's like you were supposed why did you bring my son to this thing and he's like I'm sorry Mr. Saint I'll never do it again and he doesn't kill him and it's like it actually causes a lot of problems for the rest of the movie but like you obviously kill this guy right If you're a mafia guy

You kill him all Yeah You're a mafia guy You're trying to get Vengeance for your son The guy that brings him To the meeting Against your wishes

By the way He's like you know I didn't want my son Doing anything like this Yeah That dude gets killed I would boil his bones He has some line

Where he's like Oh he insisted He wouldn't take no For an answer or whatever I think I mean you You definitely kill this guy Yeah

But that's also why Travolta kills This big bodyguard Yes Because it's like You were bigger Than my fucking little Weasel son

you should have physically prevented him from going. It's the pilot of Jerry because he gets, like, demoted to be his butler? Yeah. He's on his best behavior through the rest of this movie. It's like, I let you live and you're not being fucked to death. So now, yeah, you have to fucking clean my huge mansion. He's, like, cleaning his house. He's also a valet at points.

Yeah, he's like getting John Travolta's keys. Could you just quit at that point and be like, you know, man, I'm just going to go back. No, that's. I don't think you can't quit the mafia. Then you're definite. Then you are getting your bones boiled. Yes, please. Yeah, no, I mean, you are doing everything for this guy until he's rid of you.

Yeah, as we'll see very soon, Travolta is not like, it's not like it takes much to set him off. That's true. And so the fact that this guy survives is insane to begin with. So he winds up, they find a file on Frank Castle. Oh, like this Otto Krieg was actually Frank Castle. Oh, and they just so happen to know that he's going to, I don't know, maybe you had a Facebook, made an aim away message about, like, can't wait to see my family in Puerto Rico.

There's, you know, and I guess, no, it's not efficient because this movie's also over two hours. So, like, cut some shit elsewhere. But I need to figure out where they got this intel from. Will Patton just comes up with a little Manila folder. And he's like, here's literally everything on this man who was undercover FBI. That can't be that easy to crack.

Well, I also, like, okay, these people, the FBI clearly knows who Howard St. and the St. Brothers are. So why after you know this guy kills everybody? Why after that would you say, oh, you want to go to Puerto Rico with your entire family and have a big party? That sounds great.

It's his son. Like, clearly put this dude in witness protection, get him somewhere else. Exactly. You should be eating, you know, egg noodles and ketchup like a schnuck. That's what he should be doing. So by the way, Travolta has another son. And am I crazy here?

It's just the same actor, but without the pencil mustache? It's twins. Oh, wait, no. It's fake twins. Wait, wait. No, no, no, but that's what I'm saying. It's the same actor, but one doesn't have a pencil mustache. Really?

Yeah. That sucks. Totally sucks. Welcome to 2004 is the Punisher, my friend. Get real twins or, you know, don't. Or just don't make the twins. How about don't make the movie? Higher fat actors, hire real twins.

That's what I want. We do have a fat actor coming up. to even the scale, so to speak. So Laura, Harring. Laura Twin Peaks, nope. Mulholland drives. There it is.

Laura Herring. There it is. So they're in a car and like, it's like, well, what do you want to do, Mr. Saint? He's like, well, yeah, we're going to kill him. And then she, like, comes out of the darkness and she's like, kill his whole family. And now I think what she means is nuclear family.

Like, I think she's like, you know what? Like, hey, man, when in Rome. No, Ed, the bloodline. Every single castle it exists. I'm weird cousins, uncles. I'm with Eric on this because later on, when she finds out that he killed the entire fucking bloodline, she is fucking horny as hell. She gets really horned up with that news.

She really does. She's ready to go because, oh, man, you tell me 35 people. How many old ladies again? Oh. They were going to die anyway. So, yeah, it's like, this is what would happen on the McAllister's vacation if we ever saw it. Oh, man, fingers crossed, buzz gets a bullet between the eyes.

Look what you did, you little jerk. Uncle Frank assassinated. That's the scene when the guy ducks down and shoots underneath the house. Oh, yes. Man, so Roy Scheider, like, gives this toast about, like, this is a fucked up thing. And we're rolling 40 deep in Puerto Rico.

What a fucking obligation. by the way. It's like a destination wedding. Ridiculous. What are you paying for all those tickets? I don't know. I mean, or is they a Puerto Rican or do they like live there? I think Roy Scheider is supposed to live there because he's got this classic

gun collection in the house. Yeah, this isn't a fucking Airbnb. The guy's clearly an international arms dealer. Oh shit. He already said he's a drug dealer. I buy that. All these guns, these like special old guns. Yeah. This is this guy's trade. Is there like a prequel

Punisher where like Frank Castle Senior is like you know he's he's a G man in like the 1950s or something Oh he's at the Red Scare he's killing all the wrong people for no reason Just killing Jewish writers left and right

Everyone's like dude what are you doing He's having secret meetings with Joseph McCarthy In like parking garages You gotta keep doing it Doing the Lord's work So he gives some speech and I could not believe this detail he's like this is our first family reunion in five years

and then he says which is too long and I was like what the fuck are you talking about too long I think the last time my family had a reunion it was in the early 90s exactly and that's fine you know what my family calls a family reunion a fucking funeral yes that's when we all get together and that's the way it should be that's right you should never have family around

fucking 40 deep in Puerto Rico I get a fucking card for a family union in Puerto Rico an L.O.L. in the garbage. I'm not paid it for a fucking vacation. Is that what you're writing on the postcard back? Yes, it's a L.O. Responding? Yes. I cannot attend

or third box L.O.L. in the garbage. But get this. The garbage man finds it and poses as you. And then murders the family. And that murders your family. Or maybe, you know, does a better job at being a family member than you. Why, Steve lost

weight. Well, then he's black. Well, then you would get the entire SADC money. Yeah. Yeah. So they're having a great time in Puerto Rico and these Will Patton and these goons get down there

ASAP. They do. They get there really quickly and it's a, because yeah, we get Chekhov's House of Guns, which does happen to pay off pretty quickly. Welcome to Chekhov's House of Guns, where you walk in store, you'll definitely to delete these shots.

There are only seven. Pick. It's like a Zelda game. You set up the House of Guns in minute 16 by minute 17. We better be using them. That's right.

That's classic screenwriting. You know, you're talking minutes here, and that's something I have to give credit to the television show for. He is Punisher from the jump. Of course. You know, he's undercover and he's, like, faked his death.

Like, there's previous Punisher adventures that we don't know about in the show. Well, it was all in Season 2. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, I didn't finish that. You didn't see the trial of the Punisher. It was great. Speaking of me, falling asleep.

I think I got six deep in that season two. And I was like, I've had enough of this fucking foggy whatever the fuck. Yes, thank you. That is why I prefer this new Punisher show is, man, that fucking froggy guy or whatever. Foggy, I literally just said. Foggy leghorn. And then, like, it's like that Iron Man's happy, happy. It's like, shut up with these fat, weird.

Well, you know, that's why you're fucking so pro this skinny microcham. I think it is because I've had it up to here with these fat weirdos. You know what I don't have had it up to here with, by the way, Marvel Netflix television show, stop filming in the same fucking warehouse, four warehouses in Long Island City at night. Let's go somewhere else that's not gold and brown. We can tell.

Yes, we certainly can tell. Yes, it's the, the owl man is right there. Oh, wait, this is the Punisher. I'm going to walk. The owl, man. Also, some, the shadows got a lot denser. Electra's just eating craft services. Like, I'm waiting for the next one.

This is the hands hideout. Oh, no, it's where the military or whatever. Are you doing an electric impression? Yeah, she's like British or something on that show. I'm doing a really bad job. She's not Greek? Well, no, but she's got a British accent. You didn't watch any of that season, too.

really good. I thought you were doing a Jennifer Gardner attention. I said that kind of sounds like her. So this family is murdered in exquisite fashion. It's fantastic. The one piece of IM to be trivia that I loved was it was like because

Frank Castle's family is immediately murdered and there's not like almost no dialogue from these people or no dialogue whatsoever. It's like Roy Shider. The whole family was made of stuntmen and the children, which is my favorite part of it all, had to be children of stuntmen to get on set.

Really? Is that how you become a stuntman? All right, junior. Show him what I taught you. Some little kid does a fucking barrel roll. Well, it's like some like safety officer. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're not putting a kid in the squibs. Oh, no, he's a stuntman's. Oh, okay. All right. What are they like Carnies?

I guess that's what it seems like. Like the fucking flying Grayson's? So, oh, actually it's great. Roy Scheider like takes Thomas Jane into the house and he's like, here's this 19th century whatever the fuck a bunch of gun lingo I blacked out during his his reading of these lines

then cut to Thomas Jane looking out on this patio and you just see this old lady fucking get shot the stomach and he just goes mom and then the games begin it's amazing it is a stuntman hunt man they're going for everybody

a stunt hunter you can play that in the arcade at a bar I love the variety here That's my favorite thing about this The guy trying to get on the motorcycle to go And then he gets shot in the spine And then the wind The coward taking the boat

The wind sailor He's a wind sailing in the middle of this Dude I think he was unrelated Yes I think he was just a dude on vacation I'm not with them I'm not with them Yeah we're not checking IDs

Are you a castle or a castle adjacent You know what I mean like what if What about all right The family has to die sure But what about Cindy's boyfriend who just came to Puerto Rico for the first time? Yep, yeah, that's exactly right. You know, his Frank's weird cousin who brought her, her boyfriend. They're all going to die.

By the way, the best death in this sequence, I think, is one of these henchmen that's like, I don't know, he's like they're shooting up people and then he's like trying to light the barbecue or something. Oh my God, yes. I love this guy. And then Frank Castle, like what, he shoots like the gas tank and it all explodes and he turns into a dummy. And a dummy is very appreciative. I love seeing that dummy flop on the ground and burn. What's awesome about that sequence, though? I thought the same thing.

I was like, why is this henchman like checking out this grill set up? He's just flip these burgers. He's standing there like, these steaks are going to burn. Well, we didn't eat before we got here. No sense wasting all this. It looks like most of them are dead at this point, honestly. Wow, they had a good spread at this family reunion we just murdered everyone at. It's just brie.

Oh, oh my. Then they knock over the pizza And Buzz looks over it like You're a disease, Frank So Samantha Mathis is Mrs. Castle by the way She grabs the sun And they like get in a Jeep and high tail it They were okay under this boat I think

They're watching the carnage under a boat Yeah And they you know should have stayed there Yes They make a run for it and then the henchmen all get in the truck Frank Castle is following on a motorcycle. And I feel like Frank Castle

A dirt bike. Oh, it's a dirt bike. Well, first of all, Roy Scheider. You shit, buddy, it's a dirt bike. Roy Scheider gets stabbed in the back. Oh, yeah, which is great. There's a lot of like, yeah, they're like back to back, like,

cowboy shooting and whatever. And it's one of those, like, he thought the dude was dead and he comes up and fucking murders him. And then, like, his last words are like, Frank, you only had me for three days. What the fuck? I was going to say they do have a weird shot

of him just like Thomas James and like it's just a shot of Dead Roy Shider and not like any big speech or anything like that which you know I'm all right with that I'm fine I actually prefer that so he takes off on this dirt bike thank you Steve something you can't get a license plate for

and he's chasing out of these dudes like you know what man just start aiming for tires yes doesn't do it they go to a dock and there's a big chase because she's got a boat on the back of her car, which is causing her all sorts of problems. Yeah, and there's a big wreck, and they run out on this dock.

We don't see them get murdered. The Punisher gets there, like, a little too late. No, they get fucking run over by this Ford Explorer. Do they really? Yes, and they should... Oh, the run-over. I didn't see them run over. They're both run over in the road. What? It's a shot.

The shot is the fucking car is, the truck is going down the thing. They fall down. The car keeps going. Hold on a second. Oh, I totally missed that. That sounds implied to me. Although, and to Steve's beside the point Steve's trying to make is there's not a fucking puddle of meat and blood there. Yes. Oh, yeah.

There's just like regular people kind of taking a nap. I guess that's why I was confused. I just thought that got shot to death. You have this movie, the action shit is so fucking boring. The way this movie is shot is so sterile. That is true. I would say up until the end. The last action scene, I think is great. The parking lot?

Yes. And pre-parking lot. It's funny. I'll say that much. But yeah, all of the action, I mean, like I like it because it's like, it's, you feel like it's 70s style, kind of like, you're seeing everyone get shot, but it's not

exciting or... No, it's, I appreciate it's not super stylized. I will say that. Yeah, no, I feel like I'm watching a sitcom. It doesn't have the laugh track, I guess I'm supplying that, but... That's what a large portion of this movie is. As we'll see when we get

to the apartments, a lot of this is sitcom shit. So they blow up the dock and Frank Castle goes flying into the water like this dude would be dead. Well, here's the thing. They fucking kill everybody. They kill the mailman. They kill everybody.

And they get to Frank Castle. They have him. And it's the kid, the twin brother. And he's like, I'm going to kill you now, Frank Castle. I'm going to shoot you in the shoulder. And then I'm going to walk away. Yep. That's right.

Pretty badass. We shoot this dude in the fucking face 16 times. But then you don't get the satisfaction of blowing. blowing up a man who was alive before you lit the fuse. That's true. What's the fun in blowing up a corpse? Yeah. No pain.

I want to know he had some pain. Well, I also think that like, why are you burning him alive anyway? Like to hide the evidence. Like, dude, everybody knows what you did. No, I think they just think it's cool. They're like, look, watch this. Watch this fucking badass move I'm about to do. It's like all of you idiots were using guns.

I'm going to blow this man up. I'm going to do an Ollie right now. well you had to use everything around you this is cinema so he's like found by some dude and he like nurses him back to health previously

relayed as a witch doctor what wait I miss this that's a dropped line and I'm sure a deleted scene as well Matt no manwell the witch doctor wait do you think there's like a deleted scene where he's like raising him his

his like soul back into his body oh and and instead of using chicken bones he uses pigeon bones so every time the music plays frank castles dancing no no no he used roy schneider's bones no he roy shiner wasn't dead until after that movie we walked out of yes there is a famous story of us upsetting the widow schneider shiner shiter there's no end there my god but he's dead in the movie now oh yes i'm saying the witch doctor could conceivably strip his corpse of flesh that's right and polish his bones bleach those bones

Yeah like the predator would There's a really bad miniseries Where Fred and Castle comes back from the dead And like he's like shooting angels And he's got like angel guns or something What? Is that another in the comics? No, that's like pre-annis

It's like the doldrums of Punisher That sounds horrible What is this? The Animatrix? Oh no Man you want to fucking tie me to a chair And fucking put on them Animatrix I'll tell you everything

Anything you want to know I'll give up the whole fucking thing. Steve just confessed to 9-11. Dude, I made an

honest effort to watch the Animatrix and here is a preview of me watching the Animatrix.

All right. Two minutes of this one, maybe the next short's better. Two minutes of that one, maybe the next

shorts better. I got finished with that whole mini-series in like two minutes. Here's a preview of me watching the Animatrix.

Oh, my laptop screen's kind of dirty. I'm just going to do this. Oh, what's happening? And here's a preview of me watching the anime Matrix. Oh, wait, this is HBO's hung.

You said to stop. Big Johnson. They got dead. You think they got Big Johnson's in the Matrix? Rather stay here with my Big Johnson. Trinity load Big Johnson protocol. So, yeah, this witch doctor, I guess nurses this dude back to health. He's got a fucking pukesion.

necklace on, I think, at one point. He's got like a fake fucking Phil Hartman beard. It's so silly. Un Frozen Caveman lawyer. And he's like walking around with the crutch and he gives the guy the crutch. You find out later in the movie that it's been five and a half months. Oh, really? Yes, it's been

a long recovery road for him. Yeah, a quick five and a half months from being blown to smithereens and almost drowning. I would take that, honestly. Isn't this how Darkman got started or what? It's very similar. Who would win? Dark Man of the Punisher.

Dark man, come on. He's got supernatural powers. He can change his face. All right. All right. I'm just curious. You know, Frank Cass, I'm going to change a face? No, but he's got like a lot of guns.

Oh, we've totally left out something that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. And I don't know if it's comic specific, so forgive me. But early in the film, the dumb little son is like, hey, dad, I got you this t-shirt at the market. And it's the fucking Punisher T-T-shirt, right? When this motherfucker washes up on shore whatever the hell's going on, the only thing left of his family is this tattered t-shirt

and he takes it, come on. Come on. This is the only superhero whose origin story is a t-shirt. Thomas Jane just picks it up and is like, this is pretty clear copyright infringement. I don't know how you do things in Puerto Rico at the local stores.

Guess I'm fighting for the honor of Hot Topics. thank you for this boardwalk t-shirt son from now on I will henceforth I will be known as one tequila two tequila three tequila floor oh it's floor man that's one of the various

and bevy of reasons I would be a terrible father I can't fake bad kid gifts oh wow I made this for you great oh that's great well here's the thing once you have a child maybe it would warm your heart enough the idea of your own flesh and blood

giving you something. I'm playing devil's advocate. I don't actually believe in this. Or you create one of the guys in Mind Hunter. Yeah, exactly. That's another big fear. Right. That's definitely happening. I see like some kids on the street,

and I'm like, you're grown up to kill people. Oh, sure. Just you wait. Like Frank Castle did. That's right. So then he's got to like truck it back to where does this movie take place?

We're back to Tampa? Of course we're back to Tampa. Where else would you go? Let's say you have the whole United States. Right. Tampa. Obviously. Well, that's the only reason John Travolta's wardrobe makes sense. Where else

could you dress like this before? It's for a tax credit! His wig is for a fucking tax credit in this movie, man. This thing is not on right. It's not on all the way. It made be nervous. Like, oh shit, it's going to fall off. Punisher, Easy Punisher.

Yeah, so Frank Castle comes back. He like announces himself to Tampa Society, I guess. That's weird. He's got like debutante's coming out, I don't understand it. It's just so like

Bert Reynolds will notice him or something. It's weird though because like I thought the first time I saw this movie like, oh, he's doing this and then it's going to be like this contentious relationship like Frank Castle v. Police because he goes up to like city hall or the police station

or whatever it is and he's like castles here motherfucker and he goes up to this dude and he's like this is with the line he's like oh it's been five and a half months no one's been arrested for the murder of my family you guys are fucking terrible peace but then he never really matches up with

the police department there apparently is and I'm stopping only one tweet this time there's only one guy that's ever seen it an extended cut of the 2004 Punisher movie is that right seven hours long Where in the guy from the beginning, the guy throws him to surprise party

is like dirty, I guess, and maybe he's the one that gives Will Patton the millennola folder, and he's the one that, like, sold him out, and ultimately he winds up, like, there's a scene where he kills this guy or something. You got to leave at least the first part of that in. That's how he gets the information

then. Oh, so you want it to be longer, huh? That's what you want now? No, you put that in, cabin, and then you fucking take out some other shit. Any Rebecca Romaine Ben Foster scene? Well, this thing was already cut the fucking ribbon. This was three hours long in the first cut.

How can you make a three hour long? You saw all of that witch doctor shit. I guarantee you that. And they wanted to start the movie in Kuwait. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, you're getting like his military service. Yeah, that was more what they were trying to do. He went up against Saddam?

Yeah, it was in it. Yeah, super Saddam. Super Saddam. Is that a superhero? Yeah, no, it was when like, that doc fell on Saddam Hussein, but the ooze had already gotten into his blood. And then he stood up and he became super Saddam. You got to stay through the head credits of hot shots.

You're sure not thinking of the hot shots apart dealer. And his hat is enormous. My question is that three-hour cut, is it like basically just them like doing a castle roll call at in Puerto Rico, like Uncle Don. Yeah, that's right. And then like the rest of the movie. It is.

It does that What was that old Simpsons? Come on, Jody, Crystal, Beaufort, Howard, Morgan, Lee.

Yeah, that joke. It's like the announcements at a wedding. Each one has their own music. Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam. Not that Uncle Sam,

you true patriot. But that's the question. It's like, that should be the rest of the movie is him being like, all right, this one's for Uncle Joe. All right,

we got Uncle Joe. He's been avenged. do we still got a little seat that would be actually interesting if you had a list like that it's blood for blood yeah yeah for an ear so he's to kill the equal amount of people no I well I think there's a lot of death math going on in that equation because like yeah you need the wife and the kid clearly at least five people have to die really you think so in punisher math I feel like that's what's going on okay so like all right so like a wife is like times five yes the kid times three interesting okay welcome back

to punish your math. Your mom has purchased you this 2003 CD-ROM game, and we're going to figure out how to do fractions because everything else has failed. First of all, guns are great. Okay, so five corpses are exploding out of Cleveland at 55 miles an hour. Well, seven corpses are exploding out of Chicago. How many get on it? How many pieces get on? How many bodies can you disappear from that equation. So in order to get John Travolta's attention, Frank Castle robs

the mafia and throws all their money out of window? Because apparently John Travolta's whole gimmick is he's a money launderer for the Cuban mafia. Right. Oh, that's that other like beefcake that he's friends with. The Toro brothers. Oh, man. I was paying attention. I had

to write an article about all these fucking Punisher movies like a year ago. And I just remember. in advance of this way before this. Got a journalist in the house. So, yeah, he breaks into his bank, he throws out a bunch of money. He also winds up killing two of his henchmen.

One is the guy who looks like stuntman, Dean Stockwell, who I've seen in a bunch of shit. Stoughton, Dean Stottwell. The ball, he's got a cue ballhead. Yeah, I don't know his name, but yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. There is one goon working for John Travolton's movie, and Steve is the only one.

who appreciate this. He looks like fucking Rob Ryan. Oh, Rex Ryan's brother. Yeah. With the fucking glowing wizard locks. Also known as fat

Chris Christopherson. Or fat Gandalf. Depending upon which meme you're looking at. I was hoping you didn't have it. People listening didn't see the blank expression on your face when you said,

what was it, Ryan Rob Ryan? Rob Ryan. Rob Ryan. So Rex Ryan. Rex Ryan. That fat oaf that coaches football. With the foot fattish,

he's got it even. He's got a foot fetish? Oh, dude, there was a foot fetish video that got picked. Wait, wait, whoa. Dude, all right, let me set the scene. Let me set the scene. Okay. It's a field somewhere probably in Jersey.

There's an SUV. Oh, yeah. And a lady's feet are dangling outside of the driver's side window. In comes NFL coach Rex Ryan playing the role of a police officer. Oh, shit. You tailgating here, young lady? Excuse me, ma'am. You seem to be.

having car trouble with your feet out of the wind. It's like a foot. It's not a sex tape. It's like a foot fetish tape. I don't think they get to fucking on camera. I mean, amateur foot porn. This is almost exactly this I'd imagine.

He's just basically like, oh, those little toes got to go somewhere. Are you serious? He's basically making a video he can pleasure himself to later. The term little toes comes up at least once. And the NFL paid for this? Yes. Was this like Executive producer

Roger Goodell No one saw that movie Concussion but that's what it's about It's Will Smith trying to get to the bottom Following the money Tell the truth It was your foot This is yelling at Rob Ryan

Everybody's saying No it's not real It's not real It's on the internet The failing NFL Has a foot fetish They're always getting on their knees And showing their toes

Oh man So yeah he kills There's more boring action At some point There's more boring action The Punisher moves into a Skid Row apartment building Which makes no sense No none at all

And he's like working on his fucking Punisher's supercar which you can keep I mean where is this apartment is like six apartments big You know what I mean? I thought it was a thing though Is it? It's Tampa To me it looked like

A farmhouse where everybody had a room and then they outfitted every room to have a kitchen. It looks like the house from Only Lovers Left Alive. It's out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Yeah, it totally does, dude. And there's no landlord. Where's the guy who's paying for a lot of shit at the end of this? There's that

and it's only three people in it plus Frank Castle. He never like gives a name or has to like, you know, give it a deposit or anything. Right, yeah. It's like, oh, is it cool if I, and you know you're giving the security deposit, but you know you're never getting it back. So that's kind of a drag to the Punisher.

And so while this is all happening over at Howard Saints side of the arena, we're starting a whole thing with Quinton. Like, they do, Frank Castle does a rundown of all of his number twos, essentially. He picks up the guy from Ocean's 11, and he like, this is the topless scene where he pretends he's going to burn him alive, but he uses an ice popsicle on his back, which actually is my fetish. I didn't know until I watched the movie. Right. That's the only way Steve can shoot. is if you hang him upside down with his shirt off

and start cooking a steak behind him and then poke him in the spine with a popsicle. I've orgasmed one time. And it has to be cherry. Oh, yeah. Well, you got to pop that shit.

It's like a George Costanza thing. Yeah, we can only fucking get horned up with the sandwiches. Well, can you get an erection while hanging upside down? Oh, sure. You think so?

If anything, the blood goes there quicker. I think what would you do? You're going to your head. What are you talking about? Not that head. Well, both of them. You ever see, like, in those movies, all of them? Pornography?

Yes. No, no, no. But acrobatic pornography. Regular ones, too, where it's like, oh, man, this guy is, like, a tough dude. So he's doing, like, sit-ups hanging upside down. Oh, yeah. That's all just fucking. Are you just talking about that scene in Batman?

Batman? I saw Rob Lowe do it once. I know that much. and that's all about self-stimulation okay yeah maybe it's like David Caradine oh but in this

he gives up the information on all of his number twos and all of his number threes and all of his Stratigo pieces and he gives up all this information right and we find out like this is when you find out that Will Patton Whitten

is like a closet and homosexual which I believe and tell me if I'm wrong anyone here is this the only gay person that's ever been in a Marvel movie ever? I think you're right? I'm trying to tell me of any gay character in any

TV shows not in it. None of the new movies have anything? I don't think they have a I can, I'm racking my brain for a gay character I can't think of one. I think you're right. I think it's crazy that they haven't done it yet. Exactly. That's a failure on these MCU films. So, yeah. So like, so

Punisher has all this information and everything um all right we got to get to this the fucking we sort of started touching on it but the neighbors so it's rebecca romayne and then you have ben foster and john pennett rip these characters are so fucking obnoxious and useless yeah it's driving me crazy why are we having a cooking montage i don't know don't don't that question that's the two that's is for the three hour runtime and this survived i thought one of these dudes was going to turn out to be microchip Or dead. Like, why doesn't, why doesn't any of you?

That is a good idea. For a second, I think you said, Mike Roadship. I was like, holy shit, that sounds like a cool superhero. It's Mike Roadship, right? He's got like a car that's also a spaceship. You're on your way. You're getting the character together. It's something.

And like, Rebecca Romaine is like a recovering alcoholic who listens to Cesar all day, which is just not fun. Not good. Not good. Stained as well. I listened to Sether. I thought you said Caesar. I was like,

the fuck is that. Yes, she does listen to a lot of Cethers. He was a former head of state of Italy. Oh, I'm sorry. Actually, Frank Castle's the guy who like stained. He listens to a lot of stained. Oh, man. Oh, Caesar was stabbed in the back just like Roy Schein.

Over a matter of $80. I owe you too, Brutus. At two, Howard Seid? And there's so much shit about like these fucking neighbors. trying to make friends with him. They have an outright Thanksgiving dinner. This makes no sense.

Frank Castle is a horrid neighbor. He's outside on his car all day, cranking the tunes and fucking revving the engine. He's got the steel plates everywhere. He's making a trap house. Like a devil in the white city murder house in his apartment. But, you know, I think actually what's happening is, like, Rebecca Romaine's like, that's pretty hot.

And then the other two guys are like, I think that's pretty hot. Everyone's trying to figure it out with Frankas. Because we'll go out of the shirt off. And they're all just such desperate losers that they all just want to be friends with him. Sure. Oh, but they paint them.

And like, fucking Ben Foster is pierced, what, 10 piercings on his face. Oh, I only counted eight, but I don't think I got his right ear. Yeah,

that's another two sticking out in there. And he's a gamer and he's in like a wheelchair. No, that's a gaming chair. It was confusing me at first. I thought he was paralyzed but then he's like walking around I think he's just got like an aggressive

no no no no dude that's definitely a wheelchair but he's walking around the rest of the movie I know dude that's why this movie is fucking terrible this is an obnoxious character just sitting in a wheelchair for shits and giggles

it's made to illustrate how gamers are actually paralyzed because their lives are useless oh man right I think it's trying to say something you're talking about like you spend so much time sitting down like you might, you know, you're taking your legs for granted.

Exactly. No, this movie's not saying that. This was just like, we need a chair for Ben Foster to sit in. And somebody in the prop department was like, I don't know, I got this rickety wheelchair. And Bumpy or Bumpo or whatever the fuck his name is. All he does is cook. Wait, I'm sorry, John Pinnett's name is what? Bumbo.

Wasn't Bumpo that pink elephant thing that got murdered and inside out? No. That Richard Kine, or Richard Kine did the voice for it? Yes, no. I don't think. Maybe, though. Is Bumbo canon? He is in the, in the gardeness.

Is he a disgraced clown? Like that makes sense. Oh, Bumbo the Clown. Yes. And then like he'd be friends, Frank Castle, but then like, you know, like five issues in. He defines like the fucking child graveyard in the basement. Yes. Yeah, that's the thing.

This Bumbo needs to be a child murderer. Well, that's why he's cooking all the time. Oh, he's cooking kids. Yeah, he's making a good sauce. That would be a ragu. That would be a good, like, sort of ending in this movie. He finds out all of them are murderers. And he needs to sort of like, well, if I'm going to be the Punisher, I can't have friends.

And he burns them all alive. Yes, I would totally buy that. I'd be happy to see that happen. Like just the end credits is just like a static shot of Bumpo burning alive. It's like those, like, HD fireplaces. Yeah. But it's just Bumbo being thrown onto the fireplace. And he's like, he's like melting.

He's like melting. because he's heavy sat they play his favorite Pavarotti song as he goes I would love that so yeah they invite him over for so like oh no

the first thing that happens is like I mean a lot of stuff's going on there's a lot of bullshit like henchmen there's one like Johnny Cash henchman that shows up for no reason Oh there is a heck dude there is a fucking musical number in this movie now first of all

if this wasn't an assassin this is still inappropriate They're at a diner. And this Johnny Cash lookalike just starts singing a tune. But it's like fucking Las Vegas and Blade Runner 2049. It's the only three people in the diner are them.

Like she's working and those two are there and no one else is there except that fucking dog. This is just like I like Robert Radwiga's movies. Yeah. Oh yeah. You're totally right. Yeah, because in reality, I mean, this starts happening. Like everybody's like, I'll pay for my meal now.

I'm just going to get out of here. Don't start singing in a diner. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to eat eggs. In time we all will burn away. Everything ever do. Here's your dollar. Shut the fuck up.

Wait, where's everybody going? No, I got to kill that man. I got to kill him. God damn it. Are you unsettled? Oh, shit. Can I get a dollar? You know, they say all the world's a stage.

I think it's all an open mic. This dude has an amazing end, though, because Frank Castle pulls out a knife and the blade shoots into this dude's. neck yes well he's fantastic was that was that we need a scene of them making that knife well you see him making a bunch of stuff but you're right you don't see the knife that's what maybe a deleted scene which is well because he's like oh nice bringing the knife to a gunfight it's like oh that's a right now this is now this is after this dude instantly destroys his punisher mobile that he's spent five years making yeah this punisher mobile the fucking like steel goes over the windows

like it's angels car blocking out the sunlight because punisher's a vampire too. It's possible. And now that's Angel from the TV show? Yes, Angel from the Buffy spin-off. Not Clarence. Well, if he's shooting angels, I don't put a vampire Punisher above them. They've done it at some point, I'm sure. Yeah, it's a good point. Wait, so the Punisher in that story was actually shooting angels. Yes, or devils and demons and stuff. Maybe he was

working for angels. Oh, man. Somebody read it. That's really dumb. Is I Frankenstein? There's some line around here where Travolta is meeting with this Cuban mafioso dude and he's like threatening this guy or whatever and he's like, I have more guns than you.

Great Travolta line reading here. And then Will Patton's like, no, we don't. We really don't. Stop saying that. All right, I got in love with you. We got like no guns left. Oh, also that Thanksgiving invitation is fucked up because like earlier in the film

Rebecca Romaine's got some sleazy abusive ex-boyfriend who comes like threatening her so Punisher goes over and like scares this dude away and whatever so then later like Ben Foster comes to the door and he's like that guy is back and Punisher's like all right he gets all like mentally prepared to go kick some ass and then they're like

surprise it's Thanksgiving I would start punching people in the throat It's like, well, I came here ready to hit. Got to hit somebody. Come here, Bumpo. Bumpo. Oh, Bumbo. So then, I mean, look, here's the thing.

What I want is scenes where, like, it's John Travolta talking to Will Pat, and he's like, get me the singing guy. And that doesn't work. I was like, I can't believe he killed a singing guy. Well, get me Kevin Nash, motherfucker. Right. You know what I mean? Like, those scenes don't happen. These guys just kind of material.

realize out of thin air. And they know where he is and it's like, why is it, John Trouble? Like, all right, how about I send like 10 guys? And nobody fucks around. They just shoot him in the fucking end. Why are we doing this one at a time shit? Like it's a fucking martial arts circle. Like everybody just beat them to death.

Bring me everyone. Yeah, exactly. You already killed 70 people. It's not like you were worried about that. So Will Patton gives the order to bring in the Russian. Oh, right. Which is CW CW Superstar Kevin Nash. Dressed up like Popeye.

Yeah, dude. He looks like a juiceed Popeye. I know this look works in the comic book. Yeah. But it doesn't in real life. No, dude, all of a sudden a cartoon is in this movie. Yeah. And it's the best part of the movie.

This is a good fight scene. It's the best part of the movie. Yes, because it's like cartoonish. This is like a Popeye Bluto fight that's going on. I remember seeing this movie in the theater. And when this part was going on. on, I was fucking howling. I was entertained, but I was

howling. It wasn't like, oh man, this is a tense fight. I was fucking laughing my ass. Oh, okay, so it wasn't a full mood. My God, with the fucking dad jokes. And of course, we have to keep on cutting back to them singing opera and cooking while the fight is happening. Oh, my God, dude, I was

tearing my hair out. Frank's Castle is like, I'm leaving. And everyone feels bad. And, like, Rebecca Romaine's like, oh, man. And they're like, What if we danced for you? It's like somebody fucking turn a TV on and go to sleep. Bumbo needs to be bumped off. And I'm sorry, this gag of like, I can't hear this brutal building, destroying fight going on because I'm blaring opera.

Shut up. A grenade goes off and they keep going. They're like, oh, did anybody feel that? No, let's keep going. As if this was in like some, you know, like ironclad building and not just a rickety. farmhouse. Yeah, there's a grenade goes off. There's a bunch of stuff that happened. He's fighting with a barbell for a while. He, like, crushes a gun with a barbell. Oh, yeah, that's actually pretty cool. Punisher's going to shoot this dude and Kevin Nash just like barbells the barrel of

the gun. Not bad. How about give the Russian a gun? Like, you know what I mean? Like, give him one gun and then he holds him down and boop, like sure. He is a former Russian wrestler, whatever this guy's The backstory is, but also he's got a shotgun. Also, maybe not a tough. Maybe we get a sniper and we put him since we know where he lives, we put him outside the fucking house and have him just wait

until he comes up for his stupid car. Oh man, Cabin just had a heart attack and died on the air. Stupid fucking car is what I meant to say. I almost had a fucking stroke. Or if he goes to, like, you know, you wait outside the Dwayne Reed for him to get his fucking bottle die job every day. This, we need to talk about. It's bad.

It looks terrible. Why can't he just have regular hair? Dude, he looks like Wayne Newton. He does. It's so terrible. This like unnatural black hair. It's like Castle, are you going out for Halloween with this shit? What are you doing?

You're lucky is that raining in Tampa, dude, or you'd look ridiculous. Well, it's raining in Tampa. I'm sure that's a shitty song. I was going to say if he had Wayne Newton's wardrobe as well, I'd be way more interested in this movie. Oh, it's just Wayne Newton's wardrobe, but the cowboy had, there's a fucking skull on it. It's just Wayne Newton killing people. Yes. Ben Foster's just like, oh shit.

He left a black stain on my couch. When the punisher came over, he laid back. Look at this shit. He's got his fucking couch. What was it? Like coming to America? Exactly. Oh, he totally

throws a fucking pot of a bro. Bro, bro, you're leaking into your turkey, dude. You're leaking. You're sweating a little bit. Rebecca's still into it, but like, you're totally leaking in your trip. That's not the gravy. Oh.

He throws a fucking pot of boiling water in Kevin Nash's face, which is hilarious. Yeah, and this is a, it's a pretty cool thing. Yeah, then he looks like something happened to him in a Japanese horror film or something. Because up to this point, his fucking face explodes. It's terrifying. It's supernatural.

Like, he stabs him. He doesn't stop. Like, you know, he won't stop going. But like, oh, my face. Oh, my beautiful. face, my beautiful wrestler face. And he looks like the testicle monster from Double Dragon for a minute. Yes, he does. And then they push him down the flight of stairs. Yes, stairs.

Man's natural enemy. Yeah, he's dead at this point. So then he falls over and then they have luckily the previous tenet was Victor Frankenstein because there's this weird rafter they put him in. Yes, dude. I fucking made the note

that this looked like Frankenstein because like they're in hiding or some shit. Yeah, because Will Patton and some other goons show up. Right. Ben Foster gets hilariously tortured. And this is when you kill Bumpo. Like, you know what I mean? Like you're trying to make a message to Ben Foster or anyone else. Yep.

Okay, I'm going to fucking play Russian roulette with Bumpo's head. Yep, that's exactly right. He's not touched. No, he's fine. He didn't put it all to Ben Foster. At least throw him in the fire. Yeah. You weren't really into this him burning a live thing.

I just been seeing it in my mind and I like it. Or give him a good old-fashioned principle beating. That's, if you see the movie The Principal, is you put a pillowcase over someone's head and then you work the body mercilessly. That's right. Instead, like, and I imagine like the direction to John Pennett in this scene is like, all right, John, at least five other people are going to be doing things around you. You just stare at the floor and don't say anything. It looks like he's called into the principal's office. Yes. Like, oh my God, my friend is being tortured. And, you know, John Panette had a very, like, boyish

face so he just looks like me me you know like innocently staring at the floor because he put gum in someone's hair man pat and like he is tap dancing on this role right here oh of course he what's what's the line one of my favorite lines of the movie really um oh please um let's find out if we can have find out what the true nature of pain is yeah dude the true nature of pain huh jumping it's like do you need me right now because like I'm cool are you I can't help but see you have an erection there. Could you, can somebody beat me up so I don't see that? Can somebody please beat me up?

Oh, you're telling me the Punisher wasn't here, huh? Okay. Then what's that black shit all over your floor? It's treacle. Treacle. So, yeah, he tortures Ben Foster by taking a pair of pliers to his facial piercings and pulling them out one by one. And Ben Foster does not talk about. And this is, it's the best line the Punisher really has in this movie.

Because, like, he comes out of the floor, this secret hiding space. I think there's thunder and lightning going on in the background for sure at this point. It's very Frankensteiny. And he's like, you don't even know me. Yeah. Why did you do that? Why were you willing to die for me? He's, like, legitimately asking him.

And Ben Foster's like, you're one of us, your family. Like, no. No, the Punisher had one family, and those fuckers are dead, and that's what this movie is. Even the extended extended family is dead at this point. The bloodline's been wiped out. We will find a way to, you know, harp on family values in this movie. God help us. We will do it.

I will tell you, though, Chris, if anyone is ever looking for you and they even show me a pair of pliers, man, have you been given up? Oh, you have been so given up. Oh, you think I'm telling you where I really am. Oh, okay. That's funny. That's a really funny thing we're doing right here. The private lives of Chris Cabins. Trust you to be tortured.

That's a fucking pliers. My ass, dude. That's a movie, man. Chris Cabin up to no good. No, but Steve's right, man. Like, the second I'm in danger of losing a fingernail, forget it. Forget it.

All I need is something I had to time me to a chair to start cracking his knuckles. He's like, oh, man, here it comes. What do you want to know? I'm going to like preemptively docs everyone in this room. just to make sure no one even talks to me. That's fair. Paul Giamati comes in with a picture of a gun.

I'll do anything. Oh, absolutely. So there's another terrible line right around here because the Punisher's like, all right, I've had it up to here with this harassment. I'm just trying to fix my car in peace. I'm going to go after them now. And Rebecca Romaine has this, like,

she doesn't want the Punisher to go, right? Because she loves him or something. He's already turned down having sexual intercourse with her earlier in the film. Hey, Tom, do you want to have sex? Do you want to put this hairnet on real quick? I'm not on the set of my hit HBO show, okay? I just bought new sheets and I really don't want to ruin them.

Could you put this hat on? I actually respect, like, him not having sex. Because you know, every time this guy has sex now, it's like that scene in Munich. Like, you just know it. Like, it's not good. Which scene in Munich? That's sexy.

Yeah. Yeah, no, it's like, hey, you know, Frank, it looks like I've fucking murdered a squid over here. No, so she goes, she goes to him, like he's walking out the door ready to go face the mafia. And she goes, you're going to die tonight, aren't you? Oh, come on. Come on with that. Are you kidding me? Why do you care about this man?

He could be a serial killer. He is a serial killer. He's actually a serial killer. Yes, 100%. Just because you had a. fake Thanksgiving dinner with it. He doesn't start his manifesto to the very end, but

the IRS should be taken away and do away with the post office while you're at it. And traffic lights are taking our information now. I'm the punishment. The green light goes into your brain and it takes your thoughts. Recycling's fake.

That was one of Ted Kaczynski's things. That was one of Ted Kaczynski's things because everything else kind of makes sense. But we start talking about recycling being fake. Microwaves make you gay. You know what, Ted, we were with you. Shocks are weapons. Yeah, I was with them up to that point.

But there's another dumb thing in this movie I want to talk about. It's going to already happened in the timeline we've constructed. But the Punisher's just driving around with a fire hydrant in a bag. And he puts it in front of Mrs. Travolta's car. Yes. Takes her car to the hotel where he has Quinton because he's now, he's blackmailing him over photos with his lover. Yes. This all gets very intricate how he's like trying to set up the dominoes so that Travolta kills everybody.

So now the wife gets a ticket at the hotel. Yeah. And then he takes the car back to where it was originally parked before she shows up. But he removes the ticket and puts it somewhere else. I don't know what that's about. And then he takes away the hydrant I thought the whole thing was like Oh this is oh I parked in front of a hydrant

This is But he was just doing it to keep the spot I thought she was gonna think The tickets from the hydrant That's what I thought too And while you were explaining it's just now At first I was like What the fuck is he talking about

But it's only because I realized I didn't understand this game Because it's confusing bullshit It's so unnecessary Like you know what you've got a punisher thing You know what the punisher does He shoots people up He goes boom boom boom and everyone dies

Yeah That's the movie. He's got it very painstakingly and dumbly try to establish that John Travolta's wife was with his best friend, Quentin, who somehow he's never picked up that he's gay. At the same hotel at the same time, and therefore, they're having an affair. Well, I think in reality, it's just the secrecy. Because Travolta acts like a guy who likes watching his wife get fucked. sure Oh he's pissed off Like you didn't tell me You were fucking my friend

I could have been there man He's got an absolute power mirror room Yes Well because earlier in the movie He's like Quentin Dance with Lauren And he's just watching You do this While he's smoking a pipe

Oh God I almost forgot about the nightclub pipe It's the only time he's smoking a pipe In this movie Listen if you have a character It's either smoking a pipe or not You're not just sometimes smoking smoking a pipe. You don't ever just sometimes

smoke a pipe. Yeah, this has to be like Chekhov's fucking pipe. You have to like use it in one of your weapons eventually to kill him or something. Oh, it was like a wily coyote pipe and it explodes. Oh, like he fills the pipe with gunpowder. Now you're going to now why don't you smoke on your signature

pipe Howard's same? Perfect. Shove it in his mouth, breaks half his teeth and then lights it on fire and his head explodes. That would be better than what actually happens. I mean, so whatever, man. There's some weird thing with, like, the Punisher. Again, Crafty McGiver Punisher, he, like, sends up a bottle of champagne.

Oh, very nice. And it explodes in this hotel room and kills a bunch of people. Well, this is while John Travolta is killing Will Patton. So basically, like, all of the mischievous nonsense happens. Right. And then, like, he shows up to Will Patton's room. Does he get the wife first, though? Because he throws his wife off a bridge, right?

he gets Will Patton first because he comes to his house he does this whole thing about like you know in the old West he used to throw down their knives oh right when he's kicking the furniture he's too much fucking furniture

Will Patton should have been like you're the one that made me rich I'm fucking furniture rich now his last lines should be like dude you really didn't know I was gay like really isn't he trying to tell him that he is sort of I mean he's closeted obviously like that's in the mafia it's tough

you know see that season in the Sopranos that's right i mean you're he's fucking dead either way yeah exactly so he's trying to keep that under wraps but he's like you know i wouldn't ever fuck your wife but he just kind of stabs him it's kind of like a whatever death but he does pick up laura herring yeah and he throws her off a bridge yeah wow that's a that's a ruthless kill and then she gets run over by a train she sure does oh it's kind of great wasn't that Naomi watts oh right shit oh yeah dude this punisher's making you think Wasn't it Snidly Whiplash that threw her off the bridge? Yeah, you do, you very rarely see a woman get run over by a train anymore.

Yeah, I mean, this is, you know, going back to Cabin saying this is the cartoon. It's cartoonish. I mean, this movie, the number one problem with the movie is tone because it goes from cartoonish to grim as fuck within a second. I mean, here's the thing about this hilarious train tracks death is like this whole sequence with John Travolta, like the Punisher's nowhere to be found. It's Travolta and Laura Herring. This whole thing is like 10 minutes. Yeah, he's like, oh, remember our first date. And I'm like, oh, my God.

Just shoot her in the head. And then his son comes up. He's like, hey, I think the punisher's coming over. Is quitting going to show up? He's like, oh, he's held up. Or he says something like a pun. And then he's like, well, where's mom? He's like, she took the train.

Oh, man. That is dumb. Did you just kill mom with a train? Are you trying to tell me you murdered my mother with a train? Wait, can you pick up a train? Did you get some superpower from? That's right, son. That's right.

Daddy picks up trades now. So there's a weird, and again, this is very unpunisher, I feel. When he starts storming the compound, getting like the real outer rim security guards, he kills them with a bow and arrow? Yeah. Is that Punisher? Yeah, I mean, Punisher will use what's around.

Is that right? So we're saying this bow and arrow was just around. Yeah, at a sporting goods store. Dude, that's a deleted scene as the Punisher rolls up to Dix. Oh, yeah. Where's the Bowen Arrow section? Oh, wait, I thought this was the casino. I am, you know, appearing on that hit HBO show.

That's around the same time. Yes, about... I think it's right after this, man. This is around the same title. Oh, this is what got him home. hung. Yeah. I would like a Punisher versus chopping mall situation. It's the Punisher. He's at a sporting good story getting all

of his guns. He gets locked in for the night. Exactly. And then here come all these killer robots and now it's Punisher. Listen, if the Punisher can apparently assassinate demons or whatever was going on. Yeah, sure. He can fight evil robots. Have some fun with it. Punisher's got it, man. He's got it. He's got it down. Those evil robots killed my family. Was he ever hanging out with like the Avengers. Oh, yeah. Really?

Wasn't the Punisher responsible for assassinating Captain America in the Civil War comic? Maybe I didn't read it. Oh, really? Oh, shit.

He originated in Spider-Man, didn't he? Yeah. I think he's a villain in Spider-Man first. He started as a Spider-Man villain. Oh, gotcha.

He's like the weird neighbor. And then like, I don't, here's something. On the Wikipedia, it's like this guy, Jerry Cullen, or something like that. Jerry, uh, Colin or says,

yeah, Cowlin, uh, created the punitive And then, like, Stanley fucking puts his fat face in. And he's like, he wanted to call him the asshash. But I was like, no, it's got to be the Punisher. And it's like, I don't know, Stanley. Yeah. Sounds like you're fucking putting smoke right up your ass.

It also sounds like it doesn't fucking matter. It sounds like either would be fine. What was kind of great about when I watched the first episode of the Netflix show for Punisher, there's a fuck ton of executive producer credits. in the opening sequence and they kept going and I was like does this motherfucker

not have anything to do with that? Sure enough like the last roll call there it is I was like damn it he's got to have the bigger font you know the other ones

they get the smaller ones and they're stacked up man his cameo and Thor Ragnarok is now the worst one I think I've said that elsewhere on the air already but it is fucking terrible

there was another one that we were talking about that I think it was one the fantastic maybe the fantastic four ones are bad When he's going to the wedding. That one, that one, oh.

I mean, dude, he gives Thor a haircut. I'm aware. I would love if he was in this movie where he's like, ah, hey, Mr. Richards, I got your man. Oh, I've been shot in the chest by the punish. That would be awesome, dude. All of a sudden, Stanley's front half just exploded. He would have fun with it.

He would have been like the great grandfather at the union. Grandpa, do you want to say a few words? Sure. What I like to say is, there goes my head yeah here's the perfect one John Travolta's like getting ready for the last shootout

and he's like all right guys we got to get ready for everything but he makes it to the third act and then Stan Lee with duct tape on his mouth all tied up with bombs all over him gets pushed in on a roly chair and explodes

hell yeah ho ho now I have a machine and they they pull the tape off his chair excelsio a huge explosion takes down three buildings why does you not have a cameo in this movie well they said because he had so little to do with the Punisher

but that's never stopped him before no that's never stopped him ever no exactly before he thought he was hitchcock so when did the cameos start though because he's not in any of the blade movies he's in the Fantastic Four movies which is co-current to this yeah he isn't he's in Daredevil I don't think he's in the first X-Men

he's definitely in at least the second Spider-Man because he goes you know I guess one man can make it. Oh, that's right. I threw up in the theater. That's a bad one. I threw right off. So whatever, Punisher raids this compound man.

He's killing people. I do like this scene. Yeah, it's cool. I thought this is a good sequence. But this is what the whole movie should be. Yes, exactly. It should be 91 minutes, tops. Yep.

And it's just a lot of him killing stuntmen. And apparently there are some budgetary problems. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care about budgetary problems. You know what? don't shoot these fucking scenes where we're throwing Laura Herring off a bridge and then get some more squibs. Yeah.

Oh, here's my question, by the way. So this is all happening. John Travolta, after murdering his wife and best friend, is like, I have to go to the club! So they go to what- He's trying to find a new wife and a new best friend. I actually thought he was like, bring out the selection, Jerry.

He's going to select a new bride. But he's like, I got to go to the club. Cut to, we're shown the name of this club is Saints and Sinners, right? But so this whole time I'm wondering, like, is this club? A sex club? Well, is it in business at all? Because it's just, every time you see this club, it's just Travolta and his goons. There's no, like, public attendance.

We make all our money on Sundays. The bucks are playing. Well, like, he's got to be hurt. And I think this thing's closed now because all, punisher's been blowing up all of his money, like on fucking boats from the Toros brothers. So, like, or the Tor brothers, sorry. But, like, and also, I didn't notice this, and we find this out later. He also owns the car lot across from the club.

Yeah, so he's a club owner, and he's a used car salesman. Yes, and clearly a money launderer as well. So that's good money. For no one in this room, the guy who owned John Travolta's house in this movie, NBA center, Matt Geiger. Matt Geiger. Is that an H-G-R-Son? Yes. H.R. guy.

Oh, God. He has a tentacle for an arm. H.G.R. Oh, okay. I'm stupid. He isn't a big, dumb white center. I was just like, I didn't know he had that. He had it like that.

Of course he has it like that. Well, that's what I'm like, imagine Michael Jordan's house. If that, if that Geiger's house is fucking used as John Travolta's murder house. Right. Yeah. I mean, Michael Jordan's house, I imagine that's like secretly an entire state. You know what I mean? Like, North Carolina is Michael Jordan.

Exactly, like you get the, like, before it goes to the governor's mansion and that kind of goes across Jordan's desk. Right. Well, that's, he fucking hates bathroom rights. See our, see our episode on Space Jam where Michael Jordan has that hilariously quaint like Cape Cotter with the white picket fence. It's like a home improvement house. My ass. That's Michael Jordan's house. No, it's got to be a castle. Like, you know what, like three castles? It's a fiefdom. There's at least a turret. There's at least, you're telling me there's no turfs. They work the land.

You have to drive 10 miles from the main road to get to it. Yes, like Jurassic Park. Yes. Welcome to Jordan's Park. Oh, the raptors are happy today. Why would anyone cross-bead raptors and basketballs? They're all orange and disgusting. These dinosaurs are bouncing everywhere.

What a bad idea. Hold on, I got to turn Laura Dern's head. head. She's not going to believe this shit. No, no, no, no. Don't dribble them. That's what I get you. Oh, man. Luke Longley, freeze! Just get more fucking basketball player jokes.

An older basketball player now. Oh, yeah, for sure. So, yeah, he fucking makes his way to John Travolta. John DeVolda is hilarious We have to talk with his son first The sun is a great job Oh yeah go ahead Yeah yeah

So the son who I don't know what happens Like there's a bunch of stuff that happens All of a sudden his son is pinned down by a filing cabinet Yes that's right I was there an earthquake So I kept my strength by dribbling this basketball What's that principal skitter A pile of old newspaper

And then it bared its teeth And then I was done for It turned on you No, he's been down by a filing cabinet. And then, like, Punisher's like, oh, you look like you're in-shaped guy. You work out? You ever hear of isometric exercise? And he, like, does this thing where he makes it, like, a landmine on his hand.

He has to hold it up. Right. And if it ever falls, he's going to die. We don't see it happen, though. It's a good off-screen gag. It's a, it's kind of a funny gag because then we cut to, like, Travolta's running away. And the Punisher, like, shoots him in the back, and he falls over. And then, like, he starts talking shit to him.

And he's like, you killed my son or something like that. And then it's like, boom. And fucking Punisher goes, both of them. It's fucking, that's a good Punisher line. I mean, there's a couple of good Punisher lines, you know. I think Jane isn't bad. I don't think that it's, he's, like, bad in it. The casting is definitely not the issue.

He's a little hammy, but that's the script. It's okay. It's just that fucking die job, though. It's like Thomas Jane, when is Frank Castle for Hollow? ween. And it's so distracting. Yeah, it's not good. I think Thomas Jane is boring. Yeah. That guy is just...

He's supposed to be good on that new 1922 movie. Did you see that cabin? No, I did. Oh, no, I did not. Although, I will say, after all these jokes, I kind of like hung. And I think he's good in it. I've never seen it. It's Alexander Payne. Is it really? Yeah. Well, Alexander Payne

made downsizing, so nothing's a fucking guarantee. But I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it either. It stinks. All the other ones were good, though. You haven't seen Alexander Payne. I was born in it. What does that be?

Nothing. That's when they pulled about Schmidt out of his mother's womb and smacked his fanny. No, I like him in the mist. He's good in the mist. Yeah, he is good in the mist. But to your point, yes. I mean, he's not going to get you into a movie theater at all. No.

Yeah, he's a yawn put the film for. me, but so the best part of the movie is he doesn't immediately murder John Travolta because he has to tie him to a car and then like put the car in neutral and push it

or like a slow drive or something and John Travolta is like pulled past all like a row of exploding cars. Yes. He gets a little bit of Darth Vader on that fucking lava planet here. Like you just

Yeah. It's called Mustafar. And then, yeah, you just see John Travolta's puppet go up in flames. It definitely cuts to a dummy at one point. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Man, a dummy that's made to look like John Travolta, that's a job for somebody. That's an extra dummy. Extra dumb dummy.

There, oh, there it is. There we go. I left the word out. And the fire in the fucking the logo face. Oh, my God. That's what it is. I started screaming. I started actually screaming in my living room.

For whose benefit, the helicopter pilot? Because here's the thing, there's nothing, there's nothing in this movie that lets you know that the public is aware of the skull thing means the punisher. Yes. Another level on Punisher Math. Learn how to do this with the fucking cars. How the fuck would you do this?

Let's take a day to fucking plan. In Florida news tonight, a little bit of a local trouble, a neo-Nazi did a Tottenkopf in a fucking parking lot. Like, I mean, what would you associate a burning skull? Wait, burning skull? Ghost rider? Oh, shit, dude, sequel set up. No, but even like his son gets him this shitty t-shirt, right?

And he takes it as his symbol. This is like a fucking no-fear t-shirt. Like the no-fear corporation's getting a visit from the FBI tomorrow. Like, what were you guys up to in Tampa? I think, and it's actually possibly a short drive for the FBI because I wouldn't be surprised if no fear headquarters was in Tampa. Yeah, the end one and no fear sharing office somewhere.

And then a classic punisher move right here, it's your go-to, well, now that the job's over, suicide attempt. Yeah, I got that. Nothing left to live for. Better kill myself. Well, in 2017, when you first saw it. Maybe, you know what? maybe give Rebecca Romaine

a knock and see how that goes and then kill yourself? You know what I mean? Is that like Boardwalk Empire like lingo? I'd give her a knock on her door that I meant. I thought you meant on her head. No, no, no. Well, he does have to disappear all these people if he's

going to keep on vigilanting. Push those nerds down the stairs, first of all. We know those stairs are a killer and then be like, all right, Rebecca Romaine. Either you can run off and be the Punisher's sidekick and we can have some adventures or you're getting pushed one of the other

decide now and that's why they call me the pusher well actually I suggested the pusher first someone told me

that means drug deal Greg told me to shut the fuck up well Stan how did the meeting go

Greg told me to shut the fuck up yeah you know everyone's always saying get the fuck out of our

editorial meeting Stan you're bullshit I'm like well come on hey it's me Stan there is no we

I made the character Dude and then it's great because somehow This is like the first time he gets it And it's like the cameras on Stanley And everything else around him just goes to like solid black And it's a spotlight on Stanley And he's just like oh I finally get it now

And then he just walks into the ocean And it's like when 11 goes to the other side The upside down Like the weight of his understanding About how so many people are constantly aggravated with this man. Oh, my, I, I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have told them all that I named Marvel after myself, because what a

Marvel I am. Cue the last, cue the last 10 minutes of 2001. And we're out. For sure. For sure. And then I invented the Star Child. I became everything. I became an old man because I went into an alien bedroom.

Oh, man. Yeah, he gives a whole, like, monologue. He wants to kill himself, but then he sees a vision of his wife. And I think at some point, Rebecca Romaine's like, oh, focus on the good memories. Like, you're right, the good memories. I'll kill some more. Yeah. No, not that.

I want you to go to treatment, talk to somebody. There's some line where she's, is it her who's saying? like where can I find you or something and he says like in the obituary read the paper and she goes what section it's a mad TV bit like man what a setup try the obituaries oh man

fucking nailed it Punisher nailed it the editorial section I'm quite conservative I'm really really upset with how these millennials and their coffees The $10 coffees, man. I took my friend to a restaurant,

and she didn't know what Gaba Gould was. What I appreciate about the Punisher is he doesn't even own a TV. That's cool, man. I think every incarnation. Well, every incarnation of a desperate lunatic doesn't own a television. Right. Yeah, if only you had TV, you wouldn't be fucking crazy.

Exactly. Fucking put out a honeymoon is rerun and shut the fuck up. Well, I don't know about that, My great grandmother swore the TV talked. Oh. Like, to her personally. Oh. Yeah.

She lost her mind. Oh, well, that explains it. Did she tell, you know, James Woods about it or what? James Woods. There's not video at your home. No, she's not watching that filth. She's watching Dan Rather. So, yeah, he's got this big monologue, like, now on Punisher or whatever.

But here's the thing. Punisher time. I think that's the last lines of the movie. He does this whole, like, raid at St. and sinners and whatnot. No Skulled T-shirt. Monologue shit standing on a building or whatever the hell he's doing

at the end of this movie. Oh, yeah, you're right. Skulled T-shirt again. Is he going back to that farmhouse for the T-shirt? No, he's just buying him off the internet. You know what? He went to a pack son

and he bought him off the rack. He bought all of them off the rack. That's how they caught him. You got any more of these in a back because this is only three and extra large. I go through them real quick. Like, real quick.

Pretty ripped. So, big boys. Oh, yeah. And then that's it. Oh, he leaves the obnoxious neighbors all of the mafia. Oh, great. They're going to continue this lifestyle. That's fantastic.

That's the thing. They won't move out of that house. But that's what you want, though. You can't just buy a fucking Cadillac and a big coat. Ben Foster is going to lose fucking his arms. He's going to atrophy to death because you now gave him $500,000 to keep gaming for his life. That's true. That's a lot of in-game purchases, man.

Oh, my gosh. that's how they get you dude ah shit man and that's the that's the movie yeah would anybody recommend this particular incarnation of the Punisher

no I mean even like the Punisher character I mean I've never like been super into the Punisher solo I like when the Punisher shows up and things

I like in Punisher and Daredevil I like you know what I mean like when Punisher's like oh hey Spider Man I'm like oh that's kind of cool but like when he goes off on his adventures

I'm like I get it it's just it's a kind of a tired trope right They killed my family. I'm going to kill them. Right. I think that is. And I absolutely do not watch this movie.

No, it sucks. But I would say on your point, what this movie is missing is the villains. Yes. You need to get an actual, like, his rogues gallery. Get somebody in here. They tried that in the Ray Stevenson movie,

though, man, and that fucking jigsaw or whatever is terrible. That movie is much better than this. Miles better. Much better than this. But I think if we reflect on that for a second, is it only, because it's just like hilariously over the top violent.

I don't remember him being a great punisher. I think he's fine. I don't think he's great. I think Bernthal's the only one who's actually really good. No, no way, man. Dolph Lundgren.

I like Bernthal way better than. Now that Dolph Lundgren movie is fantastic. That's what you should see. Because you know what? I don't care about microchips. I don't care about your fat weirdos. Louis Gossett Jr., yes, please.

Yeah, that's actually true. also am I remembering that movie right Dolph does not bother to go Jet Black or does he? No he's got Jet Black Does he? Okay yeah but Because how cool would that be if it was just a blonde Punisher but I mean like I think he dyed his hair As opposed to sprayed shit in it every fucking cake

It looked more real than this And so I'd recommend that over this I do I hate this movie I agree with Eric this movie's trash The Stevenson one is okay although I've only seen it the one time But the Dolph one I've seen like 10 times Yeah. And it's a lot of fun. And yeah, maybe it does get better this, this television series, but I mean, Lord Almighty, those first three episodes, I was really putting in effort to stay awake. And, oh, is there, is there, you always have like the info on this, Chris. Is there already like a second season of the Punisher?

I don't think they've okayed it yet. They probably will, I would say, probably likely. It's like about the same audience. as Daredevil from what I've gathered So that got a second season I assume this one gets a second season Oh great thing in that pilot episode When he throws all those Irish hoodlums Into the cement Oh that's fun

That is great It's making me think of a rising sun Oh that's right Yeah it's exactly like it I mean I only watched two episodes of that show And I thought it was pretty good I also kind of like the punisher With the shaggy hair

Everyone's saying hipster this hipster this hipster that I'm like you look a little better than it Also like he gives himself this crazy fade? How do you even get a crew cut is one thing, but a two-tone like that, dude, you go to a shop. Of course he is. Definitely go to a shop. Of course. That's how they caught him. That's

the Punisher, directed by Jonathan Hensley from 2004. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over at HeadGum. Right and review the show wherever you get it, we would greatly appreciate it. Patreon.com slash we hate movies for hours and hours

and hours of bonus we hate movies content. Like a on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, all that good stuff. Now, next week on the program, what do we got going on? What is happening with this schedule? Oh, a little thing called Hard to Kill. Oh, yes. Stephen Seagall

Yeah. Kind of doing this movie. Yeah, it's kind of similar. Yeah, pretty much just with much more martial arts and many more ponietails. Oh, yeah. And I am not on the episode, I will say, recommend. Oh, there you go. Get it in early.

So until next week with Stephen Segal's Ponytail. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy.