We Hate Movies - S8 Ep335: Episode 335 - The Bye Bye Man

Episode Date: January 16, 2018

On this week's episode, (Some of) The Worst of 2017 month continues with the stunningly bad horror film, The Bye Bye Man! Why in the world would people move into a house and use other people's old furniture that's been left there for years? What's the deal with these three friends and their living situation? And who honestly thought the design for this monster was scary/cool/worth looking at? PLUS: We need the prequel, Bye Bye Begins!  The Bye Bye Man stars Doug Jones, Cressida Bonas, Lucien Laviscount, Douglas Smith, Michael Trucco, Jenna Kanell, Cleo King, Carrie-Anne Moss, Leigh Whannell, and Faye Dunaway (for some reason); directed by Stacy Title. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It is a very stupid and I will say almost pathetic attempt at a horror movie. It's the bye-bye man. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate bye-bye. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. The Some of the Worst of 2017 month rolls on as we get a horror movie on our hands that I've been putting off for a while and everybody's been talking about it, sort of. It's the bye-bye man directed by Stacey title. I think that's a fake person. Could be. I don't think Stacey title's real.

Oh, is that maybe a nom de plume of Stacey Kich? Oh, yeah, I wrote this movie. I have my name. angry Stacy Kitch Bye bye bye Bye Hollywood They call me to Bye bye bye man Because I never pay my bill

At the end of dinner That's true But he's like living in Poland now You hear about that? Oh really? What's he doing over there? He married a Polack And he just

He got out when the getting's good Wow He said bye bye Now we should get this out of the way Did anybody watch the director's cut? I did Or the unrated cut. I have no idea what I watched.

How long was it? I think it was one hour and 39 minutes. I think that's the unrated cut. Oh shit. I think it is. I think the only thing the difference is probably like there's that one almost sex scene. The bucking. With thrusting.

I feel like that's the thing. There's some male butt cheek and some thrusting and I think some hair pulling. I didn't rewind. There's a couple of butts on the train tracks, which I really like. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Three little dead butts. That was an alternate title for this.

Well, that looks like an album cover, like a really fun album cover. That's exactly right. Like when the Beatles put their butts on the road. Yeah. Now, I think you're confusing the ladies in the pink Floyd poster. Wait, those aren't the Beatles?

Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe they are the Beatles. So I think, Eric, you were the first one of us to see this and become unhealthily obsessed with it. Well, yeah, I mean, it's like just the title alone. It's pretty dumb. So can you distill, like,

because let's say, like, we had to buy-bye. Like, we had to get out of here. We don't have a lot of time. Episodes over. Yeah. Distill what the bye-bye man is about. It's a vaguely, barely defined supernatural entity that somehow comes into the consciousness,

like comes into the world, as we know it. Right. Yeah. A world of dreams, kind of. Yeah. So it's like a Kruger ring. Almost. And he gives you visions

and he makes you kill your buddies which I want to do right now. But here's the thing. Is this episode irresponsible? Is this the first irresponsible we hate movies

episode? Because what we're doing It's not certainly the first. But what we're doing is people are we're saying it and now other people are going to think it you guys. We might need to pull this whole episode.

I'm just saying this. See, the thing is Chris, you've got questions. Uh-huh. And no one in the history of mankind. Sure. Has ever put the words

by, by man together, and if you do, you summon a vaguely defined supernatural entity. And his dog,

by the way. Do not forget the bye-bye dog. The bye-bye dog is so important. See, I've been calling him the bye-bye hound.

Yeah, I like that too. But no, see, here's the thing. Like, what Eric just said is totally true because if you were like

hanging out at my house, like, let's see you guys came over. We watched, a movie like we did in the old days, right? We're having some tall glasses of water. And then everybody was like leaving and Steve was the last to leave and I'm on my couch

and I just go, bye, bye, man. And then now all of a sudden the demon is summoned? Come on. That's right. Don't you have to have the the the the in there? Do you? The bye bye, man. No, I don't think so.

Or it's like, oh, you come over, you like, oh, did you read Todd's Facebook post? That really long face, it was really moving. Did you hear that he was by? And then Eric just goes, bye? And then Chris goes, man. And then that's it. And then all of a sudden,

then there's a creepy guy and his dog coming out. See, that's what they never play with, though. Can it be multiple people participating in this conjuring? Or is it a single person, like, say, in Beetlejuice? Can I, can I, I know where it comes from because I read the urban legend on bloody disgusting today. What is that? It's like a horror website.

Yeah, it's bad. You can't just say bloody, it's bloody disgusting. Oh, is that going to summon something? Because some of that a creepy webmaster? Steve Bannon somehow. Because he is bloody disgusting. Yeah, that guy is bloody disgusting. No, it's apparently like it was...

Blood running from his red alcoholic nose. Sorry, what. Blood running from his wherever. I had to do some web digging because at the end of this movie, this really stupid movie, it's like, based on the book. A bridge to body river or whatever the flying fuck. Yeah, by the way, nice try.

It's an urban legend about a guy It's a totally true story Who was a serial killer And he was blind Hence the dog But he wasn't an albino He might have been an albino Can I tell you

Please So in true New York City fashion Ladies and gentlemen In Holmes Steve Sadek got stuck in some traffic In a cab So the rest of us here And we hate movies

We're just doing some digging About the bye-bye man Oh they're going to docks me You're doing some digging We were doing some digging, and we got, you know, Andrew got this nightstand recently from the thrift store. It was very nice. It's got a lot of writing on it for some reason. There's a lot of writing on it.

I don't know how much you paid, but. We detached a part of it, and we had all, there's all this writing, and it said the bye-bye, man. Oh, man. Don't think it doesn't say it is. I was stalling for you. Thank you, because I was pulling it up. So the story on which the film is based, this is all IMDB. Oh, good.

The Bridge to Body Island. has a much more complex mythology for the bye-bye man. We just to say a mythology at all. He was an albino born in New Orleans. Oh, nice. In 1912. He's like Tommy Wiseau, actually. That's what he is.

You're right. Bye bye moving. Oh, that's right. He calls you a chick a chick. Who ran away as a child and became a child. and became a derelict who lived in a train yard. I know that game. After going blind, he began murdering people

and cutting out their eyes and tongues. How does he get him? I mean, I understand, no, listen, blind people are very capable. He's a hobo man. It's with a fucking tin can. What is he just like tackle? Like, you hear someone to tackle something? I want to know.

Train yard tackles. It's very easy. He's homeless Babaduke. Yeah, you're totally right. That's all he is. And like he, now that's a distillation right there. The look as well. by the way. He just misses the fucking top hat.

He's got like a stupid hoodie. Papa Duke ain't got no dog, my friend. That's true. So, okay, hang on. So eyes and tongues, which he sewed together and brought to life using voodoo. Uh-huh. The resultant creature became the bye-bye man's literal seeing eye dog helping him hunt his prey.

Now, several elements. And this is a true story. From the story, notably the dog and the motif of trains, were retained for the movie, though their purposes left, more elliptical no kidding I would just love it this fucking

like this grizzled detective finds this homeless man on the side of the road with a bunch of eyes and tongues in a sack in my dog that's my dog hey come on ruffles

I mean I go get more of you this you know it's nothing to joke about this is based on a true story this actually happened I heard it happened on a night just like today of course

I'll be honest Eric I feel like we might be sitting in an Italian restaurant with Mario Batali right now having some creepy pasta oh yeah yeah that guy is a creep and a ham exactly that guy nothing

but he makes nothing but creepy pasta now you might be asking when are they gonna get to the gosh darn movie don't worry two things happen in this movie two things indeed maybe three I don't know is it two and a half maybe it's three because I'll tell you one thing that starts this movie off is

the dude from Saw going around in the 1960s murdering everyone in his neighborhood this movie really is exactly like up in that like the rest of the movie cannot live up

to the first like two minutes wow I didn't know where you were going to take that and it turns out it's totally accurate so like I'm shocked this guy right

he's like by the one L yeah the Li Wino it's not Not carry out ways. No. By the way,

you've seen these commercials with carry outways debasing himself. Yeah, for a water for colligan water. That water's too hard, you bastard! See,

that's what they should do, dude. They should go through all famous carry outways roles, not just fucking princess bride. You know what? I actually,

I like that commercial and I'll tell you why. Because I get to see Carrie Oways again and he's looking good. He's looking great. He's looking at me. He's really looking great.

No, I'm waiting for him to pull from Twister. Yes. Oh, yeah. Now, Joe, your machine makes the water softer, you're saying? What a great... Unrealized water idea. Unrealized.

Man, remembering a lot of twisted. And then some, like, Philip Sewerhoffin's tent, it comes in. He's like, this water's going in the suck zone. It's coming. The water's too hard. It's coming right for us. It's a tsunami. Hey, Culligan, you heard it here first.

Okay, so Lee Waddle, or whatever his name is, he's a reporter in the 60s. He's apparently uncovered the bye-bye man from a kid in Iowa. He's covering a story of this kid in Iowa who, like, murdered his family. And they're trying to get to the bottom of what it is. And what it turns out is this kid, unearthed bye-bye. He says the bye-bye man maybe do it.

Yeah, now he said bye-bye man, so now the bye-bye man is in him. And he told his wife and friends, and they all know about the bye-bye man. So now he has to shoot them all. Imagine the cocktail party in which you decide to just talk to your neighbors about this fucking bye-bye man. Hold on a second. If I knew about the bye-bye man, I'd be talking about it non-stop. I imagine like the ice storm and Sigourney Weaver's like the. Bye-bye man.

And then the bye-bye man makes Toby McGuire get electrocuted and die. No, the bye-bye man, you open the door. You think, you know, you've got a keys party. You think it's going to be like, I don't know, you know, Kevin Klein or somebody behind there. No, no, it's the bye-bye man. Oh, man. Yeah, you don't want to fuck that.

That was Elijah Wood who got electric. Oh, yeah, you're totally right. Sorry. Yeah, so then, like, so the whole thing, this all takes place up the street from Edward Scissorhands. Like, literally, like, this is exactly the same. It might be the same neighborhood in. Oh, no, another one of my creations got loose.

Get back here, bye-bye. Get back here. Oh, bye-bye, got out. Edward, go get bye-bye. Oh, it's snowing. I'll be dead soon. All of my pale men. There's just got nothing about pale men in there. Yeah, because it's dead flesh. That I think was actually the title of Vincent Price's autobiography. Nothing but pale man. I should have never have taught him how to turn body parts into animals. Oh, great, my creation's sewing eyeballs and tongues into a dog again. How stupid.

That's your what's her? That's my dog. That's my dog. That's my dog. Oh, yeah, totally. So he just goes up to this lady. He's really in a panic. And he's like, uh, the name, Barbara.

Did you say it? Anybody? Did you tell anybody the name? And she's like, well, I told Rick because it was really funny. He's like, oh, God damn it. And then he goes in. It's an enormous shotgun and blasts her. It's awesome.

She, like, well, she foolishly closes the door and stands right in front of it. Keep running. Exactly. Well, you know, I did just tell the University of Texas, oh, now I got to go up to this. What was that tower? I got to go up to this tower. You see Austin Bell Tower. You think that's why that happened?

Yes, I do. That dude was at a camp. He was like lecturing. Yeah. And like a 200-person lecture hall and he said the bye-bye man. Somebody told him about the bye-by-man. I personally, and this is just me, and it might not be right, but every mass shooting is a result of the bye-by man.

Oh, that could be. Robert Kennedy on the campaign stump, what we are going to do, we are going to say, bye-bye man to the Viet Cong. And then somewhere like, ooh. And by the way, all the shooting is because the idea is if you kill everybody that you're told, and they told about the bye-bye man

no one's going to say it except the flub is if that's the case don't fucking carve it into a piece of furniture later on thank you a nightstand also like I never

you never see the bye-bye man kill anybody and I'm he's like Charles Manson he kind of is he did nothing wrong the bye-bye man did nothing wrong the bye-by-man's album was way better than Manson's music, though.

It was. But, like, I'm all for the coward's way out in a horror movie, but the bye-by man never does anything. No, he just feeds his dog. That's really it. But we do see at, like, the tail end of the film,

some of this pulling the eyes and tongue out of business, but we don't even see him do it. I think that's what the dogs do. But the people are dead anyway. Like, they've been already killed. Like, what if you just sat there, like, whatever, man? Because if the dog is made of the tongues and eyes anyway, he would,

would take the tongues and eyes and make him part of, he would eat them and add to his mass. Here's a question is when is you going to start a second dog? Yeah, why do you need to keep working on this one? That dog looks pretty good. And make like a super dog? Like a horse you can ride? Yeah, eventually. Oh, the bye-bye horse would be great.

Yeah, why stop at a dog, by the way, when you can make a horse? I think a bye-bye stallion at that point. Yeah. It aggravates me to no end that right now we know from just reading that. Yes. We know more about the bye-bye man than we ever know in the film. You never know what that dog is. No.

You never know what he's all about. And when I first saw the movie, I was theorizing without having read anything about that. I was like, oh, maybe he was like one of those, not like a box car hobo. Yeah. Maybe like one of the policemen that beat them to death and had dogs and stuff, right? Remember the railroad police? They were the scourge of the old west. I mean, I thought it was a hallucination because the fucking.

graphics are just like it's it's a missed level first level missed like a dog that was running around the the greens that's what it looks like that's fair that's that's also like ties into slender man which slender man by the way all that shit you see on the internet about slender man's just missed missed with a why it's important right because otherwise they're going to think it's the movie and they're going to be really confused but this is like you have to say something about something because I watched this movie I'd never even seen the preview for the bye-bye man

maybe like a commercial teaser or something but I'd never really seen a full-length preview for it and I'm watching this movie and I'm like there's a fucking dog he's got yes what the who cares like if the dog wasn't there you wouldn't need exposition it's sort of like

oh he's just a scary guy comes in your dreams I've seen this movie before the dog I'm like whose dog is that what is with the dog So we see him shoot We see him shoot her We also see this other guy Rick Who is apparently paralyzed

Who is crawling through Like I guess he couldn't get his wheelchair going So he's like crawling on the floor Because it's the late 60s dude And there's wall to wall carpet And he can't get the wheelchair off this thick carpet Son of a bitch Son of a bitch

And it's kind of fucked up Because like Lee Wano will just walks up the stairs And there is this dude Army man crawling And you see the wheelchair And it's like oh man and he's like all right dude who did you tell and he's like oh me and the lady across the street i'm sleeping with we're laughing about it and he's like all right thanks for the info

shoots this dude crawling on the ground all right that's a two gallons of milk and a bag of pretzels that's a two dollars and 79 cents oh oh you know i tried this funny story once about bye bye man oh shit i got to go that guy i mean that's the danger of this dude and i think that's what they thought was so genius. You know, we were just having a family dinner. We're just talking about this hobo from Louisiana who has an eyeball

dog. Like, just rapping about it. It's so dumb. Oh, well, we got to Hey, Ed, have you heard about this? It's a bye-bye man. No! Turn it off! Turn it

off! No, that's how you get the Halloween three, like, theory. That's how you do it for real. Yeah, exactly. Just get fucking Johnny Carson to say bye-bye, man. It's over. That's, you know what? Big question.

The bye-bye man, is he, can he get to everyone at one night? Is he like Santa Claus? Or is he going to have to like, all right, now I got to go to there. When they're dead, I got to go to that. It's a million people. Shit. Yeah, he might not get to everyone. That's true.

That's a really good point. Then we're talking, I don't know, like eyeball elephant. Like, it's no longer a stallion. That many, that many, no. Like the bye-bye man cross in the Alps He's like Hannibal Yeah So we cut

We cut to the present And it's the son from Big Love Which is Sure hey I'll take your word for it And then to absolute nobody's like The son from Big Love is here And then these other two people are down here So the son from Big Love's name is

Elliot So we got Elliot And then Sasha is his girlfriend And then there is this third fucking wheel named John. And they've all just like gone in on this house together to live what they say is quote off campus

and the only thing I can think of is that the three of them are fucking everybody's fucking everybody. There is a 90s movie I believe called threesome in which they attempt to do what this is about. They don't want to talk

about it and I get it because you know you have a bye bye man but like that's what this is. So stop fucking with me. I remember three-sum, man. That was some sound jack. It is also a piece of shit and might show up on this very program. But yeah, like, there needs to be a fourth bedroom.

Like, especially like it's off-campus housing. If that's the case, it's like, it's like Elliot and Sasha and John and then like, I don't know, Megan or Ted or Amanda. Right. Well, the problem is, it's like in bedroom number three. They say off-campus, but it's not like

they're just living in a student ghetto somewhere downtown. Like, it's a fucking house the middle of the woods. It's a huge house. It's massive. They don't need to live here. There has to be a third bedroom in there. You have to have, like, there's got, there would make any, the house makes no sense.

What are the rooms are in this enormous house? Honestly, a futon. Get just to fucking do something. You can unfold it, everybody's fucking on it right after you flip, just the flipping fuck. Well, that seemed to be the big reason is that Elliot needs isolation to finish his thing on coins or real gay or whatever the fuck. Yeah. What? I miss that part.

He's like studying coins or like, and he's quoting Rilke. Yeah. Wait a second. This guy invented Bitcoin. He's mining cryptocurrency. And John was just fucking too much. Yeah. And he needed a better space to fuck.

The real fuck bug. And so like the weird thing is like so they go and it's like, oh, wow, look at this creepy old house that we're now living in for no reason. Right. And Elliot and John are old, old friends. They have a special friend name, by the way, which I always love this. Which is by my man. They call themselves Tier 1. What?

That's their team. Their friend team. Tier 1. What are they on Patreon? I guess it's better than like Pier 1 imports. Hey man, my group of friends, the Pier 1 imports. We're like a wicker end table. You want to get made fun of in middle school.

Have a fucking friend. Have a little name for your group of friends. Oh, like the pussy posse? Yeah, no, but just, Hey, it's Tier 1, fuck you! Yeah, exactly. Well, here's the thing. We learned that they're jocks.

So they probably annihilated all these little kids in elementary school, like beat the shit out of them and said, you just got tiered one. You just got tiered one. Like, I guarantee you everyone coward and fear of Tier 1, which is probably why the karma was such dirt. shit that the bye-bye man found him. Oh, absolutely. I like this.

Wait a second. Are they the only two members of Tier 1? Yes, they are. It's one thing to be like my group of friends is X, but it's way sadder to be like me and this other dude are Tier 1. That fucking sucks so hard. I missed that whole detail.

I missed it too, and I saw it twice. If we're playing ESPN Live 95, me and John are on a team and we're Tier 1. Just put in our team name. Hey, Ted, put in tier one there, please. And I mean, you, you, I mean, the girlfriend has definitely been excused from a room so that tier one, for a tier one only conversation. I thought you're going to say a tier one only 69ing.

That also that. Because everybody is fucking everybody. Excuse me at T1s only right now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sasha, you're going to have to leave. Yeah, please. Do you have a pin?

Because, uh, me, me and John here have a pin. Wait outside. No, John, John, don't lose your anger. That's, that's, you got to, come on. Your one, come on, it's okay. Hey, John, not to be a jerk right now, you missed the tier one summit, which was me and you playing Mario Party.

My stone wheat crackers went stale. So they're moving into this house, and this dude, John, uses something I've not heard, uttered in a long time. Like, he's checking out the bathroom. He was like, oh, get out of the way. I got a piss like a racehorse. I was like, piss like a racehorse in popular culture.

Excuse me? What are you, Ed Asner? Fucking seriously. You know what? I heard that growing up all the time. I think my parents used it a lot. No, but I'm talking. This movie came out in 2017.

Come on with the piss like a race horse. We're bringing it back, man. That's like the bye-bye man. Once it's in the culture, now it's going to come back. Don't think it. Don't say it. Wait, who the hell did you tell you had to piss like a race horse? Who'd you tell?

Everyone in the earshot at that rest stop. Oh, better go kill him. But speaking of rest stops, he's taking a piss and he's like, hey, hey, Elliot, come in here. You got to see this. Come quick. And Elliot and Sasha run down. And he's like, look at this funny wallpaper. And it's like, you could have, and he's still pissing.

It's a wallpaper of like a lumberjack getting blown. No, it's a guy. It's a fisher getting blown by a fish. Oh, right. And it says gone fishing. Oh, right. He's fishing with his dick. And he's got a big old smile on his friend, Fred Flintster-esque face. As the fish fucking gnaws away in his dick.

I believe it was a shower curtain, maybe. It was a shower curtain. Oh, I thought it was wallpaper. Yeah, it looked like wallpaper to me. Yo, Elliot. It was very poorly framed shot. You know, this bye-bye man's no good. Elliot, you want to, that should be our new tier one tattoo.

We've not yet gotten the tier one tattoo yet. That's actually a great idea. I almost want to get that tattooed now. Actually, that's what we're going to do for. for Tier 1 Anniversary 3. So, yeah, I mean, look, they just move in. The house is supposed to be fully furnished. They don't know where the furniture is.

They go down to the creepy conjuring basement, which is exactly the basement of the conjuring. Yes. And there's all this, there's all this bye-bye furniture down there. Everything must go. Seriously. The bye-bye furniture house. And this is where we get the bye-bye end table,

which is an end table that has three condoms in it. And three condoms, a glasses screwdriver, and like the one of your old phone wires. And also it says the bye-bye man. By the way, you can't rent or buy a house that has, that comes with the furniture. You got to make them take it out. Yeah, you can't. No, I don't want the bedbugs. Yeah, you can keep those.

Yeah, never use anyone's furniture. Speaking of creepy nightstands, I got a creepy nightstand story. Oh, do you? Oh, shit. It happened on a night just like tonight. I was walking When I first moved to the city I was walking home at night

And I saw like Oh like right outside of my apartment There's this great nightstand I've got no furniture I'm new to town This sounds like a David Lynch movie already It is because I bring it up And I start cleaning it

I was like okay yeah It looks nice Just needed a little rub down And then yeah A little spit shine won't take care of And then like a hundred roaches Like literally like Come out of it like a wave of

I am not exaggerating at all. Oh, my God. And I just, I was killing them all. And it was just like, it was like fucking Starship Troopers, Chris. And I had to like, we're going to jettison, jettison this goddamn nightstand. So in the middle of the maelstrom, I have to take, I'm like dragging this down the staircase and throw it outside. Oh, I ought to throw it out the window like fucking network, man. I get the only way to do it.

Seriously. And then I had to run back up and kill the remainders. Oh, my God. That's fucking horrible, dude. Yeah, you learned that the hard way. Never use anyone's furniture at all, ever. Period. Burn it.

Kindling or bust. And that's the thing is, like, oh, cool, cool nightstand. So they bring all this stuff. I guess all of, there was beds and stuff down there too, which is gross. Yeah, oh, yeah, please sleep in my used bed. No thanks. So they throw a party, which you would, because they're a college, they're a college group. You know what I mean?

Like that's what you do. It's a housewarming party, yeah. This is a big old part. I mean, obviously, it's a harm reason, some creepy stuff happens. But the party's really the inciting incident, I guess we call. So the party shows that the party happens. Michael Truco, Battlestar Galactus, Michael Truco also known it. Oh, Anders.

Yeah. I think he was on, I think he was stationed on Pegasus first. He was, no, no, he was a, they found him. He was, what do you call it there, a pyramid player? Remember that sport, that weird sport they invented for no reason? Yes, yes, yes, yes. And then Starbucks started dating him. And she did, yeah.

Oh, everybody else left the room So it's just me and Eric Welcome to our Battlestar Galactica podcast It's called Tier 1 That is of course a reference to The Cylon Star Star base, Star Star, Andrew Chris get out of here

It's a Tier 1 conversation of Battlestar Galactica Base Star, that's what it is, Bay Star, baby You know what, you guys can have it. Have fun, buddies. Chris and I'll be in the other room until you're done. It'll be Tier 2.

It's a great. It's a great show. It's a great show. So it's him. And like, I don't know, it's a college party. You don't, you can invite your older brother who's like, you know, like he's in his 40s and he's got a wife. And then like... A little daughter, by the way. He comes to the party. That's a bad. That's a bad. No, you don't. It's just like seven years old. Like, no way am I bringing a kid to a college. You've got someone in the kitchen doing a kegstand. Get out of here with that. She can't keep up. Now there's this guy with a bag of weed. Like, oh, fuck, it's that kind of party. I guess I got to wait. You know what I mean? You made all your guests angry. Exactly. Outside. Outside. then. I guess it's good. There's a porch. I guess I'll have to lock the door

when I get a blowjob now. Great. Which I don't like to do. So they're having this. Way to ruin the Bacchanalia kid. Well, the funny thing is, like, apparently like his brother raised him because they lost

their parents early on or whatever. Yeah, car wreck or something. It's like a party of five situation. There was a whole party of five that happened. Everybody wants to be. Closer to Bye, bye, man. But Michael Truco looks around, he's like, oh, man, you got it made here, you got it made here, Elliot.

I just, I missed out on all of this. And he, like, points to his kid. I'm like, that kid is six years old. You're 43 years old. Like, what did you do when you're 20s and you were 30s? Seriously. And also this. He was raising his brother.

That's true. Yeah, he missed out a lot because of this fucking kid. Now, Elliot here has one of the worst deliveries of dialogue. like I've heard in a long time, where he counters what his brother says. Yeah. The brother's name is Virgil. Yeah, Virgil.

Okay. He's not 97 years old bragging about how he was featured in the grapes of wrath. Okay. But so this Elliot turns in this guy. He says this thing about like, you're lucky man, you got a fucking figured out, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

And in that you got it lucky man, he makes some reference to Sasha also, to which this dude turns and goes, she's the one Virgil You're just like Shut up Shut up And then he's also like

Oh man I just want what you have You want a kid already Elliot Elliot slowdown Yeah Oh it's it's weird So this party happens His brother and his

And the kid leave And then this other girl shows up Kate or Kim Kim Kim Kim the psychic My favorite character Oh really Yeah

Sure why not You gotta have one there's like six characters you'd have to be one of them and it's certainly not any of them three Eiffel Tower fuckers I'll abstain Chris Cabin

that's an abstain I guess I'll pick the the guy that shot all of his family and stuff all right that's fair I get Fay done away oh my favorite would be Miss Watkins

the unfortunate librarian oh that woman gets a raw deal. She really does. So Kim comes in and like, because Sasha's like, oh, this house is creepy. Kim is psychic. By the way, it's the end of a college party. There's no like dude just sleeping somewhere. No one's fucking anything. Everybody went home. The house isn't destroyed. Come on. It's immaculate. It's immaculate. I think the dishes were washed too. Not one like leftover like half eaten pizza. Say bye bye to messes. So they're going to do. By-by-man clean the house, is what I'm saying.

The ghostly broom comes out. I'm just saying, if you think and say it, your house will be really nice. I mean, yeah, no, no, no. Someone's going to commit suicide, but you'll be able to eat off the toilet. You're definitely going to kill all your aunts, but you'll have, like, a really nice island. You should have thought it and say it when you got your fucking creepy nightstander. Oh, yeah, I know. I've been thinking about this lately.

Like, I wish I knew about the by man long ago. Sure, dude. I'm good. It came in handy. So, Sasha's going to do a seance and a cleansing of the house with like sage and shit. And Elliot is being an idiot for no reason. And you really, this is where you have to watch it with this shit. I was fucking screaming at the TV. Wait, why?

Here's the thing. When someone comes in and they're like, I'm going to do this, like, psychic related nonsense. Even if you're not in on it, you don't buy it or whatever, you got to be cool. Because in the event that it is true, the house, the space is always weakened by the people who are fucking around and not taking it seriously. Here's the thing. Like Ouija boards.

You have to be cool, but for a different reason. That's how it goes the quickest. Thank you. That's a really good point. That is a great answer. But also, like, it's sending up a beacon, right? Like you're playing with a Ouija board at all. It's just like, hey, demons and ghosts.

Yeah, that's why you've got to be very careful. You're just summoning him. Yep. No, I'm saying, no, I'm saying even if it goes well. Yeah. It doesn't do anything because you're not a wizard. Come on. It's not, you're not doing anything.

You're just telling them I'm here. Can I pause to recommend an actually great horror movie? Sure. Called the Witchboard. Oh, yes. Witch board is fucking awesome. Which board rules. It's so, so awesome.

I saw it on Shudder. It's a Tony Catan that nobody else is. It's about a, it kind of starts like this where it's like a big college party. Somebody brings over a Ouija board. There's more fucking condescending dick. heads in that too. And at the end of the movie, spoiler alert, somebody shoots a Ouija board and it's great.

With a gun. It's such a fucking awesome movie. What years is this from? 80 something. Like 86 or maybe it's a class A 80s horror movie, man. Good call. Which board two, not so much. Oh, I didn't check out which board two. Yeah, it's

available. So she's doing this seance. It's just Kim, Sasha, John and Elliott and like Elliot's being a dick and Kim's like, you know, don't you know what I mean? Or like I could just go home, you fucking asshole.

Well, he's just being like one of those like logic penit. Like the guys who like always are like, oh really? This can't be real. Like you aren't making it. It's like this man. Because what he starts doing is he's just fucking laughing and then it gets John everybody's just laughing through this. Now here's what I

equated to because I'm also just as much of a not person right like I'm not gonna go into like as a non-religious person I've had to go to religious ceremonies quite a lot yeah I'm not sitting there laughing through it like exactly that's here again to Chris Kavana's point the the if you just button up like the faster it'll go and that's what they're just fucking laughing at this woman and it's like dude she's doing you this thing because like your lady friends down with it like just shut up and he's all just like prove it prove it all right you know what I'm gonna go and hide something in the house and you're

going to have to tell me what it is. I think the answer is pretty clear. They interrupted the Tier 1 summit. Oh, I see. To do this cleaning. And she's like, could you please just come and do this for like for 20 minutes, please? This is Tier 1. Tier 1, man, don't fuck with it. Tier 1 ain't nothing to fuck with it. We got a T1 line right running right into this house. So in this seance, Kim the Psychic, my favorite character. Oh, I'm sorry, but at this point

Elliot already knows the name of the bye-bye man Because he opened the drawer and saw a bye-bye man That's correct He's already thinking it He's already thinking it Yeah, don't think it man Kim starts unwillingly thinking it Because she senses the bye-bye man is coming

Yes So she starts getting freaked out And she's like, you know what I don't want to do this anymore, blah blah And then Elliot I don't remember like what the setup is For this fucking slow pitch screen play But he just stands up and he's like

Oh by the way, the bye-bye man And you're like, wait, that's how it happened? Well, the candle goes out. It's just like, oh, my God. And then she's like, oh, something's coming. Something's coming. It's like, you're talking about the bye-bye man? Oh, yeah.

I think it's like that, yeah. You're not talking about the bye-bye man, are you? Are you talking about Lionel Richie? Yo, dude, you talk about the bye-bye man or what? Yeah, Ted's still here. It's cool. It's like, it's so dumb. But, like, here's the thing.

If someone says that, right, the other people in the room, one of them has to be like did you just say the bye-bye man yes or like what did you say and then he repeats it just it happens once and everyone is satisfied with what this guy just said but it needs to be and i'm thinking of a better movie which is any movie but there's like eight people left in the party maybe and then everyone hears it and then everyone meets a cool interesting end this should be this should take place over one night this actually but it makes more sense to me because this guy's got this esoteric major going on he's talking bullshit all the time. If he just goes and

says, of course, the bye-bye man. They're just used to at this point is what you're saying. I love Elliot. He's always wearing like Dead Kennedy's shirts or Joy Division. Because he's so fucking cool. This takes place in 1989. But they can't afford any of that

music so it's just t-shirt only please. Sure. It's just like a rip-off like social network score kind of. Yeah. It's bad. So then later that night. Oh, by the way, what I love a Bye-bye man in the way? Yes, yes.

What I love about this is he's sleeping in that creepy room, which again, they've never taken anything out of. No, it's terrifying. There's fucking shit everywhere. Emperor Palpatine's robe is hanging on the wall. I don't know what that is. What the fuck? Why is that there? You know what?

If you move into a house and on the wall is hanging someone's old boxing robe, throw it away. Immediately throw it away. Definitely being haunted. Yeah. 100%. He like opens his eye at late at night and sees the bye-by-man, hooded in that thing

numerous times and throw it out and also there's two tiny conjuring doors on either side of the room Oh my god those little tiny doors or old houses

That was actually Man they exist When we stayed in Portland We had an Airbnb And I was in I got the short straw Because Chris got the better room And it had the tiny little conjuring door Good news is I was messed up the whole time

So nothing So anything that could have happened Might have happened I don't know That's what's great about being messed up all the time kids is you just feel invincible because it's just like whatever like if the bye by man claims me

you know what that's his problem now because this is a fucking mess if the kid from don't look now comes out now now here's the thing we got to the point where this is the first time we see the bye by man in this film and I have to say one this is a waste

of Doug Jones time and talent it's really obnoxious that he was chosen for the bye by man but also what a lazy lazy monster design it is a fucking it's powder

wearing a hoodie this this was a weekend for him this was this wasn't even I mean because he's barely in the movie yeah I mean like the shape of water he probably took like that's like a whole day of makeup and then you're finally like this is like a fucking

three hours tops but it's just white makeup and they put a hoodie on like that's the bye bye man he looks like a cross between the jigsaw puppet as a person and like a dude outside of time square bag and virtue like that's kind of the mix of it also the elf king from hellboy too

yes a little bit yeah oh yeah oh you're totally right yeah I mean it's wait is the bye by man royalty no he's not he's not monster royalty but then he'd be up there with like the wear man I don't know dude I'd be like a distant cousin of Elizabeth I heard he was Dracula's cousin I heard that I heard he was Dracula's cousin

Do you think he's like Is he trying to get in With like Kruger a little bit Because you know he's like He doesn't talk So that's a problem Right He doesn't

He is the worst villain Ever made I don't think he gets along with Kruger Because he's kind of like Blade to Kruger Oh I said Because like Kruger He can only get it

While they're sleeping And like he can just get Any old time during the day Right That's true You're stealing my bit I think he's more like Bloody Mary's nemesis.

Oh, I see. Or like a foil to beetle juice? Has there been a Bloody Mary movie at all? I think there was. Yeah. I'm really excited. There's a movie coming out. I think it's called Truth or Dare this year. The trailer is Stupid City. Oh, really? Is it stupider than what the fuck is that Happy Death Day? I wanted to see that. Groundhog Day, but some girl be it and

butcher? The trailer looks terrible. It did, the trailer does not do it justice. I do want to see that because I've heard a lot of it's not that bad. truth or dare is somebody starts playing a truth or dare game a group of teens or whatever but it never stops and everyone keeps like escalating yeah keeps happening

because high school feels like it's forever something like that it looks dumb as fuck but here's my question would Sally Hawkins character be attracted to the bye bye man because you know it's it's her type right it's like smooth bald mute mute doesn't speak

but does he Chris, this is a podcast. I forgot for a moment. I did the hand thing that's... I think his dick is more humanoid, so that might even... So that's, I think... Right, because it's just Doug Jones

wearing a jacket. His penis is totally fine. The bye-bye man's origins must be human, you know? Yeah. Right. I guess like the urban legend you had earlier. He was an albino, New Orleans orphan. Yeah, it was hung like a horse.

Michael Shannon comes that, you know, and back in the Amazon, they worship the Bible. by man like a god does that look like something that was made in the lord's image i didn't think so bye bye oh no i'm thinking it and i'm saying

oh man he'd be a great like detective on the heels of the bye by by man which they do have Carrie Ann Moss who's wasted in this movie totally wasted what she should have a role yes have a role in this no no absolutely not so the next night the next morning uh john has slept with

him or we think. Yeah, John fuck the psychic. Yes. John was doing the right thing because Elliot's being a dick and then he's just like, man, let's just take this seriously. You know what you're doing, John. Yeah, no, he's got this thought out. And he gives her a ride home in the morning and he's being really jerkish which we don't know John to be.

Well, but it's also, I think there was a little subtext there that he didn't perform well or something. That's what we learn in the car. Yeah, dude. He went flaccid during intercourse. And that's my question. He says it never happened before, which everybody always says. But he says it never happened before.

My question is, is the bye-bye man like... Did he buy by his dick? Yes, thank you. He's like searching for boners. And he's going, bye-bye. And he touches it with his weird big long finger because he's got longer fingers than normal people.

He does. And he touches your dick and it goes instantly flaccid. That's the thing, dude. Bye-bye man is cinema's first paranormal cock blocker. That's exciting. is shutting it down all over this movie. It's outrageous. That's honestly

because she says she had a problem too. That's a franchise. Rebranded, that's a franchise. She said she had a problem too. Yeah. Yeah. She both got bye-bye. He just colds everybody's genitals. Dude, it's like the cooler just without gambling. I want to see more of this. I want to see the bye-bye man like

shutting down. Like, well, we'll use this powers for good or evil is the well also, but it was also John's first night not sleeping in Elliot and Sasha's bed. that's true I mean this was only yeah so that's a problem and he sees

he has a freaky moment where he sees like maggots in her hair or something right and she's like yo dude you want to try again because my roommate's not home like this is cool

you know what I mean like this is a great afternoon for John I'm not gonna fuck somebody with maggots falling out of their hair but you shake your head it's gone

you're figuring out also but yeah it's like three maggots like they didn't have the money to get that many maggots because it was like

two or three I'll still sleep with you it's not that many maggots coming out of your fucking hair man it could be anything

well that's the bye-bye man again he's like she's got maggots in her hair man you wanted that cool and off beep oh where to go oh wow a really big exciting date huh nope

oh anniversary wait hold on nope he was like he was a silent Roll and there's something about Mary. Yes. So yeah, he freaks out. He kicks her out of the car and then like speeds away.

And all this time like Elliot thinks he's like hearing stuff in the house and whatnot. And he starts hearing the scratching noise. And I got to address the scratching noise for a second. What was that? That was just me bumping glasses together. Oh, wait. That wasn't the bye-bye? No.

But so like he, the first sign of the bye-bye man like getting closer to them or whatever is. Maggatrious. Jesus Christ. When was he born? Yeah, I don't know. It's just New Orleans, 1912. That's all the information we have. New Orleans, 1912.

Bye-bye, man. Born in the street? No, so they're like, he's like, oh, do you hear that? Do you hear that sound? He's following around. He follows it at the basement, all this shit.

I want to hear from the people who are doing the sound design for this movie, because you know what it sounds like? It sounds like it's like a tiny animal ripping a bong. because it's like a high pitch and he's like that scratching sound and I was like what scratching sound

and the sound happens again he's like does anybody hear that scratching sound and I was like no but someone's fucking hitting a water pipe really hard it's a squirrel getting high in your basement yeah that's the worst fucking sound but if he tries to get his nut off bye bye man

it doesn't sound anything like scraping and it's supposed to be scary I mean there's a couple of jump scares this early bit we're like the Bi-Wan's there and one of them actually got me because I always fall for jump scares

like oh you know they know that they know that whatever man what an idiot I am so like Elliot also like is shitty to Sasha

because she starts getting sick and he's like maybe you're just hung over because you drank so much less and it's college it's our first party

fuck off no we are adults now we live in a house just the three of us and we're adults now I have to write about coins later today okay okay we're here to do important things

by the way big love was a long time ago and that kid was 17 then you know what I mean it's oh really yeah this kid's like 30 something oh yeah it's a real whatever so he goes down in the basement there's some jump scares here with the dog this is when I was like what's this dog because it's all computer it's all CGI chapter 2 what's this dog it looks terrible the first couple times you see it I wasn't even sure that it was a dog. Yeah, I don't know what it, like, it's so undefined. Well, because it's

supposed to be constructed of, uh, voodoo-laced eyeballs and tongues that have been sewn together. It looks kind of like meat wad. Yeah, yeah, it does. From Aquitin Hunger Force, honestly, with a, uh, yellow eyes instead, I think. Later in the movie, even Fay Donaway doesn't have the answers. Like, you have that, like, you bring in Fay Donaway for this, like, exposition dump at the end of the movie. Yeah. But it doesn't tell you what the bye-bye man is. So, like, what's the point. So the things are getting spookier and spookier around the house

kind of a deal. Sasha's getting more sick. At one point she's like, so the bye-bye man says bye-bye to your like lung health a little bit? I think that's the idea. Yeah, the bye-bye man, dude, he's a lot like black mold.

Oh, I see. You don't want that black mold in your house. You're going to start coughing and the next thing you know you're dead. It's true. It's what happened to Britney Murphy. The bye-bye man is cancer. Good luck getting a boner

or running at the gym. but yeah so all these all these like crazy things are happening whatever and so Sasha's like oh at one point last night Elliot this is weird I blacked out and I filled an entire notebook with drawings of the bye-bye man and it's like you know what movie pick a symptom yes is this a fucking haunted house thing is there a dog running around are we sketching things unconsciously hey honestly and this is just a very basic thing I would rather see her doing that than more talking between these two white nothings.

Nice note. Show, don't tell. Thank you, Eric. That's actually very true. At this point, speaking of white nothings, it's kind of weird. It's a weird trope to introduce, like, John is black,

and, like, he is so, Elliot is so threatened by John sexually, it gets to the point of like, what are we doing here? Yeah, it's kind of weird, but that's why I thought, like, they should just all be fucking. Exactly. I just assumed, I mean, really.

It just turns to do it like, no. So, no. Somewhere around here, there's a really quick thing that, of course, comes to nothing, as in the time-honored tradition of the bye-bye man. There's like that one shot of the haunted wallpaper. Did you see that shit? Oh, yeah. The My-Ban man gets in your wallpaper for a minute. God, it is like black mold, man.

The next day, they're like, oh, I think something is going on. We're going to investigate. what's going on in our house. Right. You go talk to the landlord, Elliot's like, you talk to the landlord, Sasha, I'm going to go, I'm going to go ruin this librarian's life.

You know what? You talk to the landlord, I'm going to kill this beloved librarian. Well, isn't he going to see Kim first, or is that after? No, that's after. So he's going to the library to do research about,

because he, by the way, that fucking draw that had the thing that said the bye-by man on it, he had to tear away some like other, you know, paper that was on the drug.

That said, don't say, don't think it, Yeah, just like over and over in like a huge spiral. So that's like what he has to go on, like while he's doing newspaper research. But this fucking scene with the girlfriend here is one of my fucking total bye-by-man phase. Because she walks into this greenhouse and she's sick as shit. She walks up to this dude. And she's like, oh, Mr. McGillicuddy or whatever the fuck.

He's the dude that owns his house and works at this greenhouse that she's standing in. There's a lot of stuff going on Mr. McGillicuddy does. And like she's coughing through this. Oh, Mr. Daisy is this dude's name, by the way. And he, she's like, oh, I'm living in your house, by the way. And I got to tell you, Mr. Daisy, your house is fucking terrible. And she's like, oh, I'm Sasha, whatever. I live with Elliot and John, to which Mr. Daisy replies, oh, yeah, the two handsome guys.

Well, I mean, an awesome line. Well, that's my, her first line to this guy when she walks up is, Mr. Daisy, you have a weird house. And I got to tell you, I'm sure she's a very nice person to hang out with. This actress is terrible. No, she's the worst part of this movie. It is impressively terrible. The girl who plays Kim is also awful. She's better.

She's like leaps and bounds better. They should have like unmasked like Mr. Daisy and he was the one behind it all this time. Like he's like a secret black magic dude. Oh, fuck dude. It's like Scooby-Doo. Yeah, yeah, exactly like Scooby-Doo. Because Scooby-Doo episodes are better than this movie.

And if he could, he's like astral projecting himself as the bye-bye man. Right. That's why the power's. are so inconsistent and fade out and there's no rhyme or reason. It would be great if she was like, oh, I'm living with Elliot and John and he's like, who?

A tier one? Oh, tier one. You're living with Tier one. You mean my pretties. Well, it's your classic. That are in my pretty house. It's your classic, I'm a character actor.

I have nothing to do in this scene. Why don't I be gay? You know what I mean? I'll be the gay. Exactly. What's my motivation? I'll just be gay. Oh, the two handsome guys.

It's a great delivery. I love it. So John, Elliot goes, John has a class, goes to class, and like the bye-by man is on his phone for a little bit. Oh, that's right. Yeah, he's sort of skimming. He's watching an eye movie with the Bye-bye man in it. The By-bye man puts a fucking flipbook in this dude's phone. Hey, check this out.

Oh, yeah, but they took a bunch of pictures at once. It makes it look like I was in a silent movie. Maybe he was. Maybe he was a silent film star. Oh, that's a way better thing for the Bye-Bi-Man. He fucking burns to death in a studio fire. he's like max shrek yes the nospheratu guy yeah not the uh tim burton villain no no not yes not the mayor of gothic or whatever the fuck happened to that movie it's a brilliant film uh

he um what he called there the elliottottes who's the librarian and like he by the way he this is the most unrealistic bullshit thing in the movie he goes into a fake google which it's called search dot com or something like that. Yes, it is. He literally, without quotation marks, and that's the important part. Just types in the words by-bye man. And just he gets zero search results. Which is ridiculous.

That's a, I thought the same thing. I was like, nothing, nothing. Even if you put quotes, you would get like a million results. A million. 6,000 manga or anime fucking. Or like, you know, somebody somebody who's making a big deal about like the male lead and buy

by Birdie and they were like by by man like the dude left the production there's an article about that there's an article about Mad Men when Sal leaves or whatever oh right there's a bye by man commercial by bye by bird

by birdie commercial there is yeah yeah yeah oh here's a question so when when when when Doug Jones dies in a hundred years right God bless the newly elected senator from Alabama no wait you mean the act the mocap actor and

also sort of actor. He's great on Star Trek Discovery. Will there be? Because there's always that really terrible. And this is a really fun thing to look at comic strip obituaries. And it's always like St. Peter saying something. Is St. Peter going to say bye-bye, man, to Doug Jones? Oh, I see where you're going.

Yeah. No, I mean, no one's going to remember this movie when he's dead. I hope so. I hope this movie is fucking buried. Buried! Oh, yeah, right? And then eventually, like, in like 20, 30 years, some kids going to come across an old dusty DVD case. Oh, right. No, no, no. I buy man. And then the infections spread. This. No, stop it. This is Jones's in memoriam.

Hellvanty. Please. Oh, Jesus. Not hellboy, not fucking. By the way, did you guys see? And this is kind of directed specifically at Eric because he's the only one that gives a shit. Doug Jones portrayed Slender Man in a movie already. Well, is that the new Slender Man? No, it's the old one. No. I saw this. What? Did you see this?

No, I'm going to this weekend, though. Wait, because it's not called the bye-bye man. It's certainly not called the bye-by man. It's like beware the Slender Man or something. No, no, no, no, no. That's the documentary from HBO that wasn't as good as I wanted it to do. Yeah, it was kind of a big letdown. It was just about little girls stabbing each other?

Yeah. Oh, okay. It's just like the court case and trying to make me give a shit. No, I was really disappointed. Is it this thing? No, hang on. Doug Jones is a very popular man here. Oh, man.

Bye-bye, man. Oh, my God, not going to be able to find it. I think this is fake. Because it's something that's... Fake news about Doug Jones. Well, if I come across it, I'll be sure. Why would anyone support Doug Jones over Roy Moore? Doug Jones is a famous movie monster.

He breathes underwater, folks. Can we dress somebody who breathes underwater? He could go back to that shithole water where he came from. All I know about Doug Jones is that he is a faun that is very misleading. He tells you to go this way and then that way. It's from 2015. It's called Always Watching, Cullen, a Marble Hornet's Story. Oh, wait, what?

Yeah, and it's basically. basically fucking look at the poster. It's just fucking Slender Man. Oh, yeah, that's Slender Man. We got a slender man in there. Oh, you got a slender man in there. But he's called the operator in this movie. Yeah, no, but it's just totally slender man.

What a cool operator. So he gets zero results, which is insane. Oh, right. I mean, did he even ask Jeeves? Jesus Christ. I totally forgot about Ask Jeeves. Remember that butler that used to walk around the internet for you? I remember up until and including right before I got to college.

So, like, 2001, I think when the towers went down, I was still like, I like that Ask Jeeves better, man. Asked Jims, what happened in Lower Manhattan this morning? It was a terrorist attack, sir. Oh, oh, sir, no. I mustn't say it. No, I really, I was like, oh, that guy's working for me. Google, what's that? Ask Jesus.

A butler that gets you information. I did like having an electronic butler. Yes, because Yahoo, it's like, who's this crazy man? This butler. I think he could get something right. A little classy internet searching. But so he gets zero results,

which makes absolutely no sense if you know anything about the internet. And which is if we should. It should. And he goes to this library and he's like, oh, I did find that there's one article that's in the dead files. And by the way, it's...

The Deadfiles. Dead file 69. Like, it has to be... It has to be any other number. Is that what it was? It's literally Dead File 69. I'm not kidding. Oh, man.

That's a fucking X-Files porno parody, by the way, guaranteed. So when you get two dead people and you make it 69... And then you file it away. You're definitely going to jail. You go to jail for that? Yeah, dude, you can't, like, defile corpses and whatnot. Why not?

They made a law about it. But... Because people were doing it. That's what's great about that law. They had to make it because people were definitely doing it. What if the government was doing it for scientific purposes? What? Making corpses 69?

You never know what will bring someone back from the dead. My God, the cure for cancer. It's been right under our nose the whole time. We've got to make all these corpses 69. That was mostly Peter Vinkman's research. You never know what he was doing before. That's what it was. Under Jeff Sessions.

So he's like, oh, it's Deadfall 69. she pulls up the news article this is when we find out that this the guy because we don't know anything about Lee Wan-L at this point aside that the fact that he shot a woman and a paralyzed man

right that's it we find it he's a reporter blah blah blah he wrote this story and then like and here's the thing Elliot you idiot he's just like he's like yeah it's the bye-bye-bye man

she's like the bye-bye-bye man the bye-bye man the bye-bye man the bye-bye man the bye-bye-bye-bba-ha yeah because he's a fucking prick who doesn't take this shit seriously even though at this point he's got a full-on haunting on his hands. Exactly. You've met the bye-bye man. You've at least seen his dog. You know what I mean? At this point, like, you know something's going on. That's why everything's going on. So, like, yeah, he's reading this article. It's like, and then he killed everybody because he didn't want anyone to know the bye-bye man. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, Miss Watson. It's the bye-bye man. Poor Miss Watkins. They never printed this for some reason. Maybe it's what I just said. Hey, Miss Watkins. My eyes aren't so good. Does that say bye-bye, man? It looks like it says bye-bye man. Also, this is, this is, this is.

something I truly appreciate about Ms. Watkins and how seriously she takes her job at this fuckhole USA town library because she makes this dude put on a fucking white glove and he's like what? And she's like, this is so you can go through the archive

and the oils on your hands don't get all over it. I was like, you are not touching the first draft of the Old Testament lady. It's a fucking newspaper article that never got printed on the bye bye man. It's not Tolkien's letter to C.S. Lewis. it might as well be

this is the only surviving ephemera about the bye-bye man speaking of corpses I'd like to see 69 it'd be messy that'd be less Christian of both of them so oh you know the bye-bye man by the way haunts this library a little bit because everyone's fucking his ears are burning

he's like I heard you cross down man he comes in he's sweating he's out of breath jogged there I was getting lunch But I heard my name 40 times in a minute That's a record

Dish coach heavy My dog I outran my dog Yeah why is he jogging In a huge hoodie Is he Martin Lawrence? That's a joke from 15 years ago That works still

He like it's a thing Where like Elliot's reading a book And he looks up And the Bibleman is a little closer A little closer a little closer This was getting me And I was getting annoyed with myself We do have a new

Buy Buy Man in power by the way because Elliot is like, oh, Sasha, I'll meet you at 2 o'clock, and he checks his phone. Right. And he's got a full battery. Yep. And then the bye-bye man goes, and then his phone dies. It's like, he just, bye-bye man, your phone. I've heard about this.

Yeah, no ghostly energy. They can drain batteries. It helps them manifest. Just like UFOs, dude. Exactly. That's like the, I just rewatch the pilot of the X-Files. It's all about missing Tom with UFOs. It's all about cell phones dying.

Oh, oh, you're second. texting with your girlfriend, huh? Bye-bye. Oh, yeah, totally. Oh, double bye-bye. Oh, he will fucking, he will blow it up on cam girls all over the internet, dude. That's what Steve Jobs did.

That's why your iPhone is shit in 11 months because it's got a buy-by-man protocol that destroys your battery. Wait a second. Activate bye-bye-man protocol, Tim. You know what? I'm going to put it out there. Steve Jobs kind of looks like the bye-bye-man.

He's sort of done. He's probably more so now. Unless he was cremated. But no, is there a connection? Mm-hmm. Oh, I see. Is he the bye-bye man, you know?

It's probably a closer connection to that dude who plays the giant on Twin Peaks. Although he did. That guy looks like the bye-bye man. He did have a little bed next to his bed full of tongues and eyeballs.

That's true. That's where he got the idea for the iPhone. Do you think? I fell out of his nightstand. Speaking of the giant for Twin Peaks, who's having a bit of resurgence now. He was in that...

What with Twin Peaks? What was Twin Peaks? but he was also in that Gina, not Juna Greshon, crap, that movie, it's not Molly's game because that's the Gerald's game.

Oh, he's in Gerald's game? He is as like a creepy thing, which I'm not going to spoil, but he's a creepy thing. Interesting. And I feel like that role would have went to Doug Jones.

That's the movie with Carla Gugino's tied to a bed the whole time. Yeah, but more so than other stuff going on. Yeah, I've heard some good things. Bruce Greenwood. Yes. Yes. And this is a game?

It's worth watching once. is it kind of yeah kind of sort of um so uh he loses all this time at the library all of a sudden it's magically like 247 your phone went bye-bye so he runs into town and he sees sasha get in the the car with john sorry there's one thing i i want to backtrack on because it's one of miss wotkin's greatest moments in the film oh she's my favorite character yeah sure so he during the whole like when the bye-by man is inching table like the bye-by man is doing bye-bye musical chairs and he's like inching table to table to table like getting closer to Elliot

Elliot is looking at this super rare like King Tut era fucking newspaper article with his white glove and he's crossing out with a pen wherever it says bye-bye man and with every cross-out like the bye-by man's getting closer and then Ms. Watkins comes up and gives a fucking grade A

what the hell are you doing? And it's just this lunatic kid just scraping all like this rare newspaper thing, and she kicks him out. It's a great Ms. Watkins' moment. He already ruined her life, so he might as well go on with it. That's true. So, um,

he tries to track down Sasha, because they were supposed to be up, and what does he think he spies? Uh-huh. But Sasha and John cross parking lot canoodling. Big problem. That's gonna break up tier one. Yeah, he's like, didn't John have a broken dick? What the hell? He told me about that psychic.

And then like, Snoke comes on the glass. That's right. Oh, that's right. There's a quick bye-bye man like windows scare. Oh, that's interesting, Chris, because now bye-bye man is

underdeveloped and you don't know his whole genealogy, much like Supreme Leader Snow. And everybody was fine with this movie. That's kind of true. No one fucking protested. The eyeball dog was like behind the throne, I guess.

In the throne room. Well, now I'm kind of thinking of the bye-bye man and Snoke in like kind of a trading place's situation because the bye-bye man is homeless. Snoke's walking around with a gold robe. They're both like six foot seven. Like, yeah.

I could see this happening, man. I'd buy a ticket. You know what, Rudolph? I'll bet you $1 that that bye-bye man cannot run the first order. I'll take that bet. Oh, you see, you see, couldn't even make it two through two movies. Pay up. Cut in half, Randolph.

oh man oh in that flashback by the way it's it's uh revealed that like lee wano murdered way more people yeah he went to some other he like their house yeah he went over the the neighbors that they were all having like a laugh about it he killed them all i think it's the first time we see the dog eat the eyes and the yeah the bye-by man walks in like surveying the situation and he's like sounds pretty good and then the dog comes up and starts munching down on this lady all the while lee wanel is making himself a drano cocktail oh yeah he'd fucking traino, oof. Well, he tries to shoot himself

and he tries to shoot himself like an alternative rock musician in the 1990s, but that doesn't work out. Twice he fails at that. He's out of no more bullets. Bring more bullets, dude. Exactly. Or just like, take the second to be like,

all I have to do is not talking about the by-by-man, go to the gun store, grab some more bullets. It was, you know, I'm going to sandwich too. It was early 1960s, Wisconsin. Go to the next room, they'll be a gun. also just check the chamber you lunatic so it doesn't work out it's like what's the all right so shooting myself and like really quickly killing myself isn't going to work out

right what's the next best thing oh i'll drink some drano man what a way to go that stinks that's got to be really painful and he's just it's great because like the bye bye bye man's like surveying the situation like yeah man pretty cool it's like you'll never went glug glug glug glug glug glug glug and there's no effort from the bye by man and like stop this and all he just looks on what he wanted to call poison control no my friends in trouble who did you want like the legend to live on

yeah because that's the whole thing if people forget no 17 Whitaker avenue not white acre you gotta get here quick man this guy's in trouble well like I guess you know I don't know if it existed yet where you could call 911 and they would like come

or check up on you no matter what yeah no matter I once accidentally but dialed 911 the cop showed up and my parents house. Yeah, that was weird. If you went to jail that time. I remember this very vividly. I was watching Back to the Future too, like in the den.

And my parents had these like, in their house at the time, this like sliding like pocket doors. A good den door. Dude, these fucking den doors swing open. There's my father like sidled with policemen. And I was like, what? It's altered at 1985. Did you dial 911? My fucking ass did.

from that shitty, like, little silver Motorola cell phone with the blue light-up buttons. Oh, yeah, you'll butt out everybody. Yeah, it sucked. Oh, God. So, uh... But, like, yeah. Like, the by-bye man can't ghost... Back then, he couldn't ghostly dial 911.

I feel like you have ghost powers enough to dial a phone. Oh, I see, now you could. Yeah, well, it can. Back then, he couldn't, unfortunately. So, yeah, um, he does kill himself with Drano. Uh, uh, Elliot goes to Sasha. He's...

This is Kim, the psychic. Elliot goes to Kim the psychic. Kim, what's going on? And, like, Kim is washing blood off her hands. She's like, oh, I'll be right down, Elliot. Something's going on. And she's like, who did you tell? Because Kim's ahead of the game now.

She goes the beginning and end of the bye-bye, man. She's killing people already. She is. She killed her roommate, apparently. Yeah, and this is why Kim, the psychic is my favorite character. She's fucking on top of it from the jump and is assessing the situation and handling it appropriately. She's ready to old boy everybody.

Exactly. That's right she's a hammer Which again Hey this movie sucks Show me that scene Of course Even in the unrated cut That's not there

See like seriously The only reason You have an unrated cut Is for a split second Doggy style shot That's what we're doing Yeah Fuck you

Fuck you I paid a fucking extra dollar On Amazon for that You fucking cheap skates But yeah she's like Oh you know Who did you tell He's like well I told

You know Miss Watkins I told I just like, well, I've got to go kill Ms. Watkins. When they're driving back to the house to do another sands, that's what he wants to do. He sees, Kim sees a family on the side of the road on the train track. Oh, boy. This is, you know what?

This movie is terrible. This scene is awesome. She's really on top of the game. It's pretty good. Well, dude, no one is more powerful than the bye-bye man. Also, she's a woman, so this movie's not going to let her do anything. That's all Elliot. because John, big mistake, born black,

so he's not going to be able to solve anything. It is fucking little white Elliot, all grown up from hanging out with E.T. So do you think the bye-bye man was like checking the train schedules? Oh, he'd have to. He'd absolutely have to. He would have had to. Well, no, that's the part of the lore that we don't get in the movie, man,

but he hangs around the train tracks. So he's got that up here, like in his noodle. He already knows every train. Oh, yeah, you're right. He's an old motorman himself. I would have loved that backstory. Give me the motorman backstory where he's killing hobos

and making ear necklaces or whatever. Exactly, because you know that's a way better movie. Like, here's, do it like this. Because this movie was terrible, probably. Chris Kavin said it was terrible. That's what I'm going off. But that fucking leather face prequel,

origin story shit. Not good. Yeah, okay. But do that with the bye-bye man and he's this creepy David Lynch train station guy. Sure. Awesome. Great movie.

That's awesome. Bye, bye, bye, man. Bye-bye begins. Buy-bye begins. Get me by-by-begins. Get Doug Jones back because he's great. This movie did make money. They probably will be a bye-bye man too.

At least to video, give me bye-bye begins. It's right there. And yet Doug Jones, he doesn't have to cover himself. Doug Jones, I felt bad for, man. I saw him at a party last month.

I'm like, he's a really handsome dude. And I was like, man, majority of your careers is wrapped up in a bunch of fucking monster faces. He looks stunning

in the Golden Globes. He did. He's a good-looking guy. And this bye-bye begins is the opportunity for him to show Hollywood. He's got a leading man face. You just got to get Hollywood to watch Bye-Bi-Begins. That's all. That's all you got to do.

Well, there's a lot of upheavals in Hollywood now. Rightfully so finally a good cleaning out of all the bad blood. And we're going to get a lot more movies directed by women. We're going to get a lot more stories about women. Absolutely. And Bye-bye Begins. Exactly. It's a three-bronged approach.

It's a new dawn for Hollywood. Get ready, Tinseltown. So Kim sees a family on the side of the road That's in trouble and she runs out She stops, she has to stop the car, she runs out And like, Elliot's like, the fuck are you doing? We have to help them. And that's like, so I don't know if we've actually accurately said this enough

But like that's bye by man's thing is he makes everybody see shit. Exactly. And they react to it and, you know, so this is like this car is broken down on the train tracks. She runs to save this family and this woman gets. fucking torn to smithereens by a local... Do you know what my favorite line of the movie is? It's the... The motorman.

The motorman. No! Yes! Because he knows it's happening. He's hitting the brakes. And he's like, fuck, man. This is just my ear now, isn't it? Up to my eyeballs and paperwork, white girl.

Thanks for nothing. She gets fucking wrecked by this train. And so then the police come and everything. And now this is the introduction of Carrie and Moss is this wasted detective character. and Elliot is fighting with John because he's like the fucking you know who did this

you got a promise not to say and John is like no I'm gonna tell everybody like he refuses to agree to stop the madness whatever happened to tier one yeah exactly great question yep

well everyone's just die together everyone's giving him shit like I'm gonna talk about the byband to everybody like no do not at least and like and the problem is like Karen Moss comes like

what's going on here kids and like John's like you Alice's like you better not say it You better not say it. She's like, well, obviously I have to arrest everybody. Like, you know what I'm right? But she only arrests Elliot because for some reason, when Kim the psychic ran out of the car to save that fake family, Elliot was like, what's going on in this bag?

And he found the bloody hammer. And he put his hands on it. He ran out of the car with it. That's right. Because Carrie Moss is like, the fact here, I'll hit you with this. Yeah, Carrie Moss is like, what do you, like, what's going on here? What did you do? He's like, nothing.

She fucking ran into front of a train. And she's like, somebody saw you. chasing her with a hammer and the fucking Texas jade saw it totally is you did you did what you just you just found it and decided to are you stupid no young man are you stupid

you want to talk about the definition of white privilege during this crime scene there's all these police officers all over the place and Elliot thinks he sees the bye bye bye man and the bye bye dog he runs in the middle of a sea of cops and grabs a cop by the shoulder and twists him around yep and this cop is like what's the matter son

okay? No fucking way. You've got six knees in your neck. You've touch a cop. If it was John, that dude's getting dropped like a sack of potatoes man. Exactly. Oh man. I couldn't even believe it. No, they're pulling them apart like the guy at the end of Sean of the Dead.

If it's anybody who's not white. Get fucked four eyes. So Carrie Ann Moss starts interviewing John, Elliot, and she's asking all these questions and Elliot's like and here's the thing, Elliot, The easiest way to not tell somebody something is not telling somebody something.

Don't say, I'd love to tell you, but I can't. Lips are sealed, like, just don't say anything then. And yeah, it's just this like, I wish I could say it, but I'm just scared what's going to happen to you. Like you're talking to a cop, dude. Like, she's going to squeeze this out of me. Going to a mental asylum. Did anybody catch what the deal was? Because it was like, I looked down at my phone to put a note in, and I looked up.

And there was a weird thing where John is winking at Carrie Ann Moss. And I think it was supposed to be a hallucination. Like, he saw her, like, looking at him in some way. Did anybody catch that detail? I miss that, man. Well, I'm not going to go back and rewatch the movie. It's totally fine. It's a bye-bye man mystery.

I was looking at my shoes. And he's like, I can't tell you anything. I can't tell you anything. And he gets released somehow after being seen chasing a woman that gets hit by a train with a hammer, which has blood on it. the way from another crime scene yeah yeah which harry ann moss is hip to by the way she knows that kim the psychics roommate is murdered but also you know why he gets out of jail so fast steve is because he fucking bests carrie ann moss at her own game does he because she says something about like oh yeah

well uh uh you know you just lied to me i never lie and he's like oh you never lie huh and she's like no i never lie and he goes do you have kids And she's like, yeah. And he goes, okay, so imagine you're out on the job one day and you have to go deal with a school shooting. And you have to see all these dead kids that were just laid to waste. And then you get home and your kids go,

oh, what did you do at work today? And you're telling me you're going to sit there and tell her about all the brains that you said. And he starts like going off. And she beat, see, he beat her with logic. Yeah, that's what's important to him. That's what's important to him. goes like, she doesn't have a vocal response, but it's like, you got me, like kind of

nod immediately released from jail. So that's, if you get arrested, all you have to do is beat the cops with logic. Oh, right. You'll be released immediately. Yeah, you got to play some three dimensional chess. Also be white. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's probably what broke up tier one is that John caught Elliot like reading Ben Shapiro books or something. He's reading about crisis actors. So when Oh yeah Yeah Oh get ready for some game theory

And she's like Oh fuck You know just leave Please leave Please leave Bye bye man He pulls out a piece of string And lint from his pocket

And says thread Oh man Read below in the comments So this is when Elliot goes home And he for a second thinks that he sees John and Sasha fucking

Which is the scene where it's like the not rated scene where it's like just John's buttocks going in, you know. Yeah, yeah, thrusting as it were. Yeah. For the dollar. I'm going to be, I'll be honest. John's got a nice butt. Magnificent.

I'll buy that for a dollar. Totally, man. Impeccable buns. Mm-hmm. So then like he, is this where he hits him with a baseball bat? Yes. Because like the, we see what's actually going on and like she's fully clothed sleeping. And he's not naked at.

all and then like Elliot has this baseball bat out of nowhere like one of the fucking warriors and he just fucking beats this dude he knocks him out and everyone's like oh my god what are you doing and he's like wait this isn't real and John's like yeah no it really is no he's kind of just shaking for a while he's not really saying anything um and it's this is around where Elliot determines that he has indeed uh inherited Larry Redmond's nightstand dude this horrific nightstand i can't even tell you they should just call this movie the nightstands it's a creepy nightstand and if you ever wanted to know how fucked tier one is at this point oh they're over dude he so he hits him in the head with a fucking bat full force oh yeah then drops him on his

couch and says bye oh no he tells him at one point it's like a little after this he's like i can't have you talking and he fucking locks him in the basement or like ties him up or something Because he's like, oh, yeah, you're going to tell everybody the bye-bye man. With a concussion, probably. Take him to the bye-bye hospital. Tier 1 is done, dude. This is disintegrated. This is when Mrs. Watkins calls him up.

She's like, hey, Elliot, how's it going? And he's like, oh, hi, Mrs. Watkins. How do you have my number? Also, my life's falling apart. How are you? And she's like, well, kind of same deal. I think I just killed both my kids. It's a great reveal because she's like, there's some weird stuff going on.

I'd love to talk to you about it. And he's like, yeah, whatever. Come over. And she's like, perfect. I'll head over now and the camera like follows her like it's sort of like a tilt down you see she's got a bloody knife and she walks out of the frame and what is revealed

is like the legs of two dead kids in a pile of blood. Again you know what this movie isn't any good you're not just show me that scene too just let's let's of course you have a body count but we don't get to see it so it doesn't count and they show her like total freak out and they do it double by the way because at the end when the cop

it comes in he's like oh yeah and she mutilated them too Oh, right. Oh, yeah. Show me mom making dinner and the kids are playing video games and she goes fucking ape shit. Yeah. That's really cool. Give Ms. Watkins something to act. She's the best actress in this movie. And speaking to going ap shit, dude, this is where Elliot's like, all right, fuck this nightstand and, like, throws it in a creek.

Come on, dude, you got to burn it down, please. It would take two seconds to light that thing on fire, too, by the way. And then somehow he gets Faye Duna. address who happened to be Larry Redmond's one. I think it's in the nightstand. Oh, okay, sure. Why not? Bye-bye, man.

Fucking Fay Dunaway is in this movie. That is a tragedy. It's kind of an American tragedy. And she's there and she's like, again, like she's supposed to be the exposition, but she's not. She's like, oh, yes, I know all about what happened to Larry, come into my creepy part. But it's amazing because when Elliot realizes he doesn't like get the details that he's looking for,

he's like, wait a second, you're telling me you know nothing about this? She's like, oh yes, my husband Larry, it told me nothing. And that's amazing because they do a whole flashback of her to show you nothing. But she does say that like when people snap and go crazy, but no, they don't. It's him. So everyone who goes crazy. Yeah. The bye-bye man.

Dude, he's a global phenomenon like Dan Brown. Yeah, that guy he didn't smoke bath salts. He just got visited by the fucking bye-bye man. Oh, the bye-by man made me eat that homeless guy's face. Actually, that's good for you. The whole smoking the bath salts, that's good for you. Man, remember when that was the craziest thing that was happening in our country was a dude ate a homeless man's face under a mall parking garage? I know. Now it's like quaint Americana.

Yeah, I look back fondly on that day. The tall tails. Anyone who's ever killed anybody was because of the bye-bye man? Yes. I guess what the end point is. Anyone goes crazy. It's because the bye-bye man, which means the bye-bye man might be in the Oval Office. That's right.

That's right. What's that bye-bye man? What should I do? Well, he kind of looks like Jared Kushner a little bit. Like he's got a hip-hitted sweatshirt. Yeah. Lope Miller, Stephen Miller is the bye-bye man, guaranteed. What's that bye-bye man?

They're all shithole countries. So he's like, well, I don't understand. You beat it. How did you beat it? And she's like, no, no, no. Like, he never said it to me. I've spent decades dodging that bullet. And then she throws it in his face a little bit, which is great because Elliot sucks.

No, he totally sucks. She's like, yeah. Yeah, my husband never told me. because he stopped and thought for a second or something like that. And it's like, yeah, you stupid fucking petulant kid. And then he slaughtered our neighbors. And she's like, oh, my life has been ruined.

You know, like, I'm a pariah now, blah, blah, blah. Why would you still live there? Yeah, leave town, please. And you're a fucking 19, you're Faye Dunaway, you'll do just fine. But also, like, at that point, I'm 70 years old. I'm an old, creepy Miss Havisham.

I've been spending 40 years of my life, not knowing this name. Like, hey, Elliot, before you got out of here, what's that actual name like you know what dude let's fucking see it yeah i want to see what the fuss is about and that should be the thing right let's do that fuck comes here tonight bring this dog i got kibble there's a way to even do it though where you can like evoke a little drama or something man because like he's walking out right and she's like elliot by the way i've seen too much in this life and too many years without my husband or whatever it is right

she's like tell me yes tell me his name and i'll close this door like Like, you could make a really good scene out of it. Like, she commits suicide by, by, by man. Or she could, like, help defeat him somehow. Yeah. You know, like, be a part of this. No, I wish to become part of the dog. She should be the Zelda Rubinstein.

You had Faye done away from, like, 6 a.m. To just right before lunch, and that was it. But they do get in some CGI fire, which is my favorite. Oh, my God. Her cook is so good. Two important things happen in the scene. One, she's like, you know what, Elliot? really only one thing you can do

now. He's like, what can I do? And she hands him a revolver. And she's like, fucking figure it out. Yeah, she, I think she says, kill your friends and kill yourself. Exactly. And he's like, what? And she's like, you know, that's all you can do. She starts stoking the fire. And she lights up like a Christmas tree.

Fuck, it's great. It's bad CGI, but it's just, it's poor Faye Dunaway having to scream. Like, I'm on fire. It's so great. She keeps burning and turning into like this little charred body. I love it. Because Elliot's like, wait a minute, you're not on fire. It's like, no, yes, I really am.

But then it turns out she's not. Yes, and that's when he realizes what the bye-bye man, it takes him fucking this whole movie to realize what the bye-bye man shows you is fake. And it's like, okay. And now he's got a gun. This movie is kind of about gun control, FYI. Kind of. It's kind of about a lot of thing.

So he drives back. A dense text. I know how to beat the bye-bye man now. All we have to do is not believe what he shows us. So he speeds back, a football hits his car, and he's like, nice, try bye-bye man and then he keeps feeding and it's john it's john yes it's john like stop stop he's like no way bye-bye man i'm gonna go even faster you could just like kind of slow down yeah no he's like no pull off on the shoulder for a bit yeah just weave around it and he drives through him like a

fucking tupac hologram and he accidentally nails miss wadkins oh my god does this first we had a woman part of the unrated version probably i mean like is it no the second shot of her head being half off that oh right there's some brains going on yes oh yeah that was great yeah that was pretty cool I don't know if it's worth a dollar though you got his ass cheeks yeah that's true

those are toned by the way too body not brain so she's just clipped and actually yeah because if that was part of the unrated cut it's like is she dead because it's a clipping yeah but then you see that brain falling out and you're like yeah she's definitely but like she's dead and he goes

or bye-bye man i'm like no elliott like you know what i mean like he just did you a favor if that's so you were gonna have to go and actually fight that woman so then john and sasha like wake up back in the house and it's like oh what's going on i have a concussion and she's like not dying anymore whatever she like feels better yeah and then this is like the ultimate twist like this is the bye-by man's final game uh-huh is he's making all of them see the other person yeah kind of a thing kind of a thing thing. So like Elliot sees John but it's in actuality Sasha and what he sees as Sasha is John and it turns into this whole thing. John is running away from Sasha because he thinks she's Kim like a

zombie Kim. Oh right yes. She's like I want to get that shit wet again and he's like nah man. Yeah and I'm not into fucking corpses and Sasha thinks it's Elliot she's like Elliot why are you running away from me and like he grabs scissors he's going to kill her and there's a scuffle John comes in and

Elliot comes in, now he's got a gun, and he, like, fires at what he thinks is John stabbing Sasha in the face. In the fucking face, dude. It kind of rules the way this shot goes. It's not bad. A good old scissor face stabbing? It's good. Doctor. He shoots him, and then, oops, it wasn't her.

It was, he actually shot Sasha. Right. Sasha plunged the scissors into John's face. We are skipping over what I think is worse. than anything in the room. Oh, shit. Is him singing bye-bye... Oh, the cover of Bye-bye love in the truck?

Because he's going to fall asleep with the wheel while driving to Fay Dunaway's house. And he's, like, jumping like he has to take a piss. He's a dead Kennedy's head, man. He's just loving it. It's so fucking bad. I totally forgot about that. I wiped it.

Bye-bye love. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's... That's embarrassing. Also, somewhere around all the stabbing or whatever, because like the bye-bye man's come. at one point we totally get hound vision oh my god yes because there's like it's fucked it's not

as fucked up as predator vision but they like mess with it a little bit and I was like that's hound vision it's a movie I really like alien covenant but the one thing I you can keep forever as alien vision in that movie no reason it's so stupid similarly here also like you're not going to define what this hound is we get hound vision like get the fuck out of town here's and here's a little note for everybody. If you're worried about your brother in this case or, you know, a friend or a lover, whatever

and they're in crisis and like, oh my God, I am afraid to leave this person alone. You are totally right to go and check on them. Don't bring your six-year-old daughter. You get a babysitter. You get a babysitter. And then you go check on your brother, your friend, your lover, whatever. Where's the wife? We meet the wife

earlier in the film. Could that actress just not attend the shoot? A neighbor, honestly. But you do not bring. If you think you're, because like he, he's at the police, uh, the, um, Anders, Michael Chirko's at the police station. Yeah. He's got all this stuff. He's like, oh, man, I'm really worried about him, man.

What am I going to do? Yeah. Because he's like a perpetual stepdad. And he's like, uh, he, yeah, he's like, hey man, it's me and Chloe. We're here outside. We're awfully cold out here, Elliot. And like, everyone's dead inside. Yeah.

And Elliot is like up at the door and the bye-bye man's coming down the stairs. And he's like, get out of here, dude. Get out of here. Virgil. Come on. Virgil. And he fucking kills himself. Like, and this dude Virgil sees like the blood splatter up

on the fucking window. It's great because the by-by man is coming closer. He touches him on the head a couple of times. Oh, right. Yeah. First contact. And then it's like he gives him like visions that don't matter or mean anything. Like he gives him visions of like Chloe killing the father and the mother

and it's like, oh shit, it's going to, the Bible man is going to take it. And like, the guy's like, and to this point like he's so crazy Elliot, he can barely not say bye by man, he's like, bye, bye, mm, mm, and then, like, yeah, I don't get this part. He just is, like, uh, sort of like subconsciously just screaming. Yeah, it's like, he's going to do it. I think the, like, once the bye-bye man touches you, and he tries to make you say his name.

Oh, he's like tickling you, like say it. It's like a sexual fetish. And yeah, he's like, bye-bye, bye-bye. One of my favorite line in the movie, he's like, bye-bye, bye-bye what? Like, no, you don't say bye-bye-bye what? Like, no, you don't say bye-bye-bye what? Oh my God, then it's like a bye-bye man That's like a job of the hut or something

Bye-bye to hood Oh yeah Bye-bye do hut And then he blasts his brains out It's amazing He kills himself, it's awesome And again like this is a gun control thing Like if he didn't have the gun

He wouldn't have the opportunity You're gonna regulate knives You're gonna trucks He could have killed himself with a truck Bye-bye man can make you kill yourself With a truck You're going to regulate haunted dogs, too? What are you going to do of a registry for trucks?

If Virgil had a gun, he could have stopped it. Hey, I'm sorry Kim the psychic is dead, but if Kim the psychic had her own train, who knows? You need a good train to fight a bad train. Oh, man, I think that's going to be a Liam Neeson movie soon. Isn't that what the commuter's about? I've got to stop the bad train. The bad train's coming right for us.

I would love by-by-man-train fight. It's only making express stops, and I live off a local. Oh, shit, I fell asleep again, a little drunk, a little too drunk for this train ride. I am going to see the commuter. I'll see the commuter this time next year. I'm supposed to get off at West Fourth Street. Oh, shit, now this A turned into an F. The fuck is that.

Oh, Christ, I'm in Brooklyn, and I'm going the wrong way. You know, I'd stop. Bad Trains in a movie before. It was called Schindler's List. Oh, now you're going Express. That's just rich. That's rich. Yes.

So he kills himself and like the house goes on fire. Is it explained how the house catches on fire? Not necessarily. I don't think. No. It's just like magically engulfed in flames. I think that's another secret bye-bye power. Well, no, the bye-by man after killing at least three people,

he can have a cigarette. You know? What a night. What a good job. Bye-bye dog. Thank you. We sure got them. Let's go to Wright Castle.

The dog should talk. You know, the demons and dogs. They always talk. Voice by Willem Defoe, dude. No, you get Welker in there, my friend. Oh, yeah. Because the other hound doesn't even snarl. Welker could do the barks, too.

He could do a human voice and a bark. And the girl, the little girl, I'm calling her Chloe just for no reason. She might be Chloe. She runs off to go pee. I think it's Alice or something? Yeah. Oh, Alice, right. Yeah.

It is Alice. She runs off to go pee and he's like, Alice, where are you, Alice? Because he's like afraid of the bye-bye man. Right. I'm right here, dad. And he picks her up. The house goes on fire. And he's like, oh, no, the fire.

And he's like, great. The fire can't hurt him anymore, babe. This dude is. So here's the thing. This guy's fucking relieved that this kid is dead. Oh, sure. Because he doesn't have to put up with it anymore. And he's so unaffected by his brother's suicide. It's ridiculous. I gotta tell you though, he's probably like, oh, cool. Now I don't have to worry about this kid's fucking education anymore. Oh, right. That's the next to $40,000 in my pocket. Cancel those loans, baby. Well, but Alice, no, you can go to college. Alice will go to Disneyland next month. That's not fun? If you, you would think for the funeral, he'd want to go in and at least get the body. But no. if he just cremates himself. Oh, that's a good move, too.

This dude is a fucking, uh, uh, a real thrifty guy when it comes to a death in the family. Thinking about it, man. So just driving away from a scene where you're, you don't even have confirmation. But you're pretty sure your brother committed suicide and then the house is burning down. If there was ever a time to butt dial 911, it would be right now. Well, yeah, no, but I think like he dials 911. He's like, well, officers, my work is done like, no, it's not. You're filling out all sorts of shit, dude.

And I totally had nothing to do with it. That's why I'm fleeing the scene. Also, this is where, is it Carrie Ann Moss who comes back in and utters the line pulling a column bind? Yes. Oh, yeah. Goof. Well, the squad captain is like, hold on, hold on. So this kid killed one college girl with a hammer, killed another one with a train, then killed a whole family and mutilated the bodies and then came back here.

and you had him and you let him go? And she's like, yeah, I guess instinct. Like, I don't know what, like, you are fired, ma'am. Columbine? It's totally. Supernatural hobo with a dog. This is part of it, too. The bye-bye man is the attempt to disable the country.

By-bye man is also getting all the good cops fired. Oh, nice. Bye-bye career. He kills erections, phone batteries, His end careers. That's right. So John, as it turns out, is, like, horribly maimed by this fire, but he's alive. And so Carriand Moss, like, comes up.

He's on a stretcher, and he's getting put into an ambulance. And it's like, what happened, what happened, what happened? And then, like, the audio kind of cuts out. But he definitely just mouths bye-bye man. Oh, you think so? You need to tell me. Yes. Yeah, no, he definitely says bye-bye man.

That's also what Bill Murray says to Scarlet Jones. Lost the translation. But no, there's actually an even stupider scene but right before this. It's Virgil and Alice in the car and he's like, that was a real tough one. And this girl is deranged because he's like, I'm a sweet little girl, blah, blah, blah.

My uncle who I loved is definitely dead. And he's like, what happens? Well, when I went to go pee, I found this nightstand and I found these cool coins. And the man let me keep. the coins like the man what man she's like nobody and he's like what did you read in the nightstand oh my god if she read it and she's like i can't read in the dark dad that's right yeah dad you know i can't read in the dark but it's like oh my god she has the bye-by man coins which i have no idea

what they mean no one does you think like like she was like she confront she she met the bye-by man and then kruger jumped in was like i don't think so oh that could be little kids are for me you're more of a 21 and up kind of guy out of your jurisdiction like every but that's the guy I think the bye by man wants to be on that pantheon but all of those dudes have backstories

that I understand and like it doesn't have to be super explained like Michael Myers and the first Halloween's not super explained but it's enough there's something it's a crazy kid he stabs people got it yep no this is

he's in more than three scenes and he actually affects the plies There's a movie that came out in 2017 That's kind of similar to this It's a movie called Nails It was a horror movie that came out in Ireland Or from Ireland And can I think it or say it

You can Okay good He don't give a fuck He's like haunting a closet In this hospital is the idea Is that the character's name Nails? It's his nickname Because he's some scuzzy

Like hospital attendant or something I don't remember But it's the same like This dude is around And he's kind of just this tall bald white guy fucking with people and whatnot. Sure. But like you get a backstory

of like this guy used to be a hospital attendant and this thing happened and then he fucking killed himself or like whatever it was. It's something. And that's all you need like I don't need to know everything

just a little bit especially if you're it's not just a guy with a knife if it is a guy with a knife if it's the strangers I don't need it like I get it. Guy with the knife stabby stabby got it but if we got a dog and we've got coins

and we've got a nightstand. I need to know the limitations of his powers. Exactly. Or did he start that fucking fire? How did the house burn down? come on and what's with the trains and that's the thing

like that's all like you gotta read the book no I don't I'm watching the bye bye man no I won't Jesus would anybody recommend this movie I would I think this movie is really bad but really watchable uh my

case in point my fiance was we had watched us earlier like earlier in the year and she was like oh you're watching the bye bye man tonight I'm gonna go downstairs and do some reading and like I put on the bye bye man and she's like I guess I'm just watching the bye-bye, man. Oh, sure. Once you think it or say it, you kind of have to watch it all the way through.

No. That's incorrect. Like, the, I go back to what I said at the beginning. The first two minutes are fantastic. It really hook you. And then, like, the rest happens. And then the rest of the movie plays. Yeah, and there's no, like I said, like, I just don't care

because there's no weight to it whatsoever. Yeah. I think I'm leaning us, leaning a Stephen here. I would say it's a light recommend. It's dumb, nothing matters, it doesn't make sense, but it's like a hangover type of thing. Like, who cares? Yeah, it is inconsequential.

Yeah. Oh, sure. I would like people to watch this movie if you're someone out there in Listenerland who's like getting ready to or like has ever considered making a horror movie because you can watch this movie exactly what not to do

at literally every turn. I just like It's hard for me to like new horror I know that there's good new horror out there But like there's so much horror Yeah And this falls into that this is just shit That people shouldn't be making

Yeah It's a fucking phony baloney We're trying to start a thing With like a new monster And it's not, it's a nothing And it's just so incompetently made Not just from a horror standpoint From like a storytelling standpoint

Why the fuck do I have to care about those coins You have to tell me Here's the question now All right. And, you know, we all know where we stand in the bye-by-man. If bye-by-man, too, comes that direct of video, you're going to watch it? Absolutely. Yeah, okay. I knew it.

Because they'll definitely explain the coins. If it's bye-bye begins, 100% I'll watch that movie. What if it's by-by-man 2099? Yeah, I'll probably watch it. He's on the moon. I would love that. Dude, if an astronaut was in the international space station and he fucking said bye-bye man, is he getting up there?

Dude, a space bye-bye? All right, Roger, you're doing a. a good old-fashioned spacewalk. I guess I'll say goodbye to you here from Houston. Bye-bye, man. Houston, we see something odd on the moon.

Houston, you got to save that family from the train tracks. What are they seen up there? That's the bye-bye man from 2017 directed by Stacy title. If you want more W-HM, check out WHMpodcast.com

or find us over at HeadGum. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast and right into that mailbag. We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. Like we said up top, the lines are open for listener request month. 7-18-925-389-3 or get at us on Skype handle We Hate Movies, all lowercase, all one word. Did we say that's March, right, and not February?

Yeah, we did. Yeah, it's the month of March is when listener request month is happening. And if you're a gentle patron and you want to request any of the Patreon content, you want to send us an email at W.H.M. Requests, uh, plural at gmail. That's correct. Now, we continue the, some of the worst films of 2017 month next week. Uh, we go to disaster town. Chris Cabin, I know this is a favorite of yours. Ah, damn. It's GeoStor. Oh, yeah. Gerard Butler's back, and he's fighting the weather. Astronaut. Gerard Butler. No, he's an astronaut. He's an astronaut. He's a d'nastia bye-bye man out there. He also saved the planet.

Oh, I can't wait. So until next week with what will be my favorite film of this series. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say that. Chris Kevin. Eric, bye-bye. Bye-bye. That was a hit-gum podcast.