We Hate Movies - S8 Ep341: Episode 341 - Traces of Red

Episode Date: February 20, 2018

On this week's episode, the gang discusses the dirty-ass, Jim Belushi erotic thriller, Traces of Red! Who in their ever-loving mind thought it was a good idea to cast Jim Belushi as this sexy Lothario detective—besides Jim himself, of course? Why couldn't Tony Goldwyn share top billing? And what's with Lorraine Bracco's cough/laugh? PLUS: Domino's Pizza Insurance—the laziest and saddest thing a business could invent.  Traces of Red stars James Belushi, Lorraine Bracco, Tony Goldwyn, William Russ, Faye Grant, and Morgan Cassidy; directed by Andy Wolk.  This episode is brought to you in part by Audible: Visit audible.com/whm or text 'WHM' to 500-500 now to receive a free audiobook download with your 30-day trial membership! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A movie I thought I'd be disgusted by, and actually I kind of love. It's called Traces of Red. I'm Andrew Juppin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cavan. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hey Movies.

Thank you for tuning in to our fine program, as always. This week, like I said up top, it's Traces of Red from 1992, directed by Andy Volk. This is, it's a film, it's an entry in a very small, small niche subgenre known as the Jim Belushi erotic thriller. Is there anything else in that bucket? Yeah. K-9.

I might fuck this dog. Oh, look at his Red Rocket. I got a Red Rocket too there. The Linda Hamilton movie. Yes, separate lives. Separate lives. He's gotten tongue-on-nipple on that movie. By the way, great story about separate lives

that you all experienced, whether you remember it or not. Uh-oh. Okay, so I'll take you back in time. Chris Steve and I We're all living together And we watched separate lives On a VHS tape

It was disgusting It was gnarly at the same time Uncomfortable I'm going to say it uncomfortable It was my birthday Yes And we turn off the movie And just put back on regular TV And boom Barack Obama comes out

And says that they killed Osama Man that is a night and a half Do you think that's what Osama was watching when he went down? Yep. Oh, yeah. He was just hanging out, watching separate lives. And it's like, oh, no. Oh, look out.

It's SEAL Team 6. Maybe. He could have also been watching Traces of Red. I don't know. Big Belushi fan. We know that. I know he loved Mr. Destiny. Oh, yeah.

Half his hard drive, the CIA just released with the contents of it and stuff. It was all like Baluch picks. So just to get this out of the way, this is an episode. the last of our, we had a Patreon tier way back when, when we started Patreon, where people could chip in a lot of money and they can commission an episode, this is the last of them. That's why we kind of discontinued it. It took us a while to get through all these.

It's dead forever in it. We are eternally grateful for all those people that did that. We're internally grateful for anyone who gives to our Patreon now and who just listens to the show. This is from Philippe So Philippe, this is for you. Everybody, as you know, you now have to turn off the episode, please. Yeah, I mean, honestly, you shouldn't even be getting it on your phone.

If you do get it, it's an illegal leak. We've like fucked this up every single time now, though. Or it's just the same bit. Oh, okay. I think we might be doing the bit all the time. We're also retiring that bit. That's kind of sad, guys. RIPD bit.

Put the jersey up in the rafters. See, like, five months from now and something gets kicked over. You never know. You never know. All right. So this movie, who saw this before, having to watch up for the show. I did. All right. So you have the most experience

with this movie, Chris Cabin. So in a nutshell, what is Traces of Red? Oh, dear. It is like, I guess, a noir? Yeah, it's a neo-noir, for sure. So Jim Belushi is a detective in Palm Beach, baby.

Oh, yeah. This movie starts in the swamps of Florida. He is fucking everything that moves. It's outrageous, dude. And one of the, One of the things that moves is Lorraine Brocko. That's what she's credited at. Yes, I believe so.

Honestly, with this fucking performance, man, that might as well be the credit. Hey, when a woman's in my movie, she's just a thing that moves, or a prop. I think this might be the horniest movie we've ever done. It's so fucking horny. Everyone is. Everyone is horny watching it. Everyone is horny. It's a hoary what?

I don't know. No, man, but I will tell you. Thriller. Yeah. I mean, my TV was getting erect for sure. Yes. Not me. My erect television.

No, but my TV's like old and it's getting like a little soft. Uh-huh. Does it like throb like videodrome? That would make more sense. It does. It does. Get the veins and everything. Take a look at Eric's flaccid TV.

And Seales for TVs for older TVs. You know old TVs, you never know when the mood's going to strike you? When your owner puts on something like. Traces of red. You can do it. Here's a TV on a surfboard. Here's a TV going out to dinner with his wife. Here's a TV getting off a ladder.

Here's a TV going into the bathtub with a woman. Oh, no, she's electrocuted. Oh, fuck. Yeah. No, it's so weird, man. Everybody in this movie is horny. Like morning, noon, and night. And it's like, you know, like, it's kind of like

porno characters. Like, porno characters, it's the job of the porno character to be constantly horny. I have a theory here. I think all the settings in this movie are porn settings with different lighting. Oh, yeah. And I think if you put on the brights, you would notice it. Spot the hardcore pornography is a background. Put on the black lights.

See the mess. This is a mess they made. The Jackson Pollock painting. Jesus, God Almighty. Unlike other episodes, but like other episodes as well, This is going to be one of those We Hate Movies is going to tell you

what a movie is chances are you've not seen it and every scene in this movie is pretty much bullshit so we're going to go through the whole thing probably right? Yeah, you never know. Yeah.

We'll jump around a little bit. Well, it's not like talking about Spider-Man 3 where everybody in the universe has seen it, of course. So we open specifically on my least favorite kind of opening. Obviously, after we see

the Glades for a good five minutes. Sure. It's Jim Belushi. He's dead on a car. his whole like chest is bleeding and he's like yep that's me and I'm like oh fuck me is this movie narrated from heaven

now let me tell you what was fucking great though I watched this movie on Valentine's Day right but so every I am now divorced no no it wasn't our Valentine's Day selection but every year you know my wife and I watched a movie on Valentine's Day this year it was Sunset Boulevard

oh this movie starts a exactly like Sunset Boulevard, although it's scuzzy as fuck. I would rather be laying face down dead in Norma Desmond's pool than have to fucking walk next to Jim Belushi in these Canadian tuxitos he's wearing in this movie.

And he's dead and he's like, yeah, you might think you know everything that happened, but everything's not quite as it's seen. Oh my God. That's true, huh? This fucking movie. Yeah, so we cut to him and his brother, who's William

Russ, which is the dad from Boy Meets World. Totally. They're having like a nice I've never done this yet. Like everyone's wearing suits for no reason dinner, you know? Like, you've never done this yet? No, not yet. Well, the kind of reason they are is his brother's running for State Senate. Exactly. So I guess maybe there was a campaign event earlier in the evening.

That's what I thought it was, but it's at some like, and this was the funny thing because we're in fucking South Florida. I thought part of this restaurant or whatever, I thought it was part of Mar-a-Lago, dude. Oh, really? You see the exterior of this place? look like that fucking scuzz hole. William Russ, thank you so much. You guys, did you pay top dollar?

You get a picture with the president. That's where we are right now. Oh, what a hack, fuck. Now, they're having a great dinner, and this is, it's amazing because even in this movie, where Balushi, he's not really playing the Jim Belushi kind of cartoon guy. Yeah, he's very low-key, actually, for the most of them.

Because there's not a little room for comedy here, although it is unintentionally hilarious at times. And, I mean, every one. woman who he meets is worshipping his dick. Yeah. Oh yeah. That's why it's unintentionally hilarious. It's awful. So it's kind of great though because this is sort of the only scene where

he lets that sort of like strut a little bit because like this is a great scene. They're like they're finishing up their dinner. It's the it's Jim Belushi who is single. It is William Ross who is married. The wife is there. Lorraine Bracco is there. His partner

Tony Goldwyn is there and Tony Goldwyn's wife. So this is The scene at this table. And Tony Goldwyn is not the president at this point. He is not President Fitz just yet. That comes later. So what happens is like behind them some asshole, some rich fucking douchebag, starts screaming at this waitress about like this is the wrong check, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, freakinging out.

Belushi is of course the one that steps up to defend this waitress's honor and gets up and like kind of like cock of the walk gets this old man to sit back down. Because this guy's like 70 years old And get down there, old timer Yeah, hang on a second Stop harassing this woman That's my job But what he says here though That's crazy

He looks at the guy's check And he's like oh that's my check Belushi picks up the tab For this dinner Which I think is outrageous On the take He's on the take for sure Because also we come to find out

He's got this like Really gigantic apartment Yeah Full of like antiques and weird shit And then he also has a country house. Yeah, yeah. This is a Shack. We're in Shack territory.

It definitely is. It's Jim's Country Shack. What you know. Come on down. Jim's Country Shack. You know what cops definitely have is a poison ivy room. Did anybody else notice this? He has a whole room of plants.

Yes. It's like a. What do they call that? They have. Salarium. My God. What? Atrium or something?

Oh, an atrium? I said salarium. I said salerium. I said greenhouse. Yeah. It's essentially. a greenhouse in a cop's apartment. Chris Kennedy.

Oh, shit. Oh, no. My grow up. I'm going down. That would make sense with all the money he has. But we did a movie on this show called Hot to Trot, I think. Yes. And there was a similar one in there.

And I think you call that a salarium. Okay, maybe it is. And it was a trend at the time. Yeah. And I kind of wish I had one. But Bobcat Go With in that movie is a titan of industry. Yeah. And, like, this is a fucking, a cop in Palm Beach.

With mafia ties. Oh, there, yeah. Is, uh, you think there's a grow-op there or what? It would have to be. What else are you doing with all this plant life? Oh, no, I got a bunch of sticky shit back there. Don't go, don't go rooting in there. Also, by the way, he definitely tells his old man to leave this waitress a 30% tip.

And he says that making sure that the waitress can hear what's going on. Because you better believe this is Trace's a red man. She's fucking getting ready to get down. But also, like, he's showing. This is bad. He's like, yeah, yeah, you're disturbing to peace, man. Sit down. Make sure you leave her a 30% tip.

I'm like, are you really abusing your power right now? Like, I feel like that's enough to get you at least suspended. Hey, look, when you murder your wife next year, you're going to want somebody on your side. Exactly. I'm going to grease my palm here. I think you're going to help my friend out with a drink. So here's the deal. He immediately picks up this woman in the parking lot.

And it's like, it's like, is she Melissa? is that is that it? She's got a name because like She's got a name No but it turns out I think it's Morgan. Morgan

Yes Everyone knew this waitress Because as the movie goes on Like oh you go to Morgan's funeral Like oh I missed Morgan's funeral She's the waitress I don't know Like that turns out

Even his brother was sleeping with her too Exactly Yeah they traded off man Because everything in this movie Is just like a sweaty hot Thing I think this is the sexiest movie We've done since Zondali

Oh, wow. I remember that one? Nicholas Cage, Judge, Judge Reinhold, with a mustache. I've still never seen that movie because it wasn't on that episode. Who's the woman in that? Is it Mimi Rogers? I don't remember. I don't remember.

Angie Everhart, maybe? I don't know. So, yes, this is Morgan Cassidy. Abe Fagoda. It was Nick Cage and Abe Fagoda having a steamy romance. Could you make love to me for old time shake? So, yeah, he picks her up. It's like a two-line picture.

up, which I feel is impossible for a Jim Belushi type person. But that's what I'm saying. I think they're kind of playing a game wherein like she knew him for the whole time and he's just like, hey man, you know? Oh, is that what's going on? It's like certified copy. Yes, exactly.

Like certified copy. By the way, only time in human history where those two films will ever be compared. So, yeah, so they go back to his place. It's a lot of like oh, what's this thing? And he's like, oh, it's a record player. I'm like, oh my God.

We didn't say what the number one character of this movie is, which is the brass section of this film. Holy shit. And the unfortunate thing, or I don't know if this is a bonus or a fault. Maybe we can decide right now. No, because there's not just exclusively

saxophone here. There is some very, very like high, sort of like tinny trumpet going on. Oh, dude, that gave me a headache. Like five seconds in. I'm like, dude, tell that guy to shut up. Really? I was taking my shirt off. That's what it's

trying to get you to do. But you know, also that's the first character. The second is the location. With that music and my perceived humidity. I was sweating and I was rearing. It's like the sex one at the end of the insider. It's too much and like it's overhead shots of

driving in Palm Beach. So yeah, they have sex. He has to go to court early in the morning. He has the line time to wake up, babe. Yeah, oh yeah. He's just like nudging her. And it's kind of great because he's like, yep, get the fuck out.

And she's like, I don't think so. I want scramble dags. I want this. He's like, sorry, babe, got to go to court. You actually farted. He did fart in the film. No, so then this is, we're getting into the nitty gritty man. Jim Belushi is testifying against some Florida Italian mafia.

It's a fat guy. It's a gang of fat people It is It's amazing because the brother Who's not on trial Is named Minnesota Fats Something or other Gambini or whatever the name

Well they call them Minnesota In reference to Minnesota Fats Because he's so overweight Right Which is not even that big The other guy later in this movie Is enormous That guy is pretty big

That guy should have been Minnesota Fats There's like multiple longos in this I mean like Like when you see their full gang Yeah There's like seven fat guys as your toughs. This is like super

fat. It's amazing. I loved it. I love every second of this. Pound for pound. This is the best movie we These guys just like eating gator running numbers. Oh yeah, dude. Like gator huggies all over the place. Everything is fried. Oh, of course. Even the bread

on that hoagie bread is fried. Dude, it's the swamp mafia, man. So he's testifying against this dude for killing this woman in a hotel. Uh, He points the guy out in the courtroom. At that moment, Minnesota himself is the brother of the guy on trial, stands up and leaves the courtroom.

Belushi sort of spies this, but he can't go after the guy. He's on the stand, obviously. So he finishes testifying. He says, you know, like, this woman was murdered in this hotel. I saw this guy there with her, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This case, by the way, is like paper thin. Oh, yeah. There's like nothing to this case because all it is is Belushi was at a hotel bar.

This woman who is a, what? We're calling a call girl is upstairs. This guy goes up to see her. And then it comes right back down. Belushi sees him. And then this woman turns up dead. And that is it. And that's it.

You're going to jail. And what was like if Belushi was just there off like he was having a drink at the hotel bar? He was just getting drunk at the hotel bar. Oh yeah, man. You call that you call that just a little hotel trip. You know, you just go, you hit the Sheridan first. Then you go down to the Hilton. Hotel hopping.

Hotel hopping. Oh, fuck. Welcome back to hotel hopping with Jim. You find yourself a widow and you hang on for dear life. What else do you do when the Olive Garden closes? It's like bar rescue except for it's teaching you how to absolutely sink your business. So this dude Minnesota runs out of the courtroom. Later, Jim Belushi is leaving with Tony Goldwyn and he notices that this dude has fucked up his car.

And by the way, this guy fucked up his car in front of a courthouse. In front of a courthouse in broad day. And it's not just like he keyed this thing. This car is destroyed. It's smashed in like it's like, you know, probably a convertible, but the whole thing is smashed in. Yes. And it's like spray painted. My God.

The thing is, like I feel like this happens. It definitely happens in the principle. The only way to get Jim Belushi to act, like to act in any way. Because this whole movie is like, oh, yeah, this. Oh, man, my fucking car. It's automotive trauma That was my dad's fucking car Oh right, yeah, it's his dad's car

He's my dad He mentions that his dad by the way He mentions that his father Was a fucking trumpet player In a big band Oh yeah Oh my god Is he scoring this film?

It might be That's why you have a migraine He did say like oh well I don't know where he is He like if he's still alive He's probably touring around gicking. But this is what I'm saying. So, like, if he's in a movie and, like, his wife dies, he's going to be, oh, man.

And then, like, director has been like, hey, Jim, well, we're going to take that again. Imagine that she is a Subaru that you just got T-boned. Okay? All right. Now, take that again. Oh, man, my fucking wife! Well, I think this is kind of like white doves with John Wu. Like, because it happens in K-9-11, too.

Yes, he gets shot up to hell. Oh, my fucking wife needs premium. regular and it's great here too because they're supposed to be like from the area like him and the brother are from the area and he is like my car and i'm like jesus dude just dial that back can you dial that back at all he was actually supposed to do the jeff daniels in uh terms of endearment role but he could not figure out what kind of a car deborrower would be so he's i don't know Was she like a coop or a two-door or what? Maybe it's like a gremlin.

It's definitely not a Ferrari. So they know where this dude Minnesota hangs out, which I think is called the Snake Piss Bar. Snake Pit. Oh, I heard kind of correctly. And this is one of these fucking swamp bars, man, which one guaranteed they're not paying taxes. They're not registered in any phone book situation.

It is like basically a, a, a, a, open air shed pavilion type thing with like some tarps and that's a bar. This is the shit that like this is why the ATF exists besides besides attacking cults.

Yes. It's like attacking. What do you want to do? A cult or a swamp bar. I'm thinking cults. They keep doing cult. That's a Henry Francis who's excellent in that Waco show.

Everybody is excellent in that Waco show. I am loving it. Betty, there's another cult. We got to shoot him up. You're getting fat, Betty. I'm going to have to shoot up another cult. Betty would drive into Ruby Ridge. Betty, I'm going to go to Ruby Ridge and fuck it up.

Look, I'm going to take Sally to a swamp bar, Betty. And then she will see what it is like. I don't remember the name exactly. It sounded like snake piss or something. I don't know. So they go to this bar They start snooping around They break through this back room

Somebody's cutting up coke or so I didn't get exactly what's going on here Oh there's pounds Is that what's going on? So then Minnesota starts booking it They're chasing this dude through the swamp And he fucking falls down a hill Oh it's great

We get at first It's a it's a Batman fight In this back room of a bar But it's with a bunch of fat guys I'm talking about a ton of fat guys I think they're there just to be like, not muscle, obviously, but like... Bulk? Yes, to be like a wall between Boulushi and Minnesota so Minnesota can leave.

They've got their guns drawn. The fattest guy just kind of charges at Bollushche like a bear. It's like, dude, you can get shot right now. Shoot them. They don't shoot anyone. I would shoot everyone. But you're in Palm Beach. Like, you could get like a weight lift, not like all these Fupas everywhere. Like everywhere.

Dude, but Cabin, this speaks to the quality of the gang we're dealing with. These are not, as we would say, top men. You want to hear something I could not believe. One of these guys gets away and is outpacing Tony, I'm Perfect, Goldwyn. He's an Adonis in this movie. But this is Minnesota. He runs away. He falls down a hill and lands in a river.

And Belushi's got a great line. He's like, oh, Minnesota's all wet. Because he's like, get me out of here because there's gators, obviously. You step in a puddle, there might be a gator in that potter. That's true. Yeah, fucking gator puddles, man. That's a real problem down there in Florida. She's like, what the fuck did you do to my car? My dad's car, dude.

Car! I'm from Florida. Jim. Jim, stop. Jim, stop. He's dead. He's dead. My dad. Now we have Jim Belushi for Oscar Schindler and Schindler's list. How many cars were? What happened to all the cars, man?

How many cars could I have seen with this watch, man? It's a cattle car. Oh, my God. Jim, you've been fired. I think we will go with Liam Neeson after all. You know what? Scrap the whole movie. Boy, it must have been Slim Pickens if it was down to Liam Neeson and then just Jim Ballucci.

Imagine if Slim Pickens did it. Oh, Slim Pickens himself played Oscar Schindler? Oh, get Jerry Lee back for Ben Kingsley's role. Oh, yeah, a dog. Well, Stephen, it would be cuter if a dog played Ben's Kingsley's role. Like, yeah, that's what we're doing here. What if I, what if we were on the other side? What if only the dog was in color?

I think Ray Farnes could be a good schindler. Hey, Ray, Ray, Ray, talk. Oh, my God. fucking Jim Belushi is Eamon Gough or whatever the fuck that is a dark movie Oh it sure is

That he could see he could He could pull that off better Than he could pull off Oscar Schindler Oh yeah for sure Again the benevolence And like the empathy That's what I'm talking about Right

Unless it's a car he has no empathy But yeah And he could just imagine Like the whole camp It's just progress So he'd be really angry About everything You're ruining my car

Called Germany So we get He goes home after this kind of comes to nothing the guy's like hey man I didn't do it right and also by the way Jim Belushi gets a letter that says if you go to court you're going to get killed or something yes yeah yeah yeah yeah so he goes home

another unintentionally hilarious moment right here because he walks in the door and you can tell he he realizes that someone is currently or has been in the house and the way it is he's tipped off

is because he notices someone has taken a bite out of of fruit from a bowl. And you can tell, he's like, well, that certainly wasn't me. Eating fruit, that don't sound like me. I eat out of my chicken bowl all the time. Wait, that's not plastic? Well, the funny, it's Lorraine Brocko. And she is horny as fuck. She, the, the movie, like, there's no narration until there's narration. He's like, oh, by the way, did I tell you I'm sleepy with LeBrain Bracco? I am. And that's like, that's kind of it for the narration for about an hour and 15 minutes.

It is so bizarre and intermittent. It's just... And this instance, like, I can see like when you have a bad screenplay and you need some voiceover to kind of like fill in some gaps or whatever. But like Lorraine Brocko comes around the corner. She's like licking her lips like a cartoon wolf

at Jim Belushi. Like, I get it. Yeah. And by the way, like two seconds after he says, I'm fucking her, he fucks her. Yes, exactly. They start sleeping together immediately. I would have figured that out.

Yeah, this movie is the same year as basic instinct, but I feel like it's very similar in, like, kind of shape. Well, she's hilariously got this, like, blonde dye job going on. Like, I don't know what this... And we have to address Lorraine Brocko in this movie right now. She is

inarguably fucking horrible. She's terrible. She wants a Razzie for this? Not that that means anything. No, she wants to razz me for this. It's like she is in the process of the inside of her body is being frozen.

She is just like slowing down more and more As she's delivering these deadpan lines You're being asked to be attracted Your character being attracted to Jim Belushi You have to be dead inside But this is dude It is fucking post Goodfellas She has got some cachet behind her

If you don't want to do this movie Don't do this movie She's a classic actor Goodfell's an all-time performance It's a great performance for her She's great and sopranos She's great and sopranos I think she's very much

like the kind of actress that needs a really strong director to kind of corral her where she needs to go. Or maybe she thought she was playing a replicant with this intermittent voiceover. Why would I hurt the turtle? And I looked into Roy Pandy's eyes and I

realized he wasn't going to hurt me and that he's given it and did whatever that fucking horrendous end of Glade Runner voiceover. Oh right. Oh, so this is, oh man, the script to this movie. The actual cut by the one. Of course.

The script to this movie We have a line here Balushi starts fucking going downtown Oh yeah To which Lorraine Braco replies Oh ladies first You're missing the most Important part of this entire scene

Am I? I was just talking about the conalingas No yes My fucking dad's Conalingas She is eating an orange While this is happening This is the most repulsive thing that I've ever seen in my entire...

Not just eating it, but sucking, like, the juice... It's just disgust. The thing is, like, you know, food and sex, some people are into it, some people aren't, whatever. Orange is not, huh? Not. Orange is never coming to the... It's too acidic, man, it burns.

I mean, my God, you get the fucking juice in the world. Like, listen, citrus is out. It's an unsexy fruit. Well, here, you know what? How about this? I'll play devil's advocate. What if... You got some orange juice in your fucking urethra?

Is that what you're going to say? No, but what I'm saying is the danger of that is what's enticing because you've been playing the food game a long time and now you want to spice it up and like the, you know, you're working your way up to lime. Oh, no, you work your way over to grapefruit, man. That'll burn your fucking eye sock it out. That's the big game.

It is like the most unsex. Steve is right. This is the most important part because this is the most unsexy thing you'll see. She's like slowly pulling this. chewed up me half chewed just piece of orange out of her mouth it's all like the white rind part is still stuck on it and she's like she didn't swallow and can we orange you pervert can we talk about her laugh for a second like it's it's supposed to be a sexy laugh she goes that's like that's what it is it's just like that's my sexy chortle it's like I'm

going down on Bob Hoskins. I wish. But no, I mean, it's Roger. Delightful. And I mean, like, again, Lauren Brocko, A, is like, she looks fantastic in this movie, but, like, they do everything they can to make her unsexy by eating this orange

and this awful script. And to she has to, to Chris's point, which cannot be understated, she has to pretend to be aroused by Jim Balushi, which is really, yeah. You feel bad for every woman, in this movie, because they all have to be attracted to them. It's not just one, it's all of them. Everybody. Every woman

in this movie is attracted to Jim Belich. I'd be more, like, you know, when you rewatch King Kong, what do these ladies see in King Kong? It makes more sense than Jim Belushi. It makes even less sense, you know, this whole, like, confusion is exacerbated by the fact that...

Yes. Tony Goldwyn is right there. Yes. Tony Gold, a 1992 Tony Goldwyn, he's looking great. We do get to play with him a little bit later. Oh, that's right. So they have sexual intercourse. We move on from there.

He gets a second letter. Yes. It's, again, you know, threatening, but also like semi-mysterious. At this point, Morgan, the waitress from the first scene, winds up dead. And Jim Belushi takes us the call up because he's a homicide detective. He's like, oh, man, it's one of the many women I'm sleeping with right now. Yeah, it's...

By the way, you're off the case. Well, exactly right. I understand this, because he's... He's clearly fucked every woman in Palm Beach. Oh, I see. The chief is like, well, I can't do anything about it. If you think about it, I'm the most objective person on her. This is after Tony Goldwyn and his wife have like an anniversary party.

The only reason to bring this up. One, Balushi is flirting hard with this woman. She is flirting right back. Oh, yeah. Tony Goldwyn's wife. In front of Tony Goldwyn, the fucking hot cock. Well, hot cuck. Welcome back to Hot Cuck starring Tony Goldwyn.

And he's doing, he's fucking perpetrating all of his, he's fucking hitting on his partner's wife while wearing, and I've never seen this, an all black Canadian tuxedo. Oh, yeah. My God. I think black Canadian tuxedo looks better than... It does.

That's what Steve Austin wears to a funeral. Like, that's what he's going to, he buttons it all the way up. We do get both kinds of Canadian tuxedo in this movie, regular and black. It's true. And this script. is a mess because there's this guy like

at this party has nothing to do with anything but there's this guy like oh hey Tommy you're still a private eye and is it yes I kind of am and like well I'll talk you in the third act buddy yep see you later you're not a character but you're going to be kind of important at the end this is clearly a swingers community though oh yeah

first of all you're having it's your anniversary and you invite everybody to yeah and the number two Tony Goldwyn is just shooting the shit with Jim Blushy this woman comes up to him and starts making out with him while saying

happy anniversary this woman who's kind of a character but kind of not I think she works with William Ross who's Belushi's brother I think that's the thing

is that it's Amanda who comes up at the end yes I think she's like a campaign aide or something yes she oh yes you're totally right yeah yeah yeah she's also very integral in the last but she does just like make out

and because like this whole thing is like there's a joke that Goldwood has a seven year itch because it's the seventh anniversary right blah blah blah this woman's like hey and she makes that with him and then like

Belushi's like the fuck and he's like hey man you could read the menu but you don't have to order out and I'm like the fuck is going on at the swinger party also he's ordered out quite a lot don't fuck with me on this take out pickup he's done it all done it all

and later fucking Belushi's necking with his wife I can't believe it I just cannot believe this movie do you think this in that scenario that you would get Domino's takeout insurance which is the saddest thing humanity.

Wait, what is that? Back it up. You don't know what Domino's takeout insurance is? Do I eat dominoes?

No, you don't have seen this commercial? I only eat dominoes if my wife goes out of town. Otherwise, let's just talk

about that. Otherwise, you could look, but you can't order up the venue or whatever. He's got the seven-year dominoes. No,

because it's, you know what it is, dude, it's like, I'll be up at fucking 1230 at night with a tall glass of water

behind me or three. And I'm like, two, He's ahead of you. Speaking of no one's looking, Domino's order. By the way, the best New York pizza, if you come to this town, be sure to get the Domino's. Sorry for talking about New York, but get the Domino's beef and jalapeno pie. Oh my God, what a terrible story. What a morning on the toilet, that'll be. So, look, it's Domino's takeout insurance. Okay. It's the least dignity humanity's ever had, which is, okay. If you go into Domino's and pick it up, not if it's delivered, if you go and pick it up,

if something happens to your pizza on the way to your house. Can't you just rip this off? They will replace it for you, I guess, but they're like, but you have to be like, I'm sorry, I broke my pizza. Could you give me another one? Sorry, Mr. Domino's, I was walking home with my pizza, but before. Before I got home, I ain't it all. Have you ever seen stripes? The beginning of stripes.

That's what happened to me. Excuse me, Mr. Domino's. I was on my way home and then an older boy took my dominoes. Can you give me another Dominoes, please? Yes, because all this shit's going to spoil fast. We better get it out of here. Dude, how, just think about this for a second. Think of the lack of dignity you.

Exactly. You have to return to a Domino's store and ask the person behind the person behind the counter to replace a pizza you somehow destroyed while walking home? This person who is clearly 25 years younger than you are. And also, what was there an explosion? How are you going to destroy a Domino's pizza?

That thing is like, it's made, it's done, it's not going anywhere. I'm sorry, Mr. Domino's. I was walking home and I saw a clown and a sewer and he took my pizza down there. We all float down here, Georgie. Give me your pizza. You got insurance, don't you?

I'm Danny DeVito. I've run on hard times. Now, wait a second. Will they only replace a pizza or like if you drop a bunch of wings on the shit? That's a great question. What's going on with those wings? Well, it depends on your deductible, I guess. Dude, listen, you have inspired.

I feel like I am inspired to really push it with this policy. Does it cover the cinnamon twists as well? That's a great question. That's a big one. Or like, oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Domino's. I was walking home and I spilled my two liter of Pepsi and it exploded. Actually, I just dropped it and I know if it opens, it's going to explode. Can I get another one, Mr. Domino's?

I was eating a Mentos and I was drinking the soda and it fell in and it sprayed me in the face. Mr. Domino, can we talk private me? I just want to do it in front of all these other people. Dude, that is exactly how you have to fucking make the claim, one-on-one with the Domino's pizza artist because there's no way I could say it in front of a group of people. You need a confession booth. Forgive me, Mr. Domino's, for I have sinned.

It's been sadly one day since my last confession. My wife's been out of town for a long weekend, and I keep coming back. She might not be coming back. I had a tall glass of water, Mr. Dominole's, and I tried. A what? I don't even know. No, so that's that party. That happens.

And so this woman is dead. And this sort of starts the serial killer angle. It's like, oh, my God, this woman, she's, by the way, she's dead but done up with, like, really a lot of red lipstick. There are traces of red. There are traces of red. Yves Saint Laurent, Ruby Red.

It's this, she died in the same way that the lady from the case he's witnessed for it. That's right. Yeah, because they just. threw this Italian guy in jail for no reason. Yeah, that's pretty great actually. Yeah, I think she's stabbed with a letter opener, which okay. Oh, that's

something. It's sort of something. I just feel like someone kind of glanced at the spec script for fucking basic instinct. Like, yeah, I'll make that movie. This is written by, by the way. Jim Pidduck, who is a Christopher guest. A Christopher

guest actor who's the British. For a second, I thought that was the name of Vegas guy, the shooter. Sorry. No, no. He's the, I got a little Lorraine Brocko laugh. Oh my God, it's like I'm going down

on Bob Hoskins over here. No, he's the British guy from Best & Show who's like the straight man to Fred Willard. That's, that's right. He's way more of an actor. He's a much better actor than he's in Spreemo. Oh, yeah, and he's one of my favorite

parts of this movie. Oh, my God. So yeah. So there's a lot of, a lot of red hair in this movie. Sort of right out the gate Belushi is like suspecting Tony Goldwyn. Lorraine Brocko becomes a suspect because she owns the same lipstick brand that's been found on the corpses. Oh, she's

jealous, obviously. Who could ever have Belushi's cock is now, it's forever changed I guess. Excuse me, Mr. Domino's I drop Belushi's cock on the way home. All right, it's another $5.00.

In the garbage it goes. There's a great scene where Lorraine Brocko, Lorraine Brocko is this widow who's also like a big like Palm Beach socialite. And she's having like a fundraiser party for the brother. Yes. And it's there's, I think, oh man, there's so many gems. But this is one of my fucking favorite lives. I think he's like talking like Lorraine Brocko like sets him up to talk to this couple or whatever.

And he's like, show, hey, by the way, how did Lorraine Brocko's husband bite the big one? And this dude, without flinching, goes, well, she didn't fuck him to death, that's for sure. And that's what I'm talking about a horny movie. Like, that line should not be horny at all. Exactly. We're talking about a man who died a year ago. A man you're presumably friends with on some level. You know what I mean?

Like, it's outrageous, dude. I guess, well, it's like, this is like the fucking hoi-poloi man, you know what I mean? Like, you know, they're all actually just cold pieces of shit. but I mean like my god you shouldn't fuck him to death like holy shit dude I don't know I like are you like is this old man mad at Lorraine Bronco for like not putting out

I don't understand I think he's very angry I think he's upset he seems it and then but like how do you follow that up how are like you shouldn't fuck him to death it was brain cancer it took forever it was really weird actually it was he had a heart attack

watching a red sock game. He had a massive heart attack watching a Red Sox game. Been there. Which is how most of New England will go. So they start like putting a trail on Lorraine Braco. Yeah. At this point

there's two pieces of main evidence. One which is the Ruby Red lipstick which is like Eric said Yves Saint Laurent. Yvese Ruby Red. But the CSI guys like thousands of women wear this. It's a pretty

common shade. Yeah. And then, but also the letter has a very, like a deficient D and a deficient L from either a typewriter

or a computer. So like, ooh, this is kind of like getting into the nitty gritty of crime investigation. Yeah, man.

It's like, it was like pretty crazy. I was like waiting for some more CSI people to come out like, Ted Danson. You will forget that Ted Danson was on CIS.

He was the lead. He was like a Mark Harmon type, right? Yeah, he filled in for Peterson after Peterson left. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. How many seasons? More than one, which is, you know, kind of shocking.

So, yeah, they're trying to, like, set a tail on her. They're trying to break into Lorraine Brocko's office to check her office. What's great about this is, like, they have to eliminate all the printers that she owns, which is hysterical. So, Belushi goes to her house and looks at one printer's like, nope, not this printer. On to the next printer she owns. Have you ever owned more than one printer? No, I mean, in the 90s, maybe there was. We loved printers in the 90s.

So there's this scene It's kind of great The way that they operate Belushi and Tony Goldwyn is like One of them sets a distraction And the other one does the thing And so like

This is Batman 1960s Yes The Keystone cops It is ridiculous It's like Belushi's like All right Go sweet talk that secretary

To get into the office Do your thing And like Poor Tony Goldwin Just has to go in And like lay this thirst trap On this woman And he's pretending to be

like a printer repair man okay likely story they don't just show up you know what I mean and she's like oh okay sure he's like you know my boss is giving me a hard time I really got to get in there right away he's like I'm running late it's not like you're a plumber flashes the badge geek squad ma'am

stand back also you're a detective just fucking say I have to look at this shit like she was there they don't want her to know that she's being investigated by the police but she was there she met Morgan she know like they're going to talk to her at the night she died. I think it's something about like he's,

Balushi doesn't want her to know that other people know that they're sleeping together. Because Balushi also. Because he'd be off the case yet again. I'm not only sleeping with the dead woman. I sleep with the suspect too. All right. You know what, ma'am? Listen, I am a dominoes claim investigator.

I got a claim for a $5 pizza that went awry and I need to see if there's tomato sauce on the floor. Well, okay, no. You distract her and I'm going to sneak into her house to see that fucking pizza's in there and it wasn't destroyed at all. Dude, Domino's Pizza Insurance Fraud. That's like a thing like, oh, you're telling me, sir.

Now, wait a second, sir, you're telling me that at the time your house burned down, there were nine domino's pizzas inside it. I just imagine Edward Norton from Fight Club like walking into different dominoes and talking about his caseload. I'm imagining like Guy Pearson Memento interviewing Stephen Tobolowski.

That look of recognition. He knew that I was from Pete's Domino's pizza. Well, I'm sorry, but I dropped it on the way home. Did you have a marinera sauce or cream sauce? Sammy, it's time for your slice. He was the man who dropped a whole pizza

on the sidewalk. Stephen Domelowski. Sammy, it's time for your slice. He fucking dies at diabetes. that's how you get it luckily you know it's your classic like she's going to lunch Goldwyn goes in to fix the printer

and Belushi's supposed to be lookout but fucking totally runs away look a coward he really does because he comes back because she's like oh I forgot something or whatever I thought it was going to be a thing where he like intercepts and oh

fancy meeting you here that would be good for your partner if you did that but he just runs away and he doesn't like he doesn't run to like a pay phone to like beep him or anything like that. Yay! You're all got to get out of here. And like luckily it's Palm Beach so there's

a patio on her office. Yeah, and this was a bullshit move. I think in Florida it's called a lanai. I'm not sure. What? I have no idea what you're saying. The Golden Girls have a Lanai. It's an area that's kind of like a patio but it's not quite. Why is it not quite? I don't know. Because it's on a swamp.

We should get a Golden Girls expert in here to just clear this all up. there's an annoying move that happens right here because he slinks out like uh-oh and like gets out of there but then they like do this weird like pan to reveal like she comes back into the office but Tony Goldwyn's like still standing there and he's like all right is she back

okay now I'll go like just leave he's like behind a curtain with his shoes peeking out like we did we missed a crucial scene though that we really uh the brother and Jim Bob here, they go to see their mother. Oh, right. The mother, who's like an invalid. She's got like Alzheimer's probably. Well, she's

in a wheelchair. She doesn't speak. Yeah. The brother says she doesn't know what day it is. And Jim Belushi's showing a little like anger towards we'll see where that comes from a little later. Right. So then around this time Jim Belushi discovers more of this ruby red lipstick this time in Tony Goldwyn. house. Oh, right.

Yeah. Talk about a ruby red herring man. Because his daughter, who's like kind of in this movie, she's like five years old, plays dead while they're like going over a case notes or whatever. She's like, Daddy, Daddy, come quick. And he's like, you never play dead. You never play dead. And then she put red lipstick on like those women. But so

this is where the movie takes a really, well, it sets up part of a mystery that is a really weird turn in this movie. So a third letter comes. And in this third letter, it's like something something like I'm going to talk to Gloria

Words and you can see like Jim Belushi like here's that name and he's like none too comfortable with the situation all right Jim for this scene what I want you to do is pretend someone borrowed your car but didn't fill it up all the way

when they gave it back to you like you're a little uneasy about that right we were best buzz so Tony Goldwyn's like who is fucking Gloria Wirtz what's going on Belushi's like, nah, no, no, don't worry about it. And Goldwyn is like, no, this is part of a police investigation.

I am your partner. We have to be honest with each other. And Belushi basically tells a story about how Gloria Wirtz, his first grade teacher, just sexually molested him. Well, all right. And I'm like, wait, what is this movie about? You can't just drop secret molestation case. You can. And they did.

It's just grossly irresponsible. It kind of, it's just really weird. And Belushi's just not the actor to do this. No. He's like, yeah, it was really rough. He's like, oh, yeah, she took me in a closet and he like stops. And then, like, he has like an epiphany moment. And he just goes, no, wait a minute.

She used to put red lipstick on before she touched me. See, he's playing against type. Now he's usually the molest door. Yes. Yeah, he's the one that's supposed to be fucking harassing people. and violate it. But I guess he's been doing that with all these women over the years, right?

Because like hurt people, hurt people. Oh, wow. You ever hear that one, Chris? I have heard that one, Eric. Chris, that's a true thing. I've heard of it. So, like, the, uh, Tony Goldwyn's like, you have to, you have to go see a shrink.

By the way, it's like, it's like, it's way, not way too late, but like, it's not, he doesn't need to see a shrink right now. Like, if he's functioning now, he's fine. This is also a fucked up thing, though, because Jim Belushi is like, all right, partner, I will tell you this in confidence. You cannot tell you.

hell anybody. They cut to the next scene and the fucking chief is just like, all right, Belushi, you can't go to Key West to question this witness because you've got to go to the psychiatrist's office and he's like, Psychiatrist for what? And he's like, oh yeah, your partner told me about how you got dittled in the first grade. And everyone was like, wait, what?

Because it's in the middle of the hallway. Everyone's like, hey, cool. But what's fucked up though? Oh, my God, you hear about Jim Belushi? Oh, yeah. Belushi doesn't flip out on Tony Goldwyn right now. No. Like, I fucking told you that in confidence, Mr. Domino's.

I've been betrayed before So they're basically They find out that this woman Lived in Key West And they're gonna go like try to figure it out But now Jim Belushi cannot go Well she's dead It's like oh her son

Yes he's like who would have a motive To try to get back at Jim Ballouci Oh because we should say also by the way That not only did this woman molest him But then he like totally on her. Yes. The woman went to prison. Went to prison. For like 45,000 years. And like died

in prison. Yeah. She died in prison is the idea. And this is like how a neptus movie is because this is Jim Belushi's movie through and through Tony Goldwyn is a side character that comes in and does stuff. And then it just turns into Tony Goldwyn's movie for like 31 minutes. Yeah, it's

the Tony Goldwyn hour. Which is, I mean, again, trade up, but like, you know, that's just not how movies work. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if it's going to be Tony Goldman's movie, like, It's going to be like a, you know, a split show kind of a thing. You need to set that up much earlier. I would like a split screen showing me what Jim's doing the entire time. Oh, God.

Tim Robbins is in the bathroom. Whatever happens in that movie. Oh, what was I going to say? There was something. Oh, well, no. See, here's the thing. If your movie starts with a narration from one character that's like, show I'm dead. Let's backtrack a second.

That's that dude's movie. Yeah. Yes, exactly. You know what I mean? Like, that's that character. film you can't just not have that guy around and then have tony goldwin there yeah it's silver bullet syndrome where like yeah he can't possibly know what fucking tony goldwin's doing in key west exactly exactly right and it's totally useless like this whole key west sequence comes to literally less than nothing yeah

look through and through it takes 31 minutes and like we have like these establishing shots of what key west is oh yeah to meet the writer of the film who's playing a landlord yes oh my god because the the sun i i i apparently was gay. That's kind of like what the overarching kind of thing we're kind of getting at because like the landlord is like oh he was one of my favorite tenants

and he's got like oh he's got a picture of him in his wallet which is something which is weird and he's wearing this like drama like Letterman's jacket it looks like it's pretty awesome

but apparently he used to go to this church yeah Tony Goldwin goes to check out the church you know what he kind of looks like Steve Holt he does look like Steve Holt Like a dramatic Steve Holt, yeah. So, yeah, Tony Goldman goes to this church, and he's walking around. He, we should also say, by the way, that while down here, he fucks Lorraine Brocko.

Sure. Yep. Like, gets the info on, like, this fucking seedy motel that he's staying at, books the next room over. They sleep together, and then she leaves. She's got this fucking terribly delivered line once again where, like, you know, he says something about, like, you know, you wanted to come down all the way. down here like just to sleep with me and she's like I didn't just want to sleep with you I wanted to corrupt you which like sounds like it's going to come to any

I mean she's just a big red her in the entire movie like you're like oh it's her it's her it's her we also get their sex scene like from outside the window to heighten the audience's voyeuristic experience I think that was more like Lauren Brocko's not getting naked for fucking yeah yeah you're probably right by the way did anyone catch that or the room, the number of the room

that Tony Goldwyn is staying. Totally, dude, room two, three, seven. Oh, get out of town. Fucking insane. Dude, let me tell you guys, this screenplay is so clever. I can't even tell you how clever. And anybody, like, Linda,

uh, Lorraine Brock. But Linda Fiorandino definitely starred in a similar movie to like this. The last seduction. Yeah. Last seduction is what I was thinking of. Lorraine Brocko shows up at this motel dressed up like the Joker's

girlfriend. She's got this weird fucking red thing going on. I'm like where are you going? She's like, Jack, I thought we were going to see the painting side. I, oh my God, how about this? I said to Eric earlier today that that's what Lorraine Brockow's performance reminded me

on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she's speaking so slowly. That's amazing that you thought that. Tony, Tony, are we going out tonight? Jack Pound's like Is that you sugar bumps?

So Tony Goldman goes to this church And he's like This is ridiculous He's trying to track down a suspect Yes And he's like you know Maybe I'll stop off for a little confession Well he's just like he just shoot around his wife

Apparently he never does this And he's like And also like I think the movie is also Setting up Tony Goldman as a red herring as well Of course he is yeah Because it's like oh like Everybody's a suspect Because the red lipstick and Goldwyn's house

and like all the clothes keep going missing and like there's other stuff like that she wears perfume that only Goldwyn knows about which is called Nightwing for some reason and blah blah. Sure. Batman, a Batman line of colognes and perfumes. It smells like dominoes.

Razagou from Calvin Klein. That'd be great. I totally buy that. Dominoes, you're my number one pizza. Jack Palance for Dominoes. That would be great.

believe it or not oh yeah oh yeah i was uh i was going home with my pizza in there uh these street tufts that i was having a beef with kicked it out of my hand we accept sorry mr dominoes we accept uh tango or cash oh i mean uh credit to her cash ah fuck do you think we could get michael go for pizza hut ah i bought that pizza with a coupon oh man that is so stupid a delight no but she he's trying to be like bless me father fries and I cheated on my wife

blah blah blah and he just hears footsteps he's got to be the killer oh work is calling and this dude is walking with this fucking letterman jacket from the photograph and he runs up

and he's like hey man are you Steve Wirtz and he's like no and he goes well isn't that his jacket Yeah, the guy's like, yeah, it is. And he's like, well, where'd you get it?

Where's Steve Warts? He's like, Steve Warts is dead. He died of AIDS. He said that he helped bury him. Yeah, I helped bury him, and I guess I fucking took the jacket out of the coffin. I don't know. As payment. Listen, if any of you guys die, like, I'm not wearing your jacket or one.

No, exactly. Yeah, you buy it from the thrift store like a normal person. That's where the dead's clothing belongs. Exactly. The clothing of the dam. And what's awesome is, like, Tony Goldwin's just like, well, that's it. Like, there's no follow up. This dude is just like, oh, you're a...

Tony Goldwyn does say that he's a cop, like, right away. And then this dude just says, oh, the guy you're looking for, police officer? Oh, he's dead. Yeah. And then Goldwin's like, well, back to Palm Beach. And then, like... But, like, they couldn't call anyone. Yes, exactly.

Like, none of this never needed... None of this needed to happen. Use a phone. And also, Goldman gets in a helicopter for no reason. That's pretty... I mean, I don't know how far apart Key West is from Palm Beach, but, like, still, use a fucking phone. Hey, Key West Police Department? Uh, what?

You got a line on this, dude? No. Oh, he's dead? Okay. Oh, this is a famous mistake. The Key West does not have a police department. It's just the cats from Hemingway's house. Oh, just running the whole place.

That's why they have that extra, what, uh, the paws have the extra, like, a little finger. Yeah. Yeah, it's a double trigger finger. I was just thinking of the helicopter. Oh, wait. Oh, my God, we've got a high-speed chase. Oh, I guess we can't follow the helicopters being used by Tony Goldwyn. We have to go to QS today.

Sorry. Sorry. Come on, man. I was only going like six or seven over the speed limit. This is a cat police force, man. So, yeah, he goes back. He calls, well, this is fucked up. So Belushi is now snooping around.

Bracco's house. There's literally one scene where Baluchy's just kind of in a room like what's in the news today? He's like just kind of pacing around. Because at this point he is very suspicious of Tony Goldwyn having sex with Lorraine Broco. That's right. He notices some like canoodling earlier in the film and he starts like

getting peeved about it. Oh yeah he's like me at Stevie Bees when you get back. Yeah and so he's it's kind of a great montage because it's Belushi drinking in his underwear just like hitting furniture. I've been there. Kind of love it. And he's like, yes.

Man, I wish there was insurance for Domino's. I'm so bad. I dropped that pizza and I'm never getting it back. I wish I could say sorry to Mr. Domino's. What a visionary. He had no idea what was coming. So Balushi's like snooping around her house and she finds, or he finds, she has left a note of like the name of the hotel, the address, and the room number.

He calls the hotel. He asks for Lorraine Bracco. dude at the desk says she checked out. He's like, oh, okay, calls back the phone number for room 237. Goldwyn answers, and that seals his suspicion right there. So he's like, oh, when you get back, meet me at this bar, we got to talk. And to get back to him, while Goldwyn is fucking Proko, he is trying to make moves on his wife. Oh, right.

It is fucking nuts. Including, including, and this is incredibly inappropriate. At the heliport he's making moves. He's sniffing her hair. Oh, yeah. But that's when he smells that nightwing perfume. Right. It smells familiar.

Oh, it smells like Robin, but older. Ooh, that smells like a dead woman. Which is also the smell of Bert Ward. Still alive, Bert Ward. God bless him. At the time of this record. Yeah, at the time of this record. February the 15th, 2018. Give it a rest.

Do not worry about Bert Warren. So they meet up at this bar. Belushi's like angrily shooting pool. And he's like, he's doing the thing that annoys me when I see some solo pool players. Like obviously knocking around the ball, whatever, just like, you know, getting balls into pockets. That's fine. But Belushi is picking up the cue ball after every shot and placing it just so, so it's easier for Jim. I don't think so.

That's a level of confidence I don't. possess is to play a pool by myself at a bar because you know so I was like hey man can I play you and I was like I don't I don't want to play you I'm in a bar I'm not here to make friends exactly nobody makes friends in a bar exactly but that's the move of the guy he's like I'm going to move in

on this pool table and once I fucking scare this sharp jump away I'm going to then have the pool table with my buds the real guys the real pool I could get another route for the real guys over here it's the name of group of friends we call ourselves the real

guys it's the name of my podcast it's uh our our eel alternate title of this show yeah when we get sued we'll become the real guys so no we got a guy named Lars Lars of the real guys yes yeah dude that's terrible

hopefully I'll be a dead like sex doll yes thank you I can see you getting pretty successful in that profession yeah if any if any fan out there wants to make a sex doll. Just getting pushed around in a wheelchair, getting fucked by a weirdo.

Wouldn't he be working in the hospital, technically? Oh my goodness. So they have this argument in the bar. They take it outside because Stevie B gets involved. It's got to get this outside. It's fucking awesome. It's a fucking grade A verbatim.

Take it outside. Loved it. Yeah, it was Stevie B himself. And then they're yelling because it's like, it's about you fucked Larry and Brian. And like, Belushi's doing this like high, high and mighty thing. He's like, but what about your wife? It's like, no, you're only caring about Lorraine Brocco.

And the line here, because yeah, Belushi's trying to like yell at him from his fucking high tower. And he says, you're not who you thought you were, boy. Yeah. Like, shut up, Belushi. Your dick has been in everything but the horseshoe crabs. Like, what the fuck? I beg to differ. I fuck crabs.

I get crabs and I fuck crabs. Oh, what are you like an emissary for the Mermaid King? Come here, buddy. You know what I like to do is I like to put a little bay seasoning on it first. Oh, man. Go down Baltimore way. So they get this big screaming match and they decide what they're going to do is they're going to go visit this dude. I think his name is in jail.

The Italian guy. Yeah, they go visit this dude. Minnesota's brother. Yes, yeah. And so they're like screaming. Hello, Clarice. Yeah, totally, dude. I wish this dude was fucking.

and slinging comet Jimbleucily. Hello, Clarice. When did you have fried chicken for dinner? You come in here with your cheap pizza. The fat gang. With a bunch of dominoes. You put tartar sauce on your salad. But not today.

Dr. Lector, if you help us, we'll put you, we'll give you a window or that McDonald's, you could sketch it. I only sketched take out pizza giants. Dominoes, pizza hot, you know the kind. Oh, do you ever see the cathedral of the IHop on 48th Street? This is the Papaginos in Italy. Oh, man, a Papaginos, that takes me back.

Ooh. I'm sorry. So, yeah, they go and, like, basically, like, this guy gets hip. He's like, hey, what is your case against me again? Because, like, but he's also being unhelpful. They're like, hey, man, we. found out that there is a link to another killer, or another murder rather, you've clearly been

locked up, so, you know, give us some information here, what's going on? This guy also starts to tell him Jim Belushi, well, what were you doing there? What were you doing there? So it starts to plant the seed of now Jim Belushi is also a suspect. Dude, everybody's a suspect. Jamie Kennedy told us.

You find yourself in a Jim Belushi erotic thriller. I remember it was after my dad died, and you know, I was I stayed with my aunt and uncle, and when I came out, I heard a noise, and I came out to the barn, and my uncle was dropping all these jama-nosed pizzas. Those pizzas were crying, Dr. Lecter, and I heard the screams of those pizzas hit the barn floor. Yes, Traces of Red, Red Marinera. And I saw he had one pizza he hadn't thrown yet, and I took that pizza, and I just ran, Dr. Lecter.

I just ran into the night with that pizza, and it was so cold, and I was so scared, but the pizza was warm in my hands. Thank you, Jim. I am both hungry and wanting to watch Silence of the Lambs. I mean, that's a great time. Having some dominoes, watch the silence of the lambs? I think I've done that before.

I'm sure. And in the Midwest, you put the ranch of the basket. Put the fucking ranch in the box. basket. Don't you hurt my pizza? You don't know what pain is. Would you dunk my crust?

I dunk my crust. I dunk my crust so hard. Was it a big fat thick crust? He's fucking draped and dough parading around the house. I just open the mouth here. That's a chicken wing inside the mouth.

Oh, that's that movie. No, so, I don't know. So they get not much out of this guy, but they do find, to Eric's point, they do bring up, like, what were you doing in that bar? And he's like, eh, nothing. And he walks out, like, all pissed off. It turns out he was getting a drink with his brother

and he didn't want to pull him into this because he's running for state senate. Yes. And it's like, oh, are you sleeping with, was your brother sleeping with Morgan as well? Yeah. And the answer's probably yes. Yep, totally, man.

And are you telling me the Palm Beach Enquirer hasn't, like, gotten wind of any of this? Where is the press in this whole movie? Yeah, I mean, when we get to the end of this movie, it's like, how on earth did none of this? So, like, moving along. Oh, another, so this other, like, red herring moment, I guess. But, like, they find all of the dead women's clothing in Tony Goldwyn's garage. Yes. Tony Goldwyn's wife stumbles on all these ladies' clothes and is freaking out.

She gets a voice message from. Lorraine Brock oh not a voice message answering machine message yeah a little tape with a recorded message Lauren Brocka calls leaves an answering machine message

like hello Tony Goldwyn I need you and like in the deadest voice possible where you don't know where she's coming from she's like I need you to come over to my house right now it's very important

and she says she also is like you know oh I know I shouldn't be calling him And it's like what? And we never find out what the motivation for the phone call is because she's been murdered. But like, yeah, so like

basically both Belushi and Goldwyn go to the house at the same time and yes, the wife is like, were these women's clothes? Like, oh my God, that's the woman's clothes that's been killed. And like, Goldwyn's like, it's not me, it's not me, it's not me. And then they make this crazy plan

which doesn't make any sense whatsoever where Belushi's like, I will take your wife to my house in the woods. You go grab Lorraine Brocko for no reason, Tony. Goldwin and we'll split up and for some reason I didn't take your wife who's not in any danger whatsoever well they think that like the killer is going to target them or something right the killer had access to the house to put the clothes I guess I think they're just doing this because this is how they

usually swing oh I see it's just one big you take my wife to the barn I'll take your girlfriend to my bed which my turn oh oh uh so Tony Goldwyn shows up and Lorraine Braco has indeed been murdered. Letter opener to death. And he's like, oh my God. And then he sees a car and he follows the car. And the car winds up going to William Russ, his brother's house, the dad from Boy Meets World, who's also very uncomfortably racist in American

History Acts, which kind of ruins that show. If you ever look back, you're like, what is he teaching Corey? What to do? Because I think both of those were like at the same time. Exactly. That show was on the air and this dude is in a feature film. using the N word repeatedly. A bowling tournament, really?

It's a bowling tournament. You have to go to it at night and have a KK. Okay. So, but yeah, he goes there. This private eye who is absolutely nowhere is Ville in this movie. The guy from the anniversary party at the beginning of the movie. And also, Tony Goldwyn has attempted to

question William Russ before. Belushi and him have a little bit of a fight about like, you know, I know it's not my brother. So that, like, they try to interrogate him and then like Belushi bails on it. Yes. So he goes back and he's like, I got you now, you fucker. You know, and he's like, who is peeling out.

Then this like old man who's, Belushi, yeah, he was like a retired cop. He used to work with Belushi or whatever. Your classic private eye doesn't, but he's like, yeah, I was tailing Lorraine Brocko because I'm trying to like wrap up all these loose ends for William Russ because he's literally having sex with the entirety of fucking Palm Beach. And it's like, yeah, I got. to tail everybody so the press doesn't get get on it. It's like, do you?

By the way, we're going to find out in five minutes, this guy's an active serial killer. He's an active serial killer running for state Senate. Spoiler alert, FYI. That's not the best time to start a campaign. The floor will now recognize State Senator Jeffer Dama. And back when this was made, that would actually

surprise you. Yeah, well, that's all right. Yeah, it would be shocked. Total sense. An active serial killer could be present. I mean, we're not saying anything, but we might be saying. Yes. Who knows? Just twist and turns.

He's had a hard target trip. I'm almost certain of it. Oh, sure. He's hunted humans for sport. Red herring, Michael Flynn. I mean, maybe look it that way. So William Russ, like, they have this big blowout, and he's like, all right, you want to know what I'm covering up?

You want to know what I'm covering up? That teacher never touched him. And you're like, oh, wait, what is going on? And it turns out, like, the mother was abusing Jim Belushi. Yeah. Or I guess abusing both of them. And the brother was like, hey. Well, you don't know that it's abusing William Russ.

Oh, okay. It's just Jim Belushi. And he's like, all right. So then I told my 11-year-old brother, like, just blame it on your teacher. Well, he said, blame it on the whole movie. It's like, blame it on that weird teacher you got. Yeah. He was like, oh, I was 11 years old.

I didn't want my family to split up. So that's why I pressured. Jim into saying that stuff. Okay. Are you sure? Yeah, I mean, maybe if your mother's molesting, what we come to find out is both of you. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe splitting up the family. Is it good thing? It's a great idea, really, actually. Maybe that's just wipe out the whole family. By the way, how about that? Maybe we should have split up the vineyards too. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, exactly. Get them away from Beverly DeAngelo. She's not working. She's smoking too much. Yeah, she's the problem. No, I mean, like, everybody's the problem. That's true. Everyone is the problem. Except for Elliot Gould. Elliot Gould is a warming influence of that movie. And the older sister is like a pretty

liberal lady that's trying to come into her own. But like she's got like this mother who's smoking six packs a day. Her two brothers are Nazis. It's a rough ride for her. It's very stressful to live that life. You got Ethan Zupli coming into your house at all hours of the night. Oh, you don't want that. You don't even know like if you're going to get up to fucking use the toilet in the middle of the night. Ethan Zupli is just sitting in your living room looking at you. And it's a fucking 1997 E's a Suclea. That toilet's coming out of the wall.

Yeah. And he's just bitching about the goddamn Domino's insurance policy because he's taking the same pizza back three times. Fucking SJWs, man. Hey man. You know who set up that Domino's insurance, right? The Jews. Oh, my God. This sounds like our iTunes reviews. Oh, man. Writing fake iTunes reviews.

We actually just got a new one today. about how we're terrible SJWs. So I just want to mention it. So if you like the show, rate and review on iTunes or wherever you get it. There you go. So, yeah,

it's just like this big reveal or whatever. And then, like, they determine, I guess, somehow that Jim Belushi is the killer. They go to his apartment. And this is when they get the typewriter. Oh, right. Yeah, he checks the typewriter.

It works. This is the fifth typewriter we've checked in the movie. Like, we've gone to multiple typewriters, check the D and the L. Man, what a stupid thing to keep showing us in this movie. They also find a drawer of the notes and the lipsticks. And there's like 10 letter.

There's like 10 letter openers because he's like the letter opener killer. Oh, you must get a lot of mail. And they're like, oh my God, like here's this letter and he's just detailing everything. And Tony Gold's like, oops, my wife. Yeah. And so like the two of them are hauling ass in Tony Goldwyn's Jeep. And it's fucking great. There's this shot of like Tony Goldwyn's driving at high speed and they come up

on the car. And William Russell is just like reading the letter and it's just like, and that is why I elected to become the fucking letter opener killer. Or like, whatever this is like in paragraph. Yeah, this crazy balushi line. And they get to the fucking

the cabin in the woods and whatnot. And now we're back to the start of the movie. Yes. And Jim Balushi is being really creepy to this wife. Again. Just like, but like ultra creepy. Like now, before she's like, oh, he's just sniffing my hair. It's making me horny up.

That's normal. She's into it, man. She's into it earlier in the film. And then now he's like really trying to move in and she's not having it. He kind of gets angry. And then Goldwyn shows up. They draw on each other and Goldwyn fucking shoots Jim Belushi one of the chest. He goes down.

And you're like, wow. And he's like, yeah, that's where you came in, folks. Everybody put your shoes on. Oh, wait. The movie's not over. I guess you thought I was going to be a hero or something. Uh-huh. Oh, my God.

That's the line. You know, I wish there was Domino's insurance for my life. If there was only some sort of pizza insurance, but for one's own life. That's the way we're going to have to sell, like, Universal Health Air in this country. Run it through Domino's. Get them to move from pizzas. They've been fucking it up again. They admitted on their own.

The Affordable Pizza Act would pass both chambers. and be signed by any president Every president So yeah Oh man I should have had an affordable pizza act That sounds so cool Oh shit Hillary they cracked it

They didn't figure it out Hillary And then it's just Yeah Belushi's just like well Uh uh uh uh credit's ain't coming yet They have a full funeral for this Full funeral fucking 21 gun salute Yeah exactly the papers are involved he's like yeah and he's like

And they covered it up They said I died a hero Not a serial killer So it's like okay And they bury him And then like The last scene is William Russ Going to this woman

Who is like his campaign aide's house And he's like hey can I come in She's like yeah sure And you're like oh so he was either eight I thought at the first was like Oh they were both in on it Like you know what I'm like Right

It's a tag team Tag team killers You've got that I love that Well because why else is he saying all this narration shit and acting like he is this person

exactly what the fuck I mean so he goes in and like he tries to kill her pretty quickly with the letter opener and trying to strangle with a phone cord which is another one of the threats I think yes it's one of the letters is like strangle you with your own cord and then like jimbleushi

comes and he's like uh uh-uh well no it's fucking golden oh my god I wish golden breaks down the door and you're like, okay. And then it's like, and by the way, already in this hotel room, and the door just like creaks open, it's like, catch you. And like, what? Wait, so hold on. So when, at what point did they realize that William Russ was the killer? And why didn't they just arrest him anyway? Exactly. Why didn't they arrest him anyway? I was, God, I watched this movie twice.

I have a question. Is it, sorry, you go. Because there's this, there's a moment earlier in the film like before all this ramps up with finding out that Jim Belushi's the killer where Tony Goldman and Jim are on the phone and it's just like if we're going to do this we're going to do it now and then there's another I think perceived hint when he's at his country shack he starts like toying with like a paint can

so I think it's another little hint but my question is like is this was this movie written by Jim Pittock and it went you have to get a star attached to it and you get Jim Belushi because he's He's a guy that can get movies made in 1992. He's the only star in the whole movie. Was this a thing where the original ending is Jim Belushi is a serial killer and credits?

And or Jim Belushi is a serial killer and maybe russes in on it and credits. Right. But like it's like, I can't be the bad guy. Like, because he's never the bad, like, except for retroactive later on. But like, is this like an add-on, like a bad? It seems like it's tacked on. He doesn't do menacing or nefarious very well. No, no.

He's just like a big doughy idiot. It does seem like it's suddenly tacked on because the fucking establishing shot and everything, it's just like... None of it makes sense because, like, just arrest William Russ, if that's the case. Just do it. The ruse makes zero sense.

First of all, you make all those cops go off duty for the dead to attend this phony funeral. By the way, that's another thing in the... That's a sequel to funny funy funy funeral. Oh, shit, the dude wasn't dead. I wasn't dead the whole time. You got all these people dressing up and stuff? Go to this funeral.

It's so inconcouverous. Caskets are expensive. You can't reuse that. Here's the thing that I want to know. How close is this to the fake Jim Gordon murder in Dark Night? Because none of those people knew. So I don't know if the Palm Beach PD is in on this whole thing. I don't think they could be because...

Chris Nolan was a huge fan of this movie. Oh, that makes sense. But some of them would have to be like, can't you just go arrest this guy? Yeah. Not this, like, big show. Or put a story in the paper. He's an active serial killer running for Senate. Yeah, first of all, sink that campaign.

Well, that's what drives me crazy about this last scene. It's like, so Jim comes in and here's everything and he knows it. And he asks Tony Goldwyn to leave. So the serial killer and his brother, we just framed, can be alone to have a chat. Yep. And there's this weird line where Tony Goldman, like, Before you know Belushi's back alive, he's like, hey, William Russ, I got you. And he's, how'd you figure it out?

He's like, well, I figured if one brother was molested. Both of them must have been molested. I'm like, yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean anyone's a serial killer, right? I mean, also one person was molested, so you figured another person was molested? What are you talking about? Great question. It is all super thin. And one quick correction, by the way, Steve, you said that Jim Belushi is the only star in this movie.

I would beg to differ. This is 1992. We are post-ghost. Tony Goldwin's a star, baby. That movie was up for the Oscars. You're not making a movie off. He didn't even make the poster. This poster is Belushi and Barako. That's the poster.

Yeah, well, yeah, that's true. But it's a sexy poster. I mean, I would love Tony Goldman to be the star, but he never opened a movie. No, that's true. That's why he's the president on TV. So the brother grabs Jim Belushi's gun And then there's this moment like Oh no, now I'm going to die for real

But then I die in the game, I die for real So yeah, he points the gun at Jim And then another red herring The brother just shoots himself in the head You know, hey bro, bro, just shoot this pizza I got insurance on it, man I got an insured up the wazoo

We could retire on this pizza he's eating pizzas for days. Ah, yeah, that dude blows his brains out. And that's kind of it. There's like a funeral scene. Fucking second funeral scene in 10 minutes, by the way. Well, if you're in that second funeral, like, wait, which one is dead? And the other one's alive.

What? This is too confusing. Can we just put them both in the ground? Well, I'm not buying another sympathy card. That's out. I bought one. That's it. I just think it's another fake funeral, and they just burnt the corpse in a

parking lot at like 2 a.m. Just to be fucking done. That's the way it should be. Fine, fine. But I'm not going to the reception afterwards. I just did that last week. I'm not bringing them lasagna. No. No, I don't care. I'm fucking, I'm tapped on lasagna, all right? Find the

veggie tray from the supermarket. I'll do that. I'll bring a crudite, but I'll tell you right now, I am running on fumes with this fucking phony funeral. So Tony Goldmanly comes up to Jim Belushi at this funeral.

And I guess, like, I don't know what they're getting ready to do. Lower the casket into the ground, give a eulogy, whatever. He's like, you're going to be all right? And Jim Belushi's like, I will be credits. Like, that's it. Hey, Jim, could you do me a favorite? Imagine that they are burying a, your favorite car. Like, maybe a hot rod.

They get dirt on my car. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. I guess I'll be okay. Oh, my brother, I mean car. Jim, think Dodge Challenge. Just think about it. He bursts in the tears. I don't understand, after all this fucking hooey,

why are we at the beginning of the movie getting a narrator who's lying to us? I don't know. It's an unrelated, wait, not unrelatable, but that is what Jim Belushi is, but it's an unreliable narrative. He is unreliable. I guess so, but the movie gives you no reason for it being an

like, Holden Caulfield is an unreliable narrator. Sure. Jim Belushi's like I got fucking shot in the food hole now I'm dead. It kind of the food hole. It kind of reminds me of it's like verbal kint and then like Agent Kouye drops the fucking Domino's box

and it flips to the back. I was thinking this movie kind of has the same structure as fallen where like it's it's a Denzel dead in the beginning and then dead at the end and then he turns into a cat at the end of that movie. Oh he sure does oh I turned into a kid.

No, I'm a cat, meow. Oh, dude, if the climax in the movie the fucking the door opens, like a cat pushes the door open and confronts the brother. Now I'm going to be the sheriff of Key West with the rest of the cats. Cat cops. That would be a big success.

I think it would be a huge success. Oh, did you hear about cat cop number four? Yeah, he got shot on the job last night. Yeah. Now they got him in the hospital. He's stable, but now he's coma cat. Poor mittens Lieutenant Mittens

Shot in the line of duty So that's this movie That's it He'll be fine Are we all fine after watching it Will anybody recommend this movie? You know, it's really close to a seeing as believe You know I'm going to give it

I'll give it to seeing as believing It's kind of boring It's kind of But it's so bizarre It's a seeing as believing Yeah, it's 100% of seeing It's believing because he is he's doing the whole Like it's still that

Ultra masculine bullshit Oh yeah But it's fed through such a weird character To be doing that with Yeah, it is You really do have to see it Yeah, this movie's mesmerizing Google it and see what it comes up

Yeah, I'll just I'll say that Right, Eric will say that That's a very, it's very easy to find this movie Do you think we're going to get a vinyl soundtrack of this saxophone Armageddon here. I would buy it. I would buy it. Hey, Mando, you listening?

Yeah, I'm 100% recommending this movie. I'll tell you what. Like I said, I watched it after watching Sunset Boulevard. It was late when I was starting the movie. Which is better. I'll get back to you next week. No, I was exhausted. I was like

fucking dreading it. I looked at the runtime. I was like an hour and 44 minutes. you i can't believe so i start i start playing the thing of like maybe i'll watch half of it now then half before i go to work the next morning playing that whole thing right guys i'm not even kidding you in like five minutes i was hooked i was on the edge of my seat in how fucking stupid this movie is i it it hooked me i mean it's stupid it's bad it's an unsexy erotic thriller if there ever was one i was worried we were gonna have an up situation because like the first two minutes It's just Jim Blushy dead.

And I'm like, well, it's all downhill from here. That's Traces of Red, directed by Andy Volk. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com or find us over on headgum.com. Well, I'm being... Sorry, I'm being handed something from the newsroom. Oh, it's so much mail. Well, I am the letter opener killer. Our Patreon episode this month is Man of...

steel. You can get that at patreon.com slash we hate movies. You chip in for that. You get bright. And if you continue on the journey with us, we did just find out that next month's Patreon episode will be Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance. From the directors of

crank, baby. Oh shit. The better of the two movies. I agree. The better of the two Ghost Rider movies? That first one is fucking horrible. I might have to watch both. Oh, yeah, I'm going to be lost. I totally don't remember. Stay tuned. I don't know when we'll put We'll make it happen, but the first one is to stay tuned anyway.

Yeah, for sure. Rate and review the show wherever you get, especially the iTunes to counteract all those weird SJW. Those guys are racist reviews. That's kind of funny. Find us on Twitter. We're at WHM podcast and Facebook.com slash we hate movies. We all hate movies at gmail.com. Of course, is the mailbag.

If you got something to say, let us know. We have the mailbag episodes every month on the main feed for free. Now, next week, what are we doing? What are we getting into next week? Death Wish 5, The Face of Death, or the Angel of Death? I think it's Face. The Faces of Death is like that weird videos. Hold on, hold on, everybody.

It doesn't matter. You're going to watch it anyway. It is the face of death. There it is. Death Wish 5, the Face of Death. Starring the late Charles Bronson and the later Michael Parks. That's correct. So it's going to be a sad week on week.

No, it's coinciding. with the new Death Wish movie that's coming up. Nobody, nobody, nobody wants. Also, you can check out our episode on Death Wish 3 in the backout. That is correct. So until next week,

where it's Death Wish in the fashion industry. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hit gum podcast.