We Hate Movies - S8 Ep350: Episode 350 - Wild Hogs

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

On this week's episode, the gang chats about the 100-minute motorcycle gay joke, Wild Hogs! What a wretched undertaking this whole thing is—who is this for? Why did the screenwriters, director and actors all feel it necessary to cram in all these wretched, panicky, gay jokes? Why can't we root for the Del Fuegos instead of the Wild Hogs? And what a godsend Stephen Tobolowsky's presence is in this movie! PLUS: The guys work up the idea for a new screenplay written specifically for Tobo: Chili Cook-off: The Motion Picture! Wild Hogs stars Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, John C. McGinley, William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei, Ray Liotta, Kevin Durand, M.C. Gainey, Jill Hennessy, the Sklar Brothers, and the great Stephen Tobolowsky; directed by Walt Becker. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Uh, and now on today's program, boy, the, the boiling blood inside my fucking blubbery body is I keep having to watch these Tim Allen movies. I'm a fact guy who had to watch Tim Allen movies. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, uh-huh. And speaking of fact, guys, this is wild hogs. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Steven Sadeg. I'm Chris.

Cabin, Jesus. And this is Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Oh, good. Nice. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Tim Allen. Thank you for tuning in, as always this week on the program. For room. Now motorcycles.

No, that's a lawnmower. Oh, shit, dude. I better get back to cut in this yard. This fucking moron. This is Wildhogs. It's from 2007, directed by Walter Becker. This is a Tim Allen movie we would call it. I mean, it's in any time this dude's fucking taint waltzes across the screen.

He is the anchor. It's not John Travolta. He was in the middle of the poster, I do believe. Yeah. And he's like top bill, I think. Yeah. He's who you're identifying with. as the audience.

I know. Because we open on like his house and we first deal with his fucking shitty life as a Cincinnati dentist. Right. Oh, also though, I think there was a thing where there might have been some infighting going on because did you notice at the very start of this movie, they clearly couldn't figure out who was getting their name above the title. So everyone is just left out.

And it's just like whatever the fuck pictures presents wild hog. Touchstone. Disney has the money on that. That's right. Well, they're in the Tim Allen business, man. I say put McGinley up there first, if we're going to do it. Oh, the second most homophobic character in this movie? Yes, I say that's the one.

If we're going to really represent what the movie is. We just got to get this out of the way right now. The fucking gay panic in this movie, it's like a level red. I haven't seen anything this bad this side in 1988. It's not even gay panic, though. It's like straight up gay jokes. Like, gay panic is like friends. It's like, oh, Joey and Chandler go to a bar and somebody thinks that they're a couple.

And then they adamantly say no. But this, that's... That's literally all John Travolta's character does throughout the entire movie. No, but he's even like being like, I'm not gay, like, over and over again. Like, there's, like, actual, like, gay jokes. Like, I feel like there's...

And, like, Ted... John C. McGinley's... Not Ted McGinley from married with children. And not Ted Kaczynski. American Patriot's greatest hero. Ted McGinley, you'll see him fucking opening a mall somewhere. I just watched a lifetime movie with Ted McGinley. Was it about opening a mall somewhere?

It was like... It's called Santa's Mall. It was like sliver, but instead, he was like a crooked landlord, but instead of like a bunch of monitors, he had, what do you call it, Google glasses and he would put him on. Are you fucking kidding me? And he was looking at, hold on, he was looking at nudies? Yes. Nudy picks? Nudy late.

There's one lady who's like stalking her. Oh, they gave him x-ray vision? He put cameras in her apartment. Oh. And then he would like put on his glasses. Sit at the park and like jerk off. Yes, exactly. And then at the end, it turns out he's Santa Claus.

Oh, I see. It is going to be a white Christmas after all. Hey, Santa, you stop having to jerk off with those Google glasses on or else we ain't going to save Christmas no more. Who is that? I don't know. It's a lifetime movie. That's a tiny Tim, man.

I'm assuming there's some little pauper that's assigned to him. Take your shitty milk and cookies. I'm watching your mother right now. Oh, my Lord, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Rop, rap, rap, rap. Yeah, you do that much better than me. Yeah, by the way, before we went on the air, We watched no less than 10 minutes of old Tim Allen stand up.

Thanks for nothing, the world. Call the Men Our Pigs that I watched several times as a child. I feel like Mickey Mouse went to that tape and I was like, well, we've got to be in the Tim Allen business. Yeah, I'll give him a TV show. Oh, my God, I went to the comedy store last night. You'll never believe who I saw. It was this guy up on stage, nothing special about him whatsoever. He made a bunch of grunt noises, said it was a pig.

He said it was his mother, said it was a fart noise. It's a universal sound machine. Yeah, Minnie does that all the time. She's always on my tail. It's just the seed right there. Like the seed of what became the Tim Allen Empire is in this comedy special. Yuck, maybe you guys should get divorced. You complain her.

Garsh, you complain about her all the time, Mick. That was good. Yeah, that's all right. So, yeah, this movie, if anyone doesn't remember, from fucking 10 years ago, this is Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, and for some fucking reason, William H. Macy, I guess someone was building a garage that summer. This was apparently an idea, this is what Wikipedia says. It can't confirm or deny. Okay. On the set of a civil action, which is a John Travolta movie.

Also, well, a John Travolta comedy, just like this one. That's the one about water poisoning? Yes. Okay. Dan Hadea is in that, too. Who's the other, like, big actor? William H. M. Macy. Oh.

This is apparently an idea they had on set. Are you shitting me? That's on Wikipedia. But how did it become the Tim Allen show? Because this is the Tim Allen show. It's a Tim Allen. We're talking about this. I think it's a Tim Allen movie.

Someone's about to eat something. Tim Allen just grabs it out of their hands. That's how it goes. Well, Travolta doesn't have the juice anymore to open up a movie. Oh, no. Now Scientologists are banging down. my door. Guess I'll join up. Your feetans are pretty high.

Mick, you've become really annoying ever since you got that religion in you. What'd you say, motherfucker? And then the goons get him. No, I don't care that nobody's seen many in two years. She's fine. She's just at home on our naval ship. That woman's dead, right?

Yeah. I think there's rumors that she's still Miss Gavage's wife. Oh, yeah. She's long dead. I thought she was totally dead. She's dead. There's probably some like dupes out there like Saddam Hussein. I think she's probably like in liquid like they had paraded linen around in like a formaldehyde bath. Oh yeah.

So they could like take her fingers out once in a while. I'm like, I don't know. Really? Use the fingerprints to open a security door. Exactly. I think in Hannibal fashion, they ran out of meat for the big banquet one day. And he was just like, nope, I got the fucking thing right here. This banquet will go on.

Hey, Donald, you're dressed like a sailor anyway. Why don't you join Seacore? Pass-a-W-W-A-B-A-B-A-B-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-That see, that's Donald doing Tim Allen's grunting. Love it, love it. And Tim Allen sued him for $10 million. I hate Tim Allen. You know Zinu could be a good, like, Disney character. Oh, sure.

Totally, dude. He could fight Thanos. Yeah. Thanos is a Disney character? For sure. Oh, my God. They should... When is Scientology going to start weaving that in?

into their religion. That's a great call. I don't know. Like Thanos should be involved. Get on it, Muscavich. He's in everything else. He's in everything else.

That's branding, my friend. That is branding. So we open up all, we meet all four of our wild hogs. William H. Macy, like,

it's unfortunate because he's great. And he's, yeah. Aside from Tim Allen, who's terrible. Yeah. Everyone's been great and stuff in this movie.

That's true. Literally every person in this movie is pretty great in things. And you go, like, right down the line, like Jill Hennessy, who is like Tim Allen's put upon wife. She's great and shit.

We got Marissa Tomey in this movie. She's obviously been great and shit. John C. McKinley. Ray Leota, obviously. Who, by the way, I do not buy it all in this role. Who? Ray Leota, he's not a biker. A New York Italian dude is not a Western biker.

Shut the hell up. Totally. I mean, and there's no way for Ray Leota to not do that. Exactly. Because that's just true. somebody else. You've got M.C. Ganey just waiting in the wings. Give him the whole movie. I agree. He's scary.

He definitely believe he runs a biker gang. And he's a great actor. Like, Ray Liotta adds nothing to this. Other than I'm fairly certain he was being paid per maniacal laugh in this movie. He would have been better in the Tim Allen role. Give me a movie

where Ray Liotta's playing a mild manner dentist that tries to be a big shot man. Oh, but then it's great, dude, because it turns out like he's good at it and it becomes like a serious fucking like murderous biker. Here's the thing is in this movie supposits like towards the end that

it's like oh look they've manned up and they've done it. So it would have been more convincing if Ray Liotto was fighting bikers in this. But that's the thing that the jokes of this movie should be all four of them are laughing stocks the entire time. Yes. Because there's suburban losers that are just

trying to like hold on to the glory days. That's the joke. That should be the jokes. They're the weekend warriors man. They're the fucking shit on the shoe of every legitimate motorcycle enthusiast out there. Every real deal hardcore American biker hates these fuckers, and they should be laughed at the entire time and not the heroes of this movie. By the end, they're like lovable and they're cool and like none of that. And William H. Macy's getting Marissa Tomey, which yeah, okay.

That's funny. It's a science fiction film. So we have this weird thing where we introduced all of our characters. We find out that Tim Allen, who plays Doug, Doug, Doug the dentist. It's like a Wes Anderson movie. They have, like, titles in front of each section. Yeah. Can't just say your name?

Okay. Doug was a dentist in Ohio who hated his mere existence. His wife, the shrew that she was, stayed at home and yelled about the bills. Dudley was useless. Yeah, that's it. So, Dudley is William H. Macy. He is a nerdy computer programmer. Yep.

Which is, like, his gag is he's, like, trying to woo a, like, and, like, my question is, is he a virgin or is he not a virgin? Because that sort of seems to be the joke. We're told in between John Travolta, like calling him almost gay slurs. Yeah. Which, okay, Travolta. He is said to, like, not...

This is William H. M.S. This is a 60-year-old William H. Mason. And it's like, oh, he can't talk to girls. Yeah, he's like, come on. That grown man, oh, he can't talk to... Go-G-G-G-Gurals. Fuck you. I mean, like, if he can't talk to girls,

what he's doing is he's... living in an apartment like just like hey he's going oh he's jerking off on old newspapers exactly he's building stuff out of those newspapers like like effigies of his enemies or his his potential love and there's a lot of create at home poppy a machet going on in that one room apartment and that's the character because it can't be this guy who's like got all these friends and is all around the town and whatever else he's got to be a lot scarier than william h macy is and he's also got to be a character that like the three of them decide to go on a trip and then William H. Macy's character is like, I want to go to and they begrudgingly

bring him. Exactly. Like maybe he's like Tim Allen's loser brother-in-law, something like that. That would actually make it so much better. The redemption, the sexual redemption arc he goes through. Totally. So, and then Martin Lawrence is a word that I'll use for the Wikipedia summary. He's a hen pecked man. You remember that one, dust that one off from the 40s. I don't know. Dust that off from the fucking Tim Allen comedy special we just watched 15 minutes ago. Because his wife is one of the actresses from Martin,

I don't have her name in my head right now. Was she on Martin? She was like a, she was Gina's friend. She was, I watched a ton of Martin, my friend. Yes, you are totally right, actually. And you know why it wasn't Gina?

Because she fucking hates Martin Lawrence. Oh, does she really? Oh, she despises Martin Lawrence. Oh, you got the dirt dish. Did she put him in the coma? I don't know. but she just like famously hates him yeah I mean it's when you're

whenever you're on a show with the guy's name in this show you probably don't like the guy at the end of the show yeah tell me about it my name's not in it yeah it will be one day um so yeah he's a but the funny thing is like like the whole his whole arc

is like she's overbearing and she's nasty what he's been doing for a year he quit his job and this seems to be a two income household he quit his job to write a book that he did not write. He didn't do it anything for a whole year. It's also not just a book.

It's a self-help book. It's a self-help. It's a how-to book. Yeah, she says how-to. How to what? Build a fucking cabinet? What are you doing? Nothing because they don't fucking care who these people are outside of fucking men on motorcycles. How to lose as much money as possible in one calendar year. Oh, you're right. Martin Lawrence's wife in this movie, Steve, Tashina Arnold was

Pam. Yes. On Martin, there we go. Yes, she was the friend. So she's like, you know what, your year is up. You have to go back to work. And he's like, oh, man. And it's like, yeah, oh, man. We made a deal, dude. You spent a year fucking jerking off the internet port in that office.

That's not my problem. You produced no papers in a year. I was a supportive wife. I worked extra hours at the whatever the fuck. They have like two kids. Like, yeah. I mean, you know, of course it's a two income household because it's the fucking middle class in Ohio. Yes.

Yes. You need two incomes, man. So there's this joke of... In 2007. Like, I don't even know if the firm will take me back. Oh, my God. And she's like, oh, I called the firm and they'd be happy to have you. So you're thinking he's like, oh, like a partner at a law firm or whatever.

Because that's what she is. She's like some sort of lawyers. And that's also what Travolta is, apparently. Oh, right. Yeah, he's another high-powered son. So it turns out that it's the name for a plumbing company. Literally that fucking hilarious. It's so, so funny.

What a stupid? Like, if I was some dude looking. for a plumber and it was like it had a cute name like the business. I'm just calling fucking H&J plumbers. Sally Telly brothers. That's what I want right there. The firm should be like the name of like a dildo

store. Oh shit. Or a mattress factory? Or a gym? The firm? Oh, yeah. Totally. Get you there. Go to the firm. Or like a what was it? John Grisham. John Grisham. A John Gisham only bookstore.

Oh, fuck. Go to the firm. And you can only get John Grishman books there. You know what? You'd still have a pretty mighty stock. You would and you'd probably turn of a good profit. Put that shit in an airport. Dude, you're a millionaire.

A goddamn millionaire. Considering how big that place would be, you might as well call it the chamber, actually. So, and he has to clean all this shit. I kind of want to watch him clean this shit, to be honest. I want him fucking elbow deep in a dirty toilet before we cut away from this convenience store he goes to. This movie's dumb enough. We might as well have gross out humor in terms of. of like flying shit being flung out of a toilet ball.

Where are the fucking hilarious feces? Well, those, the gross out humor comes from, could you imagine if homosexuals exist? I'm not only there. Oh, yeah. That is very much true. But while we're on this thread of, um, shit.

Yeah, yeah, well, disgusting acts of, oh, yeah, yeah, self-deprecation. Dudley. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't think you are. I really don't think you are. Guys, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm not in the right headspace right now

because this is really how much I truly hate Tim Allen. He has scrambled my brain. We've done two Tim Allen movies in a week. It's a lot. Because by the way, if you're a Patreon subscriber, we're talking fucking jungle to jungle, one of the most racist fucking things we've done in a while.

That was his classic movie from... Ninety-seven. Released under the Disney banner. You get the Walt Disney Castle before we have to see that film. Yeah, he just, he just tells it like it is, guys. Oh, savages. I hate, I just, I'm sorry, I hate to.

The two things that I love is homophobia and racism. Hey, Mick, you should get into a program. Oh, it's like our, our creator, Walt always said, goof, you're one of the good ones. That's not, that's not good, Nikki. Nick, hey, Mick, I found your newsletter. That's pretty terrifying, bud. Can you really build a bob in 60 seconds? The Mickey Diaries?

Hey, hey, Mick, I saw all those un- Hey, Mick, I saw them unopened pressure cookers in your garage, bud. What are you doing? Oh, yuck. We got to get rid of the Mexicans because we need our own Labensrom. You know, I denounce Mickey Mouse and always stand, of course. Yeah, man, if only we knew this side of Mickey sooner. Speaking of these animals.

Oh, sure. The Barnyard Animal Porn Sequence in which Dudley's at an internet cafe, no, he's just at a cafe with his laptop. William H. Macy, yep. Yes, yes, Dudley is the character's name. Sorry, I will stick to William H. Macy now. Sorry.

So William H. Macy somehow gets onto like, like, onto this porn site. Because here's what it is. Oh, it's alt. He tries to type alt something and does alt sex. He's not typing anything, which is horrendously obnoxious. He's trying to tape all alt-right. It's 2007, and he's trying to, like, use his voice to command the computer.

And also, by the way, he's definitely, later in the movie, he gets a tattoo of the old Apple logo, which also winds up getting played for a hilarious gay joke. But in this part of the movie, at the beginning, he's clearly just using some piece of shit, boxy, PC laptop. Nice consistency there, idiots. But no, so he's trying to be like, hey, computer, why don't you open this? Hey, computer. And he's trying to, he thinks that him talking and telling his computer what to do is going to impress this hot babe at the next table over. Computer, nucleo vessels.

So, yeah, so it opens up just this, it goes, it opens up a random porn site. Well, two of them apparently, one of them is Granny Love. Oh, Granny Shaggers. Oh, he's a Granny Shagger. Oh, he's a Granny Shagger. And the other one is Barnyard. porn, which, what? Like, there's

Barniard Love, baby. Beastiality jokes in my family film that I got kids here. Oh, I got kids here fucking big time, dude, are you kidding me?

It's probably PG-13. It's PG-13, but you, dude, it's touchstone pictures. It's the mouse, man. You are advertising this way. Your dad's dragging you there on Father's Day. My dad dragged me there.

Now I'm obsessed with Barnyard Love. I just don't even know what happened. One day, it was Father's Day afternoon. I remember it clear his day. My dad said, we're going to the movies. And we went and saw his favorite actor, Tim Allen. And then somehow, when I came out of that movie, I just wanted to fuck a goat.

And I couldn't figure it out. Mr. Hans begins. Happens every day. All right, Mr. Hans. You've got to climb up this hill and get this blue rose and give it to that beautiful horse. What's your deepest fear? Not getting fucked to death by a horse?

Oh, oh, my God. Oh, I got nothing. Ken Watanapi just burns the building down. Rub the horse's balls. His shaft will take care of itself. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's sorry, everybody. But what the dads really came to see, really what's important to them,

is to see fucking Tim Allen chug gravy. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, Tim Al. We'll get to that. Travolta's thing is like he is married, was married to a supermodel. Sorry, he's Woody. Oh, I didn't know that. I forgot that.

Oh, he's Woody, man. And he's, by the way, married to a supermodel that is based in Cincinnati. Yeah, sure. Supermodel. Happens. Oh, you just missed it. She's definitely not dead. Yeah, what are we talking?

Dude, yeah, because great point, Eric. I didn't even think about this while watching it. But, like, Travolta, like, you see his apartment. You see the business that he's in and whatnot. It's like a house. it's a house but it's clearly west coast he's trying to like pay the uh neighborhood kid he's totally broke wipe up he's trying he's arguing with this kid about raking and whatnot who i think is is that tim allen's king no it's a different kid with the same haircut because of 2007 everyone needed

every kid needed a haircut both of them are probably named cody i want to put this out there and this is you know also goes to everyone on facebook and shit sure all kids look interchangeable to me sure sorry yeah no the only time i can't recognize children the only time i can't tell a kid apart from another kid is if it's a really fucking ugly kid and I'm sorry the internet by the way some of your kids are fucking ugly I'm the only way I can tell us if I'm related to one of them

I don't know guys I know my nephews that's about it you just sound like a bunch of kiddists to me no no see I think they all look the same kids rights kid power they're all beautiful angels but they all look the same except those really fucking ugly ones they stick out like a sword thumb and all of you out there have

friends with ugly kids, you know exactly you might very well have an ugly kid. But then you don't know with that. Oh yeah, you were disgusting. I remember when you were born. No, I have the reverse effect. If you look at like baby pictures of me, like little kid, toddler, Andrew, it's like what happened? And I'm like years of

alcohol abuse. Yes. So not exercising. The ugly kid is already inside of you. Tim Allen's deal. So Woody's broke and but Tim Allen's deal is he's got some like, I guess he must have like cholesterol scare or something and his wife and his kid are very aware of it they're like hey dad you can't have bacon hey dad you can't drink this can't do that and then it did they

go they go they go they go the local a bar the the biker bar there this happens first which is this scene so um dude this movie is so 2007 it's not even fucking this movie is fucking 2000 and late is what it is yeah you're actually it came out in 2000 and late it's what it Yeah, it's playing 2,000 in ketchup. Wait, did we miss Martin Lawrence calling his daughter a Eskimo hooker? Oh, that's right. Oh, right. So this girl walks down in a skirt and she's got like, the boots look like she cut the legs off a polar bear.

I will say that about these boots. In 2000, late, so they're ugs probably or uglites. Or ugly. I know that's a character on salute your shorts. Kevin Ugly. Wait, what? Ugh, unsalute your shorts. Clean the shit out of your ears.

Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord. Only people who are 34 to 37 know what the hell you're talking. And all of Canada. Well, yeah. I mean, Canada is just salute your shorts. That's just life up there. Trudeau's waking you up in the morning.

I wish. Go fucking camp in a baga. Get the right to save the price. That's why Trudeau. Brits are really good. Yeah, I don't think. think you've ever heard him speak before no no um so it's like a totally normal daughter like oh that's right oh that's right school yeah but then he's like oh so you're going out there like

an eskimo hooker i was like i fucking saw this bit when you did it in bad boys too with will smith an infinitely better film by the way um so he they all go to this bar um william h macy falls off his bike so he has to go on the back of john travolta's right this is when we get some gay panic where apparently like uh uh macy is smelling Gibraltar's neck Don't smell my neck Hey man Don't smell my neck

How do you know I change shampoos? It's he And he really puts the emphasis And like This is that kind of movie Where they're like Well you could like very mumble

Say like Oh you're right bitch Yeah He's like riding bitch Oh yeah No because he Here's the thing He's gay panicking right now

And this character Like given another beat or two Would punch William Age Macy In the face This is the level of fucking gay panic and homophobia that we're talking about in this movie. In the film Wildhogs. This family film, this family fucking film Wildhogs, John Travolta is basically spitting homophobia in William Major Macy's face. And let's just say it's outrageous.

So they go into this bar and who would be there. But the internet, now the internet's favorite couple, which are the two guys from American Chopper. Paul and Paul Jr. The dad, the son, dude. And this, the dad is doing some. acting here. Oh, I think he's like, he's, did I read this right? He's like, he owns the bar, but he's also like their tax attorney or something?

He's their buddy. Yeah, he does some sort, maybe it's an attorney thing. Because he's got the towel over his shoulder, which means he works here and probably owns the place. Yeah. Because Paul Sr. don't work for nobody, but Paul Sr. He's also, he's there to do another gay joke. Like all this movie's nonstop gay jokes. That's right.

Remember when we went to the spa, Woody? We could do that again. That was fun. Yeah, it's like, wow, these tough guys, would they go to a spot together? And then all the other dudes are like, oh, my God, that's disgusting. That's going beyond even home. That's just like male intimacy in general is fucking bullshit. It's like toxic masculinity in the way that, like, a man who even takes care of himself

or does basic grooming is effeminate and therefore not a man. Or enjoys talking about anything but tits and ribs with the guys. Tits and ribs. That was actually the last Tim Allen HBO special. Ra, rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. Somebody shoot me in the head.

Not a rib-tickler among them. But the funny thing is he can't act at all because this thing is like, the first thing he says is like, wild hogs aren't allowed here, which is supposed to be like, wild hogs aren't allowed here. Exactly.

Wild hogs aren't. But if it was acted correctly, you're going to be like, oh my God, is something happening in this movie? No, don't get too excited. He's like, wild hogs are not allowed here. Just kidding, guys. Here are your alcoholic beers.

That thing about the spot, you're totally right. I love that shit because it's like, motherfucker, you ever been to a spot? One of the greatest days of my life was at a spa on my honeymoon and I'll never fucking forget it. But then his son, who could somehow act worse than he does, it's like, here, dad, here is your wine cooler. It's humorous as you have a large mustache

that you would be drinking a wine cooler. Goodbye, the movie. Yeah, you know, we had Paul and Paul to be in more of the movie in the original script. They called me the sixth wild hog. Yes, that's right, Paul. And, you know, it just wasn't working. They cut out all my good seeds. Here I am, helping the wild hogs.

I filmed on that thing for two months. I was there from start to finish, and they cut me out. I would love it if there was... My wife was played by Melanie Hutzel. No, something tells me his wife would be played by who's the fucking lunatic ukulele one? Oh, no. Katie Sagal's playing his fucking wife. Oh, are you thinking of Victoria Jackson?

Yeah, Victoria Jackson. Oh, my lord. Yeah. Let's go to sleep now, Victoria Jackson and have unsimulated sex. Okay, sounds great. Obama's going to bring about the anti-grimilar. Christ, I said it once on YouTube. She was right.

I mean, look where we're on now. Katie Seagall would be too on the nose because of the... But this movie is all about being on the nose. What was that show? Sons of Anarchy. Sons of Anarchy. Was that around... That was probably a little later, I want to say.

It was around this time, I feel. 2007, it might have just been starting. Because it kind of just ended like, what, two years ago? Two, three years ago, yeah. Because he had that bastard executioner fucking bullshit. Oh, my God. Which, by the way, I was. like hello new commute show

watched that on the train and then you watch one episode I watched like three and it was literally like the worst shit imaginable yeah I watched I watched two episodes it came out 2008 and sons of anarchy yes it did not bastard execution no so they decide like they're

fucking peeved man and it's like they're talking about like oh what's the next thing for the biker gang and it's like oh we're going to participate in the July 4th day parade and Tim Allen as a as a as a as patron periodic as he is. And Tim Allen does love America, by the way. Do not forget that. He's had it. He's had it with just throwing out little sparklers to the kids and whatnot. No, that's John Travolta. John Travolta's pissed off about it. He wants to get out of Dodge because he's broke and he's like, let's go on a road trip. And Tim Allen's like, no, man, you know, blah, blah, blah. He's like a very much of a homebody.

Oh, right, right, right. They're going to be forced to wear, like, blue t-shirts that have a star in them so that everyone in the parade makes out the American flag. The real thing that bothers him, of course, it's Dudley. And it's Dudley saying, I'm going to throw tootsie rolls to the kids. And that sets him off on this fucking thing. Well, because you know what the gayest candy of all time is, right? Is it a tootsie roll, according to John Travolta. Let me see that tootsie roll. Can I, can I just say the weirdest line that's in this movie, the weirdest exchange? Sure.

So, like, John Travolta's wife was a supermodel or ex-wife is a supermodel. However we want to say that. Yeah. And they're all like, oh, you know, Doug's wife sewed our patches. on our jackets. And it's like, blah, blah, blah. That's just so lame. And then, like, Tim Allen to Trevold is like, yeah, what's the greatest thing your wife ever got us? And Martin Lawrence just goes, hard. And it's just like, that would end a friendship. Oh, my God. There's a follow-up. There's a follow-up. They're talking about their friend's

wife giving them all hard-ons. Well, that's one thing to be like, oh, yeah, man, you know, so behind us back to be like, you know who's hot? Travolta's wife. Oh, man, she's hot. Woody's wife is so hot. But to go out, you're like, yo, dude, your wife gave me an erection. She was around me and I got an erection, dude. Look at it.

Last July 4th, when you had that sick BBQ and I went inside and helped Linda with the Mack salad. Guess what? Hard is a fucking steel rod with that Max challenge. Remember this. Talking to your friends about your very real and apparent erections. Yes. That is the most head.

Nereosexual thing you can do. Guys, yo, dude, your wife's tits are looking great, man. They gave me an erection. Well, she's breastfeeding right now. Even better! Yeah, I'm about to go into the bathroom, jerk off. Could you not? Could you actually leave my house?

Guys, let me tell you, as the straightest man in this room, my dick is so hard right now. She wanted all you guys to know this. Wild hogs for life. Why would you say the word, I mean, it actually like, even if you said boner there, it would be like, it would be bad but the word hard hard it is and it's just he says it like that like it's like it's like popping up again or something and what's amazing though is then they just like well the chicken wings are

here and it's just that's the end of it's like what are you talking about this is an outrageous statement to make so basically the thing is like hey let's go on a trip to the coast Tim Allen says no and he's like yeah we're not going to do that and then Tim Allen goes home and Jill Helen is like here's your salad Jill Hennessy right oh Hennessy What did I say? Hellenicy. Oh, well, I was having a little bit of beer. Jim Harmshaw.

So Jim Henson walks in as Jim Allen's wife, right? Everyone keep in mind, like, some guys like to drive to the coast and their motorcycles. And some guys do ill-conceived podcasts. Yeah, that's how you relive your youth. No, so she's giving him a salad, and they're eating, like, meatloaf and gravy and stuff. And this is just such the, like, if your husband had. a problem like this. Yeah.

You would find a diet, like, to make good meals with low calorie, low fat. For everybody. For everybody. It's always the biggest cliche of like, we're going to have a big hearty, whatever the fucking, you're going to get something green. Which also, Tim Allen appears to be eating like garlic cooked spinach. Yeah. Not bad. No, no, no, no.

It's literally just a fucking plate of greens. Yeah. There's no cooking. It's a salad with no dressing. It just, I always. And it's not just wildhogs. There are things that I enjoy that are guilty of this, too. It's like, well, now you're on a diet.

And it's just a rice cake. It's like, no, that's not how to be diet. On the Simpsons, that's a cartoon. That gets to do that. Yeah, that's actually true. When it's real people, you should, and like, I'm sorry, this kills thousands upon thousands of people a year, millions maybe even. What, Tim Allen movies?

Also, yes. No, but I've always just, because it's like, you know, I'm blood pressure. I mean. go to my wife and I'll be like, you know what, man, I'm a fat pig and I want to do something about this. And we adjust the menu and you make it work and everybody's, everybody as a familial unit is eating something together. And it's not this fucking dumb played as fuck gag. So like he's talking and she's like, oh yeah, you probably wouldn't go on that trip. That's just too wild for you. He's like, oh, it's too wild. Huh, honey? And he doesn't, or, but he wants to. He, oh my, you can

You can, like, if you freeze frame it when he's got his dumb, fat, racist mouth open. And if you look down that pie hole of his, you can see that groan just itching to jump out. It's in there like, come on, let me come out. Just do it. You know you want to growl. Well, I mean, 150 takes in. I'm sure you can really stuff it down. So he starts, like, eating meatloaf, and he's like, eating gravy.

Drinking gravy. And he starts to biting butter, and he's making an ill-conceived French joke. Dude, talk about 2,000 and late. I heard some, I'm not even kidding you. Less than six months ago, someone said freedom fries, I couldn't even believe it. What fucking planet are you on? And this fucking Tim Allen joke that he makes right here, he's chomping down on butter, and he's talking about how the French eat it like this right off the stick, he says.

Right off the stick. And this is the French. They've never even been victorious in combat. And I'm like, will you please shut up, Tim Allen? What branch of the military did you serve in, Tim Allen? He has zero And being arrested for cocaine doesn't count Also we got to you know

This whole like The French can't win a war shit Is this this World War II garbage Like give Napoleon some credit Yeah No no they never Eric stop it No stop lying to them

The French never were victorious Chris he was eventually defeated And I understand that Yeah Sent to exile he was But what a run He was a couple of risk rolls From winning the whole world man

No, man. Ukraine is weak. He's just like two cards away from the whole damn thing. We might have been better off, question mark. Question mark, but maybe. Yeah. And here it comes. He has a panic attack. French.

Oh, that's a new shitty game on your phone. I would play that game. You'd be fighting with glasses of wine and cheese. Every time, oh, that would be awesome. I'd win that war. every time one of them commercials comes up for like a campaign game on my phone I just want to throw myself in front of the subway what shit it's not fun it's just shit like Tim Allen movies you know what's a fun game throwing yourself in front of the cell

right yes oh yeah those are Kate Middleton commercials for that was really good why don't you throw yourself in front of the train play trips a doodle Kate Upton Kate Upton, sorry, I get to miss that. Play Trips A Doodle today. Trips A Doodle. Oh, fuck, please. Someone out there, I don't care how crude it is, design a game called Trips A Doodle. And all you do is try to throw yourself in front of someway trades.

Please, please. Even if it's just the game cover, I don't even care. It's kind of like Frogger in a way because everyone keeps coming off the train and you can't throw yourself on to the track. Dodge the third whale. Game over. Oh, fuck, Tripsa Doodle. Amazing. Copyright, we hate movies.

So he gets a panic attack, he goes to the hospital. We get a doctor. Speaking of 2000 it's late. We get a Dr. Drew signing. What the fuck? He has lines. He's got actual lines. I almost, you know how a lot of people, you watch things every once while?

And someone on the television instructs you very specifically to do not adjust your television. I almost adjusted my television. That appears to be Dr. Drew, but that's impossible because this movie came out in 2007. So what is wrong with this TV? Either that's Dr. Drew or I need glasses. I hope I need glass. Please let me be going blind and have that not be Dr. Dr. Wait, wait, did somebody inflate John Slattery?

No. So Dr. Drew just sort of says like, hey, you had a panic attack. Don't worry about it. That's the joke. He decides to go on the trip. And now we're going on the trip. And Martin Lawrence, this is the thing. about Martin Lawrence's character. He's like, he just

got back to work after a year off. And he's like, well, the guys are going on a trip, so I have to lie to my wife and lie to my plumbing captain. Well, yeah, she he tells, he tells her that he's going to a plumbing conference in Cleveland. Are those real? Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, everybody's got

there. There definitely is but like for fucks, like, not for plumbers, it's for like people who own plumbing supplies. Right. Yeah, exactly. He should have been a, he should have said plumbing workshop or plumbing fantasy camp your Mario for the week You developed a new kind of toilet

It will blow your mind It's like space age shit tunnels You just started back Retraining you have to get back Yeah you got a cabin plumbing is like Riding a bike my friend Oh really? This is the move

This is the move This is the easiest lie to tell And it's like it's easy to dovetail Into your entire trip It's like yeah we got to go because what he might kill himself. I was like oh my God

last night William H. Macy was over his house all night like you know we're on watch and he wants to go on this trip I think it's the best thing for him I'm sorry honey

but watch yourself there because you're like two steps away from an eye melt with you right there oh you're like that's that movie where I was like

praying Roblo committed suicide is that that movie and then it wasn't Roblo that's a stay tuned either on here or on Patreon who commits suicide in that movie it's like

They have a pact, right? The kind of fat guy who plays Orson Wells and me in Orson Wells. Oh, Christian, whatever the fuck? I forget his name. Oh, he commits suicide? He's the one who commits suicide. Does he throw himself in front of a train? Whoops, dripsie doodle.

No, he has an orgy with a porn star. What? Wait, wait, okay. Stop. He has an orgy with a porn star. It's like two or three people, including Sasha Gray. No, I didn't. I obviously erased history with money.

I made her piss on that black guy's bed. Look, why would I, someone who has been famous for having illicit affairs and also going on radio shows and saying exactly what I did, ever have sex with a porn star? Only the entirety of my character tells you this is real. Yes, you know what? I pay for it, okay? And that's what winning is. so but no he goes there

Macy's there Trevold has got nothing to do so he's he's there he doesn't have to make excuses to anybody they start throwing their cell phones away which makes no sense because it's like well because it's about freedom man you don't want to be tethered to anything civilization is over

Dennis Hopper in the desert yeah dude Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda they didn't have no cell phone Speaking of which Tim Allen And Tim Allen has this, like, GPS phone, Travolta breaks it. And then Tim Allen breaks Travolta's razor cell phone. And he's like, oh, no, all my data's in there.

And I'm like, 2000 and late, dude. What data is on that phone seven text messages and a picture? A shitty picture. Yes, exactly. My data. Also, this is where William H. Macy's like, I got a tat for the trip. Check it out. And it's the old Apple logo.

where it was like the rainbow colors and Travolta's like yeah looks like a gay guy's tattoo can I tell you the end of my razor phone oh yeah because I had one for a long there was the first someone ever had I was a little late to the cell phone game

we got like 2006 I want to say nice and it was such a bothersome item because when it was dying it made a noise that let you know it was dying and you could not let you couldn't mute that noise so you'd be like I think I kind of remember this You'd be out at a bar, out with friends.

And I'm like, yep, my phone is dying. And the battery is terrible. So when I finally got a new phone, I broke it in half and put it in a large soda of fucking from Taco Bell. And I wanted it dead so badly. You know, I had to raise your phone, too. And I was drinking at the beer garden in Astoria so much one night that I accidentally snapped it in half.

And then I went online when I got home. drunk out of my mind and I bought it an iPhone and I woke up in the next day and I was like I can't afford this but I guess I'll make do that's what call that's being in your 20s man yeah um so yeah they they go on the trip

and finally so we're doing it we've got the fart rock by the way is out of control I don't even think we need to comment on it it's pretty obvious no I think the only place you can get this on CD soundtrack is a fucking coconut it's good luck it was the last one they had well it's like all like the biggest fucking like bar hits you know and then like

I'm a free man oh yeah totally this movie starts with so glad we made it oh of course it does that's my least favorite song really give me some 11 I think any songs give me some 11 I don't have no time for what really yeah I like when the blues brothers did that time there's been good versions of it sure the word gimmee has been in a few good songs Steve. Give me shelter. Give me some more.

So they wind up going camping the first night. Yes. Oh my God. This fucking camping sequence where they're like toasting marshmallows and like one of the marshmallows catches on fire so they huck it behind them to like get it get rid of it. And then it goes right on to a tent. Oh my goodness.

And it goes up in smoke. Ro, rah, rah, run down the tent bear. And then William H. Casey goes to grab a jug of water. Oops, it's a jug of fuel. Why would he be such a dumb baby? Like, you know what water is. You know what gasoline is.

Yeah, exactly. If anything, he's probably with this computer nerdery shut-in shit. He's a fucking doomsday prepper. Here's how you tell. Juga gas smells great. Love it. Want to drink it.

Water? Nothing. Don't like it. Does nothing for me. You know, the other thing that the soundtrack to this movie has almost, whenever it's not playing fart rock

some fucking classic by the way at this point 2000 in late but I guess it's back Roseanne Harmonica Oh yeah Just like out the ass in this movie So I don't know

They wind up having to sleep on the ground All together like On one under William H. Macy's shit bag Yeah and they all wake up and they're like Oh, man. They're waking up and they're like, we have to explore the shit bag. We should explore that. William H. Macy, like, takes a human shit and decide.

I don't think I didn't take a dog shit. Well, that's the thing is, like, when I was watching this scene, I was like, why would you bag a human shit? Like, a dog shit, I can understand bagging and throwing up, but a human shit, you let that lay, my friend. John Travolta wants him to bury it, and he refuses because it's in a plastic bag. and that would be bad for the environment. Just bury the shit Sands bag, motherfucker. And I got a legit laugh out of this scene. Oh, you and I got the same legit laugh.

We were texting about this. Please explain this sequence for the folks at home. Well, no, it's just that, you know, he's like, oh, you got to, Travolta's like, you got to bury that. And William H. Macy's like, well, I can. It's in a plastic bag. And he's like, all right, well, get it out of here. And he's like, all right, I'm going to hang it from a tree so bears don't get it. And he's like...

The bears don't want it. Yeah, he's like, well, the bears aren't going to want it. And he's like, well, why not? And he goes, because bears don't eat shit. You know what? It didn't make the movie worth it, but man, that was a good line. But the thing is, Travolta can be funny. Yes, absolutely.

But in this movie, he's doing this, like, incredibly broad, broad thing. And then it goes, you give that guy a room to be campy, he's going to go nuts with it. John Travolta in the Hairspray musical movie, good can't be funny, John Travolta. I kind of regret, and like we should maybe get to this point as a society. We need to drive John Travolta to the desperate means of Nicholas Cage because I think he could turn in some crazy, fun-ass performances.

Did you see the movie where he's hunting Robert De Niro because he's a fucking Serbian dude who Robert De Niro's like army troop murdered his family? You're all killing ground. You're missing a lot of Travolta, my friend. No, I haven't even heard of this movie. But he's killing ground. It was like two or three years ago.

John Travolta is trying to do like, it's like he's Serbian, right? I think so. Something like that. That sounds delightful. I know the lick my bunghole motherfucker is almost cagey and in the camp. Yeah. And that was like a major release film too. But then he's sitting through two and a half hours of that fucking movie.

He's in a new movie called Speedcills. A speedboat racing champion. and millionaire Ben Arnoff leads a double life that lands him in trouble with the law and drug lords. Yes, dude. If that's not fucking K-G and I don't know what is. I retract podcast.

This is the big one that's coming out this year and I think it's an absolute lock for worst of 2018. It's a movie called Moose. Oh, yeah. Wherein John Travolta plays a guy called Moose. And it's a rabid film. End of story. It's a rabid film fan stalks his favorite

action hero and destroys the star's life directed by Fred Durst. Directed by... Fred Durst, he's directed other movies, right? Yeah. Didn't you like some of his movies? The one. I like the education of Charlie Banks.

I think that's a pretty good movie. Oh, that's like R.D.J. No, that's what's Jesse Eisenberg. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What the hell was that one called? Charles. Charles Rocket? Charles Bank or something.

I would watch the Charles Rocket Biopic. Oh, definitely. And Robert Denny Jr. is Charles Rocket, Rocket Man. I don't know. You would call it, guarantee. So, they wake up in a field, in this field, and they're all slept badly, so they have all these, like, suggestive things. Like, oh, man, my back hurts.

My ass is killing me. I shouldn't straddle something that large. Yes. And Martin Lawrence has some line about his jaw. Three hours of blowing, and that's where John C. McGinley shows. Right, because the gag is Martin Lawrence has been manually blowing up, like, his tent that he has or something like that. The air mattress.

Yes. Oh, right. Three hours of blowing. And then like John C. McGinley shows up. I actually was... In the tightest shirt, a possible. Like it's painted to his chest.

A police officer couldn't function in this shirt. Oh, no. No one could function. I'll be honest. When I saw Martin Lawrence blowing up the thing, I was like, well, where's the blowing joke? I'm surprised I had to wait so long, honestly. It's a delayed reaction there.

It takes about five minutes before that one comes around. I was disappointed. John C. McGinley actually found this character in Tom Lennon's garbage and he was like oh that works that's not such a bad idea I just try this on yeah dude one leg at a time what this is I mean but at least like Tom Lennon that had like pathos and it was actually like a good kind of character and like you know that's the idea but this is just like literally one note like he's just like I'm gay let's have gay sex and everyone's like like he thinks he stumbled upon a classic woodsman gay orgy sure and he's aggressively hitting

on all of them yeah because it's just because that's what gay guys do right You tell me, you like men, and you see fucking leather bag, Tim Allen. Oh, you. Come out, and you're not going to get a little Randy. Well, that would be the thing is, like, if he was into one of them, if he was, like, hitting on, like, Trevolta or hitting on William Mitch Mason, or hitting on Martin Lawrence, or hitting on Tim Allen even, like, one guy, like, you're the guy that I want to hit on.

That's sort of something. Could you imagine if gay people were human? Exactly. Instead, it's like a fucking gay tax savory cartoon. Exactly. It's like, Auga, man. He pulls out a fucking cartoon knife and fork and is drooling and licking his lips.

He's got a fetish for fucking has-bens. Christ, cross. I mean like shit, dude, who could care? Every last, well, Bill Macy. No, yeah, Bill Macy still works. Do you mind? I have a fetish for hasbens. Oh, I can't watch.

I can't listen to your show. I can't believe the first time I had to write into this podcast was to ask you to stop slamming washed up racist actors. You know that's some people's fetish, right? Some people like John Voigt. Love the show. Um, so they get back on the road. Uh, this is when they go to, it's like really one after another. They then now go to a spring to take a dip. I just, I thought for, because it's so back to back like this, I was like, is this entire movie just gay bashing? I was thankfully wrong and it's only like 79% gay bashing. Yeah, sure. I thought too bad. Yeah. Yeah. So they go, they go take a dip, and William H. Macy, like, is skinny dipping. He's like, come on, guys, let's skinny dip. And everyone's like, all right.

And even, like, Travolta is like, all right, sure. Everybody wants to look at everybody's dicks. I guess I got a bunch of gay friends. Oh, man, hope Zinu ain't mad. So they all get naked, and then this family comes up. And, like, you know what, man? And here's the thing. Like, these guys are skinny dipping, whatever.

Don't, you're not, like, don't go near any. one in water. I feel like every time I go to a hotel and I'm like, ooh, I wonder if there's a hot tub. If there's anyone in that hot tub, I keep on walking. And it's another thing. I just don't want to bother anybody. I guess it's closed. Because when I'm in a hot tub by myself in a hotel,

I want everyone to walk by me. Are you telling me John Travolta doesn't hear this thing coming a mile? Like, he is on like, super patrol. Like, just like, is anybody going to fuck me? Is anybody going to fuck me? And like, the car is coming and just immediately, like, you

would go and get your shorts and put them back on. I'd be like, whatever. No. No. Because you know what? The other thing do is like, hang on. Hang on. A classic. Hang on a second. Exactly. Just hold it right. Hang on. Sorry. Just give us a second. You know, that's it. But instead, the gay panic now transcends or transfers into these nothing actors because this family comes up and it's like, boy, it was getting hot in that

minivan, had to pull over for a dip. Yee-ha. and this whole thing and there's swimming. The whole yokel family, little kids too are going to be down there in the dong water. And they're all like getting in.

Hot dog flavored water. Limbiscuit. It truly is hot dog flavored water. And it will truly be a planet of limp biscuits. Yeah, four limp biscuits

in this hot spring, dude. But so they all like get in and then what is the gag here? It's like, let's dive for whatever the fuck why does the dad go underwater i don't even look at it's somebody's like oh i dropped something and the dad goes under and like i think he grabs travolta's junk is the gag oh no because that's what they're trying they're trying to give excuses for like why they shouldn't

come near them yeah and tim allen is like oh uh ro ro ro ro there's crawfish in here to which the dad's like crawfish let's dive for him and he goes underwater and he comes up like right in front of Travolta right here and it's like get back in the car and then the wife's like what? And he's like a bunch of gays and she's like I touched a man's dick

gotta go now it's I just I can't even believe what I'm watching when this was on I could have his hand off like fucking Evil Dead 2 I can't mother I cut I touched a dick I'd rather have a jane's our hand

than have a hand that touched a dick That wasn't my dick. It was a different dick. I touched a different dick. The gay spreading inside of me, I cut it off at the wrist. That'd be great of dick. Get the fuck away from me. Is that 28 days later?

Oh, man. Mike cut to Mike Pence with a chainsaw hand. And it's like, now does anyone else have any questions? Keeping in mind, I've already talked about the chainsaw hand. No. Um, so yeah, then, then we finally get to this bar, which is Del Fuego's, right? The Del Fuego's are the, the, the, the, the, quote, unquote, real deal gang. Did everybody read the trivia about this one?

Oh, no, I don't know. About how they wanted, or the original script had the Hells Angels. Oh, right. This is this quartet of assholes. Also, the alternate title for this movie was a quartet of assholes. Chuck Zito said no, huh? Disney had to go to court with the Hells Angels. What?

I want all the transcripts. Give me all the transcripts. I want to see it all. Yeah. No, the Hells Angels threatened litigation, man. The mouse, that's what's great. The mouse backed down from the Hells Angels. You know who really runs this country. I respect a good trademark. Well, I don't respond well to intimidation. I'll tell you that much. Get those guys out of my front fucking lawn. Oh, God. They dismembered Minnie.

Oh, my God. Actually, you know, if Disney wanted to, they could wipe anyone off the face of the earth. Entire Hells Angels. Yeah, I don't hear how many guns you have in your house. Yeah, an entire race of people, if they wanted to, that's how powerful they are. They own everything. Listen, it's awesome that they're buying Fox. It's fucking awesome.

You'll finally get to see Gleip-Clop and Hoop and Doobie in the same fucking movie. Isn't it great? When they came for Marvel, I said nothing, because I wasn't Marvel. When they came for Star Wars, I said nothing, for I was not. Star Wars. They came for Fox. I said nothing. And then they came for me. That's Universal

saying. It's the universal globe talking. So we get to this bar. Like we said, it's Ray Leota, M.C. Ganey, and the guy who played the blob in the Wolverine movies. Kevin Duran. Kevin Duran, who

was also in loss. Oh, Kevin Duran. He's a great basketball player. No, the one from Cosmopolis. Oh, no. Was Kevin Durant in Cosmopoulos? That's a bet you'll lose that. Sure. Oh, yeah, me and KD go way back.

I play hoops. I would love... If I had probably $12 million. Like a lot, a lot of million dollars. Probably $12 million. I'm just trying to think how much this would cost. A one-on-one of Kevin Durant versus Paul Giamati.

And just keep watching Giumadi get stuffed. Oh, my God. I'm like a fucking double Oreo. over here. I can't take it anymore. I mean, Steve, there's better ways to embarrass me than this. No, no. You take it to the whole Giamatti. You know what, PG? As long as you just get one basket. One basket is a... Oh, time's up. Okay, I lost.

That'd be a flagrant waste of money. Yeah, it would. Almost like going to see wild hogs in the theaters with your family. So, like, it's a record scratch when the wild hogs show up. A great question I'm about to put out. Wow, congratulations on your question. What I meant to say, beer, great point. The question I have is, was it a literal record scratch?

Oh, I don't know. Because in my head I had that there was a records scratch. I'm pretty sure it is. Yeah, this is a movie that is not above a record scratch. That's fantastic. So they go in and they sit down and, you know, tough guy, Ray Leota, and all of these tough guys. Yeah. Famed tough guys are all drinking mixed.

Golobe Ultra than anyone else gets this? Which has a little bit more alcohol than are no duels. Like just just a bit. Just a scotch man. These are the del fuego. Well, this is so weird because like they have to make like because of course they would be drinking fucking

Budweiser or fucking worse. Yes. But like they have to make them the lesser of the quartet. Yeah. So they make them do this. Or was it or it could have just been fucking product place. Oh no. It was no. Definitely. Because Nickelove had money. because we're either, we're either drinking

Mickalob's or Michelob Ultras is this whole movie. Because Mick Ultras is a beer, your dad will drink. That's what it is. You're day drinking? Why don't you make it an old show? I think plenty of dads will drink other stuff. I love the audacity. You know what those dads should drink, Chris?

What? Bleach under the sink. That's also possible. The audacity of those Mikalob ultra commercials, there's some of my favorite beer commercials because it's like, hey, have you been outside running a 10K? just get finished mountain biking. Did you climb to the top of that peak? Well, how about a Mickelope Ultra to celebrate?

No, no, you've earned a real beer. Yes, exactly. Dude, you ran a marathon. You better have a real beer in your hand. So they, they, they, uh, leota starts, uh, like, uh, taunting them, I guess, sort of. He's like, you guys are weekend warriors kind of a thing. Yeah.

He gets into a thing with Macy wherein like, they trade bikes. Like he's like, oh, you see that bike. out there. He's like, yeah, yeah, that's a great bike. He's like, you want to train me? He's like, wow, I'm getting a good deal here because I'm an idiot, even though I'm a computer program and I'm obviously a smart man. Well, computer programmers are mostly idiots. They're good at like, clickety clank, I'm on the computer. Well, here's the thing, though, I mean, and I feel like if you're William H. Macy or if you're me, you have a pretty good bully radar, Bulldar, I'll call that. Like, when you're being bullied, you're like, oh, shit, I'm being bullied again.

You know what I mean? Like if somebody's like, hey, man, I'll trade you. I'm like, oh, fuck, no, you're not. You're nothing. You're right. that coming a mile right. Exactly. And that's exactly what, like, Travolta and Tim Allen are trying to tell them. They're like, no, dude, they're fucking with you clearly. Dudley, didn't you hear the record scratch? These guys are going to fuck us up. So they go outside. And even time, I was like, hey man, could I ask him? No, you can't. And they're just going. Before they go, or is this

when, does the worst line of the movie? There's a lot of worst lines of the movie. Martin Lawrence, I think, has the big one. A hard. That was a big contender. But also, Also, like, they're about to get into a fight over this, I guess. And, okay, yeah. So, like, they go out. They're switching things, and Leota is like, no, I'm going to. Switching the bikes. And there's going to be a fight, it looks like.

And Kevin, Martin Lawrence and Kevin Durand are still in the bar. And they're like, I don't know what you would call this situation. Somebody says, I don't know what you would call this situation. And then fucking Martin Lawrence says pre-rape. Oh, what? I missed that one. No, he says it to Tim. he says it to Tim Allen he says

and I had to rewind it and turn on the subtitles to make sure also so I could tweet the frame grab at Jupin on Twitter well I'll follow you tonight you better you haven't yet no he says does anybody else get is anybody else getting that pre-rape

feeling oh yikes yep and then Kevin Durand is like I am I am yep yeah I like to rape people and that's his that actor is gag in this movie is that he's a possibly gay rapist. And that is, I am laughing my tits off, you guys. I couldn't even believe it. Because he's like

the hillbilly biker. Right. Yeah. And that's not the first rape joke too, because earlier in the movie they're talking, like, I don't remember what the situation is, but they're like reeling off like yeah, this biker trip could be just as much fun as easy rider as this as, which they didn't see the end of easy rider, obviously. But then they go or like deliverance and Tim Allen's like

GER? Yeah. And I was like Oh, rape. I would love this movie. They were just beating the death in a field. That's why shot gunned right off the thing. Oh my God. Can you imagine they're camping one night? And then like one of them just like fucking beat. Bigfoot comes in. I mean, maybe that or one of them gets fucking beaten over the head with a rock

like Jack Nicholson and Easy Rider. Just a bunch of, like, a bunch of like regular people just drive by. Or the Del Fagos just take them to a cornfield with some bats. Yes. Oh, man, dude. Some casino action. Dudley! Dudley!

That's my brother Dudley, you son of a bitch. All of those things would be awesome. Death would be great. So, um, they wind up, uh, he steals William, uh, H. Macy's bike and he gets the, cuts the fuel lines of all these other bikes. Well, that's coming up. That's the revenge. Oh, pardon me.

But one of the things Leota says is like You know, one day When Jack Del Rio himself And I'm like, oh, I know that guy's coming in this moment You know what I'm like See Jack Del Rio before credits It's like when Jack Del Rio started this gang

It was this that And the other thing Oh fuck I got to see another Sometimes it seems They're gonna be Sam Elliott or somebody But the other thing though Is like all of this is just adding fuel For me to be like

Yeah exactly Ray Leota Yeah like exactly Get the fuck out of here, Wildhogs. Like, you know, there are, it's happened to me within the confines of these five boroughs. You walk into a bar, you realize it's not a bar you should be in, and you fucking leave immediately. When the lights are on and they say it's closed, you turn around. Exactly right. If you walk into a place like this, Wildhogs, and that fucking record scratch happens, find some place else to get a Mick Ultra.

If people, if people are openly gambling in the bar you're at, you're like, oh, it's not for me, goodbye. Thank you very much. Exactly right. And, you know, a lot of times this is a really easy signifier, at least in New York State. Middle of the afternoon, smoking inside. Yep. Better leave. Avoid.

Better leave. So whatever. They go, they leave. Travolta makes a sting. Come on, man. We're going to be tough and stuff. And they're like, no. And he goes back.

And like Eric says, he cuts all their gas lines and steal away his bike back. They try to chase after him and they blow up their bar. And that's kind of like. The inciting incident fucking 91 minutes into this movie. Rayleota actually drops a cigarette or something that actually starts the blaze and...

This precious bar blows up and I will give this movie exactly one thing. Well, two things. The second thing is coming. But this first thing I will give this movie. When that bar blows up, that's an actual practical effect of this building exploding.

Not half bad. Also, hilarious shot of the Ray Leota stunt double running away from the explosion. really great. Has a lot more hair than Ray Leota. Yeah, because he looks like the fucking junk addict on the corner of my building that makes fucking deliveries for the bodega during the day. Who, the Leota?

Yeah, that's what this stunt double. Ray Leota's stunt double looks like this guy. So they start high tailing it and like Travolta's thing. It's like, we've got to go, man. We got to go. And they're like, oh, let's get gas. And they don't get gas. And they didn't realize it as the last gas station for 200 miles.

All their bikes break down. There's a gag when we're in the dead. desert, like, we're all, like, very hot and dehydrant, and we might die. And I'm like, that's kind of cool. This is, this is turned into Jerry, Jerry times four. Fuck, that would be awesome. Fultman, Jerry. William H. Macy has the shirt on his head.

Yeah. Well, though, the gag that I thought you were going to bring up, speaking of a plate of shit, is there's a buzzard, like, following William H. He's going down the street. And again, I'm laughing. Well, I'm laughing. This is where, like, Travolta's been not good for most of this movie. Yeah.

But this is where he goes full cartoon. Exactly, because he's scared. This is scared. Like, he's just jumpy about everything. Oh, well, because he lays down a line of bullshit on the three of them because they're like, wow, you got the bike back, John Travolta. What happened there? And this leads through the rest of the movie.

He's like, oh, I just told them that we were going to sue them and they backed off and gave me the bike back and blah, blah, blah. It's, I mean, what a dumb thing to have a character make for the conflict of the movie. He clearly would just be like, yeah, I fucking blew up the bar. Well, we'll at least give them some agency to get out of town. Exactly. Instead of now, all these other fuddy-duddies are being slow about riding their place. Yeah, and then the rest of the movie is like they all want to hang out in this hotel, this little like hometown type small town thing.

And Travolta is the only one that's like, we have to get going. Yeah. And that's just, that's the last 45 minutes of this movie. They get this small town, right? Madrid, New Mexico. Yep. Best sheriff I've ever seen. And this is the.

The second thing I will give this movie for because fucking, God damn it, the clouds parted, and an angel came down into this movie by the name of Steven Tobolowski. Friend of the show. He's a lot of fun in this movie. He's very funny.

He is. It's a blessing that he's here. He's like a nerdy sheriff, obviously. The whole town, like, the town thinks that they're Del Fuego's. Right, right, right. So they're like, oh, and he's like, oh, you guys are del Fuego's, huh?

It's just a lot. You guys are they? It's great because everyone's, like, shitting their pants when the wildhugs go into this bar or this diner and it's like Marissa Tomey's diner. Because they're acting like fucking animals. Right, yeah, because they're like, oh, we need all this water and they're like screaming

at people for water and shit like grabbing pictures of water off the table. But Tim Allen's the fucking alpha male asshole and he drinks a fucking thing of beer. Yep. In the desert for a day. Yeah. Why doesn't he have a, like his thing is health problems. Why does he have a heart attack in this?

That would be a lot of fun. He fucking dropped it. Oh, man. It would be like a delayed executive decision. Now that you should see. Now that you should see. Rest of it's like last flag flying. Getting his fucking body back there. I'd love it.

I would love it, dude. I would love it. Just dead Tim Allen. You can fucking weekend at Bernie's him. I don't care. And that would be like his arc. He'd be like, oh man, you know, I just want to spend the rest of my days with my wife and kid. You know what I mean?

Like that's a lesson learned. Sorry. Oh, no. I was just going to say that Stephen Tobolowski delivers the only other line that I really had a laugh from in this. I think he talks about. like oh you guys got to stay for the chili cookoff oh yeah someone's throat started to bleed last shit changed his life it was a good tobo line i like the one where they're talking later in the movie it's apparently they don't carry guns like well yeah we don't carry guns the only

training they gave us where they let they made us play doom that was great that was great and then also like towards the end of the film after like all the fighting to tobo does say like that was like level 12 of dude I think that's how a lot of people get interested in joining the army these days. Yeah. They should have, Tobo should have been

one of the leads. Yes. Tobo could have been a fucking Class A wild hog, dude. I actually auditioned for wild hogs, but then they were like, no. He was the man who should have been a wild hog. Well, I mean, the whole point,

this is like supposed to be a Western now. Like it's supposed to be like Wild Bunch, magnificent seven, Samurai. It's very, David, let me tell you about my audition

for wild hogs. I went into a room and Tim Allen said, are you Jewish? And I said, yes. And that was the end of my audition. They told me

because it was the similarities between the title, Wildhogs, and Groundhogs Day. Thought it would confuse people. I don't remember the story. that Tobot tells on the show about making

wildhugs, but I believe it's something to do with this like bull scene that's coming up. Oh, dear. So Marissa Tomey owns this bar or diner, restaurant, whatever you want to call it there in this small town. It's a New Mexico diner. We're drinking beer and diners. Absolutely. And so the whole

the thing is like they're having this chili cook-off thing the next day and it's like let's stay in the town. Sure. Those fucking shit in his pants about it. The other three are fine. Everybody's calling wives and whatnot. William H. Macy, because he's got a fucking head on his shoulders and he's breathing oxygen, is attracted to Marissa Tomey. Well, because they have been, like, the whole point of Dudley is to make all these other fucking losers look like decent people.

Yeah. Or at least, like, capable people. So they have to throw him one bone. And that one bone, of course, is fucking Marissa Tomei, like, wasted in this movie. He's the only person that actually has, like, I mean, the movie should have centered around his character. at the start, we should have spent more time with him because he's the one that actually gets his life changed through this experience

because it finds love with Marissa Tomei and presumably he might even move out of Cincinnati. Well, no, actually, the main character of the movie then is Doug's family because they learn how cool he is. You're right. You're right. God damn, you're right.

Doug is so fucking cool. Also, though, we were saying how at no point in this movie, Does Tim Allen do the... Yeah. And we are positing that he's possibly retired. Sure. Classic.

Classic bit. Yes. Now, what he does do that comes, like, as close as you can get, is when he's fucking stealing that old couple's beer. Yeah. And he's chugging it. This woman's like, but our Mikulov Ultra or whatever.

Like, is this his old couple looking at him not saying anything. He fucking growls like a dog at these people. Oh, right. Yeah, he'd get given to the old, the old Rasmataz there. Yeah. I was like, boy. I continue to hate you, Tim Allen. I continue to fucking hate you.

I would love it. Like, a 70-year-old Tim Allen. Like, he's down on his luck. He's got to go out, like, do one last stand-up tour. It's,

rah, rah, rah. And he just, it's like fucking Jake Lamata's final years. He's like 300 pounds. I was going to say it's like fucking R.D.J. at the end of Chaplin when he's getting the honorary Oscar.

And it's like, ah, in fucking age makeup. My God. So. By the way, Comparing Tim Allen to great people, like Charlie Chaplin and Jake Lamont. Throw Orson Wells in there. Why not?

So, like, yeah. Roosbud. So we're all kind of like hanging out in this town. We cut back to the Del Fuego's who are on like some sound stage of whatever. And like Rayleigh does like, no, we're going to go find those fucking wild hogs. Dude, Ray Leona has to say wild hogs so many times. He really does. And he sends all these.

guys out to all these neighboring towns. M.C. Ganey and Duran show up. Yep. Right in the middle of this chili cookoff by the, which is a lot of fun. They've been ordered not to fight them so that because they want to wait for Ray Leota to get, well, Ray Leota wants them to wait for him to get there.

So he can cut the throats personally. He's bringing the white barrels. Like they can't just bring them those around on their bikes like that. You need a truck. So yeah, we're all kind of like having fun at the festival. This is the bull scene. By the way, we have to mention that the Sclar brothers are here.

The Scleras are here doing a not great bit. The Scler brothers! Yeah, I wish someone tried them for murder and gave them the chair. No, they're all right. They're just fine. They're totally fine dudes.

But this fucking bit does not work. It's like one of them has a fucked up ear because the other one shot him in it. And Tobo explains that's why they don't carry guns on the force anymore. And the whole gag is like one says shit about the other one, but he makes sure to stand on the side

with the fucked up ear so he can't hear it. If you need people to make noise and fill out a scene, you get the Sclar brothers every fucking time. Oh, David, I worked with the Sclar brothers. They creep me right out. I just have one of those, they're perfectly nice people. They were amazingly nice people. I just have one of those twin things. I'm like, ew.

I had a twin myself, and I killed him in high school because it freaked me out. Oh, my God. That'd be great, dude. Secret tobo. Oh, yes. There was a second tobo. Oh, wait, isn't he from Dallas, too? I'm totally right.

Another obnoxious appearance in this movie, and I'm sorry, I'm sure he's the kindest, gentlest giant, but a gag in this movie that makes me throw up is the entertainment for this chili cook-off is a Jack Blackless Kyle Gass? No thanks. Well, it's bad. It's always bad, but it's true. worse in this because he's singing like genuine

pony and don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me and shit like and I'm like God damn it guys it's so we're just trying to find comedy in all the wrong places like this movie doesn't have to be an hour and 40 minutes no you can you could be a slick 87 man we do because it's a John Travolta movie like so Macy's like oh man I'm flirt with Marissa Tome I'm way out of my league

I'm like you're absolutely right by the way this is the same before the devil knows, your dad came out. Good year for Marissa Tomei. Oh. And then the next year is the wrestler. Look at that. The Tomey Renaissance. She's always doing good stuff.

She is. And like Wildhawks. I recently rewatched Homecoming again. Spider-Man. Yeah, she's awesome. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. She, he's flirting with her.

They're about to go on a dance floor and he's like, but I don't know how to dance. Oh, God. And Travolta, because the Travolta movie, he has to teach him about a dance. And I'm like, I'm in for this. You know, start dancing, Travolta. That's the thing.

And, man, this character is so fucking repugnant and reprehensible and it's obnoxious. And John Travolta hasn't done anything good and I can't even tell you how long. But my God, that motherfucker just has to sashay for half a beat and I'm in love all over again. And I was so upset. It happened to get in this movie. He's like, one, two? Yeah, all right. And I was like, fuck yeah.

He's doing it. He's fucking dancing. He's doing it. Travolta's dancing. He's doing it. And then he's like, oh, back off me, queer mother. And I was like, oh, okay. He's like, hey, uh, that's enough dancing.

And then like, uh, Macy has to be like, but that's a pocket knife. And it's like, oh, I get it. He had a boner. Yeah, he was thinking about it. Oh, man, we're thinking about your wife. How, how, hey, I'm Martin Lawrence. I'm going to go jerk off. Your wife makes me hard, dude.

Talk to you later. How big of a pocket knife do you have that it gets confused with a penis? Well, depends on a big of a penis. There you go. I guess, yeah, there's a lot of questions. So, accidentally answer. my own question. John Travolta already knows that

from the swimming suit. Oh, right. Diving for crawfish. That's right. A little crawdaddy down there. We should talk about the bull the bull scene because it's very stupid.

It's the idea of like, oh, we, you know, like in this town, we go and slap a bull for fun. It's called bull slap. That's not even the game. And they slap a bull and you run out of the pen.

The bull goes after all of them. And this is when kind of all of the stakes get drained from this movie. Sure. Complete cartoon violence. complete, like, fake physicality. Like, Martin Lawrence gets gored by a bull. Tim Allen gets it before that, too.

But Martin Lawrence actually gets propelled into the air. Yeah, yeah, like 30 feet in the air. And then they cut. He goes right through the clouds, comes down. The fucking goddamn roadrunner yells at him, and then he falls to the earth. And then it's not like, mother, and he falls all the way down. There's not 20 minutes in the hospital after this. Nobody's bloody.

No, they cut back to the town square and everybody's like, well, that was exciting. Well, we're going to have to call Martin's wife because he lost his legs. He's paralyzed from the waist town. The town grave robber is going to have a lot to do tonight. Because these boys are going in the ground.

By the way, there's a fucking heinous 2000 in late joke going on here. And actually, I don't know, it's a 2018 in late joke. maybe it's still applied here but at one point mc gainy i don't entirely remember the circumstances but he steals someone's cell phone and destroys it to which he responds uh your minutes just expired yeah okay to some random guy at this fucking thing and then martin lawrence oh this is classic tears off and starts bullying these two because it's all under this phony confidence because he thinks that Travolta turned

told these dudes off. So he's going up talking shit to these two guys telling him to get the fuck out of the town and Ray Leota can go fuck himself and this not the other thing and he starts spraying them with ketchup and mustard. David, quick MC Ganey story. I was in a scene in wild hogs

with MC Ganey. It was cut. But all I could do was talk about his dick in sideways. And I was like, dude, that thing is huge. That thing is flipping and That's why they call me Swamp thing

in Conier. It's like a tree trunk. But no, it turned out to be CGI. Wait, is he packing fake heat inside? No, no, I know. No, it's also standard size, I think.

You know, it's right. Standard death. Snub nose. Standard deaf dick. So, yeah, so yeah, he insults these guys and they kicks him in the balls. This, the second of several nerds kicks in this movie.

The first one, the honors go to Tim Allen get hit the balls, which I was okay with. Mm-hmm. Oh, you're about to enjoy the rest of this movie then? Absolutely. So it's the next day, and we're getting ready to leave. And trolls, like, come on, guys, let's go. Come on, come on. Let's move.

And, uh-oh, here come the Del Fuego's. Yep. And then you get the famous trailer line from Ray Leota, which is wild hogs. Because he has to keep saying wild hogs in this movie. It's just so ridiculous. If you ever see the four of us in the street, but it has to be all four of us and we're all walking in a row,

you have my permission to yell out, Wildhands! But it can't be at a show because that's disruptive. Oh, yeah, the Milwaukee show is going to be great. This is, so many things great happen right here. One is you notice some detail in the costuming because you better believe M.C. Ganey's got a Confederate flag.

on his jacket. Oh, really? There's that and then another... Well, they're bad guys, to be fair. They're the baddies in this movie. Okay, yeah, sure. And then another thing that was great, another legit L-O-L I had

is when the Del Fuego's blow into town, man. Tobo comes up to them and is like, get out of here, Del Fuego's, or whatever. Ray Leota fucking calls him a turd. Oh, I kind of lost it. And this is a very simple like, shut up, turn!

And you're just like, yeah, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. Ray Liot's career went right in the tank, right? It turned it right out. Yeah, I saw a very poor animated movie where he played a polar bear. I saw that. Oh, really? Norm of the, is that norm?

No, it's not norm. It's like, it's just a, it's an off, it's like food fight level animated. Yeah, cartoon. Wait, you guys saw this willingly? Let's make sure we're talking about the same thing. It's about, they're not polar bears. They're abominable snowmen. That's exactly correct.

And it's like these two little. baby abominable snowman, and they go into a town and pretend they're dogs. And then Ray Leota's like the dad abominable snowman. Dude, that's amazing. Who's in witness protection? He's actually a kid. Somebody. Oh, and you better believe there's Matthew Lillard as the stoned dog catcher.

Yep. Oh, yeah. This is now a stay tuned for Patreon. Oof a doof, man. And it's like, it's like 45 minutes of the worst shit you've ever seen. it's pretty good so they're in town everybody's threatened and the wild hogs the heroes of this film hide behind marissa tome's house yes which is fun and this is when it comes out that john travolta is actually broke and he's actually he did all that stuff and that's why they're so mad at him yeah and somewhere around here i think it's tim allen says something about i thought being a wild hog meant something No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. No, it does not.

It means you are in a constant state of midlife crisis. That's what being a wild dog means. It should be a thing where, like, maybe they go out and start hanging out the Delphuegos and see how the Delphuegos live. And they're like, oh, that's gross. And then they're like, let's go back to our middle class lives. And that'd be fine. Like, that's the movie. You know what I mean?

Like, that's sort of a movie. But no, we don't need, like, enemies. Because it's kind of a, and not kind of, it totally is. It's a slobs versus snobs kind of a thing. Yes, but also the hells angels will fucking kill you. Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. That's the thing that's like on the table because like, Rayleigh is like,

I'm going to fucking cut their throat. But then when he gets to town, he's like, you know what? Give me $50,000. And I'm like, wait, what? Also cutting throats. Come on. You're a biker gang. Beat them with chains and stomp their faces into the dirt.

Yeah, and then set them on fire. Sure. And if you can get some meth out of them, so much the better. You know what I mean? That's the deal. There's a crazy thing, though, because it's like $10,000 for the bikes or something. And then it's $40,000 to rebuild that whole bar. I was like, fucking $40,000.

That's cheap, man. That's not bad. That's New Mexico property, I guess. One of you is a dentist. Yeah, you guys could put that together. Please. Macy's probably all right. You know, so they duct tape William H. Macy and hang him from a tree.

Yes. And he's captured by the Del Fuego's while the rest of them are arguing because the truth comes out, Travolta is like, he admits to not actually, you know, threatening litigation. Is of no consequence whatsoever.

No, he's broke. Absolutely does not matter. Yep. No, that's actually, well, it's kind of funny

because he has this big, like, I'm getting divorced, I've got no money, I'm going to lose my house. And Martin Lawrence is like, yeah, we're all really sad for you,

but you totally fucked us over with this biker gang. And I was like, well done, screen and play. Yeah, you should be the first one out there, but no poor Dudley.

Right. Yes. And he gets captured. He gets captured. Yeah, Pinyatta bin. Because also they're threatening to, they're hanging out in,

in, Marissa Tome's diner. No, no, the Del Fuego's are in the diner and she's like, if they're threatening to destroy a place and it's like, if that gets destroyed, that's my whole life, everything is that diner. William H. Mace is like, well, I love you.

Here I go. I met you yesterday, but we're married. That's so true. It's so stupid. I would be like, oh, wow, that's a shame that Biker Gang destroyed your life. So much like the Mighty Ducks, where they succeed in executing the flying V at the end of that first film, Tim Allen is like, hey, guys, let's do the Golden Knight. Because that was Tim Allen's nickname in high school.

Self-appointed has to be. Of course. Nobody's called the Golden Night. We haven't talked about this, but there is a lot of him and Martin Lawrence are like high school. school friends and it's so much like back in high school when I caught the football and when I did this and my fucking pathetic Al Bundy

memory did that and one of the things was he was the golden night was the thing so he's like guys let's do the golden night was Martin Lawrence the black night well he was but in a previous film oh right that's what I'm thinking it's a shared cinematic universe oh it just just might be right before they went on this trip

Martin Lawrence went back in time for some reason. So then they're like, all right, we're doing the Golden Night, which is just Travolta and Martin Lawrence ride their motorcycles into a bunch of people standing in the street. Remember when we killed a bunch of people in high school? The Golden

Night Homicide. Tim Allen went away briefly for affluenza. Totally. Well, there's a lot of good people on both sides of that ramming. That's very true. And then so, like, Tim Allen is on the, behind them, so everybody's clearing out of the way. Tim Allen, like, fucking evil caneeval,

stands up on this motorcycle and the gag is like he's gonna grab William H. Macy off of this tree but the rope doesn't break and they're all just hanging there and Tim Allen's like the rope was supposed to bring now it's somehow William H. Macy's fault again Travolta has been a cartoon for the last 20 minutes

cartoon rules that thing should have broke. Yep you totally. Come on! If Martin Lawrence can fly 60 feet in the air from that bull pounding you never know or it should have like maybe done a rubber band like A son of the mask-esque-touch.

That's what this movie needed cabins, some classic Jamie Kennedy. I don't know about Jamie Kennedy, but it needs, it needs that kind of... Cartoon. The world has to be cartoonish as much as the characters are. I need Bob Hoskins bouncing up and down, man, singing a song. So, like, they're like, all right, wild hogs, let's fucking fight. So they do fight, and this is my favorite scene in the movie. Oh, of course.

Because, like, and instead of, like, hey, we're a biker gang, we're literally just going to kill the four of you guys. Like, this is what we do all the time. Yep. We're going to take you back and cut your throats. Like, but no, they're like, all right, we'll do a fair fight. Four on four. Yeah. Ray Leota is the one who demands it, which is like, just get it over with Ray Leota.

Come on. So they start beating the shit out of the wild hogs, and it is great. It's so awesome. What is your favorite moment? I have mine. I got to tell you, there is, right at the start. Ray Liotta gets a fucking sick sucker punch on Tim Allen and he goes down immediately. That one's not bad.

Well, what's your favorite moment, Chris? I think Tim Allen's on the ground at one point. Oh, I'm going to give it to you. No, go ahead. My favorite part is the end credits. No, the favorite part of the fight. Oh, the end credits. No, Tim Allen has a good kick at the ribs.

Yes. He's on the ground that he gets a good fellow's kick to the ribs. Oh, does he? From Ray Liotta? I don't know who does it. Because that would be a great red. That might be a Ganey. Yeah, that might be an...

Oh, man, you get kicking the ribs by M.C. Ganey, you're not getting back. You're gone. You're just gone. You might as well put some B.B.Q. Sauce on those ribs, baby, because you're fucking done. Slow cooked. Slow kicked. It would be a slow kick.

It's M.C. Gany. Yeah, it's not going to get that. That's how you make ribs, yeah. And there's also a karate one. Oh, dude. And this is kind of just that gag from the Simpsons where it's like, I want to see what the little guy is going to do. do it's kind of that but then it's like

William H. Macy and is it Travolta? No, it's a Martin Lawrence. They switch and William H. Macy's like, thanks for giving me the small guy and there's a fucking outright kind of fucking horseshit. The dude rips his shirt off, he's jacked. He does a back flip the whole thing. It's crazy and then the joke is, oh, we're switching back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then William H. Macy gets kicked through a fence, which is also another kind of great move. I mean, there's some good hits to the Wildhog. Travolta's getting slammed. The damage should be more apparent. I want teeth. I want like William H. Macy

picking up each one of his teeth. Like, oh, my God, I need that. Dude, imagine if John Travolta got fucking curb stomped in this movie? They all should be, dude. I'm telling you, there should be cracked skulls and, like, deep, dark blood pooling out of these. Somebody's orbital bones should be broken, right? Yeah, right?

And, like, their eye pops out of their sock. That would be awesome, dude, fucking Travolta's walking around an eye. We don't even see, like, how is it not even a broken? and nose with blood pouring down. Just one of those stupid jokes. I don't, I mean, they're made 100,000 times when like, oh, no, I feel fine. And then you find out, like, his wrist is on the other side of his arm. Oh, that's, yeah, he doesn't notice it right away.

And then it's a classic, like, he sees it and screams. Sure, throw that in. Why not? But the fact that it is just them and the Delphuego's laying waste to the wildhogs, not bad. And they keep beating them up. And the thing is the wild hogs will not go down. Right. Because the violence isn't real.

People really can't withstand that. They don't feel pain. There is that my favorite moment in the fight is when Ray Leota throws that black circle out into the ground and Tim Allen falls through it. So how, as a screenplay writer for the Wildhawks, you're in a real pickle here

because it's like, what are we going to do? How are we going to get out of this? You know what you need? Yes, we do. You need a DeiSX Peter Fonda. Yes. Here comes, I almost said Jack Dale Rio, but he's a football coach.

What is the guy's name? I forget what his real name. He's got a really ridiculous name. It's something Rio, isn't it? Yeah, I thought of himself. So in comp, it's like someone's walking, you don't fucking see who it is, it's just the legs,

he's got like biker boots on and whatnot, and the camera kind of comes up and it cuts to see who we're looking at, and boy, oh boy, is a Peter Fonda wearing a fucking headband? Honestly, in the original, in the original cut, it was supposed to be,

me, Paul Sr. again, was supposed to be, it turns out I am the namesake, and I came back at the end. It would be better than seeing Peter Fonda shit all over his legacy. Leave those wild hogs alone. Yes.

Hey, Paul, you're cut. You're cut for the movie. Yeah, no, exactly. I mean, like, what she's already done in the movie Ghost Rider. Like, we've gotten like the, oh, it's a motorcycle movie. Remember Peter Cycle does motorcycle movies?

Apparently, Peter Cycle? According to IMDB, Peter Cycle, the dude's name, Peter Fonda's character is. name is Damian Blade. Damian Blade. That's a Homer Simpson name.

Strap yourself in and feel the G's Damian Blade, dude. Ray Liotas is Jack Blade. Is Peter Fonda's career this bad that... Oh, yeah. Then you, no, when I go to IMDB... It's twirlet time, my friend.

When I go to IMDB... Better call the firm. When I go to IMD... Fonda Klug... When I go to IMDB, the filmography... for the known for it's Easy Rider

310 to Yuma Yule's gold and then wild hogs I am not kidding you was humongous and then the next one is some movie called Boundaries I guess I mean this movie made

an insane amount of money it did for like a movie that probably cost nothing he's been in good stuff back in the day well yeah but this is that thing where it's the same thing with the godfather it's the same thing with Scarface people love the idea of the movie but clearly never watched the movie like i think that fucking

moron that made easy rider too the ride back yeah like that motherfucker never saw that first movie you were you had it on in the background while you were smoking fucking weed and watching the stock market totally just every once a while saw a cool scene they're like oh man yeah easy rider is that movie that people think they can say to make themselves seem countercultural relative yeah see the movie Lost in America, which has a lot of fun with that idea. Oh, yeah, you're totally... That's a good double feature.

I got some numbers here. The worldwide gross of this movie and, like, I can understand America, but like the rest of the world, what are you fucking doing? Global box office, man, $253 million, $253.6 million.

And that was $168 of that was American. Or something to that effect. Well, you're right, because you're right. It says non-U.S. was $85.3. It was $85 million. That's crazy. That's crazy.

I've got two more numbers for you. One, a ghost writer, which has the same day as X. Peter Fonda came out the same year. Oh, fuck. And more importantly, in 2009, the Booddak, the Booddak Saint Eagle came out, which is why I'm positing that the reason Peter Fonda is, is in Boondock Saints 2 is not because of Easy Rider.

It is because of Easy of Wild Hogs. I feel like Troy Duffy was like, that movie rules. I want to get one of my, you know what my favorite wildhog is? No, I know you're going to say Travolta. I know you're going to say it.

No. My favorite wildhog, Peter Fonda. I've never seen that guy before. That guy's great. Oh, there's a problem. Is he a lot of movies? Sorry, Troy is technically a Delphuego. I also, Troy doesn't like movies

that don't have guns. Oh, that's true. That's a big problem right there. So along with Peter Fonda, Tobo, and a vigilante mob show up, and that's the end of the Del Fuego's. And you think the movie has concluded. Hey, you Del Fuegos, get out of here. Scoot, Del Fuego, scoot.

We got a chili contest to clean up after it. Totally. You know, I would like, if anyone wants to stick around to make a movie about a chili contest, I'm kind of free for the rest of the day. Holy shit, a movie about a chili contest starring Stephen Tobolowski. 10 tickets, please. Make it yesterday. Yep, totally.

So you think the movie's over, but it's not because we have to date this even further by doing this fucking extreme makeover home edition shit. You're, you're, ooh, ooh. There's a bigger. You're missing how all the wives have to apologize to the husbands. Oh, yep, yep. You're right. The fucking families, except for Travolta's ex-wife, she's out of picture.

Martin Lawrence's wife comes back and he fucking. This woman off. Because it's like, all the time's like, hey, you got to stand up to her. For what? For fucking paying your salary, dude. She's your boss. She's literally feeding you every day. You are a child in this relationship.

And then Jill Hennessy and the son come along and it's kind of hilarious because at the beginning of the movie, the son hates Tim Allen's guts. Totally understandable. Most realistic performance in the film. I related to it quite easily. And he's like, yeah, I just kicked that biker gang's ass. rah, rah, rah, ra. And he's like, you're cool, dad. And Jill Hennessy's like, I'm horny. And then, I'm significantly younger than you. They also continued to the coast.

That's the thing. So, like, Martin Lawrence is like, listen, stop talking at me. Yeah. And this woman keeps yelling. And he's like, no, listen, listen to what you're doing. Stop talking at me. I don't appreciate it. And she's like, I'm sorry. I love you. Bull fucking shit. Here are the fucking divorce papers. Yeah. I mean, why else? Now, presumably they, okay, the Steen is in New Mexico. They're from Cincinnati. So their families flew out there?

Yes, yep. Yeah. You better be serving divorce papers. You flew out there to see them for two minutes after a fight. And then without saying shit, they get on their motorcycles and don't leave. Don't they have cars? Didn't they drive there? Did they leave the day after?

If they drove there, then the wildhugs are the worst bikers or drivers or any humans alive. Hey, sorry, sorry, sweetheart. I know you got to, now you can pay more extra daycare for the kids that I should be watching. Yeah, yeah. I got to continue my man trip. Missed all these days of work too, just for this. They continue the man trip to the Pacific Coast, and they're down there in California,

driving down these boardwalks, and they see a bunch of babes. Oh, yeah. This is all like, oh, my God, a girl looked in my general vicinity. I must be a real man. It's the opening of Ion Springfield. Like, it really... Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. It totally is.

Just fucking bikini asses, and that's it. And they are disgracing again. The fucking Beach Boys are here. Oh, yeah. Like, uh... And that's, they all... So the beginning of the movie, because we got... It's a sick bookend here.

The beginning of the movie is the four of them are riding, and William H. Macy bumps into a four-sale sign on a house and falls off the motorcycle. The end of the movie, William H. Macy is like biking along the boardwalk, looking at all the babes. And the three of them crash into a really long surfboard and all fall off their motorcycles. And the end of this movie, at least before the credits, is William H. Macy just goes, hey, and keeps driving, blackout. He's no longer an in-cell. He's a vall cell. He's also the only one to survive the film.

I feel like those characters are now. Oh, that'd be great. They all broke their necks. Yeah, pretty sweet. Now they're ghost-dry. It kind of is like the end of the cell. they're ghost riders you're a ghost rider now all three of you the riders and then yes to eric's point right after the fucking credits start we get the extreme home makeover two thousand and never

dude holy shit which is just like how was this ever a thing how is this a thing why is this like you can't just have this as a post credit sequence when you're listen sometimes i think just end your movie when you're making movies man it might be in your best interest to think like will this be relevant in 10 years? Could, you know, like not everything has to be timeless, but just think, is anyone going to give a flying fuck about extreme makeover home edition in the year 2018? It's not about that. It's about watching Ray Liotta, Kevin Durant, and MC Ganey get like teary-eyed and gooey.

Because the rebuild, right, we should say the rebuild is the bar. Yeah, the show has rebuilt the bar. Which I guess, like, they thought was like a loose end in the script. Like, no, those are the bad guys. Why don't it to be rewarded? But I guess this shows that the Del Fuego's get, they get emotional over the bar being rebuilt and their humanity is restored.

They're lesser men to Tim Allen and them because they cry in front of people. That's a good point. Oh, my God, I didn't even think of that. I thought it was a good. They're a joke. See, I think crying is good. So I was mistaken.

Okay. Holy shit. My actual opinion is crying as good, but this is fucking Tim As well. Allen's movie. So I know for a fact, the whole thing is guys cry. And they fucking, they're, they're so touched over this bar being rebuilt. And it looks like the worst fucking chilies I've ever seen. Dude, dude, you're totally right. It looks like a Chili's. They've made like a garbage sign. Like, this was a shit roadhouse. Yeah. If you want no one, if you don't want fat idiots like the wild hog showing up, why the fuck would you want it to look like this? Yeah, don't make it look like you're selling ripples in there. A hundred percent. I bet you they're, because they did, they had a sequel plan for it because it made over a hundred million dogs. Definitely.

So in the next one, I bet you $1,000. Ray Leota and MC Ganey have turned Del Fuegos into a Chili's-like franchise. No, and they're like buddies with the Wildhaw. They become wildhogs too. It turns out there's some crazy thing where Peter Fonda didn't register the name

properly and they can't be Del Fuego's anymore and all these dudes, all of them, they become wildhogs. They team up in the movie, guaranteed. You know what are my favorite wildhogs? Those pigs in Hannibal. Oh, those were some great wild hogs. Snatch is some good wildhawks, too.

On TV and the movie, honestly, with Hannibal. I like both those wildhawks. I like the wild hogs that Kiefer Sutherland kills himself around in melancholia. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Great scene. Wildhats. End of the world, wildhogs, dude.

Oh, and mercifully, that's the end of this movie. Yeah, well, we cut to the wild hogs who are like cheering. like, yeah, we won or something. Do we? They're watching Extreme Oh, you're right. Fuck. Oh, I think I just turned it off.

I thought they fucking died. Wait, so where are they? Are they back at Morse Tomey? Bikers with a Y. They're at question marks. They're at, what you would call it? The guy from America Chalk. Yeah.

Oh, I was supposed to be in that scene and they cut me out because I couldn't get my line right. That scene was supposed to be a single take. It's supposed to be seven minutes long It was beautiful when I saw it I want to do some more improv But it didn't work out

The original end of the movie Was me sitting at a table with my wife Who was played by Melanie Hutzel And I said I had that dream again last night You know when my dad is riding out In front of me And I keep riding after him

You know I'm older than he was now That he's dead And I kept riding out after him and riding out after him but he couldn't keep up with me on my motorcycle that is then cut to Tim Allen it's just beyond everything

but if that guy could have acted it would have been great if the wives could have brought him with because he's got a biker past and maybe he knows Damien Blade you know right it's tied together a little bit I mean he's terrible at acting obviously

because he's good at meming he's a great meme he's an awesome I've just started noticing those recently it's quite entertaining. I never watch that show, but I guess it's just that fat idiot yelling a lot. Yes, that's the entire show.

But it just like, it stands to reason. He must have just been that terrible like remembering lines or something because that guy has to come back. Sure. This is like an Adam Sandler level piece of shit movie.

Yes. When you have like Shaquillo O'Neill's fucking doing whatever, like that has to happen here. Like that's the guy. You couldn't get Shaquil O'Neal but you got the two Orange County chopper motherfuckers. They come back

at the end somehow and save the day. Dayus X chopper. Just Marissa Tomey puts like the pig light in the sky and then fucking Paul Senior comes by to help. Oh my God. That is wildhugs. Would, I mean, what a stupid question. Would anybody recommend this one? No, if I can get a super cut of just Tim Allen getting kicked in the ribs like a thousand times, like those YouTube videos where they're like, it's the same thing for 10 hours. Doesn't you get a nut shot in this too? He does. Yeah. Baseball gets hit in his fucking great love that's my favorite part okay there you go and the end credits martin lawrence is like oh in high school i was an ace pitcher watch me

knock these cans down and win a prize and it bounces back and hits tim allen fucking beautifully in the dick yeah all um violence visited upon the hogs positive everything else is garbage never watch this hog violence man that's the only good part yeah i would say no next question yeah i mean it's Trash. I hate Tim Allen. I fucking hate him. I hate him so much. And this has been a really tough week for me. I hate movies. Yeah, that is it. That is Wild Hugs from 2007 directed by Walter Becker. Oh, we should mention, by the way, really quickly, they never did that sequel because then old dogs came out and Disney got scared of old guys on motorcycles. Didn't have that Allen magic on it. No, but I've also seen that movie and it's also trash. Is he playing the same character, Travolta? No. No, I don't think so. Different thing.

But by the way, if you hate Tim Allen want more we ate movies, I just want to reiterate that jungle to jungle is our Patreon episode this month. If it is not out yet, it will be shortly.

So sink your teeth into that that's the $5 level. And if you like motorcycle movies, it's a ghostwriter, or a gold strider. Ghostwriter, oh, it's a ghost rider, yeah.

Ghost on the movie. Ghost rider, spirit of vengeance and, you know, Man of Steel and Bright. And bright. And you're also on a bunch of animation damnation episodes. I think we're up to 20.

And you unlock our back catalog archive commercial free. Correct. 100 commercial free episodes. That sounds like a great deal. I mean, I don't know. It just sounds like a great deal. I mean, I don't know about deals or nothing. I spend money.

I buy that for a dollar. President deals. Okay, here's what you're going to do. You're going to sign up for that level, but you're going to give me $50 each. This is a quick way for them not to sign up. Yeah, I was going to say we're not to sign up. I retract this bit

I retract this bit Patreon.com slash we hate movies also check us out on Facebook Facebook.com slash we hate movies at WHM podcast on Twitter we all hate movies at gmail.com rate and review the show

wherever you get it we would greatly appreciate it. Steve Sadek I don't think it's Tim Allen next week so blissfully what are we talking about? Oh it's over it's not a whole month

of Tim Allen movies thank the Lord it's not a Shrek movie either no it is oh I'm sorry I forgot to tell everybody somebody Everybody once told me the world is going to roll me. I ain't the sharpest dueling the shit.

I just want to ruin everybody's week. That's fucking terrible, dude. Why did you do that? Now it's going to be... You're going to be singing it all night. Steve Sadek, podcast assassin. No, we are doing Lost in Space next week. Yes, to coincide with the release of the new X or Netflix film or television.

Seriously. I'm drunk. No, and Chris Cabin just says a little tease. You said that that show's good. It's not bad. It's not bad. It's pretty, it's with watching, I would say. How's Parker Posey in that movie? She's great. I like that.

You said a movie again, by the one. Oh, fuck. Well, it, yeah, you're right. The movie we're doing, though, is Matt LeBlanc, Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman turns into a spider in the movie. Oh, he sure does. Am I remembering that right? Yeah. A metal spider, I think.

Uh-huh. Yeah. You want the spider to fuck me. Oh, man. So until next week, when we get lost in space, I'm Andrew Juppin. She was looking kind of dumb with a finger. and the shape of an L. Eric Sisko. This cap and take it easy.

Jesus Christ. Uh-huh.