We Hate Movies - S8 Ep354: Episode 354 - The Bucket List

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

On this week's show, the gang goes globetrotting with two dying old farts in Rob Reiner's The Bucket List! Why does the film take so long before we even hear mention of a Bucket List? How much does Morgan Freeman's character hate his family? And how many prostitutes does Nicholson's character have on speed dial? PLUS: The gang loves the classic James L. Brooks film, You Gotta Do It!  The Bucket List stars Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes, Beverly Todd, Rob Morrow, and Alfonso Freeman; directed by Rob Reiner. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, ah, what a light slumber of misery this piece of shit was. It's the bucket list. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the program.

This week we're talking about, it's a Rob Reiner alert, the 2007 film The Bucket List. Boy, you will forget that Rob Reiner is still making movies. Oh, every ding-gong day. What the fuck was that Woody Harrelson? Was it LBJ movie? Oh, man. What? Yep, that's a fucking secret Rob Reiner movie.

That's a bar bet I lost already. Dude, and you got to see the makeup that he is in. It looks awful. And it will truly be a planet of Vietnamese. Oh, so that's why we kept bombing. That's it. Yeah, no, he's wearing like these hilarious fake ears. What?

Fake ears. He looks like Dumbot. That's ridiculous. I love it. And then he did a bunch of kids' movies. I mean, it's just steepen up. Rob Reiner will, like, sneak a movie into the Toronto Film Festival, and they put it in, like, the back of the booklet.

We do, we did North, right? That was him. Oh, yeah. That's him. I think that's the only one who've ever done of Meatheads. Of Meatheads movies? Yeah, I mean, because I don't know, there's a bunch of shit, like you, like his more recent stuff you don't really want to touch.

Like, this is just toxic. There's, uh, the story of us, which is a miserable film. Which one is that? That's, uh, it's Michelle Pfeiffer. and Bruce Willis. Yeah, it's him trying to do sensitive. It is a fucking rush. Oh, wow.

Talk about an acting challenge. Yeah, what else? Oh, well, he did, didn't he direct a few good men? Yes, he did. That's him, Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson is featured in today's program. Here's something.

Maybe controversial opinion here. I like when Harry met Sally. Yeah. I like that. I was no problems. I didn't know. I think Rob Reiner's done some good work. Yeah, Princess Bride for Cry Not Loud.

Oh, right, of course. Hey, Henry Metzelli's great, but it's also like Rob Reiner and be like, Hey, Woody, can I make one of your movies behind your back? And he's like, what? And then it just happened. And it's totally fine and totally good. Was he involved in the city of Slickers? Oh, no, I don't think so.

Really? I don't think those movies are directed by anyone who's... Isn't he sleepless in Seattle? Or am I crazy? No, he's in... No, he fell asleep in Seattle. He's in it. He's good on.

He plays Zoe Deschanel's dad on New Girl. I saw that episode. He's on several episodes. Oh, yeah, yeah. I just saw the first episode with him on it. What, of the new season? No, no, no. Like the first time he arrives.

And this is like almost the last Jack Nicholson performance, really. It's the penultimate. The last one is that James L. Brooks movie. Oh, right. With it, nobody fucking. Oh, God. What was that called? You got to do it or something like you got to do it.

I don't think so. I just pulled up Rob Reiner's filmography. Rumor has it. Oh, that is rough. Oh, is that the movie that's the pseudo-sequeled of The Gradually? The movie's wretched. Dude, I remember exactly when Chris Kavan saw that movie, and he was, like, telling us about it.

We were in a bar, like, in Brooklyn or something. You had just seen it, and you were fucking fuming about that movie. It was so bad. It's wretched. They really tried to capitalize on that Kevin Costner, post upside of anger thing oh right because that was like his sort of comeback to like a movie that people liked

they they were talking fucking he was going to get the academy award for that fucking thing no for that movie yeah they were really building that shit up so by the way he also did stand by me which is pretty good oh right great movie the American president some people like that movie it's okay spinal tap that's the big one

of course of course you got to do it he did what is the name of that I'm gonna find that do you want to do It's like, it's you got to do it, or how do you know? Is that it? I think exactly it's how do you know. It's, I think Chris Cabin is closer to what this movie nobody saw. I want to make a movie called you got to do it.

You got to do it. Oh, man, it's about, got to do the thing. It's about the Heaven's Gate cult. Oh, man, you got to do it. Everyone else is doing a dude, you got to do it. It was going to be just do it, but then the Nike Corporation sued us to stop. Oh, right. Yeah, so that's his last one.

He's got some other movie like in development. We'll see if that ever gets made. he's supposedly in the American remake of that's the one yeah whatever that long-ass German movie that came out a couple years back but this might be the dude he's like the shitty father and he follows the daughter oh Tony Erdman Tony Erdman yeah but sad Jack Nicholson thing I heard rumors that he's like got the Alzheimer's a little bit or something or well who doesn't memories faded like that's the thing that's it might work for that character because he's kind of loop I mean he's very loopy in that performance. Yeah, but you can't just be going around making shit up. You still have to memorize your line. The insurance people will not let it work. Wait, it worked for Bruno S, right? In the Herzog days?

Get more crazy people into movies. It worked for Ronald Reagan being president. Oh, exactly. It worked for Donald Trump being president. Where's Rudy? Wait, what? He's on my legal team? I've been legal team. And then

Morgan Freeman, whose last movie will never happen. He's just never going to Morgan Freeman just likes work and he likes getting out of the house. Maybe he hates his family. Boyd Freeman can't stop, won't stop. That's him. I think it's a fucking race to the finish line, him and Michael Cain. They cross past briefly in that fucking shitty bank.

Freeman is putting that way more material. You see this thing though with Michael Cain? He's like a dictator and he's friends with a little girl or something. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. No. What the fuck? It's called dear, dear dictator.

I think he's got like secret one drug addiction to gambling debt. Uh-huh. My opinion of him is going up by the finger. House addiction. He's got to buy a lot of houses. I just, you know, you start with one house, and then I'll wake up, and I've bought four houses. I woke up one morning, I thought to myself,

who just needs one house when I can have several? Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Amazon is not getting into the real estate business. The cane family's done. Alexa, buy me a brownstone. Thank you, Alexa. So speaking of just got to do it.

You got to do it. I want someone out there to Photoshop multiple posters. You got to do a trilogy? No, whatever movies, like, do rampage, do... Whatever it takes is essentially you got to do it. Dazed and confused, just you got to do it. Oh, so use the real poster, but swap it out the title and use the matching font. Super bad.

You got to do it. That would be a good one. Sliver, you got to do it. knocked up That's a good You gotta do it Sophie's choice You gotta do it

There's baby boom You gotta do it What's baby boom That's Diane Keaton and Harold Ramis She's like an executive And like gets a baby Yeah Oh I don't know

I just keep All I'm picturing Is baby's day out That's a good You gotta do it That's a really good You gotta do it So you gotta talk about

The bucket list Oh how about that Do it for the bucket Yeah you gotta do it I success I'll tell you this I successfully spent 11 years avoiding this movie until last night.

I saw it at one point on television when I was visiting my parents. That's when you watch the bucket list. Exactly. It was probably like 2010 or something. That was about, I, it was on TV at some point. My mom has all the fucking movie channels. So I ended up doing it out of self-hatred. Well, but part of you is like, well, it's Jack Nicholson. I kind of, that, that was for me watching this, I was like, well.

There was no, I mean, you saw those trailers. there was no hope for this thing from the outset. This wasn't going to be good. Now this is living. That's a trailer line. That was it. That was the whole trailer. That was the trailer line. You're not wrong.

It's, uh, well, it was this, this is this late period about Schmidt, you know what I mean? His blue period where it's like, everything is like, I'm going to die eventually. Right. All right. Cool. Yeah, okay. I guess that's, have you heard about mortality? Uh, so Chris Cabber.

and this was your fucking cross to bear. If you had to boil down what this movie is for everybody who's been living under a rock. Two men who are waiting for the grave. Is this Alzheimer's Jack Nicholson describing this plot? Oh, man. So Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman

both have cancer. They're in the hospital together. And Jack Nicholson is rich as fuck and he says, hey, Morgan Freeman, I don't hate you and you shut up when I tell you to so let's go on and do a bucket list,

a comp bucket list, three things you want to do, 17 things I want to do. That's absolutely. Yep. And whenever we have to do the thing Morgan Freeman wants to do, we're going to make a fucking federal

case out of it. And then we'll die. But that's this version of the story. I think the original John Water's script was a love story between these two men. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop presuming I know what you're talking about. about this movie?

Original John Water's script? For this. It's a joke. I'm making a joke. Oh, I thought it was, I thought he actually wrote a draft. No. We hate movies as a comedy program on the internet

wherein fake movie ideas are bounced around quite a bit. No, but this is, this is Chris Cabin. This is my reliable source for movie gossip and the entertainment biz. Well, I'm like IMDB. You've got to do some cross checks. Chris Cabin is a charlatan and a liar.

Yes. Terms and conditions may apply. Get me that t-shirt. All right. So wait. Start the bit over. Okay. All right.

Now, go back to the foundation of the bit. Dig out the seller for us. It's like lock. You got to do it. No, I genuinely think that at some point, this story had to be about a love affair between two men that happened at the end, towards the ends of their lives.

Yeah. Because at the end of this movie, I mean, that's the best part. That would be the absolute best part. That sounds like a beautiful movie. You got to do it. You got to do it, Colin, finally getting gay. There it is.

Well, yeah, like, you think about it, like, on your bucket list, if you were living as a closet man your entire life, maybe, yeah, you've got to do it. Call me by your name, but with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Call me by your name, and I'll call you by mine. Call me by your medical chart, and I'll call you by mine. So this movie starts with a bit of what Chris Cabin has coined, cheap heat. Because anytime you get Morgan Freeman In an austere voice telling you what a movie's about

That is cheap heat Yep, big time Because that's like basically his catchphrase at this point Like it's like hey Morgan You're going to do this movie like yes I will Are you going to do the narration for it? Well I guess I will Post March of the Penguins

I mean you just go into a state of serenity Watching him and landscapes I really forgot about that movie existence I did, yeah, I was going to say, I did until the other day. I think I was walking in, like, the mall or something. A death march of the penguins. It was, no, it's just March of the Penguins, too. You got to do it.

I remember at the end of March of the Penguins won. It was one penguin up to another one, and he gives them a card with the face of another penguin. That's right. Oh, shit. Escalation. So March of the Penguin won. That was, you should do it.

Remember how annoying that, that parody, farce of the penguins was. Dude, I watched that on every drug I could get and it didn't even crack a smile. Nothing worked. Nothing worked. So it's like, I remember when I met Edward Cole, he was a nice man and he died on

May 15th. His eyes open and his mouth shut fucking finally. Somehow I die before this before he does in the movie and then this must be a ghost talking to you. Yep, yep. Ghost narration. Fuck you movie. narration. Sorry, spoiler alert.

Morgan Freeman dies in the bucket list. We'll fucking die. That was part of my reasoning for not watching this ever though, aside from it looking terrible, was I was like, I don't want to watch these guys just die. Two actors you like? No, of course not. Yeah, exactly. That's just what it is. You just watch these

characters fucking rot away. Morgan Freeman starts bleeding from his chest at one point in this movie. That's rough. So yeah, that is rough, dude. It's really just, Morgan Freeman is a car mechanic. He's a genius. He's like basically a trivia nut.

But what is he doing, Steve? Oh, he's smoking. Oh, he's smoking cigarettes. That's how you can tell it's lung cancer coming, because I can't remember the last time I saw Morgan Freeman play a character that was smoking at all.

Did Alex Cross smoke? Maybe not, but in that movie High Crimes where he plays like a drunk, he's smoking in that movie. that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was just like, oh, this is clearly, we're waiting on a lung cancer diagnosis. And usually you would give it a little time. I mean, it's 15 seconds. And he gets the phone call. And it's a bullshit. He's like, so what do these test results mean? Uh-huh. And what's that? Uh-huh. And then the camera, Rob Reiner's camera just like

tilts down and Morgan Freeman looks at that cigarette and drops it. And the heavy-handedness almost made my television fall over. I fucking get it. It's easy to get. It is easy to get. This is a simple movie if you look at it, right? Why drop the cigarette? It's already over. Yeah.

Might as well keep going. Too late now, motherfuckers. Suck it back. Exactly. Keep going. Finish the pack. Exactly. Definitely. In fact, just sit there and smoke for fucking two hours.

And I would like the movie more. Exactly. That is just a Jim Jarmish thing. Give him a cup of coffee. Oh, yeah. Just Morgan Freeman's smoking in a day. dark room. Oh, totally.

Is that all you're going to have, Jack White, coffee, and cigarettes? Well, you got to do it, I guess. Maybe now it would be good to play some jangly guitar. That should fill 20 minutes. No, no, Wutang Clan, you wait outside. We're going to finish this cigarette. Then Bill Murray will come in, amuse us for 10, and then we'll go into the next number. Oh, our way.

Here comes Iggy Pop right on. I haven't seen Roberto Benigni in a while, have you? Oh, Steve Coogan and my good friend, Alfred Molina. Why, this movie had to have been made in 2004, because why else would Alfred Molina be? But don't you get me started on that Tom Waits. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, we cut to Jack Nicholson, who is...

I thought this was a court. room thing for a second. It's a boardroom situation. Welcome back to the show, Jack Nicholson. Last episode we ever did with him was Wolf. Wolf, I think. Wow, Wolf. That was like in like the double digits, man. Maybe even, yeah. Our first spookacular. And how about this? In this first scene, he immediately makes a joke about Wolf. He does. Oh, yeah. Because he's like, so the whole thing is Jack Nicholson is in this boardroom situation where his company is looking to acquire this hospital. It's a courtroom sort of. I don't know, like it's set up like a court or it's a board of trustees. It's like, yeah, I think it's just a really nice-ass-looking boardroom thing. There's witnesses. Yeah, it seems like a court scenario. Yeah, but I don't know what's going on. There's not judges as he's just talking to like a board of directors. It's like Congress. You know what? It's very confusing. You know what? Maybe it is like a public hearing of some kind. It doesn't have official judges, but it has like a, maybe it's elected officials.

That's possible. Do all these hospitals, like, secretly have these tribunal rooms I've just never seen? I don't like. Everyone has a phantom zone. I do know that. Yes, of course. I think he's doing like a hostile takeover of some public hospital that he's now going to privatize and I guess turn a profit. But that's like they've been privatizing. They've been doing that for a while. But that's his business and this is then his next conquest.

That's what I understood from the scene. And it's never actually shown to be a bad thing. It's like, oh, but I do it the right way. Right. Is the idea. Yeah. Because he cuts, he cuts corners. He doesn't.

The whole thing is he's, He's cold-hearted and he's just like, oh, you know, there's two beds to a room. Yeah, exactly. I'm not running a spa. Oh, yeah. He's like famously fickle about it, I guess is the idea. He's a cheap fuck. I guess he's going to make it more efficient to die.

Yeah, but like also you would think that would set up a turn at the end where he's going to mend his ways. Yeah. And like, and become a better person. He like sort of does, but not really. Yeah. Because he met his. his first black man i guess so he's like he's got some pinhead fucking pinch hitting for him in this testimony uh-huh and the kid is fucking tanking it and nicholson tries to give him like a little

pick me up and he's like here before you testify have a sip on this and it's like this tiny little coffee cup what is it kawati something something like that oh i don't know it's it's it's it's a real thing it's a real coffee yeah it's that specialty expensive coffee where it cat eats it and shits it out and then they get the beans out of the fucking feces and then you drink it and it's a hundred and twenty dollars those things the actual copy luak yeah okay you know you know how i find that out i googled cat shit coffee i really did cat shit coffee man that's a brand we could get behind i'm gonna start making my own at home yeah exactly you don't eat these kibbles dude come on eat this coffee bean that's what you do

dude started feeding your cat coffee beans? Fuck, yeah. Yeah, you just have a little guard cat. He'll be freaking tweaking, man. You probably have a little dead cat, maybe. Don't do that at home. So Nicholson gets pissed off at this kid, like, kind of floundering during the testimony. He's like, I'm going to make it real easy.

You're terrible at your job. I'm great. I'm going to buy your hospital. What's that? I'm coughing blood. But in here, the wolf reference, he's like, I passed up lunch with Michelle Pfeiffer for this. It's like, why is Michelle, the legendary Michelle Pfeiffer having lunch with some nobody fucking secret billionaire hospital purchaser? Nah.

I mean, I think that's what he's, I think he does have all of the time. I'm like, I got to go see Michelle Pfeiffer. He goes into a broom club. Do you think like Ed Koch is fucking going out with like Jennifer Lopez or I guess like Jane Fonda? Yes, I do. You do, okay. Yes, I do. I mean, like, no, with the Republic.

Oh, those guys aren't touching Jane Fonda. Are you kidding me? He's going to fifth base with Shania Twain. Well, just to sally her, Andrew. Just to sally her. Oh, my God. So, but, uh, oh, so around here is when he coughs into that napkin. Yeah.

And a bunch of marmalade comes out. Yeah. Because it looks like chunky blood. It does. Look delicious. I was like, can I scrape off your hanky on this toast? No, but literally for a second, I was like, is that blood? Because I know old people like to wolf down some marmalade.

Yeah. Old people, they hate jelly, dude. They need marmalade. Or preserves. Yeah. Sometimes they like preserves. Exactly. It's chunky.

Is there a non-orange marmalade or is it just gorgeous? You could make a marmalade out of anything. Well, what's a marmalade versus a jelly? And then where does a jam slide in? Okay, boy. Well, we're going to be here for a while. Jam City, a new podcast. Jam City.

Put on a wool cartigan and sit down slow. Oh, man, we should make a Sunday morning podcast. It only comes out on Sunday morning. Only allowed to listen to it on Sunday morning. Oh, that's, listen, you're joking, but that's kind of a great idea. And it's just, it's just about jams, fudges, and butter, coffee, tea. We could teach all these younger kids, these younger listeners, and these younger millennials. Because we're like old man millennials.

We could teach, we could get them ready for the later. No, but how you appreciate. like a Saturday or a Sunday morning when you're not being fucking punched in the crotch by work and you just have a blessed second to sit down, get a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, some toast,

a nice jam on there, a light coating of jam, put a record on, maybe smoke a J if that's your thing and just appreciate being. Welcome back to Jam City. No, this is not an EDM podcast. No.

We get that all the time. Stop emailing us. Please stop email. I'm not going to talk about dead mouse. R-I-V-G. Okay, here's a thing. Sean Hayes as Jack Nicholson's put upon Houseboy or whatever this. It's like his assistant, but it's like, no, but it's like not just in the business world, man.

Like Sean Hayes has to like fucking deal with this dude 24 by 7. He knows this guy's going to die. He's got his fucking knives are out for this dude. Oh, wouldn't you though? Oh, absolutely. You've been working with this dude for years. You fucking hate him. But he is here just to tell you that he doesn't just give the salt to fucking women and minorities.

He also gives it to white guys. So don't worry. He's okay. That's true. Everybody gets it. Everybody gets it. And there's something. He checks him into his own hotel, his own hospital, I should say.

Yeah. And the whole thing is like, oh, why am I in a room with this other guy? And it's like, well, sir, that's your policy. And the other thing is there's something called the Oprah instance. Right. Well, so Jack Nicholson says... Which is two thud fucking fucking pop culture references that have no business in this movie.

Absolutely. You're talking about the Michelle Fifer one. Yeah, the Michelle Fivert. Yeah. I thought you meant there was two Oprah incidents. No, and Oprah should be in the movie. If you're going to drop her in the beginning, she's got to come in at the end. Or I'd like to know what happened. No, because...

Just cut to tape of him on the show or something or what... He doesn't throwing a chair. Or he's drunk. He does the Tom Cruising. He dances on the fucking couch or whatever. Oh, man, that would be pretty great. No, but it's like, it's like he says, have I fired you lately? And to which Sean Hayes replies, not since the Oprah incident.

But then also, though, if Nicholson was firing Sean Hayes for the Oprah incident, was it something Sean Hayes did to Oprah? Oh, that's interesting. A slight against the great Oprah Winfrey. Here's the thing. It's like these old guys will try to turn that back around. Well, you shouldn't have had me be in the room with her. Oh, yes.

So you think, you know, it's a cocktail party, it's him and Oprah, things get heated. And then all of a sudden, for no reason to yell, I'm going to tear your eyes out and piss down your dead skull. You need me on that wall, Oprah Winfrey. Probably, something like that. He was like buying like a hospital in Chicago. And like there was a wing that was named after Oprah. And he was like, we're going to tear this down. Probably.

That might actually be. That would be closer, I think. You know, fuck with Oprah, especially not in the city of Chicago. I don't believe in philanthropy. Well, that's the thing. He says the whole, that, he's like, the thing is we have to think about PR

because he wants to get a solo room. He wants to kick Morgan Freeman out of their room. And Sean Hayes is saying we have to think about it. It would be a PR nightmare. Sean Hayes get in here. I owe who, how many Kia's? How many Kia's? does that bitch need?

Well, it's for the audience or it to gag. I don't care. Wait, what are you saying, Kammis? I'm imagining the guy that got fleeced for those Kiyas.

No, I know. I'm asking Chris Kaman. They need to fit under the chairs. You're telling me you're going to fit a fucking car under a seat.

This show's stupid. Call Hank Pym. Dude, if only we start, this MCU sooner. It could have been anybody.

He would have been something. Fuck. Fuck. Well, fuck you Kevin Fiking. Honestly, at this point, him, he could just be

Thanos. You don't put nothing on him. Oh, man, man. I don't even need your mocap. Just fucking put purple marker on my face.

This does put a smile on my face. So then for about 35. He grabs the infinity glove. Wait, till they get a load of me. By the way, Infinity Glove, oops. Yeah, it's a gauntlet.

It's a gauntlet, actually. Jarvis, music. No, but like the idea that a guy, like Edward fucking Cole, Jack Nicholson's character, gives a fuck about PR at this point. Yes, of course not. It's ludicrous. Yeah, no, you're right. So, but now it's just two of them.

They're in beds together separately, I should say. They're to their hospital mates. Yeah, and it's 35 minutes of this movie is spent on Jack Nicholson being a bad roommate. They just like take that like 10-minute cancer montage from American Splendor and then do it again. Yeah, it's kind of that. Who is Harvey P. Carr? Who are these people? He would have been a good Harvey P.

Oh, absolutely. That was pretty much just what about Schmidt was, except he was, what did he sell? insurance in that movie or something. Yeah, it was definitely a boring job. Yeah, just replace that with like comic book artist. That's, that's it. But so yeah, he gets, Bob Crum was a cool cat. It's the two of them. But the problem is Morgan Freeman's got a family. This is a big problem for the movie. Morgan Freeman has a wife that loves him. She's there all the time. Like they kick her out of there. He's got like one or two sons that come in. One of his sons and a daughter and grandkids up the ass because the cards

are all over the wall. I cannot believe it. So one of the kids is played by the kids, they're like 50 years old, is played by Morgan Freeman's actual son. Correct. But then he's like, well, Jack, do you want to see my children? And he picks up this picture. And it's the beginning of many, like it's terrible Photoshop.

Like, they couldn't get four of these four people together for an afternoon. I don't think this was even Photoshop. That looks like Elmer's job. Like, cut it around. They were careful. They were careful with it. I'm not saying they weren't careful. This looks like a ransom note.

It looks like a fucking unskilled Girl Scout made that. It's jib jabs. It's insane. Want to see a picture of my family? They dance and the mouth moves a little bit. Well, actually, this used to be a picture of a different family, but I decided to

make it about mine. It's ridiculous. It looks like when George Costanza takes the picture to the fucking photo mat and the guy makes a cartoon out of him. But these are four living people that are in your movie just get them in a room and take a fucking picture individually google pictures of two different black people and then we'll photoshop them with the first guy that we have because he's in the movie i just don't understand it it's so lazy and stupid and obviously bad but the other part of

this is like the where the movie kind of goes obviously the bucket list is like Morgan freeman shouldn't have a family like it should he should be either a lonely guy or like maybe he's divorced And, well, the thing is, it's, it's, now you got Jack Nicholson's character who's, who's, who's estranged from his one remaining air or whatever. Yes. He's got a daughter we find out. You want Morgan Freeman to have a family because then the audience who themselves are sick and old and dying. Sure. Plenty of them, plenty of them, us included. And they can identify with that character, I think is the idea. You don't want two Montgomery Burns and one. Exactly. Yeah. There's nothing to ground you, uh, or have you, relate like you said yeah just two curmudgeon that's fair i mean it is nicholson's movie that's kind of the shitty part about it is because he makes the change yeah but that's i mean if you're talking about story rules he is the yeah that's true so um he has cancer that there's a cancer montage that goes on for way too long like literally minutes and minutes of this it's a pretty short movie too by the way

97 minutes god bless it we don't say the words bucket list for 25 minutes and we don't go on the bucket list for 38 but we damn say it man we do say bucket Say it, dude. So, like, Rob Morrow plays the doctor. He comes in. Where's this guy from? Chris Cabot in my favorite movie, Quiz Show. If Chris and I ever were to live on an island together, the movie we would bring is Quiz Show.

Can we crowd fund this to get you guys out of society? Do we get to keep the island? Yeah, sure. It depends on how many funds we raise. Yeah, you got to fight, like, the cannibals for it. Like, we'll send you into like a 1970s Italian cannibal movie. Or how about we just like send you to fucking Rich, what is that guys?

Richard Bronson. Richard Branson. Branson, send you guys to his island and you got to like fight him to the death. Oh, when could I watch quiz show on that island? After you drink his blood. I bet you he's got laser discs. Oh, nice, dude.

Yeah, this montage, this cancer montage, though, it's like, because they both separately start getting chemo and everything. And it's like different scenes of either of them throwing up. You know, getting the fucking, the shakes, they're shivering. Jack Nicholson actually shaved his head for this movie. Which is very unsettling.

It is. He looked like, he looked like, uh, like. Shrek. He did. He kind of looked like Shrek. He looked like Shrek. But he also looked like Grandpa Porky Pig. Yeah.

Somebody once told me the world was going to roll. Lawrence, turn off that music. But, uh, the most unsettling thing you'll see in this movie or, Any movie is, it's like a throw-up gag wherein, but I don't care about the vomit afterwards, but it's Jack Nicholson, he's got this like brusetta, but it's like, it's mozzarella, like, fresh mozzarella with a tomato on it. I was getting hungry. But he's like, slurping it into his mouth.

It's a capric salad eaten by hand. It is repulsive. He's sort of like sucking it down like an oyster. Yeah, yeah. I guess that's to just show the decadence, man, because he's also, To be fair, he is like a little bit fucking with Morgan Freeman because he's like, oh, you want some of this spread? And Morgan Freeman's like, no, that's quite all right. I certainly don't want to be indebted to you or anything.

And then he's like, oh, yeah, because it's delicious. It's on purpose. I mean, he looks like the penguin eating a sardine. It's like it just slurps into his mouth. But honestly, like dead alive is a little easier to watch. Yeah, it then watching him. It takes me longer to lose my appetite watching an old woman's face fall. into soup. But Rob Morrow's like, you guys have six months to live.

Rob Morrow, by the way, has a really good Robert Duval in this impression in this scene. There's like a, I love the smell of chemo in the morning. And then Rob Morrow's like, it smells like victory. It's a good one. Oh, wow. Yeah, I totally wasn't paying attention to the movie. Imagine doing a Robert Duval impression to Jack Nicholson. Yeah, that's a good point. It just seems crazy. Rob, you got to get rid of the kid. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's calling a couple people the kid on this set. I didn't like Northern Exposure and I don't like you.

That's where I know Rob Morrow from there. Numbers. Oh, no. I don't know Rob Morrow from numbers. Yes, he is. He's the main numbers. No, no, no. No, what I'm saying is I don't fucking know that show.

Well, the bucket list audience knows numbers. That's definitely for sure. True. That is 100%. Because their numbers almost up. They're constantly lying and making stuff up on this show, but that's one of the truest things ever stayed. They tried to get into the deuce for David Krumholtz, but they weren't turned away for some reason. So Morgan Freeman starts jotting down a bucket list and Jack Nilsons.

And they're becoming buddies at this point. In the cancer montage, they start playing gin together. They're like pals. Nicholson totally puts Rob Morrow in his place right here, though, because there's an earlier scene where Morgan Freeman's like, excuse me, could you please just take a look at my chart? And Rob Morrow's like, who's your doctor? Yeah. So, like, Nicholson gets the terminal diagnosis, and he's like, oh, is there anything I can do for you?

He's like, yeah, take a look at my friend's chart, scumbag. And then Morgan Freeman also immediately gets a terminal diagnosis. Oh, you're also dead. Also, I will say, Jack Nicholson has a pretty nice gadget here, and I know it's really meant for people that can't sit up when they watch television. but these mirror glasses that he's got, ooh, baby, I want a pair of those. Did you read the trivia about those?

It was Nicholson's idea. He brought him to set from when he was in the hospital. Yeah, with probably a heart. I think it was a heart attack. Oh, did Nicholson have a heart attack? He was in a hospital right before this. VD. You know, please just tell him it was another heart attack.

So he's writing this bucket list. Nicholson's like, what's that? And we find out what a bucket. list is. It's an exercise in forward thinking. Fuck you. Morgan Freeman says that like he learned about it in freshman philosophy class.

Yeah. Yeah. What is it when he's senior auditing this class? No, that's what Morgan Freeman gives the story about how he went to college for like a year or a semester or something. Oh, was it two months? It was just two months. And then his wife got pregnant and so he dropped out and

he held a graduate against her ever since apparently. Wouldn't you? So Nicholson's like, this is a good idea. We should do this. But none of this. What is this? Make laugh until I cry. Witness something majestic.

Be nice to a stranger. So you, let me get this straight. Morgan Freeman's never been kind to a stranger. He's never laughed until he's crying. Like in 60, how old is he supposed to be 66? The point is he's had a miserable life. Now here's one I can add. Kill a hobo

Hunt a man for sport Just like my favorite movie Surviving the game Boy, that iced tea is phenomenal in that Drink cat shit, cross that off See you later, Eric Taste grilled human We need like the horror movie parody

Of the bucket list That's that shit Yeah, like people bacon There's an actual bucket They bring the human flesh up in Yes. Yeah. The choice cuts.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, wait, it's all cannibalism. Oh, actually, you could call it choice cuts. Yeah, you could. Or you got to do it. You got to do it. Oh, right. You got to kill it.

If you want to get out of here alive while you have some life left, you got to do it. You got to eat this human. But so he's like, I got an idea of skydiving. And it's like, whatever. And like he puts out a bunch of stuff. He's like, we should do this. This would be fun. And Morgan Freeman is like, yeah, but I can't, blah, blah, blah.

And then, like, he comes around to his way of thinking. Only because of Nicholson duties, like, Nicholson gives this impassioned monologue about why he should, like, tell his family to fuck off and go do this thing. And he's like, don't you want to go put some moves on? And it's after that line that Morgan Freeman's like, say, there's a rich old billionaire has got a point. But every line Nicholson has in this movie. it's like, it's very slow and super wistful and everything's got a little bit of impact.

Like he's never just like, I'll take a turkey sandwich. I'll have a turkey sandwich, please. And then you hold the turkey. Between your legs and just give me a cheese and tomato sandwich. I'm sorry, he's very ill. He doesn't actually want that. In this version, Morgan Freeman, gets on some random loggers truck

He leaves Jack Nichols into the bathroom Oh no Turnabout's fair play It looks like rain today It's like okay man Could you fucking die Like just say do a regular line reading He's working on fucking

He's working on Morgan Freeman The whole time though Because he's like Hey Morgan Have you ever thought of suicide Yeah dude Yep No guilt trip or nothing

Just saying You've never thought of suicide. When Morgan, no, but Morgan Freeman, like, kind of says yes, though, doesn't he? Because the Nicholson reveals that he also has contemplated suicide. Yeah, sure. But so they're on the same level, though. They're both considering ending their lives. And so, but like, basically Morgan Freeman's wife comes in and she's like, the fuck are you talking about?

Like, A, get chemo, like live longer. B, which is, and that's a person's choice. You know what I mean, right? Like, whether or not you want to subject yourself to that. but be like be with your family like you you know what I mean he's like I gave everything to his family and fuck him you know but no but you know what Steve he's got a boy so did she exactly what the fuck it's his life it is but the it's my life I'll do what I want the way this movie should be it's her you give those lines to her it's a better movie if she's like you know

what you've done everything for this family you know what mean like you deserve a trip with this rich old fucking codger and try by the way when he goes to sleep to steal his wallet like you know what I mean like whatever you can get after it adds conflict to the movie but at the same time it's just like yeah you're kind of like you're kind of like let me destroy my life in order to enjoy my you're basically Irish goodbye in your life yeah which is not a bad option here's the problem is even talking to the wife again you should have just vanished that's right that's right just leave it all in the dust be like I fucking I've lost in my balls for you people for decades.

Done. Like, he's having the time of his life, climbing the pyramids and shitting in weird places. And then, like, she's, like, handing out flyers at the bus station. Where did it go? He's lost. That's what the movie should be. Or it's like, you know, she's like,

they have this huge blowout argument. And she's like, well, I'll be waiting downstairs. And he goes and then, like, Jack Nicholson comes out of the bathroom, logging truck, logging truck, logging truck. And they both run into a logging truck together. There just happens to be a logging truck outside the hospital? No, I've done this before. Trust me, it's going to work.

It's a good thing we got sick in Lumberton. You know where blue velvet took place? Oh, man. So then, like, here's the thing. It's like I'm waiting. I am watching paint dry, sad paint dry for this bucketless shit to start. And then it starts. And it's kind of just a really long, like, 45-minute montage of bucket listing.

Of green screen. Oh, my God. Dude, I don't know what, like, if you look, I watch the credits all the way through to the end, right? Oh, I couldn't because Netflix prohibited me. Dude, you have to outsmart Netflix these days. Oh, my God. And then my thing says, like, oh, you know, like, press the circle button. And then it just fucking shuts it off.

Were they trying to get you to watch that fucking Robert Redford James Bondom? Oh, damn it! You like old people doing things? What do you fucking think is going to happen? Of course they're going to recommend that to you. You're watching the bucket list. That's why I spent the $3 and rent it on Amazon like I don't.

They didn't ask shit. Got ourselves a rich boy. Oh, a little fucking rich boy. No, but in the credits, it doesn't... I rent movies off of Amazon. No, it doesn't say anything about any locations. It just says, like, thanks to the city of Los Angeles and the fucking green screen factory. Lots of jib-jab artists working on this, too, not just the photo.

Working tirelessly on the, this is some of the fucking flat-out worst. Listen, we have, we have, I wish we could have a green screen factory. Like, it's like, it's like Pittsburgh. Everyone's got, like, you know, just putting fucking green to the mat. But ba-da-da-ba-ba-bap-a-bap-bba. Green screen factory. Oh, yeah. I got the green lawn. Bring, bring jobs back to America.

It's got like that borderline purposeful look, like almost twin peaksy. No, it's fucking high. I'm in Delaware. Yeah, exactly. Steve sent that out in our text chain last night. Like, look at this Wayne's World green screen. The first one is the skydiving thing. They're in a plane.

And like, I have to admit, I'm so sad that I was tricked by. I was like, oh, did they really skydive? And I'm like, of course they didn't. No, two skeletons attacked. Attached it to do skydivers by the end of it. You know what I think part of it is, though? Because it looks, it actually looks this bad. And I suspect it's a little bit of both.

We've got some green screening. But we also have real skydiving footage with their faces computer footoff. That's what, that's the jib jab. Like there's a shot of Morgan Freeman where he's like, Yahoo! And his face just looks like it's someone's wearing a fucking Morgan Freeman Halloween costume. That's Twin Pean. It looks like a fucking old, like a ghost. Ghost took it over.

Oh, my God. It's so disturbing. And to Eric's point, this is the, This is living! Oh, yeah. Yes, that was my point. Welcome back to the skydiving news network. Everyone, be careful.

We got a couple of bucket listers out there. I got a couple of bucket listers looking to possibly do themselves in. I don't know what they're thinking. A jump like that. And with the wind we got today, they're going to get shredded to bits. There's some fucking amateurs. Up in the zone, ladies and gentlemen. There's somewhere, oh, before they jump out of the plane,

Jack Nicholson, like, has some line, and Morgan Freeman's like, what's that? Who said that? And he's like, the sequel. And he's like, what sequel? That's what I called my second wife. Oh, yeah. He's going to- Boom.

Fuck you, lady. Slammed. I guess because Nicholson, it says he's been married four times. How dare that woman fall in love, with my third wife was so young I called her the prequel oh well done well done that's one of those weird

you get these with these like sleazy characters and I met up with her again and remarried her and I called it the re-release because there was extra stuff on there that didn't look real she was a real jar jar binks in the sack hold on I gotta call my spin off that's my mistress and then, you know,

sometimes I go out for a movie of the week. Uh-oh, reboot, divorce. Apologies, you were going to say something real. I didn't even remember. You were going to stop being polite and start getting real. Oh, fuck, dude. Is anyone else's favorite real world season, London? I got to go Seattle on that.

Seattle. I didn't really watch it much. Seattle was just. the shit, though. I was also a big Boston head. Oh, Boston's, yeah, but I would go Seattle one, Boston, too. Was it, uh, but here's, I think, um, Seattle, they were working at a radio station.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not crazy. Seattle's the one with, uh, cab slap, right? Yes, yeah. Okay, okay. Big time. I was trying to buy some time there to think about what I was saying. But I didn't think about real world. Yeah, I know. Well, no, so he's one of these characters that they're like, oh yeah, I love, I love marriage so much. I keep

doing it. Yeah. Oh, that's fucking tired. So we do this skydive thing. It looks terrible. So bad. And then they do this like, they get like a couple of cool GTO cars and they're on a racetrack. And this part was kind of cool. I'll tell you right now. I one time was at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. And I don't follow NASCAR. I know a lot of people love it. I just don't have to follow. Dale Earnhardt die. No, I was not present. I was actually working at the multiplex that day. Funny enough, one of our managers came in and was quite distraught that number three it passed away. Now we had to close the theater.

That didn't happen. Come on. We're a capitalist society. That didn't happen. Did they bury the car too? I think he was buried in a car. No, but my father-in-law got this thing where like you could drive your car on the racetrack. Oh, cool. Listen, it was awesome. I would totally do this one. I wouldn't do the skydiving one. I would totally do drive a cool car.

Are they like, are they like kind of Not bumper cards. What's the demolition derby kind of cars? They're not aiming into each other. They're just being assholes. But that's the thing. Nicholson is a fucking billionaire. Yeah, I bought these cars.

We can fuck them right up. I'll buy the whole racetrack. By the way, the insurance alone to let us on here set me back $5 million. I think, did anyone else feel that like his net worth is like fluctuating in this movie? It's ill-defined. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's more what I mean. He seems at one point, like, obviously in the beginning of the movie, he's rich.

But then at one point he's like, I built this billion dollar empire from, I was like, billion dollar. He does drop the B word late in the movie. Like, wow, I didn't know you're a billionaire. Yeah, that's like, ugh. I feel like if you're a billionaire, dude, you can like pay to get all that cancer, like, ripped out of your body and put, like, robot parts in. Exactly. Just, like, bathe in virgin blood. That's why Jeff Bezos is going to live forever.

Robot parts. And he eating iguana. Oh, is that something? Yeah, he ate. There's a picture of him eating iguana. What? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Raw? No, no. Cooked. And like he just takes a piece out and eating it. Is that weird just because we're white people in America? Probably. You know what I'm saying? I've eaten snake.

Yeah. It's, trust me, it's not the iguana. It's weird. It's fucking reptilian fucking Bezos. Actually, that's weird. Oh, you're right. It's cannibalism. I was just about to say he looks like a fucking iguana himself.

That's totally right. Also, I mean, if Jeff Bezos is going to eat snake, he's going to eat snake pliskin Like he's going to eat Oh my God no That's where his I went Dude if Jeff Bezos fucked with Kurt Russell

He'd have to fuck with me That's the prequel That's the prequel to escape From New York I don't care how many drones He sends after us I don't care how many packages Mysterious that wind up

On my doorstep Dude you see this new This new Amazon solution To modern problems What's that They're gonna announce a fucking thing where like the delivery person will drop something off

in the trunk of your car. What? Get out of my fucking shit, Amazon. Totally alone. It's okay to leave something at a door. Amazon's going to read your emails for you. Don't worry. It'll save you time if Amazon reads your emails and tells you about them later.

Your account is overdrawn, so we decide to rig your car to explode. Actually, before the race car thing, I just realized there's a quick one. that the movie does not do this right. One of the things on the bucket list was get a tattoo. Oh, shit, dude. They cut to a tattoo parlor.

Nicholson, I'm pretty sure he's getting a tattoo of his own face. He is. It's a caricature. It's a boardwalk caricature of himself on a surfboard. Everybody likes dune buggies. It's like, dude, on his arm, I'm like, dude, you are the vainest fuck that ever lived. But also, that's a terrible tattoo. I love it.

Dude, a caricature tattoo, my God. But then Morgan Freeman's like, no, I'm not going to do it. And then Nicholson has the line, oh, what are you worried? They're not going to bury you in a Jewish cemetery. I got to laugh out of it. Yeah, it's a fine joke. But then for screenwriting purposes and character development purposes, the cut is Morgan Freeman's in the chair. Get a tattoo.

It just cuts. And that's the end of it. It's the end of the sequence. It's like, no, no, no. He needs to get that tattoo, man. He made a caricature of him in the speed car, in the race car there. Oh, wow. Actually, this tattoo of me.

of Dunebucket looks quite sharp. When, I mean, this never happens in the movie, but he really needs to throw it in his face that he's paying for their shit. He's like, I'm paying for it. Sit in the chair. You're going to get me on a motorcycle on your ass. I already bought the Groupon.

Also, I think it's in this moment where Nicholson's getting some ink done that Morgan Freeman reveals he's only slept with his wife ever in his life. To which Nicholson's... Oh, who he hates. Yeah. Oh, big time. to which Nicholson responds

that in order to make up for lost time you'd have to participate in an orgy never hang out with anybody that jokingly suggests an orgy unless you're doing a joke no that ain't a joke I mean if you're in an orgy

you're going to have to leave this show then if you're in Chris Cabin I did know if you're an orgy guy and you know hanging I'm not an orgy guy there's literally nothing wrong with orgies but never if you're not into orgies and not interested in having them

with people you hang out with, never hang out with somebody that jokingly suggests an orgy. Well, I guess we can't be friends anymore. Well, not just me, but like, I don't know why you're putting up barriers against people, Steve. I'm building wall.

Steve just doesn't want to get caught fist deep in an orgy. That's the problem. Oh, yeah. Wouldn't it be hilarious, Morgan Freeman, if we perfect strangers had an orgy? Not that I'm suggesting it unless you said yes. The person who brings up the orgy

is the one who wants to have the orgy. No, but Nicolns. And Wilson promises he wouldn't participate. No, he's getting in there. He says, I wouldn't even have to be there. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like, glad the whole thing.

You know why? Here's the thing. Because it's a, it's what I like to call the next thing you know kind of situation. You're saying one thing and everybody's having a fucking laugh about this orgy. And then the next thing you know, there's 20 people around. You're all laying on the floor fucking. The next thing you know. They're chanting and there's torches and someone's getting killed.

It's the end of that movie The Kill List? I mean, I just imagine Jack Nicholson in that orgy. Like, the sex movie of my life has gone to TV. Your episode one, your episode two. Carter, your episode three. And it's like that obnoxious American television where there's 22 episodes in a season for some reason. Now this is living.

I am so rich I call John Cameron Mitchell to direct my orgy. Short bus is my favorite movie. You know, I got an angry inch myself. So we move on. As a show, as a society. You know what Steve? We sure do. You got to do it.

And we move on to whatever. Like, what's the next thing? We're in the safari in? No. Well, briefly, yes, with the safari. It's kind of montagee for a bit. It's super, I mean, this movie's a montage. It's a total, I mean, this is the bucketless montage.

Morgan Freeman makes some line about like, oh, this next thing we're going to do, but I promised, like, I guess Nicholson wanted to go big game hunting and, like, he made him agree that they'd only, like, go on the safari and watch the animals or whatever. I think this is what the... I'm going to just watch Don Jr. do it. This is where that narration uselessly kicks back in, and he's like, ah, yeah. and Jack Nicholson still wanted to fire the rifle though and then this was another trailer moment he fires the high-powered rifle

and falls over but like he's a rich guy like hasn't he done all this shit before like haven't you ever thought to go skydiving like yeah I mean it seems like he was just watching TV his whole life no well he says he says something at some point about like his life was his work so he's like always

at the office and whatever else also we're definitely singing the fucking the tokens in the jungle oh my god right but I guess with poignantly it's in the jungle the mighty jungle

the lion sleeps tonight guys it's like you dude just fucking sing a song well I think it was a thing where Nicholson was like all right Rob is this a real movie do you want me to help you

make a real movie or like a Rob Reiner movie it's gonna be a Rob Reiner one there, Jack. That's what I fucking thought. I saw North. But the worst part about it is they sing it as a gag.

And that's a fine gag. Sure. If you're playing to old people. But then they play it. Yeah. Well, I'd rather hear the tokens sing the song. Well, sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a good tune. But are these all, I, because they play Tush, Z-Z-Tops Tush, but it's old cover, like some old dude covering it, so they don't have to play.

Don't have to pay the royalties. I'm not familiar with Tush. I'll be honest. I'm just looking for some Tush from Zeezy Tau. No, I don't do orgies, my friend. Okay. Well, the next thing you know, dude, you're listening to Zizi Top. Suddenly, I'm hot for teacher.

Well, there's also Van Helen, my friend. Oh, boy. I just stopped 70 tweets. Wow. Thank God. Thank you. You're a hero. He's a good guy with a tweet.

Also, I will say thank you. Thank God, this movie did not come out in 2016 or 2018 because the millennial jokes would be nuts. Oh, God, that's true. It would just be like, did you see how much that guy spent on a cup of coffee that didn't have cat shit in it? Sean Hayes, why do I have to hire a social media expert? Yep. Oh, big time, they'd be grahamming the whole trip. You know, I tried to talk to my grandson.

He was staring at his phone the whole door. in time. Oh, wow, that went Mainer real hard. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to call you out on that. Why do they need an iPhone when you got an eye? Why don't you just look at things? Quit taking pictures of your food. We need it.

We need a new face for these fucking hospitals. Get me that PewDie Pie thing. Oh, my God. Could you take down that YouTube video of me yelling that I'm going to tear out your eyes and pissed down your dead skull. It was the heat of the moment kind of thing. Those were the PCP years. Oh, wow.

There's also a weirdo thing where there, this is where I realized, because the first introduction of the private jet is around here, and this is where I realized like, oh, he's more rich than I thought he was initially. I thought they were just like flying around because you don't see how they get to some of these places

until this scene, where Morgan Freeman is sleeping and Nicholson clearly fucks the flight attendant, well done. Well, that's okay, is that the flight attendant or did he ask a hooker to fly with them? I think it's the second one. What it would have to be.

There's hookers later in the film. You're telling me, Jack Nicholson, looking like the penguin. Yeah. Is like, the stewardess that he's hired for like fucking years, I assume. What planet are you on, man? Motherfucking money talks. I guess, but like, you

fuck a billionaire that look like Jack Nicholson? For the billion. Yeah. No, I think it's a thing where he's supposed to be so charming. No. You don't think so? No, incorrect.

So what, they're just flying around with this prostitute? Well, that's, I would love the reverse shot of her just sitting there knitting or playing on her iPhone while they're fucking talking about life and death and the polar caps. Well, that's, that's the thing is right after, I guess, this alleged prostitute. A prostitute fucking happens. Jack Nicholson's like, oh, what's that you believe in God? And they kind of have that discussion for a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

And you're just like, all right, she's distracted. I'm going to shove her off the plane. Skydive again. Look, it's part five. Now I got a box. I got a habit. The move is he has an Air Force One-esque escape pod for this sex worker. She just goes in.

Or they eat her. Or they eat her. Or the eater. Conversely, just do it. Or you got to do it. You got to do it. Sorry. So they go to the French mountains to have dinner at a nice restaurant that Jack Nicholson says he's been dining at for 30 years. And you're the first man I've taken here. Oh, that's a joke.

Uh-huh. Yeah, you can hear the fucking door slam on that. And he's like, I want a rabbit stew, some sausage. Ooh, you're a hungry boy. Oh, you're a hungry boy. And then this is where. Morgan Freeman's chest explodes? Oh, dude, this is

disgusting. I couldn't even believe it because I didn't know they set up this gadget inside of it. I thought like sometimes I could eat enough that I'd burst. But this guy actually does it. It's like Morgan Freeman gets up and I thought it was a thing, honestly, where he shit his pants. Yes. I thought

he shit his pants at this five star French mountain restaurant and he runs into the bat. He's like, ah, excuse me. And he runs away. And Jack Nicholson follows him into the bathroom and like he's cleaning off his shirt and there's just blood everywhere and even

this is enough to even discussed Jack Nicholson you never should have looked down that egg when Michael Foss Bender said look down that egg I told you and he's like ah my catheter exploded

or something and Nicholson's like they can do that catheter to what though out of your chest I mean it's something I'm unfamiliar I don't know I've got a idea I'm not the only only one that pisses out of their chest? I mean, I guess... I'm still working on my medical degree. Maybe it's easier for like chest injections.

It's called the sizzle chest. That's what a sizzle chest is. I always wanted to do a, on my bucket list, it was a prank call to the jerky boys themselves. Really get them. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. This is for Brett Weird. I saw that movie.

Brett Weir was the most stand-up citizen in the whole fucking thing. Just pretend this is a stereotypical Asian voice. You're stupid. Hello, Johnny Brennan. I was at your mother's house the other day, and I fell down the stairs and my shoes fell off. Yes, I'll hold. Yeah, where are those tiles that were supposed to be delivered?

put me on with whoever's in charge. Hold on one minute. Sean Hayes, does this mean I have to buy a tile factory to make it really work? He's that invested in the prank call. It's on the bucket list, man. Nicholson gets a cell phone call from Freeman's wife

who's like, where is he? Oh my God! Yeah, yep. Also, why doesn't fucking Morgan Freeman have a cell phone? Or is he ghosting her? She's calling Nicholson. He's like, could you please give my husband back? His French castle.

They're after. What? They're at Nickleson's like French castle. They call the estate or whatever. And he's taking a bath upstairs. But she wants to talk to him because she's like, dude, you don't know what you're doing. This guy, like, he doesn't know, but he wants to be around his family. He wants to do this.

You know what I mean? Like, he needs to be here because like, fuck, he's got grandkids. He's not seeing. Yeah. But at the same time, like, who gives a shit about grandkids? Who gives a fuck about your children? Like, in a way, right? Like, you're living in your life in your own terms.

You're going to die. They've, oh, there is actually, borderlines on millennial talk is Morgan Freeman at one point. It's like, they never worked a day in their lives. Yeah. So. Yeah. They never, they never wanted for anything. They never wanted for anything.

Yeah. Not work. Oh, what's that mean? They never, like, need, you know, they weren't ever hard up. they didn't need things like Morgan Freeman Provide them. Yeah, well, I guess what I'm getting at

is that Morgan Freeman's like, I did everything, I took about cars for them. You know, I just got a job in a mechanic shop and, you know, you can pay off college

with $340 like I did. That's easy to do. Then 46 years passed. Well, and that's the other great thing about this whole speech. Morgan Freeman is doing it from the bathtub. He's in the bathtub.

Is this his first? Watching Jeopardy, which by we didn't mention how he's a fucking 80. Ace He loves Jeopardy. He knows everything. And the weird thing

is they filmed this Jeopardy for the movie It wasn't found It wasn't like Found Jeopardy footage. Yeah, it was. Oh my God,

I want a found footage film starring Alex Trebek. In Berkittsville, Maryland in the early 90s there was a group of people that went out into the woods looking for Alex Trebek. What remains of them

is these tape reels that were found. Oh, look, I found out I found some of his mustache hair and here in the river. But he shaved his mustache. I just imagine Alex Trebek would make a movie about the biggest Alex Trebek fans. Oh, sure.

He always seemed to me very pompous. Oh, yeah, he's an asshole. Yeah. Who loves me the most? All I'm going to say is you earn what he earned, you could do what you want. That's true. I'd be an asshole too.

More of an asshole than I am now. Alex Trebeck's bucket list. Or what is Alex Trebex's bucket list? The one we had about killing and eating people, That's Alex Trebek, big time. I would not bat an eye if he's actually tasted human flesh. Alex Trebek? Yeah, in like a meaningful way.

What is delicious? Do you think he hates Pat Seajek or is cordial? Almost as much as I hate Pat Seagach. No, he's cordial because he's like he's so pathetic to him. Oh, he's got it. He doesn't even have to do it. Oh, yeah. Why bother?

It's like a fly going around to God. You know, it's the, it's the knockout Ali never. gave him, you know? Let them buzz. But Pat Sajax always had Vanna White. Like, Alex Trebek never had a beautiful assistant. He doesn't need it, man. That's it. He is the beauty. Oh, that's actually

true. And the bra and the brawl. That's right. And the mustache. He should grow that back. He should. He did briefly and then he got rid of it again. That's fucked up. To tease. It's fucked up, though. This makes no sense to what Steve was saying about how they

filmed special Jeopardy. Because if you look in the credits, it's like, and Alex Trebek as himself. Sure. That should have been a thing where like one of the answers given on the program was something that inspires them to go do a thing. Sure. But the shit coffee. Revealing here on Jeopardy. Yes. Or or or Morgan Freeman on his bucket list always wanted to go on Jeopardy. Guess where Morgan Freeman goes. It's him and Rosie Perez and they fucking go against each other. And let me tell you something. I had never seen this movie until last night like I mentioned. I was looking through the credits on IMDB. I saw, and

Alex Trebek as himself. I saw the first five minutes of the movie where Morgan Freeman was watching Jeopardy. I was like, boom. They go to fucking Los Angeles and he is on Jeopardy. What a mistake! You could spend so much less money by hiring a research department that's like, find me a Jeopardy

where these kinds of clues come up. And then you find those and then you show them to fucking Rob Reader's fat face. And it's over with. What a job, by the way, sifting through years of Jeopardy history, Professional Jeopardy Researcher. That's not half bad. So you do Celebrity Jeopardy.

And then it's like, oh, unprecedented. We're going to have a contest winner. Right. Be on the Celebrity Jeopardy. Oh, shit. I rigged the contest. Right? Boom.

Me and Trebek are old friends. Oh, yeah. Like, we killed a girl together. They're rich people. They do shit like that all the time. All the time. all the time. The answer is, what is we're square now?

This makes a square. Oh, by the way, they go to we go to the pyramids. Yes, my God. This is the most important part of the movie. They go to the pyramids. I think at the dinner in France Nicholson kind of, basically

Freeman's strong arms is like, no, we have to do this, we have to keep going. At the dinner in France, Nicholson drops that he has a daughter which is a big surprise in the movie. And then in the middle of this, like, they kind of talk about, like, you know, they're sitting on top of pyramids because they're fucking gods among them. Did they climb those? Good question.

Yeah. Because they, then they're like the wings of desire angels. Yeah. Just hanging out. Like Peter Fulke is next to them. We should pan down like 700 feet to their corpses. Yes. At like the bottom of this fucking thing.

It's sizzling in the sun with the fucking vultures already there. Sean Hayes is trying to revive them. doing frantic CPR. I guess we gotta go back to our bodies. Well, hey there, fellas. Nice to see you. It looks like I beat you to a punch by a couple of years. But so Nicholson kind of,

it's a story about like, oh, how Egyptians find heaven is they have to answer these two questions. You know, was your life joyful and did you bring joy to others? Right. And Nicholson goes into this fucking insane story for this movie that does nothing to do with it. It's wild.

this movie has quite a turn it's just like Nicholson sitting on top of this thing and he's like yeah you know my well you know my daughter you know she was great you know we got divorced and it was a Christmas cards and birthdays and that was it then she went to college and then she met this guy and I never liked the guy but they got married anyway and even though I said that I didn't like the guy just for no reason I wasn't invited to the wedding and he's a morning he's like wow that might have hurt and he's like yeah it did by the way he started hitting her and I'm like well and it's the way he says it though because he's like They got married and I wasn't at the wedding. I didn't approve or whatever.

So the first time he hit her, I did nothing. Yeah. And she passed it off and blah, blah, blah. The second time he did it, I called up a couple of guys I know and took care of it like a father would. I was like, like any father would contact the mafia? But he also even says it's the weirdest line in any movie. He's like, but I didn't kill him.

He even says, like, all right, I know what you're thinking. It would have been easier if you did. Just make him disappear, dude. I could have had the full ounce. I got the half ounce. Dude, it just clapped for me. You want the monkey to kill him? Uh-huh, uh-huh.

We cut off his arm and we ate it in front of him. It made me think of if it was the godfather and Jack Nicholson's beating the shit out of this guy with a fucking garbage can't up. That would be pretty cool. Give me that fucking flashback. But no, Steve, you have to follow that up with, but I didn't kill him. Yeah. Because, of course, you could have killed him. Sure.

If you, listen, if someone's like, hey man, this thing went down and I called these pipe hit and motherfuckers and took care of it. And then the person is sitting there listening to you with their jaw open, you of course have to follow up with, oh, by the way, I didn't have him killed. No, no, no, no. I know what you're thinking. No, I didn't have him killed. But you just got to do it. The amount of secretaries we have. had to turn away before Mr. Trump was insane.

But I mean, like, here I am. I'm having the most regular, degular hamburger I've ever had. And then Rob Reiner throws a bunch of fucking cayenne pepper domestic abuse spice all over it. And I'm like, this is disgusting now. Like, it was blanded and nothing before, but now it's disgusting. It's a real turn for the bucket list. It is.

It is. So they discuss whether or not they want to be buried or cremated. They decide on cremation. This is in India. And this is one of my favorite things. Oh, right? They go to the Taj Mahal. They go in there.

And Morgan Freeman is telling this story about like, oh, this guy, one of the shots, like, loved his wife and, like, all this stuff. And he's like, and he built this with 20,000 volunteers. It's Morgan Freeman saying this. Yeah. And Jack Nicholson is the one who has to correct him and be like, I don't think they were volunteers. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, that's great. But then you also see if Jack Nicholson throw a bunch of pennies at these people. It is the most disgusting tone-deaf shot of this movie. It's a bunch of, like, you know, Indian people that are like begging for money. And he's like, yeah, there you go. Get away. So they can't climb a mountain because it's snowing. The Himalayas.

That's Morgan Freeman's number one, bucketless thing is, witness something majestic. Right, right. Dermamu, I've come to negotiate. it's jack dude jack nicholson in like the early 80s would have been a spectacular dr strange which is of eastwick era he could have done it yeah wow yeah dude just tie it in make a sequel to that movie because he plays he plays like the devil in that movie yeah oh yeah dude that's almost like dr strange i kind of got to watch that movie i never saw it's pretty good it's pretty good yeah it's uh angelica houston's in that movie too and michel piper yeah yeah

share it's oh share yeah you're right you're right Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer. Oh, I'm thinking of, what's that movie? The Witches. Yes, with Angelica. Oh, my God, that is, that is a terrifying movie. I love that movie. I couldn't watch it.

The trailer freak me out as a kid. Oh, I watched it as a kid, and it scarred me for life. You know who directed, though, right? Rob Reiner. Mr. Bean. Nicholas Roke. Oh, really? Yeah, that's pretty awesome.

So, moving along, they go to Hong Kong, where Jack Nicholson tries to set a prostitute on Morgan Freeman. Well, the idea is... Descend upon him, sweetheart. Go, my minions, fly. You're one of my witches now. I'm the devil. That's why I run hospitals.

In America, specifically. So this woman comes... You don't know if she's a sex worker at first. He sits down. And she's like, she's like, wow, that's so interesting. It's like, I was going to go to the Himalayas. And she's like, oh, this is too late in the season. And like, they kind of...

She's like, she's like, You know, I never do this. And she looks like a model. And she's like, would you like to come up to my room for a while? I was like, prostitute alert. Yeah, exactly. All you have to do is grab your wallet real quick. Like, it's still there.

Yeah, no thank you. I'm fine. Well, yeah, because she was seduced by this like long religious diatribe he goes on. And she's like, after that she's just shook. No, she wasn't, she wasn't. She wasn't seduced by shit cabin. She's a sex worker. Well, yeah.

And I thought, that's what I thought. I was like, oh, is that the gag? And then, like, he goes upstairs and it's a Jack Nichols. And Sean Hayes, by the way, I have to mention, is going on his own little bucket list. Just kind of hanging out with these things. He's hanging out, but you better believe he's got to stand back. I don't want you anywhere near this trip unless I fucking need you. I don't want you seeing any pyramids.

You stay in the hotel. It's just him. No, he makes him follow them around when he's got a blindfold on. No, no, no. You don't get to share in this. Majesty. But so Morgan Freeman's like, we're going to go home now. I'm sick of it.

We should say Morgan Freeman turns down the advance of this woman. He's like, he can't, here's interesting. He can't bring himself to say, I'm married. He's like, ah, homina, homina, homina. And she's like, good for you. And she's like, you know what? I'm getting paid anyway. Good deal for everybody.

Oh, she was paid in advance. So then Morgan Freeman comes up and he's like, and I'm not going to do it. And he's like, that was a prostitute, right? He's like, yes, it was. Congratulations, you pass. You sure you don't want to? But then Morgan Freeman does get to scratch off one thing from his bucket list,

which was he always wanted to jerk off in Hong Kong. Right, right, right. Well, who doesn't? I've always wanted to masturbate in Hong Kong. Thank you very much. Hey, Mr. Wayne, are you sure I can't accompany you to Hong Kong? The thing I'd like to take care of. Can we part these curtains?

Can we get this window view here? All these windows don't open, huh? That was part of the bucket list, wish. Can I get a different room then? That's more like it, Mr. Wayne. Checking all about this open window in Hong Kong. Look out below. Can we take the window out?

Here comes Lucia's box. Oh, man. Here comes, of course. So then you go home, and on the drive home, Jack Nicholson's like Oh, this isn't the way to Morgan Freeman's house Yep We wind up in front of

Jack Nicholson's daughter's house Jack Nicholson goes ape shit Dude, he is Nicholsoning out on Morgan Freeman right here I didn't think he had it in him Yeah, he does it, he pulls it off This is the billionaire, here he is This is who I've been waiting to fucking see

Yep, this is the fucking Ebenezer Scrooge right here, man, he gives it to this dude hardcore Fuck you for thinking, I care about you goodbye. This was fucking fun. That was it. Yeah.

It would be great if he said to him a bill. Oh, you thought I was paying for this? That's why I had Sean Hayes come with us. He's just tabbing it up. He's keeping all the receipts. You know that mineral water you had in Hong Kong? It wasn't cheap. It's like itemized for everything.

Oh, absolutely. That mint you borrowed from me when we were going to the Hong Kong restaurant. I've got that. one. So then we have an incredibly sad sequence of Morgan Freeman goes home. He has a nice dinner with his family. They pray to the Lord Jesus Christ. Absolutely. Morgan Freeman who comes down to the table. That's right. Because they were doing a seance. And then play by Willam Defoe again. We're prizing this role. Here I am again. Knock knock. Uh, Morgan Freeman has a little like dancing with his wife's sweet moment. They go upstairs. Oh, I'm feeling like a little like a

teenager. But this is being intercut with Jack Nicholson. First of all, Morgan Freeman's house might be nicer than Jack Nicholson's. It's enormous. It's not bad. It's a big, you know, it's all like soft brown lighting. It's very nice. Then you get to fucking Jackalson's

cold blue apartment. He's alone. He tries to, while they're having a nice family meal. It's my very part of the entire movie. This is great. He tries to open up this pre-paid, pre-packaged rotisserie chicken and he can't get it going. So he starts smashing it with his fat Jack Nicholson

fist. Wait, I thought you were going to say this was when he's hired two more prostitutes and he's crying looking out the window and then you hear one of the women go like, is he crying? Oh, dude, it's so sad. Did those hookers see him punch his meal?

Yes. Also, dude, you're Jack Nicholson. What are you getting fucking hungry man's for? You're whatever this guy is. Go to the best restaurant in L.A. Have it delivered to you? You got it delivered to him earlier. No, no, no. No, nope, nope, nope.

And I'll tell you right now, do you know how fucking scrumtrellessent grocery store, rotissory chicken is? Look out, dude. I had to buy it. It says hungry jack. No, those are potatoes, aren't they? I don't know. The little potato flakes?

I don't know. I'm a billionaire, so I was. Hungry man, you mean? Yeah, I guess so. Hungry man. I thought there was a hungry jack. There is hungry jack, and I believe it's like instant potatoes. potato flakes.

It's like add flaked. Add a bunch of your fucking kids dandruff to boiling water hungry jack potatoes man. There's hardly any lice in it. But yeah,

I mean, yeah, we don't get the very speaking of this period of his career, the confident prostitute fucker of the departed, yeah,

where he's like throwing coke at people. Yes, that's, yeah, that's what he wishes it was. I kind of imagine that's what would happen

If Morgan Freeman had sex with that woman, like in Hong Kong, like the door opens, and Jack Nicholson's in a robe and he just throws Coke all over Morgan Freeman's body. Have fun, kids. Oh, I'm joining it. Room for one more. But they just missed the trifecta, though, in this Jack Nicholson's sad sackery because it's punching a rotisserie chicken. It's crying out the window and ignoring prostitutes. But then what you're missing is that classic, then his dick don't work. Oh, nice.

And he gets a really front And he's punching his own dick Come on It's like jumpstarting a lawnmower Like come on But so Morgan Freeman After this beautiful night With his wife

Thanksgiving dinner It is They really lay it on heavy I mean also by the way It could be his final meal cabin Come on If I was Morgan Freeman's wife I would be so excited

The door It's a knock at the door It's a Morgan Freeman He's got a hanged on expression In a bag I would be I look at him And be like What did the money run out

You know what I mean Give him a wrong real fucking dig. No, it's time to end it, dude. Men, those fences and come home. No, no, that lady should be really excited because she sees her new boyfriend behind her in his Lamborghini and she just walks around him. Oh, my God, blows him off.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm busy tonight. Yeah, you, you abandoned me for weeks on end. Instead, in the actual film, the text we're talking about tonight. They, yeah, they are getting ready to fuck. She goes on, she goes into the room.

Putting something nice on. Negligé. Yeah. Yeah. And then he fucking drops. He drops. Exactly. Like a sack of fucking hungry jack potatoes.

Oh, dude. You can't get that out of the carpet. No. And it's fucked up. It's so fucking cruel. She's like, where did you go? Morgan Freeman. And then you look.

Floppy feet. It's two feet are flip flopping. Fucking come on. Also, by the way, this is this woman's bucket list. She wants some more dick before she dies. This woman has been waiting for weeks for her fucking husband. One last thing.

Can I decide there's more dick where that came from? That's actually a really great point. He's flopping around like a suffocating fish. By the way, the prequel to funny funeral, floppy feet. You think she would have heard him collapse. Yeah. He's a tall dude.

He's going to make a sound. You're totally right, man. That's fucked up. If a Morgan Freeman falls in a bedroom and no one's around here, does he still make a good thing? thought he doesn't fall at all then really so uh she she she calls the cops the cops arrest this man he won't fuck me because he's dying no she calls an ambulance actually that's

convincing we cut to my favorite scene of the movie it's jack nigglson in a boardroom it's the obvious scene where it's like it's very cold cold business and he's not paying attention to because he's changed and it's my favorite thing in the world because rob bryner didn't have the stones to correct him because he's like did you ever read the divine comedy by Dante Alligary And like Rob Reiner's It's a Dante It's a Dante

Well that was like No I call it I'm 70 years old And I'm calling him Dante Excuse me Rob Reiner Roebriner It's I love all the classics Like Virgil

William Shricksburg You get the gist Only you care about this There's a bunch of shit This movie though Where I was like Is that how Jack Nicholson pronounces things

I can't recall examples. But that does happen more than... That's how his character produces. Also, like, when I'm on... When I'm dumb on this show, it's my character. Oh, right. Nice excuse. The very best is Ernest Hummingbird.

Ernest Hummingbird. That's a fucking BoJack Horseman character. Same grisly ending. Yeah. That's all I need. So Morgan Freeman, it's not looking good. Sean Hayes breaks into the reason. He's like, you have to go see this guy.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take his phone call. Yes. So then you love him. Go see him. Yes, exactly. But the hostile takeover.

They wind up, he goes to the hospital and this is the scene where he's like, well, you don't look too good. This is where, by the way, Morgan Freeman, come on, dude. Shave your head, you're in this movie. This is a movie, by the way, in case you're wondering. was released in mid-December because this was supposed to be an Oscar movie. Like, don't fuck around. This was supposed to be an Oscar movie.

Maybe it would have been if Morgan Freeman bothered to fucking man up and shave his head. It's a cone head sketch, dude. Let's get out of here. It's a golden globes movie. Yeah, that's a good point. You know what, Kevin? Nail on the head. But no, but it looks ridiculous.

I thought he was like being revealed to be an alien or something. Oh, no, Morgan Freeman's a gray. You're going to grow it. Oh, great, my friends from Mars. Yes. Like that time I was president. But you know what it was? That's the thing. Jack Nicholson will do it because he was selected. He was all, I'll shave my head on camera, motherfucker.

Morgan Freeman's like, yeah, I'm actually filming six movies right now. That's true. By the way, Jack, can you drop me off to my next movie? Yeah, yeah. I bet you that's actually what it was. It's like, no, I can't do this. I would like to. I feel like Morgan Freeman will shave his head. He should have. But it's, you know, I'll be working with Zach Braff soon enough. It was like a Henry Cavill mustache situation.

Yes. And we didn't quite have the technology like we did for that movie. You know what? The thing that Henry Cavill's mustache is we all sat around and worried so much about if we could, but we never asked if we should. That's true. I think Superman should have a mustache. I would have loved it.

It would have been cool. Why not? Superman had like a weird phase. He comes back from the dead. He's got a mustache. He's learned. Now he's an orgy guy. Yeah, he throws coke around.

Nobody cares about what happens in Justice League. Just put it in. Who cares? So Morgan Freeman gets his laugh till he cries a moment right here because he finally tells Jack Nicholson and he's drinking cat shit coffee. Oh, come on. And they have a big fucking hooting and hollering laugh over it.

Morgan Freeman holds his wife's hand. He goes into surgery and dies on the table. One of Morgan Freeman, he's got an arsenal of things that he's really good at. One is like, you know, monotone narration. The other one, He's got a good fake laugh. A good, like, burst out fake laugh.

He does it in seven. Because he's a good actor. He is a great actor. I think he does a lot more in his younger roles, too. And, like, Street Smart, I remember him doing that a lot. Yeah, he's got a good, he's got a good fake laugh. And this scene is no exception. So they have that.

And then, like I mentioned, he dies on the table. Sorry, yeah, I glossed over that part. So he's dead. And we cut to the family being devastated, but we got to get back to Jack Nicholson as soon as possible. And there should be a scene with his son being like, man, And I never told this guy all the things I wanted to tell them. If only I had the last couple weeks of his life, I would have had the, I would be at a better spot. You know what?

You had that dinner. Say it there. That's true. Quality, not quantity. We cut to Morgan Freeman's funeral at which this kind of complete stranger gives a eulogy. That's Jack Nichols is. He's really bizarre. And he's like, he's like, later in life lover.

You met him weeks ago. At least though he does acknowledge like a few months ago, I didn't know this guy. and we did become good friends. But he's like, he's got the bucket list and he's like checking shit off like at the pulpit. I got that one done. Oh, yeah. Said something nice about a stranger.

Cross that off. But the weird thing is, I mean, this is kind of a twist in the movie, right? Because the beginning of the movie, it's Morgan Freeman saying about, talking about Jack Nicholson's death. And I was like, surely a ghost can't be narrating this movie. And then Morgan Freeman dies first. You're like, oh, what a surprise? You keep expecting Jack Nicholson to kick it.

Right. Then you cut to Jack Nicholson and he is, he makes up with his daughter. By the way, like, this is, this should be a scene. Like, by the way. They cut out the meat of the fucking movie. This is the big scene. Zero dialogue, dude. Like, hire, because they hire like a no-named actress, but like, hire, I don't know.

I thought it was Sarah Polly at first. I hire Sarah Polly. You could have been great. That would have been great. Bring on the house. But I don't think he even, I don't think you hear her speak to her. No. I think you know, just to the grandkid.

No lines of the movie. This woman's a featured extra. It's terrible. Here's my big scene with Jack Nicholson. Wait, what? They cut it out? Also, show me that dude, like being disabled or whatever after that mafia ruff up. Yes.

I said I didn't kill him, but he is a quadriplegic. That would have been nice. Look, he just picks up the, honey, could you let you? me in. Look, look, look, look. I'm going to call somebody. Roger, stop torturing him now. Look, it's over. It's over now. He breaks the phone in half.

I'll even feed him through a tube for you. Bring in the mop squad. But there's like a sweet moment where one of the things on the list was like kiss the most beautiful girl in the world. And you show him like giving his granddaughter a kiss and he crosses it off. It's like kind of a nice thing. And then Jack Nicholson up and dies.

Yep. And this whole movie, we've been seen these cutting back to somebody climbing up this mountain in the snow. That's just in the beginning. And, like, I was yelling in my head. If that's Jack Nicholson. That's what I was saying, too.

I was like, I'm going to scream. I totally thought that, too. I totally fucking fucking thought that. Well, it wasn't shaped like fucking Dr. Robotnik, so it couldn't be. You never know it's the green screen shit. That would be. That would be great, though.

Jack Nicholson is his last role. Dr. Robotnik. Oh, that we put fucking Sonic the hedgehog. Bring me the head of that fucking hedgehog. You know what, tails, if you know what's good for your family, you'll do exactly as I say.

I wouldn't be able to think of a worst last role. But you nailed it. Yeah, I keep these three tails around my neck. Oh my God. What's that? Orson Wells played a transformer planet. I could, I got that beat.

Hopper did Cooper, I'm pride. Give me a big dumb red mustache. So we finally revealed the identity of the hiker as Sean Hayes, who's climbed up to put Jack, they have a conversation about just cremate me and put me in a, what a chock-fallen nuts can. And that's in India. And like when they're having that conversation,

he purposefully says what we're going to, going to do when we die now that we're life partners yeah this is a lover's situation why are and like you know i don't care about being with your family when you're alive but your remains certainly should be yes of course now this woman has to have a barren grave she's been married to this guy for 50 years oh where is he oh no he's on a mountain top with some dude he met he's on top of a mountain he never climbed yes yeah and here's my question though because morgan freeman's in like so Sean Hayes opens the thing and there's already

a chalk full of nuts can in there that's Morgan Freeman. No, I think it's Donnie actually from Big Lubaski. No, so Morgan Freeman's already in this box on the top of this mountain, right? So my question is,

is Sean Hayes climbing this fucking thing twice? For the amount of money that I imagine he's going to get, yes. Yeah, you would do that. Yeah, you're going to bring my friend to the top of this mountain. I imagine that when,

what the original cut, like he opens that little thing where he puts the chock full of nuts cans and the monkey's paws right there. And he trades it and now he's got it. He can do it every want. I just don't understand how this legally happened because like Morgan Freeman died in this operation.

There was at no point anything about like changing the last Will and Testament. Dude, it might have been illegal. Well, that's right. Like how the fuck is this dude getting the remains of this man? Dude, funny funeral is happening. It's a mad caper of trying to get Morgan Freeman's court. We got to get the corpse before it. Before anyone knows.

I think that's the deal, dude, exactly. Sean Hayes, you need to break into the morgue. Yeah. You, now you got a pose as the body. It's just crazy. But, like, yeah, to your point, like, this woman is now completely got nothing. Don't even suck it. She's buried like a dead nun alone.

Well, the dead nuns are married to Jesus. Well, you can only hope that she has a long life still left to head. head of her. She meets some beau, right? Maybe an age gap love situation. Nice. Right? They spend the rest of her days together and then she gets married gets buried next to Trevor. I would love it, dude. She deserves

Trevor Reginald. Reginald Val Johnson should have been there. Oh, sure. Jay B. Smooth comes up. Yes. Yes. Yes. So that's the movie, right? That's totally the movie. That's the movie. It ends of Sean Hayes on a mountain, just like I thought the bucket list would

end. Would anybody recommend this? movie? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's really short, which is nice. And I mean, like, it's a blessing. But there are a latter period. I mean, like, hey, just watch any of the, these two guys are great actors. And I do think that, like, Nicholson's trying, but also trying in the wrong way in this movie. He's trying, but it's just a bad movie. Like, that's the thing. I don't, I don't hold it against either of them in this movie. They're both giving it a go. And that's what was weird when I was watching it. I was like, oh, Jack Nicholson's actually trying in this movie. I didn't think I would.

see that, I would think it would be like, you got to do it. Nicholson has so rarely not tried, though. Yeah, that's a really good point. He really does it. He's super choosy. He does, like, whenever he's going to come on, even that fucking you got to do it movie. Did you see you got to do it? I have seen you got to do it. It's, it's him, Owen Wilson. No, it's whatever, it's like the most recent James O. How do you know? How do you know? It's Rees Witherspoon, him.

Owen Wilson and Owen Wilson. Someone's a professional pitcher or something. Yeah, and I forget who the other person. is, but that's the other person. Oh, Paul Rudd. Oh, Paul, yes, Paul Rudd. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, he's even good in that. But I feel, this is just a guess, though.

That movie is, it's more like a Jack Nicholson stopping in and saying hi. He's not memorable, no. I don't know. I mean, like, it's not a big role. No, no, no, not at all. And as far as this movie, I mean, God, just avoid it at all cost. I do think it's funny to imagine, and this is what I did for the second viewing, in the trivia you'll note this they tried to get Clint Eastwood

to do Jack Nicholson's role that would have been a completely different movie it's also how you make the movie worse yeah it's not going to be fun because whereas Nicholson has been trying through all of these roles these late career roles

good or bad movie Clint East would stop trying at Unforgiven yes but as an actor I never saw a million dollar baby is he doing stuff in that he's kind of just like hanging out. It's not bad. I mean, trouble with the curve is awful. Oh, my God. I turned it off. I turned it right off. He's pretty good in Grand Torino, but it's not, yeah. That's the thing. It would definitely change the tone of this. Well, yeah, because the only thing I would say is that they do definitely have chemistry. Morgan Freeman and him have worked together enough. I would not recommend it. I didn't enjoy watching this. I didn't like this movie. There's better things you could do with your time. Yeah, there's better Rob Reiner movies out there. That's for sure. We went over a bunch of them. I would not recommend this. It's, uh, it's, uh, schmaltzy manipulative crap.

I'm getting a letter from the news desk, by the way. Oh, shit, this is just in. Did it, did it, did it, did it. I don't know. If you want more Morgan Freeman on We Hate Movies, you should subscribe to our Patreon. Oh, fuck.

Because we're doing transcendence this month. Oh, dude, I totally forgot he's in that movie. He is. That's the whole reason. Mind me. Right. And that's at the $5 level. And if you subscribe to that,

you'll instantly unlock bright, man of steel, Ghost Rider, Spirit of Vengeance, and jungle to jungle starring one Tim Allen and as he said, Transcendence. So there it is. And by the way, that is the bucket list from 2007, directed by Rob Reiner.

The Patreon, of course, is alive and well and flourishing. We Hate Movies. Patreon.com slash we hate movies, of course. Facebook.com slash we hate movies at WHM podcast on Twitter. Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We greatly appreciate it. We didn't talk about New York this much in this episode, so that one guy should be fucking fine.

We all hate movies at gmail.com right into the mailbag If you saw this movie in the theaters What do we got going on next week? Eric, you should talk about it. Yeah, this is you. It's doll man. Oh, fuck, Tim Thomerson.

Tim Thomerson as an alien from outer space That when he gets to Earth, he's a little like the size of like an A doll? Yes. And he's like a heart of nails Like space cop, but he's a doll. Yeah.

He goes up against Jack, Jack Eurel. Haley. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, this movie, this was a real, I, I'll say, I'll say this. I've seen Doll Man. I also, the only time I watched Doll Man, I greened out during Doll Man.

Same here, but I'm making us do it. So we'll see how next week goes. Tune in next week for a 40-minute episode. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda, Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.