We Hate Movies - S8 Ep365: Episode 365 - Rambo III

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

On this week's episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza continues its journey through Franchise Town with the awkward-in-hindsight sequel, Rambo III! Why on Earth would John Rambo be cool with venturing into a dangerous war zone to rescue Colonel Trautman of all people? How dare a film tease its audience with Kurtwood Smith at the beginning, only to never return to the character ever again? And can anyone remember this bad guy's name? PLUS: Coming next summer— Steven Spielberg's Horse Holocaust, a stirring drama about the making of Rambo III! Rambo III stars Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, and Marc de Jonge; directed by Peter MacDonald. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My goodness gracious, if it isn't the third Rambo movie. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zayday. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska 3. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. This week, the summer blockbuster extravaganza rolls on as we're talking about Rambo 3 from 1988, directed by Peter MacDonald.

But by the way, you catch this shit in the trivia. According to the Tribute, reporting director Russ Malaki of Highlander fame was straight up fucking fired from this movie and you know what? Yeah, would have been a better movie. Along with three cinematographers? Yeah, you got to get them out. That's crazy. So they were

they ended up with a camera operator, first time guy in the seat. Well, Stallone had a quote about this. You hear about this? Oh, I did not. No. Sylvester Stallone says referring specifically to the people getting fired the canvas of this movie is so large that you have to constantly think

10 scenes ahead. You can't wing it. Yeah. They didn't go into the Battle of Waterloo not knowing what their strategy would be. Wait, no, they lost. Well, this was this, well, this movie is kind of like cinematic warfare. We have a huge cast and crew, more than 250 people, and tough locations to deal with. Everyone and everything

has to coordinate. And much like warfare, I'm taking just a shit ton of cocaine right now. No, it's just, just, just all this stuff. And much like warfare, only one guy does it all. Wait, how in the world are you bringing up steroids comparatively? Well, no, but I mean, like, this was just good old-fashioned anabolic steroids. Like, you know, you get that in a mom and pop store.

But is this just like a trick of the eye? In other words, like, I am so used to watching, like, Sylvester Stallone had like a cow sewn inside of his body. that I look at this guy. I'm like, look at that tiny, nimble little fucker. Well, right now it looks like if you would take a pin to him, he would pop. Yes. Especially in that Rambo 2008 or whatever it was, which, by the way,

Patreon.com slash we hate movies. That's Rambo's Monster. Oh, Rambo's Monster. I think it's a joke that I make on it too. By the way, another quote from this production. Peter McDonald said, I tried very hard to change the rainbow character a bit and make him a more vulnerable and humorous person.

I failed totally. That is a person who's honest with themselves. I respect that. Failed because he did that and it was a bad idea? No, I just think he failed. Like he wanted to infuse humor or something in this movie, and none of it happened. He tried to change things. Things didn't change.

If I could change, and you could change, then maybe we could all change. That was the setup. Wow. Now, that's my question, though. When the fuck did Rocky 4 come out? I mean, that's an easy question to answer. Is it really? Well, while you're looking it up, I want to share my favorite piece of IMDB Tribune trivia for this movie. Nice. I don't know if you guys read this, but. 85, by the way, Rocky 4. 88. 85. I don't know if you guys read this, but Rambo's horse was also the horse of Indiana Jones in the last crusade. did see that. And my question is, how does somebody know that? Because I stayed till these credits. No, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. There's no horses credited. Oh, yeah. Well, you probably

bought horse semen from a guy that said that that was from that horse. And people buy horse semen all the time. That's true. Yeah. It's a big, it's a big deal on the black market. They jack them off. It came out the year after, uh, uh, uh, Kruit last crusade did, came out the year right this came out so you think like Spielberg was just like kind of down in the dumps I think we're gonna have to cut

the horse scene I really I just I've looked at a thousand horses today 1500 horses at least came into my office I could tell you horse come Mr. Spielberg

you want some horse come wait a second wait so this movie was 88 and Last Crusade is 89 is what you're saying this is why I think this is bullshit what or horse shit

this being the same horse because there's no fucking way this horse made it out of Rambo 3 alive. Are you kidding me? No, sir. Well, yeah, somebody was like, Spielberg was like, wow, I love that horse for Rambo.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, here it is. It's, hey, look, everybody, it's the horse from Rambo 3. Now we've got to go back and watch Last Crusade and see if that horse looks like it got a paint job.

I refuse to believe that horse made it out of this production alive. I mean, Spielberg might have been like going to the movies and he's like, I need a horse for this. Who is that young horse in this? movie. He's got Maxie. Yeah.

So he's doing all sorts of horse cocaine. Yes. The late 80s was this horse's boom. Then it's just sort of all sort of... His actual Bojack horseman. Yeah. Cutting up hay with a credit card. He came in totally blitzed out of his mind to the city slickers audition.

Oh shit. And Billy Crystal's like, all right, this horse is just, if you're not going to think seriously, I can't I can't act. I can't act to get this. All right, horse, how about this? I am going to do my blackface jazz singer character, and you tell me if it's hilarious. Oh, that horse said I'm not funny.

Morrissey, I got fired from the killing fields. Ah, Billy, fire that horse. I'll play the horse. Get on my back. Somebody, ah, ride Bruno Kirby around. Scab!

Scab! Scab! So this movie, Steve Sadeg, it gets a little tricky. In this day and age, what is this movie about? It's after the events of Rambo 2, Rambo now that he has a presidential pardon in his back pocket. We should backtrack for a second.

Sorry, in Rambo 2, he is indeed sent back to Vietnam. Sure. Boy, ain't that a kick in the head. No, to finally win it for us. We're going to do it. We're going to do it, folks. Here we go. And is Troutman responsible for that order?

Yes, he's always fucking movie this guy. I had a chess piece. I didn't get a chance to rewatch, so I didn't either. He sold them out to the guy who gets filleted in Silence of the Lambs. What guy who gets fillet? Charles Napier. Charles Napier, of course. He's the sleaze ball in that one.

That's Jim Pembrey up there. God damn it. Talk to him. Welcome back to talking to Jim Pembray. Does it see much. Is your face still cut off? Okay, great. So Rambo is living the quiet life in Thailand, quiet-ish,

and... Living the quiet life in Thailand, by the way. Except for those sequences where he does the only God forgives fighting. He gets approached by Troutman who's like, hey, look, I'm going to Afghanistan. You'd be great there. It's going to be a really great time.

They would love you in Afghanistan. He gets kidnapped and Rambo has to save him. Right. And basically the Soviets are the enemies because back at 89 or back in the late 80s, there was some conflicts there. You don't say. Yes. Welcome back to really bad history.

Right. And this whole thing is like Rambo's fighting for the Mujahideen, who would eventually, I guess, form into, no, I'm not too sure. A fun boy band known as the Taliban. Yes. And Osama bin Laden received CIA training during these events of this film. Yes. It's not on the set. He's right next to the horse. Here's this young whippersnapper named Osama bin Laden. He was going somewhere. Yeah, he played the horse in Rambo 3M last crusade.

Harrison Ford has been on this very same Osama. Now, to just be correct about all of this. Yes, because I'm just... No, you were pretty much correct. The Taliban, which formed in the early 1990s, was a portion of the Mujahideen. So not all the rebel fighters possibly pictured in this film. So it's like characters

Early movies So it's like more It's like new kids on the block Yeah a little bit closer to that I guess But they're not quite a backstreet boys No no that's Al-Qaeda Yeah right but yeah so the Mujahadine For those interested or unaware

Were the Islamic fighters that were resisting The Soviet occupation of Afghanistan Which was thought to be a good time at the time You know but now we know better it's 2018 And now we all realize that the Soviet Union should have won every conflict Yes of course Well, I mean, that's the one thing I am pissed off about is this makes me really hate Charlie Wilson's war because I wish they had talked about Rambo's doings over there during Charlie Wilson.

Oh, they should have recognized Rambo, man. John Rambo, again, getting the shaft. Like Hoffman is like, like, also, yeah, okay, I'm also coordinating this Rambo thing. I got a guy over there named John Rambo. And you're not showing him any respect. Hey, Kevin, you remember that time you went as Hoffman's character, from that movie for Halloween and it's one of the

lamest things I've ever seen like, you were just wearing a jacket. You're like, hey, this is me wearing

it. You didn't even shave. He was a, no, he did shave. There was a mustache involved and he put on a pair of sunglasses, Steve,

so aren't you embarrassed? So shut the fuck up. You're right. You're right. Well, you're right. Halloween costumes. You have quite a flare for it.

So, uh, we do open it. This movie, by the way, is heavily. I don't even know what we could do

comedically. This movie was so heavily lampooned in hot shots part you. That's true. The earth was salted. It's like that. McGrouber took a stab at this movie. We're just talking about that. When Troutman goes

with Kurtwin Smith, we should say, by the way. What a Kurt would tease. A tease, I'm like oh, the second he came in, I wrote down a note because I've never seen this before, I was like, he's crooked. I was just like, I guarantee you at the end, he's crooked. I see, I wrote down, where's the cocaine? Yeah, well, you know, Kurtwood Smith.

Just off screen. He is looking unusually excited in this movie. Well, he's now, he's like, now Troutman's like the military guy, and he's like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, he's making the, the, the, the, I thought he was like, I thought he was like, Betsy Duvoss's brother. No, I don't think the American government, Eric, Eric Evil Soul, or whatever that guy's name is. I think the American government at the time was a little bit above hiring mercenaries, unlike they are now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, this, this guy was, he works for the company. Yes, yes, and he was just like, uh, uh, he was. You think you could fly, Osama?

Because we'll teach you. Yeah. Landing, not so much. You want guns? We got guns. We'll give you guns. Rocket launcher, you got it. Technical skills, we know you're going to need that.

So, yeah, he goes, they both approach Rambo and Thailand. They do see him engaged in some stick fighting, which is a fun sequence. Dude, he looks like fucking Nightwing with these sticks. Yeah, it's fun. This shot is actually kind of awesome because it's like before the big like Rambo reveal, he's leaning down, he's got his like face to the ground and whatnot. And he takes these two like devil sticks or whatever and like clanks them on the ground and stands up. I thought a lion roar was about to happen. It does not. But it's like this close to a lion roar. And he starts fighting this dude. And there's gambling involved because of course there is. And it's kind of great because like most. scenes in this movie or sequences, this lasts way too long. This fucking step fight goes on for at least like

five to six minutes of this movie. And they keep cutting back to the same reaction shots of Troutman and the other guy, Kurtwood Smith, just like watching Rambo do this, same reaction shots. It's got a Patriot Super Bowl thing going on here where you

have to think for a little bit, they might not, he might not win. You have to believe that a little bit before he actually fucking tears off and actually kicks their ass my muscle

deflated but what's great Rambo eventually of course defeats his dude he gets down I was just imagining all this shouting

because it's a very loud fight and like it's Kurtwood Smith and Troutman and Troutman and Troutman's like what?

I said imagine him doing that on a horse I said imagine him doing that on a horse. No it'll be great send him to Afghanistan no it's this it's this

but he's on a horse and he's in the desert Trump man you know we're here to kill him right that's the teaser trailer it's just them talking about that we need a guy he'll look a lot like what he's doing right now but picture him on a horse doing it

he needs to look like 12 guys he does look like 12 guys he kind of does no I was just saying that oh I fucked my face what was I saying Oh, it's just that, so Rambo beats this dude, he wins. And then classy John Rambo move helps the guy up instead of what I kind of remembered happening, false memory.

I was saying to my wife actually last night, the last time I had seen this movie before last night was somewhere around when Spike TV was still called TNN. Sure. So when the Paramount Network was still called TN. What a TN stand for? The Nashville Network. Holy shit. What the fuck was that?

It was basically Spike TV with less reality shows. Weird. It was just TV for deads. And you watched Rambo three. Yeah. Okay. And then what happened? I had, well then, and then 30 years later or whatever, I watched it on Amazon rental.

And I had a strong memory of Rambo fucking putting a stick through this guy's skull. But he helps him up. Well, there's this moment where the guy's like, am I going to die in a stick fight? And Rambo's like, maybe you will. And then they, no, I'm just joshing you, bro. Good game. Good stick fight, dude. It's cool, man. Also, we're the only two white guys in this village.

And as such, we will always be the two stick fighters. Well, I was wondering, are they buddies? Because at the end, they're like, yeah, man, pretty good. Well, it's like going to work. You know, it's like, all right, man, I'm going to clock out. Now, you want to go get a beer? Yeah, sorry, I accidentally punched you in the balls. I know that's against the rules.

Well, he does a nut suplex, by the way. Dude, yeah. Holy shit, that looks harmful. so right after the fight they track Rambo down to this village where he's working in a monastery of course you know make it up men's for blah-b-de-blah

this is the McGruber part yes it's like line for line I think McRuber just did it line for line pretty great it's amazing hilarious thing in this so they go to this village and Kurt Whit Smith

has a picture of Sylvester Stallone as Rambo and I say it that way because it's clearly just a promotional video or photograph rather from like First Blood or some shit. We got to talk about the trajectory

First Blood's a real movie like a big time. It's like an action drama higher on the drama than on the action too. Absolutely. And he's fighting the real world bad guys in that, the American police. It's like coming home mixed with Predator.

You know what I mean? Like that's what Rambo is and it's great or First Blood I should say. You couldn't make that movie today. That's how like politically out there. It could not make that today. Because he's kind of the villain too. Like he's also, he's like a mix like you know what I mean? Like yeah

Denny he's in the wrong but he's in the wrong too. It's a complex narrative which is unheard of for Rambo ever since. And then the second one which is the best title of any movie which is first blood. No, Rambo Rambo colon first blood two.

Yes. First blood part two. Classing is the fuck up. Which actually makes me rethink my legislation from the Jurassic World episode on Patreon. He's already backpedaling Cabin. What does it say? I just fucking knew it. That is what he always does. That is true. We do have a Jurassic World podcast

on Patreon.com slash... We have an entire podcast on it? The podcast episode. But this fucking flip-flopper, all right, let's hear this. In that legislation, I said, you know, everything should always be you know, you have to put the number in the title or else it doesn't count.

You know, none of this bullshit, you know, flashy title business. Right. But now just saying Rambo Colin First Blood Part 2 Is that the actual title? That is exactly the title of the film? I don't know if there's... I'll check in on the colon part.

Should just be first blood too if we're going to stick to your legislation. Yes, exactly. That would be better than Rambo. Because obviously first blood it can't always be a first blood. They're like, well... Second blood, dude.

Second blood would have been a greater time. How stupid does second blood sound, though? That sounds great. You get... It's 1980 whatever. you walk it, you have a couple of bad beers with your girlfriend there. You take your special lady and say two for second blood, please. Right?

I guess that sounds like a nightmare. Yeah, you're right. That does roll off your time. And then you go down to the diner. You have a hamburger sandwich. Oh, my God. This sounds like a fucking great night. All right.

First blood, then Rambo colon, first blood part two. That's insane. And the two. That's fucking crazy. The two is Roman numerals. just like we also have in this. So it's first two. First two.

It's stupid. Yeah, yeah. Yes. First and two shouldn't be next to each other. And then it goes for Rambo three. And then goes Rambo three and then just Rambo. Then Rambo. It should have been called first blood colon Rambo's revenge.

If you're going to do something like that. How about you don't make the movie? How about that one? How about we stop fantasizing about winning the Vietnam War? How about that? How about we all start doing that now? This time I'm going to finish it. What's Afghanistan?

Is that like Vietnam? Yeah, all right. It'll do. It's going to be the Russians, Vietnam. They do say in this movie, Troutman or someone says that. It's the greatest speech in the world. It's insane. It's fucking crazy.

And then it's going to be their Vietnam. And then a few years we'll forget all that. We'll make it our Vietnam too. That's right. It's America. We're on top of all of us. First Blood Part 2, Vietnam. Colan Afghanistan's revenge.

I was going to say, Andrew, you're misremembering of the guy getting like decapitator. That might just be because you more recently watched the fourth one, which is the first one where the blood is like really out of control. That's like technically

where the first blood is, man. That's techno blood. That's fucking computer blood. Yeah, a lot of CGI splats. And that movie's called John, just John Rambo. No, it's just Rambo. It's just Rambo. My God, this. franchise is so confusing. They're going to make a new one I heard. They are Rambo 5.

Rambo V. I'm sure that'll be called like Rambo John. Well, part of it was there was supposed to be a television show. First Blood 7. There's supposed to be a television show. Oh, really? About what? With Sylvester Stallone as Rambo, the continuing in adventures. Oh, wow. Well, that's okay. It starts a security firm or something. I have to raise David Caruso's son after I murdered. him 30 years ago. After, Stallone dropped out, though. I saw an article from like two years ago that he dropped out. And it was like, you know,

Rambo still going forward without Stallone, haven't heard a peep about it since. But Rambo 5 is on the IMDB. And apparently there's, like, there's, the only piece of trivia is like, this may feature a mutant of some kind. Like, it takes a sci-fi element. A mutant?

Or something. Hold on. What in the ever-loving show? Are they just being catty about Stallone, you know? Oh, wow. Because he's a call with all that H-G-B-H. He's thinking smart about this moment. Maybe he's trying to do a crossover with one of those alien rip-offs that didn't go anywhere,

like Leviathan. Oh, yeah. Maybe he's trying to get one of those and bring them back up. Then he's a producer. He can be in the next one. Stallone floated an idea where he plays all the parts of a Rambo movie called The Savage Hunt, which introduced a science fiction angle, which would have seen Rambo hunting down

an escape mutant soldier from a military lab. Nope. Here's the easiest way to do this. Rambo versus Predator. Yeah, just do it. Just fucking, it's right there. We were saying on our lethal weapon podcast just mash up franchises.

Exactly. If that's where we're going, just do it. Exactly, dude. So Troutman gives us some passion speech to Rambo. He's like, you know, you got to go to Afghanistan. These people need you, blah, blah, blah. And the funny thing is they don't want him to go and because he's such a great murderer

because that's what Rambo's good at. Yeah. We want you to go and investigate. Like he's fucking Colombo. Like what are we talking about? Yeah, dude, I need Rambo getting his hands dirty. I don't need him being a detective. Wait.

No, just one. Wait. Yeah, one more question. Where am I? This is Russell Crowe, not Guy Pearce. You should figure that out before you get everything done. Great Troutman line here. Or it might be from Kurtwin-Smith.

One of them goes, I don't know how much you know about Afghanistan. It's like you're talking to John Rambo. The answer is not a thing. Well, they just invented Afghanistan. It's a little place called Afghanistan. Well, because it's a thing where it's like,

you know, they're exposing a pop culture, American audience to this country that not many people knew too much about at that point. So it's like, hey, everybody, there's a Soviet satellite nation that's called Afghanistan. And here's the deal. and but Troutman goes off with to really give him the hard sell

and he's like you know you're always going to be what you're supposed to be like there's a story about this sculptor who says he made manipulative shit and it's just so weird because it's like Troutman and the movie hinges upon Rambo loving Troutman so much

and owing Troutman and like blah but Troutman just takes this guy's a piece of meat because he's like we made you the army and my training made you like there was a sculptor that had a big piece of, you know, a big piece of marble, and he said that he didn't actually mold the marble into the sculpture. The sculpture was always there. He just took away the excess pieces. I took away the excess pieces like your humanity and your conscience and your soul. Troutman was the one

who got him into the pig fuck that he ended up in last time. Like, really? Why would you care about this fucker? Why would you ever talk to this dude? I feel like Troutman needs to walk into this village and Sylvester Sloan needs to cut his throat. sight unseen and all these monks are like what the fuck and he's like no that's the guy I told you about and then they're like all right that's cool it's over it's over finally

well it's like it's like a new Jason Bourne movie where he has to save Albert Finney like that shit ain't gonna happen that's what's weird man I recently picked up the the box set in 4K of all those movies and I fucking I blew through it I watched all five of them and there

is so much of that like we fucking made you you understand that, you are nothing. This is all you do. You are a fucking killing machine. But those dudes are always the villains. It's not like Oh, Jason, I've been kidnapped by terrorists. You better save me, my

beautiful boy. Dude, unceremoniously in, I believe, Jason Bourne, they say this, the most recent one. Albert Finney, he's just dead. Off screen. I think they say... I won't be coming back even for a camera.

Because the rest of them did a little around with some scenes in those first three movies. And then in that fourth one, it's like running concurrently with the two other born movies, two and three. All right. You either kill me off screen or you're filming my swamp.

I'm a huge fraud. Did you ask David Stratharne yet? Is he going to be David going to be there? Oh, he can't do. That guy goes down in flames in those movies. He's doing time. I'm not doing it. They show his picture. Come to my lily

iPad, Jason. Oh, what's that? You know, Universal Pictures? I went to the theater to see what you did with this board movie without my participation, and what do I find? My beautiful visage shown in an FBI document. Uh, yeah, that'll be $250,000. You can mail it to Albert Finney, care of, Kermit Swatt. You can buy a whole lot of flies with it.

that, $250,000. Aaron, can you follow this brief? Aaron? Aaron, where am I? Come on by, Rambo. Troutman's swimming around here somewhere. That would make sense. No, but so like, yeah, but like so he

By the way, drain the swamp. Oh, right. He gives this impassioned speech, Stallone's like no dice. And then like there's one short scene of Troutman getting kidnapped immediately because you don't send a 60 year old man to a fucking war zone you idiot that's insane it's insane that this dude has boots on the ground whatsoever

this mission goes up goes tits up i should say in two seconds yes also i need a little bit more from this troutman kidnapping it's like there's a spotlight on him from a helicopter and we like slowly fade out no no no no no no no no no i need this colonel this fucking russian colonel or whatever played by a french dude uh to come in kick this dude right in the dick and throw him in a jeep. But I feel like he just literally like left two steps from Pakistan. Like he just finished a great Pakistani meal. I was like, hmm, that was delicious.

Oh, shit, I'm kidnapped. No, exactly. It happens immediately. It's a 60-year-old man and a battalion of what seems like six drivers. Like, these aren't like super soldiers. They're not like, they don't know where they're just getting fucking ambushed. That's what's convenient too. Is this entire squad is murdered except for Richard Krenna?

Yeah, okay. And so Kurt Wittsmith goes back. By the way, Kurt Wittsworthsworth's been really pissed. So two weeks of Trailing Rambo and now nothing. So this guy, this guy, you said, was going to reinvent warfare and then nothing. You pitched me that I would never be able to soak up all the blood on myself from his slaughter. I feel so bad for this guy because when they first visit Rambo, he's just like, it looks like we got some stairs to walk back down because it's so far down. I know he used to walk back up again.

Now the Troutman's been taken. God, damn it. It should be a helicopter, like, lands somewhere on the monastery, and Kurt Wood Smith gets out, and he's like, yeah, well, you know, Troutman insisted on those stairs, and I'm not Troutman. And so he tells him, basically, I mean, like, I think that he knows what he's doing here, because he's like, just so you know, your buddy Troutman, he's been kidnapped. That would give me the world's biggest boner. The guy that fucking turned me into a monster is fucking held in a cell in Afghanistan.

Awesome. Yep. I'm good. Oh, man, I'm going to be really good time stick fighting it. Hey. If you could excuse me, Kurt Wood Smith, I have to go jerk off with excitement. Do you have a video of it? Did they send you a video of it?

Hey, Kurtwin Smith, this kidnapping video is bullshit. All it is is a spotlight on him and then it fades to black. Fuck that. I haven't been this excited. since I killed David Caruso. Yeah, man. Awesome. Wow, Troutman.

All right. Well, I might go back to America, honestly. I don't know. I'm counting Brian Denny, he, too. I'm just going to count it. Hey, all my monk buddies, the deed is done. Yay. They should have done like a Rambo in the 90s,

because we're saying David Caruso a lot. It makes me think of David Koresh, because that's where my mind goes. Yeah, yeah, sure. Why not like Branch Dividians or cultists or something? I'm like, you know, fighting a cult. Rambo should have gotten back to America at some point. Exactly.

The first one is the best one, and it's on American soil. To be honest, Cobra is essentially Rambo versus cults. Was Cobra a Vietnam veteran? Huh? Was Cobra a Vietnam veteran? I believe so. I think he's a Navy SEAL. I don't know for sure, though.

Let me pull up the dossier. Doesn't Stallone always have to, isn't that like in all of his contracts? He has to have a military background. I don't know if Rocky went to NOM. I think even in Oscar he had that. Well, no, with Oscar, with Oscar. He went time traveled in the future to go to Nam and came back. Snap Stallone or whatever.

His name was Snap something. Snaps provolone, I believe. Interesting. Oh, because Oscar was the baby. Yeah. Yes. Angelo snaps provolone. Thank you very much.

And his partner, Bob Gouda. Actually, he says here, he actually stole valor in that movie. Oh, he. You know who I don't think served in the military was Lincoln Hawk from over the top? Oh, right. I feel like that guy was dodging. Oh, like they couldn't find him. He's like, always on the road.

Yeah, dude. I think so. Care. You could mail me my draft card. Care of my fucking tailpipe. Beep, beep, bye, bye. You also definitely wasn't a Vietnam veteran. His character in Rhinestone.

That guy didn't serve. Dude, all of these are episodes. All of these are episodes. So Kurt Witt Smith's like, yeah, so, yeah, He's been kidnapped. You probably don't want to do anything about that, right? Nope, I'm totally cool. Where's my temptations playlist?

Where's my tape? Edd's bullshit. He gives him... He gives him like a Mission Impossible type speech where he's just like, yeah, we're going to make this unofficial. And if you get kidnapped or killed, we're just going to deny any involvement.

So go fuck yourself. You want to save him? Whatever, I don't care. This man who's been responsible for so much death, not just you. Take Rambo out of the situation. Richard Krenna is still a piece of shit. There has to be like a thousand Rambo's he's been running. Yes, hundreds of thousands.

You know what? This is the darkest interpretation of this movie. It is whatever brainwashing that still lingers in Rambo's head that fucks him up. There's like a fucking switch. And something that Kurt Widsmith says activates Rambo. I think so. Oh, it looks like Trowman has been kidnapped.

By the way, yellow elephant. Sylvester Stallone just like gently puts down the phone. Well, that's the thing. By the way, the. I think that's got to be the case, though,

because it's just like with all the born shit, there's always like the next asset. Sure. It's like, oh, you know, oh fuck, Jason Bourne called in again. Somebody released the asset. And it's just like, like some other dude uh you know and these assets like oddly go on to be like pretty famous people

yeah like if i had a clive owen-esque like guy in this movie that's a fight rambo like i'm into that clive owen's an asset oscar is an asset carl urban right carl urban is an asset at the end of wait wait wait what movie is this in you know you're talking about the born movies but which one which who in various all those really yeah well so about the whole thing clav owing's in the first one. Yeah. I watched like the first three I think Edgar Ramirez is in the fourth I think he's ultimatum. I've never seen the fourth one.

No, ultimatum is the third one. Yes. That's Edgar Ramirez I think. Carl Urban is in the second one which is supremacy. The fourth one which is the Jeremy Renner one. Legacy. Born legacy, yes. That's where Oscar Isaac comes in. Oscar Isaac gets fucking blown to smithereens by a

missile. And then in this new one, sorry, just to get these assets out of the way. Vincent Kassell. in Jason Bourne, which is not an amazing movie, but it's pretty good, and him and Matt Damon beat the shit out of each other, dude. It's like the best-born fight. Really? They beat the piss out of each other. I've got to watch

these things. They're fun, man. They're fun movies. My favorite part of any, we'll get off Jason Bourne in a second. My favorite part of any Jason Bourne's sequel is when some new actor comes in as the new CIA analyst and they explained to him or her, by the way, Joan Allen's great in those movies. What's going on? And they go,

they always have the same reaction like wow what a terrible government program like every single time like wait so you just you souped up these maniacs to the nth degree you told them how to evade capture and all this shit and then you just let them go didn't they change that doesn't

isn't Alicia Vicander think it's like just the best she yeah she's actually pretty cool she's into it yeah absolutely yeah she kind of like plays dumb for a little bit but it's just to get old Tommy Lee Jones out of the way he's to the car but yeah she's

totally hot for it united 93 is one of these movies yes that's absolutely correct there's a couple of assets in that movie okay good so they're making sure they wind up go uh so he goes to afghanistan it's like immediately cut he's in afghanistan yeah by the way this

we have to say this was the most expensive movie ever made at the time and how about this $63 million $63 $63 million today's money that is $600 million

Exactly. No, seriously, yeah. I mean, this is like... And you know, and then all these people boycotted it because they were changing the direction of Rambo. Oh, man, making Rambo have all sorts of feelings. Oh, fuck you. I'm going to take my Rambo back. No, no, get me the Russ McClank your cut. I need it.

Hashtag remake Rambo 3. And then, you know, no one ever thought they'd make a Rambo again after all those fans were mad about it. And then eventually they did. It came back. Big Man came back to play the Cloverfield monster. He did. Wow.

So I just did this because I was curious. So 30 years ago when this movie came out. By the way, 30th anniversary of Rambo 3, who could care? 63 million in 1988 translates today into 133 million, 931,775. Where did the money go? Horses? Are horses that expensive? Horses, dude, horses are horses?

are so fucking intense. You want the Indiana Jones horse. Well, no, I would say I think they probably blew up too many horses and then eventually that was the only horse left, so that was what horse funerals also cost quite a lot as I understand it. It takes so much money to melt those fuckers down, dude,

absolutely. That's why glue is so expensive. How many horses do you think John Reese Davies killed on that? Oh, for profession or pleasure? So many. I broke all their legs again. Oh, no. Stephen, get me another horse.

Compensation for my brother-in-law's car. It was 500 horsepower. I kill 500 horses. That's what it is, though. I think it was so many horses that Spielberg was like, you know, is there any way that a horse could have a side car attached to it? Or it was like, let's get this fucker a buggy. And he'll ride behind the horse and a buggy.

You know, Stephen, you did so well with Schindler's list. Have you considered the horse holocaust? Yeah, it was on the set of Rambo 3. Did you read about that? It was fucking crazy, man. Two by two they were killing them. I don't understand what the heck was going on over there. It was like a factory in Afghanistan?

I don't know what was happening. Well, this is a film in Israel, right? Oh, was it? Yes, this is not filmed in Afghanistan. Here's something, though, you want to talk about adding on to the expenses of this movie. On top of the salary that Sylvester Stallone got. for reprising ramo for the third time he got to keep the bandanas

this motherfucker demanded and received a Gulfstream jet what this dude got a jet on top of a paycheck for this movie get the cocaine has to keep on coming in what are you gonna do? Oh shit they could go direct to Columbia dude no one's the wiser

well do you think like somebody like his accountant was like look slide you want to do they don't you don't want to do the movie they want you to do the movie ask for the points on the box. I was like, no, no, no. I want a jet. What? You heard me. J. E. T. Yeah. Jet. I live for this shit. So he goes, well, first of all, he goes to Pakistan. Right. Rambo immediately arrives in Pakistan from Thailand. He meets up with this dude who's like selling arms. Has excellent food, by the way.

stops for an excellent meal. He meets up with this dude who's like a gunrunner kind of guy. Isn't there like a shop selling like limbs for like the landmine fields? Well, the guy wants to sell him girls at first. When he first arrives, he's like, hey, I got girls of all sizes, man. It's an affluent American, right? Oh, I thought he was saying girdles. That's what you try to imply.

Hey, fuck you, Pakistani guy. I don't need a girdle. Oh, you watch Danny's movie. No, no, no, no, no, thank you. So he basically like partners up with this dude. He's going to be his guide into Afghanistan. This guy, it's unclear, but I guess by the end of this movie, he is indeed part of the rebellion.

Yeah. So that was my thing. I was like, is this dude an Afghan guy? or is he a Pakistani guy? I don't understand what's going on here. He's fighting on the side of the angels in this case. I wonder if that was on purpose. I think he was Afghani.

And I think that also there's a weird spy in this scene because somebody saw the first, somebody saw Raiders of the Lost Dark because some guy looks and Oh, the guy with the hat. Yeah. Yes. Oh, that's right. This dude tattles later on.

He's like a mustache too, right? Yeah, big time. It becomes a, he gets splattered later on in the film. Well, there's so many characters in this movie that come to nothing. Like, you know, like, Kirkwood Smith. Honestly, this movie comes to nothing. There's not much of a plot.

It's just Rambo and Troutman. That's all that, that's the beginning. And they're separated from most of the movie, which is a big problem. Yeah. Oh, and I guess the Russian villain guy. Who's, you need somebody in here, man. I need somebody. Get me anybody.

I need to remember his name. Get me Tommy Lee Jones. You hired Kurtwood Smith. Tell him to do a bad Russian accent. You know what I mean? Like, go for it. Jackassie. Power's booth at the time.

He was very cheap. Oh, man, yeah. That would have worked out nicely, huh? Right? It's like a flip of his Red Dawn character. Yeah. Get Michael Bean in there? Of course.

Get Mr. Bean in there. Ron Ackinson a little young at the time, but really, I think he could have done it. He got his head stuck in a pot of borscht. And somehow, in his ineptitude, is able to take down Rambo several times. I don't know, but this guy's unstoppable. You see Ironhead over here? Yes, they just hit him with a ladle a lot. I tried to shoot him, but then he tripped.

And I missed. So we go into Afghanistan as the idea. And this dude who's like the guide is giving him like all sorts of pep talks and whatnot. At one point he says, may God deliver us from the venom of the cobra, which is a thing, which I thought was kind of nice because, of course, film Cobra. That was great. But then the guy says something else and he asks Rambo

he's like, do you know what that means? It's about a snake. He goes, you guys don't take any shit. And this dude's just like, that's correct. I was about to have a 20 minute philosophical conversation with you. But you know what? Yeah, we don't take shit. Well, we, it's just you guys don't take shit because we have to cut the

Troutman getting tortured in this fucking Soviet camp. And this Soviet guy is like, look man, you're you're the answered all my prayers. If you just tell me where these missiles are, we'll make good and blah blah will be out of here. And like, I don't know. This is why I could never be in the military, man, because

if, well, for several reasons, but this is one reason if I'm ever captured like this and I'm hanging from something like fucking rigs. Yeah. I'll tell you what. I will tell you anything. They all cave. This is a fucking fantasy. They all cave. The thing is like, we're meant to look at this torture

is bad, but like, Traumann's clearly an enemy combatant. And he crossed a border. He had no business crossing. Exactly. It borders for a reason. Yeah. You would think.

So we should be tortured. We should torture more. Yeah, I think so. I don't understand. You were asking for it. Oh, Troutman definitely asking for it. But my question is, it's not until... I was kidding, by the way.

I just want to... Troutman deserved it. You're 100% deserved. No, like, what I don't get that is why these Soviets are dragging ass on uping the ante with the torture. Yeah. Because it's not. until like the very last sequence do they like escalate to

the flamethrower. Look, you don't need a flamethrower man. Hook a car battery up to that dude's dick. Yeah. You really need to show the dick stuff. Like we know you're doing it. It's happening. Show it. It makes it more believable. I think

you just need to go. Go old fashioned and just pull somebody's fingernails out. Oh, it's very simple. Syrianna. Yeah. Exactly right now. this is a moment Dick off too

Well maybe you know Like if Troutman's like uncut You know like just fucking Do like a late in life Dude first of all I hate to ruin this But Troutman is most certainly cut I know yeah

A fucking baby boomer from an army family Yeah that dude's cut man Sorry to tell you He's cut in the womb So they used to do it back then Well maybe recut him dude I don't know Figure something

Take a piece off of that dick. Get a cheese greater and figure it. Hell yes. Yeah, man.

There's a great line of Troutman comedy here though because the dude is like, where are the missiles? And he's like,

come closer, I'll tell you. Come closer, come closer. He's just going in your ass. Nice one, Krenna.

You need to give this guy an eye patch or something. The only thing I know about this guy is he's a fucking helicopter enthusiast. Well, yeah.

That's it. He's kind of got a robotic vibe. Like he's not really off the helicopter for much of any time. You don't see him like running down there with Sonic. There should be more like there should be more motivation

for him in general. Like just show him. I know like okay so maybe he loves his country and his job or whatever but like let's illustrate that more. Let's drive that home. Oh, he's a monster. That's all that. Or maybe it's a thing. He's a cardboard cutout. Listen, maybe it's a thing. Here's how you do it by the way.

Troutman has a son who's now serving. Maybe he's CIA. sure. He gets captured behind that every line. Oh, John Rambo, you're the only one that can go into Afghanistan with me and help me find my son. Because, listen,

that's how Troutman could spin it too. He's like, he's just like you, John Rambo. Like, he's the next Rambo. He's the next company man kind of a thing. You know what that's like. You want to save that dude. I know you hate me. We'll forever hate each other. No, just do the same thing. I'll leave him in the fucking dirt like you left

me. Goodbye. Actually, Cabin, that's a great twist though, Rambo goes all the way to Afghanistan, breaks into the Soviet camp, finds this kid, slits his throat. Credits. Now back to my stick fighting, which I was totally happy

with, by the way. Hold on, uh, Soviet guy. I'm settling a bill and he slits this dude's throat. No, no, we're cool. Look, I'm just going to cut this dude's throat and I'm leaving. I don't know nothing about nothing. Those were all a tranquil darts.

After this, I'm defecting to the Soviet Union, all right? So he meets up with this, with the Mujahideen, and he's hanging out with all these guys on their camp. He's learning about stuff. He's getting the tour of this Mujahideen camp, by the way. And he finds this one guy who I

really thought was going to be, like, this one keeps tricking me into thinking the people are going to be characters. Nobody matters. Oh, he's a defector. Oh, the Soviet defactor. He's a Soviet guy that used to be, that is now working with the Mujahideen because he's so upset with what they're doing. And he has, like, two lines, and he's like, oh. He's just murdered by helicopter like most people from this rebel camp yeah we spent all this time you know it's like

this guy left for this reason these people left for that reason that could be you know and i know this movie you know kind of functions as propaganda and that would be more inspiring propaganda is to have like oh look like not every russian is a soviet and this guy is kind of freedom fighting against his own people and there's a glimmer of hope there or whatever the fuck i really think it was stillone getting the script and being like how many lines is that no Cut it. Nope. How many lines does the horse? The horse has no lines.

I love that horse. I guess this is around, like now he's established in the camp. We could talk about the big horse scene where all these horsemen have a sport game where they grab, I guess it's a dead. It's a dead sheep. Yes. Yeah. And they have to drag it into a circle. Right.

And these dudes are like, yeah, Rambo. Yeah, you look tough. but I don't know if you could play with us I don't know if you were able to put a sheep in a circle. It's like a sheep polo. And it's a total fucking waste of time. A major distraction that

results in helicopter fire. But Rambo's pride is so big Chris Cabin that he has to go and compete. It's like sheep quidditch. It's like it's Quidditch. It's fucking the pod race scene. It's like let's have a game in the middle of a movie to just kill time all it is is to tell you that john rambo is a born horseman and like that he is you know they're like oh i i've been trying to do this for my whole life i started learning

when i was two years old he's like he's just fucking the best so he's apparently um you know and i guess i get to this at the end of the 2008 film he's a ranchman from arizona right the famous famous, famous Italian ranchman in Arizona. I was expecting like, you know, it's like the super soldier training that Rambo had to go through

and they're like, are they ready to deploy yet to Vietnam? I'm like, not yet. We still have six more months of horse training. Like, what? You never know. You do never know.

Yeah, like you have to train them in water stuff. You got to train them in air. By the way, does he have like an animantium skeleton? I think so. No, that's just, he's running off all the

PCP. Oh, right. Yeah, he's just dragging this puppet around, dragging it into circles. To your point, yes, it is the pod racing scene. It got, at least the pod racing scene opens up the movie a little bit to like, yeah. He wins that kid in that, right? That's how it works. But the thing is like in episode one, I'm sorry, but you think like Sabalba's going to be a bigger character and he's not.

He's just like that Russian defect. But even in that case, it's the first time we see Anakin has skills in a different mode. this is just reiterating to you that he is perfect, knows how to do everything so shut up. Just like Anakin Skywalker. I mean, that fucking Mary Sue piece of shit fucking eight years old driving a fucking car, fuck you.

Yeah, but you bet you're supposed to sub bulbous. I think also this scene was to throw a little bit of a smoke screen of all the clearly murdered horses that are happening in this movie because this fucking totally obvious garbage like sheep

puppet that they have throwing around this game. I was like they intentionally made this look like garbage. Yeah. So you'd be like, see, no, that's garbage. They didn't want it to look like a real sheep. The horses are totally fine, by the way. That sheep looks like garbage because it's obviously

fake. All the damage you see, those are stuffed animals. So, but these choppers come. These choppers come because the spy lets the Russian guy whose name, I still don't no, that there's an American and obviously the Soviet guys not okay with that. They lay waste to this community.

Oh, it's awesome. A six, I mean, and maybe that's what it is. Maybe the helicopters were expensive because there's so much helicopter play. Really getting your money's worth out of squibs and helicopter play. All right, I do mouth stuff, half and half helicopter play. Yeah, you can fuck me in the ass, too. a tank I can't do a tank

this dude's name by the way is Colonel Zaysen So but the Try to not forget that in five minutes The only way by the way To stop a bad guy with a helicopter is A bad guy with a horse It's a good guy with an air

To surface A surface to air Heavy machine gun That makes sense to me Mm-hmm Yeah they take Yeah I mean like they The NRA will take

that they're looking for shit man yeah that's that's what teachers should have is is heavy machine i think teacher should fucking have armed helicopters exactly they should just be hovering over a school definitely i mean why are they driving to school in like hondas and shit and like that you know that's only good for killing protesters here's the thing though those helicopters that are hovering over the school and i guess their mission is like if they see someone approaching the school like heavily armed they just shoot him uh it would definitely be a him, by way. It would be a white hem. Yeah.

Those helicopters have to be totally see-through, though, because you don't want anybody hiding guns in those helicopters. That's true. Yeah. See, you guys are overthinking all of this. All we need in classrooms are drones with bombs on them. And that will show that Jimmy pieces shit who thinks he's so funny in the front row, what's what? Yeah, that kid sucks.

Great idea. Once a classroom where a school is compromised, light the whole thing up. Yeah. Just take it all out. Oh, also in this scene. that Soviet expat is destroyed by one of these helicopters because he's the only character that's somewhat interesting in this scene aside from like of course the kid who by the way we have a child soldier character and we're justifying child soldiers in this movie and it's weird he's shown to be a plucky young

scrappy whatever his parents are dead now he fights for us oh I'm not his handler he's like his own emancipated dude and that's cool he's 12 well no and that's what's a fucking about this movie is Rambo himself is like uh that is that a child soldier that's fucked up and then this dude this hamburger been meeting to get one of those he's like no rambo it's cool for the following reasons her parents his parents were murdered uh he hates the soviet union and he's pretty good with this Kalishnikov and Rambo's like oh well in that case welcome aboard he says he looks like a boy but fights like a man And it's like, all right. All right. Am I watching City of God right now or what? What else does he do like a man?

I saw that other Rambo movie. Great question. So this whole thing's laid to waste. They made a plan, but now it's, you know, it's in the... They made a plan, but now that's, like, kind of thrown out. It's all fucking flushed down the toilet. Somewhere around here, somebody, I don't know if it's this handler or it's the little boy soldier, says to Rambo, this is not your war to which John.

Rambo replies, It is now. Interventions, you own the answer. Like, he had said to Trouman that it's not his war, but Trouman was like, there's a war inside of you. Yes. Yeah, burning with the fiery power of a thousand sons. Rambo earlier in this movie said,

My war is over. And Troutman said, no, fucking not. You get that fucking, you get that war right now. My ass, Rambo. And then he hit his. knows with a rolled-up newspaper. I'm going to get kidnapped to get you back in war. That's what I'm willing to do.

Oh, do you think this was just an elaborate plan to teach him a lesson? Yes. Like, put me wherever I need to be and Rambo will come. Oh, they'll torture me. That's fine. That's fine. So Rambo's whole thing right here is like we're still going to continue the plan. This plan originally written to have a cast of characters somewhere around 200 people.

It's now a cast of three people, what with everyone else being totally fucking murdered. They just kind of sneak into a facility. Well, no, it's fucked up, though, because Rambo's like, here is the best way to sneak into this place. It is to belly crawl through a mine field. And they're like, wait, what?

This guy's fucking crazy. There is a mention of like, oh, there's 10,000 horsemen, but they're at the border picking up supplies. We could wait a few days. No. That's right. No. No, Daddy Troutman going to die. Then I'll go by myself.

I'll do it by my job. I'll bring a child. I'll bring my child friend to go do war with me. And he sure does. But that's what you need, though, is like just Rambo. Yeah. You know, like, Rambo with a team, especially a team with a little kid on it. That's a sign.

I don't care if it's a child soldier or whatever the fuck. That is a sign that your franchise is done. Come along, tiny, Tim. Did you bring your luncheables? It'll be like Dick Tracy and you'll call you the kid. Yeah, and after it, he needs to live. look like fucking Schwarzenegger like going out of Skynet

at the end of T2 like half his fucking like skin has to be gone. That would be pretty cool if he had some intense burns. That would be a great ending to all these movies. Rambo was a Terminator the whole time and you never did. Oh yeah. Oh fuck. Rambo Colin the first Terminator. Love it.

Love it. He gets to that Terminator beach where all the skulls are and stuff is like Arnold's just like, where have you been? When can you start? By the Hey, it's cool. Welcome to Terminator Beach. Go step on to some scholars. It's a lot of fun. Do you like my banana hammock?

Oh, man, that Terminator Beach is weird. Here's the thing. So I turned the stopwatch on my phone. When I told you guys that in five minutes, you'd forget that Russian's name. Anybody remember the name of the character? Oh, Jesus. No. Zaykoff. Zazzy, Zazzy Jeff?

No. Orrin Van Zan. No, see, Colonel Zayson. There is, see. Bad villain construction. Yes. Nobody remembered. Nobody remembered.

Hey guys, what's the name of the villain in the first diehard movie? McLean. Totally right. The hero is Hans Gruber. You remember Hans Gruber, though. This movie is terrible. Oh, no. You're one of them.

Oh, no, no. RIPD. Get Alan Rickman. I guess you wouldn't do it, though, probably. Alan Rick will do a hammy Russian accent. Well, it was 80. What was Diehard? Like 87? Yeah. So he was just like right there.

I bet it's too similar. Oh, Diehard actually was also 88. Oh, that's tough. Making the far superior film. Absolutely. So, yeah, we go into the facility at night. Yes. You know, and there's some cool, I mean, like, the good thing about this movie,

it's got a lot of cool deaths. Once we fucking get to the killing. Yes. I feel like I'm the fucking goddamn dad in fucking Texas chainsaw. I'm like, let's get to the killer, boy. Hey, get ramp out here with the sledge. I need to get to the killing. Dude, Stallone's leather face is a missed opportunity.

Yes. Rear! Rear! Also, side question was, like, leather face, another government project, but like a shittier, like, National Guard. Yes. The Texas Air National Guard created Leatherface in a lab. Well, as we learn. We'll get ourselves our own super soldiers. Come over here, leather.

As we learned. Oh, Steve Rogers, Rambo. Here's leather. As we learned from our Texas Chainsaw Massacre of the Next Generation episode, something something that family's involved in the Illuminati. It's true. So who the fuck knows?

Who knows? That is the most canon of all the Texas Jets are master movies the next generation. It's my touchstone, really. Yeah, you go back from there. Yeah, I mean, he starts killing people. It's kind of fun, right?

Like, what? He's doing some knife stuff here. No, you know what? Fuck this. What? Are you kidding me? I'm kind of like... The knifening?

No, the explosions are great. The night he came back? What are? we're talking about here? No, like, when there's like, when I see limbs going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, fuck.

This is like, low-tier shit. I've already seen on this. Wow. A couple of throat slits, a couple of gun. Once they're in the base. Gun patoos. I will sign on for the gun patoos.

I do, I start, this, this movie starts to pick up once they're in the base and they're killing people. Yeah. But then like, like the rest of this movie, it's like four scenes just repeating over and over again. Big time. You get to see like, oh, he's killing some people in the base. Oh, now he's killing some people in the base in a very

similar manner. Oh, wait, now he's killing some people in the base. But I am still there for it. Yeah, of sure. How much the jet cost? $61 million? Because honestly, what else happens in this movie? It's one set. Yeah. But it's a lot of explosions and whatnot, man. I mean, the start of this

is like he uses that huge knife to cut away all this barbed wire and all this fencing. They break in. And he starts immediately him and the handler, the Pakistani guy. Yeah. He's fucking, both of them are putting like timed bombs on the cars and tanks and shit. Like Rambo's like, not only is it going to go down, but it is fucking going to go down. The reason I could never be a secret agent guy that deals with one.

Because they're always like, all right, how long? I'll need nine minutes. I would give myself like 600 minutes. You know what I mean? It would be a very, very, very long time before those explosions went off. Well, what's weird is most of them are... It's like five days later. What the fuck was that?

Maybe if I want to go back to that place I had lunch on Monday. Yeah, exactly. But I want to go back there before Tuesday. It's like me leaving for the airport. I give myself four fucking hours, dude. You know what I mean? Like, if it's a timed mine? That is why I am always drunk at the airport because I'm always there way too early.

And it's like, well, what am I going to do? Better get drunk. That's the bomb going on. I guess that bomb's not going to go for another 400 minutes well what's stupid is they should have like started them all at the same time yes because what you're seeing is like Rambo places a bomb it's 10 minutes a few minutes later the other two places a bomb it's also 10 minutes and eventually like when one of them hit zero they all go up at the same time and I was like no no no you still planting bombs oh should we we're setting them all the 10 minutes oh oh this is just

embarrassing. Well, I guess I'll see you again another 10 minutes for another explosion. I hate these bab bombs. And what? Troutman's in another castle. Somewhere around here, there's a dude. Stallone should have played Mario, by the way. What's that?

What? Stallone should have played Mario. Oh, sure. Definitely. Get like a real Italian in there. No, I don't believe he's ever eaten a pizza. What? Not even in Cobra. It doesn't make sense. Dude. He's chiseled like a fucking God. I don't believe it. That's the drugs. it's good drugs.

Also, Sylvester Sloan has definitely had a piece. But it's all about him like really jumping and the power and the interesting thing about jumping,

you know what I mean? Oh, sure. And the plungering? The plungering. The plungering people. He's just fucking strangling crocodile people. And he's like hanging on pipes

and shit. He's shooting fire out of his mouth. He's taking big fucking crates with question marks on them and throwing them at people. Oh my God. I've eaten a star. I feel like I could take on the world.

Oh, okay, okay. It's Stallone as, you get Stallone as, it's 1987. It's Stallone as Mario. You get, you know, what's her name? Tracy Lords is the princess. Okay. And Marlon Brando. Is Brazzers?

Is Bowser's? Tracy Lords did a legitimate work, didn't she a little bit? She is in legitimate films. Yes. So who's Bowser? Marlon Brando. Oh, I like that. Now, who is.

Look at that little Mario's coming in here Look at him He's so short and fat Look at that Mario You're going down I'm going to get Hey move you fat ass We're going to get that X behind you

The whole thing's going to come down Not so fast Here comes a fireball Bum Yeah this is an excellent film Who is Wario? Oh that's a good Well it

Danny DeVito Yeah It's pre-Wario But I'll allow it I'll allow it. Yeah, we're sticking to, like, the original... 80-84-ish. I've created a monster in a lab, too.

It's Mario. Question, is there a Luigi at all? Is it Stallone in a double role? No, here's the thing. You get, like, a Troutman-esque character to introduce Mario. He's like, yeah, he had a twin brother, ate him in the womb.

Right? So, like, he's just like... Mario's a jail or something? He's like a fucking... He's a fucking... monster dude, like inside his mother's belly. He ate Luigi. Oh, shit. But I think

Wah Luigi is Christopher Lloyd. Oh. Wah! I don't even know what I'm doing here. How's my mustache like this? Yeah, so you're going to wear yellow and that one's

going to wear purple. Mm. Bouser. Wait, let me get this right. And you're not going to wear anything? No, zero clothes. I can wear a shell. I'm going to split fire. Oh, hold on. Oh, give me a red wig. Oh, my God. What a terrifying idea this is. It's better than Dennis Hopper, dude. And it's all these, it's him just breaking turtle necks left and right. Oh, totally. Yeah. And he's stepping on him. And he gets a flower. He's like, what's this flower?

Holy shit, a flamethrower. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at that. He's throwing fire. And it's just like an organic flamethrower. It looks like a David Cronenberg Existence.

Yes. Oh, yes. That'd be awesome. Yes, I love all of this. I want to make this movie in 1987. What's a video game? Yeah, I'll do your movie. One question.

What's a video game? I can't do that. Marlon Brando kind of became a video game. You ever see that documentary about him? Oh, no. Listen to me, Marlon. What's the frequency, Marlon? I didn't see that one. Because so much of it is like the concept of that documentary is like you're listening to audio tapes of him. Yeah, yeah. And they make this like computer simulated Brando and he's like almost literally designed out of ones and zeros. Great movie. Yeah, Kenneth Anger didn't have that photo anyway Turn out he was just a liar I've been dead for years in this computer

I didn't see no picture of me sucking nothing Oh man Kenneth Anger was kind of great though Oh he's still alive Is he really? Yeah he's still alive Good movies I would have bet that And Hollywood Babylon Absolutely

Cool move in this movie I think is when Rambo is like, oh, fuck, here comes a tank. Whatever, oh, fuck, I'll just ride under it. And he's getting, like, his back scrape. Listen, I need to see some more Rambo, like, fucking road rash right here. Because he's, like, it's kind of funny, because he's like, he leans, he, like, lays down on the ground and holds the front of this tank. And the tank is essentially, like, driving him across the compound. And he's not seen by the Soviet spotlight as the idea.

But he's like, girl. Like screaming the whole time. I need like his back cut up to shit. Yeah. I need like that's the weird thing in this movie is he doesn't, for all the craziness that's happening, he doesn't get that bloodied up. No, no. Because he's a god.

He gets one injury that like. He's not McLean at in diehard. Yeah, he's a god. That's the whole point. That's weakness, which was the whole point of diehard. It's like actually somebody really going to the ringer. But eventually McLean starts doing whatever super soldier drugs. In those fourth and fifth movies.

Yeah. But even in that third. movie. He's like, he's literally like blood is like dribbling. He's got to pick the thing out. He's always clear tears for pain and that's kind of cool. It was rounded, which I mean, first blood was also grounded. Well, they also put, they put

the button on this in this, it's a scene like right around now where Richard Krenna is like talking with the Russian guy and he's like, who is he, the Russian guy, he's like, he blows up all my people, but and he's like, was he a God? And he's like, no, God would

have mercy. That's right. Yeah, God would have mercy. Better than God because he'll fucking kill your ass. De Baba Yega. Somewhere around here, a dude is getting fucking... Yeah, I have no mercy.

I cause all sorts of child death. That's right. I'm worse than God. Stallone, could you stick to the script? Stop saying your personal product. I started millions. Across the globe. Millions dead.

I create a disease that kills everybody. It's called fucking cancer. Oh, shit. Somewhere around here, he fucking throws. rose that huge knife right into a dude's neck. Nice. Pretty great.

Well, the weird thing is, when they're getting Stallone into town, they're like, oh, you know, they stole all over women. They raped them. They do all this stuff. And then they show all these women in cages. And you think, like, here comes Stallone. He's going to save him. And he's like, yo, where's that war criminal? I'm here to save.

Yeah, it's fucking great. These two women are like, finally. Yeah. And he's like, uh, hey, anybody's seen trout men. Yo, trout man. American. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

And they're like, uh, white. We're American? White. Is there a white man around here that I can help? Like these, yeah, innocent people versus a guy that definitely killed like 600 Vietnamese. Who do I want?

Two innocent women locked in a cage or Henry Kissinger. What? You only pick one, John Rambo. Thank you for coming for me, John Rambo. You got to get Henry out of here. He's important. You know, I'm kind of like a real life Bowser. I too can spit fire

It's just that it's out of my ass Agent Orange, sorry I also have mutilated children with shells on their back as well Well, by the way, speaking of Stallone is a god There is a great scene where he gets injured He gets like shot or something And that's happening here

Is it happening here? He gets an arrow What is happening now is happening now? This is it now now Okay He at some point gets shot with an arrow, I believe. No, no, it's got the explosion. Trapnel.

Oh, is a trapnel? Oh, okay. And I just love the way he cauterizes this wound. Totally. This is the big gunpowder cauterization scene. Very famous from this movie. Fire going right through his entire body. And that's the rad. It's a rad practical effect because you're like, oh.

He actually did that? He got burned through? No, a practical effect. Oh, right. Fake. Right. Clean the shit out of your ears. But kids at home, if you want to try it, go right. head. Listen, and by the way, I like shit in my ears. That's my fetish. Someone's

shitting in my head. I can make that happen, Bowser. I'm in all sorts of play stuff. Well, apparently Stallone's into shit play. Oh, yeah. Totally, man. Glass table. Do you want to play on my squids?

No. I totally forgot I was talking about. No, he blows himself up a little bit. Oh, right. Yeah, the cauterization. It's cool because he's supposed to be like totally run through yeah he pulls all the shrapnel out and the effect when he lights the gunpowder on one side yeah pull out you see gunpowder on the other side light off yeah and you're like oh fuck that just ripped right through his entire torso that ain't bad and it's the only time that he does show any kind of like oh that actually hurt yeah because he's like he's like coupled over like in a ball screaming because it's something that should kill you yeah yeah well but you know Arnold wouldn't do that like Dutch wouldn't do that Dutch would just fucking light that shit up and keep going

the next morning he's right back at it because like basically what happens is he gets he gets right up to Troutman and uh-oh people come and he gets separated and this is when yeah he gets the explosion he then it's like well next morning better get better get at it or else Troutman's going to get killed who I love this is where he was fleeing in the sewers and he did do a bunch of other explosive bombs and there's Soviets chasing him.

It's very exciting. He sends the kid and the dad, the kid and the other guy away. Fucking finally. The next morning he's like, well, I slept off that fucking gunpowder burn. Let's get back to it. Now I haven't. Where does he get the explosive bow and arrow? Did somebody just have that?

The second movie, right? Doesn't he blow someone up with that? That just comes in the toy set when you buy it. Like out of nowhere he gets, it's like a power up he got. I don't know where you're totally. right and I had the thought when I was watching and I was like where the fuck did this come from? Oh, nice question mark box. Kachunk. Ooh,

nice bow and arrow that explodes. Hey, pretty sweet. All right. Oh man, now I'm in this cute little raccoon outfit. What am I supposed to do with all these gold coins? And this I can't even buy anything with that? Why are you giving them out? Why are they even in the game?

Why indeed? This is around where they up the anti on Colonel Troutman's torture. This is where the guy comes in with the flamethrower. This guy's my favorite character in the movie because he's just a guy with a flamethrower going it's just this dude benignically laughing while launching a flamethrower off.

Not a bad job. You need more of those guys. Best character. Best character. The franchise. And again, like this movie has no real characters. So the spy who actually who kind of sets off that Stallone's in Afghanistan,

happens to be in the room when this is happening. I feel like they were like, you know, Jerry, you want to go back to do it spy stuff? Oh, yeah, totally. Oh, you know what? Stick around. We're going to burn that American alive. We'll get lunch afterwards.

Then you do. Oh, yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, totally. And is this, is he the guy, is the spy the guy that Rambo totally stabs in the back right around here? Yeah, I think somebody gets, here's the thing. We're calling this a knife. This is like half of a sword. It's like half of a sword.

I read like about the lengths of these, these knives. It's like increases like two. inches a movie or something? Yeah, and then all these forged and fire fans jerked off. Because he got like a fantasy swordsman for this one. Oh, right, yeah. They were always like combat knives, but somehow they got like some guy that did like fucking predator knives.

Like, I say, yeah, this will do. Because it does look insane this thing. It's crazy, dude. It's like a knife the Super Shredder would have. Jason Vorty's like, where could I get that online? Jesus Christ, isn't that a bit much? they only take Bitcoin

I don't know about that I have aged out Also around here You will make the very important knife That Rambo uses in Rambo 3 It will kill Somewhere around here There's a dude

This might be the spy actually There's somebody running down a hallway And Rambo totally gives this guy A clothes line Oh yeah Dude the Rambo clothesline It's a fucking slob knocker. I couldn't believe it.

But now it's Troutman. He saves Troutman from being burned alive, which I, you know what? Great end for the character. First and four. Totally. I'm fine with it. Get Harryhausen back turn him into a crispy little skeleton. That would be great. Also it would be awesome if it was just Sylvester

Sloan carrying a skeleton over his shoulder. Or actually, because that's not how skeletons work. It would just be him holding a pile of bones. Yes. But he now they're back, they're kind of doing like, now we're back in this shit together, even though definitely Back to back. Yeah, we're doing

back to back, pretty much. It's back to back and by the way, if you pause it right around when back to back starts, you better believe it. There's at least a half an hour left in this movie. Because we're just going around. Stallone gets into a helicopter. Oh, I love it. Troutman's like,

you can fly that thing, is it, we'll find out. No, that's when you turn around and you're like, excuse me, rebel army that's come to help out. Can anyone fly a helicopter here? Well, I know how to do everything. So, I mean, maybe just Steve just stand the reason.

Here's what happens. They're like, oh, no, who's going to fly the helicopter? And they turn around and the horse is flying the helicopter. Get in, bitch. I always knew you were a good horse. Here's a carrot. Take it or leaving. Harrison taught me this one.

Harrison. By then, horse was at a first-name basis. And no. Any of you punks going to Shinsenani? And they're like, oh, horsey, they get in. We're going to crash this shit to a golf course. I learned from Harris and forth.

Oh, right. He throws, like, a couple of these rebel fighters, like, out of the helicopter, and he's like, no ticket. There was a good moment where a rebel fighter... Horse Deanna Jones. Sorry. A rebel fighter falls out, and he's hanging.

on the dear life and someone's trying to pull him back up and he just gets fucking shot and he falls off a cliff amazing death. Dude, for all the money in this movie, pretty cheap looking puppet falling down like that clip. I got to say. Well, that's somebody's gym bag.

This thing folds like a pile of laundry man. It's crazy. Chris, to be fair, it's a gym bag with two googly eyes on. People are pocketing money right and left. Oh yeah, you want that, you want to be realistic? him falling out of Elk?

Yeah, okay, that'll be a $100,000. $100,000 for a puppet. And then he takes a piece of old luggage and put googly eyes on it. It's like, yep, I did it. So this chopper takes

some fire. Stallone has a classic line here. We're going down. Great delivery. And somehow he manages to like land slash crash this helicopter. And he saves no one, but

somehow there's like two other refugees with him. like people that were whatever. Well, because like they're taking, him and Troutman are taking a bunch of fire. Got it. And they're like, well, we're doomed. Do you want to go out fighting? And Rambo's like, fuck it.

Yeah, whatever. Last week I was in a monastery. This is fine. Awesome that I came to save your ass. Because this general is like in his chopper trying to like fight them. And this is where the rest of the Mujah had Dean that they couldn't be bothered to fucking wait for roll up. Hey, general, general, real quick.

Before we die, we certainly die. thanks for castrating me honestly thank you so much it really no I mean it made the impure thoughts go away and now it's just murder this is when they're like surrounded by the Red Army

and yeah what I love about this scene is like they're like what is that noise and then it's like the Dorothraki it's all the horsemen from we were mentioned briefly about the horsemen and now they're here totally

So they go down in flames. And it's weird. Where the fuck do they figure out there's this hole in the ground? They're escaping and they find a tunnel. And there's this guy that's set up to be this number two. Right. Who you know the Stallone's going to fight the second you see him. He's built like a fucking door.

You know what I mean? And like, oh, cool. And like, again, nothing. Like, again, give him an eye patch, give him a cybernetic arm. Anything. No, but they gave him fat. They did give him that. And they gave him the best death in the whole movie.

Well, he awesomely, first of all, picks Rambo up out of this whole by his head. Yes. Which is a pretty great, like, professional wrestling movie. This dude looks like fucking Kane fighting Xbox or something. Troutman starts to kill people, too, in this area. Troutman's getting in on it. Yes, he's doing a lot of killing. And we're also like, all of a sudden there's all these one-liners happening.

I'm like, who wrote these pages? Like, this is nowhere near this movie. Well, this is where, like, they get to the cave or whatever. her and uh so that that dude that dude dies awesomely rambo like fucking throws him in the hole he gets hung and blown up at the same time this happens a lot in action movies and i swear to god if i'm ever working as a mercenary i am never wearing a grenade why wear a grenade why would you do that always wearing grenades why would you do that it doesn't ever work out no didn't work for raising

arizona there's got to be other examples there's so many examples Wear a hat, wear a belt, wear shoes. We're in the age of C4 here, folks. It's outmoded. We don't need it. Grenades are not clothes, people. But if you want to look cool as tits, man, just get a fake grenade and put that on your mask.

No, you got a bandalero of bullets. You want to beef up your luck. If you want to look that cool, take the real grenade, put it, and pull the pin for me, please. Grenades are not clothes, and people put your garbage in a garbage can. I can't stress that enough. Why on earth would you wear a grenade? It never works out.

It's so dumb. It doesn't work out for this dude. He's hung and explodes immediately after the neck break. It's fucking great. You really hear it. You do. It's fucking great. It's like that dude died not knowing he blew up, but he totally blew up.

So that's cool. It's nice having more information than that guy. It's great when like hot meat blows up. Oh, totally, dude. It's not like a cold body blown up. No, it's like this is, it's raining barbecue. Fresh. It's still like a beat.

Like, it's slightly beating. You know, that heart is slightly beating. Well, yeah, because his brain is still working a little bit. It's got the base function still going on in there. So he knows he's dying. His life is flashing before his eyes. It's fucking pointless. This is the death that Richard Crenna deserves.

It does not get, sadly. Well, that's the problem is this guy went to Men's Warehouse and they got him for all the extras. Like, would you like a grenade on there? You're going to like the way you look. I'll get your grenade tuxedo for your prom. At some point around here, Rambo gets back on the horn and he's talking to this fucking Russian general.

Because we're doing a little bit of diehard. Well, I guess it's pretty, this is the same, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, I mean, it's just where it's similar ideas. Yeah. Great minds. Great minds. Can we end the movie now?

Can this be over? This fucking general is like, who is this? whatever and Rambo classic line goes your worst nightmare pretty fantastic and then they're like fighting in this cave did anybody else notice this cave looks exactly like that cave level in Golden Eye 64

yeah sure it's like I think they modeled that after this this is how you look at the world yeah everything is a doctor doke to you so they're about to leave they leave the hole they've killed this number two they think they're in the clear like oh there's the Pakistani border we've made it right you know what this is where the Red Army comes

in and then the Dothraki sorry oh yes we did this out of order yeah the Red Army just shows up there's a billion tanks a thousand soldiers you're not leaving this is over this is also where it's fucked up because yes we've flipped it out of order sure he kills

this guy he breaks his neck and blows up it's fucking hilarious and the two of them him and Crenna are walking out and it's kind of like the end of Jaws when Dreyfus and Scheider are like just joking as they have to like swim back to shore

Yeah Like Rambo's like, oh, we daise it Crenna's like it's Saturday Boy, we're gonna walk back to Pakistan now, huh? Who are you assassinate next weekend? Noriega

But yes On, uh oh here comes the entire Red Army and they're like, well I guess this is it You want to go out, fine. And, like, the guy gives them all the chances. They're like, give up. I will torture you.

Like, no way, man. He's like, fine, I will, I have a helicopter. I will miss you and your compatriot. A billion times right now. Classic exchange between Troutman and John Rambo right here, though. Because, so this, yeah, like Steve said, the Russian general makes all these threats. To which Krenna goes, what do you say, John? Yeah.

And John Rambo says. Fuck them. And they just start firing wildly into the desert because they're nowhere near these guys. Rambo around here does shoot a single arrow. Yes. That blows up an entire helicopter. That's pretty impressive. One of the bomb arrows that are expensive in Zelda.

They're very expensive. They are. It's ridiculous. I wasted those. We get Rambo on horseback throwing a Molotov cocktail. Yes, which is great. And then finally he gets inside of a tank And you know what dude

You know you don't wear grenades That seems really obvious Yes Never if you The whole purpose of being in a helicopter Is that you don't have to go near the ground Right Why are you flying so close

He's like so fucking low They're playing chicken A tank in a helicopter Should never play chicken At the fucking tank wins He rams the gun part Right through this fucking helicopter And this general

gets destroyed. It's pretty awesome. It makes no sense. It makes no sense, but it is awesome. It is awesome. I agree. Everyone's correct in this instance. And he blows him to high hell and he's dead. The Dothraki come and everyone's happy. They cross into Pakistan and there's the kid who somehow lives is like,

oh, won't you stay? Help us fight the war. And he's like, you know what, buddy? Nah. You're good. Oh, you need education. No, that's not going to be happy. Hey, if you're ever in New York, look me up sometime. One World Trade. Adios.

Oh, God. We've got good Pakistani from there, too. Oh, wait, what? You're actually from Saudi Arabia. Huh? Wild. There is, uh, here's a question I had. It might be the most important question of the movie. So, both of them, Rambo and Troutman, have this harrowing experience in the Middle East.

You know, it's... They fall in love a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. You know, they find love along the way, but a lot of gunfire, a lot of torture, a lot of, you know, lighting off gunpowder inside ourselves. They get to like this Jeep that they're going to drive off into the sunset with. And Crenna immediately takes the driver's seat. My question was, after such a harrowing experience, how do you decide who's driving? Well, it's because Crenna has the fake Afghani license.

Oh, that makes that. They're going to go to the convenience store and get some beer with them. before they hightail it out of here. Also, you might not think so, but he has the bigger kill count. So seniority wins. He got millions, right? He gets all of Rambo's kills.

Those are kills by broads. Those assists count as kills. He's like, yeah, I assign that guy to that mission. What was it? Ten kills? And again, Rambo is brainwashed. And he's like, John, number three position. Yes, sir.

And he gets in the passengers. In like Virginia or whatever, he's got a black to Dan and he's got like the he scratches a mark for every kill and assist and it's like the whole thing is just scribbled it's beautiful looking and we get some comedy here too because Rambo's like

you know what the fuck is going on and Crenna goes I think we're getting soft John I think we're getting soft and Rambo's like maybe a little because he like he has a moment with the kid he's like guess we're getting soft John you should have killed

that kid you should have cut that kid from fucking throat to Scrope, big daddy. Krenna, what did I teach you, Johnny? How the fuck does Kurt Widsmith not come back for an epilogue of some kind?

Anything. Bring the K-Man back. Just if he was behind it all somehow. Or like have him drive across into Pakistan and he's just there. It's like, I knew you had do it, bye. Yeah. Or he's like, hey, hey, Troutman,

Rambo, you're not going to believe this, credits. Got a roll. Robocop. You'll mash Robocop and Rambo together. It's surprising that some like low tier comic book company hasn't done that already. Robocop domestic policy, Rambo foreign policy. Man, like switching places.

Like you do my job and I will do yours. Oh no, that's what happens. Robocop and Rambo are roommates. And all of a sudden, uh-oh. Rambo gets possession of a haunted idol They both touch it at the same time Oh sure You do not understand how hard I have

Yeah well you don't understand how hard What? And they switch bodies Hey I don't care what's on the chore wheel Dude yeah Fucking RoboCup would have it up to here Rooming with John Rambo He's like all right I'm sick and tired Of cleaning feces off this coffee table

This is the odd couple or whatever right Totally. I don't want to go to high school in Joliette. Pubes in the shower, creep. Clean them up. Do those dishes. I'm a sports writer. I'm a deadline to.

God damn it, Rambo. There was a sock on the door. I was getting my piston off. I'm in here fucking a computer. Alex Murphy. lost his life and lives and then his wife threw him out

Yeah I told you They're all the same Murphy They are all the same I think the entire I think the entire world I think we might achieve world peace. I think even Afghanistan, dude.

Of course, exactly. I think the Afghan people would love that show. Yeah, there'll be murals of Robocop and Rambo. It would change the planet. It's like American Idol. Oh, fuck, man. That is Rambo 3. Would anybody recommend it?

No, no, no, no. I mean, I really like First Blood a lot, and I just have no interest in any of these subsequent Rambo films. I mean, like, there's a lot of good kills. You know what I mean? You give me a fucking YouTube video. cutting up these kills. I'm into it, but that's it. No, it's boring as shit. I'm sorry. It's, it's too much. Well, I'm sorry, it's too

little. It is, it's just too much fucking garbage before I see somebody get killed in this goddamn movie. It's nothing fucking worth it. No, absolutely not. I am actually going to recommend it. Yeah. I mean, it's in on our 4th of July, which is no, tomorrow. Well, yes, I guess. But it is, it is the third best Rambo film. I think it's better than Rambo 2008. Yeah, it is. Because it's like this movie's built like a movie in the start. Like it fuels like a movie.

Yeah. It's not, you know, it's slow and the kills are kind of repetitive. But I had fun enough watching it. I think I 100% agree with Eric. I would recommend this movie. I think actually it's boring factor helps it in the hangover movie department. All right. Because you'll get sort of lulled to sleep because it's boring as sin for like 60% of it. And then you wake up when all the explosions are happening and you're feeling well rested, ready to rock and roll, take on the day, maybe start drinking again, who knows.

Yeah. And it's a watch it. It's a watch it. It's a watch it. It's could never be made today. It's not a watch it. This could never be made today. And that qualifies it. It's a wise it at tops, but not. Why is it? Okay, so it's a wise it, but it classifies as never would be made today. I think it's also incredibly fascinating to just look at it from the standpoint of like, wow, how times have changed. Well, the Krenas speech alone is a bizarre historical document. He's like, wouldn't it be stupid for anyone to invade Afghanistan? It's just amazing. How could these fucking, how could these congressmen and presidents not fucking, no, Rambo 3?

Hey, Poppy, I went to the video store, but they didn't have Rambo 3. Guess I'll never learn a lesson from it. God damn it, boy, you got to watch Rambo 3 before you watch Rambo 4. Maybe back into Bush years it could never have been made, but it was already made. It was made again in 12 Strong, the horse soldiers. That's based on a true story. Yes, they adapted to real life. Yeah, but that...

Art imitates life, et cetera. Did anyone watch the 12 horse guys? I watched part of it from a plane. Wow. I watched 12. Wait from a plane. Was it playing on the ground? No, I was also in the plane. Yeah, that's weird. I watched it on the top. You were in a helicopter watching down. I was on the wing, like the Gremlin and Twilight. I wish they just turned the laptop a little bit so I could see it.

In that movie, the Americans are the Soviets all basically, right? I mean, yeah, it's, we're invading Afghanistan. Is there a Rambo-esque man in there? Chris Hemsworth. Yeah, but it's all part of it's all like team horse shit. Yeah, but it's all like jerking on. of horses in the desert, dude. Well, it's because the horses could get places that, like, you know, jeeps and shit. But they need more horses, right? Because they only have, like, 11 and they need 12.

Michael Shannon's your Richard Krenna in that. Oh, no, that's true. We can get you in the movie. There's 11 horses. And they have to go find the 12th horse, which is a retired horse. Oh, right. He has to get back in the game. He's got a horsewife. An old wise horse. You're going to need 12

horses. That's Rambo 3 from 1988. directed by Peter MacDonald. If you want more WHM, check out our website, wHMpodcast.com, or find us over on the Headgum Network. You know what, by the way? What? What? Do not check out our website.

Check out our Patreon page, patreon.com slash we hate movies. There are exclusive bonus episodes on there. We've done such as Man of Steel, Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance, Jurassic World. My God. And this month, jungle to jungle. It's an embarrassment of riches.

that is unlocked, you also get like, I don't know, 22 plus fucking animation damnations, access to the back archive with all the ads edited out. Yeah, sometimes you're like, didn't they do an episode on X and we're like, yeah, but it's in the archives, man, can't help you. Yeah, exactly. You have to check it out. At least go to the Patreon page and look it over.

Decide if it's right for you. What is our exclusive episode this month on the Patreon? Well, it kind of ties into what we're doing next week. So the exclusive episode is America's Sweethearts. Oh, yeah. By the way, we already recorded it, recorded that. That is like an all-timer episode. It just might be.

I'm not exaggerating. It might be my favorite thing we've done. Wow. Look at that. Well, it was the only time I had fun doing this. Oh, okay. And what is our episode next week that ties into it? Next week on this very program, on the main feed we call it, it's the runaway bride.

We're doing another Julie movie. It's the summer of Julie. A summer to Julie, man. So you got Julie on Patreon. You got Julie next week. And you had Julie a couple weeks ago with Oceans, oh, 12. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Oceans, 12 horses. So until next week with Runaway Bride, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zadak. Chris Kavana. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hit gum podcast.