We Hate Movies - S8 Ep368: Episode 368 - Eraser

Episode Date: July 17, 2018

On this week's episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza continues as the guys chat about the mid-nineties Arnold classic, Eraser! How about that Cromwell office scene, huh? What's with this silly rail gun? And welcome to the movie, Mickey Mouse Mafia! PLUS: Jesse "The Body" Ventura feuds with Sven-Ole Thorsen. Eraser stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vanessa Williams, James Caan, James Coburn, Robert Pastorelli, and James Cromwell; directed by Charles Russell. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, my good gracious, I kind of loved this. It's a racer. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Kavana. Eric Siskin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone, welcome to the program.

Thank you for tuning in, as always. Hi, how are you? How are you doing? Good, thanks. Hi. Yes, the summer blockbuster extravaganza finally gets to Arnold down. We're pulling into Arnold Station. Ready to look at all the Arnold's sights.

No ticket. This is a racer. Coming at the gym, coming in the shallas. I'm constantly coming in public. It's a eraser is the film from the great year of 1996. Can I just put a pause on here? Hang on a second. I got one last detail here.

What? Directed by Chuck Russell, all right? The movie calls him Charles, by the way. Chuck to his friends. I don't. I don't. I call him Chuck. I call him Chuck at every Christmas point. party. All right, so pause the episode, if you're listening. No, no, no.

The hosts are going to talk amongst ourselves. This is not for you. Skip ahead, 15. What were you saying, Steve? Why is it called Eraser and not the eraser? Because Arnold Schwarzenegger is the eraser. Boom, bam. I go on top of the pencil.

Yeah. I'm the little pink dot. I don't know, because I'm going to rub you out. Yeah, see? You think you might never need me. You might be brash enough to grab a pen, but No, one day you'll need the eraser. No, it's like what Justin Timberlake and Social Network.

It's just cleaner. Yeah, yeah. Yep, Sean, what if Sean, Sean Myspace walks up to Arnold. It's like, how about just eraser? Dude, I think it's Sean Napster. Sean Spotify, dude, used the alliteration. Oh, right. Sean Spotify.

But here's the thing. Then the eraser can go up against the equalizer. Oh, shit. Get Denzel in here. The eraser versus the Equalizer is a franchise. What is, no, what is the eraser? No, it's not. Oh, the whole franchise.

Yeah, the eraser would have had to hold on for, oh, about a decade. What is it, what is an equalizer? Because I know like an eraser is a household item. You know, like, the equalizer was, that was a TV. That's one of those TV shows that nobody watched that they insisted become a movie. I mean, it's just, oh, wait. That watch beating people up. That Antoine Fuqua movie with Danzell, that first one, the sequel's coming out or

Might there be out? Who even knows? It was based on a television show? It's a TV show. How old is this show? 80s. This is like, yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, I think that there's a part in, ooh, I want to say it's Wolf of Wall Street with Rob Reiner, where he's like, the Equalizer is on.

Like, that's his gag. Oh, weird. I had no idea. He's on the phone with DiCaprio and he's yelling at him. Secondarily, Equalizer, the Equalizer, the Equalizer, the Eraser, can we get Ray Winstone as the multiplier? Oh, shit, or the calculator. No, multiply it because he makes everyone bigger. What about food?

Oh, I'm going to make you so fucking fat. It used to me, it's the multiple. I'm cooking up a meal. Yeah, he's the cook. Yeah, he's the cook. Oh, right. So the eraser and the equineers to come back. The cook is under siege.

Oh, that's right. That's the lone. That's the long. Yeah, they got to talk to the captain. Yeah, Arnold, he's a bottomless bird of gumbo. I'm just going to keep reading. filling it. Oh, this is fantastic. When can you start?

I don't know, man. It kind of sounds like this franchise might be a little forced. Yeah, just a touch. Maybe. This was the first time I'd ever seen this movie. It was one of those, like, video store. I've seen the cover. I've seen the poster a thousand fucking times. I'm a big Arnold fan, and somehow

I just totally missed it. Oh, boy, was I fucking grinning ear to ear the whole time last night? This movie's a lot of fun. Me and Chris Cabiner in the theater club. Yes, we are. you guys are eraser bros? Yeah, we both saw it in the theater before, like a decade before we ever met.

Oh, man. So, Chris Cabin, you're a huge fan of seeing this movie in theaters. I'm a big fan of seeing. If you want to distill, quickly the plot of this film for folks. The distiller. It's Bert Reynolds. Yeah, yeah, I'm making moonshine. Yeah, it's in the middle of the woods.

Yeah, I kick some guys' teeth in, yeah, so what? See, now we're making a cinematic universe. Oh, Charles Bronson, the mechanic, right? Oh, that one actually happened. I'm the mechaniker. Yeah, I'm American. I call it a Ken Starshine. Yeah, I fucked her.

So what is the eraser? Let's distill the eraser. A little pencil shavings in there for flavor. Vanessa Williams is trying, it steals evidence from her corrupt defense contractor jobs. Sir Alibrez. Cyres is the name of the place, I think. Syrex.

In the script, it was Syrex, and then I guess there was an actual company called Syrax, and they were like, Hey, it's not fair! So we go with Syres. They had to go back, but they had already made the movie, and they had to go back and dub everybody and digitally alter all the fucking signs.

Who narked on the eraser, by the way? No, I think maybe somebody just, like, caught wind of it. Or maybe you saw the preview? I want an insider-type movie about that. Syrex erased the eraser. It's incredible. This goddamn Arnold Schwarzenegger movie is going to take us down. Us, the kindly people at Syrex.

Much more importantly, she has to come under the protection of a super agent who knows what... John Krueger, the Eraser. And yes, before you ask, Freddy is my brother, okay? He got into some trouble. I am not my brother. It's fine. He's under U.S. Marshals, but he's witness.

protection is his main gig but he also has something to do with Shadow Co or something that's... Excuse me? It's a company that fucking corrupt shit James Conran He's like, oh remember our days in

like Shadow Company or something like that I think this is like some Eric Prince shit right here. Yes, that would be my assumption. We were kind of getting hip to this idea of like, hey we can hire out all these fucking war fan boys. is for cheap and have them do the dirty work. They call me the eraser.

I erase villages. Oh, I guess I could do stuff with witness protection. Oh, yeah, half of Vietnam. That was me. Yeah, I used to be called the pillager and how I'm the eraser. I hunted an alien out in the Amazon's. Took his head back with me. That's kind of awesome if it's Arnold, like an Arnold character in a job interview

and he's going over the resume. And it's just different adventures from different art. movies like yeah one time my daughter was kidnapped and taken to south america i killed approximately 200 people doing that mission it's like july second to august 8th that's what i was doing it's like it's just like weekly adventures for a short time in 1994 i came out of a movie screen and wore red shirt it's this shot of this nerd trying to fill out his card and being like number of kills and says like zero bigger eyes is another zero Bigger eyes, another zero.

Two million. So this movie starts, though, by the way, which is why it should be called The Eraser. It's him getting ready for erasing. He's like the ceremonial boots. It's like the beginning of a Batman movie kind of. It is, dude. There's even a shot of him.

It's a close-up on an actor's waist. Cannot confirm that it's Arnold. And he sort of like turns his waist to face the camera and buckles a knife belt. It's a suiting up montage. It's awesome. And I'm like, ooh, this is getting good already. It comes in handy.

It does. It comes in handy. And he wears a ninja mask, which he only wears once, unfortunately. I would like war, because it's Ninja Arnold. What happens is... Mr. Sadek, was this not just a ski mask? It had like a ninja bent to it.

Are you saying that just because it's the guys who try to kidnap the three ninjas wore it? Oh, my God. The three ninjas is to stay tuned. By the way, also The Hunted with Christopher Lambs, bear there's oh jesus he's got ninja action quite a lot of that so robert pastorelli is about from murphy brown fame yes he was her painter elvin i want to say his name was ripd oh yeah he died he's been dead for over a decade really really yeah he died on the set on this on the set of the

film no he died in 2004 he odied on heroin oh that's too bad yeah and he is a mob informant that got caught up with they're about to like cut his tongue out basically and his wife, Melora Walters, only one scene. Oh, was that her? I thought also, though, possibly a Guamara situation. Oh, yeah. Possibly. There's no confirmation either way if there was wedding bells or pasta shared.

Well, she's definitely going with him, so I feel like it's bigger than a gumar. That's just my judgment. Bigger than a gumar. That'd be a good TV show. Yeah. But the eraser. Hey, Bravo. You know, I was just going to say that's a Bravo show.

She's not quite a wife, but she's not quite a gumon. She's bigger than a gumon. but it's all tall women that's the idea like five ten a giant woman a giant gramm bigger than a guamore

okay but we're only going to let you have eight seasons all right fine you can have a Christmas special and a getting out of jail special all right pretty stingy bravo how do I shunk the gumar the eraser's thing is he's supposed to go

and fake kill you you so that like no one thinks you're around anymore yeah but also like he is breaking so many necks of this scene now here's my thing it's not the initial witness protection the act of protecting a witness it's like when they fuck up yeah because this is what's hilarious is robert pastorelli they're like yeah your cover was blown because you went to luigi's dude and like he's fucking what is he's like oh i had to have the gaba goal the osobuko excuse me unless this is an international syndicate he's bringing down. You let that guy die.

And also this guy has to get out of the East Coast period. Like, I'm not talking, like if it's New York, New Jersey, and I can't tell where he's from. He's not going to Philly. He is going to Arizona.

Totally. Like you were in Arizona. Yes. ketchup and egg noodles like a schnook. The whole thing. I don't know why they moved him like 30 miles. He should be able to take the fucking commuter rail to Luigi. It's fine.

You know, New York, New Jersey, Italian guys. Well, you know, they all kind of look alike. You'll blend in amongst your own people. Instead of wearing your Giants jersey, you wear Jets one, no one will know it's here.

So it's your new identity. No longer are you Vinnie Gambelli from the Bronx. Now you're Vincent Gombelly from New Brunswick. So there you go. I mean, you'll never figure it. It's like a world away. I used to be known as Vinny No-Holes. And now who am I?

Hey, Vito, I thought I saw Vinny the other day on the street, but he wasn't wearing a giant sweatshirt, and he was wearing a jet sweatshirt. That dude will be caught dead wearing a jet sweatshirt. Just another Vinny. That's another TV show. So he comes in, there's some really great neck breaks, my favorite of which is the refrigerator one.

Oh, yeah. Which is fucking, it is Jason Voorhe's style neck breaking. There's a couple Jason Voorhe's situations here. There's the one where the dude opens the front door, and Arnold picks him up by. piano wire and the guy disappears. He's never seen again. He eats him like Yoshi. That'd be awesome. It's like

he pulls him up and the shot just holds on this door and then you just hear like and he just burps. I went camping when I was young and I died I became a monster. I think they got that move from the professional and like I believe that a Jean Renaud who is like this sleek killer. I just can't imagine Arnold Schwarzener like tipto

He's wearing a ninja mask, Chris. Just because he has a ninja mask, I understand. They should just put like, soft shoes too for sneaking. Put a plow on the front of this guy, right? He should be the plow. I'm the plow man and I'm pulling you over. He just has to set down a bunch of pillows on the roof. Yeah, he takes some dude's face, closes the freezer, and then shoves him, and it's like,

and you hear it and you feel it. Oh, yeah. And what's great is you can tell that this guy enjoys thinking. outside the box in these situations? Outside the ice box. It would be like, put the head in, slam the door repeatedly until this dude is dead. And he's like, uh-uh, you know it would be funnier.

Gently close it and then push the dude's body and snap his neck that way. Oh man, creative kills. So he saves Robert Pesterly and Malora Walters. He burns deadly. He has all these corpses in his car. I want to see Grave robber Arnold. I want to see the beginning of this.

That's the thing. This is like a shit. operation is a shambles. They say later, him and James Khan later talk about the fact that, like, he has to smooth it over with the local morgue because they've been stealing corpses. He just broke in. He didn't call anyone for anything. And you've been doing this for what seems like years. So you've been stealing these corpses constantly from the same fucking board. Sometimes just for pleasure. Jesus Christ. Hi. This is Ted from Gambelli's funeral home. Yeah, your father. is missing and presumed erased so it'll it'll just be a closed coffin then they they uh they left a $50 bill just right there on the right there on the pad yeah i smoothed it over left them the tip uh when can you start coops hey cops get ready to look he's just talking with the dead bodies moving their mouths around oh man that's when he's off the clock and he's bored at his apartment. He stole two

bodies, like two, by himself, presumably. I lost count though, and if someone could explain this to me, this would be fantastic, because he goes out to the car, he gets these two body bags with corpses in them, right? So he goes back in to the house.

He makes Robert Pastorelli and Malora Walters, but like fake blood. They lay down, he takes some photos of them. Sure. And then he burns the house down, which is awesome. But then he's, Does he put one of the dead assassins corpses back in the body bag? Because he carries a body bag back out.

There's three assassins. One goes in a body bag with him because he knows he's going to need it for later. I'm going to save it for later. For nom-noms. That's what it's got to be, right? He's like doing Jeffrey Dahmer. And then the other two he's got on the lawn. One of them has those pictures in his pocket.

Yes, he pretends that like one shot the other. I mean, you just pick up a corpse if you're doing errands. You don't know what I mean? Like, you grab the mail you have to go to the post office with. You grab a corpse in case you have to erase somebody. Yeah. And then you grab, like, you know, dog food and stuff on the way. A walking corpse.

Yeah. Well, that's a walking corpse. I thought he was going to be nice and bring like a corpse back. You take two. Bring one back. But of course, no, he's using this for a whole other. Wait, why is my grandfather like 30 years old now at this funeral? Look, it's been erased.

I'm sorry. I erased your grief So he explains you've been a race Blah blah blah And if you And like Robert Pestorelli Like because I think this is a fine scene But I don't think I need Robert Pesterly

Later in the movie And he's like Don't worry Arnold You ever need anything You just come to me If you need anything You come to me And Malora Walters is like

Why do you keep saying that? No no no no no no No no no And he's like Malora Walters If you say You should set your character up too For later

Like you want to be in the movie later Well, Laura, Mr. Russell told me he's going to put me in the movie later. He said, you're going to get a whole scene with me. I'm fine with him coming back. I kind of, I don't know about that. It throws this movie even further into camp, which is good. Yeah, that's better. So then we cut to Vanessa Williams.

She's working for, as we said, Syrex, whatever. It's a gun place. And, like, she's doing what seems to be the worst undercover work that I've ever seen in my life. This fucking pin she's wearing is It's a fucking, it's a steady king Dude, it's like Homer's big sombrero With the camera and it's so bad And I pretend like the pin isn't there

Blame Roger Sterling over that Yeah, that's true A young John Slattery Dude, this is great, my wife pointed out This was kind of the only time That John Slattery Didn't have super white hair But here it's just gray

Yeah So this dude has gone beyond He has transcended having gray hair and is now just this white-haired fox. And Hank Azaria's partner in Gross Point Blank is another one of the guys.

Oh, wow. Deep pole. I don't remember that. Is that the black guy? That guy, I know him as Mr. Trick from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Interesting. So they're like, they're like monitoring her, you know, she goes into her office, she puts in a little earpiece. She's got this hilariously huge brooch that has a camera in it

and her whole thing is she has to go into this vault and they want her these guys are the FBI and they have secured some access codes they give her the codes and say hey go in grab all this information using these codes make little mini CDs

dude mini CDs I couldn't believe it it was like staring through time but what's the what's the how much does this evidence matter in trial the video the video evidence.

No, nothing. I think it's just it might be just for them to help guide her even though she works there. Even though she knows exactly what she's doing. But I think it's for the convo

that she gets on tape with Cromwell. I think it's for cinema purposes. Usually a wire is audio. Yeah, you wouldn't need a camera. Oh, I see. I see what your point is. Oh, yeah. I don't really know. You just need the fucking

the disc. That's all they need. And like every, slattery and everybody in the other room are like, oh, she's got to get out of there. She's only got 30 seconds, 20 seconds. it's oh my god yeah and then she gets called you know what the last thing you want to do is get called into your boss's office after you try and incriminate the company she mentioned that she makes two discs oh right yes yes and she goes up and james cromwell in a hilarious one-off i mean this is

a great scene oh wow this is this was the moment well one a house exploding in like the first five minutes was a pretty good sign sure but this scene by the time it was over with i was like this may be one of the greatest movies of all times because Cromwell is like the boss of this company and he's like hey what the fuck were you doing in that vault and he goes up

finds the brooch camera like immediately and she's like yeah listen this is the FBI you're totally fucked right now James Cromwell pulls out this gun and he points it at her and you're like oh okay and I'm sitting there like I remember Vanessa Williams being on the cover

of this VHS box not James Cromwell, though. And he does the classic movie like like prolongs scream before putting a gun in his mouth. I kind of get it though. It's like you're the reason I'm killing myself and I will traumatize you forever. Right. If I pull

this gun on you and make you piss your pants before I commit suicide, if that's my last act, okay. He lays it on pretty thick. Bud Dwyer, this famous suicide that did a similar thing. But then also I guess they're in such a high part of a building. This is amazing. And he shoots the back of his brains

out and he hits the window and you get like a suction, like we're on an airplane for some reason. Dude, I wanted his body to get sucked out. It was a windy day. Can you imagine? And it also seemed like there were 30 people on the other side of the door waiting for him to commit suicide because they run it and look at the

surprise party. Well, maybe it was like they heard him yelling things like, you've ruined us all. And then they were like, wait, what's that? You did this to me. Or maybe it was just like in those few seconds where it was the and they're like, oh, that sounds

like a pre-suicide scream. There's a good moment if that was like, enough with the games or whatever. Like we're past that. Yeah. I think that like somebody on the other end was like, oh shit, am I not going to get my bonus? Or maybe I'm getting a promotion. Oh, yeah. If

everybody moves up one, we're all getting a promotion. Yeah. The guy at the top killed himself. It seems like an in-house. incident. So, you know, she now knows that she goes back to the FBI, they're like, basically you're fucked.

Here is The Eraser, who is Arnold Schwarzenegger. And Arnold is not too happy with the FBI, which is pretty great. He's like, oh, yeah, I bet you told her it was going to be a cakewalk, huh? You didn't tell her her life would be in danger.

Getting that minidisc gets very dangerous. And Slattery's just like, yeah, sorry, Arnold. Well, this is in the great tradition. of him getting two awesome names because like in Commando isn't his name like John Matrix

John Matrix yeah so like plug into that so he's both Commando and John Matrix in that movie and in this he's both Eraser and John Kruger John Kruger man

My brother had some problems Look look who is Who among us can't say they had problems Yeah you know I think every family Has one child killer among them Okay. Let's not single out the Kruger family. Do you want to talk to me or do you want to talk to Hot Coppy? Look, you burned alive. What else do you want? He's dead.

Look, I've never set foot in Springwood. I already gave my statement to the police and that is all I'm good to say on Zematter. Can the spirit of my brother haunt the dreams of the living teens of that town? Who am I to say? All I know is I'm the eraser. I do a completely different line of work. No, I have nothing to say about the passing of John Saxton. And listen, okay, I'm not going to lie. Yes, my brother helped me on some cases.

I made him kill people in sleepy time. Anytime I had to deal with teenagers, I will call my brother, because he's really good. He's really good at that. I know, I have no idea about this beef with someone named Jason. And yes, it's a ghost phone. I talk to him on a ghost phone. Ghost phone. That's how I talked to. Dude, this would be a career low.

Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in Ghost Phone. I would see it a thousand times. I know. You got Kruger. Hey, oh, hey, brother. We're just doing the dishes today. How are you doing? I'm looking for big change in Sacramento.

I can't go to Sacramento. That's too far. Do that be great? Freddie Krueger getting fooled by an Arnold Soundboard? I told you I don't know my father And I don't know what he does I'm a cop, you idiot Come on

Congratulations Detective John Kimball So what is that supposed to mean to me Yeah Yeah Yeah Look I'm getting outraged to your pal I'm gonna hang up in another five minutes

No you stop calling me Such a girly man You believe this shit You son of a bitch that's it i'm hanging up right now i swear to god i'll do it i just to see you all right that's it i don't even know what that means so uh he wants to erase her but she declines uh protection right fucking stupid as fuck what are you kidding me she she almost didn't get out of this office building like all these goons are running after and this is this is weird because it's like this company's

private security guards or whatever are running up against the FBI in this van and the FBI doesn't just, because like the whole thing is tits up at this point. They should get out of the van and be like, uh, we're the FBI, go fuck yourself, puny security guard. She gets 24 floors

down and out the fucking door before they know about it. Yeah, they're not great. It's a fucking piece of shit outfit. But like they are driving away with the door open and they're like run, get the van. I'm like, you're the FBI. These are security guards. I think the idea was no one else knew that what the FBI had was the idea. So you don't want to blow your cover. Oh, I see. So you have to pretend to be a laundry truck or whatever. It's kind of great because as she gets away, they close the door to the van and one of the security guards kind of like kicks the side of the van or whatever. It's pretty awesome. So she declines. But we also meet James Kahn, who's Arnold Schwarzenegger's boss and mentor. And then James Kahn's boss is.

is uh james coburn james coburn this was one of those like i keep forgetting that like james coburn is in the movie well keeps disappearing well that but just the fact that james coburn uh unlike some actors we've covered on this show james coburn lived to see 9-11 james james coburn well because james coburn's one of those guys that wasn't as old as i always thought he was like he was only born in 1928 so did he hang glide off the tower I'm glad you checked your list. I'm just saying, like, I think of the movies that James Coburn, you know, was in over the years

in Big Western Star and whatnot. He's in like the Great Escape, Magnificent 7 and shit. I just forget that he lived this long time. He didn't die until 2002. The 90s era, man. There was payback and others. Didn't he get, I don't know if he won, but he got a lot of Oscar attention

for affliction in 99. Yeah, Paul Schrader's affliction. What are you, my dad? I think he did win for that. And Nolty he was nominated. Any MTV movie award noms? Oh, for Benhawk. No, for Best Kiss, him and Nolty.

Hey, Dad, get drunk yet! James Coburn is in fucking Monsters, Inc. Like, I just, I had, my brain did not register that he lived that long, and he pops up in this movie, looking great. Like, he only died at 74, so I'm looking at him, like, you look fucking fantastic. He was great, man. Not enough Coburn

in this movie, though, man. It's like the opposite of Mathau. He's younger than you thought he was, as opposed to always older. Walter Matho was like a stalled-out Benjamin Button. I think it was the deal. He was like, oh, I suppose I'll just start looking younger over time. I'm stuck. I'm stuck.

It stopped. Oh, wait, I was starting to look a little younger. And, well, that was about 15 years ago. That stopped. Summer of love and I'm still 68. Lick my bunghole, motherfucker. Still the first white prune every day in the mirror. so we cut to Vanessa Williams's house

she's like just making dinner like after a long day she wants to find out what's on the disc when she tries to activate and let Syrex know that she's still in business so they send a murder squad over to her house murder squad has super guns and we should talk about the superguns the supergun is kind of

like the McGuffin of this movie because Lee Cullen which is Vanessa Williams' character in this movie he's a vampire sparkles right? Yes she was stealing schematics for this weapon. And this thing is like the scope is kind of like an x-ray scope and you can see people's like beating hearts.

It's two incredible inventions. Get that x-ray off that gun and use it for other purposes. I know, my God, the things that you can do in medicine with this. Okay, this is the rail gun. Yes, yes. But are we also talking about the super gun that is the grenade that shoots screws. No, no, no, because that's unfortunately, that

amazing piece of science fiction technology was only used once in the movie. And kind of just brushed off. That's a Harry Potter spelled that they just shot out of hand. It looks like you're trying to get the little thing in Quidditch. Like it opened up. It like flies up in the air

and like opens up like a Guillermo Dautoro music box and shoots all these screws everywhere. This shrapnel. It's crazy. It goes right through Arnold's arm. He's got it stuck to a refrigerator at one point It's a lot of refrigerator trauma in this movie Poor refrigerators made

Quite a lot of it I don't think the whirlpool guy can watch this movie The gun by the way is powered by an electro-magnetic pulse or something And the biggest or something of the movie It can fire around at the speed of light Close this close to and that's what I love it That one little screenwriting detail You totally can tell that it was like

They fire rounds at the speed of light light. And someone was like, you know, that sounds a little improbable. Why don't you have her say close to the speed of light? As if it's less ridiculous. Oh, so James Cronwell also invented Warp Drive here. Oh, right. That guy can't help it.

That's what that pig is doing. And babe, he's like, all right, pig. Let's send you into hyperspace. Right? All the methane shoots out of that pig's behind and it sees Zeprin cock and all over again. It's funny that, like, not like, plants aren't being ripped up around the

every time the thing is shot out. I feel if you shoot anything close to the speed of light, you're like really knocking on Hellraiser's door. You know what I mean? Like, you're just like, oh actually I wrote it down. It's actually I mean, this doesn't make it any I mean, I guess it's a little less ridiculous.

It's the speed of sound. Okay. Oh. All right. Well, shouldn't it be like a sonic boom or something? Like this should be deafening. Yeah. Because like, In Event Horizon, they go to hell. by going through the speed of lighter, whatever. Yeah, that was a sonic boom that did that too.

I think hell would definitely come into play. Yes, exactly. You just open up the door of hell because you wanted to shoot a bullet a little faster. There's my ghost phone. I need to call my brother. Hello, the devil. There's a couple

awesome details here. So in this scene, she goes to her house. There's a creepy ex-boyfriend. Daryl. Daryl, who is in the house. that's kind of weird and he's doing a lot of like oh you're seeing somebody new what's going on how dare you what are you doing at home by yourself like all this shit uh and then so awesome so awesome Arnold shows up to the door as a balloon delivery man yeah at what looks like 10 p.m. And listen there are a couple things like as an adult that you can wear or carry or carry

that it's really just fucking humiliating. Like whenever you see an adult in a neck brace from an injury, like we saw a dude yesterday. Always funny. He's in a neck brace. It's fucking a thousand degrees outside. This poor schmucks just got a neck brace on. I was going to say he probably

doesn't want to wear that. No, no, no. But the other for me is an adult holding a bunch of balloons. Oh, sure. And here is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Action star, Arnold Schwarzenegger, like, hi, look at my balloons. Well, the thing is, what love about it is the guy, he's got the super gun, he's looking at everyone's x-rays,

seeing who's got cancer, who doesn't. And he's like, well, that information would be helpful to anybody, but I'm not going to use it. But Arnold just shows up with these balloons. Is it not, wait, is that trouble? No, it's just a balloon guy. You know? What are you talking about? It's just a middle of the night balloon delivery. I don't need that. He doesn't look at his

back that says, let's party. Yes, exactly. Oh, wow, I guess I must order it to play. He should have a bull's eye on his back. You should wear that jacket throughout the entire film. Yes. he probably took that from the production he probably has that at home i would too that would be my pick so this assassin second house explosion coming up oh yeah this is this is again oh for two in houses

this this again was just further sealing the deal for me with this movie and my love for it so this dude is getting ready to fire like the so what happens is the doorbell rings Arnold is there and this boyfriend is like oh are you seeing someone is this here now let's open the door and find out, and this douchebag opens the door, and Arnold's like, get down! Yeah, it's a classic get down. And he like pushes Vanessa Williams out of the way, and this dude Darrell gets

hit with this gun, and it's, I guess because it's going close to the speed of sound, that it, like, whatever this bullet is or whatever hits him, this dude goes flying across the house and gets impaled against the wall. It's Predator Tech. Yeah. He like flies up a staircase.

Well, yeah, and clearly he was like hells coming out. These are like ghost powers. I think this gun was invented by the Scolari brothers. He's also clearly buttoning a shirt that is like four sizes too big for him. When he gets shot, it just like flip flapping like a sail. It's 96, Chris. It was the style at the time.

Yeah, everybody dressed horribly in the mid-90s. It's just Jerry O'Connell should come out of this flesh wound like, wow, I slid here. How did you figure it out, Arnold? Well, that's weird too, because when you, you see these bullets get fired, you watch these, like, weird CGI ripples happen? In reality, reality ripples.

I mean, that tells me that it's going way faster than the speed of sound. Yeah, this shit is tearing through time and space. It's fucking ridiculous. All right, you know what, Neil deGrasse Tyson, I know we bother you all the time. You never call us back, by the way. Yeah, you're so fucking busy. He refuses. He refuses.

Just fact-checked one scene from from Eraser. Either this, of the alligator scene. I'll take either. Why do we need him, though? I feel like this is a job for Mythbusters. Oh, yeah. Well, I feel like if any of these guys survived fucking Arnold's wrath,

I feel like you would, like, in a week they would have cancer. Oh, yeah. I just got an idea of who we could call for an expert. Okay, so you, okay, alligators and ghosts, boom, Steve Irwin. That's right. Oh, no. Get him on the ghost phone. I know he's okay, so somebody's got to shoot one of the bullets

and then we have to go and get him. if Neil deGrasse Tyson did a seance to bring forth the spirit, the everlasting spirit of Steve Irwin? Freddie, Freddy, I need you to get Steve Irwin. I don't think you could get Neil deGrasse Tyson in a seance because he would

just sit there the whole time poohing it. And they'd be like, listen, Neil, it's only going to work if everybody is into it. If you're fucking around, we're going to accidentally open the doorways. You can't do this. He's the first character killed. What if Anne Dowd approaches him in the parking lot?

What if that happens? Then he's going to the same. She's like, oh, hey, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Did you know that my son drowned? Come over my house. Whatever the fuck happened in that movie? Come on. Come on to my house.

I know. I know. I know what you're going to think. Oh, isn't this a great door mat that I've sewn for you, Neil deGrasse Tyson? She might not be. It says, place your son. space boots here she might not be on the level uh so oh so that this is where the grenade comes in

yes the super grenade this dude's like uh my science fiction gun didn't work i'm gonna throw this science fiction egg in here yeah this thing goes off like eric said one of the screws gets in arnold's hand it's like some stark industry shit right here it really is yeah it explodes and it the impact is as such, Arnold's beak goes all the way around his head a couple of times, yeah. This is humiliating. This means war.

I hope you realize this means war. It is not Austrian season. Oh, look, he's mad. That's what it is. It's Marvin the Martian horse shit. Yeah, the guns definitely are. It's fuck. This is a

great Arnold move right here, man. I feel only the eraser himself could come up with to get out of this house because these assassins are coming or whatever. Isn't the eraser just rolling off your tongue? Just the eraser? Yeah, it is. Instead of saying eraser?

But nobody calls him the eraser. That's true. Even though he's credited at the end of the film as just a racer, even though they keep calling him John and John Kruger. And even on IMDB, actually. John Kruger Melanchamp. Does it say that there? Here's a story about how.

I disappeared Jack and Diane. He is U.S. Marshal, John the Eraser Kruger. Oh, really? But in the end credits, it actually just says Eraser. Right, right, right.

Somebody from the big city is like, where are you going to put me? Well, you're going to be in a small town. Always from the small town. We were young and we've are improving. Oh, were you saying Andre? I totally derailed me. Oh, well, so he's like, all right, here's a way to get out of here.

Boy, do I love blowing houses up. He fucking rips the gas line of the stove and turns the fucking thermometer all the way to max and they book it. I hope you have insurance. Does he say that? No. Oh, it would have been a good lie. He should have, because this is just really careless because if you do this to my house, I'll be upset. And so then these assassins get in

And they're like, oh, they're not here And something, this was weird Was like the thermometer just starts sparking for something? He turned it all the way up to like 100 degrees And I don't know, I guess I don't know what The fucking android inside of it is short circuits If you have torn something in reality Yeah, you know, they've shot the gun

They've shot the gun, the cartoon world is coming We've cut right through to Toontown. Oh, no, it's my arch-nemesis Daffy Duck. Eddie Valions! Get out of the kitchen, that butcher blade is now. I've got little legs. It's a cartoon, cartoon knife. It's a cartoon, you idiot.

Arnold. And he talked like this. No, that's all, folks. Yes. oh man oh so the house blows up and I paused it this house explosion comes 30 minutes into this movie and I was like

holy shit two house explosions in the first half hour A plus A plus It's just an A plus with bodies in the house In both times absolutely That's double points for me There should be every 30 minutes a house explodes Keep a pace The house eraser

That's his new show on HGTV Oh no, I don't fix it up I blow it up That'd be awesome The Donald Trump hired him in the 80s It's Demo Day The Property Brothers are just like Cutsily looking over some closet space

And they see him coming up the sidewalk And they're like, no, eraser Not this one, here comes to the house eraser Whiting a stick of dynamo with a cigar Every day is Demo Day One property brother is just fucking dancing like a chicken And the other one's like, aren't we annoying? Yep.

God, I fucking hate those guys. I don't watch it. I watch a ton of shady TV. I do not do. I don't fuck with the property brothers. Well, good for you. Congratulations. They fuck back.

Hey, we're the property brothers and we fuck back. I watch house hunters, international and domestic, where it's all about couples just about to get divorced. You mentioned this once before, and I really, recently watched a couple Househenders International and you were so right because every time

it's just like well I mean this is what he wants to do it's always it's always one of them wants to move and the other so clearly does not

yeah like I guess since we're moving to Spain all of a sudden maybe we could be near a town maybe yeah no houseowner is an international is a real problem

it is it's like well we're going to Laos like why there was one it was so fucking awesome there was like some couple from like Staten Island

or something thing. And this guy's like, I've always wanted to have a place where I had my own Tiki bar. And you see this dude's basement and it's just like a basement tiki bar. So then they're like, we're going to move to wherever the fuck like Fiji or some shit. So I can finally have my own Tiki space. And the wife is just like, he's always dreamed about this. Yeah, exactly. One day I watched the movie The Truman Show. And he was talking about how he wanted to go to Fiji. And I thought that was really inspiring, you know. So I said, I'm going to move to Fiji. And life is just a TV show, right? I mean, your cameras are here. They're here.

That's it. I always liked open space kitchens. And I hate you. That's kind of how it goes. So this house blows up. And Arnold is like, so by the way, I told my coworkers that this was going to happen. They didn't believe me. Also, you should have just come with me in the first.

place. Now you're erased. I have to burn your IDs. Like if you knew, your new name is Deborah or Debbie if you'd like. She's like, you looked at me and you saw a Debbie or you saw a Deborah and he's like, ah, I don't know Debbie. What's

another form of Deborah? Lots of fun. I can only think of two women names at the time. And he puts her in Chinatown. This is When he begins to use his network of formerly...

Debbie loves Chinatown. Formerly erased people that are like, I steal their souls and now they're my slaves. One day I will call upon you for a favor. Is it that or is he Batman? And these are the people he saved. Because a lot of this is about... Because even says this to Vanessa Williams,

it's all like temporary erasing though. Because he's like, everything will go back to normal or ones you testify. So I think it's a thing where he's like, here's this old Chinese lady. She had to testify against a triad or something.

No, they say Yakuza. They get a little mixed up there. Okay, thank you. I thought so. I thought I just mixed up. It's distinctively Chinatown, but it's also Yakuza. I was getting so confused right here.

Maybe she was a turncoat or something. I mean, I suppose a Chinese woman could rat out the Japanese mafia. It depends on what's going on in your neighborhood, really. But it was weird. Maybe she worked for the Yakuza, you know, as an interpreter. Who knows? That's true.

I got to stop thinking about this woman. Yes, she has one scene in the movie. I think she's in four shots altogether. So he's like, you can hang out here while I go, like, you know, really get the scoop as to what's going down. He does say that I will always work alone. If anyone says they work with me, use this gun and shoot them in the head. Right. So this is where we're introduced to James.

Khan, which I had never seen his movie until last night. He got about two sentences out of his mouth, and I just wrote the note, James Khan is crooked, I bet. Yep. And what I really appreciate about this movie is it doesn't fuck around with, like, not telling you an obvious thing that a character played by James Kron would be crooked. Yeah. Like, immediately in the movie, more or less, you find out that he is crooked, and it actually

allows the movie to have kind of a good cat and mouse between these two characters. I actually like the scenes with Arnold and James Kron. Con quite a bit. Totally. Yeah. Even though, because it is, and James Khan is not the world's greatest actor, but he's very good. And he is acting circles around Arnold because he's like, I don't know, John, remember all those people are, they're knocking off all of our witnesses.

And like, Arnold has to like watch and it's like, beat, beat, beat, yes, they are. People are being murdered. That is a bad thing that I did, James Khan. Because it's just like James Khan, he's like doing his weird, like, dad's angry energy at everything you know what i mean like time that's he's a scary i would hate to meet james god i'm sure he's very nice no he's probably not yeah i'm sure he's a total prick a tiny short little prick because it just it's it he's always sunny corleone he's always just a little fucking like come out with this bullshit well it's just it's one of those like he's like a little he's got little

dog complex like little dog complex is like when you have a tiny little dog but how tall is he he's a tiny dude is he really tiny dude i think like i think he had like old man shrinking thing. Oh, I see. Faster than most. Because as Sonny Corleone, he's like kind of tall. Is he like a Benjamin Button's thing? But I mean, he's acting against Pacino who is exactly the size of a button.

I mean, I guess that's also true. Because then when he's in Thief, which is maybe like, what, 10 years after the first Godfather movie? That's a great movie, man. They say Thief is amazing. He's listed as 5-9. That's got to be bullshit. That's fake.

Pacino's listed as 5-7, which is also horses. Yeah, that's a load of shit. They're both like 5-2 probably. yeah uh what is the what is the um the exchange that lets us in on james con being crooked he's on the phone with somebody no it's not until we actually get to the the swamp but we're told that the fbi is in on it because the one guy the nerdlinger there like is on some phone call with the under secretary of defense sure that's how we know that this scandal goes all the way to the almost top yeah because it's the under secretary of defense because one of the

FBI guys from John Slattery's team is on the horn with this guy and he's like hey this whole thing got fucked up this woman isn't dead yada yada and the undersecretary is like yeah well you need to fix

this because it's something like a $52 million arms deal or something is going down this features one of my favorite things in all of cinema is a crooked archivist yeah he's on the take you think This guy, like, it's not even, like, it's not even you, like, set up, like, he's been handed money or a thing.

He gets the disc, the all-important disc, they're like, oh, man, we got, we got to, we win the case. Yeah. This guy takes, he's like, do to do, pop-p-pah, pops it out, puts it in another thing. He's like, yeah, your shit's here. But he calls from the, he calls from the office to immediately, like, that's a payphone situation. But it's a great coded message, though. It's, like, such an obvious thing, because he's, he's handling this mini-CD, and this arch of his, makes the phone call and he's like yes

your music has been delivered he probably does this all the time though there's probably so many crooked shit shits going on your advance of deaf tones white ponies here yes it is their best album somewhere around here Vanessa Williams

tells Arnold one of the dumbest things I've ever heard a character say in a movie she's like this reminds me I think she says this to Arnold she's like this reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to have nightmares

about dragons no did you catch that line no I did not either I mean this might be a part of your own imagination or it might be in the film I mean this is a nutty movie Arnold sets her up with like credit cards

and whatnot she's like oh what's the limit on these and he's like this is not an excuse for a shopping spree but I was like why do you mean coming out of my end Oh, we should mention also somewhere around here, Vanessa Williams calls the actress Roma Mafia

who's playing a reporter. I feel like Eraser at one point was probably, because this movie's like almost exactly two hours, it probably was two hours and 15 minutes at one point, and more of it was Roma Mafia's character playing this reporter. And she's like, hey, I made two copies of the CD. I'm going to like get ready to tell all. kind of a thing.

I think they maybe cut a kill, like a... Well, she's, we're told she's butchered instantly. Old man and on Dangerous Ground-esque, like, kill scene. That guy gets it. Because they say she, they peeled her like an onion. I'm like, they're fucking shit. John Kruger does see a photo of her corpse, I think. Briefly.

Excuse me, I'm going to have to throw up. Dude, that's how you know it's fucked up when you showed the eraser a photo and he starts vomiting. He says vomiting. That's not also a Bucco. Eracers in the back Puking his guts out He composes himself Afterwards, he's like

Yeah, okay, put her in the car Next to the other court I might have room for her in the fridge Oh, I could use or it's a woman What, 40 to 50 years old? Perfect. Oh, that's good. Hey, Angela, you're finally going to get erased.

You've been on the waiting list Forever. We finally found a donor. Donor. That dude, if you write down Oregon donor, you know, They're just going to do, they're going to use your corpse for a racing. Oh, that's what that means.

Yeah. And this is the thing, though, man. Just do it. What am I going to care? Hey, Salé, here's $50. Send us to the morgue. He must be looking for corpses constantly. Oh, yeah.

Because you have to use them so often in your work. Listen, you have to, like, collect them as you make them. Listen, Kevin, it ain't hard to find corpses, man. Oh, excuse me. You can show you a corpse right now. Look, you just go to a hospital, like, after hours. It's similar to this crooked archivist. You slit your wrists.

You can find a crooked morgue attendant really easily, man. They all mostly work alone, the late night shift. They all fuck the bodies, by the way. That's another thing. Like Arnold comes into corpses. Yes, MoMA, I'm going to get the corpses. Arnold walks in, right? He catches some dude in the act, and he's like,

I won't report you to your superior. If you give me one, two, four, if I can get seven corpses out of your ice chest. Look, my brother is going on the Kiel Spree in Springwood again. Do you have any teenagers? They're all stocked up there. All right, they'll come back around prom season. It's a tag team with Freddy. Like, Freddy kills them, and then Arnold picks up the bodies for his own purposes.

Oh, nice. I get the capoyle, you get the soul. Hey, you know what, bro, what am I supposed to do with some Johnny Depp goo? I can't do anything with that. You've got to give me bodies, man. Hey, listen, bro, I'm the eraser. I'm not the blender. Yeah, so I like to eat my food blended, but I need a full body.

So he goes, James Kahn, by the way, we need to just put a pin in. Vanessa L. Williams and Arnold should be. romantically flirting, but this movie cuts it out quick. Yeah. We've got to talk about the airplane. Let's just go to the airplane sequence. It's fucking fantastic. We've got airplane, awesome scene, back to awesome airplane scene, because they go on a mission

right here. Yes. Because Khan is like our witnesses are being killed. Come with me, we have to go check out on my witness. We'll come if you want this witness to live. So they touched down. Right. I forgot. And it's like, oh, we've called her a bunch of times. She's not picking up the phone. This is a missed opportunity for another house explosion. It kind of is and I was pretty bummed out about it. Oh, and introduction of a young agent dead meat. Yes, big time. This is almost to a T, the young character and Die Hard 2 when the general is like, yeah, I wish you were

with us in Nicaragua too, buddy, and he fucking murders that kid. It's kind of this. So they touch down. It's the same actor from The Rock and I believe he's in a hunt for Red October. A Crimson Tide, sorry. Oh, really? Yes. Who said Hunt for Red October? I was like, Sean Conner.

No, it's Crimson Tide. Hunt for Red October's stupid cousin. So they're like, we've got to go to this woman's house. Check on her. James Kahn's like, she's probably just cooking and didn't hear the phone ring or something. So they go there. And it's just an awesome scene.

Arnold fucking stabs a dude with a knife through a door, which is fucking great. They're taking out all these gul. That's Michael Meyer's shit. FYI. It absolutely is. So we have Jason Boreheasing at the beginning of the movie. We got some Michael Myersing going on. But the best part of the scene is so

like James Kahn, he runs into the room with the woman who's being held by some goon. And the guy's like, you're early. And he's like, you're not. And he shoots him. You're late. You're late. And the woman is just like, oh my God, he kills her. And then like he hears people coming and he does

which my favorite thing James Kahn's ever done in movies which is sarcastic CPR. Yes. He's just like, Oh, breathe. Breathe for me. Come on, make it. And then he's, like, doing mouth to mouth and just, like, suffocates her with his gross mouth. Well, this is what I don't understand.

That's a death that I don't want. Why don't you suffocate me like that? Jessica, this is theater kissing. That's what they call it. Right across, right next to the cheetah here. My mouth is just going to take a sleep on your face. But then you're going to be fucking dead. But it's weird because, like, this woman was shot the stomach and he's like, yeah, CPR, that'll do it.

I was like, that doesn't sound right. And it's fucking great because, like, Arnold walks in and he's like, uh, something about this doesn't check out. Why is your shirt off? Also here, Arnold fucking kicks a dude out the top floor window of this house. Sure. Fucking classic move. And, yeah, he's kind of just like kissing this dying woman. It's very uncomfortable.

And then so she dies. And they just like get back in the plane like, well, she's dead. and job well done Arnold takes a glass of water and I mean like I thought because the eraser is such a genius and such like a master detective

he takes a James got like hey you want some water and he's like yeah I'll take some water and he's like yeah I'll take some water too and he's like no no no no you take this stuff and ice cold Pepsi I would have thought the eraser's like well what the fuck's going on with this water

like he keeps drinking it in such an ostentatious way you think he's in on it and he's like I switched the book no he did Hey, James Kahn, don't you know I love Pepsi? Why does he get a Pepsi? Maybe I wanted the Pepsi. It better not be the last Pepsi, James.

I won the Pepsi Challenge. I missed the universe now. Jokes on you. I take roofies every day. Just to match it for just such an occasion. Great reason to fly privately, by the way. James Kahn is just smoking on this jet. Oh, absolutely.

Because it's a work jet, man. This isn't commercial. He gets drugs. He starts to pass out. and the kid who's the young age of dead meat is like did I do a good job he's like yeah kid you got an 8 plus

and he starts shooting him in the chest dude and there's a great move here too he's like uh because Arnold like falls down the kid's season falls down and he's like hey what's going on mister and you know James Kahn's like take a seat he flips

this is a great move there's a bulletproof vest on this chair he flips it up so the vest is facing the back of the chair and then he fucking shoots this guy. He knows how to kill a person on a plane. Hey, why would you do that? Why am I sitting on this bulletproof vest, mister?

Why is you in line everything with garbage bags? Yeah, I'll sit down. Oh, no. What are you wearing Kleenex boxes on your feet for? Did you take that from the Marriott? A shower camp? Did you take it from the Marriott? Hey, Mark Wahlberg, you're my new

roommate? Wait, what? All these papers on the ground, what are you got a little chow or something? Michael C. Hall, I love you. Nobody loved Michael C. Hall in 1996. Well, yeah, I'll hold this gun real quick. Yeah, what? Now my fingerprints are on it. Now what? What?

So Arnold, right before he passes out, sends a pager message to Vanessa Williams that's like, get the fuck out of there. What I told you might happen is definitely going down. Yes. So she knows to... I imagine this is one of the last great... great dramatic

beeper shots I mean at the time it was like I mean it had to be sun was setting on it yeah 96 man it was

it was one of the last ones I think so definitely from a big studio are you think the Indies are still beeping dude they're beeping out there

wasn't there a beeper in good time well I mean doctors doctors still yeah doctors doctors still beep yeah

citizens regular civilians don't beep as much as they No, drug dealers and doctors. Even drug dealers have burners now. I think they went to cellular. Why the beeper with doctors?

I guess because you don't... Cell phones in the hospital? Well, I think now that they're more complex and they can actually tell them like what's going up. Oh, a complex beeper. Oh, interesting. Because it's better than like you got to call me like, hey, come to the hospital.

Wait, what's going on the hospital? Yeah. It's like I glanced this on the way to the shower. Exactly. I got beeped. I better run to the hospital. It's not like... So the plan is if Arnold sends this one particular message on the beeper,

she has to leave and go to a pay phone outside the city zoo. It's taking place at the city zoo, which is kind of great because it's either, realistically, you got the Bronx Zoo that's like the big one. And the Central Park Zoo. It would have to be the Central Park Zoo. Is there alligator's there? There better be. I know. I mean, there's definitely CGI alligators can go anywhere. They're like a pony and like some barnyard animals that you could pet problems.

We're entering back to back the best scenes of the movie, which is Juan Arnold escaping from this airplane. This was awesome. Amazing. It's a fucking awesome. Like, a racer, man, this dude's got some balls because he's like, no, you know what? I'm not even going to fucking try. I'm just going to open the door.

I'm not going to try to fight you. I am just going to open the door to this airplane. A shootout ensues and he just opens the door. It's so great. He just changes the dynamic of the conversation. He flips that script, dude. He does. First, it was a gunfight on an airplane.

Now it's an airplane with the fucking door. And what's that? Because he's a fucking, the strongest man in the world. He rips a seat out and throws it into the engine of the fucking plane. Like, what? It's so awesome because he's like, how can I make this even more difficult? This plane is already losing cabin pressure. I'm going to throw a chair into the jet engine.

But those are bolted down, man. It's not a, it's not a, But his arms Oh, that's true. Those are unbolted. This did look like some side door Not a thing that a passenger would sit in. It almost looked like A jump seat kind of a thing? No, I thought it was going to be that. I thought he's going to be strap himself into this chair. Or maybe like a gurney

It looked like kind of. Yes, it did look like a gurney sort of cot kind of thing. Maybe it was that guy's corpse? Maybe we didn't look like that. God damn it. See, that should have been it. Like he's looking around like, what could I use that would destroy this jet engine? Oh, I know, this kid. Something I'm familiar with, the corpse.

I have a special set of skills, which is really just moving corpses around. But I guess maybe the notion is because he eventually jumps out of this plane was to take out the engine so that he could clear it and not be sucked into it. Oh, that's a good call. Hey, just out of malice, just fucking like,

hey, the plane's going down. Yeah. But also, like, he's getting shot at and he grabs this parachute and just throws it out, and then he has to jump out now to grab it. Yes. That is crazy. Could you imagine doing this?

No, not at all. He's trying to add a level of difficult. He's like, not easy. All right, James Con, break my leg real quick. This is too easy. James Con is too hung up at this point because this is where Arnold pulls that knife out of his belt and chucks it at James Conn and his arm gets like stuck to the wall or whatever.

James Conn, do have a hammer? Hammer my hand And Khan is great right here He's like Oh you hit me to the arm With this mail order Hors shit All right

I'll give you Till 3 Mrs. Tippi To get your gun I'm so tired Of playing on God mode So yeah Arnold jumps out of this plane Without the shoot

You think this is a stupid scene Wait until James Kahn puts a gun to the head To the pilot It's like Hit him with the plane We're gonna run him over With this plane

This guy looks exactly like Sully, too. He does. It's like a Castor Troy move. Like, that's like a face off. That was like that face off sheet. I want him, what does he say? Like spread across this windshield.

Arnold gets the parachute. It's in a car. You can't just hit someone with a plane. It's so awesome, dude. You just see this plane turn around and I was like, oh my God, the plane is actually turning around in this movie. And Arnold, it's so fucking funny, the juxtaposition of this plane. And Arnold is just pulling the levers on this parachute.

We've got a first here on the skydiving news network. It's a dark day. Someone was hit by a plane that they jumped from. That is right. We're getting reports of malicious planes out there, so you might want to check. That's true. Not sanctioned.

Not sanctioned. Not sanctioned. Everybody, be very careful on your gnarly dives. Nobody can tell you at this point that skydiving is never not interesting. So he tries to hit him with the plane. It doesn't quite work out because Arnold Schwarzenegger takes a gun out and starts shooting at the windshield of this plane while dangling from a parachute.

He breaks the windshield. They don't show you how this plane lands. That's a movie I want. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I feel like that. Split screen it, dude. Just split screen the rest of the movie of them trying to land this.

We are about to blow the CGI budget on one of the funniest most amazing things I've seen in a long time. So I think they were like, we can't have this broken ass plane crashing. We can't show the angels carefully placing this plane on the ground so that nobody... Well, they're busy placing Arnold on the ground

even though he gets wrapped up in the parachute now and he's free falling again. He eventually does get the emergency shoot open. Falls on top of a deck of cars, which is great. And then this little kid is an awesome line because then Arnold's is like, where is this? Yes. This kid says Earth.

Yeah, oh, it's so great. These two little, like, kids playing in a junkyard. Yeah. There's a legit junkyard dog that comes out. That's what you want. And Arnold basically, like, gives these kids $50 so he can steal their father's junkyard truck. Yeah, that's kind of bullshit. I mean, like, yeah, it's a lot of money for a little kid, but now, how is anyone going to eat?

Dad's car is gone. Right. So James Kahn is able to deduce. He's like, all right. Well, he's able to land this fucking plane. Well, yeah, however that happens. I mean, maybe it was Sully Salenberger himself. Call on the Hudson. This was the warm-up to it.

The first one. The crooked the crooked FBI plane he landed first. You got an angel in your cockpit right now. No, James Conn's like, give me that super gun. He shoots through it and jumps through a wormhole. He starts playing portal. So,

yeah, they show James Conn like at this landing site and he's like, all right, I know Kruger, the move is going to be meet in a huge public place with a lot of exits. They're definitely going to the city zoo. So we're at the zoo. Closing time

for the zoo. Vanessa Williams. Yes. I don't know the rest of the lyrics. Time for monkeys to turn around. I don't know. The monkeys turn on her. She's like trying to hide from James Codd of the monkey. She's like, she's right here. She's right here.

Right. So Vanessa Williams is there like waiting for Arnold to show up. This dude shows up and he's like, uh, yeah. Your parents are late picking you up. They told me to come get you and she's like oh yeah what's the password and she's like oh well oh you kruger sent you then you'd know the secret handshake yeah she shoots him in the leg should shoot him right in the head yeah well she's not a professional killer yeah come on well she does with a lot of people who

are licensed to use firearms professionally should do go for the leg because that's a good idea she should kill him because that's the kruger handshake freddie kruger shake this hand It's got knives on it So these dudes are all Like chasing her around or whatever Arnold God this is amazing This guy does not keep a flying fuck about anything

Arnold drives this junkyard truck Through like the stone gates of this zoo And just comes in like hi Who is ready to die? Did you miss me? They go to the alley We does have a dude you miss me line They go to the reptile house

she's like having a standoff with people and he shoots and saves her and she's like, you're late, he's like, traffic. Yep, oh, big time. Don't worry, we're still having a pretty good time. By the way, I don't wear bulletproof vests in this movie for some reason. So, yeah, Arnold, at this point,

does get shot by one of these dudes, I think. And there's a thing about like the running out of ammo. She has no ammo left in her gun and Arnold has two rounds. And then the guys... This is what the eraser does. He changes the... Changes it, dude.

He flips that fucking script, and he does one of the coolest goddamn things I've ever seen. There is a tank full of computer alligators. He shoots the glass of this tank, and these three massive alligators just fall out and start eating these guys. Holy fucking shit. The zoo doesn't feed them ever. Or they feed them people. That's the only way it makes sense. This gator immediately knows that this person is food.

This one guy gets his head bit off. I just got a revelation here. Kruger's the one who says to meet at the zoo with this, with her, right? Yeah. So maybe he's been feeding corpses to these alligators for years. Oh, he's been grooming them for just such an occasion. Exactly. My murder gators will get you.

And just when you think. Go Gerald, Reggie, and Crisp. Someone say a gator? And just when you think this scene couldn't get any more amazing, boy, does it ever. Well, the one guy gets. ripped apart in half. We have to say that. He gets shift. He does get shift by two of them. One guy gets like split like a papaya. And one starts going after Arnold and Arnold is like kicking this thing in the snout and trying to escape. It's like backing them into a corner. No, Reggie. I raised you. Reggie. This is what should have happened to Chris Pratt, those fucking Jurassic World movies by the way. Blue. Blue, look at me. But there is, oh my God. You guys. Come on Blue. These gators are so. So smart. Arnold pulls the gun. He's got one bullet left. He points the gun at this gator, and the gator swipes the gun out of his hand with its tail, with its gator tail.

We want what you want. Civilization. Oh, my God. No need for such cruel devices. So Arnold gets his gun back. He shoots this thing in the fucking head. This Dr. Doak-looking gator, this shitty computer gator. It falls dead, and he goes, your luggage. Oh my God, I stood up and applauded. Wait, hold on, let me get this gaiter. I'm going to save another gaiter. I have to erase another gator later this month. I never know when I'm going to get a gator to use. But did anybody else notice that there is a puppet gator on top of it?

Oh, yeah. And it looks like one of those jelly things you threw against the wall and it would stick. Like, it's really bad. It's just like water like, like, d'a-d-g-g-g-g-gag-i-g. God damn. If this movie wasn't making me grin ear to ear already, it's one of the most bat shit

amazing things I've ever seen. Hypothesis. End the movie here. Yes. It should end at the zoo. Add 20 minutes between what we just talked about. Just fill it out with something. Maybe somebody's crooked. A chase scene. Maybe you get those reporter scenes in there. That'd be good. I bet this zoo has a lion cage.

Let's go five. the line cage for James Con to go get eaten in it. Or a silverback gorilla that could rip him limb from limb. Like he should like break James Conn's like lag and throw him in something. You're never coming back. The rest of the movie is totally fine. It never

reaches this zenith. Because it's just, it's too insane. It can't be topped. Have it be like Lovejoy Flanders like a fight on a train that goes around the zoo. I'm into all of this. I'm into all of

ended at the zoo. But then it ends with like Flanders and getting ripped apart. These boys have chased me from my beloved left orium. I am fighting in the zoo. Listen, lady. I'm in trouble.

So James Coburn gets like two different stories from James Khan and Arnold. Yes. And you know, James Kahn's like, listen, he fucking turned on us. She shot at my men. She killed a bunch of guys.

Like she's crooked. They're in on it together. And Arnold's like, that's bullshit and he's like you know James Corbyn's like well James Conn already called me

so I already got his story you're gonna have to make up the rest of the movie so I'll believe you barely escape death one more time at least for me John he winds up calling

his good friend Robert Pastorelli and he goes to a gay club and I will give this movie it's a it's a C minus of gay club scenes, but for a 1996 action movie,

it's kind of an A-plus. It was a ticket time bomb there for a moment. Because I was like, who's going to throw up? My fingernails were in the seat cushions. I was like, oh my God, is it going to be really bad, or is it just going to be bad? It's just kind of bad. It's not good.

It's just kind of bad. Well, I mean, you know, there's a drag show going on. It's raining men. Sure. That's not out of the ordinary. Sure, sure, sure. That's not out of the ordinary, but you know, whatever. Robert Pastorelli has been placed again a different,

when his protection. He's a bartender at this gay bar. And I'm like, okay, it's an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. It's 1996. It's raining men is playing. And you have a Italian mob guy meeting the man who put him in this situation.

This can only go south. And it doesn't. It stays totally in the middle. There's like one part where like his friend bartender's like, who's that guy? He looks rough. That's it. That's all we get. It's not. No one's like, ew. or anything like that.

It's not a jerky boys movie, thankfully. No, thank God for that. There's no panic here. Like, actually, and Robert Pestorelli is like, please don't tell them I'm straight. You're going to blow up my spot here. Get the tips or whatever. Because he's stealing gay valor.

But this is, it was weird because I did not expect Robert Pestorelli to come back in this movie at all. And I was like, where are we going with this? And then he becomes fucking Joe Pesci and lethal weapon. It's a titch on the Leo side of things. So he's like, I need your help. We need to figure out, like, what's going on here.

I need someone to pose as a pizza delivery boy. It's very important. This is a Mickey Mouse where she's like, there's no way you can get in here. And like, even James Kahn's wherever it's like, I want every exit, blah, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff. Here's what you do. You're a pizza boy?

Okay, here's some alcohol sauce. You pretend to have a seizure. I've seen this in PCU. I saw it in my. I saw it in my favorite movie, PCU. We're not going to protest, okay? So take the Elka Seltzer, go to the tower. Have you ever seen Parliament live?

B-Funk, oh, don't wear the shirt or the band you're seeing. Come on, come on, come on. I want you to blow me where the Pampers is. I love Jeremy Biven. The Bird Show, the Bird Show, the Wonderful Bird Show. So, by the way, it's ultra-Seltzer. which is we get a nice product placement of the tablet packet. And, you know, whatever.

They steal the disc. There's a bunch of stuff that happens in this scene. Who cares? I was confused about one part here. So Robert Pastorelli, like, fakes having this seizure. He has some line about, like, I've got a bad heart, blah, blah, blah. Oh, God. These security guards rough them up.

He pops the tablet and he starts freaking out. And the security guard is like, oh, by the way, one of these lead goons is fucking Billy Bedlam from Conair. Oh, nice. He's sort of like the main... He's like right under James Conn in the pantheon of thugs in this movie. He's that weird, like, demon woman killer from X-Files. Yes, yes. That's what I always remember him from, yeah.

The guy, the lead crooked computer scientist, the guy with the blonde hair, who looks like he's one of the lone gunmen. Yes. Is in the mask, which is also directed by our friend Chuck Russell? That's right. Who is he in the mask, though? He's just one of his... He's one of the... He's not the mask.

He's not Jim Carrey. Pete what's his name's second in commandant. Yay. Cuban Pete. So what happens here is this guy is like, all right. Chick, chick, chick, chicken, boom. This doesn't have anything to do with us looking for Kruger to come through. Take him to the infirmary and call the ambulance.

Oh, God, Kruger's coming. All right. Give me all those caffeine pills. Put on a pot of coffee. No, I'm sorry. No, but this is what I don't understand. So they take Robert Pesterly. Oh, yeah, I know you're talking.

to this infirmary or whatever where we have a not yet famous Cameron Mannheim playing this nurse right and Robert Pesterelli is clearly conscious right here and he's got like a little heart monitor thing on and he sort of like unplugs part of it and it makes the EKG thing flatline

and she's like oh grab the paddles and he's like I'm conscious and she's like let's do it is she trying to kill him or is she just that incompetent of a fucking doctor? I think it's the second one? Because it makes no, he's also, he should. I prefer the

first one, but it's probably because I thought it was a thing where like they somehow in between carrying him from the lobby to the infirmary, they got hip that he was like with Arnold or something and they were trying to just off him. Because there's a shot of her like, one more time,

let's do it. And I was like, she's clearly trying to murder this. And he's already dead. Madam, he's already dead. It's happened twice already. He's dead. So this is like an in-house medical staff for Syrex or whatever? Yeah, they used to work for Disney, and now they work for Syrex. They killed enough people in the park.

The frozen head died finally. Yeah. There's a great line. I think it's from Cameron Mannheim, though, where like Arnold storms in. Because like Arnold and Vanessa Williams, like, come in pretending to be the EMTs. Sure. They storm into the room. And Cameron Mannheim, it's not a great delivery.

I do like her as an actor. Not a great delivery. Here she goes, oh my God. a terrorist. Yeah. And also with this fucking sequence, James Con glances at the security monitor, the medics coming in.

Doesn't notice that this one medic is built like a brick shit house. And the other one is Vanessa Williams with sunglasses on. It's like, oh, the woman that worked here? Also, by the way, there was a whole scene before this where fucking James Con like belittled the head of security. The head of security is like,

oh, we're going to get you like 12 guys to help him. And he's like, oh, yeah, well, fuck you. much. He puts a gun to this dude's neck and he's like, I'm taking over this operation. And I'm like, kick him in the nuts or something. It's fucking crazy. I'm like, what are you doing right here? Don't let everybody in this

corporation know you're a villain. So you're that fucking crazy. You're that fucking nuts. And then some weirdo with pizzas comes in you, don't rush him. Like that has to be a thing where James comes. He buys it completely. Oh, Jesus. I had a heart attack.

What luck we have. Oh, you know what? They opened those boxes. There were real pizzas inside there. There were not a bunch of guns. Nice clothes. Who ordered the pizzas? Come on, guys. So they go up to James Cromwell's office and start hacking the net or whatever the fuck. We're told that there was this $52 million

bank. It's to a Syrian bank in the account owned by the Russian mafia. But the Russian mafia is introduced earlier in the film. So it's not technically like a third act Russian Mafia situation? It's a third act Italian Mafia,

I'll tell you that much. Oh, you better believe it. So, I mean, like, whatever, she gets kidnapped. They get separated. He gets the disc or whatever. He realizes it's all going to take place on the docks tonight. She gets kidnapped. Am I missing anything? Not really. Just a hilarious thing where Arnold uses security guard as a human shield

which ain't too shabby. And Robert Pastorelli is like, look, man, I'm got to help you out. You help me out. You got me out of that trouble with the Asobuco. What I'm going to do is I'm going to go back to my and Tony two toes and we're going to crack this thing wide over. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Once you're a mobster and you rat on anyone in the mafia, the rest, the entire mafia, God bless them, are against you. That's the problem with this movie. I'm in love with this film. This movie has a fundamental misunderstanding of how the mafia operates. What it should have been was

John the Eraser Kruger calls up the mafia that controls these Baltimore docks and says like, how about the exchange you help me with this I throw you this piece of shit you fucking rip him apart yes that total dude

if he fucking secretly turned on him and then Robert Pastorley just got murdered at the end if his last words in this movie were I thought we had a deal and then he gets shot in the head a plus yeah no man he can open his whole book

then who else do you want but I mean that's the thing is like that what I understand about the mafia is they will always go after X rats even if somebody from the mafia is taking their daughter to visit college

You know what I mean? That's how that works. Yeah, it doesn't matter. If you take your daughter on a college visit, you fucking notice this dude, you're fucking killing that guy. You make the first great episode of a great series. I mean, that's how that works. I mean, yeah, but when you're dealing with Frankie three nuts or whatever.

Frankie three nuts. Or whatever the fuck. I hate these fucking guys. Tony Tuttoes. Now, this was a real fucking DeiSX Mafia, by the way. Because what are the fucking. What are the fucking odds that this dude's cousin operates the exact docks where this deal is going down? Are you fucking kidding me?

And it's the guy, it's one of the guys, the bigger gangsters from Casino, that fat dude. The dude, oh, he's in like the analyze this and that movies or whatever. It's like if Chas Paul Minary ate too much and then melted. Joe Fittarelli is this guy's name. Long deceased. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. He had a big 90s. He did, yeah.

He did physically. Is Tony Longo one of the other ones? Yes. Is it Tony Longo? I think Tony Longo's one of the other ones. Pestrelli shows up. Yes, you're correct. They're like, hey, I thought you ratted out the rest of your crew.

And he's like, I did, but those guys were scumbags. And he's like, yeah, it's cool. It's like, nah. Oh, wait, we get to help you end the federal government. Excellent. If it's one thing the mafia loves, it is being patriots and assisting the federal government. do you have a contract we could sign for you they would just try to get like a cut of this action that's happening at the docs yeah like oh 52 million dollars where's our piece you're using my docs for that exactly well that's kind of the auspices in which they like infiltrate this thing is like you got no union guys on this illegal crime which is kind of great that at the end of this movie they're like wait a second we have to have a pro union message right here somebody needs to for Christ's sake.

But it's kind of weird because I was realizing, I'm pretty sure this is the first time in a movie that I've seen anyway where like you had it's not entirely

Mickey Mouse but it's pretty much Mickey Mouse Mafia. Oh, I've seen. Yeah. Yeah. Running up against like an action movie in such,

like a hardcore like Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie. Okay, you know what? They actually kill a couple people. Yeah. So they're like Batman the animated series level

gangsters. Let's say that. Let's give them fair. Let's give them some fairness, though. They're from Maroon Town, the mafia from Toontown. While they are executing, while they are executing all those dudes, the look on their face is like,

I can't believe we're fucking killing people in an action movie. Wait, we're in an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. That's the thing. You're supposed to be, like, they're supposed to be who you, you like empathize the most with, I think, on screen.

Yeah. Or them being like, oh my God, This is so amazing. They're having the time of their lives. It's like if us, the audience, got to go to this movie and kill people. Great lines somewhere around here. I think it might be from tiny two tits

or whatever this guy's name is. That's my name. Jimmy Three Dix is like... Left Nut Luchiano. He's like, keep your heads up and your assholes puckered. Somebody says that. It's fucking great.

I might be a James Connell. line actually. James Kahn is there to do this deal with the Russians. Right. And he's like going to give the Russians of Vanessa. Well, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. He's like, hey, look, you scratch my back. I'll scratch yours. Take this woman. And they're like, wait, what? And then all of a sudden Vanessa Williams is like back in the movie. Like, help. And she's, yeah, she's olive oil. She's tied to a chair. There's some rape threat going on here. Big time. What am I going to do? I don't know. Do you... Money? Are you an assassin or what? Because that's all I'm looking for is people to kill people. Kill her. Will you just kill her, please?

There's a great moment here where you realize that like this X-ray technology should 1,000% not be used as a scope on a sniper rifle like this. Because here's this dude like up in a tower like trying to find Arnold with this thing. And he sees a dude walking around with a gun and he's just like, nice shotgun asshole and he fires off this super weapon but it's just one of his teammates yeah the skeleton is a too close of a look i think yeah yeah he's like yeah nice try asshole i saw total recall i saw what you look like in that security booth so arnold's running around he definitely impales some dude with a pipe around here he slays him like fucking like a vampire hunter it's

another michael meyer's thing though because he jacks this dude up against the wall and the guy sticks there this is awesome it's a secret slasher movie oh Vanessa Williams hits that Russian guy Petrovsky or whatever the Russian mobster in the head

with a coffee pot oh that's pretty great she escapes head of the Russian embassy and burn after reading everyone knows that and then the mafia shoots the Russian

dudes they come off this that's what it's like construction there's like some crane or something that comes up and they're like surprise like they're the lost boys and they just start laying waste

to all these Russian assassins. By the way we notice who one of these Russian assassins is. Who's that? Our good friend Svenil Thorson. Oh, that's right. I thought he didn't make the movie, but he made the movie. He absolutely is he's one of these dudes with a fucking Kalishnikov. God bless. Hey, buddy.

I just came out of my eraser screening. Remember when I called you around Christmas? You had anything? And you were like, no, I'm just doing the eraser, but nobody. you remember i told you like it was going to be a hard holiday season and uh the car had to keep going into the shop and i was like hey arnie if you got anything but even if it's just a nameless russian assassin and look i know i know it was only 20 seconds for you i understand it i'm just looking for a bone yeah now i'm going to have to go on government assistance by becoming

governor of Minnesota. Thanks. Now I'm at my last resort, becoming the governor of Minnesota. All you had to do was hire me to play an assassin. But no, now I'm running for office. Jesse, I'm the lieutenant governor.

No, this is not welfare. You're supposed to do a job. You keep calling it welfare. Nope, nope. Listen, buddy, I was trying to be an eraser and Arnie didn't call me back. So now here we are. I'm on government.

Easiest way to get government cheese here, pal. And run the damn state. You know, I wouldn't have to give this stupid state of the state address every year if a certain Austrian someone cast me as a Russian assassin. Give me the keys to the vault of the government cheese, buddy. And by the way, I want to know what's going on with that moon cheese. Everybody, at today's staff meeting, I just have to say one thing you might notice that Devin is not here.

That's because last night He invited me over to his house To have dinner with him and his wife And when I walked into their entertainment room I spied Eraser on VHS And I went into a fucking furious rage And then I also And then in another person's house

I saw an actual eraser And I went fucking ape shit That's right Penn's only pales By the way my first act of governor of Minnesota Is twofold One All Blockbusters

Hollywood videos and mom-and-pop non-franchised video stores have to not sell rentals to the film eraser. Secondly, the non-U.S. Citizen Sven Olthorson is banned from anywhere within the Minnesota state lines. But come on, Jesse. I just want to see a Twins game. It's crazy that we still have this few years later. You know what, buddy? That's what TV broadcaster for. Get the fuck out. No, it's blocked out. My channel is blocked. out tough titty buddy i could have been in a racer but here we are so anyway spent all thorns in this movie for six and a half yeah yeah just nothing he does nothing um arnold has another

fucking great jason vorhe's move though you guys remember when he jumps out of the floor yeah he does that at this point he gets both super guns yeah now he's walking like the terminator yeah it's well he does have a uh i'll be right there which is very close to an I'll be back. I was like, my ears, like, pricked up at the start of the sentence, like, you'll be what? Oh, right. Okay. No, right then, not to be back.

I haven't been there yet. How could I be back? But then it's, I mean, it just comes down to James Kahn and fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger on a crane, like, box. Yeah, like on a cargo box going to the ship, full of, full of rail guns. How did they even get on top of the box? I don't know. There's too much action happening. We're just there.

Arnold gets shot in the shoulder and he is totally broken arrowing right now because he's like boxing and he's lifting shit up. He climbs up this crate. I was like, how is he going to climb up that ladder with one hand? Nope. He sucks it up and uses the shot arm. That's what the eraser's about

man. And it's kind of great right here. He tells Vanessa Williams to like grab a ladder and he shoots like a chain and the cargo thing falls and Vanessa Williams is like still hanging from this ladder while him and James Khan crash on this hilarious

CGI freighter. You see this thing fucking fall? Yeah. Dude, they were a little too cocky with the CGI in this movie. Jesse? Governor, Governor Ventura, may I please enter the state? My son is getting married. I wish he wasn't getting married to a Minnesotan,

but here we are. You know what, buddy? Two words, video phone. I'll talk to you later. I just literally Jesse, it's my only son. This only happens once, pal. Let's be friends again. You got 49 other states to get married in, buddy. Look, her family is Minnesota royalty.

That's all I can say. Listen, we either have borders or we don't. Two words for you, pal. Step off. I literally, I have to give. Step off. I just want to see my son. Good sir, you are an illegal alien in this state.

You know what? Last time I went toe to toe with an illegal alien. was called The Predator. And yes, maybe I died horrifically, but he got what was coming to him. You know what, Sheriff, open fire. Well, you know what? I guess I'm not in the legal alien

because I have a work permit. For Eraser, motherfucker. That's right. I love being an eraser. That's it. I'm having your son arrested. How about that? Charges?

I'll figure it out. Looks like he might have had some drugs on him tomorrow night. Hey, guess what, Jesse. I almost talked in the movie, Marrats, you piece of shit. Right, I forgot about that. I almost ducked in that movie. James Khan has a crazy line here.

He's like, say goodbye, John. Fucking weird James Con delivery. James Con at the very least is having a lot of fun. Time of his life, I'd wager. He's really having fun with this one. They fall, they both survive somehow. Yeah. But James Con is like crippled under this huge door.

The door falls on him. Kind of great. And like Arnold lifts it up. He's like, John, you got to help me, John. Oh, and like the eraser has. As a heart, you know, it's his mentor. He lifts it up and he pulls a gun on him. It's kind of a great Arnold's like, I knew it and just swats this gun away.

Very casual swatting this gun. And like that's kind of it. And then like the press is there or something. And you think like that's the end of the movie and it kind of should be. Well, because I was, part of me was like, oh cool, like he didn't execute this villain. Yeah. You know, what an interesting twist. That's a different.

Yeah, it's only to have a more sadistic ending to this film. Well, actually, and then Vanessa L. Williams and Arnold show up and shake from handshake. I mean, it is kind of crazy that the only person kissing in this movie is James Conn against a dead woman. Yeah, thank you very much. Well, that's what I was hoping. That did not get, that did not test poorly. That tested actually very well. The audience wanted to watch 15 minutes of it.

It was like, ah, the interracial kiss, yeah, they almost burned the theater down. Necrophilia, they were fine with it. It was fine. So we get, we get like coming out of the court. room kind of a thing. James Conn hilariously walking with the James Kane. And I guess both he and this Undersecretary of Defense have been indicted for treason, not half bad. And they're like, oh, well, you know, you win some, you lose some. They get into, uh, they, as they're getting into a limousine, Arnold and Vanessa Williams

get into a car and it explodes. James Khan has the line, too bad. She's never going to get to testify. Oh, right. Van blows up. But then we look, Arnold, I guess with help from the Ninja Turtles. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Because you just see, like, this manhole closing back up. So they have erased... He had to erase their identities. Right, exactly. Oh, man, what happens when the eraser erases himself, dude?

That was the real question. And he did he do for Splinter back in the day. They replaced Splinter. That was his first job. He carried a rat corpse. Well, the fucking Yakuza was after Splinter. That's for sure. That's actually totally true.

All that Coke that he stole? That is canonical. So then we see, like, they're in the limo and the under secretaries. It's kind of weird because James Con, like he's a sadistic character, but it kind of goes into overdrive here because he's in the limo, and he's like, I don't give a fuck, I'm going to

kill that person, I'm going to kill their whole fucking family, it doesn't matter. It's him, it's him, the undersecretary and like the corporate guy, stooge, yeah, Moore Hart, and like and that he's specific, like, but there James Conn's like, yeah, no, now that fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger

that one guy's that, I can do whatever I like. Well, yeah, they're like, oh, going to get back right back to business. We're being indicted. That's what's amazing. He's like, so tomorrow another $52 million weapons deal? No. And then like, he's like, but, by the way, whoever decided to kill Vanessa Williams and

all in Schwarzenegger, you're a genius. Wait, you didn't? And I didn't. Huh? And then, like, the car stops. It is our good friend, Robert Pastorelli, now playing a limo driver. Uh-huh. Let me ask Rocky and Bowenkel if they did it.

And, like, the doors to this limo lock, Pastor. Starelli, like, closes up the partition. Did you notice a sweet harmonica sound when he gets out of there because it's a little jazzy? Yep, just a tad. You had that. There's a couple of instances, and I'm surprised there wasn't more on the score

of just some real action movie guitar going on. Yeah, Kachuk Junks. Yeah. So I called him Kajunk Junk. Yeah. So Arnold. We've got kajunk, Kajunk. The phone in the limo rings, I think, is the idea.

And isn't this where Arnold says you're erased? Yes, you've been erased. You've been a race and they're like, wait, what? And Pastorelli parked the limo on the train tracks. And a train comes and they all explode into smithereens. And this is fucking Schwarzenegger.

Problem, he just got, Pastorelli is now his robin. Right, yes. But James Conn also gets to see Arnold briefly outside. He's like, I just came to watch. Like, why is he even there? Just to watch, dude. To watch this fucking masterpiece

conclude. But the problem is the last, line should be you've been erased and then credits or they were erased he's like but this is great though we got another line coming out because it's weird because Vanessa Williams is sitting in the car it can't be any more than a hundred feet away and she's like what happened and he goes they caught the train credits oh it was kind of awesome it would be great if he was like well that was some kill you we just did right Vanessa Williams and she goes that's we always Save the best for last. I plotted the killing of a high-ranking government employee.

Keep your hands above the dash. If people think we're holding hands underneath the dashboard, they might not rent this movie. It's 1996. Look, man. It's fucked up. This movie played terribly in Alabama. Oh, man.

And this movie's over with. And it's awesome. And would anybody recommend it? Sounds like you would. I fucking totally would, man. I would, too. Two tits up. It's a lot of fun.

I remember seeing it in the theater in the 90s and being kind of like, because I feel like I was hitting Arnold fatigue because that's all I watched all the time. Right, yeah. And by 96, I mean, this almost felt like a spoof movie of his. But I watched it again the other year and I watched it for this and I loved it both times. So definitely it's reinvented itself in my hangover movie. Oh, without question. Absolutely.

Just the perfect length? Just the amount of stupidity. It's a little long. I will say it's a little long. I do think that there's, like, if this was, if this really were, like, if it ends in the crocodile house, it's in the top five Arnold movies. It's like maybe top five, top six. But like the changing, I like the changing settings, like that, that they chunk it together

like that, like big sequences like that. That's a great hangover because that gives you a lot of times to cut for more fucking advertisements. Absolutely. So I get a fucking nice four hour. thing going with this two hour thing with here. I totally dude. TBS would have a fucking field day with this movie without question.

This is post-wedding shit. Listen Jesse, I just the receptionist can I least go to the cocktail hour? Hey, you know what? I got a cocktail, buddy. It's called fucking ammonia and bleach. Drink that shit somewhere in a Dakota

my brother. We used to be friends Jesse. Yeah, well you know what? My family had to sleep in the snow on Christmas because I lost a job to you. You selfish, Swedish. Guess what? Guess what? You send me up all the leftovers from the catering.

You got yourself a deal. That's a racer from 1996, directed by Charles Chuck Russell. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHMpodcast.com. Find us over on the HeadGov Network or, of course, over on patreon.com slash we hate movies for all sorts of extra bonus shows like our show The Nexus, which is Star Trek chat, animation, damnation, which is shitty cartoon chat, commentaries, all sorts of stuff. We just dropped our episode on America's

Sweethearts, which is excellent. People are giving rave reviews to that. And we're just about to drop the Twilight Mentary, which was done as a power hour for one hour. Right. That's right. Which is when we drank our faces off. So apologies all around.

We don't know if it's even listenable yet. But the good thing is, we're not dead. Yes, we should watch. That was really, really what the positive we've taken away from all this. So check that all out. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Find us on Twitter at WHM Podcast.

And of course, on Facebook. Facebook.com slash we hate movies. Now, Steve Zadak, as far as I understand it, the summer blockbuster extravaganza rolls on next week. Yeah, it's a quieter movie. It's just about a regular adult pitcher. Oh, wait, no, wait. It's not an adult pitcher.

It's a child who's pitching baseball. Wait, what? It's Rookie of the Year. We'll have to figure out that mess next week. So until next week, when it's Rookie of the Year, here. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zadak. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy.