We Hate Movies - S8 Ep369: Episode 369 - Rookie of the Year

Episode Date: July 24, 2018

On this week's episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza picks on the beloved (?) family (?) classic (?), Rookie of the Year! What's with these annoying little buddies tagging along to their friend's baseball game? Why does Henry Rowengartner talk trash like a 1940's newsboy? And could Bruce Altman's shirts get any louder? PLUS: Gary Busey signs on to Abel Ferrara's live-action Pokémon movie, Dafoekémon! Rookie of the Year stars Thomas Ian Nicholas, Gary Busey, Albert Hall, Amy Morton, Dan Hedaya, Bruce Altman, Eddie Bracken, and Daniel Stern; directed by Daniel Stern. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now on today's program, the summer blockbuster extravaganza. Well, we're getting into a family film here, and it's one that gave me a little bit of PTSD. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the fine program we have for you today.

I mentioned at the top, we're talking about Rookie of the Year from the grand year of 1993, or 93, yeah, three? 93. Directed by a famed actor and wet bandit Daniel Stern. Yeah. I mentioned to that this gave me PTSD because I'll tell you right now. The war, right? When you were down there in the Gulf a little bit? No, it did not serve in the Gulf War, but you know what I did serve in?

Walking down the school hallways, hearing people screaming things like Rosenbagger and did he say funky butt-loving? And all the fucking horrendous bullshit lines of dialogue that, like, caught on at the time of the film's home video release. This movie's-chers got a big, but that's... Oh, absolutely. Cut the funky cheese. Totally. The one, though, that I didn't get was, what's he saying through this movie? He's like, fuck him in the kitchen or whatever.

What? He's like, put it in the kitchen or some shit? I don't know. Put it in the kitchen, I think, is one of them. We're going to fuck in the kitchen. The high Luxemburger or whatever. fuck. I have a bit of PTSD with this movie. I'll get this out of the way now. A couple years ago. You were beat up in the parking lot of a repertory screen. Now you can't go see fireworks because it reminds you of that brutal beating you got. No, we, I bought this movie. We would buy like crappy DVDs from this $5 DVD store. I was like, oh, Rucky You There, that'll be fun. We watch it. We're about two to four sheets to the wind. To the end of the night. I'm like, what special features is this DVD have?

And I click it on. Daniel Stern's sex taste. No, but it was... Wait, I've got to go buy this. It was all these different versions of the same trailers, like three, three actual trailers, five TV spots. And we watched them all, baby. You got to.

In the hopes that they would be slightly different? Yes, and they all were slightly different. But the thing that they all had in common, it was always like, you know, Henry Rosenberger, or Rowan Gardner, and it would always be like, and then it would be the... scene where he goes, I'm the new pitcher. And then we go, goodness gracious, great balls of fire. What the fuck does Jerry Lee Lewis have to do with this? Because then we're having a lot of fun

showing a lot of fun shots of people get hit in the nuts. But every single one, so every time it's like, I'm the new pitcher. I'm the new pitcher. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. Dude, Steve, are you a ghost right now? Because I would have committed suicide on that night. On that very night. I think if there was eight trailers all told. I think if there was nine, I would have done it. I think I really would have done it. You really need nine trailers to get the word out about this movie. Well, I think the Jerry Lee Lewis connection is because he liked to date that same age group as the kid in this movie. That makes perfect sense.

Oh, you think you would have gone after Henry Rowan Gardner? Or his little lady friend? His lady friend for sure. Well, especially if they were cousins. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you got to be related. That's the hook. That's hotter.

You know, it's all about taboo exploration. Totally. So maybe Jerry Lee Lewis was related to Becky. Yeah. Yes. And by the way, Daniel Stern, the only wet bandit to direct a major motion picture.

Joe Pesci never dipped his toe? Never did, never did. No, I got behind the camera. Actually, he did. We had to burn it. Nobody told him you couldn't actually kill women on film and release at the end of the movie.

Wait, what? That's from my new fan novel, Joe Pesci writes a snuff film. Okay, all right, that's fine. So this movie, Steve, since you watch nine trailers for it, If you could just distill for the people who were not a kid in the 90s and were subjected to this movie nonstop for a period of like two or three years?

Well, it's about the Chicago Cubs. They get a new pitcher. And goodness gracious, great balls of fire is it a lot of fun. Which doesn't appear in the film, right? No, it does not. So it's this kid named Henry Roan Gardner, who's a little kid. Played by Thomas Ian Nicholas. Who is famous for the pie movies.

He comes in a cup in American Pie, but also a tale my wife was telling me. Okay. He, I guess, there was some, like, brief scandal with a production company he has where they were, like, trying to get a movie made based off of some book. Okay. And I guess like, coming in a cup. He came in all the cups at the meeting. No, it was method, man.

He's like, Daniel Day Lewis. Get it, American Pie! You know, good for him. Because, you know, Jason Biggs turned out to be the quote-unquote bigger star, but he's pie fucker forever. If Thomas E and Nichols was the big star of that movie, they're like, hey, cup comer. You know what I mean? Like, that's that's a good thing. Instead he gets who?

So your story? No, so I'm just saying, so they wanted to, I forget what the exact detail was. It's something about like they wanted to drum up interest in the book to, like, raise the price of the adaptation. Oh, it looks like that kind of illegal. So they had their production company buy a fuck ton of copies of the book to, like, get it on the New York Times bestseller list. You should be arrested for that, right? That's like insider trading kind of sort of. I don't know what the actual deal is, but yeah, I totally, I like vaguely recall this happening like two or three years ago.

But they probably said they printed that many books and then they bought, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, save money right there. Sounds very illegal. Yeah. What do you expect from a guy that comes in a fucking, well? I think Joe Pescher should direct a movie about this. Any and all child star controversies are dwarfed by the lady from Smallville.

Like she is the queen. Oh, absolutely. I can't wait for Joe Pesci to direct that movie. The second you said, oh, he got in a little bit of trouble. Like, was he part of a sex cult? Did he brand women? He's fine. You know what I mean?

Like, no matter what? I think she'll recover from that. Dude, when they inevitably do like the entertainment weekly like Smallville cast reunion photo shoot. She's probably not getting a phone call. Nah. All right, so Thomasian Nicholas. He's a little kid that loves baseball.

He wants to be on Little League, but he's not quite good. He breaks his arm and in doing so, he actually unlocks some superpower that makes him like a weird... He's an ex-man. He turns into an ex-man for a while, and he becomes the new pitcher of the Chicago Cubs. There it is. And Gary Busey's in this movie. And just...

And thus finds his father. I guess is what, yeah, I don't know. You know what this movie starts off with that I cannot stand is marching band music. Oh, right. A lot of this score is like marching band heavy. Oh, no, thank you. I got to say it's a competently directed film. Yeah, I would say so, too.

I do, I kind of like this movie. Probably because I grew up with it. But Daniel Stern's also a treat. Is he a treat or is he a snack? He's a snack and a treat. And this, yeah, he's especially He's a sugar-free treat. But it's also, I feel like

I like this movie the way I like Bushwax still. Bushwax's probably not that amazing. It's probably not that good. What? You are missing out. You've never seen Bushwax starring Daniel Stern and a bunch of kids? I did see the other Daniel Stern classic, which is

Hamelon. No, the basketball one. What? Oh, Celtic Pride. Celtic Pride. Or Celtic Pride, I think. I guess, yes, technically. Celtic pride. Definitely is stay tuned. That movie's fucking insane. And we'll probably end up doing Bushwack 2, I think, eventually. Yes, definitely.

One of these days. Oh, Bushwacked also. I was like, there's a Bushwack 2. If there was, I'm running. I'm running out of here. We have to stop recording this so I can go watch Bushwack 2. We can, you know, get a kickstart started going for Bushwack 2, right? What the hell? Definitely, if they could do fucking Super Troopers, too.

My Lord. My Lord in heaven. Man, you know what? They didn't deserve to make that movie. Oh, of course not. I don't care how many basement dwellers gave you money on Kickstarter, including these in this room. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, we're not throwing stones here. We've all seen Super Troopers 145 times.

But if you've seen Super Troopers 145 times, you've seen Super Troopers 245 times. It's all the same jokes. Very true, very true. Repeating jokes, man, just like if you made Rookie of the Year, too, and you this guy's saying, Rosenbagger again. That guy rule. So, uh, it's, great balls of fire.

A goodness gracious. John Candy, how about this? John Candy's in this movie. Kind of an unsung performance when everyone speaks about, like, the John Candy legacy. Uh-huh. This is left out. I think he's totally great at this movie. He's the best part by far.

He's having a lot of fun in this movie. He's very happy to be doing this. Yeah. It's a belieger. It's very John Candy-esque. Like, he's just sarcastic enough, but then you're like, wait, what did he say? And you get it the second time kind of a thing. And it's kind of awesome because this, just this basically no-name announcer.

He does have a name. Yeah. but he's not like ever seen outside of the broadcast booth so he's not much of a character but what you can glean from this guy what from being like a beleaguered tortured Chicago Cubs fan for so many years it fits that candy mold of like a guy getting fucked by society sure and really just trying to and just trying to put a smile on whatever he's doing even though he's getting shit on they got him paired with this little guy and it really is like little laurel and hearty sketches each one kind of is I thought this was the guy who played um Steve on Full House. It's not him. Doesn't it kind of look like that guy, though? Don't worry.

That guy's doing just fine. Is that right? He does the voice of Aladdin, or he has done the voice of Aladdin. Are you friends with him on Facebook, too? I am not. He does the voice of Aladdin. Is there an Aladdin television show?

There was an Aladdin television show. There was also two or three sequels. So he's done, oh, so he's doing all Aladdin is him. I think he's doing all the, like, I think every time there's a kingdom hearts, he's coming out and be like, he gets to sit behind the thing and be like, Whoa, Jeannie, let's move.

That's crazy. Hey, Jeannie, let's move. Come on, Jeannie. Yeah, then you just got somebody doing a fucking horrendous Robin Williams impersonation. Oh, and I think he's part of that Fuller House as well.

Oh, is he fucking farting in that too? Scott Weinger is that guy's name. Wow. Yeah, so I guess he is doing just fine that all that fucking sweet Aladdin money. Do not worry about that guy, whatever his name was. Yes, Steve Hale has returned for Fuller House. God bless him.

Wow. So, do not. Do not worry about Fuller House. Also, Steve is totally correct because as of 2015, the most recent Aladdin credit, Disney Infinity 3.0 video games. Sure, sounds about right. Yep, just fucking back that truck full of money up, buddy. Is it just illegal to use the old clips? Is that how that works?

That guy's got to come into the studio to do it? I don't know what the rules are around that, but that's an interesting question. That's where having good lawyers comes in. You want like 10% original content. As Aladdin, you get 10%. Oh man, Danaday in this movie. So we start, Henry Rohn Gartner is trying to, he's about to go play a little league game. And anyone in the, I mean, we're all a bunch of fat kids.

Anyone here play a little league? I did. Okay. I did until the coach asked me not to anymore. No way. True story. Can I tell you why? It actually devastated me.

Did he take you aside or? No, he did it via phone call. No way, dude. This baseball coach broke up with you over the phone. Yes, yes, he did. And then he said, you look like Shrek and hung up. Do you think coaches now are just texting kids? Hey, Fat, so don't show up tomorrow.

Yeah, probably. It's just a string of emojis. Oh, that's really weird. What's your breakup story? Oh, so I was actually like a mild to okay third baseman. Okay. And one day we're doing a batting drill. and this grown man who was the baseball coach

was like lobbing the balls for the hitters and I was just we were rotating like who would pick up the balls and put them back in the bucket and so this kid hit like a super line drive and I'm there like picking up these balls this adult man wearing a baseball glove ducked out of the way of a fucking fourth graders line drive and it hit me right in the fucking square of my forehead

and I got totally knocked unconscious and then ever you know since then I haven't tried it in a while, but like in the immediate aftermath of this, anytime a ball was hit or thrown at me, I fucking ducked out of the way. Oh, sure. And I couldn't play anymore. Wow. You could have made the big league.

I could have been, yeah, I was a little big league. That's a different kid baseball movie. I could have been rookie of the year. Once I went up to bat once and I got the baseball hit me right in the nuts. Did you have a cup on? No. And I fell down. It was, it was, it was very, basically, I basically passed.

out basically. Why weren't you wearing a cup? I don't know. Oh man. This fucking mom and pop rinky dink little league. Only black guy I've ever gotten was from a baseball. Black eye? Yeah. Oh, wow. Really? Right in the face? Well, wait. So Steve Sadegh, did you play Little League? No, I did not. Oh, no. I don't know where I was going with this. Oh, no. But did when you were playing Little League or your friends are playing Little League, would you go to their games? Absolutely not. That I find incredibly weird. Dude, these loser buddies. in this movie. It kills me every time I watch it. Find something better to do.

Find something better to do. I had friends that I would hang out with all the time, all the live long day. We'd spend all the summer days together, but they'd go play Little League. I'm like, all right, see you, Miller, man. I'm going to play video games. Yeah, I'm going to go play baseball on my Sega Genesis. Well, that's the thing. This is clearly an alternate universe where there are no video games.

Oh, yeah, that's very true. Yeah, well, there's clearly snack food still. Well, I was wondering what was going on? Speaking of the alternate universe saying, what was that? I said there's clearly still snack food. in this universe. He's digging and digging the fat kid.

I know what he's doing. I know what he's doing over there. So, I mean, he's a chubby boy. Well, I was saying... The other one's fat,

dude. They're both little fat. Everyone's fat. It's America. I was thinking this is an alternate reality or like a different time period. Yeah.

Because how Henry Rowan Gardner talks is like he's like a, he's like a boy from the 1940s or something. It's weird. He should have a news boy cap. And also, possibly be like a cartoon cat because he's just like the animation that this kid like expresses

himself with is a very chester cheater he he acts like he was saved by dick tracy for like a lot of this like the way he talks about baseball like nobody talks about it like is he definitely not the high big cheddar yeah luxembourg i was watching i was watching this and i haven't seen it like 20 years plus and i was this like wait a second is this going to be a, is this going to turn out to be like a George Burns body swap because there's no way this kid talks like that. If Henry Rowan Gardner swapped bodies with his like ex-Cubs pitcher grandfathers. Oh, wow.

Now I got one more chance at the big time. Like, absolutely. Give me the big cheese, the big stinky Luxembourg cheese. All right, Henry, you can have the body back. You got VD. What do you mean? I can't smoke on the pitchers now. what are you talking about

quick question about this kid Thomas Ian Nichols A, I think he's a better actor than Nicholas Thomas Ian Nichols What are I'm saying? Well, you just said it again He's not Mike Nichols

Oh, Nicholas Thomas Ian Nicholess Continue Wait, is Mike Nichols-esque? He is Mike Nichols-esque, yes His comedic timing Him and his mother of Nichols and May's thing going on it

Right No, I think he's a better actor than McCulley Culkin because McCulley Culkin always, at least in his kid roles, I mean, not that I'm watching him now, it was always like he learned his lines phonetically. Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I get that.

I can totally see that. This kid's got... McCauley Colgan didn't know what any word meant. He was just sounding it out. But McCulley Colgan never had to say, pictures got a big butt. That's true. But how about this?

Both of these child actors turned out to torment Daniel's turn in one way or another. Yeah, that's very true. But my question is, is he leaning into the squeaky voice or did they just, should have, they have just waited for this kid's ballster drop? They should have, here's the thing, and this is a great observation. See, they should have filmed this movie, started filming it either six months before they did, or about a year and a half after they did. One or the other, because this kid is in Squeak Town, he's got no control over this whatsoever. I think it's his only instrument, really. That's what I was curious about.

Like, I really do, like, that Pepsi scene. Oh, yeah, man. Like, the only, like, what would theoretically be funny about that is the fact that he has squeaky voice doing it. Right, exactly, because he was actually going to go through puberty, his balls were going to drop, but then they prevented it with, like, a cage or something to keep him up there, like a little. It's like a fair day cage. It's a nut sack sack, sack, and they prevented it in order to keep the squeak throughout the entire thing. A fair day cage for sexual maturity. It was a barbaric time.

Sounds like it. It's like, you know what? Your nuts aren't coming out. And you're talking like an old man. Honestly, it does sound like something Bill Clinton would have. Oh, man. Here's a great line kind of around this part where it's him and the two pudgy buddies. They're running down the street to go to his baseball game.

And they've got like a baby carriage, like, filled with the shit. Because the side thing in this movie is they're three friends who are just, building a boat. So we'll figure that out in a minute. It looks very good sun-esque. It's like they're painting a boat. Yeah, they found like some old man dead in a rowboat and they threw him in the lake

and they were like, we will just fix this up and it'll be ours. Yeah, they're taking apart the engine in certain scenes and I'm like, where are you learning this shit, man? It's not like the internet was really there quite yet for them. Not at all. It was 1992 when they're filming this movie. They had the anarchist cookbook.

The Turner Diaries. But no, so, like, they're running past... Gee, Henry, you should read this. They're running past the mother. And she goes, what's in the baby carriage, to which one of the buddies goes, a baby, to which, like, this third party, this random dude on the street just goes,

a baby? Fucking total legitimate laugh right there. And, you know, they're just having fun. When he, we see Henry, he's not good at baseball at all. he misses. He's embarrassingly bad at baseball. This is exactly why I never played Little League. I never wanted to be this kid. Well, this is why I got cut. All you had to do

was not talk like you were fucking, you had a leather mitt and you were old days doing it. Yeah. Because here comes to cheddar. Here comes to rash. Here it comes. I really don't. He got like some book as a birthday present that was like the first three and a half years of baseball. And he read it cover to cover because he loves

Baseball. And look out for his bitch. This might throw the sassafras off your head. His mom's the next bitch, it might crash the stock market. And then he got a book, How to Talk Like an Asshole. His mom had... Oh, I think we got that book. His mom took up his size.

All right, these following terms are racist. You have to cut these right. The rest of them are fine. But these you cannot say anymore. What's a... Don't worry about it. But my, all I did was call him a great big... No.

No, no. That book is being burned. It threw out the rest of the rest of it. of your grandfather's baseball stuff how about julep too close now and I'm taking away the Turner Diaries young man young man there's a weird

thing around here with these buddies too that I just remembered because it fucking creeped me out so hard the mom like says something like snappy to which one of the one of the buddies replies your mom is so cool yeah we never say that like one of your friends' moms was

cool if I found her attractive yes yeah yeah That was the translation. It means that you've rubbed your penis against the refrigerator to... Here we go. Here we go. A little too autobiographical. But Steve, did you actually tell one of your friend's mothers,

hey, Mrs. Whatever. You're a cool lady. No, no, no, no, no. But, like, I would be like, oh, your mom's so cool. We'd be like, shut up. Because we both knew what that meant. We used to tell a dude straight up. Yeah.

Hot, man, cool. We used to mess with this one dude in high school. We straight up told him his mom was sexually attractive. Uh-huh. Oh, he didn't appreciate it. Why would he? No, he didn't any of the years that we were doing that joke. Um, so he's very bad at baseball. We cut to the next day at school. It's September, apparently. I guess. No, no, it's like the end of the year. This is what confused this? You play Little League in the spring. Oh, right, right, right, okay.

But the timeline makes absolutely no sense. No, the timeline makes, well, we don't know what year it takes place in. That's fair. But, uh, 1897. He breaks. I guess he breaks. I guess he breaks. his arm. Do we get to that yet? What we're doing right now? Yeah. It's not in September though. It's in it's in the summer or spring. The doctor says it'll be healed around August. Got it. Which is then when he goes. Which makes sense for

like right when he's supposed to join the Cubs like at the ass end of this season. Right. That's why we're not going Another horrifying detail about this little league game. I'm sorry but I have to touch on it because again it goes back to these buddies which I find to be totally problematic characters. Sure. Now never

I never would go to somebody else's little league game. But it's not just attending. His mom doesn't go to this little league game. It's not just attending, dude. They're working at this thing. Because these two sidekicks are like up on the fucking scoreboard like changing the numbers. Can you imagine?

You're doing the scoreboard for your friend's baseball game he's playing? It rhymes with Super Nintendo. That's what you're doing. And I would like to think they don't show it. It's out of sight. But there's an actual digital scoreboard. And they're just doing this because they have nothing fucking better to do. Maybe Henry

demands it because he wants to be old-timey. Well, right. But this is really like, so from here we go to the cafeteria. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this like, with Stillman dialogue between them, but like

do a body, yeah, the milk sure did her body good. This is a problem that I think I mentioned this on earlier episode. Just look at her sipping that milk. Oh, God, I love disco. The weird male gaze for little girls in movies creeps me the fuck out. Oh, absolutely. And I know it's like through the character's point of view in air quotes.

Like it's, but the kid, one of the kids calls this girl Stacked. Stacked with watching fucking 12. Leave it alone, movie. It's kind of insane. And this girl, Becky, is this actress Colom something or other. She was the goalie in Mighty Ducks 2 and 3. She was the goalie in Mighty Ducks 2 and 3. She dethroned Goldberg and Mighty Ducks 2.

She played Stacked in Rookie of the Year. Oh, David, I can't believe you called me Stagg. You know, when you're cast with an adjective. But, like, yeah, it's disgusting. Because it's like, oh, look at her, drink that milk. Milk's done that body good. What the fuck is going on here? And it's just, and again, like, and the other thing, too, is that there's the, one of the

Pudgy kids as a friend who was, like, kind of coated as ugly. girl, which is also like, so there's a big, fucking, that cigar-chopping monster that's like, that girl's hot and that girl's ugly. They're fucking 12. Those words don't apply. This is why I said what still am is because they all vaguely have relationships.

But, like, they're never defined. Like, the other, the short chubby one, Clark, is that, that's the one? And he has this, like, random George and Clark. George Clark and Henry. Those are old time names, man. And Clark has, like,

this random girl, Edith? Like his girlfriend? Edith? Edith, is there a Mabel? Of Eleanor? That's weird. Because the other two girls are Becky and Tiffany. I should say that this is a remake of a movie that came out in the 40s.

Something called The Rouges, something or other. It was some of it. But just, I'm stopping that tweet. The Rogue of the League. But so he's being made fun of. They're like, hey, Henry, catch, you big jerk. And like, Steve,

I'm sorry, but I actually went to IMDB to look at that. There is no connection made to whatever movie you're talking about.

Well, Wikipedia told me it's a remake. Weird, because all it has here is references to the Wizard of Oz. Ruggie's butt.

What the fuck did you just say to me? Rugee's bump. I think it's like a, I think it's a Dodgers affiliated. Rub my bump.

I'm Rugee. Rupy's bump. Rugi's bump is a 1954 American comedy film directed by Harold Youngboy. We don't need to get into that. Oh, yeah, this plot line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's similar. A young boy who loves baseball develops a stranger bump on his arm.

The bump has such an effort on his pitching arm that he soon finds himself playing. Oh, man, I would like a league baseball team. It was then also remade as the dark backward. I would like it for like David, if, in Rookie of the Year, David Kronenberg-esque, like

Oh, yes. Where his arm, like, healed up. There needs to be body war because we get to, well, this is actually disturbing when they actually, he goes to the doctor. Are we done talking about stacked? Can, yes, we are. Not about stack, but can, okay, so he trips, breaks his arm. These girls in the cafeteria, I'm Robert Stack. That was so stupid.

So he breaks his arm. Yeah. And he slips on a baseball. He's not a baseball. There's a great, it was definitely Ralph Machio stuntman. You can't tell me otherwise. There's like 30-year-old man. It's like, oh, I'm a little boy.

It goes down. Sorry, he breaks his arm. He breaks his arm. Goes to the doctor's like, you're going to be out all summer. Uh-huh. Montage of mostly school work. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what?

Summer school. I'm going to fix the plot because I've been to summer school, obviously. You've heard me on this show. I went there once. As in my, but I'm pretty sure it's like a full classroom during the day.

I mean, it's not like... I was in full classrooms. Wasn't it? Aren't they like limited size? They're smaller, but I've been to summer school. At least me as a country mouse.

What we would do is everyone had to bust to a school that was perpendicular to all the other schools. So I went to a different school. Got it. And I had to be in a classroom full of tons of kids

from like surrounding five, high schools. That was me in high school as well. Yeah, I would have to go to a different high school for summer school. But for grade school, I would go back to my grade school. Our summer school was in our school. It was in our school and it was great because then it just meant there was like seven people to a class. It was like the movie

Summer School. I was say it was Mark Harmon there. I wish. No, nobody that cool. My summer would have been directed by Carl No dog, no nothing. So speaking of the body horror angle is he heals in such a way that the tendons are like into the bone?

Tendons like fused to a bone. Yeah, that's some dead ringer's shit. And the doctor is just like, meh, not like, oh my God. Yeah, this is like, he says funky buttloving. Well, because he breaks his nose by accident. Right. Yeah, the arm retracts and punches him in the face. And the doctor yells funky butt loving, apparently.

Yeah. Because I really only heard it when the other kid, I don't know, Clark. No, I'm going to call this one. He says funky buttloving. Clark or Jerome or someone. He mutters. George. George says it.

George says, did he just say funky bubos. Yes. And it's crazy because it's just such a throwaway thing. Yeah. But that line became a sensation. I think it's in one of those nine trailers. It absolutely was. Let me ask you guys a question.

Around the horn. Sure. Because he's got this arm now. It goes fucking fast. You know, crazy. I can't control it. Did he rip his dick off at any point? Yeah.

He at least would, right? Oh, if he had to play. he's 11 and some odd yeah you never know so maybe he some people come to that late maybe he ripped it off and that's why he doesn't uh oh he doesn't develop properly right he's he's a what do they call that wouldn't uh unik yes yes he's like uh lord veris but he might still be rubbing it against things what is it you with the rubbing against them how many kitchen doors have you taken down that was not a phase that i had another thing in this montage of him like doing schoolwork while his arm heels or whatever is him

watching his mom make out with Bruce Altman good Lord this character's a scumbag Well the weird thing so like his mom She's a single mother We allowed that in the 90s We were discovering that in the 90s Disney allowed it or in this case Fox allowed it So long as by the end she was paired up with something

Well and they also they were very gracious They allowed these shirts That Bruce Altman Oh boy They're very colorful. It's like a Stephen Seda going to a We A movie show. Nailed him.

In a good way. Yeah, sure. It's fun. It's kind of also like he was a character and weekend at Bernies. Yeah, yeah. Because he's like a sleazy rich guy.

But like, you know, he comes in the first thing. Yeah, he's got a sleazy little sports car. He comes in and the mom is making the world's worst spaghetti. She's like, all right, I'll be home by nine or whatever. It looks disgusting this fucking food. This guy is kissing her neck in front of that kid.

Uh-huh. Big time. You've got to lay down the territory. I guess so. So his arm does heal. Now he has a super arm, which is, again, like, I want to see the mechanic. Pull that sleeve up. What does this thing look like?

Here's my question. Does you have a quado in there? Definitely. It's like, oh yeah, you can pitch really fast, but he's got a little baby head on there. Like, you know how James Wood's arm is at the end of video drum? But imagine the hand's fine. Henry, Henry, you have to win the World Series for the Cubs. there'll be no air

start to reactor Henry Is funky is funky but loving supposed to translate to fucking ass fucking Yeah something Or it's fucking whatever

Yeah Funky but loving I mean it sounds fun It does It sounds like a great time I mean this is kind of a quote unquote crass kids It's on the crasser side of kids

Well there's definitely a We're doing a hard cut before the mom says motherfucker. Oh, yeah, totally. So we're introduced at this point. The mother's like, hey, by the way, oh, so the kid gets the cast off. And she's like, here's your gift for getting your cast off

and punching that doctor in the face, tickets to the Cubs game. And this is where we're introduced to Chet Stedman, aka the Rocket, played by the legendary Gary Busey. Who's quite tame in this film? I appreciate it. It's a regular Gary Bucy performance.

I've never seen such a thing. Not since Buddy Holly story. It's really kind of weird because I'm expecting him to freak out at any second. He doesn't do it. I mean, he's just kind of sad. He's like, I'm an old baseball player. I ain't the rocket no more. No, and that's the thing, dude.

He's seen a Kevin Costner movie or two. He knows how to do this. This is him doing Nulte, I feel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much so that for a number of years, I misremembered Gary Busey. this movie as Nick Nolte. He's wearing a fake mustache, by the way. Is that fake? It's fake. It's a fake. It is. It's stolen stash. And I got, you know, if we're all having fun here, I think he looks a little bit like Eric

Cisco with that mustache. I wish. When I saw this as a kid, because my parents are from Chicago so that we grew up as Cubs people and I'm seeing this visage, visage. I was like, oh boy. So did you see this in theaters like five times? I saw this a shit ton. I don't think I saw in theaters. I don't think I did either. We had it on tape. I think I did. I think I saw it in theaters. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Was that before or after you rubbed your dick on the refrigerator?

That would have been after. Or maybe right around fake time. Filledy little piss pig you are, Chris Kevin. Oh no. Oh, we all were. You do. By the way, I never fucked a refrigerator. You do when you downloaded We Hate Movies episode on Rookie of the Year.

It was going to get gross, and it was going to get gross fast. Dude, word on the street is when we talk about family films in particular is where it gets a really disgusting. See our Care Bears 2 episode. Yeah, so if you are underage, please. Continue to listen. Stop the podcast. We already got their download. We don't need a lawsuit.

And rub your dick against the refrigerator. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, with parental approval. Yes. Ask your parents. So he goes and like, this is, like, the cubs are bad because the cubs were bad. for a long, long time, and obviously the curse and all that stuff. But they're

so bad that, like, it's, they're borrowing a lot from the beginning of Major League here, where, like, there's no one in the stands. Yes. Which I feel is not correct, because Chicago is a city of pride. Those fuckers turned out for those

games, no matter how terrible that it was. But it was also, like, a tourist attraction. You would go too big. Riggily. A few. Classic baseball stadium. Oh, drink all day? Yes, please. That is a tradition. I've never been frankly, actually. Oh, it's nice. Very nice. So they're at this game.

They could update their bathrooms. I'll say that much. No, tradition. Way, way, way up above the stands. Eddie Bracken is playing the owner. Oh, right. Oh, the dude, two tartar dogs from fucking Home Loan 2.

Another Daniel Stern connection. Holy shit. But also great comedic actor from Preston Sturge's movies. The Home Loan 2. Chris Cabin. He hooked his buddies up. He got the gang back together. Vacation, right?

He owns the park? Yes. Yeah, yeah, okay. There's another Home Alone connection here or another. Oh, no, I was thinking of. Daniel Stern, please. Daniel Stern, do you think, because maybe it's a, because John Hurd isn't home alone,

because they're Chud brothers together. Like, do you think who got cast first and who got the other guy on there? I don't know. Here's the thing. I remember Daniel. Stern wrote a very sweet note when John Hurd passed away. Got it. Chud buddies. And he did

mention Chud. Of course. But he mentioned that they never had any scenes together in Home Alone. And I think he does say something like he didn't even know he was in the movie until it came out. Oh, wow. It was just God's will. Fate. The Chud God, dude. That's what I prayed

to. That's the only real world of God. All hail the Chud God, dude. Exactly. Hey. Hey, John. I love that movie so much, but hey, John, your house is all, all alone. I'm going to break into it. He's just sweating. He's so disgusting in that movie. It's awesome. In fucking Chud you're talking about. Can I tell you quick Chud anecdote? Please. So, Chudd, it's one of my all-time thing. A anecdote, maybe?

Oh, a Chuddictode? Chuddictote, is the word. I'm a sucker for that movie because it's on location, disgusting 1980s New York City. Sure. And when I was serving jury duty recently, the courthouse was in Tribeca. An actual chub came out. Dude, the chud was on trial. I couldn't even believe it.

We gave him the death penalty. That was like by some chud location. So we would break for lunch and I would just like walk out to like find a restaurant. He was just doing the chud door, man. I wanted to walk up to Soho to see John Hurd's pad. Wait a second. We need a little extra income over here. We ate movies.

Maybe we should do a chud tour. tour. I would fucking do it in a heartbeat. Find the location where the diner where John Goodman's murdered. But you've got to wear like a sleeveless sweatshirt and like sweat through it. Oh, he's a Daniel Stern preacher character? Yeah, I can sweat. I think Andrew's way ahead of you there.

So you might say I'm getting into the role right now. Somebody hits a home run. He has Roan Gartner's got good seats. So he picks it up and has to throw it back because that's a tradition in Chicago. No, no, no. It's a

baseball thing. Oh, I don't know. If the out of town team hits the home run you fucking throw that shit back. Got it. That's a move. And you spit and cuss as well. Yeah, dude, you fucking, you find a refrigerator, you fuck it, and then you throw that baseball back. I've never heard of this thing. And it

grosses me out to be in the same room. So is it a traditional door or is it one of those doors that has like the ice maker? You make an ice? Well, if you're Henry Rone, I'm not that tall. Ew Now I'm picking a chemelage one Fucking a refrigerator

What He's tall enough Leave the dream out of this All right He was the first person It came to my mind That would be tall enough Sure

That's fair He winds up Fucking refrigerator No he winds up throwing it And everyone's like Whoa this kid Because he throws it all the way To the catcher

Right In super fast motion And Dan Hadea Is in the Share. Sorry. You want to see a real horror show? Come to my garage. Hey, Chas Palmetary. I'm I'm in the usual suspects.

Do you like my bulletin board of red herrings? I played Nixon. Go BC. Are you a marriage counselor? So he is going He's like the number two behind the turtle doves guy, which I know is upsetting, Chris. Behind the turtle dove's guy. He's like the shitty nephew kind of a thing. He's going to run the team next year.

And we're having attendance problem. This kid throws. He's like, get me that arm. Right. Because it's like they need to sell out every single game for the rest of the season or they're going to go under. They're teetering, I guess, on the board. They'll have to like forfeit the franchise. The Tampa Bay Cubs.

Like, what are we talking about? I don't understand. No. It's one of those weird things. The bank repossesses it. It's a weird thing where, like, again, like, Chicago is such a proud city that, like, some Chicagoan millionaire... Bill Murray would buy it. Exactly.

Someone would be like, wait, what's happening? Oh, fuck that two turtle dubs asshole. I'll ball that team. Whatever. They wouldn't move it out of Chicago. No. I mean, also, like, you know, don't have fucking Gary Busey as your star pitcher. Oh, Christ's sakes.

Well, this is 93. I mean, he's kind of playing, like, the Nolan Ryan, like, Twilight of his career. kind of character and he sort of even looks like Nolan Ryan a little bit in this movie. Because he's throwing like, oh my arm. Oh, fuck my arm again. Oh, felt like a chud bit it. Oh my God, my arm fell off of a motorcycle.

My arm was just driving separate from his body. His arm left. Oh, his arm was just taking out for a test track. He's unrelated to what actually happened. Oh, okay. A bizarre, aside from all the timeline problems, a bizarre thread in this movie is Dan Hadea and Bruce Altman or buddies somehow and like the next day

Bruce Altman's like yep that's it Dan Hodea I know who you're looking for and it's the kid of the wife of the lady that I'm with right now yeah I don't get what's going on here so we are supposed to intimate

that Bruce Altman knows Dan Hadea I think he just calls and he's like by the way that guy you throw the baseball yesterday somehow it's intimated because we cut to Henry doing it in the backyard

the trick and Bruce Altman and Amy Morton, his mother, see it for the first time. And like, it's fucking the chief fat guy, George. George is like, boy, you could throw for the cubs. Oh, yeah. And then Bruce Altman gets... Goodness gracious, great balls of fun. And cue that.

And then Bruce Altman just, like, cut to him on the phone with Dan Hadea making the appointment. So you don't know who really did what. That's true. Okay, so that's interesting. They sign him to a contract, question mark, like, I need to know, I need to load a little bit of the details in the contract. Like, you know what I mean? Like, how much is he making? I need to know how much this kid's making.

That's for sure. Well, Bruce Altman is fucking pulling the legal scam of the century. Like, how he got around fucking. Because the mother knows nothing about anything. Oh, right. She, like, every time she's surprised that something happens. Well, she's in the dark on this whole scheme. So somehow, this 12-year-old was bought by Bruce Altman.

Somehow, I don't get it. Like, it makes no sense. The finances, I need to know, because at some point he comes late for practice, he's like, that's got to be $500, Rowan Gartner. And he's like, that's 60-once allowance. But, like, that's fine. But, like, you have to know that they go to, hey, Henry, you know you're making $1.4 million this year?

Right. And he's like, oh, I'm getting paid to do this. Like, he has no idea, right? Bruce Altman's given them the fucking. you know something some kind of asshole what are the child labor laws situation like i don't you know a baseball game could go long here's the thing though that's what i think is sort of particularly interesting about this for a lot of the season at least he's only the closer yeah so he comes in in like the last inning or two that's right that's right dude he's uh he's finishing baseball

games and wrapping up old cases judge's got a big butt judge's got a big butt dude that's how she won all those cases absolutely no but the weird I agree and like I just need to know because he goes to the thing

he goes to the Cubs he has some sort of Mickey Mouse contract and he's getting he goes into the locker room with all these grown men like no no no there's a huge dick there's a dick there's another dick And they even, they, they, they, they tell you he's seeing huge dicks all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, I mean, they don't exactly show it. They show a bunch of adult men in their underwear and it's intimidating. And he's like, he feels inadequate with his own penis. Of course, because there's only one thought of kid is having in that situation is, look at all these dicks that are big of the box. Absolutely. But also, there's bathroom stalls. There's a little dick musical cue.

Did anyone else get it? It's like a piccolo. Yes, yes. He looks at his underwear. And then he has to wait for all these big hunky dicks to put their pants on and go outside. And then eventually he does make his way to the field. One of those hunky dicks, by the way, is Neil Flynn. Chicago's staple.

Exactly. But the thing is, I have to, I'm sorry to harp on it because there's a press conference. Oh, this press conference is a failure. They announce he's going to come to the team. Sure. And it's there that she is, the mother, Amy Morton, is told. that fucking Bruce Altman's his manager. Yeah.

For the first time. She's got to stand up right here and be like, what is going on? We've been dating for three weeks. No, it would be illegal. He's 12 years old. Three weeks is what Bruce Altman says, though. She has to sign something. No, I'm sorry, she's in on all this shit.

You're right. At the beginning of this movie. She does randomly sign shit that he hands her, though, so maybe that happened. This is what, I think honestly, from what Eric just said and what happens at the beginning in this movie, I think we are led to believe that she is. an inadequate parent because we're tall. She's a good mother, damn it? No, that's the thing. She wasn't even at those

games, dude. Listen, shut up. Listen, I am in agreement with Chris Cabin right here because at the beginning of the movie they're going out on a date and he's like, you're going out again. And she's like, it's our three week anniversary. Oh, all right. And Bruce Altman rolls up with like a huge thing of

Jewel's or whatever it is, right? So here's this situation. Your son is now just running around with a guy that you've known for 21 days, less than a month. And this guy is fucking carrying this kid's career. You're not in it for anything. And you find out at a press conference you're going to,

like what the score is? I don't think so. She might have just turned, like, turned an eye again. You know, like, oh, that's fine. Because this guy's obviously well to do. He might know business a little bit better than me. Oh, I see. Yeah.

He tried to bankroll a bunch of Atlantic City casinos and they failed. I think they do. And Amy Morton's really good So like I give it that they're trying to portray her As like a hardworking mother Yeah sure And like But like this is like stupid

This would be what a stupid person Yeah I mean like And especially like wouldn't it be the thing of like Oh my God we're saved like you know what I mean I don't need to work if you're a baseball player Or whatever That's true

Like any that stuff But also like so He needs a handler He needs a like because he's still going to school somehow Like I think the doctor should weigh in on this, too. Like, this is just stupid. Oh, Dr. Funky, but loving

MD? Yes. Or another doctor, perhaps, you know. There should be a guy that's like, hey, Henry. All right, all the adults are going to go into this locker room. You're going to go into this locker room. And here is your tutor, because now you're pretty much like a child actor. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like you wouldn't be still going to school. It makes no

fucking sense. We're not addressing school whatsoever. It makes no, well, no, he goes to school. He's going to school. Is he? Yeah, he goes, at least one day, he comes back, like, everybody's like, hey, Henry, how's the Cobbs Treating you. Oh, yes, that's right. I don't think it lasts too long, though.

Listen, this kid's got to go out of the road, man. So do you think you just went back to, like, shove his dick in everyone's face? Like, look at me. Shove his dick in the fucking cafeteria refrigerator, absolutely. That has the best suction. Oh, really? We meet Daniel Stern, who is kind of his handler, but he's just the pitching coach. You know what I mean?

He's got other pitchers to coach as well. And he's also an incompetent. No, this is like beyond. This is Adam Sandler. in the water boy. Yes, that's what's crazy. Daniel Stern is like do boo do dabbing through this whole movie. And I'm like, what are you doing?

It needs to be a thing where like turtle dove man tells. He's like, oh, he's my nephew. He means well. He's just helping out. Don't pay him no mind. Exactly. Somebody needs to be, there is a child running around this arena with a bunch of grown ass men.

Talking about cheese constantly. Talking about cheese constantly. Getting undressed with these dudes. Someone needs to put a fucking wall between him and the rest of these people. Yeah, it's like the fat child from a league of their own. Yes. But he's playing. Orson or whatever that old fat kid's name was, did not play.

Something darling, civil, fuck, I forget. I don't know. So he has his debut, which makes no sense. And like, they never teach him how to pitch. Before his debut, they're like, oh. He's a natural. Yeah, why bother? This is what's fucked up.

It takes more than just hucking it across. Well, that's the thing. And he comes in when this coach doesn't want him to. Coach is pretty great. I like the coach. Is the move, rather. Yeah, the coach is, I'm trying to find this. Albert Hall playing Martinella.

Is this, the skipper here? He's been in everything. Yeah, he's been in a lot of things. He's in fucking apocalypse now. He's in Malcolm X, major pain, I believe, that makes a brief appearance. All the best. But no, so, like, he gets a call from Dan Hade and Dan Hade is like, yeah. Put the kid in.

And he's like, no, this, this child is not ready at all to pitch in the major leagues. He barely knows how to play baseball. And he's like, no, you better just do it because shares go and shopping again. Well, because everyone shows up to see the kid. It's a gimmick, yeah. But there's never, you know what there needs to be? It's the airbud line, the airbud catch all, which is nowhere in the rule book does it say a kid can play baseball. They don't say that in this movie.

You need to do that. You need to somehow to couch it. But just if a. child. I like how Airbutt is more structurally sound. It is. Airbut is on firmer footing than this rookie of the year. But it's ridiculous because

like when there's a major signing in the MLB, right? Like you get word that there's been a signing and it's like, oh cool, like he's moving to the Yankees or whatever the situation is, right? Then you, there was like a predetermined day when that person is going to start.

So like these people wouldn't just be rushing Wrigley to to just a chance to spy this kid. Like, they would say, like, okay, like, he's coming, he's making the move. It's a little different, I think, with a reliever, though, because the relievers are just on a different schedule. You never know which reliever you're going to put it in what situation, probably. I guess that's true, but I don't even think the Cubs know whether or not

he's going to be a starting pitcher of reliever anyway. He's a baby. He's a child. The guy is just like, no, he hasn't thrown a single pitch. I know this sounds weird, but wouldn't, like, child labor laws like, come in? come into a really great point. I remember when I worked at a in a country club, I had to go to

fucking Atlantic Avenue and get my goddamn working papers. I don't see this kid get his working papers. Oh, shit. He's a Mary Sue. He is exactly a Mary Sue. Yes, he is. Also, you're working at a country club. That's, I want to see that. That's a movie. Now, that's a movie.

You were a boob there, right? Yeah, it was a total boob. The flamingo Steve. The Flamingo Steve. It's him and Matt Dylan in this movie, one magic summer kind of a thing. Nice. No, I was high a lot. Nothing made Steve

working at the bagel store though. Oh, like I fired immediately. I fired in three weeks. Because he fucking, his boss slipped on dough and he laughed at him. I did not, no, I was not rubbing my dick against anything. Okay, so you were putting it in the dough. No, no, I... You were a dough fucker. His boss fell over and he laughed at him and he got fired.

But that's funny. Yeah, sure. People falling over is funny, and that dude should have recognized that there's a lot of other stuff like you could have made it there's a lot of stuff oh yeah I laughed at him when he fell over but yeah there was a lot of other stuff I fucked that fridge um no no no yes you did it's fine so he comes in it's against the Mets because we're kind of uh we're making a movie here because the Mets are going to come in at the end um I love that the Mets are the powerhouse in this situation it's crazy that well this was probably written in 1986.

But it's crazy that Major League Baseball agreed to this shit. Yeah, Major League Baseball all over. Major League Baseball agreed to a lot in the 90s, though, dude, because we had this. Oh, Major Leagues, right. We had, well, yeah, Major League, which is that, that's the Cleveland Indians. You had Little Big League, I believe, was the Minnesota Twins. That's where a child inherits a baseball franchise. I did not see it.

And the big one, which is, I think this movie, the Scout. No, this came out. Angels in the Outfield came after this movie. I would have guessed it came before. Oh, right, of course. Yes, the Los Angeles Angels. Mud, I'm undead! What's the Tom Seleck one? Mr. Baseball. Mr. Baseball.

But that's more Japanese. Oh, because he has to tell Japanese. Yeah, he gets traded to a Japanese league. There's a great moment in that movie where they try to intentionally walk him because he's like a tall, big monster. And he steps over the plate and hits the ball anyway because he's an ignorant American. great. And there was Bernie Max Mr. 3,000. That came

of the 2000s. Oops. Disqualified. So he's not doing very well. He does like a wild pitch. You know, John Candy's not too impressed. Oh, John Candy is none too impressed, man. I don't think John Candy's character is impressed until we get to the division finals. And I think is this when

the Mets, the big Mets pitcher starts hitter starts making fun of him? I think so. Oh, come on, little baby. Yeah, I mean, look, I love the idea of a grown man, taunting a child. It happens a lot in this movie, because way back, just to backtrack for two seconds, when he originally throws the ball to the catcher, like, from Outfield, there's a guy, like, everyone in Wrigley Field is, like, so excited for this great moment

to feature this, like, baseball miracle, except the last guy who threw the ball back that was a home run. He's just like, oh, what's that, you little fucking pussy, you think you're better than me? He's just berating his child. Those union guys. Yeah, I don't know what that's supposed to be. What the fuck was that? These tough guys. So, yeah, I mean, I think he barely makes it through because, like, you know, a couple of, like, he gets the save, but he doesn't really do anything this time.

No, it's, they get the outs, nothing to do with his pitching. So they start to train the kid. And, like, the coach is like, hey, Gary Busey, you're a loser. You know, you don't got it no more. You should train this kid. and he's like, I don't train kids. I don't train regular pitchers, and I certainly don't train kid pitchers.

I didn't train that orangutan that you brought in last week. I'm not going to train. I didn't train the Golden Retriever. I will not even train that chair that you brought in. That sentient car. Christine didn't work out, did she? Christine ain't working out. You keep calling him that, but that's clearly Scott Eastwood.

but I also kind of want like he becomes a little protective of Henry but I want like one Gary Busey freak out like somebody's like hey little kid you bubba and then he goes over I will cut you open and fuck your stomach if you ever talk to that kid again I will rip your fucking throat out and feed it to my dog that I don't even have yet

which means I will take your fucking ripped out throat down to the nearest fucking adoption center I can find adopt a dog fall in love with it take it back to my house and then feed it your fucking throat you little turd that's what i want i want one of those yes yes we just need it because it's gary buzzy come on well because there's no like i'm recovering from alcohol abuse like anything like that like there should be oh wait we're playing cleveland i guess i can't go on that trip i've been betting against the cobs i'm trying to sate the team like we're told at one point that he

has had what we can glean as like Tommy John surgery. Because we're talking about his arm and this, that, and the other thing. I got that Tommy Jarvis. Yeah, I hurt my arm trying to kill Jason Vorhees. He got me

in the arm good with a machete. So that's Tommy Jarvis surgery. Exactly. When you bat all Jason Voorhees and he hurts your arm, you get Tommy Jarvis surgery. That motherfucker Voorhees, he took mustache. So yeah, he's like, it's like, what you call it? Daniel Stern's kind of coaching him, but really Gary Busey is this is when he starts to get good. And he's like, striking all these people out.

And everyone's like, wow, what a great thing. The math here doesn't make sense. We're told the Cubs win two games back to back because of this kid. And John Kennedy's like, wow, that makes our longest streak of the year, too. But then they're in the division at the end of it. This is what doesn't make any sense. And it's also, it's been a month. It's a month.

This would be like September at earliest. I don't get what's going on here. Topps we're talking they've won, what, 15 to 20 games? Maybe there was a contract dispute and it was a truncated year. Oh, really? We're playing like 60 games this year. Yeah, okay. I think they really needed to dial that back though.

Like make whatever month that his cast can come off, not fucking August. Exactly. It should be like June. Or like May. Yeah. June is good. It's like we're three months into this. season. We're shit in the bed.

It's not even the All-Star break. This is September. It's the end of the season. It's insane. And they've only won two games back to back. There's no way they could be what, over 60 wins. I would love to know what the Cubs, like, actual record is at the moment this kid starts in fucking late August or whatever it is.

So then we go on the road. There's a lot of shit here. Again, this kid is just... I hope you like cocaine. Oh, yeah. I'm doing a lot of blowing fucking a lot of prostitute. No, no. You just sniff it out of my mustache, all right? Okay, get in there.

You're my little vacuum clear. Hey, Rick, it's initiation time. You've got to do all these shots. Like, you know what I mean? Like, this happens to child actors all the time. Like, they need people with them. This kid's just on the bus.

And because they were told... Hey, Henry, how many condoms do you think you could swallow? Holy fuck. We're going out with the pussy posse in and I'd strap in. We're playing the Dodgers. That means we're going out with Leo and the pussy posse. Get ready to have some fern. Oh, you got to talk to Toby O'Glaher.

I can't stand that, dude. If you're good, I'll get you some French fries, Downs, plumb, all right? Oh, fuck, man, E from Entourage. That guy sucks a dog's dick. I don't want to talk to him at all. He ain't even in entourage yet. I just can't remember his name.

I'm from the future. He's going to go on and direct the film Godi. He would wind up like Corey Feldman. Corey Feldman was always, like, drinking at all hours. Because no one fucking watched that kid. You need someone on this kid. And that's what I would love. Here's the thing.

You are not Rookie of the Year. Bound in the cold money-grubbing hands of Disney. No, sir. This is a 20th century Fox film. Certainly. I can see the dark side of Rookie of the Year happening totally. And it's like this, exactly like we've been talking about. He's doing Coke with Gary Busey.

We've got to go out to the bar and get some shots. Totally unsupervised. You get the supervisor to be Bruce Altman, and it doubles down on how shitty he. Yes. That's the move. He wants Coke and hookers. Come on, Hank, you want to be a man? Yeah. That's right. He's like, hey, Mary, don't worry about him, Mary. I'll take your son out on the road. It's going to be great. I'll watch them every second.

And then that's, and then in the end, instead of her just punching him and their relationship ending, she shoots him dead. Yeah. And they rule it a justified homicide. Dude, how about this, rookie of the year, directed by Abel Ferrar. Yes, that's the mind we need. I'm totally down. I'm a minute for it. Keep everything the same. But Able Ferreira.

Hello, I'm the new pitcher. I am going to buy the team. I am Gerard Departu. It's just Lawrence Fishburn laughing in the rain. Oh, yes. One of his friends has to be played by Wilm Defoe now, though. Totally. Man, that Abel Ferrarra puzzle.

movie with uh uh uh uh willem defoe fucking terrible hey henry you see becky she's pretty stacked oh wow hey becky you had a productive summer milk done that body very good william defoe would knock that out of the park baseball reference what tiny kids best friend yeah okay okay no sorry steve hiatus he's not playing the friends uh

the kid. He's playing like the mom's boy phone. Oh, okay. Even better. Even better. Indeed. Same look as Wild at heart. Yeah, he He wants us. His weird little teeth.

Daniel Stern like freaks out on this plane or some shit. His gag is like he's really cheap and like he's like, oh, you know, that this muffin's going to be breakfast for tomorrow, blah, blah, blah. Which is garbage, man. You're in the major leagues. Like you're getting everything handed to you. you stop that. We're on the plane. This is a

fucking big bunch of bullshit, though. Gary Busey's seasoned baseball legend, right? And he's traveled to every city in America kind of a thing. He's eating all over the country. And he's on this fucking dirt-ass plane. And he's like, hey kid, come over here. Yeah, I'm eating the best Salisbury steak I've ever had my lives. And you're like, nah. On a plane? Yeah, what are you talking about? Stop that. No way, Gary Bucy. You've eaten at every steakhouse from New York to Los

Angeles. Maybe he's like, I'm going to fuck with him. Well, also, Salisbury steak. Holy shit, man. Totally. He's a hamburger with gravy on it. Guys, this was written by an old man in the 1930s. Got it. You're right. Right, it has to be. I'm on some vodka in. Right. This tastes delicious.

I just need something to soak it up, man. By the way, Hank, go get us some brood. Get us some plain sodas. Hey, who's on beer? Hank's on the beer. Hags got the beer. Just get me some shutter home that's all I need right now these airline models will fit in your little pockets

it's kind of fucked up because in this moment this kid is like hey so he goes so to back to him for two seconds Gary Busey he has asked Gary Busey for an autographed baseball please sign at the rocket which is his nickname and he's like I don't do autographs but then after like

his first big performance he signs a rocket signature on a baseball and he gives it to the kid on the plane he's like by the way mister thanks for signing my baseball. And he's like, yeah, do me a fucking favor. Don't call me Rocket anymore. To which this kid responds,

yeah, you have been pitching pretty shittily. At this moment, Gary Busy's got to knock this kid's teeth out. This boy's life fight on the plane. He knocks his teeth out and then adds it to his own. Oh, shit. His teeth keep growing. So here's my thing. Yeah.

It's a live action Pokemon movie. which we've always wanted. Always. And it's Gary Busey as Team Rocket. It's him as the guy and the girl. Wait, oh. They're the bad guys. I figure he was just made to be Charmander.

Who would be, no, but like, Team Rock, that's an interesting, him as a man and a woman. That would be an interesting dynamic. Hey, hey, meow, let's go, and I do the voice of the cat, too. I'm a real jack of all trades

in this live action. Pokemon movie. I play every character. Abel Ferreira's Pokemon. I'm a Charmander. Yeah, look at all these Pokemon, am I right?

I gotta go fight Gigily Puff. Look out, jiggly Puff. Oh, you don't want Jiggly Puff Walk and send him this way. David Caruso is Pikachu. That's right.

Motherfuck. I'm Pikachu. Pikachu. I'm sliding all these Pokemon down my throat like oysters. DeFoe. DeFoe came on. Oh, I've been puffed.

Oh, any sways. That would be just as much of a beloved child classic as this movie. I think so, too, yeah, for sure. Yeah, that definitely. We start to do the next movement of the movie is he's getting a little too big for his bridges, right? What a shock, because this kid sucks. I mean, but also, like, this is an amazing situation.

His friends are like, wow, you've working on the boat, you jerk. Dude, here's the thing, fat kid. George, if that is your real name. Your kid, your friend here, he is coming at the ass end of a 162 game baseball. yeah cut him some slack on your fucking boat that you killed a hobo for i'm on team henry on this but absolutely fucking george is a piece of shit for even giving him a guff for the fucking also he is in the center of one of the greatest fucking swindles of all time bruce oatman is about to trade him to the yankees he's being sold to the yanke right this is a very weird thing well is it i mean

that's what the yanke that's how the yankees operate right anyone that's good we buy him and we ruin him we spit him out. Oh, you're just jealous. Well, not anymore. But, yes, he's there. So he's getting really big. We do have to talk about the Diet Pepsi commercial, which is very weird.

Oh, my God. He's like having sex. He's like fucking the fridge in this scene. There is a lady in this movie that starts on dressing him in this scene. Yes, it was pretty uncomfortable. It's a parody of Ray Charles commercial. It's April Ferreira's Diet Pepsi.

You know when it's right. You know when you feel it, baby Hey, how about Hey, Abel, how about this? What if I'm holding this Pepsi can And I just take my fucking thing out Defoe? That does sound like a Pepsi challenge

Pepsi challenging I did learn how to play the piano with it in the theater Hey, do you want Pepsi so you could be like DeFoe or do you want Coke like Harvey Kytel And he's like naked Oh

Oh Oh Oh Um See if you can taste The difference He's But it's

But we do actually Ray Charles Got paid for this movie Right Because you do hear his voice His voice is there So there was some sort of Actually you know what

No I'm sure Somebody rip Poor Ray Charles Oh yeah They're like yeah Wouldn't Pepsi own that clip And if that was the

If that was the popular I don't know Chris Cabin. So he's behind a piano. He's dressed at a tuxedo. He's doing a Ray Charles thing. Pretending he's blind. It's unbelievable. And these women, these like sexy ladies,

are unbuttoning his shirt while he's singing. Dude, they're taking his fucking little bow tie off. And the mom's just there and she's cool with it. You know? The only thing she's peeved about is that this is quote unquote taking forever. And it's in that moment that Bruce Altman in the loudest shirt since the Paula Abdul video. You mean what the cat was wearing? Yes.

The cat in general. You know, often when I go out, I'll take a peep in the mirror really quickly and I'm like, am I louder than that cartoon cat? No, good. Yes. And then I leave the apartment. Stay away from that. And he just fucking says, hey, sign this. It's his contract.

And this is the fucking thing that's getting him over to the Yankees. She signs it, no problem. By the way, also. Doesn't even look at it. director of the commercial comes to Henry and says, I need you to be sexier. Says that to a baby man. Yeah. And to which he

replies, what time is this over? He's terrified for his life. Exactly. I need an adult. I need either Bruce Altman or my mother to stop this from happening. Well, we got to finish this one sequence and then we got to shoot the other side promo and Willem Defoe is going to get here. No!

Funky butt lover. What am I? That's what they call me funky butt love. Bitch has got a big butt. Oh, does he ever? But the weird thing is Dan Hidea for some reason, this kid's the biggest thing that happened to the Cubs ever.

And Dan Hadea is into selling the kid because he's going to make money? The finger thing means the money, dude, $25 million. And as a manager, you'll get 10%. That's $2.5 million. Which is fine. But that as the Cubs,

you make, I mean, like, maybe cash considerations, but that's under your fucking salary cap anyway. It's not money you're going to make. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't make any sense though, like, what is the deal with his original contract with the Chicago Cup? Great question. That is a good question. Because he's playing essentially

for like two and a half months. Who knows because it's part of this scheme that we are not seeing that Altman is in the middle of? Do you think he's more crooked speaking of than McCulloughallick's dad? Because that dude fucking, oh man. Oh, John Culkin or whatever that dude's name was. That guy

was a fucking scumbag. He had like an actor farm, right? He was raising them just for that. That's why they kept fucking. Yeah. Whatever happened to Rory and Culkin? Rory is actually on a TV. Well, Culkin is the family name. Way. There was a Kieran. Kieran. They both

on Arroy's Igby. I'm talking about Igby. And Igby is on that new show. Yes, which I know people like him. What is the shit is that? That's Adam McKay's show in HBO. Oh, that was the Please God, we need something to rival Billions show. Yeah, that's what that was. What is not good, as

it turns out. But yeah, and Kieran, Rory Kalkins, all over the place, too. Yeah, they're both They're still in that. I think isn't the other one in Columbus? He's the kid in the beginning of Columbus that she works with. Yes. Columbus. Columbus is a great movie with

John Cho, one of the best movies of last year. Totally unsungary. He's in that that cult show. Oh, yeah. Yes, he was, uh, no, no, no, um, the, American horror? The Tim Riggins, uh, uh, uh, uh, David Koresh show. Oh, Waco. Waco. Waco, yes, just called Waco.

The thing that it's about. I know, I just, I, I also totally brainfighter, but yeah, they're still around. They totally act. I think they're both totally good. And McCallie Calkin, as far as his Twitter account tells me, seems like a pretty grounded enough guy. Remember they were trying to push the girl? When Culkin was like, hey, man, I can get you a girl. Oh, you want. a girl calkin i got one of those i'm john calkin i'm a fucking huge scumbag because he had that was in the good son there was like the daughter that's right

man so uh he gets he kind of sort of gets sold to the yankees and um there's this weird like again this boy's life scene where uh it's like bruce altman oh i'm sorry there's a scene that takes it five minutes where they're on the boat they finally get on the boat oh totally and they pick up the babes they have more snacks that a fucking super bowl part for fucking Chris Farley's house, man. Are you talking about hot dudes? No, we're talking about snack food. There's a lot of Tostitos products on this boat that's already overbacked.

There's Doritos. There's fucking Cheetos. There's everything. And again, with Stillman movie again, they're having a lunch on the lake with the girls. It's just like a metropolitan scene. I might, exactly. I might get you arrested, but I want you as a side project. Here we go. I want you to make Metropolitan with 12-year-old kids. Just a bunch of children. Shot for shot.

I need a lot of little tuxedos. 12thopolitan? We got to come up with like a punny name. I'm already laughing. I'm already, oh, you guys, you go younger. Eight-year-olds. Eight-year-olds are fucking hilarious. Okay.

I'd watch that. Just a bunch of little eight-year-olds like pontificating about society. Yeah. Totally. Then they go Barcelona, right? Like eight-salona. Then the eight last days of disco. We do that one too.

It's just a bunch of little kids doing cocaine. Yeah, that would be the toughest one, I think. This boat, I was getting freaked out of this boat scene because this thing is, this vessel is clearly overloaded. You got like the three of them, all the fucking snack food. And then we're like, hey lady, you got a fat whale on your boat. Exactly. Then we ride up to like the shore. They pick up these three baits.

these three little fucking middle school babes and I'm like that boat is sinking into the lake absolutely where did it begin with maybe that's the goal

no you need to lose a couple hundred pounds blimp man when this mom by the way I think we glossed over a little bit here so he's like by the way they have this

this boy's life fight scene well that's because Bruce Altman's like and by the way she's like you know you're getting too involved this kid's life is like, too involved, I am this kid. We're moving to New York. You're going to see a lot of me.

He fights with the kid first. He's my client. Yes, that's what it is. Yeah, he's my client. And he tells this kid too, he's like, your father is just some guy who left. Well, there's this, there's, I think

his father might beat Darth Vader. It's not, it's not out of the... You're right, because she's all like, and you will be a pitcher. Like, your father before you. I was waiting for Daniel Stern to be the father. Yeah. Oh, you. That would be amazing.

But we do learn, I guess, is it in the World Series that he finds out? They don't go to the World Series. They're doing the division. Yeah, no, it's just the national. He pulls off the glove name tag or whatever and it was her, his mother's

name. The mother was the picture the whole time. The dad was some drunk. No, I think it's like an immaculate conception. I think the baseball in pregated her. Oh, he's got to be baseball a chlorine. Exactly. And that's why he's such a natural pitcher because he went through a, because he's now more machine than man. By the way, these tendons. Liam Neeson's a talent scout, by the way. That's Liam Neeson is Bruce Allman or something. Well, you'll come with me to,

to learn to New York to learn the weight of baseball. Because we're going to be living a sick fucking life in New York City. New York City is the coruscant of. Yeah. of America. And your mother will remain a slave here in Illinois. So anyway, those kids should have drowned. But they get out, oh, sorry. So then at this point, fucking Busey is coming on this. Taking that again.

No, leave it. All right. Well, I'll leave it. Bucy is coming for this lady. He's hitting on this lady for the, oh, a lot. I want to be, because he likes the kid, but when he sees the mom, he's like, oh, hey, That kid's my new best friend.

Hey, your kids pretty cool. I would, I'd like to take your mother out for a nice hamburger meal. What kind of hamburger would she like? Does she like Salas Barry's steak? Because I know an airline that makes it real good. Would you like me to autograph some baseballs for your friends, too? You can have a hamburger on a bun, or you can have it a hamburger helper, all right? I know a restaurant, a restaurant, it's a good restaurant where you can get hamburgers and they got steak sauce out.

already. You ever have to put a steak sauce on a hamburger? Throw your fucking mind, Jack. It's called United Airlines Flight 1-35 out of Newark. There are two awesome scenes where Gary Busey is like kind of courting this lady a little bit. One of which is this fucking dance club scene, which is my favorite scene. Oh, man. Oh, yes.

So, like, the Cubs like make it, I guess they're celebrating, like, making it into the division playoffs kind of a deal. So two turtle doves throws this, like, huge club party for everybody. I'm getting everybody cocaine. This dude is dancing with some young lady. You see this part? You see this part? What's that?

This fucking old dude is just dancing with this young lady. Oh, of course. Oh, she's going down. And I was like, fantastic. She's going down. Oh, oh. Exactly. He's like, I can't bend over that far.

My refrigerator's running. Oh, my God. But there's a part in this scene. where Gary Busey starts dancing with the mom like all slow dancing and whatnot and you get these amazing shots of Bruce Glover or Bruce Altman I wish Bruce Glover

Get your damn hands on Bruce Altman You're going to give me a no like 25 cents Bruce Altman in a loud shirt is sitting at the bar talking to Danadaya but he's like scowling at this woman this pout face that this guy has is amazing.

Yes, because he's pissed. And that's one of the things that causes him to grab the arm. He's like, I'm sick and tired of hearing about Chet Stedman. Yeah, it's pretty good. But she knocks this dude, by the way. She knocks him out.

Punches him right out the door. There's this huge stairway. It's like the end of the exorcist, this fucking scene. Like, oh, that's where Father Karas died also. Some weepy priest comes up. Oh, no, Bruce Alman, no. Well, it was Daniel Stern.

It made me think of when Joan Cusack knocks him out in my blue heaven. Oh, right. And he takes a tumble right down the stairs, too. There's also a thing, the stipulation with Bruce Altman and this whole thing, he's like, all right, I'll get this stupid lady to sign this contract to sell her child to the New York Yankees. But you have to do something for me.

You have to fucking get rid of Gary Busey because I'm sick and tired of Gary Bucy trying to fuck my, I guess she's technically my girlfriend. We've only been going out for like seven weeks now. But also Bruce Saltman, before you start grabbing kids, the move is go to the mom and be like, hey, look, I've got a great deal with the Yankees here. It's $25 million. I don't understand why he keeps it secret. It makes no sense.

Yeah. I would move to another city for $25 million. Exactly. And also, like, you put into some protections there. So when his arm eventually, you know, heals, he still gets that cash and they cut him. That's fine. Yeah, then you just move back. Yep.

Nobody acknowledges that this whole thing is magic, by the way. No, I actually thought, I guarantee you this. the cut of this movie or a cut of this screenplay wherein he wakes up at the end and it was all a dream. You think so? Yeah, it just feels very fantastical. I kind of felt like you were going to get one of those scenes like

when Homer joins Lollapalooza and he's like it's starting to hurt again and he's to like go to the doctor and he's like, if you keep doing this you're going to fucking die kid. Here's what I want to have happen. Now they go to the division game.

Yes. And he's, you know, they're playing the the Mets again, the barbarian horde that is the Mets in this movie. And his arm does go out and he starts throwing badly, but instead of just it petering out, I want to see it like those tendons like explode out of him.

Oh, right. Like blood and guts coming out of his arm. Guts? Well, maybe not guts, but like blood, plus you see a little bone. Oh, sure. And then it's like this horror, this horror. Oh, he looks like Sid vicious when he jumps off the top rope and lands on

his leg and his fucking bone pops out. Oh, fuck, yeah, dude. That would all be great. It's a sick YouTube video. Found that on E-Bomb's world, I did. But, but yeah, because there's also a scene, speaking of the fantasy, there's a weird Wizard of Oz scene when he first comes in and, like, it's the guy, comes out, he's like, no one can come into the clubhouse, no way, no how.

And then he's like, it's like that thing. Yeah, it's definitely directly. Yeah, I kind of expected him to wake up, like, maybe like he wakes up in the hospital And he's like, wow. Oh, that would be something. Is that how the movie ends, Wizard of Oz? She wakes up in the hospital. Yes.

And she lost the baby. There was a twister. So this whole thing comes to a head when two turtle doves is informed of. Yes. The Yankees move. And he's like, what Yankees move? I never approved a Yankees move. Must have been my no good nephew.

And he, like, demotes Dan Hadea to, like, hot dog salesman. Gary Busey, this is like the final game of the division playoffs, Gary Bucce. Daniel Stern gets locked in the equipment locker. Right, which is a callback to earlier in the film where he gets locked between the two doors and adjoining hotel rooms. That dude would be dead.

He's having fun in the physical comedy department. My favorite moment of Daniel Stern in this movie. I think it's at that nightclub scene where he's like, oh, I'm going to take Henry. We're going to go, oh, look at this. Let's go have some fun. Oh, legitimate laugh coming up here. Right, and it's these two girls.

and he's just like, excuse me, ladies, excuse me, excuse me ladies and they just go play pinball. It was a legit laugh. I was like, all right,

this is good. He does get locked. And like Gary Busey's got, no, I got nothing left. And they're like, all right, we'll give you one more game.

And he pitches a really good game and he tears his arm out of his socket. This is where I, this, they fucked. Okay. Gary Busey and this woman

and his mother. They fucked. Oh, is that right? I will not believe otherwise because of her reaction to his good game. Uh-huh. Because it's like, because there's only two possibilities. Either I'm absolutely correct. Uh-huh.

Or, okay. They just told Amy Morton to do a bunch of reactions to general stuff that was happening. And they just cut it to whoever was on the field at the time. Because she reacts to one. She's like, he does one good pitch. And she's like, yes, baby, yes, baby, yeah, baby, baby. And I'm like, holy fucking shit. I'll tell you what, you and I picture, no hitter in the bedroom.

Oh, that's a perfect game. She didn't get a chance. I just went for it. Oh, we had an adult evening. We went to an Eagles concert. Well, it was an Eagles cover band, but they were pretty good. Did it change them? That means I took off the condom.

Oh, my God. That's fucking filthy. Oh, Lord. You don't want to know what a screwbone. Yes. In the bedroom, it's not illegal to rub a little grease on your balls. Baseball, they frown upon it. No, but my assumption is they've been fucking for a while.

By the time this last game's coming around. So Bruce Altman got cucked by Gary Busey's what you're saying? Oh, yeah. I will not be cooked by Gary Bucy. Well, you have. Too late, slick. I've been cucked by half man, half horse. You ain't kidding, brother

You want to see which half is witch They call me the centaur My favorite filmmaking moment Happens in this final game When Gary Busey is pitching right here When his arm goes out And he grabs it like in pain There is a total electric guitar like

I thought I was watching Batman versus Superman I thought Wonder Woman was going to come out Well, because it's not in nowhere that's electric guitar. No, get out of here, Wonder Woman. We'd rather have a, I don't know, child play before a woman. What's great is that it's not just like one time when it happens. Like, then every time that he tries to use his arm, you just get like shorter. Then he's like trying to do like a short pass and it's like, it's the shots of pain he's received.

Yeah, it's pretty great. And he gets out of the inning fine, but he's like, I got nothing left stick a fork in me. I'm dead. And then the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the guy, the, the, the skipper, the skipper is like, all right, that's cool. Like, I'll save you for the, the, the world. No, no, I am fucking done.

But the, the, you, N. The weird thing is this coach who's very good, apparently, it's just like, well, will you at least let me finish the season before you take my job? I'm like, what are you talking about? What system is this? That's professional sports, dude. You always have to be on the lookout for being fucking fired. Yeah, but I mean, like, he would, you know, Gary Busy could coach, but he would coach somewhere else.

He'd coach the Reds or something. Maybe he'd be the pitching coaching coach. Yeah. He'd be the goddamn Daniels Stern out of there, get a real pitching coach in. Coach the minors like Ryan Sandberg did. Yes. Oh. So he re-injures this arm and it goes back to normal kind of a thing.

He rolls on a, he slips on a baseball again. And again, you get the Ralph Machio's done double, uh, Ted Lewinsky and he falls. So then we have to figure out like he has like a huddle on the mound and it's like here's a plan we're going to execute to cheat at baseball. But the weird thing is exactly. The division is on the line.

It's the Cubs. It's a very weighted situation. John Candy's losing his fat mind in the absolutely. He's freaking out. You go up to the manager and be like, hey, why don't you put literally any other pitcher in because I don't have it right now? We are shown they got a fucking bullpenel. Like,

five guys that are just sitting there. And it's the end of the season. You could even put a starter in now if you want it. Like, it doesn't have to be another reliever even. Fuck it. Hey, fuck it. Mm-hmm. The fucking thing is on the line.

But yeah, so they cheated baseball. It's the hidden ball trick. Oh, my God. To which it's John Candy, like, oh my God, the hidden ball trick. Like, everybody knows if there's totally illegal moves. Somewhere the Mets, the Mets' GM will, all right, look, you know what? You brought the baby out. I didn't say anything because I thought I would beat the baby.

But now you're doing the hip. hidden ball trick on me can i get a fucking umpire in here what is it bud sealing on the fucking horn or what it's like the harlem globe trotters stuff it is really is it's cartoonish at best and so like as the next batter on the met's you have to be like okay hidden ball trick something's going on right they intentionally walk him and this is where we get is this where we get pictures oh no this is the um he's like he starts calling him a chicken yes yeah because it's like i'm gonna instigate this dude, like, fucking, you know, Woody Woodpecker. Like, can you imagine a professional athlete who has heard the worst language you can possibly

hear in his career? A lot of slurs. That's what's so chilling about this. And then this kid just, the weird thing, though, if you look, if you pause the frame, oh, you look at the back of his jersey, it says McFly. Oh. So that explains that checks. That was generational, too.

Every McFly had that. But it makes no fucking sense. No, it doesn't. The division is on the line. This guy's just got to stay on the fucking bag. You know, it doesn't make sense also. In this entire fucking baseball stadium in all of Wrigleyfield, there are two people in the entire stadium that know that this kid doesn't have it anymore.

The kid and the mom. Everybody else is fucking clueless. Like, we're going to all these extremes. fucking walk people and the hidden ball trick and the manager is just like oh kid you're giving me a heart attack you're giving me a heart attack

and Gary Busey's freaking out no one I'm gonna rip him his belly open and eat it I'm gonna bite that kid's throat out and chew on it like it's spitting tobacco you're my hamburger now but like no one else in that dugout it's like hey maybe his

clearly gimmicky arm doesn't work anymore sure it doesn't And it's just like the mother, way up in the fucking pissant seeds, is just like, oh, my God, it's gone. Well, also there's a young Charles Xavier who's been scouting him as a mutant. Oh, of course. Oh, no, he's not a mutant. He's just a freak.

Looks like his gift is gone. As am I. We're the future of baseball, Charles. Not him. So like Eric mentioned earlier, he pulled some tape off his gloves. realizes that the mother was actually the star of the mound and not the father. But not to get too granular on this baseball. So he gets this guy out, the chicken guy.

He gets him out trying to steal a base. Yeah. He gets the other guy out with the hidden ball trick. And now here comes Hito. And even John Kahn is with, oh my God, it's Hito. Oh, my God. You better call Mrs. Rossenbagger than that. Her son is going to be dead.

And this guy's like already talking shit to this little kid so much. He's like, you're a baby. you're this one's going to be for mommy here comes for mommy and like he i love it but also like you've got two outs so walk this guy too like get this guy on bait no one's on base it's the end of the game well this is the shock of all shocks because they were he was expecting that i guess right and they actually get a strike off this they do and then he gets a strike then and then he hits what looks to be a homeroom but it actually goes foul foul ball and then like and then he has the realization with the mitt with the mother.

And his mother is, like, at least twice in the movie, has floated, like, either keys to him or another baseball. And I was like, wow, pretty good one. Yeah, the floater pitch, which we are told by Daniel Stern, he has not seen since Snuffy McGee. Oh, right. One time she did that was... Snuffy McGee, was he a murderer?

Yes. He made a lot of movies. They talk about how good she is and everything. She did that with sunscreen, and she pitched it into the middle of the street. Yeah. And, like, then Henry was picked on for nine. not getting it. Yeah, that's a good point.

Well, you'd pick on that kid, too. That kid sucks. I don't know. His mom, by the way, is really good in Up in the Air as George Clooney's sister. Oh, yeah. I've never seen it. It's good. I only saw it once.

I remember really liking it, but it probably might not. Yeah, I remember liking that one. I remember liking that one as you know. Same thing. I'm like, I remember liking that, but I never saw it again and I have no memory of it. So this fucking huge monster strikes out. with the floater pitch they win the division they're going to the world series and he turns into like at the end of a street fighter game he's like no no and he's like

counting the ground yeah it's pretty funny uh so yeah we're going to the world series that's the whole thing we could be great if i'm gonna fucking kill you kid no you really hey kid i hope you like dodging parking lots because that's what you're gonna be doing after this fucking game you little fucking turd yeah you got no fucking security for some reason i'm a grown man and i'm gonna punch you oh you go now to to celebrate with some deep dish, you little fucking Chicago fucker. Guess what, turn? I'm going to drown you in a pie of

Pequod's fuck face. Ultimate revenge. Once fucking Gary Busey has to go back to L.A. You got a couple fucking commercial contracts. Sure. Yeah. He comes in and he starts dating mom. Oh shit. I'm your new stepdad and I weigh 300 pounds and it's all muscle. Wow.

And I love abusing children. Now we're going to sit down and watch my favorite movie this boy's life. so we have like a smash cut back to like Henry being good in Little League he's like an outfielder once again he makes a catch kind of a thing wouldn't he be a good pitcher at that point like even though like you know his arms back to normal but he's shown he's pitched in the matrix before the accident he's shown to be a decent pitcher because he's in his uh uh uh uh like the basement doing some laundry and he's throwing like the tide packets or whatever like into the washing machine sure so he has like the accuracy and whatnot it's all totally there But yeah, he's back playing fucking left field. Doesn't make any sense. I think this manager's horse shit, to be quite honest. The manager is Gary Busey.

Oh, right. Yeah, I'm fucking your mother now. I'm at you, baseball game. Yeah, I have sex with your mom, and I coach your baseball team. Hey-haw! We used to be good friends, but right now, brother, I need you to clean that room. Oh, yeah, I remember all the good times on the road, but that room is looking a little shabby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that solaceberry steak was a long time ago.

This math homework ain't up to snow. You're going to have to redo it And your penmanship better get better in the next try And then the biggest fucking Each shit Chicago ever in this movie Is like he makes the big play They win the game Everybody huddles around Henry Rowan Gardner

And he does like a fist in the air Green Lantern thing And he's wearing a fucking world series Winner Ring from the Cubs Ooh that burns You know what? Keep that shit up Enjoy losing that shit in high school Because oh my God

Yeah yeah that should be under a lot fucking key somewhere. Exactly. Put in a safety deposit box. Yeah. Totally. And Lord knows if you made any money on this dealer or if Bruce Altman's in jail

or what's called? Oh man, Bruce Altman's under heavy litigation at the end of you. You don't even want to know. Oh yeah, dude. He's under fucking house arrest. He's got a fucking goddamn Ant-Man ankle bracelet on.

Don't worry about it. And then that's like the end of the movie. Ridiculous credit here at the end. And again, I feel like we're kind of rubbing it in here. Yes. Special thanks, the fans of Chicago who never give up. Wow.

Wow. Hey, listen, little buddy. We're going to your grandmother's house. Yeah, it's my mother's house, but it's your grandmother now. Yeah, I'm your stepdad. I'm a fucking nightmare. Yeah, I secretly live in the attic, whatever. I'm a hider in your house now, bitch.

I would say, I think Gary Bussey is on my list. Willem Defoe is there, too. were stepdad's to have. Absolutely. Sure. Without a question. Tom Barringer, he's up there. Oh, fuck, dude.

Big time. That might be number one with a bullet. Brian Denahey. I might launch a website just to make this listicle because it's scary shit, man. It's totally terrifying Hollywood stepdads, dude.

I'll tell you one that I would love Ernie Hudson. We're having a great time. Yeah? He's pretty great. Clancy Brown. Oh, no way. He might be a gentle giant.

You never know. I think he might be. I'd be terrified the whole time. I can just tell he's... You know, good Hollywood stepdad, I bet. It would be, like, kind of weird, but you'd get used to it. John Delancey. Oh, no, I would...

You know what? It'd probably be fine, but I'd hate it. You got to go with them to all the conventions. The schoolwork looks pretty shoddy, Siska. Can you stop pretending your cue for two seconds? No, I won't. so that is rookie the year would anybody recommend this movie i would it's a it's a little it's a hair long it's a buck 43 it really couldn't even believe that should be a smooth 90 um but i think

it's a lot of fun it's an a weird oddity it's it's a very crisp and clean looking movie i'm okay with it uh agreed on almost all points and shit it just yeah just it needs if it was like 90 minutes it would be perfect i gave your mom a smooth 90 no days and nine to nights and now I'll get out of there sorry Chris what were you saying no it's good I'm gonna say the same thing

it's probably nostalgia sure but I you know I liked revisiting it I liked it as a kid it's it's stupid but it's you know it's dumb fun yeah I would recommend it even with the PTSD because like the PTSD is just from this kid being obnoxious.

Sure. I still think he's obnoxious, but a lot of the adult characters in this movie are totally fine. I actually like this restrained Gary Busey. I think it's not bad. I mean, he went off the deep end in the 2000s kind of, but like if there's another universe where he like just played people's bosses and stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. I'd be totally fine with it.

And I'd also be fine, honestly, with Daniel Stern directing another feature film. Sure. Because this is his only one. He's directed some television, 10 episodes of the Wonder Years, three episodes of something called Complete Savages, one episode of The Paul Riser Show in 2011. Hey, okay. All right.

And two episodes of the show that he acts on, Manhattan. Oh, so when he directed that Paul Riser show episode, he just watched an episode of Curb and just did the exact same thing. Is that what that Paul Riser show was? I have no memory of this. Oh, Iep, that's terrible. That's terrible. I don't want to hear that.

Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't want it to hear about that at all. but this movie I would recommend, Rookie of the Year. Oh, for sure. And also, I think it would service kind of nicely as a hangover movie. Oh, for sure. Because you have the memories already built in, so you're not missing anything if you pass out.

Keep the volume a little down though. This voice gets squeaky. It gets squeaky. And a lot of the Daniel Stern screaming when he's stuck in that equipment cage. Might get a small headache. A light headache. That is Rookie of the Year from 1993 directed by Daniel Stern. If you want more, we hate movies, check out WHM podcast.

or find us over on the HeadGum Network, rate and review the show, wherever you get it, we would greatly appreciate it. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Be sure to sign up to get all sorts of things like animation, damnation,

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Twitter, we are at WHM Podcast, Facebook.com, slash we hate movies. And Steve Sadek next week, I think we are hitting a real milestone here in We Hate Movies History. This is a big one. What are we talking about? It's the season finale. Goodness gracious, Great Balls of Fire. It's Armageddon.

Holy shit. Finally. Yeah. What a way to end the season talking about one of the biggest blockbuster farts of all time. I might start watching this movie when I leave tonight because I might not be done by the time we get back. It is seven and a half hours. Yes. In four hours

of that is Stephen Tyler. Just singing a song. So until next week, when you won't want to miss a thang, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Chris Cabin. Eric Sisker. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.