We Hate Movies - S9 Ep383: Episode 383 - Halloween: Resurrection

Episode Date: October 16, 2018

On this week's episode, the 2018 Halloween Spooktacular rolls on as the gang heads back to Franchise Town to chat about the rotten sequel Halloween: Resurrection! Why does that little catfishing freshman never make it into the movie proper? Who had this much confidence in web streams in 2001? And where did all these decapitations come from? PLUS: Loose Loomis continues to broadcast... from Hell! Halloween: Resurrection stars Brad Loree, Busta Rhymes, Bianca Kajlich, Sean Patrick Thomas (in a special appearance), Daisy McCrackin, Katee Sackhoff, Luke Kirby, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Ryan Merriman, and Tyra Banks; directed by Rick Rosenthal. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I don't remember what I said when we ranked this franchise, but now I'm confident this is the absolute worst one. It's Halloween Resurrection. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween.

I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes. Death is weather. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara.

He's sick for fucks using one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. What's the fucking ocean in the bad! What an excellent day for an exited. Hello, everyone. Welcome to today's fine program. Thank you for tuning in, as always.

How are you? This is, if you're not hip, this episode is part of the Halloween spooktacular that we do every year. Hence the different theme song that I've heard a lot of people enjoy listening to. This is Halloween Resurrection from 2002, directed by Rick. Rick Rosenthal, who also directed Halloween 2. Which was a shocker for me when I looked up on the IMDB Tribune. My hat flew off my head because I recollect liking Halloween 2. So do I.

By the way, we're not talking about the Robert Zombie Hellbilly Halloween 2. We're talking about the original Halloween. 1980, I think it came out. And it's like really well shot and like it's really well-paced as compared to this. Can I break in with a plug for something called the W.H.M. Wiki, which is where I'm going to tell you what you did rank the Halloween episode. Wait, now, what is the W.H.M. Wiki? It is something. It's something we don't run. It's something we do not run at all. This is fan generated. It's got a bunch of fun stuff, like running jokes. It'll tell you how many running jokes and all the sorts of good stuff. I think they also list like impressions and episodes. It's got a raced dedication. Exactly. So it's actually a resource.

for other crazy people. Now here I am. I'm a crazed person. We did this Halloween ranking thing three years ago or something like that. I'm like that. Last year we did not Marinel Street, right? Yes. Yeah, that sounds right. And this year we're doing nothing. That's right. I'm getting married this year.

It's kind of everyone's a little busy. You know what gang? We're busy. Okay. Halloween resurrection. Andrew had it at 7. Oh, fuck me. You love this movie. Chris. You love this movie. You kiss this movie every year. Night. Andrew sleeps with a

blue right disc in his bed. Chris ranked it nine. Out of what, by the way? How many movies are we talking about? 9 out of 10. Which is badness. Not goodness. Not out of 10 sounds great. Eric gave it 8 out of 10. And Stephen Sadek, the world's greatest genius, might have given it 10 out of 10. Really? Just at a...

Might have ranked it the worst. Yeah. Wow. What did I put under this? What do you mean? What was number 10 for me? number 10? Yeah, I'm curious at the time what I thought was worse than this, because my God, this movie fucking stinks. Chris might have been

being a contrarian and put Halloween the curse of Michael Myers at number 10. And then, okay, for a second, I thought it was going to be Halloween number one. Andrew put Halloween 5 the Revenge of Michael Myers at number 10. I was wrong. And then Eric, oh Eric, Eric

said Halloween, the remake was number 10. Yes, yes. I hate the Hellbilly version. Right, right, right. And by the way, we should say we're doing this now because the David Gordon Green film comes out this Friday and guess what gang it fucking rules so go see it big hard plug for that

should be Halloween 12 but I guess we'll just leave it alone why do you keep bringing this to the floor counselor I would lack to motion for Senator Sadec to be impeached he has introduced the same darn bill every week I can't get a vote I cannot get a vote that's my brother remove this man

from the floor you don't have the numbers and you know it this is worse than usual because correct me from wrong Andrew I haven't seen the new Halloween yet, but you have. It disregards these sequels. Every single sequel. Even Rick Rosenthal's Part 2. It's just one.

One and the new one. Yep. So it should be Halloween 2. Part 2. It's also the third movie in 30 years to be called Halloween, by the way. Also that. Starring Michael Myers. So just an FYI.

Starring Michael Myers as himself. You bring me a bill that I can read and understand And maybe we get somewhere with this. Just give me a number. Clearly your bill has been written by big movie, by the way. Well, also, H2O is a bunch of horseshit. 20 years later. What the fuck does that mean?

It means nothing. It's about water. I literally, honestly, I remember very clearly because I was a dumb kid. The internet didn't really exist that much. It existed, but I wasn't at like 98. You're talking about H2O. 98. Yes.

I wasn't like, I literally walked into that movie like, oh, wow, it's the 20th Halloween movie. Amazing. Oh, you see? What achievement? This is why you do want to do this fucking legislation. For people like me. It's because of the shame you carry for your whole life. For being a fool.

That you, dude, if it was Halloween H-2O, but it was like Michael Myers on a cruise ship. Or like he's at the beach. Definitely. Michael Myers is just made of water. You cut him water starts popping out. Fuck, yeah, dude. Oh, he's just a walking water balloon.

Pretty cool. So this movie, yes, it's three years. after Halloween H-2O, everybody made a big deal about H-2O. Well, because Bruce Davidson from X-Men is the main star of it. Oh, that gushy little mutant. He can't even walk down the street in America. Everyone made a big deal about H-2O because it was like Jamie Lee Curtis returned to do this movie.

Is this right after that? This was what came right after. So three years later, this movie comes out. 98, 2001. You could definitely tell the, first one was made in the 90s and this one was made in the early aughts yeah the aughts was a terrible time to be alive and i've been looking back at the culture of that era i recently watched dude where's my car for oh wow no reason whatsoever wow we needed that war dude we needed we needed the

attack we needed we needed a clean slate we needed to i'm sorry i mean this is terrible i wish it didn't happen but it kind of i don't i'm with eric on this dude wears my car how You watched that fucking thing. I saw it in theater. I never have. I'm sure I will soon enough. If you want to hear Ashton Coucher yell

gay slurs. Yes, homophobic remarks. You, that's your movie. That's your resource for those audio bites. Sick. That's a Mike Pence

Saturday night right there. Mother, we're watching Dude wears my car again. I wish I was a vampire. What does my horrible legislation say? Oh, it says sweet.

What is yours? Oh, it says Dude. Do you remember that scene in that movie? I do. I do remember. They had tattoos on each other's back tattoos. That's a dude and sweet. Yes. Mother, there's a curse word in this. You better bring out the hot milk. I'm not going to sleep tonight. I'm going to punish myself with hot milk. No, it's scalding milk. He's going to burn his little non-existent lips on it. So this is the, yeah, this is right after that that movie was a sensation. It was a pretty big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big hit. Dude Where's My Car? No, Halloween H2O. Although I think Dude Where's My Car kind of did all right in the video market.

I don't know how they didn't make a sequel to this movie that was like just a sequel to that movie. Do you know what I mean? Well, because I think they couldn't get her. And the whole thing was she was contractually obligated to do like this one bit. Yeah. And like, first of all, any time you hear like contradicting movie things. Yeah. Especially in this instance, I'm going with Jamie Lee Curtis 10 times out of 10.

believe Jamie Lee and she was like this movie fucking sucks ass and I thought the script was terrible and I was contractually obligated to do this cameo and then you hear other people that are like well she was originally only slated to do 30 seconds but she loved the script so much that she started

in the whole prolog and it's like dude fucking shut up there's only two options there one Jamie Lee Curtis is illiterate which I don't believe it to be true I believe she knows how to read I think that's a safe of something so then it has to be a thing where she hated the script Absolutely. And as well she should, because it's fucking garbage.

So we start in a mental institution. We are told that her character, Lori Strode, went there after the events of H2O in where she takes an axe and cuts off. What we're told in H2O is Michael Myers' head. But in order to continue this fucking sick franchise, Michael Myers apparently, like, switched. He did a little switchroo with an ambulance driver. This is what drives me nuts about this. The calculating criminal mind of Mike. Myers, who was just a big lurching fucking killing machine.

Yes. The like planning, the Kaiser Sozaying of the fucking, like, it just makes no sense. It doesn't make any sense either because I haven't seen that movie in a little bit, but I do remember, like, at the end of that movie, like, they show you a flashback in this movie of like, in the house, you breaks this dude's larynx, this fat guy's larynx, puts the mask on him and, like, switches clothes or whatever. But at the end of that movie, like, after the house, Michael Myers is still trying to kill her. And, like, you don't even, like, they're fighting the whole way.

Like, so why is this fat ambulance driver trying to kill Laurie Strode? As opposed to be, like, I know he can't talk because his larynx is broke. Take your mask off, be a, yo lady. Hi, I'm not your creepy brother. Exactly. And if you recall from the end of that movie, too, like, he gets pinned between, like, a tree and the ambulance or something. Yeah. And he's, like, reaching out for her or whatever.

And she fucking cuts his head off. Yeah. If you're that ambulance driver, rip that fucking mask off, dummy. Oh, it's my brother Michael Myers. He gained 30 pounds. That is the other thing. Dude, this, I'm sorry, this is a fat ambulance driver. It happens twice in this movie.

Not only is the ambulance driver fatter than him, the security guard at the mental institution, when they do do it, is humongous, and fucking Michael Myers is a statue. Yeah, it doesn't make, well, I love it in this flashback. It's a literal Scooby-Doo scene where, like, they take the mask off, and it's this guy with this mustache. It's like, Michael Myers doesn't have a mustache.

And yeah, so, like, it starts with this narration, she's like, is Jamie Lee Curtis, she's like, there's a tunnel we all go through, we walk through this tunnel, it kind of smells like farts, and at the end, there's a door, and the door creaks open, and behind that door, it also smells like farts, but that door either opens to heaven or hell, but both smell like farts. It's like, well, like, what is this, you might as well be talking about farts, because what is this narration? I don't even know what she's doing in this movie. Like, I do, clearly it's a contractual obligation, but, like, what are we even? I'll tell you what she's doing. She's not taking her meds. That's right. She's putting all her pills in a pill pillow.

Yeah. Which is like a raggedy and doll. Yes. Also, she's doing, it's a strange tactic. It's called padding the runtime. Oh, I see. Because this is a strong 90. Yeah.

You could have gotten it down to an 85. You're totally right. This, I mean, the house subplot or the house plot of this film, 65 tops. Really 65 tops. 30. There's like nothing. I love the two nurses at the beginning of this. There's like a new nurse who's on the floor and whatnot. And the seasoned veteran is like, okay, now the next room we're going to is Lori Strode's room. And she's like, oh, Lori Strode, who's that? And this lady's like, you know who that is. Her brother was Michael Myers, blah, blah, blah. And she goes through the whole thing. And then the lady, the lady stops at one point. She's like, actually, I'll tell you later. Let's just give her her medication. And the other. nurse is like, no, no, no, tell me the entire thing right now. So she goes through the whole thing and then she says, but remember, you better not bring it up in front of her. We're talking about it later. And so the new nurse, like the young blood is like, okay, got it. And the woman opens the door

and this girl is like, hi, Mrs. Halloween. It's like, oh my God, lady. Lorry, kill the wrong man, huh? Nice. Can we talk about all the kids that died under your care? can we talk about that just for the real quick question what happened to your son yeah where's that guy because that's the sequel right Josh Hartnett v of course and or Michelle Williams

you know what I mean she makes out of that movie yeah okay yeah you know one of the two of them kid from Jumanji gets it pretty hard he does good but like that's what I need that's what and how hard is it to wrangle

Josh Hartnet in 2001 very hard that guy was hot is that right well that was what Pearl Harbor. 40 days, 40 nights. Oh, that movie, that's a fucking stay tuned in a half. That's the movie where he cannot jerk off. Yeah.

And it's quite the trial. Yeah. Yeah, it's really something. I remember one thing in that movie, he has a fantasy sequence where he's flying through a desert. Oh, yeah. And all the mounds are just tits.

We're just flying over tits. And it will truly be a planet of tits. Josh can't be in the new Halloween movie. he's doing that tit movie across town. He's doing tit to the motion picture. My son turned into a tit. Just like Gary Olman's son turned into a tit. And they never recovered.

Honestly, though, like the well dried up right after that, though. So like Hartnett should have done this, man. Because listen, you get involved in that like the world of horror. Like you're, if you can keep it churning, you got the fucking conventions, you got the pointless sequels. You could make it work. Look at Daniel Harris. Hartnett's going to conventions probably at this up. For what, Pearl Harbor?

Yeah. No, I think he sort of like famously dropped out of acting like he didn't want to do it anymore. And then when he came back with that movie, Oh, Lucy, earlier this year was like his return. It was a really good movie, actually. Well, I mean, how do you, I mean, once you hit the peak of Lucky Number Sleven, how exactly do you follow something like that? Stephen, I saw that in theaters. That was a weird. Oh, and actually, another fucking state two and a half, dude, Hollywood homicide.

Literally his entire cinematography. But she is getting all these pills. She has a rag doll that she's putting her pills in, which I'm 89% sure institutions check that kind of thing. Especially when it's just Velcro, man. That's the easiest thing to check. And she's also doing this thing where, like, she has to talk. People think she's catatonic.

Right. Which I think is very hard to probably pull off. Like, you know. I don't think you can just fake the funk with that. I could do it. What? I could do it. You've been doing it on this show for eight years.

It's true. I don't know. You can't just walk around like, Literally not walk around, but like just pretend you're catatonic. You guys don't see what I do at my day job at the office. It is a completely different mask. I show no emotion. I sit at the desk.

It's like an old Captain Kirk mask that you painted white. Even when you read Star Wars news? Okay. Well, you know, most of that news hits when I'm commuting home. So thank God for the male guys training the new male guys. Like, yep, and over there, that's Darren Sapowski. and over there, oh, that's Eric Siska. He hasn't spoken a word in three years.

You just give him his mail and you keep on walking. Don't let him grab your hand now. And I take the mail and I put it into a rag doll. I didn't get any mail. It's invoices. You're just shoving it. Exactly. Yeah, but so she's been saving all of her pills

because she wants to be highly alert because also it doesn't do a good job of letting you know it's Halloween night. No, I didn't know that until you just said it. Is that true? it's probably true. I mean, I guess it would have to be. You guys, there's people that go to a Halloween party in this. Yeah. Oh, well, that's all publicized that Danger Tainment's doing this on Halloween night. But is this night, this night isn't the same, like it's a different, well, it's a night,

much like tonight. Well, no, it's nighttime in this prolog, but then when we cut to the setting up of Danger Tainment and all that shit, it's the day. Are you suggesting that that original prologue took place on devil's night? It might be devil's night. My new favorite holiday. Or it might be like the Halloween the year before or something. But they don't, there's no, I mean, all of these Halloween movies are famous for putting the text of the fucking date. Yes, seven days.

They all rip off the first one. It all happens. And this one doesn't have it, so you don't know what's going on. Yes, I know that the rest of the movie takes place on Halloween, but this prologue, I don't know. The title is also there. It's way too much of a scream three situation where, like, you just kill off this character separate from whatever the movie actually is. You're totally right.

And that's, dude, that's no fucking surprise, dude. Pieces shit as well. Wikipedia says October 31st, 2001, this happens. And the next movie is, the next time is 2002. He takes a year off. Well, because he, by the way, he has to fucking walk from California. Oh, that's right. To, back to Illinois or Ohio, wherever it is, Illinois.

Illinois. Because H2O takes place in California. So, you know, there's this fat, cloud. guy who like is obsessed with serial killers. This is the crazy person I want to be, dude. You're just walking around spouting off stats for serial killers.

It's a good move. It's kind of cool. That's kind of like most podcast listeners, I think. And he's like kind of gives you your first like fake scare. We follow the security guard. He gets killed by Myers really quick. Yeah. Well, he's eating a hostess cake. Yes. The security

guard, but the John Wayne Gasey obsessed guy because he does it a clown mask and stuff does not get killed by Myers Myers sees an ally in this guy. He absolutely does. Sees the potential. Yes, I actually like this. Or a pawn. Yeah. That's a good point because

if you got some fat lunatic running around there and you're just like Mr. sleek jumpsuit, you get away a little bit. Again, this is the only one where I feel like he's a criminal genius. He's thinking of from all sides. He should let everyone out. They should like release Arkham right here. Nice.

This mask doesn't look very good, does it? It looks fucking awful. It looks really so awful. What is his hair? What is his hair on this thing? It's all like tweezed out and shit. And obviously it's not the same mask. Like that's the weird thing of like, well, he's got to buy a new one every year because it gets covered in blood.

It smells like shit. Exactly. How many hardware stores is he breaking into to steal these things? Is he ever shampooing this thing? No, like trying to know. No, no, no, no, no. I think now it's a thing where it's like they don't explicitly, I mean, I guess they kind of do. like Michael Myers at this point in this movie

is like a pop culture thing. Like now in the world of these films like we'd have a fucking Netflix crime doc series on this guy or something. Making a Myers. Yes, we definitely would, right? My favorite Myers. And then they come out with the fucking bullshit

second part that nobody wants. Dude, what are we doing with that? I don't know. Oh, making a murderer part two. Oh, is he still in jail? Oh, yes. Well, thanks for playing. Would you like to watch six hours of that?

So Myers basically he gets up He kills a couple of security guards He meets up with Laurie Strode Yes She like escapes her room She gives him the switcheroo The old switcheroo I got a quick question

She does a Ferris Bueller thing He comes in And there's a snoring noise Snoring Laurie Strode He's got the big tape going on Does he stab the bed? Well he does

but then he says, take a nap, take a hot bath, wrap a towel around your head, get some soup. Then you go to Lori Strode in the shower, making a Mohawk, just having so much fun. I love how she breaks the fourth wall all the time. It's crazy. It was an odd choice for this movie. My question about those, the one security guard just really quickly. So like, the one security guard stops by the vending machine to get a ho-ho or whatever. And the other dude's like, all right, I got to go get this clown guy to bring him back to his

room. Why would he choose a ho-ho over all the Doritos and different kinds of actually savory chips? Sweet tooth, man. All right. Oh, yeah. That's something. People have it. I know. I'm just saying like, Steve, I would pick the Doritas. Get those Dorita chips. Maybe he just had Doritos. Oh, that's actually

true. I'm sorry, you're a question. No, so the guy is like looking for his part. He hears a scream so he goes into the laundry room and oh my God, there's this dude's head in the dryer. And from there, that is like the first of three or four decapitation in this movie.

And my question is, what are we doing? Because he doesn't do that. Like, he's not, he's not the decapitator. Jason Voorhees in that way. Like, he's a stabby, stabby, or a strangle, strangle. If you want to switch it up and he, like, he can't find a butcher knife, he takes, like, a hatchet, fine. Sure.

Have your decapitations. But, like, actually, that would be an interesting way to change up the franchise, give a different weapon. Yeah, it's a pre-hatchet, too, so you can go wild. But it's where you're going, yeah. Yeah. And then he chops out a chase. tree. And he founds

our new country. Murderland. You didn't see where he was going actually. First of all, this country is called Murderland. Second of all, it's a pretty dull butcher knife. I don't think it's even physically possible. I don't know how you're getting through that fucking spine. It just makes no sense. I guess you're doing like kind of

a havesy and then you get your elbow grease. He's counting cartilage and where the bone meets. It's just like it's just out of character for this serial killer to all of a sudden, the fucking ninth movie or whatever it is eighth movie start just fucking cutting heads off he's just hunched over

yeah I don't think the filmmakers understood how hard it is to decapitate a person All right you know what I don't usually talk but now I'm talking how how hard is this can somebody get me something it's twisting it oh my god take forever

so anyway yes sorry they're up on the roof. The cops go, I heard someone complaining down here. I love this roof sequence because it's like Michael Myers steps onto the board game mouse trap. Dude, you stole the words right out of my mouth. That's exactly what this is. He gets scooped up in a little like rope trap. A leg noose. What is this? And she's had all this equipment up there. They make mention of like, oh yeah, she's on suicide watch. We keep finding her up on the roof. Because it's like clearly she's been Michael loves cheese. Put the cheese in the block. Oh, and the laundry basket's going to fall on him.

Oh, no, she left a piccanic basket out there. Don't wake dad. That dude, that don't wake daddy game is fucking weird. It sounds weird. I never played it my side. It's like, you have an abusive father. Don't you better, you better fucking be quiet. That's what it is.

It's like, you better be quiet. This dude's going to wake up and start hitting us. There are like 3,000 pornos called that. That's why you shouldn't be calling your fucking game that. Do they wake him up in the porno? I don't know. And then he enacts his revenge. so he's upside down held by his own leg

and you know she's like here it is Michael we're all going to hell tonight and she's ready to kill him or she's ready and here's the thing she thinks she's just going to drop him off this roof and that's going to be that like this dude has been like Superman he's been shot a million times

he's a resputin dropping him from a building is not going to kill him yeah but then she has like it's this and I didn't notice it until this time watching I've seen this movie a couple times It's like, oh, you know, the last time I tried to kill him, I accidentally killed this other guy. Yeah.

So, don't want to make the same mistake twice. Now I have to see that it's him. Maybe she was like, I'm going to cut this rope. And because she's been like planning for so long, she cuts the rope, he falls into a box that has a bunch of spikes in it. Then you go down, you run downstairs really quick. He's impaled on all the spikes. You close the box. You put a lock on the box.

Yeah. Then you put grenades in the box. That is the Michael Myers. You're going way overboard. All you have to do is burn him till he's ash. That's all you have to set him on fire and he's nothing. You got set up fire in part two. We're going to put Michael Myers in a lockbox.

How big is this lockbox? You know, she gets it from like a magician store. Or like a torture factory. A big and tall magician store? Listen, the first, okay, movie opens. A Halloween resurrection. Pans down to a magician. store. What's this?

What's going on here? You're intrigued, aren't you? Exactly. It's something different. She buys the block box. Yeah, like a David Copperfield thing. It's on wheels already probably. Right. She gets the hatchet for the hatch someone in a

half trick. Oh, see that box you're looking at there. Looks like you're peeping the Tower of London model. Oh, you're calling from a mental institution. Okay, that's the fifth one we got this week. Sure, we deliver there. All right. So, yeah, what's it, what are you talking about?

What's the dimensions of your assistant? Six foot four, two, 80. Ooh. Hold, that's got to be a problem. Yeah, sounds like a custom job there, pal. Can it can't even fit you in the O2 David Copperfield just got it in, by the way, very nice. We call that the Andre. Now, we got something, if you had something like a five foot four petite lady, I got, I got, I got oodles of stuff. I got clearance racks.

Lady, normally magicians just put tiny girls in boxes. Don't know what you're planning here, but sounds interesting. This is like an Adam's family situation, or what are we doing here? Okay, just came in special order, but call it the beef box. Oh, man, I want to die in the beef box, dude. Come down, pick it up. You need a for forklift. Do you got a truck?

You're going to need a truck. It's either for Michael Myers or Rush Limbaugh. Oh, I'd love to stuff that fat fuck. in a beef box. So it does not happen because like Andrew is getting at before we had on the stupid tangent. She was worried. You mean great tangent, by the way. She was worried about, oh my God, what if it's another fat guy with a mustache under this mask?

Also because those nurse, the one nurse is like, yeah, she killed the wrong guy. Father of three. I was like, come on. Listen, we got to stop acting like fathers are more important than other people. That's actually true. You know? She killed the wrong person. Oh, you know the guy she killed?

Can you believe how bad this girl is? She killed some guy who came in a girl and then made a baby. You believe it? The guy had sex. Three times. He had sex at least three times. She killed him. She killed a guy who had sex at least three times.

What a tragedy. Exactly. So. Anyway. But yeah, she goes up there and whoops. When she gets her, he grabs her. And now they're both hanging. And the rope breaks.

The rope. The road breaks, they're both hanging from a ledge or something. Yeah. And, like, Michael's about to chuck her off the roof. And she kisses him really quick. And she does say, I'll see you in hell and jumps, which is, I think, a pretty good ending. She doesn't jump? Where he gets, he throws her.

He stabs her in the back. Right, yes. And then she does the kiss, which is just what are we even talking about? It's stupid, but I do love, honestly, your last words of this mortal coil being, I'll see you in hell is always a pretty good move. Yes. No, I appreciate it good. I'll see you in hell. I'm planning on doing that just whatever. Yeah, exactly. Whatever I'm doing when I'm dead, whoever happens to be there, my lovely wife, no, I'll see you in hell. Because you know, Cabin, that that's where you're going.

Yes. So it's like, if I see you there, I see you there. And I honestly expect everybody to be there. Or at least, you know, visitation rights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You come down. See old Chris Cabin. I want to pre-book a little bit. Kayak that. Yep. This is a, I'll see you. You and hell, Northern California's premier magic shop. Bobby speaking. What kind of box you need?

Don't need a box. We also got a chicken box now. It's good for choking in. Having a special this week on Magic Mirrors. Oh, well, she also says to him before that, are you afraid to die, Michael? Yeah. Do you think he's going to respond to you, lady?

He hasn't fucking spoken in 30 years. He's not afraid. afraid to die. That's been established of well, I've been thinking about it a lot lately and after you're dead for 45 years or whatever it's been, you think about a lot Lori and actually no, I'm ready to go.

I've decided to leave my jumpsuit to you in the will. But the thing is, I don't understand why they had to go through these gymnastics about she killed the wrong guy. He always comes back. Like, if this movie just started and Michael Myers came back

from the last one, no one would blink an eye. he's back. But I think they felt the need specifically because of the decapitation. Because I remember at the time when I saw the movie, I was like, oh, fuck. Well, that. No one's ever decapitated Jason. Well, I was like, wow, what a 20th Halloween movie I just saw. Can't wait to go back and watch the other 19. Or it could be like that X-Files episode where the guy grows his head back. Oh, shit. Yeah, that would be something. Just make him undead. That's what they did with Jason. Right. The end of this movie, they kind of hinted that.

A little bit. And so he comes, he pulls himself back up. She falls, down like through all these trees you see her it's referencing the shot from the end of the first movie she's laying there she's dead uh he goes back downstairs he passes by this two he thinks harold the clown guy and this is when harold starts you know spouting off he's like michael meyer is born october 9th uh 1957 there it is he's a boomer Of course he is. Look how much he's destroying people's lives. Of course he's a boomer.

And he starts reeling it off. And what he does, do you recognize this though? Did you catch this? He makes reference Harold does to part one, part two, and then jumps all the way to part 20. Yeah. So this movie deemed it necessary to cut out four, five, and six. The Halloween Astro does as well. Oh, does it?

Oh, I didn't remember. It assumes Jamie doesn't exist. Oh. That's a fucking bad rub for Danielle Harris, man. Your character's just written out of this franchise. She was in, she starred in, or at least two sequels. Well, by the way, that now makes it three continuity she's been written out of because she's written out of this continuity. She was written out of the zombie continuity. And now she's written out of the new continuity in this new movie. That's, wow. Yeah. God damn. I would love it if somebody referenced number three and just like randomly and like, don't you remember in that far off town, the toy maker who killed half the population? This isn't any spoilers or anything, but in the David Gordon Green movie, you see there's a couple shots of kids have Silver Shamrock masks. That's fun.

It's kind of cute. But he does on his way out, he kind of gives, it's like that famous football commercial where the guy gives the other kid the towel. Oh, Mingo Green? Yeah, he gives the guy that knife like here, kid. And he even flips it around. He gives it to him handle first. Love it. So is this to Chris?

this point is this an ingenious trick like now he's got to pin the whole thing on this guy or is it more like you know what kid a little something for the fans you take that you tell him mike gave it to you I think it might be it's pinning it on this Harold guy because there's no there's no element in this movie of

because there's no Luma's character so there's no like Michael Myers is back he's at there's none of that in this movie so like I think it might have been a thing where it's like yeah take it dummy yeah here you go here's this good handle over that Harold didn't give him a coke or anything.

Actually, though, but we are told throughout this entire opening sequence that we've been talking about for 35 minutes that there's like security cameras everywhere.

So I think it would be kind of hard to pin it on poor Harold. But nonetheless, we move, I guess. At the end of the movie credits. Wow, what a movie that. What a short fucking Halloween

fan film that you convince Jamie Lee to be a partner. Instead, we go to Haddonfield University. Which is mentioned in part six funny enough. Was Loomis just doing community classes there or what? Now I'm teaching.

I'm teaching serial killers 101. The days of Loose Loomis are gone. They're behind me. I've settled down and now I'm just an academic. I've said too many fucks in my life, children. And we're just introduced to this character, Sarah. She's now, I guess, the lead protagonist. And it's another just bullshit.

Like, a teacher is reeling off something and the students are kind of paying attention. This movie does jam pack a lot of like refs to the other movies. And this is very similar to that. But she's like a psych major or something. Bianca Kaelic is her name. Yeah. And she goes to Haddonfield University. She's got a bunch of friends.

And the whole thing is like this group of people, Katie Sackoff. Starbucks is her like best bud or whatever. they've been entered in this television well it's a webcam show reality something or other basically I mean it's MTV sphere essentially like basically yeah yeah yeah and like

the weird thing is like there's so many ways to make this movie better I mean like A if you didn't have that intro thing just make this a found footage movie like honestly like it was found footage Michael Myers it would age probably poorly but it would at least be like kind of well but not counting Blair

Witch which was like the OG found footage in a way because I was like Were we in in 2001? Were we in the found footage craze? I mean, that's what that MTV's fear was. It was all kind of, like, you know, that's what they had cameras on them, was to sort of mimic Blair Witch.

I'm with Steve on this because I would have never watched this movie if that was true. And so I'm all for this. Actually, I think it maybe could actually make it better. What you do is you do it like security cameras to start. Oh, I like this. Like, it's just fly on the wall. instead of just someone walking around with the camera. Horror verite, dude.

Exactly, because in the house, they eventually position a bunch of cameras. There are cameras on the participants, yes. But there's also cameras in corners of the rooms and stuff. I think it would be kind of cool just to see him killing in the asylum with security cam footage. And then you have to figure out a way to get him to the house, but whatever. I mean, you don't see him get to the house. It's literally just like, oh, here we are on the old Myers place.

Michael Myers is to show up. E.P. He does. That's a movie. My question, though, was, were there movies that were like, this tape is the only thing that's like, like, were those movies? Aside from Blair Witch, which was the mother of all. I'm trying to rack my brain to figure out

what was the one that, like, did that, but then set off. Wasn't it paranormal? It was a paranormal. I think it would have had to be. But, like, anyway, you're right. It's a better idea. It's a little more intimate, Because, like, this movie, like, kind of, like, putters around for a bit.

We meet all these kids. It's, it's, uh, Bianca, it's, uh, Katie Sackoff, uh, and you got, uh, Thomas Ian Nichols of Rookie of the Year and American Pie fame. Yep, he's in this. He's the rapiest of them all. This kid is a fucking, Rosenbruder. Rosambeger. Stop, but.

Stop harassing these women, Rosenbagger. And also, Sean Patrick Thomas, for some reason gets it a credit, a special appearance by Sean Patrick Thomas like he was Marlon fucking Brando. Do you know why? Why? Because of all of these people, Motherfiger had the best agent of the bunch.

Because what, listen, it's an appearance. Just like everybody else appeared in this film. There's nothing special about it. I am honestly surprised they didn't say, Save the Last Dances and his name. They could have done the full one if they wanted. Because that's it.

Look, yeah, that was a pretty, big movie for the time but come on what are we even talking about? Special appearance, Tyra Banks maybe like you know what I mean? Or special appearance bust to bust dude? He gets first fucking Billy yeah. Tyra would be the move because

she's not in this a lot. Yeah so that's a special appearance he's like I mean like Sean Patrick Thomas is just one of the kids in the movie you know what I mean like he's like what it's like Katie Sackoff and him are friends with Sarah then there's Thomas Ian Nichols is the rapy guy there's some like scumbag

Artie guy. He's from Rectify. He's the lawyer from rectify. That's the only thing I know. Oh, wow, really? And then there's like a brainy girl as well. She has the unfortunate The critic. She has the unfortunate last name of McCracken. This actor's name is Daisy McCracken as Donna.

McCracken. Right. That's Bill Murray in what was that bowling movie? Kingpin. Yeah, Kingpin. Oh, that's right. Ernie McCracken. This woman, Ms. McCracken, was in 3,000 miles to Graceland. Oh, boy. Yeah, stay tuned to half. Buster Rhymes is running.

It's a web show. It's not on television. No, not at all. It's a web thing. Right, so update your real player. That's, I mean, listen, 2001, that's what we're dealing with. It was not even really possible. Like, it was tough.

Yes, I remember even seeing it in the theater at the time, I was like, how is this working? Like, how cool of an internet connection do they have? If you were downloading it from LimeWire and it was going at a good clip, you could probably stream it at the same time. But I don't know the website you go to to do this. The quality of these things, like, there's no lagging at all. Like, the cameras go out sometimes,

but it's got nothing to do with the internet connection. It's got everything to do with like a fucking body fell on it or something. Remember that documentary We Live in Public? Absolutely. That was really great. That's a big recommend, actually. And that's like mid-late 90s, like, webcam shit. But it looks like garbage as it should.

And Michael Myers is only in a little bit. Only in a little bit. In the club scene. No, no, I like this. This is great for this art installation. This guy just standing there. I love it. What if that's what Michael Myers does on his, like the other 11 months, he's a great artist.

He's just a quiet painter, you know what I mean? Landscapes mostly. Thomas Cancane type of shit. Yeah, exactly. cottages. He's sitting across Marina Abramovic. Yeah, exactly. And then every Halloween's like, oh, fuck, got to put the boots on again. I mean, this is how I make my money so I can do the, you know, the dream job. It doesn't pay off. I got to do the thing that everybody expects me to do. And then I can do the stuff that I love.

The other 11 months. He's just walking around that party and Midnight Cowboy. Makes perfect sense. Can I take your mask? so Buster Rhymes is running Danger Tainment Oh man I'm understanding it is Wow I realized

If it was gonna be that You should have gotten mystical Why Danger Oh shit You're right Thank you for the reminder I realized when I saw this movie

For the first time It's very entertaining to hear Buster Rhymes say two expressions Aw shit And motherfucker The delivery on these two is fabulous. I don't know what the push for Buster Rhymes was. If it's the Buster Rhymes movie, make it the Buster Rhymes movie.

Because he's in this first scene and then he's in the last 40 minutes and it's really the Buster Rimes movie. But there's a big chunk in the middle and he's nowhere to do. Well, Steve, he's got a show to produce. I guess so. What was the movie recently? He played the older brother to somebody and he was really good in it. Because I was like otherwise... Call me by your name?

Yeah, yeah. he's in Italy it's a nice time call me by your name and I'll call you by mine oh shit I mean like he was like

okay and narc yeah but they were pushing him for a while I mean he's not a bad actor at all not at all but so you know

we meet everybody we're about to go to the thing we watch Buster Rhymes in his hotel room watching Kung Fu movies very important gang holy shit

not only is he watching Kung Fu movies he's narrating his life at all times when no one is around him he is just narrating his own life it's awesome because he's like he's doing that and he's watching it

and he's like oh yeah like look at this dude this dude's whooping these guys asses yeah all while he's smoking his cigarette and I was like I know I'm watching the clip along with you thank you he's like oh wait someone's knocking on the door who's knocking on the door and I'm watching these whoop ass movies dude he is

I guess I got to get there going to move my left foot I'm going to move my right now oh god Now I'm fully walking to the door. I'm going to put my eye up to the peephole. I'm going to ask who's there. I'm feeling like I have to piss. I'm going to take a pit. I'm going to walk over to the bathroom and piss into a toilet.

Better wash that toilet. Oh, forgot to say that I was going to unsiped my flies. So now I just pissed my pants. Then we're going to go do a turnabout and wash the hands. I forgot that too. Washing the hands. A little soap there. No, no.

We got to go back. I didn't say I was turning off the fauc. and now I'm turning off the faucet. Oh, well, I'm already out of the bathroom. I forgot to say I was drawing my hands. I guess I'll just say now I'm wiping my hands on my pants. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking. But that'd be the best of you because it's Sarah and she's like, oh, I don't know if I could do this. And she's like, I'm not like everybody else. I know you're not like everybody else. You're the final girl. I'm the final girl.

So I have to blah, blah, blah. And like, I mean, she doesn't really have clear motivation one way or another. She's a pretty bad character. She literally doesn't want to be there. Like it's Katie Sackoff's ideas. She's like, let's go. It's like only the two of them, I think, are friends. No, no, Sean Patrick Thomas is a third friend because he's just in this movie, everybody.

And he's also, this is an obnoxious thing. He's like, I guess he's like a dietitian major or something. Because he's just like criticizing everything that everybody's eating the whole time, like a cop and a bad 80s movie. Not only that, like, in the interview where they're auditioning people, he's talking about like, Hitler was malnourished and that's why he was like mean or whatever. I'm like, what are we doing? Oh, right. He basically says that Hitler was a genocidal madman because he was a vegetarian. Right, exactly. That was the best part of Shoa.

When they get into that. Michael Myers is only in that a little bit. Oh, actually, also that, because that's sort of like their audition scene or orientation or whatever. This is really stupid. Like a light, they're like filming the testimonials or whatever. They're like, why do you want to do this and stuff? A, like a set lamp falls behind Sarah, and she screams and, like, glass breaks. Did you catch that?

Yeah. What the fuck? It doesn't come back at all. She's a scream queen now. What is she, like, Banschie from X-Men? Is she going to scream at Michael Myers and push him out the door? I feel like it should have came back somewhere. Yeah, of course, it should have.

And then he, like, the one time ever, something phases him. He can grab his mask dears and go, oh, no, he's, like, venom. And that's, like, the sonic thing that makes a mask pop up. Well, he does, did you notice that? Not to be labored talking about this prologue anymore than we already had. But when she is cutting the rope that he's hanging from, did you notice he starts, like, grabbing his head? Oh, no.

And I was like, like, he puts his hands over his ears. I think he's trying to trick her into taking off the mask. He's pretending he's trying to take off the mask. Oh, is that what it was? Oh, Michael Myers is a terrible actor. He's like, oh, I could be a guy. I don't know who I am. I'm finally going to find out what my brother looks like.

I thought he was just doing like, ow, my freaking ears. No, no, no. Oh, all right. I'll never mind. But she goes into Buster Rhymes. She's like, I don't know if I want to do this, blah, blah, blah. And Buster Rimes is like, now I'm listening.

Now I'm listening to you. And he's like, no, don't worry, you should do it, I said. No, but it's weird because, like, this thing, the thing that, what they're doing is they're going to the Myers estate on Halloween night, and the idea is they have to be there all night and they have to find out why he did it. What are you even talking about it? And it's not one of those things. things where it's like, oh, and the

last one to stay in the house gets $10,000. Exactly. The person that gets the most freaked out loses, you know, or whatever. There is no goal to whatever this game is. And I'm sorry, like, what you're, to get ahead a little bit, just a little bit of a spoiler alert, Buster Rhymes has like put a bunch of fake shit in the house to make it like spooky scary. But like, what is, what is the end

result? What does Buster Rhymes think the end result is going to be? He's making a pilot. That's what his point is. That's to me is what this whole thing is. But this is being broadcast on the internet. Like this is for an audience. Yeah, but it's coming up, you know? There's people who are watching it.

But again, like, there needs to be like a shape to the thing. You know what I mean? Oh, the shape. There needs to be the shape to show up. But it's just a weird, like, yeah, you, Buster Rhymes has to stipulate, like Steve said. Like, you have to stay in here all night. If you get freaked out, you lose. And everybody who stays the whole night gets $10,000 or something like that.

But instead it's like, yeah, find out why he did it. What the fuck are you talking about? The greatest scientific minds of the last. 20 years, couldn't figure it out. The greatest scientific minds of the last 20 years? Yes, Dr. Loomis. No. That perverted DJ? That's right.

I'm going to figure out why this boy killed all those people and also look at some rad titbage. Oh, I failed miserably, haven't I? Oh, boy. Not at the titage, I didn't. But the thing is nobody, this whole franchise

loses everything that Loomis is gone. Yes. And like, you... Oh, yeah. And you tried to make like Laurie Strode like the new Loomis and now without that you've got Buster Rhyme. So now it's Buster Rhyme. You got Buster Rhymes watching some old kung fu movie. Because that's something that all the movies have in common is that it is about

him and like where he comes from and his mythology. This is just like okay he's there, he's killing people, but whatever. Sarah's supposed to be a psych major. She should be the Lumis stand in doing like a penny to to Buster Rhymes' Inspector Gadget, correct. Oh, my God, Buster Rhymes as Inspector Gadget. Fuck you, French Stewart. Eat shit.

I want to watch Buster Rhyms. Seriously, right, it would be better. Could you imagine if Inspector Gaggett just yelled out, oh, shit? It would be fucking great. Or he's a woo-ha, you know, that's... Yep, not a woo-ha in this one. No, nothing.

A couple of fucking hi-ya's when he's doing Kung Fu later, which let me tell you, you don't see it coming out of his mouth, that is ADR high yacht and you can fucking keep it. Nobody, nobody, nobody puts their hands where his eyes can see. It's just terrible. So they get to the fucking house and Buster Rhymes is like, all right, everybody, I will see you guys tomorrow. One of the, the camera guy gets killed by Michael Myers.

Tyra Banks is like Buster Rhymes is like sidekick slash maybe girlfriend, maybe not. I think she's like a co-investor in danger tainment or something. because there's a part where like the and the games begin kind of a thing and they're like they're in a tire of banks like little they've set up like a control room which is in like a shed yeah next to the house and they're like cheering with like glasses of red wine you know like to danger tainment or whatever and it's like what are you doing here are they supposed to be boyfriend girlfriend that's what i thought it's unclear uh they seem to be yeah they're pretty chummy my favorite part of the whole movie is tyra banks is telling some like uh doughy camera dude to set up a shot and while he's doing that she's making herself like a latte it's disgusting and she's like dancing around frappuccino man we are right in 2002 dude yeah we are making a specialty coffee drink that is topped with not just a huge thing of a whipped cream but she gets like a sugar daddy candy bar it like dumps it in it i was like what god damn it and i'm getting diabetes just looking at that and she's having the best time of her life while this guy gets impaled by his own

equipment. It's so funny. This dude, they're doing like a full-on fucking, uh, peeping Tom Reference here, which is pretty great. Where did you get this fucking tripod with the knife at the end of it? Yeah, I don't know. That dude brought it from home, man. From the estate sale of that movie that happened fucking 40 years ago? Really great movie, by the way. It's great, but dude, what are we talking about with that? And like, oh, that dude has a

fucking horrendous line too, because he's talking about like, Tyra Banks is like, just fucking shut up and set up these cameras and he's like, high angles are scary. Low angles are scary. Medium angles are not scary. And she's like, fuck you, do your job. He's like, I went to the same film school, Stephen Spielberg, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, yeah, you're working on fucking

real player, the television show, buddy. And as much as this stuff is of the time, some things never changed. They fucking strap their camera to her ass. Oh, my God. Of this fucking dance thing. Lord Almighty do they ever. That's something. And yeah, she's just listening to like early aughts R&B

making this drink while this doughy dude gets murdered. By the way, we cannot lose track of one of the creepier parts of this movie, that weird fucking high school freshman that's catfishing Sarah via chat rooms? Oh, I love this. Who never comes in contact with the rest of the movie? What a pointless. You want to talk about padding shit. I have to ask Eric this. Yes. Were any of your usernames ever deckered? No, no, no, no. I wasn't as obsessed with Blade Runner as I might be today. It's a shame. So, no, this is not based on me. I was wondering. I was Just one down a little bit.

6-9-6-9. Yes, exactly. Like, we cut to this dude. His buddy dude, man, his buddy's like laying in on him because he wants to stay home and watch this webcam series that his internet girlfriend, Sarah, is going to be on. And this dude's like, buddy, you're a fucking loser. No, man, it's Mickey Stern's party tonight. And that's when I was like, oh, my God, Mickey Stern.

Well, of course you got to go. but it's uh uh they're college freshman not high school freshman oh i thought they were high school fresh because i think they're in a dorm at this first scene yeah that's a oh okay and he's like oh yeah we got invited no freshmen's ever been invited to this party and he's like well yeah that's because your sister got us in or something and i'm like you guys aren't characters the movie is like miles away from you yeah no literally and figuratively need to come in contact with michael meyers or else they should not be in this film like well that's what i didn't understand like are these guys

matriculated at Haddonfield U. Are they in the Haddonfield U dorms or is this guy in like fucking Nevada? That is a great question. We know, we do not know. I think he's in Area 51. But it would make, if he was at

Haddonfield U, you would think that he would have met up with this girl. Yes. Yeah. And like, and then ran to the house to like save her. I was misremembering this movie. I was like oh yeah, here's this kid who like sees the webcam and then runs to the house that would make sense. Nope. Well that would

be great if like you built a character out of this kid where he like he does go to the same school as her and he knows who she is and he sees her but he's just too nervous. He's you know he's scared so he doesn't do it. Yeah and I mean but like no nothing like that happens but he also like

represents like that whole gang at the party. Yeah. It's like the audience. That's what you're supposed to be. Usually that character or those characters are in the action. They remove them completely. No one leaves Mickey Stern's birthday

party. I mean, Halloween party. I think that's how fucking sick this party is, dude. Or you expect it to converge. Somebody's like, well, isn't that right next door? And then, like, Michael Myers throws somebody through the thing. And now we're doing something. Yes. Anything like that. Well, it's like if there was,

an Empire Strikes Back, if the whole movie, like, you keep cutting back to John Ratsenberger, watching, like, a control tower. Like, I don't know. Luke's been on Degabon, an awful long time. That would be amazing. Buster Rhymes, as the games begin right here,

he's like pushing them all into the house. He has a great line. He goes, uh, let the danger tainment begin up in this motherfucker. I was like, yes, Buster Rhymes, more of you, please. Also, here's a thing. Is this legal? Who owns this house? Who owns this house?

But the other thing that happens is what you find out very early on. All these kids go in, they lie. them in. No one can, no one is allowed to leave, which I do think is illegal. It is. Have to be able to leave something. You don't have to think about it. It is. Locking a bunch of kids in a fire trap, yeah, might be a problem. But here's the thing. What is it? What's the permit sitch for danger attainment? Illinois law. I don't know. I think Rod Begloyovich was governor at the time. Yeah, his famous let him burn bill.

Well, also, how about how about a good old fashioned throw a chair through a window? Yes. What are we doing? That's the thing. Try. Try because then, you know, if it bounces off, you know, Buster Rhymes has some line like, oh, yeah, I put fucking bulletproof glass there for whatever. I want to watch these kids burn to the ground. But like, there's a porch on the Myers house. You can throw the fucking chair through the window and get, what are we talking about the door is locked?

So the kids start dying one by one. One dude, I'm sorry. I just because one dude, he says. The scuzzy, like, music major guy says to the red-headed woman, uh, you've got great legs. What time do they open? Yeah. And I was like, bring on Michael Myers anytime now.

Well, their whole banter thing is the most, one of the more annoying parts of this movie. Like, it's like, it's so late 90s, Kevin Williamson nonsense for shit. You're right. My least favorite line in this entire movie and maybe any movie, which is like, you're a music major. If I slept with you, that would be tantamount to lesbianism. And I'm like, the flying.

fuck is anyone talking about. What does that mean? No, you can't. It's that Kevin Williamson thing where it's like smart, quirky quirk and like, it literally means nothing. But at least Kevin's Williamson's smart quirky quirk shit made sense. No, the whole point was that somebody said lesbianism. And tantamount.

Tantamount's a fun word. Tantamount's a big word, yeah. Tantamount to lesbianism. Sure. Which is like on the road to, I guess. He... We're on the road to... He's a woman.

Like, I don't... If you... If you were to sleep with a male music major, you are sleeping with a woman. But what does the music major part have to do with it? You know, because he's not a sculpture. Shut up. Shut up. It's because he's not a footballer.

So the first one to go is Billy. He tries to scare Katie Sackoff is like the party girl who's very ill-defined. Katie Sack-off, you could tell, yeah, did not really have a handle on whatever they wanted this character to be. Better movie, by the way. the kids and you switch something out it's a you get another battle star galactic person in there edward james almost as the old professor yeah and now's it come on michael meyers you son of a bitch let's go to hell tonight you think you're hot motherfucker you think you're hot motherfucker wait this is on a web camp that motherfucker's his username is deckard i was in that god damn

move your fat ass the rest of the movie is just almost and fucking Myers going out a three hour fight everybody else leaves it's just them throwing each other through walls Edward James almost looks like he's wearing a mask anyway between masked people fighting each other

it'd be great Michael Myers is about to kill Edward James almost like wait let me look at see it under the mat wait that's your face oh he's pulling at the mustache yeah Thomas Ian Nicholas is like sexually harassing Katie's off through this entire movie. He's like, come on, flash for the camera.

You'll light up a thousand screens, baby. I also had a false... I was an American pie, by the way. I'm kind of always jerking off. He's also like, you'll be famous. You know, you could become a newswoman, which is like for motivation in doing this. Just flash your fucking tits at the kid,

the webcam. I had a false memory here that you fucking kicked him in the balls without having. And I was like, well, why didn't you do that? That should have been in this screenplay. Give that dude a swift kick to the nards. And then he looks in the mirror and Myers is there. He rips him through the mirror and stabs him in the head, I believe.

Yes, it's a big headstab. But this is another, like, you're not fucking Jason Vorty's. What is it with the face through the mirror? What are you doing? It's almost as if the people who wrote this thought that they were writing a Jason movie. Yeah. And just had no fucking understanding of like what the limitations of this character. It's supposed to be the same your mama's Michael Myers, I think, a little bit as well.

Well, clearly with the presence of bust to bust and the kung food movies. and the whoopass, but come on. It's not a franchise that's big on shock and surprise. You're supposed to dread him. He's like, he cannot be stopped and you see him from afar. That first movie is all atmosphere. And the second movie, directed by Rick Rosenthal,

like, also continues some of that dreadful atmosphere. H2O still has that a little bit. It absolutely does. It's not a very good movie, but it's like, there. But it's better than this, and it kind of understands that a little better. Wasn't that written by Kevin Williamson, actually? Yeah, there we go. Bet your lesbianism is in that one.

So I know what you're all dying to hear. Yes, they do get to Mickey Stern's party. They decide to go as they're dressed as Pulp Fiction. Jules and Vincent. Yes. I got to tell you, Eric Siska, this was the most surprising part of the movie for me. Yeah. Because the dude that's dressed like Jules, I was shocked he was not in blackface.

I was like scanning for blackface. It's clean. It's still not the best couple costume you could do as two white kids. No. Sure, but he's got the Afro and he also puts an Afro pick in there. I'm like, you don't see that movie, you motherfucker. Samuel Jackson does not have an Afro pick in his hair.

He also doesn't have like a fro that big. Like this dude's wearing like a fucking undercover brother wig. Well, it was in the garbage. One of the people actually calls him out. I give that credit to this movie that somebody's like, are you serious with that costume? Oh, does somebody say that?

Somebody has a line like that. Well, the one kid. I think it's Michael Myers. Oh, oh my God. He looks through the computer. Oh, well, you know, at least you're not in blackface. I'll give you that. Decker, though, has the line

he's like, to the buddy Billy or whatever. He's like, he's like, hey man, do you think anyone's going to get that we're supposed to be from Pulp Fiction? I was like, come on. And come on. The answer is, of course. It was 2001, of course. There was

a lame costume, though. It was just a dude who was clearly on the football team just wore as a football uniform. You see that guy? That guy's pretty good. That's my guy. That is a Chris Gavin costume you're right there. You just wore a shirt from home. My favorite costume. So they go to the party and Deckerd is like, oh man, but it's Sarah. Because he's like, he's been messaging Sarah forever. And like, she's like, you're going to watch my big show, right?

He's like, yes. By the way, they're communicating be a palm pilot in this film. That's what that was. I kept calling it a Newton. It's kind of a Newton, but it's like that palm piloty nonsense. Yeah, wow. Dude, that takes me back. Palm pilots. A Palm Pilot for the Palm Pilot. Oh, well done. So he's like, oh, I got to watch her. So he sneaks off to, like, the computer, he finds the, trust the nerd to find the computer room.

Dude, when you are at, you are the guy in the computer room at the big party, oh, go. Mickey Stern's party. This is once a year's shit. It's the party of the year. This couple barges in making out. Oh, yeah. And like, they fall over onto him. And the dude's reaction is like, you big perv.

We almost fucked on that nerd. Yeah, for being in this room before. I entered it. You're a pervert. It's an awesome exchange, though, because the guy's like, the fuck you do it in here. He's like, oh, I'm watching the Danger Tainment serial killer thing. You want to watch it with me?

And the guy's like, no. And the girl goes, oh, yeah, that's cool. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's cool. Well, the guy is dressed like Archie from the Riverdale comics. Get out of town. Yeah, it's a fat Archie. He's a big, he's a big doughy dude. He's got the freckles and he's got the big R on his sweater.

Oh, I didn't even notice that. that's it's an archie costume yeah how about that i was just worried that uh this dude's jewel's costume was going to get ruined by getting fucked on i was waiting for this guy to wail on this nerd oh yeah it's like you just cost him a blowy yeah oh you dude first of all blowy second thank you let's let's retire that one immediately you know it's 2002 in this room now what this movie needs to do is yes that kid needs to run to the house yes he this kid, okay, so what happens is this kid gets the ever-loving shit beat out of him,

okay? He gets beaten by this by this jock. And then he runs to the house and eggs Michael Myers to chase him and he goes back to Mickey Sturge's party. Because also, how fucking rad would that be? You just gave me a good idea if Michael Myers makes his way to that party

and just bursts in and starts fucking going to town. That's great. Well, also I like your idea as like a heat-seeking missile. Like you kind of redirected. it to your enemies? I love this idea. He runs like past the archie guy. And you know, I think we talked about it

when we talked about the Jurassic Park franchise, but like put, you know, how we put dinosaurs, like put them into warfare, right? That's where they're trying to go to in Jurassic World. That's what Dinafrio wants. Do it with Michael Myers. Do it with Jason.

He's dropped them into a war zone. Absolutely. I just, now I have this image of Decker, like teasing him on, like dropping weapons. Come on. He's just collecting them all. He's got like a lead pipe. There's a lot of people having sex in this house.

And he's like, yeah, I know that horns you up. Brian, come on, come on. Just a couple more bucks. Toss down a chain. So I'll pick that one up too. So some of the characters in the house start getting a whiff of like this might be fake. Yeah.

I was called them Sean Patrick Flannery. Which I actually thought that, yeah. Oh, Sean Patrick Flan. Sean Patrick Thomas. Because he's like the chef guy, he's like, oh, do you want to see what 40-year-old whatever oregano smells like or something like that and then he's like oh that's weird this is fresh and then he pulls like a knife

out of the draw and it's like totally clean and sharp and everything and even the beginning of this when they're walking around like they walk past his high chair and it's got chains on it and like it's stupid but at least and it's all turned out to be fake like if that's the movie then that's the movie

it's like oh man we're really learning what's happening at the Myers house but the fact that it's fake is so fucked up and I think that Danger Tainment is heading for another lawsuit because they're basically saying like this real life family you know these real life parents

tortured this baby by like chaining it to a high chair and chaining it in the basement Danger Tainment's got bigger issues than that Spoiler alert Tyra Banks gets fucking ganged in this movie off screen off screen don't even see it It's a shambles there's no way you get it

I mean how does what is Buster Rhymes the exit strategy after this fucking disaster I think he just he has to acknowledge that it was a total failure and move on. Like, he's an entrepreneur, he'll find another thing. At the end of the movie, he plays hero, you know? He's like, that's how you have to do it. You have to just pretend that you solved the murder problem.

That's right. He'll be getting, you know, invites to conventions and shit. The key to the city. The bus arrives is not getting the key to the city. Really? Not for Haddonfield? I mean, I feel like if you, if you create a dangerous situation, it goes bad. Well, he didn't create Michael Myers.

No, but he... Yeah, I don't know. He gave him some chum in the water. I don't know. I think he's going to go to Cleveland and sell them a monorail. Oh, yeah. He's going to go to Cleveland. And then he's going to set up a new webcam house.

It's like, this is where Harvey Pekar lived, guys. It's so fucking creepy. Let's see if you can survive the night. I'm still here. I'm not dead yet. I'm just working on another book. I don't know what you guys are doing in my fucking house. So then there's all this weird shit about there's like all these fucking basement chambers and whatnot.

So musician dude and critical studies major redheading woman go down to the basement and she just decides to turn on a dime and get down to fucking. She's like, I don't like you. I don't like you. I hate your guts. Hey, I'm taking my shirt off because it's a movie. Right. She's Donna, by the way. And I think the other dude is Jim.

They fall over a bunch of fake scary skeletons. They don't fall over shit. A wall falls on them. Oh, that's right. Like, they're getting down. Like, they take off their little headsets and whatnot. And one of them is still conveniently placed so, like, the internet broadcast can see this. Again, by the way, trouble for DangerTayment.

Now you're just broadcasting pornography. That was the point. Cut to a cut, cut, cut, cut. Make the wall fall on them. Did you have an adult's material fucking warning up top? I don't think so. It's the internet, dude. It's all pornography.

Everything is secret pornography on the internet, including this show. We just said Blowie earlier. So he's actually toasting with Tyra while this is happening While they're getting down And this is the mission The mission of the show is to show Yeah, you got a bunch of horny teens And a bunch of rooms

You know somebody's gonna blow somebody I'm just saying I don't think you can broadcast Penetration without some kind of notification That'll tell you where day Closeups The camera is right I'm not saying there's gonna be closeups But the camera is right there

It's a perfect angle to film all of the fucking. Well, no. Danger Tainment clearly is going the way of Girls Gone Wild. That's after all of this, that's where you have to go sleaze, hard sleaze after this. Can I tell you guys the funniest line in this for me? Absolutely.

Amongst all the silly bullshit he's strewn around the house, one is coloring books and like they're like colored all outside the lines and like they pick it up and the line is this is all wrong. And they're meant it as like, oh,

is a disturbing mind at work, but I'm like, I thought they were saying, oh, there's not colored in the lines at all. Her hair should be yellow. That doesn't make it. That's rainbow bright. I thought it was going to be a thing where like Sean Patrick Thomas looked at like the copyright on this coloring book. And it was like copyright in 1999. What the fuck? Yeah, but no, it's not. So all this stuff falls on them. He's like, oh man, these are fake corpses. I'm going to go tell somebody. Made in fucking Taiwan is what he says. And Donna's like, oh, there's a weird tunnel. Let me go down it by myself. And she goes and she finds

rats that Michael Myers was eating, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. Well, we were told from the very beginning, dude, from the first film that he ate that dog. Remember? It's the great line where Donald Pleasins is like, he got

hungry. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, he's a vampire, man. It's like Lestat when he was just sucking rats. Oh, no, wait, that's Brad Pitt's character. What's his name? Oh, gosh. Gary. Statt Gary. It's like Tomas, maybe.

Whatever. Doesn't matter. No, it doesn't. I'm just saying it's another cinematic rat suck. Lewis or Louis. That's what it was. Here's how you know that fucking danger tainment's in deep trouble. It's because he makes this fake wall with all this fucking body parts.

He saw the hole with the rats and the fucking little place where a psychopath was hanging out. I think it's a thing where don't we see that there's like a second wall that falls over or something of it? Well, because also, yeah, and like the music guy finds like a key that they put in the floor and it opens this door that they go down. What are we? What? Just what? But I think it's a thing you're supposed to assume at this point that he's just been back living in that house for a year. He's been hanging out. He's just been hanging. Eating rats. Chomping on rats, coloring. Making his way through infinite jest God, all these fucking footnotes

this is pointless as shit he impales this woman on a spike on a fence oh right, yeah Donna Donna eats shit the dude, the other guy there Jim he gets a, it's a good old fashion Jason Vorhe's head crunch I think

because this is when Jim runs into Buster Rhymes dressed as Michael Myers Oh right and this is this really pathetic moment where he's like and then everybody basically everyone left in the house finds Buster Rhymes

Like hey this is all fake This is all bullshit He's like yeah look We'll just shine it on He's like don't worry We'll all make well out of this Because of the profits I'm like what he says

This is just really dumb This line he's like I've made an arrangement So that by the end of this We all make a lot of money On the back end I was like the back end Of this real player broadcast

That is over with He's going to send it to the cabal of 8mm freaks. Oh, machine's going to buy this for like a cool mill? Oh, the really rich people that hire machine. I think that's just a line for him to like get them back on track. And then afterwards, he's just going to be like, yeah, that didn't pan out. Oh, my backer fell through. Yeah.

But this is when Katie Sackoff dies. She finds actual Michael Myers and she thinks it's not. Yeah. She's like playing around with him and he cuts her head off and it rolls down the stairs. He kicks it down the stairs and I'm like, again. And with the decapitations, what are we doing? You can't have two decapitations in a movie. One fell swoop.

Yes. Yeah, no. Like he's got a guillotine for arms. Yeah, it's so stupid. It's a butcher knife. Even a cleaver that would be difficult. Yeah. And what's awesome is they're watching this on the web broadcast.

Now, like, Decker has this whole huge... The computer was filled with the entire party and they're watching this shit go down. And, like, everybody's watching it as if it's like a horror movie. I wish Buster Rhymes could have seen this because this was his dream. Yeah. You know, this was what Danger Tender. was built on. No, this is not what

Danger Entertainment wants all those people to go back to separate computers. Oh, you're totally right. You could be ganging up on one stream, man. That's right. It's not helping my numbers. What a fucking rip off. You're totally right. By the way, you're not allowed to play We Hate Movies. It's only one, in headphones, FYI. You have headphones with a buddy, that buddy's got to have headphones. That buddy's got to have

headphones. That buddy's got to have headphones. Separate devices, separate streams. And body cams. And body cams. And we've got to broadcast it on We Hate Movies. We've got to do our own Haunted house thing, right? We should. Right?

Danger Tainment right here. It's just us talking about movies that we like. Or we can go back to where I grew up. Yes. Oh, man. You were actually chained to a little child seat. Steve Silt uses a high chair when we go out to restaurants. But it's ridiculous because like, so the head gets kicked down the stairs and everybody's like, yeah.

And Decker, it's like, no, I think that was real. And then the people in the house are stairs. at it like is that i mean do you think that's real i'm like there's a fucking head there come on but i love i love vini couldn't even pull that off nope i can't but i love what i love is he calls up the cops and he's like there's something going on at the meyer's house blah blah yeah i know it's i know it's illegal to call the cops for for a hoax and blah blah blah right but like i imagine it's like that old wigham bit where like everyone is calling the the illinois police and it's like yeah yeah yeah not a woman was a decapitated on two

gotcha what's that whatever mr jackass i'm gonna write it up on my invisible typewriter officer down yeah a head was crushed on the let me write this down the internet okay great whatever that is i just feel like if you call the cops like yo somebody got decapitated at this address you have to send a unit out there yes exactly you have to go out there and be like hey buster rhymes the fuck is going on also it's the house that like shit happened at that one time condemn the house by the way. Absolutely.

Do us all a favor. Bulldoze it. Yeah, totally. Dude. Salt the earth. Start over. Look at a dog park. In memory of that dog he ate from the first movie.

Exactly. Name it after that dog. Yep. Oh, man. He just goes back. Like all these bags. He just shows up. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

The Puddles Memorial Dog Park. Oh, no. I have no home. Oh man, yeah, homeless Michael Myers. That would be awesome because then it's like, oh, fuck, he has no anchor anymore. Yeah, sure. You know, now he's just a wild man going wherever. He could go to Jersey.

Then he meets up with Jason. Or California. They should have done this first. They should have gotten rid of the house before he went to California. That's actually true. So, yeah, we're just, we're going around. By the way, he does head crush the one kid. Yes, he squeezes that dude's skull.

I got to say, this is another fucking black guy for danger tainment, not for nothing. because now you're just broadcasting death videos. Now it's just snuff. Like, Buster Rhymes, I feel, you know, at the end of the day, he's like, yeah, I'm the hero, blah, blah, blah, and he walks away. Uh-uh. The litigation is right around the corner. A wrongful death for any of these people.

Wrongful death long lawsuits. Probably a bunch of stuff from like the town of Haddonfield themselves. You know, this dude, he's doing time. Those contracts they signed. I'm not 100% there was a lawyer who put them out. Yeah, no. I'm going to be honest with you here. dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you just sign them. There's an awesome scene. There's an awesome scene where Buster Rhymes is walking around in the Michael Myers Meyer's costume and he bumps into Michael Myers and he thinks that it's the cameraman and he starts dressing him down. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. And like, that should have been like, am I remembering this right?

Then they just kind of like part ways. Yes. Michael, Michael Myers is like, well, you told me Buster Rhymes. Totally. It's like a duck soup moment. I think Michael Myers thinks it's a mirror He's like

I'm yelling at myself again Oh boy One of those days And then he walks I just yelled at Michael Myers I can't believe I yelled Michael Myers Now I'm just walking in this creepy old house

Walking around with my left foot Then my right foot again And oh man I'm gonna put my left hand To my left pocket right now Oh my god It's Buster rhymes Oh God I can't say

I can say hi to him or anything Oh God that'll be so embarrassing He's my favorite He's my favorite There's a magic bit of filmmaking in this movie, a little filmmaking trickery, because before Katie Sack of is decapitated, we see that, I don't know where she produces this huge bong from. Oh, yeah. And she's just hotboxing Judith Myers bedroom. Jesus Christ, that's a morbid shit. Busta threw that

into. Oh, yeah. Listen, if you were like, you got to stay in this haunted house, but there's like a bunch of weed there. I don't know. I'm not getting high in a haunted house. No, thank you. I need my faculties about me in case I need to do battles. I'm not actually Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, by the way. Well, dude, but that's at least my motivation dude, because they always get out alive. That's true. So the secret, I think, is to be

high as a kite. Oh, no, Shaggy, your motor skills were failed you and now you're dead. Oh, no, Scoob. It was an indica. I'm sinking into the couch. I had my fingers crossed for a setiva. My brain would get going. Oh, fuck, man.

And now it's just a bunch of murdering for the most part. John Patrick Thomas in a special appearance, by the way. He uses two knives and starts like trying to cut up Jason because he's like, whoa, whoa. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Is everybody okay?

Yeah, I'm glad you. Keep it in. Keep it in. They have to know. I'm so glad. They have to know. We pump the brakes for that one. My God.

Michael. Michael. There you go. Oh, man. It's apples and fucking hand grenades with those two. They're so different. They're so different. See what he does?

Everybody. Everybody listening to you hear what we go. It must be so great in that fucking tower. Well, he's got the two knives because he's a chef. Well, yeah. Okay. By the way, just for that, going forward, it's a special appearance by Stephen Sadek. And every single episode in a special appearance.

Gotcha. Okay. The Bronx is Stephen Sadek. It's just like, yeah, he's like, he's trying to cut him up. And then Michael Myers, like, pins him to him to a. door with some knives. Yeah, just gets stabbed the old fashion way. Thank God it's not another decapitation.

Great about this, though. He stabs him like twice to the door and then he goes, fetches another knife out of a drawer to do look, to make sure he stays up on, mounted onto this door. So he stabs him a third time, you know, just so he doesn't

fall down. Oh, crap, is this a old bearing body? It's around this time. Hey, you're a chef. What do you you for a rat what's your rat recipes i've been just gnawing on them raw um it's around this time that dekert is like oh maybe i should start chatting with that palm pilot and i didn't understand what's going on here because one it's not his computer no uh and then two so is he using the danger tainment chat is there a chat interface i think i think he's got a secret palm pilot that he's also

I thought he was like, click and he clacket. Maybe it's like a, it's an AOL instant messenger. He's using it on the computer and it's sending it to her. Right. Yeah, I think he can text from the Palm Pilot, but he's just doing that for like the stream, I guess. I don't know. But he's so he starts giving messages to her, like, he's like the eyes and ears in the house directing her where to go. He could also be more helpful.

He could be a lot more helpful. He's not very specific and his timing's very off. But also, I mean, how could you get the time? right like that's true the time first of all who knows what the lag who knows what the stream is like she's fucking dead on the floor and then 30 minutes later he's behind you

god she's not doing what I say it's very odd okay I got the I got the message to her and oh oh oh that yep her throat's slit oh boy okay oh now I see the phone vibrating yep that's the that's what that was but yeah like she's the last she is the final girl at this point

and she's running around the house Buster Rhymes And one of five times He fights Michael Myers And is presumed dead The first of five times He finds him And like he's like

We're gonna get out here tonight Sarah Don't worry about it Even though I've locked all the doors And I will not unlock any of the doors Why didn't you bring your keys with you And like to Eric's point Like let's just take a fucking chair And throw it through a window

Let's see what that looks like But also what was the end game here Because everyone involved in the show Is inside the house Right So who's going to unlock those doors? Don't tell me there's like a fucking timer. Well, no, she's in the basement.

We're about to get there. It's not the basement. It's a shed that's like on the side of the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did not pick up on that at all. Even though she is dead, they assume she is alive. She being Tyra Banks. Yes, okay.

Now, when they get to that. This house will not unlock until dawn strikes. Yes, now it's a fucking saw crossover years before that first movie came out. Because why not? I love when they find Tyra dead. Oh, Michael, you love rats, huh? One of those rats is poisonous. The butcher knife you like is inside that dog.

But which one? You have to eat all these dogs. You love eating dogs, you sick, son of a bitch. I have cancer. Yeah, we all know you have cancer. Yeah, you got cancer. Okay. That's cute.

When they find Tyra's body, it's brilliant because Sarah slips on all this blood. It's like a river of blood. River of blood! She's strung up like the predator got her. Like, like she's just bleeding all this blood, these buckets of blood. She should have

her skin removed, but she's hanging from the ceiling like a predator trophy. I didn't even notice that shot. I just noticed the pool of blood on the floor and I was like oh, she was killed off camera. She is killed off camera. No, I know, but like I didn't know you even saw her. You do. She's like, she's dangling. She doesn't even know it.

she doesn't know it she's dead she doesn't know that she's dangling that's correct Buster Rhymes gives Michael Myers the first of many roundhouse kicks to the face

we are talking Mikey Myers by the way dude he's call it a Mikey and Mike through this whole thing are you in a personal relationship with this guy

hey Mike Mike Mike and then like Michael Myers throws him through something yeah Sarah goes to

the other she's like doing a bunch of stuff. Decker's like, turn to your left. Turn to your left. New ammo. Talk to this village merchant. I think there's a power up in the next room.

Haven't responded in a while. Eat that mushroom in the basement. It's a one-up. That's right. This is though, like when Buster Rimes is fighting him, isn't this where Sarah puts the cord around his neck? And Buster Rimes does a jump kick

and kicks him out of the window and he's like hung? Oh, right. Because then this is like, oh, good. the movies over with and then he cuts the cord or whatever and gets back in the locked house and nobody can get out of the locked house even though there's now a window with a Michael Myers hole through it there's I think Sarah gets on the roof at one point of the roof oh roof pardon in Illinois uh and there's a hilarious like Michael Myers sticks his head out like it's a fucking he hawk cameo and she kicks him right in the face great face kick he's not that big

in this movie no because I don't know who this dude is you need a professional rassler. Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, I guess it's closer to the actual first shape. Right. George Wilbur himself. But, RIP. I don't know. I don't think so, actually. You're on the roof. Do fucking jump off.

Yes, exactly. Or like, shimmy down the side of the house or something. It's better than whatever Michael Myers has stored for you. A broken, a turned ankle. Yeah. Don't go back inside the house of horrors. Just break that ankle and hobble away. Exactly. So now we're in the shed.

Sarah's alone with Michael Myers. Michael Myers is going to get her. She pops out with a chainsaw. That's right. I was like wrong franchise. And she's like, this is for Jen, who's Katie Sackoff. And this is for Sean Patrick Thomas in a special appearance. And then she says, yeah, she's naming some of them.

And then you realize like she forgot the rest of the people's names that she's not friends with. Because then she just goes, uh, and this is for all of them. This is for Julia Stiles, who's supposed to be in this role. Better movie. And then, like, the chainsaw kind of craps out. A spark lands on some oily rags or something. Because then, like, there's a fire that's happening. And then from the flames, Buster Rhymes emerges.

Dude, just like a Phoenix, man. He's back and starts fighting him again. He gets pushed into his shelf again and falls down. And it's like a big fight or whatever. This is when he says, trick-or-treat, motherfucker. That's a good one. I mean, you know if you're in the audience opening weekend for this awful movie. Trigger-treat motherfucker, thunderous applause.

That gives the audience a second life. Yeah, I can attest that that actually happened. I'm sure, yeah, of course. The place went apeshit. He said trick-or-treat-motherfucker, that happened. And then Buster Rhyme's best move in the film, I think. Oh, here we go. He takes a cable and electrocutes his dick.

Never before in the franchise, have I seen that. Well done. And then the whole flip mode squad shows up. Now his penis needs a little mask. It's all burnt and shit. Oh, your dick is burned, Michael. Welcome to my world. This is the Loomis from hell yelling up.

Nice job trying to get it up now with your scarred cock. That's why I want a trench coat, you asshole. Michael, get your chock. on dick away from there. Are your nipples pierced? They will be down here. Oh, fuck, dude. Dr. Lewis is running around with centipides.

And then, like, the electrocution makes him fall back into the fire. Buster Rhymes just starts yelling burn repeatedly. Also hilarious. Burn. Motherfucker burn. This is what I think, like, that's the thing, is you get the trick-or-treat motherfucker. Thunderous applause. You got to kind of

you got to do the old, the old Jerry Lewis. Yeah. You got to go out on a high note because he has the trick-and-treat motherfucker, the theater goes wild. Then he's yelling burn, burn, burn-burn, burn-motherfucker and it's like, hey, I'll get a little tepid. And then, like, he's trying to get Sarah out of the shed and before he goes, he's like,

hey, Mikey, happy fucking Halloween, which I feel is a thing a drunk Ninja Turtle would say. But it's also like that's when the audience is, you lost the audience already. Yes, I guess. You got the first one. Huge, woo! Yep. And it's just you overstayed your welcome, dude. The room is cold at this point. Even though it's

literally on fire. The room is cold. And by the way, go outside, get a thing of gasoline and come back. Keep going. Just to make sure this is all ash. Or at least get it in an ambulance and instead of going to the morgue straight to that crematorium.

Yes. Call the dude, be like fire up that fucking kiln. I got a special one to burn tonight. Toss them right in. So yeah, that it's like it's over with. It's the aftermath. The news all shows up. The news shows up. We finally realize we've been in Canada the whole time.

Oh, there's a thing right at the beginning, though, there's Canada, man. Remember that dude that comes into the dorm room? Oh, what does he say? It's like when Katie Sackoff's trying to sell Sarah, like, on the show, and this dude just, some fucking creep walks in, and he's, like, just kind of being creepy

about Michael Myers or whatever, but, like, it's the most Canadian person that's ever lived. That dude bleeds maple syrup. That guy is horrible, because he's also, like, telling them about Michael Myers while fondling their underwear.

Oh, that's right. He's sniffing panties, dude. That dude should have... I thought that guy was going to be a part of the team because I was like, you got to butcher for that panty sniff. You've got to die, dude. Well, that's your stinger. Oh, he rised again and killed Panty Snipper.

But, yeah. Ooh, that was pretty scary on that big old house there, right? Canadian National News, hey. I mean, Illinois, yeah. Oh, yeah. What was that hosier doing in there? They're trying to interview Sarah, and she's like... What's a masquaboot?

she says uh she just utters thank you decker yes oh yeah and he gets a little boner uh yeah it's like it turns out he was a replicant thaw oh fuck yeah did he picks up the little origami that's right yeah yeah hey dickert some men never really live some burn then again who does yeah oh man and then this who are you sir i'm your gym teacher edward james almost i also by the way because I'm done by a bad voice actor, sound a lot like loose Loomis. And then, yeah, the reporter's like,

oh, hey there, but can you just tell us anything about that Michael Myers fellow there? What was the deal with all that, golly gee? Oh, boy, Rob Ford would never allow this to happen. It's like a hockey player. And fucking dude Buster Rhymes is like, Michael Myers, you want to know about Michael Myers?

Michael Myers is a killer shark. Michael, and he just starts going off about Michael Myers. loser? It's like, what are you doing? And he breaks a camera because he's like, that's it. I've learned my lesson. I've learned my lesson. I'm like, you know what Buster Rhyams? Just, just, just. Got a job working for Canadian news, motherfucker. He'd have to, oh, he would high-tail it to Canada after this one. You have to. Dude, he is unhireable. Um, and so they go, uh, he does go to the prologue. Go to the morgue,

uh, epilogue, my friend. Oh, excuse me, yes, epilogue. I'm drunk. Uh, no, but it's just a dumb, like, these are two characters we've never seen before, and the guy's like, I got a celebrity for you, and this woman's like, whatever, it's late. And he's like, no, no, no, it's Michael Myers. Guess I'll leave you alone now, bye. And she flips the fucking blanket

down. It's like, the mask, which looks better totally charred, by the way, and melted onto this man's face. Also, the paramedics might have tried to remove that already. Yes. Yeah. But they didn't. Yeah, exactly. And, like, the eye opens.

and that's wow fucking great that's the end of the movie I couldn't even believe it I could have used some 2001 like jams there's no like real music in this movie

not a lot of music license like switch foot going on oh I think you meant like a space odyssey orchestral 2001 jams oh then at the end of the movie Michael finds a monolith

turns into a baby oh fuck Michael Myers star child I'd buy it we have some Wilco maybe yeah totally dude get some Yankee Hotel Fox Trot tracks on there This needs to happen.

We need a movie where Michael Myers is going in somewhere to murder this party of stoners and they throw like a spright bottle of acid in his face. And then it's just like Jupert to be on the Infinite and he's like murdering like himself as an old man. And like it's like fucking like what is going on. Dude, it'd be awesome. It's like it's Michael Myers.

He still has the mask on but the hair is all gray. Is it a really nice robe for some reason? Yes. That's a man. What a bedroom. Yeah. Beautiful. I'll take it.

Yeah, movie over. I have a question. Yeah, sure. Because this is, this speaks to the nadir of the early 2000s, especially for the slasher genre for franchises. What you, I'm giving you a Sunday afternoon, you got to watch something. It's Freddie versus Jason, Halloween resurrection, or Jason X? I would personally vote Jason X.

I will second that. I will third that Freddy versus Jason maybe I'm kind of leaning Freddy versus Jason E Freddie versus Jason looks better It does but it's a bad It's a bad situation

No matter what Russian roulette right there I think either Case though It's definitely not this movie Yes No Which speaks to would anybody recommend it

No there's nothing here I mean like there's no I mean like Katie Sackoff went on to do good things And that's kind of it We got a special appearance by Sean Patrick Thomas He's an excellent use of his time Buster Rhymes is the best part of this movie

Yeah But like he's a spice that needs to be It's a dash of Buster Rhymes Or he's in it the whole time Yes I can't have story Yes because I can't have like 50 50 10 minutes up top And then like the final 40 is the Buster Rhyme show

And you can't do the whole freaking The Prologue with Laurie Strode Just garbage It doesn't belong in this movie Yeah no thank you No I mean you're you If you turn Busta into a character, that might be

something. But the fact that he's just him. It's just him doing his lines and like acting wild. Oh, Professor Buster Rhymes. I like this. Professor Rimes. I'm also a no, I would say, watch We Live in Public instead. Battle Star Galactica

for Katie Stacoff and Edward James Almost. And of course, Blade Runner. All fine horror franchise. You know what? an add-on Save the Last Dance. It's not that good, but you know what? It's better than this. It's something. God damn it. It's a movie. She's awesome. Yeah, no, I wouldn't recommend it. I would say

save your time this week and go see the new David Gordon Green Halloween because it's awesome. Yeah, man. And that is Halloween Resurrection, and I fucking totally recast my vote. This is the worst Halloween movie. So someone, something make a little asterisk on the fan wiki. I

changed my position. This is the worst movie. I flipped the last two, too, too, as well. I don't know if amendments happen, dude. Listen, we can leave it to the fans who moderate that shit to decide on their own. This is being recorded Wednesday, October the 10th, 2018. You've, this is a declaration. You're fucking flip-floppers.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, if they want me to live with more shame, I've done it before. You want to talk about my legislation. You can't fucking hold a fucking position. This is the dangerous part about adding an amendment to the show is because then Steve's going to quickly like staple on his fucking crazy legislation. and then we're going to have the floor vote

and that's going to get passed by you guys wanted to do this amendment. It's just how the government of podcasting works. I read the whole Christmas tree bill. I know all the little parts that are going into it. Oh, really? You read? Yes. There's too much fucking pork on this bill, man.

That is Halloween resurrection from 2002 directed by Rick Rosenthal. If you want more We Hate Movies, head on over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. Tons of bonus stuff there. Star Trek shows, cartoon shows, bonus apps, commentaries, the whole bag. Bonus episodes on Van Helsing. This is going to be a bonus commentary on Nightmare on Elm Street, the remake.

That was a lot of fun. Totally. So go check all that stuff out or, you know, find us over on the HeadGum Network as well. Rate and review, wherever you download your podcast, that would be greatly appreciated. The Halloween's spectacular rolls on one more week. Two more weeks, my goodness gracious. A blessed five-week October. I love it.

Steve Sadek, what's coming up next week? Oh, we are going to the WB. staple of actors with urban legend. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, I rewatched it recently. It's stupid fun. It's a lot of fun. It's also very Williamsony. Yes. I think you had to wrote that or maybe it's something to do with it. We'll find out next week when I actually do research. There you go. So until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Special appearance by Stephen Sadec. Chris Cabin without the ego. Yeah. Eric Siska, surprised that Steve does research.

Take it easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, death is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wickham Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. They're sick for fucks using one too many movies.

Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative. Put the fucking looser in the back. That was an excellent day for an exorcism.