We Hate Movies - S9 Ep385: Episode 385 - Urban Legend

Episode Date: October 23, 2018

On this week's all-new entry in the 2018 Halloween Spooktacular, the gang is tackling the Old Navy-styled, totally hip, post-Scream talky-talk chiller—Urban Legend! Why did Brad Dourif have to be creepier than usual when trying to save that woman's life? Why is there only one campus security officer for the entire school? And how is that dean allowed to just ban the police from campus? PLUS: Loose Loomis ain't got nothin' on Tara Reid's call-in show! Urban Legend stars Jared Leto, Alicia Witt, Rebecca Gayheart, Michael Rosenbaum, Loretta Devine, Joshua Jackson, Tara Reid, John Neville, and Robert Englund; directed by Jamie Blanks. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

oh my my we are back doing the Halloween sputacular for another week and it's urban legend i'm Andrew juppin Stephen say that Chris Cabin Eric Siska and we hate movies we all go a little mad sometimes you know it's Halloween I guess everyone's a title of one good scare sometimes that is better Zombies have entered the building, they're at the door, they're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wickham Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks using one too many movies.

Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies! Movies don't create psychos! Movies make psychos! Movies make psychos! What's a fucking loss in the back? What an excellent day for an exorcism. Couldn't have done like a hook on the door? Chris, hook on the door. No.

Just let it go. How about Eric Legend? Wait, wait, rewind. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. It is the second to last Halloween spooktacular episode.

And I've got to tell you, I'm already sad. One, because the. spooktacular is coming to an end. Two, because we're talking about urban legend from 1998, directed by Jamie Blanks. Let me just say that you do not need to be sad because some people might not know this, but right now, available on patreon.com slash we hate movies is a full episode on Van Helsing. So your spook, Tocular could continue. Exactly.

That's it. Could continue tomorrow. For some folks, the spooktacular is five new episodes. For other, smarter, better people. The Spooktacular is six episodes. Eric, you said spooop, and I was like, I was wondering what spooop. I'm a little tired today, but I've- Spooop.

It sounds like a sloppy poop. Spooop. Oh, man, I went to my grandma's house. I didn't flush it. Sorry, Grandma. Oh, man, I went to the theater to say urban legend. I spooked all over the screen. It's a scary shit.

It's like when you shit and you look down and you're just horrified, like, what did I eat? It is a spooptacular. Boy, I'll tell you what, this is the second time for me in like a month watching this movie. Because this was sort of like a late addition to the lineup. And fuck, man. What a struggle the second time around. I think it's a fun movie, actually. It is.

I'm in the camp of fun movie. It's fun, but, you know, it's still urban legend. Well, sure. With this movie is if somebody took their love of urban legends a bit too far. Which sounds like the plot of scream, which somebody took their, love of scary movies a bit too far it's almost as if it's the same movie just changing the thing that's an interesting idea that might that might work out you could do that with anything right like like someone takes their love for rocks a little too far and it's a geologist oh the geologist

everyone's just like being a postmodern about rocks yeah wouldn't that just be my bloody valentine oh yeah there's minors in that minor minor horror well i hope they continue well i hope they get their jobs back, first of all. That's true. I hope all of them. I'm bringing back work to the haunted miners. I especially love the one that was in 3D. We're going to give them spooops, unlimited spooops. We'd have sent into the law to subsidy for spooks.

Don't we love spooops, folks, don't we love spooops? You know, I love golden showers and especially spooops. Even Russia doesn't know it, but I love spooops more. No one's got a tape of that yet. I have special underwear for my spooks. The Saudis might know about it, but you know, we're good. You know what's weird? The start of this movie, this like Phoenix Pictures logo.

Sure. Do anybody think it's like that match lighting at the beginning? It was like the beginning of Are You Afraid of the Star? That's instantly what I thought. I was like, Amazon. You idiot, Bezos. fucked it again. I thought this was enough

Are You Afraid of the Dark motion picture? I think there are episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark that are scarier than this fucking movie though. Well, there's a clown one so that's immediately like that's checkmark for me. Or the one where like the little girls

a fucking porcelain doll look out below. Speaking of spoobs. Yeah, exactly. You spooked when you saw that? I spooked a lot watching that show. No, I mean like it was one of those things when I like you had started the episodes

really scared but then by the end I'm like that's that's so scary well because by the end of it you're just back with all those fucking Canadians sitting around a campfire well it's scary about that because the clown one it was like a clown bed yeah like in the simpsons yeah is it oh yes and I was like oh so it's a cartoon okay I can distance here are you front of the dark was scary than goosebumps goosebumps was for babies yeah those for babies that's baby that's baby shit that's American baby shit I honestly don't remember either like episodes I remember them existing. I just don't remember... You know what my all-time

fave? Are you afraid of the dark episode is? Oh, let's go for it. It's the one with Ryan Gosling, where he plays a kid who's obsessed with death, and he owns a hear hearse, and he turns the radio dial, like, all the way to one end, and he can, like, hear voices from beyond the green. Does he seduce

an old woman? Yeah. Does he? Does he... Is he a granny shagger? No, it's... It's not Harold and Maude. Harold and Maude. But I think he's just fucking old people, though, anyway. Oh, cool. is Harold and Maud, is that like the premier granny shagging movie? Oh, definitely. That's like, yeah, yeah.

When you do your vows, when you're getting the old granny shag wedding, my big fat granny shag wedding, when you're doing that, you quote Harold and Maud and your vows. Oh, yeah, you have to. So that's like the Oscar one. We need like a popcorn granny shagging movie. I'm sure it's coming. I'm just, you know, we're way off the rails already, but I don't care. Yes.

The final episode of Age Gap Lover, which we're first. to. Yes. Did anyone get that far? Not at all. That's only you, man. It's a magician. He's like a teenage. You don't have to say anything else. He's in his early 20s. And the woman's only in our like late 50s. It's a more reasonable age gap. It's the most socially acceptable episode yet. And he put, he got her whole fucking family

into a room, man. And he made them disappear. He made his dignity disappear because what he did was he did this like big Alice in Wonderland magic trick reveal of Will you marry me? And she's like, oh, we'll have to talk about that. No.

Oh, dude, my asshole just clenched, closed for business. No spooops for you, my friend. Oh, my God, that's humiliating. It's worth watching the last episode. Now I'm tuning in. This movie is, you'd put this in. It's a small-ish sub-genre, very specific. It's what I like to call Post-Scream,

Y2K horror. It's where, it's where, you know, we're building a bunker, we're worried about computers. The snappy. The snappy, nappy. Much like how independent crime films of the late 90s and 2000s, like, aped Tarantino.

This is just aping Kevin Williamson. Every character is the smartest one of the room. They're all fucking hilarious. They have a line for everything. What I forgot is how much I hate everyone. Oh, yeah. There's no one like. Like, scream. You liked Some of them.

Yeah, and you should like Neve Campbell at the end of that movie. Like, oh, she had a rough go of it. Yeah. We're supposed to like Alicia Vitt in this movie, but no fucking thanks. No, no, no, no. Is that a hard V?

I've always said the hard V for the W. I don't know how she says. I don't know how she feels about it. I just also know that she was on Sybil. She was on Sybil for many years. As were most people on Sybil. So, yeah, she had like one episode

of The Walk and Dead. this is actually a who's who of the late 90s by the way. Absolutely. Witt or Witt, depending on who you know. Jared Leto. That's right.

Future Academy Award winning Joker. How about that? Popular film category, maybe. What is this? What is this Moobius movie? A Morbius. He's a vampire in that movie. Oh, great.

Oh, he's playing Morbius? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Which will definitely happen how the Venom was huge. So it's part of the Venomverse. Yeah, I think it is. It's like the, it's the so, it's the Marvel don't want these characters universe.

Man, I can't fucking wait. Can't wait for a fucking Mysterio movie or whatever the fuck. This is a movie about people of a lot of urban legends. We open on a dark and stormy night. Oh, a night. Much like tonight. And, uh, it's a woman driving a SUV of some kind. She's listening to a sultry radio program hosted by Tara Reed.

Uh, it's under. the covers with Sasha. I don't know. It's from the campus radio station, by the way. They're allowing this to be broadcast. That's a bit weird. It was crazy because all I could think about is when like Eric and I worked at the purchase radio station, it was so much like, you cannot say this, you cannot say that.

You cannot play like these songs before this hour. And Tara Reeds just talking about fucking sucking dicks in this movie. Like right on the air, dude. Well, the thing is, popular show. I learned afterwards was these are all urban legends she's telling. We start with replacing birth

control with baby aspirin. Right. Now that is apparently an urban legend. I guess so. I guess it's something that happened once. And or like you know, oh, oh, you my cousin's sister had to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, kind of a thing. Yeah. Yeah. You know what

urban legend they don't cover? And I feel if this movie was like made today or if if there was like a sequel, this would totally come out. That fucking thing, I've had people tell me this IRL, and I've heard people like talk about it on the internet, that whole fucking like, yeah, my dad's friend, he's a tow truck driver, and he was driving down the street at night,

and there was this limo that was broken down on the side of the road and in a flat tire. And he went and he helped fix this flat tire, and one of the back windows rolled down. And oh my God, you guys, who was in that limo? Oh my God, was it, um, a Star was born's Bradley Cooper? it was Donald Trump. And he asked this guy's information.

Boom. Next morning, his mortgage was paid off. No, that's not true. You're joking. That's a thing that a friend of mine told me in high school and I've heard people elsewhere on the internet like say that same story years before he was to fucking joke game show host. Well, we're run by Urban Legends at this point.

That's what all that QAnon shit is. It's urban legends given a voice. That's true. Andrew, I thought you were to talk about like, And back in that back seat was Rod Stewart, and he needed his stomach pumped because he drank so much semen. But yeah, that's one. I've heard that same story, but with Gwen Stefani, that was all over the middle school bus ride a couple of times. Richard Gears Hamster Romance, which is referenced in this movie briefly.

But so is the stomach pumping with this radio station, apparently, because like some girl calls in to Tara Reid and it's like, I just blew this dude. And it feels, I can feel sperm swimming. hitting my body. Oh, right. And she's like, should I call the evidence? The baby looked at you? They're doing a backstroke right now. And apparently, and I was looking through the Wikipedia to try to understand some of these

urban legends, and they say that's like a reference to that. The Rod Stewart thing, yeah, which is, I always heard Rod Stewart as well, not Gwen Stefani. Which means it had to have happened to Rod Stewart now. We have two-step verification. That's QN on, baby. That guy said it. I believe in it. Now it's our religion.

Well, it has to come from somewhere anonymous. That's a big thing. Oh, Q's telling all the good secrets about Rod Stewart. Thank you, Q, for telling the secrets of Rod Stewart. If you're listening to this and you believe that, jump in a lake and don't come up for air. So she's driving. By the way, another urban legend real quick is this podcast is funded by George Soros. Oh, that's right.

That's right. He's a big wig. He may be a patron. subscriber we're not sure he might also be the head of headgum i don't know he loves the nexus but yeah so i love that there's a great shot she drives by like a pristine gas station oh right well-lit it's beautiful and she's an urban legend she's also singing a tune here though she's total eclipse of the heart at this point because she's so wrapped up in singing she just drives right by and you see this like the gas needle just like bing bing she pursed through a quarter gallon it's a

It's insane. It's an SUV guys. I got to guess that's true. Gas guzzler. A comment. They had to pump that car's stomach. Siphon the tank, dude. Thank you, Q&Av for talking about pumping the gas out of

the Hummer. Oh, Homer. That's it makes perfect sense. Oh, my God. I never thought about that. So, she gets to the gas station. It is, wouldn't you know what Brad Dura, now we're talking Brad Dura. But this is what I love. It's like nice gas

station, singing total clips of the heart, an eighth of a mile later, haunted gas station. So she's honk and like she's in New Jersey, by the way, this guy's going to pump her gas. Because it's pouring rain. That's the only reason. But she's in Maine, which is you get off your

duff and you pump that fucking gas, dude. So Brad Durf comes out. Everybody, a light applause. And Brad Durf, by the way, the best my opinion. Best actor Associated mostly with horror movies.

It's kind of a weird distinction. Yeah. I mean, who else is there? I mean, Robert England. England is... You're right. I think you're right. He's a good actor, I think. He is.

Duref. No, not England. No, I'm saying, I think England is a good actor, but I'm saying, Brad, I'm agreeing with Steve that Brad Dorff is the best of the bunch. If you were putting on a play and you had to choose, like, I don't know,

Brad Dorff or Kane Hodder or something. And Kane Hodder as Romeo. Oh. Weird. She's like, where for art thou, Romeo? Right here, stupid. It's an angry Kane Hodder impression. He's a great actor.

But anyway, so he's like, and he's being Braddorf, which is creepy. I mean, like, he must have a good sense of humor. Yeah. Because clearly this is like, we need a weirdo. And, oh, who can play a stuttering weirdo? Here comes Bradduro. No, no, no, we really need the stutter. Yeah.

We can't make it with the limp and the, you know, look. But the stutter, like, makes this whole thing happen. So that's what I was trying to remember about this story, though, because I've heard the person in the backseat. I didn't recall a stuttering element. No, I think it's usually the way I've heard it is, like, it's another car driving alongside, hawking at you. You're like, oh, my God, someone's after me.

And what the guy was really trying to warn her about was the maniac in her back seat. Yeah, we're playing fast and loose with the actual. let's get there. This ain't your mama's urban legends, I see. The stutter is really just there for like just to drag it out, make it suspenseful. He does a bad, so she gives him her card a card

and he notices something, it runs back and then he comes out very nervous and he's like, there's a problem with your credit card, you got to come in and the company's on the phone or something in a big stutter and she's creeped out but she's like, all right, you know, I got to figure this out. Right. Which also a bad idea, lady. I wouldn't

know one go anywhere. I was like, you know what? I don't need guys that bad. Well, she kind of knows it. She's like, oh, fuck. And it's one of those, like, well, what are we going to do here? The car has no gas. Actually, he's been pumping already. Just drive away. She's got Mace in her hands.

She's like, all right, I'll go in with Mace. And, like, the thing is Brad Durr, just be like, hey, look. Put your hands way up. Put your hands way up. Write it down. Thank you. How about that? How about that?

Pen and paper, dude. Instead, he instantly starts locking the door with this weird, like, string, like, mechanism. And it's like, okay, this is creeped him. And you never do. to touch this woman. Like, that's A number one for you, Brad Doreff. Don't touch this lady. She's like,

lady, I got it. I got it. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no. Please don't. That's with mechanisms, that your house is built on mechanisms. You're a creepy peewee. Yeah, why the fuck does he live in a gas station slash fun house? Like, what is this shit?

So she maces him and, you know, that's Brad Drove's fault. I mean, you know, nothing to feel bad about there, lady. Not the first time he's been maced on camera and probably not. Not the last, to be completely honest. I thought she was going to, like, grab the phone and call 911, and she grabs the phone and she just throws it through a window, which is great, subverts expectations, and she jumps through the window. This movie's breaking all the rules, dude.

She's running to her car to get out of there. And then, like, Brad Dirk, like, jumps on her hood, and she, like, drives away. He's, like, it's hit by this car. It's a lot. I mean, he's really trying to save this woman. He nails the line, there's someone in your backseat. Yep. And she drives away, and oops, it's an act.

Yeah, it's my kid. kids asshole it's not it's a marauder and cuts her head off and then boom and then the car doesn't swerve off the road

and fucking go into a fucking rock right like how is this movie continuing it's like a short film because this SUV is going to flip right over drive off a cliff

whatever the hell's going on clearly a really curvy road while she's singing she's going back and fort like it strip it's going to roll over

over and explode. Sorry. How can you swing an axe? I know cars were bigger then or whatever, or they're bigger now. I don't know. Like, an SUV, it's big. I get that.

But like, take an axe, go into the backseat of a car. Yeah. Try to get a good swing going. I don't think you're going to have it. Maybe a hatchet. Maybe a hatchet. And also, yeah, to your point, Eric,

like physically, like, what are you, four inches away from the driver tops? You can get a good crank on that thing? Did you notice in the Tribune trivia list? things. Is that an urban legend about axes and backseats? No, but there's a thing about like whatever was written into the script, it was a smaller

car, like a Jeep Wrangler or something. And they were like, no, this has to be an SUV because you can't swing an ax in a fucking Jeep Wrangler. Although if it's a Jeep Wrangler with a soft top and it's down. Oh, then you get a real fucking good crank on. Yeah, there you go. You could choke up like David Ortiz. Yes.

This murderer, this marauder is built like David Ortiz anyway. That's right. Something to keep in mind. for the end of this film. Are we going to spoil it now up top or what's the movie here? I kind of think you have to. Yeah, sure. It's tiny little Rebecca Gayhart.

Yes. Nothing to loses Rebecca Gayhart. Noxema's Rebecca Gayhart. She weighs 90 pounds. She weighs 90 pounds. The guy that actually, and he's credited his killer in the credits, is built like the undertaker. I don't get it.

Do you think she's wearing like football equipment or something? I guess so. I need to see that, though. Maybe she's on another killer. his back. He got like David Byrne's shoulders. It's like I have this big winter jacket. I'm also wearing the famed big suit underneath it.

I've got a tape. I've got to play. Psycho killer. Yeah. That's exactly right. You can't come between us. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense.

There's also a great thing though. Again, Tribune Trivia, America's number one news source for entertainment bits. There's a thing about how in the original script, because it's set in Maine, it was supposed to be in the winter. The shoe was in the springtime, and they were like, oh, we don't have the money, nor do we want to bother with creating a bunch of fake snow. So we'll just set it in like spring or autumn or whatever. But the killer was written to have the fucking snow pants and the boots and the jacket. And they just left it. It's a big parker with a big furry parka.

And I guess that's like the iconic look they were going for. Oh, you're trying to create a horror icon with this. Yeah, it's park of pants. It's just not practical. You're trying to kill people and you're sweating bullets. You're running around in snow pants. Come on. What are you doing?

It's just so indistinct. I've seen people with those hoods before. And they haven't been killing people. She's dressed like Kurt Russell and the thing. Yeah. Kurt Russell's a hero. And we just had, what was it? I know what you,

did last summer has like the fishermen outfits. A little better. A little better. It is better and that's a better universe I guess. At least that costume is fucking time of year appropriate. Right. This might be a more fun movie than those movies. I would turn my key for that. So we're at Pendleton, we're at fake Pendleton University

and it's actually, I guess we play it off like we're telling us that urban legend to a bunch of people or something like that. It's a fake university. That's an urban legend. But it's a weird, like, are they talking about the thing that just happened? Or is it like, are we just so happening to, I think we're just so happening. And they're telling the same story. Everyone's telling urban legends all of the time. You know, it's weird. It's not unlike the opening of Drew Barrymore at the beginning of Scream and then they start talking about it right in the first scene at school. It's weird that it's like that. It's a little strange. But at least in Scream, it makes lots.

sense that they'd be talking about it unlike this where nobody knows that woman's dead yet. It's Michael Rosenbaum of Smallville fame. Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor and he played the Flash on the Justice League. Did the voice. Did a really good job everybody. Oh, in the animated

show? Speaking of bad t-shirts and people talking to you. Now here I am. Here I come. Yeah, it's By the way, did you see a Venom movie? Yeah, stay tuned for Worst of 2018. No, so, yes, he's telling it's Alicia Witt and the killer herself, Rebecca Gayhart. And Jared Lettow's sitting there. Oh, that's right. They're all just like sitting in like a campus like commune chatting about it. It should be urban legends you. Yes. You know what I mean? Like much like the tiny tunes go to Acme University where your concentration is in cartoon gags. It's like if David Fincher directed an episode of Friends.

Yes, you're absolutely right. Because they're on the couch. We're drinking coffee. Huge friends-esque coffee mugs, by the way. You see the size of these fucking things? You fit a fucking pig head in there. It's like the beginning of the saw I'm right an ex-burder. You're following that latte around. Hello.

So, but yes, it's like, uh, Jared Letto's playing Parker, I want to say or something. Sure. Whatever. Piece of shit. Jared Lettow has a piece of shit. I think is, wait, is it, Paul? Paul. Oh, yeah, something like that.

Or is it that's, he played Paul Allen in, oh, maybe that's a little chow or something. But he's like, oh, he's like blowing up Michael Rosenbaum's spot. He's like, oh, I think the way I heard it was like, this, that, and the other thing, you fucking dick. Oh, yeah. So it's like, who is the bigger fan of urban legends? What a bunch of colossal losers. Oh, my Lord. What about rural legends?

Yeah. Some scarecrows that come to life. No, I've actually, I got a few. I got two. I remember from growing up in the countryside. Now, one is great. It was like, hey, you know, down by the Asopus Creek there, one time a, get this, big city mafia guys buried some money over there.

Oh. Second or second rural. I better go out there digging. Exactly. Second rural legend. Oh, yeah, that's the, that's a field. UFO landed there. That's all of it.

We had a rural legend. Cabin, do you ever hear this tale? There was a thing. what the name of the dude was, but it was a thing where it was like, and this might be just a universal urban legend, and I just, I didn't major in urban legending. Yeah. So I don't know for sure. Oh, that wasn't one of your electives? No, but there was a thing, do you recall this story? It was the thing where there was a guy who was walking down like a rural road at night with his wife. His wife was hit and killed by a drunk driver who sped away. Oh, my God, that's terrible.

And, dude, so every night at the same time, this guy walks the road back and forth with an axe looking for the car. That was, that was, and I forget what they called this dude, but it was like, yeah, let's go out to that road and see if we could find Mr. Tisdale or like, whatever the fuck it was. And kids would like, I don't know if kids actually would like hop in the car, but it was always like, oh, we should go out there, man. We should totally go out there and find Mr. Tisdale. There was a pan. drunk and hit him scare him real good there is a guy around where I used

to smoke weed in the Bronx who would just come up to you and push his fingers up against his lips asked for a cigarette that's like an urban legend but he was a real person that I saw that's a ghost you carry with you oh dude I'll wake up screaming

sometimes because it would be dead silent you're a little stone and this guy's like oh that's fucking terrifying But so, oh, Jared Leto, I pulled up the Tribune page. His character's name is Paul Gardner. Paul Gardner, cousin of Paul Allen. So the, but like, Leto is like... I think the piece of shit's his middle name.

Oh, I see. Leto is like, you know, showing up Michael Rosenbaum. Who's Parker? Park. Oh, he's Parker. Yeah. Okay. So he's Parker. And like, whatever, Michael Rosenbaum.

And like, Michael Rosenbaum's like, hey, man, next time you write a campus-wide expose on E. coli, eat the burger yourself. which is like a bad piece of backstory because it's such a snappy screenplay it goes by in a second and you're like... By the way, Paul says that he almost won the student Pulitzer

for that piece of it. That is the most important detail of that Dick Swinging Exchange is he was this close to winning a student Pulitzer and I was like, is that a national thing or was it just for this urban legend you? Is that just something

you get to meet the dean? It's a piece of construction paper that says great job on it in crayon. He keeps on acting like his job is to be a journalist. It's like, well, no, you're majoring in that at school. Right. Yeah, you're not getting paid dittily squat yet. You know who reads this paper?

Students at this college. Five people. Tops. That's the other thing with students at this college. When the woman is listening to the radio station, I was like, how far is the reach? Because she appears to be out in the mountains somewhere. Yeah. I was like, Jesus, our signal barely got off campus. You had to listen to web streams.

Yeah, and just think about how weird that is. You're, like, you could, in this world, you could be like a creep listening to this sex show. Yeah. Done by a college student. Oh, big done. That's halfway. Hey, can you tell that blowjob story again? Is there going to be like a best of week at some point?

Again. Again. It's just this line of parked cars on the side of the road starting at where the broadcast signal is. it's all these middle-aged lonely motherfuckers jacking off to Tara Reid's sex show honking their horns for everyone to move up when the next guy gets there I'm outside of the way of the signal

don't be a dick bro, don't hog it don't make me double park I'll do it don't make you do it God damn it Jerry just drive to the front just drive to the front Hey no cutting he's honking off But then the tables are turned once again in this conversation

because in comes Joshua Jackson playing Damon Brooks. And he's like, oh. Nice these names. Because it's fucking late 90s garbage screenplays. They all have awful names and everybody's wearing Old Navy. And he's like, oh, oh, yeah, that urban legend, that's fucking baby shit. How about this one that happened right on campus? Oh, right.

So he proceeds to tell this story about how there was like a massacre at this frat house or some shit and the college covered it up and he's having a big party at his frat house to honor said massacre or some shit. That Mickey Stearns party? No, not Mickey Stearns party, unfortunately.

The Stanley Hall Massacre. Thank you. It comes up a bunch, folks. That's right. It's the Stan Lee Hall Massacre. I went into Hall H at San Diego Comic Con and killed 40 people, Marbley.

Excelsia, you're dead. So I'm smoking a joint with a talking axe. He told me to kill everyone. Really? I was just planning to go on in there and slay him with some cool movie news. And you know now the enemies, they know that they're going to get slayed. But, well, it's something, he says something about, like, if you go to the front door of this abandoned building, say something three times, blah, blah, blah. So Rebecca Gayhart and Alicia Witt go to the frat house to do this. Sure.

And then like Joshua Jackson pops up. Yeah. Or maybe this is where he pops up. Maybe someone else tells that story at the beginning. It might be Michael Rosenbaum again. Yeah. I think Jackson's in the first scene too. Is he?

It doesn't matter. He pops up here. Everyone's white. Guess what? Everybody's white. It's hard to keep track. Well, it is Maine. Yeah.

And so he strolls up with his fucking bleach blonde hair. thank you dude wow it's disgusting what are we doing it looks he's about to fucking take a ride with bruce willis in the fifth element dude keep it out of my movie it's so terrible um and so he yeah he tells them about the party or whatever and they're like oh you have this party to honor this horrible event in our school's history okay uh so we cut to urban legend class in the class right and like the thing of it is if it's like if this is like i don't know like if it's a humanity's 101 history of

folklore. Maybe we're talking about Hansel and Gretel and we're getting to this class. That's what I was thinking too. The urban legend part is, it's just part of the syllabus. It's like two weeks tops. No, it's got to be 20 minutes. Are you kidding me? I'm paying for this.

I'm paying like a thousand dollars to sit in this room. And it's at the end of the semester. You build up to it. Modern urban legends, that's the last week. You can listen or you could use it as a silent study house. Exactly.

You can just say, I don't need this. That's fine. I'll just go out literally the internet. Pop rocks. Okay, yeah, fuck you. Dude, listen, when you're trying to fill a syllabus, man, sometimes the back end of that semester, it's like, uh,

is it funny as an adult, uh, crippled with student loan debt when you remember back, when people want to do more work in class. And you, and they would always be like, but we're paying for this. Like,

for shit, whatever, man. No, I'm hung over. I'm hanging out, dude. Exactly, I'm paying, I'm paying to hang out. That's what I'm still paying off hanging out. I don't know that I ever heard anyone.

Oh, there would be some of, yeah, they'd be like, oh, like, we should do more, blah, blah, blah, blah. Come on. And they were like, come on, man, don't be a square man. We're hanging out. You were a lit major, right? Yeah. Or was it creative writing? Creative writing out.

Yeah, so that's, you know, that you get those types of people. Yeah. We had lazy ass people. We had lazy people coupled with people who were like Quentin Tarantino is the best filmmaker. So yeah, I never experienced that, but it's obnoxious sounding. But that's who I would be in this urban legend

class. Dude, I'm spending $900 today to sit in this room, Robert Angland. You better teach me something that's at all worthwhile. All right, so this is Professor Freddy talking. Yes. And I feel this scene, they just played this scene as the trailer. Yes. Like, this

scene was all over this trailer because that's how you're selling this movie, everybody. Like, oh, Freddie Krueger is this horror movie. Yeah, you let his monologue carry over cut in scenes of somebody running from something or somebody saying like, oh, it's an urban legend. Yes, a bunch of times. We're told by the way that like, winter is coming

because like Joshua Jackson at one point says like, oh, he's going skiing or snowboarding. It's got to be snowboarding. Well, they are in Winterfell. Well, dude, Game of Thrones University. Winterfell College. It's coming. I bet you. you, someone's working on that right now. There's definitely some class where it's like, oh, you know, there's a lot like Game of Thrones, guys.

If there are people who are dumb enough to think that Donald Trump would open a school to teach them good business things, there could be people who would enroll in a fucking Game of Thrones college. Which is ridiculous, because we all know you should go to Glenn Cook U. He wrote another fantasy series.

Called the Black Company, which is pretty good. Somewhere someone's laughing. Yeah, exactly. But what's weird is, so we're clearly in the middle of a semester. Sure. And he's like going on and on and on about like you may have heard this story, this, that, the other thing.

And he has the line, uh, this ladies and gentlemen is what we call an urban legend. Are you kidding me? It's the class. That's the thing. Oh. And like you're talking to a bunch of fucking like 19, 20 year old kids. They've heard that before. And this is what we call mathematics.

Oh, my God. Just brilliant. Brilliant. I'm sorry for the last couple of weeks. I've just gotten, you know, with a divorce from Janie. And, you know, I've had to vent a little bit. Now let's, now let's start the show. It's like fucking mid-November.

He's been ranting about that rotten ex-wife. Is this going to be on the final? Well, she was a legendary, you know what. Can't say it to a liberal college campus. They'll crucify me. I'll tell you this, if she thinks she's getting the Cadillac, she'll become an urban legend. I want this movie.

They'll look at her back. They'll find me in there with an axe. I'm going to shove pop rocks and soda down her fucking throat. She tries to take my dog. The professor gets arrested during class. But he's telling the story. He's telling me the story about the babysitter and the calls are coming from inside the house. Right.

And he kind of frames it. without any kind of educational and you know that's what this is this is all about people trying to protect their children and I'm like what are we talking about because like the pop rocks thing isn't that no none of the the dog in the microwave is not that

it's just like don't put a dog in a microwave I guess like I don't know what the not every one of these teaches a lesson is that one that's for real what yeah that's a dog in a microwave an old lady drying a dog in a microwave this reference later in this future

It's like, oh, my snuffles got all wet in the rain. I'll dry him off fast. And the microwave, he explodes. No, her brain's just Swiss cheese. Also featured in the horror anthology film The Willys. Oh, really? So I guess it is a urban legend. It's an actual one.

Absolutely. That movie, I think, has a cameo by the dude who played donkey lips. Wow, it's exciting. Dude, we're talking about urban legend. I'm doing the best I can't. Is he in the trailer? like people people are going to come

they see don't see lips no I think this was pre-s salute your shorts I remember him being on Michael Bauer is his name Bowen something like he's on the back

of like the VHS cover I think what's his name there Sam Wise Gamgee's also in that movie Sean Ashton yes maybe they only released it

after donkey lips became a thing oh right they just shelved it it was like someday somebody will be even minorly famous

featuring donkey lips I never I never heard of a movie called Rudy What? No, Shaloo your sorts. Put donkey lips on there. So he's fucking not Rudy

famous. He's goddamn Nickelodeon famous. That's how you get asses in the seats. You get donkey lips in there. Anybody got a sleazy horror movie starring Melissa Joan Hart. I'll wait. I've been trying to make Sam work for years.

Blam. So he's like, I have a demonstration to waste everyone. one's time. Dude, he is fucking watching the clock with this lecture. And the thing is like, both Rosenbaum and Josh Jackson are like talking out in class. Like, of course you would. This is bullshit. Yes. This is absolute. You can't control this class because no one respects you. Why is this also a massive seminar? There's like 200 kids in this room. Are you kidding me? So he's like, if I want to come up, I'll and indulge me here. And Rebecca Gayhart goes up. As

she gets up did anyone else catch this it's it places this moment movie in a moment in time oh what josh jackson being a class clown rebecca gayhart stands up and he goes yeah baby yeah there is a fucking austin powers

thing oh it sucks and i spooped myself but dude it's enough of it's enough of a ref that it made the fucking i mdb movie connection it's just austin powers man of mystery right there Gross. Oh yeah, dude. Just a perfectly timed, yeah, baby. And he's like, well, you want to try some pop rocks? And she eats them and it's like, would you like to wash it down with an ice cold Pepsi beverage? Dude, the way that this shot is framed, this pristine Pepsi can, when he extends his arm fully to give her the soda, that can of delicious ice cold Pepsi is right in the middle of the frame. It's glistening.

And Janie, Janie liked to drink her pop rocks this way. And, you know what? You know what? Just get off my stage. Get it off. The funny thing is, though, I'd always heard this one is pop rocks and Coke specifically.

Oh, no, it's Pepsi. Today it's Pepsi. He should have said to her, do you want to take the Pepsi challenge? Oh, yeah. That would have been pretty cool. But so she won't drink it because, like, oh, why?

Did you hear an urban legend? And everyone applauds. He did it. That's the name of the class. He said the thing. You all get A's. Thank you. Goodbye.

Actually, that's why this is in a huge lecture hall because the demand of all these college kids being like, oh, this class is a joke. Of course I have to register for this. What could we possibly do here? I watched my cousin Vinny in a class and I was like, you know what? I'll take it.

Law and film, sure. Oh, man. Those were those weird adjunct. classes that weren't real They were like fake film classes where like our actual like film studies professors would be like don't take those Well you're lucky because these days

It's probably like find me guilty or something Oh wow By the way you paid $900 to watch my cousin Vinnie No I paid $900 to graduate because I needed I needed anything in my last semester But so she won't do it And he's like well that was an urban legend ladies and gentlemen

I think Josh Jackson actually does do it Oh, he absolutely does. He does a class clown moment. He is so funny. Yes. He's so funny. And I'm not talking about Joshua Jackson, the actor. No, no.

I'm talking about Damon Brooks, the character. Oh, David Brooks? He's the living end. My question, Brooks. He's both him and Rebecca Gayhart are both in Scream 2. Josh Jackson is in that sequel class, which is almost as bad as verbal legend class. Yes. But he could almost imagine it as a real class.

Yeah. It's a classroom. 20 kids in there. And it's very clear, like, after we've done all the work for the day, we're just going to rattle, we're going to rag about sequels for a little bit. Well, that's the thing, right? It's a film class where they just happen to be talking about

sequels in a hip, snappy, snap way. This is a class devoted to the urban legend. But here's my question. So, he's at the Scream University, wherever that is, whatever fake university that is. Oh, I know what you're doing. He goes, he tells a bunch of jokes. And he's like,

Oh, man, there's a murder on that campus. I got to hightail it. And I could be the funny. You know, I don't have to worry about Jamie Kennedy stealing my thunder. Oh, sure. I'm going to frost my tips. I'm going to be a fucking legend at Pendleton University. I reinvented myself when I got to college.

That did not work. I got to go to another college and try it again. Sequels didn't work. I got to go for urban legends, man. Where did a Pacey go to college? Does anybody remember? I don't know. I do not remember.

I checked out before that happened. Oh, all right. we'll swing back to that what I kind of like about high school stuff and college what I kind of like about high school stuff

well that I say that they keep getting young no no no but like in in TV shows wherein it starts out in high school and they go to college but they do like a season and a half of college

and then everyone gets bored of it everyone's like then like oh everyone kind of got jobs and did stuff and like everyone's someone dropped out like that's what they did with modern family they had like the oldest daughter go to college and then it was like, uh, no, she was

dumb and got kicked out. And so she could like remain on the show. Forever and ever. Seriously, that thing's in like it's fucking 10th year. I think it's his final one, but like, so the next murder is Josh Jackson. Alicia at this point they find out that

oh my God, this woman was killed in an urban legend way. Alicia Witt's very upset. Josh Jackson and like she's hanging with Joshua Jackson even though she clearly hates his guts. And he keeps popping up, and then he's like, hey, if we want a shoulder to cry on, babe, you can come out and I'll drive you out, we'll talk about it. I'm a pretty good listener. And, like, she falls for it.

She gets in his car. And, like, very quickly, she finds out what this guy's motivation is. He's a scumbag. He's lying. She's like, you know what, dude? She punches him in the face. Like, forget it, man. Drive me back to campus.

This was a wasted time. He's like, all right, I got to go. I got to take a piss. He takes a monster piss. Did you hear the audio work on this thing? This was like that Adam Sandler bit, the longest. just pee. It's just like, ah, man, didn't work out. It sounded like the waterfalls in the beach.

Great A meat piss. It's like chunky style. It's like a Campbell soup. You know, the chunky ones. The gumbo. The ones that football players eat. That's right. And their mom's like, oh, it makes this piss so nice. Shout her.

you're totally neglecting to mention the worst joke this movie attempts to pull off it's like when they're leaving the parking lot of the college to like go for a drive this is after by the way we've been introduced to Loretta Devine as the only campus police officer and John Neville as the dean and the only black person in a six mile radius

absolutely so they like let them know like what happened to this woman or whatever so they go for this drive they're pulling out of the parking lot and Joshua Jackson goes to like start the car or whatever and fucking Paula Cole I don't want to wait and it comes on and he like

turns it up like ooh like he turns it off dude I almost threw up it's a bad one it's so who is that for like you know like clearly who that's for I know but come on no they can't be reasoned with don't stop stop trying to do it

them WB kids man that's that's who that was more. I mean, that song was huge. That show is huge. Like, clearly you're not, not thinking about that in the 90s when he's on screen. But even as the actor, can you be like, can we not do that? Well, hey, I'm doing a movie here. Can we not do that? My wife asked this, and I think this is what it is, though. I don't think he knew. Because all it is, when you see him, it's like, he turns on the radio. And I think in the script, it's like, they hear a bad song and he turns it off. And then, like, in post-production, they were like, you know, it'll be funny. If we made this Dawson's Creek joke But this also adds to like It wants to be this self-referential Like totally introverted scream ripoff thing It ends another one later in the movie too But that hinges so heavily on anybody giving a shit

About urban legends Like the scream it made sense People give a shit about horror movies Urban legend Are you fucking serious? Maybe it's like for those of us out there Who are obsessed with like those books Like scary stories to tell them the dark

and weird New Jersey or whatever else 13 year olds, yes. Both of those books are about like pumping stomachs. Oh, right, so he's taking a leak and she's getting like pissed off or whatever and so he's... Oh, right, sorry, bad choice of words there.

And as he's like finishing up someone wraps a rope around his neck and starts doing it to him. And again, like if I, you know, you get a physics problem. Like it's got, you've got a guy who weighs probably like 160 pounds yeah six five foot nine whatever you got rebecca gayhart who's five foot one

ninety pounds right is able to put a noose around this dude's neck and is pulling him up like he's a rag doll yeah what are we talking about he goes up like 60 feet this is so a hanging is an urban legend now well no so this is so she she doesn't pull him up 60 feet she gets him just so like he's right above the car like 15 feet sure and the whole thing is like his toes like just touching the roof but like if she moves the car he's going to hang so he's yelling like don't move the car

or whatever but then so like Rebecca Gayhart in this fucking snow jumper like gets on the windshield and freaks out a leash of it and she starts driving away and the rope is attached to the bumper so as she drives away he gets hunk

what it should have been was she just keeps driving he goes up all the way to a branch and gets fucking decapitated Yes. Yes. But we see some like bullshit urban legend book later that has an illustration of like, she drove a man to death of like a dude hanging above a car. So apparently at some point, at least according to this movie, that's also an urban legend. Well, it happened that a night quite like tonight. Oh, right. That's what I heard. A night just like tonight. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were recording a podcast in a car. A podcast just like this podcast? Yes, just like this one, Eric. So she goes to get Loretta Devine who is playing this character named Reese whose campus security

She comes back And it's one of those favorite things Where somebody tells an insanely fucked up story Like I saw a fucking alien And he killed my mom And my mom's actually missing This is really scary And they come back

And they find like one can of beer And they're like Well I think we could sleep it off About that alien that killed your mom Mr. And it's like Like, dude, but the person is missing. Like, why would, what kind of, what is your experience with alcohol that you think

that I would make this shit up? Yeah, I've been really drunk and I've never once made up, like, this person attached my friend to the fucking bumper of my car and I hung him by accident. And who is now definitely not around anymore? Have you been drinking? No. Well, 10 beers. But they play it off because it's like, oh.

Well, everybody knows that Joshua Jackson had plans to go to Killington. Oh, college kids go missing all the time. Dude, the dean at one point is like, he's like talking to Loretta Devine, and he's like, you're being ridiculous, officer, it's the weekend. Of course, no one's here. And I don't know if it's because we went to a state school or not, but like, our dean wasn't British. That's true.

I would say no one in our faculty, the idea of a British, a prestigious, Dean. And he's like, it's the weekend. It's like, dude, take all of this down three not. This is, by the way, this is why, like, if we had a British Dean, we would have been success out of college. Yes. We would have, we would have been something.

You know? Now, you know, we did, we would do a state school, Chris, you're laughing. I am. I am. Failures as men. More or less. Yeah, we just had some American Dean, you know. Yeah, exactly. If we had a British Dean, things might have gone a little better. Or we could have been killed by the, Urban Legend Slayer.

That's fine, too. I will make men out of you. We hate movies, boys. It is I. Your British Dean, played by John Rees Davies Faradman. Oh, man. I'm Dean Islamophob.

You know what? Now I'm making a movie. It's called Fat University. It's us four, and you got John Reese Davis to the dean. Hold on a second. It's like the admissions exam. Like, you're going to weigh in. You have to eat this much. I don't think so.

You're not fat enough at all. Take that to Husky University. I'm the dean of fat university. Deep fry all of this. I mean, it's, in this movie, rights itself. The dining hall's got a river of gravy. Yes, exactly. River of gravy.

One of the boys drowns in there, and it starts off the investigation. Oh, nice. Oh, so there's also a murder on this case. Yeah, yeah, people are dying. It's mostly of natural causes. I would hope there's like a Willie Wollinger. Wonka Esca Gravy Factory in back. Yes.

Oh, those rowdy boys of sausage house! They did it at a panty raid last night. Sausage House. It's the weekend. It's a sausage party. Oh, Lord. Oh, can we talk about Alicia Witt's tragic roommate situation? Yes, we definitely need to.

There's one scene at some point in the film. She goes into her dorm room. and there is her roommate having wild sex just out in the open door unlocked no sock on the fucking knob. This would solve her problems is institute that sock position thing. That's a universal signal.

I think that's been around since like the Fonz. It's an urban legend. Oh, you're right. But even that, like, she's like, could you turn off the light and they continue having rowdy sex? As this girl goes to sleep. That's not how that shit works.

Like, you, like, the one of the roommates, the cool roommate having sex, knocks the nerd out. It's like, sleep in the fucking, put in the mess hall. What we are privy to is, like, she opens the door, and it's just like, turn the light off. Like, that guy does not stop thrusting, dude, this whole seat. She's, like, putting her fucking disc man on, trying to go to sleep. She's got her fucking busted $2 headphones from Radio Shack. She's, like, putting on, like, it's like a Slipknot album by accident. Oh, fuck, that's not going to be able to

just go through her CDs, find crash into me, you know what I mean? And that's the move. What you do is you go to another roommate's room, be like, yep, they're having sex, sorry. You don't sleep in that room, it becomes a situation. It's like an almost threesome at that point. Because how are they performing?

Unless that's the move. That's their thing. It's part of it. You go for a walk for like an hour. Yeah, exactly. This roommate is played by Danielle Harris from four separate Halloween films. Five, six, zombie one and

four, five, and zombie one and two. Previous episode as well. Don't tell Mom the Babysitter's dead. She plays one of the kids. Does she? I don't remember that at all. That's crazy. Great film. That's crazy. It's a great film. So.

I actually like that movie. It's a good movie. It's fun. But she's a goth. We find out in later scenes. She's painted half the room black. The thing is like, it's like maybe the fourth goth in film history, period. And, like,

she's a fucking nightmare because she's like, A, a bad, nasty person. B, she's on lithium. Well, yeah. This is pre-ethon Supley and Butterfly effect. Yeah, you're right. Okay. She's listening to stabbing westward. Yet again, cannot escape it.

Sorry, we're going to take back your goth card. Yeah, seriously. What is that about? I mean, I understand dipping your toes in it, but... At least you got to even it out with some Bauhaus. Well, of course, that's the bottom line. You need that. That's the foundation of which the house is built.

Or I don't know. How about some sensual got some goth fucking? You've got some cure on maybe, right? Definitely. Also, we're painting your warm room. Exactly. What is that about? Come on. You can't do that.

That's just annoying. It's against the rules. By the way, even your RA's not going to pass you, dude. Little dollar signs. Every time you look at each little painting you did there. By the way, try to paint over fucking black paint like that. That's at least like. six coats of that eggshell white brother.

It's awesome. There's another scene with the roommate kind of earlier on in the film where like Elisha Witt wants to make a phone call and like Danielle Harris is like on some goth chat thing and she picks up the phone. Uh-oh, dial up modem problems. Remember that? Yeah, I do.

That's actually for kids now. That's an urban legend. You used to go on the internet and your mom could knock you off by trying to call your grandpa. Whoa, horror. Total horror. But so this is kind of culminating in Alicia Witt is like, oh man, something's going on with these urban legends. Right.

So she goes to the library, picks out the big book of urban legends, which I guarantee you Robert England on the board. It's like, well, we need at least 10 of those for my clash. Look how big the seminar is going to be. Can we get this on sale at the bookstore? What folks? People, it's Urban Legend 101. I don't know what to tell you. There's not a soft cover out there.

You need to buy these hard cover. And Steve wasn't joking, by the way. The book is literally titled The Encyclopedia of Urban Legends. Well, look, I'm sorry. Well, we won't need Moby Dick then. I'm sorry, lit is canceled. What pays the bills here is Urban Legend. I just started the class.

I was getting the divorce stuff out. Don't you understand? How many times do I have to tell you I'm going through a horrid divorce? So she gets us out with Rebecca Gayhart She runs into Tara Reid In the library, which that's the funniest part of the movie Well, Terry Reid's like, I'm just Because she's a sex maniac

In air quotes, she's sex craze She's like, I'm checking out the comma sutra. Isn't this fun? Goodbye movie. She's like, oh, look at all these pictures. Do you think whoever I'm fucking would like to take a look at some of these? Michael Rosenbaum. Oh, that's right. Yeah, and what planet? So, but she winds up going to recommend Gayhart. She explains, by the way, I did actually know that this girl that got killed in the beginning of the movie. We went to the same school, and here's what happened.

It was on a night, quite like tonight. Oh, yeah. Did you ever hear of the, you ever hear about the gang initiation, urban legend? Right. Right, yeah, that's where they stab you in the street. Oh, no, is it different? No, you have to pay 600 bucks. It's really expensive.

No, I thought that was the knockout game. Oh, the knockout game. Oh, yeah, that's another urban. legend. Oh, actually, now I'm thinking about an actual Bronx urban legend. Do you guys have this? Which was

the haunted provolone. The Cloverfield? If you don't buy stickers from this guy that comes around the school trying to sell you stickers, do you know why?

Because they have LSD on. Oh, yeah. And if you touch the sticker, now you're having an acid trip for six days or something. Oh, no, it wasn't touch. or anything. I have heard of the Don't take stickers from strangers. I have not

heard of this. It's just some guy wandering around wasting his drugs. Exactly. Thousands of dollars pasting LSD. I'm actually a millionaire. I just like getting kids high. Well, that was like, I saw somebody was like making fun of some tweet

that was going around. It was like a news headline that said like, parents, this Halloween, be careful of people giving out edibles to your kids and somebody was like why the fuck when I waste my drugs on that exactly what are you talking about

dude I got a package of those gummy bears they are in-house brother how don't you get one of these people to bite into an apple with the razor blade in this movie oh that's a great cool you gotta save something for the sequel Chris I watched the sequel they don't do shit like that's a bummer but to

ape scream too even more that takes place at a film school if I remember properly yes it does and they're all vying for the Hitchcock Award. No. Spooky, stupid. Yes, the leading student at Fat University will get the Hitchcock Award.

Oh, Gerard de Bordeaux, French teacher. Oh, yes. Definitely, definitely. Steven Seagal, P.E. Yeah, we're going to sit around today and do jack shit. Have you ever sat on a couch? Listen, you don't want to lose weight You want to get kicked out of school

Hey man, this is CouchSit 101 Take a load off I'm not moving a muscle We're sure for the web today So But she's like Oh by the way You ever hear the gang initiation thing

It's when you flash your brights If you see somebody Without their brights on If you flash them Then they will go and kill you Because that's part of a gang They pull a Ui And then they run you off the road

So Alicia Witt and this girl are driving around high school, it seems, and are flashing their brights at this person, and they run this guy off the road and kill. They chase him for, like, miles. They, like, murder this guy. The way that they film this flashback, and, like, Alicia Witt is narrating it, and they show the woman from the beginning of the movie

who was murdered, and she is driving this car, and, like, it's like a gag out of the Simpsons, like someone misremembering something wrong, because she's driving, she's behind the wheel, and she's, like, laughing. maniacally, like, ramming this dude? You know, I've heard of MS-13, but Ms. 13? She's young.

She's, like, in high school, she's probably 13 years old. But, like, and then they kill this guy. All I can say is, thank goodness these two girls are white. Yep, that's exactly. Because they show them, but the cops, like, the cops let us off light with probation. Like, yeah, you don't fucking say. Yeah, they got, like, three months probation. Wow.

For killing someone. We didn't even have to meet their, His family. It was really great. So that's her backstory. The next urban legend is, yes, Daniel Harris is on the phone, on the computer. Clickety clack. Clickety clackin in a chat room called Goth for Goth, by the way. Eric, did you get on that?

No, I don't think I ever, no. I should have, though. Now, and as a goth, were you, like, really just hitting a lot of lithium? No, I couldn't find any. No, the lithium is because she's got brain problems. She's so fucked up. The only way somebody would be a got, right? Of course.

The only lithium I ever got was Nirvana. Oh, nice. Yeah. I was using air quotes, by the way, that whole mental illness. No, you were actually like deriding people. No, I was not. Steve was holding up a sign like Looney Tunes

that just said, fuck these people. No. No, it's ridiculous. The portrayal is not correct. It's not good. It's not nice. So she's like, wait, who's sorry,

but who's a more legitimate at goth in cinema. Her in this movie are Ethan Suplean Butterfly and Butterfly effect. Oh, God. Ethan Supleu seemed like a cool hang at least. Yeah, he didn't seem like a good enough guy.

I haven't seen that movie in forever. But this is like, you know, just because she's goth, she's also like a crank. Yes. Just like constantly angry at everything. So she's like, you know, Alicia Witt's like, hey, get off the internet.

She gives her the finger. And she's like emailing or chatting with some guy. She's like, she's in this goth chat room. Like, hey, I guess it's like a local goth chat room. Because she's like, who in the school wants to fuck right now? Yeah, I think it's like campus only or something. Wait, campus goth fucks? No, this does not a thing.

Exactly, like localized goth fucking. And how many of those links? It's like, oh, there's somebody who wants to fuck you three miles away. Don't click that link. That's an urban legend. No one wants to fuck you. Yeah, it's four other people. And they're always on there, I guess.

Yeah, exactly. Wait, did I fuck you already? Did I? Yeah, all right. No, you keep changing your stuff. screen name, Barry, and it's just you every time. It's the same guys that are lining up for Tara Reid

in the cars. Boy, I wish there was a way we could sit in our cars and be on the internet at the same time someday. So, she's like, hey, who wants to fuck? And she starts chatting with somebody, and the person's like, the guy,

it's actually, Rebecca Gayhart, spoiler alert, is like, hey, I'm really close to you. She's like, oh, cool, where are you? And he's like, in your room? well it's it's so funny because it's like where are you she leaves to like go to the bathroom or something and then she comes back in the room and it's like your room and she gets attacked and then this is the dumbest thing in the movie in a movie that's filled with dumb set pieces sure Alicia Witt walks back in and it's like oh she's getting fucked again and it's like her being strangled yes so she puts you know headphones on again and lays down Crushing to me You're the king of the So much to say

All the little Ansel Marchy Help me please They're under the table And dream Oh Lord Almighty She wakes up the next morning And it's like

I thought at first the killer put her in one of those like vacuum seal fetish bags oh wait what featured most recently in this new girl in the spider's web movie oh okay it's like you put on like a gimp type suit and a vacuum thing sucks all the whatever out of you I got one in my closet

I'll show you guys after I'm recording you know what I'm just going to put this out there that girl in the spiders web might be one of the stupidest movies put out this year I don't know I'm kind of interested I'll see. I like Claire Foyd. The problem is that trailer tells you literally everything.

Yeah. There's nothing left to that movie. Isn't it? It's about like evil twins kind of a thing, right? I think it's just like she's like a foster sister or something that she screwed over. But I'll tell you what, dude, you have a movie where Lakeith Stanfield is fucking sniping people? Yeah, I'm there. All right.

Maybe I'll be proven wrong. Prove me wrong, kids. But so she wakes up. She pulls the covers off her, and it's like she slid her wrist and then written in blood is like, bet you wish you turned on the light. Or aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light? Oh, is that what it is? Whatever. So it's, it's

like this bullshit she's reporting the crime or whatever to the dean and the only campus police officer on this entire private university. Not the police. It's insane. It's insane. Security guard and an admissions official.

The best part of this whole thing is like they come out, like they're wheeling this woman, this dead girl out on a gurney and then like does this mean girl is like you might want to check her pulse

she always looks that pale and I'm like dude there's like mean girl and then pointing at a recently dead person but that is happening all the time

every time somebody dies something makes some some catty comment yeah the girl that gets her fucking head cut off I think Michael Rosenbaum it's Joshua Jackson

I know exactly where you go with this oh man you are heard she gives great head and then I immediately thought of that film tension. Oh, boy. But no, that's actually, but that seems

exactly the scream two, scream one scenes like, liver alone and blah, blah, blah. Oh, right. Liver alone. So it's great because this dean, I guess, is, I guess, just, fuck, rag. This dean, I think is, his motivation is he's concerned about admission numbers for next semester,

because he's just like, well, of course, you know, stupid child. She wore white makeup on her face and listen to a bunch of loud industrial music. Clearly, this is a suicide. I'm writing the debt certificate right now as dean of the university. And she's like, but what about... Suicide

numbers spiking doesn't hurt admissions at all. And she's like, what about the fucking blood message on the wall? He's like, Teff, enough of that. It's the weekend. They wind up, she winds up hugging up with Jared Leto, and he's like, wow, I smell a story. And like, they do this

like Scooby-Doo Hors shit, because that's what all the screen movies are. Some pretty sweet, fascinating library research. Sure. The two of them are teaming up on that because Jared Leto, as he'll remind you in this movie, is just doing his job. His job. So, how did they... Well, this is one of the best things ever. Throughout the film, we have some brief encounters with creepy janitor.

Oh, sure. And it's like, they say something about, like, or how long... And they're like, hey, creepy janitor, how long have you been working here? He's like, too long. And they're like, yes, okay, creepy janitor. Do you know anything about the Stanley Hall massacre? And he goes, and he's like, I'll tell you one thing. The most popular professor on this campus, that guy who teaches Urban Legends 101,

you might want to look into that guy. And they make their way to Bob England's office. Oh, yes, the Stanley Hall Massacre. I've got the trailer for Avengers Infinity War Part 2. Everybody close their eyes. It turns out diabetes did it. And so they sneak into Anglin's office and there they find like all the props

that the prop department from the film was storing someplace. It's like the jacket, there's an axe. And they all get freaked out. And of course England like walks in right behind them. And we have to immediately go back to talk to this fucking dean and the only security guard once again. And the dean is like, look, all right. England, you're very upset.

You go outside. And he's like, and the weird thing is, he's like, well, Mr. Letto, you're off the school paper, mister. Oh, yeah, he gets him fired. Yeah, and he's like, well, and then he like starts, Lato's like, hey man, the school charter says. I'm like, dude, shut up. Dude, any fucking student that when you got into like a beef with like school administration about whatever, and that person brought out the school charter, shut up. I was really hoping he was just going to kill himself right there. don't take away my baby

and then he goes up to and it seems here yes looks like you killed someone a couple of weeks ago isn't that interesting and I'm like dude this girl just had her roommate commit suicide at best

maybe give her a little slack maybe a tiny bit that's another urban legend right your roommate kills themselves and you get like a B or an A or something like that oh right they call that the dead man on campus rule right that was an other urban legend film.

Yes. That film is based entirely on that one urban legend. The urban legend universe. The extended universe. Jeez, believe me, man. My freshman year roommates, I was hoping that clause

came into effect. Oh, but it's weird because the way that the dean frames it is so fucking shitty and caddy. He's like, oh, and you, little missy, you're on probation. Something that according to your record that I looked through,

you're no stranger to? And Jared Leto's going to be like, what the hell is that about? I smell a story. Also in this fucking interrogation scene is where Robert, they're like, well, what about the axe? What about the jacket? What about the rope? And he goes, those are just props that I use in my folklore class. And I was like, that's what you're calling it now.

It is Urban Legend 101, friend. If you must know, those were Janies, and I just made my last trip over there to get my jacket, my ass. And my dog, okay? This rotten woman never goes anywhere. So try to find me a time in the week when I can go over there when she's not home and get my props. Oh, my grandfather's axe, thank you.

Oh, only if I had the time to kill you children and urban legends, my love in life. You know, not enough classes in college had props. Yeah. You know, like if someone walks in with a carrot top-esque fucking suitcase, that's what I want. I would love it, dude. Just some visual aids to enhance the learning experience.

Oh, definitely. They're called sandwiches. Yeah, this is a sandwich. You eat it. I brought it to the bigger sandwich. Po-boy 101. Oh, yeah. And for time for your final exam, children.

It's a succulent turducken. Po-boy 101 taught by Paul Perdone. Oh, yes. But wait a second. So what are you studying? this class like cooking like is it recipes or is it how to eat these things flavor tasting well maybe it's different majors like you could major oh yeah so like speed eating yeah you can major in like being a competitive eater sure taste testing right dying early fat fat actor 101 man

you can get you know you can get you on sarah live sometimes you're on the will sasso track young man i'm so proud so um oh there's swimming there well yeah there's right yeah the This is just like a fake out. Like she goes swimming. Alicia Witt is, Rebecca Gayhart is swimming and like, oh my God, the guy, the Parker guy is there. It just saunters into this pool in the middle of the day. Alicia Witt like breaks a window and whoops, it was just, it was all a misunderstanding. This is when the dean bites it.

But my favorite part of this whole thing is the dean is like, all right, listen, listen, Loretta Devine. Whatever happens this weekend, we're not calling the police of a missing student. I don't want to see one ambulance bill. Just a couple murders on campus. We can deal with it. It gets actually revealed later that what he does is he calls the police and is like, listen, if you get any 911 calls from campus, just don't show up. Dude, this dude is lucky that he's butchered in this movie because otherwise he's going to jail.

Yes. How aren't the cops not going directly to the campus after they get that phone call? Call 9-1-1 at any time. But, hey, hi, I work at this office. If you hear any 911 calls, someone's pranking you. So for the next 24 hours, just don't come if you're any 911 calls. I've already told all the operators to block if the cops are going to call into here at all. So we're fine.

But, like, could you just help me out? Look, any number that comes through your caller ID, and it says 555-251, all of those are campus extensions. just ignore every last one of them. Also, this is where they're talking, because Loretta Devine is now sort of like coming around to this idea that something's not quite right. And she brings back up Joshua Jackson once again. And she's like, this boy is missing.

And he's like, no, it's the weekend. I'm going to remind you of that one more time. He's probably off, and this is great. He goes, with a girl or a guy or a farm animal, whatever. Yes, my students are fucking chickens. Robert England's teaching a fucking animal's course. Oh, man, he's

qualified. I bet you'd take that class, right? Yes, I did. Zoo 101. Yes, did you not know that we have purged weekends here? Anything goes. This dean, I would put my money on having the best

death in the movie. Oh, easily. It's fucking awesome. He's like, is it a parking garage? Where the hell is it? the parking garage and he gets his Achilles cut credit to Pet Cemetery, what credit is due. Oh man, those little critters type moves like that. Slice. And he's like crawling around and someone like

the killer puts his car into neutral and it starts rolling towards him and it rolls over him over the what do you call it the tire, the tire spike. So it's like the fucking car hits this dude and pushes him down onto the tire spike. It's pretty great, except it's dumb because, like, what a convenient location. This Dean got this parking spot in, like, aligned perfectly with the wrong side of the exit entrance thing.

On your hand, though, it's the best known urban legend. Is it? The guy who got ran over by the car, and no, of course not. Apparently, it did. Britt Dean got run over by his own car. It's the week and. But it was. Saturday.

Unless Pet Cemetery is an urban legend in and of itself, then no. It's funny that you mentioned this, Chris. I saw on the Wikipedia, the thing is, they cite the urban legends in the film, and then they give, like, you know, the, I was trying to find the sources they were using. A lot of it was, like, books, and they're giving me fucking ISBN numbers. Oh, Lord. That's where I tune out. Shut the fuck up.

But one of them, the Achilles heel cut was, like, referencing, like, a. 1990 newspaper article or something about like, oh, old people are getting their, their killies heels. Specifically old people? Yeah, some shit like that in like parking lots. Oh. Down with the Kroger's or something.

What the best detail about this Dean character is revealed in his final shot as he's like, his dead arm is kind of slowly falling towards the ground. You guys notice he's got a fucking coke fingernail? Oh, nice. And I think it's just a thing where he's like a decrepit old man and it's like

if he cuts his own fingernail, his hand might fall off or something. I cut them all, but that last one, it's just the bridge too far. Like this dude, he looks like fucking Harvey Kitell. That's how I summon the genie, don't you know? I should say in taxi driver, by the way, not just Harvey Kitell in general.

That professor called you a little chicken wing. You want your professor talking, the dean. The dean, yeah, the dean, he called you a little chicken wing. You don't want to talking about you like that. Bravo. So, like, now we're at this. party it's like the last movement of the movie which takes forever is this big party at parker's house and he's like holding court and now by the way all of a sudden parker's got a dog i'm like where

did this dog come from yep you got to set that dog up in the first act absolutely he needs to be carrying this thing around all the time and this is where i'm like Parker i'm so glad that this is a bad slasher movie because i know you're going to get it because the cut into this party scene is Parker giving his own dog a fucking like beer funnel oh yeah and everybody he's cheering on this dog and I wanted to burn this fucking house down with the door locked

am I the only one who also saw a pierced nose on the dog because they mentioned they mentioned piercing the dog earlier in the film yeah you're right kill them all

that was just an expression I'm gonna go pierce the dog let's take his shit I got to spoof my pants I gotta go pierce the dog it works I think this episode will be famous for giving birth to spooping, Eric.

Are you happy about that? That's right. You created spooing. Family friendly. Eric's... I am very family friendly. As in, I will be nice to your family if I have to see them. Yeah, family friendly friendly, like a family from a fucking Rob Zombie movie.

Oh, shit, a hellbilly family. So, Jared Leto's like, we can't have this party here, man. The killer's around or whatever. And, you know, Michael Roosevelt gives him a bunch of shit. He's like, you're... You probably did this. yourself because you want one big scoop at one point in this movie I'm sorry when

when he gets suspended when he gets removed from the paper he's like he goes up to the leash wait he's like well my whole career is ruined now I'm not going to have enough writing samples to get a good newspaper or job I'm like this is a school paper like it's good to write in a school paper if you want to get into journalism you need

one of those articles like you're not going to go to the New York fucking times go intern somewhere exactly you got the story where you almost won the student bullets or just use that one You're coasted. And also, by the way, the only way you get that job is if you're, you know, if you're, you have connections. That's the way you get the New York Times internship. By the way. While this party is going on, we cut to Reese, our security officer. And she's like snooping around an administration building. She runs into creepy janitor for two seconds. But she's made hip to a noise from Robert England's office. And she goes in and she just falls on a pool of blood. And then we just cut back.

to the party. Yep, that's good. Seems like you needed it in there. I mean, this movie's like 99 minutes. Yeah, sure. And she calls the police and the cop is like, well, I'm sorry, miss. I would love to. I was writing on my invisible tie cry.

Jackass. I was told that every call from this entire three-mile radius would be a prank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A homicide in progress. Yeah, right, lady. So Parker gets, and this is like, we're an hour into this movie, and I'm like, you know, this movie's a lot like that movie scream that I saw. But we're avoiding one clear trope.

We've done a good job so far. Yeah. And then the fucking phone rings. And Michael Rosenbaum picks it up. And this guy, this voice out of nowhere is like, what's your favorite urban legend? And I'm like, come on movie. Fuck you hard. You were there.

You were there. You were close. So close. We almost got to the finish line without a direct theft. Like, steal stylistically. you want but this is direct theft West Craven's like oh you know what fuck it man this movie sucks

somewhere around here Tara Reid has to like run out of the party because she's got to be on the air yes but Michael Rosenbaum gets a call he's like you ever hear the you ever hear the urban legend about the dog in the microwave yep and the dogs in the micro it's all bloody splat city so during this party

she she runs in there grabs this dog away from its Spud McKenzie-esque drinking house It throws it into a microwave, closes it in a kitchen, which is, by the way, one of the most populated areas of any good party. Sure. It's where the beer is, right? And she's doing this all in her Iron Man suit with the parka over it. Rebecca Gayhart built that parker in a cave with a bunch of scraps.

And then Rosenbaum gets his own right here. Because he's like, oh, and it's the same thing from Scream. I'm going to kick. I've got a boy. friend, he plays football, and he's going to kick this shit out of you. And, like, he's so disgusted by what happened to his dog. He runs up

a flight of stairs. Vomits in a toilet. We have brief toilet cam. Unnecessary. Even grosser detail. Toilet cam with a fucking cigarette butt just floating in the water. I think this entire movie should be told from the perspective of a toilet bowl.

Oh, man, if you look that movie, no, it's like that movie with a time code. It's like a force, a splitway, and one is just a toilet. Just focus on the toilet. It's just people using the toilet for the entire film. Please do not use that device for fat universe. No, absolutely not.

Oh, I've got to take a spoop. It's a cheeky situation. It's a niche audience, but they're going to come back to the theater every other weekend. Oh, it's always the busiest after KFC week. Yikes. Double down. So, again, Rebecca Gayhart, built like a fucking linebacker, grabs this dude's head, rips it back, throws a beer bong into his mouth. This is after knocking him unconscious, by the way, because he's tied to the toilet.

That's right. She's beating the shit out of this dude. She's just fucking slugging people. And she puts pop rocks in it. The thing is like, oh, yeah, it's the pop rocks thing. But it's pop rocks and Drano. Like, don't even use the pop rocks. Drano kills people.

Save that delicious. delicious candy for another kill. But Drano, yeah, it's not a urban legend. It's just you know, Darwinism or whatever. Yeah, Pop, right. I mean, she has to give reference to the canon. Yeah, I guess so.

Well, it's a little bit. I mean, she's stretching. I mean, this is like the end of the syllabus. I mean, she's really stretching for a topic. That parking garage thing, I'm already off her. Exactly. She's just doing nothing. I was done at the hanging. At the hanging. That's not a thing.

And then she goes, Books at the other end of campus starts harassing Tara Reid for 20 minutes. Who's on the air, she's got like a headset so she can like, the whole movie she's seen like sauntering around her studio like with this wireless headset. So she can like, she doesn't have to be like tied to a mic. She can walk around while she's pontificing all this cum chugging advice. And that's what it is. It's that is, that is what it is. That is most of it actually.

I'm sorry that we have to say that. The first time she's seen in this fucking movie, she rips the pop guard. off a microphone and starts philating it. That's what this movie is, gang. I'm not making this up. This is the longest chase scene. It is. I mean, and it's, you know, you're doing, I guess, like,

I read the same Wikipedia article. Eric did, apparently this is another urban legend wherein a woman gets killed on the radio and everyone thinks it's a bit. Yes. Yeah. That's something. It's called the War of the World. For my next radio program, I'm going to murder a woman on the air

and everyone will think it's just a clever show of one Orson Wells. And last night yes, I did have to get my stomach pumped. You know why. See right back after these messages. Oh, there's sponsorship. 1877 cars for kids.

And no cars for kids. You know, the French champagne. She gets fucking killed. Alicia Witt shows up just in time to watch it happen and like this is when this is when the movie like you can trim eight minutes off this movie

the cat and mouse back and forth the truck fight there's an out and out truck fight in this movie so basically it culminates Alicia Witt Jared Leto and Rebecca Gayhart get into a car Letto's car Lettow's car they go to the

a gas station by the way not insignificant detail poor fucking Brad Durf is cool in his heels in jail this entire movie. Dude, he is sent to jail and never heard from again. Also, coincidentally, I think they go to the gas station that the woman at the beginning of the movie drove

by. Oh, man, the good gas station. Yeah, she went to some rundown piece of shit. They're at a sheets. Let's just wait for a speedway. So, while Jared Leto is in the gas station to get called the police or something, and they're like, Yes, sir. It's a prank. I'm sorry. I'd love to come out there. But the deed said it's a prank.

No, so they open the trunk and oops, Robert England's in there. They're like, oh, my God, Jared Letto, blah, blah, blah. They wind up getting back to this big spooky haunted house for some reason. After like a run through the woods. It's like 20 minutes. In this house, Alicia Witt finds all of the bodies. This is very, I know what you did last summer. It's also very, it's Halloween. Yes. Rebecca Gayhart is laying down on the bed like Annie Brackett in the end of the to Halloween supposed to be like Judith Myers with the headstone. Gotcha. Totally

ripped. I was thinking, oh fuck, she's alive. Oh, fuck, she's alive. Oh, right. Somebody, call somebody. But so, yes. She finds all the dead bodies. By the way, Rebecca Gayhart, again, bless her soul, is bench pressing

all these bodies and lifting the dean, this 60-year-old dean. I'm sorry. There needs to be like a witchcraft angle. or something. Yes, absolutely, dude. You just see her like, she's like waving a wand and like the Dean's dead, tall, old man body. Oh, does a weekend at Bernie's walk?

Yes. Oh, that maybe that's what it is, dude, calypso music. Definitely. And she also does heavy-duty design. Joshua Jackson's in like a hellraiser closet. There's like chains and hooks. I don't know what, like that guy got double murdered. It just, and like, how she got all these bodies into this creepy house, whatever.

Yes, Alicia Witt finds Rebecca. Gayhart on the bed. She's like, oh, Rebecca Gayhart wake up. And uh-oh, it was Rebecca Gayhart the whole time. She's like crying. She's sitting there with her back to the quote-unquote corpse. Rebecca Gayhart sits up and starts like attacking her. We get the whole parlor thing. Apparently she was like engaged to be married to the dude that Alicia Whit and the friend from the beginning ran off the road. By the way, this is some of the worst acting you'll ever see. Oh, absolutely. Rebecca Hayhart's fine for most of the movie, you know, just a regular

you know, teen actress-ish kind of thing. Yeah. But man, it's that like, I'm being loopy fucking crazy. Give that girl a dollar prize because I'm fucking nuts. Well, because it's we fucking saw scream and it's like you just got to overact like Matthew Lillard did.

That's the thing. Yeah. Even though like that overacting is part of like the Stu Marker character. That's the Matthew Lillard trademark. Oh, yeah. No, but it's Matthew Lillard doing Matthew Lillard. Doing his thing. His non-shaggy thing. But it's just, it's bad, man. It's fucking bad jeans. And she's got a fucking slideshow, by the way.

She takes out the carousel. Well, when you see your life ruined, one slide at a time. What are you doing? I was doing a Don Draper, a bad Don Draper. Oh. I can see. I was thinking more, do you see? You're witnessing a great becoming. I am Rebecca Gayhart You know, most of that show was a bad Don Draper

That guy was a bad guy He was a nasty Dick Whitman, dude And Jared Leto shows up And like, because Rebecca Gayhart is in love with Jared Letter For some reason I mean, how could you not be, right? Well, we're made hip to that To backtrack just very briefly

Because it's another important way To date to this movie To The Letter At that party, Alicia Witt is making out with Jared Leto after all their investigation adventures. Sure. But Rebecca Gayhart has told Alicia Wood already that she's like crushing on him or whatever. So she gets pissed off.

And as she's exiting this house party, what is on the soundtrack blaring for all the campus to hear? Cherry Popin' Daddy ZootZootRoy. Oh, Jesus Christ. And she sits on the porch and is crying and it's just like, throw back a bottle of beer. See, Rebecca Gayhart should know that like this thing, even if she is with Leto, it's not going to last for long. Eventually, she's going to

fucking hook up with Christopher Maltesante. A roll a comb through your cold black hair. Man, that song sucks. It sucks as. That was our song. You know, my fiancee that you killed.

We were going to walk down the aisle after we were away to suit suit right. I was going to come into the church to squirrel nut zippers. in the afterlife you know actually the only way if you get the

non-radio edit of Zoot Zoot Riot and you play it's pinhead and he goes I have such wonderful songs to show you Brum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bu-Bum

because it's from hell See the urban legend I heard it was from Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Oh yes So you and me and the bottle makes three tonight 19907 was terrible

A dark time for everyone Am I watching swingers Oh god Late Clinton Not good So She winds up Like Jared Lutter tries to flirt with her

And he's like yeah I'm in on it baby Don't worry about it, we'll kill her And I'll get to real Pulitzer this time It's so dumb It's like Let's team up we can like frame whoever they're gonna frame will be a team we'll be I think he throws in something about being rich beyond their wildest dreams

just for good measure sure of course but she figures that actually you're a bad liar blah blah blah yeah Loretta divine shows up she like tries to cuff her there's a scuffle she shoots her in the back you know uh at some point Loretta Devine is like slashed in the side or something and also like guess what uh Rebecca Gayhart is not getting one over on Lerreta Divine either. I'm sorry. No, no. I'm sorry, everybody. But also Loretta Devine's character should be killed in this movie. She's the best character, but she should sacrifice her life to save these terrible kids. I know where you're going with this, so go right ahead. She's the only character that carries over in the second one. And she is a major part of it. Oh, wow. She's a bigger

character in that movie than she is in this one. Good for her. Dude, they knew what the audience was returning for. Well, I'll buy a ticket. Loretta Divine better. be fucking in it. I better see my favorite security guard in this movie. And who? The girl from house? Oh, right. Jennifer Morrison's the main character, right? Yikes. Dude. And your friend from hell on wheels, the main guy. Anson Monk, man. Also known as

Bo Hannan. Yes, Bo Hannan. So, whatever, they wind up she falls out of window and they think it's over. And then, like, by the way, Lord of Divine is bleeding to death, right? She's bleeding to death. We cut. It's Jared Leto driving in rain with Alicia Witt, and she's like, is Reese going to be okay? Reese's Loretta Devine. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ambulances are coming after her. We're just, we're just leaving the scene of a quadruple homicide. Don't worry about it. It's so fucking stupid. The end of this movie needs to be them and those fucking blankets in the back of an ambulance. I need those foil blankets. Give me those foil blankets big time. Look, Alicia, I put the note in her pocket. They're going to find it, and

they'll know that we left. I'm very hungry right now. I accidentally wrote, we'll do it again. Whoops. think like because what happens is like she gets shot again and she falls out the window do you think that they were like and then alicia went and jared let her look out the window and she's gone and cherry pop and daddy starts playing again and they were like no that's like you're directly ripping off the very end of Halloween sure oh right well let's leave this woman

bleeding to death and just put them in a car for no reason exactly it's just it's really it's either tacked on like a bad maybe it was a bad like first showing kind of a thing or test Test audience situation. Yeah, classic test audience fail. Because it makes no sense why you would speed away from this woman who saved your life. But who's in the back seat? Up to her old tricks. Rebecca Gayhart with the world's biggest axe.

It's another, I think she stole Freddie Kruger's axe this time. But, you know, a big set piece. She goes through the window off a bridge. The bridge explode. They roll over a car, and throw her off a bridge. She goes through the window into the water And like, wow, the movie is over And we see her floating face up

Down the river and whatnot And then we cut to It's like, I don't know, a year later Whatever the fuck it is, it's another group of even more Nobody-Nobodies And they're just telling this tale Although this must be sometime later There's a black gentleman sitting here

Congratulations, the school's trying to figure itself out And it's just these nobody's and they're telling the story of the movie and it's like, yeah, and that's the story of the super urban legend. Wait, what?

So the movie was fake? I'm sorry, what, I just have to say it because of my favorite, they say urban legend a million times in this movie.

You can't even count it. But at one point, at the end of the movie when Rebecca Gayhart is about to kill Alicia Witch, she's like, you know what I'm going to do to you, Alicia Witt?

It's my favorite U.S. It's the, it's the kidney in a, bathtub bit oh yes yes yes but like in the biz we call it uLs like you know what i mean if you're in the no you just call it a uL can i tell you l message boards i missed that line but all through my notes i just kept writing uL oh wow you're in the biz i guess so well you l is big on the three guys who wrote books on urban legends and still live with their parents that's the saddest convention

you'll go to we get uh one of the one of the women who's telling the story is like oh you Yeah. Next thing you're going to tell me that the killer was the Noxema girl, which is like, it's a thud. That sucks. That almost sucks more than the Dawson's Creek joke. Because at the end of the movie, it stays in your mouth. I am waiting anxiously to rip this tape out of the VCR and drive back to Blockbuster as fast as I can. Precisely. Do not give me the scene and do not give me fucking winky jokes in the last two minutes of the movie. Oh, this went in the slot. I was. in handing this to anybody. This was in the overnight slot. Fuck you. You show up at 3 o'clock in the morning. You make sure nobody's around. You spray paint the fucking security cameras.

You don't want anybody to know you rented this movie. I might call the next day and say, make sure you got it. And this is the worst. At the end. The worst thing. You're not going to believe this, you guys. Wait, what?

She's there and she's like, and by the way, that's not how that story went at all. let me tell you how it really happened. Good. Credits. Oh, man. And it's also a okay, listen up guys. And you're like, and it's the killer, right? Yeah, it's her.

It's Rebecca Gayhart. Yay. She lived and the movie was better in her story we're not hearing. And then she doesn't return for the sequel. No, bizarre. It's kind of fucking funny. I think she might be in a flashback possibly. Oh, sure.

Oh, someone's inspired by her work. Oh, that's how. how that goes. How sure. What did you say? Copycats. Oh, yes, of course. Get Sigourney Weaver on the case.

Yeah, previous episode. And that's the end of this movie. Would anybody recommend it? I would. It's your classic, like, you read the Amazon description, and it's exactly that. It's exactly what it says it is.

No more, a little too more, but no, no less. Certainly no surprises. It's actually kind of like a perfect amalgamation. A, it's a scream repoff. And like you said, it's that late 90s screamaverse thing. But it's also kind of in the mold of those like early 80s slasher's who done it. We're avenging an old tragedy. Probably that's filmed in soft lens. Kind of like a prowler or like the prowler graduation day. Final exam. All of those. Cutting class. Oh yeah. Cutting class with Brad Pitt. It just reminds me so much of one of those movies. Yeah, totally. skip it bad death like I just I didn't like any of the deaths I kind of was let down by almost and my god I mean you have to deal with so much of Jared Leto oh yeah I mean like okay if you

have a high tolerance from fine that's great but like I can't I can't do this you're like I've watched every Jared Letto movie my Letto tolerance is through the roof I can't deal with this I'm sorry um I would say if you want to like scratch that particular like 90s itch like you've seen scream a bunch and you want to see something that's very similar. You know, I mean, it's fine. It's if you got nothing else.

Yeah. I mean, I would recommend it. Soft recommend, I guess it's fine. But like, yeah, I just, I was keeping, I was on Wikipedia, I was keeping a list of some of these things, but like, the House on Haunted Hill remake. Well, like, listen to these movies. The Rage Carrey 2, Book of Shadows, Blair Witch 2,

Dracula 2000, Final Destination, ginger snaps lost souls the sequel to this called Final Cut Scream 3 Jason X Jeepers creepers scary movie 13 ghosts The Faculty Halloween Age 2O The I still know what you did last summers Fear.com Halloween Resurrection

The Forsaken All of these are like Bad 90s soundtracks Bad Old Navy costumes And snappy scripts more or less There's a whole genre of these things A lot of those scratchy, I'm a screamhead man So am I

And it's like So that's why this is like five. Yes. But don't, you know, bend over backwards, check it out or anything like that. And that is Urban Legend, everybody. The second to last of the 2018 spectacular

episodes directed by Jamie Blanks, of course. If you want more We Hate Movies, head on over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. It is chock full of bonus content, whether it be bonus episodes like Van Helsing, which is out now. Or Ready Player 1, if you haven't gotten around to it,

Bright Man of Steel, Ghost, Spirit, There's tons and tons. Eric, are we having a commentary that might be up for horror fans? That's right. Coming out by the end of the month or so is Nightmare on Elm Street remakementary. We will be talking over that disgusting remake of Nightmare and Elm Street with, what's the actor? Jackie Earl Haley. Yes, the creep from doll man.

Everyone knows him from doll man. You know what, I'm J-E-H, excuse me. I've been given, I gave Rebecca Gayhart a lot of shit this episode. episode, she could take Jackie O'Haley in a fight like that. She'd drop him like a bag of rocks. That's actually true. That I would like to see. Now that, that's a crossover. If she's like, she got him in her news, she's lifting him all the way up. Yeah. And by the way, nary a snappy line of dialogue to be found in that screenplay. What a cruel movie. Like us on Facebook, I guess. Follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast. And of course, right into the mailbag,

we all hate movies at gmail.com. Steve Sadek for the fine. Sputacular episode of 2018. What are we going out on? It's going to be a Steve Sadek loves movies. It's Wishmaster. Oh, shit. A lot of franchises this year. I love it. By the way, also, I believe Robert England is also in that movie. Yeah, he is. And Kane Hodder's in Wishmaster, isn't he? I believe so. Yeah. All the Boogerman. Oh, fuck.

A lot of weird little combos around there. A lot of boogerman. So until next week with more Boogerman than you can stomach, I'm Andrew Juppin. say that. Chris Kevin. Eric Legend. Take it easy. There you go. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare.

Sometimes. That is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in. It's time. to keep your appointment with the Wicca Land. They're coming to get you, Barbara.

A sick fuck's using one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. More creative! Put the fucking loser in the bag! What an excellent day for an exit. That was a hit gum podcast.

Thank you.