We Hate Movies - S9 Ep386: Episode 386 - Wishmaster

Episode Date: October 30, 2018

On this week's episode, the Halloween Spooktacular sadly comes to an end, but the gang is going out in style by talking about the outrageous Wishmaster! What's with that pharmacist's brutal death? Look how great Kane Hodder's facial hair is! And how about that jaw rip? PLUS: God hates genies! Wishmaster stars Tammy Lauren, Andrew Divoff, Robert Englund, Chris Lemmon, and George 'Buck' Flower; directed by Robert Kurtzman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

on this week's episode sadly the 2018 hollow week's spooktacular comes to an end and i i'm i'm pretty upset about this yeah but the good thing is we're going out on i want to i'm going to guess is a 50 50 w lm situation in this at the very least the film is wishmaster i'm andrew and stephen say it at chris cabin eric siska and we hate movies We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, Saloene, I guess everyone's entitled one good scare. Sometimes, death is better. The zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in!

It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. I'm sick for fucks you've seen one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos for creative. Put the fucking lotion in the bag. What an excellent day for an exorcism.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the fine program, as always. Thank you for tuning in to what is, like I said, up top. The final Halloween Spuctacular episode of 2018. Boy, it's been a real. ride. Finishing it out. We've had a lot of laughs.

We've had a good time and now we're closing up shop and that's that. Closing shop with a Wishmaster from 1997, directed of course by Robert Kurtzman. We get all the crappy Halloween stuff out and we put all the Christmas stuff in earlier. What's great about it too, Chris, is all these episodes from this month sputacular is now discounted. That's right. They'll be all in the line right there right before you buy your little pilgrim jacket. He got one week. He got one week.

And then it's gone. It's going to move fast. I'll tell you what. I was at the pharmacy. I almost spit on the floor the other day. It is not even Halloween yet. I see fucking Christmas decorations. They're already moving past it, man.

Nice try, right aid. Nice try. They're already looking to 2019, baby. Halloween 2019 candy. The new 2019s are in. The new 2019 Snickers are in. Steve Sadek, this was, I believe, is Steve Sadeg select, so if you could boil it down for us. It is a movie about an evil gin.

Now, what's a gin? He's a genie, but he's evil. That's like, you put juniper in it, or what makes it a gin? I think it's because it's just, he's a digin. Right. There's a D in there. Yeah. It's like me, it's silent.

Well, actually, my J is silent. It's a big deal. DJ I double N. Oh, man, the gin is walking out. Everyone's calling him. Hey, D. Hey, DJ, come on in here. Come on in here.

Grab me some wishes, DJ. And I believe this is like, it's like Middle Eastern. Yes. Folklore or whatever or history. This might have happened. Don't tell me it didn't happen. Some say the gin travels on the wind. Oh.

That's like there's the Iranian horror movie Under the Shadows. Mm-hmm. And that's about like a gin-type creature. They say he travels on the wind. Also evil. Yes. Isn't that also an Eagles lyric? Yes, I think so.

Yeah, I think so. On a lone desert highway. Wait, hold on, I'll get there. Traveling with a gin on the wind. I dislike the Eagles. Here, here. Yes, he's an evil genie. This lady wakes him up, and she gets into a whole lot of trouble.

A whole mess of trouble. Now I have to say up top, this is a real... I was so excited about this. I only tried to watch this once before. Total green out moment. Mistake. I got like the first 10 minutes in and then fucking sirenara, Andrew. So I was very pleased to come into this movie finding it's a real who's who of a horror icons here.

We've got Robert England in a rather large role. And then we have people like Tony Todd and Kane Hodder all with like cameos. Angus Grimm is doing the narration there. That's right. And the other dude. Ted Ramey, dude. Ted Ramey, of course. So the evil dead averse is represented.

And then the dude. Who is the pharmacist in this movie? I think he plays the character's name as Reggie in those Wishmaster movies. Or you mean? Or I'm sorry. Fantasimms movies. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's another fandom.

Oh, oh, yeah. And also horror icon Buck Flower noted for playing a drunk homeless man in everything, including this movie. He's the dude in Back to the Future who's like, crazy drunk drivers. Was he the crazy homeless guy in They Live as well? Or is that a different guy? That might be Buckflower. I don't know. He sort of made a name for himself.

Being a hobo. Being a hobo and being drunk at the same time. Kind of like a Dick Miller. It is kind of like a Dick Miller situation. Although I think in this, I mean, because this movie's 97, this is like towards the end of the life of Buckflower. I think all those missing teeth at the front, that's real. Did he make a wish with a wish bastard? No, I think he just took his dentures out for filming.

I'll do this for you. It'll really be a... Yeah, it'll be a lot more than good if I just take my teeth out to pay this drunk. That just put me in a Robert Altman movie. It's been really clashing like that. I just checked and Buckflower was the bomb in they live, who then becomes cleaned up at the end. And he's like, oh, this is how the aliens do it.

He's into it. I appreciate the start of this movie. It's a nice, boring. This is how we made this Jewel montage. Yeah, oh, yeah. Which is weird because, at least for me, I was taken aback by the sudden scroll that also happens here. Yes, because the jewel first, then the scroll. Yeah, like the movie started, man.

You've got to put that stuff up top. Hey, man, movie already started. Hey, DJ, get in here. DJ, get that scroll out of here. Movie started, man. And it's just like from time of memoriam. There's always been jins. Apparently God created angels.

He created angels first. Right, he created light and then light created angels? Yes, God created light, like created angels. Earth created man. Right. Now, where did wind and fire come into play? That's in the 70s. Oh, do you remember? 21 September.

But yet it's a, the fire created the gin, and the gin lives in, like, the shadow world. So does that mean there's a lot of gins out there? That's a great question. Like, there's fires all the time. I was just, before I left work on the news. Yeah. Some, I don't know, like Dover, New Jersey was burning down. Well, dude, sounds like a genie did it.

Or is it a gin birth, right? It could have been. Oh, just whenever there's like a huge factory explosion, it's just a jee being born. It's a litter. It's got to be a litter. You think so? You know what happened? You know what happened in Dover, New Jersey?

Somebody was like, oh, my God, it's under 50 degrees. I'm going to tweet about how cold it is. And some gin was like, would you like it to be hotter? And then he's just like, yeah, please, it's so much hotter. Oh, my goodness. I'd like it to be the summer again, as you wish. Burned. I got to say, this gene.

he's like an entrapment gin this guy is just twisting words and fucking people over just kill people stop it stop with this little rinky dink thing you're doing here Gavin that is not the law of the gin we must have a

obnoxiously cyclical conversation until I trick you into asking me for something but they don't even ask he's like wouldn't it be cool if this happened and you're like yeah I guess so gin get out of it totally it's like it's a As long as he can get them to agree to his question, that's good enough for me. Just offer them all pot.

That's what you can do. And they're like, yeah, sure. And then you die. Oh, but the pot is. Your soul. No, no, no. It's like what they put plants in. Oh, well, yeah, maybe, I guess.

Oh, yeah, you just turn into a potted plant. Oh, nice. Troll 2 style turned into a tree. Oh, yeah. Oh, that would word. Wilbog is goblin spelled backwards. You want to make a sequel to troll, do you? Excellent, I'll give you a troll, too.

It's going to be with a bunch of Italians for some reason. Yes, you're going to have a practicing dentist play the father. Oh, in this movie, you want a troll to be, outlive the first troll movie. It is done. Here's a documentary about it. But how terrible your stupid movie is. So we're told to fear the gin And there's some

So this is weird We have Jewel making montage Angus Scrim voiced scroll And then a flashback to Persia 1127 AD And this gin gets it going Because the guy is just like

You know what Jane What a great first wish I had Which you don't see It's an off-screen wish It was probably like a blow job Okay But it's gonna be real Tithy you didn't specify the skill level of the blowjob.

I actually do not have any saliva, so this is going to be weird. Oh, and I'm going to snowball it back into your mouth. Oh, come on. Oh, you should word your blowjob request a little more carefully. Well, that would happen in the real world if somebody's like, well, what is it that you wish? You know, why do you fucking blow me, pal? I was like, oh, this is going to take a while.

I must stop trolling the Bronx. Oh, man, those tentacles just going and back. This isn't going to be fun for anyone. Just sit back and enjoy it. This is like a Persian emperor's house. Yeah. And he's having a house party. Yeah.

And then they get the second wish is to see, like, he like wants to see wonders. He just doesn't astonish me, Jim. He's like, you go nuts, Jim. Show you the end of cabin in the woods then. I must warn you, I have different tastes than you. And this is the most insane shit ever. The gut person turns into like a crocodile tail.

And then a skeleton comes out of a man's body. That's pretty fucking cool. I have to say, because this is, not only is it Kurtzman, you got Greg Nicotero is floating around doing the special effects for this movie. Savini's here in some capacity. There's a gut monster? Just a random gut monster. It's all awesome.

I appreciate because there's not, I believe this wholeheartedly, there's not enough skeletons in horror movies. I agree with you. The skeleton, he should be right there near Dracula, Werewolf, Mommy, Skeleton right there. We should have film franchise of The Skeleton, right? Yes. Welcome back to the Skeletons. Or it could be a sitcom. Right.

But yeah, there should be more skeleton movies. I think that's right, Steve. I don't know, but this is when the CGI skeleton comes up, it's rough. No, yeah, you got to take some pride to your skeleton, Chris. I love the alligator man because he's like, he is a dude. So what's happening is like this second wish has been made. The place is going apeshit. And there's like the guy who's like the religious figure or advisor or whatever for this community is running around like trying to get to the king or whatever and be like, dude, you fucked up.

So he's running by this rogues gallery of just sheer horror. and he gets to this guy who has turned kind of into a half crocodile and the guy who doesn't want to cause no trouble he's just like oh hey man are you going to talk to the king about that horrible wish you made and the guy's like yeah I got to get on it and he's like if you could could you mention how it kind of sucks being half crocodile and the guy's basically like yeah I'll see if we get to it and he's like yeah that's all I ask we got a large agenda today we'll see what we got I don't know how to shit in this thing man

and I really got to go I'm scared to to shit. Am I laying eggs now or what? Could you just ask this genie what the deal is? The movie the first one you see is this one guy and you're like, oh man, this guy gets it so bad. He just kind of like merges into the wall. Dude, you wish you were that guy. He's amazing. This is

Han Solo Frozen and Carbonite. He's perfectly on the wall like in that position. The hands are in the exact same spot, but Steve is right. The rest of this fucking house of horrors. Cabin, you were talking about the gut monster. It's basically the alien chestburster, but just coming out of this dude's stomach? Like, yeah, please freeze me

right into the wall. That sounds like the best option. You know what? H.R. Geiger, I pulled that act in 1129. It's a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, the skeleton getting ripped out of the body is awesome. And then so this gin

I guess is basically like just messing with this king or whatever. We do. The biggest thing you get in the scroll, which informs the whole movie is the rules of a genier of this. He has to do, of a gin, I should say are this you have to get you get three wishes but after that third wish not unlike the end of Aladdin the gin is free but it's not like robin williams he's not going to disney world wearing

an anachronistic hat no he's he's literally going to rule the world and turn everyone into scary skeletons presumably yes which is weird because like you're trying to tell me that this this particular gin the titular wishmaster in this movie like he hasn't had any success with that yet what are we talking about and there are presumably other gin yeah because they're referred to by the way they're referred to as gin like like like like a moose or something I well I like deer I feel like much like venom he's the loser gin oh I from his world oh he's the real bad one and he keeps on fucking up left and right in this movie I'm sorry everyone else is bad at this all these other jins are in like this cool shadow realm like what the fuck is this guy still out there for it every other dimension has been conquered by this species. Yeah, it's like, well, you know, I was irresponsible for the dark ages,

and this guy does fall of Rome, and he's still out there, come on. Don't worry, fascism's coming up. I'm up on deck. Here it comes. You couldn't do it with a king? A king.

They're the most corruptible people on earth. So the king... First prize is a brand new car. Second prize is a pair of steak, next third prize. fucking fired you lose a gin you lose a gin shadow realms are for closers

by the way my gin is just going to be jack palin i'm okay with that i dude i wish remake wish somehow you know what a gin comes up to me i'm like all right gin first thing world peace second thing me get a lot of money cool stuff everyone's healthy oh i think you just wish for the world in pieces Oh, damn it.

Just spell your wishes. Third thing is they want you to remake the 1997 movie Wishmaster with Jack Pounce in the title role. Yes. Just call me Wish a Master. Yeah, that could work. Yeah. I would also watch that. Oh, okay.

That counts as your number one wish. So whatever, man. Like this fucking priest convinces this prince or whatever to like suck the genie into the Jew. But you can't undersell that opening montage. You know you're off to the races in the right movie, man. Oh, absolutely. I was like, oh, this is getting good. Here's the thing.

I didn't really even make it this far. I think I got to like. Anger's script when you passed out. I think I got to the scroll and I was like, oh, cool, the tall man's narrating. I mean, it could also be the opening of a Robin Hood movie or something. It sort of does look that way a little bit. So, yeah, he's captured in this jewel, a la Care Bears 2. And he's about to get that third wish, you know, because that's the way the gin gets you.

He gives you like the first wish that's maybe like, oh, I'm going to treat you to something nice. Second wish, you're irrevocably fuck your life up. The third wish, you got to undo the second wish. And there it is. But now, that's what they teach you in gin school. Well, how is it that this prince is able to capture this gin? Is it just because he's merely holding this jewel? I think he just enchanted a jewel.

Yeah, I think he's like, he says the thing. He's got an incantation. We do mention that this is all taking place like pre-Islam. So I guess this local wizard that works for the king is familiar with the religious aspects of what the gin is. I see. It's a little less uncommon. I mean, it is a straight-up wizard.

And then so thankfully we cut to America, present day. Los Angeles. We're in America. We're actually not Canada, shockingly. But it's amazing. Like, just say Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of weird. America, present day, Ford commercial.

Big Apple 3 a.m. Exactly. Like, I, you know, so I'm trying to place it at first. You know, like, where the hell are we here? Eventually, I got Los Angeles. It took a second. Yeah, just give me some palm trees, you know what I mean? Like, we're hanging out.

Just, like, do the same thing to do it when he goes to L.A. and Beverly Hills cop. Oh, just then, that, da, that, that's, go down the strip and a convertible kind of a thing. Oh, I think I'm going to like it out here. he flirts with a girl in another car yeah um so we're at the docks uh and robert england uh is this professional antiques dealer and his assistant played by ted ramey they're overseeing this big crate getting taken off of a boat ted my brother is sam ramy yeah you can't for you can't forget that i do like ted ramey in things though i like i like to poke fun at him but a little bit it's a welcome

Yes, exactly. This is a plenty of tenorady. A little teaspoon is fine. It's good because he kind of bookends the film. You don't get too much of them. Yeah, because there's a dude who's like doing the forklift operating or whatever. And I guess he's drunk, we're told. Mickey. Poor Mickey.

Mickey Trellie. What he's great is he's putting whiskey in his coffee. And I'm like, all right. Not bad move. You're going to work. Fuck that shit. But it turns out to be a negative in the plot of the film. It turns out in this particular.

instance, drinking on the job was a bad idea. At 9 a.m. He is, as it turns out, using heavy machinery. And it's a great, like, one, two of Anglin being, like, now careful there, this thing's really expensive, and we sure wouldn't want anything to happen to it. And then it's Ted Revy being like, yeah, you forklift operating piece of shit. And this thing just, like, breaks and drops. And, like, a lunitude, yeah, crushes Ted Ray.

Oh, I did a bad thing. It's not necessarily because he's drunk. It's because the cup of coffee, which is very hot, mind you, even though it does have whiskey. Yes. He cooled down a little bit with whiskey. Yeah. You know, that's why you do it, right? I mean, that's why I'm doing it.

I'm not trying to get drunk here. I'm just trying to make this a little palatable. It's a little hot. Yeah, this coffee's hot, and it just so happened, I had a bottle of whiskey in my jacket. Oh, my God, cool this down. Well, they were out of milk at the store where I bought it. It's like to go to the liquor store, which is next to the dugged door. That's like milk.

At FYI, the weekend is only four days away, so I'm going to buy whiskey now to have it. I'm in range. It's not trying to figure out what the problem was here. So the cup of coffee spills, and it's like spills on the controls. It's a super explosion. There's like sparks coming out of this thing. So it's more the cup's fault. Yeah.

And I guess the function of the machine is to release anything. There might be a safety mechanism. We're like, okay, if this shorts out, we want it to clamp on and hold on to make sure that it's like, wow, that's it. It's like when an elevator has those safeguards. Like if the thing breaks, there's like clamps that hold it. Yeah, you would think it's something like that. But no, no, no, Ted Ramey is a fucking goop on the bottom of this box. And Ted Ramey apparently can't move his legs.

Yeah, I mean, I would move. If I'm standing under like a two-ton thing, it breaks open. And like a pinata, there's this great ruby. And I love this one guy, this construction guy's like, all right, that's, that's going to go on the old pocket there. Oh, yeah, this dude sees this and he's like, I'll find a guy for this and sort of takes that away. And then we're introduced to our main character,

this woman, Alex, who's playing tennis with her lab partner. Her buddy. They're work friends. Work friends. And this guy, Josh, doesn't want to be just work friends. No, not at all. And it's really sad because she, She's like, oh, man, I really enjoy hanging out.

He's like, I'm going to make it sexual. And she's like, you know, I don't have any friends after I lost my parents. And he's like, I'm going to make it sexual. She's like, really begging of this. Of course. You know, it's just like, it's been a really tough couple of years. And your friendship, your, your platonic friendship means I want to make it sexual. Dude, it's like the old Steve Urkel, man.

I'm wearing her down. Oh, God. That's what this dude is doing. She's like, I beg of you, you are my, literally my only friend. I have my sister who kind of sucks. And by the way, my parents both burn to death in a fire. You're literally my only friend on the planet. Please fucking put it away.

Nope, no, no. So yeah, he like, he like tries to talk her into this thing. He gives her his hat. He's like, you know what I mean? And she's like, maybe let's just go for a burger and a ball game. Like we always do. And he's like, no, it's got to be a romantic date. He's like, how about?

dinner in a movie and she's like burger in a ball game dinner in a movie what's the movie y'all go take you to see one of them Swedish pornos I saw a taxi driver I know that counts as a date

it worked out for him right it worked out for taxi driver I kind of passed out while watching it honestly so I forgot a lot of people come to these movies so you know family no they do come him backtracking with civil shepherd they're like trying to like save it that moment is so great also he's definitely uh patronizing the concession stand at the porno theater dude you know that candy's stale

oh that's the grossest part of all of taxi driver yeah but look at look at how much he can get for his money back then that's like it was crazy he's just like he's like yeah i'll have like popcorn it's like the start of phantom thread he's going through every single concession item Like, oh, the hungry boy, popcorn for the hungry boy. Oh, milk duds, this, that. Yeah, that'll be, okay, ring you all up here. 15 cents. No, I'm going to need a lot of butterfingers.

Ooh. So, can I just say, what the hell is her job? She's an appraiser of jewels, is what I'm understanding. So she works for the antique company run by Jack Lemons Kid. Yes. Okay. Because I was like, is she a scientist? Is she a tennis coach?

Because the other thing is, in a few scenes from now, she's coaching a high school basketball team. Well, that's just like community service, you know. Oh, she did time? No, no, I think she's actually being a good person. Oh, well, this is a horror movie. Yes, Chris Lemon is in this movie. Yeah.

Which, I mean, if I was Jack Lemon, I would name my son, Jack Lyme. Not John Lyme? No, Jack Lyme. Jack Lyme, okay. Why would you change his last name? Well, then his son could be Jack Orange. Yeah, we are a comedy team. Lemon Lime, please hire us.

Oh, yeah. They could go every Halloween as a Sprite can. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Come on, boy, we're getting the old Sprite Can costume out again, right? Do you think Jack Lemon saw this movie? Oh, you were bringing this up the other day. I think, yeah, I think, well, I think it was like part of it.

Premier, premiere screening. If he's in, he's in the audience. Sure, sure. He's awake, not so sure. Okay. I got to make a phone call. Hey, boy, got to go out and call my agent. He's back in a minute. So, Dad, did you get my VHS tape a Wishmaster?

Sure did, son. You know, there's a bar down the street. I watched 10 minutes of it while making grumpy one, which is what I call. Grumpy Old Men One. Yeah, I got your VHS from you, son. How did you know I needed something to straight? out this coffee table. Actually, they were probably making Grumpy, too, by this point.

My apologies. Hey, Lemon, I saw your son and Wishmasters. Glad I was born sterile. I wish there was a genie that would get him out of that movie. I actually didn't see the movie. I read the box, though. Yeah, Mathout. At least my kid didn't work for Canon.

Did he? Yeah. Oh, wow. Charles Mathau? Oh, Chuck Mathau. I think I might be wrong on that. He's in the documentary. Oh, is he?

Does he look and or sound like? It looks exactly like his father. Oh, that's terrible. Lemon kind of looks like a hulked out version of Jack Lemon. It does. It's disturbing. It's very weird. It's like, why has he got broad shoulders?

Because also this dude is very intense. Yeah. He's bringing some intensity to this role that I don't think it's asking for. So he runs this like, I guess, this jewel factory or whatever the hell it is. I don't know that jewel factory I don't know much about anything But no, it's a whatever It's some sort of like auction house

Or some shit Yeah They have like appraisers on They have a quite literal Blood Diamond on their hands now That's what they do They funneled blood diamonds into America So this guy he sells the thing

And he's like wow look at this big great Ruby I'm going to get my best Appraiser on and he gives it to her In looking at it by the way She breeds on it and rubs on it Oh, that's the thing. Yeah, and that's what, you know, wish mess is like, oh, right. Finally, someone rubbing my jewel.

The old Donald Duck method. Someone's rubbing my family jewel. Well, I love it's like, oh, that's, this ain't your mama's genie. It's not some stupid oil lamp. It's a, but it's exactly like that. Well, it's much like the, it's pretty much exactly like that. It's much like the film Kazam, dude, where no, no, no, he's not locked inside a lamp, but that's right. Boombox.

What? Oh, magic. Boom box. I haven't seen that movie in forever. No, is he an evil gin? No, he's a rapping genie. Interesting. Yeah, who also somehow manages to bring a child back from the dead.

Not kidding. A rapping necromancer. I like that. Rapromancer. That's amateur stuff. Oh, sure. I would have loved to have hidden inside a boom box for all these millennia. Boohoo, dead children.

So she brings it to this awkward motherfucker. And she's like, could you please do some scientific tests on this? We want to know like what it's made of. First a date. Totally. How about that dinner? Pay me my price. My price in this case is an unwanted date.

Ew, ew, ew. It just like... One, just one, Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson movie. Just one. Sure, I'll analyze your Jewel right after a dinner at hearties. Just like begging someone for a date, please take the hint. But it's, I mean, yes, obviously, but it's just made so much worse by the fact that she begs him and prefaces with, I have no other friend on the planet. It's also fucked up, we'll get to the end, but this is essentially what she has to be corrected with.

Yeah, exactly. She needs to learn a hard lesson. Yeah. So she puts this jewel under all these lasers and whatnot. And the thing goes crazy and explodes and like kind of shoots this guy, which is pretty great. Yeah. He gets sort of like burned up or whatever. Because I thought he was going to be like longer in this movie. I'm like, oh, this hunk, you know, he's got to be, you know, something. Yeah, but dude, this guy, he's like a fucking wet towel on the screen. Speaking of a wet towel, this is when we first see the wishmaster kind of crawl out of the jewel. He's like a baby way.

Why doesn't have to be birthed? Incredible, man. This little, it's like a little fat alien. Did you see by the way? Yes, I did see. I was leaning up to it. Who's going to say it?

Oh, we'll say it on three. One, two, three. Burn Troyer. Yeah. Yes, yes,

dude, Vern Troir is playing this like hatching genie. And he's got like a brainhead kind of a thing going on. He looks like the Borg Queen to be completely honest. A little bit of Alice Creasy. I'm a little bit. bit unsure of what happens next. Does he take this dude's body or like takes nutrients out of it to become big? I think that

the second part. He eats his soul. Because he's like, oh, looks like that hurts quite a bit. Would you like me to take away your suffering? And he's like, yes, please. And then. Which that one you can see coming a mile away. Even when you're like hurting as bad as this dude is, you got to be like, up, smells like a cricket genie. Better be very careful how I word this no thank you no thank you i'm fine i'm just gonna die here thank you sure he's green and covered in black slime but on my mind i might be dying right now and that's the EMT and he's got this morphine for that's a really good point all right all right if you say no i'm gonna come over there

and lick you anyway oh dude so he licks him and then he takes out of all of his nutrients and he turns into like the green goblin like he's a fully formed wilm defoe now with uh zero of genitalia by the way he's got this like weird beetle body I don't know what's going on it's like all this like this muscle suit that's I mean so the face is very wait you don't have a muscle suit

no no this is all say that right here but it's it's like it's this actor we should give credit we're credits to Andrew Divoff who's excellent in this movie I think he's the dude who played a crazy Russian guy on Lost for a season or two yeah good good character

actor this solid character he gets a lot more time in the sequel oh good well of course that it's the fucking gin show man it is it's so you watch the you watch the sequel i did well i watched the second one and the third one boy you got nothing but time that's true i uh so which is the best by the way before we continue i actually kind of think the second one's the second one this dude doesn't return no it's another guy the whole show moves to canada there's two movies after that that are all made in canada that sounds about right oh was it canada straight to video Yeah.

Oh, definitely straight to The second one was straight to video too. I went to like Wikipedia and it's like I'm reading these things about these movies and then like the third one comes up and it's like, it's a Canadian film.

Oh my God, I have no idea. I guess it's celebrated there. Make no mistake this sequel was directed in Canada. Oh, you'll have a franchise all right. Oh, quite a lustrous long franchise but it's moving to Canada. Yeah.

Prime Minister Harper declared like fucking Wishmaster Day in Canada. but I almost I saw the first one loved it and then I just you know

I didn't go back for the second one but one day we had theater tickets my fiance was getting ready and I was like I'll just shoot

on the shy fine network wishmaster two is on I'm like uh oh and I just got to sit down yes Stephen how how much did you pay for those tickets and she got into the act too

we were both like all right we have to leave in five minutes this is awesome but we do have to leave You missed that play? No, we didn't mean. We made it.

We made it. Damn. I don't make for a better story. The mafia's involved, Andrew. What? In Wishmaster, too. Get the fuck out. Prison gangs.

Oh, wow. The mafia and prison gangs? It's quite a lot. You'll have to smuggle me into prison. There's only one way to do that. That's right. This jewel will go up your butt. It's a brawl on cell block 99, but with a gin.

So, this guy, so now, he's full on gin yeah he's he's got a green goblin face he's got these really cool weird teeth um and yet the beetle body's a bit weird it's like this like superhero suit excuse me i thought it was like an exoskeleton excuse me did you just see he had cool teeth yeah that's gross no but they're not they're not exactly he looks like the green goblin yeah dead on right well he should what the green goblin should look like oh right right right you're right um so this is actually kind of my favorite part of this movie is she, this woman, Alex,

comes into the laboratory and she sees all the cops everywhere and whatnot and she runs in and she's like, Alex, Alex, and this detective who's like kind of a small character in the movie like stops her like, oh, there's nothing you can do for this guy. She goes, no, I have to get in there. That's my best friend.

I was like, oh, man. Just because he's your only friend doesn't mean he's also your best friend. friend. At the end of it, give him it. See, that's my boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. Just do it once. Oh, no, dude, then what if it turns out he's still alive? I heard that.

Oh, I can't wait for the dinner now. You'll have to give me my feed bag. You try to be nice to him once, once on his deathbed. She, but it's great because one of the guys was, this is all because of a computer explosion. Must have been some kind of computer. All right, computer explosion. Because that's like, I guess that's what the gin, you know, kind of wrote it off as, you know. I didn't the insurance investigator.

Didn't have a cop at the door to stop her? No, no, I couldn't get that. No, just five guys around this corpse. Also, yeah, this woman that doesn't work for this laboratory. How the fuck did you? I think, this dude gave her a card. He's like, oh, yeah, maybe the first step is like give her access to this facility. That'll sweet the deal.

It'll make me look real cool. so we cut to buck flowers uh everybody's favorite homeless person uh and he is getting into it with this pharmacist and this is a tirade i actually have it because it's really it's really good the two of them going at it it's so this is the dude uh from um phantasmus man you left customers in there it's not a very good way to run a business pharmacist don't me tell it don't me tell me how to run my business you fucking bum well don't told me how to run my life. You're a fucking prick. I'll talk to whoever I want to.

You don't own this sidewalk. You want to know something? I own this sidewalk because I pay fucking taxes. Fuck you. Fuck you. I hope you die, you sack of shit. I hope you die and I hope you float down in the gutter so I can fucking piss on you. Is that all that? Does that cut off?

Because somewhere around there, he calls this dude the afterbirth of a Chinese gangbanger? I left that out. I had no idea. I was edited for a contest. Yes, exactly. Holy shit. Yeah, it's a real thing.

And then like the Jin's like, wow. I had no idea this was written by Shakespeare. Why did I just walk into? Boy, I would love these two on my team. I mean, I've seen some fucked up shit, but God. Now, what is, is the Jin just like walking by and he sees this? Because his whole thing is like, he needs to Shang Sun some souls to like get some power. is the idea. They say to charge his ruby.

Right. At this point... Oh, yeah, you can charge your ruby over here, buddy. He's still disgusting. He looks like an alien, and he's covered in slime, but he's got like a Ninja Turtles hideout costume on, where he's like a trench coat, a little hoodie up, and he's just like, oh, I'm just going to the porno theater.

I'm going to get some dominoes after I watch this pornographic movie. He looks like a Russian peasant from 1950, like shambling around this place. the best thing is he says this guy's like oh this fucking guy I'm gonna fucking kill that son of him and he's like

well hello there I'm an evil genie and he's like what is what do you want he actually says like you know what I want a fucking I want a jack at a room for the night he's like no but you really want that guy dead right like you know what fucking genie pay that guy sorry like and it should have been a thing

where like he's like fine done and he snaps his finger and then he's got the bottle of whiskey and whatever Money comes out of his mouth Like he's on the Steppford wives And he hands it to him He's like, oh Now by the way

Are you sure there's not anything else you want And it could just be like a whole bit He keeps going for it I can go for a chicken All right fine a chicken sandwich All right now you have your chicken sandwich You have your Jack Daniels Bourbon You have your room for the night

Now let me ask you this Don't you want anything to happen To that pharmacist back there All right fine Don Henley is alive again Good I mean, he's back, he's back. I mean, I already got your soul, but I only get off if you kill someone. So, yeah, he says like, yeah, how about this, man?

I want that guy to get cancer and die. And he gets like super cancer, I guess. This is, this is dying of cancer. Holy shit. It's like toxic cancer. Oh, the mucus. Ugh. It is, it is a sight.

He's like melting like he's in Robocop. Pardon me, I always confused dying from cancer with the origin story of the toxic avenger. Well, did they know what cancer was in 1127? Great question, yeah. I mean, back then, we just called it natural causes. Cancer sounds a lot like leprosy times a million, surely. Yes, cancer is where you pour acid on a face, yes? You have to bear with me.

English is a second language. So this guy, the bum runs off, and he's like, good. Tell your friends to be weary of what they wish for. Something like, he's like, be, be wary of a monster that prays upon wishes. Hey, Jeannie, who you're talking to? Never, you mind. Just never you mind. But it's also weird. So it's like he has the woman who freed him, right?

So she is like the quote unquote wish master, I guess, in this situation, right? But then he's also just walking around, like, doing favor. Yeah, that's part of the I need to charge up my ruby makeup. He's got to stay hard. I think he's got to get back in fighting shape, you know what I mean? It's been so long. I need to get back on the wish-granting treadmill.

Yeah. So the next one he goes to is he needs a face. This is where he gets Andrew Divoff the actor's face. Right. So that he could kind of spend less time in the makeup chair. Also, I mean, you just can't be walking around a high society antique dealer parties looking like that. It's like a fucking Power Ranger villain. Yeah.

So he goes and the guy, who played, I didn't even look this up but I'm pretty sure this is correct. Okay. The guy who played the Anthony Michael Hall character from the Weird Science TV show. Whoa! Also a stoner from Can't Hardly Wake.

Yes, yes. That guy, yeah, watermelon guy from Can't Hardly Wake. Wait, so he was in the TV show of Weird Science. I believe so, but I might be getting that wrong. I feel like that guy's too young to be on the Weird Science TV show. The guy from Oz is the only guy I remember from the Weird Science TV show.

Chris Maloney? No, the other, his, the, oh, J.K. Simmons. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know that guy. Who's with, who's with Maloney? Oh, uh. His name is no, no, no, no. The fuck is that guy's name.

Yeah, I have him. She said it was no, no, no, nah, nah, nah, nah. But so he goes into a morgue to get a face, it seems. Are we told how Andrew DeVov's character bites the big one? No, we do not. Because it would have been way better if, like, there was a little bit of like a character set up like he's just so dude like he gets murdered

in like a jewelry store or heist or something left a beautiful corpse of course he did this dude is very handsome so he was ready to go and the gym was like oh yes that's perfect that's what I want to kiss with he's not that handsome though I mean I'm sure he went through this morgue and they were like

everything else was just too fucked up a lot of clothes caskets I guess this is the best I can do all right that's bad that's worse all right all right, I'll go back to the other

original guy, fine. And he's like, he's ripping this guy's face off in his monstrous visage. And like, you know, the guy's,

hey man, oh my God. And he starts screaming, like, would you like not to see this? And he's like, yes, well,

you know what? Yes, man, ripping the, I'm going to have a conversation with you as you rip someone's fucking face off.

Yeah, totally. A literal monster is ripping someone's face off and you're answering its questions. You're not running.

That's interesting. And he's like, yes, and then he takes his eyes, and he's screaming, and he has to yell out, just so you know, my eyes, my eyes. Yeah, so we know what's wrong. Yeah. I guess now, do you think it just blinds him or is his eyes like, is he actually scabby shit going on? Sown shut or something? Yeah, I guess that's painful. Yeah.

This is veering into like very much like Hellraiser. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, the body horror here is, I did not see this coming. Did you peep the writer of this film? No. He wrote Hellraiser 2, 3, and Hellraiser Bloodline. Wow, that explains a lot.

I will bring you to the sequel where a man actually fucks himself. Nice. I like what that's going. Wishmaster 2? Yep. Wow. Hello, Amazon. I think the gin is Pinhead's dad.

Oh. I think that's how it works. Oh, nice. I can see that. I was going to do a bit where they talk to each other, but it's the same voice. Yes, it's more or less the same voice. A little bit of, yes. But anyway, so he takes this guy's face

and now he could turn into Andrew Divoff. He goes to a... We're following the Mission Master for quite a while, which I love. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's kind of like if you saw, like, Jason in his off hours, like he went to the pharmacy. What do you mean I can't... What do you mean I don't qualify this for this apartment?

I have given you security deposit and the first month's rent. No, I don't have a prior address. Why, yes, I guess I will open a JCPenny credit account. I didn't know that that was had such savings. What is a credit history? Oh, crap. It looks like it's my final offer to renew my subscription to the nation. Well, that's, I kind of wanted more of an Encino Man montage of him getting to know the time.

He's got to be sniffing around downtown. Hey, it's the wishmaster. Let's give him a bad. I'm kind of into modest mouse In a high school would be a fun setting for a wishman Yes Wishmaster 5 high school Just high school Colin high school

He puts on a kid's face And then suddenly he's granting like wishes to these jocks Who then get like their own asses hung from flagpoles or whatever Yeah, exactly And or like prom queen, uh oh look out for her And like the nerds rule the day or something The crown attacks her But then like he sees like the nerd nerdy girl

like crying in the corner, he's like, wait, what is wrong? And suddenly, like, he starts to develop like a heart. Wow, yeah. Yeah, he's like, oh my God, I wish that didn't happen to you. Oh, no, no, I'm making wishes. Pitching your remake of Carrie. Oh, Janie, some of these sketches are quite good. You've got a lot of talent.

God damn it, Janie, I just spoke with Cody. Do you know he thought you were just a joke? Just a stupid joke. Wait a minute, Janie. Could you, you know, take out the ponytail? Oh, and now take off the glasses. Oh, my, Janie. Why, yes, Janie, yes, I could remake you with magic,

but the truth is, you're beautiful already. This is sixpence none the richer. So kiss me. Let me ask you this, teacher. Don't you wish you didn't assign us this homework? Yes. Yes. That's like the, that's the joke after the credits after you see the black title card of the credits, like the company. And then you get the one more joke to get everybody going. That's the one. And then we go to college. It lives his life like a regular kid, like an American kid, the Wishmaster, until he go, we follow him through adulthood. Oh, yeah. Exactly. We see his first job out of college because this is in the 90s, everything's handed to him. It gets an instant car.

instant job. Oh, yeah. But he hates it anyway. And then he's like complaining to Ethan Hawk about it. God, you know, last week, Ethan Hawk, I was only pre-approved for four mortgages. How obnoxious. Weird. I'm living off starting up a literary magazine in 1996 and my apartment is three apartments wide.

But that girl doesn't like me, Ethan Hawk. millennial souls, they taste different. It's just a thinner cut. Everything's going so well for me, but I'm just terrified of being called a yuppie. Can I just say that these millennials are killing the toilet paper industry? It's hilarious. You say that, Eric,

because he does go off on somebody for calling him a yuppie in the second one. What? He does, absolutely. The actual gin? Yeah. I got to tell you, man, stay tuned. in Wishmaster 2. If we ever get through Wishmaster 1, we'll see.

I don't know if that's going to be happening. We'll see if this episode is. So he goes to a mall, he gets a nice suit, and he's very smitten with this lady. That's the thing. The gin is attracted to her. She's just trying to make us, I mean, she's checking to him. He's from Persia, man.

And she's an African-American woman, and he's only seen pasty white people so far. So maybe that's part of it. That could be. But this poor woman, you know, she's like yada, yada, something about beauty. And he's like, oh, I see. So you're saying you'd like to stay beautiful forever?

No, I'd actually just like to live my life. Could you please just say that so I could do this evil thing? I would just like to age gracefully. No, no, no. Please, please indulge me, if you will. Here's the script. Just read it right there. Trust me, sales girl.

It would be hilarious. and she of course says well yes I guess I would like to be beautiful forever who wouldn't and then she gets turned into a really not looking good looking mannequin no yeah she got ripped off I thought it was going to be a thing where and this is a much better

genie trick right it's like fine now you shall live forever never age and by the way good luck watching all your family and friends and everyone you know on this earth die bye you know it's been a while since I've seen that mannequin movie is that how she gets because there is that how she

There is some dark magic in there, for sure, yeah. I forget exactly. And I think it's Egypt, so it's nearby. Yeah, and it's like, I don't know, something, something, Hollywood. Yeah. And that's kind of it. Isn't James Spader in that movie? I think he's like a...

Andrew McCarthy. Oh, yes. He's the bad guy. Yeah, I got you. Oh, you'll get a sequel to Manickett all right, but the only one who'll be in that is Christy Swanson and the guy from Herman's head. Wait, Hollywood didn't return Of course Hollywood

Returned And also Hollywood From Designing Women That's right He was a treasure You will not appreciate Until long after his passing That's true

So he's just kind of going through stuff We cut back to What's her Alex And she's like upset Because her friend is dead And like this is when we fight out About her family Like this is

Her sick I mean Go ahead But I'm sorry This is a bit much backstory for the shitty horror movie she's like her sister is like you know oh my god

I can see you're so upset it's all I'm going to start happening again right the nightmares the therapy the this the that I'm like well the second one's totally fine like you should probably stay in the therapy yeah yeah you're going to be getting help again great I can see it now thanks Christmas

but no so she's like yeah you know it's because ever since mom and dad burned in that building and I saved you little sister. Rebert and Renee Brandon, that's when a gin is born so maybe there should be like a baby

gin now. Oh, I see. From her parents' demise. Oh, Jin Jr. That's what we call the high school movie. It's actually the gin's son. Gin Jr. is what I call it when I secretly feed booze to kids on Halloween. Oh. Gin Jr. is like the little

little G&T I have right before bed. I know I brush my teeth, but I need something to fucking fall asleep. It's so you don't wake up with the shakes, dude. It's got nothing to do with going to sleep. It's got everything to do with waking up. Yeah, yeah.

And then a little one on the way to work, and then a little at work. And then you're lifting up old statues and, uh-oh. And then you're Mickey Rourke and Barfly. Oh, yeah. Here's all my gins. Do all my friends. Do all my friends.

He does have a little. a B cadence a little bit. He kind of does. He's sort of like, let's words hang. Be able to what you wish for. It's a choice that this dude is making as this character. It's memorable. So yeah,

she's like, oh, blah, blah, blah, you know. And then like, it's basically just saying, I have this horrible backstory. This is who I am. But it's, yeah, it's this weird, like, mom and dad burning this fire. And the girl is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The sister's like, yeah, yeah. But you saved me. Why don't you focus on the fact that you saved me?

I'm fucking great. In case you haven't noticed, I'm fucking great. It's also a weird thing that we're like, it's clear that like Alex hooked the sister up with a job at the antique dealer's situation. Uh-huh. And it's also,

I feel like part of that is like this woman's like kind of resenting her also. Like, all right, I'm going, I'm turning to you in my hour of need. I got you this job. I saved you from a fire. The least you could do is listen to me

and not chastise me for going to therapy. You were living with me anyway. You might as well be able to pay some rent every once in a while. Shit. I'm having a shitty week. My best friend A. came on to me, then died in a computer explosion, all right? And I didn't even realize he was my best friend until I saw his face melted off after the aforementioned computer explosion. I just, I should have, I should have saved Mom.

I should have done it. I don't know why I didn't do it. Always to the move. You know what? Mom was a tenured college professor. Wouldn't have had to hook her up with a fucking job. you didn't do shit at the time still don't

you know I gotta say credit to this movie though for no obnoxious flashbacks of said fire this movie knows that it's called Wishmaster and it's just Wishmaster and around every time we're not whatever Wishmaster is not on screen everyone is asking where's Wishmaster

exactly right so so Alex is like all right well I gotta go meet this motherfucker that was doing this dock deal or whatever so she goes to Robert Anglin's place. Yes. And you get to see the fucking house of horrors that this guy lives in. This is a real creep show.

Huge. It's kind of, I mean it's huge but it's also like I well I kind of gather that this may be what Bob England's real life house looks like. Oh, you think so? Combine all the creepy statues because the one in joke here is that he owns the Pizzuzu statue from Exorcist. Yes.

So it's like he's got all these like creepy ass artifacts floating around, you know, he's a rich, mysterious businessman. All you had to do is add in the weird like Robert England paintings from a new nightmare that's his actual house

it has to be do you think it was an awkward year on the horror circuit because like here you got Bobby England you got Kane Hodder and you got Tony Todd

of course they're all in this movie like oh man you're in Wishmaster I'm in Wishmaster oh we should talk about Wishmaster and then like Doug Bradley's like so what's going on

what's everybody where's everybody going what's hey what's Wishmaster Can I get a wish? I'll be a wisher. Dick Warlock's like, I could, I could do wishes. I could be a wishmaster. I can, and you got Angus fucking scrim.

I can read your fucking script. I could be a wishmaster, Mark. I could do what he does. Like, who are we missing here? We're missing, um, the Texas chainsaw franchise is completely left out of this. Exactly. Who, Gunner Hanson. Yeah, there he is.

You're told, by the way, there are folks who will say that Gunner Hanson was the gentlest giant of all. I'm sure. Give him a roll in fucking Wishmaster. Although I thought you were going to say is to you

because it's also very noticeable. Robert England, big part in this movie. Kane Hodder and Tony Todd that's all right. Because Robert England's the draw, I guess.

But also what we were forgetting it's West Craven presents Wishmask. Oh, of course. I forgot all about that. Also, it's weird because I don't know the production dates

on this movie or anything like that, but this comes out 97, theatrically released. So we're post-screen. But doesn't it feel like this movie was made in like 1993 or something like that? It doesn't feel like a post-scream. Like we were talking about urban legend and shit last week and that post-scream horror.

This doesn't feel like it fits into that at all. No, no, no. They should have had like Michael Douglas in this movie to represent those horror movies of disclosure and the one where the rabbits boiled. Oh, that one. Yeah. Oh, of course. Get close in this.

Oh, you'll have sex with Glenn Close. But at a great price, your rabbit is now dead. Was that his rabbit in that movie? I believe so. It's his daughter. I think it's the daughter. Yeah, that's a shame. But so, yeah.

He had all those sexual horror movies. He did. Well, like, okay. Psychosexual harm. Oh, wait. They're psychosexual. Yeah, a little bit. Psychosexual horror movies.

Oh, because the woman was crazy. Yeah. One time the woman was the crazy one. Where is the line? And I don't remember who says it, but I just wrote it down. I think it's a back and forth exchange is what I've noted here. It's gin. Genie?

No, not Robin Williams. Oh, that's coming up. So basically she meets with Robert Anglin, and he's like, oh, yeah, I had the, this is where the great statue is going to be with that fucking drunk. Dude, I love, he has a platform set up with a little placard that says what do we supposed to be that's embarrassing and the gag is like she's like well you're really upset about ted ramey's like yeah yeah ted remi but that fucking statue that's kind of a good and england plays this perfectly but like he's like who she's like uh ted ramy your personal assistant he's like yeah really beating myself up over that um but he has a real smell of married rich

to me oh yeah england yeah england because then divorced even richer yeah possibly because he's, I mean, he's just a professor. Oh, yeah. He's a professor? Yeah, he's a professor. He was a professor in last week's movie. No, in this one as well. Oh, is that right?

He's not teaching urban legends in this one, though. It would be great if he was. Does he teach us at college? Are we told that? Yeah, he's at the same college, the other lady that we're about to talk about. He does mention what the statue is and he knows about the history of the. Oh, yes. You're totally right. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about this character. Yeah, I think he married to like a condiment heirs or something.

Yeah, Teresa Hines. his first marriage before she married John Kerry was Professor Beaumont. And he almost cleaned her out with all those creepy old statues. She's like, you know, do it enough. Buying a statue of a pre-Islamic god from the

Persian Empire. Listen, Terry, we need more statues. I don't know what else to tell you. My favorite scene is right around here. So the gin is trying to track down who has the Jewel.

He's awakened him at the area. Find his master so he can get going on destroying the world. Sure. So he goes to this police station. And this is amazing. Like he goes to the police station. He finds the detective who was there at the My Best Friend incident. Yeah.

And he's like, yes, I would just need the name and address of the soul witness to all of this. That shouldn't be a problem, right? And the guy's like, who the fuck are you? And then it's this awesome thing where there's some dude like mouthing off to cops. And he's like, yeah, see that guy over there? I've been looking to put that scumbag away. He always finds a way to skirt the system

or whatever it is. And he's like, so you're telling me you'd like to see this guy put away forever. And he's like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. And this leads to the biggest freak out. Like this gin is fucked up, man. So like this guy starts screaming and he pulls out a gun and he takes a cop's gun I think oh yes yeah yeah yeah and he's like she shoots all of these cops in this room

and like the detective who's who the gin is speaking with like gets up to be like oh my god this is happening right now and he's like oh fine what a distraction for me to peer through this notebook and find an address and this guy meanwhile is going fucking crazy kill it doesn't even stop there with the with the shooting he grabs someone's jaw and rips his fucking, like, jaw off. That is an out and out by the book fatality. How did you give this guy superpowers? Well, you jinned him a little bit. You can do whatever the fuck you want.

No rules, baby. I will gin you a little bit. It's like, ah, it's like giving you PCP. You said yes to me. How, I have all the powers. Oh, yes, gin hands. This is the only way I can play guitar without my fingers shaking. it's it's an i actually i

because i forgot about this scene and then i looked at my notes and i was like police stations like oh right that because there's so much crazy shit in this movie and then like the guy like comes back for more and then this is when this detective just fucking blasts this dude from here to kingdom come well he got him you know what be careful what you wish for i guess

it's kind of like all your friends are dead it just reminded me the freak out in uh copycats yes yeah when that dude goes ape shit in the police station. It was kind of the same thing, but with a grade a Greg Nicotero designed fucking jaw rip dude. My God. I think Clinton has to

address this. I think this is big news. Oh, we all heard about that brave police detective that got his jaw ripped off. Gotta tell you, man, horrible tragedy sounding kind of cool. People there are mutants among us. That's what

this would be. You got to be careful about gins, baby. You got to watch what you're saying and who you're saying it to could you define what a gin is what does gin mean well it depends upon what your definition of gin is

oh yeah that's the one that joke takes us back to 1998 the sweet time of babes I met this dude I've been hard ever since man I just was like cool it'd be cool if I can keep it up but now I always got it

Direction. Tired of walking around with a baseball bat for a Willie. Now, Kenneth Starr, you owe me one more wish. Fine, Mitch McConnell will destroy the Republic. Well, I just feel like, yeah, he went by some bar and somebody was like, because you did always hear this. It was like, you know who should run this country, this country? A businessman. Somebody who run the country like a business.

Be careful of what you wish for. Here he comes. You didn't specify how successfully his businesses had to be run. Trump steak. That's the only way. By the way, if you want, listen, we're searching for all sorts of answers in this world, right? Is there an afterlife? Is there a God?

This is not the other thing, right? A stone cold confirmation that fucking genies exist? The current situation. Yeah, that's... And that genie? Well, he's got a cryptic sense of humor. Fucking morose genies, man. I can't dick it.

This is the work of a loser gin. Like the real gin he would have put Robert Mercer in there like a smart boy. Yeah. Somewhere around here, they find like a book on Jins. And somebody is just like, is it Alex is just like reading this gin book aloud? Yeah. In a voiceover. And it's like, we're just hearing this person reading.

Because she meets up with Jenny O'Hara who's this other professor This is when she's like Oh no, it's not Barbara Eaton It's not Robin Williams It's a gin That's what oh right yeah I forgot about that Barbara Eden thrown in also

And by the way thanks for making me think about Watching I Dream of Jeannie A totally enjoyable sitcom from the 60s You know that's the move Is I mean like this look at your recipe to be fun Is if you get you get oh hey You want a preview screening of that new Aladdin movie Like yeah you get a bunch of kids

and he's just show him Wishmaster. It's like live action Aladdin, here it is. That's an easy way to go to jail. I could see like some like right wing evangelical doing that to like scare them away from like. Because they, I'm sure someone in this country feels like Aladdin was like, was was glamorizing a different religion and that's a sin.

I mean, you will see that when this new one comes out. Oh, definitely. It's all with like, oh, well, I guess it's fine. They'll be out there with their God hates genius. signs. I read brap-da-bapt-a-bout.com every day.

If you type that it, it'll take you to Breitbart. You go to brightbart.com. So around here, the Jen discovers he's got to go hang with Rob Anglin for a little bit to see what's going on there. But he also finds out

that the order for this Jewel or whatever was placed in the hands of this company run by Chris Lemon. Oh, right. So he shows up. one of the funniest fucking things. So he's like, all right, well, now I have to go visit an antique dealer, let's do this. And he shows up and like Chris Lemon is closed for business. We're told

this by Primo-casted security guard, Kane Hodder. This is exactly, if Kane Hodder has to speak in a film, you are playing like FBI agent number seven or under, or you're a security guard with two lines. And Eric Siska's heart starts pounding. I like a dis. It was, It's amazing to see his visage. Here's a question about this, though. Why is it that Kane Hodder has like a beard, but he shaved off all the sideburns? That's like a professional rasslery kind of move for mid-90s. He should be at some event called Nitro with that fucking thing.

It made, it was like, it was sexy, dangerous, you know what I mean? Oh, is that right? Yeah, whole beard was, ooh. I was out. But you get those sideburns out of there. This was like a super goatee, like a power goatee. Goattsies were big. Gotees were big.

And it wasn't a mullet because we were past up, but there's something going on in the background there. A little tangled back there. I was going to say, man, I was kind of let down that Cain Hutter didn't have a mullet in this movie. Because you guys were all like Cain Hatter or blah, blah, blah. And Cain Hatter, I think it's also credited at the beginning of the movie. And I'm like, fucking sweet. Lord only knows what I can expect From this fucking Kentucky waterfall

Ninety seven he's trying to get sober You can't let that mollick on Man you know what The mullet was part of the problem But this is great So he goes up He's like I need to see Chris Lemon Show me Jack Lemon son

Oh my God Be careful what you wish for He's so unlike his father Dude this guy looks like Richard Roper On steroids He does But so he's like Oh yes

I need to get in there. And it's like, well, it's closed, buddy. You got to get out of here. He's like, well, what would you like? And he has a fun line who's like, do you know how annoying it is to be so powerful? But I also have to ask assholes what they like or something like that. But then he's like, you know what, I want you to leave. And it's my favorite part of the entire movie.

This is great. The guy has to, he's like turning, great Andrew Devoff acting. He's like turning around like, no, I must get in there. And he's like walking away slowly like, this really sucks. Oh, damn it. son of a bitch I've been bested by a fucking be mulleted

no sideburned security guard damn Neanderthal talk to me like that he's walking in the opposite direction for days no one else is saying that son of a bitch I can't believe it that fucking power goatee

now I'm walking now oh great now I'm in San Diego the jerk store ran out of you he's like fucking Danny Houston in X-Men Origins Wolverine. Just walk and don't turn back or whatever. Damn, these shoes were so delectably expensive.

But then, like, as he's walking away and he's like, you know, Cain Hodder just can't keep his trap shut. You've won Cain Hodder. That's right. Doesn't matter what this genie's talking shit to you after this, man. You won. But he's like, oh, yeah, you know what? The only way you're getting in here is if you go through me.

And I'd love to see that. And it's like that's fine. execute protocol 1997 CGI that's in the language in the contract you'll never see that you signed so he like becomes like phantom zoned it's like I guess he morphs into the glass

or he becomes glass which is great because in this moment it actually just because of the flattening it looks like Kane Hodder has the mullet he definitely should have had Oh I see the CGI artist thought that he had him all at the time and this is I mean yeah

I mean, he just assumed, it was more than an assumption. It was an educated guess. But, yeah, he, like, walks through him and, like, Kane Hodder kind of, like, wiggles a little bit, like, jello and then explodes into shards of people glass. Sure. I would have preferred, like, a push through, and he's just stuck in the glass. Yeah, like, he's just, yeah.

Or just walk through his fucking body. Yeah. Just walk through this meat sack that is. Well, it's awesome. The gin's got a great line right here, too, because Chris Lemon is like, well, how did you go? it in here. And he goes, uh, the guard opened up on me. Yeah. Nice. And he's like, oh, you know, get out of here, blah, blah, blah. He's like, oh, give me the address of your employee. And he's like,

no, no, no. And he's like, I wouldn't do that for anything. It's like, anything. And he's like, all right, maybe for a million bucks. And he's like, done. And this is my favorite seat. I can't even believe this, though, because like the fucking backflips that this genie is going to. Mr. Shobit, we cut to an old, a sweet old lady at an airport. And I guess she's getting airline insurance. Yes. Life insurance at

the airport. Okay, you can do that. And they had a like grimmer outlook on air travel in 97, I guess. And she's like, oh, you know, who do you want to make the beneficiary? She's like, oh, I'd like to make my son. You know, he owns an antique dealership. And it's like, oh, man.

Yeah. Cut to play. It's like three seconds tops. It's awesome, but also, like, you, they never go back to this. Chris Lemon is never informed on camera that his mother's been killed in the plane crash. You just see the worst, like, Langalears-esque special effects level, fucking plane explosion. And that is it. It is so goddamn funny. Cut to the successful gins.

You know, you could have just given him the million and took his soul the next day. All this extra shit. This is why you are bogged down in the. this project. I'm sorry that I have fun at work, Jerry. Well, that's my question, actually. He's taking the souls. Like, every time you make a wish, he takes your soul. Shang soon it. But does he get the old lady's soul in the offing? Is that how that works? He would have to. And the whole plane? He would. Oh, nice. No, I don't think so. I'm getting my numbers up. Ooh, this is excellent. If he was the one who, you know, did it. Yeah. No, but it's just because he would reap the whole

No, no, no, no. Now you're getting a million dollars, but could you tell him, what is it, what is an airplay? Yeah, exactly. Like, why does the genie have these, like, psychic abilities? We need, like, a scene where he's, like, you know, maybe not doing the Johnny Five, memorizing everything that happened. But, like, I'm too sexy montage, throw this in there. At least put him, like, in front of, like, a, like, an appliance store that has a bunch of TVs on, and he's like, that. Oh, interesting. What is this? Oh, CNN. You know what would also get the job done

honestly? If the movie was set in New York, you could just have a bullshit thing where you film standing in the middle of Times Square. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like looking around, you know, and then maybe if you want to, just because it's fun, do, do, do, do, do you know, also a fashion montage because why not? He's standing in the middle of Times Square, Captain America is like six to the left. And he's like, wow. The Wishmasters is like, oh, okay. I'm Cut up to speed. Fudalism is still around. Okay.

Good, good, good. I could use that. So we cut to basketball practice once again. It's a weird, like, Alex forgot she works at this boys and girls club, wherever the fuck this shit is. She's a good person, Andrew. I'm just so not used to seeing this. Well, they call back a thing in these scenes.

Oh, yeah, which doesn't do anything. At the end, and I'm like, what the fuck you think? I think I was paying attention to the fucking basketball? Are they gunning for the championship? Gunning for the number one spot? They're just in practices. But she's like, oh, you know, you have to practice stillness. You have to do this

Oh, yes. She's teaching them how to like, you know, sink a basket. Who would possibly be listening to what she's saying? Who? Please ask me. There's a wishmaster in this movie. Well, the wishmaster shows up at this game and like the sister is there attending

the game and it's like, excuse me, may I borrow your, I think someone just told me it's called a cellular phone. Like, come on, Jeannie, how do you know that this stuff exists? And also, I guess it was like in the 90s when not everyone had cell phones. You were like, can I borrow your cell phone? The answer is no. But that was a thing. Yeah.

That was a thing. And it was before, you know, cell phones were just like a ubiquitous item. Certainly. It was like, oh, can I use your phone? Like, that happened. And it was annoying. But, like, for whatever reason, because if you had the phone, if you knew that other people didn't have it just yet, it was like, oh, of course you can make a call. Because you wanted to be the cool person that had the access to the phone.

As a kid, I actually had knocked on people's doors and used their phone. Oh, nice. Cellular phone? No, just landlines. Really? Yeah. When yours was down? Well, no, I was.

Oh, when you were not at all. I was out. Yeah, I was out and about, dude. Out and about, dude. Need to make a call. Wake up, motherfucker. Who are you calling with these guest calls? I need to get a ride home, man.

Dude, I'm fucking, I'm moving and shaking. I'm out and about. Oh, Eric, you're becoming the most popular kid in school, but still no zealien of vote for you. That is a lie, wishmaster. And here again, loser gin. He could have fucking gotten a soul here. This shit.

All you had to do is, like, I can give you whatever you want. if you let me use your phone. Yeah, but he doesn't want to make a scene in public. I mean, he, but, you see, he's not aggressive enough. What is fucking ridiculous about all this, though, we should mention is, if I'm remembering correctly, the gin just borrows this woman's phone to leave a, like, a dastardly voicemail on this woman's answering machine?

Yeah. What the fuck is the point of any of that? No, it's just it's, you're padding out the movie a little bit. I've actually been listening to the jerky boys. I haven't gotten the stones up yet to do it. Oh, yes, that's right. You did hear correctly. I fell down the stairs and broke my glasses.

My name is Frank Rizzo. Yes, please put me on with whoever's in charge. A sizzle chest. Oh, man, that's it. And then he makes his chest sizzle because he wished to be a sizzle chest. I'd like to see those jerseals. I'd like to see those drinking boys sizzling up on

the screen. See, connect with the time. Take it Johnny B and that speaking of Mullets. So a lot of stuff happens. She winds up meeting this gin at Jenny O'Hara's house. Jenny O'Hara is like the one that's like really knowledgeable of gin. She's like, be careful, blah, blah, blah. Is this woman

in the stuff? Should I know who this is? She was in Devil. Oh, the Eminet Shaman produced film? She's in like a million things. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. playing a nice old lady um so she's she like um and she's good in this actually she you know he's like the gin has taken over her body

and or is pretending to be her i'm just picturing like a mrs doubtfire s a scene where he's like trying someone's at the door he's got to quickly put his put the old woman's face on him go oh oh son of a bitch it appears i've scheduled two dates at the same restaurant oh no help is on the way dearie It takes a minute to blend. Oh, crap. I'll put some cake frosting on it and then put it on my own.

Oh, yes, Pierce Brosnan. Did you just see that? I believe it was a drive-by fruiting. Oh, did you want your entree now? Too bad, it's a little spicy. Oh, Robin Williams, yes. You can see your children again, but you have to be in a weird latex house

and pretending to be an old lady. This is one of the softer gags I pulled on a victim. I thought it was quite hilarious. They adapted it into the film Mrs. Doubtfire. I get royalties. Executive producer Evil gin.

Pretty much the same movie, really, when you really break it down. But he, it's this late, she's like, oh, you know, you really think you stand a chance against the gin. And it's kind of funny, she keeps being like, do you want anything to drink?

She's just, no, no, I don't. And she's like, it's a little too cold. golden air? You want to get the heat up? Come on, make a wish. Just, all right, I'm going to play it super cool. Would you like something to eat? Could I interest you in a movie? Nothing weird about that.

I just need three to get three wishes on the board. It's also weird, though, because this actress, the older woman, clearly the direction was like, and by the way, you're the gin. because she's doing a terrible job like having never made it at this point fully greened out by the time this came around first time around I was like

oh well she's the genie like instantly like no air of mystery about it and she Alex puts it together and he's like Bravo and she's like what happened to the other lady he's like well I didn't she's like you killed I can't kill anybody but I can make them wish to be dead

because I was I showed her my true face and then I asked if I could end her suffering It's like, yeah, if you show me your true face, you'd be like, Ew, get out of my house. Yeah. I wish you to leave, sir. Yeah. Don't we see her body like in the bedroom?

Yeah, her face is torn off or something like that. She's got a hellraiser face. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Again, well, to get ready for the most hell raisery part of the whole movie. So like, basically, he explains who he is, she's like, you know, get out of here. He's like, but you need to make three wishes.

And she's like, well, you know, he's like, fine, I'll give you a free one, a freebie. He's like, why don't you blow your brains out? He shoots his, you know, he blows his head off. This is kind of a fun effect. He does it from under the chin, out the top. And then we see it like reform, like it's like Nickelodeon Gack or something. It's kind of great here because he's like, well, I can't die. Evil never dies.

That did hurt like a motherfucker, right? Is that how, did I say it, right? I'm very new to your century. Cursing is exciting. Oh, no, he says, oh, that hurt like hell. This rips and slaps. Yeah, that hurt like hell, which is a place I've been. What is the line?

It's kind of around here, and it's bother me, because I had it in my notes. It was a great line, and I don't know. Maybe the gin says it. I'll say it as the gin. Maybe it jogs some memories in the room. Yes, the shit just hit the fan. He does say it.

Does he say it? And I have that in my notes, too, as an old Arab proverb. We don't remember what part of the movie it happens, though? It's just when he shows himself to be the gin, and he's so scary looking with those weird tendrils. The shit has hit the fan. And this is the problem, because you look like a stupid monster. Sure. You know, like I said, a fucking bad Power Rangers villain, right?

And you're mixing these one-liners. You're snapping with these one-liners, man. You are awfully close to the leprick. franchise. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's what this kind of is, right? I mean, it's 90. Those are like earlier 90s. I think the first leprechaun was maybe like 93. Five? I want to say it was later.

It's five, really? No, it couldn't have been. No, because it was, what's her name is in it? Jennifer Aniston. Oh, you're right. So it would have to be like 92 or 91, I'm going to guess. I thought they were earlier, but yeah, it's that same. I was like, dude, you better be careful. You better be careful, Jin, making all these jokes, man. That's a lepricon. How many

fucking lepercocon? We got like seven lepricons now and what? Six of These? Four, only four. There's a fifth one. Oh, there's not. There is. Or they're making it.

Well, Leopardcon, by the way, first things first, according to America's greatest news source, the IMDB, Leprechaun 1993. Okay. Is what we're dealing with there. And there's seven of those? Yeah, at least. There's a lot. There's a lot of those. That's one of those your legislation would have to.

Yeah. We would have to step in. Can I just say that's a lot of pot of gold? Seven pots of gold. According to the IMDB. Chris Cabin. We only have four Wishmaster movies concluding in 2002 with Wishmaster

Wishmaster 4 colon, the prophecy fulfilled. Oh, did you wish for another Wishmaster? So she's like You know what? Fine, I will wish because I've always been taught to learn my opponent. I want to know more about you, Wishmasters. Like, excellent. Welcome to

this really shitty Jewel. Like we go inside the gym. It's Jewel House, which is like a little hell kingdom. And he's like, yes, I've got weird dogs that don't make sense. And I have a throne. I look like Vincent D'nafrio in the cell. He looks like fucking Skeletor. He does.

And he's got like, this is when we get really hellraisery. Like people's chests are open. Like all of the people who have ever wished are being told. Yes. Are being tortured in this realm. Again, much like hare bears too. I think this is what was happening to those kids. Oh my God.

That's tearing. Tearing chests off. But to Eric's point, like, so like, it's like, it's like, She's really scared, and then all of a sudden this turtle dog comes out. Dude, this is a thing straight out of a Ninja Turtles episode. I don't know what this thing is. It makes absolutely, like, what, did a dog wish to be a turtle or what? This was the one time I took a wish from an animal, gaze upon it closely.

Oh, he's like Dr. Doolittle, too. Oh, yeah. He knows every language. That would make, that would explain why he knows English so well. That works. Right? Also here he's got this thing where he's trying to, like, be really dramatic about everything. He's like, that's right, Alex.

I am despair. And I'm like, just take it easy, Jeannie. Just take it easy, man. So, you know, and that's the move. So now you got a whole line written down, by the way, because I just... Oh, there's more than I am despair. Yeah, I can't even believe. I tweeted his entire thing as just me saying it.

Let me see. Let me pull it up real quick. To you, I am this. The crowd. of the abandoned child, the wimper of the whipped beast. I am the face that stares back at you from the mirror, the hollowness at the heart of all your hopes. Nice.

Wow. Yeah. That's something. Not a high horse. That's kind of like when you get your bank statement. You're like, oh, man. What did I buy this shit for? Spend all this money on fucking crap.

Thanks a lot, Wishmaster. You're welcome. Also, big part of this movie. Oh, you wish to have a college. education, do you? I'll see you every month on the 17th. Oh, in those interest rates, well, they'll go up.

Oh, you need one to get an internship, do you? Well, welcome to hell. So, turtle dog's chasing her. This is it. This is the fucking move. It's like, oh, wish number one. You want to see something cool? Uh-oh, your life's ruined.

Wish number two, got to undo the first wish. And so she bounces back just in time to be told that her sister is off attending Robert England's big party which is announced kind of at the beginning of the movie. Dude, if I hear that my sister's going to Robert Anglin's party, you goddamn right, I'm jumping into a car immediately

to stop it. Anyone's hanging out with Rob Anglin. I'm like, dude, no, no. Because you just never know. I mean, he could be nice, but you never know. You do never know. He's probably a really nice guy, but you know what? Get out of his party. He could be possessed by a gin. Who even knows? So, doormand at this party, a lot of doorman talk in this movie.

Oh, sure. She gets And it's in, no problem, because she's on the guest list. Wishmaster shows up. Not on the guest list. And you know who's got a problem with that? Doorman, Tony Todd. I think you mean Johnny Valentine? Dude,

I think, I think Tony Todd is trying to launch the Johnny Valentine franchise with this. Because he's like, why? Kane Hodder didn't have a name. Well, we know how it ends. Yeah, well, because he's like, he's like trying to get in. He's like, let me in, doorman. And he's like, no. I'm Johnny fucking Valentine and you're not going anywhere.

It's a great Tony Todding, but it's like, what? It's one of those like, oh, you're going to cameo just like hotter did, huh? Okay, well, I guess in a few seconds you'll be dead and this movie will no longer have Tony Todd in it. Yeah, he's going to make his scene the best one. Well, he even said, well, here's the thing is he's like, would you like to escape? That's what that's the wishmaster says and everything. And like, you know what, dude? Like, don't you want to put your teeth down this guy's teeth down his throat?

Like, you don't want to fucking engage with this? And that's what's weird, because by the time we get to, do you want to escape from all this, like Tony Todd is almost crying. Yeah. And I was like, he's not some, like, I don't know, like motivational speaker that's going to break you down in front of everybody. It's not like in the Americans when he goes to S.

Like, it's not like that. Now he's trying to show another side. Tony Todd's trying to get to his sensitive roles. It's like, he's telling him about like, oh, don't you know, don't you want to escape like this job and this life? Yeah. Yeah, and then he goes in, he's like, yes, I would like to escape. And Wishmaster puts him inside of a Houdini tank with water and like a straight jacket.

He's like, Houdini did it in two minutes. But like, wouldn't you then to fulfill your part of the bargain, Jeannie, get him out of that scrape? Exactly. You need to let him escape. Exactly. See, this is why we're always, you know, making fun of you every fucking time you do this shit. Just send him to Hawaii. You already have his soul.

You already have it. It's done. What the fuck is wrong with you? No, it's much funnier if I'm creating this water tank that's locked and he's in a straight jacket. You will never win. You will imagine how funny that would be Johnny Gallant died. You're a hopeless. You're never going to get that third wish.

This is why. This is we tell you every time. You focus too much on the first wish. It would be the weirdest suicide ever, right? It's like, well, suddenly he was just doing, he was just in a straight jacket, in a tank of water. In the middle of public, we don't know how it got it. here. It just sort of happened. And by the way, thanks a lot. Fucking

fancy-smansy party. Nobody's like, hey, that fucking doorman's dead in a tank of water out there. Who set that up? No worries. It's just the prestige. I got me actually. Oh, no. Oh, no. Tony Todd is dead. Oh, crap. Spent

too much time explaining what the prestige is. Turned out he wasn't doing it with twins. It was one man and he's dead. All right. We better bury him next to Paparabu. All right. That's right. I think that's her in the beginning of movie. I'm pretty sure. But yeah, so now the Wishmasters at the party. He strikes up a conversation with Robert

England. Robert England is regaling him with some other parties like, oh my God, the party was amazing because she was served divorce papers right on the floor. And he's like, would you like to have a memorable party? And he's like, why yes, wishmaster? I guess I would like a You know what? I would just like a memorable party. Like, you know, which... Okay. So it's going to go really well.

The drinks are going to go really... Someone's going to start playing that piano and it's going to be hilarious. It's going to do Billy Joel songs and it's going to be really memorable. Open bar. How about that for your party? No.

Sing us a song, you're the piano man. Sing us a song tonight. Watch your lighters up if you know it. man man what are you doing here what a memorable party this is it's going to be really great you know it's so many people

it would be great if it was a memorable party because everyone got married like everyone everyone just pair it up and accidentally got married that's where I met my wife that's where I met my wife wow you know John at the bar he's a friend of mine

I'm moving out ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma And I'm, I do the, I do the, because I'm magic, I could do the motorcycle part too. It just opens his mouth and sounds like a motorcycle. I didn't start the fire, but I was birthed from it. But no, it's a crazy fucking devil party now, man. Uptown girl.

Now it gets fucking crazy. You'd bring in the creepily sung uptown girl. Dude, it's just another bacchanal. This gin is just like, oh, right, reminds me so much of Persia, 1127. You should have seen that shit, babe. Come out, Virginia, don't see you late. But yes, yes, everyone's, this woman turns into glass, which is kind of fun. That's pretty great.

Yeah, more bad CGI. It's a weird, like, it should be a thing where he's just like literally, he's taking literally things people are saying in conversation or whatever. So he's finding these party conversations where people are being incredibly hyperbolic and it's like, you know, but instead it's just rando bad shit happening to people

like he's just like, this is Hellraiser 3. This is a party. You selected miscellany. See, this is why I think he gets the whole plane when that the old lady dies. It's because he gets fucking carte blanche. He can do it with any. But I don't think he's,

He's getting the souls of these people, though. Oh, yeah. He's just fucking with people. He's definitely getting it. You got to see the jewel. The only way you'll know is if you actually look under the jewel. He's a little counter about how many souls he has. It's like an eight ball.

Are we told, by the way, like how many souls he needs to whatever? Because at some point, he does say, my jewel is fully charged now, Alexandra. He does say that. Fine, you can have your USB cord back. My jewel is fully charged. Okay. All right. I'll take it off airplanes.

mode now now it's really humming there's a dude like this woman explodes yeah tons of people are cut up by the shards of glass the piano wire sequence is pretty crazy also great we're borrowing from how sue just a little bit here

also very hell raisery yeah I gotta this is just like the end of Hellraiser 3 in that fucking party where they do the CD deaths and everything yes and he just yeah I guess it's like rejected bits that he wanted to do Hellraiser 3. The guy with the piano wire, by the way, is the director of this

movie. Oh, good for him. Yeah, he gets a piano wire all over his face and he kind of gets struck. It cuts his whole head off eventually. Yeah, which is fun. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. That head's like rolling around. A lot of people just getting set on fire for no reason. Robert England's death is a bit confusing. Yeah, I don't know what that is.

He starts puking up like the thing. Yeah, but that's weird because it's not even like confirmed that he's dead because like the last we see of him, he's still like moving and this thing's just coming out of his mouth. It's like the sack you found the eraserhead baby in. Yeah. Yes, very much so.

The guy gets the snake in his eye. That was pretty cool, I thought. Oh, that wasn't half bad. Yeah, this dude's like running around the snakes just like eating his eye socket out. Hey man, be lucky that you're not a snake yourself. That's what I say. That's a gin's idea of a good time. It's turning people to the snakes. Did we

notice, by the way, it's most prominent in this scene because he's like running around and having a blast, but like the gin has like guitar like finger picks on all his fingers like he's a fucking

lap guitar player what are we doing I think those are claws ah they have service claws but also I'm going to play some sick blue grass lady

and he's always making these gestures with his hands like he's like a religious pervert from true detective like he's just like pushing triangles forward

and like opening them up those are like a Luminati symbol yeah it was pretty fucked up up. And then greatest thing ever. And we totally covered in another movie. There's

something similar where there's like historical so-and-so's coming to life in a hallway. Is it my science project? Is it the end of that movie that this happens? Basically all of these statues that England owns start coming to life. I love it actually. But also this is Robert Anglin's

throwing a party. He's a professor. Maybe he's rich. Maybe he's, Teresa Hines's ex-husband. And you got Tony Todd at the door, that makes sense. He's got a Joker-esque security team. Everyone's arm to the fucking teeth. I don't get this. I do not get this.

Because these aren't the police. These are just the security team that he hired. He's just worried about two-face showing up. They all look like Stryker for Mortal Kombat 3. They come down this hallway. We're following Alexander who's running around. Like, oh, my God, she's scared. Right.

And, but yes, all these statues come to life. And they're shooting these statues. Nothing's happening. It's amazing. They all represent different cultures You got like a samurai one You got like a Roman one And they're just cutting down people

Their swords are real for some reason But I'll take it Yeah sure The guy with the mace was great Oh yeah Some dude's head gets like smushed in like a Muppet That's a good fucking Greg Nicotero

SFX But I would like an entire franchise Of Living Statue horror movies Like terracotta warriors So you got terracotta warriors On this shelf You got skeleton on the other. Yeah.

Skeleton versus Terracotta Warrior. That's the third of both movies. I love it. It's an extended inanimate object universe. Yeah, but we got to watch it though, man, because you've got some of these dudes depending upon when the statues were made, fighting skeletons.

I'm thinking of Jason of the Argonauts and I'm falling asleep. I'm actually liking it. Nope. It's just all sounds too much like an attempt to go with the dark universe again. Oh, yeah. How about this, dude?

How about this? The statue is. is like a statue of like, it represents what the skeleton as a man. Oh, I see. And now he's like, they have to like merge or something to become one. That's, that even, I think it's a soul back is in the skeleton. It's like the tomb of the unknown soldier. Something like that.

That it's like Abe Lincoln fight in a skeleton. I'm into it. It's better than vampires. Vampires are played out. Skeletons. Skeletons. Bones are hard, dude. Cut you up, man.

Here's the problem, though, man. The only weapon the protagonist would need is a bowling ball. Sure. But the skeletons are fast and wiley. They're biting you maybe. And they come back together, dude. You can break them down. They'll fly back together.

Oh, yeah. The only way I'm going to see your skeleton movies, whoever does the share zone directs it. That's the only way I'll do it. That's the only way I'll do it. What if Michael Fossbender's in it? Maybe he's the guy who has to solve the skeleton murders. Oh, Mr. Police, you had all the clues.

couldn't solve them their snowman murders weird part that doesn't go along so well with the statues I know where we go with this Jack the Ripper comes out of a painting

and just starts terrorizing people I don't know I've loved the excess of this movie up to this point and I'm like this is one thing too many I'm like what is this the fucking statues they're from like religious

whatever that he was studying that maybe has managed in it that could be animated, but a fucking painting. No, it should alluding to its cartoon where things are coming out. Fico with a Carpathian. Is he around the corner? And mother to Anglin.

And he's just so silly looking. He's got these yellow teeth and like crazy eyes. Dude, it's like an adult swim sketch or something. He's got a super knife that he starts cutting somebody up, which is, I mean, it's kind of fun, but not really. Not really. You don't even see the head. I don't know. Also, because as far as I know, like, it just shows, like, there's the painting, we cut it something else, and then there's a dude dressed up like Jack the Ripper.

And it's like, you have to do that legwork to show me in some way this guy doesn't out of the painting. Yeah, but it's way more playful. Like, it's like from, you know, tonight your corpse will be mine or something. Oh, one of them movies? Yeah, like, he's goofy. Like, he just looks goofy. I don't know. Everybody else is getting sliced and cut up.

Well, I mean, speaking of Mr. Show sketches, I mean, that's, you know, ghoul. Like he's just going to these poked up teeth I'll Jack the Ripper now But I'm going to get me ahead Going to get me ahead I think this was a nod to Wild Wild West Oh of course Of course

She winds up going into another room It's my favorite part Is the statue of Poseidon Oh Jesus And he kind of just hawks a trident at her And he's like well That was my move That's your ass

Once that trident's gone All I got left is swimming That's it I'm really just I don't even have the power of the same I'm just kind of a statue of Poseidon. I like it later when literally just statues just blink their eyes at her. Yeah.

For no fucking, just like, oh, yeah, we could do it here too. Well, those are all the busts that can't, like, get around and do anything. They're just like nefariously blinking. I'm like, Wishmas again, just focus on the fucking thing. No, sir, Chris Cabin, it will be balls to the wall. I want them all blinking. All of them blinking. You know, that's a memorable party.

I don't think I've ever seen statues blinked. It's true. It would be a first. Outside of that Mark Summer's Halloween special. I guess maybe the Jack the Ripper is to set up what he does to her sister. Right. Which is he puts her in a painting. And this is like we're at the end here.

He corners Alex in the room where like the original statue is to be displayed. And he's like, no more windows. Nowhere to go. And so she's in a painting. And she's like, you bastard. And the idea, he's like, you know, now what are you going to do? How are you going to get out of this thing? And he's, like, moving closer to it.

And he says that you'll wish you were dead, which means he's about to do some weird stuff. Yeah. So she's like, I, uh, uh, uh, and then she remembers that she was reading the newspaper article. Wait a second. I'm sorry, because there is some grade age in dialogue right here that we cannot. He's getting pissed off that she won't, like, make a move or whatever. And so he's like, oh, see, your sister is clearly stuck in this painting. and that motivating you to wish,

and she's like, doing anything for you, is the painting? And he goes, he goes, fuck it. If you can't beat him, burn them,

baby. And then this painting gets us on fire. He actually says baby. He's stealing my babies now. Yes. And he sets it on fire and it should be a setup

where it's like he's going to burn this woman in that shadow realm to birth another gin or like, oh, I like that. Let the whole crew out. you know? Right.

I just like that good Ray Winstone level, fuck it. Yeah. And so she's like, she remembers the newspaper. She's like, I wish Mickey Trevelli wasn't drinking three days ago when he was on the job. And it'd be cool if he was like, done. By the way, that was a mechanical failure. Mickey's drinking was incidental, you idiot. It's like that movie Flight with Denzel Washington.

You do know I will still be alive. I can still, you know, reverse the whole thing. I'm out. I'm out already. Oh, but is he now? Because now he gets sucked back in, right? Yeah, into the status. And that undoes everything that he's done and even undoes him being awoken.

So that's the move. Now, but here's the thing. It should just be like any other time travel situation where it's like instantaneous reset. Instead, like these statues are all exploding for no reason. Sure. We're just going to be going back in time a week. But here's the thing. If this was me, I would be like, all right, Jeannie, fine.

I want you to reverse. I wouldn't be that smart. I wouldn't remember Mickey Torelli's name. I'd be like, look, just give me 200 years. You get the earth for 200 years from now. You reverse everything else. Everybody else goes back to life. And then in 200 years, you get the earth.

I don't give me shit. Because it'll be 200 years. I'll be sick of it. No, I'll be dead. Oh, so she's not going to live for 200 years? No, no, no. But I was just far in advance. My great-grandchildren.

She must have a kid. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I would have wish I would have been like, I wish you would blow up the planet Earth in 1910. You know? Yeah, that's true. So I don't have to be born or suffer through this life. It's unrelated to you, Wish, Pastor.

Wow, that's dark. Well, you know, it's kind of cutting into my end because there's no souls to be had. Okay, well, okay, we'll have fun in space, motherfucker, make with the wish. He does say, what do you wish for? Do you want to be sent to the moon? Oh, right. Wait, okay. I mean, sure, but what's...

Right in the kisser, I'll send you right to the moon. It would be awesome if he just punched someone, and we literally just watched a person go to the moon. It's funny that Eric brings up, because the first death in the second one is a guy actually says, I wish I wasn't born. And like, it turns into a fetus. Oh, nice.

And then he eats it. No, and then he just disappears completely. Yeah, you got to wish for non-existence, not, you know, the born thing. you're stepping in the fetal goo by mentioning that. So, of course, just enough question. He's got power over all reality.

If I was like, yo, dude, I want to be, like, I want to be on Star Trek the next generation, but it's like real. Does he have to like make all those people and make that entire reality? Welcome to a fan film.

Walter Conig. That's how we get you. Oh, is this real enough for you? Yeah. What a dark twist? Is 70 views on YouTube real enough for you, Stephen? Oh, it's real. Oh, in this one, I have a captain.

Thank you, Vishmaster. How about to walk on on the Goldberg? Oh, no. So we back everything up. This dude is not drinking on the job. There's a little bit of the, whoa, oh, oh, I got it. Oh, okay. Ted Ramey.

lives. Right. And, you know, everything sort of goes the way it should, except the creepiest in a movie where a thing burst out of a person's stomach, a skeleton ripped off its own flesh, a computer exploded. The creepiest thing in this movie is this motherfucker is alive and well, and he gets this date because she suggests it.

She learned. She learned her lesson. Does she remember? everything? Is that the idea? She does. I think she totally does. She like winks at the camera at some point I think great. Does she? Or there's like some sort of she looks at the camera like, ah? Oh, maybe this is an accident. Oh yeah. She goes through all of that and she's like, I don't know. He's a scientist. He makes money. Fine. All that shit. Don't have to keep living with my sister. My god. I saw a snake statue. Eat a guy. I'm sorry. I would still be pissed at him. Honestly. Like, you know what? Dude, I opened up to you and you're an asshole. Of course. And then it's fucking. It's fucking. garbage because when they flip it back the other way she's like, well, how about dinner in a movie? And he's like, how'm gonna, how

and a hat. And it's like, no, no, no, no. This dude was fucking hot and heavy about it in the beginning of the movie. Don't give me that shit. Yeah. He never said hot and heavy though. No, that's true. No, that's true. You have to say hot and heavy. Tell me exactly what you want to do

to her. I need it all. Yeah, no, I'm taking notes. We did things a lot differently. back in Persia, 112780. This is why you're a failure. This is why you're a failure every time. Every time. Oh man, I went to the Bronx again.

Somebody told me to eat shit. Great. Guess what I did all day. I was eating shit. Just chowing down on feces. Fantastic. Oh, fuck, man. And yes, I guess they're a happy couple.

They get dinner. That's the end of the movie. No fucking twist or anything. No. Just like credits. Well, we do see the Wishmaster in the Jewel sitting in the statue at Robert England's house being like, oh, great, I have to watch this weirdo have sex.

Yeah, because you know he's fucking around all those statues. Don't worry about it. Well, yeah, when he trades it to the Chicago Field Museum and the fucking relic knocks it over. It's over for everybody. That's it. The perfect storm. It will truly be a planet of jins.

Would anybody recommend this movie? Oh, wholeheartedly. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, I'm actually kind of. shocked because I was going to do a bit where I was like, oh, I'll rank the Wishmasters. One, two, three, four. Because I imagine that's how that goes.

But apparently the second one's better. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. This movie is exactly what you wanted to be. It's exactly almost 90 minutes, by the way. No more, no less. It's just a big scary Wishmaster movie. Great gore. Huge. Oh, yeah. I mean,

I like both. I like the first two. I think the two, they're both stupid. They're incredibly stupid. But they serve their purpose very well. Yeah, I really had a fun time watching it. I couldn't believe it. I didn't expect to. I was totally shocked. It was, it was, I would definitely recommend it. It's fun. Bad 90s music too. Oh, yeah. It's got it all. It does have it all, actually. Yeah, for having greened out the first time, like making an honest effort to watch the movie. I'm finally glad I actually did watch it. Total

recommend. It's Gore City. The script is like, it's stupid, but it's not late 90s. Hippity, hippity we're so smart stupid exactly and it's also like it's the best hellraiser movie you could ever want because like yes you get that level of crazy violence but it's it's just silly enough where i'm not grossed out and it's just silly enough where i don't like feel bad for anybody kind of a thing um but so you're saying cabin or steve two i guess like this second one's a stay tuned oh yeah definitely yeah from what i've seen it's a lot of fun oh fuck well keep that in your hats for next spooktacular gang. I say it again. A man fucks himself in it and we see it. Well, that has been Wishmaster, which concludes the

WHM 2018 Halloween Spooktacular. Thanks so much for tuning in. If you want more We Hate Movies, man. If you're missing out, if you want, oh, fuck one more spooktacular episode. If you don't have it yet, patreon.com slash we hate movies. A full-length episode on Van Helsing, plus a whole lot more is there. Go check that out. And then, you know, as is our style here on hate movies. The show must go on. Like, bye-bye, Sputacular. See you next year. Bye-bye. More stuff's a coming, man. More stuff is a coming. So next week, we continue

sort of on the horrifying track, but not specifically. Steve Sadek, what are we talking about? Oh, we're getting little Sousy next week. We're doing the cat in the hat, ladies and gentlemen. Suzy side. No one told me the Spuctoracular continues. It's body horror,

cat horror. It's scarier than anything in this. I am throwing up already. It's Mike Mott. Myers. Right. Alex, you got your, oh, the world's greatest Donald Trump, Alec Baldwin's in it. That guy is a fucking riot. And isn't there a fat child in it? Yeah, Spencer Breslin. We already said Alec Baldwin. I'll get you for that, Eric Siska. Don't you worry about it. Mark my words. All right. Well, I live on Archer Avenue. So come find me by the fat twins. There we go.

So until next week with the cat in the hat. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled one good scare. Sometimes. That is better.

Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks using one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos.

Movies make psychos. More creative. Put the parking lotion in the back. What an excellent day for an exited. That was a HeadGum podcast. Thank you.