We Hate Movies - S9 Ep389: Episode 389 - The One

Episode Date: November 13, 2018

On this week's episode, the gang dives into the Multiverse to chat about the—fairly enjoyable—Jet Li actioner, The One! What's with putting Jet Li in all those silly wigs? Who decided to QUADRUPLE-DOWN on the nü-metal soundtrack? And does anyone remember One Night at McCool's? PLUS: Christopher Lambert is feeling very, very litigious! The One stars Jet Li, Delroy Lindo, Jason Statham, Carla Gugino, Dean Norris, and, somehow, Mark Borchardt; directed by James Wong. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

on this week's episode New Metal is alive and well it's the One I'm Andrew Jupin Steven Stained Oh God Chris Colechamber Eric the One And we hate movies

We hate movies Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Like I said, up top, that's right. We are talking about the one from 2001, directed by James Wong. It would be great if his name was also James One. That'd be great. 1-1-1.

Oh, it should have been Chris Korn. You know what? I'm sorry, everybody. I really liked this movie. This was a lot of fun. There's problems with it. But I can't believe there wasn't the two. Two?

Oh, yes. Like a sequel, right? One or one, the one, colon, the two. I think we may have shit the bed at the box office. I remember seeing this opening weekend. I liked it then. I saw it in theaters, too. Yeah.

Yeah, man. I liked it then. What? The world are you guys doing. Saw it for free. Okay. I worked at a multiplex off of it. I liked it then

I liked it now but I think it failed and you know a lot of people I bet were turned off by this soundtrack it is putrid did anybody have it on compact disc out there

no not for people in the room I know that nobody in the room had this but you know people out there every time we make fun in new metal sometimes it's like you know some of us out there I liked new metal I looked new metal up to you

I was telling Eric this past tense it's very important I thought it was fun checking in with some of these songs again. It's been many moons. How's the let the bodies hit the floor? You know what? Better than expected.

I'm pretty sure that guy's dead. Yeah, his body hit the floor. That guy dropped dead. Papa Roach is great. It was nice hearing that song outside the context of like Fahrenheit 9-11 or whatever the fuck. Whatever the fuck else it was in. Yeah, that's right. All those bodies did hit the floor.

Here's a cartoon about it. We're using the word great with Papa Roach. No, no, no. I think I overspoke there. No, I liked New Metal up to it, including just about when I got to college and realized that wasn't happened. I was like, uh-oh, time to change gears. Oh, no, they're making fun of it.

Oh, no, I wouldn't, I would never dare. But I was, well, I got there and I was like, wait, indie rock. You can listen to music that's not on the radio. No one told me that. No one told me that, everybody. Well, that's easy. If you like the Deftones, you got that crossover right there. Yeah, definitely.

Because it was a slippery slope, dude. So you were into deaf tones and it was like, oh, here's this other stuff. it's like not as good as deaf tones but it's kind of the same and some of these people might be opening for them and here you go now you're listening to Mudvane enjoy that t-shirt oh dear god

so this movie for those who have never seen it or maybe don't remember this is where gently fights himself due to his self from a multiverse dimension being a self-serial killer it's time it's timecock from the other side

yeah kind of sort of yeah like from the criminal side of the thing. Yeah, totally. And you have Jason Statham and Delroy Lindo as the transdimensional cops who are trying to track them down. And Carla Gugino as the woman. Hello there. I am the woman of the movie. I am the soul woman. Well, if you have to have one lady in your movie, I mean, Carla Gugino is a good way to go. She is, for sure. She's awesome. I just watched that Gerald's game. Oh, man, that one will make you pass out if you watch it. Yeah, dude, I did not see that common.

And I believe we are both referring to the obnoxious final five minutes of that film. Oh, no, I met out here. No, I know what you're actually talking about. Oh, yeah, but that movie goes on way too long. Dude, all of a sudden, I'm in a courtroom. And I was like, you know what? Where are the credits?

Could someone please direct me to the nearest end credits? Isn't she also in the haunting of Hillhouse? Absolutely. She's the mother. She's fucking great. Yeah. She's really good. Yeah.

So. Isn't she in righteous kill? Yes, she is. She's great in that. Eric and I tried to see that. You know what everyone's great in that. What does she play Al Pacino's twin sister in that movie? It's Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, and The Woman.

I got my twin woman. Yeah, I'm dating an older lady. She's almost 40. Yeah. Here's my AARP card. We're going out tonight. Oh, mercy. So, yeah, this movie starts with,

I can't recall if I'd ever see. seen this. It was like a scroll but only highlights of because it's a narration where this dude is telling us about the multiverses and how it's restricted to travel between and it's policed and whatnot but only certain words are

popping up on the screen. I felt like I was like in a sales pitch meeting for the future of Gillette or something. Yes, this is totally a Gillette commercial. You're absolutely right. But it's talking about the multiverse and how there's balance, but if you kill people, there

is in balance and my head explodes. The only way the multiverse exists is every time a star dies, an angel gets its, no, every time a star dies, a multiverse is formed. Right, and we're talking about like, I don't know, like celebrities, right?

Is that what we're saying? Yes, in 2016, it was real bad. Remember I was all worried about that? Yeah, that's what all these multiverses happened because all the celebrities died and I don't even remember which once I was trying to recite an example before, but I couldn't remember any of them. David Bowie does.

Oh, yes, that's a big. That's a big one. Well, he left a black star behind. Oh, yes. Well done.

But yeah, um, the weird thing is like this guy, I don't even know who's doing the voice or what. It was like they got a bartender. Just like, well, we need to start this movie.

Get that. Oh, you know, you still don't have a British bartender. Yeah, get him. He sounds regal. I could use like a multiverse bar,

you know? Oh, yeah. Like the time cop bar. Like, because they're kind of time cops. Chris is right. then we need to see them like off duty having a drink the world seems more when we get to like the place that is like the station it seems like it's more of a demolition man yeah type of look but then like that's all we get baby we're not seeing where this place is what kind of world why is this the central place for all these multiverses oh in other words like why is the one that has the enforcement agency the one that is the chosen the center of something or other it's at somewhere center of the movie

They're, like, recruited from other dimensions. Yes. One copse from dimension one, another dudes from dimension seven. One from dimension X. And you, and you, there you... Trevor, I've equipped you with multiverse cops. And you've doubled, you've landed on it twice.

I need more monsters and gooply gops. Yes, yeah, absolutely. Because that's what's weird, because, I mean, I think we were sort of dancing around this, but, like, some of these places appeared to be more technologically advanced than others. But, yes, it would lead one. to believe that there would be monstars at some point.

But there's a Delroy Lindo line when him and Statham are about to split up for the movie. He's like, well, you know, I remember what world do you come from and it's like a hell world. Or it's like, it's a world of warriors and, you know, that's not this world. It's hard to be a god planet.

Oh, shit. Yes, dude, I wish. What is this? What is this? That's why you need a fucking flashback scene. Thank you. Well, so this is a cynical movie. See, every multiverse has been taken over by Donald Trump. so it's on all white force. All white, all male force, essentially,

other than Delroyd-Lindow. We're calling it white power, and it's going to come into every facet of every existence. That's a racist question. Excuse me. That's offensive. To me. You know, in a multiverse,

I have a six-pack. You have many, many versions of myself. Oh, my God, the Ben Garrison universe, kill me. Kill me dead. Oh, you would be dead. You'd be like the blood and the red wave that he's surfing on in one of those stupid political cartoons.

Every third person would be an eagle man. He's eight feet tall. His hair's like tentacles killing his enemies. Yep, yep, yep. And I'd still love to shit down his throat after fucking juicy enchiladas. So we start sort. That's in every multiverse. Oh, me eating juicy enchiladas, absolutely.

Well, that's the one thing I will stint in the galaxy. So the idea is Jet Lee has killed all of his other ones. Right. There's like two or three left, or two left actually. One we see, and then the one we spend. a movie with right is there on so there's only a hundred twenty four multiverses or or is it that like because i just feel like if you get into the multiverse universe it doesn't make sense that i would exist on any other planet do you know what i mean like the odds that my parents would

fuck at the exact same time that they would need to to make me in you know what i mean if you'd start changing around on their stuff well well well to be fair one of the other jet lees we are shown has dreadlocks and the other one's blonde so like what does that mean i don't Maybe it's just a lot of They kept taking those photographs Jet Lee's Multiverse person was in like Bad Halloween stores

They killed them all at Halloween In some version You would look like Ralph Machio Yeah exactly Well I think that's why I don't think it's just a hundred and 24 I think there are 124 in which this person exists Gotcha so to your point

Yes there are possibly thousands millions more Where his parents did not fuck It's always weird when you go to sliders or whatever else where, like, every single dimension you exist in, which makes no sense. Were they doing that in Sliders, though? Were they coming across each other constantly? I didn't remember that.

Less so. All right, but enough. But, like, what if the change is so slight that you would exist? Like, oh, in, you know, this dimension, I think this is a slider's thing. The sky's green. Yeah, yeah, so I remember that. But everything else is exactly the same. Sure.

But then there's other ones like, oh, it's the Nazi planet and I'm a Nazi now. It's like, well, not really. Like, if there's a, if the Nazis won the war, I am sure that eight will my family would have been eradicated, but I am sure that that wouldn't have happened. More, I think, is going to be a demolition man future where we will band together with Dennis Leary and go to the underground full of rat burgers

and God knows what else. I could go for a rat burger right now. Fuck that, dude. I am eating Taco Bell. I will be up in the sky eating Taco Bell. Oh, yeah, dude. Even though they changed it to make it like those little crackers or whatever it is a demolitioner.

Oh, they were just tiny tacos. And listen, you can just get a bunch of them. Really? What are they, like 900 of them tiny tacos, please? This is very optimistic. You're going to be eating pulled Steve on these tacos. You can't curse up there either. Oh, that's right.

I'd be executed immediately. You find 100 Patreon credits. Now I can't buy tacos. So, yeah, we start. It's a prison transfer. Classic prison transport scene, man. I love it. Here's my question.

You get Dean Norris up top in this movie. Why is it just like a cameo? In this 2001, nobody gave a fuck about Dean Norse. He was in total recall. He was in total recall. And nobody gave a fuck. Yeah, he's in a bunch of movies where nobody gives a fuck. Two words, Hank Schrader, dude.

Nobody gave a flag in fuck. I mean, listen, looking back now, I wanted more also. Sure, but you're not getting it. He's just randomly in the back, a lethal weapon, too, as one of the people who gets executed at the end of that movie. Oh, that's right. They're executing people in that movie? Yes. The South Africans.

Oh, okay. Yeah, dude. You don't remember that? I thought you meant like Riggs and Mertog or like lining people up and like, don't tell anyone, I'm about to shoot this man at the back of the skull. We just put this brick wall. All right, Rod, this is the last one. You're going to, you can shoot this last one, but that is it.

And I quit. Hey, Jet Lee's in that fourth movie. Oh, right. You distract him, Riggs. Then I'm going to shoot him in the back at that. The fuck was that? That's what he does the curly thing. Oh, God, that's right.

I had no idea what you're doing over there. I was like, is this getting racist? No, no. Well, it's Bill Gibson. It might be. You never know. It wasn't a curly thing. So it's a prison transfer.

We see a television that shows Al Gore is president? Wait, what? President Al Gore, man. Look at that. Those chads didn't fuck us after all. So, yeah, this is a beautiful planet. I still think 9-11 still happens on this planet. I feel like it, you know, it would be gore did 9-11.

You know what I mean? Like that's how that... Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I got into office and they were like, well, you just... First things first, environmentalism will go through, but you got to give us 9-11 first. I would take that up. I mean, because compare to what we...

Wait, you know what? Okay, continue. Because of what we got, you know, in the Georgia W. Bush universe that we lived through was Bush did 9-11 and we got jack shit for it. But if we're going to get environmental policy actually implemented in the United States, a little 9-11, it wouldn't hurt any. Wait, so what is this scenario? Al Gore is talking to the devil? And he's like, all right, you can let 9-11 happen as long as I can have environmental. You know, it's the cabal. Exactly, the military industrial complex.

Oh, so this is all going off the assumption that this whole thing. thing was an inside job. Of course. Which it was. Did you watch Loose Change? Excuse me. Excuse me. It's one of the scariest movies ever made. The closest I came to watching Loose Change was having this dude in college tell me repeatedly how if you were found coming into the United States with that DVD in your bag, you're getting it confiscated and you're getting arrested.

So you're just quoting me now? Because it's the truth. It wasn't you. I know, I know it wasn't me. It's the truth. It's the truth. Why, of course, it's like Frederick Wiseman movie. It's dry and there as you can get. QNN and, wait, wasn't it?

QAnon. Excuse me. Sorry, sir. Sorry, sir, if you're listening. Anybody know how QAnon voted in the midterm elections? I heard that they're all very depressed because they thought he was going to stop the, uh, the, the Dems from taking the house. So they're all a bit of his followers. Oh, Q, you let us down, brother.

Why, why isn't he telling us about the 9-11 that Bush did? Well, no, it's Al Gore. Al Gore is Q. It's hard to understand which multiverse the QAnonan people are in, you know? Andrew Kuhnan and people? He's got followers? Dude, American Horror's American Crime Story, QAnon's next season. Sign me up.

Yes. I would love to live in a fucking multiverse where fucking American horror story was canceled five years ago. That would be so I could stop seeing those advertisements. Oh, those will trip you right out, brother. Oh, my God, dude, it's all so extreme. It's all so extreme. It's a little too fantastical. I think what's it called QNET?

QAnon. QAnon should be an American crime story, right? Like after the assassination of Johnny Versace. We can then move into that because that's a true crime that he's trying to expose. He's a great man. The disappointment of QAnon. So Q is the guy.

Yes. And Anon is the what? He is Q and he's anonymous, my friend. Wait, but. Would it just be anonymous then? Well, it's a little, it's cooler if you call him QAnon. Also, there was a group that had taken anonymous. Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

And I guarantee you that dude found out after he had a ton of stickers printed. Well, if I could cut off the ominous, just QAnon, QAnon. You couldn't afford it the source. So, yes, they're transporting gently who in this version of the universe is called Lawless, one name. Yep. And he's got a scar. Yeah, and he's like fucking tweaking and stuff. I don't know.

I love Jetly. I think he's great in this movie. This was weird. Well, it's weird because this kind of tells, lets you know what's going on in this movie because he's like kicking through metal because he's already super strong. Like, should we explain like what?

Yeah, yeah. We're going to have to, yeah. I guess so like the idea is in this, in the realm of this film, if you kill another version of yourself, you essentially, all the rest of your multiverses get stronger, smarter, faster. So Jetli's mission

is he's going to kill all of himself until he is the titular, the one. None of his other versions of himself notice that they are also getting stronger, faster, smarter until this guy shows up to kill them. Well, that we know about because we haven't met any of them. Well, we do meet one chap coming up.

Well, and Jetley, like the good guy Jetley in this movie has noticed that he's getting stronger and faster. I could, I could bear. steal before. Honey, get in here. Hey, when I went to bed last night, can I crush a brick in my hand?

You know, I'm pretty sure I squished our son in the palm of my hand. Oh, that's why they don't have a kid. I think... Just like you predicted, my question is, like, so is it, does it have to be a multiversal

murder? Or, like, if Jet Lee has a heart attack in one universe, Does everybody get a little spring in their stuff? I think so. No, because I think it's kind of like you're taking some of their essence sort of a thing and spreading it around. Yeah, it's kind of like ravenous

except for not true. Okay. Yeah, you're right. That is totally based on a true story. Every last part of it, down to the Jeffrey Jones. I just like the idea somebody like dies of a drug overdose and someone in the multiverse of ways. Oh, wow, it's going to be a pretty great day.

I think it's, well, if that were true, then people would be getting like stronger and smarter all the time. I just realize that there's a shit ton of me out there, I think. Oh, guarantee. That's why I'm so weak, ineffective. There's a thousand of me out there. For all the talk of the death, every version of you is alive still in all these

multiverses. Exactly. That's why I feel so sick and frail. So we're transporting this dude to, I guess, go be executed. Yeah, something like that, yeah. And all of a sudden, Dean Norris is taking this dude down to the transport and Jet Lee gets shot in the fucking face

and right as that bullet hits that helmet let the bodies hit the floor starts blaring oh my God and it's this huge shootout it's fucking awesome and it's revealed

like he comes down from the vent and it's Jet Lee and they're all like it's like this movie had seen the Matrix before yeah yeah

oh well we're only we're just two years away for the Matrix Man so this makes total sense we're bullet timing a little bit absolutely We're all wearing black all the time. That's what I want.

That's what I want. I want floating bodies. Yeah. I don't want like actual physical action and watching bodies actually hitting the ground. Whoa. I think a body just hit the ground right there. Or flora. Sorry, everybody.

I don't know. I mean, I was able to understand that it's like aping the matrix entirely. But at this point in 2018, I'm like, I don't give a fuck. The bodies hit the ground. Hey, Ted, you want to take that one more time? What if you try to? What if they're inside? What if these bodies are inside?

You know what? The bodies hit the ground! It doesn't have it. You know, I think we should go back to the original version. Let the bodies hit the ceiling. That's the real one. Or let the bodies hit the door because these bodies got places to be. Got to go to work.

Let the bodies hit the chair. Let the bodies hit the chair. It's just a song about someone's sitting. sitting down. They're just smoking a thousand cigarettes. That played at the end of a million dollar baby. Oh, my God. Wow, what a joke.

Nicely done. Or like a poorly timed 2001 Seeley's ad. Look, carpet isn't going to work. It's too many syllables. It's got to be one syllable. Let the bodies hit the carpet. Let the bodies hit the rug. Let the bodies hit the rug.

Do the bodies match the drapes? So he is like fucking kicking corpses into other people. It's great. Because he's like super strong and everything. It's fucking awesome, man. I got to say more entertaining some of the fight scenes than the later Matrix sequels. I'll put it out there. Definitely.

This is better than most of the Matrix films. It's only got one that is better than this. It is the one that is better than the other two. It's just honestly the image of some dude just kicking a corpse into a bunch of other dudes. is awesome and then he starts running on the street and then one guy's like he's doing 50 which is amazing i'm like you're in a police car you can clearly go faster than that step on it and he jumps and he jumps all the way over this like thing and this is where i have a question is mario is mario possibly a multiverse situation you're talking about mario mario yeah mario

that's why he could jump so well super mario brother he was super because he killed all the others Yes. I mean, listen, he's going into... And that's what Wario comes from. Wario, is it actually an evil guy? You're right. That's why they're both equally strong. And he's just fighting to fucking survive, dude.

That's the thing. And he had to bring his beloved brother Waluigi with him. But they're ruined world. Everything here smells like farts, Waluigi. Wow! Oh. I'm a hero. Why does he keep on introducing himself?

I know he's Mario. What the... There's Rastafarian Mario he killed Swedish Mario he killed Raccoon Mario And whatever the other outfits he puts on Was there's a frog Mario? Oh yeah frog suit Mario totally

I would kill that guy Fuck that shit Isn't that the swimman one? Of course it is It could be a super jump What the fuck is wrong with you? No but he can also I think he's got some jumping ability

It was obnoxious because it was hard to make that version of him walk. It was always like slow as fuck because he was hopping. I would have gotten them but he ate a star

before that piece of shit. Oh star Mario dude. That's it. That's the multiverse one that's good. He's like the one. I think that's the thing Mario becomes the one

when he gets the star because they posit in this movie like one of a few things could happen you could either like you would die if you became the only one left others would be

like you would explode or something or the third option is what evil Jet Lee is hoping for is you become a god. Sure. Which you know, I'd risk it. Jet Lee's awesome. He's got to like

at some point in the movie it's not right here but he's like trying to defend himself like when he's about to get the chair and he's like it's not murder. I'm killing myself. Yeah.

How is that murder? He's trying to, like, spin it in front of all these cops. I had a question, though, about Jet Lee's career in the early goings, the early American goings, obviously, had a very long Chinese career. Is it using these really, really high concept action sci-fi or action drama? I mean, like, this, there's a high concept? That dog movie he's in? Well, okay, that's one.

That's two. And then Romeo almost die is kind of that way, too? No, Romeo, Romeo, it's just like a gang. movie. Yeah, that's a gangster movie. Cratin to the Grave is also just a gangster movie.

The one is high concept. This is high concept. This is something. This, you should see. This Jean-Claude Van Damme did once. This is high stuff. Is Kiss of the Dragon? Is that the one with Bridget Fonda?

Yes, it is? Where he doesn't, there's a fight scene and there's a pool table and he kicks a pocket on the pool table and a ball comes up and then he like one arm jumps up on the table and kicks the ball in the air

and hits a dude in the head with it. That's pretty off. Fucking Primo. Again, but he's just against gangsters. I've been struck down. Was that, that was your question? Yeah.

I had memorized, remember this was all mostly high concepty kind of stuff. Well, he just had weird, like he had that other movie with Jason Statham war, but it's just like one of them is an FBI agent.

I don't remember any of these movies except for this one. These were all around. This went until like 2000. 2008, 2009. I think he's really good in this. I think this is probably his best. Oh, for sure.

For American stuff? Yeah, I mean, well, he was in Hero, right? Yeah, that was pretty good. No, no, no. I'm aware. Okay. I'm just saying, I think other than American stuff, that's something I know him from. Yeah, I've not seen many of his Chinese, we haven't seen Hero or any of the one.

I do kind of like Kiss of the Dr. I mean, like, I thought that was, here is a good movie. I was trying to look for, like, he's in Black Mask in 90s. I think is a good movie. Do you think if Jettley got married, he would invite DMX to the wedding or no? Yeah, probably. Yeah, I think so.

I don't want to perform, though. Up in here? Get him to officiate. I want him to learn all that shit. I'm looking at his IMDB page. Apparently he was in, no, no, Jetly. Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Yes.

Which I was not aware of it. Which I never saw. Those expendables movies kick in. Right. Oh, yeah. He's in this live action, Mulan is the emperor. Oh, that's interesting. So that's, it's something.

So, yeah, long story short, I mean, they have a big fight. Statham and Delroy Lindo show up as the multiverse cops take him down. Then we go down to Grand Central Station. And the weird thing is like, so the only way you can jump multiverses is when a star dies. That's the only time you could, you, they have to wait for it. The time, no, the time cop people can just like send you. Yeah. Well, that's what they're doing when they're sending him to the prison planet.

I thought it was a thing. Prison planet. Yeah, I thought there is a prison planet. I'm not going to know what the fuck. They're sending us Jet Lee. He's fighting garbage. Imagine my shock. No, it's like they have a little thing and the timer is like, all right, get ready to slide.

Oh, no, it's a forecast of when stars die. I'm almost positive this is correct. I know. I don't think it does ultimately matter. But here's another thing, Steve, why it really doesn't make any sense, because it's seems like the only way you could really control it enough to get to all these other multiverses is if every single time he had been arrested, foiled them, and gotten in the chair and went to where he wanted to. So this would have been a hundred and twenty odd times where he had been

arrested and broken out. Just execute him immediately. They don't want to execute it because that would make the other jet leave the one. Uh-oh. And that might, you know, that might kill them both at the same time, like when you turn a key for a nuclear bomb? Oh, I like that, yes. Right? Like you turn like a knife in both their heads at the same time. Yeah, just kill. If you go over a hundred, more than a hundred a dead, just kill them all. Yeah, I mean, honestly. The prison

planet, catch the name of that prison planet? Oh, Hades? Yeah. The Hadesverse. Yeah, that's fucking stupid. They don't, like, why doesn't like, there's no way to do-du-dop into another dimension. No. So how is he traveling? There's beaming and stuff, right? Like, don't

I think it beamed out by the Novacore, whoever these people are. The only time we see him traveling is he botches, like, the cops from sending him to jail. He's got to do it at some point for the first one. I think the idea is we're told that he is an ex multiverse cop. So I think the idea is he might have one of those devices. And he's using it. He's using his, like, state issue transmitter. A lot of times the cop turned out to be a criminal.

You see, it's a common thing. I was just confused because I was assured this whole unit was just incompetence. Oh, I get it. So, like, the first 122 times he killed someone, they let him go. They suspended him. And they were like, oh, I think this guy might be the one. They were just like, oh, no, he's just murdering people. I'm sorry.

Just until that one with the dreadlocks, you know, he was the one who was keeping me together. I thought he was going to be the one. That guy deserved death, swift death. Two things about that chase really quickly. Oh, please. Two awesome details. One, he's running down the street and we're filming in L.A. There is a billboard.

To just put this so perfectly in 2001, there is a billboard for coming soon One Night at McCool's. Remember that movie? What? I missed that. He runs right by a One Night at McCool's billboard. And then also there's a fucking great thing where he runs in front of some cars and there's like a like a Burgundy Mustang or something like that. and the car sort of quickly turns.

It's like a little stunt move and you can see the stunt driver and it is just clearly a fucking dude stunt driver wearing a lady blonde wig. He looks like he's in a kid's in the hall sketch. It's the funniest stunt driver getting caught on camera ever.

It's like just making a guy. Why is he wearing this lady wig? It looks terrible and it is hilarious. He, so we go to this multiverse thing he gets arrested really quickly. He's in jail. Delroy Lindo, they have like this like, I think they used to be

partners, obviously, and like, you know. Big time. That's why Delroy Lindo's taking this so personally. And they're about to execute, oh, not execute him, banish him to the Hades Planet, and they treat it like an execution. They're like this whole theater of people that show up. There's an audience, which I was pretty pleased to see.

And they're like space delegates of some kind. I don't know who these people are supposed to be. You know who they look like? They reminded me of when we're in the future parts in Bill and Ted movies. Yes, yeah, exactly. like their clothes are just a little weird looking and like they've got like Star Trek hairdoes yes I vote no confidence in Delroy Lindo

oh fuck that dude Delroy Lindo is one of the greats Chancellor Lindo I just mean him as an actor I don't mean this bad cop you should have slipped at a couple of gleeveclops of the scene give me like a baraka looking dude you know what I mean like yeah there would be dimensions where there's just there's other

where, like, aliens have come to Earth and they've been like, oh, they're not fucking horrible little beings. Let's go say hi. A guy with gills. How about that? Something as simple as that. We adapted weirdly. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

Attending an execution. God damn. Bad ass. Could you please tell that guy to shut up? I know he's a king. I know he's a king. I don't know why he has the phone finger. I don't know where he got it. lady he's putting my kids through college that guy's going down down

Hades dimension here you come could you please just just tell them to pull him in the hallway please hot dog hot dog over here but one person My man I'll take two one guy one person who shows up

is is the woman Carla Gugino shows up she got a bad red wig on Jesus Christ this is awesome I was criticizing that stunt driver. Now I don't know. But so she sits down and it's the most insane thing.

This movie is a lot at all times. Like literally every scene is a lot. This what you're about to talk about though is a lot, but it might be so much more depending upon what you noticed here. So please go ahead. She sits down and she uses some sort of super shoe that she's wearing. It's not a fucking get smart. It is.

There's a mouse. side of her incredibly high heel, a white mouse, crawls out and explodes. Okay, I don't think you noticed it then. What is it? Dude, this mouse has huge balls. Okay, I did not clock the mouse balls. Oh, yes, you're right. That's where the thing's coming out of it.

Because it's got like a little antennas ticking out of it, but there's a massive fucking ball sack. And this mouse is just like, ditt-da-da-da-da-da-da. Just like walking in this execution chamber. and he's got this huge fucking sashing testicle sac. And you will come to know those balls as explosive

for that. I think they're just packed with like Looney Tunes Dynamite or something. All right, so there's a lot of questions here. Clearly, I'm crying a little bit. A lot of questions. One, how is this like if I assume she's doing it to beat like

you know, an x-ray machine or something or a metal detector? Sure. Because I think don't they A dude's doing like a wand to her Yeah but like you would The mouse has fucking shit inside That it would still go off

It would just go off a little bit less or something Yeah I don't know like Did you not get close enough to the feet? Oh look oh it's just a little mouse Oh that's fine Oh I didn't know those mouse shoes We're back in style Oh yeah it's uh I'm really into the 70s

This is just it's like those discos Like disco stew's got the fucking goldfish shoes Oh but that poor lady She's just she's just lonely She just needs the mouse there to help That's my therapy mouse. Yes. I need a mouse in my heel. I step on it whenever I'm angry. I just crush it. It's my fetish. Oh, I wish I was that mouse. Look at those balls. Dude, I can't believe you guys didn't notice the sack. I did. Now that you said it, it triggered a memory in my mind. I had to watch this a day over a day ago, so I forgot about the balls. It's just this like shiny little red balls. Here's the thing. And I want everyone on the honor system. I want everyone on the honor system. I remember the balls.

Right into We All Hate Movies at gmail.com. If you saw this mouse. If you noticed the mouse balls when you watched this movie prior to this. And being on the honor system isn't only it. I just want an email that just says yes. I just the email one word yes. And I will count. One word yes.

Subject line is yes. The body of your email write big balls. Okay. Then we go. Could we move this to Twitter? Okay. All right. All right.

I don't need the inbox clogged with that. At WHM podcast, yes, hashtag. We should, yeah, do a popular hashtag so that it could trend. What would be good? Big balls, yes. Hashtag big balls, yes. Okay, we're doing hashtag big balls yes. I want that trending in every continent on this goddamn planet.

I think there's going to be less people doing it. You think so? Okay, wait, then let's also say if you didn't, big balls, no. Okay, there we go. hashtag big balls yes hashtag you have to watch the movie the one and then notice it or not and if it was a no do yourself a favor and go back and look at those balls it is hilarious you guys are just trying to divide this country I don't know do yourself a favor and go back and look at their balls the Democrats are going to try to tell you that there's balls there so Chris do

we think we should do like a neutral option as well yeah so there's big balls yes big balls abstain okay yeah I like it all right All right, there we go. Now, thank God we figured this out. Exactly. And by the way, voting is mandatory. I want everyone listening to this to tweet this. No, you can big balls abstain.

You don't know if I've got to vote. No, exactly. No, I want all three of these to be trending in the United States and people to be confused. Okay. So, but like, the mouse explodes. And when Master doesn't explode, it's a great musical cue. Oh, my God. Because you get that, ooh, ah!

Dude, what the fuck? What the fuck? Gotta get down with the sickness, my friend. Dude, this music is so horrible. It is so horrible. How'd they go again? Is that the rat exploding? That's him feeling his balls rupture.

All right, Tony, we're going to go here. All right. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, my God, cut, cut. My balls ruptured. Oh, you know what? Let's leave it in the track. What was worse?

Was that happen? and I was like, oh, what was this song again? And it gets like a little bit further along. And I was like, oh, yeah. Better na-da-da-na. And I was like, fucking great. This song is awful. And then things were only made worse when I remembered the goddamn Richard cheese and

lounge against the machine cover. I forgot all about that. Which is featured in that Zach Snyder, Dawn of the Dead remake. Oh, no. Come on. Get down with the sickness. Your mother, get up. You know what?

Don't Sully. disturbed like that? How about that? I'm listening to Richard Cheese on the way home. Richard Chees. Settled. Settled. Also, so Statham, by the way, his character's name is Bunch. Oh, Steve Sadeh, I cut in with a little musical

interlude here. Is this the song? Steve, I have your channel turned up, so don't yell into the microphone. Long intro, by the way. Oh, yeah. What the fuck? You got to build them up.

Yeah, the crowd is going nuts. We're playing a lot of music at the MTV Video Music Awards. This functions as a... Oh, so good. So good. So good. See, we can play music on this show now because this functions as a review. And the chord progression, huh?

It's all thumbs up around the... It's a great song. It's a great song. Steve, did you have this CD? No, I did not. I never went that far. Yeah, this is when it gets bad. Oh, yeah, this is when it gets bad.

You start saying words and doesn't just say rat noises. You can stop. Just so you know, I don't know if you know this. But you can stop. Could you stop? Could you not play that song? I kind of have a fetish for not hearing new metal in public. Can we talk about what it looks like when they travel through dimensions, by the way?

It's quite disturbing. They get ripped up. It's kind of like, I was thinking of like when, like, the early days of like in the world of Star Trek, the early days of experimenting with like transporter technology. Wasn't quite there yet. And it's just people getting fucking painfully torn apart because this hurts every single time. They jump. They're like temporarily paralyzed. Like Delroy Lindo is sweating up a storm.

Well, it's weird because I think the more you do it, the more you get used. to it because I think like Jason Statham's like the rookie and he's like throwing up practically. New guys in the back pukes his guts out. I just feel like it's not a lot of fun. I wouldn't want to do this ever. I don't know, but Jetli seems like a lot in a lot of pain. Although, I don't

know. I feel like there would have to be like a big like opioid epidemic then. Because everybody's doing this, right? No, no. No, you're not allowed to. It's against the law. But they're all doing it. Well, because they're cops, you know. Yeah, but that's a whole force. They're allowed to do the opioids.

Okay. No one's going to stop them. It's like when you see a cop just put the lights on and skip a couple of lights. It's like that, but it's a multiverse. Same thing. But you're on to something, though, Chris, because they never really hash out, like, who discovered it, what they really use it for. Is there a practical use? Is that for and Cochran?

Right. I mean, is it just how many time criminals are there? Or universe criminals? You know there's tons. There's almost no, I mean, aside, here's my question, though. Aside from actually doing the thing that Jet Lee is doing, there's no benefit to like what cry. It's not like, you know, it's not like time travel.

You can go back in time and you've got a real gun or a new super gun. Yeah. I mean, do you go to another dimension and like, I don't know, borrow a kidney from one of your other selves? Or you kill like a successful version of you. Oh, okay. I could see that. If you were a loser, like if you were a member of the Confederate States of America

or Nazi Germany, you slip into another place. of existence and you're so then you're killing that person and taking over their existence sure or just do just living your life you know well but also what doesn't make I don't think there can be this like casual jumping through dimensions

because you need this whole fucking setup yeah that's true you're in an aluminum chair which is very expensive these are all things the movie should probably have told you but maybe I mean the fact that this is established like does someone invent science to get us to this point or like if you spalunk down

the wrong cave. Are you going to hit into a land of the lost? Yeah. Or like it'll shoot you into another multiverse. Well, that's what I'm saying. I wish that that lazy ass half scroll at the beginning of the movie. No, I'm just trying to pepper up the conversation. Oh, I see.

Fair enough. Well, that's just your voice now. This is how I sound. No, I just wish that like this intro sort of there was anything else. Or if this movie started it like the start of that. Like the start of that. of this technology. Dude, how much would you have to give Stephen Hawking

back in the day to do this movie? To be like the narrator? Oh, to play the one? Oh, my God, yes. Or you could just get like a computer I cannot get smarter. I'm smart enough. I've killed all my other selves

and I am still this smart. I was born the one. There are no others like me. I do agree that there should, I do think there should be like a con air rogues gallery of past. fucking time universe fucking crime

and also like I don't know if you kill like five of yourselves you're still you're doing pretty good now now you're like the strongest wrestler in America

you're the best boxer or something like that but I do also at the same time appreciate that this movie starts kind of at the end of this crime spree because it sort of feels like a sequel almost

yes it does yeah you know because like Delroy Lindo and Jet Lee have this whole past but It's just kind of like mentioned a little bit. There is the montage of all his fucking hilarious wigs. Because what they do, right before the rat's testicles explode,

they have, they're like showing him, like, his roster of crimes. Yes, yeah. And I guess it's also for the audience that's in attendance, so Aquaman can be filled in on everything. Wait, what? Oh, that guy's wearing a wig! Because they're just going through this little slideshow of all these different IDs, I guess. And it's like, this was murder.

121. Surfer dude version of you. Does anyone else smell a mouse in hair? But the weird thing is...

Look at those balls. Oh yeah. He's only being tried for the other ones of him. He's getting killed. Not for Dean Norris, not for the rest of those cops,

and likely thousands of other people in these... Well, that's fine. The thing, killing other people is obviously fine. It's perfectly fine. It's awarded in this

dimension. We live in. Yes, yeah. So it stands the reason that these multiverse cops are okay with it, but if you're killing your other versions of yourself to gain powers, that's the problem. They don't want like a

master wizard out. Yeah, like a gas station, Dean Norris just thinks he got a fucking, you know, skipping his step that day. Oh, it's just he got like, he was at work and he just got a random erection. Yeah, he was like, oh, look at this. It's 2.30 in the afternoon. Honey?

I'm coming home. The last four hours or more. You might be the one. So he goes, like he evaporates after this, after the mass explosion. And like Delroy Linda, Jason Statham's like, oh, no, he left. By the way, we should talk about Jason Statham. And his hair in this film? Super creepy.

Seeing this guy with hair is unsettling. I just don't like it. Somebody, this was before somebody was like, yo, Statham. Just give it up. You got to stop with a crap rock look. It looks. He looks like when a baby has hair. Like, you know what I mean?

Like a baby just gets hair. Well, that's like a bald dude when it. It's like, it's over. Like, when the battle is over with. I'm a boss baby now. Wait, I can't do a Jason Statham. I don't have the British. Jason Statham can't do a Jason Statham in this movie.

His accent is all over the place. Well, I guess he's trying to do an American accent. I couldn't tell. He's trying to flatten it out, but every time he gets excited, it just comes right back. Oh, he quenched too early. You got to flatten out that tang a little bit more. That British tank. I don't have you got a warp in that accent.

It is really bad. And also, who gives a shit? Like, just make... You're from another fucking dimension. Who cares? Like, maybe you're from a dimension where America lost the revolutionary war. Yes, exactly.

And a bunch of fucking British-sounding people live here. That sounds great. Yeah, right? If that happened, we'd have universal health care. Totally. Well, coming up, actually, we're about to have universal health care. Oh, right, yes. So he goes to this other dimension and, like, where did he go?

And Delaware Lindo is like, there's only one place he could go which is the last of the dimensions we cut to it's actually the same prison transfer from the beginning of the movie and instead of Al Gore on the television it's George W. Bush but he's introducing

a bill for universal health care which is weird because I'm pretty sure this timeline or this universe or dimension or whatever is supposed to be ours so I was like what was this wishful thinking the fuck was this? I think it's just slightly different like there's this one

where Bush did universal health care and then the one we live in where Bush did 9-11. Those are the only two differences. Exactly. 9-11 didn't happen in the universal health care world because Bush didn't want to do it. And it's crazy, dude, right down to he was visiting a classroom in Florida

and somebody came in and he was reading a book to kids and somebody came in and they were like, Mr. President, Universal Health Care is going to pass. And then he sat there for like 10 minutes pretending to read a book to kids. Hey, Poppy, I need to unite America. I got two options. There's two different ways to do this.

Oh, hell yeah, I did it. Hell yeah, I did. Children, I did it. I did it. New from Random House this fall, George W. Bush, if I did it. But, like, yeah, also. So now in this prison,

Jet Lee is DeNorris. Yes. And in the place of Prisoner Chetley is Rotten Ronnie. Who's Rot and Ronnie? Rod and Ronnie is in the credits. Oh, wait. His name is actual... What?

Because he's... Is he a double dragon character? What are we talking about? Because he's like an informant. That's why they're taking him out of there. And all the dudes are screaming and out of them. They're like, fuck, Rott, Ronnie. Oh, forget you.

You fucking Rat, Ronnie. He had the chain. He got it out of a crate in double dragons. Yeah, he never showers. Rott and Ronnie. Rot and Ronnie. In the morning. Yeah.

Oh, exactly. Yes. He's a fucking, you know, shock jock. Nothing but Megadeth and Prague rock. Absolutely. Well, I could go with the Prague rock. Not sure about the mega death. You just want a camel station, I think, all to yourself.

Oh, yeah, sure. That's good stuff, man. But yeah, so it's the same transport situation. A dude hucks a knife at Rotten Ronnie and and Jet Lee catches it, which was pretty sweet. because he's like the two they're the two at this point right the two you're right

it should be a prequel yes the one two colon the two parentheses it's a prequel the prequel the movie the one from 2001 and then the three would be the one when there's three left

oh yes we just go backwards until we could do a hundred and twenty three of these movies isn't the three wasn't someone working on a bad screen that's an adaptation isn't is that what it's The three or the three.

Right, yes. Donald Kaufman wrote the three, which was the third prequel. Oh, my God. That's what happens in adaptation. At the end, spoiler for adaptation, 20 year old movie. One year old movie. Well, 18 or something. Almost. When Donald dies,

Charlie actually gets, you know, he finishes his screenplay against all this confidence. That's because Donald was from an alternate universe. And when he died, Charlie became more powerful. 16-year-old. 16-year-old movie Okay

That is so true Mm-hmm And then when When Chris Cooper dies The other Chris Cooper Gets his teeth Which one of my favorite lines In that movie is

Which was them It's dead Chris Cooper in the fucking car crash Yeah Which ones is their dead It turns out to be Like his wife

And his mother But imagine if it was Other Chris Cooper A bunch of other Chris Cooper's Car of Chris Cooper's Tell me it's not the world The Nazi plates Oh yeah

The Nazi plate guy from American Beauty Oh man You know now I just want to rewatch adaptation It's been a long-ass time Great movie So the whole like assault thing happens again Jet League gets shot And he's taken to the hospital

And now this was a weird thing though Because I wasn't remembering this movie at all And it's like Jet League gets shot You forgot the one I know wait hold on shocking i know um so he gets shot and it's like oh we got to take him in the hospital or whatever then we cut and gently shows up at his house carla guugino's like racing out the door to go to the hospital and he's there and i was thinking oh here's the phony guy oh yeah yeah you know that's exactly what

i thought you know where's john like i thought it was that but it's not he just left the hospital on his own accord randomly and didn't tell anybody but it's like it's a way it's a weird bit of editing in the film because you don't know what's going on. I totally thought that it was supposed to be the bad guy. I guess it's to show you that he is so powerful now that even getting shot with the Bull Proveston's father. Oh, I see. Yeah. But it's not a good

movie. Are we to believe that there's healing ability? Probably, right? If you're the one or the two or the three. I don't know. I think that just goes for the Wolf Marine. Yeah, he tries to like open a door and takes the whole door off. I think it's stuff like that. It happened again. Honey, I

I broke another door. Look, I know, look, I need a special kind of insurance is what I need. So that if I just take the door off every day, I need door insurance. Hey, Poppy Cheney said universal health care is not going to fly. I guess I got to do the other one. All right, boy. Just remember, you're going to be taking a lot of heat for this one. Make sure me and your dear old ma aren't visiting town that day.

Man, that dude egged it on. He egged it on. You know, he didn't like that, Saddam. He didn't. That's how you got vengeance on him. Yeah. I want to live in the, well, I want to live in the multiverse where, like, Saddam lived. And I say that because, like, people, Americans would be alive.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. That's actually true. Do you want to be living under him or, like, under him? Yes. Like, he's on top of me and we're going at it or something? Yes, that too, I guess. Yes, you're going at it. You guys got rat balls.

Do you guys see, man, Eric and Saddam, they're hot and heavy these days. I think I'd rather live under Saddam Hussein than under Iraq current day. You know what? That's Saddam. That's Saddam. He's got rap balls. Give him that. Give him that.

He comes at you. He comes at you. Barr, be honest now. What do you think of my balls? Oh, you've got little mouse balls, dear. Got this manila envelope from the... the CIA, the boys at the CIA say Dom's got these big rat balls.

How am I supposed to compete with that? I'm going to have to go into two ground wars, one for each rat ball bar. So he, Carla Goghino's like, you have to go to the hospital. They go to the hospital. A bunch of cop buddies are there. This is where I'm like, get Dean Norris. Let me one of these guys. He had a talking role in a big

sci-fi movie. Yeah, I don't understand it. Because all of these other dudes are just nobody stuntman there's a guy who got a lot of coattails for looking exactly like zander berkeley yeah the main guy the main other cop he got a lot of colattails like he just like was like on 24 because zander berkeley used to be on 24 oh i see oh that's weird yeah wait which guy are you talking the main the gray haired guy the gray haired guy oh bobby yeah i think so i'm pretty sure it is bobby bobby uh so gently is getting a cat scare he's getting an MRI yeah And this is the single rudest MRI technician I've ever fucking seen. Oh, you think so.

This woman who's like, you know, take off your rings, blah, blah, you can do everything. And like Carla Gugino... She's a great character actor's that woman. Yeah, I did recognize her from things. She's an X-Files later. James Wong actually was an X-Files guy, too. Big time, yeah, big, big X-Files guy.

She's in that what episode with all the different clones of her... Eve, Eve, Six. That's where Eve Six comes from. Oh. Yeah. Well, does it blend my heart into pieces? I want to put my tender heart in a blender I want to spin around to a beautiful oblivion

Rendezvous, then I'm through with you. That is Eve 6, right? Yeah. Terrific. No, but this woman is, like, all Carla Gugino does is like give Jet Li a hug, like, all right, I'll see you after the procedure. And she's just like, you know, it's just an MRI.

You're not having open heart surgery. And I was like, do you want to wait the fuck outside, lady? Lady, this is how I find out if I have cancer. Yeah, totally, what the fuck? Maybe it is open art surgery. It's just the single rudest thing that does not need to exist in that movie. Yeah, I guess so. But, you know.

Are you trying to get disturbed going again? Oh, here we go. Okay, now, this function is fair use copyright law because this is a review, and I'm saying that this song actually is good. Good song and good video. What was the video? I don't know. We're in Hollywood for some reason.

Oh, you're watching? it. Yeah. Oh, shit. We're in Hollywood, dude. Yeah. Could you imagine us in Hollywood? Yeah, man.

Oh, God. Yeah, okay. If we play any more of that, we're going to get a C and D. Drop a C and D in the... Bar, this guy with Rat Ball is going to give me a C&B for playing Eve 6. Just going to have to become a new radicals man there, Barr. I'm not getting any of that. I'm dead

Oh my god, I almost said they're both dead But he's not It lives It's just it's the envy of the rat balls That keeps him alive Right It's bitter envy of the rat balls So while he's in the MRI

Other evil gently shows up And he kills a bunch of people It's a fun This is when they kind of meet each other And even at this point Gabe is Good Jetly So right

So good Jetly is Gabe Law Bad Jetly is Ulaw Gotcha Which sounded a lot like

Yule log And I was Kind of chuckling How does Jude Law fit into all this? He gets his legs Like shortened Or sturt

Or whatever What was that Gattiga? Yeah Oh yeah Well Gattica It's Gattaca There's a Gattaca In multiverse

I would buy that Planet Gattaca So he Gettley would only get like Half a hit if he killed him so there's a weird moment where like gently good gently so Gabe walks out in the hallway the cops are there and they're like oh hey man you know maybe you should get back in there what's going on and he kind of has like a little bit of a freak out and like gently beats these dudes up like it's kind of this nicely choreographed like he handcuffs all these guys yeah yeah using martial arts but like friendly yeah uh and there's a did you notice this moment I don't know what it is I think it's someone throws a gun like he disarmed somebody and tosses a gun

and it hits a perfectly placed Pepsi machine. Oh my God. All of these beautiful glistening Pepsi cans just start shooting out of it like fucking maximum overdrive. Do you think that's why Pepsi 1 existed? Oh, yeah. Because of this movie?

Yeah. Probably. I think Pepsi killed like Crystal Pepsi and gained the power. Oh, yes, I see. Dude, you know, Crystal Pepsi's back. Are you shitting me? I bought a bottle at the store a couple days ago.

You're fucking around right now. Go to any bodega right now? So long as they keep Pepsi jazz out of circulation, what was that? It was a bottle of Pepsi that you swigged it really quickly. You got a crippling heroin addiction. I was going to say, you know, it's the only American soda art form there really is. What was Pepsi Jazz? It was like they got had like cinnamon in it.

No, you're lying. No, I'm sorry, that was holiday Pepsi was disgusting. No, no, Pepsi Jazz is what killed John Coltrane. Pepsi Jazz did exist. Holiday Pepsi was it tasted like there was like cinnamon and spice in it. Yes. That doesn't make sense. Why would someone drink that?

To prove that there is no God. Fucking holiday Pepsi was invented because God doesn't exist. I like how this auto completes to Pepsi Jazz for sale. Question mark. Oh my God. I hope the Internet's selling it. Whoa, 2006 and discontinued in 2009. I thought you were going to say it cost $2,06 to buy an eBay.

Wait, Pepsi Jazz? Okay, there are three different kinds. Don't you love this podcast, guys? There were three different kinds available. Jazz with black cherry and French vanilla. Jazz with strawberries and cream. And then caramel cream. Jesus Christ.

Did it kill a bunch of people? Is that why it's off the market? I'm hoping the popularity was not great. Werther's soda. I don't want it. It's so disgusting. No list of fatalities here. Oh, that's surprising.

Kill count zero. So, let's go for Pepsi Jazz for sale. Let's see if we can get eBay going on this podcast. Well, let us know what you find. So, yeah, Jetley, Bad Jetley escapes. And he's like... $5 a can. $5 a can.

$5 a can. We'll get the company card out after the episode. $7 shipping. Fuck you. Anyway, that's how they get you. 12 bucks for a can of Pepsi Jazz. Yeah, but it's from 2006. Oh, wow.

Oh, 2006. Okay, you'll only get like... a mild ulcer and a week's worth of diarrhea. So, he escapes and... Well, we have to mention the most important cameo in the film. It's just the can. They're selling cans. Focus.

Focus. Nobody cares. I'm going to put the no screens rule on this podcast. No fucking more YouTube for you and no fucking eBay for this one. This is an eBay for this one. This is an eBay podcast, guys. First of all, those YouTube bits kind of killed. No, the most important cameo in the film.

I got no bidders on my eBay bits. We go to the morgue and we see there's a shot of a body bag that unzips and the corners are bickering and one is just some dude. And the other is Mark Borchard from fucking American movie? Worst part of this film. I have no idea why he's in this movie. They're talking about, they're talking about porno, and Mark Borchart's like, bored of lesbian porn, and then there's like this transphobic slur that gets come out of nowhere. Here's the play-by-play of this from what I was able to deduce from their conversation.

And it's a conversation, mind you, between two of the dumbest characters ever to hit cinema. Mark Borchart's character is saying that he can only watch, like, solo play. And the guy is basically like, well, why wouldn't you want to watch fucking? And he's like, because you got to see dicks when there's fucking. Okay. And Mark Borchard's character does not want to see dicks. Sure. And then he says, so I don't want to see dicks.

And also, I'm tired of all that girl on girl shit. To which this other dude then goes, why don't you get these? And it's trans slurred from here to the cows come home. And you're just like, why is this here? Just have these two unpaid extras. This is the problem with this movie. This movie, I don't get it. This movie kicks friggin ass.

Except for that. part and then there's random other parts that are also like homophobic and otherwise very of its time like there's they're going through like the dimensions when they're talking to Gabe and Jason Statham's like one dimension you're married to a guy

like it's a fucking nightmare scenario and then gently just goes hey just like what what are you talking take that back it's another dimension you can't even entertain the idea that you might be gay oh yeah

happily gay, like happily married in another dimension. What is wrong with that? It's amazing. Oh, you're the wives are ugly too. That's fine, but another guy, wait, what? It's just like, is it, it's

supposed to be a joke also. Exactly, exactly. It's all punch lines. I think this is Mark Borchart's biggest acting appearance, by the way. It's this and then a bunch of like crappy, crappy Z-level DVD, direct to DVD horror stuff. Horror movies, yeah.

Because there's that part in American movie where he wasn't in like Forrest Gump or anything. No. He's in the first man. He played Chuck Yeager. You're going to go on the moon. So let's see. Oh, actually, he's in, he's, Mark Bortchard is in a movie that I like, the Jeffrey Dahmer Files. Oh, nice.

Oh, real? You've never seen the Jeffrey Domber Files? Holy shit. When does he play, Victim Number Five? Man with glasses. Oh, there you go. That's it. That's kind of walked into that one, man.

Steve, that's a movie for you, though. I'll be into it. Cabin fever 2, spring fever. That's probably the second biggest movie. Yeah, I think you're totally right. Yeah, because we're looking at like a short called Zombie Island, the Godfather of Green Bay. No.

But I mean, you know what, that guy, there's that part in an American movie where he's drunk. I think it's on thing. No, it's Super Bowl Sunday. He's drunk and he's like, you know what, man, I'm not going to be, Like one of these fucking assholes working in a fucking factory my whole life. And it's all this rage about working in factories. No, he didn't. He worked in, he did.

I'm one day, man, I'm going to do transphobic slurs in a gently interdimensional movie, man. And wow, how prescient was he, though? Because that was like a year after COVID was 2000. Yeah, dude. I'm going to work with producer Eli Roth, okay? That's what's going to happen to me. You're going to be directing it or nothing? But he'll stop by the shit.

I'm going to be at a big lunch with Eli Roth one day. Because American movie was 1999, so, you know, he sort of hit it. Hey, man, I saw that movie the one you were in. That movie's fucking awesome. It was kind of crazy, though, because I was drinking all this thurge with Uncle Larry, and I was like, why is he using translers, though? What the fuck was that, Mark? I thought I was having an acid flashback, but apparently it was a multiverse.

Do you think that every time I have an assort? Flashback, I enter a multiverse. I looked at myself in a couple other multiverses and it was just me high on acid. Are you telling me, I don't talk like this in every other multiverse? Bring me there.

Welcome to the multiverse. Mike Shrank. I'm you from the other multiverse. Look how physically fit I am. And I just drink water. So you don't have acid, No, but I have this luscious locks here. Is Uncle Larry dead there, too, or what?

Yes, I killed him. And Coven has grossed $400 million. Oh, shit. It's like Avatar. Now there's going to be four fucking sequels in a row. I just came off the shoot for Coven 5 on Covening. Our new intern, James Cameron, he seems like a real go-getter. Oh, man, how do I stay in this universe?

Oh, no, the acid flashback's ending. I'm disappearing. Oh, better movie. Not by a lot. This movie's still pretty good on its own. So, yeah, Jason Statham confronts good, Jetty, starts telling them about all these different things. He's like, and, like, gently, even though, like,

he can bend steel and this guy has a super gun and all this stuff and looks like Jason Statham, he's like, yeah, that's not real. He's like, yeah, bull ass. And he's like, you're married to a man. And he's like, what? Well, that must be true then, because why would you just make that up? Why would you make up something so vicious? It's weird, though, because, like, once Jet Lee is sold on the whole thing, this movie,

first of all, it is only, like, 87 minutes, so it's fine. But, like, once Jetley's character gets sold on the situation and we're, like, teeming up, also because Delroy Lindo gets murdered at some point, so. Well, that's when. he's fucking with Bad Jet Lee. And Bad Jetley is going through the local radio station. Oh, this is another great moment. Steve,

get your YouTube app, right? No, I'm not. I'm done with that. A big no on the temptations. A big no on Aretha Franklin. A big no on a lot of other stuff. Then finally fucking drowning pool again, their second single. Nice.

Sinner comes on. Which no one remembers. Nobody remembers. And it plays like four times. I could not place it when they were. playing it in the movie, I was like, is this like a down tempo Papa Roach? Like, what's going on here?

I thought it was an alien ant farm for a second. Whoa, that's a good point. Oh, yeah. There was what's missing from this equation. You know, in my universe, alien ant farm lasted. You know, alien ant farm turned out to be bigger than Michael Jackson. Oh, the irony.

I'm into more indie bands, though, like you too. I gotta get out of this dimension. Acid, please. wear off. I never thought I would beg that, but wear off acid. Bring me back to my surge refrigerator. I got to tell you, man,

it's a good Thanksgiving watch American movie. Because parts of it take place in autumn. Is that the idea? And no, there's a Thanksgiving scene as well. There's a Thanksgiving and a Super Bowl scene. That's got everything in that movie. It's got it all, baby. They got Serge, Thanksgiving, Uncle Larry. It's all

there. Is that guy's name actually Uncle Larry? I don't remember. Uncle something. That guy, he's dropping. He's entire life savings that he got from probably working at a fucking factory by the way i think it's i think it's thanksgiving not this no it's it's it's the super bowl as well mike's coming up to the house he's like you know i just won 50 bucks off lotto but i'm not going to tell these guys that because they're going to ask me for that money he's got this like sly smile on his face that he won 50 bucks off lot that movie rules i love it so much speaking of thanksgiving on black friday if you follow

us on Twitter. Oh, there will be a major announcement. Nice, good call. Yeah, at WHM podcast. That's the one. On Twitter. It's going to be about that theme month you keep hearing about it. It's going to be about December. We're going to tell you a big announcement. It's us just doing six different episodes on American. Oh, and also follow Twitter. Follow our Twitter. Follow Twitter in general or us on Twitter? No, no. Don't be one of those guys that logs onto Twitter and then follows at Twitter. Follow at WHM podcast There you go Well I just follow the one account

That's all I need That'll tell me what's what Twitter just retweeted something About the election hold on It says Nazis are okay So anyway But to your point Like after this happens

This movement Yeah The movie's almost over with Pretty much Like things start heating up And I was like This kind of feels like The end of the movie

I put up the display And I was like Oh this is the end of the movie because the next scene is so Delro Lindo gets killed after this radio sequence he just gets kind of It's actually not a great death I kind of want a good one for him

Yeah it's not a great death But it leads into an awesome scene And I have to correct myself on the air Because it was a scene that I was misremembering Oh please So he kills Delroy Lindo And there's a fucking break his neck or something Well I think he snaps it with his

No he snaps it with his foot Like Delroo Lindo's down on the Oh right On the pavement Oh that's not a good one cracks it. But there's an awesome moment where like Delroy Lindo goes to punch

Jetly and Jetley like sticks his chin down and like basically holds Delroy's fist between his chin and chest and he's like doing it so hard that he's hurting him. Pretty badass move. So he kills him and then this cop pulls up and he's like hey what's

going on here and he sees Delroy dead on the ground and he pulls his gun out whatever these two motorcycle cops come up and this is where Jetley is fucking swinging motorcycles of people and I remembered it as he hit himself with the motorcycle but he beats up these three cops with the

motorcycles including the last guy that he fucking sandwiches like marching band symbols. Now Rose Places Doug Savant. How? In this for no reason. And again make him one of the other guys if that's the case that he's an extra, he's a featured extra killed by a motorcycle. No he just had his

ribs crushed I guess. This sequence is amazing by just because it's not enough just to knock these guys off their motorcycle then he like kicks them mid-air yes then grabs the fucking motorcycles and starts beating them with it because go ahead no i mean this is checkoff's motorcycle though the end of this movie should be uh uh jetly and jetly sword fighting with motorcycles that would be fucking sick actually also sword fighting should be incorporated because we're talking about how there might just be one yeah sure and that's just Highlander, baby.

That's all. Meat swords, right? And then same matter can occupy the same space and then they get intertwined. Yes. That's a good point, actually. There's no quickenings in this movie. There should be some quickening. He like flexes.

That's the quickening in this movie. It's like he just kind of like arches his back a little bit. I need the first guy to die. A huge quickening happens. I mean, you know, then oh good. Damn, that movie had no quickening. I've got no case. I went to see the one.

They were like, oh, they're ripping off your movie, Christopher. And I said, okay, I'll go see the matinee. I don't want to spend too much money. You know, we in Motocombat, we did the two guys fighting first. One have a different bandana. I went in with my should I sue them checklist, and I didn't get to take a single box. I had quickening, no.

Swords, no. Ponytail, no. Charming laugh. No. No. Belgian accent, no. Young lady, young lady, do you mean to tell me you to have any goobas? They're my favorite snack.

I like goobus. Listen, listen, I'm telling you I'm returning my ticket because I didn't enjoy the movie. Those people exist and they should be jailed. Look at my checklist. It's empty. If I have anything on the checklist, yes. Then I would give the movie a cut of the profits. How about I just sneak into Zulen?

I heard it's supposed to be hilarious so but yeah I don't know my serge isn't cold don't let these guys know you have a lottery ticket in your back pocket worth $50 I won't work in a factory

Oh fuck So good Jet Lee goes home Carla Gugino is murdered by Evil Jetly right here And that's pretty much like Gabe is like Well I have nothing left to live for Might as well join up with this dude Who sometimes has an English accent He's got a vent in his house like it's diehard

That he's like sneaking out of kind of It's like an attic crawl space situation And like you know he's Carla Gugino Gugino thinks he's the good Jet Lee But then she kind of realizes he's not And then she like does this slick thing That actually applies into the other movie She's like oh you know when we met in that bookstore

I never would have thought it had come to this and he's like, yes, that was a crazy bookstore. She's like, you mean it didn't move in a bookstore, you idiot. Yeah. Which also, I feel like she should, like knowing that this dude is evil. Yeah. Yes, she shouldn't call that out. She'd be like, yes, the bookstore was beautiful.

Exactly. I'll be right back. Shoot him. Or yeah, I'll just start firing. Shoot him. So she gets murdered. I think he stabs her. No, he shoots her in the chest or the stomach.

Or the stomach, I think. Yeah, do the back to the stomach. Oh, right, because she's getting the, other handgun out of the drawing. It was like point blank. Yeah. And he's looking, and other jet leak can only watch from the window. Yeah, no, it's very tragic. And at this point, he meets up with Jason Statham and they're like, they're like, all right, the movie's going to end pretty soon. If I'm Jason Statham, all right, cool, let's just stop off at the gap and get you a yellow T-shirt real quick because it's getting a little, it's a little confusing.

You're both wearing black jackets. Well, they're wearing the same outfit because it's a black jacket, gray shirt. And that has a problem later in the movie. Like, that makes sense for like Bad Jetle to, you know, I want to impersonate this guy. You don't want to be good. Well, this is like, this is like semiotics 101, dude. Like good Jetly should be wearing a white t-shirt and bad Jetly is a black t-shirt. Just take off your shirt completely. Or that.

Just bare chest. Totally. Here, here, yeah, let me just cut you underneath your eye. It's so easy. Now I know it's you. Yeah, so Statham, like, explains everything. We need a signal. I'll say lemon tree.

Oh, wait, no, tippy toes. I will say tippy toes. Hey, wear this eyepatch. I'm sorry. No, so he just explains everything. Gently's totally on board. And then he's like, oh, shit, I've got to stop and get some gas. And they pull over.

And it's like this universe's Delroy Lindo is working at this gas station. Sure. And what is the reason why Gently kicks over this lamp post? I don't remember necessarily. Because, like, Jetley just kicks this lamppost. It falls over into the parking. lot and Delroy Lindo comes out like, what the fuck are you doing to my store? I think he's

mourning, Carla Judge. Yeah, I think he's mad about that. Listen, guys, when I'm inevitably murdered, I want you to kick over some lamppost for me, huh? I don't fuck you, but that once. I'd probably just kick over your casket. Her fucking body fell out.

Dude, I can think about Brian O'Halloran saying her fucking body fell out any time of year, and I will start laughing. It's a good one. One of the greatest deliveries of all time. Yeah, so he runs the gas station. He's like, I'm going to go call the police. And this is the dumbest thing.

Like, Statham knows that Delroy Lindo is dead at this point. His partner, Delroy Lindo. So he goes up to this guy who is technically a total stranger and is like, sir, this isn't going to make any sense to you, but it's the only opportunity I'm going to have to say it. Thank you, sir, for straightening me out. I was on the wrong path, and then you made me on the right path. so I thank you sir

and this dude's just like yeah I'm calling the police right now I don't know what you're thanking me for he's like no it's all right I know do you want to put the gun down you want to put the gun down for a little bit you're talking a little crazy here thinking of me I just met you

so what is by the way there's a detail here that's very important what is this like little anal bead that Delroy Lindo has that it's a bomb I guess right it's just it's just a bomb it's I thought it was a tracker like I was kind of anticlimactic because he's just like

I got this he presses it and then like Jason Statham knows where he is oh okay but when Statham sets it off

in like the final battle here what was that big like green shockwave that comes out of it oh that was a fart I fucking farted

in this tunnel how do they get this was something I missed because I think it was like a blink and you miss a cut how do they get from the gas station to this Terminator 2 factory

where the rest of the movie magic Jason Statham gets in the car is like all right of a better get to a factory. It's an action movie. We better get to a... It makes no sense.

I think that's where like... But no, I think that there are certain wormholes that you have to get to... Oh, so it's the location where the jump's going to happen? Yes. I see. And that's...

That kind of makes sense. And you always put those in factories. Oh, yeah. Well, an abandoned factory, of course. You don't just put that in a Sephora. Although it would be pretty awesome if they had to fight over a bunch of cousins. And then, like, this fucking wormhole opened up.

So they're about to fight. $40 for lipstick. Evil, Jetly and Good Jetly. That's probably a bargain, I bet. Yeah, I don't know cosmetics prices. Evil Jetly and Good Jetly are going to fight. But Evil Jetly is like, all right, you know what? I'm going to, just to make this easier for the audience, I want to take my black jacket off.

And again, buy a different T-shirt. You know what I mean? Seriously, just stripped naked. If your adversary is wearing clothes. clothing, you should not be. Look, it's just the two of you. You're the same person. Shirts and skins. Nobody's going to be embarrassed. You know what you got going on down there.

Everyone's seen it before. Oh, my God, he's got rat balls. Those are enormous ratballs. They look like they're going to blow. Get down. The rat balls are going to blow. He's like, bloody Saddam Hussein. But this is pretty great because they're just on like this little iron gate catwalk situation.

Bad Jetley takes, Bad Jetley takes his jacket. it off and ties it around his waist like it's 1994 and then it's kind of just like when you're playing Mortal Combat and both of you pick sub-zero and it's just like one person is like a slightly different shade of blue and

is this a checkmark? I can't... It's stretching it. Is that wind I saw? Is that wind I saw? Okay, you know what I'm putting that on the checklist? Lightning that's mine. Wait, do I have rat balls?

I better go check in the Rebent's room. I'll tell you who Lambert's got a case against, by the way, is Henry Cavill in this fucking Witcher program? Oh, yeah, dude. Jesus Christ, that's just raiding up and down. Don't worry.

I'm aware of it. I'm waiting to see if anybody gives a shit first. I've got an appointment at home on the day it's debuts on Netflix. Me and some popcorn. I have plenty of time for binge watching. Plenty. of time.

Hint, hint. I need the work. I'm very litigious these days, but I would rather be acting. He should be in one of these fantasy series. What are we doing? Get him in the Game of Thrones prequel series that Naomi Watts is going to star.

Yes. So is that a series or is it a motion picture? Series, I believe. And it's just the one. Are we doing multiple things? It's, I think, just the one. I think they did co-current. pilots and this is the one they picked.

Oh, I see. Because you know who's getting the shaft? Anybody in 2018 who still gives a shit about the Walking Dead. Oh, yeah. This Rick Grimes' information is the funniest fucking thing.

Did you hear this Breaking Bad bullshit now, too? No. They're going to do a Breaking Bad motion picture. Starring who? Aaron Paul. Shrug. So it's just Jesse Pinkman

post series? Yep. What's he doing? Working at Burger King? Who fucking cares? Yes. The show's over. Who fucking cares?

It's Chris Cabin saying that for two hours. It's just Chris. You can't see the TV. It's just you see Chris watching something you'll never actually see saying who fucking cares. Things end, you bastards. Also, if you can't have the Cran man doing anything, like what are we doing? Oh, no, he's kind of the fucking like a ghost. I'm a forced ghost.

Yeah. All right, actually. The blue glow is because of meth. If you take this into the paranormal. and it's just Jesse Pinkman sided with Walter White the ghost Okay, I'll take it That's totally fine

Okay, bitch, the only way I'm going to Get this million dollars if I spend the night in Walter White's old haunted house There's still A pizza on the roof Well, hello, Jesse. What? Because listen, like that's the thing

Because I know whatever this is, I haven't heard, I'm hearing this right now for the first time. Breaking news. Yeah. Breaking bad, breaking news. There you go. But the only way I would be, like, legitimately interested, if they were like, we're going to make this as dumb as possible. Like, as dumb as humanly possible. It's ghost, it's ghost Walt and Jesse solving mysteries.

Yes, in a van. Of course, you need a van. You can't solve mysteries without a van. No, you can't. Yeah, you're telling me. Yeah, I'm part of the new Breaking Bad universe. You need, you need a, you need a van to solve mysteries, but you also need a van to create mysteries. You know, it's perfect for carrying the bodies around.

That is some high thinking right there. And I'm not talking about Stone. That is some next tier shit. Yeah, that's some Buffalo Bill thinking you got right there. I have tons of potential. Don't donate to our Patreon for more crimes. You know, how about this? Meth is so totally plain.

How about we start making acid? Anybody want to make some acid at home? I'd watch that movie. Why wasn't he one of the, any of Jesse's tweaker friends? Come on. Because, dude, that guy is not reliable, man. Like, the dude who was Badger and the dude who was slippery Pete or sneaky Pete or whatever his name was, those guys are actually real actors.

You know what I mean? Not a dude who's legitimately burned out on acid. They would have to just call the character line because that's all he would say in front of the camera. Are these Skittles free? Can I get a freezer bag for the Skittles? All right, this is a mistake. This was a mistake. Because Skittles will melt.

That's the thing I never, I never remember about Skittles until it's too late as they'll melt. The dye is the best part. The die is the best. Could I interest you in the alternate version of Mike Frank? Mike Shank. I have to go see experimental artist Justin Bieber later. Fringe artist Justin Bieber. Whatever.

So this movie is pretty much over with. they have this huge fight. I think it's pretty great. There's an awesome thing where they do this effect where there's a bunch of sparks falling down on them from some factory shit that's broken. And like they're supposed to be moving so fast that we're seeing like the sparks fall

very slowly. Oh, okay. That's I literally thought I was having acid flashbang. Oh, here we go again. It's a good, it's you know, the funny detail though, how humiliating is this is Jetly's like scene partner for playing

his double was his stuntman that he used a lot but this dude just had to have his like face painted green so they could do the computer effects later kind of debasing he looked like shrek actually much smaller physically fit shrek at ratballs he was just eating them for dinner they're like olives

this one's got a pit in it I don't even know what that would mean. I don't even know what that would mean. I think it's like the rat was about to pass a kidney stature. There's a tumor. So Statham does something. They go into the multiverse center or whatever. And to me, and I mean like within seconds,

they're like, that's the good one, that's the bad one. Send it off to hell. They are just looking to close the case on this. And I'm like, dude, what do we wait at a minute? What if we took, like, an hour to sort this shit out? Right, they were trying, they originally almost send the good guy, Gabe. Yes. To the Hades planet.

Right. Which maybe they should have, you know? Because, like, this guy's going to slap another thing to kill this dude. Yeah. Maybe it's safer to send that guy to jail. You're going to have to kill him anyway. You're going to have to kill him. My question, though, is how did they decide that this was the place that is going to house the prisoners?

That's a great. Was it a prison dimension anyway? It's just actually hell. Oh, we identified the actual place that is hell. No, it's Venezuela. Multiverse Venezuela. You get sent to a multiverse where they kill you with a caravan. These fucking people.

But somehow at the last second, Statham realizes it's the good one, right? Because we've set up earlier in the film that Jet Lee had to take his wedding ring off for the MRI. so Carla Gugino was murdered with that so we very obviously throughout the film are cutting to Jet Li's little wedding ring tan line so Jason Statham like these officials don't even wait for like the transdimensional Jimmy legs to wear off

and he's like paralyzed like trying to crawl over like wait a minute and he notices the tan line and he just says like that's not the guy and then they're just like oh okay and they switch like to any kind of investigating Maybe in the in-between, between the beginning of the movie, the end of the movie, this agency has been getting slammed for that mouse explosion.

Like, you mean, like, the multiverse press is going apeshit over that mouse explosion. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, I think that's, like, maybe like a little DVD extra movie. Three people have resigned. Two people are fired. It's on lockdown now, because how'd she even get in there? That's your number one question. Look, and if we ever get our hands on Jet League, and I don't care, 30 seconds, he's in that chair.

But that's the thing. I think they're just like, listen, the faster we clean this up, the faster we can claim that the situation is solved itself. Drop it, mouse balls! White, wait, first I need a haircut, and then get him out of that chair. I don't know what he was thinking. He should have shaved that a long time ago. But how was he looking in those Guy Ritchie movies, though?

You've got a shaved head in those movies. He does. It's cut shorter at very least. It's cut shorter. Weird. I think he's both even in Lockstock. Yeah, I think so too. So I don't get with his choices at all.

Maybe in another multiverse he's got a fucking sensible hair guy. Well, because in those locksstock, in Lockstock, he was like a comedic actor. I think as trying to be a butch action dude, he was trying to get the hair going again. I see. Yeah. Bad move. Bad move. So, but they flip it around and they're like, all right, we'll send him to the Hades dimension.

Which is like a level from Mortal Kombat, by the way. You can go look at this place. Oh, I think I got a case. Oh, here we. go look it's outworld I think I saw Goro yeah so they send him there and it's like well I guess that's the very end

of the film first we're going to send Gabe back to the United States extrad item and it's terrifying because he's going to do time for all the murders that what was his name young law you law uglaw was committing

right but so they say like well we can't send him there or whatever so he gets sent to... Jude law... So you would happen? It's your own fault. This is very...

This is such bullshit. This would never happen. Statham is like such a good friend of his. Because the stuff shirts are like, we don't care. Yeah, he'll do time. We don't give a shit. He'll save the universe. We don't care. He's like, that's a bullshit order. And then he's just like,

okay, yeah. No, no, I'll type it in on the computer. The technician that does the beaming all the time doesn't have to do anything. I'll do it. All right, call mini. I'll take it from here. But yeah, it's like, I'll disagree with this, and I'm going to break this rule as soon as I can. Say, why don't I do that, actually?

You know what? You take a break, and they're like, well, that sounds. Everybody, look over there. Just look over there. So what he does is he sends him to a different universe where a different Carla Gugino exists. Who's also a vet, just like she was. So this is what I got really confused about watching it today.

I also thought that time travel was involved because she says they met when he took a dog into her veterinary clinic that had just been like kind of grazed by a car but all the cars are kind of futuristic right? No, no, this is the Seussiverse. They do look like they give with Dr. Seuss cars. But that's what's weird though

is like they drop him in the middle of the street there's almost a car accident and then there's a dog that's there like limping and the whole it's their dog and they have literally. earlier in the movie. And we could tell it's... Oh, is that true? Yeah.

Yeah. And we could tell it's a different dimension because this dog starts talking to them. Oh, thanks for taking me into the clinic. I didn't think I'd be able

to limp in here. That'd be great. And he's like, well, all right. That's like kind of the end of the movie. I know, I'm a dog, but do you have any answers?

Hey, I got a good acting role. Mark did the transphobic joke. I voiced the dog. To be fair, Mark Borchard doesn't actually make the transphobic joke. No, it's right.

The other guy does. It's fair. But that's what So, like, it's weird because if it's just supposed to be present day... Yeah. But, yeah, so it was just... I was really confused. It turns out it's just bad screenwriter.

But I thought for a second, we were insinuating time travel. They found the rare double verse where it's the exact same thing. Then he would have to kill himself before his former self meets his current wife. He would have to work at the vet and wait for him to come in and then kill him. Yeah. That would have your only choice. Because, you know, they got the puppy crematoriums in there. You chop them up a little bit

It's a kill shelter So Jetly Movie title Kill Shelter It's about Jetly As a vet veterinarian That sounds like an awesome movie Right That would be his horror franchise

Kill Shelter Yeah Oh yeah It takes place from the perspective Of the pound puppies And they're being murdered by him It's him like break a dog And cat necks

But it's also like But they talk like in cats and dogs I don't want to get killed by Jet Lee No they should talk to him too because he's crazy. Yeah, definitely. And he's the only human in the movie. Oh, by the way, he's playing David Berkowitz,

but he's not a postal worker. It's if he became a veterinarian. And was Chinese. It was like Dr. Doolittle. Oh, no. He just ganged patriot. Oh, no. Gang.

Yeah, and Carla Goggino is like, do I know you? And their hair is a little different. Yeah, a little different. Not a wig, though, I don't think. No. It's a style differently. Then we see Hades and what's in store for,

And he's like fighting all these dudes on like the top of a pyramid or something. I don't know what the fuck this was. It's like Mel Gibson's Apocalyptic. We have one more like it's got to be homophobic. Hey, welcome to prison bitch. You're going to be my bitch. And he's like, no, you're going to be my bitch because I'm a superpower. And it's worse than that because one dude's like, you got a pretty mouth.

Oh, really? I miss that. We're just doing mouth rape. We're just doing mouth rape. Yeah, mouth rape. Now we got mouth rape in your movie. And in hell, apparently, everybody. just attacks one at a time.

Nobody just groups around and fucking takes down. Well, that's like every fight movie from here to kingdom come, Chris Cabin. I mean, don't pin this on the one. On prison planet, I expect better. Yeah, and then that's the end of the movie. The fucking new metal is blaring as you walk out in the theater.

Not just the new metal, my friend. Here we go. I just, no, yep, okay. What is this a, where you got a guy color ad right there? Hold on. Are we going to listen to an Aflack ad? what's progressive up to right there on your phone.

You know what, guys? I don't give me shit. Now we're doing it. Now we're really going to do it. So I would recommend this move. Steve is pulling up Papa Roach, maybe. Okay, so this function is a review. So it's totally fine for us to play a clip of this. This song is very of its time. I don't think it's aged that well. Was this, um, is this like edited for YouTube or was the song always edited?

Oh, yeah, I didn't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's probably enough of that. Oh, it is. There's no probably about it, buddy. Okay, so that is what he is fighting. He's fighting the hellions of prison. Papa Roach. He's just fighting Papa Roach.

It's not your last resort. Your last resort failed. You didn't become a god. Now you're in hell planet. Yeah, that's true. Were you going to rule hell? I don't think that's happening about. Well, I think this is sort of setting up a sequel because he's like, I'm going to get off this thing.

Yes. I'm going to do. Which I would fucking watch. Listen, there's like five goddamn Scorpion King movies. Why couldn't I get a sequel to this? Why isn't this like a just straight to DVD movie? Of course. Yes, of course. And also like, chances are another star is going to die at some point.

Then there's a third guy. Right. A sci-fi original series. Yes, the one. Totally. They could do it with Highlander. They did it with fucking Stargate. For 20 years.

For 20 years. Would anybody recommend this movie? Yeah, I would recommend it. It's a lot of fun. the action jetley is a good in this movie as an actor yeah actually it's weird this movie is supposed to be the rock

for a long time and then he's that right he dropped out to do the scorpion king huh yeah maybe smart move this movie's better with jet league yes I mean because the karate makes the movie I think Jet Li's really good in this yeah I would recommend it I'm skipping Chris Cabin wow and oh it's a power move

dude rotten Eric I got some fucking rat balls on today. But it does have its problems with those homophobic lines here and there. Of its timeness. Exactly. Yeah. The new metal's fine.

No, it's fine. It's fine. It's a little bit of a little journey today. It's fun. It's fun. It adds to the action elements. It's fine.

I had a good time watching it. So I would recommend it. A very light record. I think it's a good hangover movie. Yeah, I'd buy that. Possibly like, but like it. I don't actually, maybe I take that back, though,

Chris Cabin. All that new metal when your fucking head is pounding. I don't know, but it takes you back. Well, for me at least, because of nostalgia, it just took me back. So what? At time of being hung over? Of listening to New Metal all the time when in my younger days. Jesus, you fucking beasts.

I, you know, it was a great time. No, it wasn't. It was horrible. These are the times, man. These are the time. New metal will never die. We're in parachute pants with like orange zippers or whatever. fuck's going on. Yeah, I don't, I never

owned a pair of those. They're like a scene from like Boogie Nights everybody coped up but they have like these weird masks and face paint that you come in and someone's offering you one kind of energy drink and you walk past that guy and he's another guy's offering you a different kind of energy drink.

I would totally recommend this movie. Yes, the of its timeness hits like a thud. The soundtrack is awful. It is awful. Let me repeat. It is awful. But Jetley's fucking rad, dude. It reminded me that I really do like Jetli, and I hadn't watched a Jetli movie in a while. I'm not counting Lethal

Weapon 4. But I guess that was most recently what I watched him in. He's fucking awesome. He's a super talent and I think he's a good actor in this movie. If you haven't seen the film hero, fucking great movie. Soi Hark's Once Upon a Time in China is fucking incredible. I also think actually it makes good use of Jetli

because actually in the action sphere, he kind of did half and half good guys, bad guys, a little bit, right? And in this movie he's doing both, which kind make sense. I don't think the rock could have done that. I can't imagine the rock is a bad guy. No. And he's also got a body for swords and sandals.

So why wouldn't you have that? Totally. Yeah. Like I think what makes this movie really watchable, I think I'm repeating Steve from a second ago, but like the martial art sequences are good. I don't give a shit that we're aping the Matrix with the bullet time stuff. It's totally fine. I think bullet time is fucking cool. I don't care. Everyone's done

it since. Yeah, exactly. It's been done like for 37 years. This movie was only like, you know, two years after the Matrix. It was still rip off fresh. I guess that's probably the problem is because I didn't see it right after. I'm seeing it now for the first time. Oh, you had never seen it before? Oh, no. I didn't see this move. Fucking. And now I see it

the full of time. I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ again. I mean, it dates it like the new metal. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, that is the one. I'm glad we did this movie. Directed by James Wong. If you want more, we hate movies, head on over to Patreon.com slash we hate movies.

There are all sorts of unlockable goodies over there, including this month's bonus app. Yes, what is that? How the Grinch stole Christmas. Correct a Mundo. Yikes. Correct a window. Just the time for the holidays.

We also got the Peanuts, Thanksgiving special. Yes, that's right. So that's, you don't want to miss on, you don't want to miss that. No, you don't. Rate and review the show wherever you get it. I would, I and the rest of us would greatly appreciate it. I mean, I would, but the other three would as well.

Probably, yeah. I wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't mind if you did that. And by the way, oh, what, what, what, what, what, step on your plug there. No, I was just saying, step on his fucking plug. Balls. Be sure if you are on, if you are on the, if you're on that Rat Ball's website, Twitter, at W.HM podcast, huge announcements. Black Friday announcement. Black Friday, this is, this is big. You're going to be angry with us and maybe interested in us. And also, we're not kidding. We want, uh, hashtag yes rat ball. What? Whoa, whoa, just rewind. Red balls. Yes. We're, no, no, no, no. We're fucking it up. It was big balls. Yes. And big balls. No. Wait.

I don't know. Fucking rewind the episode. And whatever we asked you to do, just do it if you would like to. Ball abstain or whatever Chris says. Big ball abstain. So Steve, what's up next on the show? That is Robin Hood Prince of Thieves just in time for autumn. It's a perfect autumn.

And just in time for the new Robin Hood film. Oh, that's right. Jesus, that just looks. I will be going to. It looks so fucking. I cannot wait. It's not Prince of Tides. No, no.

It's the Prince of Thieves. Oh, okay. Prince of Tides, that's a movie. How dare you? This is Kevin Costner. I think Little John abused me as a child. Oh, fuck. That only makes sense if you've seen Friends of Tides.

I made Mary in. Chris Cabin, the episode is over. So until next week with Robin Hood, Prince of Tides, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Stained. Chris Colchamber. Eric Siska. Take it easy.

That was a hate gum podcast.