We Hate Movies - S9 Ep390: Episode 390 - Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Episode Date: November 20, 2018

On this week's episode, the gang travels to 12th century England to hang with Kevin Costner, Morgan Freeman, and the rest of the Merry Men in the nap-inducing, folk hero epic, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves! Who signed off on ANY of these accents? What is with that witch? And was there any scenery left after Rickman was done beautifully chewing it all down? PLUS: Look out for Arrow Cam! Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves stars Kevin Costner, Morgan Freeman, Alan Rickman, Christian Slater, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Michael Wincott, Nick Brimble, Brian Blessed, and Geraldine McEwan; directed by Kevin Reynolds. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On today's program, focusing on today, Tuesday, boy, oh boy, I barely stayed awake. It's Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Chris Kevin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. No, sir, Cisca.

I was smiling through that because I was trying to think of one and I was like, oh, maybe I'll do like Eric Prince of Thieves. Maybe I'll have Stephen of Nottingham. Eric of Ciskeley? Sure. There you go. That sounds like a... Cisclay, I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon. Man, you know, that fucking sheriff can eat me like a pint of ice cream, dude.

He's a snack. Uh-huh. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, like we said at the top, it's Robin Hood Prince of Thieves week here on the show. The film came out in 1991. It was directed by someone who I think is a fake person. This guy, Kevin Reynolds, which I think he's just a patsy. He's done a lot of these Kevin Costner movies. I think it's like, because then you can just say, Kevin. and how about we? And Costner's listening and weighing in? I think these are all secretly directed by Kevin Costner. I like this idea. Did you read the trivia from the news today?

What's that? What about this one? Since Costner was one of the producers, they literally locked the editor out of the editing place. And like, recut the film. And Reynolds was like, yeah, that's not what I shot. So like when it was released in theaters, that was like the boring edition?

Oh, so weird. So Kevin Costner took a concept and even footage that could have been exciting and at a tolerable length and then made it long and boring. That's weird. That's unlike my friend. What are you getting at? Not his MO, as it turns out. I guess the postman and Waterworld. Oh, you know, I forgot we did Waterworld. So I thought this was our first trip to Conster County. But no. I mean, same director is this supposed director of this real person. I don't, yeah, I want to see some pictures of Kevin. Reynolds. There's an IMDB quote unquote photograph of this person.

He's always got a bandana over his face like so. I think it's just a picture of a dude that comes with the frame. I'm sure there's a picture of Richard Bachman back in the day, but we all know that turned out. Steve can go to jail for that or no? What? Because he took someone out of the

morgue to take a photo to pose as Richard Bachman? That's a pretty creepy story. I like this sharp photograph of Richard Bachman, but why is he have a bullet in his head. I don't know. That Bachman gets up to some wild stuff. Click and clack up. He's a funny guy. Can I make

a W.A.J.M. confession? Sure. Eric Siska. I should put some plastic down in case you shit in the studio. Oh, no. Let me guess. Guess. First time? First time. You shit. I've never seen it in its entirety. I've seen this at least a dozen times. I actively, like, I remember when it came out and I actively was disinterested in it from the start.

We were seven. This movie, when this came out, enthralled me. It was like I went to a magical kingdom. I loved it from top to bottom, and I watched it at a time. I did, too. I will say that I grew up a stand of this movie a bit. This was a cultural phenomenon. People don't realize that today, but there were fucking action figures.

I had those action figures. It was massive. The Brian Adams song was fucking massive. Here's the thing. I've seen this movie maybe three times before, but it feels like a dozen because of The Brian Adams fucking video, which is half footage of the fucking movie. Yes, I hated videos like that, dude. Eric, you're the person that confirm or deny this.

The video of the movie, the video, the Brian Adams video. Yes, I watched a video. Wasn't that on the credits of the movie? Like, the movie ends on the VHS. I remember this. And then it roll, like, we go to, we cut to black. My heart is beating faster because I'm not even exaggerating because you've just brought that back to me. and I totally forgot about that.

I wanted to make sure that that was correct. If not, if not in the credits, it was right afterwards. Because I was like, oh, when I watched it on Netflix, I think I watched it like two years ago just to be like, what the hell was that movie? Oh, yeah, I still love that movie. And I was like, they're not going to play the video. The video's not going to come on?

Oh, way, oh, they're not going to play the video. What are he doing over there? Hey, Sal, you lose the video or what? This is a question, though, because I know McDonald's in the early 90s, if you'll recall, was Costner crazy because fucking dances with wolves and Field of Dreams were both available

in that VHS deal with like America was Kossner crazy. Yeah, that was the whole thing. No, but do you remember what I'm talking about though? Oh yes. You could get tapes at McDonald's. It was like Wayne's World Back to the Future one.

Dances with Wolves, Field of Dreams and maybe some others. Dances with Wolves. Yeah. McDonald's. Yeah. I know. It was weird.

But along with that though, was Prince of Thieves wrapped up in that? Probably. Was it a specialty like VHS thing? I would not be surprised. Do not recall. Collector's edition. It was early enough.

I would, yeah, I would bet on it. We should, we should introduce our new segment, Eric's eBay corner. Should I go, should I go dig in the eBay right now? I just, because I've heard this spoken of before. And I remember when the video or when the movie was coming into an end, I was like, all right, stick around because I've heard people talk about the Brian Adams song

is in the credit, or the videos in the credits. No dice. Somehow they didn't have the rights to the video, even though you would imagine the company would have produced the video. since it's the same footage. It's really fucking weird. I think there was like a breakfast cereal for Robin Hood. And it was supposed to be,

it was supposed to be arrows, but they look like penises. It looked like a bowl of penises. I can't see when you're pulling up eBay, by the way, why don't you look for Kevin Costner's dick cereal. Okay, got it. I just Googling dick cereal right now. This movie is, I mean, you know, it's Robin Hood.

He's the Prince of Thieves. Yeah. I will say to Cabin's thing about seeing the video a thousand times, I did see the video a lot, fucking hard rotation of VH1, but I realized watching this that I have seen Robin Hood Men in Tights probably 30 times. Oh, wow.

Like that was a, we had it on tape, we were obsessed with it. And similarly, Steve, to your revisiting of this film, I popped on Men in Tites a couple years ago, and that is one of the most unwatchable things you'll ever see. Dude, it ruined a party that I was at. It wasn't a party, but like it was me and my now wife and another couple friends of ours.

They were house sitting. They were like, oh, come on up for the night. We'll hang out. We'll drink beer. We're hanging out. We're drinking beer. And someone's like, you know, it would be cool. Put on a marmad hood, men in tights.

I'm like, yeah, cool idea. And me and the other guy are like, yeah, this is going to be awesome. I love this movie. And everyone's like, oh, that's fine. We put it on. And then everyone's like, yeah, I want to go to bed. You want to just go to bed? Yeah, this is not.

Wow. It was just like around. Because the movie was turning everyone on. Yeah. Speaking of, turning on, I'll pass around this picture. Oh, the dick cereal? Yeah, the dick serial. Oh, dude, those are so dicks.

Wait, what? Look at the fucking, the sugar-coated cocks on that thing. Oh, my God. What? No way they, wow. That is one of those, like, who signed off on that? And you know, I'll stop. The Prince of thieves of my innocence.

Jesus Christ, I've been a bunch of dicks right now. Yeah, well, you could put some dicks in your eyes, dude. It doesn't even look like. Put some dicks in your eyes. Oh, my sweet mother. They're arrows. Okay, now, Eric, the dicks go in your mouth, dude. There's no, like, chocolate pubs or anything?

No, there's no fucking chocolate. Give you that back. Chocolate pews. Okay. All right, Luxley, I'm going to eat your dick with a spewn. All right, we're getting a little lost in the woods here. I just want to say that we will post a picture of the dick cereal to our Twitter page. Absolutely.

Proof. W.H.M. It doesn't look anything like Kevin Costner either. It was a cartoon, Chris. It was a bad one. Kevin Costner's cartoon cock. Ooh, alliteration. We open on a tapestry.

That's how you want to open up a blockbuster, right? Yeah, just looking at some nice patchwork. I liked it. Yeah, we know you did. And the opening, the theme to this, I think, was like co-opted by, bought by Disney. Yes, it's used in a ton of shit. I feel like it's been, it's like Oscar, like sit down music.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, everyone get to your seats. The Oscars will be beginning in 20 minutes. But you have to cut it off before the fucking. the jangling of the Brian Adams melody. And that was hilarious because I didn't, I wasn't paying attention. And my wife sits down and she's like,

God, it's really distracting how like the Brian Adams song is just peppered throughout this score. And I was like, no! Well, I kept them being like, okay, you know what,

it's okay to keep on doing because at the end I'm going to get the full song when of course, doesn't happen. Yeah, it was frustrating thing in the world. I should have texted it happens. No,

no, it doesn't. At the end of the credits, Yes, it does. Oh, at the end of the credit. I didn't go there. It's like they go into the orchestration. The orchestration sort of plays out,

and then the song takes you right up to the very end because you bet your ass. I was waiting for that video the whole time. They wanted me to edge too much. I couldn't edge that much. So we open on the Crusades, which is a great place to open. Which is amazing.

Well, first is a brief scroll saying like, oh, you know, Richard the Lionheart had left. He's at the Crusades. We take you there already in progress. Now back to the Crusades already in progress. love about this this this depict this depiction of 1140 1194 a d Jerusalem got it is it looks exactly like Jabba's palace oh it does so much of this movie looks like star warsy stuff I don't know why I think that's what also suckered me into yes you know the opening is very Indiana Jones right it's like

I mean this is like the crusades to the Indiana Jones oh well yeah yes Rox Loxley your your king is the man that went missing Instead of his dad. Did someone say the Crusades? I heard some Muslims were murdered in that, Bono Town. Now, does Kevin Reynolds exist? Should I call Kevin Costner? I need to be in this Crusades picture.

Oh, too fat for a night, eh? Yeah, you're a full day, pal. So, are we open on this? Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a. a torture chamber kind of a deal in the crusades. Something, something. We're cutting off hands.

Somebody's fetish palace is happening here. Well, that's what Jabba's palace was. Exactly. Is a fetish palace? Are you kidding me? My favorite part of all this, so you see fucking Robin of Loxley, Kevin Costner, he is full Costner.

It's in 1991. Yeah. Dude, he's supposedly like been in jail for many years or whatever it is. He has on this wig and fake beard that is straight out of like he's been stuck in Jumanji. Holy shit, this looks terrible.

It looks like Robin Williams in this movie. It's nuts. It's fucking nuts. It's really silly. Well, they didn't give him a haircut, guys. Come on. He also kind of looks like Liam Neeson in silence. Oh, right.

Oh, yes. He gets a little bearded out in that movie at one point. Am I remembering the right Liam Neeson role? Yeah, yeah, he's in that movie. Well, Andrew Garfield, who has a fucking mane at the end of the movie. Oh, yeah. And, you know, we're just chopping people's hands off. It's, uh, Loxley's turn.

He's kind of making eyes across the way at a very in shape young Morgan Freeman. A snack. Yeah, he was only, he was only 67 years old in this movie. A bona fide snack. He's in great shape. He's like, he's like kind of buffing this scene, actually. The rest of the movie, he's dressed like a bunch of towels. Like everyone in this movie.

Oh, dude. Is that a slur? No, it's not. Because everyone in this movie is dressed like old laundry. Like Robin Hood is walking around and just old laundry. I was about to comment how much I love the costume design. Really? Yes.

Because what I like about this aesthetic that this whole movie is going for is it's dirty. It's not like you had the Aero Flynn Robin Hood, which I also hold dear. I love that movie. I love it too. So don't think I'm anti-Robin hood. You better fucking not be. The Aero Flynn one is amazing. Yeah.

I've got that shit on Blu-ray. He is, you know, the rich clue over here. better steal that and give it to the poor Dude, the poor don't have Blu-ray They could Oh, that outfit is dry-cleaned Well, yeah, in the

Arrow Flynn version He's clean as a whistle Of course, well that's a golden Hollywood, dude Exactly, and this updates it To be kind of dirty and grungy But not too much, not too far He looks like he's wearing a college dorm The entire time

He's got a fucking scarface poster Hang off him? He kind of does I don't know, it's just, it's Oh, look at you Robin of Reservoir Dog's poster. Well, listen, it's a looser cut because it's also, it's 91, and because you're fighting in this clothing, dude, you got to be like a, you know, one of those...

A loose belts, have as many loose belts as possible. I'm going to hide under a pile of coats, and then everything will be fine. That's what he's doing. He's hiding under a stitched pile of coats. All right, so he gets out of Jerusalem. Well, there's this big thing. He saves Morgan Freeman's life.

They all get out of Jerusalem. There's his third dude there, who is Marion's brother, made Marion's brother. Peter. Hi, I'm Peter. Could you tell my sister that I'm sorry and I'm going to die? Oh, it's like Pete Best. He was just, he was almost in the merry man, made some decision to get cut out.

By the way, the first of many, it begins with like this guy whose hand gets cut off and he's like, well, here's tried to get courage from Allah. And then Kevin Costor pointedly says, well, here's English courage before he gets the guy to chop his. Oh, yeah, that's, there's a little dick. This movie actually is, and I was reading some stuff on it, like, and I mean, like, Freeman for a Muslim character is really well represented. Like, he's a good guy through and through, but he's always a Muslim, like, he's never like, oh, you know, it would be fucking shitty if you convert it or something in the middle of the movie. All of a sudden there's this fucking baptism scene or something. Yeah, it would be shitty because then it would be a shitty movie instead of a very good movie. I did appreciate it.

Like, it's down to, like, there are multiple scenes in this movie where, Morgan Freeman's, like, refusing alcohol. Like, it's an actual thing, and it's not just him being like, I'm a Muslim, moving on. Yeah, exactly. Like, they actually take time to sort of map all that out. He's mentioning Allah quite a bit in the film. And he's shown to be, like, the smartest one of all.

They do a lot with it. It was really weird, though, when they had the depiction of the Prophet Muhammad came down and visited them. That was weird. I don't think they should have depicted him. And you know what, animated, too. Yeah. I don't know.

What I didn't appreciate, though, it's the first of a laundry list of them in this film. Morgan Freeman's accent. Put that in the fucking Staten Island dump, dude. That thing. It sucks a dog's ass. He didn't give a shit about this movie so clearly. It's crazy though.

Clearly, several of them did not. Yes. But for such a, like a massively budgeted film that's very surprising. Christian Slater, who I love,

terrible in this movie. Fantastic. Dude, that voice that he's doing, this English accent. Now, I know we're... Is he doing an accent? He's trying his best. Whenever Kevin Costner's involved, Eric has rose-tinted glasses. We know this.

I do this. It's weird that I kind of do. I think it's just because I was young at the time, and I kind of grew up in a Kevin Costner world. What's your, what's your taking on Bull Durham there? It's fine. I like a Baltimore. I'm just kind of okay with it.

People go crazy about Bulldrum, and I'm not one of them. That's a movie that I was, Like, sometimes films enter the criterion collection, and I'm like, yeah, all right. Yeah. That, when Bull Durham entered the Criterion collection, I was like, slow fucking month. I like Bull Durham, but like, what are we doing? It's good, but like, what are we doing? Okay.

I know for a fact, there's probably some obscure Japanese filmmaker who doesn't get a fair shame. There should have been like an I-2-Mama Tambian or E2Mama Bull-Durham cut where they all get into bed together and figure it out. Exactly. Now we're talking. Now we're making a movie. That's the Costner.

caught up looking for. So we make our way, we escape out of this prison, they hilariously face smash some fruit because they're starving, which it was a scene I loved. I love someone. Morgan Freeman just like breaks open this melon and

they just fucking start eating it out. It's awesome. Oh, pardon me. Well, you knew what I mean. Yeah. We cut to Brian Blessed right in the letter. And man, it is like, dad is writing a letter. He is going to town on this letter. Did you guys notice behind him on the wall, there was a medieval painting of Kevin Costa.

Dude, I wanted to mention it because it is the funniest fucking thing. And I have to say, it's great because this is like pre-Renaissance. So like art is terrible. Yeah. And it's, this is so, you know what it reminded me of when that fucking crazy art world story came out where like somebody was hired to restore some classical painting? Yes, yes.

It was, I think it was in space. and it was a portrait of Jesus that someone then was going to restore. And then, like, they, they fucked it up so much it looked like a portrait of a cartoon Rhesus monkey. Oh, come on. Which is, it's one of the funniest art debacles of all time. I mean, you look at a painting of an animal,

a dog or a cat, pre-1971. You're in trouble. But this, I mean, this fucking portrait of Robin of Loxley hanging on this dude's wall is atrocious, and it's hilarious. You know what? Christmas is coming up, everybody. Looking for something to get me? Get me this. And Brian Bless, it's just like, you know, this, that, and the other thing.

And he said, where do I know this dude from? Oh, you know who, you know where I know him from. He's the voice of the Frog King from Star Wars. Oh, the Prince of Boss Nas. Boss Nas. Wow. And the Phantom Menace. Yep. Wow. Holy shit. Under the sea. That's a fucking deep pole cabin. Well done.

I want to say... That's unfortunate. That's what he's known for. No, he's been in a bunch of shit. You know what he's about to be known for? And I think this is kind of hilarious, dude. Once you're in the hoodover's, you can't escape it. Because in this new piece of shit movie that's coming out,

he's playing fucking Fryer Talk. He's in it? He's in it. He's playing talk. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's that playing talk? That's the fucking asylum version of the Robin Hood he's in. No, are you kidding

I'm not kidding you. Hold on a second. There's an asylum version of Robin Hood. Okay. I just, I saw 2018, I assumed it was the new one. It's a new one. It's just not going to be in theaters. Get out. It's not the Antifa one that's coming out in theaters.

Oh my God. He's in a movie called, it's a short film called Santa's Blotto, where, yeah, I think it's, yeah, Johnny, he's getting a little drunk on. So Santa Claus is getting drunk. Wow, great message for. Children. Oh, Cabin, you're totally right. Dude, Robin Hood, the rebellion.

Nice. Oh, fuck. This star is no one. I'm watching this. Oh, you know who's in it, though? Brian bless it. Fuck, well, yes, but fucking Hodor. Oh, yeah, of course.

Don't worry. Hodor is under contract, like an old school. What else can you do besides being a hulking medieval brute? I'm looking up the dude who's playing Robin Hood in this atrocity. His name's Ben Freeman. And he's been in nothing. Yeah. Of note anyway.

Oh, wow. Cabin. Good save, man. You just saved some fucking tweets from being sent. I'll tell you that much. Because I think it's either Jamie Dornan or fucking Jamie Fox, who is prior tuck in. No, neither of them are. Jamie Dornan is. And that's a contractual sex man.

Yes. Okay. And then Jamie Fox is a character who I think is just the Morgan Freeman kind of character. Oh, actually. Wasn't Brian Blessed the bad guy in Flash Gordon? Yes. There we go. So he's like, he gets pulled.

This guy comes to his castle. Duncan, his loyal servant, is like, hey, some dude's here to see you. He's like, yeah, yeah. They want you to come outside real quick. They stole my car. They stole my hubcaps. They did what to your car? And he like kind of gets to this.

He gets all knighted up and he goes outside. Who's fucking with my friend's car, man? I'm coming out. You fuck with his car. Hey, shut up, you piece of shit. I'm trying. sleep. They fucked up

Ricky's car. I was thinking that I could see this being like a boss Lerman's Romeo and Juliet let's update it a little bit.

Yeah, you're totally right. By the way, in from the internet ticker, Jamie Fox, Little John. Oh, is it?

Oh, weird. Well, the, the ticker doesn't lie. Oh, okay. It's the IMD, straight from the IMDB. F. Murray, Abraham.

So, he, God damn it, who's he playing? He's just playing the cardinal. Oh, great. So, okay, we ride outside the castle. Well, you know, Papa Loxley does. And he's surrounded by what looks like the Ku Klux Klan. They do. Yeah. But they are wearing eyes wide shut masks. Yes. It's amazing. We came from an orgy. Yeah, dude, Fidelio

Prince of Thieves. Like here comes and they're led by the one of the masks comes off and their RIPD, the fucking glorious Alan Rickman. as the sheriff of Nottingham, but I'm sorry, you introduced this, like, cult-esque costume party shit? And then never again, do I see that in this movie? Well, there's this subplot of devil-worshipping that goes nowhere. They needed to fucking double, nay, triple down on the devil worship in this movie. Well, it is a great addition to this film from this, you know, like, it's not doing the tradition. It's not like Basil Rathbone out there with it.

fencing. We have devil worshipping Sheriff of Nottingham. King John or whatever that replaces Richard while he's gone not even mentioned in this movie I don't think, really? Oh, right. Yeah, you're talking. We're just doing this military coup. He's the lion and the

what do you call it there, the... Witch and the wardrobe. The Disney Robin Hood, the lion that sucks his thumb. That's Prince John. Oh, yes. Yes. Oh, right, yeah, because he's like a fucking idiot, right? Which is also good. We watched that recently and it's good. Dude, that movie is the Genesis event for fucking furries, man.

Like, that is the Genesis device. Dirk. Dirk. Oh, shit. The Klingon's going to steal it and then launch it and do a planet that has no furries and create a furry planet. And it will truly be a planet of furies. You can't put it out on a 4K. You can't do it.

I mean, now Zootopia has usurped it. And there just happened to be Spock's corpses on that planet. So he's resurrected as a furry. Captain, I'm a sexy fox now. Captain, look at my big fox dick. I'd rather not. Jim, it makes no logical sense. I mean, he's got a fox's dick.

You green-blooded furry? Look at the fox's dick. Remember that song? Yeah, that was a big deal. Love it. Okay, what happens in this movie? They killed a dad, and then, you know. It's a really, I'm sorry, but Mr. Loxley's murder here, Lord Loxley, is kind of pathetic.

Because this motherfucker is on a horse and all these clan members just like descend on the horse. It's the slowest thing, like just ride out of there. Look, they need a body to fuck on back at the mansion. Gotcha. They can't just be, like, hanging out there at the mansion that they're at. Oh, wait. The sheriff's mansion. The sheriff's mansion.

Well, they don't bring his body back to the sheriff's mansion. No, no, I'm saying they're but going to fuck on his corpse. Okay. Yeah. In his house. I thought it was decaying earlier, but I guess it was just caked with cum. Yes. So we do see it.

We see it hanging in a cage and it looks a little white. Yeah, it was a little bit, yeah. Yeah, so maybe Chris is on to something here. No, he's not. Slather it with your seat. Oh, my God. Spackle his eyes. Okay, this is very...

It's okay, so they're devil worshippers. They kill Lord Loxley. Uh-huh. They leave his loyal servant Duncan alive, but they sew his eyes shut. Yeah. I don't understand why even leave a witness like this. It's a great question. I guess they didn't assume that Robin had back from the crusades.

Now you should be called Loxley the Lathered. Oh, my. I think the moves. there, Eric, is like, oh, how hilarious will it be this dude will eventually just die? No one foresees Robin getting out of the crusade. So it's like, it's a really cruel, like, we're going to sew this motherfucker's eyes shut and just leave him for dead, wandering around blood. It's four months.

It comes in the next day. It takes a while for Rob to show up. They take this land and they do nothing with it. It seems like they just let this derelict wander it with this corpse. Now, where is his serfs and all that, you know? Great question. I think, I think, um... Were they lathered to?

Probably. Or taken, taken back to the kingdom. You two shall get a lathering. Dude, I don't know. Lather them all. Might be fun to live under the sheriff. So, yeah, Robin comes back with Asim, uh, with Morgan Freeman. Oh, I'm sorry.

I was, I was... Oh, yeah, did you... What is F. Murray Abraham in now? No, I was caught up because Steve was talking about how in the Disney movie movie Prince John is like the thumb-sucking lion and I was like

who the fuck was that in the Mel Brooks movie and it was actually an amazing performance of Richard Lewis in that movie I love Lewis man he's fucking great

I'm sorry he's a smoothie definitely a smoothie so Robin shows up he finds his dad cake didn't come he's really upset about it and then the best thing

is like Duncan comes in he's in shathing know, and he's like, Master Robin, he's like, hey, Duncan, Duncan, he's servant, Duncan. He's like, shoving this old man. He's like, why do you cut my dad down? What the fuck's going on, Duncan? Hey, Duncan, Duncan, Duncan. Well, yeah, this is after what is about 20 minutes of grab-assing before they actually get to the castle.

Well, right. Is this where they chase off some of the sheriff's men? Oh, yeah. His cousin is right here. Right, the guy of Grinsborn or whatever, who's played by Michael Wincon. Michael Wincott, the great Michael Wincott. Michael Wincott. This is his new favorite holiday.

You'll know him as... The bad guy from the Crow. I just make a sense. He also plays almost the same character in a movie that is terrible that I've probably seen just as many times. Crow City of Angels. Metro?

No, is the Three Musketeers. Oh, which is very informed by this movie. Is that, wait, which one is... The Kepler Sutherland? Keith of Sutherland. Charlie Sheen. Oliver Platt. Oliver Platt.

and Chris O'Donnell. It's a fucking full house. Wait a second, though. Rebecca D. Mornay. Yes. Which one am I thinking of, though? Wait, is it the Oliver Platt one? I'm confusing fat guys, I think, is the thing.

Because Oliver Platt is fat. Sure. Yes. But so is. Gerard Dipard. He's in the Man in the Iron Mask. Okay. Which one of them tries to hilariously hang themselves in the beam breaks?

That is, that's the Man of the Iron Mask. That's the darker one. Okay. So that's Jared DeBard Du Doing that fucking stay tuned And a half for that movie Both of us We might have a musketeer month

That might cancel the show The new one The new one by the underworld director Is quite stupid Who's in that Like Christoph Waltz? Does he need something? Oh the musketeer

You talk about that one? No, no no no It's Paul W.S. Anderson Oh Oh fuck I totally forgot about that one It's all Nugget There's so much Swashburton I think

maybe so he's shoving this old man around the fuck's going on old man he's like but they took my eyes master Robert doesn't Morgan Freeman point that out though I'm sorry his eyes have been Where's my hot cider and porridge

Huh Hey my boots are fucking still on me Why aren't you taking them off surf Okay yeah exactly because Robin Hood has traveled a long way to get there And that's a piece of his property That's true You know it's like him getting home and turning on his Xbox

or whatever listen you're totally right man there's nothing more frustrating than coming in off the road and shit at home is not the way you wanted to be yeah very frustrated he grabs this old man and he's like blown in the cartridge and it takes his eye holes and it takes it takes morgan for you to be like uh there's no controller what are you doing that's uh unplug there's nothing here except for that a cum corpse there this is also a after we were mentioning So that's how they do it at England, I see. Weird.

A sheriff of Nottingham's cousin, dude from the crow. There's a whole thing where like they're all fucking bullying this child which is hilarious. But this is some data. And initially I was like, oh,

okay movie, because this is where Kevin Costner grabs a fucking crossbow from one of these dudes and start shooting faces. Yeah. Yeah, dude, we're fucking up cops in this movie.

which is great. Or less. That's what these guys are. Corrupt cops. But yeah, it's pretty awesome. And then the movie goes back to sleep for a little bit. But I did want to mention the face shooting. So they bury his dad.

They're like, well, let's go next door over to the Bikensis and see what's going on over there. Well, it just actually made Marion's house. And it takes them an hour to get there because, you know, it's a lot of land. Of course it does. And there's horses. And there's this weird, like, scene that takes too long, big surprise. Wherein, like, he gets to made Mary. And it's her servant who's this like bigger woman that everyone's like throwing up at like she she like well yeah it's revealed that she is made Marion right and yes it's like it's like it's a misnomer there it's a little they do a little swap here Kevin Kosser has has a wonderful take of you're looking well oh god you're looking so well yeah because it's just you're oh oh you've aged well I believe what he says is time has treated you well to which this

woman is like fucking yeah right you're so full of shit robin the block so butter off the roll buddy he swears to protect her but then she has her own protection yeah dude this masked assassin jumps out of the shadows what is the seat it never comes up again marian is is is turns into olive oil immediately after the scene the entire movie right that is true i think it is it is they're not quite there yet with having a heroic female role but we'll show that she can handle her own in one specific circumstance that'll never happen. Is it like a ninja? She looks like

enter the ninja level ninja. It's pretty awesome because this exchange right here happens she is unmasked. It's actually made Marion, Mary Stewart, Master Antonio. And right here, the first of two grade A

fucking nut kicks in this movie. She fucking kicks Robin Hood right in the dick and this dude goes down like a sack of potatoes. See, it's a great movie. They got nerds. You got nerds trauma. Yeah, dude, nerd trauma. You're up in the ranking for me. We'll see what I can work through by the end of this. He like coughs his nuts up out of his mouth. It's great. They kind of flirt a little bit. The cops come. There's also a weird thing here that's not entirely ever revisited either, where she talks about how she's been taking in all these suffering people from around the town and they're living like in her little

compound. So she's kind of like this good person in the community, but they never bother to revisit that. Well, I guess it establishes the need for it and how then Robin basically starts his own civilization in the woods that becomes humongous. They never really do a lot of giving to the poor in this way. I mean, they make a society but it's not so much like, I stole gold, then I give it to these people. He's hoarding it. That is the thing is he's keeping the gold

because he knows what to do with it better than anyone else. So, yeah, you know, I got some investments going. But he'll give you, like, porridge. Yeah. You know, you come to come live in his Jones town. And he'll give you some porridge and some music. Jones Town is very right. It's like if Jones Town was formed on the Forest Moon of Endor,

because they are living like Ewarks in this movie. This is a McAfee shit, man. Everyone's sleeping in hammocks, getting shit on. You're right. Like, this whole movie's Return of the Jedi, which is why I like it a lot. Wasn't that McAfee, dude, fucking chickens? is that true who

John McAfee is that the anti-virus guy yes yeah he turned out to be like fucking crazy and I think one of the things was he or one of his associates fucked a chicken

I do know that I believe it keep fucking that chicken oh yeah dude Ernie and Nests because I first heard about this movie from my dad and my dad was like

did you see this movie about John McAfee was like no he's like he gets into a hammock or it's like he's like no other context of it what he's like

he gets to do a hammock he lays in the hammock and then he poops on a woman I'm like, wait, that's it that's it. I was like, well now I got to see it I got to see it. The hammock district that's down on third. She gets in the hammock and poops on you.

Your dad's movie recommendations, man. Like on a scale of one to poops on a woman. I love it. So they go into the woods the Sherr, the wait a second, I'm sorry. Because it's haunted or some bullshit.

Well, the haunted Sherwood Forest, of course, but there's one thing we cannot skip over because it's very funny to me, is Robin Hood being confused by a telescope? Oh, yeah. When Morgan Freeman has these little lenses and he makes this little telescope

and then he's like, look there just over the ridge over there. Take a look for yourself, Robin. And he looks through this thing and he's no fucking conceivable idea of what's happening. And he's trying to like hit his sword at the air. It is the funniest thing. It is perfect because these people

were so stupid. Inbred monsters. Exactly, especially the royalty, and they're still the inbred monsters to today. I saw those royal weddings. Yikes. But yeah, it's just, it's nightmare town with this guy. But so, as Steve was saying, yes,

then the cops come again. Robin Hood, quick slap on Marion's ass, by the way, but before they fucking 86 it to the haunted forest. A little grab ass, yeah. You got to show you're interested. It's the Quintanera. Her cover story is there.

stealing his, they're stealing her horses. Sure. And that gets her cleared with the cops. Yeah. And like, that gets Michael Wincott like semi-hard. He's like, I'll save it before you made Mary. It's a weird thing though, because her reaction is like, she

laughs at his, whatever the letter's comment is and smiles. And then like, Michael Wincott is nowhere within eye shot and she's still just smiling and laughing. And I'm like, she might be playing the field a little bit. Maybe Maybe there's something there.

I mean, who knows? Who knows? That guy turned out to be a scumbag, though. Did Michael Wincott? No, the character. Oh, well, the character, for sure. You're sure Michael Wincott's a very nice guy. The villains of the film or the villains of the film.

I got that. So, yeah, we go there. This is when we meet Little John, a classic character. Classic character. Classic character. This guy playing him, he's since passed away, I believe. But in this, I don't... Everyone's dead.

That's true. A lot of people are dead, dude. This guy was like 30% tree this man. looks like fucking sweetums from the Muppets dude. I don't know what is going on but he's I don't know who this actor was but he has like these piercing blue eyes like what a presence

this dude is in this movie honestly he's not enough little John actually I thought yeah no there's like the little John domestic scare like sort of towards the end of the movie but yeah it should be way more than this well no because everybody has Kevin Costner fever and what do you

need to give them sustenance that is a good point But Kossner, more Kostner. We do get a little bit of the Slate Man here where he's calling out from the woods, you know. There was an old man from, yeah, because I've seen this movie a million times. There was a man from Nottingham who tried to cross the river. He lost his way and da-da-da-da-da.

Now look at him shiver. Yes, that's right. What the fuck are you talking about the Slate man? Slater, dude. Christian Slater, man. Oh, the Slate man who is clearly in this movie to get to. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't know him as well as I do, I guess. Dude, I thought you were talking about like some sort of fucking creepy pasta slender man story.

He's made out of stone. I was like, oh, I haven't heard the one about the Slate Man. Oh, the Slate Man. Yeah, he'll get you to use a sledgehammer on your sister or whatever. Yeah, read online news. I'm so glad those girls are doing time. Right, there's a website. There's a website called Slate, I guess.

Right? That's a website. Yes, it's a website. But Slater is here clearly to get some preteen buns in the old. Oh, if good, dude, this is in 1991 Christian Slater, Hachim. Mission accomplished.

Teen beat all over the place. They're like, go see a movie with your dad, you know? And dad can just enjoy his fucking little arrows and swords movie. Uh-huh. And you, as the

teen beat reader, can enjoy seeing happy Harry Hardon in a new motion picture. Unwashed and throwing knives. And I've always been right in the middle of that. Always been right in the middle of that. So this is the perfect film. Slater's awesome though, man. I really wish he was doing more in this movie. Because the other thing, on top of his... I'm glad he's doing as little. He's really bad. Listen, on top of that reprehensible accent, he's barely in this movie.

There's like a solid 60-minute stretch, Sands the Slate Man. I think that that's probably, like, Chris's fan theory, which I now subscribe to, where they locked the, Costner locked the editor out and made this Costner cut. Because Morgan Freeman disappears for large swaths of the movie. Rickman, who there was supposedly tensions on set because Koster thought he was being upstaged constantly by Rickman. Because he was because fucking Alan Rickman. Alan fucking Rickman. And I'm sorry to sound disrespectful,

but Alan Rickman dead is a better actor than Kevin Kossner. And Kevin Kossner's entertained to me in some things, but the fucking Rick dog, dude. Got to tell you, there's that movie Criminal with Kevin Kosser that came only two or three years ago. it's a stay tuned and a half. What the fuck is that? All of them.

Is that the Ryan Reynolds? Yeah. He like swaps brains with Ryan. Ryan Reynolds dies. Oh, right. It's a secret agent. It's nonsense. Dude, that was a movie that they released with their tail between their legs.

They so silently released that movie and hoped nobody noticed. I noticed. Oh, I noticed. Here's the thing, because I've never seen it so I cannot weigh in, but I heard warring sides. of this argument that the film Mr. Brooks was a good movie. I never saw it. Because it's him and fucking Dane Cook. Is that right?

Dane Cook, wow. That's a name I haven't heard in a long time. It's very bad. It's not good. Yo, did you see that thing about Dane Cook? He's dating like a fucking 18 year old girl. Yep, that's pretty cool. And they were like friends in quotation marks that she was 16.

Oh, I bet. Yeah, they were just buds. Okay. That's disgusting. Yeah, sold out Madison Square Garden. doing stand-up comedy recently no no of course oh no sir like fucking ten years

ago the teen girl is a better shot is selling out of so yeah slater slater well he fights little john he gains his trust and he's like well now I'm your leader forever and ever and I own your soul and he's like well sounds good to me

Robin this was very weird I appreciated it because this fight scene features Kevin Costner falling off a series of waterfalls And what's crazy about it is Kevin Costner in this in this sequence is just like, best three out of ten. Yeah, exactly. So let's have a rematch. Every single time.

You're totally right. The dude takes his, like, amulet. He got us from his daddy. Uh-huh. And he keeps on failing until finally he beats this dude once. Yeah. Give me my daddy's amulet. Give it back to me.

You point that gun away from my dad. Get that amulet away from my dad. man, Chris Penn, Robin Hood? Chris Penn, maybe Fryer Tuck. I don't know about that either, man. That guy, I mean... Little John.

Little, little John. Is that Lawrence Tierney? Yeah, looking at his black book. Got Little John's big dick coming on my left here. Lawrence Tierney would have been put to good use in this film. Oh, of course.

He could have played that dude who got his eyes cut up. He could have played a castle. Grumble, I'm a castle. All right, I'm loaning my drawer bridge. Hope you're happy. For her. Not you, Costner. For her.

Oh, also, by the way. Look out for that moat. You don't touch here when you're within these walls, buster. You know, there's a monster in that moat. I don't even know what it is. what's what's with that jacket's lining pink you're wearing a pink jacket somewhere in this falling down a series of waterfalls

the second solid fucking nuts kick of the movie happens Kevin Collins because they're like pole fighting yeah they both are these huge quarter staffs yeah oh pardon me Jesus Christ guys I'm sorry they're quarters staffs but he fucking takes one of these rods, dude, nails a little John

right in the fucking balls with it. Oh, man. And he falls down. Yeah, I think that's the coup de grassy. I think that's the one that... That's the one that does it, dude. That's Sweden's face down in that river. Because again, yeah, like Eric says, he's like, all right, you know, you want your amulet back, you want to cross this river, you're going to have to

beat me in a fair fight. He's like, will do. I lost. Okay, let's try it again. Let's try to get. And he finally kicks his dude in the nuts and, like, tries to drown him the dirtiest play ever. And he's like, well, you're my boss now, forever. It's so weird how the very men just turn over control of the haunted forest.

We get to drink in after this. We're having a campfire. Sure. My favorite character in the whole movie, they're all like, I'm little John, that's Will Scarlett. And then there's this like guy who's just like, Oh, inmate C35.6. This guy's amazing. Long Pete or something or whatever his name is.

And they're like, oh, why do they call you that? You're not that tall. And he's like, yeah, but I'm long enough of ways. And he like makes a big dig. grabbing his like growing it's not just grabbing this man is about to take out his penis he's suggesting to show it to rob it yeah and here's the thing one you know the rest of those merry men have seen this dude's dick of course that's his fucking party trick and i got to give it to this guy dude whipping it out right in front of a campfire good lord fucking chocolate boobs how about some charred

boobs this guy probably like stirs the stew with it man also ladles it out we are not in the time of shableness Yeah, oh, dude, yeah. The time of showers. What does that have to do with burning your fucking Johnson on a campfire? It's a dirty dick. Yeah, whenever it takes out the dander will just come out. Dude, there's like moss and leaves growing off of it.

It just fucking catches on fire. Yeah, you ever try. It's got like dreadlocks at that point. Only you can prevent pubic fires. You ever try to like, you have like a linty sock and you have a lighter and you're like, oh, I'm just going to burn some of the lint off of the. sock? No. No, I haven't. No, I'm not a bored 12 year old.

I didn't do that yesterday. Yes, he did. Yeah, maybe. Dude, the amount of times in college I would walk in on Steve and he'd just have a lighter like, look at the flame, look at the flame, look at the flame. And then you bet your ass up

over? No, I never tried that one. I never tried that either. I'm straight dope right here who tried to light a fart on fire. This guy did that. Chris Cabin raised his hand. I totally tried. Wow, failed horribly. Half of all podcasts have tried to light their farts on fire. Okay, so that's good.

All right, so Andrew did, Chris did, I didn't, Eric did, and Ira Glass did, Mark Marin didn't. Absolutely. Ezra Klein didn't. Sarah Koenig did, for sure. See, actually, Mark Maren tried, but Powie just shit his pants. That's all that happened. Kevin Smith definitely did. All the pods of America guys.

guys did. Oh, yeah, for sure. Uh, yeah. And it goes on like that. Uh, but, and I like that. Amy Nicholson never did. You think she would have, but she never did. Never did.

So, Chris, did it work? Uh, it did not. So maybe it's just like an urban legend. Did, but it was it just a, a, a failed experiment or do you have to go like the hospital or something? No, no, I did. Okay. It just nothing happened.

Was it like a good, like, was it like a, I was going to say barn burner, but it didn't burn. But like, was it a good like, like, was it a good like, like, like, was it a good like a wind punch of a fight. Yeah, I had been you know. Like the methane has to catch the air. Could it have like knocked over a house of cards?

Well, I had been working with a group of scientists for five days beforehand preparing for this, as you know, Eric. As I've told you many times before and I was consulting a personal dietitian as well

to make sure I had the right amount of beans and cauliflower flower to make. Is that Kevin Spacey's back story and pay it forward? I think that's the real backstory. He made up some yada yada abusive father, but that dude just

tried to light a fart on fire and everything went horribly. It was just a huge ass fart. It was just like crazy fart. He was trying to do for Spencer Breslin. So just fizzle, not even a flame? No.

Andrew? No, yeah. Didn't work. Just nothing. Just nothing. I think it was, my problem, too, was I was like, it was just like a little squeaker.

Oh, yeah. And then I was like, this is stupid. So it couldn't knock down a house of guys. No, and then I probably just went out back and huffed pain

or whatever I was doing as a preteen. You probably need like enough strength to like knock over Domino's, get that going. Oh, I see.

Yeah. That's probably the metric. Well, that's like the dude in like, uh, Jackass 3D. They have that one,

their buddy who's like the master farter or whatever. But all they have that you do is like shoot a blow dart at a balloon that Stivo's got up his ass there was no lighting farts on fire in the whole scene but that's more skill yeah that's old hat

Andrew oh I see yeah they were pretty innovative jackass 3D at that point we've got to push the boundaries and they did push the boundaries they did so we're cutting back to the sheriff of Nottingham who is Alan Rickman who's great in this movie kind of on and off is getting like upset

with uh with locksley he's got this old witch in her sermon. This is a great sequence where this old woman like brings out an egg and opens it and it cracks it open. It's all full of blood. This is a blood egg. I almost threw up. And then she throws down a bunch of dominoes

that don't even look like they're not like mystic little things. They're just like, you know, dominoes. Where's my blood egg? Is it under my rubber snake? I really thought that this character is played by Carol Kane for like 25 minutes. I think it's Tracy Olman in the Men in Tights version

better actress playing latrine oh my god wow means shit house wow there are there are funny moments

in that movie but damn that is the most dated of the Mel Brooks movies it's tough I have a real like love

hate relationship with Mel Brooks because like I really love the producers high anxiety I think is amazing but like

as the shit goes on it's just it's not it's not for me I know tons of people love it yeah it's totally fine and Prince of thieves just happened to not hold up for me a men at Manentites yeah well this is the one time I saw it

it didn't hold up for me but yeah manentites didn't hold up and I'll say honestly I'll admit it here on the air I'll probably take a lot of shit for it while I was amused the last time I rewatched space balls ah like I was laughing at parts but the whole I was like

it could be a sketch and I felt terrible because as a kid I fucking love space balls but like it could be a sketch I like space balls but yes it could be a sketch I think this is when the era of Mel Brooks became a thing when I heard

about this once I don't know if it's verified fact varied or whatever but it could be fake news I'll get Peter Dow on it there was a rumor uh-huh there was this there was talk about

Mel Brooks in those later errors yeah would errors maybe they were errors actually he would compile they would do a script and it would be like 400 500 pages

and they would send it out to everyone and people would mark the jokes they thought were funny and they would edit back from that oh weird that's a weird way to write a screenplay yeah I did oh fuck I gotta read this

500 page Mel Brooks script, but I have to cut down to 200. I might be exaggerating, but I think that might be part of the problem, is they were looking for jokes per minute, not necessarily a good narrative structure that you had in his earlier films. Well, Young

Frankenstein is one thing. Young Frankenstein I still think is great. It's excellent. And that's a real parody, but it's also like doing a lot of other stuff narratively. The later stuff just turned into Mad Magazine. It's like, oh, yes. She's a, you know, it's a beat for beat whatever the movie is. Which is weird that because

then I also started thinking, and I'm thinking of it now, but I thought of it at the time when I was going back through Men in Tights, like, did the whole scary movie boom end forward ruin, like, the good spoof stuff? Oh, sure, yeah, I did.

But, I mean, that was a, that this is before. No, I know, but that's what, like, the fact that I, I, listen, I watched fucking five of those scary movie movies and theaters. Like, I wondered if it was a thing where I had just so turned on the concept of a spoof, that by the time I went back to Men and Tides,

I was like, no, fuck this like all the rest of it. Yes and no, because by time Men and Tights came out, I think Mel Brooks was really trying to tap into like the cultural zeitgeist and being like, okay, so it's 94 or whenever I'm making this movie. Right. So obviously I have to make this kid who we just talked about who was chased by Michael Wincott. Yeah, Wolf.

Yeah, we have to make that kid a parody now of Homel. alone because that is what's going on in pop culture. And it ruins those movies because it's too much. Keep your pop culture spoof contained to Robin. Because then you are genuinely doing a mad magazine stuff. And that's the thing. Like you need Eric, I think you're right. It's like the idea of like jokes per minute, JPM by the way.

Oh, okay. That's the metric. Totally overtook like any kind of story. Like high anxiety is a spoof of like Hitchcock thrillers and shit like that it's a bit mainly like a North by Northwest sure spoof but it still has like a story to it silent movie the same thing yeah totally but yeah I think like he just took Prince of Thieves

the movie and just like every scene he watched on video he then made a joke about what could the parody version of it be yeah and it totally just doesn't hold up even though I have seen that movie like 50 times sure anyway I totally derailed all of this but that's all right uh with prince of thieves yeah it's a boring movie don't worry about so i mean like

uh he winds up getting in with the merry man we don't we have like one scene of like actually giving the poor bread but he starts like robbing people now robbing hoods and uh they say at one point like uh you know i think um uh nottingham is like he stole three four or four million dollars worth of gold like three billion dollars what are we talking about million dollars and Also, earlier in the film, we were five miles from Castle Rocks. Wait, I'm sorry, we said miles and someone said dollars. Is that true? Well, I don't know, no, he says three million gold pieces or whatever the fuck.

If that's what he's stealing and hoarding, those fucking tree houses should look way better. And don't give it to the people next door. Let them fucking, you know, go on vacation. No, make all the huts gold. No, the thing is, Steve. If you give the gold to the poor, then suddenly they're going out buying these fur coats. I told you not to buy a fucking car. What are you doing?

No, you're going to give a handout to the poor, okay? And they're going to go out. They're going to buy things they don't need, like cellular telephones. Why does an unemployed person need a smartphone? Why does an unemployed person need a toilet in their house, all right? I didn't have a toilet in my house until I got a promotion. Wait, now these people. People are thinking they can eat off a plate.

You know what? You don't have the money. Eat off your hand. You're here. You're telling me that they want floors. Floors in their houses. Robbing a welfare. That's what I can't leave a slippery slope.

First, they're asking for floors. Now they need doors. What does a poor person need a door on their house for? No one wants your stuff. I got to pay taxes for your doors. nobody's here asking why ceilings are necessary nobody's talking about it but my friends on the Q and on board

have told me that I can ask about ceilings now I'm also against roads and public schooling I shouldn't pay for it that's right I am against funding the police but I hope but they are saints and I worship them I work all day gathering hay Or whatever it is I do We're making little leather hats

I spend all day making little leather hats And this person doesn't make little leather hats I'll show mine Bitcoin and donate it to QNNN's GoFundMe Lord Q of Non Oh man Q of Loxley We are bringing back the little leather hat business and I promise you every criminal will be covered and come

and stuck in a bird cage we're all going to look like we're wearing a bunch of bed sheets you're living you're living in the woods again you're living in the woods you're living in the woods I'm going to live in Trump Tower and you're going to live in the woods four more years

so yeah there's a kind of a montage of them getting good at it. There's a little bit of well here's the thing it's like we are fucking killing time here because there is a robin like the first there's a training montage because he's like I got to train you to because Morgan Freeman

very rightly is like ah these are just a bunch of buffoos they're a bunch of hobos they're not warriors that's just homeless people and Robin Hood is like well hey man I am going to fucking turn this army of homeless people into my band of Mary men and they're going to be soldiers that robbed from the rich

So we have a training montage for that. They get good at it instantly. I love this. This montage makes the movie for me because we're making arrows. Very important to me. So showing like the metal get poured into the little things to make the arrowheads. I love it. But here, you know what?

You got Brian Adams on the phone already. Get like a montage song from Brian Adams. Every sort I make. I make it for you. Well, that's the other thing that was weird, though. Do you see this fucking, we're making? swords on wholesale? What the fuck was that?

We're making like the arrowheads and whatever. That's totally fine. But all of a sudden, they drop down like a fucking six pack of swords. What mine did they find all this metal from? Are they, you know, are they buying the materials or are they buying the swords from, you know, that's where that money goes. Oh, shit. We're not talking about the most technologically interesting part of this movie.

Robin Hood's walking away with that laser gun. which is arrow cam. Oh, you got to talk about arrow cam. I love aerocam. Big fan of arrow cam. Here's the thing. This was later used again in Army of Darkness, I think, was kind of cribbed from this. Oh, I see.

Oh, yeah. I forgot that. Wait, so Army of Darkness is after this movie. I think it's 93. Yes, I think you're right. Oh, fuck. That's weird. That is bizarre, right?

I just consider Army of Darkness to be much older, but I think you're right. To his credit, Sam Ramey with the evil dead POV. He was doing similar shit. And then you just put an arrow in front of the camera. Right. Which I still think is great. Army of Darkness, 92. Oh, so, yeah.

So maybe it didn't influence either because they were probably co-current production. My beef with the aerocam, though. What? You, listen, no, it's pro-ero cam. Get out of your own house. Yeah, seriously, dude, fuck you. It is a pro-airocam beef, you fucking heathens. Listen to me.

Okay, is it hitting a beef, hitting a, hitting a cow? I'm going to fucking hit a cow on his second. You're going to turn this car around. No, I just think if you have this rad thing, I think they said something like it was, it was like 400 frames per second, whatever it was

to execute it. I need arrow cam out the ass. Yeah, that's true. I need you at every chance you get to arrow cam it, man, because it's really fucking cool. I need the last shot of it being like, it's Alan Rickman's mouth, and he's like a! And an arrow

goes right in there. Dude, it's just, they stole that fucking your dream shot they stole it for the cone heads movie. Oh, okay. That, like the Dan Akron like, ah! Like that but with an arrow going in Alan Rickman's mouth. It would have been awesome. But you see? Pro arrow can.

Okay, maybe you get one more but don't zap it of its magic. That's true. Yeah, I think two. You can book at the movie in arrow cans. You got a fair. I just loved it so much, though. It was so cool. We do get another glorious arrow shout at the end of the movie, which is glorious. So whatever. We're stealing from the rich. We're not giving to the poor.

Not yet. And we've got some really, apparently, Alan Rickman brought in his own writers. Did anyone else see this? He brought in his own writers to punch up his Nottingham dialogue. And that's where, like, you get a lot of this weird, like he's a lecherous creep. Like, he's got, like, at one point he walks past two women. He's like, you, I'll see you at 10.30. I'll see you at 1045. Bring a friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And like that kind of stuff. He does a lot of punch up stuff. On top of the witch, we're introduced to him getting his own bust of himself. Yeah, man.

Or is it a whole statue? It's a whole statue. It's a whole statue of himself. And then later somebody, because Robin scars him. Right. And they draw a scar on it. We should quickly talk about that sequence. Robin goes to visit the priest who was in good with his old man.

And the priest is like, no, dude, man. Your fucking father was like a devil worshiper. like your whole family fucking sucks now and Robin's like you lie and then he goes to leave and he opens the door and the sheriff of Nottingham and the bad guy from the crow are there yes and that's when he slices his cheek yes and where we also get another amazing Alan Rickman line of I'll cut your heart out with a spoon which is fantastic pretty great and when cut is like why'd you cousin why'd you say spoon wouldn't you use an accent it's it's it's delude you crack I just, I love everything about Rickman

and watching Rickman in this A, you remember he's dead which sucks and B, you don't, you realize, or I've been realizing he, we were robbed of old man Alan Rickman like old man roles like they're like a statesman There's like 10 to 15 more years of his career of like doing all the old John Hurt roles that you would see like, yeah, yep, Tickr Taylor

I would even watch an Alan Rickman dirty grandpa of course I would. Without question. Oh, no, someone put Viagra in my tea, and I have an erection. How are we going to take care of this boner? Zach Ephron, pass me the lube. Caught me doing a number three. It's kind of rad, though, because as Steve showed me on YouTube today, this is apparently,

not apparently, it definitely is, I watched video evidence of it, a BAFTA winning performance. Yes, he won, and he's like, well, this will let me know that subtlety isn't everything. And the whole room fucking loses it. Dude, they go ape shit, and I was like, yep, everyone in that room knew you were a maniac in this movie, and it's awesome.

But it was, what I noticed, I've never, they don't air it here. We've never been privy to watching a BAFTA broadcast. And, you know, our UK listeners, I know there's an army of you out there. Let us know if this still is the case with not a, only the BAFTAs, but much live broadcast.

The fucking color commentary from these people that were like announcing this thing. So the whole thing is like, Helen Mirren gives him this award. And then as he's making his way up to the front, they're fucking playing the score from Robin Hood. And some dude is just casually, like

some drive time radio announcer. It's like, yeah, well, yeah, Alan Rickman there, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. And yeah, yeah, we all know he got famous. He was in Die Hard with a and Bruce Willis. It's the fucking funniest, like, most casual announcing of all time.

And I was like, fuck, that is so much better than the Oscars. Like, the last time she was on stage, she won for. It's always like so self-serious. I totally agree. It should be more like a sports commentary for the Oscars. Like, we're doing like a golf thing, you know, like. Ooh, this is Alan's seventh BAFTA. He lost three, so he's 0 for 5 on BAFTA.

No, I say go bigger. Yeah, this is Emma Stone's third time getting up here on this stage. She was great with, oh, my God. What was the fucking movie? I loved it. I loved it. I loved that fucking movie. Mr. Astronaut.

Holy fuck. Ryan Gosling. Fuck, yeah. Ryan Gosling. The Oscars are now six hours long. We are cutting the following categories. Best director, best cinematographer. the best picture is now gone

fucking aloha was amazing you do you remember bill murray in that movie genius serious question is anyone seen aloh no i have no is bill murray actually in it yeah he is what's he doing he's he's wearing a neck brace like a wild thing is he is he an asian american as well no he's not that's nice oh one of the things that alan rickman says in this he's getting

frustrated this montage you know he's so frustrated dude people are stealing from He's like, all right, you know what? If they love him so much, do this, do that. And we're canceling Christmas. Yes. I want a whole series. I want to watch that whole sequence. Ad-lived line apparently.

But I want to see it. We need, this movie needs to be five hours long. Because I need to show, like, I need to see everything that is Nottingham surviving a December without a Christmas. Like them policing it. Yeah, exactly. Get that tree out of here. Eric.

Eric, you know how to make gifts. Make me a gift of that of him saying work canceling Christmas. I will get right on top of that. Thank you. My favorite Allen Rickman line is somewhere around here. He's fucking yelling because they're trying to... Oh, this is...

I think it's around the face cutting. And he's trying to like trap Robin Hood like in whatever fucking castle compound he's in or whatever. And he just... He's like trying to order the gate to be closed. And he just goes... Cleos the gate! Yeah, he's just such an awesome delivery.

This dude was having a great time and simultaneously not giving a flying fuck about this movie. And that's the way you play the Sheriff of Nottingham. Well, he turned a roll-down like four times and said, if you let me do this, I'm going to do exactly what I want the entire time. And he's like, all right, sure. And that should have been the thing like every time. Like Alan Rickman, you want Alan Rickman in your movie?

Yeah, dude, do whatever you fucking want. So, Kevin Costner's going to cut you out anyways. We are introduced to Friar Tucker in this point. Oh, yeah. Michael McShane. He's transporting a bunch of wine through the haunted forest.

This is beer. He's a beer brew of milk. Yes. Sure. It's beer. Okay. I guarantee you it's beer. Right.

Oh, you know what I'm confusing? He's literally giving a lecture about beer later in the movie. I am confusing it with the rabbi. Oh, my God. I cannot do 21 minutes on men and tights. I can't do it. Sacramento wine.

I cannot do it. We'll bless it all till we get for schnikin. Oh, my God. Okay, it's beer. It's beer. And he refuses to give up any of the barrels leading to this fight, which I think it's just funny. It's a fucking great fight.

Exactly. McShane's a lot of fun in this movie. Is this another nerd trauma? What happens? No, he fucking kicks Kevin Costner in the face, which is pretty awesome. Great. If you get an opportunity to do it, kick him in the face. The original, the original, who's line is that anyway?

Michael Machine was on that. He was like the American. Yes, that's right. And he was also FDR, Kramer's buddy, Franklin Delano Romanowski on Seinfeld. So he's fleeing from the kickening, and he gets hit by a branch while he's gloating about his victory. Fantastic. I was beef. I had some beef with this shot. Sorry, Kevin, but I had some beef with this shot. Why, is that paralyzed? No, because you can see the take that they used. You can see the actor very quickly look like, oh, where? Where? is it, am I close to it? Do I have to fake getting hit in the head now? Like, they totally used

a bad take. Sure. What were you saying, Gavin's? Well, this is after Michael Wincott once again is bested. Oh, right. Robin Hood like two drunks that Robin Hood got, you know, doped up first, and they ran out in front of him, and Michael Wincott went

chase. Yeah. And then they're off in nowhere's land, and they took... Hey, man, how do I use this arrow? Oh, man, Robin didn't tell me I get some bread if I just He stood in the middle of the road and got kicked by a mule. She's strapped a tree in my back and I'll go over the hill alone. Okay?

Hey, man, I could use floors too, man. Did you know that the sheriff talks to a witch? I heard it, man. I was like, who are you talking to, sheriff? And he was like, a witch. so the friar becomes part of their posse at this point I think I forget no no that's right

at some point Christian Slater tries to kill Robin Hood Yeah he's got some beep with him He's like he's methed off to him the whole time Christian Slater like takes a knife out of the back of his shirt He's about to throw it in the back of his head Robin shoots an arrow through Slater's hand Amazing

Which I think that's the end of your hand right like he's as far as i've seen he's not will scarlet he's stumpy will from now on like it's just yeah you could just you probably have to cut it off back in those days but whistling whole will yeah totally it is revealed that there's this lineage that we were was unbeknownst to us where in papa locks like gone around yeah that dude got down to fucking so will scarlet is the brother the half brother to Robin of Locks. It's true. So there's this brother's rivalry. And he fucked

Duncan too. Oh really? Fuck Duncan? Yeah. His fucking empty eyehole. They took turns pissing in the bitches ocular cavities. This way to the cafeteria. Now that is a Phil Hartman quote. It's not me

saying the B word with regard to Hartman. Another person fucking gone before their time. Oh, of course. Man, time is a cruel mistress. I'll tell you what. Just ask Duncan. Just wait, man.

One of us is going to be dead soon. Guaranteed. It's just math, everybody. One of those fucking drunk dudes that he's paying to, like, stand in the forest or whatever is the dude who played the artful Dodger in that Carol Reed Oliver from like the late 60s. Whoa. This actor Jack Wilde, dude had a troubled life, man.

Real boozehound. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, big time. But he was also apparently like a big son. singer and had like a fucking multi-million dollar deal for like records and shit but then he just died penniless

that's how that goes hopeful news here in we hate movies who's dead who died panelist um so like made married this is around the time made marion shows up this is when we find out that story about how they're married or how uh you know

locksley fucked around and like he has a half brother somewhere dot da da da da dot right we'll just yeah we'll let that linger for a little bit that reveal doesn't come out to like at the back end of this thing. So in Act 15, there's a siege. Wincock gets murdered because he fails, he fails. He fails. The sheriff of notting you. It's like a Darth Vader move, right? He just takes out his own man. And he's like, yo, I'll get the Celts to help me. And he does. And they burn down the fucking forest, which is, that's the move first and foremost. You know what I mean? Like all of these shacks are made with fucking hay and kinlay. Let's burn it, dude. Can I tell you I had the strongest memory of this, of everybody dying in this fire?

I had the strongest memory of like other than like Little John, Will Scarlet, and like maybe three or four other people. So like Mary and like on fire? No. Oh, Robin and James. Oh, is little John's wife and their kids? Oh, I wish. I had the, and I was like,

man, Robin Hood Prince of These is a fucking brutal movie. Kevin, you think it was because your mother like fucking hated this movie and like when that fire happened she would just turn the tape off like, well, everyone's dead. That's the end of the movie. No, we do have to sort of talk about the birth scene because if there is 20 minutes to cut out of this movie, it's actually

when Made Mary and shows up to the camp, they're having a nice time, they're having dinner, and little John's wife is like, oops, I'm pregnant, oops, I'm about to give birth. When the shit did Fannie get knocked up? That's, and this was the thing that I was like, how much time is passing in these woods? Well, the things I just don't think she noticed she was pregnant. Oh, dude, she's like an A&E special. Exactly.

But they bring Morgan Freeman and why do the, the Ewok shamans like right there, isn't he? But it's crazy. This is all made to show like, oh, like everyone acts like Morgan Freeman's a savage because of his religion. And then they were like, don't let him touch her because he's going to kill her and the baby, which he probably would, but because the science involves, like, gives like a C-section or something. He's aware of C-Syrian sections, absolutely.

Well, he can, like, mind-meld with the child as well. Like, he's... That was a weird... He puts, he just gently places his hand on this woman's stomach and he's like, ah, Fannie, I have some bad news because your child is cursed. And it's not going to come out now. Naturally, it's going to need some help.

Now, I also have the mind of a medical doctor from hundreds of years from now. Oh, my, it will be a fat boy. The good news about that kid, though, is the only one that can kill Macbeth. Not of a woman born. Oh, shit. Steve Sadek with the fucking literary references, killing it. Thank you. So somehow they don't kill it.

They don't kill it. They don't kill it. They're like, no, no, no, no. Cancel that abortion. My Lord. Anybody else see Dirty Dancing? Yeah, yeah, we know what you're talking about. But no, so yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they saves the baby. Uh, everybody loves them and everybody's having fun.

Then the next day or something, the big fire happens, this big siege. And I got to tell you, how about the element of surprise? Mm-hmm. Let's wait till all these little Ewarks are asleep and, yeah, that's them burn alive. And what you do, by the way, you set the fucking, they're Ewoks, they're Ewoks, man, they're living in these e-walk trees. you fucking set the tree on fire like from the base Yes you know what I mean And then it just crawls up the tree It would be awesome

Instead they just come in hooting and hollering With all these fucking Celts behind them Well they hoot and holler They beat them all and then like Robin's like fucking grab asses Like we did it And then he sees all these like flaming arrows He goes my God

Oh right It's kind of a great reaction I'm like oh that's right It's all straw back there I forgot fire existed Should have shelled out for some stronger Roofs. Oh, right. The 300 other soldiers that were behind

those soldiers that I saw before, because I'm an idiot. Then Robin Hood's brother, three towns over, in a brick palace, it's like and now the death star that is these flaming arrows is finally in, like it's reached a yav and four, but

it actually does hit and just it destroys it. You will see the full power of these fire arrows. Gentile. won't make an efficient demonstration of the power of these arrows. Like when the fucking

the wife, Lil John's wife and the baby are like slow motion going across, like swinging across. I had it in my mind that they didn't make it. They just fell to their death right there. I love the idea it's summer 1991.

Oh, did you see that on New Robin Hood movie? Oh yeah, I did. Everybody dies in that one. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, I love that movie. Remember the scene like, The woman gives birth. It was like a troubled process. And then the next day a Celt bangs it against a wall. No, Eric, it fell to its death.

I said that. What were... Crispy critters. Oh, big time. What we're neglecting to mention here, and we have to talk about it because it is, for my money, the sexiest moment of 1990.

Oh, well, of course. I know where we're going. So Maid Marianne and her, you know, lady friend are coming to the compound. and the dude is like, no, no, no, you can't go back there. Robin, she's coming. Robin, we've got visitors.

And we cut, and Kevin Costner is fucking nude swimming in this lagoon. You get this little flat butt. Dude, it is fucking a one-way ticket to Cheek Town. It's awesome. It's barely Cheeked. It's crazy, too, because you'd think Robin Hood wouldn't have that distinct, like,

shorts outline or whatever. Yeah, that's a really good. Like that chocolate. white buttock. Yeah, that was weird. That is the whitest ass, dude. It was reflecting light back into the camera. It was crazy. Lens flare is happening. My TV got fucked up for a second. It would be great if she's

looking, it's like, oh my God, it's look at Robin and his chaste white ass, and she looks over and some guy with a fucking two-foot dick is jerking off. She's like, oh wow, that guy's got really something over there. Wow, what a camp they've set up here. That's Long Peter,

right? It's like, oh, yeah. Hey, man. Mary, I got next. Oh, hey, Maiden, yes, I've made a utopia of criminals and sex perverts. Somewhere around here, Maid Marion attempts to mail a letter, but then even the post office is crooked. Yeah, well, yeah, I think everybody figures out that she's in on it, and they kidnap her because it's the movie. She's sending a letter to Richard the Lionheart, letting him know the score. Care of the Crusades, by the way. P.O. Box, the Crusades.

Yeah, they'll all have been dead for six years by the time that thing gets there. Dig through a few miles of horse entrails and human bodies and then get to this letter. So, yeah, so that gets intercepted. Whatever. She gets kidnapped. And a lot of, like, all like the Merry Manor round up. Round up. Yeah, they're going to be taken to this public execution. Including the kid from the earlier in the movie. is about to be hung, which, you know, plus, plus there. That's a bonus.

It's a good thing. And Christian Slater is like, oh, you don't have to hang me. I will get you Robin Hood. Right. Because I want to turn on them. Turn cloak. Well done. And this kind of comes to nothing.

This is when we find out that they're brothers. Like, he's like, hey, by the way, we're brothers. And somebody goes, oh, my God, they were roommates. What does it matter? Well, they were roommates? Oh, my God, they're roommates. Because fucking Robin Hood is so offended right here because Christian Slater is like, hey man, so your dad fucked my mom. Do you deal with a bad British accent, please?

I was doing actually Christian Slick. He is, dude, he should be fucking simultaneously living in Southern California and sweeping chimneys in old London town. It feels like everyone was like halfway to maybe I'll try one and then everyone gave up. Yeah. It'd be great if they just didn't do it. Just don't do it. But you got to make up your mind, though. You know, one or the other man.

So he's indignant. I apologize. Oh, no. He's just like, no, he's like, my fucking father didn't stray from my mind. He just starts going at it. But then Will Scarlane's just like, no, it totally happened. And also, he was a devil worshipper too. No, no.

Stop saying that. No, he knew about it. Earlier, there's this scene with Mary Lizard Mastriani, where he's like, I was a complete piece of shit. Yes. My dad, after my mom died, my dad took up with a woman for a little while. Yeah, but I lost my shit. He gets in a huff about it though right here, Cabin.

He fucking grabs Will Scarlet by the shirt collar. Yeah, and then he's like, you ruined my life, which is a really good life. Yeah, you know, technically as the firstborn son, Robin should have stayed behind to inherit the castle. And Robin as the second born son. Will Scarlet. Yeah, sorry, Will Scarlet. as the second-born son should have gone to the Crusades because that was tradition at the time.

But doesn't he go to the Crusades to prove he's not an asshole? Robin, I guess so. Yeah, because he's pissed off at his dad. Well, because the whole movie Christian Slater's like, oh, a little rich boy over it. He keeps called him rich boy throughout the movie. But I believe there was a thing like if you didn't have a land inheritance and you were a noble, you went to the Crusades

because then you'd claim land in the Holy Land to build a castle. You're building condos over there. What about bonespros? Where does that land you? Then you just buy, you build shitty hotels No one wants to stay in. You can become Crusader in chief.

By the way, the blind old eyes sewn shut, Duncan just dies in that battle. He dies like four times in this movie. Every single this shriveled old prune of an old man. I'm dying. I can. They just throw this guy on horses and all sorts of shit. By the way, we didn't mention that dude fucking led the cops to this fucking high. out in the woods. But what was that whole thing? Why was that dude there? Why did he leave the

fucking forest in the first place? We're getting our timeline messed up because I think Mary Stuart Mr. Antonio gets, uh, or Mary Elizabeth Mary, Mr. Antonio gets, uh, arrested by the, the guy and Duncan witnesses him. Mary Elizabeth, Master Antonio. Yeah, they let they let Duncan believe that he, he was, he, they didn't see him, but dude's blind and they definitely fucking saw you like seven times and they just follow him. It'd be great if they cut his ears off too. They just get this old man sense by sense.

It's kind of a fucking... They took me nose mashed to Robb. Dude, dude, it was a part of the movie though where I kind of was like, because he gets on this horse. Yeah. And he's blind as fuck. And he's just like, all right, old friend, you're my eyes now. And I was like, oh my fucking God.

I really hope this old man dies soon because if I fucking cry and Robin Prince of Thieves, there's going to be trouble. What if you went off a cliff? Oh, dude, it would have been only the second greatest horse suicide in cinema history. I didn't know I had a suicidal horse.

Well, today was the day I was going to die, old man, and you have to be here with it. Yeah, that whole thing about, because for like half a second in this movie, you think that Will Scarlet is crooked. Yeah, it doesn't... But then they just do that brother thing and it's fucking over with immediately.

so then we launch into like the third act of the movie which is like we're going to do this plan we're going to raid Nottingham Castle sure we're going to save all of our buddies that are about to be hung even old little John's boy he's getting hung we're going to save the rec center we're going to do it all that's right it's like Texas

we execute children here Morgan Freeman is like a pig and shit because he's like experimenting with gunpowder and Fryer Tuck thinks it's like the funniest fucking thing he's ever seen like Morgan Freeman's like and then it goes bull and this fucking huge fat guy is like do it again it's a gift from God

so this is like the big last set piece which is pretty good it's awesome the last like half hour of this movie's good when they sneak into this castle it's amazing because Robin is like in these robes pretending to be like a hobo when he covers himself and shit he picks up clumps of shit off the road and wipes it on him I was really impressed dude because these were some fresh

turds did you notice this like steaming dude Is this your ideal wardrobe? Yes, this is great. And then also great wardrobe is Morgan Freeman's and all these white linen rags pretending to be a leper that's being taken in by the friar. Which is very smart right here

because clearly if they saw a black guy running around there's going to be trouble at Nottingham Castle. Double smart. The friar's like, hey, free booze for the win. How about that, everybody? And they still get them. So they're letting all these people get up to get hung,

even including children, the beginning of that last Pirates movie or the third Pirates movie now. Remember the beginning that third Pirates movie they're hanging all those kids?

No. It all leads together at this point. The answer is no. Is that the one with Chow Yun Fat? I don't even remember, probably. Because if that's the one,

me and Cabin saw that in theater. I was there with you guys. Oh, really? Yeah, that's right. I think that is the third one. Do you remember that time I took a fucking hearty nap during that movie?

So I remember it was nothing. Wait, so they're hanging kids in that movie? In the beginning of the movie, it's like there's a new order no pirates allowed. They start hanging kids. Fuck, I better go back. Did you hear about this remake talk already?

Come on. Remaking the Pirates of the Caribbean. Remaking a movie that came out in 2001? Yeah. Jesus Christ. It's just like, let me die. Just let me die. Just lash me to a horse master, Robin.

Let me go. Wait, so is it supposed to be a thing where like someone else will play a Jack Sparrow? I believe so. I think we're just trying to rewrite history without Johnny Depp, which isn't the worst instinct we've ever had. Was anyone seeing those movies at the end of that? No. Because it was like, what, I'm Stranger Tides?

Nobody in America. Somebody has to tell the Chinese to stop going to the movies. I have to hear about the Chinese box office and all these fucking trash American movies that do so well over there. I think our podcast is banned there. So all these people are lining up. They're getting ready.

This is a great part. So, like, Christian's later gets found that he gets thrown on the gallows as well. Because of the kid. Yeah, the kid's like, you trade. he's, like, fighting him or whatever. God damn, you little bastard. My favorite line of the whole movie is, like, the kid, like, you know, is getting

roughed up by these Centurians or whatever, or Knights. Centurians. Jesus Christ is being hung next to him. But they put him on a peg, and they're about to hang him. Right. And, like, this guy next to him, oh, he's just a butter boy. And he looks at this kid with a noose. He's got a noose around his neck.

He looks to his right to a child who also has a noose around his neck. He's just a boy. You all right? I'm doing great. I'm doing the best day of my life. This is about to be hung as a child. So when they find Slater, by the way, would anybody catch this? There's a great moment. It's totally unfortunate almost. This executioner character, he's like, oh, we don't even have nooses for everybody.

So I'm going to tie Christian Slater to this barrel and fucking decapitate him. And when he's tying Christian Slater to this barrel, this actor is screaming at him and this dude just spits in Christian Slater's face like accidentally. It's not like the character did it. The guy's just yelling and he's getting into it and you see this loo come out of this dude's mouth

and nail the slate man in the face. There are so many great moments of spit yelling in this movie. Like at one point they're like the cops are rob in this church and like the like peasants are like, oh no, don't do that. And he's like, well, blood is Sharon. and it's just like

there's just spitting and the word sherrits the big priest has a lot of those shots where they're right up in it's like the bishop used to talk

just like spitting yeah you just spit on each other there's also other element to this movie which I don't notice watching this time in the beginning of the movie

when like even right when he gets cut for the first time Nottingham is like well I'll have to deal with Robin of Loxley within the next by the next full moon

when the barons come and this, that, and the other thing. Right. And then, like, later in the movies, like, well, the barons are here, and there's these people, it's at the end of PCU for some reason. This wedding and hanging must go off

without a hitch, or else everything will be ruined. I think Christian Slater comes up, and he's like, The Bird Show, the Bird Show, the Wonderful Bird Show. The Parliament Funkadelic is going to be here in 15 minutes.

We're not going to take from the rich. We're not going to take from the rich. Excuse me, ma'am. Can you blow me where the Pampers is? It's the Nottingham whooping cream. Friar Tuck puts a bunch of fucking Alka-Seltzer in his mouth and then starts eating grass. But I mean, like, it doesn't mean anything.

It's like, I guess he's like trying to get funding from this. We have to shit. Because one guy at some point is like, you call this total control? My goodness. I guess the idea would be they would pledge to him and then they could depose the king who's off in a form of tan. But what's funny, though,

is like the second thing start going tits up, Alan Rickman just started screaming at those dudes. Because the guy, right, like Steve just said it, like, you call this total control or whatever? And he's like, oh, what the fuck do you know about it, jackass? And just starts, like, pushing this old man. It's great.

So, yeah, I mean, Robin and his men start, like, laying waste to everybody. Fucking shit up, dude. Dude, the way they're hanging these people, it's dirty, it's slow, and literally I would kill myself the night before. Like, I need a good snap. If you're going to hang me. Yeah, this is, this is not. The kid is dangling for, the pre-frosh is dangling for a while. Boom, bum, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. This kid's just dangling while Elvis Costello's playing.

Or the cover of Elvis Costello, excuse me. Pump it up. And we get some great aerocam again. Yes. Robin is shooting at this noose and he eventually cuts it down. It's pretty awesome and that was kind of a beef I had with the movie

not a ton I mean like this end scene sure it's all over the place not a ton of Costner using the bow and arrow before this and as a matter of fact I paused it the second first rears its head 58 minutes before he's got a traditional bow and arrow

58 minutes before bone arrow no archery contest yeah you had nothing where's the trick shots it's a shame from the horse i want one from the horse too you know like combine his devil worship shit into the archery contest so it's like Alan Rickman can pull it off at the end pull off the uh the target right there's like a pentagram under there it's like oh laxley you just you just made a spell oh yeah right uh they're all just wearing like goat masks

it's like all right now for the orgy and archer competition. We will fuck and shoot and then also shoot. And then the devil actually shows up. Yes, get the devil in the movie. Listen, if you tell me that there's fucking devil worshipping this movie, man, you gotta

fucking lay into that. I mean, I guess it's the witch who's just sort of a... Yeah, but whatever. Fuck the witch. I need Alan Rickman like going to one knee. Like he's going to talk to the emperor. Yes. And then like the devil comes out out of the mist or something. Oh my Lord. Yeah, you are.

Oh, finally. Poor Willem Diffone is fucked up ankle. All my empathy just goes there. I'm worried. I'm worried about him. The witch has, like, nothing to do in this movie besides to talk about Morgan Freeman as being the painted man. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And how she saw, like, the future and how she'll be killed by the painted man.

Look, she's having nightmares about black people. We should be sympathizing with her and courting her vote. No, she's, dude, it's crazy because they fucking raid that castle and she's like, hello, police department? Yeah, there's a guy downstairs and I'm pretty sure he does not live in this building. Outrage.

Cell phone witch, man, she sucks. But, so yeah, like, we're going crazy. You know, finally, the movement is, we go into a catapult. They go over the edge. Christian Slater, because it's a PG-13 movie, can go, They cleared it, which was, as an eight-year-old kid, I was like, oh, man, the line of the movie.

It's an F word, and I just heard it. God damn it. You know what, though? Anachronistic fucking profanity. I didn't care at the time. You don't think they had fuck back then? No. Not that way.

I don't know. Even the director said that it was out of place, but he liked it. Oh, oh, excuse me. Was he there in 1194? He's not a real person anyway, so he might as well have been. Sure, why not? Kevin Costner was in back then. Oh, yeah, sure.

He's like, he's 900 years old. But you got this young hunk Christian Slater saying the F word and a Robin Hood movie, this informed my entire life. I'm just saying, if he's going to do that, he should also end the movie saying talk hard. If we're going to get a little weird with it, let's go full weird with it. Oh, by the way, little John uses his brute strength to push down the gallows. That was pretty bad ass, dude.

That was a fucking Sweden's move right there. And that's, I mean, that's again about these gallows. Get me some fucking really well-made gallows. Hang them high, my friend. I don't get it. You're the fucking sheriff of nodding him. Dude, let's step up this operation. No, no, no.

But you've met him. You've seen him. He's exactly the kind of guy who says, I don't know, get some drywall or something and some glue. This is the UK, not Texas. So they're not obsessed with hanging. But this is also, dude, live and learn because this is also why you do not try to execute. a mass public hanging and your wedding on the same day. There's too much to juggle.

That is way too much. The sheriff of Nottingham just took too much. Wedding planners, execution planners, it's too much. Especially, it's your wedding present to your bride. Apparently, you fucking weirdo. I'm going to kill all your friends. Should mention, Christian Slater is saved by Robin Hood, shoots a flaming arrow into this executioner's face.

Oh, it's fucking great. Pretty good. I could have used an impact shot, not for nothing. Get Tom Savini in there. And the barrel that he was going to be head chopped on is full of gunpowder, thanks to Morgan Freeman apparently brought it all from the Middle East or, you know, he took the chemistry book out of the Dodge whatever, Oldsmobile, rather, in the Army of Darkness and figured it out. And there is an explosion. Yes. After Christian Slater is saved from the barrel.

And then Morgan Freeman, because he realizes he's Morgan Freeman in a movie, has to give a rousing speech. They're like, oh, yeah, Hey, Morgan, why don't you do that? Because, no, and this is fucked up, dude, because all the merry men are like, oh, good, they saved us. Let's get the fuck out of here. And he's like, excuse me, everyone, your leader and his half-brother and me, the lone black man in this outfit, are going to stay and fight. And you fucking cowards are running away. And then you see everybody like, pause, like, oh, man, oh, Morgan Freeman's right. And they all, like, turn around begrudgingly and continue supporting the cause.

So we storm the castle. This is the, the evil priest is marrying Marion and the Sheriff of Nottingham. Right. The witch is in full effect in this scene. She's just dancing around, like, yelling shit. And, like, they all know it's going wrong. And, like, the idea is she, like, grabs Mary and she's like, she will give you a son, but you have to consummate now. And it's like, what?

And the priest is, like, they're going through this, like, a truncated wedding thing. Robin swings in. And, like, at this point, like, the last 20 minutes of the movie is Alan Rickman trying to penetrate this woman? It's very, very bizarre. First, you must put on these sheets with these dickholes in it. But it's weird, like, because the dude marries them. It's also a fucked up. It gets a little too comical right here because, like, he's asking Marion, you know,

the do you take and Rickman covers up her mouth and is like she does we're doing a little bit of a beetle juice right here

yeah totally you're like wait what is going on and then yeah he's trying to fucking whip it out and like do the deed it's a little

comical for a rape scene is what we're saying exactly but also just like I don't get like Robin Hood can still just take her away like who gives a shit

about you sheriff of Nottingham I guess he gets her pregnant that she has to stay with him I guess maybe that's medieval I don't know.

They're going to go fucking ask Morgan Freeman to take care of it. Alan Rickman brings out like a decrepit finger with a ring. She meant nothing to me, baby. She really didn't mean nothing to me. And I lived through the Black Plague, had a great time during that. Dearly, beloved. Oh, man, dude, that guy should have come out. He was the fucking husband of the witch.

Oh, my God. That would be awesome. What a cute couple. They'd be adorable. So whatever. goes out, she gets fucking impaled on a spear by Morgan Freeman. We're having a little bit of a hallway

fight. Morgan Freeman takes care of this witch. We get spear cam a little bit, which I kind of like. Tinyest bit of spear cam. That's a penetration I could get behind. And this is the big fight between Rickman and Costner. It's a lot of fun.

Yeah. No, it's pretty good. It's very sloppy, which I kind of like. They're diving into each other. This movie is sloppy. It's sloppy as nice. Which is what I like about. A lot of the camera movements here is just some dude with like a camera on his shoulder just running. It looks so shitty. It feels real.

Feels like I was there. What's fucking not real though is during this fight scene they are they are hilariously tipping over multiple like marble statues so easily like their papi-mache which they were in real life. They are strong dudes man.

They're fucking lifting logs in the woods. No we are comically forgetting that these props are made of foam and it's a It's a fucking flub. Marion helps out a little bit. She throws some hot wax on the sheriff and other such distractions. It's hard for him to fight with an erection that hard. He was like,

Oh, you thought that would distract me, but my nipples can cut glass now. Yeah, one of his nipples brushes up against Robin and cuts him blood everywhere. Cuts his hand open. I only gain power from you. So the last action is. Also, I have to say, at the start of this fight scene,

this sword fight, it is straight up duel of the dicks, dudes, because it is like, we're filming this shit at low angles, they're both holding these swords

right at crotch level. It is duel of the dicks. I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Exactly. So, Nottingham is about to, dude,

he gets a little, like he's got the thing to Robin's throat, right? He's like, and now you will die, Luxley. Got to kill him

with his father's sword, by the way. Which is great. And like, you've got to, all you do is push in, this dude's dead. But he has to, like, he raises his arm. Makes it a grandiose gesture, like pulling it back. And then he gets stabbed in the heart by a dagger. Quite cowardly by Robin, I would say.

No, that's a sick move, dude. It's his own dagger. Yeah, that's true. You got to do it. Right, yeah, it was a dagger the sheriff gave to Marion, right? Yes. Yeah. So that's, I mean, oh, and then the witch burst in for one last scare somehow.

Because it's a demon, right? Because it's got one last sparse. Well, there are two jump scares in this movie, because there's that and then there's earlier in the film where Maiden's like walking around her house or something and she's like Patricia, who's there?

And a fucking cat jumps out. It's like, why do we have a cat scare in this movie? It's like the hand. But yeah, like this witch comes out like and he's running at Kevin Costner and this I fucking burst out laughing. Morgan Freeman runs into this room

with the big cemetery and hucks it across the room, nails this witch. and like they must have used it wasn't even like a dummy it was like a pillow with a coat on because this sword hits this woman and it just goes

the whole thing just goes she's lying she goes into the fandom zone it is I burst out laughing it is so fucking hysterical and then we're like instantly at their wedding their wedding which is an important cameo is that the same day no you don't think so okay are you kidding

I need to bath it while they don't bathe Robin Bates those butt cheeks You gotta burn all these fucking bodies All fucking the Nottingham's fucking army We were burning bodies all that's true So we're this beautiful outdoor wedding Even though those can be expensive by the way Of course

And You know they're about to You know the Friar Tuck's doing the Oh we forgot Friottuck is a sick kill in this movie Dude Friar Tuck has the best kill of the movie It's the other the other priest is leaving He's trying to take all of his like ill gotten money And the friars like

Well you love me money, don't you? Better take all your money, you son of a bitch. And don't forget silver to pay the devil on your way to hell. Well, he says specifically, what is it, Steve Sada Catholic scholar? 30 pieces of silver?

Is that true? That's what... Judas won, dude. That's all takes to getting his good graces. And he goes out and again, I want impact. This is probably maybe an R-rated cut floating around. Yeah. Because you just see him go through and then you see the aftermath, but I want to see

this. pop. Yeah, because you can tell though he is specifically popped because it's like this big fat guy

you see all the robes and whatnot all the fucking money is everywhere it's hysterical but then it's just like a schoak like this dude's

head popped off and it's pretty awesome but yeah best murder of the movie pushes also through stained glass by the way it's a great scene

so but the Fryer Tuck is marrying them and then it's like if anyone here wishes to whatever and then hold on one minute and you and I'm like you I forget it every time I forget it every single time he just happened to return at that exact moment

and King Richard and this is of course Connery Richard the Lionheart but I will tell you this is where Mel Gibson fucking wins you Mel Brooks or Mel Brooks excuse Mel Mel Gibson don't win it nothing he wins it being a racist that's accepted by most of society for some reason that's a win but no Mel Brooks wins over this movie because it's fucking Patrick Stewart. No, you got to go Connery, man. No way. Well, at the time, right?

Patrick Stewart was just a TV actor who cares? I know, but look at it now. One is Patrick Stewart and one hosted ladies' slap. I just, I love him in this movie so much. It's so funny. It's just he's wearing the whole Crusades get up because you didn't have time to change from the airport, I guess.

Well, he definitely had enough time to, like, polish it or, like, like, wipe off the blood. Oh, he was polishing it. Don't worry about it. Well, I'm not going to wear a fucking wig. Listen, dude, I'll wear a helmet. I polished my helmet all the way through the fronts. Yeah, after I wiped off the entrails and teeth. You can polish a helmet while riding riding a horse.

You can also polish your dick off. It's like, oh, well, can you? I don't know. You tell me. Zoo experts. Oh, okay. No, seriously, like, you can ride a horse and jerk off. I mean, it wouldn't feel good.

I don't know. You'd have to do that side saddle, though. Yeah, I guess like a cossack, a cock sack. Yeah, because you can't, like, you know, the regular horse ride. Oh, it does pulverize it, but I feel, I wrote a horse. You have to, like, put a pillow on the saddle. I wrote a horse once and, man, vibrations for days. But, like, if you, like, leaned back enough and you got a sturdy ship going there?

Dude, listen, there is so much going on when you're riding. riding a horse. The last thing I'm thinking about is jerking off. But like if you're Richard the Lionheart and you rode a horse your whole life. You've done it all. You rode from, you wrote from basically England to Asia. This is the height of decadage. Yeah, I'll be right there, hawks. I'm just riding the horse around set jerking off for a bit. John Wayne jerking off on a horse. If anyone jerked off while riding a horse, he was John Wayne. He was fucking jerked. He was riding a horse in a cowboy hat, jerking off smoking off smoking. a cigarette and eating a steak all at the same time. That's God damn America.

Montgomery Cliff, too. Is that what they were searching for in that movie? Yeah, yeah. Someone got kidnapped, but we're really searching for someone to jerk off on this horse. Gotta find a quiet place to jerk off. Very important.

We must search. All right, so Connery's there. He's like, I need to give, like, oh, I'm to give away the bride. Yes. He objects unless he can give away the bride. He kissed his marriage and says, Cousin, you look radiant or whatever.

And then he's like, Robin, thanks for keeping my kingdom together. You know, and as if the kingdom's going to get so much better that Richard the fucking lionhearted is there. It's like, all these poor people are like, yay! The dude was dumb enough to go to the crusades. Exactly. It's not like, oh, yeah, now you're got to get text fucking double. I took a bath on the crusades, I'll be honest with you.

Wow, thank God you're held down. afford here, Luxley. Everything would have went titch up without you. Okay. I invoke Prima Nakta. Oh, just kidding. Just kidding. What a cut up. You know what Loxley? Here's a Christmas ham.

Go fuck yourself. And then what happens here, like the kiss and then like Fryer Tuck starts talking to the camera? Dude, what the fuck are we doing? You end this fucking dumbass movie with this guy talking to the camera. Are you kidding me? He's like, you're still here? Go. Get out of here.

This is the equivalent of so, like, they kiss, everyone is celebrating, we're going to drink a lot of ale tonight, whatever the fuck, got to get pashed with the king. And then like this guy looks at the camera and just goes, so what? So let's dance. Well, Nottingham's dead. All of his people are dead. Yeah. The fucking sex society now must be rethought. Oh, that's right.

And now the king and queen of that will be obviously made Marion and Robin Hood. Well, actually, sorry, I object because I have to marry my cousin. I'm royal, you see. Well, the friar is saying, like, hey, look away because a bunch of fuckens about that, essentially. And I'm like, what are you talking about? They've got to go home, don't they? It's so dumb. Like, what a stupid way to end that movie.

Talking to the camera. That's a Mel Brooks move, man. It's fun for a little boy in the audience who was a magical moment where the movie talked to me. And told you not. Oh, did you see this in theaters? Maybe. I feel like I was only seeing this. I did.

I think it was tape. I remember seeing this in theaters. I saw, yes. I robbed a rich guy in order to buy the movie tickets. It was you and four other scamps. That's right. And one was my half brother. Slater, nowhere to be found at the end of this movie, by the way.

Presumed dead. No, he's hanging out with Freeman. Like they have like arms. around each other. Oh, right. Yeah. She's not even at the altar, though, man. Didn't make fucking groomsmen status.

It's like how you forget Wedge Antilles is on Indoor at the end of return of the Jedi. He's like, hang on the back with Lando. You will forget that. He's like, oh, I, by the way, I destroyed the Death Star. Yeah, buddy. Anybody? Hey.

Dude survived twice. He went up against both death stars. Anyway, he should get a prequel movie. That's all I'm saying. I was going to ask them how many independent comic lines are written about Wedge Antilles. You know, I don't think he's got a lot devoted to just him. I think he comes up

in a lot in the old X-Wing series that's no longer canon, but he is in all he's like a constant in a lot of these novels and stuff as like a through line. Wow. I see him as like an intergalactic Serpico. He's wearing a big hat.

Would anybody recommend this movie? It's a light, light recommend. I have a lot of affection for this movie because I saw it so much. It is boring as sin. I actually think the first hour and 20 minutes like the first hour and the first

90 minutes are terrible the last 40 are a lot of fun yeah and Rickman's a lot of fun and there's and you know now Rickman's gone there's not much Rickman I give it a light I give it the light key recommend I recommend is great in this but I hate this movie that's right I really

really hate this movie I don't think it finds its tone ever nope it's a whole Costner vanity project it drives you nuts because everything that's good is not Costner. The race stuff is pretty weird. I just, I do not like it.

And it's boring as sin. Two hours and 24 minutes. That's a problem. Yeah, it is longer than Star Wars. That's true. And Steve said light recommend. And I'm going to say, heavy recommend. Oh, heavy.

Yeah. Go see it. It's in theaters now. No, no. He's going to see the other movie if they go theater. No, no. That's the wrong. Robin Hood. It's on

Netflix and where movies are rented. Yeah, I don't know. It's funny. I, you know, if I hadn't watched this for the first time in my mid-30s, I could probably see myself sticking more with you, Eric. I think, if anything, this movie is a

primo hangover movie. Definitely. Because you can fucking fall asleep at any time. It does not matter. Like, you know... Arrows aren't as loud as guns. No, that's exactly right. Even a flaming catapult situation, much quieter than guns. Everybody knows

the Robin Hood story, so you're not going to be lost at any point. This is like a tequila hangover movie, because you're like, you have to be so like, I want it to be a little cold and damp, you know what I mean? Just to be able to mix of the day? You, for some reason, we're drinking tequila in the dead of winter, and you're hungover

his shit, you're leaving the windows open, you're in your underwear, nothing but a sweater, and you're just like, oh, God. You are, simultaneously praying to freeze to death and also trying to pay attention to reach the last 30 minutes of this movie

because you know it's awesome. Sounds like a perfect dad. That is Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves from 1991, directed by Kevin quote unquote Reynolds. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies.

Rate and review the show wherever you get it. We would greatly appreciate that. And by the way, follow us on Twitter at WHM podcast this Friday If you were listening to this, when this episode comes out, major show-altering announcement, we'll say, coming up. Also, don't forget Patreon, a new episode's up there, full episode on How Did the Grinch Stole Christmas?

You know what, whatever. Shut up. You know what? Just say whatever you want. Peanuts Thanksgiving, Animation Damnation, and of course The Nexus, which is a podcast where we talk about Star Trek's. That is right.

and, as is tradition here on We 8 movies, next week, there's a new episode. So Steve Sadek, what are we talking about? Speaking of Little Rich boys, we're talking about the littlest, richest boy of them all, Richie Rich. Oh, fuck. I got to tell you, this movie, it's going to be a time warp for me. This is another, I've seen this a thousand times. Wow.

We had it on tape. I believe there's a North by Northwest parody somewhere. Oh, yes, there is. Yeah, okay, that's all right. I'm remembering parts of the house on McDonald's. Yes, he definitely does. With indentured servants. Dream come true?

Is that we said? Yeah, why not? It kind of is, actually. So until next week, when dreams come true, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen St. Akris, Kevin. Eric, Prince of Thieves. Take it easy. Thank you.