We Hate Movies - S9 Ep391: Episode 391 - Richie Rich

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

On this week's episode, the gang attempts to make sense of the incredibly misguided family film, Ri¢hie Ri¢h! Why are these billionaires supposed to be the saviors of American society? Who thought it was wise to have the villain repeatedly shoot a child? And how long is it until those factory workers stage a coup? PLUS: Jesse Ventura subs in for Richie's personal trainer! Ri¢hie Ri¢h stars Macaulay Culkin, Edward Herrmann, John Larroquette, Jonathan Hyde, and Michael McShane; directed by Donald Petrie. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on We Hate Movies, Steve Sadek dodges a bullet because he doesn't have to talk about fucking Richie Rich. I'm Andrew Juppin. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Like I said up top, we're talking Richie Rich from 1994, directed by Donald Petrie. And a quick note, Steve Sadek is not in studio because he's on his honeymoon. So congratulations to Ian Jay. We kept asking to come. We kept asking to come. That's right. I was like, dude, I can bring the gear. It'll be totally fine. Look, no problem.

Fucking, so fucking rude. You won't even notice me. He's going to hear this. And it's best that I do it without him here. You're a selfish bastard for not Skyping in on your honeymoon. I know. I just can't even believe it. It's just mean behavior. Yeah. Yeah. So congratulations to them both. And I hope you're having a good time. Now, this Donald Petrie, by the way, he's got some fucking credits. Oh, yeah. He directed Opportunity Knox. Oh, did he? Yeah, dude. He directed Opportunity Knox. Grumpy old men.

Yeah, this, yeah, grumpy one. Yeah. And he's got, he's got a lot of other ones. These, these are amazing comments. Did he not come back for Grumpy too? He did not. I think he was too busy psyched himself up to direct miscingeniality. How to lose a guy in 10 days. Welcome to Mooseport. Just my luck. My life in ruins. So this man was the man who convinced Gene Hackman to say goodbye. Yeah. This is what, it's this guy. This guy is the one who did it. That's exactly right. He also directed Mystic Pizza, by the way. Pretty good movie. Yeah. I've never seen it. Average pizza at best. Yeah. Oh, you had an IRL. Yeah, yes, I did. Oh, Cabin, you know what else he directed actually this year? Dude, your favorite fucking movie of 2018. Little Italy. Oh, jeez. Oh, shit. Did you see that? I did see it.

Okay, please. Report. It's really bad. No good. sweet report all right back back to the show it's really stupid uh what's his name they a lot of it hinges on um hating christiansen being very hot i thought you said i think you said hating christianson i'm like yes i do that i'm way ahead but but yes hayden christian like he's supposed to be a hot tamale right yeah i mean i guess i mean is he now is he now no no no no no no no Anakin Skywalker era maybe. He's got cried

cried himself to sleep for the last 15 years face. Like I haven't seen in anybody. Now he just looks like shattered glass. Oh, shit.

This movie, what the fuck was Richard Rick? Was it a cartoon strip? It was a comic book. It was a comic book. First and then Cartoon. Harvey Comics.

Right. It was like a 1930s comic book character to make fun of everyone who's suffering. Yeah, totally, dude. Great Depression's sweet time to invent this comic.

Awful. I mean, maybe it was the 20s and they didn't have foresight, but I don't know. You know what? I didn't do much research today. I looked into it a little bit. Oh, you did?

Yeah. So they have Harvey Comics. They adapted into a cartoon in the 1980s. Here we go. Runs for a while. I think like five or six years maybe. That's a long time for a shitty cartoon.

I want to say I'm not completely a hundred on this. But you want to say. I want to say it. I would like to say to you that it ran for about five years. Well, maybe someday you'll get to say that. I'll get to say that one day, maybe like. And then so what? There was like a couple of porno parodies and then

they made this movie? There was a 1990, like a short lived 1990s version. Of a porno parody? Yes. No, what, a television show? Yeah. Yeah. Live action. No, no. An animation. There was also a live act. It was live animated. That's, yeah. This is

There is also now a show on Netflix. Yeah, and what is that cartoon? No, no, no, that's live action. Who's playing them, anybody? Just some, like, ugly kid. Ugly kid Joe? Ugly kid Joe. I don't know if his name is Joe, but he's an ugly kid.

Oh, this movie was kind of like the ultimate fucking in joke because this movie is about the richest kid in the world. And at the time, McCauley Culkin was the richest kid in the world making the movie. Wow, how about that? Yeah, so it's a double fuck you to everybody else on the planet. I don't understand this shit, man. It's really, it is hard to comprehend how anybody

liked this. Now, I didn't see it in the theater. I think I may have seen it in drive-in, in a drive-in scenario. Really? That's pretty something. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if I saw it in theaters. We had it on tape, though. It had that fucking delicious clamshell case. Yeah. And we watched the shit out of it.

I've seen this movie, like, at least upwards of like 25 times. Wow, really? It was in constant rotation. And watching it now, I'm like, god damn it kids are dumb kids are so dumb that's right like I was watching this and I was like look at this little pig yeah I'm glad his parents

are presumed dead like what's going on here just this like this fetishization of the rich man all the and all well because I fell for all the stupid things that I'm like screaming in my head about while watching it now well of course he's got a McDonald's in his house I was like that

that is heaven that is heaven oh of course Eric come on are you kidding me I don't remember what I thought at the I don't know if I felt for that. I did fall down a staircase one time. Did you? Unrelated. Oh, you weren't like rushing to put on the tape

of this movie and you felt that. You were rushing to see a McDonald's. Did you see this as a kid? I think I might have seen it in the theater and I've definitely seen it since. I didn't have the video. I don't think I rented it, but it was probably on HBO it's been on HBO go for a while.

Oh yeah. Was it on there now? Damn. Damn. Never get that Amazon rental feedback. Damn. So this movie, you know what I missed? And this was a nice little reminder of it. I haven't seen it on a movie in a while. I mean, I think they were doing it specifically for an anniversary thing.

When you watched a Warner Brothers movie and fucking Bugs Bunny came out in a tuxedo and sort of like, he was like, here's the logo. It's a nice addition. I think they should do that more often. Even their prestige pictures, I think they should recognize. the history. Dude, the fucking start of the mule with Clint Eastwood, but Bugs Bunny comes out. And let me get this out of

here. A carrot! Digging a drug bag out of my rabbit ass. Oh, that'd be amazing. And like, Elmer Fudd is like a DA agent or something. He's Bradley Cooper. I'm co-opped.

You're going to jail. Yeah, so this movie, I mean, this movie is what it is. Children of the 90s will remember this. He is a little kid who's the richest boy in the world and he's got parents who are the richest people in the world. They're also grand

philanthropists. Right. This is like a specific type of species of rich person that has since gone extinct from the globe where these people are so altruistic. Even the father at one point says that they ended up

buying like this failing It's like a tool factory or something? tool, which is also Richie Rich's other name. And he's going to give it back to the worker. He's going to update the facilities and then turn it over to the worker, make it

worker owned. I would say this is straight up fantasy characters. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, it's a comic book. Nobody's ever existed like this. No, they want you to... Rich person. Yeah, they want you to think that like, oh, look at this, like, good rich person. There's all this bullshit about like how Mr. Rich never fired a person because people work better when they know that their jobs are

secure. What are you even talking about? No, no, because I believe that he's had other people fire people or just never directly kick someone out the street. That's how you do it. It's also probably a very invasive hiring procedure. Like they probably like check the contents of your asshole to bring it back to the DEA. It's simple enough to know how big of an asshole he is. If you are born, with that name, you change your name. What, Richard Rich? Richard Rich, and if you are, you are wealthy on your own. Dick Rich.

Nice to meet you. Oh, yeah, you can be Dick Rich, dude. That's like his shitty brother he doesn't talk to. No, that's the porn parody. Oh, that's true. Yeah. That's Peter North. Coming dollar bills, yo.

And Peter North is Dick Rich. Oh, fuck. Yeah, Kevin. Ooh, dirty. Oh, that movie North was about Peter North, right? I think so. Come around the world. It was trying to find his parents.

Coming in a furniture store. His new parents. He didn't like his old ones. So the parents, by the way, Mr. Rich, the aforementioned Mr. Rich is the late Edward Herman, R.I.P. Love him. The best. And then Christine Ebersole as Mrs. Rich.

And tying out the cast here a little bit is the dude, the adult cast, the main adult cast, the guy playing Cadbury, the butler slash like a body. guard is the dude who's like the dad slash bad guy from Jumanji yeah like the hunter from Jumanji? I haven't seen

Jumangi in a long time Yeah it's it's a decent movie I think he's floating around there somewhere else too I think he does TV he's been a ton of shit so he's Cadbury and it starts with like this dude's narrating like here's the

here's how Richie Rich came into the world and it's like him being born and then at one point you better believe they snuck in Kieran Kalkin as a younger Ritchie Rich Jesus Christ those Kalkin parents man what a fucking scam they had. Colkin Farms dude. Ed Herman's got

like a cult going though because he's got the entire all of his employees that work in his house like waiting to hear if his child is out or not. If it's going to be a like they all he comes down this banister and he's like I have a son I have a son

and they're all like oh very good but if it was a girl, I think he would have thrown it to the crowd. Get rid of it. Yeah, dude. Excuse me, Jeeves. Could you go upstairs and get the first pillowcase, you see? I have a date with a bridge. Where are the white buckets? Ask Peter North.

Oh, man, yeah, dude, dropping white buckets. That's awful. That's fucking disgusting. See, this is what, when we don't have Steve here, dude, it's just filth talk. It's weird. It's weird, wild filth talk. Whenever Steve's not around,

Everyone's asking, where's Steve? He had to go to his planet. They needed him. There's a bullshit thing. He does say the guy's like, and so Richie Rich became the wealthiest baby in the world. And I'm like, okay, what am I supposed to be feeling here? Envy, you know, like jealousy, sympathy.

Well, we see golden pacifiers. Wouldn't you want one of those? Yeah, choke on it. Eventually it is sympathy. Yeah, which is horseshit. Because he's not allowed to. have a regular boy's life, oh no. But you know what, dude?

Someone made fun of him when he played baseball. My God, I wish someone made fun of me when I played baseball. I cannot, like this movie, especially now in the fucking hellscape that we live in, this movie where like this fucking rich trio are like these heroes that we're supposed to look up to, I just can't even stand it. That's the one thing the show on Netflix is smart. He's an entrepreneur who discovered some like, Wait, so he's self-made?

Richard Rich is self-made? And he made like a green new energy thing. Wait, so the dad did or the kid did? No, the kid did. His dad's like a deadbeat. Really? That's actually preferable. Although, boy, do I hate kids with entrepreneurial spirits.

Yeah. And they keep the cartoon had, what's missing from this is the cartoon had a robot made a la the Jetsons. Yes. And that is in the new show, but it is not in this. oh yeah no it's definitely not um so now your research of the cartoons and the comic books it involved a ton of weed it definitely well then this would help this conversation water and weed i heard a long time ago and i didn't do anything today i didn't look at this i didn't look at it um but

i didn't look at caspar the friendly ghost also previous episode by the way dig into that archive um casper the friendly ghost is supposed to be drawn extremely similar to richy rich from the old comics so people had theorized that like when richy rich rich dies presumably during childhood he would be casper right uh well he also casper lives at least in that movie in like a big mansion so then in that and so in that world then john lorquette would win yes exactly what was his name um van doe or whatever yes vando mr van do who is a friend of the rich family in the series. He's not a villain?

Not a villain at all. No, yeah. I think like, did you watch every episode? I watched an episode. Okay, so you don't know the big turn coming? No, I do not. So he might become a villain.

I apologize if he did. If I led you a stray audience, I apologize. There's a bullshit thing where, so he, like, grows up to be McCauley Culkin, and this guy is. That's not exactly grown up, but I see what you're saying. Right. Although I did see a funny thing. I think this was on, for new listeners who may not know, we refer to the IMDB trivia

facts as a news source. The news. Yeah. The IBMDB Tribune. Yeah. Or the news. We're just going to really confuse people. I just got to get the news. I just want to see the news.

The Tribune trivia was telling me that by the time they were shooting this movie, McCauley Culkin was 5'2. So they purposely, like, they had to hire a bunch of naturally tall actors so he would still look like a little kid. Interesting. Yeah, no, it's kind of funny. I guess John Laracette is tall. Laracette's tall. Edward Herman was definitely tall. I guess Christine Eversall is pretty tall. Why didn't Petch

you just go over and just like stomp him down a few? Because he was the most powerful person on the planet, man. I guess that's true. He was the richest kid in the world. He was close friends with Michael Jackson. And his dad's probably hanging around and he's definitely carrying. Oh, those fucking helicopter parents. Mr. Culkin, do not, do not cross Mr. Culkin. Now here on Culkin farms, we love to support our clone children but if you step over the security line we'll shoot you in the fucking head. Mr. Colkin, this is

not an open carry state. Yeah, but I'm from Tennessee where it is. We're told by the way that he loves baseball. He grew up to love baseball. Right. There's a fucking ridiculous like I don't understand this cameo. The start of the movie or the start of the richy rich part of the movie

he's got batting practice or whatever and his fucking hitting coach is Reggie Jackson? Like who thought Mr. October up to be a cameo here? I feel like that's not first choice. Just in case you didn't know he was rich enough. You didn't believe him. Right. Yeah. That's why they have to get all

these cameos in there. You could buy and sell your fucking ass. But I just feel like, no, I just mean like why. It would be someone even bigger. A little kid, a little kid his age, like wouldn't give a shit about Reggie Jackson. It would be Barney. No, like baseball player was like in the 90s

you're trying to get yourselves like a fucking Wade Boggs or Don Mattingly maybe. But it's just Reggie Jackson. You're like, all right. It should have been Ted Williams' frozen head. They had the technology, dude. They couldn't do it. Wouldn't be Richy Rich now.

The whole movie's him resurrecting dead baseball players? That would be, oh, dude, that's what it is, right? He makes a bet with another rich kid. And it's like, oh, my team will beat your team any day. Oh, yeah, let's see about that. And then he goes about the movie cloning or resurrecting a bunch of dead baseball players. Field of dread.

I was going to say field of scream. Oh, even better. And then it's just a bunch of zombies like totally schooling a bunch of kids in baseball. Exactly. And saying uncouth things. Oh, yeah. Well, Ty Cobb, they just had to fucking put a muzzle on that guy.

Also played again reprising the role, Tommy Lee Jones. And Ben Affleck goes. I just wants to spank you. Oh, yes. So one day, we're told that, And I guess this happens a lot, right? Like, Mr. Rich is supposed to put an appearance somewhere, but he's such a busy guy, taking

a lot of casual phone calls from the president and whatnot. Right. So he ditches out. As Eric mentioned, he bought that tool factory. And he's supposed to go to the grand reopening, but he can't. So he sends the kid in his stead, which is like, if I'm, like, this factory worker, and this, like, little turd gets out of a limousy, dude, I am fucking furious. I didn't do any research today.

How old was he? This is like a 12-year-old. Lecturing me, a hard-working tool manufacturer. Dude, there would be a fucking uprising. Dude, it would be like goddamn strike. Yeah. 1919. Well, imagine the news of seeing this on TV.

A baby owns a factory. He came and bought his factory. Baby ran the factory. It was like a Simpsons episode. It's just insane. But in this movie, dude, the rich family. They're so beloved that these fucking blue-collar dumbasses are going apes shit. That's the thing.

It is a fantastical, like, world that they set up. Well, it's based on a comic book. But also, like, the actual, like, visuals never match up to it. It never is, it's not that imaginative, I guess. It just kind of does it to excuse all the bullshit. At this part, but then we get to... Well, pipe down. Rich 12-year-old speech.

and I might be one soon. Listen, listen, hey, little kid, little kid, you pay attention someday you could grow up to be that little kid. Exactly. He's got a factory. Oh, you know what, maybe when I become like Mr. Rich and I'm a billionaire, even though I work at a factory,

I'll have a rich little baby that'll lecture others, so we've got to be nice to them. It's an American dream. It is the American dream, actually. American scream. Maybe Richie, Rich, Rich sees Millie. house in the crowd gets him to work in his factory oh shit there you go finally his security uh so he they present him with this like gift box of like golden tools golden uh what are the tools

yeah socket wrenches there it is uh and you know he's like oh great my dad there's a fucking crazy joke right here where he goes i love socket wrenches my dad loves socket wrenches and if my mother the dumb cow knew what socket wrenches were. What? He's well he doesn't say that but it's insinuated because he says and my mother if she knew what socket wrenches were I bet she'd love him too and all the people on the crowd go

but imagine being this union leader in this in this fucking the CEO guy yeah and you're expecting Edward Hart you're expecting Richie Rich Sr. You've been telling people for weeks that he's appearing. He's the one who's supposed to show up and then

the baby steps out. How do you like... A boss baby. Yes. It's ostensibly boss baby. They just accept it. But like clearly everybody be like, oh my fucking, oh. Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy. And then he's just like, hey, tool factory employees, suck it. There'd be a revolt. I'm certain of it. Do you catch the great shot here where, so like he gives this quick thing and then he's got to go back to, he's got to go back home so he gets back in his helicopter. the dude who's holding the helicopter door open, definitely a legit helicopter pilot.

Did you get a look at this guy? Oh my God, dude, fucking Florida Swamp mustache, a goddamn Tennessee waterfall to beat the ban, a cheaply made baseball cap on. I love it. Oh, yeah. I took one look at him. I was like, that guy professionally flies helicopters.

It's awesome. That's great. And he takes them back to Duckburg, where is this fucking palace, which I read, I did, okay, I glanced at the Tribune. Okay, okay. Dive in. Yeah.

But I read that the house, even though this is set in the Chicagoland area. Yeah. Yeah. But this house is in Nashville, North Carolina, and... Asheville. Oh, what did I say? Nashville. Wait, what did I say?

Nashville. And what did you say? Asheville. Aren't you glad Steve's not here? So Asheville, North Carolina. Great town, by the way. I bet. It looks nice.

A lot of great breweries. Have you been to this castle? No, I didn't go to the castle. But a lot of great breweries, a lot of great restaurants. Do you know what I'm winding up for? You know what I'm getting to? You know what I'm my conclusion here? I think possibly, yes, go ahead.

It was also used to film something else. Hannibal. Mason Verger's. Yeah. A state. Gary Oldman's fucking death pig palace. It's the same place. Same house.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, geez. Oh, we're free and Richie Rich. I mean, Richie Rich definitely has this. It's the same place. Pig farm? They live there co-currently.

The events of Hannibal are taking place during the events of Richard. Dude, it's like, oh, Richie, go tell Uncle Mason that it's time for dinner. And he's like, I can't eat out of my mouth. Why would you invite me to dinner? Get out of here, little boy. I'll feed you to my pigs. Now we bought your straw, Mason. You know how to eat.

Give me a fucking bear. I could feed me through a hole in my stomach. And get him whatever bag he wants. Whatever bag he wants, I said. Whoa, the best bag money can buy. Absolutely, dude. Money bags. So we've got, we're introduced, funny enough, two weeks in a row.

Major character played by Michael McShane. Yep. Professor Keenbein. Right, who was in Friar Tuck. Well, played Friar Tuck in. Prince of Thieves. Yes, thank you. Also, the new Robin Hood reboot, Friar Tech.

That'd be awesome, dude, because it's just about a fat guy being drunk in the woods. They should now, when they do all these new Robin Hood movies, they should do that. They should change the perspectives, make a Firetuck movie. That fucking Russell Crow movie? Yeah. Awful. Awful. But he was originally supposed to play the sheriff of Nottingham, and it was all from the perspective of Nottingham.

And it was called Nottingham. It would have been fucking fun. That's a great idea. But no. Wait, so. Russell Crowe was actually supposed to play the sheriff of Nottingham, and then they were like, oh, make it Robin Hood instead? He was like, all right.

Yeah, but it's definitely based, like, they bought a script called Nottingham, and then Ridley Scott was like, but maybe Robin Hood again. God damn it, Ridley Scott. It would have been great the other way around. They should really do that. But in the sequel to this film, Richie Rich, too, aka Richie Rich's Christmas Wish. Oh, right.

They say it's a sequel, but everyone's been recast. And that is the most offensive recasting in my mind because they take Keene Bean. Professor Keene Bean. You know who plays him in this straight-to-video sequel? Jesse Ventura. Eugene Levy. No. I know.

I saw that clip. I saw a little clip when you searched the term. That's terrible. What term did you? In news. Oh, okay. That's terrible. Because it's like what happened?

My God, what happened? He got stomach surgery and became. became Jewish? I guess so. And he just said, like, after American Pie, he just said yes to everything. Of course he did. Whatever, whatever he got for me. I do love Eugene Levy. Oh, of course. It reminds me, because I don't know if I've said it on the air,

so I'll use my global platform right now to tell people, if you're not watching Schitts Creek. Globalist. This globalist is watching Schitts Creek. It's now streaming on Netflix. You have to watch it, dude. I've been going through it all. It's so fucking funny. It is, it is really good. It's a good show. So that's, so that's good, Eugene

Levy. Yes. So Keene Bean, yeah, Michael McShane, also Franklin Delano Roman Askey and Seinfeld. You cannot forget that. So there's this weird thing. So the dad is like, all right, Richie. I want you to drop dead. Did he should tell Richie Rich didn't drop dead. Then he throws a fucking ice ball at the back of his head.

He's like, you got to go down to Professor Keenbeens for your chemistry lesson or whatever. And I'm like, what's going on here? The basement of this house is basically like the Q laboratory at MI6. And all of a sudden, there's this Q scene where he, like, Richie Rich is like, QNON. We're talking about, there's a scene where QNON is down there and he's figuring out everything. Catch him in bad with it. Well, the first basement is where all the pigs are.

Right. And then the second basement is where they got this laboratory. Oh, I hit B1. I got off at Uncle Mason's pig farm. No, he goes up to fucking Keenby. And he's like, listen, you fat fuck, I don't feel like talking about chemistry. So why don't you show me some of the stupid shit you've been working on. And then we just have like this James Bond

Q scene where he's like, all right, Richie, here's all these gadgets including, do you catch this terrified moment? He's like, here's like the strongest adhesive in the world, whatever it is. And Keen Bean accidentally uses his girth to like knock this dude against the wall and like his flesh gets stuck to it. And this guy just, it's a legitimately terrified like, he's like, help me, help me. Like he knows he's They're going to have to cut that arm on.

They're going to have to cut flesh from his limbs in order to free him from this. Rip it off maybe a little bit. So you're going to have to get quite a lot of surgery. He's just losing an arm, dude. That's the thing. He's going to be like, can't we just rip it off? And they're going to be like,

nah, there's going to take too much with it. It's not worth it. You're going to have to cut it all. And this is like a tar thing? It's like some adhesive. He's like, it's a million times stronger than the strongest adhesive in the world. And you're like, well, whoopty fuck.

Well, that's impossible juice. Thank you. Thank you for making impossible juice. And one of the other things that comes into play later in one of the most disturbing shots of the film, this scientist is like, by the way, here's this powder. If you just spray it on any kind of material, it makes it waterproof, stainproof.

And by the way, and some guy comes out with a fucking machine gun and just blast the suit. And he's like, bulletproof too. put that in the back of your head what like what would happen if you sprayed that at somebody's face

oh shit then you could just get the shot in the head like the Jacob Wool aviv avi like it was just like shiny face that's that weird little kid

that threatened people so then we're introduced to John Laracette who's coming over and I guess he's like he's Mr. Van Doe I guess he's like their money manager

some shit that's sort of how it's presented business partner he's yeah he seems to be the financial guru. But you would think like they would say, like they clearly all

fucking hate him. Except for Mr. Rich though. You can't fire anyone. And that's what Christine Ebersol is like, Richard, I love you, but you're a fucking moron because this dude clearly sucks

and you should have fired him. And she's right because in a few minutes he tries to fucking murder them. But like, oh, Lawrence Van Doe, by the way, is the name of this person.

And it's like, you, can tell he's a shepherd right away because he gets out of the limo and he's like 37 miles of driveway and you had to park in front of a puddle and just like fires this guy 37 miles can you imagine you know how long that is I think that was about as long as the fucking driveway for Ruby Ridge dude you are in New Jersey you are in another fucking state yeah it's crazy 37 miles from here I mean that is pretty fucking crazy. It's like, well, we're home

and you'll be able to get out of the car in 25 minutes. That is insane. What do they do? They're probably... You can still watch an episode of Daredevil before you get there. Meanwhile, your dad's playing a game of the most dangerous game. Like, the amount of land

they have, you could definitely hunt humans for sport. Absolutely. No problem. Don't you start... Like, that is the biggest crime of this movie is pretending that Richie Rich Sr. is some fucking angel. This man, this fucking man right here he has eaten human he has hunted human no problem he has like what like for pleasure watched people tortured of course oh yeah there's a library that's the

third basement there's a library filled exclusively with snuff films you know how people go to the hostile fucking torture chamber places yeah god knows where's levia yeah um he's he's the guy who owns the place oh he owns the whole chain that's his summer home and then of course like B3 of the basement is where he's got his jigsaw room oh yeah dude the the fucking perverse nonsense

that the rich get off on it turn your hair white that's so like that that's what this whole pristine shit just get it out but that's why you gotta be that's why you need 37 miles of driveway so they can't hear the gunshots

make it make it something well because McCulley Cogan doesn't really act much in this movie make his father a shit heel and he has to like usurp that and save the family

the good name that it is to be rich the work has corrupted him like there's some stakes there that's somewhat compelling dude it would be awesome right like he goes in because it's also weird like Richie Riches

this character is like he's just so obsessed with his dad and like he's got to be fucking around his father every second the dad link dude Dude, he's got this little computer device called the dad link. And it's like, I can find my dad anywhere in the world. It's like, you know what, dude?

Sometimes your dad wants to be in the bathroom fucking jerking off alone. And he doesn't need the fucking dad link, man. Also, like, you got this giant computer and you're telling me, all you use it for is looking up your dad. Where's my daddy? What's my dad doing? And by the way, isn't it most of the time? Well, no, because I guess he's an international businessman, so he's not home that often. Well, he's constantly taking meetings with this fictional president.

The president, uh, MoMar Gaddafi. Oh, dude, he's just meeting with, the Saudis. He's deep in the Carlisle group and the Bin Laden family. Oh, yeah. Bankrolled then. Well, that's the thing is like the money that he must have circulating the globe. Yeah. I bet it's going to some stuff, man.

Oh, because there's shit that he doesn't even know about. And I'm sure. You got fucking Lawrence Van Doe. Yeah. Yeah. Evil itself. John Larket fucking. fucking is running your business dude how about this i think richy rich

senior whether he knew it or not dude he fucking finance 9-11 oh yeah he's in on it oh yeah he's exactly he's the death squads of regan's era like all this stuff is all the one pushing Reagan to sell fucking weapons to the Taliban dude definitely it's

all there it's all just right this is our own Q and on episode by the way rich rich rich senior is that his name rich rich rich he's rich rich he's rich Richard Rich. They're both rich, rich. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, he was definitely like there helping train the Mujahadine. Find his name a lot in the Iran contra papers. Dude, Ollie North was just a fucking patsy, man. It was actually Richard Rich senior behind the curtain. You got a guy in uniform. He's kind of like, you have to go down with the ship. Yeah. He's just taking the fall for him.

That's a thing because Ollie North swore an oath, man. Richard Rich. No. Just like that Warner Brothers studio. lackey that went to jail when Clark Gable ran someone over in his car. Oh, is that true? Is that true story? That's a Hollywood fable, but I think it's true. I would like to believe it. Because the studio system was so tight.

Oh, yeah. Keep all that all that shit out of the tabloids. That's right. Just you pay some dude to take the fall for you. And that's amazing, dude, because see how far we came in just a few short decades because when Matthew Broderick killed that person with a car, he fucking took the fall. Yeah.

There wasn't any studio. Turns out it was no problem. Also, it was no problem. But everybody knew that he did it. So here's... That is so sweet of you to do that, Matthew. Thank you. So, just that is just a...

Thank you for taking the wrap. You are just such a number one guy, I got to say. The first of a few, like, shocking moments in this movie. And remember, this movie is 1994, and I think that's very important. Yes. So, like, it's the next morning. and it's like you see a day in the life of Richie Rich and the butler wakes him up and he's like

all right Master Rich it's time for your exercise and he's like oh you know Carlisle or whatever his name is Cadbury he's like I don't feel like exercising today and he's like oh is that right Master Rich well I think uh once you get a once you get a look at your instructor don't tell Arnold

well at which he tell Arnold I can't do it today. What do you mean you can't do today? You have to get after it. What you're doing? Richie, you're so stupid. Are you telling me, Arnold Schwarzenegger's coming to your house every day to fucking do stretches with you? Listen. If I was as rich as Rich as Richie Rich that it would absolutely be happy. Would you do that? And if I was blessed enough to have Arnold as my personal trainer, I would be in the best shape ever because I would be like, yes, Arnold, I will listen to every diet advice, exercise advice. That's right. eat more eggs and bananas.

Do the push-up. I just love teaching this fat man how to be in shape. It's just like coming. I'm working with James Camlin now. He's a sweet man. Very sweet man. But what happens, though? I am the avatar.

Dude of Arnold is in one of these next four avatar movies. Big blue dude. I love it. Great. He's just coming blue. I'm coming blue. and when I'm in the gym I'm coming blue and I have blue balls

but I'm still coming it's fantastic I think it's a thing though where they in the script it was like Arnold was his personal trainer and then it was Arnold was like no it's 1994 kiss my ass

I'm still at the top of everything but so what they decide to do which is a trend in 1994 and I'll explain why in a second they are like oh cool here's your like substitute in the instructor one is claudius jessie ventura uh how's it going richie yeah let's get into it buddy

i only got about 55 minutes before people's court comes on guess what buddy it's squat time me and you buddy down up hey richie buddy uh what do you think about me running for governor or something i don't know like minnesota it's uh time for the medicine ball. Now I like to chuck it. This is a medicine ball technically because it's a little softball that I hollowed out and put cough syrup in it.

So I'm going to have my medicine ball that I'm going to ship on and you're going to lift that other one, buddy. Serap ball. Taking the world by storm. Thank you for the straw, Cadbury. Ah, yes, Mr. Ventura. Whatever you say.

But it's actually Claudia. It's Claudia Schiffer, and this is so fucked up because she's, like, in front of this, like, little aerobics area, and Richie Rich and Cadbury behind her, and Richie Rich is just like, boy, like, they're staring at her fucking ass. It's just all little kid boners and shit. Like, what is this doing in a movie? I'll tell you what is it doing in a movie? I'll tell you what it's doing in a movie, dude, because this exact same thing happened in 1994, with a certain film, also based off a fucking old-ass property. that nobody gave a flying fuck about the little rascals that also came out on yeah there's a lot of bonus stuff in the little rascals that's right i was in little rascal that's right

he's the fucking holy shit i forgot he's the rich kid's dad little rascal it's time to work out okay now first things first you have to eat a bunch of cheese every morning i eat cheese and i look at pictures of my daughter evanka okay alfalfa you have to grab him by the oh you You know what? Never mind. You know what? Nevermind. I'll tell you later. That whole movie, though, is like, oh, yeah. Look at that Darla. Isn't she hot? I don't, honestly, I don't remember that film at all. Dude, it's a stay tuned and a half quite a lot. So there was a Darla in there. Darla, yeah. She was the, she's the lady interest and Spanky falls in love with her and he gets kicked out of the he-man-woman's hair.

Alfalfa falls in love. They fight over her, dude. No, isn't it Alphalfa and the rich kid? You're totally right. Sorry. Alphalfa falls in love with her. he quabbles with the with the rich kid over it but then spanky's pissed off about it. And Darla is a age appropriate for these children? No, Darla's also a little kid. That's what's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, so it's, okay. Darla is not of age, but she's age appropriate enough for these kids. But it's like, why the fuck am I sitting here watching a bunch of kids? Excuse me, excuse me, sorry, Darla, I didn't mean to walk into your dressing room. Oh, whoops. I own this little rascals pageant. Exactly.

But that movie is all of that shit, though. By the way, you might as well call all those fucking beauty pageants, especially the teens ones, little rascal pageants, because it'll help contextualize it for people that these are children and they shouldn't be playing sexy adult dress up for you. What are you talking about? It's great. It's great television. We see, can we talk about this?

This is disgusting. we get a glimpse at his fucking like prep school that he goes to oh my god oh my lord with these little like CEOs American psychos in training yes speaking of American psycho fucking Ben Stein oh totally he's the teacher of all these kids evil incarnate fucking Ben Stein yeah and it's this weird like they yeah he's a piece of shit they teach these kids nothing but like how to do quote unquote business or how to like be a business person. So like every desk is like a big mahogany desk

kind of a thing. And Ben Stein's like giving them like business situations. And he's like so how would you remedy this? And they're all like, I'd commit insider trading. I'd fucking do this. I'd do that corrupt thing or whatever. I'd win Ben Stein's

money. I was too. Yeah. That's yeah. But like you're supposed to be laughing because Richie Rich is passing notes via a fax machine. That is such a rich way to do it. I forget, is he making fun of Ben Stein with that or is he making

fun of the the poor. Yeah, he's making fun of the poor. The super evil rich kid. I think he was making fun of the super evil rich kid. Yeah, there's like this super evil. But also the poor. Yeah, well also. He's like a super evil like a fete kid. Right. Oh, so he's double bad. Yeah, exactly. They're coding him that way so that you could actually vilify him because if a little kid seemed super heterosexual and had tons of money yeah that's who i want to be that's who i want to beat yeah if there's

a straight person who does that kind of stuff 1776 will happen again he's the stupid person's idea of what a rich person should be exactly um so oh great bit of the trivia right here and honestly, even though I think this dude playing Cadbury does an okay job, do you see on the Tribune who was supposed to be the butler? I love his eggs. I'll say that much. He dropped out. It was fucking John Cleese.

Really? Yeah. John Cleese was a catberry. That would be fun. That would have been, that would have gotten a little bit more character. Because I mean, like, I don't think this guy doesn't do a bad job. No, he's totally fine. But John Cleese, that's a lot of different color. So there's also

this ridiculous, like, they're their P.E., like their physical education class, their gym class, is... P.E. Oh, right. Physical education. Right. For me, that's peeing. Oh, man, I got a great workout today. You fucking pissed like a racer. Yeah, come on. You got to pee.

Eric, you're doing great, man. Look how much you're peeing. So, so just to be clear, throughout high school, you had a coach for peeing. Yeah, Arnold Schwarzenegger pee coach. Okay, now it's snowbank. You make the figure. with the urine and then your uncle Peter North will show you to shoot the rope.

My, how far I've fallen. It's really about him. So Richie realizes like all of these rich kids are fucking stupid because he's like, he does the like, hey guys, like you want to come over and hang out and they're like, hang out. What the fuck is? That's what poor people do. Yeah. So he tells Cadbury, he's like, hey man, I want to go back to that factory because across the street while I was uh when I was giving that speech I noticed across the

street some kids playing baseball I love street street urchants yeah and this is awesome because these kids fucking berate him it is so funny he's like hey how about I play with you and they're like hey how about you go fuck yourself it's like it's like the ruins from a 1960s of italian film like it's just like scrambling around these ruins of factories and homes dude's fucking I think you got to go back far in the cabin. It's the 40s, dude. This is neorealist Italy. They're just running around all these bombed out buildings.

It's a rubble film. So they have, I guess they decide they're going to have like a home run derby. And the leader of this pack is this little girl and she's like all right, you can play with us if you can hit off me or something like that. So they make a little bet

and here we go again with these money jokes. She's like, all right, cool. 10. And he goes, all right, Fine. Seems a little stoop, but that's okay. And he takes out this big wad of cash. And by the way, Richie Rich, anyone will tell you, when you're out in public like this, do not just whip out a wad of money. Oh, yeah. Especially in these fucking, this burned out baseball field. How are, how, do you see how big that thing is? How are you carrying that? Yeah. Don't you walk with a limp? It's the George Costanza wallet, dude. So he's like, oh, well, it seems steep, but okay. 10,000 it is. And they're like, um, $10.00. Slash. you have no idea how to communicate with people. There should have been a thing when they were like,

all right, Rich, you're rich. Here's the deal, man. You seem like a nice guy, but you literally have no idea what it's like to interact with real people. This is embarrassing. You don't function as a person. I'll take your 10 grand, but you've got to go get therapy. I'm sorry, 100% on this.

These fucking rich people, like people who have like a billion dollars. Oh, yeah. You can just give a million dollars to a random person and change their lives. But you won't. You know, like... Well, that's the supposition of this movie is that the one rich person who would do that. Well, to an extent, right? Yeah.

Like, he will... Like, the father, Richie Rich, God. He... I just find it crazy that they're both the same name. But that happens all the time. Well, I need a junior. Well, he's Richard. He's not Richie.

Richard Rich. Or Mr. Rich to you. You poor piece of shit. Well, things, he won't give money away. He will buy things and then transfer ownership to the commune of the workers, which is a fantastic thing. But he should be doing even more. Well, he's giving. Didn't you watch the movie?

He's giving away the factory. That's like, well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what drives John Larkett towards murder. Yeah, but Thomas Wayne gave us a whole like metro system. So I'm just saying. Relative, I get you. Yeah, I just do better, Mr. Rich. You're going to go up in his face.

So Richie Rich actually hits off this girl. He hits a home run and he's like, you know, oh, I don't want your money. Or they have to pay him or whatever. Yeah. Or no, he says like keep the money. Like, it's totally fine. They're like, just get the fuck out of here.

Oh, yeah. You know, so it doesn't go as planned. So then we cut to it's like, oh, Richie, don't worry. about any of that. Like, your parents can be your best friend. Also, like, we're going to go to England this weekend for the Queen's birthday. Oh, great. Oh, great. You got that cut cut up Cadbury. One of my favorite scenes in this film is when Richie Rich thinks he's developing a Zit. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. He says, congratulations on the Zit, sir. Right. Fantastic film. Fantastic scene. And that's, well, that's, uh, when he's using Dad Link,

because he calls on that thing all the fucking time. Well, he calls him while he's in the White House. That's right. And he's rapping with the president about economic process. First of all, that's an unsecure thing. This dad, like, he just walks out in the way. How would you get that in there? It starts broadcasting audio and video from the Oval Office with this fucking dude.

Well, then you have to assassinate Richie Rich. Oh, that's what. You know what it sees, yes. Burn the home. I'm sorry. You've got to get rid of it all. The state has to seize their fortune, nationalize rich. or whatever the fuck it's called.

Well, that's weird, like, because they do, like, do a couple, like, modern-day signifiers, like, other than the sod, like, they do say he's going to go to Saudi Arabia in a week or something like that. Yeah. And you see a couple of Saudi Arabian men, like, hanging out in his office. Yeah. Oh, yes. And they're in the background, like, on their way to McDonald's. And then there's some weird reference to Leahyakoka.

Yes. Oh, there is, there is indeed a Lee Icaca reference. in this kid's movie like all those kids are going to be like oh right of course who would know that that's so fucking stupid so they're like all right we're going to get on this plane and this is where we see Larichette has a plan

he's got this head of security named Ferguson and this dude there's like oh here's all the luggage that has to go on our private plane it's all like gifts for the queen and shit it's pretty clear that Richie Rich Senior did not do a background check on Ferguson there.

Absolutely not. No, here's the thing is like he did the background check and it came back kind of shitty but he was like, oh, well, I don't know, mother,

I already told the man that he was good for the job. I can't fire him now. But there's tons of people that have clean records who would just fuck over this dude you know, for a slice of that pie.

Well, this guy is like taking Richie, a little Richie, the little Richie. Yeah. child by the wrist oh yeah he grabs him earlier in the movie and fucking cadbury's like if you ever touch that guy again i'll kill you i'm imagining he has a similar background to alfred yes oh absolutely yeah he was a he was a killer in the war took out many a man

he was the guy that personally trained the muja had dean that's right he did it he was the one in this movie it wasn't it wasn't john rambo that did it it was Cadbury. So they're going to take a plane to England for this birthday, and then Mrs. Rich is like, hey, Cadbury, what's going out with my son? He seems upset.

I could talk to him, but you're here. And he's like, yeah, these kids made fun of him playing baseball. His body is changing, madam. He got a zit today. And I believe I found his first pew on the floor. On the floor.

I was doing my daily toothbrush scrub of his shower, and I found a pub, Madam. I'm sorry to inform you, but his pubs are falling out. This is a medical emergency. It was a curl, not a straight. That's how I know. So she's like, how could... He's got a bunch of curleys in the shower.

It's like a college dorm in there, madam. So she's like, how could he feel better? And he's like, hey, probably if you made him not... go to this fucking 1,000 year old woman's birthday. So he doesn't get on the plane very important and they take off. But

before I'm Ferguson puts a little box. Yeah, little red gift box. Right. Which by the way, we didn't mention it, but there is a little thing. It's a part of this queue crap, right? There's a gadget they get called smello. The fart machine?

What's what's it go with the pig nose? Like the smell gun or whatever. I wrote down smell gadget. There was a name, but I don't remember. It definitely wasn't fart gun. I wrote it down somewhere. Fart gun is you. Fart gun.

Fart gun is you. That's not, you're just writing your name on your paper. Yeah, it's a fart gun. Signed fart gun. So, so. Smellimator? Yeah, some shit like that. So this, this device where you pointed at an object and you press the button

and it describes, what it smells like and it really gets in there and it's just like oh like linen handkerchief folded or whatever right it's very specific uh even detailing stuff that doesn't necessarily smell that much and then he points it at these these uh gifts because he wants to get into the chocolates you know rich rich rich rich senior's got a little sweet tooth they're in the air at this point right and by the way they fly their own planes like their uh john travolta's I was going to say like a JFK Jr. Even better.

But yeah, he's like, he's trying to sniff out these chocolates and he hits this one thing and it's like, try nitrotalewine. And he's like, huh, that sounds familiar. What could that be? And then he realizes there's a bomb on the plane. He throws it at the window. Right? Slowly, the slowest, they could have avoided this whole thing, but they were like,

oh, one's, you know, no, and they finally open it and it's ticking and it's got eight seconds left. And then he gets the idea to throw it out the window. But not before being like, mother, this is a bomb. Well, because she's like, throw it out the fucking window. Well, because I bet you, because they cut between when he finds it and when he's up there with the wife again. I bet you he kept on looking for treats. He's clearly looking for treats everywhere.

And like, he's not going to stop just because something very bomb-like. Like, he found the bomb. Can I eat this? There was still like 10 minutes left, but he kept the hunt for the job. There's got to be some chocolates. So, yes, they go down. They crash in the ocean. Meanwhile, Richie is back at the house, and Cadbury's like, hey, man, got a surprise for you outside.

Hey, man, I'm your butler now, man. Cadbury left. I'm addicted to meth. Look, you got to ignore all that stuff you saw in my room the other day. You got to give me a break, Richie. So the big surprise is it's some of the kids from the little baseball team are at his house, along with like the little girl's mother, which is good because that's a friend for Cadbury. Yeah, this is this whole like working class thirst like subplot where like the mother wants to fuck Cadbury. Oh, she's hardy for him immediately.

She wants those eggs, dude. It's fucking Easter in this house. And Cadbury is like not really feeling it because he needs a more sufficient. I need a woman who can read. No, no, no, no, no. She's going to get that cream, though. She definitely is, dude. She's working him down for this whole movie.

She's going to crack that cream out. Sorry, the sugar cream that are in the chocolate eggs, not, not any perverted cream. And the eggs are his testicles. Let me ask you this. What is the consensus in the room on Cadbury cream eggs? 100% positive. Uh-huh. 80% positive.

I'm like a total no. Really? It's very sweet. It's very sweet. That's sugar paste. It's like you bite into that and it's like diabetes. Oh yeah. Oh, it's the only candy you can have for that day.

I don't think you can go. Yeah. For that year, I would say. But no, it's it's a delicacy. It should be treated as such. You can't just go popping them around. But that's what's weird though. It's like the Cadbury Company.

They're a little too big for their britches because I'm seeing like fucking Halloween things. You just... Yeah, you know, they fucking color them green. I didn't get one this year, but I would have liked to add. Yes, I'm talking about me going trick or trick-or-treating. No, no, I didn't actually do that, but I wanted one and I didn't get one this year. Usually someone in an office or someone will have one or have one, but it didn't have any peeps.

Didn't happen for peeps. Yeah, peeps. They usually come around with Halloween. No, I disagree with peeps 100%. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. That's where I draw my line. Okay.

Well, that's like a fucking diabetes sponge, a peanut. Just give me the cream. Just inject it right to my veins. So we have this montage of like him hanging out with these kids. And it's basically like, get ready to get jealous because I'm fucking rich and you're a bunch of street urchins. There's one of the kids is just his whole thing is he's very fat. Yes, that is his whole thing. And hungry for more food.

Been there, man. That kid loves the McDonald's. Right. They go to. You have a McDonald's in your house? Okay, I need to know. Has, is this McDonald's there for good? Oh, is it like a pop-up?

It's like seasonal? It looks like it's for, no, it's for good because they've got this, the amount of accoutrement for this fucking arch, this McDonald's arch, it's like built in. Oh, the famed golden arches. Exactly. So you think it's been there the whole time.

Well, I don't think it's original to the house in. Yeah, from the original around. after it's like in from like 1860 i think um rich rich senior uh installed it to make his little chubby boy happy and it's insane because they're paying people to work there yeah yeah presumably they're they're shipping in food all the time to cook or yeah how many people are getting this you know there's only certain certain many people in the house we do see cat uh not cadbury professor keen bean go in there as a fat joke yes like oh he's got he's got got all the he's got tons of food why would he have that much food well like yeah i'm

researching the secret sauce well because if you if you're correct he's eating like trump like he's eating nothing but fucking macdonald's every day and he's probably on death's door or the servants are like i don't understand oh maybe that's it's the servant food or is it just this huge vanity project where it's like anytime my boy wants macdonald's because for some reason my driveway is almost 40 fucking miles long and it would take too long to get McDonald's. It's in the house. It would be cold by the time you go. And then guess what? If he doesn't want McDonald's today, we're

thrown out fucking 50 pounds of beef. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you're totally right. We're just throwing it out. Yeah. We were doing it anyway. Food waste is definitely not a problem. No. So we see all the little things he has. So they're like, oh wow, it's really great hanging out in this playroom of yours, Richie Rich. And he's like, oh yeah, want to try the kid of Palt?

And, like, we go outside. It's like this fucking hydraulic chair launcher thing where they're like flying, landing in like a big beanbag thing. How is this a thing? This is this so unsafe. Yeah. My God, for the little kid bones. And he's just bragging. He's just showing off as well.

It's a lawsuit of Palt. Yes. Oh, yeah, totally. There's no supervision to this shit at all. There needs to be like a quick scene of Cadbury being like, oh, you've to sign this way of. Yeah, totally. Are the mothers like, is that safe? Oh, yes, madam.

And then they, like, he can have his own ER. I bet there's a, there's a fucking, there's a walk-in clinic there. Well, Cadbury's doing his work because, like, you know, he can do all this dangerous shit with these kids. Richie Rich, all he wants. He's romancing the mother. She's not paying attention to any. That's right. He's distracted her.

He's got her. He don't worry about it. Also, the other thing is, if any of these kids get killed, like on this kid, Napalte or whatever. Cadbury is going to have the whole lot of them murdered. And they're just buried on the estate somewhere. Nobody's going to know. There's so many miles of woods. I mean, but Richie Rich Sr., much like his father, you know, he's got no problem with liquidating quite literally a body. That's actually great point. If it comes up to that. You see how many fucking chimneys this place has? Yeah, please. It's definitely got an incinerator that's been used to.

The pig. Again, I point you to Mason and his pigs. Oh, right, Uncle Mason. That's true. So you could dispose them any way you want. You know what? There's enough kids that come in from town that you could do one for each, right? You throw one kid in the incinerator. July 4th's coming up. Exactly.

Get the pig something nice for July 4th. You throw one kid to the pigs. Yeah. You could just like cattle, well, these kids are already dead, right? Well, they would be dead from the catapult. Right. The kidapult will kill them. No, one just got killed.

You have to fucking kill the rest of them to cover up everything. Oh, that's true. I guess that is true. So, like, one kid died. You still got three other kids to kill. Right. I would just like, you know, here you face the kidapult to a brick wall. And if they live, you just drag them back and throw them back in this chair.

I think that's a great. These are great ideas. These are great ideas. It's just one out of many. Yeah. You just hire Matt Dillon in the house the jack bill. He'll fucking, he'll take care of those kids. You got to kill those kids the richest way possible.

How are the way that spends the most money? Everyone knows a poor man can easily kill a child with a pillow or a hammer, but you need to show your wealth when doing it. That's why things like the extrapols is invented. True extravagance. We need to talk about the next totally inappropriate for children joke in the movie. It comes right here. So Richie Rich is like, hey, you want to play tag? And they're like, tag. That's a poor kids game. That's what we play. And he's like not how we play it. And he's got a bunch of like four by fours. And they're ATVs. Yeah. They're like riding around or whatever. And so Cadbury is walking with the mother, like on the grounds. It's revealed that Cadbury's first name is Herbert. And she's like, oh, Herb. I love that name. And he's like, it's Herbert.

I am not a seasoning, madam. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. She says, you're hussy. Or like, you know, maybe Bert, right? Oh, Bert. Drop the H.E.

Yeah. Drop the her. Oh, yeah. Drop the herd, excuse me. That's a great slogan. Give it a herb. That fucking herb, bro. That fucking wretchy,

wretch is such a fucking harp. These little fucking rapscallions come up on these ATVs and whatnot, and they ride past the two adults. And so Cadbury grabs her and holds her close to protect her, right? To which this woman responds, do I detect a rising fire sign, Herbert? Yeah, fucking hard. jokes in your richy rich movie she can sense the heat emanating from his crotch yeah there's a poke

in her butt that's the subtext of the scene not her butt dude they're fucking poke in the front they're face to face oh he's poke in the front yeah dude he's poking her and it's in a kid's I'm gonna imagine it's more like towards the hip or the thigh in that case either way she felt it the point is oh man alphagino in richy rich drop a herd get with a Bert, right? He's going undercover. Also, he has a roller coaster. Yes. And this is, it's a weird

scene because this scene is intercut with the scene of the plane crashing. So they're like, they're like roaring on this roller coaster trek and Edward Herman's like, we're going to die, we're going to die. Which is, it's an odd bit of editing. So it's like the end of the day,

they're like, wow, what a great time, Richie. And this one fucking son of a bitch is like, hey, where's our hundred bucks? And I was like, oh, I totally forgot about this gross humiliation. Oh, God. And he's like, what hundred bucks? And he's like, the stiff over, everybody said, the penguin over there told us he'd give us

a hundred bucks each if we came and played with you today. And dude, it is the biggest douche chill moment. Because at that point, like, they've actually had a legit time. Like, they had fun. They're friends. The girls yelling at him. Like, quit, Tony. She's like, you shut the fuck up. You're not fucking taking

any of this man's money. We had an excellent legitimately fun time today. Stop being a herb. Yeah. You're herbing. Oh, man. My mom was going to get her medicine this month. Whatever.

All right, sir, you've entitled to you're $100, but you've eaten $200 of McDonald's. So, in fact, you owe me $100. Can you fucking believe this penguin's fucking blues brother in me? That's exactly what I was doing. Chicken water. You street urchin. so this is around where we find out lara cat's dastardly plan is he thought he was going to murder all three members of the family and then he as like the number one basically like in the company light of succession right so he would get to take over the corporation by the way side note it's it's it's supposedly they were flying over the bermuda triangle when they went down yeah where's all the fucking sea mystery yeah where's where's a big octopus at least something or some type of supernatural element like amelia airhart gives them a pep talk oh that would be

fucking right he's just talking to ghosts hell yeah dude like this the rich family talking to ghosts give me one UFO like the end of the man who wasn't there yes type shot get me give me one of those that is an excellent film great movie it is it's the first movie ever saw in new york city oh yeah we saw that together yeah it was awesome. So the parents realize by the way that they have to figure out they're in like a little life raft

and he's like well my fucking dad link is broken but they realize like what went down and the wife is like yeah you fucking idiot you should have fired that guy

now he tried to murder us and then they realized like oh fuck we definitely have to survive because this dude is after Richie and our son's life is in danger kind of a thing so but like back But, like, while this is happening, John Larket, it's not like, this is where the cartoonishness of this, like, really sets in.

It really kicks in here. Like, he just walks into the office, the main head office, John Larket. Yeah. And, like, I'm the boss now because they're dead. Well, he's, the thing is like, he's like, okay, now the plane, the plane should be going down right now. So I'm going to march into their office and assume control before you even get any word about their, their disappearance. with a fucking champagne flu it is bullshit man this you you you get caught so fast do not kill your boss in this man you're not going to talk to like any board of advisors you have to wait it out

you have to see you have to seem to be the steady choice yeah i bet you there's a lot of financial interests in his corporation or whatever he does oh yeah the fucking saudies are calling they're not going to fucking let that go. Hey, Richie. Richie got a couple of our Saudi friends, Colin. I got a need to do some business here, boy. MBS shows up as that what you said. Is that George H.W?

Yeah, he was wrapped up in the whole thing probably. He was like an advisor to like the rich compound. Yeah. The Carlisle group, right? weren't they all tied up in that? It's all the same shit. I'm sorry, whatever Richie Rich is doing, he's got hands and that stuff.

Absolutely. Oh, so this is, so the whole thing is like, oh no, John Laracette thinks he's going to take over the business. Richie Rich is only motivated by the little girl calls him

and is like, hey, my mom just got fired because your company closed the factory. And he's like, oh, hang on, I'll take care of this. So he and Cadbury storm in to like Laracette's

or I guess his father's office technically. But can you imagine? fucking richie rich one of the richest people in the fucking world dies stocks aren't plummeting it's not like yeah fucking chaos everywhere yeah dude this company would be toxic at it would be crazy it would be insane and especially like okay so vandoe coming into power would help stabilize the stock but then richie the junior coming in there with cadbury and assuming control at like 12 years old. Yeah, no, it's

nose diving, dude. All you need to do is show me one board meeting with a bunch of old guys and like three women to reflect the time. And then his first order of business basically, because then Richie takes over control of the boardroom. It's all a weird

Mickey Mouse. Like, Laracette's like, well, you're clearly not a person. You're a little child. You can't run this. And then Cadbury's like, actually, in times like this, I'm his legal guardian. And by proxy, I'm saying that he can be the CEO of the company.

Makes no fucking... I mean, again, it's based on a comic book for children. I understand that, but it's just like... Just the slightest bit more stupid than it needs to be? But this is exactly what I mean. Like, what... It only goes into those... It only invokes those things

when it has to get over a plot turn. Yeah, you're totally right. A major like, that's when they bring that shit out to be like, well, yeah, it's also magic, but also we're not going to be very imaginative. with anything else. Right. But then suddenly,

like, Richie Rich is the toast of the town. He's got, like, People Magazine covers. His dog, Dollar has a cover on a magazine. He's got his own dog. Did you see just what issue of People Magazine he's a part of?

No. Again, because for whatever reason, we cannot stop sexualizing children. Richie Riches voted People Magazine Sexiest Man of the Year. What the fuck are we doing? Who thought that would?

Yeah, I want you to. Look at that and think about sexy kids. Still a better choice in Blake Shelton. Ain't that the truth? So one of his first orders of business is apparently there's a richy, rich family candy bar line. Oh, right. Rich candies.

It's underperforming because it doesn't have as much nuts as the competition. Now, McCauley, no, no, hold up that nut-rageous candy bar to the camera one more time. You got to get it in a nice. You've got to fucking focus on that for 38 seconds. And also the design for the rich bar is going to be dull as shit. So in comparison, the nut rages, it's going to pop. It's going to pop. It's going to pop.

It's making me think about nutrageous candy bars for the first time since 1998. And did you know that you can get them at the concession stand right now in a special limited time? I wanted to ask you guys this. We were talking about Cadbury cremags earlier. When was the last time you had or had seen a nutrageous bar? That's a great question. I was actually sitting at home watching this last night thinking about it. I couldn't tell you.

The follow-up question is, do they still make them? We're bringing back the nut rages. It was my favorite fucking candy, and they took it away, folks. Don't we love the nutrages, don't we? Apparently, the U.S. military now manufactures nut-rageous candy bars? That's right. We'll have the most delicious military in the world. No, because he loves to hark him back to a candy bar

That was popular when he was considered cute We're putting our troops on the border with Candy Land We'll be taking our chutes and ladders To Candyland And they're going to be in Pop-O-Matic trouble And that's life Sorry

Monopoly's illegal chess is for babies also additional product placement almost immediately we cut back to the life raft and they're like oh all we have left is this bottle of Domperignon

and bubble-licious gum and it's just both right there and it's so fucking infuriating because it's like One of them is a thing the majority of this audience will never taste in their lives. The other is fucking bullshit gum. Great. It's going to pop.

It's just going to pop next to the other. The other is Dom Perri-Yon. But it's like, didn't you get enough money from McDonald's folks? Well, no, because, like, Reebok also has a stake in this. There's a big fucking Reebok shoe. Obviously, oh, really? Kidapult Co. Oh, Dead Kid Incorporated?

Louis Vuitton, actually. saves the riches. Oh, right, because her suitcase washes up and it's a Louis Vuitton. Oh, you're right. So, by the way, Laracette, not to be undermined by this little child,

frames the butler for murder, like the murder of the parents. But he just throws a bunch of bomb parts in his, like, bedroom. Yeah. Which is ridiculous because at this point, have they found the plane at all? Do they know that it was a bomb in the first place? They're looking forward.

it but like he's like what uh richy rich senior rich rich rich is building a back up a dad link because dad link's not working oh yeah the fucking dad links down by the way the the whole like computerized professor keenby all right talking to the dude it's like dennis neddery uh-uh it is it's just yeah it's disturbing it should have been this is a 90s teen comedy waiting to happen fat computer Oh, dude, fat computer. Fat computer is, we're working on the idea. We're workshopping an idea right now. He was an obese scientist, and then he got sucked into the computer.

He's Fat Computer. Hey, Fat Computer, what's the weather like today? Oh, I don't know. It's like hot or something. I wish I could eat. Remember when I was a person and I could eat? It megabytes. Oh, man, he's making puns.

Oh, God. Oh, I weigh like 158 gigabytes. I also smoked as a man. Fat computer. I would watch it. Definitely I would watch fat computer. I'd log on to that. So, yeah, so Cadbury is framed for murder.

There's all this weird shit of, like, You think he's getting fucked up in prison, but it turns, like, there's this intense standoff, but then it turns out he's playing gin rummy with these guys. It's like the Grand Budapest Hotel. It's like the prison and that. But there is, they don't they, they eventually do, I mean, maybe I'm getting ahead of ourselves. It's fine. It's a 95-minute movie. Oh, who gives a shit.

That's fine. So Cadbury's set up to be murdered in prison. To make it look like a suicide, though. Yes, by Van Doe and Ferguson. they have some guy that's going to go into the prison and strangle Cadbury to death. Yeah, and like he's so, yeah, like he's playing gin rummy for these guys

and then he tussles with this guy while McCuller Culkin in like a hoodie and a seven dust t-shirt or something. He's dressed like how he looks and getting even with dad. Is that the movie? It's him and Ted Danson? Yes.

Because I always mix it up with the Chevy Chase JT.T. movie. That is, um, uh, it's not. Not man of the house. Yes, that is man of the house. Man of the house. Are you sure?

Yes. Okay. But Chevy, the Chevy Chase one is man of the house. Ted Danson and McCauley Culkin weren't getting even with dad. Yes, even with that. Ted Danson's got a ponytail in that movie.

And yes, he does. Neither of these are jungle to jungle. No. Which was, I always confuse those with this mix. Totally right. It's all, it's like a shitty kid and a shittier dad.

By the way, that full episode on jungle to jungle is a hoot and it's on patreon.com slash we hate movies. Look at that. Yeah, so, yeah, Richie, like, comes in. He's like, oh, here's a thing for Cadbury. It's toothpaste. He's got sensitive teeth or whatever.

But, like, Keene Bean has designed it. It's like acid or so it's a corrosive material. It looks like oatmeal and it dissolves anything. It'll dissolve the prison bars. I'm just thinking, like, I can drop this in fucking Van Doe's drink. Yeah, totally. just slobber up a little bit of that fucking poison everyone and plus that house is so huge but that all those servants and workers would help you cover up the crime well at this

point they can't though because when larakette takes over the company he fucking fires all of the employees from the house but then what the hell's professor keene being doing that's what's what's insane is that dude is found hiding in the basement like hide her in the house well because he wants to have all like his inventions still like that's what he was making. I mean, like, Richard Rich owns everything that Keen Bean makes. Right. So, like, he has an

invention factory going on top of the pig farm, on top of whatever sex dungeon Richard Rich had. Like, these are several things that he's still going to want to use. It's actually one of my favorite parts of the movie is, like, so Larichette takes over as, like, the legal guardian

or whatever. There's a quick line about him being like, oh, I pressured the courts and I got custody of this kid. So he moves into the house. He's installing security cameras everywhere. Everywhere, including like the bedrooms. Yeah, Richie's bedroom, man. That's a little weird.

Oh, boy. That's a little weird Van Doe. Just saying, I think he's making some material for the third basement. Get out that lawsuit of Palt again. But so, like, Richie Rich is walking around the house. Like, boy, my life is really terrible right now. And fucking Keenbeen jumps out of the woodwork and like puts his fucking hand over the kid's mouth. and he's like, be quiet.

I've been hiding in the basement like the phantom of the opera. And he drags him down and that's where he gives him the little corrosive material or whatever. So, yeah, so Cadbury breaks out. They dress him like a tough biker. Yeah. Well, that's the clothing that the man who is there to kill him and... Oh, was wearing. Yeah.

He's got like a sepultera t-shirt and like this fucking leather vest. And he needs a weird... Doesn't he have a bandana? Yeah, he's got a little, like, leather bandana. It's a look. It's quite a look. Wild hogs! He looks like he can be right at home with the wild hogs.

Speaking of Tim Allen movies. Capital hog, Mr. Allen. So they break him out of jail. They go to the little girl's house and the mom is there. She sees Cadbury in this outfit, by the way. Look out below. Holy shit. She's ready to go immediately, dude.

You know, it's like it's raining. Go to fucking pound town, dude, one-way ticket. Take it off. With fucking conductor Cadbury. Oh, God. There goes his cream. Oh. So they're like, oh, we got to hack into whatever the fuck and see if Dad Link is up and running.

Dad Link is up and running at this point for like a quick second. Because Van Doe and Ferguson have essentially taken over the entire house. It's a fortress. Dude, it's like Citizen Kane. It's fucking two people in this huge goddamn Xanadu. And a security force of 10 idiots. And so, like, they realize, like, oh,

holy fuck, something's going on here. There's some sort of internet connection. And everything's going smoothly until this dude Ferguson just unplugs the motive. Right, because they were hacking in from that, the girlfriend's house. I'm going to call her the female friend. She's a cute little girlfriend.

I hate when people do that. Yeah, like, oh, who's that your girlfriend? Your girlfriend. Can we not? Again, it's fucking sexualizing children. Right. And assuming their sexuality at the same time. Exactly.

Yeah, so they, oh, so yeah, he knows that his parents are alive because the uplink happens, which also, this is a little bit spurious reasoning here on the part of Richie Rich because it's like, hey, Richie, what if your dad was just fucking like dead in the desert somewhere? that thing could still be going off the dad link could still be connected instead they decide that he must be alive so what they're

going to do is is attack their own house he says like I have to get in I got to I gotta work with the dad link IRL by the way just confirmed man of the house Chevy Chase with Jake oh fantastic I had to know I was right you up inside and now what is that Tommy Lee Jones movie that's also man of the house

fuck yes that's what it's told me I was like I wanted to say it was Man in the House, but deep down in my soul, I was like, that's a Tommy Lee Jones movie. Both of those could be episodes, by the way. Holy shit. That's a Tommy Lee Jones movie. It just can't be. It just can't be. That's a Tommy Lee Jones movie.

There's never been a movie that's also been the same name of the other movie. Well, I didn't think Man of the House was a good, I don't know. I didn't think it would be two movies. What's that movie about, though? He's like a U.S. Marshal who has to watch. watch over a sorority house for something? Yeah, like a cheerleading squad, I think. Yeah, that's the other man of the house.

That's the Tommy Lee Jones movie. The other one is Farah Fawcett and Chevy Chase and JTT. Oh, Farah Fawcett. Yes. Wow. All right. There's a great line the mom has when they show up to this house to hack the net. She sees Cadbury and she goes, whoa, look who's slumming it. Oh, come on. Pretty great.

Like, hey, you want to go have sex on a pile of? of unemployment checks Cadbury let's do it it's so fucking dumb so they start taking back this mansion it's a siege dude I think you can use the word siege here planned attack you can use the word siege

because they do use that like those artillery weapons as the cat the kid a palt becomes a manure opalt yes dude we're slinging shit in this movie huge bags of shit that they're just dragging I guess from the garden area on this 36 mile drive line yeah they

They found some shit along the way. Presumably there would have been a gate 37 miles ago that they should have first taken an It's funny because it is... We don't see the gate. We don't see the gate. Right. It is essentially like an exaggerated version of Home Alone.

Yeah, pretty much. Like he's essentially trapping his own house. Which is funny because like the McAllisters in those films are clearly fucking filthy, disgustingly rich. They are insanely real. But so then here's the riches, which they're even more rich. Well, because Richie Rich Jr. is clearly more of a barren type type character.

Big time. Whereas they are, you know. Dad found. Dad found. That's my impression of this dad. I've been found. I've been found. I've been found.

I've been found. Hopefully guilty. Oh, well done. there's a weird hilarious moment here it's not as worse it's not as bad as the other thing I'm going to mention later but there's a security guard

that fucking pulls an automatic weapon on all these kids and is just shoving it in their faces I like that well don't don't play with John Larcette he was he just killed the richest man in the world that's right he's not fucking around

he should they should have just lit them up honestly there's no reason there's no I mean he's he's cold-blooded John Laracette right So there's a thing where we know that Laracette's character Van Doe and Mr. Ferguson also know that the parents are alive. We see this thing of like the parents are like, oh, someone's coming. We don't see who it is.

Richie Rich gets into the house and whoops, there are the parents. They've been kidnapped by Laracette and brought back to this house. Like you said, just fucking two in the head. Well, you're missing because he gets tricked by fat computer. dad found dad found and he's like it's in the same room oh right

and he turns around yep and there is John Larachette master planner right so like there's a quick shot of the parents they've changed into their you know

like a tuxedo and an evening gown to be rescued and they're like oh it's a plane and I guess that's John Laracad and his goons

to get them but like they kidnaps they throw their ziplocks of piss and shit overboard but why would you have that a ziplier dude, just get in the water, hold the raft

and take a shit in the ocean. I don't know if they can steady themselves that easily. Well, they drank that old bottle of Dom. Yeah. Oh, no. They're pissed. Honey, I can't take a shit in the ocean now. I'm too drunk. Just kill them in the ocean is what I was trying to get at. Yes, exactly. Why is you bringing them back

to where they can gain control of their fortune again? Well, actually, now I do remember why. It's put out by Disney. Well, Warner Brothers. We spent 25 minutes It's talking about Bugs Bunny. No. No, it's mentioned,

we haven't mentioned this one plot point of the movie yet, this one element is so there is, we're told, Mount Richmore. Yes. Which is just the three of them, their faces like Mount Rushmore.

Carved into a mountain. Could you imagine if the richest family in like your neighborhood carved into the mountain? So like whenever you're, whenever you're commuting to work at their shitty McDonald's, you have to see them.

It's weirdly exactly like, Did you see that documentary of the Queen of Versailles? Yes. Great. Those people are fucking pigs. But it's like a similar situation. You are already in this humongous fucking house. Yeah.

But behind your humongous fucking house, you are trying to recreate the palace from Versailles. Exactly right. And so we're told that the rich family vault. By the way, by the way, John Lerickett earlier in the film is shown watching North by Northwest. Oh, yeah, you're right. Which is adding more another little element to the. this whole Mount Rushmore thing. And it's two times already

I'm thinking about watching something else because I know I'm putting on Richie Rich but the first thing I see is Bugs Bunny so I immediately just want to be watching cartoons. And then McDonald shows up and I'm like Mac and me that also has Christine Ebersol. Yes, it's true. True, Eric.

Oh, you're totally right. But then you're watching one of my top four favorite films of all time. Yeah. Fucking North by Northwest. You're lucky I didn't turn this shit off. Also, Nightcourt is a,

available. Nightcourt is also great. Larichette is kind of just playing his character from Nightcourt if he was like a maniac. Which is sort of what he always plays. But I love John Lerickett. Here's a great thing about John Lerickett. He doesn't tweet as much

anymore. He used to be much more into it. But what he would do is just tweet about how like he would be sitting on his porch in Louisiana. There was a breeze blowing by and he's just listening to jazz drinking a cocktail and I was like the life of Larichette dude what an honor

well see the John Larrakett show I think I did yeah I remember it was like a short-lived sitcom I think it takes place in St. Louis and he's like working at a bus depot or something some weird thing yeah I made no sense I never watched it did we other than

we've other than Madhouse have we ever talked about him oh on a like a John Larichette film yeah I don't think so wow yeah Madhouse Holy shit. Yeah, Matt Hess was something else

with Kirstie Alley. Hersty Alley. Yes, previous episode. Previous episode. Dig into those archives. No, I mean, because we haven't talked about what? He's in the search for Spock.

He's in Stripes. He's in Chris Cabin's favorite movie, Southland Tales. Yes. Oh, God, that's got everyone, Wallace Sean. Like, everybody. Yeah, everybody is in that movie.

Meatballs part two. It's a terrible film, but yeah. It's an amazing move. It's the best movie. Chris Gavin, you and I saw that at a planet Hollywood in Times Square. And the screening room behind the planet Hollywood. Which is the most perfect place. Southland Tales.

The most perfect place to see that movie I think we experienced. We had to walk through a planet Hollywood to go into a screening room and we had to smell all that disgusting food while they played this in Times Square. Oh, we actually know. We have covered John Laracette on a previous episode because if you'll recall, he's got a bit role in Paul Schrader's cat people. Oh yes. So there you go. He just happened to be in New Orleans though. Yeah, that's exactly right. No, so by the way, so to bring us back, that's why he needs them alive because Keen Bean says that he can't get him into the vault because the vault is voice

activated, activated by the two of them. So we cut to their kidnap. That's right. That's where their most prize possessions are in the vault. Right. Mount Richmore. So they, they have to sing their code word they're singing a bit from side by side yes the vault opens and then it's it's all just you're like it's like family heirlooms much like hudson hawk yeah a major part of it involves side by side oh oh oh oh i think you were to say much like hudson hawk they this sucks as well i know you like it uh no but eric's totally right it's just my favorite bad movie i'm sorry What happens if someone dies? Like, are you really going to be locked out of all your prize possessions?

I had that same thought, actually. You know, like, and it turns out it's not all the gold bars and diamonds that John Lerickett was imagining. It's all family heirlooms and things about their life together. Right. And if you had lost your, you know, your loved one, your husband or your wife, wouldn't you want to access to that room? Hey, hey, take that off the thing. Why does you give throat cancer? Oh, that's right.

Right. What happens if fucking anything happens to your voice. Exactly. You stupid? Are you like most rich people fucking stupid?

Yeah. No. Oh, so also when here's a dumb joke. I guess it's a joke that's supposed to be in this movie. After they're done singing,

there's a side by side. John Laracette turns around and has the line, thank you, Beavis and Budhead? And I was like, Beavis and Bud, I never fucking sang in Harvey. Yeah, that would hit like such a thought. Oh, my God, by the way, I just checked my notes and I realized there's another product placement we forgot to mention.

Oh, shit. Go ahead. Some of these people that get, some of these henchmen that get knocked out by the shit box. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Twinkies. There's a huge dialogue. A bag of Twinkies. There's a huge moment of dialogue just talking about Twinkies in this fucking movie.

Because kids aren't fat enough. No. Got to get him more. So Laracette's fucking pissed off. He's like, this is just a bunch of junk. And they're like, no, this is what's like most invaluable to us in all the land. And he's like, well, where's your money? And this is actually kind of a good line right here because Edward Herman's like,

um, in the bank. You know, he's like, uh, banks. And I guess some of it's in the stock market. What are you a fucking moron? Um, which is a great thing. And then fucking, this is a crazy moment. And I don't recall like exactly what leads up to it, but like Lerickette gets fucking pissed off. Ritchie Rich

comes in and kind of saves the parents or whatever. Larichette fires off a fucking machine gun point blank. Oh, he's got a revolver. He's got like a dirty hairy revolver. It's like a little pistol or whatever. Point blank range though fires like five into

Richie Rich's chest and I'm like what are we doing? We're just shooting kids in this movie. Yeah, which is a good thing but it doesn't actually work because he's got that stupid fucking serum on him or whatever that makes his clothes good. Well, yeah, if that's, again, but like, if the serum can do that to clothing,

like, what it could do to your face, you're, like, going to look like the guy from from beyond. Like, it's going to be bad. I can't, I can't think of it. It's disgusting. Well, speaking of, like, shit happening to your face, Cadbury has this fight with Ferguson, the main henchman around now where he's using all of Keene Bean's fucking reanimator murder materials.

he's got that fucking like tar shit he pours on this dude's face with a towel we're skipping over the whole fucking horror show that's happening back at the house yeah oh this is fucking nuts where ferguson is squaring off with dr fat um no keen bean sorry keen bean his show his show is called fat computer he was once dr fat dude well i'm sorry Okay, because the one shot I have... Hi, I'm your cardiologist, Dr. Fatt. I was driving recently and I saw a billboard for like a, for like, I'm not even kidding, like a plastic surgeon and his name was Dr. Fuggo. No, I'm joking. That sounds like a curse word. Uh, yeah.

No, but well, because the most memorable shot in this movie for me is him taking a huge hunk and bite out of a piece of balona. What? I missed that. He's got, he goes to a first one. refrigerator before he's about to save all of his inventions. Like he's running with Richie.

Time is essential and he's like, oh, I'll meet up with you guys. I'll be right back. And he runs to a fucking refrigerator. And it might be like liververse or something worse than baloney, but it's disgusting as fuck. Yes, it's a brief moment of Dr.

Fat. And he just, and he takes a big honk and fucking bite out of it. That's disgusting. I have to say, I don't remember this part. And it's partially because I was trying my heart to stay awake. And it was only like

11 o'clock at night. And I was like... It's hard. I was struggling, man. It's difficult. So then we have... This is to get back to the North by Northwest reference again. We're now out... We're climbing on Mount Richmore and Laracette's chasing after them. And yes, they've actually put

like these gigantic like wire frame glasses on Edward Herman's face. I don't remember exactly what it's during this fight with Cadbury and Ferguson and he's using a spatula to hit people funny, ha-ha.

And there's all, like everyone gets put into a cage and they're going to be destroyed. Oh, right, they're getting gas. Yeah, this weird fucking thing.

It's so much worse than that. It's like an electrocution. No, it's going to turn them into goop. Oh, like, because like the whole thing is you're supposed to put junk

into the thing and you're supposed to like get a bowling ball. Like there's a joke or there. Oh, he keeps getting his bowling balls. That gadget. And he wants to make bedpants

for hospitals. He wants to make a bunch of bedpans or hospitals. But like, you're putting human people in there. And this is Ferguson, who's a maniac. And he's just like, yeah, I'm just going to shove your friends

in this machine. And it's going to turn out like the fucking disgusting person orgy at the end of society. Oh shit, dude, the shunting? Yeah, that's what's going to happen. That's what the outcome of that would be.

It would be awesome if all those kids and the mother's in that cage, too. It would be awesome if they all just got fucking shunted and they came out and there's like fucking faces on ass just a lot of sounds going on wet and wild

but now professor keen bean is like oh I'm going to help you but he steps who oh Dr. fat yes I was like did I get it wrong no he didn't I'm just being a joke so Dr. Fat is running to hit the hit the alarm to stop this but he's stuck on some of his own experiment group

that he can't move and then he uses the fucking golden bee that we didn't talk about Oh, God. This fucking little drone bee to sting Ferguson in the behind who's now staggering around blind from this towel with the goop on it. He got the fucking dilapasaurus acid in his face. And then he runs and his head hits the button and it saves them for now until we get to the fucking climax on Mount Richmore. The money that went into this golden bee, which could have made the water drinkable in Flint. exactly exactly and they crushed two of them by the way that's why all fucking rich people are poison

yeah because like anyone jeff bezos anyone could just fucking fix the water in flint and it wouldn't hurt them at all to do so no you could just if you listen if you managed their money because none of these people manages their own money if you managed their money you could do it they wouldn't even fucking notice that's true they wouldn't even blink they wouldn't notice so why don't you move some decimal points around out there the torture could be endless. I'm going to tell you that now, I'm not going to, I'm going to level with you. They're going to have hitters. But, but people will have drinking water and I don't know if repo men are going to take out pipes. Balance, balance there. You may be dying. No, repo men just

hit you with pipes, dude, but they don't remove fresh piping. Right, right, right. That's the thing. So they're getting chased around fucking Mount Richmore and like Larrichette, there's like they use, what they use to carved the mountain was like this laser beam. So like that laser beam's going off and they're trying to like hit the riches or whatever. Right. Because now Ferguson is like cut off the towel from his face and he's got his eyes exposed. He's able to to shoot this fucking laser gun at the rich family. It doesn't work because they're the heroes of the film. It does it does bust some holes into the visage of rich senior. And he's able to swing his family into the

tooth hole. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, his own tooth hole. Well, there's one of the fucking thuddiest jokes of all in this scene, because like the laser goes off and blasts off the mother's nose to which Christine Ebersol goes, my nose,

I look like Michael Jackson. Yeah, I don't know how the the Culkins let that go by. You know, here at Culkin Farms, it's one thing we don't tolerate, it's well, trespass but secondly we don't tolerate making fun of the king of pop but it's just such a fucking like ugh and like in 2018 he's been fucking dead for 10 years

you're like that joke's fucking stupid but in 1994 it's also like really it's kind of mean it is fucking mean it's fucking so terrible but yeah so the whole mountain basically gets destroyed the funny thing is he also starts blasting Richie Rich with this laser and they kind of make him look like the kid from

Pet Cemetery. A little bit, actually. It's kind of funny. When all is said and done with scraping up this kid's face, he looks like... Best part of the film. Just shoot this fucking rich people

mountain. Now, Laracette should die here. He doesn't. He falls off, but he gets like tangled in a rope or whatever. Let this dude fall to his death. You already shot a kid in the chest five times. But not only does he survive,

he's then incarcerated to then serve as some guy cleaning up shit from their property. To work on there. He's wearing an orange, like, shirt. Do they have their own court

of law underneath their house as well? That fucking that fucking driveway better be a highway if you have inmates cleaning up garbage on the side of it. It's not, listen, there's no, there's no court,

there was never a trial. The rich family, the rich family just owns this guy. They just abduct, you what I bet it's sovereign nation. Oh, yet. Right? The rich family.

plot of land, which is probably like 300 miles. I mean, they control whoever comes in, and if somebody comes in that they think is an enemy, they've got all kinds of tricks over that 37 miles it takes to get to the damn house. A lot of booby traps dude, absolutely. You think Richard

comes to play. Richard Rich is like, yeah. No, take my house. That's nice. So that like the little coat on the end of the film here is Richie Rich is playing baseball with all his buddies and whatnot. Cadbury making out hard with this mom right here. You see this shit. Cadbury is like the coach of the team and like something good

happens in the game and she's like oh like oh way to go coach and he's like oh do you like that madam well here's another play you'll like and like grabs her and they start fucking going at it just right there in front of the kids and Mount Richmore and everybody I'm going to plow you madam and it's it's the fucking worst line in the movie it's the last line of the movie is the parents are noticing how much fun Richie Rich is having with these kids.

So it's a two hander worst line in the movie. Edward Herman says, our son really is the richest boy in the world. And Christine Ebersol, just to hit the home run here, it goes, he has friends

credits. That's, oh my God, dude. The whole thing is like, listen, kids at home, if you're suspicious, about some random kids that decide they want to come play with you first of all your parents might be paying them

but if you can get past that point everything's totally fine and it's very important to have friends well this is like so clearly pitched to like parents who feel like rich parents that think

that their kids are like isolated or something like that's the only thing I could think of that would actually like want to celebrate this yeah it's So, I mean, listen, you give these kids another like five years.

They start high school, you know, they're not keeping up with each other. Like, all the little kids are going to go back to their public high school. Richie Rich is going to go back to the private school. Yeah. You know, they're not keeping in touch. This whole thing. It's just like, it's bullshit. It's just like.

One magical summer. That's exactly. Oh, you took the words right out of my mouth. That's exactly what it is. It's just this one magic moment. Right. You know what I mean? And then it's like, well, in that fall, we went.

went back to school and nobody saw each other ever again. Cadbury knocked up that lady though. It's like the end of stand by me. Just typing about the sad store in the computer. Yes. About which kids that played baseball got murdered. Which kid went to Vietnam. Right. The hungry kid would be eating the blueberry pie.

Oh, right. Yeah. He went to medical school and would become Dr. Fats' success. Dr. Obese. What the fuck happens to Dr. keen being at the end of this movie. He's never heard from, is it? He's an umpire. Oh, you're totally right. Nice.

Yeah, he gets some exercise. That's not, that's nice for him. That's true. He's wearing a big, uh, big umpire suit and mask. Sure. That's exercise. Uh, that's the end of this fucking dumb movie. Do anybody recommend it? Um, I guess I have to because I, I just, like, I mean, yeah, I watched it a hundred times when I was a kid. Yeah. Um, so like, it, it, there's the nostalgia a factor, but my God, it is like, I struggle. I struggle to find what exactly they were trying to get across here. I'm shocked that you recommended it. You don't, you're, you're often a knower. I mean, like, I, I would never want to watch it again. I never want to watch it. Top 10. Most contrarian film critical. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I guess, yeah, I guess so. Well, I guess that's, yeah, he's actually

qualifying himself right now. I'm saying no. Okay. Just, I mean, it's obviously, it's capitalist propaganda. We all know that and I just you know I remember seeing it back in the day and I was always like lukewarm on it yeah and I remain so it's funny because I too saw it a ton of times as I mentioned already and I never want to see this fucking thing again

and the funny thing was I was like oh shit fucking Trump was in Home Alone 2 he's in goddamn little rascals I was like if there was any movie for him to fucking cameo in it's this piece of shit so I spent I spent 95 minutes terrified that he was going to turn up

at some point. Just a Liayakoka reference. Which is still the fucking weirdest thing. And I wonder if it's a thing where in the original screenplay, it was like, oh, Mr. Trump says you can't use his name in the script unless he can be in the movie. So

we're just going to go with Lee Ayacocca instead. Because the secretary could just be like, oh, Mr. Trump's on the phone for you. Or whatever, but that doesn't happen. No, he's got it. He has to okay that. Yeah, I would not recommend this movie. It's not even a hangover movie because it's only like 95 minutes. What are you even getting started for?

Oh, yeah, I mean, I want to be clear. It's a very bad movie. You just love it, though. I just have a familiarity with it. And that's totally fine. I recommended Prince of Thieves. It's disgusting, though. Yeah.

I'm still to disgust again. That is Richie Rich from 1994, directed by Donald Petrie. If you want more, we hate movies, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. Follow us on Twitter. We are at WHM podcast. and also at WHM podcast on Instagram. Don't forget that guy. And as for next week.

Oh, we're not saying. We're keeping mum because next week, this show changes forever. So if you want to know what we're doing next week and for the rest of the entire month of December, it has been announced already. And you can go to YouTube.com slash we hate movies. That's right. And we'll tell you.

We'll tell you there. We're not going to tell you here, but we'll tell you there. So go check out that video. So until next week, when we talk about whatever it is, you're going to watch on that video, YouTube.com slash we hate movies. I'm Andrew Jupin. Chris Cavan. Eric Sisko. Take it easy.

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