We Hate Movies - S9 Ep396: Episode 396 - Batman (1989)

Episode Date: December 25, 2018

On this week's episode, the gang celebrates Christmas the only way they know how: talking about the absolutely excellent Tim Burton Batman feature! Is Bruce Wayne drinking the blood of criminals? Was Nicholson calling his own cuts here? And remember the time Jack Palance played Dracula? PLUS: The Joker's plastic surgeon was... not prepared. Batman stars Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Kim Basinger, Robert Wuhl, Pat Hingle, Bill Dee Williams, Michael Gough, and Jack Palance; directed by Tim Burton. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, We Love Movies brings the holly jolly. That's right. We are celebrating Christmas the only way we know how. Talking about Batman. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin.

Eric Siska. And we love movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Love Movies. Thank you for tuning into, unfortunately, the final We Love Movies Prime episode of 2018. It's been a real ride. We're closing it out, talking about Batman 89, directed by Tim Burton. But just real quick, the action. has not stopped on the prime feed because it goes over to Patreon Patreon.com slash we hate movies someone else tell the folks what they have we got all of our content

that's coming out this month we've got at the $3 level which is your animation damnation you've got Batman the animated series Hey Batman we did an episode on Almost Godam one of the best episodes of that series which is one of my favorite things in the world totally on the $5 level

you've got an episode on Star Wars which is somehow almost three hours long yeah we hit it i think it's like two hours and 51 minutes and some odd seconds because we love them star wars totally and then on the eight dollar level we usually do a show called the nexus which is an episode of star trek the next generation reviewed and an episode of star trek the original series reviewed but this month we actually did an we did a full length episode on star trek the wrath of con oh yeah and we're having so much fun in that carpeted universe we're just loving it and then also at that eight dollar level you will get a full length command Commentary on the movie Commando. My first time ever seeing Commando is captured on tape. You know, sometimes when I have to QC these commentary tracks to make sure

everything's copacetic and whatnot, I'm like, oh, fuck my face, dude. Twilight again, and I sit there. Listen, I could watch Commando once a week for fucking four years. I would not tire of those steel drums. I would not tire of that saxophone. I would not tire of that Arnold

in the fucking banana hammock. And if you like those things and us, the commandmentary is for you. More important than seeing Commander first time. You saw Dan Hadea in Commando for the first time. That's the big thing. So patreon.com slash we hate movies. It is the best way

to support this show. If you like the show if this show makes you laugh, please get out over there. If you want the show to continue by the way. I'm going to put that out. No, I've got to ultimatums. I haven't discussed this with the rest of the guys, but I'm just saying. Yeah, Eric only has, folks, Eric's

only, or Eric only has two cars. We really need to help him out these days. I mean, if you, I don't have any cars, but if you, if you like the show, I'm putting a gun to it said, go to Patreon. So there you go. That's one way to sell something. So Batman, 1989. Merry Christmas, everyone. What a fucking treat for us to open this package on Christmas.

I love it. This is a great movie. I will say that up front. I will say, except for Robert Wool. Robert Wool, I was doing my, like, rating on letterboxed. And I was like, this is a fucking five-star f-star film.

Four and a half star film. Because, dude, Robert Wohl is fucking terrible. He's terrible in everything. He's terrible in this movie. I think you're wrong on this. I don't think he's terrible. I think you just hate the character.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Alexander Knox could have been played by fucking Pauly Shore, and this would be a five-star film. I just cannot with the Robert Wool. uh this is yeah pictures of the bat buddy this was one of those like languishing forever they wanted it to they they had like so many like obviously superman came out in 79 it was the biggest

thing in the or a huge movie like man why not to you it was the biggest thing no i mean it was a big huge movie they spawned it it made sense to like and then batman would come out of course and then they just like languished for a long time yeah like 15 years plus later or whatever the of development hell. Oh, gook. Development hell. My favorite holiday! But I'm glad I waited and made this movie because it's excellent.

I mean, like, if there is, and this movie, like, does the thing where it's like the last and the most famous iteration of Batman is Adam West. And in this movie is, like, very much, like, we're not doing that. But it's still campy as hell, which is kind of, like, it's camp. It's only, it's camping now, exactly. Well, it's also, I feel like the camp is derived from the source material more than the Adam West show. Yes, exactly. Well, it's a sense of humor, like, whereas the first, you know, the Am West version was dominated by the humor completely.

This, it just like allows little droplets of it, but at the right time. A little bat drop and, oh, some guano, dude. Oh, yes. You will L.O.L. with this movie if you watch it. You will laugh at a lot. Of course you will. Thank you for explaining what the LL was. My mother thought that meant love, love online for a long time.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, step that up. Steven, are you getting some love online? Love online. I love it. Mark is he into internet sex. Love online. He's always saying LOL. That must be the case. I think there was ASL, which was age, sex, and location. Did your mother know that?

Did your mother know that? Hey, hey, your mother know that? Your mother know that internet lingo. I don't like where this is going. Neither do I, but I'm going there. I just want to know what's going on on the computer. Okay, we'll end it. Does your mom do ASMR? Something I noticed this time through, I actually, I will say, as much as I do love this movie, I haven't seen it in a really long time.

So last night I went to watch it. And one of the things that really struck me is, you will forget, the second movie also has this a lot. But like, this movie is a fucking Tim Burton movie. Oh, with a capital T and capital B. I mean, just so much like the stop motion animation that. in this, like when the shield goes over the Batmobile, that's like very fucking beetle juicy kind of stuff. I mean, the opening is

Beetlejuice, right? Like, instead of going through the town, we're going through this bizarre, large stone bat symbol, which is... The whole, like, overture with the Danny Elfman music, Jesus Christ, what a perfect way to start this movie. That midnight blue with the hot yellow text on it. It's just like, ooh,

I'm just getting excited. I saw this like four years ago at the Museum of Modern Art, at their theater they had this and I was just I was enamored because I hadn't seen this like in theater since I was a kid and it was the dirtiest print but I didn't give a shit yeah oh wow I've never seen it on the big screen

actually oh man it looks great it does like it does I mean we were talking about this watching it it is a Lang movie like it's Berton's Metropolis Oh totally yeah yeah yeah And even the first I mean literally the first time you see Batman it's animated that little like above head shot of him turning around

The little cape yeah the little cartoon cape dude Why do it? Oh, God, we can't get the cape to work. I guess we're going to animate it. Oh, man. What a bummer. Michael, Michael, try to switch. No, no, it's not working. Okay. Animators in. I think it works. I think the animation in these weird little shots here and there. And then there's one word Jack Nicholson falls off a building. Oh, that's a one thousand percent of cartoon. But it works because the aesthetic of the entire movie is, is that weird kind of fantastical city yet.

you know, 1950s, but not. So much of it, like when we first go to Jack Palance's hideout slash office or whatever, and the camera just goes, it's just a model of a huge skyscraper, but they treat it all as if it's like totally grounded in reality in a weird way. And it's weird like this opening scene like you have this and you kind of, it just says Gotham City,

there's no data. No shit by the, like that fucking, you see a city scape in a bad. Batman movie. It's like Gotham City. Oh, thank you very much. Cleveland. But it's kind of a nice fake out here where you think this is Batman's origin. Every time I'm not every time I watch it, but the first time I watch it was like, oh man, this is how Batman becomes Batman. Right. Because it's like, you know, it's this thing, this couple with this one boy going around. They're clearly marked to get murdered. They're dumb tourists. They've got a map out, et cetera. But then a sex worker propositions the child,

which I thought was a nice touch. You, at least me, 10 times out of 10, we'll forget that this movie starts with lost tourists in Gotham, which, Jesus Christ, what fucking half-assed vacation are you taking that you're touring Gotham City? Oh, my God.

Well, we've got to see the Christmas tree that's going up at 30 Brock. Whatever the fuck the Gotham equivalent would be. The guy is like, oh, man, he's trying to get a taxi in the beginning. And, like, he doesn't get, like, somebody steals his cab. And then he leaves the spot.

No, no, no, no. You never leave the spot. You stay. You can't walk around. You don't go, like, blindly walk around looking for a taxi. He just got back from a shopping spree at FAO Sports. So I love this because he does, it's this, like, slow in. But you knew that the, like, the bum guy just, like, asking, like, hey, can you just give me a dollar or something?

Like, it does kind of open on this moral ambiguity, like, all right, all right. Yeah, it's like, how about it, one dollar? It's just that the guy just keeps walking and like, well, I mean, in certain areas you don't want to actually pull your wallet out. It's not the best idea. It's a trap. Can you make change? All I have, about 50s and hundreds. But does nobody know about mug me money in this fucking universe? I mean, that's the move. Well, I mean, mug me money, I think, is a thing that we need to use our platform to really sort of spread the word about mug me money. If you're in an area that you're not super comfortable with, you're like, oh my gosh, am I going to get into some sort of mugging trouble? have a couple of bucks in your pocket

not in your wallet that you can easily access, throw out to somebody that's like, hey man, I need some of that money and you're like, oh, well, here you are, sir, or ma'am. You know, that's the idea. It's a mug me money. Nice knife you have there. And you don't want to have zero dollars on you because guess what? Then you get stabbed. Right. So you just think of

it as a toll. Yeah, exactly. It's a little something for the effort. You know what I mean? You don't want the mugger to go through all this effort to get nothing. And this piece of shit doesn't pay the toll. So, of course, he gets mugged by two of them. He gets knocked out with a gun. The one guy's like,

do me your favor, don't scream. And takes, good line too. This, I like this curly hair, dude. He's having a good time.

Is the curly hair dude the one who, so they're up on the rooftop after the mugging? He makes an Amex joke. Yeah. Golg. Yeah, it's 1989,

though. Yeah, it was everywhere. It was a virus dude that don't leave home without it virus. That is what, you know, that is what lets you know that this is sort of present day

because everything else leading up to this was just like, oh, what is this? 1940, 1950, 1930, I don't know. Well, it's interesting because when the tourists are walking down the sidewalk there's a bunch of guys dressed in

like trench coats and hats and shit. But then there's also guys, you know, walking around with like boom boxes and they've got like jeans and t-shirts on. Like, it's a weird mix of time period. Just like the cartoon. The repo men, punks hanging out around there. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, that car goes up to the sky.

Harry Dean Stanton could have been in this movie. It wouldn't have badden and I. Dude, him as Commissioner Gordon. Dean Stanton has the Scarecrow. Oh, I like it. Oh, shit. That would have been great.

Nice. Why does the Scars Crow smoke so many a cigarette? He's going to burn himself. It's made his drawer. So, yeah, they make the Amex joke. I'm sorry, Amex product placement. And then all of a sudden, oh, I heard about a bat. Who's the guy who dies?

Johnny God. Oh, Johnny, he's like, we shouldn't be on these roofs right now. Johnny Gob got fucking killed and like it's very clearly Johnny Gobb is dead I heard that Robert Wool was excellent in Gobb by the way

You got it he got a golden globe for that shit and he you know we were talking about that like the other guy's like Johnny you know it's like oh it's an urban legend

you know he just got drunk and fell off the roof and just drinking on rooftops by the way he had no blood in his body which is like wait what okay even if Batman got him and murdered him.

Wait, what? Or if he didn't. Even Dracula's leaving a couple of pints. I think that's part of the myth that's getting passed around. Do you think so? Or is just Bruce Wayne just like getting into some weird blood play? Well, dude, he is a fucking billionaire. I'll put

the blood on ice. Maybe yeah. Maybe it's like a Peter Thiel thing where he like has to like batheed in blood. Right? He's getting the fucking blood transfusions from young people. Exactly. To live forever. The bathroom. The bathroom. The Bathory program.

And then Batman shows up. We get the first shot. He's, you know, he does the whole look at my cape, look at my outfit kind of thing. Absolutely. He's like, I look great. It's awesome. And it's, you know, I'll also like, I'll give this, a lot of superhero-y kind of movies. A, don't start right where you want to start, which the guy or the, the superhero is the superhero.

It's not like 40 minutes of like, this is how I grew up. This is when I was a, da-da-da. And oh, my God, one day I might be a superhero. He's like, he's Batman four minutes in. And it's in full outfit and we're ready to fucking go. It's interesting that you don't necessarily have to treat the audience like babies every time. It's pretty interesting that they don't do that here. It's almost as if they bought a ticket for a movie called fucking Batman.

And previously they were fans of other Batman properties. Well, I'm personally interested in how this Batman became a Batman. It's almost as if I wish I could see this Batman begin. Could I see about 45 minutes of him as a baby? Maybe. Wait a minute. Are you telling me there's a fully formed

Batman now? I mean, I didn't get, I don't understand what is happening. Out of curiosity, did he have an uncle that had a lot of wise old sayings

that might have helped him out later in life? He's about like 30 to 31 minutes on that uncle? Do you just talk about his work colleagues who can make all the bullshit for him for a long time

and not focus on him? Wait a minute. Why does he fall down? I don't know. Wait. Wait, to learn to get back up again, right? They didn't tell me. How did he find the cane?

Even Mask of the Fantasm, which I rewatch last night, a little bit of and then passed out, greened out, to be perfectly honest with the audience. Because that movie's got flashbacks a little bit here and there. They have the discovery of the back cave in that movie, too. They do, yeah, it's very similar. But it's all crammed in the middle. You want to show up.

I'm here. I want to see fucking Batman before I leave. Like, it's a real, like, let's keep him in the audience kind of a thing. Yeah. So he comes out, he fucking kicks one guy through a door. Michael Keaton is scary in this movie. Like, it's just... Because he's an unhinged maniac.

The energy he brings to this is so bizarre and so per- and never been rivaled since because it's like... And I like Bell. I'm not going to knock one thing down that I like to prop something else. But Keaton has this bizarre twisted, like, I don't like this guy. I don't want to be around it. He's a dude that if you saw him at a party, you'd be like, oh, man. Hey, do you see that guy over there?

You see that Bruce Wayne? That guy's going to fucking lose it. And I don't know if it's going to be tonight, but it's going to be sometime soon. He's got that energy that you don't know what he's going to do. Like, Bayel, you look at Batman in the Nolan movies, which I also like, you understand the moral compass there better. And I'm not saying that because I saw 50 minutes of him beginning,

but just the way he performs as Bruce Wayne. He's very controlled. He's very like, yeah, he wants to do. good. He's trying to be, and like, the Batman's the performance. You don't know with Bruce Wayne, with Bruce Wayne slash Batman, who's who and why. Well, I mean, I love this, the scene what you were talking about with, where he puts the wings up. Yeah. You know, goodbye horses starts playing. He kicks his two through the thing. And then he grabs the other guy over the roof. He's like, I'm not, he's like, don't kill me, man. He's like, I'm not going to kill you. I want

to tell you all my friends about me. Which is awesome. Like, Batman's spreading like a grassroots legend about himself. Like, I can't afford an ad campaign. You just got to spread the word, please. And he is doing a Batman voice, but it's not like a Batman voice. No, it's a Patreon.com slash Batman. No, no, we hate movies. Oh, right. Listen, I want you to start writing a letter, and it says to forward to five of your friends.

Yeah, we're doing creepy pasta now. I'm a Batman, and that's spooky, and I can take your blood. Also, I'm dead. Forward, forward, forward. Forward forward Send this to your racist uncle Oh by the way I've been dead the whole time

Yeah if you do crimes at Gotham The Dead Man Known as the Batman Might come and get you forward Forward forward forward Re Re Re Re I am Batman Here's a racist cartoon at the bottom of it Look at this

I'm Batman but why is Obama not pledging to the flag As his photo Exactly Notice this All the other people there Have their hands over their heart But in this one second

That we took the photo Obama does not Also look at this It's Obama getting on a plane And he's not saluting that soldier properly Can you believe it? Oh man Can you imagine the Ben Garrison

Batman illustration? Oh my God Holy shit He would be the size of a building Forward forward Reply forward So he's I'm Batman

And he can throw us a which is kind of fun. It's awesome. And, you know, he goes away. We do get introduced to Alexander Knox, Robert Will, and Sir William Houtkins. Yes. Was he knighted?

No, he's an American. Oh, okay. But playing Eckhart, Detective Eckhart. By the way, Houtkins was an American. You would not know that from his IMDB profile picture, which again is the greatest thing in the universe and go looking up right now. Well, he's just like,

what are my favorite lines? I mean, there's so many great lies this movie where he's like, you know, he's like, He's at, Wool's asking about Batman. He's like, ah, you're drinking Drayno. I'm dead? Shut up, knocks. And then there's a six-foot bat in Gotham City?

Well, nah, Keaton's like five, ten tops. I mean, like he said, it's really average-hided bat. And Kim gave him some lifts back to it. I don't know if you saw. It's mostly in the boots. I also, yeah, I do love how, like, the performance of Batman. Becoming Batman isn't about going to the gym. It's like about thinking about what a Batman might be.

And I mean like literally Keaton probably worked out for this movie, but maybe not. Is this shirt off at all in this movie? Only when he's lying backwards on the stupid show. He's always hanging. Right, but you can only see the back muscles. That might not even be him. I mean, it probably is. But like it's not like, oh my God, I'm going to be Batman.

Let me just fucking get into the Batman shape. I don't know. I don't mean like sure it's fine. It's all fun. any movie today, you have to be in ridiculous shape and go to the gym. It's like, well, you know, if this character's dealing with cancer, he definitely needs to

lift a bunch of weights first, right? Every fucking, like, oh, not all of them, but like, not Paul Giamatti. No, no, no. But like, so many of these actors are just like fucking, like, you need a six pack to fucking be

Lars and the real girl? Now, Paul, Paul, we're going to cast you in Snagletooth, but you got to hit you hit the gym. Snagletooth is cut. hear me? Snaggle tooth. I think I think of snaggle puss, my friend. Snaggle Puss, sorry.

Right, but this is a dark take on the character done by Tim Burton where his grill gets fucked. So this is when we finally meet. Oh, actually, do we, this is, so we, at some point around this is Billy D. Williams as Harvey Dent giving a speech. Yes. The whole, the hilarious sort of side plot, or like, so it's like the D. line of this movie is the mayor of Gotham, which is a thinly veiled Ed Koch in this film,

uh, just so, so wants this, uh, 200th anniversary, this like bicentennial parade party carnival thing to go off. And he doesn't want any of these gang warfare situations in Gotham to spoil the fun. Uh, so it's like they're making a big like press conference about it and there's Billy D. Williams as fucking Harvey Dent. Boy is this awesome. It's an inspired choice you know what I mean like apparently like a lot of people were considered Ray Leota turned this role down apparently wow because he wanted to do good fellas probably a better move better move yeah but it's also weird because think about this here is a time in where a Batman or any a comic book movie was made right they cast a

black actor yes playing a traditionally white character and we didn't have the internet around for all these fucking white men to shit their pants well we're They were all shitting their pants. They just didn't have the internet to express it. And you know what? That's fucking fine. Rot your little racist trailer and shut the fuck up. It was a simpler time.

It's crazy. Well, everyone was very upset and nervous about Michael Keaton being cast at all because they were like, oh, that's a comedy guy, et cetera, et cetera. And like all the comic, all the like the real deal old school comic conventions are very upset about that. I'm sure there were panels about it. Oh, real? Like, what are we going to do about the Keaton crisis?

There was a letter writing campaign. They were like, oh, my God. You know, that's what you did. See, that was the internet back then was writing letters. And you could just take those letters, put them in a sack and throw them off a bread. Because no one could forward, forward, reply. Exactly. But by the way, this whole Gotham City bicentennial thing, 200 years of Gotham.

Yeah. What, fuck, the timeline for this is so bizarre. Because, I mean, obviously, Gotham is sort of loosely based on New York City, which was settled in 1624. 1789 they were a little late to the republic it looks like it's just bizarre because this is presumably present day 80s I guess I'll tell you what the industrial revolution hit them hard so yeah Billy D. Williams is Harvey then we do

watch Jack Nicholson watch this press conference it's him and Jerry Hall and Jack Nicholson is fucking fantastic in this movie it's amazing you cannot take your eyes off him It's just one of these things where, like, and one of the things, like, he was like, I'm going to do whatever I want. And Tim Burton's like, that sounds like a good idea. Just don't punch me. Hey, nerd.

I'm doing it again. But you know what? Jack Nicholson is such a cool dude that, like, even though he probably didn't get along with Tim Burton, he still bought him like a cure record afterwards and was like, I probably figure you like this shit. Hey, hey, Jack. Could you take that one again? Yeah, that's funny. I feel like Nicholson was calling his own cuts too. Like, no, we're going to keep going.

Yep. Absolutely, dude. Total control. But yeah, and there's this great line where he's looking at himself in the mirror because he's a bit of vain. And Jerry Hall's like, you look fine. I didn't ask. Man, I didn't ask.

Amazing. That's a power performance right there. He's just, whew. You know, Chris said, in the Star Wars episode, I will say for both Keaton and Nicholson, it's not big dick energy, it's weird dick energy. Oh, totally. It's just

like, I have a weird dick and I'm fucking cool with it. Weird, big dick energy. Oh, okay, got it. It's still big, but it's really weird. It's huge but it's crooked. It's mangled. Looks like a question mark. Oh, shit. Do with that what you will. When I fuck you, it's a whodunit.

have you ever seen a champagne mushroom that's about where we're at good lord so whatever Eckhart's crooked he gets some money from Palance from Jack Nicholson we do we do also have Jack Palance in this film who's also fantastic

oh my God and he is like the crime boss Carl Grissom Grissom Grysm is a great name totally I just think of Gus Grissom though, R-I-P-D. Who the hell is that? He was an astronaut,

man. He perished in fire. Wait, the challenger? No. Unrelated fire, not a NASA fire? The, whatever the Apollo one was that they all got locked in the

capsule and it exploded and they died on the platform. But Grissom's great because it sounds like gristle and ham. It's like two meaty things. Grisely ham. Considering how Burton is kind of obsessed with old noir's

stuff, I just assume he's referencing the Grissom gang, Robert Aldrich's movie. Oh, that's what I was thinking. Was Grissom ever like a comic gangster? No, actually in the original script, Sam,

it was supposed to be Rupert Thorne, who is in a lot of stuff. He's in the third Batman movie a little bit. He's in a lot of the Batman the animated series. But they just were like, let's create a new character. When you say third Batman movie?

I'm sorry, DIRP. I mean, the... I just want to know what it is. Dark Night Rise. Oh, is that the Ben Mendelssohn's character? I believe. so it's been a while since I've seen it gotcha oh sorry I'm Batman 8 yeah I don't know what guys okay so for new listeners who might be stumbling upon us this

month Steve has this weird bizarre idea of how to name movie sequels it's twisted it sickenes me yeah I mean he's thinking so this would be Batman one because you know the 60 uh the Adam West's movie yeah this is Batman too this Batman too you know what look you've beaten me all right I'm taking Bradman Returns is three. Yes. Val Kilmer Batman. That's what that's called, right?

Yes. Four. And then five is Ben and Robin. Oh, Batman and Robin, right. And then six would be Babin begins. Seven would be. The dark night. And then eight rises.

Yeah. The phantasm was theatrically released. Okay. Okay. Steve is looking at number nine now. Do we count animated in this? I'm just leaving it alone. I'm walking away from the proposal.

Also, you guys can do it what you will. Oh, Daggett. I'm sorry. But, like, Rupert Thorne is a thing. And so was Daggett, actually. But, like, there's, like, just gangsters that run around Gotham City that are somewhat notorious. Was Marconi from any of the books? Yeah, he was in some stuff.

Yeah, he was in Batman the Long Halloween, which is an excellent movie. Oh, right. I've read that. Who turns Dent into Two-Face? That's Rupert Thorne in the cartoon. Oh, that is, yeah. So, by the way, with Billy D. Williams, I would love that Two-Face. Get half a mustache on the screen right now.

Can you imagine? I don't know. Do I want to be smooth or smoother? He's not like my coin. He's not actually burnt at all. Just half a mustache. That's it. Oh, no. My mustache singed off. Yeah, I could shave it. How are you doing, Commissioner Gordon? All right. This is an excellent and scary situation for getting me the head of Batman, but also let's have sex for a while.

Who cares about a coin? Fuck a coin. So we go to a party. Well, actually, we meet Vicki Vale at blah-bottie-blah at... Oh, actually, first of all, Jack Nicholson is sent to clean out access chemicals because there's some exposure that Jack Palance is worried about. Right, right. And in this scene, it's revealed that Nicholson is sleeping with Jack Palin. his lady friend, who we'll call sugar bubs.

Because that's what Jack Palinz calls her. But Nicholson fucking signs his own death warrant right here because Palance catches the two of them having eyes with each other. He's like, just one minute, hon. Why don't you go in the other room while we finish our gangster meeting? And Nicholson's trying to be like,

well, you know, can't you get someone else to do the sex chemicals job? Yeah, he's like the smell in there's, I mean, what's great about this is they kind of... Wow, wow, suck it, Eric. Just shut the fuck up. I didn't know you were going for a whole full one. Of course it was.

He's been saying it for 10 years. You just snuffed out. A decade's worth of time to shine. You're trying to snuff me out here. And I want to let you know that you are my number one cabin. Cisca, think about the future. There is, actually, there's a story from the set where Pallons did not get along with Tim Burton

because he was partially deaf at this point but he couldn't hear him call action and like Tim Burton was like, but the scene's starting and he's like, I made 100 movies, how many did you make? Three. Get this fucking nerd out of my face. Also, come on, Tim Burton. Are you part of the art department?

Come on, Tim Burton. Seriously, like, use a fucking megaphone. My rate for this movie is you have to pay me Curly's Gold. It has nothing to do with my ears. You're just a wuss. You know, I also played a creature who drinks blood. I was once somehow Dracula. Yeah.

that look? I've never watched that one. It's weird because he's talking the whole time. Well, yeah, I get a... Oh, the children of the night. Yeah, he's a real chatty, Kathy Dracula. It's weird. He will not shut the fuck up. You know what Dracula? Shut the fuck up and kill me

already. What was your thing? Chris? I'm sorry. You had something. No, I figured. All right, so... Party at Wayne's house. Party at Wayne's house. We meet Alfred, blah, blah, blah. Vicky Vale is there. She's working with Alexander Knox. They're... They're buds she's going to do the pictures he's going to do the words

they're going to write this story on batman god damn it but why maybe i just miss this connecting thread here but so like vicky vale gets somehow gets her hands on two tickets to this it's like casino night at wayne manor very fucking trashy a casino night you're a billionaire weird but

why are they there like because they're working on a batman story they want to they want a quote from Commissioner Gordon and Gordon will not return Knox's phone. That's okay, that's what, and they know that he's going to be at this party. Exactly. So, I never miss a casino night. By the way, what happens if

everybody cleans up? Where's your money for your fucking fundraiser then? Well, I guess all the chips will be down then. No, I think it's what, cabin, a casino night thing like this is like people put in a bunch of money. And then you just play and it's fun, you're just playing for fun, but no money leaves.

Oh, okay. It's just all, yeah, it's all charity stuff. I thought this is a great ace. am i thought they got going here this is how Bruce Wayne makes all that money yeah people want to just play things like craps for fun no he's a lot of sense no Bruce Wayne is in the basement cutting someone's hand off

they're not paying them fucking uh George Clooney is outside Wayne Manor with fucking 10 other guys Alfred's like Le Schiff he's got the thing swinging I'm going to hit you in the balls got knocks in a chair uh but yeah this is uh he

he does meet up with Gordon here and Gordon is like, no comment, I'm doing me. Pat Hingle is the great Jim Gordon here. I mean, he's certainly not the best Jim Gordon, that's for sure. But he's not the blubbering buffoon that he is in Batman forever. I will say, I'm glad you said, that it's Pat Hingle playing the great Commissioner Gordon. And not the great Pat Hingle playing Commissioner Gordon. Yeah, that's pretty fucking true.

But my favorite line in this entire movie is he's at, you know, Wool is asking everybody for quotes. He sees Harvey Dent and he's like, what do you say about Batman? He's like, Mr. Knox, we've got enough to worry about in this city without worrying about ghosts and goblin. Oh, it's great. What a beautiful thing. That was a great video game. Super ghouls and ghosts. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Well, no, there's ghosts and goblers, and then there's ghouls and ghosts as well. Wasn't the ghouls and ghost thing? Wasn't that the weird sequel to zombies ate my neighbors? No, it's a weird night running around killing monsters. Yeah, like you throw a lance into some skeletons. Oh, weird. I kind of wanted him to keep going. with ghosts and goblins and frankenstein's and mummies and fishmen.

Ah, did you say, Dracula? I'll be right there. I would love a scene between Billy D. Williams and Jack Pallets. It would take 20 minutes. Ah, this black guy's a little too casual for me. Sit down, old man. Yeah, totally. I'm changing the deal.

Pray I don't change it any further. Lord Palance I like that They switch off between Like there are some really violent images in this But like also just the like The relating to like when Jack Nicholson is talking about Harvey Dent

He's like he doesn't matter much If he did Grissom would have me hand him his lungs Yeah That's a really gross image Like I don't know I was really struck by it It's lungs is a

Because you could say like balls You could say his heart Lungs is just it's very wet. It's much wetter than usual. And it seems like a lot of work. You'd have to remove the whole rib cage to get in there and take the whole thing out. You can breathe without your nuts, but you won't

be breathing anymore without your lungs. Goal Patrol. Oh, that was the sequel to zombies at my neighbors. Yes. And we, blah, blah, where we get to this scene where Vicki Vale and Alexander Knox were wandering

and Wayne Manor, they want to run to this weird armory room. They're very insensitive about literally everything like you're basically in an art gallery and you're just making these bad cheesy fucking jokes. Also stop like just wandering this man's house those doors were closed

casino night is out in the hall stay the fuck out I hate when people wander around someone's house like it's their own place. Robert was going to his underwear could you imagine wearing this veil I mean look at these things these costs as much as I make in a month can we have sex yet

his like persistence in trying to fuck Vicky Vail in this movie makes my blood boil. This custom was worn by a civilization that my grandfather destroyed. And then Bruce Wayne comes in, not announcing himself. Also, wouldn't you know what this guy looks like,

especially like if you're Alexander Knox Society reporter, whatever the fuck, you know who the richest guy in town looks like, right? Yeah. Also, you're going to his house. You're like, let me just look at the fucking newspaper to see what Bruce Wayne looks like. Yeah, it doesn't really make a lot of sense.

You think Bezos is doing that? walks around. Oh, no, you know what that fucking little weirdo looks like. But that's why I bet he's walking around in disguises, dude. He has parties in fucking Casa de Bezos. Oh, he does look like Mr. Turtle from the Master of Disguise. You're right. He absolutely does. Turtle, turtle.

What I love about this The Armory rumor, whatever the fuck this is, is it feels like we're dealing with alternate and different histories here because there is a guy with a gas mask and a flamethrower that I guess would be World War I, but

it looks quite different. Maybe there were different countries fighting in that war. Well, there's the Japanese one where the guy's got sunglasses on for some reason. We're having a lot of fun. I think Batman, you know, it's Batman's throughout time, I think, is the idea. That's what I was wondering

is it like his early attempts at bat suits? Oh, because he's an immortal. And then he's been around for so long. He's like, I was in feudal Japan. This is what I wore then. Batman was in feudal Japan. Huh?

There's a fucking, what the fuck is it called now? It's like Batman. Elseworld? It's a new cartoon movie. Batman Ninja. Yeah. Oh, right. And there's a weird like shift in something, something.

And a bunch of like the rogues gallery goes back to feudal Japan. Batman's got to fucking follow them. How's that looking? I didn't bother yet. I saw it. The animation style is actually great. Okay. The story sucks.

Well, yeah, that's not about right. Of course it sucks. I just said they go back to feudal Japan. I don't know. It could have been good. It didn't work for the Ninja Turtles and it's not working for Batman. They wind up, blah, blah, blah.

You know, they're flirting, this, that, and the other thing. Gordon goes away and fucking Alfred comes and gives up the ghost. He's like, Commissioner Gordon left most unexpectedly, sir. You know. Does he give up the goblin next? Might be a good time for Batman

if he were in earshot. Oh, Batman. If anyone in this room is a bad man, Batman, they better leave now. I believe Commissioner Gordon was going to find a cave. Yet Knox has rocks in his head

for it's not getting this. I can't believe it's not solved instantly. Also, the way Gordon goes out of here is great. Some police, like, lieutenant comes up and is like, oh, Commissioner Gordon, we just heard that Jack Napier's making a run on access chemical or whatever. And he's like, boy, that sounds like a bad

deal. Who's in charge down there? And the guy's like, Eckhart, sir. and Jim Gordon flashes back to like the biggest mistake of his hiring practices and just goes, oh my God. Pat Engel's delivery on the oh my God, which you see twice because Batman watches it on security footage is so...

Oh, my God. I want him to say that every time he hears, Eckhart's doing anything. Wait, who's getting the launch order this week? Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. Wait, what do you mean the restrooms occupied Who's in there?

Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. Close it down. Brick it up. Shut him in there. There is no more Eckhart now. See what I'm saying? Well, this is a wonderful Christmas dinner.

I understand there's one more place at the table. Who else is coming to this thing? Eckhart, dear. Oh, my God. I will never have enough of the way he says, oh, my God. What a reaction. And Bruce Wayne, by the way, is watching this on his own personal copy of the film. It looks like he's watching a DVD of it or something.

Same exact take. Same exact angle. He got bored with Sharon Stone, man. He's got to look at something else. This fucking house is wired for sound. By the way, Vicky Vale, when you see the back cave later, be like, can I have my tape back please? He's definitely sucks tape and everything.

I want my tape. Without question. But also the funny thing is the room that they have the mirror in, that the armory is in, blah, blah, blah. There's three cameras on one mirror. I'm like, I know you're rich, Bruce, but that's just wasteful. It's coverage. I'm getting coverage.

You'll thank me later when I produced the greatest sex tape in history. Wow, what a fantastic sex tape. Who's starring in that sex tape? Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. Could you imagine Bruce Wayne and Eckhart get it on? Oh, God. Think about that.

future, my friend. I'm so happy. I'm getting out of the hospital finally. Who's coming to pick me up? Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. Put me back in. Let me die in the hospital. Oh, well, this is, oh my God. Was anyone hurt? Did anyone die? Everyone by Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. Eckhart is the designated survivor. whatever we get to access fucking chemicals finally Jack and his gang who has Bob is Tracy what's the name? Oh yeah

Bob Tracy That's a name Bob is Dick Tracy Tracy Walter Tracy who's excellent in this film credited as Bob the Goon I mean that's what I love about Burton I think half of it is like oh this guy will do a really good job

in this movie and then other times it's like this guy's got a really weird face and I would like this weird face in my movie it's just like it's practically a special effect Tracy Walter's face he winds up you know he realizes it's a trap oh my god Grissom knows

on his way out Eckhart shows up and he he comes up with this gang of cops like shoot to kill you know what I mean yeah I know yeah thank you I got that one yeah that's a pretty clear cut Eckhart red red red red right between those lines

they come in they burst in they're shooting everything up and then Gordon stops him he's like I'm in charge here not Carl Grisham Once he said That fucking Eckhart killed himself Like oh fuck it's over

It's all over Ugh Fucking eats a bullet He knows he's a soft pie He knows that it's never gonna Nothing's gonna happen So Also by the way

If you're like in this crazy heist of this chemical factor Whatever how about we toned down The firearm use Yes, exactly Who knows what's going to light up for both the cops and the robbers? I mean, let's all call it easy. Right when the cops open up their firing, we see chemicals start spurring out.

Exactly. Spewing out of everywhere. This fucking Joker juice all over the place. I mean, I don't know. They're making jokers or what's going on. I mean, obviously, it's Gotham City. So you have to have an enormous uncovered vat of chemical. Absolutely.

There are, but there are like cops getting douched in this shit. Well, one's a scarecrow chemical, one's a Joker chemical, does a penguin gas back there. Iceman chemical. Yeah, Iceman with Mr. Freeze, right? Yes. They're working on the killer crock. There's a catwoman vat. There's just a vat where if you get sprayed with this particular chemical, you all of a sudden just love puzzles and riddles.

Where's the one for the ventriloquist? No, no. He can make himself. That's a calendar man juice. No, that's a different story altogether. So, you know, whatever, man, Batman comes in, everybody's hooting and hollering. More out of here, brutal Batman fighting. Brutal Batman fighting, for sure.

He fucking hangs a dude. And I mean, like, that's the thing is the suit doesn't allow for mobility a ton, so he's not doing a ton of, like, cool karate. But it's all, like, really, like, impactful, like, punches and sidekicks. Yeah, you're not getting that leg, like, too far up in the air. So it's a lot of, like, kicks to the stomach. Yes, exactly. It works for me, man.

I don't need some braggard kicking in the head, you know? Just fucking, this is meat and potato's Batman, gets it done. Absolutely. Around here, this is where Jack Nicholson says, Eckhart, think about the future, fucking shoots this guy from across a factory right between the eyes. And then Gordon goes, oh my God, that was awesome. I hope someone got that on tape. Merry Christmas to me.

Wait, wait, wait, who got shot? Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God, yeah. Yeah, he gets murdered. And Batman's about to get Jack Napier. And it's such a great delivery by Nicholson. When Batman grabs him and lifts him up, he goes, Jesus. It's a Jesus reserved for when you see a fucking car crash.

what did your parents do to you it's a real good one uh and then like uh bob is like you know let him know let him go or i'll kill gordon he does and there's through kerfuffling joker uh jack neighbor here goes over the ledge yes he goes no he tries to shoot batman and it like ricochets and shoots his face which is bloody and disgusting yeah you will forget too because you think about like how did the joker get made well he just fell off that railing into the acid right in the cheek it looks like Looks like it went through the cheeks. It did, yeah, because it's, you're right, Kevin. It's in one side, out the other, which also means this is kind of implausible here, because his tongue should be fucked up. He shouldn't be talking like Jack Nicholson, no more. But I bet you anything, some teeth got shot out. Office a woman?

You think it's over a woman? Lawrence music, please. Lawrence music. I'm an artist. I do art to the dead. Why don't they get a lot of me? Sure, boss. Mirror.

What? Margar. I want a mirror. No, but he gets, he falls into the vat of chemicals. A hilarious puppet arm comes up. This part of the movie is very stunt showish. You know what I mean? Without a doubt.

With all the catwalks and the platforms and all sorts of stuff, it's a lot of fun. It's also, I think it's like the entire chemical factory compound, though, because at the end, when Batman just commits a crazy terrorist attack on this fucking chemical factory and blows the whole thing up, when he's racing back out in the Batmobile, that's just stunt show shit. Yes, exactly. Pew, pew, pew, look at all the explosions and a car is driving through it. Manbat just skates around. Oh, yeah. Next to the riddler, next to poison ivy. We got all of them here.

I don't know. Do you think we'll ever get the man bat? No. No, that's too much. It's just far too much. It's just, I can't even. We're probably never going to get the Riddler again. Yeah, that's fucking Carytown, buddy.

Yeah. I feel like we're just going to repeat. It's Joker every, oh, fucking, yeah. Well, there are, there are 13 Joker movies coming out. Every major American actor will play the Joker before they're dead. Is Batman going to show up in that Joaquin Phoenix thing at all in some capacity? He must. If they do that, it needs to be like, you don't even see his face.

Yeah. Or maybe like a batwing flies over or something. Yeah, I don't know. They should just, I think they should just reboot that whole D.C. universe in the 1980s. Because Wonder Woman's already going to do it. You know what I think they're probably going to end up doing is have his villain be Commissioner Gordon. Oh, yeah. That's what I imagine the Hawking Phoenix thing's going to be. I don't know. Am I the only one that's kind of excited for this one? No, I'm excited for it. I'm into it. More than any other DC property right now. Yeah. I mean, better than, is Letto done or what? No, he's got like two more.

You know, I'll see. But he's in what? I don't like the concurrent Joker shit. They're going to do the, uh, it's going to be him with Harley Quinn as like a lovers on the run type movie. Oh, get out of town. Either he has another solo Joker movie with him or it's suicide squad too is going to eventually come out. Oh, yeah. That is definitely happening.

Suicide squad farts. A bag of farts. Well, they got a good director now. Who's the director? James Gunn. Oh, right. Oh, right. Oh, I thought you're talking about Mel Gibson.

Wait, they were talking about that, weren't they? I genuinely was like, wait, Eric. No, but I heard some news that since the Gardens of the Galaxy thing happened. He's been taken, I don't know if he's, for sure, but it has been talking about it. I don't know. It would be great. Hey, I read it on Twitter. I can't wait for that third Guardians to suck ass.

You know, I mean, like, we could talk about it here because Jack Nicholson is so fucking tremendous in this movie and he's giving 120% and it's so like this performance lives on because he was so huge at the time he was the top of his power this is like you know post peak Nicholson for sure

yeah but not that far off he's still fucking Jack Nicholson conquered the world I mean like it's over like you know but we don't do that anymore like all of our like all of the people that are in these movies right or wrong are all like you know oh that guy had a really big Netflix show that guy

would be good as the riddler. Oh, cool, yeah. How about the bad guy can be the guy from pushing daisies? Remember that? Great. Or like fucking, I mean, like, Riz Ahmed is great, but I mean, like, he's not at that level where like, holy fuck, Riz Ahmed is playing. I mean, also Riz Ahmed is playing

who the fuck? Yeah. A truck crash or whatever his name is in that movie? Well, I guess Robert Downey Jr. is like that post peak actor that then has a huge role like Jack Nicholson. That's a good year. Well, yeah, we flip it. It's more about the heroes now. which kind of is fine,

but like I want to get somewhere in the middle, you know what I mean? Like, I mean, like, Brolin's big, but not even, I mean, like, Brolin's big, you know, but like, like, Nicholson could open a movie. That's the difference.

Like, none of these people could open a movie. I will say it's this simple. In this movie, Jack Nicholson is the Joker. Yeah. Brolin is in a green suit voicing a cartoon. Sure.

That's what's happening. Yeah. Yeah, you're totally right. And there's no fucking weight to it. So why do I fucking, why bother? And it's also control that. It's all like, oh, it's got to be within this. He's got to say the thing that's got to set up the thing

and blah-da-b-b-da-ba-ba-da-ba. As opposed to like, hey, Jack, you're a big fucking psycho clown. What do you want to do next? Yeah, exactly. But honestly, here's the thing, though. Like, that's, Wachene playing the Joker. Joaquin is going to open a movie. Unless it's directed by fucking Lynn Ramsey.

That movie's excellent. Go see it. It tanked. Fuck society that that movie tanked. But, you know, that I think, that's the gravitas that we're talking about. For sure, I buy that. Or, like, if you want to have to have. have fucking Glenn Close be in that

fucking space police department or whatever like in Guardians like let her be fucking Glenn because that's a thing where I was like oh cool Glenn Close is in this movie oh what's that for eight seconds and part of those eight seconds is John C. Riley farting I mean that's why I like the second one better than the

first one because fucking Kurt Russell is in it and he's fucking Kurt Russell and you're like yeah that's true that's the villain that's the villain example that's I mean like he's the best Marvel villain not necessarily I know I mean like Hiddleston's great and a lot of fun

and all sorts of stuff and Blanchet was great but that movie Nah, no I'm gonna say no to both of those Yeah, I agree Kerr Russell In any event

Whatever he's the dirt He heard he rules He sure does You know We get your famous We're in the access chemical We're in the fucking Surgery Department

That fat German guy Oh yeah This was the best I could do Is the mob doctor Yeah I love this sequence Mob veterinarian Actually like

I could take like Bullets out of you. I don't do the plastic surgery so much. All I have is these utensils that Dead ringers, I got them cheap. Jeremy

Ironty made me a deal. Oh, would you look at this? Somehow your bullet missed your tongue. Lucky you. All right. Oh, God, this is bad. I guess I'm just going to make you a clown man. That's the best I get. All right. Maybe

a smile will work. Just shit, dude. This is bad. Oh, you swallowed many shattered teeth. You have maybe eight hours, tops. Be lucky you're alive, clown, by the way. Somewhere around here is the fucking awkward come to my house for our first date, Bruce Wayne and Vicky Vale. They're sitting at the Citizen Kane table having dinner.

And what is with this food? They're just eaten fucking Bulyabase or like, not even Boulia Bays. Bully Bays is a thing. They're eating like broth. It's, yeah. Beef broth. Consumet, man. Got to do it.

That's what it is, right? That what a fucking rip-off soup, consomme is. But it's not a, I don't know. Soup is not sexy. You know what I mean? There's nothing sexy about soup. I tried. If you tried to put a place of game with soup?

What are you, Wilford Brimble? If you're a granny shagger, that might be a way to get it. Just turning you on or what? Yeah. I got. I got some minestrone cooking in the back there. You want to sit down? All right, sit down, Goddamn.

We're going to have some Italian wedding soup. I don't like ethnic foods. I think of just George just stands in the kitchen. Is that tomato bisque? Or it's like, oh, here's a fucking hearty fucking cheddar ale soup. You fucking horned up yet? You know, some like seafood, a lobster, maybe. some, you know, oysters always work out?

Oysters are great. I can't take it. Is it a soup or stew? Tell me now. Tell me now. Now, God, there's a beef stew. I got some gumbo. It's me a cage on brimley.

Uncle Duve. Uncle Duve. Serving the fucking goddamn best food. What's hilarious, too, is Kim Basinger has to ask him to pass the salt. Dude, you're just eating consummate and you needed saltier. What are you doing in that kitchen, Pennyworth? It does. So he's like, hey, you want to get out of here?

Let's go to a different room. They go into this weird, like, fucking nook that the brownest room I've ever seen in my life. It's the kitchen from family ties. And you know, this is why, I mean, like, I think this is like his Alfred's servant's quarters or something. Oh, really? That's where Alfred, he opens up. Because at the end of this, he says he's going to bed, and he just walks in the next room. And I think I spy at a nightstand.

It's just a cot at a little nightstand. No, he's definitely has to have a fucking Mr. Belvedere writing desk to sit down and just like, well, today, Master Wayne got laid again. He's keeping, like, a diary just for Mr. Wayne. Exactly. Mr. Wayne, I updated your fuck diary.

Oh, you killed another criminal and fucked again. Congratulations, Master Wayne. He's got, like, they come into Wayne Manor, it's all, all the books, like when they bust the accountant and the attachables. It's just all these fuck diaries he's got. I do.

Or in seven or something. I threw up on the bus today And Master Wayne scored again I do like Michael Goh here I do give the edge to Michael Cain Because it's Michael fucking Cain I mean you can't I mean that guy I mean like that's like fucking Nicholson territory

Is Cain all right Mr. Wayne I'm updating it your fuck journal again Streaks on the China Never matters before Who cares Massa this is the fifth Vicky this month Oh Where are you finding

Lending all these Vickies was such an uncommon name. No one blare. But so, you know, and the weird thing about, I think, the way that Keaton plays, both Bruce Wayne and Batman. I mean, more so Bruce Wayne, it's like, you don't believe a word he's saying. It seems like he's lying about literally everything. Yeah. Well, isn't he? Well, no, he is, but it's also, like, in a very bizarre way.

Like, and that necessarily is like, well, Alfred is my family. He's like, yeah, but you could have... It's like, do you mean that, though? Yes, exactly, yeah. Like, he says that, well, Alford is my family. I'm like... Well, he's like, even like he's being flirtatious in the other room.

He's like, I don't think I've ever been in this room before. It's a joke, but it's also like, yeah, but you're not letting this woman know anything about you. Well, you can't, dude. He can't let his guard down. He lets Vickieville get too close. That's the problem. At the end of this date, I would be certain he has a blue beard room.

Like, this, that's just what counts up. He's acting like this shit. He's got this fucking... This is where I put all my vikis, all my dead vikis. He killed, he killed, he kills, they have sex, I apologize. Yeah, fucking, never mind. Very much, very important, Batman fucks. Superman doesn't fuck.

No, Batman fucks. Absolutely. And I love that this is like, I would imagine in 1989, it's like, oh, kids, there's a Batman movie. Let's go see the Batman movie. And then it's like, they're just laying in bed the next morning. Yeah. freshly fucked. You know, Superman can't fuck

because he's got alien genitalia. For sure. The rest of him looks like a human but like down there it's just like three seashells or something.

We're just a weird snake. A sentient snake. We can't forget though after they have intercourse Kim Basinger wakes up like oh I'm having trouble sleeping what's that creaking noise and she looks over

and fucking Bruce Wayne is hanging upside down with his arms folded doing some good old fashion bat thinking. His sex swing. The thing's just swinging like, even better than that is before that scene happens,

we get a shot of him in bed, and it's a genuine like, how long before I can tell her to leave? Except for it's how long until I can get on my bat swing. Bats don't fuck. Bats need to lay upside down. Bats. I'm a bat.

I'm a bat. Look at me. I'm a bat. Hey, everybody. I'm a bat. I mean, it's kind of dumb. Do you think like when they fucked, like he was able to get,

he got it in through. I mean, he's doing experiments on those bats, no matter what. Downstairs, for sure. Yes, without question. She wakes up when he's doing that. He's like, excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom, and he gets upside down. That's how they do it. Just how bats do it.

I got to do it the way the bats do it. That's it. I got a shit upside down. I'm operating. Shit upside down. Oh, Master, wait, please. I know you're a batman. Do you know what shitting upside down is, dude, that's a jackass stunt.

got to do it I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is shitting upside down like a bat or I'm this and this is Batman this is Batman's toilet The same night that Batman lays pipe

by the way is when the Joker makes his debut to Jack Palance this is the greatest Palance is he's in a fucking nice cool silk robe

Oh yeah he's ready to get it wet Everybody's fucking tonight Gotham It's got a nice fucking glass of whiskey going, and then, is that you, sugar bumps? Is it sugar bubs, sugar bumps? Sugar bubs. I thought it was bumps. I was thinking bumps.

I think I subtitled this one of the last times I watched it. I believe it's bubs. Rub my sugar bump. Oh, yeah, definitely. You want that? Sweet, sweet candy. Hey, nerd, I didn't hear you say action yet. Jack's ready Tim

Um action Oh great action I did kind of want to see the scene Because he comes A joker comes in You sure It's not Jack You can call me

The Joker Yeah And I really did want to like See him in the car Thinking up the name like Billy Lafgate No Joe

Joke joke boy No. The titler, no. Cloudy, Mr. Chuckles. Danger clown, no. You can call me laugh riot. I'm doink the clown.

Was Doink the short one? No, Dink was the short one. That's Bob now. Yeah, it's Bozo the clown. Yeah, I'm taking it. back. So awesome fucking circus music starts playing

and he shoots the shit out of Jack Pallens comedically. It is great. It is awesome. And he ends the scene with, oh, what a day.

Yeah. It's great. So like kind of moving on, the next scene, the Joker is like kind of assuming power. He's got all of the mob bosses

in Gotham hanging out here. Here's my question about the Gotham mob bosses. Do you think any of these dudes are ever like gee, we're just kind of like stereotypical Italians I don't know, should one of us

like fall in a vat see what happens? Should I start dressing up weirdly? That's an interesting idea, right? You know, like Falcone, right? Like he's just like a mob boss, but is he ever like, you know, what if I threw myself in a pit or something? Well, because they know about half of them turn

out like the guy from Robocop Yeah, that's true. I can't fucking do that one. It wouldn't work, boss. You need to be thrown in there. by your adversary. Oh, that's right. Doesn't work if you throw yourself in the ass. Look, I'm not in the mood for,

I'm not going to go on no fucking vat. You know what, dye my hair blonde. I'm the blondeie now. All right? You ever see a fucking blonde Italian? Look at this. Look how fucking terrifying I am. What's my superhero?

Here's my gun. Superhero, bang, bang. Blondie shoots you. You know what, die all my fucking bullets yellow. That's all I can say. I already fell in a vat. It was my mama's gravy. Wow, spectacular use of the Italian gravy, by the way.

Of course. So he's trying to consolidate power. He does, I mean, I always, I always find the fucking red, the peach joker much more disturbing than the white joker. It is. It fucking totally is because he puts on that makeup to make him look flesh tone. But the mouth is still fucked up. It's so weird. The weird to think to me is he also, he had to dye, he has to dye his hair back to brown each time he does it

I think that's that like shit you get online the spray on yeah yeah oh that spray on hair that's some of the sad as shit huh it doesn't work no it doesn't and God help you if you get caught in the rain rain does exist he joy buzzes this one guy which is fantastic

this is a very Burton-esque move here I watched this movie I saw this movie in theaters at six years old I closed my eyes the entire time. I was fucking terrified. Of course you did. This isn't a movie for children.

My eyes were lighting up when I was sick. Holy fucking shit. So was Antoine's face. This is a great little effect more for the animation type of style. It feels like an old timey. They sort of just like shade this guy's face

with some orange. As the fire starts inside his body. Like think about this for a second. But that's almost like an old like silent movie trick. Yeah, that's something you would see. like in intolerance or something like that. Well, to bring your Lang thing back.

Yeah, this could be like a Dr. Mabusa or whatever. Dude, yeah, Mabooza the gambler, but he's just going around buzzing people at death. Maboozer. Maboozer. Maboozer. Maboozer's just the fucking alcoholic. He's at his wits end. When did the Joker actually have time to build this contraption?

Like you were, he's fallen ass and I mean, first of all, he gets his purple wardrobe is out of nowhere. His gang comes in here dressed in leather jackets. with his face embroiled on them. I think it's a thing where, like, Jack Napier was just a dude who was very smart about everything. And he just knew, like, if I'm going to do this, I got to do it whole hog.

I have to get merchandise. I need a logo. I need a name. I need an outfit. I need gadgets. Way to, like, get a marketing team from me. I mean, Grissom must have run hundreds of sweatshops and fucking got them to get this thing right. That's true.

Well, him looking in the mirror before. at the start of the film when he said, I didn't ask, you know? So this is like his narcissism run amok like totally all in. Yeah. And he wants to make the world look like him because he's such a fucking weird ass.

Right. There's also a great shot that they do right here and just talking about like other, this feeling like other directors. When they have everybody's at the tables right after the electrocution and the fucking emulation and everything,

the camera does like a suit. super fast like zoom out. It's like a reverse like Toby Hooper zoom in fucking Texas chain stuff. Oh yeah. Also at a skeleton like which is rad. And that tracking across down the table to see all the crooks. Yeah. At the table that's a Norson Welles shot. I'm almost positive. I mean it's like there's so much about this movie technically that's also really great. I mean like it's you can watch this movie like really fucking watch it and you're like just blown away because this is Burton at the top. You know what I mean? Like this is because it was it was like it was like what?

It was fucking Peewee's Big Adventure Beetlejuice and then this was there anything else that I'm missing? I think that's it. That's first three.

Or no, what does Cisorhands? Oh, no Cisorhands was after. 90, yeah, okay. It's either 90 or 91. And then Edwood's 94, I want to say.

Yes, that is correct. We actually, I was curious, how many people have sexed in Tim Burton movies? It's pretty rare also. Like the fucking? Oh, yeah, that's true.

That's something that moms and dads do. Or sugarbubbs, fucks. You know, I think there's fucking. There's probably fucking in Batman Returns, right? No, they almost fuck.

They're near that fucking... Does Edward Scissor Hands ever get it wet? No, I don't know what's going on down there. That's very dangerous, dude. Well, I mean, even just down there, I don't know what's going on. He's got a scissor dick? Of course. No, he doesn't have a cistered dick.

No? I don't know. Did you say no? Vincent Price, fucking one last prank, put it in a scissors. Dick? Well, what a great way. It would be convenient for him to trim his pubs. What if his dick was a Dicin? What is this fucking kid

that he abducted and tortured and turned into a scissor monster? I think he's a dead kid. You're right. Yeah, or he's a robot, right? I was just going to ask, what is he part person? Is that entirely a robot? Or dead, yeah. Shit. Fuck. I don't know. I better go to the children's orphanage

today. I think it's a dead kid and a robot. Oh, it's a teenager that just fell off a dead man's kid. You know, his peeps would be little scissors. Oh, God. Yeah, it's Edward Scissorhands, in parentheses, don't think about his dick. Yeah, fair enough.

Oh, also great Jack Nicholson thing. Just at the end of this, all the fucking mafia clears out. And it's like a solid three or four minutes of Jack Nicholson talking to a skeleton. Yes. And part of it's really chilling. They do a good job with, like, a musical cue here

that's like, all right, the fun's over with. Now it's, think about the reality of this, which is a man talking to a fucking burned out husk of a person. And the thing is, he's not punny, really. It's just like, you're a gruesome son of a bitch, and I'm glad you're dead. And he starts laughing. It's like, I'm glad you're dead.

I mean, like, that's not a joke. Like, I'm glad you're dead. Shouldn't be funny. Antoine's out a little hot under the collar is a joke. Yeah, he's still playing for an audience at that place. So what's great about this joker is that it's funny and dark at the same time. Unlike, like, like, I like Heath Ledgers, but that's just dark. This is, this is, I tend to like this one more just because it's got that grim humor to it.

Well, that's what the Hamill Joker does too. There's dark enough for like a children's cartoon. But he's also very funny while doing maniacal crime shit. I remember in the theater actually laughing as a kid at, oh, it's going to be hot time on the whole town tonight. Oh, absolutely. He's also got that great like, time to pay the check. Oh, that scene is brutal. That's kind of the next thing is the mimes.

It's the one of the big fat guy. We're having another press conference about the bicentennial. No, it's a mob press conference. This guy comes out. Oh, no, you're right. This fat mobster. It's like, what? A mob press conference?

Well, because they're legitimate businessmen, right? So it's like Grisham had an actual company, but he was actually, obviously, a mob boss in real life, but he had a front or whatever. Right. is this the fat guy that also when the electrocution happens he's like you're sick whatever it is it's that same guy um yeah but this is yeah there's all these mimes dance around let me tell you something you see more than one mime in the same place at the same time get hoofing

it get the fuck out of there you know what this is just trauma you got from this movie they're innocence i'm with you man i see like more than three i'm like okay something's about to go down and i don't know if it's a terrorist attack if it's a weird origin a mass shooting whatever it is weird orgy now I'm fucking hanging out I was gonna leave but watch the mime fuck this is just branching out of your face paint thing

Steve of course it is it's fine and he goes up to the guy and he goes it's your uncle bingo it's time to pay the check and you hear this thing oh my god a fucking pen to your jugular yep oh my god and everyone in the front of that like it's a bunch of a lighter reporters

three should throw up like three should just be like two should pass out out. This is also on the day when Kim Basinger begins, she's a fucking Batman villain in her own right. So, like, you know, look, they had a nice dinner, they had a good time, they had sex. She's like, hey, let's have breakfast together.

And he's like, you know, oh, no. And actually, he's into it, but then he's like, oh, what day is it? And you realize it's the parents death anniversary. And he's like, oh, I can't do it. And she's like, okay, lunch then. She's like, yeah, I'm going to go out of town for a couple of days. And this is bad on Bruce Wayne. Just say, like, listen, it's

the anniversary of a death of a family member. I'm kind of occupied right now we only just had our first date last night and yes it's sex but like yeah and definitely don't talk to my butler whatever you do don't talk to my kindly butler

you're right because Alfred Coxed the whole thing up dude you need the like so it's basically she's on the way I just like well I guess I'll see what you guys do get back and Alfred has to unsolicited information Alfred oh get back we'll be here for quite some time goodbye Miss Vale

and then all of a sudden Al Pacino comes out He goes, you never open your mouth until you know what the shot is. Now I just want Al Pacino fucking yelling at Michael Go in a movie. Alfred, what did I say? What did I say about the card with the fake number on it? Remember the Wayne Enterprises one with a 2-1-2 area code? And like, look, so here's the thing. Bruce Wayne, scummy, he's blowing this lady off.

Totally fair. Put that in the scummy column. But it's because of the, it's the anniversary of the fucking murder of his parents and he is not obligated to tell her why we fucked get the fuck out but jesus wow i can't have breakfast yeah i cannot have lunch sure let's meet up at another time that would quit pushing it but that's bruce wayne's line that should be like oh look let's get dinner tomorrow let's get dinner on thursday but no should volley back you're right so it's a little a little bit on the scummy side i'm playing it's a little bit on the scummy side psychotically and i mean like i understand facebook doesn't

exist you can't go around so I guess back in these days you had to dawn black get a fucking photo camera and start following someone around this is crazy town actually this brings to mind though who's nuttier vicky Vale or

fucking Dr. Chase Meridian because she's also Batman horny in that Batman forever I think they're about an equal plane Catwoman is the sadest one of the bunch man she's a super villain that's why it works that is why it works literally one of the first things that

fucking Vicki Vale tells to Robert Will is, I like bats. Yeah, that's crazy. You know why? Because nobody

likes bats. It's just a weird thing to point out. It's fine. Like, oh, what's my favorite? Oh, bats my favorite animal.

I like bats. So she like fucking, yeah, she gets in a fucking scuba suit practically. It's not really. I mean, it's all and her walking in a diving belt.

It's like, do, do, don't mind me. And she's driving, following this dude around while he's going around the town. And yeah,

he's laying, roses on Crime Alley. She's taking photographs. This is kind of all intersects with like the whole Uncle Bingo scene, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, what is Uncle Bingo? What is that? You'll have to ask Jack Nicholson. Oh, there's a bunch of bullshit words he makes up. What's the other, the one I wrote down was, uh, it's time to make some mookie. Yeah, it's makes a mookie. And look, Tim Burton's like, that's not, okay. Sure, go in there. Referencing Spike Lee. Yeah, totally.

Is that one of the Dennis Hopper's words that he created? Or it's like a big baseball fan. Ooh, that is a dinner I would like to watch. Is Spike Lee and Tim Burton having dinner? And, like, just see what that looks like. Oh, you want to hear dead silence on. Yeah, it's going to be like, it's going to be like, yeah, I've never seen any of your weird-ass movies. Well, I've never seen any of yours.

Okay, then. What a weird dinner to also have it, this Applebee's. It's my favorite restaurant. It's the spookiest restaurant of all Applebee's. Wrong. He goes to Jekyll and Hydez. Oh, my God. Oh, right.

I think that closed down. Oh, did it? I think so. Yeah, it would have to. Yeah, it's gone. Well, no, he goes to, like, all those weird, like, all those sandwich shops where they have, like, a buffalo chicken wraps called a dragon fart or, like. It's just like, it's great here. Get the dragon fart.

Chicken cutlet sandwich. Superman's head of hair or some kind of thing. Dude, delis with fucking crazy names for sandwiches, just tell me what's on the sandwich in the name of the sandwich. I will say that to be at my most rubish when that happens

of like, I've always tickled pig I'm just sort of like, oh, that's, well, that'd be fun to say. I was an hour, in our, like we've been out of college for like three years, kind of time period of our lives. Chris Cabin, lived with two of our friends in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

There was an amazing deli there called Sunset Bagel, but it was like a full-on deli operation. And they had crazy-ass names or shit. And the fucking spicy dragon sandwich. Oh, you're going to get that fucking spicy dragon. It was just a spicy chicken sandwich. But the dragon, it made it fun. It made it taste better.

It was so obnoxious. I'll have one dragon fart, please. You know, we changed the menu. We actually tried that. One dragon fart. Please. Dragon fart. So the Joker also has Bob taking photos of Alexander Knox.

He sees a picture of Vicky Vale. He becomes enamored with her. What is with all the like Joker arts and crafts that's happening in the scene? He's an artist, dude. Oh, right. Yeah, he's a collage work here. Yeah, so there's collage work. He cuts out her photo.

This town needs an anima. Can I tell you one of my clearest memories of my father in the movies? Yelling this town needs an animal. so two things one my dad being beat red for the entirety of the south park movie like literally did not stop laughing sure but in this movie my dad was dead silent the whole time he says this town needs an animal my dad in an almost silent theater but that is not my favorite line from this scene though you eat a lot of dragon farts yes you might want to get one might need an enema Wait, what is your favorite line? And you should like this line is the first time he sees Robert Wohl.

He says, what is this loss? Yeah. I gotta go back. I don't even remember them. Yeah, it's a good one. Commissioner Gordon goes to a Gotham deli. Let me get what, oh God, what is, what's the roast beef with provolode and extra onions?

Oh, yeah, we call that the Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. I will never not. be fucking funny. So is Eckhart like forcing this place to pay protection to them and they eventually name a sandwich after them?

That's what they can stop paying the protection once they name a sandwich after him. Never mind. I'll have the grissom salad. I'm going to toss your grisham sandwich. Get in there and shuffle around. This is kind of a round where we're introduced to Joker products.

And the nightly news broadcasts, this shit horrified me as a young kid. It's fucking terrifying because you don't really see. I mean, like, in the veil scene, you do see, like, they kind of, the camera sort of pans over the Joker's other work desk, which has a bunch of pictures with people with, like, Rick Disgrins and stuff. Oh, yeah. A CIA confidential or something like that. It's like, and again, we don't need to hear about it. CIA. Like, yeah, no, he stole, like, CIA confidential, like, a formula, it seems like.

Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, like, I mean, or, you know, and that's. fine. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't need to hear them. I don't need to see the joke or the lap coat. Exactly. I don't need to see the test run. You just hear about these two women, these two models that went missing. And they were found with these weird smiles on their face. And I was like, that's weird. And then this woman, the other guy starts talking about this. Another car crash or whatever. She starts. Six new deaths or something like that. She starts laughing. She falls over laughing. The director

always looks like Tim Burton. Am I the only one that got that? He does definitely. look like Tim Burton, totally. He's not wearing the famed Tim Burton Parisian breadboy hat that you see Tim Burton's boarding an awful lot. That's what got him Helena Bottom Carter, man.

Can I just say one of my favorite things that Camer Crow has ever done is having Tim Burton be in singles as a creepy director. It's a hilarious scene where I think it's Fonda who has to make a dating tape and she's like, I'm looking for

somebody shoot my tape for me and Jim Burton he's like I can do it that's pretty awesome I love that movie it's great movie I haven't seen it in forever so yeah she falls over then we get the commercial of Joker in a department store in a you know

it's a set this is my question about the zone because this is like that love that Joker and it's like it's the models yeah is he like manipulating their corpses like what is the deal I think it's that Conan O'Brien Yeah, definitely. It looks like a photo that they did. They moved the lips around.

So, but like those women are dead. Oh, the human are long dead, yes. That's what I'm saying, though. Like, he's posing these corpses and then he's superimposing a Conan mouth over it. I mean, the production values on this national threat is just astounding to me. Like, how did you shoot this?

Did you take over a grocery store and just have, hey, Joker, start down near the can and then come towards the produce. That's what Bob is there for. He's an excellent direct. Yeah, Bob, I think, is the creative director of the whole, like, Joker Enterprise kind of the thing. I think that's how he got the costumes. He got all the merch. He got the logo. I'll call my girlfriend from art school. She could do a cool emblem on your shack jacket.

I love Jack Nicholson when he's pushing the cart and he's dancing like his legs are shooting at. Oh, my God, it's so fucking great. I mean, he's all the fuck in. It's so much fun to watch. Which is crazy, though, because a dude like Jack Nicholson, you could also see it going the other way. It's like, uh, what? Is it a stupid comic book character? Oh, whatever. I'll just do a shitty job. Thankfully, he didn't do the Alec Guinness. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I love the Brandex joke.

This is fucking other guy just tied up to a chair. He's been using Brandex. Which got him tied to this chair. And fucking put a fucking thing over his mouth. And there's some great Bruce Wayne and Alfred going back and forth before this where like, he's like, well, I think that Vicky Vale is going to work out

quite nicely here. And he's like, you know, Alfred, why don't you fucking date? He's like, I might. Well, I never even thought about it. Do you think she'd like me? You know, I have access to the tapes, too. Oh, I watch all your tapes, master way. She comes back next time Alfred has jet black hair

and sung-glah, yes, I'm a bit of a younger man these days. Whoa, Alfred, you have sex just like Bruce Lynn. He taught me everything I know. Oh, let me put on some music while I make your soup this evening. Da-da-na-na-na-na-na-da-da-da. Slides out in his underwear. That would be... I was doing bad to the bone.

Either way. Oh, I see you're saying. Either way, it's funny. Either way. I want to see Alfred in his tidy whitey's. A little bit of a stain on the back. Why has he got skin marks, man? Because he's an old man, dude.

He would wipe better, but the arthritis, you know? Insufficient wiping skills these days, Master Wayne. There I come out, sliding down the hallway. My underwear look like old potatoes covered in mud. Oh, God. I was going to say, I'm not sure if Alfred even has tidy white is. I think he has to buy him. He usually has, like, Amish underwear or something.

Amish underwear? What is Amish underwear? I have no concept. Or maybe just like big old old man baggy boxes. Yeah, oh yeah. Straight out of World War I. T.I.G. Restrict my trunk.

Lo it's my big elephant trunk down there. My boxes go below my knees, don't yours? So this thing is going on. We get a couple more news broadcasts of like everyone now is not wearing any cosmetic products, et cetera, et cetera. I love this. The way that they like telegraph this visually. is, the newscasters look disgusting.

The dude has like zits on his face. Yes, it's incredible. Because you wouldn't know, you wouldn't wash your face, you don't know. You wouldn't do that. Also, they do mention something about like, because they're paranoid, it's in the food, they're not eating either.

This is a great plan by the Joker. He's got the sitting by the balls. And then you see Bruce Wayne, he's in the back cave looking stuff up, trying to solve this mystery. And Alford's like, oh, Miss Vale says she's going to be 10 minutes late to the museum. and he's like, okay, Alfred, I'm not meeting her her day.

Oh, wait, Alfred, I've been ghosting her for like three weeks. Like, why would I meet her at the museum? Exactly. Alfred, are you still, God, are you still calling her? Jesus Christ, Alfred, we had this talk and you know what? It's weird, though, so like, I guess what is happening here? The Joker calls her. No, I know, but like, so is the Joker using a voice modulator?

Is it a written invitation? It's probably written. Yeah. He probably had Bob caller. Oh, Bob does a solid Bruce Wayne impression. Or, like, as in a, you know, he just says he's an assistant. Oh, I'm calling from Mr. Wayne's office. Oh, yeah, okay.

He's a busy man. And also, she shows up, which I wouldn't. Like, this guy doesn't have the fucking guts to call me himself. Fuck you. We had bets. Also, I'm a 1989 Kim Basinger. I'll see you later. But this guy's rich.

Yeah. But we had bad soup. I had to listen to your grandfather and talk endlessly about how great you are. We had one fuck and then he didn't call me for three weeks. But he's got money. Don't you care? And must, and must I highlight you. shat upside down in front of me.

Shit's disgusting. Oh, that's why she came back for seconds. And also, he wants to have dinner at a museum. Yeah. You ever see that little cafe area they have at the Met? It's a lot. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. Honestly, for a second date, not a bad idea.

You have a light little meal and you walk around the museum. You know what I mean? It's not like, it's not like as built up as. But I think it's a lunch though. You got to go for a lunch with that. I mean, you would have to be Bruce Wayne to eat at those fucking places, by the way. Five bucks for a bottle of water, all right?

What am I at Yankee Stadium? Come on. Oh, Yankees! Into great date with a $20 Perrier. So this is the famous museum sequence. And you know what? I like about this movie? It's like, yeah, we're rejecting the old. We're not doing the fucking Adam West

bullshit. But you know what? It's Batman and God damn it. We're going to have some knockout gas. Like that's a Batman movie. I like it. This is and I think Nolan had a big fucking whiteboard said no what knockout gas knock out gas is great it is utilized very well here

it's weird though I gotta tell you if I opened up a little box there was a gas mask and in fucking child's handwriting and crayon it said put this on now I am shitting my pants and running away yeah I would put the mask on and leave like that's a good thing what a terrifying

situation everyone gets knocked out the Joker shows up he's got a big old fucking Picasso kind of thing you bought that Tim Burton by the way here Jack before you go on put this on Lawrence this dude with the boombox I love fucking Lawrence man what do we think about the Prince

music in this I like the music it's weird yeah this movie it's fine and like it's just it's a thing I've accepted it dates the movie totally which is fine I mean look yeah I think movies should be dated I don't know movies should exist of their time sort of in a way I mean I like it

because it's usually used with the Joker and it underlines that like his bombastic personality as versus most of the Bruce Wayne scenes have the orchestral stuff. Yeah, yeah. Also it's a little on the nose though, man. Motherfucker loved purple. Oh yeah, a little bit. Red and black. It's fun

man. That's sort of where Oh hell. Luke King in town. Exactly. It's it's sort of like when we were talking about in Terminator 2 that we recently did like the bad of the bone. It's on the nose but it's fun and establishes that tone.

And the song is awesome. I mean, it's a good song. This one's great. The trust. Yeah, that song's awesome too. Prince, it's like when I hear it, I'm not like, it doesn't instantly date it for me because it's like an artist like David Bowie or something that I'm just like, oh, yeah, of course, you know.

It's timeless in a way, but I don't know. That's just me. Yeah, no, totally. So yeah, we're fucking up all these paintings. I love one of my favorite dudes in the Joker gang is the kind of puffy guy who looks like Chris Franz from talking heads. he's the guy who in this scene is having a fucking ball painting the bust the green hair

and you can tell he's like oh the boss is gonna love this the boss is gonna love this move and I mean like what is it with the Joker gang specifically we know where Bob's coming from Bob's like his best bud they used to have they found a fucking body together by the train tracks there was a great story about it they get really they go really deep but like Bob would go on to die in Vietnam.

Oh, definitely, dude. But, like, what are the rest of this game? They're not stealing anything here. It's not like, and like, are they homicidal maniacs? What's going on? That's because you said knockout gas. It's poison gas. Yeah, they're all fucking dead.

That's true. They're probably all dead. Oh, are those people dead? Yeah. You never know one way or another. But that's what, you know. Knock your soul out of your body. Exactly.

Dead is knocked down. I guess. I usually just think about when I'm getting punched, but okay. I also love there are two moments where it would get punched to death. get punched to death, by the way. Oh, maybe. Absolutely. Look what happened to Harry Houdini.

Exactly. Of course. That's the first Batman villain. The escape artist, dude, look out for that guy. Running a muck in Gotham. He would never stay in Arkham. No, there's a great detail of every time the Joker comes across a statue, like, they're fucking up all the paintings and everything.

But the statues, he's like, uh, sculpture work, huh? Not for me. And he just is knocking over all of these sculptures in the gallery. It's great. I mean, and I also, I mean, they do, what I like about it is that they do connect, like Prince as music connects to the character. Sure. And the fact that he stops as a Francis Bacon painting, that's very much his character.

Yeah, yeah. That's the one thing he doesn't want it to deface. It's awesome. It's a gruesome painting. It's rad, too. He refers to himself as a fully functioning homicidal artist. And, Cabin, you know what I thought of? How's the Jackville?

Oh. Because that's Matt Dealing in. that movie is like I'm a serial killer and my fucking artwork is the murders and what I'm doing with these bodies and shit I just had him talking to Elizabeth Moss in the square oh oh god oh yeah oh that would be pretty cool uh yeah she she's like freaked out by him obviously he said i could watch you improve the paintings jerry jerry hall comes back uh alicia it's her name i believe right i think so yeah yeah and she and he shows her her her face it's not too bad. I mean, she got a little acid in the face

it seems. Yeah. I'm no Picasso, but do you like it? That's a great line. I also love him, I guess, like, in this memo that she got, I was like, bring your portfolio and it's crap. Crap. Crap. Yeah.

Crap. Ooh, now this really speaks to me. Oh, it's awesome. It's photos of mass graves. It's so fucking good. Here's a question, because it's definitely on hand in this scene. It's throughout any time he's being the Joker. what are with these

thick purple fucking Elmo gloves that the Joker is wearing Like it's really It's got to be really hard To hold things You know what I mean He's painted with these things

Yeah they're like felt gloves It's weird My hands get sweaty She is a great bit Where she throws water in him And he's like I'm melting Oh that's so great

And then of course Which is also He's so much more terrifying Half white half Oh oh It's like when the turn Terminator's face gets fucked up. Nightmare town, dude. So Batman comes in here. There's a big to do. This is the awesome, the fucking zip line. If you had the play set, you know what I'm talking about with the zip line.

I mean, nobody does a really good job of getting Batman off that zipline. I don't know. Open fire on him. Totally. He's very slowly getting away. Exactly. He's like gently zipping out the door. Come on, Lawrence. Throw the boombox out. It is exciting. It's fun to watch. It's super. Right, because he puts, like, this device, like, right in Joker's face and what is about to happen and then it goes to the sides. It's such a cool move. It surprises him. It surprises us. He slides out of there. And then we get the, you know, the big line of, where does he get these wonderful toys? Yes. Oh, it's so fucking good. It's one of those things that you always get associated.

Nobody see the Batmobile. Dude, I clocked it, by the way. This is over an hour before we get the Batmobile. Loving it. But was the Batmobile as big a thing at the time? Yeah, I mean, it was always, it was always a thing. Well, the Adam West one didn't seem as, there was gadgets on it, but not as elaborated. It was always whatever the artist would draw. There was always be whatever, like, fun kind of flourishes. Did this, like, dark dick Batmobile?

Was that in the comics? Dude, this thing's a big cock. I mean, it's a big fat dick. Yeah, so was there dicks in the books? I mean, I'm sure there was. Most of them, most of the Batmobile designs from this era, I believe, were like cars, but they had a big bat face on the front of them?

Oh, weird. Yeah. Oh, that's weird. I just think about the Adam West, like, weird, like, convertible, but only for each seat. Yeah. So, wait, if you, like, pinch Bruce Wayne's nipple, does, like, armor come up around his cock or what?

I guess so. I mean, this dick, it's a dick. It's a dick with pins. And that's, it's a fucking great dick. It's also, I mean, like, say what you want about the Nolan one, this thing can't even move. Like, he has to, to make a. left turn. He needs to use a grappling hook. It's true. It's like he's fucking driving a limousy,

like a stretched limo, you know? It just doesn't work. It's awesome. But I love, dude, when he uses the grappling hook to make that left turn, he causes what is without a doubt the greatest cinematic car accident since the Blues Brothers. It's like 12 to 15 cars just pile up in the streets of Gotham right here. And also like they literally, this thing is so unfunctional. They run into a slight traffic detour, which is like, I don't know, like, I think part of the crash, and they can't get it around. Look, well, I guess what I have to get out on foot here. We'll just abandon it. Yeah, exactly. I'll just put in shield mode and we'll hoof it on foot. Uh, this is the alleyway scene. We get some fun fighting going on here.

This is also the weird, like, how much do you weigh? Yes. And she's like, I don't know, like, 108 pounds. I was like, you're Kim Basinger. You're like six feet tall. You definitely weigh more than that. She goes up in the grappling hook. He fights some dudes. He fights the karate guy with the swords. That guy is an interesting choice for the Joker gang. Yes. I mean, I guess he's, I mean, maybe these guys are on retainer. It's a salary situation. Oh, that could be. You are my number one sword guy. Yeah, exactly. Listen, I want a lot of sword guys. I want a boom box guy and a sword guy. or a fat cop Get me a fat cop

Get me a purple suited sadist We found your fat cop It's Eckhart, sir Oh my god So they escape He takes her to the bat cave One of the most puzzling Brings a smile to my face

fucking weirdest details in this movie he's got Vicky Vail in the Batcave they're having a conversation it's this two shot did anybody notice what is going on

behind them in the Batcave is a bat in a cage right no I mean maybe but there's it's just a Batman Batman's like computer desk or whatever the fuck and they're having this conversation and on the desk

is a huge bottle of mouthwash what oh no well that that's because of the thing he's trying to crack the Joker's code Oh, it's research. I just thought it was down there for use. You think he's got halitosis maybe? Dude, it's Batman.

Who could tell? Batman doesn't have bad breath. So before he goes out there, you always like rinses. Even still, that is hilarious because it's Vicky Vale, a bottle of mouthwash, and Batman having a scene together. Oh, I didn't even think about that. Without the washing and all that stuff, that bat suit must smell like absolute fucking But that's half of Alfred's day Like other people clean the house

He has to hose that shit down Because I'll get the hose again It'll burn this one again tonight Yeah exactly Tomorrow I'm mold all my boys Oh right Get that dick dong

So he He explains to her that he's got He's cured the joker's thing Oh in the alleyway She takes a bunch of pictures Of Batman With a flash camera it's like come on lady so dumb this is also there's a weird they're like take his mask off yeah

and it's kind of like michael myers like batman stops everything to pull the cowl back on before he gets back to the action one thing that always disappointed me about batman returns is it didn't um because obviously the the way the batman mask in this movie and i think most of these movies is like the eyes show through and you have to like put put black paint over your eyes kind of thing but at the end of batman returns is the only movie i think where he he peels the mask off and he doesn't have the black paint and it's like come on like it's kind of cool that he does that like have him have like a bowie stripe on his eyes you know what I mean like that would be pretty rad you know maybe we're just supposed to be like oh that's shadow yeah he's just

shadow but how rad would it be dude he rips it off he looks like charlie's theran and fucking fury road that would be cool much more intimidating I think hold still a master man have to do your makeup yes I know it's an emergency but hold still When confessing your feelings to the first person you love, you definitely want to look intimidating. You do, because you want to be the commander of the relationship. Absolutely. That's very important. It is.

So here is, I think, one of the rudest moves Batman makes. Sure. We cut from the back cave, Vicky Vale has been knocked out. She's left back in her apartment. He's got his own knockout guess. All right, Bruce. Of course he does. Steve, of course he does.

But Vicky Vale is laying on this bed Like sideways one legs hanging off like Come on Batman Place her in bed appropriately Tucker in He just fucking throws her on the mattress and leaves And she wakes up her Her film is gone

And she she winds up writing up the story With about how to solve the Joker's thing The Joker's pissed off Batman is Bruce Wayne is like Well I guess I should go talk to Vicky I guess I like her know what I mean? Right. And this is the best scene in the movie, by the way. Oh, it's awesome.

Flat out. It's just, it, it distills what makes this movie so great. All these unhinged performances in one room. It's Keaton. He goes up to Vicki Vale. He tries to tell her about, you know, that he's Batman. He's trying to figure it out. She's really pissed up, obviously. She's got this big bowl of popcorn. I don't know what night in she's about to have.

This bowl of popcorn is awesome, dude, because when the fucking Joker storms the apartment and everybody gets scared, she grabs this bowl of popcorn. is hiding like cowering in the corner of the room and at one point I'm not I'm not crazy is eating from it while the Joker and Bruce Wayne

are facing off in front of her and I was like yeah I'm eating popcorn too this is great before the Joker gets there and he's talking to her and they're having that back and forth and she keeps interrupting him because she's like oh what are you like married what is it like what is this what is that he eventually shoves her to the ground

yeah this guy is not a listen it's a chair but yeah Yeah, okay, it's a chair, but it's a, it is a straight up shove. It's a really, we're a shut up for a second. Also, I'm pretty sure she was way drunker when they originally, then he, I don't think he was drunk at all when they, when they slept together. She was like falling down drunk, saying she's drunk. Yes.

And he was like, I am not. Well, no. I'm drunk and you're not anything. He's like, oh, no, I'm flying, baby. I'm like, are you though? Yeah, I just need one. I just need one. I'm flying.

Yeah. So far, in terms of relationship dynamics, the joker. is the hero here. Yes. It was obviously Sugar Bubs wanted to be involved with him.

That's true. Mutual relationship. You don't see him getting too physical. Yeah, exactly. He just puts acid on her face. I mean,

that's what a lover does. Like, listen, sure, but she, it was consensual. Uh-huh. He's such a good lover, dude,

that we're told in this scene that Sugar Bubs has indeed taken her own life, by the way. Well, no, I mean, he all, I think he killed her,

too. He threw herself out a window. Okay, that's fair. He just throw yourself out of a way. We've got to take the Joker at his word, dude. The big shove good night. Yeah, she didn't laugh at one of his puns.

So, yeah, now the Joker is in there. Bruce Wayne is hiding for the first half. Right. He's like, oh, you know, it's just like, you know, he tells her about Jerry Hall. Bruce Wayne comes out. He grabs a silver tray, puts it under his shirt. And this is the, you ought to get nuts. Come on, let's get nuts.

It's so great. It's just so fucking Keaton. He's got his fucking. fire poker that grabs from the fireplace. It's awesome. Yeah, and this is when the Joker shoots him, luckily not in the face. And this, he mentions his line of ever dance with the devil and the pale moonlight.

Right. Which spurs something in Batman, but you don't know what it is just yet. The fuck you just said? He does. What the fuck? This scene ends with a very Tim Burton gag of like she opens the box that the Joker has brought there and a fucking arm goes like, boy, a yo, y'oy, and it's like holding dead roses. And it like

the orchestral crescendo cuts off like a Looney Tunes bit. It does. It's exactly what it. And she like comically faints to the floor. Elfman, I mean that's another thing of this. I mean like it had to be like the oldest man in the room but like this score fucking rips. And it's iconic and none of I can't imagine, I can't remember

the last like superhero theme that was worth a damn. Like what is the Avengers theme? Nothing. Couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you. Honestly, it's this and it's the fucking the John Williams Superman. That's it. What else could there be? Not to be, yeah. I mean, like, and even like, even, I mean,

the Zimmer stuff is really cool, but it's not, you know what I mean? It doesn't, you don't, you don't associate it with the character. In what movie? The Zimmer scores in all the Nolans. Oh, the wands and the, they work great to the action.

Yeah, those are like action movie scores. Totally. And this is, like you said, like a superhero score. And it explains the fact that most of the 1990s, everybody who composed. scores was trying to make this score again. Yes. Oh, absolutely. And Elfman did it in the Spider-Man. He's like, now it's Spider-Man.

You know, it's a little spingly there. So, guys, I have some bad news. As it turns out, after all the press conferences, all the television broadcasts, all the rigmarole, the fucking bicentennial celebration is postponed. Oh, no. Oh, is it because the city is is because the city is under siege by a mad clown that has like 50 kills at this point

has something to do with it maybe I can't go to the fucking bathroom without fucking being afraid I'm going to laugh myself to death yeah I think I'll skip the Bicentadio fucking two weeks ago John Gotti had a goddamn press conference outside city hall

what the fuck throat cut on live TV like yeah and that is such a part of their lives having this mob boss thing that the Joker ends up doing this fireside chat. That's right. He does this like hacks into the television broadcast and does this whole like, Boss Grisham was bad guy.

But you know, I'm on the straight and arrow and see, I've taken off my makeup. Right. Will Batman take off his? It's such a great, like, Nicholson layers upon layers. It's Nicholson as the Joker as doing a fake election,

like this, I'm a human, he's doing an impression of a human being. Yes, that's exactly what it is. It's when, like, psychopaths have to fucking pretend to be people. The big, like, me, nine to five. Also, that's the house that Jack Bill. He's fucking practicing smiling in the mirror.

It's terrifying. You know, and, like, so this is kind of setting up the last bit is like, I, I, and also, like, again, so he's like, I've taken off my mask. I'm going to be giving away $20 million in cash. Yep. In the city square at midnight. Come on out, won't you? I'm fine.

You know what? you know what crazy clown that has gripped the city in fear i'm cool but you know what dude there are so many idiot rubs out there who are like oh say everybody look at that he's giving away 20 million dollars he told it on the tv we better go down there doop do do do do what are all these kajuns coming from oh don't you want to know i mean you only need to grab like three of those bills to take care of your monthly scag bill yeah they do show like as this is happening there's a bunch of like fucking heroin addicts in a hallway like yeah Let's watch.

Y'all go. It's before we get to the parade, we do finally have the flashback of Bruce Wayne and the parents being murdered. Great young Nicholson casting here. I look this dude up. He's now like a big producer

with like English television. Oh, good for him. This movie was filmed in England, by the way. Yeah, all at Pinewood Studios, of course. Yeah, so it's a great scene. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light? The fucking great thing is the guy who is like Jack's...

associate who looks almost exactly like A.C. Slater. Yeah. It's like, oh my God, you just fucking killed these people. I mean, this is always amazing. And I really, I mean, just because it's the most recent Batman I've seen, I think, uh, thinking about Batman versus Superman, how they did it. Yeah. Like all, it's all orchestral. You don't, you don't, you don't hear them say anything. Nothing. The only thing you hear fucking Jack Nicholson say is ever dance with the devil and pale blue and all that you just hear screaming. Yes. It's perfect. This fucking, like, filating a gun, I'm coming because pearls are falling on the ground.

Fuck that. Well, I mean, like, if you had that thing, you can't, the pearls do hit that ground, so you can shoot in this movie, too. The pearls do bounce. I mean, but I do like the Nolan. That's fine. I do love my buddy, when my boy, Linus Roche getting popped. Yeah.

You know, all props are Linus Roche. Great in Mandy. Yep. He's awesome. He was great on Law and Order. Fuck it. he's awesome fuck it I'll say

I don't give a shit who knows come after me I watch I watch those disastrous final seasons of law and order whatever

come after me five people who watched it with me I missed the end of law and order who is it that killed them in that episode it's Eckhart sir

oh my god wait I know you know I fell off I didn't watch the last episode of loss who did it

oh that was that car sir. Oh my God, Jack. I always knew Eckhart lured them to that island. You know, I was watching Star Wars and one of the X-wing pilots looked like someone

I can't put my finger on... Oh, I think that was Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. It is the gift that keeps on giving. I would love to learn that those were Pat Hingle's last words. Oh, my God.

It's on his tombstone. Who's that I see up in the sky looking down at me? Oh, it's the Lord Eckhart, sir. Oh, my Eckhart. So, this is when Batman's got a couple kills under his belt. You know what I mean? Like, there's just a few. But then, dude, he's really good.

It's almost like he's about to lose a bet. And he's like, oh, man, he goes to access chemicals with the fucking, Batmobile, which is fucking primed with sub-machine guns, by the way. Yeah, and he's going through these henchmen, like, Kleenex. He doesn't actually shoot any with the gun, but he does blow them all up. Yes, he blows up. The tire bombs? Yeah.

Oh, my God, those tire bombs. Those motherfuckers are standing inches from those things. And you know what? I know that that's one of the things we ragged on for Batman versus Superman, but you know what? Better movie right here, so it's all fine. Exactly. I mean, if you bring a, if you have a real, like, vision to it, I don't give a shit. I'm not a big enough comic book guy

to care as much about Batman murdering people and if it's done in a context I enjoy I'm okay with it. Also, may I point out, the Batmobile is Batmanless right here. Oh, yes. So technically but who programmed it to kill? How did it learn?

Oh, that was Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. No, it's fucking Pennyworth. He came back from the war and he said, yeah, we're going to kill. Oh, Mazda, Wayne. You know, you really should Put some bombs on the tires of these cars. No, this is Kit. Dude, Hasselhoff did it.

Badman, I just killed 40 people. Oh, William, whatever his name is. William, oh, gosh, I forget his name. He just foiled a robbery reason. He did. Whatever. But he, so this. I almost said William Hootkins.

He blows up Axis chemicals. Daniels, sorry. We go to the bicentennial at midnight the joker's got this great big gorgeous float uh that fucking poor the poor mayor man he's just like that's my fucking float out there look at this let we canceled it now look what the clown is doing by the way and i mean like i it why are the police nowhere to be found like i you know what i get it you know that it is batman's beef but like maybe the cops could come and like open fire on this fucking thing because also it's not like we're at the point in batman

lore where the cops are like, don't worry Batman's got it. Yeah, nobody knows that he's coming around. Yeah, like, we get, we don't even get the bat signal to the end of this movie. So, like, this is still like, what the fuck is going? One fucking crazed weirdo is beefing with another one? Perhaps this is a job for the police department. He's got a

permit. Because it's a weird relationship in compared to all the other ones because, like, Batman and fucking Gordon don't have a relationship. Yeah. Until the very, very end of this movie, presumably. he's giving off money money money

who do you got he's throwing money off the fucking balcony everyone's like oh this is great remember two days ago when that guy was killing us I haven't watched my balls in three weeks because I was afraid of you but now he gives him money that's great dude's the power television man

the dude on TV told you something different now and it's true crotch stick in fucking Gotham by the way yikes dude just fucking ball cheese from here to come it looks like fog that's the stench Megma It's a river of smegma And the Joker

brings out all these Big old balloons Guess what They have fucking poison God damn gas In them you idiot Weird Weird you Robs

Weird Weird Can Bessinger and Knox show up To just sort of Record the event You know When the bummer about it is

Dude We just got done With a large stretch With this movie That is fucking Robert Wolffrey He just Farts back

in here. I hate it. Hey, Vail, think about this. Gotham's greed. Great. Great, Alexander. Write that in your little notebook, you fucking jackass. Sit in the car. I photographed a slaughter, thank you. Then we get the batwing here,

which looks awesome. It does. It is an action figure. It looks awesome in its cheapness. It's a little plasticy thing. Yep, it's great. It's totally great. When you see it, when the camera is supposed to be up in the sky with it, it's clearly just a fucking Batman toy in it.

That's all it is, and that's what this movie is, and it's great. You had this thing? Oh, yeah, man. Oh, I was a sick, burn, Gavin. He got you good. Well, he's right. He takes all the balloons. I mean, the balloons kill enough people. The death count in this movie is incalculable. Yeah. But it was

pre-9-11, so buildings weren't falling, which was nice. Also, give me some knockout gas. Poison gas. Well, what's great, dude, this is... Is it? it's not on the televised thing it's when he is on the microphone and he's like and where's Batman he's at home washing his tights

well he has to do you know what the smell is like but it's that tights Joker please don't shoot me but he doesn't have tights in this universe it's actually rubber yeah that guy's getting murdered he has to hose down rubber sir before all this happens obviously Alfred brings Kim basically

Kim basically to the Batcave yeah he's really pushing for this marriage dude what an asshole well now you'll have to you'll have to marry her or kill her mr wayne your choice sir it would marry fuck kill mr wayne and you've already done one pennyworth is like a bond villain now absolutely dude well it would actually make sense if they recast the role after this because after something like this yeah you gotta get rid of him i'm sorry i don't care how he grew you fucking brought you up since a baby i don't care it's like gotta go a deal man you can continue living on the ground somewhere but i am hiring a new butler and i never

want to see your face again i don't trust you anymore dude sorry bud that's the end of it fuck you dude fuck you hard uh so yes uh batman my balloons he stole my balloons so great i also why did somebody tell me he had one of those things uh and because burton cannot help himself and i do love how much burton can't help himself with this movie yeah he steals all the balloons But Batman has to go all the way up to the moon and make the bat symbol on the moon. It's cheesy as fuck, but I'm here. I'm enjoying it. You get him up that high so the balloons pop, dude.

Yeah, but he had to make the little. Yeah, no. It's also so they pop. So this is Bob Gunn. Oh, awesome. Amazing Bob. And the Batwing comes out. This is one of my favorite shots, dude, because the Joker standing defiantly in front of this float while a fucking.

airship is shooting at it. Oh yeah, because Batman is trying to fire a gun and he's trying to fucking machine gun this clown to death. But he pulls out this pistol and it keeps on coming. His humongous barrel. Dude, this pants gun, this pants pistol.

And one shot takes down the Batwing by the way. Good job. Yeah. Not bad. I don't know what fucking ammo was in that thing, but Jesus. He kidnaps Kimbysaker because it's the end of the movie and you got to do it. Right. Yep. The model of this bad wing crashes and I

thought it was, I love seeing the models. It's nice to see the church steps and the cars are so fake, but it's like, it's heartwarming. It's endearing. You can tell a human made it. That's the whole thing between

physical and fucking computers shit. And I know that humans work hard on the computer stuff, but it just looks like a computer thing. But do they? Also, but do they? Yeah, great question, actually. Yeah, you have to measure shit and all that stuff. They say they do.

But do they? So he steals Kim Bessinger. Great. I guess at some point he tells, I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead. I mean, I guess at some point he tells all of his crew to be at the top of the tower before him. Yeah, get up there backflip guy. You two, Lawrence, I need you up there ahead of schedule.

He does radio in the copter. Yes. And he says, yeah, be up there in five minutes. And he glances up at the tower. Better make a test. oh yeah great line better make it an hour and a half yeah exactly there's a fucking totally red shot here though it's so fucking funny and i sure it drove a lot of dudes out there crazy man because batman comes into the church and he's like where could they be and he's looking around

and then well wouldn't you know it her shoe falls yeah because just this high heel drops in front of batman he looks up like oh got it and all these foot fetishists were like oh my god oh my god she's fucking barefoot with the joke well I mean after she saw his fucking back cave he was ready to let fucking Joker have her but then he saw the shoe he's like I have to do it I was

before this foot we were we were eating lunch and watch it a little bit of Batman I was like oh you know I wonder I didn't know if this is an apple cart situation like that Kim Basinger was taller than Michael Keaton so I went on I googled Michael Keaton height and it's like 510 and I

Google I try to Google Kim Basinger height and I'm Kim Basinger height and I'm Kim basing her height, and then the auto Phil says feet after it. Oh, yeah. She's actually a little shorter than Michael Keaton, according to IMDB or whatever. Oh. But you got to get that feet in there.

Rex Ryan loves this scene. So they're going up. And I mean, like, actually, this is like, and this is when the movie sort of becomes an action movie again, where like, you know, he's got to kill a bunch, get a bunch of his henchmen. And actually, uh, he gets backflip guy around here. Backflip guy is also sword guy.

Yeah, I guess. So maybe he's back. Sylvester Stallone had a little thing to say about this movie, FYI. Wait, what? I should have been in it. Can we say this on the air? There's no glass table in this movie. Silverstone has cited this film as to what led to the decline of the muscle-bound action

stars from the 80s and a change in how action movies were made. In an interview, he said, it was the beginning of a new era. The visuals took over. The special effects became more important than a single person. I wish I thought of Velcro-Mun. muscles myself. I wouldn't have to go to the gym all those years. All those hours went into the Iron Game, as we call it. Oh, wow. What an asshole. And the fucking juice game. What a profound

asshole. Yeah. Also, by the way, I mean, I could have just been Batman. I don't know why you went anywhere else. You could have made Rambo good. You could have made like a good, you only did one good Rambo movie. Could have made another good Rocky movie. Like, you're, dude, shut up. Hey, Rocky, shut up. That drives me nuts. It's just why I don't use any visual effects

in any of my movies today. It's not like expendable. It's like 80% computers. It was a turning point for action movies because they got good actors in them. I mean, that's just cheating. You're cheating. I mean, like what?

I'm not going to go to the gym. I'm supposed to go to acting school. Okay. Whatever you say, stupid. Just tell me, tell me this. In the year 2018, do you rather watch the Jack Palin's movie Tango and Cash? Would you rather watch Batman?

I'd be honest, I love the idea of a popular film Oscar, man. Could I get like a lifetime achievement? I'm the most popular fucking person in the world. You know, it's the pictures. guys small this is the best fight of the movie it's not Lawrence it's this other guy some third dude he looks like a

jacked up Ray Charles a bit I think he is wearing sunglasses at night yeah that's great so but he is beating the shit out of bat man and it's awesome it's a really good it's a really good fight and again like all these punches it's the foliaristry it's the way it's shot

you really kind of feel it I want this guy's movie he's willing to die for the joke I know. And he does. Oh, he dies pretty fucking hard. So does backflip guy, man. Backflip guy goes, well, backflip guy, it's his own fault.

He kind of falls through the floor. Right. He's back flipping too much. But this guy, Batman, grabs his fucking neck and throws him down to hell. That's 6,000 feet. After banging his head on that giant bell. Oh, man, the ultimate warrior got his wings.

Bravo. This is, oh, this is where Vicky Vail uses some sensuality to distract the Joker. Yeah. Weird. And the way that this ends, it is a real I got kids here because it's like, what you realize is Vicky Vail can see like out of her periphery that Batman is there ready to take over. Yeah. But the way it, she's like kissing his neck and whatnot. Like kissing that jacket.

Ooh. Kissing that jacket. Gross. But then. Kiss that jacket. She's standing face to face with the Joker. and she just goes down. And he makes, even Nicholson knows it up, he makes a face.

Yeah, he's like closing up, here it comes, Jack. Well, he makes weird faces, but that's because this is the first direction he's gotten that hasn't come from a corpse. That's true. And then Batman is like right there, and that's clearly like she's getting out of the way of Batman, but you don't know. There are a choice few seconds in this movie where you don't know that. And you're like, where is this going?

It's a BJ fake out. Let's call it what it is. Classic BJ. fake out dude I've got a helicopter to get but oh well yeah and this is Batman is like uh excuse me it's a great comedy right excuse me and this is the I made you you made me like how childish could you get I do love he has glasses in his pocket he pulls them out yep you would hit a guy with glasses would you there's a lot of prop work here because he got the prop team yes and also like it's it's very it's fucking as violent as anything you'll ever see because he here's this

fucking in shape muscle-bound fucking hero beating the shit out of a 60 year old fat guy totally and like there's blood all over the place it's a mess man he like eventually goes over the edge a little bit but then it's you know he didn't fall and then he pulls

both of them down and then we get another great piece of prop work here when he's like he goes to uh vicky bail like I'll lend you a hand oh right this hand detaches and he almost falls him like prepping for this thing with like, all right, what kind of props

could I work? I better just take everything. The whole McGillard. The glasses. Suit up with my prop comedy. Bob, bring my big mirror. So, yeah, it's the whole the helicopter comes. The Joker's hanging off of it. Batman lassoes the Joker's leg to this gargoyle,

which is fucking great. And the funny thing is here, it's like, hey, helicopter pilot, just move back over, man. Let him fall. It's the boss. Yeah. but no they just they let this dude drop it's fucking awesome he he follows his cartoon falls we should say big time uh it crashes it's very much the end of king con too right like everyone's kind of in a half semi circle and kingdom uh and then gordon is like his beauty killed the joker twice

prop comedy killed the joker uh what is with the fucking what is that laughing sack i love it what is in it though i don't i want one i want to laugh at a double D battery It's just weird It creeps me the fuck out Maybe it was connected to his heart It's like all right If I ever die

I want this to hit What a weird kill switch Batman obviously They fall He uses a grappling hook He saves the day Oh of course he saves the day He's fucking Batman

This is kind of the end of the movie I mean we get this press conference With Gordon And this is like He gets a letter from Batman Let me get hold on Let me get my glasses I got a letter for bad.

There's correspondence from the Batman. Excuse me. It's actually from Eckhart, sir. Oh, my God. Dude, Eckhart sending letters from beyond the grave. I love it. If you're reading this, I'm already dead. Here's how you can survive a couple more Batman adventures.

All right. Could somebody make a pint of coffee? Is there no more coffee in this fucking goddamn police department? Who had the last cup of coffee? I think I saw Eckhart in here, sir. Oh, my God. There's a chance only we find that for us. Yeah, we'll find out this week.

Whatever, man. Merry Christmas to us, then. The statement is read. It's like, I'll always be here to help out or whatever. And then it's like, well, how are we going to find him or how are we going to call him? Hey, gave us a signal. And they turned on the bad signal. And then we're up.

It's another great. We're moving up through all of the. these fucking mystery science theater 3,000 props. And, I mean, and fucking Elfman is scoring the shit out of it. Oh my God, he's in overdrive in this last shot. It's great.

There's so many fucking bells at the end of this movie. It's a wonderful life. And then there's Batman, Cape and Cowell. It's weird because this drawing or whatever it is of Batman, it looks very old fashioned. I like it. The head is like rounder and the ears look a little shorter.

Oh, what? In the end of the year? Yeah. Where you're standing? They're not as long as they are in the rest of the movie. At least it looked like that to me. It looks a little old-fashioned kind of. And he's standing there just staring at it. Yes, honestly, we could just cross-dissolve to a bell ringing and it would just be the end of the same thing. And

then that's it. We go to credits. It's a great... Another Prince song, by the way. Yep. It's all awesome. It's a slow jam. You've got to get a slow jam going. And as that plays out, but then the fucking Elfman thing comes back in, and it is a great credit sit. I got to tell you. I love this yellow text.

It looks great. Yep. It really does. and that's it that is fucking Batman 89 man how often do you guys revisit this movie and in this particular rewatch how well did it hold up for you not that often like this is the first time

like I said I saw this in theaters about three and a half years ago and I haven't gone back since but it's it's one of the I don't rewatch movies a ton as it is but I have a lot I have a lot of fun with this movie this obviously it holds up really well for me

I think it's, it is a bygone era. I don't, and I don't think that it's the only way to make these kinds of movies, and I'm not discounting all movies since then. I love the Nolan movies, actually. I think, I don't, rankings are so fucking fickle for me. I mean, I probably rank the Dark Night higher than this just because there's so much in that movie that's going on.

Also, rankings change all the time. Exactly. But in any event, I mean, I really enjoy this movie. I do wish we could find a way to make these movies. Try to last a little bit longer. It'd be a bit more iconic. like you know what I mean like try and make them shoot for the stars a little bit more than they do

as we are now we kind of settle for high tier action movie we just sort of settle for like just get us to the next one you know what I mean we don't settle for shooting for the stars it's like all right did we do enough to set up the next movie and does that narrative work in the next 12 movies yeah totally yeah yeah I mean

I understand you not liking rankings because it reveals you being wrong oh man Chris Cabin with the fucking Lit burns the zero. The two Burton Batman's are my favorite superhero movies, period. By the way, I like Batman Returns better than this movie. Batman Returns is my favorite superhero movie.

I'm probably going to watch that tonight, actually. It's a great fucking movie. I watch this and Returns probably once a year, and I love them both. I mean, the other thing is it's the Mission Impossible thing where, like, Burton has a very specific style, and you let him loose with it. Let him do whatever he wants with the look of the movie. the editing, the pacing. I would say Burton had a specific style.

Let's not say that it's long gone. He still churned out content. He still does have the style. It's just gone cheesy with the computers. Like, it looks worse. I haven't liked a Burton movie since Sleepy Hollow, but that's just me. I mean, I like Frankenwee and I like Dark Shadows. Me too, both of those.

I was surprised by Dark Shadows. Yeah, I liked it way more than I thought I would. But, again, I haven't we watched Dark Shadows since. No, yeah, neither of I. Eric, sorry. there's no reason to apologize but no i mean this is actually i think this is my favorite badman movie and maybe my favorite superhero movie i understand why people rank things lowered due to nerd reasons sure but i wasn't why did you look at me when you said that well

you know why yeah oh my god no i'm just saying like you know the whole killing sure not not specific to you but in general, I understand the gripes that certain people have with this movie, but Jack Nicholson is just too much fun. Oh, yeah. Like this, it's just top to bottom fun. I don't re-watch it that often because I also don't, we watch movies a ton,

but probably every like three years, like Steve said. Yeah. It holds up for me. It was interesting this time really appreciating like the burntness of it all, which was a fun way to look at it. I don't revisit a ton, But I'll tell you, I'll probably be revisiting.

I have this hope that 2019 is the 30th anniversary. They might put out a 4K of this guy. So I'll go back then if they put that out. I really do not go back to this movie that often. I was glad I did for this, though. It was a lot of fun and totally held up. And also, I mean, honestly, when I saw this three years ago at MoMA, I kind of wanted to do We Love Movies Month to talk about this movie.

Like literally, this month was the piece of space. steak that I could put the pill of me talking about Batman 89 into and just feeding it. It's one of those things. It's one of those movies that I just think it's so, it's weirdly maligned and kind of forgotten in a weird way. I mean, not forgotten, but it's, you know. You don't think about it a lot. We've had so much since then.

And I mean, also like those two shoemockers really just fucking tilted the shit out of it to the point where you're like, you know what, it's all, we're done. We're leaving. We're leaving. Get my coat. yeah no I totally agree but that's a it's a great button to end on this has been a really fun month with we love movies and I think we'll be doing this again I've seen a lot of people saying like make December this I don't know if that's the answer but we will be doing we love movies again because it's been a lot of fun it's been refreshing also by the way we love movies we'll return yeah oh shit there you go dude but as far as us returning this is the last episode before the new year I do believe and then we kick into January man, the worst of 2019. Steve Sadek, are we ready to

tell somebody out there, everybody out there? Worst of 2018. Or 2018, but it takes place in 2019. Thank you. There it is. A lot of big beers here tonight. Steve Sadek, what is the first worst of 2018 film we will be talking about? We're going to stay with superheroes and talk about our friend Venom.

Oh, shit. Oh, wait. No, isn't it? Oh, fuck in that Eminem song. I'll tell you, Prince here. Eminem here. absolutely so until next who wrote that uh who wrote that who wrote that rap shot about venom shit uh sir it says echart oh my god uh so until next week when we hate movies returns i'm andrew stephen say it at chris gabin eric cisco oh my god

That was a hate gum podcast.