We Hate Movies - S9 Ep397: Episode 397 - Venom

Episode Date: January 1, 2019

Happy New Year! On the first episode of 2019, the gang kicks off their annual "(Some of) The Worst of the Previous Year" month with a spirited conversation about the goop-slinging anti-hero vehicle, Venom! What is that accent Tom Hardy is doing? How on earth is Eddie Brock affording that sick bachelor pad whilst unemployed? And couldn't they get literally anybody to play the Number Two Heavy? PLUS: Alex Jones interviews Eddie Brock for a reporter position at Info Wars! Venom stars Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, Riz Ahmed, Scott Haze, Reid Scott, Jenny Slate, and Melora Walters; directed by Ruben Fleischer. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, we hate movies kicks off of 2019 by slinging a bunch of black goop all over the room. It's Venom. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sanak. Chris, Chris. No, Chris Cabin. And this is Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. Welcome back to We Hate Movies, by the way. That's right.

The nice guys left. Now it's back to these jokers. Yeah, those dudes are dead. No, no, a hate group has taken over. It's really unfortunate that we named ourselves hate way back in the day. Really? Listen, who knew that hate was going to have such a resurgence? Exactly. We didn't know. We were just saying we were like being mean to movies.

You know, now it's like the president. That's something. President hate. New Year, same us. Something like that. Yes. By the way, before we get going, I want to mention that you're like, hey,

where is my December mailbag? Oh, right, you might be wondering. Yeah, like, what the hell happened? You dropped the ball, you goddamn, we love movies. Well, no, actually, you go to YouTube.com slash we hate movies. The hate boys are back and they're doing a mailbag on YouTube. That's right. The December mailbag was our first live broadcast of figuring all that stuff out.

More YouTube and video content to come in this year. but so we're trying that for a little bit trying to see if that's where the new home for the mailbag can be this should have all been done over a freeze frame of the general Lee those hate boys are getting back to reading stuff on the air

so yes be sure to check that out YouTube.com slash we hate movies spread the word about that channel now Venom Venom I don't know one and talk about one of the worst titular songs of all time

I just, this is, of course, we should say. We covered it, I think. That's about it. That's all there is to this movie. We should say, as tradition here on We Hate Movies, January is the worst of the previous year month, or some of. Sure. The worst of the previous year month. And already, I know I see a lot of you out there like, I thought Venom was okay.

And you know what, man, that's totally fine for you. What we're doing here is we thought it was okay too. We thought Venom would be a good thing to make fun of. Yeah, having a little bit of fun with it. I would want to say up front, there are worst movies. I actually saw Robin Hood in the theater and is by far probably the worst movie I've seen this past year. But you know what? We're not going to talk about it because, man.

That's right. Sometimes they're too boring. We just talked about Robin Hood. Exactly. And guess what? There's more time left in the fucking hourglass. That's right. More sand in the hourglass.

Oh, right. Wait, but the sand represents time. Right, but you say there's more sand. So technically I was right. Such as the days of our lives. Yes. So this is Venom from 2018, directed by Ruben Fleischer. Now, if you aren't familiar, this is a character.

He's sort of a, what you'd call an anti-hero, mostly associated with the Spider-Man universe. Yeah, I thought he was a spy dirt man guy. He wasn't a Spider-Man bad guy. He exists, did he exist outside of that in the realm of the kummix? Yeah, like afterwards, but he started, kind of the character is the thing where, like, Big Goop hits Spider-Man. It takes all Spider-Man's powers. It's like, becomes friends with Spider-Man.

Spider-Man's like, no, you're a bad goop. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Spider-Man. He goes away. And then he meets Eddie Brock. And then he gets not only the Goop's powers, but Spider-Man's powers. Wow. But that's not what we're doing here. This is just straight-up Goop.

It's just Goop. Yeah, it's just Goop. So he's not like slinging webs and whatnot. He's like moving Goop around. Oh, yeah, you can like flick off Goop every which way. Yeah, you can goop around. Isn't he? from a race

of Goops? Yeah, there's a planet of Goops. And this will truly be a planet of Goop. Oh, we'll get to you, Mr. Goop. Keep your wig on. Did you? I'm sorry, but if a goop hits a Superman,

we'll get the Superman's powers. I believe so. That's the idea. They've had to have done that by now. Yeah, well, then that's Superman. Because that's a different comic book. But like the goop is hitting Wolverine and whatnot. Didn't it hit Galactic? I saw some picture. Goop Galactus.

Oh, that's trouble. Goop Galactus thing over here. That's like Goop hit and Goop. So my question, I mean, I, I, I, the thing is like, my venom knowledge. Winif Paltrow's blog. Yes. Also called. Is that her name?

Yes. Is it goop? Is it called Goop? I think so. Yeah. Where she's like, here's this face cream that I think's totally great. It'll change the world. It's just $15,000 an ounce.

Bye. I'm a real person. If you don't eat five cucumbers a day. Your babies will die. Bonapaltrow. Goop, gundham, guillum, goonum, goop, goop, goonum. Goop, goop. No, but my knowledge of Venom is really cursory, really surface level.

But so the thing is, what does this planet look like? What's the planet of the goops? Are we taught, like, is there a bank? Do the goops walk in as goop? I don't think it's goop, dude. I think they're looking like the creatures. Oh, so it is, it's really just your traditional planet of monster. Now, define creatures.

the thing that we know venom to look like when he comes but that's like him morphed with a human yeah well that's I think any of these goops need it new to host no matter what right even even on their goop planet they're like a parasite

on your goop planet you get your 13th birthday it's time for you to find a host is that kind of thing I guess yeah there's a reality show where like they're filming your 13th Goop birthday and it's costing your goop parents

thousands of goop bucks I mean it's really hard to figure out how a living bowl of spilled spaghetti reproduces. Because that's what it looks like. Bend over and I'll show you. He's going to show you and you're bend over. I imagine

on the planet it's just a big ball and they're just all like. It's like a bunch of tangled fucking HDMI cables. You know what I mean? So it's just like you're on top of everyone at the same time and you're like you're doing your business. Yeah, it's like Caligula. Right. Like your shit and you're fertilizing.

You're doing everything at once. It's just this big mass. I think my understanding would be probably like it's a planet with other shit on it because that never happens in space for some reason. Usually it's like we're a planet of humans, cats, dogs, lions, you know, ice, you know, all sorts of different things. But usually like the planet, it's usually like three feet long and like only one kind of person lives on it. Right. As opposed to like I imagine there's like big monsters that they goop on to and probably like a dog thing they goop on to.

Isn't there like a planet Hulk or something? There is a planet sort of a Hulk? And there's full of Hulkers. Yeah, I mean, no, that's like, no, planet goes, Hulk goes to space and, like, winds up, I think, conquering a planet and then it becomes, and it truly becomes a planet of Hulk. And he starts breeding with, like, the locals. Is that the idea? I read that in a Wolverine thing.

That's an old man Logan. He breeds with a She-Hulk, and they're inbred. Yeah, and they're all like, it's basically, it's actually a rad read because it's Basically, Texas Chainsaw Massacre with the Hulk. Like this family, they're fucking he-hawing all through this thing. Dude, it's disgusting. So this is sort of, I mean, it's the story of, please. I was just going to say, at one point, we should touch on this.

We have, we've battled Venom before. Oh, right. Because we did Spider-Man 3. Yes. Where there's Venom for like 10 minutes. Hold on a second. There's an Edward Brock and that. There is, same dude.

Right. More closer to the comics, though, obviously. Really? Well, because it's Spider-Man's in it. Oh, right. For one. And Spider-Man has a thing, and that's how he gets it, and that's the thing, you know. Right. And, like, Eddie Brock is kind of his nemesis in that movie for a little bit. Because let's face it, he's a more handsome Peter Parker than Peter Parker is. Oh, who? Tofer Grace v. Topi McGuire. I don't know. Also, Tom Hardy versus any of those. Oh, yeah. That's, yeah. Tom and Hart, please.

No, but I think Tofer Grace is more attractive than. Oh, wow. All right. I'd be on that. Who's that guy? Who's that guy? You know, I'm Team Toby on this one. Oh, Toby McGuire. Toby and Tover, man. Wow. But no, it's the My Chemical Romance hair that does it. Because he has it at the time.

That's true. So you know what? It's just, he's out. It burns it a little bit. You know, Toby seems like he'd be more sensual lover. Sure. He's caring for you. That's a fucking smokescreen, dude.

Toby, as we know. Oh, yeah. Founding member of the Pussy Pass. That's very true. That's like when he learned, like, he learned to look like a whimpering dog so he could bite you when he got close. I guess Tofer's more on the level Because you look in that guy's eyes

And you know what he's doing He's undressing you No, you look at his eyes And you know he's trying to recut Star Wars I can get behind that Yeah, totally You know what was crazy Was you remember when

When Black Klansman came out And Tofer Grace is playing David Duke in that movie And he was given all these interviews That was like, oh yeah You know I have all this fucking money From that 70s show

Blobbidi Blow I don't need any more big Hollywood paychecks. I'm only going to do the projects that matter really support these indie films, blah, blah, blah. He's in Black Clan's spin. And I'm like, all right, rad, dude. Well, how about this? Speaking of Spider-Man, I am fucking at the theater.

Uh-huh. Just yesterday. I'm watching Into the Spider-Verse, which is rad. Sure. Fantastic. Excellent. And boy, oh, boy, the coming attractions come up. And here's this fucking Lord God movie

where some idiot falls through the ice and he's underwater for, 15 minutes. And then Luke Cage saves him. Okay. Right. A dude who plays Luke Cage. Okay. You're confused him the shit out of me right now. He plays Luke Cage. In this movie as a fireman. You know, he saves this dude and whatnot. But then it turns out

this kid's in a coma. Brain dead. But the power of the Lord. Gotcha. Is bringing him back. One of the people from This Is Us is in it playing the mother, right? And she's like praying and praying and praying. And oh, we got to take the advice from my pastor. And who is the pastor in this piece

of shit movie. The devil. Tover Grace. Close. Tover Grace. What are we talking about? Now you're using your fucking powers for this Christian shit? It's not like a bad priest situation. Not at all. No, no, no. It's just pissing on kids and smoking cigarettes. No, he has a line

where he's like, Father R. Kelly. No, because he's got some line. He's like, I am your pastor. I'm here for you. All this shit. And I'm like, dude. I might go I might go to it just to imagine the movie I'm thinking of. The dude who plays Luke Cage definitely has a line where he goes, he's like, he says, I'm like, well, but I don't believe in God. And somebody slings back like, well, you better start or something like that.

Of course, this whole thing is based on a true story. Don't worry. You're going to sling something, you better be slinging goop. I mean, I think that the idea is every time you're in a Spike Lee movie, it's like your first semester of college and you come back and you're like, oh, man, I've changed, man. I'm really cool, man. And it is. It must be really cool to make a movie with Spike Lee. But then like, oh, yeah, but then it's just... Still got to work on Applebee's for about a year.

Exactly. So the film Venom, by the way. Yeah, we opened space as we want to. Riz Ahmed is an Elon Musk type. What's this guy's name? Carter Gabriel or some horse. No way, I got it. Clark Duke, Drake.

Carlton Drake. Carlton Drake, who later becomes Riot. Riot. Now, Ryan is another venom-like character, but he's, his sheen is a different, his color is a different coat. Steve pointed out perfectly when we were watching it a little while ago. He said, what was it? It's if you were playing a Marvel fighting game and you selected venom. Yeah. And then your friend also selected venom. Yes. That's what Riot would look like is other venom. But you could do that like 1700. Like I was looking into this. And it's like they're all like goth chippendez. name's too. Yes. Like a

toxin. Welcome to the stage. Here comes phage. Here comes mania. Now this is

real and you wrap up on this and now Ride was an actual venom. Ride is one of them. The toxin is one of them

fage is a carnage of course which we will talk about extensively in a little bit. Riot might be my favorite though dude.

Come on feel the coop. Someone take a poop You could get a guy who looks like Chris Angle to like do a twirl on a pole Speaking of the Pussy Posse Joe Riot some love everybody Oh wait a second

It wasn't Chris Angel who is the magician And the pussy Pussy Oh David Blaine David Blaine A partner right now for Get my cool magicians mixed up Guys this is a new This is a new big movie we're talking about Some folks listening might not know what the pussy

Pussy is. Sure. So Steve, a brief summary since this is something that you like discussing. But Eric, you're the one in the Pussy Pousy T-Share. It is my account. He is The Pussy Pussy was something that Leonardo DiCaprio who was a group of really cool

young actors in the mid to late 90s. The coolest. That would go around and hit on chicks and they called themselves the Pussy Pussy. It included and it centered around Leonardo DiCaprio. Toby McGuire was involved. So was Lucas Haas as well

David Blaine David Blaine was in there Kevin Connelly directed a film called Gotti this year genius director genius director and they'd go out

and they'd commit various borderline crimes together sure and they hung out they were rich and white and weirdly Bert Lancaster too that's a couple years of his life you want to have some fun

because the original name of the group was the sweet smell of success so Eddie Brock is like a vice-esque kind of reporter. Boy, this is annoying. I was thinking Sink Unger or whatever the guy from young turks. Oh, Sank Unger. Yeah. Okay. I was thinking info wars. I got a strong info wars vibe. Listen, any which way you slice it, it's obnoxious. Dude, this kind of like, in your face journalism, please stop. Yeah. It's all poorly sourced that it's just like him just like running around and like

getting in people's gotcha kind of stuff. Yes, exactly. And why would a body be in a landfill? Yeah. I'm not going to look into it, but that's pretty messed up. See you later. I'm just going to say a bunch of shit signing off. Dead homeless people seems to be his beat.

Yeah. Yeah, what is that case? He's got a bicycle and a police blotter. But then I think he's doing some traveling. They show him going to some places. And he's got pretty big corporate backing, it seems like. Yeah, that's true. Look at some of the people that are like

Instagram celebrities. You can get backing from all sorts of idiots. It's pretty messed up but they did these homeless people. By the way, brought to you by Coca-Cola. Also, what is this accent or voice we're doing? Tom Hardy. It is an attempt at something. I don't know what. Justin Timberlake a little bit.

Does he? I think so. Like it's always like kind of half drunk. Yeah. Half drunk is the way to put it. Yeah. Because it's that kind of like, you know, when English people with their accents are trying to cover up those accents, an easy way to do it is if you

kind of fudge it, you just make it like a New York kind of a thing. Sure. This is even weirder. Because that's normally his go-to, though. Yes. I think he was tired of it. He tried something different. But this ranges, I mean, that's the thing. It goes all the way. Like, at some points, he sounds like

the baby from Roger Rabbit. Yeah, he does. It goes all the way down that way. And it's really disturbed. I've got to tell you. It's just a San Francisco accent, guys. Oh, really? Very strong accents out there. So there's a space mission.

This thing, the spaceship crashes in Malaysia. So there's like this whole cleanup effort that's going on. This one lady gets infected and goes to a town, kills a bunch of people, and takes over the body of an old lady, and starts walking to an airport. Which, by the way, takes her six and a half months. We're told, like, there's at one point, it's like six months later. And this old woman is still walking to an airport. We should mention they attempt in the littlest and laziest way possible to loop this into Spider-Man is that one of the astronauts that is on the shuttle is the son of J. Jonah Jameson. I missed it.

It's a little. Go ahead. No, I just, he eventually should become the man wolf, but he dies in this movie and doesn't get to become manwulf. Right. And the man wolf is a wolf that turns. into a man. That's right. Really? It was a man that turns into a wolf. Wouldn't it be great of like he bit the wolf

and the wolf would turn into him? I like that idea. That was just like some dude wandering around acting like a dog. Yeah. And that's a Dudley Moore movie. Oh no no, no. I'm not Dudley Moore. Howie Mandel. Oh, right. He's Walk like a man. Oh, God. Stay tuned for that. Yes.

Don't you think it's a little weird that like with the symbiote gets like when it gets on Rismet and it gets on well, it gets on everybody at this, Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams. They're all kind of like, have a relationship with it. Yeah.

But when it's with these Malaysian women, like, it's just like... It takes them over like zombies. Yeah, they're just zombies. Well, maybe because the symbiote doesn't speak Malay. You know what I'm saying? These symbiote speak English all. Sorry, I don't know your language.

Left. No, left. Oh, shit. That's why it took six months. Like, listen, all right, right down, no, I don't know that way. This is going to be so... Draw a picture of an airport Airport Yeah, well I learned English from watching

Seinfeld Definitely eat the eel though I will Is the Van Wick anywhere around here I do think That there's something about What it bonds with the host For real it becomes best buds

And they like can like live with each other So I guess that's what Riz Ahmed Like Riz Ahmed is a good All the principal characters happen to be really good host What are the odds, do you? I couldn't even believe it. But those two Malaysian, I mean, they are both long-term hosts. Yes, that's true.

Yeah, I don't know. So... Is that the riot symbiote, by the way? That is right. It's all the way there. Wow. He takes it a little white girl. Then the white girl meets Riz Ahmed and takes over him.

So, yeah, Riz Ahmed's like Elon Musk type. Eddie Brock is this vice style reporter. Michelle Williams is in this movie somehow. It's really strange. Between like this and fucking, what's, that big top movie she's in there, Chris Cabin, the Hugh Jackman film? Oh, the Grey Showman? Yeah. Did you see her in that? That's uncomfortable. Man, I was watching this and I was like, is that a show? No, it's not.

Can't be. Can't be. It is you could tell her that fucking choice wig she's wearing. Well, I was just like kept on, I kept up being like, is that no? And I didn't believe it until the end. The only thing, because I really think she's a fantastic actor. Of course, she's amazing. I just thought you had better shit to do. Well, that's the thing. Between this, it's like, oh, it's weird watching her in a comic book movie. It's even weirder watching her in that greatest showman where she's doing this happy, go lucky.

We're singing and dancing on a rooftop musical number. Fuck, that's weird. I kind of feel like this movie was like her agent or like the, you know, the head of Sony was like, all right. Yeah. If we have an answer from Michelle about Venom and it goes like this. If she wins for Manchester by the sea, she's not in the movie. if she doesn't win for Manchester by the sea she will be in venom

okay so we'll just wait for us good night she's gonna do the movie yeah we got an actress all right so yes she is betrothed to Eddie Brock in this movie they are engaged to be married yes we meet them it's a weird

like we're going out to a nice dinner and they are so fucking horny did you see this dude they're like getting down at this restaurant and he's like you better get the check because if you don't get the check, which you're paying for, by the way, because you're a lawyer and I'm a YouTube reporter. A reporter that is

on YouTube? Or a reporter who reports on YouTube matters? Eddie Brock, yes, from YouTube, yes. There's a question for the president. Oh, no, I was just thinking, like, all right, yet again, today, PewDie Pye is in more trouble for being a racist. What is that guy's problem? We are now on location with Logan Paul at the suicide

forest. Oh, my Lord. That PewDie Pye, he's just like a racist? Yeah, and like, every so often he says something terrible or like retweets a Hitler image and then everyone's like, why that guy's a racist and his fed's like, no, you idiot. Oh, so there's all these dumbboes out there that don't believe it? It's being

ironic, you guys. And meanwhile, innocent Logan Paul is just dabbing in the suicide forest. Just poking bodies. Doing the floss dance in the suicide forest. Welcome back to Pokin Bodies with Logan Paul. By the way, check out our

YouTube page. It's true. We promise we're not doing anything close to that. We've become part of the Borg. We don't have the budget for that. But they're going to get there. He's basically like, you need to pay this check because we will start fucking in this restaurant. Are you listening to me right now? I took it

out. I took it out. Look down and look at it right now. I took it out at this fancy restaurant. If you get two alphas in a booth like that, they're going to start grabbing at each other. You know what I mean? And that's what they are. It's just two alphas in a booth. Everyone in the waiter knew that the second. Oh, fuck, two alphas. We got to get them out. We got to turn this table

quick. They are going to start fucking. Listen, I don't care if they're not done with the appetizers. You get those entrees out there because they will start fucking before the dessert. Guys, we've got alphas. We've got two alphas. Alpha alert. You put two bulls on the pen. You think they're not going to fight? Is that what you think right now? Is that what you think right now?

They're going to fuck and fight, dude. Horace. Look out. Just look out. Fuck fighting, dude. So they do get into some fuck fighting. We do find that she's doing some legal work for Rism. It's company, like the king of YouTube or whoever the fuck Eddie Brock's boss is like, look, you're going to do this puff piece.

He's also, he's also from Luke Cage. Yeah, he's the dude. He's one of the dudes who hangs around the barbershop in Luke Cage. I feel like I've seen him in a bunch of stuff. But yeah, he's a good-look character actor. And he's like, look, I want you do this puff piece on this, on Riz Ahmed. It has to be a puff piece. And she's like, you should do a puff piece because that's what your boss asked.

And also, like, it would put me in a really awkward position if you were like trying to blow up my company spot right here. Well, this is the thing right away is he has to be like, hey, man, I can't do this fucking story. It's a conflict of interest, exactly. Oh, well, he just never listened to what she tells him, and he's like, oh, wait, that's your, oh, man. But then he winds up after the fuck and, you know, you go get some apple juice or something like you do. And on the way, he finds her email open. He cracks her code and starts, like, digging through her email. This is a scumb bag shit of the highest.

Absolutely. Totally. This is a real scuzzball mood. And he never really owns up to it. Oh, no. He thinks she's doing his job. He thinks she's being like a career woman. It's like, no, you read her email, dude. That's like, that's close to cheating.

Real close to cheating. It's a long ride to proving he was good all along. Yeah. Well, he's an anti-hero. Oh, you know what? Heroes don't read emails. Anti-heroes will read. You got to fucking put a fucking serious passcode if you're living with an anti-hero.

That's the thing. Dude, you need fucking dollar signs and ampersands out the ass on that password if you're living with an anti-hero. And you know what? Every four months put up a new one. Try a new one. Change that shit out. Dude, your dog's name, one, two, three, four is not going to gun it. You know the super long

ones that the computer suggests you use? Actually use them. Take the computer's advice. The computer's telling you stuff? Yeah, that they will actually give you passwords. In the new Apple operating systems, it says like, here's a suggested password and a bunch of gobbledygook. Wow. Yeah, it's

crazy. I always decline. I don't do it. Yeah, you can't Trust the computer. We never do it. All of its computer buddies can guess it. So what's our passwords like these days? Andrew, you start. Complicated as the day is long, dude.

Bosco. So he winds up doing this interview with Riz Ahmed, and it starts out like a puff piece, but then he starts like asking him hard questions. Apparently he's been doing human trials on his goop people. Yes. Is this supposed to be live? No.

What the fuck is he think? What? Yeah. Of course they're going to edit this. What are you? Are you stupid? Who are you calling stupid? Brock. Eddie Brock. Yeah. Like, I mean, of course they're going to edit this. What are you fucking nuts. Well, but they own the footage, of course at YouTube news. So he's saying, you know. Somebody runs into the king of YouTube with a scroll. My king, my king. No, like, of course they'll edit it, but like, who cares? Like, but the whole point was it was a puff piece. So, like, you do this. If it was live, I would at least understand like getting. him on camera, seeing him on cultural they could demand that part because yeah, of course they're going to do that. I think his thing is he knows that whatever he breaks is going to be so huge that they're going to have to use the footage. Right.

Because his dick is that big. And it's just like, it's just bringing up the lawsuits involved with these human trials. They're going to cut that out, but they're not to, do people know that he's not going to confess to that stuff? He's an evil fuck as we know. Do people know that he's going to space or is that a surprise as well?

No, I think it's talked about. I mean, you had to have secret space trips, right? No, I mean, I think it's very much talked about at some point. Well, like sex tourism? Well, no, no, I just be like, in a goop planet, dude. Oh, shit, dude, wrap it up. We're going to goop world. Goop your body up, dude.

Isn't the flight back from, that's their flight that's coming back from it? So, like, that's highly publicized. Okay, yeah. That's what I was going to say. We're not pretending that this is secret. I don't know, though. It's a thing where, oh, thank God, it crashed in Malaysian Forest. We can cover this up more so than if it crashed in, like, Chicago.

Oh, God, well, yeah. There's a thing here, though, that Riz Ahmed has a line of dialogue. It's not his fault. It's a stupid script. And it dates this movie, and it will forever date this movie in an obnoxious period of time. Because Tom Hardy's like, oh, that what about all these human experiments? And he's like, oh, that's just a bunch of fake news. Fucking come on.

Yeah. Come on. Why? Why did we have to have that expression in a major motion picture? We are two for two in obnoxious. Trumpisms in our movies so far we've already recorded Jurassic World 2 which is going to be our Patreon episode this month

and that has another obnoxious Trumpism I feel like we might go five for five I'm not entirely sure it's stagic because that's the world we live in and it sucks I can't tell you if Caféfei comes up a mile 22 I will I cannot tell you because of there is but

yeah I was kind of curious what do you think Chip's Hardy thought of this movie and performance I forgot Chips Hardy existed until just now. Chips Hardy was a big fan of this film. Oh, my son, oh, Tommy's doing his soup here again. Oh, look at this. Look at my little boy ripped up and all that goop.

Oh, he's got himself an anti-hero brew in this time. Oh, nothing taboo about that, love. Speaking of which, taboo, coming back to FX, probably, fingers crossed, we'll see. Oh, Chipo, get over it, it's never coming back. And I'll bring that show back. You'll go back if Chip O says it's coming back. I got them FX boys in me. Fuck it.

Does Chip will have three heads? Chips is talking to himself because part of himself is goop and part of himself as a human being. Holy shit. But no. So he pulls this gotcha moment. Yes. And Riz Ahmed's very clear. Like you just ruined your life, dude.

Enjoy it. They get Michelle Williams fired because, yeah, it was a fucking breach of contract that she, that they would, because he, he references stuff specifically only she could know. And of course. they piece that shit together in two seconds. He's like, oh wait, who's she engaged? You got it. So she's fired. He gets fired from the newspaper. The dude from Luke Cage sends him packing. The YouTube

newspaper. The guy from the YouTube Gazette. He asks him for his source and he's like, I cannot tell you my source and I cannot, like, I just know it. And I'm like, no, this is your editor. This is the one time you tell him everything. You have to do it. And then

he will tell you like, well, look, I'm sorry. You have to bite it. Anyway, it's over. But, like, at least you actually know a pass. Somebody's eating shit one way or the other, dude. I'm shocked he didn't, like, after this, like, lean hard into, like, alt-right, you know, right-wing pundit personality. Because that's what every disgrace journalist almost does. Who's that fucking little turd on Fox News that's always laughing at, like.

Geraldo Rivera. No. Waters, Jesse Waters? Yeah, the one. Yeah, he's the one that's always like, here's my mom yelling at me. Let's laugh at my mother on national television. Yeah, because his mother's like, you're a fucking disgrace. Stop saying the shit on the air.

Stop doing this. Stop doing that. And he's like posting the fucking screen grabs of the chat message. Like, isn't my mother an idiot? Wow. I need to watch. Listen, Mrs. Waters. Fucking disown that turd.

Well, you know what Eddie Brock does, what all other disgrace journalists do? He becomes an alcoholic. Oh, of course. Well, yeah. And he starts hanging out at bars and just fucking like, yelling at people. I wish I could be this kind of a failure. Honestly, like, because you want to use this line

though. Hold on. You'll get there. No, I mean, I'm going to be a failure, Eric. I'm well aware of that. Patience, Stephen. I'm already one. But the thing is, he does it in such a way. Like, you know, Michelle Williams breaks on them. Obviously, she was paying the rent. She kicks him out of the apartment. He gets a sick-ass

pad in fucking San Francisco. Both of these places are mansions. Yes. In San Francisco, the most expensive place on the planet Earth. Pricier, pricier some say than the big apple. It is at this point.

Absolutely. Yeah, that's an objective fact at this point. Nice. Hey, you know what? Pretty cool. And like,

but, and he's just like, oh, yeah, I can't hold down it. I don't have a job. I'm just, I guess, living off like a trillion dollars

and saving. Yeah, what is the severance from the YouTube Tribune? The YouTube Gazette, pardon me. The Brock Boxing Inheritance. Oh, yeah, dude,

totally. He comes from generations of fat Irish boxers. if I was fired from my job and my wife left me and kicked me out of my house I would be on the street I'm sorry that's how that should

especially at a six month timeline my god like maybe you can float that for like one or two months and he's not even that worried about I'll just look at the paper see what's dishwasher maybe I'll do that it's like no no no no

I would be pounding the fucking pavement Mr. Brock it's weird though because there's a montage where we see him like applying for all these jobs and like calling in favors like do you hear anything about this gig whatever the fuck it is. He says at one point, this is a stupid thing. He's like, oh, I'll write under his pseudonym. You can even make it a girl, like, whatever, right? And then, like, just that one random shot of a newspaper, he circles dishwasher. And that's it. No other career is ever considered.

Well, thank you so much for applying, Mr. Brock. Yeah, we need a new investigative reporter. You can't hire him. He's eating garbage. Now, look, obviously that voice you're using, that's fake. That's fake. Nobody talks like that. So I'm asking you, can you do an Australian accent? Because I already have a Brit. I have a stupid Brit right there. I got a list of brown businessman that need to be taken to task,

and I need an attack dog to go get him. Go get him. Go get him. I have somebody I can make foster jokes, too. Catch him in bed with a symbiote. Oh, my God. A fucking Alex Jones symbiote. Oh, ew.

You, Alex. too much chili. I think an Alex Jones symbiote is just what killed Tasha Yard next generation that big fucking oil monster. I'd like to introduce our new press secretary

Eddie Brock. Oh, yes! He became highly recommended by my good friend Alex Jones. Alex Jones with the symbiote that would be the mania venom lard. Think about that giant

thing. Yikes. He's so round, man. Yikes. Do you see, there was some photos of him. You catch that video where he's like feeding Roger Stone food or something. Yeah. Oh, dude, yeah. He does the airplane to him. He's like, here go.

This is going to burn the Liberals' brains out. You know, we're going to do something crazy. It's going to be insane. I'm going to burn our brains. Here I'm going to do an airplane to Roger Stone. Here it comes. It's like, ew. It's so weird. It's just two turns circle in the bowl

at a fucking Chili's. So, long story short, he's a fall down drunk. He can't hold down a job. I mean, also, by the way, guess what? It takes fucking 50 minutes for Eddie Brock to become Venom. In a movie, by the way, that is... Called Venom? It's called Venom. Well, yes.

But it's also only like 90-something minutes long. Like, there's a lot of panic to the end of this movie. Like, there's not much of this movie. There's not. It is... There's a lot of tricks in this movie with this runtime. I couldn't even believe it. But Steve, you're skipping over.

You wanted to become that debilitating drunk just so you could answer that one question with that one line. What's that? Are you Stephen Sadey? Oh, yeah, used to be. Oh, yeah. I used to be Stephen Seda. Yeah, I continue to be sadly.

You're just a husk of a man. Well, no, literally, and that's the thing. That's the, again, this kind of Eddie Brock failure that I would like to be. When I become a failure, if somebody's like, hey, are you Stephen Sadek? I'm going to start running. Like, literally, that's the kind of failure I'm going to have to do. Go into hiding. Follow-up question.

Have you seen this boy? Meanwhile, Riz Ahmed is, like, starting to test the symbiates on rabbits and homeless people. Moving to homeless people almost immediately, which brings us to Malora Walters, who, this is classic mistake, Tom Hardy, befriending a homeless person. And it's Malora Walters of all people. She's sitting outside this, like, bodega or something. And she keeps, like, stealing, like, the San Francisco free paper. and charging Eddie Brock like $5 for it. Yeah, one is the loneliest number of Melora Walters.

Holy shit. And she goes missing one day. And good thing we'll catch up with her in a few minutes. And Jenny Slate is also in this film. Oh, no. Oh, right. Her name is Doris Skirth? Skirth.

I heard this Doris Girth and I was like, man, that's a rough child. I thought it was Gert. Chris Kabbin and I saw this in theaters on opening day. I thought it was Gert with the whole fucking movie. even when I saw that ID card that they showed in the film I was like no no no it's girth They're just gonna be

The kids on the playgrounds Are just gonna be rhyming it with girth Oh yeah they're dead you're dead to rights Also you just sound like a villain Yeah scurth no Yeah I'm the scurth of the earth Oh that last name no She's wasted in this movie by the way

She just vanishes halfway through it Yeah in spectacular fashion Any good actors are wasted in this movie. Riz Ahmed is wasted in this movie. There's nothing to do. He's the villain and he has nothing to do. Also, wasted is my time having to care about this relationship with him and the Chinese grocer. Fucking come on with this shit already.

It's like this small town San Francisco. They're trying to establish like he knows the local vagrant. He knows the grocer. Everyone knows his name. It's like a fucking film noir. Yeah, it is. I'm a community man. You know, I have a thing.

He had to do it. Oh, man, him talking to himself in the grocery store when he meets Ms. Gerth. Yes, yeah. He's like, oh, you know, I used to be a great follow. You know, I'm an investigator report.

I could disappear, blah, blah, blah. But you're doing a terrible job. Jenny Slate. She's like, that's not the first time I heard that. I like Jenny Slate. I do, too. But you know what?

When you get famously fired from Saturday Night Live, that is something. They would be famously fired on Saturday at life right now. They probably did her a favor. No, they absolutely did because she's gone on to be in some good movies and Venom. So she's like, hey, there's something going on at Rizumet's company. Right. She wants to be like the whistleblower.

Yes. And she's like, come see this. It's really crazy. Nuts. He's like, yeah, sure, I'll do it. And again, this takes 41 minutes to get to this point. We see there's this dude Isaac who, you know, he looks like he's singing in fucking Kings a Leon. Oh, right. Oh, God.

Who's like this homeless dude who's like the first trial person. Oh, yes. And you just see this guy eaten alive by a bunch of goop. Like, it's a weird, like, oh, the symbiate doesn't bond with certain people. So he's just experimenting on all these homeless people waiting for a good

host. I mean, I think that's a good device. Like the idea of like treating it as they say like an organ donor. Yeah. Sure. But like here's the problem though, dude. Like, this motherfucker's rated PG-13. And when this symbiate is not

bonding with this homeless guy properly, I need this dude's fucking chest bursting out. I need something going on. There's too much of like, oh, I just fell over and the thing sort of like seeped back out of my. Well, there's literally nothing worse than a movie that was filmed to be R and we'll see what it's going to be in

post because there's so much like cutting and this one is like because Deadpool came out, made a trillion dollars. Logan came out, made a trillion dollars. Like, oh, we'll do that. And then so he was like, Nah. So they skip the R and it's just like... But it's amazing because it's like,

oh, like, Sony's looking at the shit, Amy Pascal and all the fucking boobs at Sony Entertainment are just like, oh yeah, well Fox, yeah, they got lucky. Twice. But the toys, we have to make sure that we can get the toys out there. They've been selling fucking venom toys for years, man. They've been dead sexual toys for Christ. Hold on a second.

There are new venom toys. Yeah. I didn't know this. New venom toys. You gotta give a shit. but yeah so like whatever like that's kind of that but the thing is Riz Ahmed I think again is like pretty good in this movie he is doing this like Elon Musky kind of thing where it's like I'm a rich guy my money my vanity is going to save the world it doesn't and it has to be it's really important it's me kind of a thing and like he's like talking to this guy trying to like talk himself up like we're going to do it together like and you could tell he's lying to him this is like the only scene I think he's actually good in like yeah you see like spin that web right in front of this And again, I'm not saying that that's against Rizamette. That's the script.

He turns into riot at the end of this fucking movie. It's because it's the only scene where he's not like literally just pushing the plot forward. Yes, exactly. Like he literally gets to have a little time and have a character moment. Yes, precisely. They give him literally like two of them. So whatever, Eddie Brock goes to this facility and in doing so, he sees Malora Walters. Oh, no, Malora Walters.

Oh, my favorite homeless person. And she goes, it's not going to stop. She's in Magnolia ladies, Jim Oh, yes She's also in Beethoven Oh, is she really? Who's she in Beethoven? Is she David Duke's sidekick?

No, she's the The pet store attendant That Chris handles Beethoven. Oh, right, you're right, yes. She's a nice lady. Yes, very nice lady. Shit. I guarantee you if you met

Malora Walters, you'd have a wonderful time. Really? Oh, I guarantee she's a sweetheart. By the way, big plug for her in The Lovers. Oh, an amazing movie. Yeah, that's a movie

that almost nobody saw. Except for me. It's hard. Tracy Lats, Deborah Winger. Oh, I remember that movie. Yeah, yeah. The guy from Game of Thrones, so Littlefinger. Oh, yeah. I don't remember his name. Oh, the dude from the wire? Yeah. The dude that Bain kills

on the CIA plane. Speaking of Eddie Brock. Why does Bain wear a mask? That's right. So, yeah, this homeless person gets fucked up. She's all jacked up. She breaks the glass of her little containment unit, the symbiate, long story short, gets inside Eddie Brock. And it's like zombie-esque, speaking of Ruben Flesher, like, she's like,

yeah, this sequence, it was like truly terrifying in the theater. Like, it actually worked for me, squandered almost immediately. But for those 10 seconds, man, pretty cool movie. She's like contorting like in Susperia or something. Yeah, absolutely. So Eddie Brock is now sick with this thing and now he's running away. And, you know, there's a bunch of, there's a whole, a little too many ATVs

in this scene, to be honest. Just like all this forest. Oh, running through the forest? Yeah, it's a lot of ATV. A lot of ATVs. Also, it's a lot of like, because he's running out, I guess we're supposed to believe

this is like dusk. Yeah. Or maybe Dawn or something. Also run through forest. That's Logan's work. He runs, listen, he runs through a fucking tree, Chris Caput. You see Wolverine do that?

I don't think so. Well, Tom Hardy could run through a tree. Simpe, I don't know. This guy is built like a fucking tree house. Oh, yeah, dude. I love to play. that. Oh, Lord.

You're like a tire swing hanging from him. Just fucking throw down those ropes, rope the rope ladder and I'll fucking climb in there. Oh, God, don't say that in front of Chipo. Aye,

they're talking about he's son. Aye. Hey, Chip, this boy is saying he's gonna climb a rope up your son's ass. I'm playing and showing him. Oh, Chip's already.

Chips just starts crying. about Hollywood at that point Oh, Chip's Hardy voted leave by the way I just made from the internet ticker

No I don't All I know Spoilerly All I know about Tom Hardy's father Is he's the name

Chips And that's all I need to know And he's a producer On that show He is on taboo And he's definitely A Mike Lee character Oh yeah

Dude absolutely He's been fired From a couple Factories So now we get like Kind of And this is This movie

Does not work We're having a little bit of fun with Tom Hardy here, but, like, you take Tom Hardy out of this movie and there is nothing. It is a big zero. Fucking dick dog nothing, dude. Because he's a fucking star, and he's really good, and he's a lot of fun to watch.

Yeah. Like, going through this, like, kind of, like, withdrawal-y kind of, like, it's like he's hung over this whole movie. He's hung over with a bad bout of diarrhea. Oh, yeah. Because he is, as Steve, you pointed this out, dude, he's walking around this movie

when he's supposed to be, like, oh, I don't know what's going on with this. He looks like, he looks like, he's got to take a shit. Yeah, it's like that upward walk. You do like, oh, here we go. Here we go. Been there.

I had a fucking killer simbia at the end of the week. It's called the clenched strut, dude. You're leading with your ass but leaving forward. Your cheeks are pushing you forward. It's like your old chorizo shank. Yeah, it's like your ass is your dick now. It's like flipped around. You know what I mean?

Like, because like your ass is just like, we got to get somewhere. It's flopping as such as well. It's incredible. It's an incredible movement. Uh-huh. we have places to be and it's just like oh but what i love about this sequence too is then he starts eating frozen tater tots yeah yeah dude i was getting pretty hungry looking at those tots those tots looked fantastic the the dirty old chicken in the garbage maybe not no but the tots

because listen i'm a fucking tot supporter even though i hate napoleon dynamite tot supporter big time he yacks which it's a pretty good it's a gross vomit it's a good it's hitting the bowl before he's even in frame. This is accurate, actually. Great apartment, bad bathroom. Yeah, that's actually true. It looks like a seven bathroom. You don't want to be in there.

California stay away. John Doe's in that bathroom. Look out now. Eddie Brock's got the upper hand in that toilet. And you're not going to believe this. No prints. Eddie Brock threw up on the bus today. He almost does, actually. He's a trolley. As it goes on, it goes from Hangover to like when he's in the restaurant

with like he looks like he's got Ebola like he's gone full gone yeah he's sweaty he goes to confront Michelle Williams and her boyfriend who's played by the dude handsome handsome McGee his name is Dan

in this movie and he's hilariously also Dan on the actor's name is oh yeah Reid Scott Steve I just want to point out though before we get into this scene oh please did we say we clock it when he is infected with the symbiate it is 37

minutes. It is 37 minutes. So just keeping track and everything here. It's a lot. And he's not even Venom yet. Now he's thinking about maybe becoming Venom. Right. He's considering his options. I will say I like that they keep the Spider-Man references to a minimum. Yeah. It's just the passing

Jameson. There's the passing Daily Globe reference. Yes. But didn't he worked for the bugle? What is the Daily Globe? I think in the Spider-Man world there is a rival newspaper called the Daily Globe. I think that's where Brock was. Clark Kent's called. The Daily Daily Planet. Holy shit.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Too close to comfort my book. Right. Oh, lawsuit town you think? I think it should be. Yeah. I think we should explore this. Let's see if we can drum off. I would love, you know, like in a fictional journalism conference where like Lois Lane and Eddie Brock get to talking. You know what I mean? What is going to happen then?

He looks like Tom Hardy. She looks like either Margot Kidder and or Amy Adams or possibly even Kate Pawsworth. They get to talk and what's her face? Who's that? I was at Ricky Lake. What's the woman from the television program? Oh, but Terry Hatcher. Yeah. Dude, so something's going to go down.

Yeah, they're at their conference and they got like their business blazers on and stuff. That's what they fucking start slipping them off, right? One arm at a time. What happens then, Steve? And he's like, you know, my husband's an alien. He's like, you know, I'm kind of an alien too. And they're like, yeah.

So technically it's not cheating. We're both aliens. I see this as more of a Bridges of Madison County. Oh, I like. And then at the end of this work conference, dude, he's like, oh, maybe sometime I can come to the Daily Planet and hang out and see what your world's like. And she's like, nah, that's cool. Also, why are you sweating so much? A lot of sweating. And again, that points more towards this dude looks like he has diarrhea. I guess that's more Clooney and Farminga and up in the air.

Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. So he's walking like he has to take a shit into this fucking Blues Brothers restaurant. It's a very fancy restaurant with having a nice, nice fancy lunch Right There's lobster everywhere Everybody's getting lobster, dude It's like this thing's in Maine

Couldn't believe all the lobster I'm seeing here You get some seafood San Francisco I'm seeing some quiche around here So he breaks He interrupts she's like There's something wrong with you You gotta help me

Her boyfriend happens to be a doctor He's like yeah there is something wrong with you I don't know That does not look normal Blah blah blah Of course dude how many fucking hens do you need He rips a lobster off a plate And bites it fucking shell first

I do like that the doctor-boyfriend isn't a stereotypical douchebag dude. He's a nice guy. He took the Hippocratic oath and he takes it seriously. Exactly. It's like this dude is like this is a disease I've never seen before. He needs help immediately. But he's also not like

oh, this is my girlfriend's ex-fiancee. I'm going to like be not caring about this guy. He's like, look dude, let's get you to the hospital and get an MRI see what's going on. He's such a good guy that he's doing this and while Eddie Brock is getting it wet in front of him. What I mean by that is he's

putting himself inside the lobster tank. Dude, you take one look at that lobster tank and I'm like, please don't get inside that lobster tank, sure enough. I took one, I'm like, he's getting in that lobster. What's crazy? Like, it's played for a joke. Chekhov's lobster tank? He's complaining as

the symbiote, he's like, oh, you know, the cooked lobster that he bites, he's like, oh, this is dead. It's dead. I need something that's a lot. And he bites into this live lobster, which is fine. Sure, what a hilarious gag. But he's sitting on a bunch of lobsters, dude, what is the butt cheek to claw

situation? Well, actually, usually they're taped up in the tank. Oh, that's true. In tank, we're taping them up? I believe so. Robert, we're banded up. I think so. You're right. Yeah. That's a bummer, dude. You see some fucking nut nips. That would be pretty cool. That would be pretty cool.

These unhinged lobsters, dude. Just like, we did a close-up in this movie of Eddie Brock's nuts, like hanging down in his slacks or whatever. And then we suddenly see, like, this lobster come forward. It's just like, wah, wah. And it's doing a little boxing thing on his nuts right but it's pinching and then like

we get a little blood maybe some goop comes out it's a shame this movie was directed by Steve Odekerk because he would have a lobster claw on his nose and he would look at it the camera would hit him like face on and his eyes are crossed like no like the fucking silence of the hams poster whatever happened to that guy

Steve Ode Kirk yeah Mr. Thumb wars himself oh he's sitting on something somewhere A thumb yeah probably No, he's still going. You know, haven't you seen if Thumb Street could talk? Oh, Lord. Green Thumb.

Thumb man. What is Thumb man at first man? Yeah. Beautiful Thumb. Right. Welcome to Thumbwin. That movie is a Thumb war anyway. It is.

You were never really thumb. Vice Thumb. That one doesn't really work. Then it's just Thumb. The house that's that. Thumb built. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, I'd watch that thumb serial killer. Totally. So, also, I mean, like, you've got to be really confident if your girlfriend's ex is Tom Hardy, who's still in the picture, and he looks like Tom Hardy. You know what I mean? And you're still a really cool guy about it. Thumb reformed. Oh, oh, yeah. That's it. That's the winner. That's the winner of Best Thumb pictures.

Dude, it's just a thumb, and he's covering his little thumb selfie. barbed wire and he's concerned about global warming. That thumb should be concerned about global warming dude. It's getting closer. It's going to be hard out there for a thumb. Thumbs drinking Drano

with an ice cube. In any event he gets a what do you call it there MRI and like he we start to see some venom face like I'm like all right it's been 45 minutes maybe we'll do that

and he whatever like in the sound It's like the frequency right of the MRI machine. So he runs out, he freaks out At this point he goes back to his apartment He's freaking out even more Riz Ahmed is like oh I know that Eddie Brock is doing And he's like doing an internal investigation

About this missing symbiote He's just very worried about it And he kills Jenny Slate which is sort of like Okay bye Jenny Slate And this is a bullshit kill though Absolutely dude it's fucking off cam And I don't appreciate it because how the fuck I mean it's just a cartoon turd

Is running all over this movie what about this getting a little more violent would make this an R rating let Jenny slate do a little twitchy dance before she dies exactly let her get fucking yeah let her get

suspiried yeah you know what I mean it gets in her eye get the fuck I'm like for me you know you get something at a little bit of that because the move like Riz Ahmed is like

hey Ms. Skirth if that is your real name because that sounds very stupid yes listen now people name skirth, they're going to be writing in. They know what's up, dude.

They experience that childhood bullying, too, on the school yard. Right, but I'm just saying your name matters and it's legitimate. Here's the thing. He is like, it is a bummer that you were a fucking traitor to this company, the Life Project or whatever, the Life Awards.

What is this thing? Life Foundation. They're going to make a replacement to the subways, which is going to be a fucking a fucking death trap that takes one car at a time. in a tunnel in a really well-lit tunnel. It's also called the Human Fund. A donation has been made.

Riz Ahmed has also this weird vendetta with a bunch of guys who saved children. I don't know. That's what's crazy dude. That crazy, Steve and I watch the deleted scenes on Voodoo. There's that crazy moment where someone's like, hey, Riz Ahmed, I came up with this other thing that's better than your idea and saved all these people. And then Riz Ahmed, for no reason at all, calls that dude a pedophile. Yeah, it's really strange.

and shits himself. And then he starts dating a much younger woman who's a musical artist and now all of her music is bad. Oh, right? I forgot that happened. Oh, that new track is terrible. Is that right? Poor rhymes.

Oh, no. So what I was saying was he's like, what an unfortunate situation? And he just opens the fucking symbiote box and walks out. Sure. And then it's, I'm like, what a fucking baller move, man. That is a villain thing right there.

And then we just cut. No. because she's like kind of screaming but we just caught after it like jumps out of the cage or whatever and that's it and the next time we see her she's like dead on the floor and also somehow like the symbiate has also died in this process

Riz Ahmed is very pissed off about that but it looks like Jenny Slate just like threw up I mean and like we just did Batman 89 last week where fucking the Joker burns a man alive and he turns into a scary skeleton like yeah give me something like that anything to work with in this movie

but like yeah he bites a couple of heads off in this movie, but it also, it always looks like you're fucking, like, biting the head off a Play-Doh doll. Right, you never see it. It looks like... Oh, no, Mr. Bell! It doesn't, you don't see, like, the Bonnie afterwards, really. It's just like, you literally see nothing. There's no fucking blood.

Yeah, it's a chib-jab. I like chip-jabs, edgy. Well, yeah. I'm still sending a chip-chap at Christmas, Eddie. It is you and me and Spider-Man. but we're dancing around like elves.

Man, I'm tired of that. I'm so tired of that. That shit's so old, right? Like, it started like Bush v. Gore. It did. Dude, I saw commercial for Jim Jib Jabs. Fuck you. A real honest to get his commercials.

How on earth are they affording a commercial? What'd say? Wait, wait. Are they even charging money for this stuff? I don't know. It's just like, it's for Jim Jibb premium, dude. It's where those cutouts are really cool. Shit, dude.

Where they're going at it like fucking hogs? Yeah, the fuck. Jabs. Oh, do you? Fuck Jabs is a different situation. That's $9.95 a month. Can't you talk about that. Jab.

Jab. Good God. Jabter bait. No, it's just there is a, but no, it was just a commercial like, yeah, why send a standard card when you could send a Jim Jab and your friends and family are dancing around? Why send a standard card when you can bother people over email? Why don't you fuck off? Oh, man, they should just have commercials for suicide.

Like, why don't you just kill yourself? Tom Hardy, the neighbor freak out. It's this big fight scene. A bunch of Riz Ahmed's dudes, like, come to his apartment. This is where he's sort of using some venom power. The neighbor is playing loud music. Venom goes over to complain, which is maybe the first real venoming. We see Venom's face.

He sort of screams at him, right? He screams at this guy to keep the volume dance. That's like 40-something minutes. You know what I mean? Again, the clock is fucking ticking venom. He starts using, because we were timing this, Steve. He starts using these powers at the 51-minute mark. Jesus Christ.

And it's this big launch of a chase scene through the streets of San Francisco. He throws a bunch of these guys around with his goop arms. Yeah. He's first encountered in his apartment building. Massive apartment. Riz-a-Met dispatches Bill Burr to fucking catch him. Dude, Kevin, I fucking said to Steve when we're, watching this movie that this dude looks like Bill Burr's racist cousin

but I mean like get someone in this role I just saw Aquaman you get Dolph Lundgren as like the fourth tier villain like that's what you want you want to the Dolph Lundgren type level like and that I'm sure that wasn't super expensive like whatever this guy is get like I don't know he was in that

piece of shit James Franco Child of God movie what the fuck are you talking about he was the lead in that stupid fucking Kormick McCarthy movie oh is that the one where we see him take a shit in the woods? Geez, I sat through that. So this guy, you've seen him shit.

Oh, that's the dude who takes the shit? Yeah, that's the guy who takes the shit. Wow. Both of us have seen him. You guys didn't tell me you saw him shit. We've seen him shit. Same screening, dude. We watched excrement come out of this man's behind.

Wow. And it's artistic. At the same time, you guys watch that. Yeah, fucking two turds, one shitting scene. We stopped holding hands for that scene. But I mean, like, this guy's on a lot of scenes. He's kind of a heavy. get somebody.

It's a real get anybody situation. Get someone heavy. Yeah. That's what I say. Get a bigger dude. But there is another thing. Oh, well, because you know who he also sort of looks like? And that dude was totally serviceable in a different Sony Marvel movie.

He looks kind of like Boyd Holbrook. And Boyd Holbrook in Logan is this same kind of character. Exactly. He's working for a different villain and he's the heavy of the gang of assassins or whatever. You, the Wolverine, I'm your bigish fan. It's fucking great, dude. I might find The Predator in a very forgettable. Oh, he's in that, is he?

He's the lead. Get the fuck out of here. First of all, the Predator is the lead. You mean he's the human lead. Yeah. What would be a bigger waste in this time, appearing in Venom or appearing in the Predator? Oh, man, the Predator. Yeah, at least the Predator is a worst film.

Venom was financially successful. Yeah. The predator is bad? Mm-hmm. it's fun enough sort of like this movie I prefer the Predator honestly I gotta see this movie so I can settle the score but also the note to the Predator

like that movie is full of people that you've seen before it's got fucking Keegan Michael Key in it and he's got Tom Jane part of its problem Tom Jane is awful he is terrible oh really bad bad accent or what just like bad performance or bad character yeah they shouldn't have had him there what a fucking Boner Jane

In any event It's a cool motorcycle chase This isn't bad I gotta say it's a good action scene The motorcycle turns into the venom cycle Which I'm sure is a place at somewhere No is that a thing the venom cycle I'm sure

I mean maybe it is Well I got fooled into buying the bat cycle Is that like a ride at six flags Oh maybe Was there ever a fucking goopy roller coaster Dude probably By Venom 2 It's gonna be a goopy roller coaster

I mean venom's gag and goop This movie made money right they're going to do a secret oh this is the fifth biggest movie of the year fucking fucking second i thought you said they're making a fifth fucking they're gonna be five fucking five fucking five big they probably will on your on your floor andrew you buy venom movies you joke they probably will yeah i'd rather five venom movies and five avatar movies there's only up from here man and this movie's watchable enough yeah it gets there so uh he finally he gets to do a huge car accident in this chase his body's all broken he

reconstitute it, and finally he becomes Venom. And 58 minutes into the film. And there's like 34 minutes left of the movie of actual runtime. And like, I will say this, Venom looks great. He looks awesome. It looks good, I think. I like the effect. Once he's fighting riot, it's just like you might as well.

That's just a jib jab, dude. I don't even know what the fuck's happening. But why have actors in movies when you could have a jib jib jib. Oh my God. Look, we made Grandma talk and a jib jab. Merry, Merry Christmas. Very, Merry Christmas. I saw, like, no less than four of those this holiday season.

And with everyone, I was like, I can't even believe it. I can't even believe we're here. I can't believe I'm looking at this in 2018. No one sent me a jib jib jabs. Jib jabs started by making hanging Chad jokes. That's how long we've been jibbbing as a society. I didn't, I'm just real bad now. I didn't get a jib jab this holiday.

holiday season. No, I left you off my jib-jab list. And it will truly be a planet of jib-jabs. Oh, my God. That is when Andrew Jupin kills himself in a movie. So is this when the venom, they go off to like appear way off and

the venom symbiote calls him a loser? Yes. Oh, yes. He's like, I've analyzed American society. You're what they'd call a loser. Oh, yeah. But this is also where Venom's heart turns though, right? Is this what we're talking

about this? Where he's standing at, he's on the roof? Yes, he's standing, he's like, you know, I did want to kill your entire planet. Oh, no, this is the, where at a pier first. Oh, and he's just, this is where the head first comes out. And he teams up, and this is kind of a fun, and again, Tom Hardy

is selling the fuck out of this movie. Yeah. As best he can. You're talking to a Gleap glove. You're talking to a big oily dick, dude. This scene should not work for anything, and it sort of does. It does. It does. It should be like the stupidest silly scene, but it works sort of. It works. Actually, the stupidest scene

happened just moments ago. I just remembered there's a sequence when he's like becoming venom and he's escaping Bill Burr and his thugs. And he jumps through just some random apartment's window. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And some random dude that's having like a little get-together in his

apartment. Right. Says something along the line of, dude, how'd you do that? Yeah. You break through my fucking living room window. I'm not going to be gleefully impressed. This dude was so impressed. And also missed opportunity for comedy here. It's these like three or four people hanging like watching TV or whatever. And he's very like cool about it. Like Eric said, I need like fucking bongs all over this table. You know what I mean? So this dude's like high. And then he's like, oh man, how did you

do that brother? That's sort of something. That I'd buy more. He also does a cool thing right there where he makes the little Venom shield because they're like shooting at the apartment. Sure. Pretty cool. So Venom's like, look, I need to get on to the spaceship, a Riz Ahmed spaceship to go back to my home world and you're going to help me do that.

Right. Okay, sure. First let's stop by my office. I want to drop something off. This is when we get, he goes all the way up to the building. He looks at the skyline. It's like, it is a beautiful planet you have here.

I guess in another time, in another world I might have stayed. Yeah. No, and all-a-baby. Up a baby? Like, yeah, he just has to look at, like, the San Francisco skyline, and he's like, you know what? Never mind. I'm pretty cool with this rock. Wait, how big is the rent? My God. I'll just live inside you instead. I'm surprised we need everybody. We don't have exactly the scene, but it's pretty close. He's like, I do enjoy what you call pizza. You know, like that old gag. He's digging the first. fucking tauts, dude. Yeah, it's like, I do, I kind of wish another version of this movie where he is a rowdy party animal alien.

He's kind of like Alf. Yeah, we're having a little bit more fun with it. Well, that's what you're missing. This is what would be in the 90s version of this movie. Right. Is if he's like on, as Venom on the motorcycle, and he pulls up next to Eminem, who is playing the Eminem track Venom. Yes. And he's like, I like this, too.

Oh, totally. screams and fucking bolts. And Eddie Brock is played by Hugh Grant. Oh my God. Eminem is quick to call Venom a gay slur before he drives away. So this is a round also where we're told, we're confirmed that Skirth has been murdered

off camera. Fucking thanks a lot, PG-13 rating. Michelle Williams is rushing to Eddie Brock's side because she gets a call. She's very worried about him. She goes to his office building. We do have this like kind of shootout between See that the police or Rizamed's guards It's kind of doesn't matter It's very boring this sequence

It's very like This is a scene though Where he fucking bites a head off someone And you don't see it happen Oh okay But this is You don't bite people's heads off man That's not cool

Right And we're never really told Who's digesting what Yeah that's a good point Great question Can you imagine trying to digest A whole human head Could you imagine as a human

Trying to pass a skull Like just shit out of skull epe man no man go to the MRI machine maybe it'll fucking come out or something you've just become one of the best stories the coroner has you'd be the first shit C-section all right that's how that's gonna work dude a shit C-section guarantee that's happened already this section this is very important because in this scene also Michelle Williams runs into this lobby she sees venom she freaks the fuck out and this is where Tom Hardy like turns back into Eddie Brock sure and she discovers that this symbiate has like really done a number on this dude. Totally. And you know, whatever. She drives back to her

doctor-boyfriend. She's bringing Eddie with them. Back to the hospital. The hospital. And like the idea is like, hey, and he kind of the symbiote lets him know that he's afraid of fire and he's afraid of loud noises. He doesn't like MRI machines. These are all the things that can be used to defeat me later.

Eddie, could you keep the door a little open during the night. I like a little light to pour in. I'm scared of the dark. Whatever. So they go to the MRI thing. He, um, while the venom thing is taking

over Eddie Brock, it wants to kill her boyfriend. She uses, Michelle Williams does, a sonic pulse to get, to knock the thing off. Right. She like kind of locks it in another room. And as we're talking about it, Eddie Brock leaves it cool. No more venom for me. I'm out of here and gets promptly picked up

by Rissom Ed's guys. The venom thing slips into whatever grading. We get dog venom but I don't get enough dog venom to be quite honest. Yeah, I want this dog making all sorts of cool remarks. Yeah. You know, barking and like the bark is a venom thing. I can't understand what

you're saying. All right, pickles. This is going to, if this is going to work between you and me. Do you think like the son of Sam was a venom ? Oh, I think. Oh, that explains. Like David Berkowitz, like, picked up some goop on his shoe on his root. Oh, yeah. And then a dog ate it and started talking to him.

It all checks out. David. The first symbiote to land on earth, killer. Those pretty girls don't like you, David. Yeah, that's true. You got, you're under something there, shammy. Because that's the name of the dog, not the venom. Right.

The Bronx is really hot. The Bronx is burning. So whatever. The dog locks eyes with Michelle Williams and that's kind of the end of what you see from her. Again, why aren't we seeing any of this? This isn't even something that gives an art rating. This is just bad storytelling, bad editing.

We wind up going back to Reza Ahmed. He realizes that Brock doesn't have the symbiote anymore. It's a kill Brock. And that's kind of where they're taking them out to a field to shoot him in the head. Although, I mean, like, you're in this huge facility. Just shoot him there. No one's going to give a shit.

You own the Life Foundation. There's got to be like an incinerator you're putting all these homeless people into. Yeah. Simple. There's crossing horse shit all of a sudden. Time to the next rocket you launched. Time to the bottom of the fucking thing. Oh, sure.

That'd do it. And that area is so populated. Like, where are you going? You got to go ways to get to a forest that you're not going to have witnesses at. That's true. We do get a little bit of Eric Brock when he's really down in his luck. He almost kills himself on the Golden Gate Bridge a little bit. Yes.

He's like, I saw that. Let's do it up. He's just looking over the edge. He's thinking about it. I wish I was never born. I wish you never got this stupid symbiote stuck up my ass. Well, Clarence is going to come down and show you

what the world would be like if you didn't get a symbiode up your ass. My symbiote is named Hoot-Nanny. Oh my God, Jimmy Stewart and Hoot-Nanny. All right. I am Hootan-Nanny. We're going to take over

Bedford Falls. We're going to take Bedford Falls. Are you ready, sir? Listen, George, are you ready? I don't know. Nanny, I don't want to hurt anybody. It's all right, George. You see, they all had it coming, every last one of them. Bite Sam's fucking head off.

We'll start off with Potter. Well, that was easy. A person in a wheelchair, George, that's not much for the hunt. Well, I'm full. Well, Lionel Barrymore had a lot of mass. Also ate the chair. I thought it was part of him. Are you digesting this or am I?

Great question. Buffalo, girls, would you come out tonight? Come out tonight. Come out tonight. Mary, I think I need a shit C-section. Oh, my love. Do you want me to pull down the goop from the moon? Moon goop, Mary, it's moon goop.

I don't know what's going to happen with digestion, but I would suggest you get ready for a shard salad down there. Oh, my God. Whilst he's about to get killed, he is saved by none other than Lady Venom, Lady Antevelum, no, lady, lady Venom. It's a sexy venom. Oh, dude, that tits on this thing.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, a guitar. Sexy Venom. Like, I mean, like, look, the body that Venom has, yeah, it's male, I guess. But it's so much bigger than Eddie Brock's. It's male in the same way that fucking Swamp thing is male. And if we're going to do this

If we're really going to fucking do this Honestly We're doing it It's not above Just doing the zizi top cue with it With legs Dude this is a very shapely sexy venom There's her goopers

But of course Because we need the weirdos To have something to think about When they're fucking the flashlights After the movie I mean I will tell you That more than enough people Are very into the

Tom Hardy Venom anyway. The Tom Hardee. Oh, sure. We're shipping the fuck out of that thing, my friend. Absolutely. We're shipping it. Oh, my God. And I mean, have you seen the amount of tattoos with venom? Oh, the venom tattoos? The T-shirts? It's a rabbit hole. You can't go down. I mean, listen, when we saw this movie in the theater, Chris and I,

it was like 12 o'clock in the afternoon on a Friday. I thought I was in a merch store with all the T-shirts I saw everywhere. I was like, where are they selling these things in the lobby? Some publicists was handing them out. All right now. Enjoy venom. I'm wearing the shirt. Enjoy venom wear this shirt. Please tell your friends about this movie. But no, so sexy venom comes out and bites some dude's head off.

Or does you bite off the fake Bill Bird dude? I don't give a shit. She bites off somebody's head. She bites off somebody's head saves the day. Everybody else runs away. And then they kiss. And as they kiss, she gives him back the venom. Which is a threesome, by the way.

Oh, absolutely. MF alien. MFA. Man, I wish I could do that with my syphilis. So does Venom stimulate her on the way out and then stimulate him on the way in? I think so. I think it would be full like that. It's both.

That's just, it's like a full current man. That's amazing. Guys, now that we're all better friends, let's go. Let's forget this whole Rizabed business and just get down to fucking. All right, Michelle Williams. Watch this as we cuck Eddie Brock. Oh, Jesus. But like, it should get.

Eddie help her. Eddie helper. There should be like a, like a. sex cult that develops and then suddenly we're like in Jonestown run by a symbiote dude that's venom four at the end that'd be amazing venom four is sex cult yes I'm gonna shoot a congressman now dude and the fucking the this the new suit because you can have a new cool sexy symbi symbiot every time right wheeler that's that one oh yeah which one was that ned bady Ned Bady Symbio

Oh, Otisburg Oh, take a bite out of Otisberg, dude So now Eddie Brock and Venom are back together This is the line that is very important Sure He's like, oh no, riot is here And that's very bad

Because riot's going to like Destroy the world 10 times over And he's a bad guy He's like, he's like what we call it We call that a team leader on my planet And then he's like, I don't want to go back there anymore because as you know on my planet I was a bit of a loser myself oh man I was kind of a loser what does that mean what does it mean to be a goop loser it means that he was

bullied in goop high school part of the goop chess club you know it's been it's your goop 32 years old you got to get over that stuff you know you're just you got value everybody who is above it maybe it was like a goop cell oh my yes sitting around of the worldwide goop world wide goop world Goop. Yeah, that is our He's supposed to take on four goop a lot. Exactly. Exactly. So this is the and the rocket's about to get launched. This is a big dumb fight

between Riz Ahmed's cartoon and Tom Hardy's cartoon. Like, I'm actually having a good enough time up until this point. Yeah. And then it just becomes this blur of just dark blobs. You can't even tell, dude. It's like a moving Jackson Pollock. Exactly. Holy shit. Is that what he was doing this whole time? All those paintings are. Oh my God. Cibiotes. Yeah. Dude, that's a deleted scene with that movie. Ed Harris is

killing one of those things and getting it down like on, you know, on the canvas. And then he's like, you know, fucking putting cigarettes on it, like spilling some beer on it, really being artistic. He wasn't like, drunkingly falling off his bicycle. Those were goops attacking him. That's right. He was fighting. He had the venom shakes. And that car crash, that was just another goop. Also a goop attack, dude. Jackson, this car will go very fast You're a loser, Jackson

Jackson. Jackson Pollack's symbiote, hot damn. Side note, maybe Vincent Van Gogh also had a symbiote. Oh, yeah. That dude definitely had his symbiote or like worms in his brain. Yeah, that's why he cut off his ear to try to get out the symbiote. Yeah, didn't work.

To get yauza out of there. Yousa out of there. So whatever, man. They have this big fucking fight. Riz Ahmed gets in the rocket. The rocket gets launched. Eddie Brock is on it. It explodes.

Riz Ahmed's able to like have these knives that shoot out and he uses one of the knives to cut open the rocket and the rocket explodes. As we know that Venoms can't deal with fire so good. So it's crazy though because Eddie Brock lands in the ocean and there's like fire above him and he's underwater and it's like slow motion. And I just waited for like the end of a boring movie. it's like, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Oh, oh, baby.

Oh, baby. When you tell him all. He does tell Rye to have a nice life or whatever, which is a nice turn from... Yeah, he's going to eat shit. And also, when the rocket explodes, again, we're cutting just like a half a second too soon because Riz Ahmed, as far as the computer animators

for this movie, you're concerned, turns into a straight-up skeleton at the end of this movie. Oh, totally. But we miss it, like the flames kind of engulf him and then we cut oh baby but can i ask something about this please you may proceed counsel venom does this whole like nerdy thing he's like oh my god riot he's got shit you you've never seen before isn't it just another symbi like what the fuck i think he's you get leveled up in the symbiote world he's like he's like hucking things can you buy new fucking

toys is it like fortnight he's like a football jock And Venom is just like a nerd I think that's the thing Benham was in the AV club Like if you, here's the thing It's like if I was an alien And I went to a planet of other people That were all like really tiny

They were like oh my God That guy's a fucking giant That guy is an enormous fucking Look at hulking brute over there Sure And then all of a sudden like Army Hammer shows up to that planet too They're like oh fuck

And then I have to fight Army Hammer It's a very different situation As you'll expect people of this planet Back on my planet, I was kind of a loser. I had a podcast. So this dude's dead. We cut to like the next day or whatever. Eddie Brock is back at his ex-girlfriend's apartment

because that's where you want to be. Sure. She's like, listen, we're not going to tell Dr. Dan any of this stuff. He's been perfectly helpful through this whole film. I'm not leaving him for you, which I appreciate. And then, but even Venham in his head is like, does she know we're going to break them up yet? And, like, Eddie Brock's like, no, we're going to, we'll just see how it goes kind of a thing. Because he has also said to Michelle Williams, like, hey, by the way, Venom is no longer in me, right? So first step to fixing your relationship, continue lying to this woman.

I mean, but here's, if I'm Eddie Brock and, like, I'm going to go out and, like, I don't know, have any kind of life. Right. We've got to have, like, on Venom hours, off Venom hours. Like, listen, Venom. I'm bringing a lady home tonight. You got to go in the guest room. Like, literally slide all of your shit off my body. You know what? Maybe like during

Yeah. Like Venom can help you out a little bit. Oh, I see. A little something like crazy. A little of some venom enhancements going on. Yeah. Like increase inize things. Oh my God. I was with a guy last night. He had a fucking bad dragon cock. Exactly. Exactly. No, it's, dude, it's got to be like, listen, Venom, you got to get in this mason jar. I'm going to fucking put the top on until this lady leaves. Well, you know, you don't, you don't just show that, you know?

During the dark. Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, I mean, I think that somebody would feel some first before he put a goop alien in someone. Exactly. Would you be cool with his goop sort of helping me out? This is, of course, so he walks away like, all right, I'll see you later, Michelle Williams. We get one of the final Stanley cameos. Here he is.

He's like, here's the thing. The power of love. Good night, everybody. I couldn't believe this. I didn't think it was going to happen. because I don't, you know, I didn't see this in the theater. I'm now watching this after Stan the man has moved on this mortal coil.

And I was just like, whoa, it's shocking. It is. But he's still, he appeared in the Sony stuff. He appeared in the Fox movie like the X-Men movie. To be fair, it's a character he had nothing to do it. So he has to be in the movie. Oh, of course. It's important.

Anytime he gets a check for something he didn't do, he's obligated to show up for a second to remind everyone. He actually invented everything. To be fair. He gives him terrible advice. Keep obsessing about your ex-girlfriend who has clearly moved on. Yeah, that's good idea. Keep at it, buddy.

So the last scene of this movie is the, he goes back to his Chinese grocer. Right. Oh, by the way, in the earlier in the film, she's getting, like, hassled by some guy and some bullshit Mickey Mouse protection racket. Yes, yes. And then he eats him. He does, I guess. This is the dumbest line in the movie, which is, I saw this in the trailer, made me laugh out loud, where he, This guy's like, give me all the money or whatever.

And he comes up to him as Venom, the guy freaks out. He's like, I'm going to bite off your arms and your legs and then your face. And then you're going to be a little turd person, walking around like a little turd. Before he calls him a turd person or whatever it is, I thought it was pretty cool because he's like, you're going to be rolling around. And then I was like, all right, pretty sweet. Then he files it up with like a turd. And I'm like, you're rolling around like a turd. I mean, I guess this guy is a loser.

That's something a loser would say He's like, you're a turd dude Hey, hey, turd You're a fuck piss You hear me, you're a fuck piss Hey Eddie, did you hear me call that guy a fuck piss? It was really cool, man So he does chomp him

And then you see him walk out Of an entirely clean Chinese bodega like awesome Insane continuity area here There is nobody on the floor You can clearly see the ground Of this convenience store What is he Kirby? He's just suck at this person

Just show me that. Show me that. Even if it's just... Even if it's just like the feet or something. I don't need to see the head necessarily, but like that body's got to be there. That's a colossal mistake. Actually, now I really want to see Tom Hardy as Kirby in a film.

Right? It's a hard-dinking Kirby. He's the only one that could play Kirby. Right. Yeah. And maybe have a weird accent for... Oh, yes, me, Kirby. So that's the end of the movie

We have two Stinger scenes Hey Chips I heard your son's being Kirby today What she's sucking on that Oh Chips I didn't mean it like that now Come on don't kick me out of the pub The character Kirby sucks things in He sucks in stars and that And they becomes really big and strong

That's all I was saying chips Totally innocent Yeah all right chips Let's just talk about these stinger scenes Shall we? They're pretty fun Oh dude a fucking fucking Nintendo

Cinematic Universe Oh it's going to happen That eventually comes together Into Super Smash Brothers That's the Avengers Yep I mean if Sonic the Hedgehog Is any

Kirby is going to be swole I don't know We'll see that abomination muscular ball Dude it'd be like a sumo wrestler It's gonna look like crang Oh man if he has like little little flappy breasts

Oh yeah dude A little beef tin Great. Mario, I've sucked them all. So these stinger scenes in the scene of Michelle Williams, he's like, hey, I'm getting my career back on. I've got to interview with somebody you'll not, you're not going to believe. That's right, he's interviewing with me, Alex Jones. But no, he goes up to

San Quentin. San Quentin and who is there. But Woody Harrelson in the most ridiculous wig I have ever seen. I just can't even believe it. I'm going on the record that I love this. Okay. I did not, I watched this without reading anything about venom. I didn't know this is coming.

And I was like instantly when I noticed who it was and I noticed the ridiculous wig. Right. And I put together, this guy's going to be carnage. I was like, I love this. I'm all in on this. Hey, guess what? Before the movie is everyone stay in your sheets. Next time, carnage, guys.

Carnage. I know I know it had some tonal issues but we're going to fix the ship next time around, I swear. And he's playing of course Cletus Cassidy. Yes. Carnage. Amazing. He uses the word carnage, by the way.

Did we mention that? He says three words and one of them is carnage. I think he just says, I am carnage. He's like something, when your story drops, I'm sure there's going to be Carnage Smile Hey if you noticed

I bit my finger off Like a fucking crazy person Oh is that right He's writing in blood Eddie Brock Oh right Right right right That's sick dude Pretty intense

Love it love it Twizzed with Three Zs brother And I mean like In the next stagher scene Which is part of this movie I would have thought They would excise it

For the home video release They had it on the rental I couldn't believe it Rental it was crazy It's just like it's Seven minutes of into the Spider-Verse, which is one of the best movies, superhero movies of the year,

which is kind of hard to say. I did not see it yet. Uh-huh. I watched this clip. And I was like, all right. Yeah, it's a bad clip. I'll be honest. Yeah.

I said the same thing. When Cabin and I saw the movie, I was like, that clip does not make me excited for the movie. Yeah. It's a clip. I'm like, oh, it's just, it's so,

you need the context for the clip to make sense. And Spider-Verse is good. I loved it. It's really, really, really loved it. I absolutely loved it. And if anything, Steve and I rented this in four, And it was great seeing this

because it was an opportunity for me to see what my inevitable purchase of a 4K Blu-ray of that movie will look like. Because I fucking loved Spider-Verse. I want to check it out. You should. So that is this movie. Would anybody recommend Venom?

It's a light recommend for me. It's kind of a hangover movie. I mean, like, the movie is a 97 minutes long, which is kind of good. I mean, the runtime of the fake stinger scene pumps it up to 155. With the credits, it was 152 minutes. or one hour and 52 minutes

but I mean like it's pretty short I would like a lot more venom in it again like literally without Tom Hardy and Michelle Williams who is goodness as well and there's no movie here and Riz Ahmed who I like just has nothing to do I mean like he's his most interesting scenes are played by a cartoon it's like it's not that great

light recommend right yet yeah light recommend I'm on a similar I think it does work as a hangover movie sure it worked a lot better the second time I saw it I will say. Yeah, when you know what the shape of it is. That's the thing. It's because you have such a hard time getting into the bath

because you don't know what the fuck it is. Temperature keeps on changing. You're right. Temperature keeps changing. And I'm just picturing you frustrated and trying to take a bath. Oh, ha, oh, oh, ho, ho, ho, ooh, oh. Oh, my tutsies.

Oh, no blood there. Okay. What the fuck, okay. But, but like. Blood in the bathtub. As little, like, I like the kind of knots to a little chop of horrors. Yeah, totally. I thought that was an interesting idea.

I just don't think they took it to where it needed to go. I mean, this movie doesn't go nearly far enough in any direction to be real or memorable. Well, I've agreed with everything that has been said tonight, but I do think it's a recommend for me, because I think this is on par with most of the MCU movies

for me. Because a lot of them are just like whatever for me. That's just me. It's better than Ant Man and the Wasp, I'll tell you that much. I still haven't seen it. I want to see it. I don't know. Andrew just deflated. I don't know. I literally forget how many fucking superhero movies

I've seen this year. Yeah, that's pretty wild. Honestly, like those Thor movies, I don't need any of them. No, I agree. You know, but anyway, I enjoyed Venom for what it was. And, you know, this worst of month, a lot of people give us like, well, well, this was worse. Oh, well, that was, it's just shit we want to talk about.

You took the words right out of my mouth, dude. If you're trying to figure out how a movie that now all four of us are recommending and a light way or another, which is me, it's a hangover movie, If you're trying to figure out why this made the worst of the last year, it's just because we want to talk about it. It's an excuse to talk about Venom. And it's objectively not a good movie, by the way. Oh, absolutely not.

No, no. It's not a good movie, but it'll pass the time if you need it. If you need time passed. I also just think, like, in terms of, like, what's something that's a worst of, like, I kind of expected it to be this dark, blah, blah, blah. And like Chris said, the temperature kept changing and I couldn't get a handle on it. And to me, that was a letdown. Because I was like, I thought this was going to be, like, like, Blade or something.

Sure. With, fun. With maybe some zingers, because Tom Hardy is like a funny dude. But this was, it was too all over the mat. But, like, there was, there was like Goddy this year, which was terrible. But everybody always, everyone talked about it already. You're right, Chris. But it was so fucking boring that I wouldn't want to talk about it.

Agreed. So there's shit like that going on. I'm not talking about show dogs. Don't ask me to do it. It was stupid and boring. You don't want to talk about the pedophile grooming that? No, I don't. No, I don't. What? Look up that story. It's pretty great.

It caused the film to be pulled from theaters temporarily. But that is Venom. One of the worst of 2018. For more We Hate Movies, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. Sometime in the next few days, we'll be dropping the bonus episode for this month, which is Jurassic World, colon, Fallen Kingdom, which indeed is a terrible movie. So don't think we're just putting out excuses to talk. talk about stuff. That movie fucking sucked ass

and we will be talking about it in full on the Patreon. And you know what? The worst of 2018 month rolls on Steve Sadek. What are we talking about next week? We're talking, we're going to mile 22, whatever that is, because I haven't seen it. Right, that's Mark Wahlberg.

It's Mark Wahlberg. It's part of a super assassin team. Is that a recommend Chris or no? No. Okay, so there you go, everyone. But by the way, before we really wrap up, I want to mention. I got my shoes on you Okay, well, I'm glad you got them on because we are almost at grandma's house. Rate or review the show on iTunes?

I want to mention this real quick because we've gotten a lot of flack lately for not loving the president of the United States. Sure. So you'd be great. It really helped the profile of the show. It actually helps with the metrics over there. So if you want to assist the show but you can't support the Patreon or whatever reason, it'd be really. helpful if you did give us a rating or review wherever you get the show.

And may I say of the iTunes review? Yes. You don't have to write a, you know, a long screen. No, no. You know, as little as nice stuff. Or great. Nice. Great stuff is great. Great five sheriff stars. Okay. Until next week.

I'm Andrew Juven. Stephen Seda. And Chris Cabin. Eric Sisker. Take it easy. That was a hit gum podcast.