We Hate Movies - S9 Ep400: Episode 400 - The Love Guru

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang puts the Worst of 2018 on hold to celebrate 400 EPISODES ON THE AIR by talking about one of the worst comedies to ever exist, The Love Guru! What is with that CGI Mike Myers baby head? Who thought the fake Oprah cameo was funny? And most importantly: why does this exist? Plus: Al Michaels watches elephants have intercourse! It's absolutely nuts that we're cruising into 400 episodes and we couldn't have done it without you, the gentle listener. Thanks so much for supporting We Hate Movies and hey—tell a friend! The Love Guru stars Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Romany Malco, Verne Troyer, Meagan Good, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, Ben Kingsley, Telma Hopkins, Daniel Tosh, and Rob Huebel; "directed" by Marco Schnabel. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, it's as if a pile of horse manure was turned into a movie. It's the love guru. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And this is somehow the 400th episode of We Hate Movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. And like I said, up top. 400. 400. And the last. No, no. Wait, no. No. You always do this.

All the time. All the time. you do this. I think you've repeated that joke on every hundredth milestone. My rationale is I want us to get as big as that last episode of MASH. Okay. Okay. That's a fair. It's a good goal. Ambitious. I like it. I know people who do like metrics on this show know how many hours we've done. Right. But I'm guessing we've done somewhere around like call it 400 four episodes. Call it 90 minutes an episode. Right. That's like nine million hours. Plus, that sounds by right. There's all the other bonus stuff like we have on Patreon. 9 million hours. I would say it's between 600 and 1,000 hours of content at this point. Wow, really? Yeah, something like that.

600 is the low end, I think. Wow. And a thousand is the very high end. Now, that means... You have a beautiful mind. We have to do this for 10... We have to do this 10 more time, nine more times to get to 10,000 hours and be good at podcasting, so says Malcolm Gladwell.

So we're getting there. We've got a thousand. hours under our belt. We need 10,000 more, 9,000 more to go. And then we can impress a dork. That guy can fucking stuff his sorries in a sack, mister. So we thought,

what better way to ring in 400 than with one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life, the love guru from 2008 directed air quote by Marco Schnabel. Yeah, okay, this is a Mike Myers production. Yeah, is that just his nom de shit?

Dude, look at this motherfucker's. I MDB page, it is just this movie as the directorial credit. A lot of like assistant something or others on various Mike Myers projects. It sounds like the mystery men director thing. Absolutely. It sounds very similar. You guys aren't pulling

punches on this one, huh? He, by the way we are, we all you are pulling, is the worst of 2018. We're actually pushing it back one week. Life itself will be next week. This week we're breaking in because it's a 400th episode. We don't want to do an Oscar

or Isaac being sad or whatever the fuck that movie's about, which I still am not seen. Somebody's getting hit by a bus or something. That's also something you don't want to know. I wish somebody got hit by a bus at this movie, man. I wish it was me. I wish it was me getting hit by a bus. This is the second time I've seen this movie. The first time was

a massive greenout situation. Was that in theaters? It was not in theaters. It was actually at the former home of two friends of the show, Justin J. Case and Sean Winer. The disaster movie, an expert, an ex-man. experts respectively

because I was watching it and I was like yeah I remember that I remember that I remember that and then about like 35 minutes into this movie I was like oh I don't remember none of this I saw this in theaters why fuck for because I was

you were like 29 years old man I was up to bat as possibly the other person who might have to review this at the time I was going to say we hadn't started the show at this point so that's your fucking excuse I almost had to review it So I had to like take notes during this whole thing

And I remember very clearly Getting about 30 minutes into it And then abandoning ship And throwing my notebook down and being like I'm just gonna have to experience this And let it be what it's gonna be You know what I'm picturing you You're like all right this is a professional situation

It's like when Homer Simpson gets at his reading glasses Yes And you've got like the little pen that has the light at the end of it You're taking all these like little love guru notes And you're like Well that's the 19th time in 10 minutes that they've made fun of Indian people. You've all been

to a screening with me. You know I wear a tuxedo to each each and every screening. I respect the space. Every night is the Oscars for Chris Gavin. It's not stained jeans in a sweater. Exactly. He's respecting the movies. He watches every movie

dressed to the nines. Now I'm just kind of imagining the opening of the old Ciscololini which are and then I belch. This is one of the most requested movies of all time. By the way, Listener Request Month is still on right now. Sweet segway, Steve. If you're listening to the day it drops was January the 15th.

Gotcha. 2019. Oh, good, good one. Yeah, because if you're listening in the future, we're all dead. At the stroke of midnight on the 16th, we will stop taking calls on our quest line for what we're going to do in March. Listener request month is exactly what it sounds like

you tell us what to watch for a whole month. the way you're going to do it is go to give us a call it 718-925-38-93 and leave who you are, what you want to watch and a little bit or a little bit of why and a little bit of why. Let's just say a little bit of why. You know what? Just do an entire episode on the phone. Yeah, audition for the show. That'll be fucking great to listen to.

Leave a 90-minute voice, man. And, you know, the 10-year, the good news is the 10-year rules off the table. Yes. The bad news is we still won't do movies we said we won't do, which you should know what they are. And stuff we've already done, we don't want to do that either. That doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't make any sense at all. So you want to do 71895-3893 to call into the request line or Skype us at We Hate Movies.

Also, no in-theater titles because a lot of folks who listen to the program, they like to watch the movies beforehand. We don't want to be forcing people to go out to the theater. It should be available on VOD. Some such thing. Yeah, so a new movie that's on VOD that works too. And our good Patreon friends will not be excluded. We're doing, if you want to call in, if you want to write into us for whatever the Patreon episode you want to do,

that can be, we all hate movies at gmail.com. Just tell us what movie you want to do as a Patreon request. For the Nexus, it's the same thing. Just say Nexus. We're doing every Star Trek series except for Discovery. Just Discovery, right? Yep. So that's a TNG, TOS,

Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and Enterprose. Yep. And then animated, animation, damnation, whatever cartoon you want, and send us a link and where to find that cartoon. Remember now, you're going to email this in, but this deadline is closing fast.

Anything sent in after Midnight Standard, no, Eastern Standard Standard Standard. Eastern Standard Time will be deleted. Listen, we're looking at time codes, friend. That's right. That's right. It's got to be by Easter bunny standard time. Easter, but exactly.

Thank you, Chris. So the request line is 718953-3893. Skype is that we hate movies. Write in if you're a Patreon. We all hate movies at gmail.com. We've said enough. Just do it. We've set our part.

Now you do yours. Precious few hours left in this day. So the love guru, this is a movie where Mike Myers is a white guy. who is raised in India so that's how they get around it how many people had to tie him down to not do brown face do you think everybody he's like no it's hilarious

I'm a comedian I could do it at Peter Sellers to see the party yeah we all did that was fucking 40 years ago Mike yeah well nothing's change don't you know and he is the guru Pitca Gotcha. You know, I got to tell you, you know you're in for trouble, literally from the first frame of

this movie. Yes, yes. As the Paramount stars are flying over that beautiful lake, you just start hearing a fucking sitar and you're like, nope, nope, it is a one-way ticket to Nopetown, buddy. What is what the name even, you know, shouldn't it be like the guru Campbell or something? Yes. Not Wayne Campbell, but you know what I'm saying. He's a white kid whose parents were Christian missionaries.

Correct. who apparently die in India and now he's playing for the other team and taking their names. The other team. Well, you know, like he was raised under the cross.

And now he's dabbling in Eastern religion. The guru Campbell, that's not racist enough. I got to tell you, we got to go. These people are ambitious. But also, upon the death of this child's parents, why wasn't he just shipped back to Canada?

He says he was born in Canada, right? Wouldn't there be any other relative? Where's the next of kin? Sorry, stupid comedy. I need that explained. Kidnapped. He was kidnapped. I think they lost him to Ben Kingsley in a poker game.

Speaking of Brownface, by the way. Oh, well, that guy. And he's using the old. The Oscars gave me a statue for Brownface that one time. Also, did you get a good look at a CGI baby Mike Myers kid. Would you take that into your home? Even if it's blood. Even if it's blood.

Look at that thing. I mean, yeah, I want that in my basement. Chris Cabin, if I looked at that thing, it would be blood. There will be blood. It would be a puddle of blood. Good Lord. I would kill that kid. I would murder that child.

I will say, like half the comedy in this, they get a lot of mileage over the fact of pronouncing W's with V. Uh-huh. That's like half of the jokes in this. Yeah. Like when this kicks off with him singing nine to five. Oh, my Lord, the nine to five. Well, this is clearly a thing

We're like, hang on What are you talking about? Like, In the lyrics, in the lyric, in the lyric, like, so when he's doing his accent,

it's the whole thing is with his accent. Like, please do it for the folks at home. I'm not doing that. But that's what's weird, though. I don't know what this voice is, because he's not doing a Hank Azaria, Apuna Hasaputa pedal.

Sure. It's this, he's trying to do this like new agey, flattened out. The Ws are Vs. Yes. That's the, big thing. I think he's doing a Deepak Chopra impression. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you've

heard him talk, is that what he's doing? Yeah. Good God. And I mean, like, who could, I mean, this is clearly a situation where Austin Powers was pitched. No one knew what it was. And they're like, I don't know. And then like, it was a hit. And like, oh, shit. When the last time that that guy pitched me a script, I didn't know, it was a huge hit. So now it's, this has got to be, I don't understand this, but it's got to be a huge hit. Here's a trillion dollars. But there is a difference between playing his snagled toothed British spot. yeah sure right and the guru pitca it was so there's a huge gulf of difference yes also what is with this prosthetic nose i don't know it's also it's also not funny

i think that's again none of it's funny it's it's it's it's just that's the character he loves prosthetics mike myers you can't give him away from it that's true i think this movie's not very good i'm just gonna really like go nuts right now this was probably one of the hardest watches I've had for the show it was like a fly was in the room and I was like whoa what's that fly up to I stopped multiple times like I paused it and just got up and did stuff and came back

I took the dog out she was like we already went out what are you doing I'm like no no no let's go I'm watching the love guru I almost went to the gym I almost paused this to go that's a bad movie the worst movie ever made well the weird thing is I saw this with Eric

and there was a fly in the room. Yes. And it took us a while. We had to stop watching the movie. We had to try and catch us fly. It was just like that Breaking Bad episode. Exactly. I almost revealed that I killed your ex-girlfriend, but then I didn't.

Thank you. Oh, wait, what? No, don't you. What'd you do? It's okay. It's a good five minutes of that. Is it battling your cat? No, this is terrible.

It's, and I liked Mike, I still think, you know what, at the end of the day, if I have to sign the devil's book, yeah or nay, on Mike Myers, I think I'm signing yay a little bit in like lowercase. He gave me, he gave me Wayne Campbell, he gave me Wayne's World, along with Danigari, by the way. Yeah, yeah, of course. Wayne's World One is one of my all-time favorite movies. I think it's one of the best comedies of the 1990s without question. And credit to Penelope Spiris as well. So I married an axmer.

Yes, also good. It holds up. I think Austin Powers 1 really holds up. It does. All right, you're right. You're right. And his SNL stuff is really good still. Although, unfortunately, there are still some sketches where it's like, and this is what

Lauren Michaels always does. It's like, now you play a baby in the sketch. Well, he had that character where he was like the little boy who was tied to the. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. I hate it. But Simon. Yes. Yes.

I hate the baby characters. I hate the baby characters. they still do it to this day. It's creepy. We're still playing babies to this day on Saturday Night Live? Of course we are. Yeah. And there's baby diaper shit in this too.

No, it depends. It's adult diaper. Oh, I'm sorry. There's a difference. I blanked there for a minute. I think that this movie is very 2008, or one might say, 2000 and late, right? Oh. Scorch it, not pulling bunches on this one.

The other thing that's weird, though, is like this. So this is a 2008 Mike Myers. Sure. The next year, he's in that, like, really small. all rolling and glorious bastards. This is like nobody's given a shit about Mike Myers anymore, but then what's weird is you go and you look at the cast of this movie. It's gigantic.

Everybody is in this movie. Is everyone, I mean, you know what? Some people are in. People who have gone on to do other things up. But there were like people in this movie. Also, the country was in fucking chaos at the time. Yeah, we were on our last legs, much like we are now. Right back in fighting shape.

Funny how the country keeps failing after a few years. We were just about, what? We were just about to get Obama in there, and we were just on the crash landing from Bush. Yeah, we were ready to laugh at brown people, that's for sure. We were very ready to laugh at brown people. This was June 20th, 2008. This was a summer blockbuster.

Bush's fucking Bush of W's last days. Oh my God. A fucking movie about George W. Bush's final days. Hey, Poppy, I'm in this. bunker. He orders the love guru to his bunker so he can watch it. Yes, yes, yes. I was thinking more like Kirk Cobain, like that, that last day's movie. But yes. W and big like a big bug sunglasses on the cover there. I like that. Five minute long take of him picking what kind of sauce he wants on his barbecue. I was thinking an alternate history where in this movie is huge and John McCain gets like

love guru crazy and rides it straight to the presidency. Wow. I could see that happening. It could happen. My friends, my favorite movie of this election cycle was the love guru. No, no ma'am. No ma'am. Not a Muslim. No ma'am. By the way, Mariska Hargitay. Dude, let's get into it. So his like greeting is Mariska Hargitay. That is one of the most It's like, here's what it is. If we were sitting around like a that 70s show-esque stoner circle, high out of our minds. And one of us started doing that, like, without the existence of this film.

Like we just did it as like, oh, here's a greeting. It's Mariska Hargitay. We would all highly giggle for like 20 seconds and then instantly realize it's not funny. I would stab you. That's where I would stab. They've made this like, it's the thesis of the film. is this greeting. It's, I mean, and also he gets Mariska Hargaday to do the movie,

which I imagine the phone call went something like, Hey, Mariska, a huge fan of you on SVU. He's like, oh, thanks so much. By the way, I want you to be in this movie. Oh, yeah, Austin Powers, I love it. What's the joke? Well, the joke is your name sounds like something an Indian person might say. Hello?

And also, like, with her cameo of the silence. If this movie was intelligent at all, which it is not. No. Because I was saying this on Twitter, I wouldn't know if I can rampage after I watched this movie.

There's a movie to be had here. How many casualties? He turned into a big dinosaur. I did block one dude. Oh, really? Yeah. Because he was like, you tweet like a single woman

and I was like, adios in cell. Whoa, what? Single woman. I don't even know what it meant, but he got blocked because of it. Yeah, that's what happened. It's the thing where like,

the idea for this, there's something in the seed of this movie where it's like, yeah, it's about a shitty white guy con man who's like, who's like taking all this South Asian culture co-opting it for his stupid little scheme and like you could make a comedy about that like he's found out or something like that and a joke in that movie could hurt like Mariska Hargate comes in and she's like he says it to her and she's like here's a fucking class action lawsuit or like this is offensive or whatever it is yeah in a case like that you would need somebody you would have to be an exterior figure it couldn't be about him it would you like his lawyer his PR man or like an intern who gets assigned to work with him or something. Ryan Gosling

and Iads of March type character. Of course, yes. I'm sorry. Everybody knows the aides of March. And we remember that fucking George Clooney classic. I'm going to take this pick a down. I'm Ryan Gosling. I'm Canadian, but I'm Italian too for some reason. He is always Italian. He's always Italian. I think

the weird thing is like I think Austin Powers and Wayne Campbell as characters are buffoons and the movie is sort of a joke upon them in a lot of ways. And that's not how this movie goes it's the other way around like he is the best at it he's yeah he's amazing he's so cool even though it's like such a silly and stupid character you have to be like wow this

guy's got it all fucking figured out and i was about to offer up that that's because we're in like a post austin power's post shrek like success thing yes but you wanted to mention penelope's fierce like you talk about when she talks about her experience making wayne's world it was horrible because he was a fucking controlling monster. Sure. So it's not that, like, I don't know why these two characters got it one way, but the guru Pitca's like the fucking best of all time. They should have done something where like he is the buffoon.

Like it turns out all those books were ghost written by like John Oliver or something. And who's in this movie as like his assistant. And that could be the white guy behind. He found someone to prop up as. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The suggestion is that he has, without trying, figured it all out. Yeah, he literally figured everything out and he's at the worst he's ever, like,

without even trying a little bit. Right. Like, so it's like, where am I going with this guy? Like, just so he can get Jessica Alba in the sack? I don't know. But that's not even, I mean, the thing is the narrative of this movie is so loose and, like, you'll, you'll watch a scene like, wait, what's the movie about? Like, because it just sort of goes in and out where it's like about Romani Malik?

uh malco romani malco romani malco romani malco oh no it's about him and jessica alba it's about going on opra with de peck chopra and like you know what what whatever whatever what whatever that's when i realized there was there was possibly some greening out of foot because i was like hockey plays a part in this movie this we start by the way with a really hilarious joke you know who's known for narrating movies who's that steve that morgan freeman oh yeah he does have a nice velvety voice. That's so true. I just, I love

celeb cameos. Honestly, I'm a sucker for a celeb cameo. Really? You get me a celeb cameo in a comedy. That's my knee. This movie's cameo crazy. That's another crush it has. Well, that's, did anybody get a strong post-family guy vibe? Sure. That's like, I think, like when

later. Believe me, I wish we were in a post-family guy society. Well, no, like when he's, uh, when he's doing his, uh, routine, uh, in front of everybody when he does, It was like the EIEI-E-I-O thing. And his weird, like, cult presentation. He's like, you know, like, not soul train, but he cuts to, like, the electric company.

That's a straight up joke from family guy. It's a family guy. And I'm just like, what the fow? What? Yeah. They kind of wrap it into the narrative, sort of, where it's like, oh, John Oliver is, like, playing that clip. And I'm like, well, why would he make that clip? Like, what, that's a joke?

Why is he making jokes? Why is, why is Guru Pitca making jokes? Oh, oh, that's part of that presentation. Yeah, like John Oliver's like, play the clip, play the clip. I thought he was imagining it. Yeah, I thought it just cut to that. That's what that's, I was also like, oh, the rando cutaway super family guy. We actually see it on a computer screen with John Oliver.

So they were playing it to the audience of this seminar. Also in that seminar, Val Kilmer, for no reason. It was just like, really? I was looking at the fly. It was like, who is a, because like, when he goes into the, uh, he does. does the presentation, and then he goes into, like, the VIP lounge or whatever, and that's where he sees Mariska Hargitay. It's like her, Val Kilmer. And Jessica Simpson. Who wants to fuck him? Oh, of course. Why wouldn't you? Captain, you didn't want to fuck the Guru Pitca? No.

God damn it. I did not. I don't understand, like, the set, like, you find out, like, sort of in the middle of the movie, and this is also part of what the movie is, is that he's a virgin and he's been in a chastity belt his whole life, but that is so ill-defined and so, like, not what the movie's about. Can I ask? You kind of keep forgetting. It's just a random chastity belt. It's nothing to do with anything. Well, you're reminded of every so often because whenever he gets erections, there's a little ding sound. The boner clangs. Classic boner clang sound library effect. And it's a stupid joke. It's a chastity, it's something about, like, his, the teachings of Ben Kingsley, who's Tuggin Maputa, is the name of this man?

I think this is just like a joke we took from Robin Hood Men and Tites. Yes. That's what it sounds like, right? It is a joke in Robin Hood and Men and Tites. I think Amy Asbeck is wearing it. No, no, I'm talking about the name. You went the names, right? No, no, no, the Chastity Bell.

Is that? But the names are also Brooksian. Yeah. It does sound like Mel Brooks characters, which, come on, man. I mean, also, Austin Powers made sense. because it was in the mode of a spy movie. So, like, you at least some backdrop, like, oh, they all have funny names

because it's like a James Bond movie. You're spoofing a specific thing. Like this, there's no guru movies. No, thankfully. Yeah, no, it's not, it's all just gross. It's like, it's shit in my dumpa. And, well, one of his, shit in my dumpa, I love it. But, like, Ben Kingsley's, like, great grand guru or something

was guru has a. small weaner. Yeah. Oh man. These are terrible. I just don't understand it. There is one, I had one legitimate laughing.

Really? Are you fucking joking? Yeah. Is this a bit? Dude, is this a bit? None of it. It's not of it. I will resign after this,

after this sentence. There is this bit where he's doing his presentation. He does start talking about his older guru teachers and one of the older gurus, I forget who gets syphilis and starts to go crazy.

Right. And he would, instead of saying inspiring things he would just say things like and it's like you know written out in PowerPoint and it just says Eaton ain't cheating and I got to chuckle out of Eaton and ain't cheating you know what that's it

I am a low class monster wow I thought that my legitimate laugh in this movie was going to be worse than yours but I don't know if that's true I don't know eating ain't cheat is funny it wasn't a big it's just dumb and it's also just a carryover

from Austin Paris I mean I did have one big I'll fess up I'll fess up it was at the very end very end after all the credits and like it cub the rating comes up again and then I thought I'm going to die someday and I laughed at my I laughed for quite

some time after thinking about that that is my favorite joke too Chris Cabin is going to die I noticed on the Amazon interface by the way it gives like all the cast and plot shit or whatever it says director colon director information unknown?

Yes, because he doesn't exist. Also, by the way, the Amazon list that says, a hilarious comedy starring Mike Myers as the guru Pitca in his first original character since the blockbuster hit Austin Powers. Eat my ass, Jeff Bezos. That's a lie. And I'm taking him to court.

I'm going to get a billion bucks. It's not hilarious. It's not hilarious. This movie is not hilarious. You can't just throw any each word around. I thought he had another original character between the two. Oh, no, because Shrek was a Would you say it's amusing?

No. Okay. No, Senator, I would not. Would you say this scene's amusing? We do that flashback sequence of Mike Myers' head on a baby. Jesus. A jib jab.

Yes, a living jib jab. Oh, fuck. That's terrible. The guru jib jab? Yeah, talking to, you know, the guru tugging maputin, which is Ben Kingsley with cross eyes. Because everything else is not funny enough. we have to do the cross eyes it's like hey legendary actor we're making you debase yourself with this movie also could you fucking look incredibly strange this is like four years after sexy beast man come

yes and there's there's a huge setup for this joke that's coming about his parents were missionaries christian missionaries that we explained before but prior is he asked like what do they do before that oh they were dog stylists oh yep so then we get this joke about like oh so they were into doggy style then the missionary position. Yep. And that's supposed to be a huge laugh moment. That's every single joke in this movie

where you have to like build the bike first. You watch the guy build the bike and then he can ride it. And while he's riding his own bike, he's fucking laughing. Because that's the thing is like Ben Kingsley tells that terrible joke and then they have the character laugh uproariously.

And it's paused in such a way that they think it's a big joke. If you just throw jokes out, I'm not going to throw tomatoes at you. Rob tomatoes at you. as much but like the buildup is what's really killing so many of these goddamn jokes I mean they're terrible either way and the aftermath too though the laughter is a big problem well yeah and they're also all deflated it's the same thing with cat in the hat where like half the time he's kind

of like pretending like the joke he already knows it's bad so he's just laughing at it himself and I'm like that's not funny no it's never been funny can I a logical problem with this film The one that I found. I found one. There's a picture of him with the Beatles early on in the movie, right? Yes, there is. As an adult, like, as a guru, as an adult.

And the Beatles are young. And the Beatles are young. So, like, and then in the 70s, he's a child. Like, come on, dude. You know what, Mike? If you're such a fucking control freak, comedy genius who will fucking, like, make people burst into tears

for ruining your terrible joke, don't make that joke. Well, Stephen, love guru, too. He would have gotten a time machine. He'd tighten everything in the next one. It would have just made everything make more sense. He would have done three of these movies. Of course, he would have been going back home

and his parents didn't really die. They were actually in hiding. And then he would be playing the parents. Oh, wow, dude, my asshole just tightened. No Michael Kane. Oh, right, yeah. Maybe his uncle. I don't know.

You get Peter Falk in there? I mean, as long as I look like duck crackers, I'm sure that's fine. What's what the outfit, dear? Excuse me, Pitt, excuse me, Pitca. Your name is Greg. What is his name's Maurice, though? Maurice, yeah. And that's only to set up another enormous musical number.

Right, just to do a Steve Miller band routine. Which you know all the Mike Myers fans, dude. They were all clamoring for a fucking Steve Miller, the Joker, fucking musical number. Aren't there like four or five of them? And again, the whole joke of those whole things are that the Ws are Vs now. Yeah. Like it's just that's. It's not like he's changing the lyrics or anything or at once in a while a snot comes out his nose or something.

The joke is Indian culture. That's which is most of the movie. Bollywood is the joke there. You've got, uh, what do you call it? Jessica Alba being like kind of dubbed in like an old classical style Bollywood way. They do. There's a flashback. Oh, no.

It's like a. fantasy scene the camera goes through his third eye is everyone paying attention and it's like yeah they make it look like bad film grain like the dubbing is off

I think this is a real song too like it sounds like a genuine article and then they're just doing funny subtitles yeah oh yes you're right a problem yeah no big time well that was when nine to five started I was like oh he's doing it like a

a nine to five like spoof song sure no And I was like, oh, no, it's just the song. The joke is this character is so hilarious. Could you imagine if there were Indian people? Could you imagine if this culture existed? Could you just imagine if this was real? I mean, my ribs are just...

You have to get my funny bone removal. Can you imagine Hollywood allowing a white man to playing Indian person? They would never do... Yeah. I mean, I guess the joke there is that's why Ben Kingsley's in the movie. Sure. So Jessica Alba is... Also, the plot of this movie, one of the plots of this movie

is literally just the plot of the first Ace Ventura, which is just... The star player on the team is bad and somebody has to fix the thing to make them good again. Exactly. Somehow this movie is less transphobic than Ace Ventura, so then check mark there, you know? It's not too hard. It's not too hard to be less transphobic than fucking Ace Ventura 1.

Hey, don't crash land the plane. And, man, Ace Ventura 2 is really big. dad with other cultures that whole franchise is ruined yeah because then the third one dude how disgusting is this there's a little fat kid in it

well I mean I do that's fat shaming probably it's a body issue it's like Ace Ventura Jr. or something it's like him as a kid I think is that Spencer Breslin doing that no no okay no it's somebody else some other disgusting shit boy

who you are supposed to feel ashamed of that's true so yeah she's the owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Correct. And they are in the Stanley Cup finals. Romney Malco is the guy is their star. We get introduces by Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan who are doing like this like the best they can with nothing. Yeah, it's like this. I was sort of trying to pretend like there was like a legitimate hockey comedy going on somewhere in like a different theater in my

mind multiplex kind of a thing. And this is what I kept switching to was like the broadcast booth gag. It's kind of like the end of speed when they finally killed Dennis Hopper and it's Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock on this train that has no brakes anymore. And like he's like, God damn it! Oh man! He doesn't know what to do

and they're trying to freak figure it out. Like that's what Jim Gaffigan and Stephen Colbert are doing in this booth. And Colbert's gag is like he's a recovering drug addict who's like had some hard times or something and then like Jim Gaffin is playing the straight man. It's a classic like zany straight

I mean, it's a, it's, the gag is that somebody saw dodgeball and then they did dodgeball. Right. Or basketball. Any, any movie, really. It's almost as if someone saw a movie. Anything that ends with a competition. Colbert does a okay line about how he viciously assaulted Judy Dench. He's all right. He's doing his best. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. Listen, I think both of them are totally fine in this. They're just trying not to drive. on screen. But yeah, so that's, so the problem is Darren Roanoke is the character that Romani

Malco plays. His wife has left him for L.A. King's star goalie, Jacques LeCock, played by Justin Timberlake. Everything's a dick joke. Literally everything in this movie dude, you are swimming in dick and ball jokes in this movie. There's shit jokes. There's shit jokes. But not even... No, no, no, cabin. The amount of

dick and ball jokes in this movie. The only thing that's higher up on the how much are we doing this? How much are we cramming in is like the fucking Indian racism. I'm just saying once you get out of that cloud, it's not like you get fresh air anywhere. There's fucking farts, there's snot. This movie

is the taint of the body. And the piss. My God, the piss. There's so much piss. I could have used more piss jokes, honestly. You don't get a lot of piss jokes in movies. Wow, Steve said a comment card. Test screening of the love guru. Okay, one man really wants to see a lot more piss jokes.

Your piss, your piss levels at 7%. I would like to see it at a 13. If there were a lot of piss jokes in this, you would be jealous of all those piss jokes. Why, you'd be yellow with envy. I don't know. You don't get a lot of fish jokes. I like it, Eric.

Are we? I guess yellow is for cowardice, but that works for Steve, too. Yellow. are we I am so glad that the Justin Timberlick acting experiment is pretty much done

I'm really happy that book is closed is all these dick jokes informed with like dick in a box from S&L was that before or after

I don't know that was before I believe so this is sort of like a double down if it was before then this is really I mean

but he does the joke and dick in the box is just like there's a dick in the box the joke in this is like he has to like wouldn't it be funny would it be funny

if that dick was that is the gag because he's got this fucking trouser snake going on it's like a Ken Russell joke though fucking pants python if this thing ever got hard it would float up into the sky

it's a dig in a box of 2006 so yes oh yeah there you go but I like Justin Timberlake as a comedian I think he's very funny I think he's not funny at all wow really I just think it's like I mean like he's fine in dig in the box it's fine like there's SNL funny like you could stick him in an SNL Yeah. That's fine. He's cutesy. But in a movie, like,

he's bad in this. And it's like, you could get a real actor. Even, you know, dude, this is the love guru we're talking about. Man, you can't use this as a barometer for anything. Okay, replace him. Let's say it's like Liam Neeson or something. And we're talking about his fucking giant

horse cock, this entire movie. Like, he could fucking play hockey with it. Like, it's a stick. I know why they didn't make that joke. Or I'm even thinking like, like, Sasha Barrenco. Not getting mad. Like, I'm kind of laughing at what that character could be, sort of. Maybe more physicality.

But he was doing at this, I think almost the same year with Talladega Nights. Yeah. And he did the same exact thing. Right. It's a much better movie. Right. And you see him doing like the Frenchman in that movie way better than Justin Timberlakes doing the Quebec in this movie.

The fucking Canadian jokes in this. It's terrible. I know Mike Myers is Canadian, but this is shame. That's why I don't get that. What the fuck does he? Justin Timberlake's got that one joke about a fucking Quebec pizza and it's ketchup on a Pop-Tart.

Well, that's the one true thing about Canada. I've had pizza in Canada. It's like most shitty pizza in America. Yeah, it's, I just think that there could be, like, or even get, you know what, dude, do Myers v. Myers again. You know what? Now he's doing fucking. Oh, yeah.

Get him doing two characters. And give him, dude, give him like sky blue, like robot contact lenses, make them look really fucking creepy. Yes. It's all blonde now. Now you're reminding me that Gold Member's adversary

was someone with it also with a weird dick. Yes. It's all this weird dicks. You know, in the, in the, in the, what would you call it? The 20 aught, the, the last.

You say the aughts. 2000 and late? 2000 and late, yeah. We love dicks. We did. We did. We did. Dicks reign supreme.

Yeah, dick jokes have really fucking. evaporated. Well, no, they haven't evaporated, but there was some shrinkage. Have you listened to this show? Well, we're outliners. We're the bad boys. But we were coming out of the gross out humor boom. Yeah. We were coming. So, and like, I think he thought because Goldmember did so well, I think that was 2006. Yeah, something like that. And that was gross out. He's like, well, that did well, it wasn't, it couldn't just be because it's a franchise and people just came out for it. This is pretty gross out. That elephant shit is just like flung. That's pretty terrible.

The piss mop is bad. Ben Kingsley pisses into a bucket and then puts a mop and then another mop and then they got a fucking piss fight with mops. Yeah. And someone's getting paid a million dollars for something with fucking piss mops. Ridiculty in. Hey, Pitney, help me out here.

Oh, God. Oh, God, damn it. I got fucking piss all over my face. You put fucking piss in the mop. My cat. All right. who smokes two packs a guy. Listen, Pitca.

Listen, Pitca. We need to win this fucking Stanley Cup, all right? We don't need the oil. Oh, shit. Thank you, because the fake coach of the Toronto Maple Leafs is the late Vern Troier. But man, imagine Nick Nalti is that coach. Oh, yeah. You are elevating this trash material.

This is why we need a real actor like a Nick Nolte or something. because the comedy would come from playing off him as being super straight. Like half this movie is fucking miracle with Kurt Russell. And then half of it is the love guru. And that's where you can find some funny. Who would want to touch this? Yeah. I mean, Nick Nolte would do it.

I'm sorry to tell you. 2008 Nick Nolte, he's going to do it. He's going to do it. He played a fucking gorilla the next year in that fucking zookeeper move. Yeah. Yeah, Kevin. I'm a fucking gorilla. All right, Kevin James.

You want to fuck Rosaria Dawson? Listen to a fucking gorilla now! That is three days in a booth with some tea. This is showing up and like having to shit in front of Mike Myers or something. It's like, hey, Nick Nelty, you get to wear a cool hat. Burton Troy is wearing a cool hat. Well, you have to be belittled by Mike Myers for most of this. I got up with your shit, Myers!

I'll kill them. If you did that, you'd have to like craft a character about a way to make jokes about Nick Nulte's characters as opposed to just literally the fact that Vern Troir is a little person and we're just doing all those jokes because you weren't tired of it after two and a half Austin Powers movies.

It's outrageous. Maybe he's not the first one, right? He comes into the second one. I'm sorry. Where'd you get the half from? I just made it up. I thought I missed a casting announcement. One of these jokes, by the ways, oh, I didn't catch you, Nome.

that was actually the best one I wrote down circled the best one dude at one point he just looks at him square in the eye and calls him a midget he's just because you are a midget he's eating shrimp and then just stares at him and says shrimp yeah it's I mean look and that's the joke

and that's supposed to be funny you know what that is isn't that that's the fucking the mole joke with Fred Savage right 100% with guacamole. See Michael Meyer was just like, people love me, people love my movies, I can just

do those jokes again. That's my act. It's everywhere. Fucking speedy from Wayne's World fucking hanging out for no reason. Did you guys catch the Wayne's World reference in this too? Oh yes. Oh, how dare

you. That was fucking crazy. And he looks so it's like him and Rowan and Malco are in the car. They're fighting over radio stations, which you know that's fucking funny. And then he It's a preset and it's Bohemian Rhapsody. And Mike Myers looks at the camera and I looked back at him. And I was like, don't make me think about that movie right now.

How dare you make me think about that movie right now? I know. I can't believe it won, Golden Globe. Is he in that fucking movie just because of fucking Wayne's world? He probably is. It's a little nod. Also, that movie, speaking of Mike Myers, he was at the Golden Globes last Sunday. He introduced that movie or those weird.

And looking at a fucking, you can see like a. snipers like little red dot Brahimi and Rhapsody is a movie that happened and it was very good and Rami Rami Malik is really funny and oh my god please just getting back to my daughter did you did you notice the weird

Chelsea pointed this out he was wearing some like Canadian Medal of Freedom did you see that fucking thing? Oh my god dude it was like the end of Star Wars he's wearing some metal yeah I think he's a Canadian Knight Oh okay is that do they have that I had something like that well they're not under the queen's thumb

anymore. I mean, like, you're like a super mounty. Like there are certain people if you become rich enough and famous enough, you become a super mount. Hey, there, we're going to inject you with this super serum that's maple syrup and you're going to be a super soldier like that Steve V. Rogers there.

You also get a sword. Wasn't that the plot of Super Troopers? You got to recharge there with some Tim Hortons. Super Troopers 2 is, that would have been one of the worst movies of the year on this show. It was one of the worst movies of the year. Horrible. because it's all Canadian jokes as well.

And all we were doing... Is it 1999? It feels like it. In their minds. I cannot believe how bad that movie is. Here's a Andrew Droopin Pro Tip how to spot a time traveler. Gotcha.

You see anybody walking around this day and age in 2019 with that fucking Canada A t-shirt? Oh, what? That person's from 1999. I don't even know what you're talking. There was a... Listen, Kevin, 20 years ago, it was the funniest fucking t-shirt of all time.

because in America we just loved making Canadian jokes and nobody really knew why probably from South Park starting in 97 but like we were obsessed with Canada shit and there was a T-shirt that was just like Canada A and like a picture of the Canadian flag underneath it and you would just see fucking fat dudes walking out of arcades with that shirt on I don't know it couldn't have been that big of a rage I don't remember I like the man the legend t-shirt

now that has staying power in this fucking movie It is. It's actually in this movie. It's in the movie. You know, a t-shirt joke, that's in the movie. I got a list of some sharp t-shirt jokes I'd like to include in the screenplay. So Jessica Alba, who's sort of in this movie. By the way, the product placement in this movie is, we're celeb crazy, we are fucking money crazy.

Of course. IBM PlayStation. Because it's like, oh, it's an arena. Like, yeah, I know it's an arena, but come on. It's like IBM, PlayStation. How about the fact that the NHL allowed their teams to be... That's what I was saying.

And someone pointed out that apparently the NHL's desperate enough that they will license almost anything. And then he pointed me to some weird like NHL like special run Marvel project that happened. I mean, but that's a,

that's the weird thing about this movie. It's like, it pretends like any... Like, when is the last time you saw an NHL player on the cover of People magazine? Yeah. Wayne Gretzky? Yeah, yeah. The great one, I'm sure. some point was on it that's about it or every once in a while one of them will marry like a

Hollywood actress sure and that's and that's something but yeah not just like that per like you know henric lungwist is kind of like a big enough in new york figure like a goalie for the new york rangers but like yeah he's not on people magazine he's one of the most handsome men of all time he's not on people magazine and they're not suggesting that megan good is something big either right no she's just his wife yeah like romany malco's wife roman roman But she's not like a pop star or anything. No, but that would have been something to make her a character. Yeah, that would be something.

Like, everyone loved them because they were, like, so devoted to each other. Uh-huh. And then he decided to, like, cheat on her with a bunch of models. And then she decided to leave him and start dating. Jacques Lecoq. The cock. Jacques Lecoq. Jacques Lecoq.

Yeah, and he is, but he's also described as the Tiger Woods of Hockey. So apparently, like, this is an alternate. universe wherein because he's like a really famous black hockey player that he would break through in such a way right as opposed to who pk zuban pk zuban who did win the stanley cup right he did win i don't know where pk is playing these days but i mean like he he was a big so but not you know like it's not this no it's not this at all um also though do you see um who's playing uh the mother Oh, yeah. Telma Hopkins, is that her name?

She was Aunt Rachel on step-by-step? Not on Step-B-Sept, but... Family Matters, yes, of course. That's right. She was one of those characters that kind of kept getting written out like when Erkel needed a little more time. It's like, goodbye, Aunt Rachel.

She's got to go on the road for a job or something. I just feel like you go to the Family Matter set in the mid-90s, and then Jaliel White is sitting in your chair, and it's like, did I do that? It's like, shit, was I fired? yeah you were I did that

and then he lights a hundred dollar bill on fire oh that's right I'm gonna eat your paycheck that's right you can go find it in the bathroom later hey look that son of a bitch because they lived under

he must have been a terror on that set he just ate everyone's seeds that guy was like yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yeah family comedy about real values and it was about a nerd that build spaceships and fucking robots. Well, you know what's weird, though?

Yeah, it's, I watched the pilot of that. Sure. And the end of that, the episode of Family Matters, ends with them around a piano singing he's got the whole world in his hands. Sure. And they're, like, talking about, like, the love of God. And I was like, I remember this show as a nerd who built a robot that looked like here. I was blown away by the pilot of Family Matters.

Like, every week they would come in. in and like he would just be sitting in their chair the mother she's like wait i'm the mother in this show and he's like sorry i don't believe pk zuban has won a stanley cup he currently still plays for the nashville predators yeah and he went he went to the stanley cup in last year yeah okay that's right in any event so that they're you know that's the thing is like so he's trying to bring them back together he's got this uh did we mention the deal that jessica alba oh no please yes oh right it's like go ahead chris uh it's uh it's uh $2 million.

Yeah, dude, and I thought for a quick sec he was going to look at that camera again and be like, remember my better movie days. And that's a musical editor that I'd like. An appearance on Oprah. Right. Dude, anyone catch the deep fake they do on Oprah in this movie? It is some not-so-smart editing trickery.

Because she just would have nothing in a movie chock full of celebrity appearances. She wanted nothing to do at this point. Of course not. Why? No, she has no reason to do this. But did you catch in the credits? Right before all of the

like Bollywood dancers getting credited, there's a woman credited as the Oprah impersonator. Oh, really? Because it's like Guru Pitca is having a fantasy about being on Oprah and they cut to, it looks like bad Nokia video cell phone footage of Oprah. And then it's just a dub of like, Please welcome Guru Pitca.

And he, like, comes out, but, like, never are they on screen at the same time? It's this, it looks like a gif of Oprah, actually. I think there might be, like, from a behind, like, the head. There's a stand-in. There's just someone pretending to be Oprah. Oh, sure, well, you think it was Gail? Oh, shit, yeah. She's like, Gail, go pretend you're me in this Mike Myers movie.

She wouldn't do that to Gail. Wouldn't she? That's cold. To do that, DeGale, that's fucking cold. What about Stedman? You think Stedman was involved? Stedman was like, oh, man, give me that tape. I want an Oprah that I could tell what's what to.

Stedman actually had to approve the voice actor. Oh, I see. They had him turn around, and then a bunch of different women said things like Oprah, and he was like, number three, and that woman got cast. Can I hear number four again? Give me the fucking keys, you cock-socking motherfucker. Was that Benicio del Toro auditioning for Oprah? And now Benicio del Toro for Oprah?

You will get a Kia. Look under your seat. You will also get a Kia. And you get a Kia. And you get a Kia. And you get a motherfucker Kea. Hey, man, I'm back. Hello?

Every day is a little, I get a little further from, loving that movie. And it's hard. It's hard to love that movie. I was thinking the other day, because I, on my end of year vacation, I was going through that Mission Impossible box set when I got to those McQuary movies. Sure. I remember

I met Chris McQuarrie one time when the first Jack Reacher movie came out. He directed that. I think that was the first time he worked with Tom Cruise. Yeah. Sounds right. And I was like, you know, oh. Did he tell you had to fix your TV? I appreciate that.

the best video of 2018. No, I was like, oh, you know, it's really nice to meet you. I had seen Jack Reacher. I was like, I really like this movie. I'm also a big usual suspects fan, to which Chris McQuarrie was like, that's okay. Wow. Yeah, dude, he was like, yeah, it's a bad script. Just like right to my face.

It was pretty cool. And I, and so when I was watching these movies, I was just like, I kind of don't care about the usual suspects anymore. I mean, you're just an expose on. Stephen Baldwin or Kevin Bolling away from that thing being unwatchable, period. Like, just no more arguing.

It's got two strikes against it, three year out. Susie Amos is smuggling out of old or something. Oh, man. I'm believing the best in Gabriel Byrne. I'm hoping nothing comes from him. Dude, it's Gabriel Byrne and Beniziel

del Toro and they're in the middle of a field and he's like, come on, we got to get this whale back and it's that Simpson's guy with the mo or the pandas dubious shit, sorry he also has to shoot John Tatura while he's doing it got to find me hat

yes anyway yeah holy shit when the love guru and this guy they get together and one of the first times he sees him he's wearing a shark skin suit oh yes please and the guru Pitca says more like gay

gay skin suits yes You're, oh, yeah, you're right. What is that? He says, what's wrong with shark skin? To which the Guru Pitca replies more like gay skin. And his, and the funny, not the funny thing, the thing is, in one of many times, all of these people who are standing around, who are paid extras, who are playing Romani, Malco's.

Like his entourage. Yeah. Are just laughing at this joke. Like, it's funny. And I'm like, what is the joke? What is even the joke? So much of this movie is watching people laugh. at the Guru Pitca's antics.

Yeah, you're right. It's just not funny. There is a moment. But that's a seventh grade joke, by the way. That's a joke that a seventh grader would write. Of course. And just like, that's a joke that you would tell in seventh grade. There is a moment towards the end of the film where the Guru Pitca makes some comment in front of Thelma Hopkins character.

Yeah. Did you, I'm pretty confident in this. I don't know if you guys notice it. They cut to Thelma Hopkins. And I think it's just a shot of the actor. breaking and laughing at Mike Myers and they just left it in like this will make him feel good this will boost Mike's ego even more or maybe Mike Myers demanded that that stay in or maybe demanded that she laughed like that's the last one is the right one speaking of fucking

sniper rifles to your head laugh at me look at me and laugh well that's the the posse thing is so incredible is I'm just like yeah they're all going to fucking get rid of their jobs essentially because he's so funny. Hearing the word gay is so funny. They're like, we'll risk our jobs. That's good. This is after. So the first attempt at reconciliation is

Guru Pitca's like, all right, look, I'll take an apology letter that you write to your wife, Prudence. She happens to be now living with Jacques Lecoq Grande. I'm going to break into his mansion and give her this letter or whatever. There is this whole scene where Mike, Myers is fighting a guard cock.

That is the last, one of the last gasps of the something about Mary, you fight the dog puppet. Oh, yes, you're totally right. And that's something you needed to do in every comment. And that is to the year, a decade after that movie came out. Sure. No, before that even, Father of the Bride, the dogs outside in the back, he watched that do the whole thing. Objection counselor, they're not puppets. Those are real dogs.

The thing is, it's got to be, you got to be rash. He's like, he's fighting this, like, fucking rooster stuffed animal. And he's all, like, bloody and shit. He kills this thing. Cockfight. Saving Silverman has a joke like that. I think Steve Zahn's fighting a raccoon. Oh, it's, yeah, you're right.

It is a raccoon. Well, I mean, it's, I mean, Warren Oates is down on his luck after this. Wow, nice white dog reference. Or a cockfighter. Oh, Cockfighter, rather. Cockfighter is a great film. Is Warren Outs and White Dog, too? Or what's the, what's the, um, what, I don't think so.

What is the peck and paul movie about the racist dog? It is white dog. He's not in that, though? That's not in cockfighter. Or say, oh, Fuller, you're right, you're right. Get my Sam's mixed up. There is, I had, okay, so I had a hip kind of laugh, and then I had a legitimate laugh. Uh-oh.

The hip came right here where he delivers this letter or whatever, and then he's like, all right, I got to go. One of the maneuvers he has is he has like a Batman, like ninja fucking smoke bomb. that he uses to get out of situations and so he does that and then when the smoke clears his the elephant that he rides around everywhere is outside

and the assistant is piloting it you see Mike Myers jump up on this elephant and for nothing it's a bad ADR it's a far shot so you can't even see Mike Myers' mouth move but you hear him go beat it I gotta take a dump wow all right

and I kind of just went all right you know what Eat and ain't cheating and beat it I gotta take a dump we could see where the laughter comes from. My chortle is coming up later. That's at the NHL finals. Don't even worry about it. The inevitable ashes of

existence. That's the real joke. I love that, Joe. I just love this notion also of like our star player is distracted and he's terrible. The team is terrible. You're in the Stanley Cup finals. You're right now one of the two best hockey teams of the season. Yeah, but that's

Jessica Alba's whole thing. It's like, oh man, our family the family is, we have a one of of the Stanley Cup in 30 years or whatever the number is. Right. Since they bought the team or whatever, it's on a losing street. Everyone in Canada, everyone in Toronto hates me. But to Andrew's point, yeah, like, getting to

the Stanley Cup, it's a big, big fucking deal. There's a lot of fucking hockey teams in both conferences. It's a, it's a fucking major league plot. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make her an adversary. Make her a character. She's like, oh, I guess,

I'm attracted to Mike Myers. I got hit in the head by a fucking horse today. I've attracted to Mike Myers as this guru. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, it's Jessica Alba. She's independently a billionaire in real life, by the way.

You cannot forget that. With this caked on shit. Mike Myers. No, not, but like the smell. Oh, but like the smell. Oh, from the chastity belt. And the ball smell, by the way, would be a big part.

Probably B-O because he's probably using all of that, like, organic deodorant. Still. From down under, it's vinegar city. And I don't want. It, like, stings your nose to smell. Anyway, you were saying she's a billionaire. Oh, in real life, Jessica Alba has, I don't know if it's like a cosmetics company or some sort of wellness thing. No, that's the other one.

Oh, right. Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah. Do you think Gwyneth sells Jessica's goop? she might sell Jessica's scoop. That'd be a good like indie movie title when it sells Jessica's Goop. I like that idea. Jessica's Goop.

Jessica's Goop. Yeah, dude. No, yes. I mean, Jessica Alba is a very successful businesswoman in real life and doesn't have to act. She's not a fantastic actress, but she's a likable presence, I think. She, I think, is kind of doing one of the best jobs in this movie. Yes. She's trying to be a straight person, like a straight man, kind of like, what's

going on here kind of a thing? But then, like, Every other scene, she's going to look, man, I want to suck that guy's dick for some reason. It's like, wait, what? That makes no sense. Like, how are you thinking about that and getting past the smegma smell? Because she's so horny. She's not even, like, attracted to him or, like, in love of him. She's horny for him.

This disqualifies her as straight man. No one is a straight man in this movie, and that's the problem. Oh, it's just because she read his books. That's right. That's what did it. Oh, yeah. So all of a sudden, she's in love with him and ready to go down the aisle. I forgot about that.

Well, that's like Myers' thing is, like, one of the things that I read, today was like, oh, it's about this movie has a lot of good ideas in it. And like, you know, it's kind of car, you know, what do you call it there? Carriage in comedy. So like, but the audience is still getting like, you know, like the idea of like the only way out is to look within

and like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, you know, believe in yourself and all that stuff is like, yeah, but that's like putting like a pill and shit. Like, you know what I mean? Like, no one wants to touch it. And we, it doesn't come across because I'm too distracted. I'm busy picking peanuts out of shit. But also like the whole point of the movie is

that he is a huckster, and that that's a good thing. Like, yes. It's not like it comes to a point where, like, he actually gives somebody real joy or somebody benefits from what he does, really. No, Kevin, he uses his little drama system, his little, uh, little, uh, what is it there? Acronym. Yeah. He successfully uses his method that he pedals.

He's not, that's the thing. He's not a huckster in this movie. If he was a huckster, it's a better movie. But to Cabin's point, the materialism is a problem for me. It's like, is it bad that he wants all this money? He's getting paid $2 million. Like, you know, there's all. And he's like, he's a Jillian.

He's like, oh, show, dude. Yeah. Speaking of the Rajneeshis, you know. Oh, man, I wish fucking Sheila would take him out, dude. They should have had a Sheila character. That would have been great. Get the lady from those Austin Powers movies. Oh, she should do a great shoot.

She would. Whoever that is. Oh, my God. At one point, we have a meeting. at Vern Troyer's office. Dude, what are we doing with this fucking... Being John Malkovich, that's what we're doing. It's like a fucking small, half a floor,

but all the furniture is small because that's a... There is a great Tribune Trivia thing about this. Did you see that? I do. Vern Trayor, rest of soul, took a lot of these tiny props

back to his house and used them IRL. Okay. Yeah. He did. No, I know. That's something. It's on the Tribune. I'm just saying. I'm not making fun of it.

I'm just saying it's a thing that they said. IMDB never lies. Dude, it's like the National Inquirer of the internet. He was also a bad boy, by the way. By the way, I'm about to double my money right now. Vern Troier died in April of 2018. I'm going to put $100 to anyone in this room wants to match it. He is getting Farina this year at the Oscars.

There is no way. He is making the montage. 100, 100 big ones. I don't know. A hundred big ones. Mini-Me is showing up. Conversely, here's the thing. Conversely, he makes it, and it's the single, most embarrassing film clip of Vern Troyer they can find.

And I think it might be, this is a perfect time for me to introduce where I fucking laughed heartily is they're trying to do, like, it's the Stanley Cup finals and we have to buy some time. Oh, sure. And Vern Troier, like, fakes a heart attack. And, like, the referee, like, stops the game and, like, the medic comes out, and they do, like, a little paddle zap on him. Yes. And he shoots off the bench. Yes. And they cut to a puppet being thrown through the goal.

And if you have terrible puppet work in your movie, I will, if it is just clearly you're throwing a dummy somewhere, married with children, utilized it quite a bit. I will always laugh at bad dummies, dude. and you just see this little dummy dressed up like Vren Troyer get thrown into a hockey goal and I started fucking laughing my ass off. Nothing to do with the writing or acting of this movie was purely craft work and stunt work. Oh, craft. Welcome back to Sprockets.

This is Dieter. Oh, no, don't say that. Myrles will get sued again. There was some lawsuit with that? Yeah, he was, he pulled out because he didn't like the script because he's such a controlling maniac. He pulled out of the whole movie like 11th hour and then blah, blah, blah.

I mean, Dieter would have worked as better. It would have been a better movie. It's a movie. It's a movie. And also, like, a white guy doing German jokes, sure. You know what I mean? Like, it's tired and whatever, but it's sure. It's a thing.

White guy doing Indian jokes, not in a million years. Anyone taking my friend Troyer butt before we leave the station? Anyone doing it? Doing the bet? Yeah, do the bet, man. That's a lot. It's a morbid bet. A lot of clams.

All right. We'll leave it alone. Let me think on it. I might do $50. 50. Let's do 50. Well, now I'm not going to do 50 both ways. All right, yeah, I'll do 50 both ways. I'll do 50 that he is included.

He's included? All right. 50 bucks. Yeah, no, I think he's in it. All right. Yep, for $50. I think he's in it too. Well, all right.

So now I'm going one against three. I'm like, Gavin. I know, you know what? I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Oh. This is going to be forever on the internet, by the way. It's going to be able to weasel out of this.

So wait, so does he have to pay each of us 50 bucks? That's why he's free. out. Okay. Yeah, I'm a little upset about it. Well, you don't know. Here you go, I'll do $50 split by three. You're so, no, no, no, you're paying each of us.

No, no, no, no. You were so fucking confident that you should just be happy that we're all going to give you $50. See, we're just three suckers. You stopped our 400th episode to make this bed. All right. That's pretty fucking confident. You were so confident we had to talk you down to 50. It's true.

Okay. I will also be fine. Do you want to do a hundred to do a hundred and no, no, no, no, no, I don't do a hundred to $60 three ways. That's fair. $20 bucks. 20 bucks a pop. That's manageable. That's manageable. That's manageable. It's manageable. It's manageable. It's manageable. All right. It's a gentleman's wager. We'll find out an Oscar. See you gentlemen at the Oscar. You are just going to see a clip with his poor dead little man with his fucking ass up, his head up somebody's ass or running around naked or being mistaken for a baby or like whatever happened to him in his career.

I got nervous that a $50 bet. I was going to have to add an extra Patreon level. Yeah, the next tier is Steve's gambling addiction. Slash we hate movies. Morbid bets.org. Patreon. Patreon.com slash morbid bets. Now someone's going to take that. You're going to be the only person in the world who screams.

Oh, come on when Fern Troyer is included in the memorial. Guys, I want to bring us back to the film. Please do. talk about a serious moment that is no laughing matter most of this movie is no it's the ballgazer oh man

so they're at a bar and a bar fight eventually breaks out after they're fucking around with each other and they do he does a hand by his crotch yeah

NHL player yeah and again that's a seventh grade joke that's something people didn't in my school in seventh grade looks at it and he says ball gazer and punches it and this sets off a this is a domino it goes into motion to the point where everyone in the bar starts fighting yes you catch these two oh yeah i sure did dudes that come up there it's a rob huble and daniel tosh point oh and and poor rob eubel has to play like second fiddle to to daniel tash is he playing second fiddle to daniel tash is he playing second

at all? I think so. He's kind of like, yeah, let's get him. Daniel Tosh. Tash is the one who's like really instigating the fight. And by the way, to this day, thankfully, Daniel Tash's only film credit. That's a tragic. One and done. Love Guru. That's so good.

Well, he's got plenty of TV ones where he introduces YouTube clips. That's still happening? That's got, I have no idea. 60 bucks. Steve's like shaking. I'm on a roll. A Tosh Point O is still on the, From 2009 to 2018, I'm sorry, it ended last year.

He did 270 episodes of YouTube. Wow, that is a lot of talking about YouTube. I'm really happy we didn't take that bad time. Because I don't want to get involved in owning Sadaki. There is a stupid thing. This was also a bad, so why they're at that bar is because Mike Myers is like, you have to confirm. front your mother. So they drive to Buffalo. Yes.

And she is like a, she's like a preacher or a singer and a choir at Baptist Church or whatever. And she's this very domineering mother character or whatever. And it goes poorly. They leave and they're at this bar. Do you notice how they just end this scene of like Mike Myers and Romney Malcolm get thrown out the window? And then Rob Heuble and Daniel Tosh get thrown out the window. And like Rob Hewbel has got glass in his head. Mike Myers has like a broom or a pool cue up his ass. they're all just like laughing about it and it just it takes a commercial break it just fades to black with these four guys laughing and like that's the end of that scene those characters never come back I think the idea is you would be laughing so hard you wouldn't notice such a hard edit like your eyes

would be closed like you're blacking out right now from your laughter your laughter is filling your I was just delirious dude you're just going to come to consciousness again in the next scene yeah it's another one of those deflated jokes where they're just like oh yeah you would be laughing who cares the next scene by the way is them some horrendous niagara falls green screen where they have like a little bit of a bonding moment that means nothing because it cuts to an elephant taking a shit or whatever so the sort of the ending of this movie such as it is right is uh oh oh please i just i was just looking at one of the things i wanted to cover on my notes because it i think kind of wraps up this movie is it a bet it's even sweating

No, when he invites Jessica Alba to dinner at his fucking compound. And this dude, his little assistant or whatever, is making the dish nuts in a sling. I will say actually, the dude playing Rajneesh is doing a really fun job. He's got a really fun handle on this character. He's doing his best being in the love guru. He's doing his best being a love of guru, exactly. But it's just this weird thing where Mike Myers is like, all right, this dinner we're gonna have, Rajneesh is making

nuts in a sling. And it's like, what is it even? It's like two falafels and a thing of dough. They have two leashes in a oh, okay. Like a dessert. But also that's after three minutes of them covering more than words together. Oh, that's the other musical number. You're right. And

to contextualize this for people, though, that this thing they're cooking looks like a nut sack. Yes. The joke. Yeah. And he's doing a thing where he's like, do you want your, you know, your nuts pounded or whatever. He's like of course and the dude's taking like a meat tenderizer to this dough. I think both of the joke is two things. One, it'll say a nut sack. Two, isn't Indian food

weird? Oh my God. What do they eat over there? You know what's fucking delicious Indian food? But they're doing a thing where like Mike Myers is like reacting to what's happening to it. So like when this dude pounds it, he's like, oh, oh. And then like he deprives it and then he's like screaming. And Jessica Alba's like, yeah, I want to fuck this guy. and don't like they drag it over somebody's face like oh nuts on your face probably but then he puts this thing on a plate and then he's like and don't forget your pickle and just lazily throws a pickle on this plate because you did like and then one guy all the way in the back of the audience oh it's a dick you get it yet this guy's like what is this scene going on for a really really long time oh it's a dick

God, it's just like going for the laziest jokes and then over-explaining them. Exactly. Ad nauseum. But so, yes, we're in the Stanley Cup finals. Romani Malco has been suspended for two games. So he plays game one, gets kicked out. Suspended for game two, suspended for game three. So the kings are up three nothing on the Leafs in the series.

Sure. And there's an after-party scene leading into the end of the movie. Speaking of fake Oprah, we got another fake. Oh, yes, that's right. Another deep fake. Because we're in like an L.A. King's after party for game three. Yeah. And Mike Myers is like, how can I distract Justin Timberlake's character so I can talk to Prudence privately?

And he's like, oh, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, Canadian sensation, Celine Dion, the camera is a football field length away. And some woman in a wig walks out. Couldn't even call in the favor. How are you not able to call in that favor? I think it said no. Why did she owe him a favor? I think the favor was called in, and he said, no.

She just said no. That's fair. But like, why? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What did, wait a second? What did Mike Myers do for Celine Dion that she owes him a favor? Both Canadian. I don't know.

They know each other. Oh, I see. A moose hit her car and he got it, he got it fixed. But like, it's, and we're still doing the Celine Dion joke, like a decade after it. Yep. And it's tired, what he should have. done was you build up like it's going to be Celine Dion, but then Alex Trebek

walks out. Oh, shit. Right? Yeah. That's what you do. I go more ape shit for Alex Trebek. He would do it too. Oh, you could show up. You get Alan Thick, too, man. Alan Thick would be in your movie, by the way. Well, he would have. Oh, yeah. He died when did he die? He's been dead for like two

or three years. He died of a massive heart attack. Don't worry. He'll still do your movie. They got him on ice somewhere. Alan Thick hologram. One of the lesser known celebrity holograms. No, he actually, he had that heart attack and then he went into a robot. Oh, yeah.

Then he went into a robot. That's that movie. Yes, he's like, my dad's a robot or something. Bicentennial, man. Looking up on IMD, man, it's there. He's driving a car. This is a new movie? No.

He's driving a car in like the late 80s or the early 90s. He swerves from hitting like a raccoon or a dog or something. He dies in a car accident and he somehow gets transported into a robot. And that's a movie that they made. This comes out next year.

It's like the lovematic grandpa. Not quite human. That's thank you. Really? But I think it's a kid that's dead. Oh, it's a kid that's dead. Alan Tick is definitely dead in that movie. If they're both dead, it's hilarious.

In any event. Maybe he plays a kid. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm like six years old. Now I'm Mike Siever. Google Gagga. Backward baseball cap.

We know what's going on. Hang 10. There is... So, Mike Myers has this... The Grua Pitca has this whole system. It's like, DR AMA. We have to go to the whole system no matter what. And Romani Amalka will not, like, whatever, do one of the steps.

So, and like, the movie's coming to an end. what you call it? John Oliver doing his best. Just skip to step. We'll just do it. We'll do it shortcut. He does it. And it works for a little while. But this is sort of like what the movie's kind of, I guess, about. Did we hit the John Oliver's name is Dick Pants? Oh, I forgot. I missed that. I just didn't even care. Like literally, like, every time they started talking, I'm like, I don't care. I just think because that's, I bet you Mike Meyer still calls him that to do this day. Oh, probably, right? I guarantee you they have. haven't spoken. He's like, hey, John, think I could come on last week tonight? He's been on last week tonight a couple times. Yes, at least two or three. What? As that fucking gong show?

Oh, Jesus. That's another he looks like a robot. Yeah, he's all dressed up. He did something on like the Canadian elections or something. Oh, that's fun. Oh, actually, I do remember that. Yeah. No, straight in from the Tribune, you did not select the right movie.

Oh, I'm sorry. So maybe he's in some. You have selected, Agent Zero. It's a film from 19. called, and you thought your parents were weird. Okay. And plot line, two inventor brothers create a working robot that is also inhabited by the spirit of their dead father. Oh.

Played by Alan Thick. Possible stay tuned. Alternate title for that movie, and you thought your parents were dead. Bravo. So whatever. The whole thing is like he can't play hockey in front of his mother. The mother, Justin Timberlake hires the mother somehow to sing the national anthem at the game seven. Yeah. Okay. And now so all that progress comes crashing down. Right. And what did you call it? Mike Myers is on his way to go to do the Oprah show, but luckily he doesn't have to because Oprah doesn't exist in this world.

Classic airport Cineabund freak out, by the way. Dude, the fucking Cineabon in this movie. Holy mackerel. There's even a thing. So he and like John Oliver get in this screaming match because John Oliver is like, no, like let's just go to Chicago. This is our goal. We've been working to be on Oprah. And he's like, no, I feel terrible. I have to go back and I have to, you know, set right what ones went wrong. Yeah. And he runs, Mike Myers runs away. And then he comes back because he forgot his delicious Cinnabon. Yeah.

Dude, he like holds it up like a waiter and like smiles at it. Because he just listened to Jim Gaffigan's bit. Deleted scene possibly or just like kind of uncredited, but at least according to the Tribune, playing one of the Cinnabon workers. Samantha B. Wow. Yeah. All these future

stars of late night. This movie's also got it's got a little bit of a chub for the Daily Show circa 2007. I think that's what we're doing. You got Colbert

Oliver, Samantha B. Now how the fuck do you not cast Rob Riggle in anything? That's true. He was around then, wasn't it? You could have been on the team.

I mean, don't worry. He's been in everything else. I just see Rob Riggle a lot in commercials where he's talking about football on Fox. And any big box comedy

like he's like the third tier down. Right. I love Rob Wrigal. He's the guy that comes over for dinner and he's like, what's that guy's problem? I'll watch the rest of the movie. And you know what?

I want to see a movie where someone looks at Rob Riggle and goes, what's that guy's problem? Because what are we doing? Like, why couldn't Rob Riggle be in game night? Sure, why not? Well, he's supposed, no, because like after Hangover, his bit in Hangover, I think they were putting him in all those movies. Yeah.

I totally forgot he was even in the movie. I totally forgot that too. I've forgotten the hangover entirely. Yeah, me too. That's what made Bradley Cooper a star. It was. Totally. That was a stone cut.

Oh, no, Steve Cooper. So anyway, he goes back to game seven and it's like, boy, oh, boy, we need to buy some time because Romney Malco won't come out of the locker room. Sure. Guru Picca, because you, could you possibly think of something to cause a distraction at game seven of the Stanley Cup final? This is set up actually earlier in the film. Is that right? One of the things Ben Kingsley tells him is about. the power of distraction.

If Albert Einstein and so and somebody else were talking about the meaning of life, if they saw two elephants fucking, they would have been distracted. So it goes back. It's really, really smart. This is some smart screenwriting. And the name, Bodhisofta,

doesn't that mean supreme being in the... Could not tell you. I think so. What are you even talking about? I think the name of the elephant. Oh, I don't know. I think so. I was just calling it stampy. I knew you were going to say that. That's 400 episodes for you.

I'm just saying there are ways this movie's being offensive that we might not even know about. Oh, Cabin, it is a fucking offensive onion like you wouldn't believe. You're so funny about the 400 episode thing and the stampy line is this episode actually, we just edited this together from all the other episodes. This has been a clip show. Yeah, no idea. Editing together. It's not.

it's the most it's the most intricately edited podcast in the history of the media this is just all we're just saying things from other episodes yeah that's that's why you heard erico through puberty throughout the episode i got the belt taken off we were able to highlight years ago steve's gambling addiction that he's since kicked yeah we're covering everything that's for real suckos that i'm looking at 60 big ones come april oh man uh so yeah the distraction is, let's get these two elephants on the ice and they're just going to start fucking? Sure. What? And this is what's great because, wow, what a black guy for the NHL. Yeah. Like, the NHL just allows all of this to happen? Well, I mean, here's the thing. They do win, they wind up winning the cup, right? In a fucking illegal way, by the way. Well, that's, what a black guy for the Toronto Maple Leafs. This, this would be a totally fucking

they would rip the banner off from the rap. It's an asterisk. at the very least. You would be talking, everyone would be talking about the elephant's fucking and not the win. Right, yeah, yeah, that's what is in

like the Toronto Star Tribune. It would be called the elephant fuck game. Oh, the elephant fuck game? Oh, I saw that. Tonight on ESPN Classic, the elephant fuck game. I'm Al Michaels. Well,

Jessica Alba might see a whole new market here. She can just have donkey shows on ice. Oh, boy. Chris's zoo cabin, by the way. We have to mention it 400 episodes. You know, Al, this reminds me of them two elephants fucking in that hockey game a couple months ago. Let's cut to the tape now. There it is.

Oh, and that was, of course, he eventually went on to become the president of the United States. Guru Pitka was riding the elephant, the male that was doing the thrusting. You know, I always heard that elephants liked nutting. I thought that was peanuts. But it turns out it's actually nutting and do another elephant. I haven't been this uncomfortable since I sat next to O.J. Simpson at a dinner. I'm Al Michaels. I asked him to pass a steak night.

Anyway. Haven't had a more awkward experience broadcasting sports since Dennis Miller was doing Monday night football. You know, Dennis, I don't know much about the ancient Roman, so I'm going to take a pass on that. Just going to take a moment here to thank our janitorial staff here. at the Maple Leafs. They are a brave bunch of fellas. I've met them. I've been to their holiday party.

They were just a great, great group of workers down there. Let me ask you this, Troy. Do you know how hard it is to clean elephant semen up off of ice? It's darn near impossible. It melts straight through. It's like the movie Alien.

Oh, my God. All right. So right prior to that was where we got Vern Troier doing the fake heart attack as a distraction. And then he gets pounded with the clamps that electrify him and throw him into the hockey goal. Classic dummy work. Which is the classic dummy work we were speaking of earlier, just letting people know where it fits into the puzzle of the film. Right.

And then Romani Malcolm, much like the end of the first Mighty Ducks film, wins the game with an illegal maneuver. Yes. because the Mighty Ducks do the like flying V and that's like you can't create a barrier like that against the rules. You also cannot pick the puck up off the ice and throw it to the other end of the rink and then skate after it which is what he fucking does.

Dude, NHL, how about this? If you want your league represented on film, how about at least having the common courtesy to play by the rules? I don't know what I'm more offended at. The elephant seaman or picking up the puck. I'm Al Michaels. you know what it's the puck

that is a disgrace to the game listen I've been watching hockey for 40 or 50 years and I've seen elephants fuck on the ice a couple of times but you pick up that puck and chuck it down rink buddy I don't know why our cameras

just cut to cut to that obese couple dude I that seems kind of tasteless I'm gonna be honest with you there now that is a horrible joke in this movie it's such a bad joke it's also like how dare you like it's actually the most tender moment it's like two people who are actually in love

like holding hands but they're reminded of why they're in love by watching two beasts fuck yeah it's I couldn't believe that shit it's like looking in a mirror for them this is the joke they're going for by the way also in the audience we get to see Mike Myers as himself

with Kanye West wait what I'm watching the fly again dude yes it cuts to it's it's it's Michael Myers in Michael Myers in a Toronto Maple Leaps Leaps

Toronto Toronto Maple Leaves Jersey And he's with Kanye West And they're celebrating the win Oh And apparently there's a longer take Where like Kanye is like

Going to say something And Mike Myers is doing like a Please don't say it Please don't say it Because George Bush doesn't care about black people Which was three years before this movie came out So you're just digging up that like what the fuck but remember i donald j trump care deeply about black people there's my black

and there's my black and oh i'm sorry there's my african-american can i get the tape of the elephant and while you're at it i want to try that piss mop thing yes he does don't we love stink mop folks don't we love or don't we like to play it with our friends and family You know, I was once in a triples match between the juice and Donald J. Trump. I don't know who was worse. They started drinking each other's urine. Oh, that's a very fine vintage. So they win the Stanley Cup.

Oh, so they win this Stanley Cup. They do win it. Don't they win it, everybody? I see why they call you the juice. Oh, my God. It's a little tangy. You were right, the 400th and final episode. I'm just going to go back to the clubhouse and get an Arnold Palmer.

I'm L. Michaels. I am retired. Maybe I'll call Madden, see if he's dead yet. So that's, they win. Like, he, we just then cut back. So I guess, by the way, the whole intro, it was like a framing device. Sure. Because we cut back to, I guess,

It's India. Yeah. And he's on this beach and he's doing the recorder, Morgan Freeman thing again. And he's like, well, that's our story, everybody. And I got the girl and it cuts to the fucking Steve Miller band number. Well, there is like a confrontation wherein Jessica Alba was like, I'm so attracted to you. And like, oh, well, I have this chastity about it. I was like, oh, I didn't understand.

I thought you were rejecting me. I thought I was being rejected by Mike Myers, who looks like this guy. character, and I, Jessica Alba, a billionaire in this movie, was very upset about that. Yeah, Pinocchio halfway between being turned into a real boy. Part puppet, part man. That's what a Muppet is. And he finds out, but man, he finds out that there was a latch on the back of the chest and he by Ben Kingsley, who's still alive somehow.

And this character is still alive. But then we get the last Bollywood number of Steve Miller's The Joker, which it's just such a fucking huge fart. They do it's not just like there's all the people dancing behind them and they're marching. You know, it's just like a Bollywood musical number. When they get to fucking Midnight Toker and everything's the whole, you got to hear it from the crowd, everybody yells Midnight Toker. Vern Troyer's got, he's like smoking weed out of a hookah. I just think that's part of like he thought that this movie would bring that song back. And like everyone was going to start singing that song.

That song never went anywhere, buddy. Exactly. It never fucking left. Which is good. I saw a Steve Miller band in concert. Wait, what? It was him and all the other dads. Yeah, it was, it was fine.

He was okay. It was all right. No, it was at a festival as part of a lineup. I saw Tom Petty right before he croaked. Gotcha. But, you know, petty. Pretty cool. Steve Miller.

That's a dad weekend right there. A lot of midnight token going on there, bro. You know what? Tom Petty also not the Oscar montage. So pay up. No, he's going to be in there for the postman where he's like, hey, man, I heard about you. And then Kevin Kosser's like, oh, you used to be a musician. I was a long time ago, man. Wait, we've already had an Academy Award since he died. No, I know, but I'm just saying, pay up anyway. Oh, fair enough. Well, to be fair, this episode's a little rough because as I see, set it is edited between a bunch of other previous episodes Eric is just

glitching it's funny that he hasn't seen Spiderverse yet because Spiderverse I have not seen and then boy the best part of the movie the closing credits and they couldn't come fast enough

there's only one blooper in there though it's kind of a funny Vern Troyer joke honestly he's having fun on the set like they're they can't it's like, hey, fix the camera. All I get to use people's asses. And it's Verde-Troyer's like, well, now you know how it feels

and it brings the house down. It's very funny. No, I mean, it's, and it's, it's a throwaway line by him. And it's not like a, it's, it's a real joke. That's why it works. It's not like set up as this joke ceremony

we get throughout this fucking movie. Yeah, this movie is all joke ceremony. That's exactly a great way to put it. And yeah, it's over with. Thank God. It's over with. It's over. You know that apparently he's making,

in a fourth Austin Powers movie? Really? I mean, I guess with the passing of Vern Troyer, I mean, how could you do it with that mini-me? We'll see, we'll find out, I guess. I mean, you just don't have them in there, and that's fine. It's also, you know what, Steve, it's also fine to just not have a fourth Austin Powers movie.

It is. Also, maybe leave Dr. Evil. Do a different bond villain. Dr. Steeval. Well, I think that's, that we'll definitely get to Gold Member eventually for sure. Yeah, that movie's got one funny joking it. Danny DeVito playing

mini-mee. Sure. He's grabbing his junk and saying he's mini-mean giving the finger. It's funny. But that was the problem with those movies. It could not get away from Doctor, even though they did Gold Member, who was not funny but it was a different villain, but they still bring back Dr. Evil.

The great curse of any franchise is the first movie's good. Yeah. Right. Because then you just do that again and again. Yeah, you're totally right. Although it's weird, though. I don't know how you're going to do the fourth one without Dr. Evil, because remember the end of gold member. It's revealed that they're brothers. Oh, Jesus. No, I did not.

Yeah. So, like, boy, you just can't let a juicy thread like that done. Well, someone doesn't wait in 20 years for that movie. Somebody, not anybody in this room. Like a guy in a Canadian A t-shirt. Yeah. Eagerly awaiting. Big time.

Would anybody recommend this movie? Not on your life. End of ceremony. I'm going to bet $50 that nobody recommends It's a piece of shit Never watch it No, it is not good

Bad movie Well, we're cutting from other episodes No, it's the worst movie we've ever done On this show It's okay to like a movie Maybe not this one I would really be suspicious If somebody who found this movie appealing

How? What's appealing about it? I don't know, that's why I'd be suspicious Maybe if you're a racist I would love to just grab Mike Myers and find out if he thinks this movie is good and if he does why and if he doesn't does you think he had a version of this movie

that could ever be good he'd never tell you though I bet you he doesn't like this movie being mentioned because this was such a huge failure this ended his career this was the final nail in the coffin I mean he's coming back now in these supporting parts

or these weird game show things where he's just pretending to be a person is the gong show still happening? No, but he, like, went on other shows to plug it as that character. It's very unsettling. I'm worried he's going to forget that he's Mike Myers. I'm worried he's going to fucking die and turn into a robot. That is a better movie than this, by the way.

Of course. It would have to be. You're right. It would almost have to be. And that is the 400th episode of We Hate Movies. Talk of the Love Guru. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out Patreon. dot com slash we hate movies that's where you'll find the first hundred episodes actually if you're a new fan of

this show it's where they're hidden yeah they're hidden you just couldn't fit them on this feed anymore so we put them on the patreon we also have a ton of uh great premium content for you there we got ourselves an episode on Jurassic world two this month we've got the premiere of the gleep glossary Eric Siskin you wonder what the Gleap glossary is well it's going to be me reading through I think an episode maybe the first one is out it's out so you could actually go there right now and and download it where it's me telling the boys here about characters from tertiary characters from Star Wars. Tertiary at best. Yes. Like, for instance, the

band, the canteena band is what we're covering this month, the Figrin Dan. Right. The Modell Nones. And what was the werewolf Lars Alric? Laxivrak, which was on our Star Wars episode because we did a we love movies month recently. and we have a two-hour and 51-minute episode on Star Wars. And also, by the way, if you get that gleeplessory level at the $8 level, you also unlock our Star Trek show The Nexus, which we recently did.

The Wrath of Khan is a full two-hour and three-minute episode. You know what else you get there, Eric? What? You get a commandumentary. That's right. We did a whole commentary for Commando. Yes, and you don't just get that. You get everything we've ever put on Patreon.

So you get all our twilight commentaries. And some people think like, oh, is it just, you do it just for the month? No, you sign up now, you instantly lock, unlock everything. You don't lock anything. A ton of content on that Patreon. So that is the love guru. Next week we go back to the worst of 2018, which is life itself, the previously scheduled. Yeah, we just had to break in and really fucking torture ourselves for no good reason.

But it's a fourth episode. Listen, I mean, I got to tell you way, way back in 2010 starting this show, if you had said to me, look, this fucking dumb idea you have is going to run for 400 plus episodes, I'd be like, well, that's a bold face, law. But it happened.

It somehow happened. It happened to the three of you getting on board with this. It happened to everyone out there who constantly listens and the people who are constantly finding the show. So thank you to the three of you for getting on board in the first place. Thank you for having us on board.

Well, the idea is only the first part of it. You guys make it sing. The bet is the second part. Can I also praise Andrew for his editing? I've never seen a clip show I've liked of like a sitcom or a fun show that I enjoyed. This was impressive. This is a clip show. We are not even talking right now.

It's amazing. We did the whole week off. It's actually decent for a clip show. Remember, rate this episode as if it was a clip show. The four of us are actually currently. stuck in an elevator just talking about old times. Incredible that we were always

at the same level at all the time all the way through that. It took nine years to edit this episode. Exactly. And again, we have like 9,000 more hours

until we're good at this. So please stick with us. We're trying our hardest to get there. Malcolm, if you're listening, we love you. No, we don't. Malcolm,

Malcolm, smoke some weed. There you go. Until next week with life itself. I'm Andrew Juipan. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska.

Take it easy. Thank you.