We Hate Movies - S9 Ep404: Episode 404 - What Women Want

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang welcomes Chelsea Jupin into the studio as they try to tackle one of the biggest questions in the universe: why did they make What Women Want? How much did it pain Mel to have to sing and dance and put on lipstick for this film? Why did they bother with that suicide subplot? And have two actors had less chemistry on screen than Helen Hunt and Mel Gibson in this film? PLUS: Alan Alda gets notes from the future! What Women Want stars Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Alan Alda, Marisa Tomei, Ashley Johnson, Mark Feuerstein, Lauren Holly, Delta Burke, Valerie Perrine, Judy Greer, Sarah Paulson, Ana Gasteyer, Lisa Edelstein, Loretta Devine, and Eric Balfour; directed by Nancy Meyers. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, remember when Mel Gibson could charm your pants off? Because neither can I. It's what women want. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Chelsea Jupin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, like I said, up top, we are talking about what women want from 2000, directed by Nancy Myers. And welcoming into the studio, as you also heard, is Chelsea. my wife and partner in crime.

Guesting, because I feel like we might need a women's perspective. We have no idea what women wants. It's helpful if we had an idea. Yeah. Didn't you watch the movie? They say Freud died wondering what women want. He didn't die with enough cocaine in his system to make Tony Montana Blanche. No, he died wondering what women want.

I'm here to represent all women. That's right. Every last one. To answer that. No pressure. Every last one. Yeah, and I mean, that's going to be, usually it's a very conversational show, but this time

we're just going to keep going like, Chelsea, is that what whatever like or what? Oh, man. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. No, no, no. It'll be very conversational. I think, first and foremost, I need to admit that I saw this in the theater. Really? Ditto. I did too. Yeah. I'm the only one that didn't.

Did you just see it like two days ago for the first time? No, I will say I'm the only person that owned this movie for a while. Oh, really? It was during what? My wife and I's obsession with 599 DVD. We didn't have cable, so we would just go to, like, this weird place called 599 DVD and just pick up three or four movies to watch over the weekend.

Oh, so it wasn't just a clever name for the story. No, no, literally every DVD is there. It was 599. And it was like this weird, like, they were always like French Canadian, like, also ran. So it would be the title and then the French title on top of it, kind of a thing.

So like for both. But in any event, I had it and then I got rid of it. But yes, I've owned this movie at one point in my life. Wow. Yeah, I never, I never owned it. I saw on it. I think I've seen most Nancy Myers movies in the theaters, honestly. In fact, you two were going to go see the holiday by yourselves.

And I was like, well, I guess I should go then if you're going to go without me. We had that almost date. It's the weirdest doubleheader that's ever happened in the entire history. What was the other one? We saw Apocalyptic and then went into the holiday. Right. I didn't met you. I skipped Apocalypse. Yeah, smart move. That's the what women want adventure, actually, because Mel.

gives to directed one, and then you've got Nancy Myers coming up. Oh, wow, that's totally true. What's the best Nancy Myers movie? Oh, shit. It's tough because there's some where she wrote them but didn't direct them. Like, I would say Father of the Bride, but she didn't direct it. She only wrote it.

Written and directed, I don't know. People will say something's got to give. I don't care for it as much, but other people really do. Did you guys know the... That's you got to do it, I think. That was you got to do it. No, that was the output. or the James L. Brooks movie.

Most Nancy Myers movies are, you got to do it. No, I don't have to look that movie up again. The genesis of the you got to do a joke was, it was like that last movie Nicholson was in. Yeah, we're fighting it out. With Reese Witherspoon. We know what you know about her or something. How do you know, also known as you got to do it?

Well, I think the answer is right here. She directed the 1998 Parent Trap remake. That's a really good movie. Yeah, that's a good movie. Yeah. I mean, Father of the Bride is probably, I would agree with you. That's a good script. It's a good, fun movie. It holds up. It's, that's like a hangover movie and a half. Like, you have a hangover. And you really don't even want anyone to raise their voice. That's the move. Nancy Meyer's movies are very good hangover movies, I would say. Something's got to give. And the other one, which is. It's complicated. Yes, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what Alex Baldwin is fucking Merrill Street. And Steve Martin. Yes. Jeez, that's a fucking love trying I don't want to see anything of. That movie would be great

if you took everything out of it other than Merrill Street. Then it works. Well, then it's just her looking at the camera. Yeah, I'm good with that. The best part about that and Nancy Myers' movies in general is the houses.

Nancy Myers, all of her characters live in the best houses and apartments and whatever. Like the intern was terrible, but that Brownstone that Anne Hathaway lives in is gorgeous. You're totally right. Actually, Mel's apartment

in this movie is not that. I thought I was kind of discus. I don't know. For a Nancy Meyer's home, I was let down. Really? Yeah. Why a little too spare? I guess.

Maybe it's just a little too masculine for my liking. I don't know. The lack of Nancy Myers' apartment swimming pool wasn't there? Yes, exactly. There's no tapestries, no, you know, big castles in the back. She's good with kitchens and you never see his kitchen. Maybe that's hard of the problem. Because he's a man.

He ain't cooking nothing. He orders pizza. That's it. So Chris Kavan, if you had to like distill what this movie is, or at least what this movie thought it was at the time of release 19 years ago Okay What would you say that is?

A complete and utter piece of shit No, what it thought it was You gotta listen A man who is a complete piece of shit Right Is a crazy misogynist All this shit All the worst you can expect

Right Has to be electrocuted three times To become a normal person I mean that's what happened In the 60s man well we're just zapping well no I just electric ECT man

electric shot or electric shop therapy there oh well this isn't that he's getting like electrocuted by appliances by magic kind of too and lightning yes lightning

like David Simpson brought this up it's partially his joke but like really that's it like the hearing the things voices the voices yeah that's I guess that is the thing I'm forgetting

he can hear voices yes yeah the women female voices including dogs that we gotta get into that. That throws the whole movie. It was my only legitimate laugh at the movie, though. Because like the French poodle's got to take a shit

or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, that goes back to that thing. Like, why does, it's, it's, like, it's fucking dog casting sexism in movies. Because like every French poodles are girls, yes. Yeah. Fuck that. Still in 2000 that was happening? Every dog is a boy, except every

poodle. Those are the girls. That's how it works. The girl, she's got a bow in her hair. we should say the reason this is coming out this week is because not only Valentine's Day which is right on the corner but we just did the remake last weekend at the box office we're tape at this on Saturday I don't know how that movie did

What Men Want I mean we didn't do shit Makes it sound like we did an episode out of Oh no no no no episode to be fast No no we're doing it because that movie came out Right and we're just like hey what same same death And how could you I'm sorry but you can't put out a movie called

What Men Men? want that isn't rated NC17. It is at least R. It is. And it seems a bit raunchier than this, just from the trailer that I've seen. Like there's like real sex stuff going on.

Not real sex. Real sex. Yeah, there's an episode of HBO's real sex in the middle of it. It's a bookended by the story, but then she puts on an episode of real sex and it's a bunch of British people spanking each other.

Well, that was the thing with real sex, man. It's like when you were, you know, a teen, you know, when we were teens and whatnot, you went and you were like, oh, HBO after. Dark. Yeah, real sex. And then it was like, we're just a bunch of farmers. And we like to hit ourselves on the fannies. Granny Shaggers. Yeah, dude. That was, that was a, that was Granny Shaggers prototype right there. It's, the, the, the logo for real sex should be real

10 feet tall and then Sacks is like, you know. I was like, you know, it was like, when are they going to get to the fireworks factory? Like, start fucking. What am I turning in for? So this movie, Mel Gibson is an ad executive in Chicago. Correct. Um, uh, he is, uh, he is, And so like, he has this sort of crazy morning, which the dimensions of his first day are crazy. How so? Well, he wakes up at 10 o'clock in the morning. We always say that he gets in the office at 10. He, you know, he's gunned for a big promotion.

He shows up. He has a meeting with his boss. He goes to his ex-wife's wedding. Oh, right. And then he comes back for an afternoon meeting. It's like, whoa, whoa. How did any of this happen? I think he's just there for like 20 minutes, just long enough to have one drink.

say, you know, oh, that was great. I totally love the ceremony. I promise I was there. In the back, you couldn't see me. And then he goes. That's like a lunch wedding kind of. I've never done that. That's kind of an interesting idea.

Like, just kind of blow into a wedding on your lunch hour and come back. Just get a Tupperware full of the little dogs and the, with the crescent dogs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I love. The ex-wife is played by Remember Her Lauren Holly. Oh, that's right. The beginning of this movie is her monologue because she's like kind of not in this movie except for the beginning. Yeah, which this, like, narration is fucking frustrating.

You got to remember, it's not Mel Gibson's fault. It's a woman's fault. It's a dirty, rotten mother. Yeah, that's what did it. She was a Vegas show girl. Right. It's very Dick Whitman background. Very, very little Dick Whitman.

Weird, and they both grew up to be an advertiser. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie is what Mad Men would go on to do much better. It is. And this is, like, his grow up, you can either grow up to be Don Draper, this guy or Ted Bundy. That's the thing.

We're lucky. We're lucky that this dude could just like hear women's thoughts and then not slaughter them. Can you imagine if Ted Bundy could also hear women's thoughts? That's a trouble. He would have been unstoppable. That Netflix special would have been a lot longer. I didn't finish that.

Not on any, like just I hadn't gotten there yet. Yeah, we're still sort of, you can't watch more than one episode in a row or you evaporate into shame and fear. people do, though. There are those fucking weirdos that are like, mm-mm, more Netflix true crime. I can only do an episode every few days of that one. We have to watch

like an episode of The Simpsons afterwards to clean it off. I can't go to bed right after that. Are you kidding? I'm going to have nightmares. No way. It was more, it's also like this like, I don't want to live in this world too long. It's very upsetting. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, once a week is plenty. Yeah.

Especially because it's all the disgusting 1970s video footage. Yeah. Yes, that's the worst part about it. video footage. Tell me about it. Yeah, it's terrible. The gratingness. So, yeah, but you're really selling me on this guy. He grows up, uh, uh, the son of a Las Vegas showgirl and like, you know, like that sort of, I guess, warps him for the rest of his life. Although I'm sure some, uh, sons of Las Vegas showgirls probably grow on to lead productive lives, I imagine. It's the Las Vegas show girls, but then also they make a point of

she surrounds him by or around like Las Vegas gambling. Got it. Yeah. dudes, I don't know, like real. Boss men. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that he has no good male role model ever. But that's what, like, tie that in, make him mobbed up, and they're coming after him for some reason. And then at the end of the movie, he's shot in the fucking head. This movie's too long as it is. I did not need a mobby plot, no. Don't request the Mickey Mouse Mafia, because it's not like it's going to be the real like Sopranos mafia that comes after again. Yeah, you're right. I would have Byers

remorse for the brand of Mafia. Morse, I think, is what it really would have been. Oh, shit. Yes, you're totally right. Now imagining what a Nancy Myers' mob movie would look like. I mean, the apartments would be gorgeous. Again, the apartments would be enormous. The hideouts would be gorgeous. And the Tato de Tauti Copto would probably be Steve Martin. Oh, that's...

Now it's really annoying. No, you're kind of getting me sold on this. Yeah, I might be interested. Those kitchens where they're making the pasta will be beautiful. That's actually true. Somebody's got to forget about it or something. Maybe that's the movie. And so Gibson, we were trying to do the timeline. Had he sugar-titted at this point?

Sugar-titted? We called that cop sugar-tits. Oh, no, no, no. This is like 2005-ish. 2006 is when the pullover happens in 2006. And that was the sugar-titening? That was the sugar-tit. Well, I mean, that was the lesser of the two evils there.

It was the Jewish stuff that really got them. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was that. It was like, I can't drive because of my Jews. And it's like, all right. All right. it's kind of funny because I was thinking about it because in this movie one of the women has the thought that he's a schmock

yeah he's like he's got to have that line like she thinks I'm a schmuck and I was like ooh did it pain your asshole to say schmuck oh you fucking anti-semi and then famously like in 2010 he had that the wretched tape of him like threatening to murder his ex-girlfriend but we're still okay with him hoping she gets raped yes we're still okay he could show up the Oscars so long as you direct a forgettable fucking Andrew Garfield movie, you're good.

Don't worry about it. Well, here's the thing. He went in disguise where he's got that beard. Oh, that's right. And he did probably the one performance where he was most suited playing Mark Wahlberg's father. Oh, that's right. And Daddy's home too. That's actually pretty accurate. Hey, Dad, let's go beat up some Vietnamese.

You got it, shut. But what accent are they meeting in the middle of? I haven't seen it, but like, how are you Australian to Boston? What are they doing? Because he's fine at covering his accent, but I don't think he could go as far as Boston. No, yeah, it's always just a flat. And Mark Wahlberg can't cover his accent.

No, no, no, no. Ever, ever. Well, Cabin, you were, you know, regaling us with the story about how you watch Daddy's home. I mean, he's not trying? You all assume he's trying. He's not trying. He's just fucking Mel Gibson.

Hey, fuck you. That's it. You, Dad, we're both from Australia. No, we're not, son. Go home. We're from Down Under. Oh, man. Oh, shit.

I like to go there, punch a kangaroo in the fucking head. Fosters, Australian for Peter. What's the Vietnamese popular? That's what the racism is where they, that's where they met was the racism. Yeah. Who needs blood when you have racism? So, like, she just kind of tells you who Nick Marshall, who's Mel Gibson, is. Right.

And the movie kind of starts. And then, you know, you sort of see his day where, like, his maid, he's got a, like, not a housekeeper, like a maid, practically. Yeah, I think she might be like a once a weeker, though. No, she's in the daily situation. Yeah. Oh, you're right. And she makes him breakfast. he sexually harasses her.

Sure. Got to have a little of that. I had a quick question about Lauren Holly, though. Okay. Why is Lauren Holly on the morning of her wedding talking to her bridal party

about her ex-husband? Because that's what's going on. She's getting like made up in the mirror and everything. Because it is illegal in this world to not talk about Milkinson. It is 100% illegal

not to talk about him and love him. It's just you can't do it. Well, we're halfway to being law-abiding citizen. Here we are. And it fucking sucks, though. Like, here's the thing. I was thinking about it all through this movie.

Because I remember when I watched this movie, I was totally charmed by it. I was. And it fucking sucks because you can see how easily you can still be charmed by Mel Gibson. Even though, you know, he's a total fucking scumbag piece of shit. I was watching this movie. He's fucking dancing around with his little frank sin. I can't. I like to.

I don't know. I thought it was cute. I mean, it's obviously just the Fred Astaire bit, but it's, it's, I mean, he does a good job. He was better at it than I thought. And I was trying to remember did Mel Gibson ever do a musical? And I guess not. But that's probably because it's too gay. Yeah, probably that's pretty much exactly.

Well, that's the thing. Like, in this movie where he's fucking, like, painting his nails and putting panty hose on, I was like, what was the payday? Because my God, he must have hated it. And then you think about how much you probably hated it. And you kind of laugh a little bit. But that's the joke. Like, that's the joke of the movie is like, could you imagine that a man would do such a thing? Could you imagine?

Could you just think about it? Could you imagine it? And so he went to, you know, like, he, he, he, he, he gets to, he gets to work this. This office is like, I mean, holy shit. This is, this is where the Nancy Myers beauty comes in. She's like, I don't care about his apartment. I'm working on this office instead. And this, this building is a very famous building in L.A.

I don't remember the name of it, but this is like, Blade Runner was here. It's Jack Nicholson's office in Wolf. That's right. Yeah. 500 days of summer. Yeah, I remember, oh, speaking of fucking weird movies. And he's got a corner office and three secret, no less than three secretaries. Yeah.

And for Sarah Paulson. Yes. Delta Burke. And the woman from Superman. She's in a couple of the Superman movies. Valerie Perrin. Oh, okay. But she's, what is she like, Luther's lady friend in those movies?

Oh, maybe. I didn't, I did. Like, you're not going to, my mom lives in wherever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that's, uh, like, yeah, Lex Luthor's, like, girlfriend or whatever. Tess, Miss Tessmocker? Is that right? Yes.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, my mom lives in, wherever. Right, that he's going to destroy. Now I'm there. And they have that weird sultry pool scene. That scene kind of stops the movie dead, but it's like, what are we doing here? As a little kid, you're like, well, you know what? Superman, take your time coming back.

But I'm sure that that's what the girls are the audors. Christy would have pool ain't too bad either. Yeah, actually, that's true. But he, so he, but he's got three secretaries, a corner office, and he's gunning for a promotion. How are you not creative director? What are you? What is your title? Seriously.

I mean, what do you have like an apartment that you get at that point? Like that's your office and like there's a full staff? Like I think the thing is like if you get this promotion to creative director, what happens is you have the job for a year just to settle into it. And at the end of that year, you have to sacrifice Alan Alda to like the advertising guy. Gotcha. Yeah, you're going to kill me. You got to talk to John Cassavetes, get his whole crew together. You know, they've done it before.

They know what they're doing. Oh, Rosemary's baby jokes. Got it. So he, whatever, he winds up, he's like, it's the whole, it's your old, the old gag of like, I'm going to get this promotion. And like, everyone's complimenting him on it. And then he goes to meet Alinalda. And Alanalda says, no, you're not.

I'm actually, this thing, like, the manman thing you brought up was like, manmen brought up like, oh, you know, women want to buy stuff. We need female copyrighters in the 60s. Right. It's the year 2000, Alan, I was like, yeah, we just got a report that women exist. It turns out women buy things and we don't know how to sell it to them in the year 2000.

That's such a great point. I hadn't even thought about it, but Alonaldon, like, he does. He walks in with a bind and he's like, yeah, there's a thing called women, it turns out. They've got money sometimes. When are we giving women money now? Hold on, hold on.

They're 52% of the population. That's a lot. And they read? But yeah, to your point, it's very much that thing of like, it's the peggy thing, but like it made sense in a 60s context. But like, of course, we've been selling, you know, to women like for, you know, decades at that point because women were in the workforce for a very long time. It also makes sense the way they do it in Mad Men because they do actually think about how do you market to women.

This movie says that it does that, but it basically just means what do women like nail polish and other items that are for women are things that women like the end. But that's because like, so Helen Hunt is hired to be. creative director instead. And like on her first big meeting, she comes into the boardroom and she's like, I got a gifts for everybody. She's like, Oprahing throughout this meeting.

And everyone has a box and she's like, these are things that women buy. But yeah, it's like makeup, tampons, fucking birth control. But you also, yeah,

you can also sell like women liquor. You know what I mean? Like you could sell them a candy bar. Women smoke cigarettes. I've seen that. By the way, we're smoking in this office, by the way.

There is a lot of smoking for 2000. Yeah. It's weird. because I think maybe the deal was like this is this screenplay might be well clearly if it came out in 2000 it's like a 90s creation yeah we're smoking in that he's smoking in bed there's so much

what I was playing in my head with this movie was how can Mel Gibson die in this movie yes yes no I was like he your final destination yes see what's happening here this is great it is it's final destination and I wanted Tony Todd to be fucking chasing this guy because he's cheating death at every turn

he's smoking in bed I'm like do it there When he gets electrocuted, no less than three times. Do it there. Where was Tony Todd? Take him out. When he's dancing around calling the maid a pig, that's when I was like, just take the knife and put it in his chest. Just do it. He's calling her a pig?

No, he's not. That's the trick with these fucking movies that drives me nuts. He doesn't directly call her a pig. What are we talking about right now? But the word pig in the scene, the first scene where he's like sexually harassing her and doing all the other things, the word pig is thrown out everywhere, but it's her, like, suggesting that he would call her a pig.

Oh, okay. That's because he keeps calling her babe, because it's like, chat, chat, cha. Oh, that's right. And she says, don't call me after the little pig. Got it. But he keeps on, like, they're trying to say she's a pig without saying it. Well, he calls that one woman a pig without saying it when he's

walking through the office and that poor woman's trying to just eat a Danish and get through the day. And he goes, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Fucking, where is the HR department, Alan Alda. Or where is Tony Todd to have her just murder in the office? She takes the whatever spood she was like making

the vehicle just right in its eyeball. I, yeah, that was a tough one. Well, I called a person a pig, call a woman a pig, you can become president these days. That's true. That's a lot of room. So he would, if he was direct with that woman, he would have got that promotion.

Yeah, so Alder's a guy. Sorry, you didn't call her a pig. Do you think Alan Alda hated Mel Gibson? because Alan Aldo is supposed to be a pretty decent guy. Yeah, he probably did. Yeah, good. And like Mel Gibson was probably like, oh, yeah, you know, Alan, I loved Mesh, Mesh.

Yeah, that's great, thanks. I'm glad you loved Mesh. Do you have to be here? You know, it's interesting. I just got a telegram from the future, and all my suspicions were correct. That's the tension we're feeling right now is, yep, that's what it is. Okay, that's, yep. Nancy, you should see this.

You might want to rewrite. Do you want to see this? By the way, I can get messages from the future. There in itself is the next Nancy Myers movie. Oh my God, what a good movie. But it has to be Alan Alder. It's called Heads Up from the Future. Wow, okay.

I'm like this already. Actually, I'll take the job for the apprentice. You don't have to give anybody else that job. It sounds like a great idea for a show. sitting right would when to it wrong Yeah So he's

So yeah But he goes to his wife's wedding Which is just to introduce His daughter Played by Ashley Johnson Of Growing Pains fame Anybody else? Yep

Your growing pains head? Oh of course She was Chrissy She was Chrissy Oh yeah Yeah Later on That was like

They threw everything At that show Like DiCaprio's not working Bring in a girl Yeah yeah Yeah Bring it a baby Oh yeah

Chrissy was the They had a kid Right Chris and Cesar Yeah Oh, Tracy Gold was an already established human beings in the family. Yeah, she was the sister. Right, she was the sister.

But that was part of it because, like, she leaves for a little bit. Oh, I think Carmen's gone for a little bit towards the end. Oh, okay, yeah. We're just trying to keep the lights on. Exactly. This is like listening to an alien dialect. Have you never seen growing things? I don't know what it is.

Wow. Is that the one with Michael J. Fox? Stop it. No, are you kidding me? Are you fucking serious? That's family ties you pig. I'm sorry. I don't know this shit.

It's garbage. You want to throw the word pig around. You've never seen fucking growing pain. Oh, my God. Growing pains was Kirk Cameron and Joanna Kearns. I wouldn't have got her name. I just kept thinking... It might be Joanne.

I kept thinking Judith Light, though. That was who's the last. All right, all right, fine. Have you seen who's the boss? Yes, I have seen who the boss. But you guys convinced me I'll watch more Kirk Cameron's. Not now. Grow up with it.

No, no, no, no, no. That's not what we were saying. What's a, what's boner up to? He died. Oh, that's right. He committed suicide. Boner was the one who committed suicide. Yes, Walter,

Coling's son, yes. Poor Boner, man. That was like the only time I've ever liked Kirk Cameron in the last 20 years when he made that tweet. It's like, hey, when he was missing and he was like, oh, whatever goes on, Boner and Mike can always figure it out, buddy.

Come on back to us. I mean, he was probably dead at the time, but, you know. But that Boner was like, oh, wait a minute, that's what Mike grew up into. Oh, no. But growing up. but yeah, of growing pains, she's actually like, she's all over the place, she does a ton of voice work too.

But yeah, she is also in something I don't watch. She's in that fucking blind spot show. Yes, which I don't watch. It's like, that shows like A.k.a. mystery tattoos. Yes. A lady's got a bunch of tattoos on her. You got to find out that she's on some government mission. It's memento, but with a naked lady.

Got it. That show I looked on IMDV has been around since 2015. Can you even stand it? I remember watching the, because they made, I think it was at the Super Bowl or one of the big things. There was big. They pushed it. And I watched the first episode.

I was like, well, goodbye, everybody. Coming up next after Game 5 of the World Series here on Fox. It's the new sensation Blind Spot. Also known as Tittoo's. Tittoo's. Come on. That was a Joe Buck joke, but Blind Spot is on Fox. But that was one of those like, I saw the poster.

It was one of those. Sorry, that's what I meant. Yeah. MLB is on Fox. The show's NBC. But I remember it was in like time scores, like a huge fucking blind spot. It was this massive thing. And I remember being like, yeah, right.

And here we are four years later. And so Ashley Johnson has to stay with him. You get their entire relationship in one exchange where he's like, ah, you're 13, Ashley, 15. And it's like, oh, man, that's tough. Yeah. There's, listen, there's no bounce back from get your child's age wrong. No.

There's absolutely none. I feel like once you're in your 30s, it's kind of whatever, like, you know. I forget how old I am all the time. Yeah. But I feel like up to it, including your 29th birthday, your parents should have a good idea with your birthday. Yeah, that's a good. But again, if you are an utter piece of shit who does not care about anything with a vagina,

then, I mean, that's the weird thing is you don't even know what this divorce was like. Like, does he even see her regularly or is like a Christmas situation? Well, at the beginning, she says she thinks of him more as an uncle. So I think it is a maybe Christmas dinner. and that's about it. Even though they're all centered in Chicago. The greater Chicago area. It's not like she has to fly to go see him or anything.

He just doesn't like her. He just doesn't care. And so she's going to stay with him for two weeks. And that's like the other part of this movie is like the timeline in this movie is fucking crazy because like... Yeah, how much time? It should be just two weeks. And like it feels like months of time. Feels like months watching it too.

I'll tell you that much. There's also some extended cast here. I just want to mention. All right, please. It's a good deep. Yeah. Deep cast. We got... That's Nancy Meyer's special, I think. She always...

She knows to get a good deep cast. Like, if you've got a fourth or fifth person, throw Mr. Mr. Tobayabone. But a lot of them were... This is a first thing for a lot of these people, too, who did go on... Or maybe not first, but like first-ish, first big. Yeah, early.

The dude who's his, like, scumbag friend at work is the dude who's on, like, royal pains. Oh, yeah. Now that's different than growing pains. Yeah, I do know that. Oh, you see. You've seen royal pains, but not growing pains? Yeah.

I've never seen it, but I know what it is. Secret Chris Cabin Trivia Fact, massive fan of USA Original Program. You know, you want to put my shit on the street like that. But you've got Judy Greer, Sarah Paulson, you already said, Marissa Tomei. Is there, Lisa Edelstein is walking around a little bit? Right, yeah. Anna Gastire. Totally wasted.

She's in one scene. And she was kind of big already. She was on SNL. There has to be cutting room floor stuff of her. I would imagine anything with an Nancy Myers movie, there's got to be like, three extra hours of just improvisational bits or like long whatever is you know C-plot D-plots. Yes, exactly.

Right, but to the point of those C-plot-D-plots, like figure out which one is going to be the C-plot and just use that. And I feel like if there was something with Anna Gastire, it's way better than Judy Greer's suicide case. It doesn't work. Sarah Paulson's got an Israeli boyfriend that she's got a long. That's a real G-plot right there, dude. Who could care?

Like, why? Why would you put that in? I want to know what Delta Burke's up to. How do you have Delta Burke in this movie? She doesn't do anything. Well, Delta Burke is the butt of the worst joke in this movie. It's the worst. Which one?

Wait a second. When he finally figured, oh, I could hear women thinking. Oh, my God. And he's like listening and everybody's talking. And he's like, oh, God, I can't do it. It gets into his office. And Delta Burke and Valerie Perrin. Valerie Perrin are come up and they're like, hi.

And he's like worried that they're going to think something. And they don't think anything. Oh, right. The only way to make that joke worse if he just started hearing crickets. But I mean, like, you're always thinking somewhat, like a little bit, you know what I mean? That's how a brain function. I'm thirsty even, you know what I mean?

But that's what's weird about how they construct the thoughts in this movie. And I guess, like, if you want to do this idea, there's no other way to do it. But, like, who thinks in narration? I know what I mean? Like, that's not how a thought flies through your head. It's images, clips, random, fucking thrown together. Like, it's chaos. Yeah, childhood trauma just on loop, right?

That's what everybody's got. Are Delta Burke and Valerie parents supposed to be, like, old showgirls that he knew? Yes. Are they? They are, right? I was really getting that vibe. That's fine. I didn't get that at all.

Because Delta, Delta Burke's kind of doing, like, a voice a little bit. And it just started getting me thinking, like, are these, like, friends of his mothers or something? The connection they make is that. in the beginning when they're showing the showgirls. By the way, the kid is I think he was the kid in Percy Jackson. Oh, get the fuck out of here. Really? He's the titular Percy Jackson The Lightning King. Two for two on

Percy Jackson refs this month, guys. We're doing okay. Doing just fine. He actually looked like that annoying little kid, Jacob Tremblay. I thought it was James Marsden. I'm like, that wouldn't make sense. No. James Marsden, my God, the X-Men movie came out the same year. Anyway, when the kid is there, they keep on calling him, Dahl.

And then Delta Burke keeps calling him doll. Oh, good connect, Kevin. By the way, Jacob Trombly's grandfather wasn't even born in the year 2000. What are you talking about? Yeah, no, I guess you're right. No, he's not a little turd. He plays the same character in every fucking movie. I'm done with the Jacob Trombley.

He was great in room. Yes, he's excellent in room. And then he's gone on to do that character in like seven other movies. How many roles are there for nine-year-old boys? I mean, just don't be in that many movies. Go to school. the lights on, I don't know. Yeah, maybe the parents aren't working.

Evil boy, omen-esque movies you can get away with, maybe. What's that new one that's coming out? I can't wait for the prodigy, my friend. There it is. I knew you'd know the title. The Jacob Trumbly thing, because he was nominated, I believe he was nominated for an Oscar. And I think it was the same thing that happened when Haley Joel Osmond was nominated for an

Oscar. Whoever one came up as like, well, Jacob, this is the first of many for you. Michael Kane doing that for Haley Joel Osmond. Oh, is that what it was? Yeah. He did it for him and Michael Clark Duncan. Andrew Law. Yeah, everyone he beat.

Yeah, he's like, you guys, oh, I just, I'll take this one from you. But like, oh, oh, Haley Joe, like, we all know 20 Oscar nominations by 2025. Michael Clark Duncan's going to win for signet. It's like, oh, man. You know, Harley Joe, I want to be in a movie. It'll be me, you, Robert Duvall. It's called secondhand lions. And nobody will say it.

Yeah. Hey, Mike, it's older again. Yeah, I got a telegram from the future. You're going to want to change your Oscar's speech because Michael Clark, Duncan, God rest. Oh, he's still alive now because it's from the future, but God rest his beautiful soul. And Haley Joel Osmond becomes a fat comedian.

It's not too bad. He gets where he needs to go, but it's not Oscars. No, excuse me, Michael. I have to get on the phone. I have to call some flight schools in Florida. It helps me watch out. Oh, my God. There's something really bad coming around the corner there, Mike.

But I decided to call you first. That's what I wanted to fix this Oscar speech. Now it's up to me, Michael Kane, to prevent 9-11. How did we get there? I don't know. Sorry, that was me. In any event, so he gets this box from work from Helen Hunt. Helen Hunt is, she's, you know, the big wig, whatever.

She's, like, Helen Hunt is like, I like her in this movie. I like her in almost everything. She's the best part in the movie. I'm a hunted. She's got 0.0.0 chemistry with Mel Gibson. No, yeah. Of course. Yeah.

It's not Paul Reiser, I'll tell you that much. I mean, that's the unspoken thing. The problem with this movie is Mel Gibson. Like, from beginning to, not even in the, like, he doesn't even nail the performance. Like, it'd be enough to do that. If he was actually good in the movie, I might actually be like, okay. All right. That's a good question.

Who, what's a better movie? Who's the guy? Who do you swap in the guy for? Oh, fuck. who's like Richard Kind But it's got to be like a guy's guy Kind kind of thing That's the thing that they're using

So like Clint Eastwood but a lot younger That that would be right Okay I can see that I don't know who Clint Eastwood is But a lot younger I mean it's Mel Gibson Yeah that's actually

Bruce Willis might be able to He would do better I think Than Meld Yeah I gotta buy that Bruce Willis is better at comedy Than Melchips It is I think But you know what

Here's the thing By 2000 So we're 2000 Unbreakable came out the same year he kind of was hanging on to like the horseshoe but I think like you have to have a piece

on Bruce Willis if he's in this movie got you need a full hellie I would say um oh god it came to me Tom Hanks would be okay but is that not as macho exactly yeah I wouldn't buy that for a second it's a different kind of macho but

who she ended up working with is Alec Baldwin would have been oh that's not bad that could have been something I bet yeah because again I think of like other like dudes you worked with because like Steve Martin couldn't pull this off.

Jack Black, no. No, definitely not. Jude Law. Jude Law could do it because he would have been too young for this though at the time. But Jude Law just talent wise he could have, he could have, because he can play Smarm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd be great in this. It would be what Alfie should have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you see that, the remake? Some of it. Just turn it off? Yeah. It's unfortunate. It's not good. It's real unfortunate. Yeah. Is Matt in that as well? Is it like a cameo? He wasn't in as much as I saw. Oh, it's Alfie Jr. Oh, no. They're in that, what is that together that were just the two of them? So good. I like that movie. It's so good. I just got a flashback to us talking about that maybe 15 years ago and you were like, it's so good. And I remember like a mental checklist. I was like, Steve, watch sleuth. And it just like, I flashed right back to it. You had 15 years. Watch Sloop. It was a, that was a divisive movie though, because it was a remake of Kane and Olivier doing the same thing.

Gotcha. Which I haven't seen, so if it sucks in comparison of that, please don't tell me on Twitter. I don't care. Let's not to anybody anything on Twitter Yeah I didn't Yeah But no because I remember like I really liked that movie And then I saw all this like vitriol And I was like oh boy

Am I wrong Am I wrong on this one But you know what I'm out here I'm saying it I like that sleuth It's okay to like a movie It is also

It's the same problem as the prestige Where there's a big part of it Where it's you're supposed to not know That someone is in disguise the whole time And it's like well it's obviously Jude Law Yeah Of course it's Jude Law And then an hour later

It's like it was Jude Law whole time, and it's like movie disguises aren't that good, guys, come on. There's another, so this boardroom thing, they get the boxes and everything. The fucking Royal Pains guy, did you catch this gag? Oh, the jerk off thing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, he does a little like, and he does the fucking splat shot. It's insane. Where is HR at this company? Where is HR? Have they just quit and given up? They're like, you know what?

I can't. I can't. Do what you want. There's one thing like, you're like, you're being an asshole in your office. like your boss is talking and you quietly even that like go to your friend and you're like the slightest little motion that you can also like turn into i was just adjusting my hair that's what writing notes is exactly right in the margins can i tell you it's a big profession does a fucking charade about

there's noises it's awful well they suggest that as long as helen hunt didn't see it nobody else could see it yeah um because all the other women who work at that company have put up with god knows what for god knows how long you can't even eat a fucking bagel in that company at scene. Somebody was like, Delta Burke, did you see that jerk off noise? And it was like, that was the joke they did again. No, I was in a meeting the other day. We had like a big all-staff meeting. I saw two people passing notes.

It's like, what the fuck are we doing? We'll get cross-talk in some of my bigger meetings. And I'm like, guys, let's just, we're going to get out of here. You want to get out of here, right? I turn into like school mode. And I'm like, shut the fuck up. We want to leave. What the fuck are you doing? Stop wasting time. So his assignment is to take this box home and make up a pitch for how he might, or

like a pre-pitch for what he might do with these products. Yeah. So he's to learn what these products are. His daughter is going to come home at some point. And this is like the scene where he gets trashed on a bottle of wine. Chugging this fucking bottle of wine, dude. Stop's bothering with the glass after a while. Yeah, big time.

You got to, you always have There. Here's the thing. Yeah, totally. We've all had a night where you're just sitting at home drinking a bottle of wine. You always have to keep up the charade of the glass. It's always really important. Yep. Until it's like, there's like maybe three quarters of a glass left and you're like, well, I'll take it from here. You cowards.

I will say, unless you live in a place with an illuminated pool, you're not allowed to drink from the bottle of a lot. Okay, that's fair. He is, well, at the start of the scene, he's trying to man it up a little bit and he's smoking in bed. Come on, Tony Todd. Let's wake up here. And he's watching Hunt for Red October. Oh, God. To say a single thing about Mel. Gibson, that's a good Sean Connery impression.

Oh, sure. It's not half bad. But then he channel surfs and there's all sorts of stuff for women on TV. And he says there's way too much estrogen on television. That is a 90s line if there ever was estrogen or test. We love to talk about estrogen and testosterone equally. Absolutely. Well, because we were just coming out with medicine that could regulate both of them. You were able to have commercials about those.

So we got to talk about him in pop culture. And when I wrote it down, it wasn't even just that. It's then, and as we all know, the perfect antidote to estrogen is Frank. And then he puts on the 17th Frank Sinatra song of the soundtrack. Dude, with the fucking, and here's... Of 100. And here's the thing.

I know. Seven disc album. I know so many of you out there love Frank Sinatra. And it's fine. He's a great singer, but making it part of your personality that you like, Frank Sinatra. That's the problem. And I think it's a thing, like, the, my ability. opinion of him and the songs

that he recorded is tainted forever by the fucking fandom and just the obsessiveness and like he's a god and blah blah blah you know what happens when you get obsessed with these guys fellas is you turn into Robert Dobby and you've got to watch yourself there because you don't want to turn into Robert Davy

because his face looks like a crag rock I would say you don't need to wear a hat to put on an album you know what I mean like if you find yourself getting a hat to put on music, you've gone too far. And it's too much, yeah.

Or a shirt or anything. Any costume to listen to music, maybe really evaluate the decision. Unless you're performing drag and that's what you're doing. Sure. But that's a different animal. Yes.

Chelsea, that reminds me, by the way, where is my vinyl bowler? So he's fucking singing and dancing and tiptoeing and all the girls. I'm just imagining, like, you know, I know this movie was just remade with Tarraghi. And apparently they've been thinking about it

for 10 years and at one point we're thinking of doing it with Cameron Diaz in the lead role. She can do comedy. She's very funny. She would have been good. That would have been good. But now I'm imagining you remake this movie and it's still what women want. And it's a guy and he puts on limp biscuit all the time.

He reaches for a red baseball hat and puts it on backwards. He does like the slick move. No, no, no, no. No. You know it's a perfect cure for estrogen. Fred. Oh, my God. Mail, we got the new account from Coal Chamber. We're going to handle their tour.

But so he now is, he's drinking. This is the dance scene. He's dancing with this amazing fucking coat rack he's got. This is a $1,000 coat rack. I was looking at that. Also, I noticed it's oddly placed in what appears to be like almost the middle of the room. I've never seen a coat rack. He's a pretty good dancer, but you want to.

keep it easy for him. I guess that's true. I guess that's true. He can't have a mess with a corner or anything. He's going to hurt himself. Well, he's going to start making out with the thing. Yeah, imagine he fucked that coat rack. I always kind of, I was looking at this coat rack and it reminded me a beauty of the beast.

Oh, okay. And I kind of was like, the beauty of the beast coat rack really was the best curse of the bunch. He's got arms. He's got a torso for the most part. He's the closest to a person. Yeah. And he's like, Candelabra. He's tiny, but he's like, he's like six foot two.

He gets to stay. relatively human size. The armor is just a fat person. That's true. But she has no limbs, though. Oh, fuck. She's all leg. Like the doors, maybe.

The coat rack could date a woman. And then, like, on the third date, it's like, oh, fuck, you're a coat rat. The candelabra cannot. Actually, but the candelabra gets with the feather duster, though. That's true. Yeah, that's not a bad game. He'd be lightener up, though.

That's such a dangerous relationship. Is this you just admitting that you're going to be in I married the Eiffel Tower, too? No. Great movie, by the way. Not a movie. It's special. It's just special. He's forgotten television special. No, but I guess the other thing about the coat rack is he's mute, I think. I think he was robbed of his voice. Well, he's, co-wracks don't have mouths. I don't do candelabras.

Oh, yeah. Oh, actually, that's a great point. Why are some of them talking and some not? Because you can only pay so many voice actors. Oh, that's true. But Maurice LaMarch could do like 12 people at least. Is he doing voices in that movie? Am I just making that up? Maybe? I don't know. I think you're thinking of

David Ogden Steers is the clock. Ah, probably. Also from MASH? Also from MASH. Yes, okay. Also dead. You don't need to cut that up. David, I just got to tell like that from the future.

Enjoy Beauty of the Beast, buddy. It's going to be huge. Also, yeah, it's Alder again. Hey, Augs, I got another letter from the future. I know when it's going to happen, bud. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's Alder. Call me back.

Hey, Charlotte Rampling, just don't talk during the Oscar season. That's it, just you don't have to talk. Did you ever hear Alba has the cutest story of how he knew his wife was the one? They were at a dinner party together and the host dropped a cake. And Alan Alda and his wife were like, eh, and just ate it off the floor. Wow. Isn't that cute? That's pretty great.

I made a floor cake. Nice. So he's, now he starts trying on all this. He's like trying on these products. Well, Steve. As it turns out, Frank wasn't cutting it for this. Oh, right. Oh, that's, oh, yes.

And it's the year 2000, so this was already a couple years too late. Meredith Brooks bitch comes on. And I flashed back right to VH1. But he, like, you picks up her stack of albums. I think she's got Lisa Loeb. She's definitely got Alanis. Alamos, yeah. Fiona Apple.

Fiona Apple. I'm like, those are great albums, put on either of those. Well, he says Meredith Brooks is hot. So that's why he puts that on. Also, I'm going to give you a, a, uh, a, a son. of the behind the scenes. Look, I have to say bitch in this movie, Nancy. I don't know how you're going to do it. I don't care how. But I could say bitch several times in this movie. She had Netsu-Vir's office at a whiteboard, just a bitch on it.

How do I get there? What can I do with this? Well, I think also maybe flashback to another part of the pre-production. This is Ted from accounting. Yeah. So Alonis Morissette, Fiona Apple, Lisa Loeb, guess what? You got to go with the merit. It's the cheapest song. Yeah, that sounds right. Fiona Apple told me that if they use her song, if her song is in Mel Gibson's mouth,

she's going to kill my children. Okay, so can we just not do that, fellas? You do not Faco to Fiona Apple. She will come for you. Absolutely. So he's trying on all this stuff. He puts on the panty hose. He paints his nails.

He says mascara stings. Mascar doesn't sting. I was going to ask you about that. No, it doesn't. Did he poke himself in the eye with the thing? But that's not a sting. Oh, yeah. The word sting.

means that it stings. Oh, thank you. And if you poke yourself in the eye with anything, it's going to sting, right? That's going to, or hurt. I guess I never poked myself in the eye and gone like, ah, that's stung. No, you say, oh, I poked myself.

Right, yeah, I guess that's true. Or you say nothing, like a normal person, just like, ow, fuck. No, I'm constantly talking. There was, you get the great gag where, not great gag, in quotes, of him waxing his leg for a second. Yeah.

Did anyone read the IMDB trivia? I did see this. Yeah, yeah, I'll let you say it. Which is the, the, no, please, You do it. Oh, okay. Well, the Tribune said that apparently Mel Gibson said it wasn't that bad and went around taunting the women on set being like, what are you complaining about? That doesn't hurt.

To which I say, try a part that isn't a very musly leg, Mel Gibson. That hurts more. Yeah, like, you saw Corell in that movie. Yeah, he bled. But also, like, he did bleed that's right. Let's pretend that fucking Mel Gibson is waxing his back, neck, arms, and shoulders for the last 30 years. I'm a nair, man. Yeah, that's probably.

what it is. Melt it off me, buddy. And even if it doesn't hurt, don't be a jerk and go around to the women on set being like, you guys are a bunch of cry babies, that's not nice. I mean, it's Mel Gibson. I don't know why I'm expecting him to be nice. And like, Nancy Myers, like, look, it's just three more weeks, guys.

She just gave everybody a bonus every time like somebody's, I'm sorry. Anytime you had to talk to Mel Gibson, she took you up for dinner. Oh, that sounds great. That does. A lot of dinners. A lot of dinners. A lot of dinners. But then at the worst time, Ashley Johnson,

America's oldest teenager, Eric Balfour, shows up. Jesus Christ. Went on is... No, Can Hardly Wade is before this, right? Yeah, Can't Harley Wade was 97. So is this his last time playing a teenager? Ooh.

Six feet under... He's a college student or is he a teenager on 16 feet under? Did you watch six feet under? I didn't. I just assumed you did. You look like a guy who watched six feet under. Oh, man, what does that mean? My wife did.

So I married somebody that watched six feet under. Oh, you married into Six Feet Under fandom? I watched six feet under, but I don't remember. Steve's obsessed with his own death, so it does, it makes sense. I watched by the Vampire Slayer, and Eric Balfour was in the fucking pilot as a teenager. Like, that guy was a teenager for like 20 some odd years. And always put a scummy boyfriend because he could grow that bad goatee. Of course.

What were the commercials where he played the devil? I don't know what the product was. Oh, yeah. He played the devil? Yeah, he played the devil in some, like a series of commercials of like. Oh, that's weird. He would just show up because he's got a devil face. He looks like the devil.

Yeah, yeah. True. I'm looking. here about teens. Was he a teen on 24? No. Milo Pressman. No, he's not.

I mean, you probably played somebody's shitty boyfriend though. I mean, he played a shitty boyfriend for like 30 years. He then probably played a shitty husband and some stuff too. I watched that show Conviction for a little bit. He was a lawyer, so that's not high school. Yeah, so maybe this was it. This is it. So they come in, they, they catch him in the act and it's like a really awkward.

I was, no, sorry, because one quick Eric Balfour update. Oh, please. Thank God. Because he was in three episodes of the O.C. in 2004. So he may have been a teenager then, a character named Eddie. Yeah, that sounds about, that's not the bad. That's not the right. Oh, also he was in the Texas chainsaw remake.

That might be, like, technically, a teenager. He was also a teen in that. So, yeah, he really wrote it. That was almost a decade as a teen. How many teenagers do you know that have a face like a fucking used catcher's mitt? A pierced used met. It's a catcher's mitt that definitely listens to Huba Stank. And, you know, there's the, oh, my God, you know, oh, it's just for work and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And, like, another, like, she introduced him, I think her boyfriend's name is Cameron. Cameron. And, like, they kind of, it's an awkward thing. And, like, he's like, he does that Al Bundy horse shit, like, don't date my daughter nonsense. And then, like, was that invented by Al Bundy? No, but it's made popular by. Made popular by Al Bundy. The shitty, made possible by the shitty dads of America.

Yes. But then she's like, what's my boyfriend's name, like five minutes later? And he's like, I don't remember. Here's the thing. Like, yeah, that sucks. Asterisk, though, if your 15-year-old daughter walked into your apartment with Eric Balfour, I'm getting pissed off to. And also, to be fair, he's drunk. I mean, for the name remembering thing.

Like, you know what I mean? I mean people all the time. I don't know because I'm drunk. When she asked that, I was like, oh, have they said his name? I don't know. So there's a big blowout. They storm out of the apartment or whatever. Yeah.

And he's like, he's blow-drying his hair because he's put some moose in it. Sure. He's also filled the tub so that he can use the bath beads, I guess. But he also has the pregnancy test floating in the bathtub. I was like, do you know how this is. What would happen if I pissed on it? Is he checking to see if the bath is pregnant? Maybe he's got a beauty at the beast house.

Everyone is like, oh, sorry, Ben, bathtub. I'll uncurse you next year. Oh, cricky, I knocked up me bathtub. And so, yeah, he's got the blow dryer. He starts slipping on these bath beads. Which I think are squishing and not slippery. They drop.

They pop when you press those. What the fuck? Like, maybe Helen Hunt put a jar of marbles in there. Now, here's this jar of ballbearers. We are actually going to be pitching them in two weeks. The ball bearing company, the only one. Or maybe they're high heels and he's

isn't he wearing high heels at the point? Just show him looking around on the high heels and then he trips on that. That makes sense. Right. And falls into the bathtub. But he slips, he's got the stockings on.

That's what makes him extra slippery. Not heels. You're right. You're right. But he falls into the bathtub. And this is when I thought this is going to, to your point, I thought this is going to turn to a fucking

Tales from the Crypt episode. Like literally it goes in, he dies and that's the end of it. Oh shit. Yeah, that'd be great. And again, I was like, Come on, Tony Todd. I see that fucking hair dryer up in the air.

I was like, do it. I sleep at the switch again. He almost gets out. So it only electrocutes his leg, which is I guess why he's alive at all. I guess so. But his brain is in his leg then? What is what is wrong?

No, his brain is in his fucking dick in this movie. As always. It's a little closer. He gets electrocuted and he wakes up. And now he knows what women want. He knows what women want. Finally. And there's like an extent.

It's 30 minutes in and He can hear women's thoughts. It's a wild. 30 minutes, yeah. It's too long. And so we get like a montage of him like walking through a park where apparently it's like National Women's Day. There's just like an army of women running all over the place, not a dude in sight,

which I guess exists only to set up a gag later in the movie. When it's only men. But he's creeping up behind all these women in the park and none of them are thinking, I hope this guy isn't here to murder him. Yeah, that's kind of weird. Well, that's the thing. right? It's like, these are not legit thoughts. You see fucking Mel Gibson while you're

like trying to jog down the street. You're going to think some things. Like please don't murder me. He's also dressed like Steven Seagal too, which is like he's all in black the entire movie. He's wearing that leather jacket that I think he stole from the set of payback. It's the only thing you got from the whole thing. He didn't get much from payback. You get a leather jacket. And like some of the thoughts here here is like

one woman had a lesbian experience. Like one kiss doesn't make me a lesbian, right? And then like there's like some, that's a funny joke by the way well could you imagine if there were lesbians could you even imagine it in a world well this is night in 2000 we're prime friends at this point the word lesbian

and or gay is a punchline he's already said it at one point when he's looking at himself in the mirror he's like oh I'm a lesbian yeah and the worst is when he when he gets to the I remembered it the Bradbury building there is thank you oh Jesus he gets there and like

Mark Fiorstein the guy from Royal Pains. Yeah. Yeah. He comes in, like, he's telling, I can hear everything. I can hear all,

I'm going, I'm going crazy. Yeah. And he's like, well, okay, what does this lady think of me? He's like,

oh, she thinks you get paid too much and you're gay. Yeah. Which leads to a scene letter, and this is why. This is an H plot, by the way.

Of course it is. Yeah. And it's like, this is why this movie's two hours and seven minutes. There's a scene that doesn't feature Helen Hunt, Mel Gibson, Alan Alder,

none of these people. It's this guy. And that, other fucking glorified extra. She ends up going to be Ted Mosby's mom on how I met your mother. That's where she's from. Oh, shit. Deep pole.

I had to look at it. I didn't remember her. Listen, take credit for the poll. I mean, I knew it. Nobody would know. That's true. But yeah, he's like, am I, you thought I'm gay.

Did you say I'm gay? Listen, I fuck, I fuck, I fuck women. This is also then where we get, like you said, the worst joke of Delta Burke and Valerie Parent have no thoughts. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because clearly you could never really do this movie because it would be a, your brain would break. Of course. There's this barrage of thoughts just going through your head.

And it wouldn't be, a smarter idea would be like, he can see all these images and hear all these things. And he has to find out which woman is doing it. Right. That would make more sense to me and that would give more stakes rather than just like, he knows directly who's doing it all the time. And like you can cut out other voices whenever you like Just to isolate the one That's the plot of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Earshot episode

Which you can hear everybody's thoughts And somebody says they're gonna shoot up to school the next day Yes And they have to figure out who it is She has to figure out who it is And they pulled that up and they were gonna air that like Right after Columbine And that episode got pulled

That was a DVD only situation Yeah it's a good episode It's a great episode And also this is like the first time He walks by Judy Greer And it's a hilarious like He walks by Judy Greer and she's like, I'm going to kill myself.

And he looks like, what was that? Well, anyway. That's what keeps going. But we also, the dog thing, I'm sorry. Oh, right. In the park, he hears a dog and a dog's like, I want food or whatever the hell of the dog said. I have to poop. I have to poop.

And, like, so can he hear like birds? Can he hear cockroaches? Like, that's where it becomes indefinite and deafening and terrifying. Exactly. It should have been. He should be able to control it. And or one of the, one of the, one of the, one of the, one of the, one of the, He should meet a sea creature voiced by, what's her name?

Julie Andrews. What? Not Julia. Yeah, Julia Andrews. She played the big Cracken monster in Aquaman. Wow. One, I didn't see Aquaman, but now two, my head just exploded. Jesus.

Well, she plays a Cracken-esque monster. Is it at least like a pretty crack? No, it's a big monster. And she's doing like a villain voice? She's the voice of its brain. Yeah, and it's just, yeah. Guys, I got to get to the theater. First of all you do.

She didn't make a cameo in Mary Poppins, but she does make a cameo in Aquaman. Very weird choice. I will say smart choice. Aquaman, the better movie. Don't agree. I very much like Mary Poppins returns. I didn't see it. It's delightful.

Well, so here's the way you solve that gag, though, about the dog, by the way. He should just look, and it's a dog with its mouth closed, but it's still like rough, rough, rough. Yeah, that'd be fine. That's a better joke that I got to take a shit voiced by Roseanne. whatever the fuck. Look who's talking now. Oh, yeah. No, she's the dog.

Oh, she's the daughter. Diane Keaton is the dog. That's right. It's Diane Keaton and Danny DeVito. And to your point, Chelsea, she's a poodle. Got to have a poodle. Exactly. Of course. There are no female dogs that aren't poodle.

How can you not have a poodle? There has to be a male poodle at some point. They exist. How do you think they make other poodles? I don't care if it's a fancy dog. Just change it up a little. Like a sharp A is fine. so he it's a bad day at work or whatever he goes home and he's trying to recreate the accident

and this this friends is truly where tony todd was asleep with a switch because he does the same thing he puts meredith brooks on he does the leg wax all this shit nothing works he goes outside it's like a rainy night in chicago he goes outside on his balcony and i don't know why this reminded me of like the poster from the burbs but like he's standing outside in the thunderstorm and he holds the hair dryer up to the sky and gets struck by lightning. And he just wakes up on the couch the next morning. Like, no, you're passing out on that patio. Your fucking nose is bleeding at least.

Like, you're a skeleton. You're literally a skeleton at that point. He just wakes up, he's got out like a mild hangover. He's like, wow, what a night. And that's when he, you know, he, for some reason, doesn't run to any women on his way to the office. Like, I'm cured. Hurrah, hooray. Right.

Also, it's a weird. thing the whole i'm hearing the voices he's also like it can be impaired um by other sounds around right there's traffic construction so he thinks he's cured because all he can hear is jack hammering yeah that's not how that word enough i don't think so if you're like hearing thoughts why is it like is it their brains to his ears or is it their brains to his brain like that's what it doesn't make any sense. It would be their brain to his brain, I feel. That's what it should be. That's what it makes. But like, of course,

it doesn't make sense because they have to make excuses for the fact that he hasn't gone completely fucking crazy already. Right. You set this movie, oh, sorry. No, no, please, you. No, I'm sorry. No, I was saying, he said this movie in New York. He goes to meet Charles Xavier and now we're doing something. That's a thing. Now it's a thing.

I'm glad I let that happen. That's why I wanted to let you go because I had nothing. I usually have nothing. But speaking of how he thinks he's going crazy, he then decides to go to a therapist. Bet Midler, speaking of how deep this cast is. My note would say, oh, my God, Bet Midler, I forgot she was in this movie, in all caps.

She has two scenes, probably? No, one. Just the one. The one scene. She's still a delight. She has fun. She fucking, like, I guess was previously his and Lauren Holly's marriage counselor, is the idea.

And he, this is what's weird is, like, he instantly gets her to believe it. And she's like totally blown away by it. And she like encourages him to use this to whatever. So Bet Midler is actually responsible for all the fucking horrible shit that happens in this movie. But it's also only Bet Midler who makes him realize that this is a good thing. How does it not occur? There's 20 minutes where he can read women's thoughts and he doesn't realize that that's amazing.

To be able to read people's minds, especially for him and for the sake of the movie. women. We got to blast through that two-hour runtime, man. There's something. We got to put something in here. I would organize a high-stakes women-only poker game.

Now we got something. It's a good idea. And I imagine the scariest moment for Mel Gibson happens in this scene where he's like, Doc, I can read women's thoughts. I got it. And she's like, yeah, sure, buddy.

And he's like, all right, think of a number. And she thinks of a number, gets it exact. And then she says, oy, they. That's right. He calls his bodyguards and says, get the fuck in here and take care of the situation now.

No, Mel Gibson had a real grin and Barrett policy from like 1981 to 2005. And then he just, you know, then it was, you know, the coming out party happened. So, oh, great joke too is Bet Midler. Bet Midler endlessly funny. Sure, she's great. She's like, oh, I know this is a little unconventional. Do you mind if I smoke in here? And he's like, no, that's cool.

and she fucking lights a spliff. Pretty great. That's what I'd be doing. If I found out that there was a person who could read people's minds for real, I'll start smoking. Yeah, but on top of smoking weed. You want them to read your high thoughts?

Yeah, that's really good. Really fuck them up. Speaking of Ted Bundy. Cabin Bundy. No, but like they should have teamed up or something. You know what I mean? She's in on this secret. At no point does she like tell any,

I mean, she's not in the movie after. She's the only person who ends up finding out that he can read women's minds. Right, and it's like right after it happens. Goodbye movie. Yeah, do anything with that idea. She takes a couple puffs and they cut. That's a really good point.

Chelsea, even at the end of the movie, like, it's not even, he doesn't even, like, he kind of reveals it to hell and a hon, but he doesn't. So it's like, I don't know, like, that sort of needs to happen at some point. Yeah, the end is not good. And a lot of why it's not good is because no one, he can't tell anyone because it's crazy. Yeah. He tries telling royal pains, but that guy like doesn't believe him. Yeah, it's like, no, you're saying.

crazy. By the way, did I tell you I'm not gay? Well, it's a weird bad faith argument, I think, that's at the core of this, because this is all true. Like, I feel like it's all bad faith. Like, he's, he's like, I am, I can hear everybody's thoughts and everybody's like, yeah, right, buddy. And the message of the movie kind of is, is if you had heard, if women would just say what they think, we'd all be okay. Yeah. And it's there, they have to do the work. Not me. Not me. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a, it's a poorly conceived idea. So he does realize

he can use this at work. Now that he has a woman boss, he can start to use his, I'm sorry. No, I was just going to say, first he realizes he can use it in dating and he finally gets Marissa Tomei to go to a date with him. And of course, it's not a thing where Marissa Tomey wasn't

interested and... No, she is super into him. She doesn't think, oh God, here comes this guy who sexually harasses me at work every day. Yeah, it's like, oh, fuck, here's this guy that I've been waiting for, but he's just too good for me to just say anything. I mean, granted, he does look like 2000s, Mel Gibson.

It's tough. Still, my thought would be like, I'm Marissa Tome. I could date princess. He's still disgusting to her, and she should think something about that, but she doesn't. She definitely does not. And she doesn't have that crippling personality disorder. She hasn't before the devil knows you're dead that causes her to date Philip Seymour Hoffman. Or marry Phillipsville.

They're married in that movie. Oh, that gut on her butt. It's not okay. But speaking of butts, not butts, but he does this weird, like, pickup artist in the first coffee scene in the beginning of the movie, it's like the grossest thing in the world. There's this woman holding two things of coffee and he deliberately bumps into her like, this is sociopathic. And then just like, feels her up and he's like, oh, let me blot that perfect stranger. Let me grope your boobs. Dude, it's like George Costanza touch of the sweater.

It's like, it's not cool, man. It's a weird, like, gross pickup artisty kind of nonsense. Farkas, if he's here on Monday, you're not. And that's why Mercer Tomey doesn't want to date this guy. This guy's a fucking creep. But she does, though. That's the thing, dude. It turns out every time he comes into this coffee shop, it's fucking Horntown.

Yeah. Well, the date they have is even what they just... You don't see the date. You don't see them making out in front of her apartment. Which is right under the L train. She lives where Elwood lived. But yeah, you're just like making... out under the grody L.

Like, oh my God, that's disgusting. But before their date, he does realize how he can use it to his advantage at work, like you were saying. Yes, he, he, whatever. Like, this is the weird thing that's like, he's an advertising executive. He's told to be a good one. Why does he need to steal Helen Hunt's ideas? Like, why can't he actually just do work? Because he doesn't know what women want.

He's only good at advertising because he knows that boobs sell, which takes an MBA. For sure. You're totally right, though, because per. Lauren Holly's useless narration of the beginning of the movie, he is the king of T&A advertising. Sir Paulson is who says it.

Oh, it's her? No, I thought it was during the narration. But I think there's a sort of dual narrations. They cut around between that and Ashley Johnson too. So it is still in the beginning. Because everyone's talking about Melk, like Chris said, it's illegal to not be talking to Mel Gibson.

Everybody's talking. It's Lauren Holly into Sarah Paulson, into Ashley Johnson, and then I think one, and then back to Lauren Holly at the end. but um the i had it oh no but like but yeah all of his ideas are terrible like he's like oh if it was up to me i'd have the swedish bikini team who i know personally and i'm like i wish you were dead that here's what everyone in the office like every woman in the office in that like brainstorming session they have which is very awkward you're like i wish you were dead i wish you were dead i wish you were dead like he hears nothing else but that that would be pretty awesome because they do at least think like i hate him he's disgusting yes yeah that's true um Lisa edlstein actually has one of my favorite lines in this is like I hate that you've seen me naked that one I thought I was like

well the other thing too is like yeah because he can't well another bad idea he of course this is a terrible idea he's like well I tried on I was like thinking about the lipstick and I imagined a woman under a waterfall and I'm like what?

Lipstick waterfall we're not told that it's waterproof lipstick does that exist is that a thing? Yeah it's got to be a thing How could it not be? I don't know What are a lipstick works. Also, it's weird. He doesn't know how lipstick works either because he opens it and he smells it. And I was like, is there scented lipstick?

He also like opens it all the way. I was like, you're just breaking that and a half the second you started to use it. He should fucking take a bite out of it. No, he then goes on to be every woman's worst nightmare at work where he just steals Helen Hunt's ideas. And she chides herself for not speaking up sooner. And my heart was breaking. He steals on a gas tire's idea. you too. Well, yes, but that one

doesn't work out as well at least. Helen Hunt, it's like, I love this and she's upset. He's like kind of destroying her, which is it's a weird, vindictive, and like again, the end of this movie, which you rightfully say doesn't work. Like, that's part of why it doesn't work. He doesn't get really much come up

and it's like, you know what I mean? Like, when he comes clean about everything. But yeah, he's... Absolutely not. The middle of this movie is just him undermining her at work at every moment. There is the sex scene with Marissa Tomei where He can hear her thoughts and I think it interferes with his performance

at first I think interferes but also I think we are led to believe that maybe he's not actually into her or the best exactly because he lies about the size of his dick because of course at the coffee shop

he's got to be like speaking of grande or like whatever the fuck and she's like grande my ass or whatever she has the complaint about like he's using too much tongue so he like backs off a little bit with that But then yes, something like throws him

And he's got to go like sit nude in her fucking bathroom for a minute She's like I got a maid I hope he'll I wonder who's on Leno tonight And he just freaks out and goes into his bathroom And doesn't really have to do anything to all of a sudden be ready to do it Yeah I mean this is this is every other apartment was designed by Nancy Myers And it's beautiful this is designed by David fucking Fincher man This shit's on paper street

Her and Judy Greer's apartment both Fincher houses No no Judy Greer's apartment is fucking amazing I would never want to kill myself if I lived in Chinatown like that. That's amazing. What are you kidding me? That's a scene right out of seven. No, that's fine. It's a beautiful building.

Steve. It's gorgeous. Very nice. But he's also in this scene. You cannot forget something that I've never done. I don't think any right-headed man ever does is talk to their penis. No. And like, as if you're teammates.

And he's like, come on, buddy. We got to get in the game. We got to get this together. I'm like, dude, you are just talking to your dick, man. What is going on? That doesn't happen. It's just Brady and Bell. Let's check talking back and forth.

Having a fucking go at it. And then so, you know, he comes back in and he's like magnificent. She's like still orgasming while they're just laying there. Yeah, which is whatever. It is so totally whatever. And I just sort of, and again, like this, I mean, I kind of get what they're trying to do with this. But the whole movie forgets about Maristatea for 45 minutes. And then like later in the end of her arc, I guess.

Oh, it's not even art. Are we an L plot? What letter are we at J? I think, why? The Y plot of this is Marissa Tomey being obsessed with him. Oh, she turns crazy. She's cock crazy. It's such a creepy weird sex negative movie.

The women who do want sex are villainized for it, or not necessarily villainized, but you know, ha, ha, ha, isn't it weird that Marissa Tomei wants to have sex? And, like, at one point Helen Hunt thinks, should I bring him to my apartment? And it's like, no, no, let's not, because women shouldn't want. sex. It's like, what women are allowed to want? was the working title, I guess. Much, yeah. Well, she also, she has the thing where she, like, chastises herself for, like, looking at his dick and, like, that's

played for a joke. Yeah. How does she see his dick in these pants, by the way? It's just one of the many scenes they have. It's 2000. Men's clothes don't fit well. Exactly. We're still wearing, he's wearing, like, pleaded black khakis. But they feel like a tent. It's not. Yes. And if you're hard all the time, like Mel Gibson is. I mean, there's just, I mean, I mean, you can always see it.

Because, like, this is a trailer bit where, like, I looked at his, and I don't know if they, maybe there was a different cut for the trailer. I think it was crotch in the trailer, or at least the TV spot. That's totally right. And she's like, I looked at his crotch.

It was just penis in the movie. And like, and then he like flicks it at her. He does it thrust like, eh. Where is HR? Where is HR? Well, no, that's after hours. They're all alone. I think that's the scene.

Is that the same scene? No, that's not after hours. That's fully 3.30 in the afternoon. Like just out. After lunch does happen. Oh, God. That's how, that's how Gibson mating call. That's how all Gipsons have always made it.

So he decides, like, okay, I'm going to do, like, some market research. So there's a montage of him, like, walking around. And this is, so it was the year 2000. So, like, the legislation had not yet been passed that men could do yoga. So, like, yeah, he's in a yoga studio. It's just babes everywhere. He's walking around with, like, a fucking little detective notepad. He again runs up behind this woman and his creepy running right behind her and right next to her.

And again, her thoughts aren't, I hope I'm not going to be raped and murdered. Yes. Very, very unrealistic. You can hear his fucking Australian breath on your neck. I know. And there's this long shot of him, like, when he realizes originally that, like, he can hear, like, that it's a good thing when Bet Miller tells him it's a good thing. Sure. There's just this long shot of him going down the street.

Bet Miller? Midler. Midler. Midler. Did I say it on? Not Bet Miller. Oh, Miller, sorry. Bennett Miller.

Ben Miller. Bet Midler tells him it's a good thing, and he's like, oh, oh, oh, yeah. And like, there's this shot. It's a shot to be a sociopath, thanks to Bet Midler. It's, there's this shot of him walking down a street full of woman, women, and he just is like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I can hear you. Yeah, let's do it.

Oh, yeah. Let's, yeah. And he's just mugging for like two minutes straight. He's walking like Toby McGuire and Spider-Man 3. It's true. That's true. I can't even think because the big band music is blaring behind him and everything that's happening. Yes, we're turning up the Frank Sinatra.

This might be a Sammy Davis Jr. This might be a Sammy Davis Jr. song right here. I forget. Or Dean Martin. There's a lot of things too. It's the one that ends like, something really got to it. I forget.

That's the beginning because it's basically something's got to give. Oh, yeah, you're right. Oh, shit. You got to do it. You do. I don't know. So, like, he also, like, he's like becoming friendly with the secretary. There's a fucking, a, I think we're in K now, a K plot of Sarah Paulson, which you talked about with, she has an Israeli boyfriend who doesn't want to date her or doesn't want her to move to Israel, et cetera.

And he fixes that situation. There's a scene like where he's like kind of vamping with all these secretaries. He's telling like some bad like jokes about like men and like penis size. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The MN and O plots of this movie that got cut out are all telling them about her, their problems. And then Sarah Paulson just blows in and is like, all right, I broke it off with my boyfriend.

I'm like, what? I don't care. It's like nobody, nobody gives a shit. Nobody who's hanging on the thread of Sarah Paulson's Israeli boyfriend. If you could take out your index and go back to the B plot. And Ashley Johnson, who's staying with him and hates his guts, he walks in on her and her girl, her, who do girlfriends. And like, it's kind of amazing. I mean, like, I do love how much everybody hates him as a dad in this movie.

Like, both of the girls are, it's not like, oh, because I was afraid, like, oh, are they going to think he's cute or some horseshit? Yeah. But no, they're like, oh, that's that fucking scumbag. And it's funny because I was misremembering it just like you said it. I was like, oh, yeah, like, I think one of them's, like, horned up for him or something. No, no, they're both like, that guy's disgusting piece of shit. Yeah.

He's still ruining her life. I think one of them is, like, forgot her birthday. But then he says he's going to take her dress shopping. so we do get a shopping montage because it's a rom-com that is released and Nancy Myers made it so there has to be a musical montage preferably shopping sometimes makeover

throwback Christina Aguilera what a girl wants was like holy guy dude time traveling was that commissioned by this movie or was that just like a happy accident kind of situation I think it's happy I think that was just on the record that song was on that album

that was their single it was the song after Jeannie in a bottle yes that's right but is it on the soundtrack of this simultaneously? Oh, I don't know. But I thought Steve was asking, was that song created for the movie? But if the two were close enough,

it might have still been, but it got to be on her album. It could have been on the soundtrack. The answer is we don't know. Here's the other thing, by the way. They're like, oh, one of the thoughts they have is like, oh, yeah, what a fucking cheap skate. There's no food in the house or something like that.

And here's this dude, this like, baller pad. and he's like, yeah, by the way, why don't you kids, I don't know, order a pizza pie. I'd be like, come on, man. What did you sell out a little more than that? Before Seameless and Caviar, I mean, you can't just fucking like, oh, I'll have Indian food. You have to walk and go get it. No, I mean, you can use a, it was called the telephone. No, you can't.

What was called a restaurant. You see, you believe this conspiracy. The phone wasn't invented until 2010. We all know this. Well, actually, no, but the fact is you would need to make. menus in your house to be able to order Chinese and order in the whole folder. Yeah, like pizza's the safe beds like,

Hey, Giuseppe, make me a fucking pie. Yeah, but what the fuck? You call it 1-800 pizza? Which, oh man, what a great idea. I'm sure 100 pizza exists. By the way, what a girl wants for anyone that cares, which is zero people, that was released in 1999.

Okay. So it was out. It was out. So he's working with Helen Hunt on this Nike campaign. They come up with this idea of no games, just sports. Yeah. Great.

I actually kind of liked, like, those, the, the scenes where they actually are trying to think through an ad and how you build an ad, that was more of what I want. Like, the Mad Men thing, they actually go to the trouble of telling you how they're thinking about the product. Yeah. And trying to make an act. Like, that was, to me, the most interesting part of this is them working together to make an ad like that.

But why this movie is two hours and seven minutes is because you have a fucking scene where they think up an idea and you watch. him go through it and then like there's a 20 second break and then there's immediately another scene where they're working on ideas because they come up with this thing and then he's like all right I'm off for the night something happens and then he's like leaving for the night it's like later in the day or later in the night rather and this is where he sees he spies from like across the Bradbury building that she's still in her office yeah and so he goes up to the door and this is where he's like spying and I'm like does he

have a foot fetish right here? Because the door is like open a hair and her feet are bare fucking feet are on the desk and he opens the door and he's like, oh, it's her. He closes it again just on the tutsies and then opens the door back up again. I can highlight that because when you're introduced to Helen Hunt, Mel Gibson is introduced to her looking at her stems and her feet. Yep. That's how she's introduced.

Great. Fantastic guys. Yep. But then it's just it's them sitting down again. and he's like, oh, you're still working on this thing we did in the last scene? Let's talk about it some more. And there's like, we go through the whole process. There's like proofs that have to be looked at.

And like, again, everybody's worst nightmare. He starts stealing her right. Like, he can't even look at a proof. Like, Alon's like, oh, what do you think of these pictures? And like, Helen Hans, like, oh, they should be a black and white. He's like, well, they should be a black and oh, that's a good idea. It's like, wouldn't you, again, you've worked in the advertising work of 30 fucking years, like, know how to look at something and give your own opinion?

Exactly. Christ Mel Gibson. He's got nothing to say. may say he was just a dude that fucking fell up oh yes you know what I mean but there's also in I think it's in this same montage

or whatever where she comes in with a poster and it's like a woman like windsurfing and it's got like a slogan on it and it's like yellow and blue or whatever and she's like what do you think Alan Alda and then he's like in a lunch meeting and he just holds up a like

it's clearly supposed to be Mel Gibson's contribution and it's the same exact thing doesn't the art department talk to each other One of the illustrators like, no, I'm doing the exact same thing for Mel. Why are you doing? Yeah, so it's like, there's so many problems with that because like one Helen Hunt,

there should be a scene where she's like, wait, like, what's going on here? Instead, she's like, what a coincidence. And he beat me to it again. And then Alan Alda, you should be like, well, those look drastically similar. You know, and like some, maybe an investigation is launched.

An investigation. Because they, shove in a fucking M-plot at this point. They never make up, I mean, like, it would be one, like, they act the whole time, like he is, his job is exactly the same as hers. Yeah. Like he's doing, and he can do it all by himself, which is not how that works in those kinds of departments. Right. And if that's the case, why do we want the promotion even in the first place? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, hilarious scene where he has a disastrous lunch with his daughter. Oh, right. That's after they buy the dress and the montage. Yeah. And during which he overhears her thing to herself, I'm going to lose my virginity at prom in this dress. And he literally falls all over because women can't...

I mean, she's a teenager. He's a father. It's weird. I understand. But it's the fucking totally shitty, like, I'm leaning back in the chair. What did you say? Wow! And he falls over.

Yeah, they have lunch. It's a lunch counter. It's like a falling, not a falling out, but she's like, you know what? But, like, too little too late or whatever, and she fucking storms out. Because he's like, you don't have to give a, you don't have to have sex with anybody if you don't want to, blah, blah, blah. You don't have to be a hot, hmm, you don't have to be a, you don't have to have sex. And then, like, it's revealed that it's a lunch counter entirely of women, and it's everybody like, what a fucking scumbag.

Too late, too late, buddy. Oh, yeah, oh yeah, bad dad, bad dad. It's a lunch counter not only full of women, but also full of eavesdrop. I was like, is no one else having their own conversation at this lunch counter? That's what I'm terrified of. That's my biggest fear of telepathy is being caught eavesdropping all of the time. They're like, oh, that little creeps listening again. Again, you're forgetting the laws of 2000.

You cannot not think about Mel Gibson. You have to be thinking about him all the time. Sorry. He's like watching TV at one point. He's like flipping through the channels and he comes across like some Richard Simmons show where like this woman's giving a testimonial about like when she decided like, Enough was enough and needed to do weight loss or whatever. And he's, like, crying over it.

And he's like, oh, what's the matter with me? He starts, like, punching himself in the dick to just man up again. It's a weird. Yeah, I mean, and he's sort of like, this is when he's like, I guess he's starting to fall for Hell and Hunt also. And like he's still is doing, like, he's falling for her while stealing all of her ideas. Exactly. You're supposed to think like, oh, he's come so far.

He's become so sensitive. Yeah. But he's also lying the entire time. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's not like a romantic comedy farce where like, well, I'm so committed to this lie, I have to keep going. And then I'll find a way to tell her. Like, no, no, it's like, I'm going to keep stealing her ideas and hopefully run her out of the company. But sure, she's nice.

But that's the thing that was like it, the movie is so disingenuous in that way, though, because that's never presented. Like, he's never, like, he never says to Royal Paines, like, I got a way to get her fired. Yeah. Like, it's never that. It's like, we're working together. And I'm falling for you. And yeah, our ideas are the same. same, but we're never going to address that

at any point. It's just a funny co-winky ding. And in real I mean, I don't need to bring reality into this movie, but like if you, if a guy like that was suddenly given this power and was like, all of a son could hear all this stuff and was being taught empathy

or whatever the fuck, right? Like, it would take, it would be hard. Like him changing that way he is, it's probably pretty difficult, I would imagine. Of course. So, but no, as soon as he knows that that's not what you're supposed to do, apparently. Yeah, he's fine. Even though I'm sure people have been telling him this entire life, don't do that.

No, within two weeks of understanding that women have thoughts and feelings and opinions, he all of a sudden becomes an empathetic person with understanding and dimension. If it was grounded in reality, like the movie would have to be as long as Bonderchuk's fucking Warren P. It's like a seven-hour epic where this fucking scumbag is trying to like come to grips with everything. A Nancy Myers movie grounded reality does not exist because she made a movie about Kate Winslet, phone for Jack Black, ladies and gentlemen. That's true. Not possible. She doesn't really deal much in economic reality and all of these.

I like her movies, but you're not, she's not a documentary maker. Man, I'm thinking back to how fucking terrible the intern is. That's a really, really bad. And that's the one where she started to realize, oh, some people can't make millions. I'll make a movie about that. And it's like, no, that doesn't work. That's not your forte. Don't do that.

She hasn't made a movie since, right? I think that was it. That was her last directorial feature. She produced her daughter's movie The Home Again with Rees Withersbrand. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was fun. That was fun.

I did not see it. It was a perfect plane movie, which is where I watched it. It's a great movie to watch on a plane. And this is where... Isn't this when Marissa Tomei comes back and has the flip out? And then it crescendos with him saying,

I'm gay. Well, yeah. Then the friend. studio audience is really crack it up at Central Perk. But listen, here's the thing. Could you imagine? Could you just imagine?

I mean, could you imagine? A gay person? If a gay person existed. That'd be insane. It's strange. But what is her thinking of, oh, this guy was so good in bed with a woman that he must be gay?

Right. What? I think the logic is like he's so in tune. That a gay man equals a woman. Exactly. And that's what's, it's also just, could you imagine? Right. But yeah, it's, I think that's the logic.

You know how that works, right? Like, when gay men are gay, they... They're women. I mean, that's the thread of the movies. Like, you're so gay. Yeah. That you know exactly how a woman wants to be pleasured. Not how that works.

No, that's what I mean. Yeah, exactly. But that's what it's saying. You know how men want to be... Right. Exactly. Right. But this movie's like, he was so.

so good at fucking me. He must be gay, which is the dumbest. And she's like crazy, like waiting outside his apartment, like banging on the fucking window like Dustin Hoffman. It's like Rick Moranis and Ghostbusters. It's very awkward. Why are we making her into this? It would be awesome if that happened and Mel Gibson was eaten by a bunch of paranormal dogs. All right. Good little pooch. I was going to say if Mel Gibson turns around and she says, nice doggy. I love you. Nice doggy. I got a milk bone. And so it's like, yeah, I'm super gay and she's like, got it, see you later movie.

Well, no, she says, if things should ever change because, shockingly, again, this movie doesn't understand how being a gay man works. And there's like some Seinfeldian, like, if you change teams, kind of, whatever. That's not how that works. It's bisexual. It's a different situation.

Sure. Who knows? Every woman is willing to wait for Mel Gibson. And I'm saying Nancy Myers, I know she didn't write this movie, but I guess there was a thing where she said she took a very heavy, uncred and rewrite. Oh, really? Yeah.

Didn't rewrite it enough. There is... The original script is called I love you, daddy. Oh, dear. My question is, because I think this happens, him and Helen Hunt go on a date,

can he hear her thoughts over the phone? Did I make sense? That's insane. Like, what are we talking about that? That doesn't make sense. Does he have cerebral on his fucking phone? If you loop the world that they set up where he can't hear

the thoughts over the jackhammering, how the fuck can he hear it over the fucking phone. Why isn't he hearing it through the walls? He's not their neighbors. Exactly. And also a distance, like the distance thing is never really established because there's a bunch of times where he's like up on the second level of the office

building and he hears Judy Greer like, I'm going to kill myself. Like from way far away. So it's like, it doesn't make any sense. But yeah, they have the date. It's right before the Mercer Tomey scene. Sure. They go to the back door, which is it. I looked it up.

It's an actual jazz club in Chicago. They're filming on a set. You wonder why I hate jazz. Because you're ignorant. Yes. But so they have this like there's a band playing and they're like in a booth and whatnot. And they start like making out at this club. And it's just like what?

Two 40-year-olds make it out, dude. That happens at jazz class. That's where you can go to find that happening. And that is a staple of Nancy Myers for sure. 40-year-olds making out. Of course, of them. She's very PG. Yes.

Even to the point where after that, like Helen Hunt, has hailed a cab and she's going home and Helen Hunt actually has the line like we just made out like they're talking about making out like are we made out making archie comic or something but to Chelsea's point like I do think it's

kind of interesting that he denies her sex even though he wants it right and empirically he knows she wants it right I guess he's thinking it's like the better long play for the relationship I mean to be fair they work together and he's lying to her the whole time yes it is better to not

Make it more complicated. Sure. It's like, yeah, if I had sex with this woman, she may come closer to finding out that I've been fucking totally ripping her off this whole time. And reading your thoughts, yeah. Plus, we can't have a second sex scene of her being like, no, I don't know.

I wish he was doing it this way and then he does it. Oh, I just thought it was, oh, I kind of want to have sex with him. Not my type. Sorry, lady. No, I'll go home, sorry. Or what I want is, and I mean, maybe this happens in what. Oh, what Stephen wants? No, it's, they go upstairs.

I mean, no one wants to hear my thoughts. No, they go upstairs. They have wine. They start having sex. And then she's like, yeah, fuck me at Asner. Fuck me at Asner. He's like, wait, what? And like, that's, like, her thing for some reason.

And, like, it's just, it's bizarre. Like, or, like, what if she's thinking of somebody else? That would, like, really get in his gullet. Or she's, like, thinking back, like, oh, man, this reminds me that time I fuck Jacob Finkelstein. And he's like, say, what? And he leaves, stumps off and off. So kind of the last bit of this movie is, as Andrew keeps saying, Judy Greer does kind of come up every so often like the Monty Python, like animated interstitial in Holy Grail.

It's just like, I am going to kill myself. And like kind of the next scene. So it sort of keeps setting it up. And then like one day she's not there. I think actually like the day before, like she's like, One day I'm going to show up here and everyone's going to ask where the awkward girl is. This is the stuff that I was talking about, though, it's like the most dialogue-heavy thoughts. She is giving these, like, soliloquies in her head.

Like, they're not going to know where I am and only till those binders start pying up. And I'm like, who's thinking like this? Well, also, this is after, I mean, Helen Hunt, hasn't she quit? Oh, no. It's after the big Nike presentation. She doesn't quit, she gets fired. By the way, this commercial keeps getting touted. It's a wordy fucking commercial.

It is not a good Don Draper moment. It is not the carousel of slides. It is not very impressive. You need to cut this down, get a red pen in here. Yeah. And, wow, Tribune trivia talk about as useless as it gets. They're all, like, the three women at the table were actual Nike executives. Whoopty-do.

I guess you're saving three salaries that way. Do you have to pay them scale? If they're not, I mean, I guess they're probably not in set. Or maybe it's probably, well, because they don't speak. That's interesting. You only get their thoughts. You just hear those thoughts. And those are SAG people.

Oh, wow. You know what I mean? So like maybe, yeah, that's why they just sit there and stare at Mel Gibson. No. That's what you've got to do is the year 2000. And also before we get to the Judy Greer moment, Helen Hunt takes him to her new apartment. And finally, we do get an actual beautiful Nancy Myers house for someone like me who watches Nancy Myers movies for the interior design. I was like, finally, some molding.

Oh, there's a ton of mold. It's beautiful. That staircase? My God. It's got like a grotto out there or something's going on. I said of a Pinterest board just based on this apartment. It's gorgeous. There's a weird thing, though, where like, they're in the apartment.

She's showing him around. And he's like, oh, what's that? What's that coming through the window? And someone's fucking playing Frank Sinatra. And he goes, let's turn it up. And he opens the windows. And they start dancing, and he's like, he does that line. He's like, where would your bed be?

And she's like, right here. And he's like, oh, so if your bed was here, we'd be dancing on your bed. And it's just fucking Frank Sinatra again. Would you like to have very uncomfortable sex, Helen? And again, like, they have zero point zero chemistry. I think he's got good chemistry with Renee Rousseau in those lethal weapon movies. He definitely does. And Helen Hunt has good chemistry again with Paul Reiser.

Other, I think, good chemistry with Bill Paxton and Twister. I've never seen Twister. You're fine. Terrible chemistry with Jack Nicholson Because I don't know why she would want to date her fucking grandfather in that movie Yeah well it's as good as it gets dude Her grandfather who treats What is the dude? You gotta do it

You gotta do it Yes exactly that is it's also right in that realm of you gotta do it You gotta do it But actually he says to Merza Tomei I'm gonna shoehorn this in there because I made this joke when I was watching it She's like oh you're gay he goes I'm as gay as it gets And I said that is the porno parody

Of the Academy Award winning Helen Hunter film. It's just about Greg Kinnear's character. It's just him in Cuba Gooding Jr., and that's it. But yeah, also, like, as good as it gets sucks. Am I the only one in this room? I haven't seen that either. I saw it one time. I was realizing watching this that I've seen Mad About You and this, and that's kind of the only hell of context. Yeah, that's about right. I haven't gone back for it, but I don't remember, the last time I saw it, I don't remember hating. Like, James L. Brooks has got a better, like, I don't know. I just, I don't know. It's like, he treats her like shit that entire movie. And she's like, thank you, by the way, for the one time you were nice to me.

Now I'll date a fucking octogenarian. I was very mad at the time that she won the Oscar over Kate Winslet and Titanic. Oh, right. Very upset because I was 13. Wait, so I totally forgot that. Helen Hunt is an Academy Award winning actress. Yes. Wow.

And Mel Gibson has no acting Academy Awards. That's right. But he's not a one for acting. For one of the worst movies ever. Braveheart? Yeah. I hate Braveheart. That Braveheart's fine.

I hate that fucking movie. There's your boobers. That was what there's your boobers happened in, though. I still fucking hate it. But that's got to be worth something, Kevin. Yeah, Nicholson won, a Hunt won. It was nominated for a ton. Nothing for James L. Brooks?

James Cameron, hello. Come on. He's the king of the world. Oh, that's where he said that was that? It might have been when he won best picture. I don't remember which one he did it for. I want him to win for avatars. I'm a blue fucking tree guy.

I fuck with my tail. Or whatever, the catchphrase of Avatar is, you yell, I'm a blue fucking drink. I don't know what I'm fucking idea. Those are the catchphrases of the movie. This summer, you're going to fuck with your tail. Avatar, too. I will say, if Helen Hunt had given a dressing down like she does to Jack Nicholson in that movie. Because that's like serious shit.

Oh, she makes him eat shit in that movie. If she does that in this movie, I'm a little bit more happier. It's more just like, ah, you suck, goodbye. We'll get to it. I don't want to spoil it. Oh, okay. He saves Judy Greer's life. Yes, we understand how depression works

and it turns out that all it takes is for Mel Gibson, not for you a job, and then you don't have depression anymore. Also, though, and maybe I'm reading too much into this one shot in this movie, but so he notices that Judy Greer is not at the office.

He notices the stack of files, and he's like, oh, I remember when she said that thing about stack of files, she was going to fucking end it all. So he starts running around like, where's whatever the character? is, you know, has anyone seen her today? He learns where she lives.

She lives in Chinatown. He goes to Chinatown, and he goes up to this old woman, and he's like, where is this address? And this woman, like, points him down this alley, and he's, like, down there, down that alley, that's where I have to go? But then it's off of a major thoroughfare. I was like, why didn't he just go that way? It's a weird.

It's going on the other way, yeah. But I think it's because there's some, like, so what happens? It's a magical Asian woman. Exactly, yes. Because he also doesn't hear her thoughts, or if he does, we don't. Sometimes that's a weird thing where he hears a thought and just says what it is. But when you haven't heard it, it's a weird inconsistency. There's no device in the movie to split that.

You should build something to be like, oh, I can't hear it at this point. I have to focus. Yeah. Well, he stupidly, just to pause this Chinatown thing for a second, when he realizes, because there's the scene after he gets struck by lightning where he's like, oh, it's gone. the moment he realizes it's not gone is when he sees two deaf women signing and there's voices going on

what? Oh no, that's from earlier. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. So just to this whole thing of what's the device, how does it work? Yeah, exactly. And how does it work with foreign languages?

Right, like, we don't know in this instance. But my point about mentioning this was like, he's like, oh, I got to go down that alley, it's down there, and it's like kind of creepy and the music starts rising and he's like, okay. And they cut to a shot. out of this Chinese woman

and she's like kind of smirking like mm-hmm now the curse will be lifted and I was like wait so like it's Asian mysticism

now what the fuck and like he gets it's like the end of the natural there's a shower of sparks because of fucking generator blows or something Mel had a lot of notes and none of them were good

the main note here was why do I have to talk to this Chinese peasant that was a big problem he had he gets to an eight lane intersection and it's like why did you have to go down the alley I don't understand.

It makes no fucking sense. I mean, I guess because that's where she wants him to go and lose the curse. I don't know. Again, like, I don't know. But yeah, it's like, so does she know that he had this curse? I mean, this shot. It's very weird. Yeah, it sort of says that this lady knows it all.

It's very uncomfortable. And she's like, you've learned your lesson or whatever it is, you know. No. Now you care. But also, he doesn't even get zapped, though. Like, the shit just kind of falls on him. Yeah. But he's standing in like an intro.

rain flooding again he should be dead yes for sure Tony Todd asleep at this maybe he was out of Chicago that day uh we get some good cat acting here uh the cat brings her him to her apartment oh right yeah which is a weird do you notice he gives like a fucking cop knock to this door but it's he thinks he's a lethal weapon for a second and guess what movie he's making and he like the door's already open a crack but so how was he pounding on it The cat's like, nah, man, you got to open it down here. He's like, go sit. Match a cat.

So, yeah, he finds some, like, pills. He finds a suicide note. Yeah. And then Judy Greer, like, hasn't done it yet or whatever. And she, like, attacks him with a tennis racket. And, yeah, yeah, it's like, I got the perfect cure for your fucking, uh, your horrible mental disease. Um, how about a promotion? How about a high stakes promotion?

That'll be really, yeah, that'll work out really well. He's like, I seem to remember one time you applied for a copy. writer job and we found you ill-suited for it then but now since you're going to kill yourself come on in apparently she wasn't ill-suited he just blew her off oh is that what it was? Yeah like she submitted a packet and he didn't look at it

and whatever because he has been hearing her thoughts he thinks she's so funny and clever because she thinks in these long monologues so that he now thinks she will be a good copywriter based off of her suicidal thoughts that he's been listening to for two weeks he's like this is not okay

this is the funniest suicide I have ever read. The wit that was going to be your last statement on earth. She wants to wipe herself off the earth. Man, that's the ticket right there. That's what we want. I want someone like that working for me. Come on, promotion.

It's almost as if suicide has no business in this movie whatsoever. Yeah. It should be like she broke up with a guy and she's like feeling down. Let's focus more on Sarah Paulson and the boyfriend instead. And Judy Greer maybe gets to be a Z plot instead. And the problem is they tie the ending of this because he realizes in this moment that he can't hear Judy Greer

and he realizes like this curse or whatever is lifted. So like they've tied the end of the movie into this fucking side story that nobody's asking for. So it's not like you could because without that scene you could easily excise all of that from the movie. It could be a thing on IMDB where it was like Judy Greer played a character

in this movie and it was completely cut out. Except that she's crucial to the end of the movie. Big mistake. Two hours and seven minutes. So he finds that out. He goes back to Alan Alder and he's like, oh my God. And I was like, yeah, it's been two weeks.

She got us the world's biggest account, but we fired her anyway. And I'm like, wait, what? Yep. Like, that's not how advertising works. Like, she's in the room. She got the meeting. But apparently she didn't speak up enough because, again, this movie is every woman's worst nightmare.

And so she's been fired. Within two weeks of becoming creative director. of a major advertising company. It's insane. Because she did not speak enough in a meeting. That she brokered. She got the meeting. I want to throw up.

And how much money is Al-Nalda burning on this? She signed a contract, I would assume. And apparently she's getting a payout of some sort to me. Alan Alda is like, wow, I fucked up so much. I had to go straight to the board and tell him that I messed up. Like, he says the board. Like, this looks really bad for the company, regardless of the reason. It's like, you made a big deal about, like, landing this.

woman. She was super successful at her last firm. Give it a year. You fired her in two weeks. She probably has a contract that says BT Dubs you can't fire them in two weeks. Well that's because then when Mel Gibson gets to her apartment for like the final scene of this movie she's like well I got to sell this place

because I can't afford it. I was like no whatever that contract to buyout that definitely had to happen there's a good chunk of change you just got for that way. See those moldings? She might not be able to afford it. It was too floors. It's a Nancy Meyer's apartment. She mentions it

was two floors. That's true. By the way, Alda, if you want to say, because he's like, oh, man, we're under water. In the beginning of the music, oh, we're under water. This place might not be here pretty soon. First of all, let's move to new offices. You don't even need to cut staff. I can cut you five million a year. Easy. Let's move to new offices. Stop working in the Bradbury building in Chicago, whatever you're supposed to be. Open plan. That's been popular. Jesus, those are terrible. I work in one now. It's the fucking worst idea. If Alan Alda really wanted to save Helen Hunt, behind the scenes, you should, you know, Helen, you know, I know they've been doing bad so far, but the next Marvel movie, you should get in on that. I just got a new telegram. Also, there's this, a sex therapy movie with John Hawks, nobody's going to see it. Oh, yeah, right, where he's got, like, MS or Sarah Pauls here? It's a true story, I think. Yes, who cares. I know, I'm just letting everyone know.

Helen Hunt screens his calls, and then Lauren Hawley calls him from her honeymoon. She gets to be in another scene of the movie. That's right. is that Ashley Johnson has been trying to reach her and where is she? What's wrong? What happened at prom? And he's like,

oh, prom. I forgot. The movie forgot because there's so much going on. Right. We go back to the D plus. Ashley Johnson's like, I don't know.

I got to tell you, this fucking prom set up is pretty swank. Let's not the Drake, which even I've heard of. And I don't live in Chicago or go to fancy hotels. But it's the senior prom, right? Because Balfour is a senior

and she got... She's only a soft. sophomore, which also like, dude, I would, if everyone's looking at a belfry, like, the fuck's that guy's problem. Like, I don't know. Like, it's, you taking this little kid to prom for? Yeah. Also, what fucking school? I mean, like, yeah, I mean, the Drake thing, like, is this just a normal public school? Is she going to Sidwell friends? Or what the fuck? My senior prom was at like a Hilton, I think, or something. Ours was at the Albany Convention Center. It's as cool as it sounds. No, no, no, we're going to drop two million on this prom. Yeah. There's no, there's never the, because on television, they always do, like, whatever. this is a high school show, which I watch almost exclusively high school shows, it's always the prom is at the gym for some reason? That never happened. No. That never happens. I mean, I'm sure it happens in like smaller schools and stuff. Or like

if you live really far from hotels. Yeah, no, I bet that happens. But write in if you're right in if you're promis at a gym and what's that story like? Oh, prom stories, yeah, definitely. We all hit move togmell.com for the mailbag. Yeah, oh, give us the prom stories. The video mailbag by the way. On YouTube.

Which will turn around into audio mailbags a few weeks after they release. So. there's that. So Mel Gibson goes to her prom because he's so convinced that she's upset because he wasn't there to say goodbye. Yeah. Or see her off. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Photos or whatever it is. I mean, that's just, that's more fucking fuel on the fire, man. Like, at this point, you got to just fix it in college. Like, here's that girl whose dad showed up at prom. Yeah. And stormed into the bathroom. Like, oh, douche. Yeah. She's not coming back from this. No. She has to transfer school. Exactly.

Exactly. Sorry, I read your thoughts and still you're right. No, you're just working together to tell the best joke. Oh, that's why you electrocured yourself last night. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what, yeah. But it turns out what she's actually upset about is Eric Balfour is upset that she has changed her mind and will not have sex with him at the prom.

And she keeps saying this is a weird word choice here. Like, I promised him we'd have sex at the problem. I'm like, oh, man, sex promise. Yeah. That TLC show is terrible. So they have like a quick heart to heart via bathroom stall. There's another little thing of women who like sex thing where she's like, and he started making out with this girl with a tongue ring. A slut with a tongue ring too.

Yes. I was like, what does the tongue ring have to do with whether or not this person may be a slut? I don't mean, like, what are we talking about chastising people with tongue rings? But he comforts her and she feels better and they bond for the first time ever. That's something. Yeah. And he can't read her thoughts to do so. So that's good.

Right. He's not cheating or whatever. Exactly. He can be taught. You know what I found about Ashley Johnson? What's that? Is she won a video game BAFTA? Yeah. They're a video game BAFTA.

I had no idea. For the last of us, right? Yes, yeah, yeah. Apparently that's a series that people play. What? Exactly. Are they called, like, the Gabaftas? Welcome back to the Bigabaptus.

No, they're only getting Freddie Prinz to do those. He's the host every time. Who is the English Freddie Prince? Oh, that's a good question. The dude who played jazz on Peep Show? Robert Webb, possibly. UK listeners, right in. They are not televised.

You watch the Baftas and they're like, oh, And here is Ricky Jervais hosting the fucking video game Baptist the night before, the lunch. You can write in and get the transcript of the ceremony. Maybe, no, it's probably streamed on Twitch these days. Video Game Baptist. I wish there were video game Oscars at that point. Let's do it. Are there not?

I'm sure there's video game awards. But is there the Oscars? Not the branded Oscar thing, I think. No, no, no. I don't even know if there's a video game academy. Oh, man, Video Game Academy. That's a directed DVD movie. I'd like to thank the video game for in press.

Oh, the video game Golden Globes? Video game Baptist. I was shocked by that. You just tune in on Twitch and it's like, Hey, does anybody want a beer? I'm Ricky Jervais. And then everybody watching, it's like the ring video. They all kill themselves.

God, fuck that guy. It's true. I hate Ricky Jervase. And whatever, they, so he winds up. finally getting back to Helen Hunt's house. Yeah. And yeah, this is the point where she's like, look, I can't, I'm leaving. And she's actually really, like, gracious about it.

She's like, you were the better man for the job, clearly, you know, you had the better ideas, which were my ideas, but you had them first somehow. Because he's been gaslighting her the entire time. Yeah, that's actually, yes, the G word does not come up yet, but that's exactly what's been going on here. And he's like, no, there's some scene that we don't see where he convinces Alan Alda to give her the job back. Don't see that.

Yeah, he does say, like, you have to give her job. He's like, wait, but he's like, I stole her ideas. Oh, he does admit to it? Yeah, he doesn't. I guess I was just looking at the computer. It's a big scene with both of them where, like, Alan, I mean, it's that same scene that we were talking about before where he's like, you know, two weeks since she hasn't, she's only delivered the biggest account in the world. I remember that scene. It's the same scene.

There was a successful conclusion to get into the job back. Yeah, and then he's just basically like, yeah, and then he's, well, all right. But also, like, he doesn't, all that doesn't discipline him at all is like, I stole her, I just like, well, that's how it goes sometimes. Yeah. go out for steak later. It'll be fine. All right. You're bumped down to creative director. You only have two assistants now. Yeah, exactly. You know what? I'm taking one of your assistants. Do I miss it?

You know what? I've been after this for a while. Delta Burke is mine. It's power play, man. And yeah, so she's like, oh, cool. So if I really have my job back, you're fired. Yes. And he's like, all right. And he literally like gently kicks the door frame, like, well, I guess you'll go. It's kind of a good moment if it's the last line of the movie, because she's like, she's very weepy and

like, you know, emotional. And she's like, well, if that's true, you're fired. So it's a well-delivered, you're fired. It's better than what does happen for the next few minutes, which is him weirdly saying, well, I need rescuing. Like, that's what you've learned by listening to women's thoughts

for two weeks, is that you need women to rescue you and not you need to be a human being, or, that women think and have complicated thoughts and are people like you are? None of these things. None of these things.

I need to be rescued. Please rescue me, mommy. Whatever. I mean, it's true. I would much prefer if she was like acting very kind like, okay, you know, let's go into the bedroom and just gone girls him. Cuts his throat while fucking.

Just do it. Get it over with. This guy needs to be out of the world. Or he could find a better therapist than Bet Midler and, like, really get into whatever these issues are. Like, that's the end of the movie. It's, like, six months of therapy. I would love it if it's, like, he's, like, she lets him back into her life, which she does at the end of this movie.

And then he's like, no, I just need you to do one thing for me. And he pulls out, like, a Vegas showgirl costume. And he's like, I need you to put this off on me. I need you to put this off for me. And it's like a twist ending, and then it's credits. What a, you. Right? But we'd be talking about the ending of what we'd want for you.

watch it's two hours and seven minutes of a pretty regular Nancy Myers movie and then the ending is fucking baffling so he like walks away like I'll take my ball and go home I guess and then like she's like wait that's it after you said you need rescuing you're just going to walk

away and he's like well I don't know and then like what does she say to him I'll rescue you I'll be your night and shining if I didn't rescue you For Christ's sake I'm just a little millionaire I need to be bought a ball

Somebody help me Oh fuck it Jews And then he like Runs back up the stairs And they like embrace And then it just cuts to fucking credits Like after a two hour and seven minute movie

The end is so rushed It really is It's really abrupt Because like you don't There should be like Is he still fired? Did he get his job back? Like how does that work?

Or like maybe he starts its own agency or something. If you're making it two hours, seven minutes, make it two hours, ten minutes. Exactly. Take those three minutes, just a little quick epilogue. Yeah, there's maybe like different firms now.

Sure. The daughter is like, oh, dad, I'm really excited for this weekend. Yeah, that also ends pretty abruptly. She's like, we're cool now, but it's not a full on, like, you know where this relationship's going to go. Right.

Something that could all be solved with just a quick little three minute prolog. And also two hours and seven, come on. Yeah, exactly, round up. You give me this movie, I could find you 40 minutes to cut. This could be easily. With an added epilogue, you can add an epilogue. I can get you a buck 45 with a very generous epilogue.

And save thousands of dollars in royalties to the estate of Frank Sinatra by cutting so many montages. If you cut the montages, cut Judy Greer. And what you could do is he goes to the prom. Sure. And he runs into the bathroom. He slips on water and slams his hands. head on the sink or something.

Some sort of DJ wiring. Oh, yeah, totally. He gets up on stage to maybe make a microphone announcement. Like, is my daughter here? Right, and he gets electrocuted there. Then you don't have to worry about all this fucking mystic Chinese lady shit that happens. Yeah. What if you got a Romani woman that he hits with his car and she goes,

Deanna, what women want it? Yeah. Oh, well, but that, actually, I really wish that would happen because if he gained 20 pounds and found himself unattractive, he'd do him. himself in. I know Mel Gibson. He would not be okay with that. Regular. Oh, fuck, man. Do anybody recommend this movie? It's a hangover movie for sure. I've seen it twice now. I mean, it's exceedingly long and the politics and sexual politics are nuts. It's not very funny, but it is very relaxing in that Nancy Myers way. It's a light hangover movie, but mostly not a

recommend. Big nope. Leave it be. I mean, actually, thinking about this might actually be the worst of her movies of the whole bunch. The intern is the worst, I think. I think the intern's worse than this. It's between those too, because it's the male leads kind of usurping the female leads

in both of them. But I will say, I think Helen Hunt's character is a little more grounded in reality than Ann Hathaway's. Anne Hathaway is too much of a mouthpiece for Nancy Myers, who is a great deal older than Anne. Hathaway. So it's very awkward. Anne Hathaway spends that whole time worrying about, like, her death. I was like, Ann Hathaway's 30.

That's the thing is, it's worse because that movie is more recent. And it's like the same weird out of touch shit, but also with like class stuff as well as the sexual politics in that movie. And also tech stuff, like, I don't think Nancy Meyer's own is a smartphone

and it shows in the intern. It's awkward. She sends her daughter's emails via the phone kind of. I don't know I think if you think you're going to like it and you haven't seen it then watch it

but if you think you're going to like it you've probably already seen it so you know watch another Nancy Myers movie I would watch Father of the Bride Part 2 again before I'd watch this one I would watch the worst Steve Martin movie before I would watch the best Mel Gibson movie

which is why I haven't seen Braveheart and I have seen cheaper by the dozen too nice! Oh shit! Have you seen mixed nuts? No missed that one. It's a good one. What about any of them their Pink Panther movies? Yeah. You saw both of them? No, no, no. They're first.

There was another one? Yeah. Oh, wow. Pink Panther farts around in a soccer stadium. I don't think that's the name. You're probably right. I guess would not, I agree with Steve that it's a hangover. It's a kind of thing actually where if you could put this movie on in headphones, it will be a great way to lull you to sleep. But they're a better 2000s

era rom-com. Yeah. If this is the one you have to be your hangover movie, fine. It's not going to bother you. But if you're looking for one, you can find better Nancy Myers movies, better rom-coms, better any of them from this one. And you don't want the headphones because it's the... You're right. The fucking Frank Sinatra of it all. Yeah, never mind.

I rescind that. Yeah, if it's like your television is stuck on a channel and you're hungover, you could do worse than what women want. Like you're on one of those flights where they play one movie and that's the movie you have. You can stay on the flight if it's what you want.

You don't need to change your flight. That is what women want from the grand year of Y2K, directed by Nancy Myers. Of course, if you want more we hate movies, head on over to w.hModcast. com or patreon.com slash we hate movies.

Chelsea, thank you for guesting on this episode and providing a much needed Representing all Womenkind The entire gender All 52% of you It's important

Steve Sadek As always The show rolls on next week What are we talking about? Valentine Which is Fuck 2001 it's the slasher one

Right Because I feel like it's a couple of Valentine's Day Yes Which was a Gary Marshall movie That's like 2011 though Yeah

Yeah 2001 2001 David Snorriannis is in this movie It is I will make that joke On the episode Oh I can't wait for you in three minutes

joke teasers but yeah it's gonna be a lot of fun it is going to be a lot of fun oh by the way we have a Patreon episode out probably right now which is bad boys that's right

with Martin Lawrence and Will Smith a lot of fun episode I wrap on it I'm sorry oh that's right it's a pretty successful Chris Cabin brand freestyle

oh wow now you just made a million dollars so until next week with valentine i'm andrew jupin steven say that criss gabin chelsea jupin take it easy