We Hate Movies - S9 Ep413: Episode 413 - Pet Sematary (with Griffin Newman)

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang welcomes Griffin Newman into the studio to chat about the dumb fun that is Pet Sematary (1989)! Why didn't the town just vote to lower that speed limit? Can beer bottles get buried in the cemetery and come back to life as FULL beers? And was that kid really laid to rest (the first time) in that Tom Petty hat? PLUS: Be sure to catch Griffin on Amazon's The Tick when it returns for SEASON TWO, this Friday, April 5th! Pet Sematary stars Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby, Brad Greenquist, Blaze Berdahl, and Miko Hughes; directed by Mary Lambert. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, it's the motto of my life. Dead is better. It's Pet Cemetery. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddack. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And I'm Griffin Newman. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning in as always. And you may have heard four fat guys. And then a fifth guy who you may not know, welcoming to the program, Griffin Newman. And I'm very little. He's very much tinier. It's like you're like a little.

You're like a fifth of us. I'm like Miko Hughes size. Very fitting. I was, I had, the movie we were discussing today, I had never seen before. Right. And watching this, I got angry being like, how did I not get to read for this part in the remake? They wouldn't have to use a dummy. I could be like the stunt version, but I think they gender flipped.

Oh, yes. Yes, they did. Which they do in the trailer, which like that is the thing you put in your back pocket. So if you're the audience member, you're like, like, oh, I know Pet Cemetery. You're like, why do they do it in Pet Cemetery? But now it's the trailer, and I'm like, I don't want to see that movie.

And I had seen several trailers to the movie before, had never seen this original film, thought the new one looks good. It does. And then, like, two days ago, I caught the newest trailer where they give away the daughter. Right before I watched this movie for the first time, I would have been blown away.

Totally blown away. Exactly. We're recording a couple weeks before us comes out, a couple days for us because I saw us the newest us trailer which is like 41 minutes long and I'm in the theater like literally covering my eyes like oh that's a scary cat like no no I just want to watch the movie when it comes out like I don't need the 12 minute trailer you're very sensitive about that oh I'm a spoiler phoom if I tell you who's starring in a movie you get really angry Steve likes to go and cold I like to go in fresh what would you do if I spoiled us for you right now in the air I would leave this I would leave this partnership It's actually them. At the end of the movie, it turns out it was them. Well, I don't even know if I want to say this because I feel like you'll get upset

if I tell a story about getting upset about reading something on the internet. But I saw someone today being like, I forget who, but an online critic saying like, after seeing us, Elizabeth Moss is definitely my choice to play the next Joker. And someone said, spoilers. And their response was, not a spoiler,

I can tell you, she doesn't play the Joker and it's like, okay, you're being funny and it's not like I know exactly what that means. Right. But I also know there's at least one scene in the movie where Elizabeth Moss does something Joker-esque. Yes. She might not be the villain.

Right. She might not become possessed. I mean, who knows what the Alchem is, but it's like in a horror movie where like I don't know what's going to happen to anyone. Yeah. I know how Elizabeth Moss gets twisted. Or she's going to wear a boutonier

that's going to be very nefarious. to be very, very, very wary of that. Or she just, she just has face tattoos. Also, though. She might, she might just be very well dressed. I feel like people don't talk about that enough. Jokker's very well dressed. He is, he is impeccably dressed almost in every iteration.

Every iteration. I don't know, man, for me, it gets a little clownish. Oh, that's awesome. He's like the clown prince of crime. I just saw her smell at Southby. Spoiler, she does. In that movie, in that movie, I had the thought she could play the Joker. Yeah, see, interesting, right.

Yeah. And saying that isn't any kind of spoiler, because it's not a horror move. But what's weird is having seen us, like, last week, now I'm thinking, what the hell is that guy talking about? So it's based in nothing. Yeah, it's totally based in nothing. That's very strange.

Because you do see, in her smell, it's like she hits a certain level of, like, manic intensity where you're like, she could play. So is the Joker smell good or bad? It's like kind of like a mix of like B.O. and wine cooler. Does she have a henchman in her, Mel. Yes.

Okay. There's definite henchmen. She actually does. She does. She's got sort of like a cadre of like. Yeah, there's a posse. Okay. The guy who helps Jessica Jones out in her roommate or whatever.

Oh, yes. That's the dude. She sort of got like it kind of feels like a traveling circus. Like she's got like a sort of phony shaman around her and musicians. It's a great movie. It's an excellent film. The film today, by the way, Pet Cemetery from 1989, directed. by Mary Lambert.

But before we get to it, I think we should plug away because we like hanging out of you. We were on blank check with Griffin and David. Two down two to go. Yes. Yeah.

We had a great time. We were talking. What do we talk about? We're talking about the total recall. We're talking about it. Come on. Yeah. All right.

Come on. It looks like his recall wasn't total. Well, that's the marijuana. But big news. Just in like a few short weeks at this point? Or it's out like right now.

No days. We're recording this in advance. But in a few days. The Tick season two. Yes. Well, I think these two things will be coming out around the same exact time.

Yes. Yes. It's quickly approaching. It's something we filmed a while ago. What are we talking? Like a year and a half, a year ago? Like five.

I read that you have this intensity in it that you could possibly play the Joker. I get a little twisted. I get a little twisted this season. No, we filmed it like nine months ago and a lot of that is just TV is weird now. Yeah. Because there's no, like, traditional...

There's no structure to it. It's the Wild West of television. It's the Wild West, really. And I think they took more time on the effects this time because last time we were super rushed. And I think everything looks really great. Yeah. But it's been in the similar.

I've just been, like, sitting on it for a while and I couldn't really talk about it. Yeah. But I think the new season's really good. One of the things I'm really excited about in this new season is we have, like, monsters. On the show. Nice.

Because, like, season one, it was, like, human villains. Yeah, yeah. Jack Gittle Hill is kind of a monster, though, right? Monsterish. Yeah. He's monsterish. I mean, at the end of the day, who is a greater monster than man? But we have, like, creatures.

Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. And it's really fun to work with, like, you know, like a 6'5 Russian stunt guy, you know, who's just like, we have this creature who is. We're talking to tentacles? We're talking. It's a lobster creature. I don't think I can say the name of the creature, but it's like a man-sized lobster, walks up right, has all the little arms that pop out of its chest, and then big claws for hands. And those claws may not be handy when it comes to breaking through bank vaults.

Oh, there it is. There it is. But the thing, the mouth sort of like has these tendrils that move and the eyes move around. It's all like animatronics. Practical effects, man. Super practical. That's what I like about the show is I like the character design

It's very, you guys A really good production design Thank you, I can't take any credit for that But I agree with it No, the acting is terrible The acting is awesome The performance is a wrecking Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Were you trying to get laughs? No, no, no, no, I was trying to get fired. Oh, okay, that's it. Not my kind of show. Yeah, I didn't want it. They're holding me against my will. No, but it also is like, as a kid, like, I grow up like

I want to be in the pics. I want to make TV and then you work on so many things where you're like this is boring like there's just like a green screen behind me and actors are lazy and they don't do their scenes with you you know like they're like so many dispiriting things and it's great to be on like a show where it's like we have big sets and like extras wearing uniforms and like that's cool man cool props and and this this creature um so it's this uh stunt guy who plays the creature on the show has to give like a performance yeah You know, because he's not, like, doubling for someone else who's carrying the emotional weight of the creature. And it's not a mop with, like, a ball on its head, like, creature coming later. Right, right. There's a real physical thing that we're interacting with. But he has to be very deliberate, not just in the choreography, but in, like, you know, how he conveys the emotions of the character and the intense of the character and everything.

And there was a day where I was doing a scene with him up, like, up close and we were inside and it was really hot. And everyone's, like, sweating all the time. all the costumes were like not very breathable and when we're filming on our sound stages it's like 40 degrees they make it like an icebox it's like hatefully where we're all like the entire crew is like bundled up with scarves in July and then the actors are all wearing these really dense costumes and sweating so there's this like amazing disparity and so I'm really close up to the lobster creature and I was just like admiring the how incredible the design is lost his eyes right right right

and the eyes moving and the tendrils moving the mouth. God, this is so amazing. And look, they even loaded in some sort of like dummy saliva. There was like goop coming off. Are you sure that was dummy? The tentals of the mouth. It was his sweat. Oh, no.

All this poor bastard. I was like, this is incredible. How can we afford this? Oh, my God. And then I just saw his sweat was pouring out as if it were like a rigged effect. Oh, wow. That's actually the sequel to her smell is his sweat. His sweat.

His sweat. Now, you mentioned the old west about. 10 minutes ago. Do you ever think that Billy the kid was like the Joker of the Northwest? That guy was so twisted. I mean, he was like the clown cowboy of crime. Yes. There it is.

I think so. I think that's right. I think so. Let me ask you one more thing before we get to the discussion today. Sarah Finnewitz, just as handsome IRL as he is on told him? He's very handsome and he's a very tall man. Is he 40 feet tall? He's 40 feet tall.

He's a clean 40. I'm very little, as you guys can see right now. One of the things that really aggravated me was when the pilot came out for the show and when the first images came out, people were complaining that I was too tall. They were like, this is ridiculous. Like, Arthur's like the same size as the tick.

Oh, what? And he's like a good foot taller than me. Like a heavy foot taller than me, plus significantly broader. But sometimes things photograph weird. Like in the same way that you can use, use photography to make people look like there's a greater size difference between that.

Right, sure. Somehow we accidentally, in some of those early images, did a reverse Gandalf, where I was standing too close to the camera. So then when we started filming the season proper, after they'd gotten those complaints, they would constantly be like, can you try just crouching on a little bit?

Oh, no. They'd like make me expand my stance, and I'd be like, he's already got like... That's famously the same thing that happens with Batman Returns, because Danny DeVille looks exactly as tall as Michael Key. the top hat is throwing it off no he's very handsome he wears a leather jacket a lot which is just like very cool and it's one of those things i'm just like i can't pull this off

like i never nobody like comes in he's got a cup of coffee and a cigarette it's like going over the script pages it's just like he's a snack can i now i'm gonna tie in can i tie in blank check as well at what point did you bring up phantom menace to immediately almost immediately i would I would have to, but I'm like, let's get this over with. Yeah, right? Let's get into it. We got cast separately because I was, like, fighting for months and months and months to get the part. And they were fighting for months and months and months to get him to pick up the phone and take the part.

And we didn't both get cast. We weren't both set until maybe two weeks before we were going to start filming. So the first time we met was the night before we were going to do the table read, which is always kind of scary because now they, like, fire people from table reads all the time. They make people do like, you know, like four rounds of testing for like any of these TV shows. It happens more when you're in like the traditional pilot season window when everyone's like going crazy and like fighting to try to get their actors on like the 90 pilots that will never see the light of day. But if someone when they do the table read like doesn't get laughs, the next day they're like out of it. Oh, Jesus. So they always like impart on to you this thing of just like, make sure you get your rest because this isn't just for fun.

We don't want to go back to the drawing board. So I was only meeting him that night before, and it's like for a show that's so much about the chemistry between these two characters and two characters who have been played well before by other people. So there's like a specific thing. There's an image that people have in their mind

and what they sound like and how they move and all this sort of stuff. It was like very nerve-wracking. So we went to dinner the night before to try to like get to know each other. And one of the first questions he asked me when we sat down for dinner was um i don't i don't know man are you a star wars fan he brought it up he saw it on you he smelled it dude smelled it on me because i think we were

talking about we were talking about bad work experiences that's what we were talking about we were comparing things because we were like how do you like to work on set this and that we're talking about work experiences we're walking in the restaurant we sit down the restaurant and he says you're a star wars fan and i went uh yeah anyway so um i was in one of them and he wasn't doing the thing where he was like pretending to be modest yeah he genuinely was like you probably wouldn't know who the character is right and i had to be like okay and like open up the whole book and be like i spent a year pretending that phantom menace was the only movie that existed right because blank check came out of that right yeah it was for a year just david and i

talking about the star wars prequels as if they were devoid of context well i mean i feel like I was meeting Peterson and Fedonements for dinner. I thought you're going to say Paris Hills. That's what I heard too. It's a tough one. You nailed his name. You know, Paris Hilton could play the joke. Oh, she's totally good.

She's so twisted. But if you're like, I get off the subway, he's like waiting at the thing. I'm going to wave. Fed a minute! Yes. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, that fat guy. Got it.

Got it. Yeah. It was very bizarre. Like, talks to him and realized like, oh, that was like the first job you got out of drama school. Yeah. Because so much of it was that like George Lucas likes to. who skirt around unions and labor laws. That's why he filmed those movies in England largely.

A lot of child labor on set. I've heard that. Actors, unions are very different over there. So for all those alien parts, the voiceover parts, they just went to the local drama schools and we're like, give us your 20 guys who can do voices. And he was like, I did voices for like 10 characters. Two of them made it in.

Wow. Like he's one of the other Gungans as well. Really? I didn't know that. One isolated line is like a gungan. I don't think anyone knows that. Like I've never seen him credited as that. But he was like the guy who played like Subalba was my buddy.

Like it was like we were all like coming out of that class. So do you want lunch or do you want to do another gungan? Like what's, what would you rather have? Would you rather have lunch or another gungan? But he was like, we didn't have any context. Like he wouldn't. And it's weird because it wasn't like, now there's such a thing where you hear like all these actors

working on Marvel movies were like, they didn't let me read the script. I didn't even meet the other act. I, like, shot my scenes in a parking lot in Atlanta. We'll see if I make the cut. But this was apparently just George Lucas doesn't like talking to people. That's not surprising. He was like, so, you know, he's just, like, really evil.

And he said George Lucas was, like, right behind him. I was going to say over his shoulder, but he was definitely under his shoulder. But George Lucas was, like, right behind him, like, breathing on his neck. Wow. More evil. Like, in the recording booth, he was there. This guy's twisted, okay? Yeah.

It's like you're the joke. Joker of Star Wars. It's like the clown Sith of Fry. Someone give me a fucking ladder so I can stand over this guy's shoulders? But he like didn't realize that Darth Mall was a thing until he saw the trailer and was like,

I think that's the character. Oh man, that's so weird. Right, because Ray Park played the body, right? Right, and he was also... Ray the body park. I think he also just was like, I don't know, they're giving me like 10 characters. I don't know if any of these are important.

Yeah, you know? Weird. Well, that's awesome. So The TIC, Season 2. Season 2, April 5th. April 5th is the date. Amazon. Globally.

Available on Amazon. That's awesome. So let's get to it. Steve Zanek, if you had to boil down the film Pet Cemetery, 1989, to its essence,

without saying dead kids. Oh, no. Because I knew that would be your essence boiling. What are we talking about? What is this movie? It's a neighbor that can't shut his goddamn mouth. It's what it is.

No, it's a movie about, It's your classic, we move into a new house, but instead of the house being haunted, it's areas adjacent to the house being haunted. Your backyard is haunted. You've got a haunted backyard, and it's a Stephen King joint late 1980s, and yeah. It's a true horror story, because you've got like, you're buying this nice house in Maine. A bunch of main weirdos are burying all types of bodies out back on your property. Also, a blind buy.

Blind buy. They're showing up just on good faith. They've already put in the payment. It's your classic metropolitan ignorance. We're moving from Chicago to this sleepy main town, which also I don't get. So this dude is like this fucking hot shit Chicago doctor. And he's like, you know what I want to do? Move to this nothing town in fact.

Sex scandal? Well, yes, but in addition to, I think he's a terrible doctor. Oh, that could be. He's got to be a bad doctor because he's just like, well, later on when they bury the cat, okay, he's just like, well, maybe it wasn't dead. not a veterinarian. Wait a second. You're dealing with human people and you can't tell if a cat is dead. I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't tell whether or not your wife was dead. She was, but I told you otherwise, I'm very sorry. It looks dead, but maybe I should get a specialist in here for this. The eyes have rolled back, but I don't know for sure. His nickname was malpractice. It's also not like,

they go like, excuse me, sir, does my cat have pneumonia? And he's like, I can't tell. I'm not a veterinarian. It's a binary question. It's just, does this thing have life in it or not? Is this thing breathing or what? You handled it for like an hour. Is it alive or not? I couldn't possibly.

Fred Quinn's like, I don't know. It was fucking frozen to the law and you scraped it off like a hoarder. I think it was dead. I mean, he's loaded with analogies for how this thing moved. It's like pulling tape off the ground. Speaking of

hoarders, I think in this new movie that's coming out very soon. the new pet cemetery should be in a hoarder's living room and it's dead cat army dude better movie I think because there's like 40 of them everyone it's like oh my god

and then we pulled the couch back there was three more flattened cats wait a second did you bury a boy in that hoarder's house it's gonna come back from the dead because that's like a modern Indian burial ground is a hoarder's domain it's just creepy well it's the same instinct right

when you're a horder you're like oh I might need this eventually again This is sacred. Yeah, exactly. This is sacred. We can't waste any part of the Buffalo. We must keep all the parts of the Buffalo stacked up in my closet.

What you don't want to do is bury a cat under like a pile of all the 9-11 newspapers you collect it. Because you never know when you're going to need those again. Yeah, you're going to need them someday. Look, somebody comes over to the house, they ask, does he impact photos? I don't have any.

I'm totally fucking. The 9-11 newspapers, were people collecting this? Absolutely. Really? Absolutely. My mother stole a 9-11 newspaper from a barbox. Well, allegedly. Let's not get her arrested.

No, no, no, not allegedly. This is an actual store. Your mom's going down. I'm aware of that. Why? Wait, why? So the nation was coming together. And at that moment, your mom's like, now that the coast is clear, I'm going to steal a $4

newspaper? My mom was at a, I believe it was a Starbucks. And her and her sister were, like, getting coffee. And they were like, this is crazy. And like, she was like, all the newspapers were gone. Like, they sell them there. And she's like, oh, like, and then she. saw one on a table, and she's like, okay.

What's crazy, too, is then I would argue the nation was not even coming together yet. We were all still real. Like, people were trying to find their place and your mother with laser-like focus was like, I think your mother could play the Joker, dude. That's fucking nefarious. If you also think about it,

like Osama bin Laden was kind of the Joker of the Middle East. That's true, Eric. You started the Joker, Tom. No one brought up with Joker. That feels like a later period, Frank Miller comic. Or a mad TV sketch. So it's the Creed family, this dad with a face built for soap operas. Yes.

The mother is played by Denise Crosby, who had been recently fired off of Star Trek the next generation. Okay, so I was getting my time. So this is like her immediate rebound from Yashita. Pretty much because TNG was 87. Tasha, you are, by the way. Sorry. Oh, boy, I'm sorry. No, you have to.

I just stopped 12 tweets. I just jumped in front of you. Griffin, like me, is a star. I'm more of a Star Wars fan. I'm more of a Star Wars fan, but my girlfriend's a Trek fan and has been trying to get me into it and I believe she just dumped me upon hearing that mistake. Yeah, because TNG was 87 was that first season and this came out 89. So yeah, production-wise, like this was their next like biggest thing. Right, crazy. Right. And I think she's good in this movie. She's just not in it that much. No. No, and he's very strange. It's a very

specific type of 80s leading man, which is guy who is only good at holding a close up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, you're just like, he looks very comfortable, holding the whole frame, and he's got a pretty good job. Yeah. And he

doesn't seem that interested in playing the emotions of the character or saying dialogue. Oh. Yeah. Well, that's that Melrose Place acting school you come from, where you just don't do anything, you just stare and look handsome. Right, it's the dramatic stare. That's, but you're totally right, though, Gavin, because he could play a dude named Billy.

Absolutely. Absolutely. A grown man who calls himself Billy for some reason. Yeah, absolutely. Sort of like Billy the kid. Yeah, you did mention that once, 15. The Joker of the Old West. Yes, exactly. I'm retiring the Joker of the Old West. This is the next Amazon show. That's the next show. Come on, right? Honestly, I'm going to flip it.

Mark Hamel and fucking Jack Nicholson could walk into the studio right now, and I'm not saying the words, Joker again. No matter what, no matter what. You're already saying this, but don't you remember the part in Pat Garrett and Billy the kid where he has the little acid flower? He just puts that Pat Garrett. And the buzzer? Oh my God. The buzzer handshake? He does the pound prince

of the O.K. Corral. Original choice for the dad in this movie, Bruce Campbell, better movie, same movie, worst movie. Much better. Better movie. I was going to say the whole thing with this kind of genre, especially this period of horror films is like you want the fun of

watching someone play Freaked at. Bruce Campbell was so fucking good at that in the Evil Dead movies. And this guy, you're just like, this movie misses a little energy from the fact that he cannot fully commit to the terror of the situation, which she's doly doing.

Everyone else is doing. But like in betwixt to multiple trips to Chicago that she takes in this movie. She looks more terrified at the other end of phone calls than he does when he's face to face with his dead son. I will say this though.

You know what I don't think Campbell could pull off this fucking bath scene? we get in this movie. This dude's just taking that steamy bath. Where did that that guy? That rat bath? Classic rat bath? I don't want to, I'm really, really sorry to be doing this. I'm going to bring up the Joker again.

Please. Please do that. I do believe that Fred Gwyn, it's kind of like, it is like Heath Ledger in the dark night. I think if you take him out of this, this movie does not work whatsoever. Yeah, that's actually true. He's like

the lightning rod of the whole thing. And not having seen this film before, I didn't realize like, oh, this is who everyone's parodying. Yeah. Yeah. Even the people who don't realize that they're parodying him, they're now riffing off of the archetype that is the people riffing off of him. Absolutely.

Because this is the ground zero. Like, the creepy old man who's giving you the warnings, can you trust him or not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the voice, I'm just like realizing like, oh, I've seen people do this voice in a thousand bad improv shows. Oh, yeah. You ever wonder how I got these scows?

Yes. Why so serious? And Fred Gwynne, of course, Herman Munster, classic television actor in this movie, which is cool. So when they move in, and immediately it's, you know, it's very bucolic, very lovely, we see Maine. Bucolic, you bring it out all the $10. Like he removed Joker from his vocabulary

so that he's filling it. My IQ rose three points. They're all coming in like a black hole. It's like this Joker-esque town that they moved to. It's twisted. I mean, the problem with this town is it's got the auto bond going right through it. Right. Right. It's insane. There is no speed limit on this road. The worst location I've ever seen. So bad. The family just, it's the mother of the father, the daughter, who's like seven or eight.

This little girl sucks by the way. And like a fresh baby, Miko Hughes. It's like 13 months or whatever. The baby sucks too. The baby's terrible. You got to be suspicious of parents in the situation, though. Like your kid's like 30 months old. You're going to get the fucking movie. You're going to get in there now. Yes. Well, you say it's the worst place to live. But you got to imagine, with. with this major trading route coming through this small town in Maine. The fucking property value is probably really low. Like, you could probably buy that house for 500 bucks. Well, 500 bucks at the expensive, the life of your son and a cat. How about, so.

He's a hot shot doctor. Isn't that the whole point that he should be able to afford? That's the thing is he's disgraced. It's not sad, but he's disgraced. By the way, his bumper sticker? My God, did you get a look at that thing? Gas, or ass? I wish.

No, it's, it said, like, have you hugged your MD today? Oh, see, yeah, he's a perfect. fucking doctors. These fucking doctors always want the world. Yeah, he got me-toed out of Chicago and now he's like

resettling in Maine. Yeah, that's actually right. He definitely is a guy who takes a better care of his scalpel than he does his children. That case that that scalpel's in that's where you put like

fucking war swords. I refuse to believe any normal doctor. No, that's a serial killer. That's a sweetie. That's a Sweenie Todd. Yes, it is. Or Jack the Ripper.

Yes. Who is kind of like the Joker of He was. He was the Joker of Old England. God damn it. I 100% agree. You should put Miko Hughes in that case. You should.

That's how you keep him safe. You put him in a nice plush case. But this was also the first time he played a feral animal child because he does the same thing in West Craven's New Nightmare, where most of his dialogue is. That's also his dialogue in kindergarten cop. Oh, right. He's also in that.

And then he plays the kid who. can crack the puzzles and Mercury Rising. Yeah, that was, it was in the days, before we were using the word autistic. Yes, it's a pre-autistic autistic child. Anybody ever see the TV show called Babes? Oh, with, oh, it's the Playboy channel? No, the woman who played the sister in Back to the Future

is one of the titular babes. They're two larger women and are living in the city and their entire house is cow themed for some reason. There's nothing, their couch is cow- cow-themed. When did this air? Like, 1992 on Fox. And Miko Hughes was involved. That's how it's got kind of a double meaning. Yeah, yeah, I think that that's

where it's like, oh, they're babes in the city, but it's also like L-O-L. Right, right. That kind of a thing. I feel like you just slipped into a different dimension where Caroline in the city doesn't exist. Oh, you know what? That's a world I don't want to know, dude. I'll just tell you right now. But as we're saying, there's this so they love their house.

There's this road where trucks have to go 90 miles an hour. They can't go 40. They can't go 30. You're talking about Babes or Pet Cemetery? I am now talking about Pet Cemetery again. Wait, are you talking about the Joker, dude? All right, just checking. Babes was like the Joker's who cops.

No one's listening now. Go on. Talk about Pet Cemetery. It's like Ice Road Truckers. There's that level of like do or die intensity in every like 18 wheeler that goes by this house. If you get pulled over on this road, the cop is just like, speed it up, let's go.

And it's such a narrow road, so in the middle. middle of nowhere. I want to know where it goes to. This is five feet from someone's front door. Where does this road go to? What is the major trade route? Because it's supposed to be like mid-central Maine. Are we going to Canada?

Like is it that? You're trying to get to fucking Prince Edward Island? Like what is going on? I don't get it. Why they have to speed through this road? I do have a theory about that though. Much like there is a reference to Kujo in this movie. Yeah, that was clever. I do believe that this is probably, these are maximum overdrive trucks. Oh shit.

So they're just controlled by aliens? But we do see at least two truckers. How do you explain that, Chris Cadden? I mean, they're just long for the ride, man. Yeah. The aliens need some guys to talk to. That would be pretty cool. That would sign up for that, but I don't have to do shit.

Do we think that's supposed to be the same truck at the end? Yeah, it's a lot of red trucks. A lot of the trucks are red. It might be the same. I mean, I wasn't checking license. But when he pulled up and opened the door for her, I was like, is that where he's adding some extra gas on the flames here. You know?

Oh, I don't know, actually. But then they don't do anything. I mean, he just makes that like, thank you for not getting me a ticket. Yeah, which is... Usually, I hit kids every time I drive. You're my good luck charm. By the way, sorry about killing your kids.

And there's another boy that dies in this movie. Hit by a truck. Yes, exactly. It's a huge problem. The town could lobby to lower the speed limit. It's not that big of a deal. Says it from the gecko, he's like, by the way, one thing with this town.

It's like always going to get hit by truck. We tried several years ago back in the 60s to get that speed limit reduced and well the mayor was impeached. They burned him at the stake. Yeah, Paula Page ain't going to have let that happen. Oh man, sick

Paula Page reference. They signed a bill had the clerk run it over to the courthouse but he got hit by truck on the way there. His voice is it's 50% JFK and 50% Jimmy Stewart, right? I was trying to do the

math. That's a comfortable blend. Right. But it's at an octave because he's like six foot nine. Right. That is just so deep. Right. If you're trying to make a homemade Fred Gwynne voice, yes, that's how you would make it, I believe. A homemade voice. But I think about the truck. One more thing

is that it's a Stephen King thing where it's like, you know, he's a guy that's a very prolific writer and he's very much of a dad kind of horror writer. It's like, you know, You're having dinner with your kids. That fucking road out there, you know. Every time they come by you, they're going to fucking kill a.

Ooh, they're going to kill a kid. He was inspired to write the book after his daughter's cat was run over by a car. These kids, they're maniacs. These cars might come to life. Ooh, the cars come to life. Maniac. Oh. Nice.

But it feels like, right, he made it like, I mean, this comes after Coojo. So he was inspired by his daughter's cat dying. I mean, this speaks to, like, Stephen King's focus and his prolificness is that, like, he gets that idea, he sits down, he writes maybe 90 pages, and then goes, like, this thing is not going to sustain an entire book. But rather than give up, he's like, well, let's throw like five more crazy things in. Yeah, totally. The kid's got to get hit by the car. I only got 90 pages. Yeah, let me see.

All right, let's get to it. He just blows a huge fucking rail, and he gets back to it. You just feel like he's a guy who never abandoned. a premise. Like if it started running dry, he just shifts. You will make it work. You'll make it work. Square peg round all those stories successfully. Could you turn that TV down? What if the TV? Okay, now the TV is too loud and everyone goes deaf in the town because the TV is

too goddamn loud because no one puts their fucking toys away. You know what, dude, you're joking, but I don't know, you look through some of those short stories. I bet you find too loud TV down. Absolutely. But then a truck goes speeding by his window and he runs out and just, slow down their kids here. Well, that's the other crazy thing is that Stephen King famously, like, in the late 90s got hit by a car.

That's right. Jogging at night, everyone was like, right, was he like on sort of speed? Like, there were a bunch of weird circumstances, but that's like 20 plus years after he writes, not 20 plus maybe, but 15 years, after he writes this and maximum overdrive. Big truck caught up with them. Big truck, like they were, you know what I mean?

They were in a room, a boardroom, and they wanted to get rid of them. It feels like he was the protagonist in a Stephen King novel. He convinced that the truck would eventually get him. Andrew, did you say karma? Oh, well then, ish. You're welcome. Pund spotter 3,000 just activated.

There's three things wrong with this house. A, it's the road that's going to kill you for sure. B, there's this path that nobody knows where it goes. And C, it's Fred Gwyn, who is the neighbor that if you, and I think there's Chicago people, they're not New York people, because the way I deal with every neighbor I have is, Oh, cool, man. I'm just going to, yeah, it's okay, awesome.

You know that road, it's like, oh, yeah, definitely, go pets. I'll talk to you soon. But this is, it's some terrifying shit, though, because this dad is like, what's with that path? And he goes, oh, that path, great story about that path. I'd tell you some other time, though, bye. I'd be like, wait a second, where does this go? Whose weirdo cabin does this take me to? Sounds like that should cost you a dinner.

maybe uh come over for dinner one time you tell i'll tell you about the path one of your flaws might be haunted that sounds like lunch talk to you tomorrow at least a couple of six packs dude because this dude is drinking throughout this movie but once you find out there's a pet cemetery on your land yeah bulldoze it yeah i don't give a shit what main town he's like to go there and throw corpses but are you sure that it's his property though i don't know i mean either way you're going back in the yeah either way you're doing a cut through through your property that path is clearly in their yard

put up barbed wire fences because it turns out Fred Gwynn's dog in 1924 died from barb wire yikes dude that's how does that dog die from barbed wire unless someone twisted oh gets to the dog i don't know man it's like someone fucked up where the red fern grows shit

that dog got cut up by what the red fern really i'm not familiar is that a Stephen King film? No, it's classic children's literature. It's one of those books that teachers recommend a kid and then kids cry for two days. Yeah, because you're like, oh, cool, like he loves his dogs and then the last 40 pages

is like this dog's intestines fell out because it got stuck in a bramble. It's kind of the joker of childhood novels. God damn it. But the problem, to Eric's point, Stephen King is kind of the joker of horror writers. I move into this house. There's this fucking death road right next to my

house i am putting up a huge fence at least to keep my kids away from this thing and that that's like day one shit but they so you're saying you want to build that wall yeah i would like to build up we're gonna keep the trucks out oh no no i love truckers wait a minute i don't know what i love and hate give me a few days these pets they're coming back to life they're coming over the border from maine all these dogs have to die like dogs something something Indians I don't know So these parents are the worst

Parents are they're fucking terrible And I mean like also they get help immediately Like it's a huge house but this There's a lot of To Griffin's point there's a lot of stuff It's like I don't know What if this lady commits suicide? This woman Missy

Who we don't even know anything about Except for she's just doing a Fred Quinn impression Yeah Yeah And then she's like doing their sheets and laundry And then she later hangs her Because she can't stay in the cancer anymore. She's in too much pain.

She had a bellyache that she never looked into that turned out to be cancer. This is one of those. I feel like Stephen King notorious for like, you know, oh man, what a good hook. What a good premise. He's feeding on something we all have at the back of our psyche. Right. And this is a movie. I haven't read the book, but this movie certainly has like 20 different major completely disconnected events.

Yes. Could we quickly talk about the guy? Denise Crosberry's, Crosberries, Crosby. Crosby. Her fucking sister. And how ridiculous this is. Another great example. It doesn't even belong in this movie.

She's got a sister. It turns out, Zelda from back in the day in Chicago who her parents tied up in a bedroom and refused to let out until she got like crippled and insane. Because she had spinal meningitis, which apparently turns her into one of the Morlocks from the time machine. I was going to say Gallum. But yes. Right, I paused the movie and went, okay, come the fuck on. Let me Google Spinal Men and Jais.

Guess what it looks like? People who are in pain, it's not a mutation. It's a monster. They don't look any physically different. She looks like clark and it. She's got purple flesh. She looks like the librarian from Ghostbusters after her face like opens up. And she's writhing and writhing and is stretchy.

It's almost like the exorcist here. And I mean, I guess the idea is like, oh, that's her like memory of her. like you know what I mean she like remembers her being freakish but it's also like she has no facial feature she has no eyebrows she's like Cardassian and it has nothing to do well she just looks like one of the

botched alien clones of Amanda Plummer yes there's a little bit there's a little bit it has nothing to do with this no put that in a different movie right in a cleaner tighter movie I'm watching it and I'm going oh this is kind of interesting so what they're trying to set up is that

emotionally this story is about people not being able to cope with death. Right. In the same way the daughter couldn't process, the concept of death and the father felt compelled to bring the cat back to life. In the same way that he felt compelled

to bring his son back to life, she's got this albatross around her neck, which is that she's lived with this guilt over this death that she always prayed for as a child. But then there's no payout because then she just gets murdered by her zombie son. Yeah, and I can get all of that in a nice, tightly written monologue.

I don't need to see this. I don't see this orc fucking tied up in this bed, dude. I don't get it. So the dad goes to work on his first day, this kid gets hit by one of those fucking trucks. And his brains are flying out of his head

the entire time, and they're running him up there to the doctor's office. Like, he's still fine? He's all right? Yeah. It's at the doctor to look at him. He looks like massive head wound hair.

He does have that, like, fully open. Yeah. Yes. I mean, once again, this doctor is failing the most basic doctor of all time, which is, can you tell if this thing is alive or dead? Yeah, absolutely. Because he goes like, oh, call the ambulance

and I was like, no, called the coroner, dude. Wait, too fucking wait. Yeah. But it comes back for a second, right? There's like a little scare, like, oh, but it turns out to be Satan or something talking to a ghost thing. Yeah. They're using him as a vessel kind of, right? Yeah. I feel like at the outskirts of this, this is Lulomain, I think it is. Okay. I might be wrong there. But like,

I feel like they should have one of those, they have him in factories it's in like super eight and stuff the uh zero zero days since accidents yes except for it's always zero zero days since somebody got fucking killed by a truck right right it's just it's on that main road man and they got to get where they're going they do they got to get like the joker of cars they are the no it's true i don't even know why you guys are laughing it's just it's just slinging facts he's true facts day he's like the joker of jokes over my face is purple i don't know but you can't tell it's Absolutely purple.

There is a thing where they want to castrate the cat because it's a Tom cat who likes to go around. And is the Houdini of cats, by the way, because he sleeps with the little girl. You see Denise Crosby put her daughter to bed. She closes the door. And then the cat is outside. I'm like, how is this cat getting out?

Yeah, magic cat, dude. It's a magic cat. Yeah. But there's this weird business where the next morning, he's taking the cat out to get fixed, and he's going to go to work. and he's like she's the daughter's like well the cat's gonna be okay right dad and he's like well i don't know might happen things happen under the gas man and she's like what and the mom is

like promise her he's gonna be okay and he does and then he fucking gets right in denise crosbie's face like if anything happens that cat it happens one out of a thousand times but you're fucking doing i'm like tense morning 10th morning yeah i also mishear this but does he not say that he's had the cat since college, that it's like his old cats. Oh, really? Okay. Yes, I should bring up something from the book. In the book, he is obsessed with the

virility of his cat. Right. I don't quite... He's not... And he's really into the fact that his cat fucks. Right. Like, he's like, there's some line in it where he's like, oh, the zest went out of his eyes. He doesn't want to fuck anymore. And I'm like, why? You're a husband. Like, just

fucking focus. Because the movie kind of makes it seem like she's the only one who cares about the cat, the daughter. It's like, I'm a mature pet. And then he has this one offhand reference to like, look, I've had her for a long time. Or had him, obviously, he fucks female cats. Generally. Right, don't want to play that female cats can't fuck. Here's my

cat fritz. Well, it's named after Winston Churchill. Yeah. So it's, they nickname a church and, you know, Winston Churchill also that too fucked. That too fucked animals. That cat should have been morbidly obese, though. Yeah. It's kind of a big cat. Churchill, kind of the joke.

of parliament. Absolutely. That's what they've said. Can we back out for a few seconds? You want to cram another Joker reference in that? I'm just curious. We can.

Am I the Joker of something? Certainly can. No, I just want to point out that Steve said that the cat was going to be castrated. Well, I mean, not castrated. No, but that's fucking hilarious. Actually, his daughter

says that, like, I don't want Church's nuts to be cut. Yeah. Which is great. Nuts cut. I like the combo. And that's because of that extra character, Missy,

apparently taught the daughter that. Right. She talked about nuts a lot. But this crazy chain of events of him saying, like the daughter asking, you know, is anything ever going to happen to the cat? Right. Then he goes like, well, you know, had it for a very long time since college. Cats get old.

You know, things happen. And the daughter's like, I don't want to happen. He's like, look, if I had my way, yeah, the cat would live to be a hundred. And then she promises that nothing's going to happen to the cat. And then he yells at her. Yeah. Right. Furious.

For making a promise she can't keep. Which is stupid, though, because you know how many times my parents lied to me when I was a kid? Like, what do you make it a big deal about this for? But also, he brought up the subject. Right. He was the one who was teasing the line. Pretty old. Yeah.

He fucks pretty hard. Who knows how many fucks he has left in? I mean, how many cats die under anesthesia? By the way, just chill out. Like, just let's go to work. Yep. Let's just go to work. And just lie to your kid.

It doesn't matter. Tackle the dead cat problem when you got a dead cat. Exactly. Exactly. And only then. So Fred Gwynn is kind of ingratiating himself with a family. He's like, oh yeah. And the dude starts fucking popping in, which I don't appreciate.

He's just fucking opening your front door. That is the scariest part of this movie. Across the street, weirdo pervert neighbor just walks in. No thank you, Maine. A guy that could actually play Herman Munster if you wanted to. That's the body type I don't want in my doorway. I audition for the role a Herman Monster. gave it to a much more handsome

Can you imagine? The movie just stops dead. To terms of the camera and winks? It is one of those things too where it's like they never try to make the argument that the two of them have become friends. Yes. No, they're just sort of like, well, we're here.

He continues accepting this guy's presence in every aspect of his life. I think he keeps coming over because his wife doesn't like warm Budweiser the way that Fred Gwyn does. So it's like, well, this dude loves hanging on the porch. And I think there was a thing where it's like, all right, we're going to take you, Fred Gwendo, our favorite restaurant. He's like, all right, we'll go one for one.

I'll take you to the fucking pet cemetery. These are great lobster rolls, but have you seen a dead dog recently? Best pet cemetery in town. Aside from, like, even if you don't believe that you're in the beginning of a supernatural Stephen King novel, aesthetically unpleasing. Like, if that's that close to your home, you'd just be like, I don't love this location. On one side, Fury Road, on the other side, the creepiest pet cemetery in history. You say that, but whenever he has, you know, he finishes his Budwisers for the night,

he takes all the empties and buries them in the Pet Semicet. They all get refilled. He hasn't had to pay for a beer in years. But they come back evil, though. They come back, it's evil beer. They come back at Stroes. Yeah, it's stroze. I put the Budweiser bottles in the ground.

They come back stroze. I don't mind. when in full bud now it's bud line we're lying oh this this batch got Clamato and truly the devil's

work that is so they take this field trip to the pet cemetery it holds a full fucking family excursion and you know he's like this is where my dog died

in the 20s and over here there's gold because the thing is he's like by the way like 80% of these animals were definitely killed by trucks that are right over there yep yep

some were barbed wire the goldfish maybe but a truck thing? Maybe you put your goldfish out on the road. Now this was a weird detail though. I was thinking, while watching this, I was thinking about the Errol Moore's movie Gates of Heaven. This is about a pet cemetery kind of situation. Much

classier establishment for this place. But the bird cage that's hanging and it's like so are you just bringing the dead bird in the cage and it's like, well I'm going to plant that right there. Why are people thrown junk in here? Yeah, well that's the thing.

Why is it misspelled? I kept on waiting for that to have some... Maine Public schooling. Yeah. Is that just a flourish? Is that just Stephen King pulling like an inglorious bastard? It's just like, oh, a child would spell it that way. It's the innocence of children that bury animals.

Yeah. I do like how Denise Crosby's character can't fucking handle it. She's fucking livid. The girl is like, mommy, wow, it says pet cemetery. Well, it's misspelled, but it says pet cemetery. She's livid about the spell. That's the other crazy thing is, in one scene, the daughter is, like, terrified by the very concept of death. And in the next scene, she's the only person jamming out at the pet cemetery.

She finds it all so amusing. And I think that's the... Look, it's a fish, daddy. A dead fish! That's a victory for Fred Gwynn, though, because Denise Crosby is pissed off. And he's like, no, no, no, you gotta learn about it sometime. And then she's like, yay, dead dog! Fred Gwyn also spoils this movie because he's just...

Like, let me creep her out for a second. Hey, you know, cemeteries are where the dead speak. Right, yeah, he does fucking immediately. And she freaks out. He's like, oh, no, I didn't mean it. That way, I mean by the tombstones. So, convoluted.

You know, the tombstones have words on them. So those are words communicated to other people when they come to the cemetery and then they read the other words. And every fifth grave, of course, will come to life and kill you. But, you know, that's true. But the dead are speaking to you, a little girl.

What I appreciate, I was thinking about this, because it doesn't have it in this movie, but a couple of years ago, we covered the sequel on the show. And I was going back and look at the IMDB page and they had some frame grabs. And I realized in Pet Cemetery 2, much more inclusive,

you see a tombstone, definitely a star of David. Oh, thank goodness. So we're letting the Jewish pets in now, which is fantastic. That makes sense. The filter fish. The rare Jewish raccoon.

So, like, you know, so this kid dies under the doctor's care and he tells him like I'm going to come to you later and there's this weird scene where he's having a dream and he wakes a totally normal thing for someone to say right before they die

by the way I'll see you in about two and a half days it's like I'll see you soon coupled with like the soil is bad is the line the soil is sour the ground is sour you cannot go past or something like that right it's like soil is the stonier

Stonier in your... Yeah, it's some ridiculous love. By the way, Fred Gwynn also has a line when they're at the pet cemetery, it's like, ah, this land's no good, only for corpses. Enjoy it. How is any land only good for corpses? And also, what land is bad for corpses?

That's exactly. The beach. The beach. Well, I found it. It's the soil of a man's heart is stonier. Oh, wow. What fuck does that even mean? But also, the only thing he really freaks out about is, how did that guy know my name? Oh, that's right, because he says Stonyer, Lewis.

Right, not the insane shit he said or the fact that he promised to see him again soon. And by the way, this guy is sleeping like a baby when this goes. Like, I would not sleep for weeks. Yes. By the way, this scene, a little trivia here had to be filmed twice

because the first time they filmed it, and this is how it's written in the book, the character is only in his underwear, and they found it too sexy. They were like, it's not scary enough because this guy's too sexy. The jogger? Oh, no, no, the, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, the dream sequence, the dad is sleeping.

Okay. The dad is sleeping and he's in his underwear and they're like, this is way too sexy. Whoa. Oh, we was just like tidy, witty, like accidentally hang and brain. Exactly. He's had a rock and bar? Yeah. Does that happen to you, Griffin?

Do they have to rest up, shoot stuff on the take? All the time. They've had to do a lot of CGI correction. Yeah, that sounds right. Because when people watch the show, sometimes when my friends watch the show, they go, oh, it's kind of embarrassing that you have no bulge in a superhero costume. Yeah, sure. It's like negative space.

And I have to tell them like, no, they actually spent millions a dollar checking it look like that. Don't believe that that's a practical effect. That's why season two took so long to come out. So expensive, because I got a killer hog. I like the idea of like the producers sitting down smoking cigars like,

well, this scene is, well now I'm hard. Great. Now I'm hard. Awesome. This guy's got a huge dick and now I'm hard. Refilm it. One of the posters for season one was the tick and I like from behind. Right. Yeah.

Um, and I, my, they gave me the tightest ass in the world. And I have no butt. Sure. I mean, all jokes aside, because I do obviously have a killer hog. Yeah. Uh, all jokes aside, uh, no butt. And this was, this photo was taken without like zero clench request or anything. But none of that.

Can a no butt be tight? I mean, I'll say this. I got a loose no butt. Okay. And my stunt double on season one had a great tuchus. and when I would be watching him do the stunts I'd be like, God, I wish I filled out my suit that way. And this suit was made for me and he fills it out better.

So I warned my friends like, hey, the way to tell whether or not I did the stunt is to look at the tookus and see if it's looking, look at the tight. So then the photo comes up for the poster, and my friends go, oh, so what, you had your stunt double do the poster shoot? And I said, no, I remember doing that. I know that's me. Did they inject you at all? Who fucking?

said in like the marketing department like we gotta hire someone to tighten up this butt so you think it's like Photoshop someone spent work and energy photoshopping my butt I have the raw image from set I compared it

Hollywood is disgusting you've got this pegboard at home this red strain all over the place yeah definition yeah for sure flat as a pancake there's the backside it's a little saggy even if anything I can't fill it out And then this poster is just two beautiful honey baked hands with real, like, shadowing, contouring.

I was like someone who like, you know, I want to, I'm a visual artist. I'm a graphic designer. I want to make art. I want to design posters. Hey, hey, Hemelberg. You're on the butt this week. Oh, I drew butt patrol. Yeah.

Great. Somebody loved this butt. Like, you look at it and you know somebody really took some time. It looks like they were like doing the like Scarlet Johansson on the. Avengers, like the full treatment on me. Or they just did like Lost in Translation, we're able to fill that out and turn it around. But do you find it flattering

at all? It's like someone really focused on your ass and was trying to accentuate it and get the viewers drooling. I mean, that's the positive takeaway is my butt was that bad. I don't need to overcompensate that much on a show we're not selling on

sex appeal at all. Someone from another department was fired so they could pay. To do that. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Well, the butt's bed.

Hands rolled. Amazon stock went down the day that they got the raw photos. Wait, so this ghost takes this dude. Sure. To the pet cemetery. And by the way, so Steve, you were right. The second take of this, he's wearing his scrubs. Yes.

If there's anything you shouldn't get in bed with at the end of the day, it's the scrubs that you've been wearing at the medical college. Which also covered with blood. Exactly. Who the hell knows? It's the same thing you buried this other guy in, for sure. Right.

Oh, Victor Pascow is that guy's name. Yes, Pascao. Because they think it's Pax Cow. Right, yeah. And that's a Stephen Kingy, like, oh, you know what to me, red rum, like what's the word mean kind of nonsense. Totally.

Which also, shockingly, comes to nothing. Oh, weird. Yeah, it's totally shocking. So, yeah, he kind of gives him all these warnings, but not like clear warnings. Like, the warning you want to do is like, look, this whole, your neighbor sucks. First and foremost,

don't listen to anything that old fuck says. You know, go over watch the Celtic games, whatever you guys want to do. But when he's, like, bury something in the pet cemetery, it's going to come back. Evil, it's not going to be worth it and just don't do it. But it's like all this elliptical horse shit about the ground and the soil and whatever. Beyond that, there is one suggestion he needs to give him, which is build a fucking fence stat. He's warning him about things seven or eight incidents down the line. Right.

You could just solve it. Just a quick piece of ghost advice, build a fence. Quick advice. your son and cat will both get hit by trucks if you don't watch. Oh, no, you can't do that. I like looking at you and your family. Then he'd have to ignore his grudge with the

local fence maker. Oh, yeah. She clearly has been saucing for a long time. Also weird, too. I mean, he says, like, oh, and don't go over there. There's a shot of the bramble, and it's, like, glowing blue, like, you know, I mean, classic bad side. The ghost tells him not to go there, right?

Yes, yes, the ghost on their little ghost field, trip back to the and then he goes back home and goes to sleep thinking it's a dream and he wakes up and his feet are dirty and he takes his sheets and puts it down a laundry chutes right so cancer lady can deal with it that's her problem now but this guy's like a millionaire

with having a laundry shoot I mean it's just an old house still it's got a lazy guy it impressed me it impressed me Jeff Bezos just got a laundry ship just today I love Eric watching these movies

like wow a slut Jeff Beezza just burns all this clothes after he wears it once. Running water. Wow. That's the most disgusting part of this movie, though, is when he flips over the sheets, much like the first Godfather movie.

And it's just these disgusting muddy feet in his bed. I was like, no! It's awful. It's so disgusting. And how did Denise Crosby wake up with that and not be like, what the fuck? You're telling me that he crawled into bed once he was already asleep?

Yeah. With the dirtiest feet known to man And she didn't feel something in the bed You didn't see no man feet is what we're talking about You're absolutely right But I think it sort of speaks to a thing Because we had it with they had that little You know snap with the cat

You know explaining you know the death thing or whatever I think this is a classic Stephen King troubled marriage family I can confirm that in the book They have a real drag him out about That scene it goes on for like five pages The stuff with the father-in-law feels like it comes out of nowhere. The next day, there's clearly backstory missing to why the dad hates. Absolutely.

Because he's against tying up a fucking daughter in a bedroom and letting her die. Right. But it's Thanksgiving. Denise Crosby is like, well, I'll see you. You know the rules with Thanksgiving. You can't come. You have to stay here. We take a small commuter plane.

We take it to Chicago. You stay here. of whatever is going on in this family. Chris, do you know what's going on in this family? What is the deal? Well, because here was my suspicion, because there's, after their little fight, they have that whole thing where she's, like,

talking about how, you know, she gets scared when there's, like, conflict or whatever. And the conflict is about, oh, it's not after the fight. The daughter is, like, what happens when people die? Yeah, sure. And he's like, oh, some people believe you, you know, go to heaven. Some people believe you come back as a little kid.

Some people believe you just, like, snap out or whatever. and she's like, well, you know, is that what you believe? And he's like, I don't know, he kind of basically says that he's an atheist. Yeah. And she overhears it and she's like, oh, I heard you talking to our daughter about not believing and whatever. And she has sort of, you know, she mentions like religious something, something. I was suspecting it was a thing where they hate him because he's an atheist.

I can, it's less that in the book, at least. It's more he's just a total piece of shit. Oh, like he's in the beginning. But the father-in-law is a piece of shit too. Well, yeah, but I will say in the book, they don't actually get into what happened between the father-in-law and him. I need a little bit of that.

I need a little bit. Do they get into the fucking sister being chained to a bed? Yes, they do. That's an extended fucking place. I'm not going to be friends with a dude who did that. I'm sorry. I don't care if I married the daughter.

And he's talking about it? He's just like flim-flamin talking about it. I can't deal with that. But it seems like she spills the beans about this for the first time that night. He's like, oh, I'm so sorry, this happened to you. And I'm like, all right, you got two kids. You're married.

That's got to come up sooner. That's a real problem. Well, it's the death of the servant there. She kills herself. She hangs herself. It's a fun hanging. It's a fun hanging. It's a good looking hang.

It's a clean hand. It's a clean fun hand. It's my favorite hang of all time. It reminded me of the Moses-Lex suicide attempt with the no funeral gift to him and he's going to hang himself. Classic. Yeah, she pins her note to herself, which is a little undignified. I would leave it out a little bit.

Yeah, you put it somewhere else so they don't have to find the body in order to read the note. You may put it on the front door. The front door is good. Because I think the thing is like, well, I want them to find it. You don't want to put in a drawer or something like that.

I'm not cleaning the house before I hate my dog. I just had to do their fucking laundry. You want me to clean my own house too? Yeah, I'd be drinking milk out of the carton before that happened, throwing it somewhere. It is weird when, when Denise Crosby goes into the whole speech, it's sort of this tone of like, I'm sorry, it's just...

I have a secret. I don't like death. Like, the point of the sister story is to explain, like, it's the Phoebe Kate's Christmas monologue. Like, here's why I don't like this thing that everyone else likes. It's like, no one likes death. What are you talking about?

They stuffed my sick sister in a chimney, and she died. Ever since then, I never celebrate death. And everyone was like, woo, death. Awesome. Buntary on tomorrow, see you there. You seem sad at that. That funeral today is, do you have some secret past tragedy I don't know about? Well, there is one person who really does love death, and that is the Joker.

He does. Oh, yeah. The only man twisted enough to laugh at a funeral. I really love the house in this flashback when she's telling the sister's story. It's a running theme throughout the film, but weirdo, creepy paintings on the wall. Oh, sure. Not really looking like family members. It's kind of awesome.

I also love this sequence where she's just like, and then I screamed and screamed, Zelda's dead, Zelda's dead until the fat weird neighbors came over and looked at it. Also, pick up a phone. I mean, it's like 1960 something. Maybe 911 doesn't exist. But you can be like, hello, operator.

Connect me to the police, like something. Connect me to the death department. Exactly, of this town. But I love the dad here. He gives her a big hug. He's like, oh, I'm so sorry you to deal with that. Your family's terrible. By the way, remember what I said at your family's terrible?

I was right. Also, you need a Valium. And she's like, I don't take Valium. I was like, you do tonight? What is going on? Yeah, let me go to my fun cabinet. Exactly. I mean, like if she says...

It's in a leather case, like a scalpel. Also, why do you have Valium? I don't take Valium to you every night. Yeah, no, I'm loaded right now. That would explain his performance. So she takes the kids for Thanksgiving because whatever this unspeakable horror is right he's got the weekend to himself and the cat dies like immediately and you had one job yeah one job don't kill the cat one job that's it the

cat's also neutered keep the i know how to close a door and i have two cats i close a fucking door every time nice that's it that's the trick maybe it's an indoor cat now okay yeah like why are you letting it wander outside when you know that there's death everywhere around this house he's got nowhere to go now. Why is he going to go to a bar? He has nothing to gain. You totally chopped that dude's social calendar. Like it doesn't matter. Cut his nuts. He's just staying home watching Ellen

done the day. Quick thing, by the way, about just one final thing on this woman hilariously hanging yourself. Oh, sure, please. Because we got to mention we cut to her funeral. Stephen King is the minister. Oh, my God. And this is the sad shit ever. He looks like the Joker

of Ministers. Well, he kind of actually looks like Jim Jones. These fucking glasses. The glasses. Very Jim Jones haircut right about here. Exactly. This dude has definitely

got a cult. But what was weird was Fred Gwyn and the dad front row at this funeral? Yeah. What are we talking about? We were tailgating

before the funeral. I like the idea that her mother is behind Fred Gwynn's like, could you move your head by sorry I was here first? Should I show up earlier. I got fucking Herman Munster

sitting in front of of me at a funeral. My daughter's funeral. Can I tell you my thought I kept having during every Fred Gwynn scene in this movie? Because his performance is great, his voice is great, but he's one of those guys where you just go like, how was that a face? And I was like,

who else is like that? Ron Perlman. Like every time I see Ron Perlman in a movie, I go like, how is that a face? Ron Perlman, the entire cast of cheers. Every time I look in the mirror, my thought the whole time was imagining the 60s black and white sitcom version of Hellboy

starring Fred Gwyn. Oh my God, that sounds so good. Right? Yeah. We watch that. Oh, look, it's a little fish person. What's your deal, buddy? You get like a, oh God, you get nothing. I've got nothing. Nothing. That's fine. When creatures go bump in the night,

we bump back. I could not think of a single fucking line. Oh, Rasputans here. That's my favorite line. We're in the second season of the show. Now we've got to fight elves for some reason. They live under the Brooklyn Bridge. It's one of those there, golden armies.

Craig Quinn also mentions that this funeral, he's like, ah, sad to see Missy Gore. Had a lot of time left in her, I thought. I was like, yeah. She also had a lot of cancer in her. Stupid God. Now I've got to clean my own goddamn sheets. All right, sorry, Missy, goodbye.

Lost the town launderer. Kind of a dick, move on her part. Actually, the funeral part would have made more... In the book, Missy doesn't... She doesn't exist. Oh, okay. He has a wife.

That makes a sense. And she has cancer. And she's doing the laundry. Oh, weird. I, at this point in the film, thought to myself, did I miss something? Was this character Fred Gwyn's wife?

Because it feels weird that we'd spend this much time on someone. There is no reason to change that from the book. No. I don't understand that. And Stephen King wrote this screenplay. So, what are you doing? So the cat,

immediately and like Fred Gwyn's like talk to this little girl once or twice and you know that they're buddies they're like work friends kind of you may say she's my best friend I mooch off your dad for beer right you mooch up your daughter home I want to just talk I'm her best friend

the thing they don't explain in the movie is that he's also her preschool teacher right oh sure they cut out all the scenes of going now we're going to learn our ABC oh this here is green you're my need to know this if you're ever pulled over by Highway Patrol.

Let's do it backwards. Ellie, please lead the class. Your Fred Quinn's getting a little walking. Yeah. I don't have one. I'm just doing the best I got. So, yeah, okay. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Ellie is going to be so up. And the dad is like, oh, well, this is how she's going to learn about that. Oh, no, but Ellie can't take it. And I'm like, what? It's none of your business. This is my... Oh, so you're the one who started telling her that all the pets talk in the Semites.

72 hours ago, you took her on a field trip to a cemetery. Mr. Spooky. You told the parents, kids got to learn sometime. Yeah, no. This is no good time. Why now? On Thanksgiving Eve, on, on, no. Ellie will be so devastated.

I think it's a thing where he has now had a chance to evaluate her. She flunked the pet cemetery. Oh, I see. No, no, no, she's not ready for that yet. Your kid's a little bit of a loser. Yeah, she didn't get the blue rose. She's going to have to take remedial grief. And this guy is so like, you know what?

This is the time. And this is exactly when you go, okay, man. He's like, when somebody tells me how to bury my cat, it's like, all right, dude, I'm going to get it. Yeah, it's getting gold out here. What time is it, Frazier's on? Whatever, you go in. But he's like, no, no, no. I've got this other thing we're going to do.

We're going to go much farther out. And we go out into the deep evil pet cemetery. Right. Yeah, they cross the bramble bridge or whatever. I'm another example of like, why aren't they the same cemetery? Yes, why do we need this other thing? Oh, and going with the other thing of like, I don't want to be buried in a pet cemetery.

Not that one but the one for the back. No, keep going to the pet cemetery. I don't want to be buried in an Indian burial. Yeah, exactly. This movie's not really about the pet cemetery. Oh, did you take a left? You want to take a right. But when they cross the brambles, and, like, Fred Gwyn's like, shh, oh, no, that was a ghost quake.

Like, there's, like, an energy force going on, and it's just like it's a ghost earthquake. That's all I could think of. This is when he's talking about the loon, right? And he's like, it's a loo. Did you read the trivia about this? Yes. And it's in the book, too. There's a Wendigo loose in the woods.

Whatever. Not in the movie. You cut out a whole monster from the movie. Hashtag not in the movie. But you hear a growling. For new listeners, what is a Wendigo? When I say new listeners, I mean me. It's sort of like a snow bigfoot, but not quite an

abominable snowman. He's a Yeti adjacent. It's like a Native American Yetty-ish cousin or something. And it eats human flesh. I just keep on thinking of the X-Men villain Wendigo. That is a white beast type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's kind of the white Sasquatch.

Yes. You always repaint the Sasquatch action figures to make the Wendig. What about the white saskwatches? all right the Browns they're taking the job they're taking the monster money

monster money we're gonna tax relief for monster money okay there were bad Wanda goes on both sides it is

I feel like no one's discussing the fact that Trump just passed a massive tax cut to the hotel Transylvania he's no longer about looking after the 1% he's about looking after

literal fucking monsters. Well, we're going to open the Trump Hotel Casino in Transylvania. It's going to be fantastic. I did the mash. I did the monster man. And now, Drak's part of the band. We're all having a good time.

That's a lyric of that goddamn song. I know. Dracula was a holdout during the monster mash until the end of the song. Oh, I see. And now, drag's part of the band. Thank you, Jared, for talking to track. He first succeeded.

in the Middle East, and then he got Dracula to join the Monster Man. There's nothing this boy can't do. Folks, Nosferatu, don't we love him, folks? Don't we love Nosferatu? He's such a good friend. So he takes him on this, like, not to be 260 television, a three-hour tour of this fucking fence cemetery. This is horseship, by the way.

There's no way this nine-foot ogre of an old man with a currently breaking skeleton is getting, they're climbing mountains in this thing. This guy was saying he was hanging out in 1924. He's not doing this. That's the other crazy thing is that it's not like, oh, this is my pet cemetery in my backyard.

I'm the keep of this. It's like apparently it's part of the narrative of this whole town that they know that there's this shitty. Everybody's in on it. But no one else talks about it. It's like he acts like he's the mayor

of spooky town. We also don't meet anyone. No, you don't meet anyone else in the town. I need like the general store keep or something. That's another thing where the single kills herself because of some oblique stomach cancer that no one could understand.

That's another plus to the sequel, too, is there's more, like, Anthony Edwards is meeting more people in the community and shit. There's more characters in it. But he has, like, fun, classic horror movie trope of, like, the whole town is, like, hiding a secret. You want that kind of thing. Everybody's in on it, exactly.

Right, even if Fred Gwyn's the face man, it's weird that it's like he's acting like he's the only one who knows about the time a soldier came back to life. Yes. And walked the streets. This was great. What was his name? Oh, I don't know.

Tommy Baderman? Yeah, that sounds right. But he gets him there. Timmy Baderman. He's like, all right, I'm going to stand over here. I have a smoke. You go bury that cat. It's such a good dick move of like, we're right here and he's like, well, what are we going to do?

You're going to bury a cat. I got you there. I got you. I took you all the way. Now get digging. He makes it sound like it's like, oh, mystical forces and all. You have to do it yourself. Sorry.

But also, I kind of want to smoke. Kind of hard to dig when you're smoking. Get in the shade. Need a nicotine pig. How does this character not end up being the villain? Because you go, if he's actually pure of heart, what reason does he have to suggest that they bring the cat back to it? He knows how slippery a slope it is.

He brought his dog back spot who was apparently not like the dog I knew. It was a violent maniac dog. Why are you trying to bring this cat back at all? He's like the keeper of the secret. Yes. Plus you know about Timmy Baderman, who came back from the war, was buried up there and was a fucking zombie that ate people.

Oh, Ellie can't handle this. Ellie needs a violent monster cat. That's a husk of her own cat. Instead of dealing with death, which out comes for us all. No, no. Get her a husk of her own dead cat. There's weird selective coddling of Ellie. Oh, I'll make that girl grow up real fast.

Here's a life lesson, sweetheart. Zombie cat. So it does turn out to be a zombie cat. The cat looks okay. Smells like shit. Second best performance in the movie. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah, absolutely.

A plus cat. This is when we get the bath where the cat throws the fucking dead rat. IMDB had the gall. The IMDB Tribune, which is the America's most trust in music force, had the gall to be like, by the way, did you know that's a fake rat? Like, oh, fucking,

really? Wow. Do you love this trivia Griffin? Do you ever read IMDB trivia? Oh, not stop. No. No. Have you noticed the influx of opinion in the trivia section? I'm getting a little upset about it. Yes. They need regulation there, big time.

IMDB needs to, and every movie just do like an op-ed section. Well, what are you expecting? They just hired Brett Stevens. What else are they going to do with it? No,

I'm like a big I&B trivia fan. The one that's my favorite is, I don't know if it's still up there, but it was for Batman forever. It's a movie. The true fact was, the name Dr. Chase Meridian is a subtle nod to the fact

that she's chasing Batman. What in the world? Might as well say it was a nod to Chase Bank. Right. My favorite IMDB trivia was for the new Power Rangers movie where our fans wrote in that in the sequel to it, Gallagher was going to play the Green Ranger. Oh, right.

That just shows you. Because it was a reference to our show. I loved it. The inmates are running the asylum. Nobody's watching the store. Nobody, because somebody, they're like, oh, it was something, something about this movie, like, oh, because they wanted to film it in Maine,

which, as we know is a good decision. Don't tell me what's a good decision. Tell me the fact, and I'll decide. I, 10 years ago, if not longer, submitted to IMDB for the trivia page of an actor friend of mine, she considers Griffin Newman to be the greatest of her peers. And then in quotes, you know, she has been caught on the record saying, he really is the best actor of my or for that matter really any generation and it has been up there for a decade that's amazing no attribution i was just like will they accept anything the question is how many people

found that helpful i think two or three my parents were very proud olympia ducacus is you got elipia ducais it says that on her great fred gwynn thing so they're like having an after burial beer which i was sure yeah you're or 12. Right, right. And the guy, like, this dude Lewis, he has to, he has to just get it out there. It's been on his mind. He's like, hey, man, they ever bury a person up there?

Fred Gwyn goes bowling with these beer bottles and goes fucking hilarious line. Christ on his throne. No. Christ on his throne. Isn't it like, that's like against everything Christ was about. He was a chairmaker. It's a simple carpet. It's a shitty chair.

That's not a front. That's a stool. The other thing is, I feel like so much time on an actual set is spent trying to figure out how to make movements like that look unforced. Where it's like, well, we know the director wants him to knock all the beer over. How do you do that in a way where it feels like natural? But he literally just, he goes, you ever bury a kid? And there's full arm swipe. It's ridiculous.

He like pushes the beers away from him. I think the move has to be the director shouldn't want him to not. the beer bottles over because nobody would do that. Because then he catches them like he's worried. Oh, what did I do? Oh, my beer! Oh, my beer! Yeah, all the empty bottle. Yeah, he's got to get him back out to the cemetery. They can't break. He's got to bury them

later. They cannot break. But you think about Christ on his throne and it stardles you because that's a weird image. Yes. But then you're like, oh shit, he might be watching. I don't want to knock over all this shit. But also, you know what... You know who started this line of thinking? You, Fred, you went by taking me out of the

fucking pet cemetery. That's why it feels Like the whole move, you're waiting for his explanation of his master plan. Exactly. Like, he wanted this all to happen. I knew there would be a new family that moved in here and I would do, I've done it before. I'll do it again. Why do you think they moved out and then before them?

The first time the father goes into his house, he's just got these marks, like the marks all over things. Like all the families he's taken down over the years. Yeah, like the side of a fighter jet where you're marking off all of your fucking victims. So, yeah. This is where he takes that bath. He takes the bath. The cat comes back. The cat's evil. It smells like shit. The girl comes back and she's, the girl is pseudo psychic. She keeps having nightmares about what's going on in the movie. Another classic Stephen King thing where it's like everybody's almost kind of psychic. Isn't the ghost boy also visiting her for no understandable reason? She says it's only in her nightmares. Then the mother and the father see the ghost. Right. We never get a scene of her seeing it. But when you're a child and you see a ghost, which is an average thing that happened. You think it's a nightmare, but it's an actual ghost. I mean, she's always saying it's like, I woke up.

Yeah. And in the dream, I saw this happen. And also this ghost was there and was like, hey, nice to meet. And she dictates the whole thing. She calls and she's like, I had a dream that the cat got hit by a car. And then you and that fucking old creep buried it in the pet cemetery. And the dude's like, ah, that didn't happen. Never happened.

That's the problem. You can't even go like, oh, the parents are like, you know, writing it off. Or the girl is seeing a ghost and assuming it's a dream. Right. Because she's like in her dreams seeing what's going to play out in the next six hours And the ghost is kind of just like Cripkeepering like hosting like he's doing the framing device for the dreams Yes, I think he's just playing a tape of the movie now Here's what happens in the next scene

But again, yeah, it's not to any moral- Not to a moral effect, not to a warning effect, it's like it's going to get really creepy next time There's no reason why she has these powers The seventh craziest thing in the film We just have to see kids freak out. in this movie and it's annoying and you also go if the ghost can invade dreams then why is he ever showing up at like an airport

why is he in any of this any of this like unless he's trying to get himself buried in the pet cemetery I don't understand oh that's what it was this random jogger but then he's saying like don't do anything right yeah in relation to he's just like a good Samaritan that died right before I get into heaven

I have to tell this guy like don't fuck up I have to all wait he fucked up also can I see my family do I have to hang out with my doctor who actually killed me's family Also, can I put a hat on or something? I feel like I'm just bleeding out here. Ghostbloods. Just some pants. The size are exposed.

Joggers, that's embarrassing. Eternity in that. That stinks. Well, Griffin, I think the master plan for Fred Gwyn is that he befriends this guy and he gets him to bury him in the pet cemetery and what is more evil and unable

to defeat than a zombie Fred Gwyn. Right. I mean, you're talking Munster's prequel. that's how he starts and then oh in the sequel him and Clancy Brown just go at it Oh that's nice How about instead of Lewis Creed

This guy's actual Paternal name was Frankenstein Oh nice Right And then he builds Fred Gwyn again The more than I think about How much Herman Munster's like an iconic television character

How does this movie not take the score For a little walk and it's like Like just a brief A nice little How about a little wink? Ramon's cover of the monsters. It is kind of a weird choice for like a pretty po-faced horror movie

two decades later to be like we're gonna cast the funniest monster there ever was. The funniest nicest monster. Oh, speaking of, yeah, so speaking of the Ramones, this movie takes way too long to get to what this movie is.

So we're having a picnic. And we have this fucking old man who would, I think, insisted. I think it was a thing we're having a picnic like, oh, it looks like there might be a picnic over there. Wow, picnic, I'll bring a couple of forks. How about we have it right here next to the Autobahn? Exactly.

We're 10 feet from the road. We're having this picnic. We're flying a kite and it's cutting back and forth between like great family times on the ranch. And this trucker, listening to the Ramones going 117 miles an hour down the road. And it's like, all right, here's

where it's going. They had like a close call with the kid before, so we know this kid's attracted to gravel. Sure. He's coming after that road part. This kid's got a death wish. This kid was going to die anyway. Who cares?

Right after that first one, they should have gotten one of those electrical collars they put on dogs and just put it on the baby. He's a runner! Like, we ever see these like child leashes? Oh, yeah. I don't agree with it, but maybe some need it. Or maybe a series of sticks that you could put on the perimeter of a property connected

by a cage. But the cats already died at this point. Yes. There is so much. yard to spare. Yeah. And he sends his little three-year-old son off with the kite,

watches him continue walking in that trajectory, turns back around. Oh, full 180. This is a diaper baby. You've got to pay attention to this shit. You already know the danger of these, you know, the blood boys. You've got a Morton Joe

constantly doing like 300 miles per hour. And, oh, I'm going to give him a kite a wind-propelled device. that is going to steer him exactly towards that road. Right. He acts like he doesn't know that death exists.

That no one's told him about it. And they only clock it when the kid's like two steps away. Yeah. Yeah. And man, this pathetic father is running after he stumbles like right before it.

Oh man. He trips and the kid gets creamed. And I mean, there's some great... This guy hits the brakes so that like the kid really gets creamed. It's just like being crushed. Spoiler for the third act, if you want to mute this for a second,

he comes back, this kid should be kid chilly. Like, there's no way. There's like a tiny scar. I was like, this is the greatest mortician that's ever lived. There's, it's a pile of goo. How do you turn a Jackson Pollock painting into that? His bloody shoe rolled on its own with no foot in it. That's unnecessary.

I know that this kid is dead. I don't need to see that fucking shoe. But there's nothing. there should be nothing left. You should be a vaporized. Pink mist. It's just like, where do you go? And then you just bury

this blood and it becomes a pink mist ghost. Oh, I like that. There comes that pink fog that turns everybody inside out. Because then even at the funeral it's like, I guess it's not open casket but accidentally the casket gets like jostling. This is one of the most hilarious scenes in cinema. This is like top

four cinematic funerals I feel. I love it. Oh my God. Well, because they have this blood feud already. So they bury the kid. There's some knowing, obviously. Which that's another thing. That's never been pulled off successful. No one could do it no. No one could do it. Not this guy, not Darth Vader, nobody. Just stop with the nose. The caskets

sitting in wake. The father-in-law comes out and he started screaming like, I knew this would happen when she married you. You knew the kid was going to get hit by a truck. The kid wasn't even born yet. What are you talking about? My second kid, by the way, one successful. Based on what? They get into a physical altercation where the coffin

falls on the floor. All I could think about was one of the greatest lines from clerks when he says, her fucking body fell out. It just... It nearly falls out. It kind of opens a little bit.

You see the little... You see the arms. But the dad's saying, like, I know this was going to happen and then let you have two children. It's like when people, like, after someone's revealed to be a murder one,

like, I always had a bad feeling. It's like, what brownie points do you want? You didn't protect anything from happening. I called it. I called it. I called it. At least I had the decency to chain my kid to a bed. It's the quiet ones you've got to watch.

Oh, I knew that was going to happen. That's why I always let my kid sleep there. It's like, well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 45 years ago, I told everyone, never go out to a bar with Harvey Weinstein. It's like, well, but then, I mean, what, what? Well, that's helpful, thank you. I said it into my pillow when I went to bed. Like, who gives this shit?

Yeah. But why this funeral is great. So, hilarious casket drop. Yeah. Fist fight. Then this father-in-law, after he knocks his, dude now gets some Robert De Niro kicks in on him while he's on the ground.

You're kicking the shit out of your son-in-law in a church. Awesome. It's also like the most destabil- like up until now it has been a hallmark movie. And all of a sudden it's a scene from husbands. Yeah. Like the camera's right in your face

it's like levitate and going like, what the fuck? And then my guy holding him back. Oh, that's my favorite guy. He is the voice of reasons. He grabs the dad by this shirt collar and he's like, this is your son's funeral. Knock it off. And he's like,

I didn't start the fucking fight. Go to that guy. Also, why did you name your son, Gage Creed? What is that about? Is he fighting Rocky? He wanted him to grow up to be an ultimate fight. Or a bounty hunter is definitely. That kid is wearing...

Hell yeah. That could get to dust on his 18th birthday. For sure. Wait, so he could be like professional extreme fighter. What did you just say? Bounty hunter. Definitely a professional dog trainer. Sure.

Like, oh, I'm Gage Creed. I'm going to train you dog. that can have that's on the profession that's also a bounty hunter accent I could see this guy in Mandalorian armor right gauge creed oh yes I'd buy that comic book

Gage creed he probably takes over for Steve Irwin after his Oh sure Yeah he could do that Wasn't Gage Creed in Shadows of the Empire So they bury this kid And they're like you know we're gonna fuck off to Chicago

The dad at least the father-in-law Has the good grace look, I was hopped up on Coke. I shouldn't have fucking done rails before your son's funeral. Sorry about those Robert De Niro kicks. Are we friends? I mean, for what?

And also, I would say, if anyone came up to me on my father, my fucking son's funeral, like, yeah, it's like Mardi Gras, bitch. I could do whatever my wife. I'm bearing a three-year-old boy today. I'm going to go fuck somebody. I'm going to go drink for three days. You can't touch me.

You can't touch me for at least a month. I essentially have diplomatic immunity. It's the end of lethal weapon, too. Kidplomatic immunity The crazy thing is that the takeaway from the funeral is I think we should go spend a little time with my father The guy who instigated the fight She sides with the dad

You need some space You're clearly going through some shit You allowed my father to punch you Look you're right I shouldn't have brought a baseball bat to the funeral I'm sorry I didn't mean to do it This is my fault my fault But the thing is like they're like

Oh we have to go back to Chicago And the little girl's like daddy daddy you're going to come He's like, I got some things to wrap up here, which is like, I don't know, like, I work at a fucking college hospital. Maybe someone's got herpes. Like, what on earth is so pressing that you can't leave? People are getting tested. You just said it. Yeah, I guess that's it.

He doesn't know how to get his scalpel through security. It's also, this is like the last job before he bottoms out. Oh, I see. Yeah, that's true. Yes. And then the other thing is, like, you got like, he, doesn't he say to Denise Crasby, like, it's a good opportunity. maybe you'll finally be able to come to terms with your

sister's death. This story is your emotional journey. Your problem now. Right. And then to the daughter, it's like, I think it's better if you spend a little time away from your father, he's grieving. So let's go back to your grandfather who brought a sackful of oranges to a funeral.

So he could beat the shit at your father without leaving bruises. Oh, by the way, oh, where we're going to go? It's a haunted castle. Don't worry. Don't worry. It's just a haunted castle. I wouldn't worry about it. So they go. And obviously first thing this guy's going to go to is the pet cemetery and like that stop and now you know

we've got fucking Fred Gwyn looking at his shoes being like you shouldn't go to the pet cemetery like two fucking late tall guys he's like I know what you're thinking I was the first thought when you saw him get turned into that pink mist was bury him in the pet cemetery because now he's told him the story this is where he tells him he's like I lied to you before

because he's like you know Christ on his throne no no one ever tried that he's like I lied before we totally This is amazing. We tried it so hard. And this military vets wandering the town, biting random people, to the point where Fred Gwyn and the gang have to burn his house down with him in it a lot.

This makes no sense. His father is in there and is like, better get out before I burn you all the alive. This dude comes back like fucking Bud the Judd. He's running around and the dad is trying to do the whole like, and you've seen this in like, good boy, you don't understand. Yeah, I mean, you've seen this in like newer zombie things now where it's like, no, that's my kid, whatever. I'm sure Walking Dead has done it a thousand times. Sure.

Yeah. And so the guy is like, no, no, no. Like there's a dude who plays like young Fred Gwynn from behind. Yeah. Which is great. It's like, you better get out of there. They're going to burn it. And it's like, why just fucking caught off the head or destroy the brain?

It's a zombie, dude. Don't burn this house down. Isn't it like identical to Bob Clark's death dream almost exactly, like the vet coming home and becoming a zombie and then not being able to kill it. It's pretty similar. The other thing is, correct me if I'm misremembering here, he serves in war.

He gets sent home. He gets sent home. Which, here's the dramatic irony. He made it all the way back hometown. He gets hit by a car. Does he not? They say something about he died on his way. Right, on his way back to the house.

It has to be some for him. accident. Which again the moral of the story is change your fucking traffic laws. Yep. I mean this is like the 1940s it's been happening since. What is the fuck is going on? He probably got hit by a wagon. Let me Craig. Going 240.

A lot of horse power. I feel like you know what they burn this house down. I would go if I'm the dad, I go to the fucking town council the next day. I'm like you know my son was a zombie. Did you need to burn my? Like that's all I had. I had. I lost the kid. Does he make it out of the house? No, the zombie takes him to hell with him. That's what's good. It's good. It's fucking hilarious. The dad tries to get out and the dude gives him like a big zombie bear hug. And then you see this guy's legs catch on fire. Yeah. At that point, you should just die. You should just die. You know your house is going to be gone. Your son's gone. Just die. Just shut up and leave everyone alone. It is also so muddy like what the reviving process does to them.

yes yeah because it's like I mean not to jump ahead but Miko Hughes it's like half the time he's like chucky and it feels like he's just having fun right yeah it's just for sport and half the time it feels like is this like they do they need

this for sustenance right yeah yeah what with the throat anything I mean let me see Nico Hughes when he goes back to life he's kind of like little Joker he's like the Joker like revived dead kids I've never seen

a kid this twisted I've never before you're going to hear a Doris Lance. Doing it for the lulls. It's like he finds murder funny. It's just crazy that they buried him in the purple suit and it was so weird. So weird. Where did you find purple velvet that kid's size? They put a giant

fish in there with him. A lipstick fish. And a whoopee cushion. A big mallet. A little girl from Staten Island next to it? They both went down there. So the dad is

undeterred by this fucking story of pure horror. I want to visit that upon my little baby kid. He probably wasn't even listening, honestly. It's not even that. It's like so much worse than that. He's like, Fred Quinn's like, well, it's going to come back and you might have to get. He's like, yeah, I'll kill my kid

again. Yeah, I'm ready to do it. Let's go. Let's go fucking kill my kid. He has some line where he's like, and if he comes back wrong, I'm just going to put him to sleep again. And I was like, remember when you said you weren't a veterinarian? Yeah, I'm a doctor. I'm so good at knowing when things are dead or alive. The other

thing is, I think Fred Gwyn says the, you know, I didn't tell you the truth. The thing I didn't think you're right at here. Sometimes dead is better. Right. And you do have them over where you're like, this is Fred Quinn. He's giving a great performance. It's clearly the iconic line. Right. And then they come back from the flashback and he says it like

form. Yeah. And you just get the sense on set. They had no restraint. They were like, I don't know. Should we just like quadrupled down on it? That's clearly the trailer moment. We really want everybody to know. Sometimes dead is better. So you see sometimes dead is you hear it once in the trailer

and you're like well I better hear it like four times the movie. The movie better be that but more. You need at least four times to make a t-shirt out of it after it comes out. He just says it in a row. It's like it's like he's stuck like the record is like skipping. Well yeah he's got Alzheimer's it's. He's probably loaded. Yeah. You know.

But that's not my favorite line of the movie. My favorite line of the movie is while this is all going on we're in the creepy haunted castle in Chicago. Right. Yeah. The devil in the white city happened actually we're sitting around and was that h h holmes yeah yeah he's like the joker of chicago yes he's also a doctor the windiest joke they're like we got to call we got to call back so you uh how my father's doing et cetera yeah they call they don't get anything and you know denise crosbie's worried and the mother is like oh honey don't worry about it he's just probably it's a man he's alone for the

weekend he's out having a hamburger or a chicken dinner and i don't know about you guys do they walk down the road they eat a full chicken that's i mean my girlfriend my wife goes out of town you know i draw the blind i open the computer and i have a full chicken dinner dude i order the fucking jake blues four front chickens and a coke immediately the second the door closes when she's gone men are pigs aren't they they just the chicken chicken he's breathing he's gonna walk along the road for 10 to 15 miles and eat one full chicken just kill a chicken honey in a sitting Honey, honey, honey. Just listen, your father, he ate chicken dinners all the time when I was away.

And he didn't tell me about it. Be happy that he tells you about it. We can't change men. That's twisted. I'm so sorry, I had a chicken dinner. I love you. While you were away, I went to the Italian restaurant. I had the chicken breadingada.

I had the chicken bread together. It's just important that you told me. It was a chicken dinner. I'm sorry. It was a hamburger sandwich. I'm sorry. Yeah, she definitely should have called it. in a hamburger sandwich.

She does call either or either a hamburger sandwich or a chicken dish. But does she say hamburger sandwich? Oh, I think she just says hamburgers. You're probably right.

You're probably right. But they make these parents are like they were born in the 1860s so she definitely should have said hamburger sandwich. Now be honest with me was this the only chicken? Or were there other chicken dinners? What?

You didn't have a roast, did you? You tell me if you had a roast. Well, uh, I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow because someone brought a chicken dinner into our house. Someone did it. You know I am a doctor no, not that doctor. Wait, you knocked up the chicken

dinner. Chicken doctor. So he you know, he hangs out in this graveyard. He brings shovels during the daytime and I feel like there should be a gravekeeper. He was like, you know, dude, no. That's my job. But he's got it. He waits for nightfall. Wait a minute, wait. That's my

I'll take it from here. The pet cemetery? Oh, you want to dig him back up. Oh, yeah, right. He goes to the real graveyard to dig up gauge cream. The cops come by, the lights flash and he just sort of stays still and they don't catch him. You have to imagine if you're police in this town, you got to know the number

one thing to look out for. Yep. Grave digging. Because you don't want another Timothy whatever his name is. And especially after the death of a kid. You're patrolling that grave like at least twice. To do the rounds but not look hard enough to find him when he doesn't even bother to hide. Right. It's insane. It's almost

like not putting a stop sign on the fucking most dangerous road in the world. It's kind of also on Fred Gwyn because Fred Gwynn knows exactly what's going to happen and instead of sitting with his warm six pack in front of the cemetery he falls asleep on his porch to be all right so there's a couple things about Fred Gwynne here Fred Gwynn is like

oh no I'm going to stop them I'm going to sit on my porch and I'm going to give him peace of my mind stern talking to maybe not everything needs to be a party maybe we can hold the maybe we can get a fucking cup of black coffee so we stay awake for this to happen instead of like well I got to get my buzz

on sometimes buzzed is Which, by that, I mean all the time. He ain't wrong, man. He is not wrong. But he digs this kid up. And, like, also, the question is, like, death certificates. What are you going to do in this? Like, we publicly buried this kid.

But it's 1989. You could really get around anything back then. Oh, it's my kid, Rage. Oh, Gage is dead. Rage is a lot. Yeah, exactly. Rage was too upset to attend the funeral. It's sort of how he was able to escape his past as a bad doctor in Chicago.

God, go to Maine. It's just started a new life. it's fun. So he buries the kid. Fred Gwyn falls asleep. The kid comes back to life. Denise Crosby after the chicken dinner fiasco is like, oh, you know what, mom, I'm going to leave.

I'm going to fly back. It's kind of a bit of a home alone. I was just going to say she's like fucking Catherine O'Hara. Where does she sit in a van with John Candy trying to get back to this house? But then also you have this ghost appearing to her like it's Griffin Dunn in America Warwolf in London where he's like sort of doing like quippy commentary. And he's

helping out though. And that's this weird inconsistency with this ghost, it's like, are you in this girl's dream only? Right. But she, like he holds the gate door open at the airport. Yeah, but they still miss the flight. So he's just like, uh, we missed our connection in Boston. I don't know. I'm just to go,

should we rent a car? Can you drive to Maine right now? Ghost speaks to the daughter only in the form of dreams. Yeah. speaks to the father, direct conversation. Yeah. Denise Crosby's interaction with the ghost seems like the ghost says something and then she suddenly has the idea in her head. Yes. And he pulls this over also

on that fucking a rental agency woman because she's like, we don't have any cars and he's like, what about that one that's got scratches on it? It's like he's the Ben Kenobi of ghost. Yeah, he's like forced mind tricking. So yeah, she's like hitting the road to get back. The car has a flat tire and the ghost appears again and he's like

oh, they're trying to prevent you for making it. I was like, who the fuck are they? What are you talking about? And also, don't you know the gig is up by now? Like the best thing for Denise Crosby is to stay away from the house. Like, you're not, you, the kid is in the ground, do not, you can't prevent this anymore. But does she know about

I mean, does she understand what happened with church? No, she doesn't, she's not hip to the cat. Let's be fair. It's not like she would go like, fuck. I think if I go home, there's a risk that my zumbified son. Well, no, but if you're a ghost that has all the cards, he's the one. He's like, a hundred percent. He's like, come

on. It's like, no, the game, the gig is up. Like, that's over. Like, stay with the kid. He's a very unhelpful ghost. And why is he so invested? Like, he should be like, oh, they didn't do that for me didn't put me in the fucking pet cemetery. I just got buried. How rude. I think it's like that's his heaven assignment.

Like it's a really tough one. It's like, you have to make sure this shit doesn't go down. Oh, Clarence, George Bailey is going to bury his kid in the pet cemetery. You better go stop him. I want my son to live again. It's confirmed none of this is going to work because when they finally get back to Maine from hitchhiking in a truck that may or may not have killed. I think it killed the dude who is on this journey with her.

She's right shotgun with the Polka King's in the band. But he's, the ghost guy stays in the truck and drives on with the truck driver. I think because his assignment failed with this family, now he's going to haunt the trucker

who killed him. It's just this arbitrary. He's like, I can't go any further. They're at the fucking front door. He's like, that's it for me. I'm going to keep hitchhiking with this guy. My favorite part is when she tries to get on the next flight

and there's that old couple. and she's trying to barter with jewelry and he goes, oh no, she's got a big drawer full of them, a dangly one. That is my favorite line in any movie, top five. The other crazy thing is, though, the fact that the ghost refers to the father by name on his deathbed before he becomes what is clearly a ghost implies that this was faded in some sense.

Yes, yeah. That like the death of the jogger is in some way tied to this larger thing, which is when I'm waiting for the reveal, that Fred Gwyn has been pulling the strings. Yeah. He's been pulling the fucking bottles out of the... That's all he's been pulling. Like a flashback of Fred Gwyn

just like shoulder checking this dude into traffic. Yes, all right. He's just watching joggers. He like puts his leg out and trips him into the road. You want to reveal that he Mr. Glass style. Yes. Exactly. Which is he's pushing people into traffic.

They call me Mr. Gwyn. So the kid comes back. The kid comes for Fred Gwyn first. As he should. And now we've got literally I knew it was coming I've seen this movie This is probably my third or fourth time seeing it

It is the most viscerally I react to any gore in any movie ever This is your first time watching Yeah the two Gwyncuts are rough It's really tough And they're at this weird level of like They're just realistic enough To really upset you

Yeah Like physically upset you Because it doesn't go into crazy Samurai me spurts of blood and just like what are two really bad places to get cut?

Like the corner of the mouth thing is blocked. It's a little. I don't know how we got those guys. It's exactly the Joker. You're right. It's the Achilles tendon though

that makes me just all of my hair goes up. But to bring it back to child's play it's like this little doll hand. It's chilling to see a little doll hand holding your scalpel.

All this porcelain doll hand that comes out. And I was like going like they're having the kid do a lot of this. Why didn't they want him to do this shot? There's certain insert shots from certain angles where it's clearly a doll's hand,

which does, when you have the soundtrack, as the kid going, he-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. And he's just sort of like jogging around. Yeah. It does feel like, is this just for kicks? Yeah. He's having a great time. Right. Is he just like a haunted Pinocchio?

Well, he says that he's playing with him. And then when the mother comes, he says he's played with Mommy as well. Right, right. So, I mean, he really is like the Joker of Pet Cemetery. You do kind of want some sort of rule of like this is

what burying the people here does. It exemplifies whatever's natural in their behavior. If there was some idea that's like it heightens it to an evil degree. Or even a demon you leave and a demon takes your body or some. Whatever it is. But I just can't figure out the rules of like what's the end game

here? Because he also starts pulling like some saw shit. Yes. Yeah. He's like laughing around. He's like doing some jumps care stuff. It's like bluby trap and By the way, are we saying that like every Native American who was buried came back as a zombie? Or are we saying only white people buried there becomes zombies? Fred Quinn has some line where he's like, that's why the Indians stopped using it. Once they realized it was crooked.

That's one of those bad ones. Every so often you get a bad graveyard. But if that's the case, somebody put up a sign. Someone put up a sign. Certainly don't refer anyone. I mean, there's just so much tragedy that could be avoided with just a couple of quick signs. I'll say I really like sour things. I love like sour candy and like sour beer or anything and it's one of those words I always find appetizing like crispy. If anything

decides it's crispy. So the amount of times that this like last chunk of the movie between the ghost and Fred Gwynn that someone says the ground is sour. I know it's supposed to be messy but every time I go like I want to eat that. The dirt sounds great. The dirt sounds so fucking good. The dirt has blue flavor now. That's why I'm like it's like wild raspberries. It's got gummy worms in it. It's a screaming green apple. Neon glowing ground. It's also got a lower ABV, but it's actually pretty nice.

The ground is sponsored by warheads? Oh, nice. I miss those. It's been a while. My favorite dichotomy of the kid, it's obviously a little kid actor, a three-year-old actor. And you have to, you know, you do the shining thing where you tell him other things. You know for a fact. The kid, Miko Hughes, does it, where Fred Gwyn. has been, you know, cut in the Achilles

tent and cut in the mouth, and it's like, do you want to give him a raspberry on his neck? Yep, definitely. And he's like, and they make the noise. It's awesome because, like, when they cut. That's the part that's adorable. Everything else is terrifying. That part's adorable. But when they have to cut back to like what is supposed to be the kid

then like moving off of him and there's a piece of his throat like attached to the kid's mouth, it's clearly a my buddy and me with like gore on its mouth and some effects guy just yanks it off of Fred Gwyn. My buddy. Yeah, dude. Classic commercial. Whatever he kills, I kill my buddy. Classic haunted toy, man.

Oh, definitely. Cursed. So this dude's dead. And then she gets back and... We turn it to like a house of horrors immediately. I love that that's at Fred Gwyn's house, by the way. Yeah, don't, you know what? At the very least, that guy's house should burn to the ground.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did I go to sleep? Do they not show the Denise Crosby getting murdered? They don't show it. They don't show it, which is fucked up. So she just falls out of the rafters hung. Right, this dude gets to the house and he's investigating. How did a baby hang a grown woman?

And they also, I mean, first she sees her sister. She sees Zelda. Oh, right. And so it's like, can the kid transform? Like, that's what you go, like, is there some demonic spirit that's like... And then just do that. Otherworldly. Or these just zombies.

Also, the kid is dressed at this part when he kills his mother finally, like Tom Petty and the don't come around here no more video. Yes, that was my exact note. What the fuck is with this? Where did he get this hat? I don't get it. It's an amazing baby hat. It's an amazing baby hat.

Is that what they buried him? I know. We buried him in his best top hat. Looks like Little Lord Fauntler, right? It's so awesome. He's missing a big lolly in bloomers. It's Danny DeVito and Big Fish. Yeah, but he does kind of, we do see him like stab his mom once or twice.

Right. And then we cut to whatever. Yeah, we mean. miss him tying the noose, hanging it over like Kevin McAllister. Wragging her up to the attic rigging it so that it will fall at the right moment. And hiding Fred Gwyn's body under that bed

and putting the cover down over it. I couldn't move Fred Gwyn. I could not. Dare I say this is when he really starts to feel Joker ass. It feels like it's less about the bloodlust and it's more about that he likes watching people scream. But if he can do that Zelda stuff where he's making it, that's more

of a scarecrow move. Yeah, that's true. are you think he's got like those toxins? Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's a little kid fear gas, dude. So the dad, by the way, of course, this dad sleeps like a rock through anything. He wakes up and he's like, oh, I overslept after I buried my kid in the pet cemetery.

Right. And what's the first thing he does when he wakes up? He checks his scalpel. Yeah, that's what I would do. Well, at least now he's got the foresight enough to load his syringe with whatever kills things. Kill juice. Yeah, it's a kill juice. He puts a bunch of kill juice.

He finds the cats. on his way over to Fred Gwyns, kills the cat, injects it. With a steak, which, I mean, I know the cats, like, eat meat and whatnot, but, like, in any kind of movie or literature or whatnot, the steak, that's a dog distraction. It is a dog distraction. We're going to fish out of the fridge.

But a demonic cat is just a dog. Oh, sure. Second favorite line of the movie behind the chicken, which is, come on, church, come on and eat it. It's Thanksgiving Day for dead cats. I'm like, what are we the dog? Dude, that line is trauma-esque. great new holiday idea

and he kills the cat and then like he goes into the house I kind of like this third act little you know where it's I'm this movie I think is creepy at this point I'm not yeah it's super creepy because I mean especially because sometimes it's a little kid running around sometimes it's clearly a puppet with

I got a thing with puppets they freak me right the fuck out you know that's helping and then the other thing is when it is Miko Hughes Hughes but it is Miko Hughes doing it feels like the only direction they gave him was have fun, which makes it creepier. They're not directing him like a creepy kid. Yeah.

I mean, he's just doing it for the long. This is my point. Disturbing. No, but between the puppet and a kid gleefully, like, celebrating clearly off of like misdirection from the crew, you know? I mean, it's been proven in movies over and over again that kids can be creepy if everything else around it

is set and shot like a creepy thing. Right. And then they're having fun because this movie does it. They do it. I've brought this up on the show before. There's that shot in insidias

where Patrick Wilson looks to the corner of the room and there's a little kid with his back to him and he's dancing in front of a gramophone. And it's like

and he's in this like sailor outfit and then it's just this creepy fucking like monster child. I wonder if this was a formative movie for James Wan.

Like not his favorite movie but if this was one he saw a specific age because even just the puppet shit. I know that's not in universe but it feels like He's like, man, puppet, like little puppets doing things. Yes, no, absolutely.

If this little kid had, like, a little red tricycle, I'd be very suspicious. And he is rigging up these traps to try to teach him the meaning of life. Want to play a game. I just have this image of Miko. He was like, hitting a beam like, nah, not right there. That's not a load-bearing one. Okay, all right, right, shit. Well, his father just sleeps.

Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee. If you're having zombie stroes, I mean, that, That will knock you right the fuck out. Well, he had to hitch a ride with one of those trucks to the 24-hour hardware story. He had to buy all this stuff. I do love that Fred Gwyn just has all that rope hanging around. Yeah, he's a rope. Well, I mean, he knows where he's going.

But he sort of has that complicated knot. Like, he's like tied a harness around their shoulders. You know, it's not just like, right? With Fred Gwyn, you see like these loops. Yes. Oh, that's how he moved. He's going underneath his arms. Yeah.

Oh, man. So it's like he died and he came back a zombie boy scover. It was pretty. Or zombie Slipknot from suicide The only guy more twisted than the joke. That was a guy that used like ropes and rope guns.

His name's Slipknot. He can escape from anything and then they immediately kill him. I always imagine there's this the one guy in the audience like Oh, Slipknot. Favorite character? Jima Slipknot. Oh man. And you're reading Adam Beach. That guy was

on SVU. Awesome. Yeah, totally. It's also one of those things where, like, you could see how Warner Brothers didn't get what worked with Marvel and we're like, they like it when they're like a lot of characters, right? Like, they're going to like all the characters. Tons of slip-knot merchandise. And I'm talking about, like, action figures,

but it's like, oh, you can get your, like, slip-knock notebooks. Oh, yeah, man. They sell full-sized slip-knock cardboard cutouts. Somehow Captain Boomerang makes it to the end of that movie, whatever, dude. Yeah, they thought spin-off. Yeah.

There was, like, a variety article that was, like, Warner's is feeling pretty confident about Captain Broomerang. Everybody loves Jai Courtney. Dude, that guy, he's had so many chances. He's had a lot. He's had a lot of chances. I mean, he's tall.

Great. Congratulations. He's tall. As my podcast co-host, David Sims says, he's got a nice big potato head. Sims is not wrong there. He's got a big potato head. But speaking of enormous heads, Pet Cemetery, Jason Clark,

that's a ham on his head. Absolutely. That thing has dimensions and dimensions. He's a golden-eye character. Fred Gwynne, one in the tallest heads. Yeah. Replaced in the sequel,

I know it's not the same character with Clancy Brown who's another big head man. Absolutely. And there's go huge head. Absolutely. He's got like a fucking turkey on top. Fred Gwynn played one of the

stone heads in Rapa Nui. Sick trivia. So there is an end to this movie eventually. So he's got the kill juice. He goes into the house. He finally gets a hold of this child after being cut a little bit. And the kid, right, slices him up.

and dices. But the kid, I mean, we're not sure does the kid have supernatural powers? Right. Or does he, like, because I would fucking punt this thing into the next county. I'm sorry. And also the kid doesn't seem to want to kill his father because he's just sort of dicing up, having fun with everyone else, he goes straight

for like the pain point. I was, because I hadn't seen this in a while and I was like, is it a thing where he's like, well, you're the one who buried me and brought me back, so you get a pass. I'm going to cut you a little bit, but it's just fun. And he really goes for it. But you're right, Steve, because if you fucking kicked him, you know what it would be?

It would be a fucking puppet getting kicked out of weird. Yeah, that'd be a lot of fun. He'd be so good. But instead he just injects him in the neck with this kill juice. This kid's got like a little final line too. No fair. No fair. Does he says, oh, you're no fun.

No fun. Oh, man, awesome. And then there's like legit footage of this kid falling over and hitting his head on a door, which legitimate laughs. And then all those penguins take him out. Penguin Viking funeral. But even it's weird. that, like, you know,

church, right? Oh, it's a cat. The Tomcat, like to scurry about sometimes catch a rat or whatever, comes back a little more feral. He drops the rats in some unpleasant places. Right, but not, you know, out of character. It's not trying to rip your neck out.

This kid comes back, goes straight for the scalpel. Like, goes into his father's briefcase, opens it up, finds the utensils he knows he needs. Very strange. It's not like they've characterized him as like, this kid can't stop playing games when he's alive. They could have made it a thing of like. They should have done that.

I'm playing games with you. Or oh, my scalpel is not for you, little. Yes, you know what I mean? Telegraph that shit. Right. It's called writing. People complain about when things are too telegraphed, but there's a reason why.

Yes. It's because it makes payoff satisfying. It's why it's like a basic tenant of storytelling. Right, right. Absolutely. Oh, man. So, yeah, this kid's dead, which is great. And then he decides

Rolls Totally rule You know And again This speaks a lot About how I think I'm just like The littest bit of a sociopath

Because like that kid died Nothing Neither time That kid or the cat Oh my God I was looking at my dog In the other room Like getting kind of fucking

Misty Like he fucking dies Next to that steak I was like oh no Well he says You know I love it He's yelling at the cat

He's like Now you're dead Stay dead And the cat's like It's your fault motherfucker I didn't want this in the first place

kind of up to you so he winds up he's like oh but now I actually kind of like this ending where he's like it is sort of like that's so like oh it's cinemas in

so stupid but it makes sense because it's like oh it's been like you know I like he's so over it at this point he buries his wife

and it's like you know I didn't have enough time you know what I mean and now that she's fresher she won't come back sociopathic and monstrous and it's like no

no where are you getting that from dude that's that's not information this is another like this should be sort of a satisfying end to like a story about one man's hubris yeah sure yeah exactly you know that he hubristically thinks he can keep on beating death yeah yeah but instead because this guy is such a wet blanket yes you just kind of go like what this fucking dummy yeah stupid soap opera face i can tell you exactly why he did it it's because it has nothing to do with the learning and he less it's because he knows what he has to do next is go to Chicago and talk to Robert De Niro, who's

going to take him out. I'd rather get murdered by my zombie wife than have to deliver that news. This is the move. You get your zombie wife, you get her a plane ticket to Chicago. Oh, nice. You kind of just get her out of your area so you can't be a victim?

Dude, get her back to the house and then set her off on the in-laws, close the door. Exactly. Or lock her in the back of the truck or whatever and drive her to Chicago and just unleash her on her own family. Also, oh yeah, go ahead. Oh, no, if you want to go nuclear, you put fucking Fred Gwynn in that pet cemetery and now

the entire East Coast falls. At the end of it. Like, literally there's no stopping. I mean, that's how you build a franchise. Yeah, you can end with, it's like just this like space shot of America and like all the lights are going out. He's like the Thanos of zombies because he's like created every zombie that's ever existed.

Also, though, he, oh, go ahead. No, no, I was just going to say, I mean, the other thing about him, you know, seemingly just not wanting to face his daughter and deliver her the bad news. The daughter, we breeze past this, but keeps on going on and on about, like, is there any chance he comes back? Yes. Like, couldn't God do it if he really wanted to?

We've got to keep all his stuff the same. So the daughter has this whole flaky sense of death that you go, like, it's not even bad enough that the dad would have to get on a plane and go to the daughter and be like, so your mom's dead. He has to be like, your mom's dead because I tried to bring your brother back to life. The thing I told you was impossible. It is possible. I shouldn't have done it She's going to be in New York

And with a new life She's got husband and kids and everything And she's bringing Like when one of her kids dies She brings it to the local pet cemetery Thinking things are going to be great Of course Yeah absolutely

It's a shortcut It's an easy answer This will happen This is good Don't worry The dad would probably still be like Oh but the cat That definitely ran away

Yeah right There's a bull Like it's bullshit though Where he's like Oh you just freshly died I can bury you whatever Because he spends all of that extra time fucking burning down the house.

Yeah. You see this little puppet go up in flames, this little kid puppet. Oh, funny. It's very satisfying to see that. I loved it. It's my favorite part of the movie. And you could have licensed the song, too. You got the talking head. Oh, yeah, it's just, it's like the match falls on the gas. It would be great. Watch out. Yeah, that would love it.

It's another thing, too. If he's optimistic and he believes that she's going to be brought back to life as normal because she's fresh, why does he burn down the house first? Doesn't he want to assume that he can go back to a normal domestic bliss? Oh, no, it's Fred Gwynn's house.

Oh, right, yes, yes. That guy deserves nothing. That's fine. He was going to burn down his house anyway for different reasons. We'll finally have a view. He's got a nephew that was eye in that house for years. Oh, are you fucking kidding? It's a good plot of land. Right off the Fury Road. Right around the corner from the pet cemetery

in that other cemetery. Oh, yeah, you got all sorts of ghoulish spokes to look at from the top corner. I'm awaited in Valhalla. So when Denise Crosby comes back, because she's got that eye socket, just spewing ooze, and he's just like, I guess we should just make out. Oh, dude, yeah, and there's some serious tongue kissing

and the fucking goop gets back in their mouth. Ew. Trade in goop. My whole thought was like, what did that taste like? You're eating like prop goo. Probably salty. I feel like it'd be sweet. I feel like isn't like...

Prop goop, but like, whatever was actual goo? Oh, the actual goo? Salty. That's salty. Or maybe it's sour. Maybe it's a little sour. If you sourced it from an actual cemetery, you mean? Ooh, baby, your fucking eye socket tastes like a warhead.

But Griffin might be like a goo pound. If you found... I might be a goo pound? Yes. If you tasted dead ooze and it's salty. Oh, you're saying I might love it. Yes. I thought you were accusing me of reading Gwyneth Paltrow's website.

Nobody would say such blasphemy. I would never. Your question wasn't, what do you think, fake goop, taste it like on set. Your answer was, what does vial taste like? Famously bad. I feel like people use it as an example. But you want to eat sour dirt, so you might

like it. Yeah, they said sour. It's got a nice little, it's in the name right now. I think salty goop. Dead might be sour. I think a little sweet from the, it's that sweet, a little salty from the eye residue. I just imagine eye is salty. I haven't tasted. I must be salty. You know, I will say

one time, um, Tearducks. I can't remember the name of the restaurant, but there was a place in Long Island City where you could go as a Quebec Coy restaurant, you could get half of a pig's head. Okay. And I got it one time.

That's just like a person. M. Wells. Emwell's Steakhouse in Long Island City. I don't think it's open anymore. Oh, I wonder why. Because it served delicious food. I don't know. I went to town on this pig's head,

and I was in it. Did you eat the eye? I ate it. Okay. What? So salt? Salty? No.

No. Sour? Sour? Sour? Not much on the sour. It was pretty salty, and it just tasted like the rest of the meat. Maybe for it's rancid, though. Do they give you a crown of bones when you order this thing?

This is the most decadent nightmare monster. Christ on his throne. Kevin had it, too. It's delicious. And the pig's teeth are sour. What? You're not eating the teeth. You're not eating the teeth.

You're eating ears. You're eating snout. You're eating jowls. You're eating brain, and you're eating eyeball. Can I ask, do they sell the eye as, like, a feature? Or are they like, most people don't eat the eye. They don't tell you about it. But it's like, the option is there.

Like, you can do it. You do you. It's like anything here. You can do it. Yeah. And I did it. It was my birthday. They don't tell you about it, but that eye is there.

I'm going to eat it. Yeah. And it was good, man. I wasn't crazy about the brain. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It was kind of bumming about that.

What was that sour? It was a little too like mushy. Like, I did it. The texture. Yeah. The brain is actually the, the joker of Oregon. Hey, hey. Hey.

Yeah. How dare you. It's twisted and deranged. So yeah, they're making out And she fucking pulls out She pulls a knife off the kitchen table I love that he's waiting for his wife To come back as a zombie sitting on the kitchen floor

Up against the fridge playing solitaire You gotta pass the title I'm surprised he didn't take a good old nap This guy loves to go to sleep after Yeah, he just had that whole adventure Burned that house down He walked all the way back to that fucking pet cemetery And back to the house

But also like twice this guy Has tried to revive people to bad results He knows it takes a little time for them to like cook until they're ready to pop back up again. I don't believe he's this chill the third time. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Totally gonna work. One thing we missed,

which is the John Carpenter head, the second time he goes back to the bed cemetery, which is like the 14th thing this movie doesn't need. Oh, the thing that like the head comes out of the rock. It's, like, he like blinks, he goes, well, that was odd and nothing ever happens with it. I think that was supposed

to be the beast or something, whatever. Yeah, they just forgot to cut it out. King's main is essentially the Bermuda Triangle. I really don't. There's all sorts of mom stars in those woods. Oh, yeah, I buried Amelia Earhart back on the Pet Cemetery.

And then it's man credits Ramon's song, which is awesome. Yeah, the song in the end credits. Amazing. The video is hysterical. This director was mostly music video director did all like the early Madonna videos and she was apparently like

Best Buds with the Ramones. Yeah, yeah. And the studio was like, you can't do that. and she like went above them and got Ramones to write the song and then delivered it which is so great

because apparently Stephen King's a big Ramon's fan I think Stephen King won the argument I think the studio didn't want the Ramones on the soundtrack Right That's the other crazy thing I read about this film Was that it was supposed to be George Romero Oh right yeah

He backed down That king like pointedly like Gave the rights to Romero Because he thought he could do justice Yeah Wrote it for Romero And then Romero did monkey shines It's great

Right, and then they were still hot on the thing, so they made it anyway. But this is when he was still a little protective over his rights. Yeah, that didn't last much longer. And this was like sort of a thing where it was the writer's strike was happening, and they didn't know when they were going to make this movie, et cetera. And like this was the only reason they made this movie is because the script was in such good shape, they wouldn't have to get a whatever, a rewriter on that. Air quotes for the listeners.

Yeah, yeah, sorry about that. Good shape. Yeah, it's such a good shape. would people recommend this movie I'll start I thought that's where you're going Did you have something else? You know, I like this movie

I think this movie is efficiently scary enough It's bad shit crazy I think it's well directed It looks nice It's got a nice You feel the 1989 Which I like This is the first scary movie I ever saw

At 17 because I was a coward And I steered clear of it And I was at like a party We were about to go to a party I was visiting a friend's college and everybody put all the big boys put this on I was like oh no it's a scary movie

and I got really freaked out but I sat through it and I watched it and it stuck with me as like a super scary movie I was less scared last night but the tendons still gets me I like it a lot yeah it's you know it's a very light recommend

I think it takes it takes way too long to get going okay and that's something like the first three minutes I was like I don't need any of like him getting to no Fred Gwynn, all that stuff. I'm like, okay. I mean, but once the funeral hits, I think, is when suddenly jumps to life. Yeah.

And then, so for that, and after that, I guess I have to, yeah, light recommend. Yeah, I would recommend this movie. I think after watching this, and we did the episode on Two, also directed by Mary Lambert, I think Two's kind of better because there's just, it's a little sillier. It's a little less self-serious. Yeah. But it's still fucking weird and creepy. But I've always kind of liked this movie, and this was like the,

fourth or fifth time I've seen it and yeah those that little critter cutting his tendon man look out it's creepy as fuck I would say it's a light recommend for me too but like there's so much in this fucking thing that you do not need that goddamn sister being chained to a bed yeah and other scenes like if this movie was 85 minutes it'd be amazing it doesn't need to be an hour in 43 minutes that's a real problem I mean I give this a soft recommend but with the caveat that I'm hoping that the remake improves upon it because I think we all agree

there's a lot of like sort of fat there are a lot of weird like sort of tendrils off the side of this film that take away from it the new one has a really good cast I just feel like

this is exactly the kind of movie you want to remake when it's like it's got a little brand value you have source material but they didn't like fully knock it out of the park It sticks in people's minds

because there are enough elements There are enough well executed things But this is certainly something you can Improve upon Yeah, absolutely Rather than like total recall or Robocop Where it's like, right Don't play with that

Who is the wife in the new movie Amy Simons Oh yes, she's great That's a great cast It's a really great cast Clark is fantastic And I do love Lithgow Yeah and you're like

Who could replace like Fred Gwynnett's like That's the one modern choice See that head? Huge Like a Christmas ham! And I think after it, like... The soup is bad. Right.

Progressos soup! The only one that remembers that Edgater. Yeah, no one knows what you're saying. Everybody knows. The floodgates are open after it was such a successful remake. And I think we're going to see like almost every king property. Dude, I want to do needful things. I'd be into it.

Yeah, that'd be great. Just you're clear of the shining. And then we're fine. We already did that twice. Yeah, we did it enough. I think they're doing a doctor's sleep movie. They are. You and McGregor.

That's right. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, I never read that book. But there's weird. like vampires in it or something. Yeah. All right. I guess we'll see about that when the time comes. But until

then, that was Pet Cemetery, directed by Mary Lambert from 1989. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. And Griffin, go ahead and plug away everything you got going on. Blank Check, the tick. Yeah, blank check with Griffin, David, available wherever

podcasts are found. We have a second feed on Patreon now. Patreon, a company that none of us are worried about. Not at all. We're all cool with All super cool. It's just fine. Future looks incredibly bright. But we do commentaries on franchises on that feed and on the main feed.

It's directors, filmographies. We pick directors and go through all their movies. One at a time. Two of you guys on and we'll have the other two soon. As soon as we finish recording, I will pass your guys about that. Tick, April 5th, all 10 episodes, because last time they did a weird thing where they split them up. Oh, not the case this time.

Nice. Just dump it. episodes on one day. Please digest a thing that took months and months of my life in like one afternoon over a bag of chips. There will be a lobster.

There will be a lobster. I'll say this. Tiptoeing the spoil terracly. Several lobster. Now we're talking. Is this exclusive? This is exclusive. This is exclusive. Several lobsters. I'm getting hungry as fuck. Several lobsters. Speaking of Maine.

Yeah. That's it. for the program. Thank you so much for dropping by. This is a lot of fun. Thank you for having me on. Way overdue. And we'll do it again. Maybe we get Simsian too. No doubt he would love to do it. Awesome. Well, that was a pause that I was like,

no way. Don't you fucking dare. And next week, next week on the program, Steve Sadek, what are we talking about? This show, it continues every Tuesday new episodes as you flip through a Google Drive doc. What are you talking about? Dude, you are the joker of a spread show.

God fucking damn it, we are doing... It's like he finds Excel funny. We are doing Shrek 2. Oh, wow. The second Shrekking. Yes, the Shreckoning. The sequel to our incredibly popular Shrek episode. Sometimes Dead is better.

Did people get angry when you talk Shrek because they're like protective? A little bit. Now, do we think people will be as defensive toward Shrek 2? Yeah, giant gingerbread man, dude. No way. They can't. That's also one of those things where when that came out, that was the, third highest grossing movie in history. Yeah, which is insane.

This society is so doomed. Yeah, life sucks. You can talk about Avengers Endgame all you like. Shrek 2, no thank you. Trek 2 was just this moment where apparently everyone alive wanted to go back to the swamp. I remember sitting in the theater for

Shrek 1 stewing. I was not having it. We saw the second one together. We did. At the theater. Miserable existence. I'll see it this Sunday night. You dodged it? You were the one and done in the church. You were the one.

Yeah, it was the one. You were the one who stopped them from beating Titanic. I think I dodged it too. I quit after two. I've never seen whatever the five. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Halloween specials, one through nine. Right, didn't they do like Christmas shit too?

They do a lot of Christmas shit. Oh, good God. See, I'll say this. Like, I'm younger. One and two, I was like seeing in theaters, like, jamming on. Way to brag on the show. Yeah. Well, no, because it also was the thing that was like,

These are fucking cartoons, but they're like edgier. So you can be a teenager and still see that. Shrek fucks. Right. That was the argument. He fucks, he farts. I mean, it's all there. I love animation.

I was so into the fact that everyone else wanted to see a cartoon movie with me and I didn't have to pretend that my sister wanted to see it. But I look back at like one and two now, I'm like, these are nightmare movies. They're like staring into the eye of Sauron. And then by the time like three came out, I was like, I don't want to see this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Well, until next week when we stare into the eye of Sauron.

I'm Andrew Jupin. You even say it, at Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. Griffin Newman. Take it easy. That was a head gum podcast. Thank you.