We Hate Movies - S9 Ep415: Episode 415 - Live Free or Die Hard

Episode Date: April 16, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang goes back to McClane Country to talk about the third Die Hard sequel, the old man cop/cyber-thriller mash-up, Live Free or Die Hard! Why didn't they let Olyphant out of that van? Where did Bruce's eyebrows go? And why couldn't they have McClane give Zeus Carver or Al Powell a call? PLUS: "Bill Nighy" blows mad rails! Live Free or Die Hard stars Bruce Willis, Timothy Olyphant, Justin Long, Maggie Q, Cliff Curtis, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Kevin Smith; directed by Len Wiseman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, hey look, John McLean's totally bald now. It's live free or die hard. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Chris McLean. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning in. As always, if you're new to the program, this is a comedy show where we start off trying to talk about a movie, but then make fun of all sorts of stuff. Sometimes we get political and dad gets mad. Oh, you know, you know, John McClure. Chris, your father would get really mad at some of the stuff we're about this. I mean, he's always angry. I don't know what you're talking. I actually think you'd make a more convincing Bruce Willis son than Jai Courtney. Oh, you look a little more like Jail.

And also, I mean, like you actually think John McLean's son's going to be exactly like him. Exactly. No, he's going to be a shitty podcaster who just sits and eats garbage all day. Oh, man, and then he's all just disappointed the whole time shaking his head. Just all the shaking of the head. I've seen it before, man. So this week's episode, by the way, this week's film in question, I should say, live for your die hard from 2007, directed by Len Weissman, skipped it until this week.

Saw it in theaters. In theaters as well. Yeah, I saw this in theaters too. I was working the night shift at the time. Oh. Like a loser, I saw so many movies on like Thursday or Friday night at midnight, like opening night or whatever. Oh, man. I saw 300 that way.

Because I was working the night shift and I just got used to like, you know, I was working 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. So like a midnight movie was like noon for me. So it's kind of funny that every time you buy that ticket, the Usher, is like, man, that guy's the biggest diehard fan. Oh man, that guy's the biggest 300 fan. And I remember this movie so specifically because it was like, oh, man, I left my elephant, I left my umbrella in there. Oh, yeah. And then they were closed and I couldn't get it back. My umbrella's gone. My umbrella's gone. So with the vengeance was what, 95? 95, I believe. Damn, 12 years.

Just let it be dead, dude. Let it be dead. And that was the thing, though, was I was like, oh my God, it's the first diehard movie in over a decade. Let's do it. The trailer, I was like, now I'm out. I just knew it. I had a thing.

I'm like, no. Well, I look back in hindsight because 2007 is one of the best movie years ever. So the bad ones of those were like even worse What else are you talking about? It wasn't also... There will be blood and no country for old men came out, right? Michael Clayton. Clayton, dude.

All right. I'm into Clayton. I'm actually, yeah, I got a dad night coming. My wife's going out of town. I'm planning on watching some Michael Clayton. Oh, wow, dude, you're a fucking party animal. Syndrome's in a century. There was a bunch of like really great movie.

It's a famously, but I'm trying to remember. This was always the one that stuck out as one of the worst. The only bad movie they came out in 2007. I mean, there were a bunch. Don't get me wrong. There are hundreds, but I just, this was one that stuck out to me. It's just, it's zombie hard. You know what I mean?

It's like, the thing is dead. You brought it back, and now it's stupider, and just a shell of its former self. I agree, although, man, I remember at the time, and I don't know if it was like rose-colored glasses due to my love of those first three movies or what, but I came out of that theater like, well, it was. okay. I was totally apologetic for this movie. But now that that fifth one happens, see our previous episode on a good day to die hard with

Jai Courtney where they're farting around in Russia. Listen to the episode, do not watch the movie. Whatever you do, do not watch that fucking movie. But that's what I'm saying, though. That movie is so rancid that I was watching this last night. I was like, okay. You know what I mean? And I also who here watched, because it's the same exact

runtime, did you guys watch the unrated version? I did too. I did too. I don't remember what I watched. If they say fuck more than once, then you watch it. I think I did. Yeah. Does he, here's, well, here's the great tell. Does he get in Yippie Kayae motherfucker in its entirety?

Yes. Okay, because in the theatrical cut, it's Yippie Kaya mother and then the gun goes off. Oh, shit. And I remember being fucking mad in the theater about that. I was like, yeah, it's the one. Yeah, that's the one you get. You just save it for the one. Yes, of course.

Poo, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. It's also, you see more, like, blood spatter and stuff. Luke, I am your... That's when you use the lightsaber noise. So, Darth Vader was saying, Luke, I'm your fucker. Oh, I'm your fucker. I fucked your mother, Luke. Luke, I fucked your mother.

I fucked her good. That's what's great. He doesn't even say that he's his father. He's like, I fucked your mother 20 years ago. Figure it out, man. Hey, Luke, I didn't wrap it up when I, Fucked your mother. I'd be honest, she had a lot of fuckers.

I don't know if I'm your father. It could be many other fathers. Now it's that movie with Robin Williams and Billy Crystal. Oh, fucking Father's Day. Oh, sure. Darth Vader, Billy Crystal, and Rob Williams. Now, what's also interesting about that is Darth Vader didn't have a fucker of his own because it was an immaculate conception.

Oh, that's right. Medi-chlorians, they call him. All right, so you were asking, Andrew. They're like little fuckers in your blood. I pulled up a list too, Kevin. That's funny. I got quite a lot here. Spider-Man 3. Yep.

Shrek the 3rd. This is your defense of 2007 being a great movie year. This is why I'm saying the bad movies of that year were even worse. Oh, they burned even brighter. Yeah, it was National Treasure Book of Secrets. Alvin in the Chipmunks, 300. Yeah. And to top it off, I am legend.

Oh, yeah. Let me add some more kindling to this fucking fire, dude. We got Good Luck, Chuck, the Dane Cook movie. Nice when we were trying to do that. The Heartbreak Kid, the Fairley Brothers remake. That movie's rancid. August Rush, licensed to wed. I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.

Wow. Three previous episodes, Wild Hogs, Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer, and B movie. Wild Hags! Speaking of previous episodes, I know who killed me. Oh, wow. Okay. Across the universe. that Julie Tameor beat is moving.

So why is this year good again? What was good? I know the two. Dark Night as well. No, that's 2008. No, you're confusing that because we all went to go see I'm Legend to see the fucking extended trailer because we're losers. Yeah, absolutely. I'm the way to sit through.

I am legend. Well, now I'm going to. Well, no, let's keep going on. It doesn't matter. In any of it. So Die Hard is a movie. So it's been, Dired with a Vengeance happens. And there's sort of like a thing where, um, uh, Bruce,

Willis is separated from Holly at that point or McLean's separated from Holly. Yes. And they're kind of, they're about to get back to get, that's when we cut Bonnie and Bedelia right out of this franchise. She's like a shrill voice on the other end of the phone. Is that actually her voice though? That's what I was about to ask.

That's what I'm saying, it's not. It's just probably some lady. Oh my goodness, I'm a lady. It's just, John. John? You asshole. Yeah. And then this one, she's a ghost. You see her license photo. Yeah. Oh, you're divorced. How sad.

And like, I can just imagine Bonnie Benetia being in the theater watching Dyer Thing, couldn't call me, huh? Sons of fucking bitches, couldn't call me. Also, the thing that ruins this franchise is getting rid of the Gruber family. Obviously, Dyerd 1 and 3 are the best ones. For sure.

And the ones without a Gruber are bad. So we should get to like, you killed my great uncle. Or like, my grandson was murdered. Yeah, you McLean? The Taken franchise was like, oh, you killed my son. Oh, yeah, Rae Serbega.

I want the Gruber Village in Germany or wherever to rise up against McLean. Get Bruno Gantz to play the elder. Oh, that would have been. He's their dad. You have now killed both of my boys. He invented the internet in Germany. You know, Detective, in the war, we did ways to get information, you know, to all that old torture stuff.

Yeah. So, yeah, we couldn't find Bonnie Bedelia in this movie because she was over the age of 45. You can't put a woman in the movie. You can't do it. You can't happen. Unless you got Nancy Myers directing it, then you can go right ahead.

She could play Bruce Willis' girlfriend's mother. That'd be fun. Wow, Nancy Myers directed Live Free or Die Hard. How cool would that be? Kind of a better movie, better apartments for sure. I was going to say John McLean would have a fucking banging kitchen, dude. He's got to stop things from breaking. Justin Long's apartment's pretty nuts.

I mean, this movie's about technology hackers. We're doing hacker-y stuff. That's why they cast Justin Long because he's a Mac. And John McLean's a PC. That's true. Old-fashioned. We open up, it's like a lot of hacking montage, Maggie Q is involved.

Can I just say really quickly because I love pointing these out. Hack the planet. Is that what you were to say? No, not at all. 20th century Fox logo. Glitching and blacking out, it got hacked. We hacked Fox. It's, I, you know what, film companies, just please stop.

They're so stupid. Fox, I think, is the biggest fucking offender of this. It was RIPD Fox, by the way. Didn't they just do it? There was some movie I saw. Was it Alita? Oh, yes. They did that.

It was like they made it a dystopian. Like 29th century Fox or something like that. Oh, stupid. It's stupid, but I'm smiling. And you're too, like I'm thinking of right now, what was the fucking Jake Gyllenhaal weather movie? The day after tomorrow. Yes.

That freezes over. And then the Simpsons movie. Ralph Wiggum like comes out and just stands there like I got to rewatch that Simpson's movie I think it might be really bad are you getting a hankering to see Bart Simpson's penis because you get to see it in that movie no but I just watched it's a little fucking fish stick I remember I skipped it in theaters and then I watched it at home and I was like oh this is kind of better than I thought it was yeah but I was also like is it still bad it got away just being it's it doesn't suck yes that's what it got away with

everything because it doesn't suck. So I'm wondering if I'm doing the Andrew Juppin. It was okay. Like, as I kind of felt that way about it. But that definitely should have been the end of the show. You're done. So Maggie Q is recruiting hackers. Justin Long is involved. One hacker, it's great. Like, he's like, I just made $50,000.

Oh, yeah. Where's my monster energy drink? And it explodes or whatever the fuck. Well, it's everybody's hitting the delete key and that's setting on bumps. But the bummer is that hacker, he's living in one of the, of these, like, the house that T.J. Miller lives in in Silicon Valley. It's one of those. Like, all these computer people just living there. There's a guy who's totally just collateral

damage. This dude's just playing a video game. He's like, no, man, I didn't touch your fucking whatever. And that whole house goes right up. Think about the logistics of this. Someone has to, like, break into your house at night and then, like, wire your keyboard. Like, oh, just this one key. It's like a little fucking prank. How hard is it

to kill a hacker? Like, also, you're not, like, hiding the evidence by causing the huge explosion. Just shoot them in the head at that point. Exactly. Like, you know where they're going to be on the couch. But they want to delete the computer, they want to get rid of the computer too, so you just explode everything. Salt the earth kind of. Yeah, that's true.

I mean, this, you're supposed to kind of like Justin Long in this movie, I see. Of course you are. But they break that immediately, because when he's on the phone with Maggie Q, and he's like, oh, that's a sexy voice. Do you want to do something? Yeah. Can I do something to you? Yes. And I'm like, dude, what

the fuck? In 2007, that was just being a playful little dude. A scamp, I guess. I'm a horny dude on the phone and computer. I think it's really hard to convert phone sex out of nowhere. You know what I mean? If you're just talking to somebody and then it turns into phone sex, it's not going to happen.

No, that never happens. You specifically have to call a number for that. That's how you pay for it, friend. And is that what he's going for? Maybe. You're doing a business transaction with this woman. You're like, hey, would you like to fuck over the phone instead? Well, he's a fucking nerd hacker in cell dude.

He doesn't know how to talk to women. You know, fucking over the phone is... You know who could do that? Who? Electric Gremlin. He can indeed. And that's the only person I could do that. The ghost in the machine.

Oh, yeah, he's involved. Oh, right. He's doing some phone fucker. Johnny Depp and transcendence. Oh, I'm fucking you. I'm in the phone. Hello. Howard Stern gave that girl the orgasm from sitting on the speaker.

Oh, Johnny Depp put the phone up to your vagina and I'll turn up the volume and... Oh, whoa. That's what Howard Stern did. I know. Why don't you climb on a sit? Yeah, so everyone He explodes All of his Gamergate literature

Was burned at that point I would just say All the alt-write comic books Oh, my only copy of the Turner Diaries Yeah, I was going to say We call those Gamergate Manifestos, Steve And in any event, now Bruce Willis has to pick up just

Oh no, that's right We meet Cliff Curtis That's right Classic go-to actor that I like Cliff Curtis Curtis and Psycho I have an act which are both great. Absolutely.

And also you got Sung Kang. Yes. He plays Han and some of them they're Fast and Furious movies. They've got nothing to do in this film. Did you notice that the name, this is based off a novel? It's based off an article.

It's an article? Yeah. I thought it was a book because I just see a farewell to arms flasher across the screen. I'm like, this is based on an earnest salmon? How can you imagine? I mean, I think this is based on a forwarded email.

Forward, forward, forward, forward email. Forward, forward, reply, forward, reply. Because then you get like some dude's weird comment on top of that forward email. Obama question, yeah, exactly. Oh, bungler. Forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, reply, reply, your uncle is right. Well, I mean, this was like the start of all those emails, right? 2007, the campaign is on.

What's crazy, though, I mean, I don't know what the adaptation was. I just looked it up. Farewell, the Arms, written by John Carlin, published on Wired in 19. 1997. Okay. I mean, I guess it's the idea of a fire sale or whatever.

Yeah. Cyber terrorism. Like the idea that you have to pay this guy to use this. And cyber terrorism exists. See, it's just a thing.

So whatever. We meet John McClain. Actually, he's in Camden, New Jersey. His daughter, Mary Elizabeth Winston, is going to Rutgers. Woohoo. Woohoo, indeed.

Good for her. She's cut him out of her life. Good for her. Good for her. Absolutely. Go, the fight and rucks. What is their football team? The fighting rucks? What the hell? The red something. The fighting Teddy Ruxpins?

Yes. Dude, that would be a great fucking mascot. Imagine the dude at the football game in a Teddy Ruxpin costume and he's got the fucking cassette deck coming out of his gut. That's cool. I would love that. He puts in like, that's what he puts in like joc jams inside of it and it plays out of his stomach. Exactly. How about like a million dollar costume? A Teddy Ruxman videotrome movie would be good.

Oh, yeah. Oh, where is your chest vagina? We are friends. The Rutgers Scarlet Knights, by the way. So, yeah, someone's trying to make it with her. Oh, man. You know, they're in a car. And it seems like, it's weird because it's getting pretty rapy,

so Bruce Willis steps in. It's not just like, I'm protected my baby daughter's virginity, but it is kind of like she says no and this guy's kind of keep going kind of a deal. But like, how can John? McLean spy this from where he's at. Well, no, of course. So you got that car bug, do you think?

Yeah, of course. He's definitely got a camera in there at least. That's the kind of psycho he is. Car cam. Yeah, I'm going to just, Lucy, I'm going to sneak into your bedroom at night to put a bunch of cameras in the bathroom. What was that, uh, was that HBO show sex taxi? What?

Oh, taxi have a sex taxi. Yeah, get inside a sex taxi. It might as well have been called sex taxi. No, you see, you have to have sex taxi. this taxi. It's not a decision you made. This ain't no cash cab. Sex taxi was the name of that Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah

movie. I like the idea of getting in a cab and it starts lighting up and you think you're in the cash cab. Like, no, sex tax. Take your shirt off. It's all red lights. Better start fucking back there, or I'm going to careen this into a tree. All right, you're just one of you. You can jack it. You can jack it. When the

meter's running the strokes are running too you gotta keep up pace with that meter hey i don't know if you saw the sign but this ain't no sit and read taxi is it it's a sex taxi you fuck that magazine uh yeah so he gets in he pulls the guy out she's calling him john a bunch because it's that thing that thing where kids hate their parents yep yeah she's it's revealed that she has been telling people that her dad is dead. You know what? I love Lucy McLean. Yeah, she's cool. Right on. Totally. I like this. She's calling herself Lucy Gennaro. A better name, first of all.

Yeah. That's a good name for like a spy or something. But it makes for a horrible twist at the end. Or not a twist, a callback. So they kind of just have this really quick back and forth. Like, I hate you. He's like, yeah, I know. Is he like in town or something? What's he doing? He's literally

spying. Okay. Just all the time. He drove down the Highland Park. to spy on her. That's weird. She's like 19 years old. Like he knew that she had a date. Yeah. Because he's like he's reading all of her social.

Not I guess social media wasn't around, but he's like. Live journal. Yeah. Yeah. Or email. Yeah, phones are bugged. Definitely. Oh, totally.

Tap in every single phone line she. We had my space at this point. Don't worry about it. You could be on her. You could have been in top. Do you think he would undercover on Myspace? Oh, shit. Like you made like a fake Tom.

Catfishing. Catfish before the catfish, dude. I mean, Facebook was up by now, right? People had it. Maybe boomers are just starting to know what it is right at this point. When was that? When was the date that Facebook went like public for everybody and not just colleges? I'm sure you could pinpoint that date as like the beginning of like the decline.

That's like the date in Terminator when the machine became active. Exactly. When your mom could sign up for Facebook, that's what it was. all over. Yeah, it's the day that the mom's infiltrated Facebook and that was the end of it. It led up to the wars.

It was 2006 and father started knowing what memes are. Or I'm thinking memes were news. Suddenly it triggered an event throughout the planet. Everyone could see your drunky photos. All your mommies and daddy

saw your drunky photos from the colleges. Jesus. So he gets a phone call from his CEO. And it's like, hey, man, we fucking tracked your LoJack. You're in Jersey for some reason. Not really going to ask what you're doing with the company car down there. But since you're in the area, we need you to drive to Camden and pick up this hacker and then drive him to D.C.

All at 3 o'clock in the morning, by the way. And he's a New York City cop. It makes no sense that this is a job for a U.S. Marshall, a job for a federal agent. Or you tell me, he's like in some type of special organization. got it like a whatever well there's some weird line where cliff curtis is like we need all the help we can get so just farm out whatever the fuck because they're trying to find all of these hackers yes and justin long is the only one who doesn't wind up getting assassinated and right before he leaves he waits for lucy to get up to a room and turn on her light and everything

and i was waiting for him to pull a belushi and animal house put a ladder up there are you fucking anyone in there? Are you fucking anyone in there? Nope, just playing with yourself? Guess I'll fall backwards now. Him doing the eyebrows his own daughter taking her top off? Wow.

So yeah, he gets to Justin Long's place in Jersey. I think he's in Camden. He's in Camden, yes. Got it. And he's got an insane pad. Well, you're living in Camden, New Jersey. I was thinking about it. Maybe I'll do. Get some more space, dude. It's a huge fucking

movie apartment, man, complete with like all the toys a little boy hacker can dream of, including a spawn figure. It looks a lot like Neo's apartment in the Matrix. Absolutely. Also, we're in 2007, so everything is blue. Close your eyes and picture the color of blue, just washing over

everything. Yeah. This is a remake of a Derek Jarman movie. So, yeah, there's this whole business where, like, Justin Long's lying about his identity, and then these nerds across the hall are like, hey, Justin Long, you want to come over and play this leaked copy of a video game?

Yeah, and he's like, and he lets McLean in. Because he's rightfully like, what is a New York City cop doing in my apartment? Like, I don't know what the fuck. Yeah, totally. Last I checked, this was Camden, New Jersey, buddy. And he's about to hit the delete key. By the way, the delete key being the explosions, very much like the TV show Freakazoid. That's what turns into Freakzoid.

It's a whole hack thing. You hit delete and then you turn to Freakzoid. Really? Now, what is a freakazzoid? Was he a superhero? He was a superhero. Yeah, it was like an animated series about a superhero. A wisecracker?

Yeah, he's a wisecracker. It's a funny superhero. Oh, yeah, you can keep those. To change into the superhero, he had to get home and press his computer button. Yeah, I think so. No, I think after the initial, after the initial transformation,

he could just say a word and turn into it. Is the word freakazoid? Freak out, I believe he said. I'm glad I never watched this. I forget what Freakazoid did when he wasn't Freakazoid. He's just a little nerd kid. Worked in a video. So this is starting to sound a lot like that new movie,

Wow. Shazam wow. Oh, okay. I didn't want to say it and turn into anything. He just buffed. He just buffs a bunch of windows. You know,

they're just kind, yeah, he's got all this nerd stuff. He's like, Ballouche. McClain's like, what, he's still play with dolls?

Oh, yeah, you're doing that thing, just like criticizing what are you little baby or girl? What's this? Oh, I broke it. Does that upset you?

He breaks this bar figurine. He's pissed off. Breaking my property. I don't know, dude, you're not allowed to do that. At three in the morning, a cop just comes in and it starts breaking your spawn doll. Not okay. You should be, you're legally allowed to shoot him.

It's a scene out of bad lieutenant. We're breaking his fucking spawn toy. Mildly bad lieutenant. Kind of on the fence, lieutenant. Yeah, I don't think he's a Mets fan necessarily. That's true. You know what? And John McLean, for better or worse, he gets the job done.

so this super team of assassins are waiting for him to hit the delete key and again like if you're going to dispatch the group of super assassins anyway just go in there and shoot this fucking hacker in the head and then blow up his computer I don't understand like so they have to wait and be like is you going to delete something anytime soon or what I hope he hits that delete key how are we getting late how do we cause him to make a typo how do you do that

it is weird because they're just setting up like a sniper across the which yeah I guess that dude is literally but like so is there like a time limit it's been 15 minutes he didn't hit delete these dudes raid this apartment so is there a thing it's just like they're waiting for him he's like they're waiting for the explosion

and then it doesn't it doesn't happen they're like oh fuck it we gotta do it anyway they put a virus in to make a glitch and that causes them like the first guy does it and then Justin Long does it but McLean hits the door right when he's about to do it Got it. So a big shootout occurs.

His apartment is decimated by gunfire. Great fire extinguisher moments, yeah. Yeah, not bad. McLean takes a fire extinguisher and kicks it down a hallway and then shoots it. There's this huge explosion. I mean, this is how big his apartment is. They're in, like, his bedroom.

The kitchen explodes and they're fine. Yeah, let me tell you, if this place went up, we'd all be dead. Like, we're in, like, my studio right now. If at the other end of the apartment, if my bedroom blew up, we'd be finished. If your microwave starts acting up, we are dead

by the way the first house like it must have been covered in fucking gasoline because they used up all their C4 on all the other place

oh fuck we're out just used like a cord of a brick I'm sure that'll do it he's a skinny guy it's fine because that first house dude that's a fucking

lethal weapon explosion that place is gone yeah I guess they just they got a little overzealous the fuck we're out of C4 do you think they still the old dynamite

do you think we can get that somewhere Adam? Yeah, I got a connection on a guy named Weil E, last name Coyote. I think it's a cover. Is it Acmee Dynamite? I got it for cheap. We'll see. Man, discount dynamite. I don't know about that.

So, I mean, like, it's big explosion shootout, fun stuff. Good, uh, good McLean move here. He was fucking trying to get that dude in the hallway, and he punches through the wall and grabs his head and drags his neck, like, down the wall. This is where I'm like, this is not my dad's die hard. You know what I mean? Like,

McLean was over, always, like, over- matched and just barely got through everything he always got his ass kicked he was always afraid and that's none of this he's now he's Jason Voorhees practically what's amazing Steve is I'm listening to your complaints right now and I'm like Steve hasn't seen the one that

comes after this because it's even fucking worse exactly yes they do turn him into Terminator in this yeah yeah um I still think that's fun cool I mean it's stupid some of the action is very fun it's not my die hard yeah

And it is also filmed like an underworld movie because it's Len Wiseman. I'm waiting for Celine to show him. Len Wiseman, the guy dumb enough to let fucking Kate Beckinsale go, what an idiot. Yeah, dude. Now look what she's doing. X, ex-Mr. Kate Beckinsale, I would say that's how I've referred to him. Yeah. You think he's buddies with Bill Nighy or what?

Oh, yeah. Why? Because he was it all out of those underworld movies. That's true, yeah, but I'm just thinking, like, hanging out with Bill Nye, he's got to suck. You think so? Yeah. Why? Because he's telling you a story

and it's taking a very long time. There you go. But what if he was his character from, it's a Christmas movie? Love actually. He's like a real party dude? Yeah. Like if that was him

instead of like vampire King Bill 90. Oh, both of them are just like, oh yeah, I'm going to take my shirt off and party. Oh, no thanks, dude. Hey, let's fall in the pool. I'm 60 years old and I still like cocaine is pretty cool just a little bit oh then you know people fall out of love

do you want to go and get wasted with me oh you know you could do a lot better than cake back in shale i'll tell you that much wait are you sure bill yeah oh okay oh wait that's why that's why that's why they broke up as he initiated and then left oh shit you know they were out one time they were doing Coke and Bill Nye's house, which happens a lot. And the phone rang and he's like, who's that? Oh, it's just Kate. Whachsh! And it was the whip noise that caused him to really think the whole relationship.

He's like, oh, no, Bill Nyey thinks I'm a pussy. Oh, then would you mind if I called Kate? I better break it off with my wife to impress all the guys at the hospice. You know, I, uh, when I got my 4K TV I was like, let's take this baby for a test drive. And I went on the Google Play Store to see what 4K

shit they had. One of the offerings at that moment was the most recent Underworld movie. Good God. Did you do it? I did it, dude. I watched that entire thing because I watched it. I was like, all right, well, it's 4K and so I can see what my TV could do. And also maybe it's

a stay tuned. That movie's boring as fuck. It's cheap as fuck. And I had no idea what was going Oh, their daughter gets involved at some point. She's like a full grown adult. I was super confused. Did the 4K look good? Oh, it looked awesome. I saw Death Wish

2018 in 4K. Oh, sick. Look good. Bad movie. By the way, it's our Patreon offering on patreon.com slash we hate movies this month. There you go. So they go out into the street. He fucking drags this dude, like who's holding onto a car, which is pretty awesome. And he fucking

drives up next to a dumpster and this dude just gets nailed. This piss me off because it wasn't a full king in New York. That's what I was really looking for. Oh, right. Yeah. I was like, oh, come on, do it. And then he's like, no, my arm hurts. But then because this is the year 2007, I think

there was a mandate within the Hollywood studio system that said, if you are having any kind of action movie in the year of our Lord 2007, you need one of the members of the team to be a parkour guy. Yep. Oh, absolutely. And this fucking sucks.

Bruce Willis is like, look at that fucking research. monkey up there. What's that guy doing? Hey, get back here. He wants the circus in town? Yeah, he fires off like four in a row. And where one would certainly do. And he's French? Fuck. Oh,

no, I never had to kill a Frenchman before. Germans, Swedes. Yeah, I did a bunch of them. That general who I guess was from South America or whatever the fuck in the second movie? I will eventually kill just hundreds of Russians, but

do you think he's like trying to get like one of every nationality oh for sure yeah dude he's like a big game hunter he's got heads on his walls uh so we are introduced in a quick cutaway to we go back to maggie cue and it's like she has to give the bad news that the team has been defeated and we are introduced to thomas gabriel played by timothy oliphant uh we differ in this room on him being a good villain in this movie i think he's terrible really i think I think he's okay. I just, I think this whole movie is so anonymous. It's got no fingerprints whatsoever.

Like, you doesn't feel like a diamond movie. That's what the crime is, man. That's why you do it on the computer. This movie wipes the drive clean, dude. I feel like I find him very bland. I like Oliphant in general, but I just think he's really bland. She doesn't have anything to work with. Well, that's the thing.

I think Allifant's fine. It's just the script. It's just like, what can he do? He's, the unfortunate thing is because he's such a great actor. So much of this role is him, like, grinning, into a shitty low-res webcam? Yes. And I'm like give him something. He doesn't like really

kill anybody. He kind of gives orders occasionally. Like he doesn't, look, I feel like the two, I haven't seen part two in a long time, but obviously you're going up against Jeremy Irons and fucking Alan Rickman. Thank the Lord. Yes. You know, and those are two great performances. And this

is just sort of like, he's just like a guy. They should have gotten an actor that could, I don't know, like I like Oliphant and, but like someone with some wild quality to them. Yes, I agree. Like Gary Busey. But the point of Oh, yeah, do you get the Buse in here?

That would be so good. Yeah, that's right, McLean. Your fucking past is coming back. I was your old partner back in NYC and now I'm coming back to kill you. Also hacking. Yeah, this guy planned the destruction of America. Yeah, I did. I got focus and control.

I can do it all. Remember McLean, when your squad car knocked my motorcycle down, well, this is revenge from. all that. Hey, hey, hey, hey, why's when not he got any of that coke left or what? But someone like, someone with that quality were like, you're like, I don't know what they're going to say or do next. Yes. But here's the thing with it, I think, because the underlying point of this all is that like, you know, old fashion is the way to go. Like, he's so cold and like drain of personality because he is like technology. He is supposed to be representative

of that. Right. I don't know if anything represents anything in this movie, Chris. I would disagree, but sure. Also, well, the weird, I was thinking about, like, the other villains and, like, what the gravitas situation is. And that's also, I think part two is fine, but that's one of my weird problems with it, is you have Franco Nero, who's, like, the guy that they're trying to save. But then William Sadler is, like, one crooked general, and then... John Amos, I think, is the other one.

Yeah, John Amos from Good Times is the other guy. He's great, but it's like... It's a lot too much. It's a team. kind of. And that actually, that one suffers from too many diehard twist because there's always the diehard twist of like the villain says he's going to do X, but he actually

really wants to do Y. But I feel like too, it's like the villain wants to do X, but then he wants to do Y, but then uh-oh, Z was happening the whole time. X, Y, Z look down John McLean, your flies open. And then it ends in a fucking church in the middle of God knows where. Yeah. The outskirts of the airport where

William Sadler's headquarters is located. I haven't watched it in a while. I haven't watched it in a while either. That movie was just so boring to me. Yeah. It was one and done for me, actually, honestly. Really? I was... I'm getting the hanker in here. Great dummy work, though. I will say the dummies flying around are fun. And the one thing I

that just burned into my brain is William Sadler's ash cheeks. Oh, absolutely. That's fucking great. Also, too, is the only reprisal of Reginald Vell Johnson. That's right. You should have got... You should have got Vell Johnson back. Absolutely. You're fucking in... You're in D.C. again, so you could call L.A. See what Al Powell's up to? I would have just liked at the end of the movie

for him to come back to his house, give a phone call, and it's like the end of Atis site where Sam Jackson's just there answer his phone call. That'd be fun. Hey, John. I mean, I feel like they'd probably try. I mean, no, that's what I'm trying.

They couldn't get Samuel L. Jackson. You could always get Samuel L. Jackson. Like, literally, it's just a price thing. Yeah. Scheduling my, I mean, like, he packs them in these days. Yeah, that's true. So they're on the road to D.C. to meet up with the FBI.

it's also by the way it's like 30 something minutes in before we realize this movie is also set around to holiday but it's the 4th of July which comes to nothing right it's not like it comes to nothing yes I kept to expect it's just like your fucking America on America's

birthday because I kept to expect to expect to like oh it'll be like a fireworks thing at some point at the end or whatever this doesn't blow out well yeah but I could be a lot cooler if it was actually that would be awesome if Timothy Olive got strapped to a huge fireworks

Rocket. Right. Or they're shooting it at John McLean with a bunch of fireworks and he's just like knock it off.

Fuck. John McLean is holding Justin Long and it's like a 360 shot all the way around. Oh no. He just bought John Lithgow

in a bathroom. That's, get Lithgow is the villain in this movie. Now we're doing something. Yeah, that's true. Uh, he's...

Sorry, McLean! He should have been so much better in Pet Cemetery. Oh, really? Yeah. I'll tell you that. He looked a little snoozy, just from the trailer.

See, he's a comfy nap in that movie. I'm David Gruber. David Gruber, the American cousin. I was adopted. Yes, it's me, Dave Gruber. Related through marriage. I manage a state farm. You know, we were all supposed to get a drink,

and then they got killed. Now I'm going to kill you, because I never made my brothers. That's a movie, right? That's something. with a can of progresso soup. Oh man, killed by soup. That's a tough one, dude.

So whatever they're going, we get some, like, and this is kind of their dynamic, is A, Bruce Willis is old and bitter, and Justin Long is young. Well, you know how they really parse that out, by the way? How do they do that? Arguing over whether or not Credence is good? Yeah, Credence, CCR, dude.

Your Blair and Fortunate Son twice in this movie. It's always good. It is, yeah. I mean, it's just fine. There are times for credence, but then there are most times for not credence. I like the fact that they go from that. And this is what he probably really listens to, McClain's like, nah, news radio. I'm like, oh, yeah, Limbaugh.

Yeah. And it's like 2007, so we're very like, you know, we're about to, we're almost done with the Bush year. So this kid's sick of it. And he's like, you know, all news media is fake. It's like, you know, it's got a corporate interest, this, that. And the other things, what are you talking about? Fox's fair end balance. It says it right in the logo.

You know, maybe Rush gets a little off on a tangent every once in a while, but the facts are the facts on the Limbao show. Limbaum, limb bow, sorry. Limbao. Limbao. Limbao. Limbao. Limbao.

Bow. Bow. That fat prick could shoot eggs out of his mouth. Hello, I'm Rush Limbao. Wow. That's what it's going to sound like when his heart finally explodes right on the air. Bow, bow, bow, bow.

Oh, no. Hillary Clinton, bow. The eggs are just like large oxy pills. Because he's got so many in this belly. And they boomerang. They come right back at him. BOW.

Feeling good, bow. So we initiate what we're told is stage one of this hack, which is we're fucking around. Epic hack, by the way. Oh, epic, excuse me. I'm fucking with traffic lights. what not causes a blues brothers-esque car accident in downtown dc this is pretty good uh and like

it's yeah this is fun i mean it's kind of i don't know it's weird because again like it's not that diehardy thing where it's like what is this it's like we're gonna inconvenience the american people on the fourth of july great uh but they're also but they're fucking with like f aa computers like they're so fucking with the country is that inconveniencing them Eric, this is just because you want to die. So you don't care if planes are falling out of the sky and all that shit. First of all, we only see one plane fall out of the sky and it's lame. We don't see like actual passenger jets.

It's just that fighter jet towards the end of the film. But like... Part two's got a fucking classic plane crash in it. So it's like, oh my God, a fender bender. Okay. Well, the scale is very not... It's really big, but it's too big. Because you don't see a lot of it.

Right. And like when shit really starts hitting the ground... The fan, like, people would be in the streets cutting each other's heads off. You kind of have part of that, though, like when he's trying to take Justin Long into the police precinct and all the people are like bearing down on the precinct being like what is happening. I think what you need, though, is a quick montage of like, you know, just cut with the locations in the lower third. And it's like New York City panic everywhere, Boston panic everywhere, San Francisco, panic everywhere. Like, really show the scope of it because this craziness doesn't leave D.C.

The only time we see anything is when later in the movie they're doing like rolling blackouts and you see a map of the country. By the way, that is such bullshit too because we get a fucking point of view from outer space in this movie to see the electrical grid go down

and it's just like it would be better on multiple televisions or something to keep it connected to the world of the film but instead we get the perspective of fucking Lord Zeno in outer space. Hey, Len, I think it would be pretty cool if you shot one of the seats from space. Just one.

Don't overdo it. Also, Kate's probably cheating on you. It's me, Bill Nahi, the devil on your shoulder. We could have one more drink. Kate, I saw her come to set and she was flirting with Bruce. I saw it. Let's go blow some lines. She touched her shoulder.

You know what that's about. You told me yourself, Len. When she touches her shoulder, she's super horny. I wouldn't stand for it's all I'm saying, mate. Let's get some more rails in before the night ends. Let's throw that wedden ring in the river and go blow some rails. This is how he talks on cocaine. Oh, yeah.

I'm going a mile a minute right now. I am so freaking amped. Let me know if you can't understand the words I'm saying, if I'm spitting them in your face too fast. I'm coming down now. So then we initiate. There's an anthrax alarm. So Cliff Curtis has to like evacuate the FBI.

And a bunch of federal buildings get evacuated. Specifically the Social Security office. Yes. And then so then Tim Bollafant, again, and I guess I see what you guys are talking about because he is just like giving these directions to this one like evil nerd hacker. and he's like initiate stage two, which is stock market shit. And he's like, they're going to freak out when they're worried that their money is all gone,

which is totally true, by the way. Oh, sure. I mean, well, it's a stock, is faced you, the stock market and the video. This is where the video package comes in. The video is pretty nuts. Presidential mashup. It's a video wherein every single president from, I think, Carter to now, to Bush. No, there's a bunch of people.

It's Kennedy, too, right? But way back, though. Oh, Trumman and FDR. Oh, Trimmon, FDR, yeah, there's a bunch in there. Okay, so it's all of that. Basically, every filmed president. Read my lips.

They're the country, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, basically, it's making a message of, like, the country will fall, and you are now in trouble. But, like, I say, the country will fall. And I don't want to have sex with that woman. Hey, it's cool. Hey, how's weird that they just left that long string of Clinton, man. No, yeah, I never fuck nobody, dude.

I ain't hacking shit except her panties. I hack those panties. Lock and key, baby. Control all dildo. Control all dildo. Come on. Talk about a key stroke. I had dildo so hard the house blew up.

Oh, like that show freak, so I'd wait. Why is he keep bringing that up? Nobody knows what it is. Oh shit, he's bobbing this show again. It's a fire sale, baby. It's a fire sale in my pain. We got to impeach him, bow. I was going to say, this is the video that would play

before the Alex Jones show after if Hillary had won. Oh, definitely. Right at the top. They're demons. It's a clip of my favorite movie, Live Free or Die Hard. The rest of those diehard films are inferior. I mean, the fifth one's a masterpiece.

I mean, everybody knows that. It's the best of the bunch. No, he'd be fucking totally pissed off, dude, because it's John McLean against our allies, the Russians. Of course. So it's like Tim Oliphant's message, which is also incredibly vague right here. It's like, the country will fall.

Well, because I mean, and that's the thing is like, and this is when everybody's freaking out. Like, again, panic in the streets. This is turning into the purge. Also, there is no end game. Yes. Like, that's the problem with Thomas Gabriel. Also, come on, that name is boring, too.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's just like he was a... Gabriel, I thought we were going to see the paintings. He was a dude who worked for the government that was like, hey, people could hack this and we need to be more secure. And they're like, fuck you. How dare you tell us that?

Fuck you, get out of here. America is perfect the way it is. Don't like it. Get out. Some guy continues to fucking order a cup of coffee while this is happening. You just cut to a scene. The guy's like, yeah, here's money. Because this is a fucking bullshit thing.

like, who cares about any of this? Most people don't have that much in the stock market. Sure, you've got 401Ks or whatever, but you're never seen that money anyway because it's all con job. There is a ransom note on every channel. Like, and that is it for me. That's, I am getting out in the street,

and I've got a bat with nails in it. And you're totally nude. Exactly. I'm going to go, I'm going to pint at the Winchester and wait for all this to blow over. To get back to Bill Nye. actually that's true

in this situation I feel like I am pulling the Homer Simpson I'm gonna hide under a pile of coats and everything will be fine Oh shit do we have enough beer in the house? Why do you have a beer in the house? Yeah exactly you gotta stock up Beer, grass

Probably some pills just to be safe suicide pills of course It's really bad But yeah so like and I mean like this is But he doesn't even like it's I feel like He's not sincerely trying to remap The government or take it over Or do anything like that

He's just fucking with him Well, you were hitting the reset button on America, man. That's what voting for Trump's going to be. It's going to be a reset on the government. You can reset this country. I'm going to break up this jigsaw puzzle and put it together all wrong. Literally what an uncle of mine said. That's a good idea.

This country needs to hit the reset button. Okay. Literal dialogue from reality. I think we need to hit the dildo button. Control all dildo. Oh, man, I'm running in 2020. Slogan. Hey, Gore.

Control all dildo. Hey, Gore, where is the dildo button? on this computer. The what? You know what I'm talking about, bud? Well, you could rat, Dildo if you wanted. Huh? D-I-L-D-O-O-

Yeah. Bill, I already told you how to get porn on your computer. Why don't you got to do any of this? What's some malware? I think that's how the rumor that he invented the internet started is because Clinton was like, oh man, that guy invented the internet. And he told me where fucking porn tubes were. Well, not even, certainly old, but pre-pointed.

No, no tubes, pre-tubes. You got him a JPEG up on that screen in fucking one hour. Holy shit, Gore, I didn't know Jillian Anderson took any nudie photos. Well, yes, I am looking for singles in my area. So, yeah, this thing happens. Everyone's going apeshit. This is what's great is. much like the first diehard

Cliff Curtis is the head of the Cyber Security Division. He's running this investigation. And then these two guys, one of them is Tuvac from Voyager. Yeah. Show up and like, we're from the NSA and we're taking over your investigation. And he does this thing where it's like, this is my

jurisdiction, man. I'm like, no, no, no, no, a ransom note on all of the channels. This has been escalated. Yeah, if that dude can take over all the channels, plus like simultaneously all your computer monitor, yeah this is getting bumped up from the fbi i so it's not it can't happen right all the computer monitors and tvs yeah i didn't quite get that either yeah it's just this fucking computer magic a lot of computer magic in this movie and this is like so all this commotion is going on

they're trying to get to a police station right around or this is where justin long is like it's a fire sale yes and cliff croix is like you oh you shut the fuck up yeah you shut the fuck up That's a myth. Those aren't real. Even though it's happening right now, that's a myth. Yeah. You have Tim Olyfant's got a great line. Pull me up a file on this, John McLean.

And this is where I thought, like, when Tim Olyfant uses that file against him, it's just all family shit. Yeah. You need to be referencing those other movies. Like, oh, looks like this isn't your first rodeo, Mr. McLean. Oh, do you not want to look at his police record, which probably has all kinds of egregious shit. up and down the tiger.

First, you shot up that Nakatomi Tower. Now here it says that you you shot up a porno store. What was that about? 300. Oh, like, he's having a lot of little McLean adventures between. Exactly.

It says here you knock Gary Busey off his motorcycle. Like, there's a lot of negative shit in this file. Oh, God. Police brutality, police brutality, police brutality. We're getting into the four digits here, John. Police brutality, police brutality. Oh, fuck. Okay, I got to stop.

Man, all those came with three-day suspensions. Those add up, you know. You know what? Those three days, they were unpaid. I suffered. Zero indictments. Bite me, fuckhead. Yeah, because now they're kind of going back and forth a little bit.

They're on the phone with each other. Yeah. Oliphon pretends to be a dispatch. And then what you would call it? He's like, oh, that's not the voice of a dispatch. It took a 422, and he's like, oh, yes, we'll get someone there for that 422. You're going to get somebody here for all the naked people. He pulls that on Maggie Q, who's pretending to be a police dispatcher.

See, that's what kills me about this fucking movie is. It's like, oh, it's cyber warfare. It's the jerky boys. Everyone is fucking playing around on the telephone going, oh, I'm a cop. Excuse me, excuse me, that is a classic diehard staple. They do it in all of those movies. Really? Everyone is pretending to be other people on the phone in all of those movies.

That's the through line? Let me talk to who's in charge there. Because in the first movie, they're on the phone. He's pretending that he's not a cop or whatever. And then, like, Alan Rickman, he's like,

oh, don't kill me. Like, he's doing that. There's some more shenanigans with that in the second movie. Jeremy Irons is definitely doing that in the third movie. That's tried and true. There's a bomb in a school,

and they're not telling anyone about it. Oh, yeah. You're totally right. He calls it in the radio station or whatever it is. First of all, Howard, love your show. He does do that. Yeah, he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be rules. So fucking hard. I guess the thing is it's a personality.

And then doing it two other things is fun. But just talking to John McLean, like, pretending to be dispatch is boring. But it's a nice, it's a nice grift that McLean pulls on them, though. Well, I love that he's like, oh, by the way, oh, yeah, Mr. McLean, your 401k is now deleted. I'm like, it's 2007. That thing's gone anyway. Yeah, that's absolutely right.

You're away from the crash. It was going anyway. And then he's like, oh, I'll give you hundreds of millions of dollars to just shoot just and long in the head. I also don't understand like, I understand like somewhat like you want to kill as many of the hackers as you can. But like the idea that you would spend so much energy trying to kill this one hacker. Like you're halfway through your plan.

It's like, well, we got to keep going. And got to move on in the next phase. So it's killing these hackers because they could potentially stop it. identify what's happening. Yeah, he farmed out different parts of the plan to all these hackers to get him to do it. Justin Longgroat one of the algorithms. Yeah, so he's trying to just like cover his tracks. But at this point, like, it's over. What's John McLean's involved? You're screwed. Exactly. Just let it go. Just keep going with your plan and just try and get out of there as soon as possible. Whatever that plan may be. By the way, the fire sale, I wrote down what the three levels are of it.

Oh, yeah. People know, you know, it's number one, you fuck with transportation, man. Yep. That'll be a bummer for those people out there. there. Oh, the MTA is running a fucking fire sale every goddamn week. I think I literally deal with a fire sale at least twice a week. Yeah, it's a fire sale. Oh, we got half to get. Oh, fire

sale. Sorry, A train's delayed again. Sorry, everybody. Fire sale. Number two is financial. And number three is utilities, where it's like you can't take a shit or shower anymore. No, I think that's powers out. Powers out. They're turning the gas off. That's... Everybody

stays silent in their homes, doesn't go out street and wreck fucking shit. Exactly. Well, that's what Steve said. It would be a purge. Why do you want to wreck shit, though? No, but I mean, it would just be chaos. Not necessarily me, but other people would freak the fuck out.

Animal instincts would take over, dude. Like, you just, you would break down. Like, society would break down. Well, I mean, I remember when there was a blackout, I want to say like two or three years after 9-11 in New York. It was three. I remember that. Oh, yeah.

The summer. The brownout? For whatever reason they call it a brownout. I don't understand the difference. But, I mean, everybody was freaked the fuck out. And I was like, oh, it's a terrorist attack. Oh, are we all going to get murdered? Like, it was, I mean, nobody, I didn't kill anybody or anything like that, but it was just panic.

We were out there with a baseball bat? Oh, absolutely, and it was nails in it. Because it was all of the city, but it went all the way upstate. It did. The cat skills where I was at the time, it was a blackout as well. I was working at the multiplex at the time. And it started for us, like, during the day, and we couldn't do anything. But it was a weird, like, you're working for this, like, super corporation.

So we all had to stay there in case things went back on. So we just played football in the parking lot. It was pretty cool. This is what people would be doing. No, I think once the sun went down, dude, we'd be like fucking killing people. Meanwhile, Steve is running down the street. Inslave in humanity, will you? I would.

Again, stark naked. Absolutely, you would have to. It would just be you going to fucking mental. Why is it everyone freaking out? Where's your baseball bat's what nails in him? I'm going to fuck this bush. You mean like a... A plant bush, yes.

Read my lips. Hey, poppy, this nerd's trying to fuck me. Well, I don't know. I can't put out all your fires if every nerd wants to fuck you. Sounds like you got yourself into this one yourself, boy. Yeah, I only call me at 2 a.m. I know what you're after. Oh, there's some right here.

If you want to come over, W, we're blowing rails. in wherever in Maine that was you Kennebunk port thank you I'm high on cocaine keep talking just touching my nipple

under my commone out here oh my lord so oliphant sends out some dudes to dispatch McLean and Justin Long once again

helicopter shootout situation these FBI guys are getting mowed down by these machine guns this is like the tunnel scene where like this traffic jams and I mean It culminates with Bruce Willis driving this police cruiser or something into the helicopter.

He guns it and he does a little tuck and roll and the thing hits like the toll booth and goes flying and Justin Long has the line. You kill the helicopter with a police car. Sure. But this is the kind of crazy stuff that you could do though. Like when Tim Oliphant redirects the tunnel traffic so that like both ends of the tunnel are going in like opposite, like conflicting directions. and then he cuts all the lights in the tunnel. That's a massive, like, people are getting killed. Like, fucking with traffic stuff like that would cause more chaos than I think you realized.

Sure, but it's just marginal. You know, it's just a handful of people. This is just because you wouldn't be going through it. You're just at home reading a Game of Thrones book while fucking hundreds and thousands of people are dying out there. And you're like, it's fine. I got me and mine. Guess more people should have been interested in a song of fire and ice or whatever.

you got it right next chapter by the way they they keep finding them because they keep reappearing on the grid which is just the batman sonar map from yeah because they're just like oh they like Justin long in the background of McLean on a radio yeah blips on the thing it's like we were we located him oh right because John McLean's on the police radio but Justin Long's flapping his gums at the same time they got an algorithm running to check every single voice recognition thing against whatever fucking jerk off phone lines that he's been used.

Like how do they even have this number? Yeah, but like how do they have, how, what are they comparing Justin Long's voice? I guess they captured it and Morgan Friedman was like, I thought I told you to press delete when you were done. Oh, sorry there's what is the name, sly fox? Sly, oh, Lucius Fox.

Sorry, Lucius Fox. I didn't hit delete. hit dildo on Batman oh everyone's sick and distanced as you not everyone's pressing

dildo I'm not wearing dildo pads consider this my resignation letter Mr. Gabriel that movie

came out after this movie yeah I know you know what we mean the car going into the helicopter

Eric I think you were the one who was bringing up the other day it's like and this is where he shows like

the 12 years that went on between these movies three and four. He doesn't want to run. He wants to be in cars. He wants to be standing in a room. Yeah, you're right. At most. And like, because you're, you said Eric, like, he just uses cars as his main weapon. It's car jitsu. That's what it all is. He's using cars throughout this movie later on Maggie Q's. I think he upgrades that to a truck. But it's all vehicular manslaughter's his new craze. Well, I'd prefer that to like him, you know, at his age, 12 years after the last movie, running like the Terminator. Or how about just shooting someone, you know?

Or he's in a building or he's in like a facility or some, a smaller area where he has to like sneak around and do diehard shit. Contain it. Contain it. Don't contain it to the eastern seaboard. My God, we're jumping everywhere in this movie. But like these movies, those sites have all gotten progressively bigger. One, a tower. Two, an airport.

Three, New York City. That doesn't make it good again. But why do you have to keep, why can't, you know. Because there's sequels. That's what sequels do. So scientists are saying the universe is expanding. You know, it's just from the Big Bang. It's going out.

But eventually it'll start to come back in again. Sounds like you're doing some Coke with Bill Nye. Big Bang will happen again. What I'm saying is like you can go from a tower to an airport to a city. So the diehardt franchise should be more like an accordion. Which part of QAnon's posts are you quoting here? Oh, man, I just read a crazy one from them on the way down here. It was so funny.

There's sane ones to compare to? It was something about like there's a. the underground bunker under the Getty Center in Los Angeles. They just watched us. There's where, down there, there's obviously shot molestation because KUNA's all obsessed with that. Under the Getty Institute? Yeah.

And they have 200 Nazi psychics from World War II still alive down there to run interference on anyone who could like find out about it. It's a growing thing. The fact that more than three people believe this is terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. It is. And that's what that, this Thomas Gabriel character should be putting the fucking fake news on Facebook or something.

I think Thomas Gabriel is Q. Oh, wow. That's, that's, I would have loved that. Like, that's the thing. Because Q is supposed to be a person. Q is supposed to, and also I think it's actually supposed to be J.F.K. Oh, come on. It's a dude.

It's supposed to be JFK Jr. who faked his death. Oh, of course. And now he's going to get revenge on the deep state that tried to kill him. Some people think it's Michael Flynn quietly. Quietly. But like, yeah, that's, I was. would have liked like if he's doing all this stuff and just every once in a while he's like you know the queen's a bird like little like weird shit that only an internet lunatic would say but no

he's just like I'm gonna kill you yeah he's just very yeah his lines are just so so direct yeah there's no jargon like you're right Kevin because he's he's a super hacker so he should speak in super hacker lingo sometimes you see him hack the net a little bit because like when that nerd like doesn't want to do uh I think it's the traffic tunnel thing. He's like, all right, get up. Let me do it. It's like me helping my dad connect to AOL.

Just get up, just let me do it. At this point, Justin Long is like the next thing we would do would have to go to like a water facility or something. Is that where we're going to water? Is that where Maggie Cube bites it? It's a cooling data center where like there's a bunch of cooling towers so while the servers won't overheat. So she's doing some sort of hangings like that's where they would have to go.

This is where, you know, did you notice, sorry, but there's a, guy who's like part of the hacking team but he's he's the rare crossbreed of he's a hacker but he's also a really physically fit assassin this silver fox that looks like not geoffrey dean morgan definitely yeah yeah that guy gets there first and he starts like doing things and this oh but that's what the finale is the maggie q is at someplace uh she's like at the fbi i think or it might be the electricity hub or something yeah i think that's the like i'm getting my hubs mixed there's a lot of hubs this is this is a lot of hubs this is a lot of West Virginia now, I think is the idea.

Now, so they drive from Washington, D.C. to West Virginia to get to this place. Again, the roads would be littered with people. They also, there's fun and hijinks when they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they're carjack this, this, like, GMW. Oh, the on-star business. Right. And they talk to the on-star lady to get the fucking car running. Yeah. See, this more jerky boy shit.

Justin Long's pretending like he's been in a car accident and he's got to get his dad to the hospital. My fucking dad, Devarac. It's like some crazy foreign name my dad has. Please start the car. One of the odds some rage, serbages, Serbian dude owned that car. He didn't know. And also, she's like, I'm sorry, I can't. Actually, three people are dying.

Your little accident right now is like low on the on Star list. They wouldn't even answer. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, everything's going apesh. And McLean is about to just jumpstart the thing. Why not just let him jumpstart? Start the fucking thing. Because if you do...

No, that's why Justin Long's telling him not to do it because if he does that, it's going to send a thing out that your car is being stolen and Timothy Olfaird's going to... Grids down. Grids down. Fuck them. Exactly. It doesn't fucking matter. The cops are obviously occupied. They're not going to chase

you right now. It's not the cops. When the thing goes, Olafant's going to find you that. The car cops come for you. Oh, shit. Car cops, car cops. So them Hotwire a car somehow

is going to get back to Timothy because the on-star system is going to be like there's a car being stolen and he thinks that they're going to fall. There's only one person that could be stealing a car right now. And it would be Justin fucking Long. There would be a lot of cars being stolen right now. Absolutely. Because now I'm converting

to Steve's fucking world ending scenario. And so they go to West Virginia because this is power plant. Maggie Q is hacking it. And then this is when McLean and Justin Long stopper. This is the fight in the movie. Like, and I mean, like, I don't mind this. It happens in action movies where, like, the action hero has to fight a lady.

Like, I'm thinking about a golden eye. X2. X2's got that. GoldenEye in spades. Yeah, big time. But it's not like... That's almost a sex fight, dude. Oh, it's a total horny sex fight.

There's ways to film that and ways to block that where it's not like just a dude punching a woman in the face repeatedly. Well, in this, there's some kicks, too. He kicks her in the face. Do you like that? There's so many... It happens to Mary Elizabeth Winstead, too, later in the movie. She gets punched in the face twice. It's like a lot.

It feels like a lot. It kind of does, but also Maggie Q's a formidable opponent. It's not like he's just beating the shit out of her. He rips her hair out. And he's very happy with himself. Of course he is. Because he taped it to his own bald head. One for me.

I might be able to ignore it if the word bitch didn't come up 27 times. Yeah. That's the... Not only that, but he calls her a hooker too. That's enough

for this kung fu shit. And that's all the Asian stuff's going on because again, like it's one thing like when you're... It's just, he's like,

yeah, there's like when he kills her, he's like, I killed your little Asian hooker girlfriend and it's like... Yeah.

Oh, by the way, yeah, we should mention that Timothy Oliphant and Maggie Q are dating. Before she goes to the facility,

fucking some tongue kissing going on. I was all right. with that two sexy people making out the middle of this diehard movie what if it just did that for the rest of the movie like they took their shirts turned into a porno yeah totally we just had 30 minutes of porno in the middle of this movie did you ever get any um reshoot this movie and have those two fuck i think it's a cool odd day phoebe oh you're going for a pg 13 rating a now he called me whipped again i gotta do it

By the way, can you call your guy? The blizzard is stopping. The blizzard is letting up. That's what we're running low. The blizzard's letting up. Oh, you did too much coke tonight. Okay, fine. Yeah, so it's just, it's this big huge fight that kind of culminates in a, it's a classic diehard elevator shaft situation.

There's like a car hang from a wife. What really happens is he gets kicked out of window, which is pretty cool. She kicks him right out of window. It's awesome. He gets into like an American made Ford truck or whatever. It's an SUV. It's humonga. It's a Ford Explorer. He's able to

drive. I don't know how this works. He's able to drive from outside into the lab and then hit her with this car. There are a few stories up. There's a weird, well he drives up a on-ramp car. It's a big circular parking garage. Kind of like the Bad Boys 2 parking garage

scene. But then, like, he just gets to, he knows that the level is the fourth floor, because they do make a comment about that earlier. So I guess at some point, he just gets off at the fourth floor parking garage ramp, and then is like, all right. I remember it was by the elevator, I guess,

so I'll drive through this wall. He's just driving through multiple walls to get here. I got to take it easy through these hallways. They're a little tiny. I don't want to ding up this car. Oh, damn, I'm fucking stuck into Bantrum. Shit. It's like that scene in Roma where the father's trying to park the car

Reverse Drive Reverse Drive this dog shit God damn it He eventually gets there And he hits Maggie Q at the car

And then keeps going Until they hit an elevator shop And now they're dangling off this car This should be troma shit He hits her with a truck She is splatter town There's nothing left She's like hanging out of the windshield

Kind of everything There's a great moment here though Where they're fucking around in the car the parkour guy or the other guy there's two assassins here he's like going to shoot Bruce Willis

Justin Long hits this dude over the head with like a pipe or something and he fucking drops down that elevator shaft ooh it wasn't half bad it's pretty cool it reminds me a lot of that that scene in Jurassic Park too with like the truck is hanging from something and we're climbing up

it's right after the shiffening in that movie Vincevan and Julianne Moore you're speaking of pop culture I think I just realized I think we skipped over the Kevin Smith moment. No, that's coming up next. Oh, stay tuned after the break. But I do think we have to bring up the second video package, which is they blow up Congress.

Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. But like, so it's on TV, and they're like, it's a picture of Congress and it's like little type of like, what will you do when you no longer have Doritos or whatever the fuck? And like, if you call 911 and no one comes, what will you do? Which is fucking terrifying to watch on every channel. I mean, you know, they might not come either way. I love that you were trying to play it so cool with this. I guarantee you, if a fire sale happened in real life,

you'd be shitting your pants and fucking pissing and moaning just like the rest of us. Look at him playing so cool with this fucking fire sale over here. Just go to the woods, dude. Just start a new life. No, you'd be the first to blow your own head off. It's, okay. That's my move. Yeah, I was going to say.

But I don't think Steve would be using a gun, though. No, pills. Pizza overdose. Congress blows up. And it's a, the explosion is like if you were, by the way, the Capitol building. Oh, it's a lot of capital building. The Capitol building blows up. But it's like if you were to blow up a screen in a used car dealership commercial.

These sales are blowing the roof off. Booge, boosh, push. I would not. I'm like, and then everybody rushes out to see if it still stands. I'm like, of course it still stands. I mean, that's fair. but also again, it's on every channel and you're in like Minnesota

you're like, oh shit, the Capitol building just blew up. Right. The Titanic just arrived. It would make the movie. Better late than never. More interesting if they actually did blow it up. Yeah, that'd be something. Or they figured out a way to hack it,

I don't, to make it blow up on its own. Maybe it collapsed on its own. It committed suicide. It needs, there needs to be more to this movie than just, I'm sorry, I know you love the fucking traffic light stuff. But that's just phase one. Okay.

Yeah, I agree with you. Some more stakes aside from just lights going out or something. Yes. So basically he kills Maggie Q. Now he's on the phone again with Timmy O'Oleafant. This is where we get a lot of the Asian hooker nonsense. This is awful. But this is also where Justin Long is like,

I'm going to stop them with malware. Yeah, that's right. And he's sending them all these. And I'm like, how do you just have this stuff? And you know what? What is that? The thing of it is, is Bruce Willis gets, or John McClain specifically gets too mouthy with terrorists

and it always bites him in the ass. That's true. Because he's getting really mouty with Tim the Oliphant and he's like, well then now I'm going to fucking kidnap your daughter, dude. I wasn't going to do that before but now I am. And he should just kill her. Yeah, I don't, I don't. This is the thing too is like all of the kidnapping

stuff kind of doesn't make sense. Like he's like he's a total pushover this guy. Like he's not like playing hard at all. You take. Yeah. You take Lucy Gennaro. Is that her name? Yeah. Yeah. And you just do like ISIS video on broadcast it on every channel.

Let's let them know you mean business because right now you're just doing fucking, you're showing Legos explode. You know what they should have done. Cut her finger off or something. You know. Really torture this girl on national television. They're going to kill that poor woman, man. What is that, I think the move

oh man, there was a move that I was going to point out. The ringer cannot look empty. It's your dirty undies, dude. Oh, fuck. That's something about. about that plan of his. Speaking of dirty undies, Kevin Smith. Right. Well, that's what I was going to say.

Oh, now I lost it again because you fucking said Kevin Smith. Okay, let's rewind. Rewind. Oh, here's the thing where he could, if you wanted to show like a little gravitas, there's a scene coming up where he's like, all right, nerd hacker, it's time to go. And he's like, oh, is it that time already? And the one like main villain hacker walks out and he has the rest of them assassinated.

He has this team of nerds working for him. film that like broadcast this he's like and those are my own men so think what i'll do to complete strangers did you notice who the other main hacker is no the evil guy or the coward guy the coward guy is uh charlie's pervert uncle from always sunny in philadelphia oh really the one who's like yeah take it out uncle jack yeah for the website yeah but there is this so he's like he's mouthed off of this guy's i'm gonna kidnap your fucking daughter but also i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna natural gas into the facility you're at and blow you the fuck

up. Right. And he does so and again, they do this thing, which they do in the apartment scene too. It's like, him and Justin Long are like, hey, let's get like six inches away from that huge explosion. Yeah, they just dodged it, dude. And they're, thank God we live in a world where concussions don't exist.

And this is when they get in a helicopter and now John McClain's flying a helicopter, which I call enormous bullshit on. It's abysmal. It's abysmal. And there's some dialogue where it's just like, oh, yeah, well, you know, I took some flying lessons one time. Oh, really?

Thanks a lot, screenplay. Oh, you know, I was special forces back in NAM, and then I had amnesia for 30 years, but now it all came back. I actually learned how to fly a helicopter from John Landis. He had a lot of tips for me, and look, it's funny. A lot of do's and more don'ts.

John Landis helped me get ahead with my helicopter flying abilities. That joke was told to you by Eric Sisko They know Don't pretend like they don't know Off the top of my head so it's not malicious Off the top of your what What the top of your head? See the deleted scenes from the Twilight Zone movie

For More Head So we got to go see The Warlock Oh boy Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun chitos uh and this is kevin smith of course um there's a weird line he was doing this in the in the in the mid aughts like just pop it up in movies yeah i remember he plays the gay friend in the romantic comedy catch and release indeed he does which had oliphant

as well that's right i think he does go shirtless in that one era i did not see that movie but now i'm not going shirtless kevin smith without is he does he even shirt off in that movie Kevin Smith? No, no, not Kevin Smith. Timothy Olfam. Dude, I thought you were talking on Kevin Smith, too. Me as well. I was like, no fucking way, Kevin.

By the way, Kevin Smith without a shirt. No, you're lover, Timothy Oliphant. What's that movie about that? I do love to. He bites it? Is it he the new love interest? The new guy. But Jennifer Gardner is whoever she's with each shit.

Yeah. Oh, so then he's the new guy. I think he's the new guy from it. Okay. Interesting. I got to see that because, yes, you know, justified, made an impression on me. Justified is excellent. It's crazy that that show isn't

more highly regarded. It is true. It's a great show. I got to go through the whole thing one time. It's a good time, dude. Is anyone on this planet watching that cannibal show he has on Netflix with him and Drew Barry? I know my sister has blown through all three seasons and loves it. I'm sure it's good. I've heard nothing but good thing. It's not good. Are you kidding?

I watched the first season and I did not like it. Well, most contrarian film critic ever. It's true. I think it's a 50% on Rotten Tomatoes? Come on. I'm not that contrary. Oh, you? Oh, wait. Oh, the show had it? I'm not going to Rotten Tomatoes for fucking TV shows, Cabin. No, I was going to go to Tomatoes. You said you had 50% on Rotten Tomatoes.

I was like, that checks out. My approval rating would be much lower. I'd be at the 12s. We should have Rotten Tomatoes for people. That was what Hot or Not was. Right. It was the Rotten Tomatoes. for people. So they go to and it's, you know, let's dust this off here. The big

important hacker lives with his mother. Absolutely. Bruce Willis is like, there's a rolling black out here. How are we going to find his house? And Justin Long is like odds are it's the only one with the lights still on because he's like paranoid and running all these generators and shit. But it made me realize like

they know each other. Like I thought shouldn't the point a lot of this internet stuff be like you don't know who these people are? And where they are or any of that stuff. He's clearly, like, been to this house before and, like, has hung out with this guy. Like, what are you doing? Just follow the scent of hot pockets. Yeah.

It will lead you there. Maybe it starts with an anonymous online relationship. Sure. You're in Camden. He's in Baltimore. He's like, hey, man, I got this cool. I got the new season of Doctor Who a couple days early. You want to come on Saturday.

Yeah. Oh, that's true. He's like Skype sex. Oh, Skype sex. Yeah, totally. And Justin Long is also in Zach and Mir. I think they're probably best buds a little bit there I think it was maybe like because of this

they met making this movie kind of thing Right as a cop out too Is this pre or post cop out? It has to be pre pre because he fucking hated his guts afterwards I think he's like 2009 Yeah, that's not a good movie No so they go to his place His mother his old crone mother answers the door

I thought for half a second This was speaking of it's always sunny the woman who plays is it Max Mother? I thought it was that woman. I thought it was Sparkle Motion for a minute. Oh, no, you're not going to hit her. Oh, no. It's got to cost you cash.

Well, it's a diehard movie. You got something. But, I mean, we are one step away from Mother Meatloaf. It's totally a Mother Meatloaf situation. Yeah, and they go down. It's like, why did you bring this man into my command center? A cop into my command center. He's anti-cop, which you know.

You know, some people are, I don't know. That's perfectly understandable. One great moment here is Bruce Willis calls him, hey, dump truck. He got a couple of those. He calls him Hamhawk later. Oh, right, hamhawk? It's vicious, dude. Well, apparently there was Kevin Smith, you know, being Kevin Smith,

rewrote a lot of his own dialogue, and they filmed it. And then Bruce Willis is like, that's too funny. That's not with the movie. We got to redo it again. Like, only I can have one-liner. Exactly. That's exactly what it is. He's like, let me just, okay, he got a couple of things.

goods on me. I'm going to, what if we recut it where I call him fat like 10 times in three minutes? Well, those characters in this scene almost seem human. We've got to shoot this again. Nothing but robots. They're not granite statues. They shouldn't be in the movie. There's a weird

exchange here where Bruce Willis is like, he's looking at a Boba Fett, Standy. Thank you. Thank you. I was about to say. Speaking of granite statues, Boba Fett. Well, it's a weird, it's a stupid thing where He's like... It's the prototype costume, by the way,

the one I didn't actually use in the films. That's great. I didn't even know. Now I know. The more you know, dude, did you send a letter to the movie? Keep an eye out. Dude, you should submit that to the IMDB Tribune.

I should. No, but he's like, he's like, oh, you're a fan of the fat? That's like, that's Kevin Smith's line. Yeah. And he goes, no, more of a Star Wars guy. And Kevin Smith's character loses it. Oh, oh, a Star Wars guy.

Oh, I'm gonna fuck kick your ass. Justin Long, bring it a cop into my command. And, like, he's got information. It's kind of amazing, because I think, again, with this, like, reshoot and reshoot and reshoot. Yeah. At some point, somebody just went to Kevin Smith's like, look, you've got three pages of dialogue. I need you to do it in 30 second. Because he's just basically like, oh, yeah, that's Thomas Gabriel.

He worked for the NSA from this to that. Oh, he's the one who does give the background here, right? He dump so much of it so quickly. It's impressive, but also it's like, man, we had no idea how to make this movie. Yeah, you're totally right. This character is not the one that should be giving this. disinformation. No, no, no. Why would Kevin Smith know this is a weird, like when they go down there, he's on his computer

and he's like, yeah, I'm monitoring the whole situation from here. I'm like, what? Yes. I mean, I guess so, but what? I guess it's like hackers in that movie where it's just like every, all the hackers like know their great deeds and the screen handles of other people. Yeah. I guess they found out. All the righteous hacks too. Yeah, they found a crash override, got busted and turned out to be this dude Thomas Gabriel. It's a hacker legend. I also feel like, you you know, we could have a monster to do on Maple Street situation because like here we are in the middle of

like Baltimore, uh, it's, they're packed with houses. They're not in a remote area. Yeah. Everyone else has their lights off. That fucking house has the lights on. Go in there and fucking crack some skulls. Yeah, that's the house with that weirdo. You only see him come out like once a week. He's doing it. He's the

one doing it. You're totally right. Breaking into the house to get some light of your own and you're trying to like take it home like it's a fucking fire. But you're like a torch. Again, dude, me and a blackout is not somebody you want to be around. Also, what's weird is, I guess technically, if you think about it, Tim Oliphant's character in this movie is a lot like almost every villain in the Mission

Impossible franchise. He's like a crooked former agent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of those Mission Impossible movies are like, oh, that guy, yeah, he definitely worked for the IMF at one point. Yeah. He left under negative circumstances. Oh, and his last name's Gabriel, huh?

Oh, great. Thank you. Sound the trumpet cabin The end is nigh Did someone say nighi? Let's blow some coat That lettrous old creep Let's do a little bump

Just to get through the end of the evening Who likes to ski Now he likes to ski Papa needs some sugar Oh my God They detect like there's There's a lot Like the servers in the social security building

and Woodlawn have got like a lot of heat going on. So like what's going on there? Let's check it out. And then Thomas Gabriel's like So someone's hacking into the fucking thing to do. So they're like, oh my God the IP address is Kevin Smith and it's just like why wouldn't he cover that up better? You should air strike

that fucking house by the way. Like once you know the deal, drone strike it dude. You would think so but he does something better. He turns on his webcam without his knowledge. Oh yeah. Watches Kevin Smith and Bruce Willis and this is where

Tim the Olofand is a great line. It says, Freddy, that fat bastard. Good line. Fat bastard. Kevin Smith's name is Frederick Colutis. Also, aka Fat Bastard. Does he do the baby back, baby back, baby back? Oh, man.

No, no, no. Timothy Oliphon just calls him fat bastard. There's no other Austin Powers-esque. And this is when he's like, by the way, I kidnapped your daughter. These daughters stuck in an elevator. She's stuck in an elevator. I'm going to send somebody to kidnap her. Then I got to go find you and fucking kill you.

And if I'm Timothy Ollivan, again, I'm like, no, no, no, listen, this is what's going to happen. She'll be fine. I'm going to cut her finger off every step you get closer to me. Really make some really specific terms. And stick to that. The first whiff of McLean that I get, she's dead. That toes coming off. Exactly.

Or like, yeah, exactly. You can't kill her because obviously you need her to have leverage. But, like, you could do, like, you could just start cutting off body parts, brother. Exactly. Because he can't, like, John McCain can't be shown to, like, actually care. What I do? No, you almost said John McCain. No, ma'am.

No fire shale. No man. So, I mean, like, John McLean cannot show that he actually gives a shit about his daughter to somebody else. Like, fucking Timothy L. For fear of coming off too horny. So what? Okay, you got a bag of meat I used to know.

Oh, so I made the bag of meat. So what? Okay. my cum my com's been in a lot of stuff what's it to you and I feel like at the end of this movie you know it's like she goes home to her mother and she's like oh mom I was in this whole thing

because your dad was mouthing off the terrorist yeah because dad was mouthing off. Oh John mouthed off to a terrorist again didn't me so then he put you in danger great fucking awesome wonderful so we're told that this place in Woodlawn is it Virginia or something yeah we're something something maybe it's Woodlawn New Jersey no

I don't know it's somewhere on the east I know the, I think the place is called Woodlawn. Oh, okay. Oh, no, totally. And so the idea is once the first portion of this fire sale happened, there's a fail safe involved in our country's internet, whatever the fuck, infrastructure that, they say, is backing up the cumulative wealth of America to this one server. Which kind of is like, wait, what? Well, that's even Cliff Curtis is like, wait, what the fuck did you just say to me?

and this was like totally insecurity guy well this was like timothy oliphant's idea that they stole from him oh right yeah yeah again a screwed over i'mf agent dude it's happened et cetera et cetera but like also i don't know like digitally it it's it's fine and olivant's thing is like a i want to show them what this thing what this huge threat could look like which also like it's spilled milk at this point is he just trying to get his job back you think it's that plus he wants to steal like a lot of my like billions oh right the billions yeah but he says something about like oh it's better me than a religious fanatic or somewhere else like it's like it's good that it's an american doing this and not not a foreign white terrorist privilege is what that is exactly so oliphant at this point

gets word that they are going there so he dispatches an f35 uh is on its way to deal with these people and then there's a lot of facility stuff like um at this point um bruce willis fights the parkour guy sure uh he kind of just shoves him down there's like he's like a shredder yeah he grinder is okay what is going on i don't know what this facility is dude but i think it's where luke skywalker lost his hand call some spider boy oh sure and he's like trying to shoot him the gun and it's amazing because it's like he and it's like the most mcleanee moment for me anyway he's like he shoves this guy into a paper shredder or a human shredder yeah and he goes he's like letting out of like the guts and stuff

but again this might be something that's only in the unrated cut I'm not sure oh shit yeah it's like oh man that's awesome that happens earlier in the movie too when he shoots the cop car at the helicopter he's doing his John McLean like I'm just laughing after killing a bunch of people there is some of the old McLean

in this movie it's way too buried for it to be successful but you get those glimpses every once in a while and those moments I was like I can't fucking rewatch that diehard I got to rewatch that die hard with a vengeance. While they're driving to this place, he does a whole like boohoo, I'm an asshole fucking speech to Justin Long.

Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Oh, do you know what being a hero and killing like a million people does to you? You get divorced and then you live a comfortable life. Not really. Like, if you are not an asshole in between those moments, you're fine. I think she's not like, oh, my God, I'm going to,

I'm divorcing you because if you saved all those people, it's like, no, but then like you're a real dick the rest of the time. It's actually kind of crazy that he doesn't become more of a religious fanatic because like this is the fourth time you are in one of these situations.

That's true. Someone else would be like this is a sign from God that I'm a fucking ordained avenger of humanity. He hasn't met wife number two Tammy yet and she's the one who really gets him into the Protestantism.

He needs some sort of like second situation here. That's not even happened in that fifth movie? No, he's all alone. He's a celibate dude. Because he looks like Bruce Willis, he would totally have, like, a 26-year-old wife. Oh, sure. He's saving himself for his daughter.

Maybe he meets, like, a friend of Lucy McLean's at Rutgers during Parents' Weekend. Oh, you can't drink yet, huh? Well, maybe I could get you. I'm not supposed to either. Here we go. Look, she's older than her. She's her RA, so it's okay.

I love in that second, or the third movie that he's just hung over the whole time. I love that that's a thread through that whole thing. there should be something similar. Like, he's missing his oxy. Well, because I mean, that, that... After the knee surgery. Yes, exactly. Because in that third movie,

he is beat to shit by the... Because he's a human character in those movies. And this, he's not, not at all. In the first one, he doesn't have his shoes, and he's jet lagged. The third movie, he's hung over the entire time. Right. And the second one, I don't know what happens.

He's more or less physically okay, I think. I think he's just frazzled because he's trying to get home for Christmas. I mean, he's traveling. Traveling is awesome. That's, yeah, that's honestly all you need. You were fucking dealing with the airport. Near Christmas.

Give me a fucking... You know what it is? He fucking got to fight over a parking space with Dennis Franz at the beginning of the movie. That's what it is. That's my parking space. Get Franz back, dude. I mean, nobody wanted Franz back.

But still, in any event, so, like, they leave this facility. He at this point kidnaps both Justin Long and her. Yes, I'm sorry. That laugh wasn't at you. just talking, Steve, I was recalling the end of Diehard 2 when Dennis' friends is like, hey McLean,

and he tears up a parking ticket, and he goes, Merry Christmas, he has saved a day. It's stupid. That is a didda for sure. With a man in the White House? Now I'm just thinking of that Simpson's bit. Right, where he played Homer

in the recreation of Homer being a misogamous. Mr. Simpson, no! But in any event, so like he now kidnaps both both of them at this point marilla is the Winston has been punched in the face twice sure not once but twice um they're technical knockout she gets called bitch too so that's just great left and right they're on the road and i don't know why you're expecting these fucking dude bro assholes to be so pc towards women but i say anything just throw her down

it's a screenplay no i know but like come on i i get you but who also wrote it probably a dude it's also the same year as 300 so we were in different society dark timeline the the the uh mclan takes a truck

and he's following them this is the famous fighter pilot scene or whatever famous well trailer famous dude they sold this movie on him standing on an F35 Oliphant like does his fucking

jerky boy shit again's like put me in through that fucking fighter jet hey fighter jet I'm your boss shoot the truck They don't normally call themselves boss, but okay. And this F-35 on a street where there's just cars, like, driving like it's a normal fucking day. Yeah.

Like, fucking powers been out for 13 hours. This F-35 sends a missile into the middle of traffic. Yeah. I don't know. Like, this guy, like, the pilot has to be like, you're a boss. They're trying to do the end of true lies, and it's not working. Yeah, you're right.

It's all CG. it looks really bad and it's just not a... At this point there might as well be a transformer in the film like you know what I mean like we're getting there

because he's driving Optimus Prime this giant truck chasing now Timothy O'Lefant's on the move in this little car They're all like in a van well his whole headquarters has been mobile the entire time

that's why they can never like pinpoint his location smart to ruin traffic Hey Len can I look at your script for Lou Free of Diehard O'S in a town That sounds pretty boring. I saw that transformer movie.

A lot of trucks, lot of planes. Same year as Transformers, too. More of a man, you'd get a plane in here somehow. It'd be a lot cooler if you did, man. And then, so the missile doesn't work. It starts blowing up some of the levels of this highway. And then the fighter pilot comes back and shoots. up the truck with machine gun fire it's now a convertible truck mclean's just like oh whatever it doesn't matter to me what is the deal here because we have he puts in one last call to the warlock right here but i don't remember what he calls well he's like oh i need you to get me in touch with cliff curtis all right through his cb radio and he's like why would i help a cop man and he's like because he got my baby girl he's like well okay that's all right i mean like i don't know this guy would be like well you know you could maybe say he's got justin long i thought they would go

to that angle, but no. One less hacker competition for me. But this is so useless. So then like the CB radio through Kevin Smith's layer is then re-broadcast to the FBI. And then he just says to the FBI like, hey man, save my daughter. Yeah. Thanks. Bye. Here's my living will real quick. Burn everything and save my daughter. Delete my browser history. Yeah, do that thing where you put the drill through the computer. I saw that on an episode of CSI last week. Give me the real control old dildo. It's just, oh man, I'm looking at this

history here. Oh, God, it's just all the daily caller. Oh, Jesus. So the highway bridge is collapsing, and then this fucking truck is going up this collapsing bridge. It's like jumping highways. It's doing stuff that is not, it needs a transformer. It's doing stuff that the bus from

speed couldn't even pull off. And it's also really similar to the fucking stunt that I saw 30 minutes ago with the helicopter. where it's a fucking ramp a vehicle goes into a ramp into a flying object that happens twice in this movie. Car Rottie. Car Rottie.

But it's 2007 so we have to show that the the pilot makes it because it's oh sure. He's just a misinformed Thank you troupe. I mean it's an innocent bystander situation either way. It's just that thing. It's just like you know that. No, but we've learned from the

matrix those that defend the system have to be destroyed in your in your end game result. You're right, that was just eight years ago, how quickly we forget. Exactly. They're fighting regular civilian cops that are just dudes plugged into a computer.

A year later, when Obama's in, you can kill troops all you want in movies. What we're going to do? We're going to show troops get killed in the movies again. Would you like that? Please like me. So, yeah, the highway collapses.

McLean jumps on this jet. He's kind of surfing it for a little bit. What the fuck, dude. And also, like, after this part, I'm exhausted with this movie. And there's still, like, 12 minutes left. Yeah. Well, when he's surfing on this fucking jet, the pilot does eject. And then he jumps down, slides down a mile of concrete on his back.

Like, da, da, da, da, da, that's fine. And then the fucking plane goes down. It explodes. Jet fuel explosion. Fire going down this corridor. Steel beams melting everywhere. And he's just like, oh, boy, that was. fine, no problem.

You have to understand that for John McLean, that is like the opening of the Dick Van Dyke show for him. Stripping over an ottoman, sliding down a concrete slab being engulfed in flames. It did remind me of in part three where he's trying to get on the boat

and he slides down the cable. But that's horrific. It is horrific because he's got all like the pieces of the wire like in his arm. His armpit is jacked up and it's bleeding throughout the rest of that film. God, you know what?

When you guys get the fuck out of here and watching die hard with the vengeance i can't wait i'm so excited might be going home to do the same uh and so now they're in another facility uh justin long has implanted a uh encryption on timothy oliphant's virus thing so he need to get the money he needs uh long to to unlock it and he's doing the thing again where he's got a gun to lucy mclean's head he's like i'm going to shoot her man he's like well no you're kind of not because then the game is over it's like right well do it well then i'll shoot you in the knee which he does which is pretty great shoots him in the knee mclean shows up

uh and like the the the ending the the gray-haired guy the silver fox kind of gets it he's like now the de facto number two now that everybody else is dead yeah he gets it pretty quickly him and nerd hacker get it kind of in quick succession because fucking john mclean runs into this facility like fucking jason vorhees yes he shoots this hacker like horrific Typically, that kid just goes out. And at some point, Oliphant gets Bruce Willis. You know, he's got a gun to his head. Willis has already been shot once at this point.

Yeah, so he's like weakened. So he's like, you know, you should have, you know, minded your own business, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And it's like, you know, Justin Long, now you have to unlock the thing. I think he does. And he's like, I'm going to kill your daughter. You're going to have to watch me kill your daughter. And on your tombstone, it should say guy who, uh, guy.

who's always at the wrong place at the wrong time. Right. And this is when he gets the famous. Yippie Kaye motherfucker. That's going to say that instead. He shoots it through himself. Yes.

In order to shoot Timothy O'Fund. It'd be funny if he just got lodged in it. It's a pretty baller move, man. It's a pretty cool kill. Yeah. And now in my tombstone, it's going to say, pepperoni and cheese. Oh, man.

Remember that commercial from 1992? Yes, I do. I was going to. Tombstone pizza. Look it up. I was going to say Lucy. On YouTube. Listen, everyone believes you.

Everyone believes. On YouTube. Look it up. I don't believe these. But whatever. We sign our sources. I do imagine Lucy on the day that her father died does say yippie-kaye, mother-back. Do you think Bruce Willis, and at no point in the near future, do I want this to happen?

The movie's curse, as it is. Listen, many years from now, do you think that will be on Bruce Willis' actual tombstone? Oh, I don't know. I hope not. I hope, you know, it's the thing you remembered for. Sure. It's either that or you're remembered for being an asshole. Not everyone needs to be Mel Blank with the that's all folks.

Yeah, like, it should be. That's a baller mood. That's a baller mood. It's one of the greatest epitaphs of all time. It's not only is it your, it might be the greatest. It is because it not only is your catchphrase, it's also like my life is fucking over.

I'm a fucking piece of meat. That's all folks. Yeah. I never planned to have a tombstone, but now I kind of want to. I was going to say with Mel Blank, it makes fun. Like, that's all folks, that's fine.

Yippie Kaye, motherfucker. I mean, Bruce Willis does actually act like he wants to die. So that does make sense. But it would be, and actually, for Schwarzenegger, who completely defies reality, I'll be back actually does make sense for his. Oh, dude, that'd be fucking twisted. It's a little chilling. That is a little chilling. I would walk the earth again.

Actually, you know, I just, I had to look at up. I'd be back, but at what price? I had to look it up. Death is but a door. I would be back. I had to look it up, because this is my favorite celebrity tombstone. Oh, okay. Is Jack Lemons.

Because the tombstone just says Jack Lemon in. Oh, that's right. And then it's the grave. That is so fucking great. That's a good one. Rodney Dangerfield had there goes the neighborhood. Billy Wilder, I'm a writer, but then nobody's perfect, which is not half bad. So there was some good ones.

But yeah, Mel Blank, that's all, folks. Man of a thousand voices, beloved. husband and father. I'll be back would be the best because it's like a threat. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you would always like if you were related to him, you'd be just like a little creeped out like, what did he know? When is he coming back?

And then Jean-Claude Van Dan would clearly have, where's my cocaine? I know he gets buried, but it's in the split formation. It's his trademark split, dude. Custom coffin. You know what? Then also instead of just a tombstone, he

needs like a statue, you know. Oh, that's true. Of the, of the action. Oh, you know, what probably happened is Stallone would get him taxi-dermied in the split form by him, by his body and put it in his like mausoleum. It turns into a planet Hollywood. It turns to do planet Hollywood. You get chicken fingers and respect to the dead.

They weren't expendable to me. I think, because I had to pull up a mental floss article that had all these to remind myself of the Jack Limin one. but here's a creepy one from Frank Sinatra just to close this out. The best is yet to come. Oh, that's pretty much. Ooh, that's ominous.

That was true. Now we don't have to listen to him anymore. Yeah, that's pretty wonderful. Sweet release, dude. That's right, Pelly, I'm going to come back and haunt you. Yeah, so that's, you know, your classic diehard movie ends just with the ambulance cleanup. And we all, yeah, we're all wearing those enormous thick blankets,

which I always want. Well, also John McLean gets. it's a little souvenir FBI Windbreaker. Hey, big guy. You survived. There you go. That's his thanks for helping out, dude. It's just the windbreaker. I mean, and again, like, the stakes were way too high.

He saved the literal country at this point. He should at least have a line that's like, can I get my 401K back? Like, he's talking to Cliff Curtis or something like that. And there's some more dad shit at the end here because she's like, ooh, that Justin Long's kind of hot. And he's like, no, he's not. Or whatever bullshit.

Back and forth. And she does the, oh, this made me grown when she's like, they're like, oh, is it Lucy Janera's like, no, it's Lucy McLean now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, oh, great. Yeah, whichever way the wind's blowing, sweetheart. And there's like three fucking daddies at the end.

This is smart. There are a lot of daddies. This is smart because she knows. There are a lot of daddies. John McLean's now going to be on the news. He's going to be even more famous than he was before. Oh, nice. Yeah, dude.

She's, she's reping her brand right here. You could transfer to any college you want. That's right. Probably get, you know, host the view. or something in the future. Easy way to get into view. By the way, I realize just a quick correction. When Bruce Willis breaks into this facility,

he kills that nerd hacker. Sure. But it's a thing where not Jeffrey Dean Morgan is about to fucking pull the trigger. Yes. And Justin Long murders that guy. Yeah, he gets a kill in. And this is when, like, you know,

it's like, oh, how does it feel killing somebody? He's pretty damn cool. I was like, yeah, it is, dude. And he's like, don't fuck my daughter. I'll kill you. Because I'm a fucking killer. Hey man, I kill people for fun Hey, I'm a stone cold killer

I collect souls Hey, I called her first And then unfortunately This movie has to cut to credits With fucking credence again Dear God Because we paid for that song dude We're gonna get it twice

John Fogarty don't come cheap Motherfucker It ain't me man It just ain't I think John McLean is the fortunate Son of the United States of America Absolutely he's fortunate he's alive That's actually true

yeah that's the end of it would anybody recommend this movie no it's actually it feels long two hours and eight minutes my god I don't have the run times of other diehards but I feel like they'd probably be a little less or maybe I'm wrong I don't give a shit I just didn't care for this movie

it's zombie diehard for me and I will never see that fifth one and I'm thrilled about that you will yeah probably well no we already did it no I know but I want you to it's not gonna happen report back report back no no don't watch this movie the yeah i mean zombie dard that's a way

i mean it should have by the time we're at woodlawn and that whole thing is happening i'm like this is it this is over this is where this ends your little f35 thing i don't give a fuck that's 30 minutes i didn't need just kill timothy oliphant there it doesn't matter but yeah don't watch this unless i guess you're if you're completest yeah i i think it's i think it's bad too because it's just every single character is just sterile and there's no personality or fun to it even though it's got more personality and fun

to it like in Bruce Willis's performance than we see in later era Bruce Willis like Death Wish 2018 on our Patreon just saying I mean he is a hot pepper like in this compared to death wish He's a hot pepper You're a real hot pepper

No ma'am it's not a hot pepper It's not a hot pepper Whitch Ah fuck Am I gonna do this? I'm gonna recommend it I think it's a fucking supreme hangover movie Because if you've seen other diehard movies

It's a familiar environment and you really can tune out I can get behind the hangover movie legislation here Because it's like you can go to the bathroom You don't need to hear any of the Thomas Gabriel lines Absolutely fine Yeah, yeah You know it's one of those hangover movies where you're not that hungover And like you just need to get out of the house

You do have plans later so you have it on While you're kind of getting, you're rallying a little bit You take a shower while it's on, you come out. You're like, I'm going to turn this up a little bit so I can hear it from the bathroom. Exactly. I will say, die hard, two hours and 12 minutes. Die hard two, two hours and four minutes. Okay.

Interestingly, die hard with a vengeance, two hours and eight minutes, exactly this. Oh, interesting. This makes total sense. A good day to die hard one hour and 38 minutes because there's no movie there. And it feels longer than the first four. That is live free or die hard directed by, And Wiseman, the baby. Where's the snow?

If you want more WeA. movies, including our episode on the Death Wish remake, check out Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies. Absolutely. And if you're like, oh, I don't know if I want to check out Patreon. I don't know if it's worth it. All I got to say is, whacks! Bam!

Slamma-jammas. Do you say that cracking the whip? Don't you want to be cool like me and 80-year-old man? Go to patreon.com slash We-hawn. hate movies. I sure hope they talk about my underworld movies. I'm a big fan of the Nexus

where they talk about Star Trek at the $8 level. That's surprising that he's a dude that's never been on Star Trek. Or in a Star Trek movie. Who would have been a great Star Trek villain? Absolutely. I've got you now, Picard. Yeah, exactly. It's totally fucking great. He's a

an ex-starfleet captain who is in the academy with Picard at the exact same time. Something happened, and now he's crooked. Dude, you got a Picard show coming up. Get Bill Nihy in there. Yes, that's absolutely true. Oh, my old nemesis, Bill Nyehy is back.

Let's butt heads, but... I guarantee... I've computer hacked the enterprise, Picard. You won't be able to take it out of park. Park. I guarantee you he's been in a Doctor Who by now. Oh, for... Maybe. I don't know.

I don't swim in that pool. So Steve Sadek, as always, we hate movies. Continues next week with new content. What are we talking about? Yeah, it rolls on next week. And not only we'll be talking about 17 again on the live feed, we're going to be doing our East Cage tour next week. Those tickets are still available. That's right. Very limited. You want to check that out if you're on the East Coast.

We're like diehard. We're going all up and down the East Coast. Up and down the East Coast hanging out at Kevin Smith's mom's house. WHMpodcast.com. Click on that tour tab. Until next week with 17 again. I'm Andrew Juppens. Stephen Sadek. Chris McLean. Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.