We Hate Movies - S9 Ep417: Episode 417 - 17 Again

Episode Date: April 23, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang chats about the creepy, magic-filled teen comedy, 17 Again! How did tiny Zac Efron grow an extra 2 1/2 feet to become Matthew Perry? Why did we need so much time with the Thomas Lennon side plot? And did Brian Doyle-Murray rip off Steve Zissou's wardrobe? PLUS: Nobody needs those fancy bowling alleys! 17 Again stars Zac Efron, Matthew Perry, Leslie Mann, Brian Doyle-Murray, Thomas Lennon, Michelle Trachtenberg, Sterling Knight, Melora Hardin, and Jim Gaffigan; directed by Burr Steers. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, my God, look at that haircut. It's 17 again. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zaid, actress, Cabin. Eric Sisker. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always, this week.

That's right. It's 17 again from 2009, directed by Burr Steers, which sounds like the name of someone who would direct pornographic films. Burr, like someone's ears exploded? Burr. B-U-W B-U-R Not a person

S-T-W-E-R-S That sounds like a band that would open for iron and wine He's the man from Iggyby Goes Down He's the man directed Iggy-B-G-E-G-G-E-G-G-E-G-O-K-K-E-O-K-K That's a thing.

Probably not. I remember liking it at the time but I'm sure if I want Yeah, but that was in 2002. That was back when we were 17 again. Exactly. So this movie, of course, is the Zach Ephron

Matthew Perry. It's not a body swap movie. You would think it is, but it's not. No, it's a body time travel. The age movie? It's a D-Age. I think that's a D-Ager, which is what Robert De Niro's getting in Netflix soon enough on the Irish.

Oh, right, sure. That's just 17 again directed by Martin Scorsese. That I'd watch. That's something. That sounds like to see. And you said, oh, God, at the top of the show, and just wanted to this title, 17 again, reminds me of 18 again. You got an early episode.

With George Burns, like, I'm using my son's David's Packer. I'm because I'd be switched bodies. No, it's my grandson. My grandson's dick. Yeah. I'm going to share your body. That was a previous episode that's in the Patreon archives by now. That's way back, dude. That's like, like episode 20 or something.

Under 20. Under 20 is okay with me, man. Ha, ha, ha, Steve's Herbert. Yeah. And they are perverted. No, they're just worse. Um, the, this is, yeah, this is just an episode on, uh, yeah, we're, we're talking. It's, it's Matthew Perry and Zach Afron and they're basically Matthew Perry is unhappy with

his life. Correct. And he takes it out on everyone around him like a fucking asshole. What a dick this guy is. He's a big asshole, dude. I'm surprised he's got a friend in the world. Well, his one friend is played by Thomas Lennon, who's like a millionaire computer nerd. guy.

Sure, that's convenient. Thomas Lennon is your friend. You have no friends. Oh, man. A Thomas Lennon portrayed character. Sure. Of his ilk. I'm sure Thomas Lennon is a cool dude to hang out with.

And they later reprised this with the odd couple. That's right. They get canceled, right? At some point. Yeah, it had three seasons, which is respectable. More than I would have expected. Yeah. Yeah.

Why was this? Why did we allow so many of these friends actors to keep going on? Like, I understand right after, like, right when Friends is going. You get them and you pick them up and you pick them up. This is 2009 people. Give up on the Matthew Perry thing. I like Matthew Perry. I can't do it. I don't have

a problem with him. What? I like him on Friends and that's it. I liked he had a sick of. That's he did. It's a snarky shit. You remember that movie servicing Sarah with him and Elizabeth Hurley? No, didn't see it. But I liked serving Sarah, by the way. Not serving Sarah.

Oops. Got that confused with something else. The porno parody. Wait, she's telling me you want to make a porno parody of a Matchy Perry film, Nobody Soar. All right.

I'm looking at the box. This isn't even in the top 200, sir. Where you want to make a... All right, so you're going to make a porno parody of Ed with Matt Yule of Blank and you don't want a monkey in the movie?

But you want the monkey to fuck her. But now, Andrew, what do you like Matthew Perry from? Well, I've been trying to fucking say it for five minutes, man. Well, I've been trying to guess it, but you haven't seen any of his movies. Well, because you're so fucking stupid, you can't guess it. Which one was it? He had a television show on ABC called, like, Mr. Sunshine or something like that. First of all, he had a lot of television.

He did. He absolutely did. And I'm not saying everything he did is golden. I just like him as a comedic actor. That was a television show. I believe it was him. Allison Janney was on it. He, like, was, like, the owner or a manager of a professional baseball team kind of a thing. So it was, like, it all took place in the stadium sort of a deal.

I liked the pilot of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. There's good shit to be mined from that. That Mr. Sunshine reminds me of the latter seasons of coach when he becomes a professional football coach. He gets promoted at the end of that series, doesn't it? Yeah, look, two seasons of him, like, being in the big leagues and an expansion team. Yeah.

Coach. Ask your grandparents. Coach. Craig T. Nelson. Yeah. Whatever happened to, they canceled that the new version

before it even aired, right? Oh, that's right. There was a new coach. It was. It was a reboot. Because Craig T.

Nelson was involved, wasn't it? I think it was like a Murphy Brown situation where his kid was there and I think he was like the older coach and like he was going to be in it. And the prime time lineup

wasn't saying, put me in coach that Murphy Brown's got to be canceled right we must have been done with that I have no idea we watched the first episode and it was great because Chelsea and I were both like yeah okay we'll continue with that and never did yeah that's that's it absolutely

never did so we start in the 1980s 1989 oh yeah dude great year we open on this high school some kind of high school and it's the night of the big game and Jim Gaffigan is there he's the coach right and he goes up to Zach

For Zach Afron, by the way, I think in these scenes, he needs an 80s haircut. We need to give him like... Yeah, just give him this like shaggy dog haircut. Like, no, 80s a five that up. Get some moose in that motherfucker. No, you've just mistaken. Don't you know? It's the Zach Afron real doll that is doing these scenes.

Have you looked at these abs? He looks fake. I don't know how you get abs like that. He does. He looks fake and you want to fuck it. No, but Cabin's right, though. I have the same thought. Like, this opening thing is he.

He's, like, warming up for the game where he's got his shirt off. Listening. And, Chris, I think you're right. Like, they have a shot of him, and I was like, that head looks fake on that body. Yeah. Could be. I mean, he's cut now. We all saw a bad grandpa or dirty grandpa, whatever that movie was.

Dirty grandpa. And then he's in all those fraternity rising movies. I think just the second one was called sorority rising. No, there's a three, it's a trilogy, fraternity rising where a fraternity takes over the world. I thought that first movie was, like, fine. Like a serviceable enough big box comedy. That is actually called Neighbors? Neighbors, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just want to make sure I wasn't missing a frat trilogy. No, Steve's just trying to pitch his new trilogy. The Fraternity Rising. It's about Trump's America, man. Think about it. Oh, shit. Do you really say in something?

Really said it. So he's like warming up and it's the big game and there's a scout in the audience. Right. A scout from Syracuse, I believe. That's correct. And Mike, whatever that. Mike Dexter. Mike O'Donnell.

Mike O'Donnell can get a full ride playing basketball, even though he's five foot six at my... I don't get the... I know that he was a basketball player in those high school musical movies, but like, that's fine for high school, but no one in college is going to let this kid sniff a bench, let alone get a scholarship.

I don't also buy the whole idea that Zach Efron, like if you do the time math now, like in 10 years is going to look like Matthew Perry. he's two feet taller than Zachar but anyway. That I don't get. When did he get a growth spurt? And also when did his face get longer? Yeah, the face is just

Matthew Perry's face is just weird. We've got a little bit of a pencil head. Yeah. Well, dude, man, use the eraser. Let's get him out of this movie. When did he just start eating pure butter for breakfast? Oh, leave him alone. Butter breakfast. Come on, Cabin.

So here's what you do. You slice up butter. You put it on your corn flakes like banana. Well, no, what you do is you just You put a bunch of butter in a bowl, you microwave it, and then you just drink that shit. What's that kind of coffee? What's that kind of coffee that you can get where...

You put butter in instead of bulletproof? I think it's just bulletproof, yes. I had that when I was in Austin a few weeks back. I fucking loved it. Really? It was tasty, man. I got to tell you. Wow, coffee with fat.

Sounds like. So it's like, you know, this is the big game. You know, you can't fuck this up. and then all of a sudden his buddy shows up who's dressed like a Gandalf wizard or D&D something or other he's called Merlin the Girlin It's the least clever insult I've ever heard in my life

Which is perfectly fine for juvenile high school boys Right because he's it fits Because he's wearing a wizard's robe which is interpreted as a dress Right right well even I think Gaffigan's got someone like hey what are you wearing and a dress. Well, no, he goes, can you get boy George Addy here? Oh, that's right.

Yeah, you don't get to, yeah. Merlin McGarland was a team. Well, that's coming from a grown-ass high school gym coach. And also this movie came out in 2009. Hey. Gabicketta. So, yeah, so they're going to take this team photo. And Efron is like, hey, we got to wage for my buddy,

the equipment manager. And so, yeah, the nerd walks in. kind of a good gag here the second the photograph is taken he gets a fucking total wedgy

and that's the photo that they used for the team photo it might shock everyone in this room but I've never received a wedge really

what really wow never been wedgy I don't think I got one either oh I've been wedgied really

have not been against your will I'm not putting up a sign that says free wedgies it could be like a kissing booth five cents

tear my underwear or you're like with a buddy like hey you give you a wedge I'll give you no be like me and my brother like you're messing with each other you know and I've received and given wedges

oh okay so with the brothers one thing but it wasn't like street tufts or no nobody fuck nobody hung you from a flagpole uh-oh somebody insulted McGiver I see so did anybody here get swirlied

no no I think that's entertainment only that's a pop culture thing it's a lot of work to to perpetrate a swirley, you know? And also, like, I mean, like, you've really got to have complete physical control over this person. Like, any kind of resistance, the swirl is there's not going to work. Yeah, absolutely not.

Well, that feels like that's a team bullying effort. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, that's just not a one person bullying another person. It's like, you got to get Biff, 3D, Billy Zane, the other guy. You get the arms. Okay, we got to lower them slowly. Make sure you're flush in the toilet at the same time.

time we're doing. You know what, give up. Just beat the shit out of them. You're flushing the toe with your foot at that point. It's just like, I mean, here's the thing though, who knows, right? Right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. If you have been or have given a swirley, IRL. If you did give a swirley, you should probably find that person to apologize. You know what? It's been enough time is past. Yeah, also that. It's the only good thing that Facebook is for anymore. Sorry for the swirley message. The guy taking this team. I am friends with, by the way, multiple bullies on Facebook.

Oh, good for you. The ones that bullied you? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? You get the request that you want to be the bigger person. You're like, hey, great. Yeah.

I don't remember that at all. Oh, yeah, we did go to school together. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, I heard you were dead. You should start seeking out like new bullies, like contemporary bullies, like high school bullies now. Oh, start recruiting. Yeah, like have your Facebook friends list

just be an entire bully list. nothing but bullies. Bullie book? Yeah, bully book. I can get out to bully book. Oh, that'd be great. And then you could get, oh, my God, here, this is a teen movie we can make now. Bully book, right?

And then you can, like, get all those bullies, an army of bullies to do your bidding, right? Oh, nice. You, like, bring them into jobs and whatnot. Is this just suicide squad? It's an army of bullies. What are you guys, some kind of bully book? I think I've got him into it

I don't know just not the bully book bully book It's clean I feel like They could have Expanded on this gag A little more

But did you guys catch Like the photographer Taking this team photo Yeah He's just kind of like a weirdo Like creep photographer And I was like I want more of that guy

Well I kind of feel like This movie is cut to ribbons There are scenes that like Just end immediately Or like little Yeah People that look like They're probably side characters

that don't have anything. Not even like, they're like, and then they cut. So I think that might be part of it. Also, it took me way too long to realize that Thomas Lennon was supposed to be Merlin the girl. Oh, really? Yeah.

Wow. So he's about, you know, we do the pre-game cheerleading routine. Zach Gaffron does some sick dance moves. He, I mean... He's dancing up a store. It's nice to hear some young MC. I'll give it that.

I got to tell you. I like Zach Ephron, and I think he's a talented dancer. I think he is dancing very talentedly in this movie. I think he's a fine presence. I've never had reason to like anything. It's kind of that well-wisher thing. We're like, oh, I hope he does well. Like, I don't even know if that, is that a Bundy movie even going to come out or what?

It's coming out on Netflix May 3rd or something. Oh, okay, so it's just going to just drop there. Yeah, yeah, it'll come out. Netflix won't tell anybody and then everybody will immediately forget about it. I know Harmony Corinna's persona non grata at the Seada. house but he is great in the beach bomb oh yeah like the thing is i i don't know about this bundy movie because i i've never seen any of the zach effron like romance movies like what's that movie where like his dead brother comes back charlie st cloud also directed by birth steers oh is that

right oh that's true um like so i've never seen any of the dramas but i think he's a really funny actor he's got great comedic timing like as much as fucking bad grandpa is terrible Dirty Grandpa, excuse you. God damn you, Johnny Knoxville. Dirty Grandpa, he's funny in that. Have you seen any of his television work? Didn't he start, like, in, like, wasn't he, like, in a Disney shit? High school musical is what got him.

There were movies. There were, it wasn't a show. It was, like, three movies. So he was only a movie star? Well, those were, like, TV movies, like, kind of a thing. None of those were released theatrically? I'm sure someone's... Third one might have been.

I forget, though. But it started as a TV movie thing. I thought it was like a Disney channel, like, look at the pretty kids' TV it was that but it was a TV movie so they do it. Look at the pretty kids TV show. Look at these cuteies. The Disney Rangers and there's Ryan

Gosling and are you afraid of the dark? You're getting everything mixed up. I'm just going to sit here and drink my warm milk. I could have sworn he was from like a Nicolode's. Is that one of us Nickelode's? I'll look it up. I mean, high school

musical thing is. Yeah, I think it's so yeah. He's good in the hairspray movie Greatest Showman is terrible but it's not his fault I mean I'm just I'm just the point I'm making is I like him that's fine that's fine Don't make fun of his friend I've never had a real reason to

I would love to be friends with Zach Efron That would probably be fun I'd be a buddy with that guy for sure Buddy Brigade he so like He's about to start the game They're doing the tip in They're doing the tip off and right before the tip off his girlfriend's there

And like it's right off the picture he's like, oh, cool. And he goes from Tom Lennon, who's like notoriously single, going to be a virgin for at least another decade. Yeah. And grabs him. He's like, oh, man, who's that incredibly hot chick? Oh, that's my girlfriend.

And he kind of walks away. It's kind of a dick move. A little bit of a dick move. And he goes up to her and she's like, I have something. And she does the thing. Here's the thing. It's like you have big news. Someone's got a sporting event or a live performance they have to do that's very important to them.

And it is super big news. you fake the funk and then afterwards you tell them. Absolutely. You don't do the thing where it's like I've got to talk to you later. Well then what the fuck are we doing? No, what the fuck are we doing? Definitely not. Definitely not Steve. And also you make sure you enter that gymnasium after the game has started because they haven't started yet and he sees her and he's like, oh, I still have a second I can go over and say hi. No, no, no, no. You wait till you hear

sneakers squeaking and balls bouncing. This is a special situation because he does keep on coming back and be like, no, no, no, I really need to know. Like, he keeps on pressing her. And this is an extension of my, when you need to extricate yourself from a sexual encounter. Uh-huh. I have to take a shit. Oh, okay. Mm-hmm.

I just took a loud shit. And I was made fun of on the way out. I'm sorry, I'm just off. Oh, that's the move. That's a good move. What is upsetting you? Someone made fun of me for taking a loud shit. Extremely vocal shit.

I was in the bathroom. I was taking a loud shit. And the other girls started throwing wet toilet paper over the bowl. It was a real thing. Per Zach Efron, I just took his shit that was extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile.

So if he walks out of this one game, that's it for his scholarship chances? Because scouts don't fuck around like that. If you're not going to perform when they're there, I mean, they're not there, you know, at your behest. Plus, he's five, six. All right, I'll guess I'll go all the way

to see this fucking kid that's five, six. Exactly. Prepare to wow me, kid. Yeah, I heard rumors. that he sinks every fucking bucket that he puts up. You know what I mean? And it's like, if he can do that, then sure, this tiny little kid can come play for Syracuse.

By the way, for listeners who don't know, Syracuse University is a college in the state of New York. It has a massively successful, very big, very financially, uh, thick basketball program. Carmelo Anthony went there. That's right. There's not a lot of, uh, mugsies out there. No, yeah, not everybody can be a mugsy bugs.

So, yeah, exactly. Imagine Carmelo Anthony. and Zach Efron playing on the same college team and I'm doing the thing with my hands where one's way up here and then one's down there you should see this

this you should see what Steve is doing with his hands that you should see where have I heard that before so she's like oh it's just it's nothing and again like she's having a day she's going through something

I totally get it totally but she's like it's nothing just enjoy your basketball game I know it's a big game go do it go enjoy it and then like he tries to do it He starts to do it and she leaves

because she's so distraught because of the news she has way inside of her. And he's like, well, fuck, I got to just, you know, he chucks the ball and he follows her out. Jim Gafferick, it's like, ma'am, potpockets. That's his thing. That's what he says. You're totally right. He screams hot pocket.

Well, she tells him first of all. He doesn't follow. First he goes back, he's like, tell me, tell me, tell me, and she does tell him. Oh, you're right, but we don't hear it though. It's one of those moves. And that's not something you can drop on anybody anytime. Basically, she's pregnant. And as you, if you're watching the movie, you

know this immediately. It's telegraphed, as my wife pointed out, because she's just walking towards the bench, like, holding and rubbing her tummy. My tummy. International movie sign for knocked up. My tummy is knocked up. Or, I just took a loud shit. Yes, same

exact motion. You can go right through it here. The collateral damage in this tummy is ridiculous from that loud shitting. I just opened that, you know, that new tacharia that opened i tried it don't go okay just don't go that's like a shockingly evil and vile shit just just don't get any of the carnitas how about that i'll just tell you that much so he goes and he confronts her and this is kind of important because it's mirrored at the end there spoiler alert right they go in the hallway and they have this really sensitive conversation where he's like

this is the best news in the world and we're going to do it he like kind of grabs her and they have a nice sweet moment where it's like we're going to make this thing together and it's going to be great and then we cut immediately to 17 years later. It just says it's 1989 in present day because this is a problem too. 20 years. It's 20 years but then Michelle Tract. Dude, it says present day. That means it's

2019. I watched it 2019. Therefore it says present day it's 2019. But to Steve's point, the daughter that they have when they're teenagers is now herself a high school senior played by Michelle Tractonberg. So she should be 17 or 18

years old. Therefore it can't be 20 years. It can't be now even in 2009. It's like a 2007 maybe she like just stayed in too long. Oh, okay. She's pregnant for like two years. Or maybe, oh, what if they lost the kid and then they had another she had a replacement kid. Oh, it's never even mentioned.

Maybe that's part of the bad editing you were talking about. They cut 40 minutes out of the movie about the miscarriage. Well, because that would also mean that Har Har Har, Matthew Perry and What's Her Face, Leslie Mann, are supposed to be 34 in this movie. Okay. Whatever you say, screenplay. Well, they say, did they say 37? 37. He's supposed to be 37. 37's the age. But that math doesn't work. Yeah, that's also true. Because of the age of the daughter, that math does not work. How do you fuck that up, by the way?

She should be in college then, or something else? Or maybe you just make a different movie. I kind of totally agree with them. I have so many different movies to make about this movie. Yes. I mean, bully book is right there. A bully book is right there. It's right there. So he wakes up. He's in, he's staying with Tom Leonard. He's been kicked out of, much like the odd couple has been kicked out of his apartment. Right. And they are eating Captain Crunch cereal. It is right in the foreground of this shot the whole time. When you want to start your day with your mouth feeling incredibly weird, let's have some Captain Crunch. Of course, because it's all that mealy corn shit. It's cutting up your gum. Man, Captain Crunch. You want a bloody mouth? Captain Crunch. That's a troublesome cereal. I like Captain Crunch. It is best consumed when you're too high. to notice the The bleeding?

Yes, exactly. It's just, your whole mouth feels raw afterwards. It's tough, you're sucking on rocks. No, that's grape nuts. Okay.

Grape nuts is good. I won't have you disparage grape nuts. You've got to soak them in the milk a little bit, guys. I don't trust a cereal that comes in the same kind of box as a milk carton. That's fucked up. Well, you know, it's a smaller box.

It's not a milk carton. You might be thinking of a different. Oh, one of them there just. grain cereals? Yeah, I mean, you're thinking of pebbles. Pebbles cereal. Fruity pebbles? No, just regular pebbles? Look, I'm a regular pebbles. I'm a honeynut Cheerios man. Sometimes I'll do Cheerios and I've been having cereal in like six years. I don't know when the last year. I had cereal today. Really? I don't, I really don't have cereal in six years. What are you been dead? I just don't really have

cereal that much. I only have it like when I'm like in a hotel. Exactly. I've been on a cereal tear. Oh really? What are you doing, dude? What's going on over there? Well, today was raisin brand. Okay, cool, right when you stepped out of your condo at fucking Del Boca Vista? I'm a big supporter of Raisin brand. Cluster and non versions. Wow. I like the clusters.

I'm a fan of the clusters. You know, grape nuts I like, I like the Alpin. I do like the stuff that Andrew has a distaste for that's kind of like trail mixy. It's trail mix, which is fine. I love trail mix, but it's trail mix masquerading as cereal, which is a real problem. If you can...

He's a fucking liar cereal. If it comes in a box and you could put milk on it. It is cereal. Okay, fair enough, I guess. So they're having Captain Crunch. Frosted Flakes. That's my series.

Oh, no. Honeyma Cheerios. If you're feeling luxurious, too. If you're feeling luxurious and you want to just throw caution to win, maybe some fruit loops, you know, having some fun with some fruit loops.

You know, like the sugary stuff, I don't really touch as much, but I did have some maple Cheerios. They might be a new variety. It was good. It was good. I'm a big Wheaties person. Leeties.

It gets a little sloppy towards the end of the ball, though. You got to really go for it. It's like there's like a bowl of milk with a toupee. You're going to be your sports star. Actually, I will do... I will lead the Fat Olympics. There's a couple of varietals. We're cutting the Fan Olympics.

It's gone. No, actually, we're promoting the Fat Olympics. That we're taking it from the Special Olympics right to the Fat Olympics. We're taking the Olympians. We take him to the White House and we're shoving down bean burritos. from Taco Bell and Whoppers and Whindies. No more quarter mile run. Quarter mile pounder.

I will say that honey bunches of oats and the varieties that those are good. They're a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This has been cereal chat. I've been trying to keep it going. Just push the cereal talk. People love it.

Totally. I think that might be a Patreon bonus ever. Yeah. I think that's why that podcast is so huge. Oh, fucking finally this lady's going to talk. Oh, it's a murder. Yeah, there was about that Was, it was about that

Burgundal Trail Mixed cereal They got lost beyond the wall Yeah, something like that I never finished it But I think that's how that season went And then the fucking Taliban Like returned our cereal It was really nice

You didn't expect that And that's what makes it interesting Miel Kemp Isn't it cute Male Kimp There's a lady on there That doesn't In the earlier seasons

There was a lady on there that would do a male chimp read. But you're like, male camp? I thought it was a little child. I think it was a full-grown lady. That's stupid. So Matthew Perry, well,

and then Matthew Broder also could have been in this movie. This movie said 20 years earlier. Oh, I knocked up my, wait, what's that saying, girlfriend? All right, I got a high school girlfriend. Yeah. Matthew. I would very much prefer Brody. O'Oderick over Perry.

Oh, that's just me... He's got some fucking gravitas. Yeah. Well, like, when, though? Any old time. He's got that Broadway... Or how about you have him play... He's got that Broadway.

You make this movie in 1989, like War Games era, and you have Matthew Broderick play Zach Ephron. Oh. And then you get like, I don't know. Who would be a good... Richard Krenna. Wait, what? I heard multiple things.

I said Richard Krenna for no reason. I said Robert Mitchum for... less than that. Robert Lozio was the correct answer. Oh, fuck. I was way off. I will say, Broderick does get a heads up because he doesn't think he's the king of the fucking world

for no reason. Whereas Matthew Perry always has to act like the snarkiest fucker ever. She is a piece of shit. So he's in this movie. And most roles he plays. Yes, also very true. Also the one he plays called Matthew Perry.

So he's like, hey man, thanks so much for letting me stay at your place. And then it's like, yeah, sorry that she threw you out. It's like, yeah, 20, X amount of years of this marriage, question mark. Years. Exactly. Marriage. And how do you fuck that up?

I don't know. And it's like, oh, today's the day of the big promotion because it's the beginning of the movie and someone's going to go for the big promotion. You know what? What is this is such boilerplate like, and then he has the big promotion. And then he's had all the signs leading up to this big promotion at the, business land he works at it's just so heck well he's working at like the pharmaceutical industry too yeah it's like that's about his like early aught's like businessish man situation well he's

excited that he might get this promotion because you hooked so many people on opioids and it's this it's this big fat business meeting and it's weird because it's like this young guy uh is his boss and he's like telling them all about this new viagra kind of a thing it's like Viagra jokes Those those are from five years prior It's a weird This dude's like What if we started telling people

That having an erection that lasted For longer than four hours Wasn't a problem That there's some Kevin Fetterline jokes later Oh dude Jesus Yeah I couldn't believe it And he's in this boardroom It's this guy

And every other woman Every other person in the table Is a young attractive woman Yeah And it's like what's going on here Right And he's like well I want to give the set on all sides.

Yeah, dude. This guy's ready to get radicalized on the internet. And he looks and he's like, well, I want to give our big promotion to. And he's like, Mike O'Donnell, could you move, please? I want to give it to Wendy. And I'm like, wait, what? Yeah, that's a really unprofessional move. What a fucking bad joke that is.

Yep. The old, yeah, the old can you get out of the way so I can give it to the person you're blocking my view of. like this 23 year old girl she's screaming like yeah I got the promotion and like she's shown to be quote unquote very stupid you know what I mean like it's one of those things but he's mad at her and it's like this I mean

he's also mad at the quote unquote boss but like how did this guy get this position I'm sure he's related to someone and he was installed like you should all your hatred should be at this young boss not your female co-workers exactly we're all just fighting for table scraps dude that's a corporate America is

well and they cut around exactly what happens here because he does, he first goes up against the young guy. And he crushes his Bluetooth thing. And then he's just, like, has his shit ready to go. He got fired for that. Did he get fired or did he quit? They don't tell you. It's ambiguous.

I mean, I think that that's cut to rib. That's a little bit of a cut scene there. Because it's just, like, clearly, like, something else happened or whatever. And it's like, yeah. And, like, he's in an elevator with all these women. And they're like, we're going to T. I Friday's. Yay.

I guarantee you they shot a Jerry McGuire spoof. scene. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. And then they were like, this isn't playing anymore. Cut it. Nobody remembers this movie was 13 years ago. I think that the problem is nobody, who is this movie for? I think it's for the Ephron heads. A grieved white men, I would say, it's probably, no, no. I would say, yeah, horny people. Also that it's for people who knew Zach Ephron from high school music. What the fuck are you talking about? People that want to fuck Zach Afron and people who are mopey, like Matthew Perry, that want to be Zach Effron to fuck people. Yeah, who wish they were Zach Ephron.

I guarantee you those guys did not go see this movie. It was a movie geared towards people who knew. But I think they tried to do it both ways. That's why you got Tom Lennon and Matt Perry. Like, you're genius. You're trying to get... Tom Lennon isn't selling anybody a movie ticket. But it's a comedy guy.

The Reno 9-1-1 were happening. Rino 9-1. 9-1, there's a rhino in my... No, Rhino 9-1 is what they have on BoJack Horseman. Ah, yes. So he's fired. goes, at some point he meets up with Leslie Mann to sort of talk

to her to see what's going on. Leslie Mann is playing the older version of his high school girlfriend, Scarlet or Scar. Scar, which is weird. That's what she left on me. I thought she was named after the Cylon ship that was sentient and could fight better than the other Cylon ships. I remember

Scar. I was thinking, if you say so, man. I was thinking it might be after the Lion King. A shining new era is tiptoeing near. Well, it's important, though, after this, like, job quitting or firing, he doesn't go to her. It's even weirder because, okay, I just lost my job of 50. I think he says he's been working there 15 years. Because there's other beef with this woman getting into the portion that she's supposedly been working there two months.

Well, and he leaves and he's like, I've hated you all. Who's coming with me? Of bitter guys leaving? Thank fucking God. I have to hear about his fucking high school basketball one of my time. That's the biggest loser move, though. He gets fired or whatever. He leaves this job.

he first goes to his old high school. Man, oh man. I can call Rhino 9-1, and this guy rolls up. Yeah, how's he just getting in here without a guest pad? He is a parent of children. Oh, that's true. Oh, they do go to the school. His kids go to the same school.

But you can just hang out, dude. Oh, actually, you're right. So he must be there picking him up because the next scene he's taking them out for ice cream. But this is where he encounters, I think it must be a Star Trek god being. Yes. Played by Brian Doyle Murphy,

He's being his janitor. Amazing. I love Brian Doyle Murray. I want him around me at all times. Like young or old. I'll take Caddyshack version. I'll take this version. Sure.

Why not? He's going to have a god being. I would like it to be Brian Doyle Murray. He's just like, ah, your life didn't work out the way you thought it would, huh? It's three pounds of veal. Well, you don't have an iconic brother, do you? I've had it worse, you piece of shit. I mean, he...

I've been making... a lot of money and I'm in a lot of good movies but that's Bill fucking Murray I got to go home to. I have a new commercial where I do a rap. It's Noah's Arcade. He might be the best celebrity brother. I'll say it. Oh yeah. That's a good question.

If there was a draft, I think I would draft him first. It ain't Matt Dillon. Or Kevin Dillon. Kevin Dillian. Kevin Dillian. There's Jim Belushi. Nope. The Baldwin's you can keep. The entire Bruce. I'm going to say I'm sure he's a nice guy

I'm going to say no to Liam Hemsworth Yeah no Yeah my first pick would be Brian Doyle Murray Then I'm going to do a dark horse Candidate's like Joe Estevez Oh nice yeah That's a good call

I feel like with the Hemsworths It's the thing where like You knock on the door back in Australia You know And you're like I can Liam come out to play Yeah Or can Chris come out to play

Sure You want Chris You always want Chris And Liam answers the door And he says No, mate, but I'm free And you go, that's okay Is your brother from Westworld here?

Oh, right, at the other one. Right. I would take him to have him. Yeah, I would take him over Liam. Then you got the Culkin's to contend with. Kieran Kalkin might be up there. He's a good actor. He's all right.

I mean, look, obviously if you're drafting a team, you want to get Kieran stock now because Brian Doyle Murray stock, Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts. Bubble boy. He lives in a bubble. Kevin Farley always picked last. Oh, yes.

Absolutely. Jesus, man. The Brother Bowl. I kind of like this brother. I really want the brother draft to be a real thing. We could do it. We could make that happen. We could absolutely do it.

I think that you're right with the Brian Doyle Murray. I think it's the best one. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong audience. I think you put Joe Estabez a little high on that. chart yes but that just illustrates the drop-off well this is a question now is who's the brother charlie or amelio because yeah i was thinking about this because amelio is as a person more success as a human being more successful charlie she has the more money yeah and the bigger movie i think you could do i think that you could split up and say either one i think that's like that's like a

wild card the wild card round we're doing okay i'll take amelio in those i'll go I think Emilio is the safer bet in that situation, yes. One starred in three Mighty Ducks movies, and another one did not. And that's where I also young guns. You're right. So Brian Dole-Murray's like, ah, didn't work out the way you thought. By the way, he's dressed like Steve Zisu right now. He absolutely is.

He's got a little hat on. He's got the white beard. If it was red, I'd be calling foul here. In any event, so he's like, well, you know, he's like, well, it's basically the he puts a little seat in his head like maybe someday I'll be magic see you later and then we meet his two kids one is Michelle Tractonberg

she's the older daughter she's a senior and then there's the younger son who might be the freshman who is made out of gas nothing being this kid is absolutely enough he's a nothing he's got a really bad hair cut I mean like it's a bulk cut it's Jim Carrey and dumb and dumber

practically yeah oh just about if he had a big gap in his teeth he would be right there And, like, you know, his dad is like, hey, man, you're popular, right? And he's like, yeah, I'm popular. You're on the basketball team. You're popular. You're fucking everyone.

You are me. I am living through you because I abandoned my life to have you. I mean, that's the whole thing, Matthew Perry is just like, I'm living through my kids because I think high school is the best time in your life. And I've never had a good moment after that. In like five minutes, he's about to tell his ex-wife, well, I married you, didn't I? Because that's what happens. They go out to lunch or they go out for ice cream. Which is a weird.

You're at an ice cream parlor with two teenagers. Yeah, they don't want to do that. Like Michelle Trachtenberg is very much like, because he does the whole, like, you used to love coming here. And she's like, yeah, when I was a child, I'm 18 years old right now. It's a famous sitcom thing. They do this all the time where it's like, oh, we're going to go to the discovery zone. because that's where you went when you were too. I mean, this is all sitcom writing anyway.

So he's like, yeah, blah, blah, blah. He drops off the kids. And he's meeting up with Leslie Mann who's, like, working on the yard. And he's like, what are you doing out here to our precious yard? She's like, what you never would do because you were always literally bitter

in my face all of the time. He's like, what are you talking about? It's like, well, what this bench project you were going to do? You said you started it, and then you said, if I went to college, I could afford to hire someone to finish it. Which was weird.

Which is a weird move. It's a weird thing to say. There's like a barbecue that's unfinished. Homer Simpson style. He got frustrated with the bricklaying. It's just, and like apparently, that's what's amazing about this movie.

It's like she doesn't leave him because he's cheating on her or he's abusive or he's like an alcoholic. I would say it's kind of abusive. It's vocally. Yes, exactly. But like, the reason is he's just a fucking.

drag. Like literally, you are such a drag on this family with your sour fucking puss. I am leaving you. Right. He's pissed off they wasn't being praised constantly. Yes. Well, this is what happens, man. These like hot shot high school athlete burnout. Yeah. When they lose the big game or whatever. Sure. They sour. And sometimes they got to find somebody to blame. And in this instance, he's wrongfully blaming the person he knocked up. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. Not good. So now there's a monsoon and it's pouring. He's driving and he sees Brian Dolmurie about to jump off a fridge.

And this is just, it's a wonderful life here. He's Clarence and now Matthew Perry is Jimmy Stewart. I forget, was there a flushing toilet in the river and it's a wonderful life? What are we doing with this whirlpool? Fan theory. Brian Dolmurray, because he is magical. And he's a janitor. He's beside.

Toilet powers. He's... He got my big trident here. I command the sheffin cheese. All right, toilet powers. Oh, okay, this trend's a little heavy here. Get two hands on it. Up we go.

Oh, we go. Oh, my back. My trident ruined my back. The trident is three plungers in one. See, I taped it together here. It looks pretty sharp, I think. And, like, he jumps, and he's like, Oh, no, and he looks, and he sees this spinning fucking vortex in the river.

It's very strange. That sucks him in. Because he flushed his life down the toilet. Because he's a turd. Oh, yeah. And then we, I liked both of those jokes, you guys. We have bad CGI of him going in there. It's fucking horrible.

Why can't you just throw him in a pool? I get a stuntman to jump in. and water. That's fine. We can afford some stunts. Sure. This is okay. I mean, you got Zach Ephron money. You can do this. You got some Zach Efron money. You got Leslie Mann money. You got Star Wars money coming up. I'll tell you that. We're licensing all sorts of stuff later on. So he jumps in and you don't see what happens. You just see this guy and now a too big suit walking around. Right. And he takes a shower in his suit. And uh-oh, it's Zach Ephron again. Right. Because guess what guy? He's 17 again.

It turns out he's 17 again. Once again. He was 17 at one point and now. He's 17 again. I was expecting it to him to wake up in 1989 and he could relive his life or whatever make the decisions. And then you could see that it ends the same way or something or learn a lesson. That is such a better movie. Yes.

Because that's a clear idea of like, oh my gosh, now I'm 17 again. And like, all I have to do is neg this lady. And, you know, I won't get her pregnant and I don't have to worry about it. But he falls in love with her anyway. But would he seriously, like, you go back in time and do you think he's such a bad person that he would be like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to prevent the birth of my children. Yes, because he thinks they ruined his life. But not to the point that he would erase them from existence.

Well, I would do it. Yeah, we know you would do it, dude. We know. This movie should be called 17 now. Like apocalypse now? 17 now reducts, dude. Because he's just 17 in 2009. Yes.

So. A much shittier time to be 17. Yes. But like, what is this movie? Because he ends up just going to his high school. And instead of to relive the glory days like he always wanted to, he's just parenting his fucking kids as a 17 year old.

I have no time for it. This movie should be called undercover dad. Because that's pretty much what he says. He's like, yeah, he wakes up. And, like, Tom Lennon is there. And, like, there is such a long scene of, like, Tom Lennon freaking out and thinking he has an intruder in his house. We were watching this the other night.

And we thought the same thing. It is like, this should be like a ha, ha, it's you from high school. Like, this takes, like, between five to seven minutes. There's stunt choreography. Thomas Lennon has to almost behead Zach Efron. And I'm like, why is this lunatic with all these goddamn weapons in his house? This fight scene, no less than. two kicks to the nuts, by the way.

And, like, it's fine. Like, that's the funny gag you get in these movies, but again, it's a two-minute gag. It's like... Yep. And, like, yeah, to your point, Chris, he's, like, trying to kill this, kid. He literally almost stabs him once with a sword. He's standing his ground. Well, it's his house, Goddam. This scene

takes so fucking long. Because he's got so many swords or whatever is a dork, and then eventually... We get lightsabers, we get quotes from the movie. Oh, a weapon from a more civilized time. I'm an elegant weapon. Eric, I knew you were probably disappointed by this,

but there is no dick look. You know, he doesn't check his dick. You know, well, I assume what happened was. You remember your 17-year-old dick? I mean, it looked a lot like this one, I think. Last I checked. A little fitter. You weren't shaving your bush into a heart back then.

Yeah, that's the only difference. Well, the thing is, I think, Chris. Didn't have quite so much jewelry down there. I mean, what are you talking about? It's the same fucking dick, dude. No, listen, listen, we cut in right after he did do the dick check. There was a thorough inspection. Yeah, sure.

He probably squirted one off. And now we started already in progress. 37-year-old, but 37-year-old Matthew Perry, I think he's not getting hard for anything. Oh, well, sure. I mean, like the hard on whatever. That's a turgid fucking, just callous dick, dude. That's a dick that's just disappointed at the world. It's like a guppy at the bottom of a stream.

A dick who's been working construction for 10 years. A gray dick. What I love about when he's like in the shower in this whole fight scene or whatever, because of the dip shit like mop top he's got and the fact that the suit doesn't fit him right, he looks exactly like Tommy Weizzo in the room. Oh, he kind of does.

It's so fucking funny. So it's just, oh hey, Tom. Oh, hey, I'm in a sod fight now. It's so awesome He looks exactly like him Come on Tom Lennon You chicken Cheap

Cheap cheap cheap We've foughted the Star Wars now You're tag me a potscar Better movie actually Tommy Ewee It's anyone that turns It's a Tommy Weizzo body swap movie Oh Jesus Christ

I'd kill myself Or I want to know like how Zach Efron slowly becomes Tommy Wise. Oh, I like that. Becoming vaguely European and being weirder and weirder. Looking more like a caveman.

Yeah. Wearing sunglasses. He keeps finding these leather suit jackets. I don't want this. Oh, I guess I'll wear it. Oh, look, another wallet chain. Just starts living like an Estonian cave. It eventually turns into that.

Why do you want to know my age? Yeah, definitely. Oh yeah, it's me a high school student Let's play football Do you have Mr. Smith? I mean, this is such a better movie It's like he's got a backwards hat on Yeah, it's me a high school man

Hey dudes You know what? I think I got it A remake of Encino Man with Tommy Wiseo It's the cave man Yes, oh my God, yes Absolutely Sign me up. I'll get the potty alcohol.

So he finally is like, oh my God, you are Mike from high school because he looks at a picture. And he's like, what? That's exactly you. And they sit down. And this is one of those things where like fucking Tom Lennon, magic exists in the world. Like, there is a universe wherein this can happen. Yeah, I don't care. I'm playing a video game.

You're like, what the fuck are you talking about? You bet God practically. Like, this is as supernatural as it gets. Like, if I woke up one morning, the doorbell rang and I opened it, Steve, and it was you looking like you did when we met in 2002, I'm clear in my schedule. Yes, exactly. We got to talk about this, what led up to this, what's going on now, and what do we do to reverse this curse? And what crimes do we perpetrate in the meantime? Wait, are you sure you're Steve?

Wait, let me see your dick. same fucking one dude but this is like he's got all these like comic books and fucking fantasy novels on the table he's like oh maybe were you exposed to any gamma radiation there was a thing about like

have you ever have you ever been a Norse god vampire or cyborg yeah I kind of like that bit it was a pretty funny bit because he's like oh he's like no no and no he's like well if you're a vampire if you're a cyborg you wouldn't knowing if you're a vampire, you wouldn't tell.

Yeah, exactly. It's a funny joke. See, I'd have more patience for this research scene. Yeah. If I didn't have to watch that 10-minute fight scene for no reason. But also the problem with Tom Lennon in this movie is he's a Big Bang Theory style nerd, which is a catch-all nerd. Yes.

Which I always kind of hate, which is like, be specific. Is he an L-O-T-R head or is he a Star Wars guy? Yes, some people do both, but very rarely are they as into all of it? As hardcores, all this is. You don't speak Elvish. and have like $1,000 Star Wars replicas and have fucking Marvel comic stuff also. It's just too much. It's just a lot.

There's not enough time. There's not enough time to be that much of a nerd. No, but that's the thing is I think that stinks of being a rich nerd. Like, when you just don't, you have so much fucking money and you don't know where to put it. You just buy all this shit from the whole thing. But the money doesn't matter. No, because it doesn't, you don't just

like, oh, I got all this money, guess I'll just fame interest in something. For some lunatics it is. Some of these still look on bad idiots. You're a hack. cokehead writer writing a comedy I want to have a nerd character let me Google nerd oh they like Star Wars oh they like fucking Lord of the Rings

oh they like vampires and that's all the Star Trek is absent from this house which is what if we wrote part of the 40 year old version except for he doesn't have to grow up at all and they just put it in this movie too yeah sure that's the same thing why not so what they land on

is it's a spirit guide situation Brian Doyle Doyle Murray is a spirit guide for him or something. And somewhere he's sitting at a cloud ridding and his where, he's not even close. Because you never even know what the fuck

this guy is. He's Mr. Mistelplek at this point. Yeah. I say my name backwards. Oh no. I got to go back to the fifth dimension. Oh, so by the way, he goes to school when he's 17 again. Yep. Dressed all Ed Hardy. I just want to talk about

Ed Hardy. And it's a joke, right? It is a joke, thankfully. I wasn't sure at first. Because I think the motto for that company is Ed Hardy, when you want to look like a fucking douchebag. When you look like somebody that puts cologne on their dick. Like, you know what I mean? Like, oh, ew.

Yeah, or bathes it, not just a spray. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a splasher. Drip, like a ball dip. Well, before this happens, Steve, one of your biggest pet peeves happens. Oh, yes, yes, yes, thank you. Thomas Lennon is at his gaming console thing. Oh, yeah.

Listen to Kenny Loggins, even though he just found out magic exists in the fucking world. Thank you. And then he said, and he's like, I'm never going back to school. Nope, never, never, ever, never, ever, what? Yeah, yeah, we put any here. And he's like, oh, I can't believe you're tuck me into this. Yeah, that's terrible. Also, it's an obnoxious nerd thing here, right when he gives that little, puts his foot down.

He's doing the, I'm playing multiple video games at once. I have all these, like, consoles. It's just the demo screen going by. Like, he's not playing anything. And another thing about super nerds is like, he's a, apparently a huge tech guy. When does he have time for all this nerd shit then? He didn't get retired.

His job. It's like he sold a company type of thing. Yeah, he's Sean Napster. It's so ill-defined. Sean Fanning. And they're going to do Sean Fanning. I mean, whatever I forget his name. But like that's, he says like I've made a, a, a, a app you can download music illegally with.

And I made the, the app that, like, takes that away. Yes. Oh, weird. I'd miss that detail. And, like, so he's a Jillianaire and he's just kind of sitting around being lazy so like he pretends to be his dad and like he like photoshopps all these pictures of him in the high school and including playing soccer yeah and what chelsea pointed out i didn't hear this detail from this case so far but apparently that's what laurie lawflin did with her daughter

and the crew team oh she's photoshop she made photoshop pictures oh man i do you think because listen i bet you they saw this movie Do you think that 17 again She was like, say Like she was waiting for her piece of shit thing To come on free form But this was playing beforehand And she was like, oh, maybe I could do that for my stupid daughter

I think that's not impossible I think it's the most obvious answer You think she's gonna do hard time? Oh Lord, I hope so No, not at all If anything, it's gonna be some weird decision would be like, oh, actually, we're going to give her money now. We apologize.

The government are just going to give her money because that's how this planet works. What if it's a thing where both her and Felicity Huffman are sentenced to work on a farm? And then they're like bound together and they have to run into the hill country to survive? Like the movie Bound? No, I was looking more like

the movie fled where they're both handcuffed together. Which one is fled? That's Stephen Baldwin, an inferior brother, and Lawrence Fishburn Prime. Oh, I don't think ever saw it. But with Bound, aren't they also like the Witchhouse season movie? Aren't they literally attached together or no? No. They're just

in love with each other. Oh, the bound by the heart. Yeah. Ryan Flood is derived from the defiant ones with Tony Curtis, right? So I think they might be tied up. I think Chris Maloney might get him. Who? Inbound. Chris Maloney's in balance? He's the main villain. He's the bad guy in that movie. Yeah. No, is Joe Pantleano?

No, there's also Chris Maloney. It's been a while. clearly for me I remembered them being handcuffed what happened is a celebrity brother came along Derek Maloney

and he turned in Derek Maloney took Chris Maloney and he turned into Joey pants you're Joey again oh man oh my yeah dude

17 he gave with Joe Pantleano that if it's Joe Pantleano who turns back into Zach Efron A they look a little more like each other than yes

well at height at least yeah dude so wait a second though if he got to go back to like New Jersey in the 60s. Like, finally, I can use that word again.

He's in, what is it? Risky business and he's pretty young man. I could see him. Isn't he, is he the bad guy in that? He's like the tip in that movie? He's also an Eddie and the Cruiser's. Good movie. Is he a cruiser?

I think he's like the crooked manager. I've never seen the movie. And there's just like an 80s is all fuck movie. Yeah. It's a fun one. Yeah. So he, the, the, the principal there is jammed. from the office played by Milora

Harden I believe Laura Hardin And like Tom Lennon's Instantly smitten with her He also like does himself up Like he's got like They come into the school He's got like frosted tips He's also dressed like an asshole

They call it peacocking in this film He does peacock later in the movie That's the later thing Yeah But like this time he's just like Him just being a doucheback Yeah this is him being a doucheback Yeah

Zach references You look at Clay Aiken right now That's a joke That is a joke And then, yes, and they're like, why are you wearing all Ed Hardy? He's like, well, I saw Kevin Federline wearing this, and that sounds right. And then some girl is like, ew, he looks like K-Fed. I'm like, what do you even know who Kevin Federline is?

17-year-old girl? Like, it makes sense for Matthew Perry to think that, like, something Kevin Federline did was cool. But, like, did young people ever think Kevin Federline was cool? That doesn't make any sense. No, I don't think so. Also, that woman of like the little trio of meaning. girls that walks by, she's on the good place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's incredibly funny on that

show. Oh, cool. She's the other when Kristen Bell, she's the one who she replaced. She's the other what is Eleanor. Eleanor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, reluctantly, um, Jan from the office. Malora Hardin. Malora Hardin lets him in because like he's a straight student, yada, yada, yada. I just don't understand

how like you're not looking at any official documentation. What is any of this? Again, how do you register for a school without a social security. Yes, social security number. And his plan is to go to college. I'm like, that's only going to get harder. Exactly. That's the end game for this is like, dude, you got to die on dead man's curve, buddy. Second question. So he's, because his plan initial is like, oh, cool, I got to relive my life again. Do you want to mean my dad? And like, Tomlin is like, well, you did stop me from being bullied a lot in high school. So I guess I'm your dad forever now. And like, is he going to take

him to college? Like, even if he gets a full basketball scholarship, someone's got to pay for books. Like, where is any of this money coming? Well, Tom Lennon's got unlimited funds, so much so that they, he takes him out to get new clothes, which also includes a luxury car of an Audi. Yes. I mean, I guess he's rich, but how fucking rich are you when none of this matters? He's rich enough that in order to get a date with Malora Hardin, he offers to buy every student in this high school an iPad.

A laptop, actually. Or a laptop, excuse me. Oh, yeah, you're right. Oh, my God. Pardon me. The big fat laptop. His first fucking line to Malora Hardin is, he shakes her hand and says,

our hands made a baby, I guess. If you heard that from someone, I don't care if they bought you a planet. I'm thinking you just put dry cum in my hand. Yeah. Thank you very much, sir. That's exactly what I'm thinking. Quick question.

Yes. If I was 15, Chris, and I came to you at 15 again, would you like be my dad forever? That weird you the fuck out to do it, No, Ed. Do I have money or no money? You've got a lot of money.

I'm fine, then. Yeah, are you going to be my dad? I'd do it. What a scam. It would be fine. I would say, yes, but then when you're sleeping, I'll take a pillow out from behind your head. Oh, wait. I'd do it for like a week and be like, oh, you're still kind of doing that.

I'd be like, Steve, what is the end game here, man? Stipulation. I'd have to see your dick first to make sure you are you. That's true. It looks the same. You know, my dick. is like Paul Rudd. You know what? It's 1736.

Same difference. Wow, that's a beautiful deal. This is a good opening episode of Steve's Dick, the podcast. What kind of... Mail Kim. What kind of cereal are you feeding that dick? Anyway.

The Wheaties at the bottom of the bowl that are all mush. The weenies. He meets... Isn't it like a dick slang? Weenie? Wiener. Stupidness. Yeah, but like, Come on, people say weenie, too, right?

Look at my weenie? No, nobody shows this. Nobody fucking says that. Unless you're seven years old. I just got back from careers. Look at my weenie. Hey, someone said, somebody almost fried my weenie in Korea.

That's right. That's an old veteran talk, for sure. You're right, that does sound like old veteran talk. My podcast, my dick, you'll have old veteran talk. Oh, no, there. I got to get my, weedy out of my drawers. So

Zach Efron or Matthew Perry technically misses this divorce meeting with Leslie Mann. It turns out that even with cool clothes and a cool car, he's still a bullied nerd a little bit as the new kid in the school. He goes into the bathroom and

finds his own son taped to a toilet. Yes, duct tape, which reminded me of the funniest part of the breakfast club, which is when like, you know, it's the real emotional part. We're all sitting around the breakfast club and, like, you know, Ali Sheedy's talking about her rotten life.

You know, what do you call it there? Molly Ringwald's like, you know, I hate myself. My mom hates me, et cetera. Fucking Judd Nelson's like my dad puts fucking cigarettes out on me. And then fucking Anthony Michael Hall is like, I brought a gun to school to fucking kill myself. And then Emilio Estavis just balls to be like, I hate my dad, man.

I had to take this. kid's buns together. And he talks the story about how he taped his kid's ass cheeks together, but he talks about his buns so much. The word buns is using, and you have to imagine what that kid had to tell his dad.

The fucking humiliation. I saw his weenie. So we had a little bit of an, it's a wonderful life ref. Now we get into one of a couple back to the future references here. There's a lunchroom scene. where he gets his son off the can, you know.

And he's like, all right, well, now I'm going to be friends with my son. He says that he is Thomas, Thomas Lennon's character, you know, because he knows the family where he's like, I'm uncle whatever's bastard son that he didn't know about her. Bastards a bastard. This is mentioned a lot. And it's so funny because they keep on saying he's Ned's bastard. Oh, really? And it just made me think of John Snow.

Yeah, absolutely. Ned Stark's bastard. So he's having lunch with this kid. and then the bully from the basketball team, Stan the bully is... The older boy from weeds. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck?

Hunter Parrish is that guy's name. So there is a very similar scene of when Marty and Biff showdown in the lunchroom, except it's like Zach Efron's like fucking dressing this dude down a little too cleverly. And it also gets, you guessed it a little homophobic because it's just like, you know, there's only one or three reasons you'd want to fight me. One is you're a gay guy in the closet. There was an insecure little girl. Banging on the closet door. That's what he says.

Oh, there it is. There's that. But then he's like, oh, or you're too stupid or your ding-dong is small or whatever. He's a weenie. And he's doing this while it's Zach Ephron doing some cool basketball like finger spinning. And which apparently was not a special effect. No, definitely not. And when he does the little weenie, he fucking flips that basketball

and gets it on his pinky. And I was like, wow, this kid's a movie star. And this is, I mean, it's what any, like a mature father when he's given the other chance to go back to be younger, what you do is you pick on young children. Oh, of course. That's a very good thing to do. He is 17 again.

But he's still Matthew Perry underneath it all. I'm sorry. He gives a shit. There's something that comes up here that Leslie Mann calls him because, like, he's missing the divorce course. yes oh my god and this is so fucking good fucking wildest thing i've ever seen my life in the background some girl asks him while he's on the phone with his wife if you're okay with dating a 10th grader yeah yeah and then the lawyers are like oh we could get full custody kind of a funny line but well also

the thing is he's like he missed a fucking divorce hearing like that's why he gets the phone call in the middle of school he's like oh shit oh yeah yeah let's reschedule and just hangs up yeah There's no like, oh, okay, let's make him like, nope, goodbye. He's with the Incas in Peru or something. Oh, right. He had to go out of the country or something. It's such bullshit. Better movie if there's an idol involved.

Don't do the Brian, Doyle Murray. Let's go vice versa route. Yep. And it was funny because I had seen this movie before. I remember none of it. A particular G-out situation there. Sure. But I, so I'm watching it the other night.

And I'm like, all right, so what is it? Is it an idol? seemed to get struck by lightning. We're shaking hands awkward. Well, I'm worshipped in some countries as an idol. People worship me for my role in Christmas vacation. Do you think, you know how like you hear stories about how anytime George Went goes into a bar, he doesn't have to pay for a beer?

How often do you think Brian Doyle Murray is getting jelly of the month club? Like someone just gives him a little jar of jelly. Well, I'll tell you from Caddyshack, he's definitely getting free balls for the rest of his life. He's also getting three pounds of veal. One of my favorite moments, Scrooge. When he plays Bill Murray's father in the flashbacks. And it's just like, here you go, I got you something for Christmas. He drops down this big bag of butchered meat.

It's like, what is it? It's three pounds of veal. It's not a bad, I would take two pounds of veal. Keep it in the freeze. He'll be fine when you're 20. So, yeah, he's. He realizes now that this psycho bully, we're calling him a psycho for some reason. Cyclo.

He's got a tattoo on his neck. He's a psycho. Whoa. And is dating his beloved baby daughter, Michelle there attracting. Yeah, teen dates. And he is not into it, but he's very into his son fucking cheerleader. Well, that's kind of the weird dichotomy, isn't it? He's just like, he's like, son, get your dick went, honey, no way.

You know what I mean? And like, that's the whole movie. movie kind of? It is, but it's just... He's playing sexual goalie this entire movie. He's letting some... Or sexual traffic coordinator. But I think the thing, though, as a parent, you can see, like, this dude

is no good. Sure. Stan's no good. Stan is no good. He's just no good. And this other... The boy has an innocent crush on the cheerleader. I get it. It's creepy that he's playing sexual manipulator here, but at least it's not like, there's absolutely

nothing wrong with Stan. And he's still being an asshole about it. But this is, like, what American society teaches about sexuality is that you have to, like, boys, you go be boys, you fucking have fucks and fucking, and girls have to be, like, the Virgin Mary. And then how does that even work? Like, how can that... Exactly, that's, it's a, it's a game of rope we play as a society. And I would only point out, it's, we only don't know anything about, uh, Christina, the,

the cheerleader. Yeah. Because they don't write anything for her. She's not a character. No, exactly. It's just a piece of shit character. She's a mirage. And this kid is.

Marage. Stan is fucking a living William Zabka Crip note, basically. Yeah, absolutely. You wish. Can he fucking hold William Zabka's lunchbox? Then, like, the fucking, the sexuality stuff is so weird because he tells, like, his daughter at some point, like, in Afghanistan, she'd be dragged through the street. That's a weird one. That's a real weird one.

I'm not going to stand up for that one. That's a weird one. Well, it's just this weird thing where it's like, I don't even know what the context is. If you were doing X, they drag you through the street by your hair. He becomes like a total alt-right guy in this high school because he's just like, hey, yeah, abstinence is cool. And he's doing all this like...

That's the weird part. So like, yeah. First of things first, everyone's like, oh, my God, he's the hot guy in school. All the girls are going nuts over him. He's dressed like Tom Cruise when he's at school. And he looks exactly like Tom Cruise. I said the same thing. Yeah.

And all these... I think it's intentional. And all these girls are going nuts. So they have this health class with Mark. with Cho. Nice to see her in a movie. Yeah, totally. She was on the Masked singer, actually. Wait, no.

Was she singing? She was the, I forget what her character was. Really? Was she the hawk? I forget. Was it better than my singing on our YouTube channel? Well, it would almost have to be. I did a mask singing thing for Steve on our YouTube channel. You took that out. We'll use a clip from it right now.

It was actually pretty critically acclaimed Chris. Oh, okay. In any of it It's got above 50% of rod tomatoes So she's their health teacher And it's like It's sex day and she's like look It's always sex day in health class dude

Here's all these condoms You know That's how the state runs it You know What? I'm sick Ephron What? And like everyone

So like he goes Everyone take a condom And then Stan takes a big handful condoms. I'm going to need this because I fuck none stuff. I believe the line after taking this copious amount of condoms. I'm going to need this because

I fuck non stuff. He says he's basically he says this'll do for this weekend. Oh man. It's like seeing Cooper Gooding Jr. in New Orleans. I'm big there.

I know that man. And Zach are front's like, no. I'm not taking a condo. And he gives this big impassioned speech about, like, how don't you want someone to make love to you? And that is wait until marriage. And it's like, dude, and everyone, all these girls are falling for it. They're throwing their condos like, yes, this guy's so sweet.

Like, no, no, no, now he's the gross Christian kid. Yes, yes. Bye gross Christian kid. It's even worse because it's like, when you're holding your baby daughter, I'm like, fucking what? Also, like, you could, I think, doesn't he have some line about you could feel her heart beat, too? Jesus, Christ. of shit. Do you remember what you did in high school? We're 17 again.

We're reliving your fucking story. Do you remember what happened when you were 17? Well, that's the bullshit thing, Eric. It's okay for me to fuck, but if any other person fucks, it's wrong because they're younger than me. Well, yes, that is what the attitude is. But they make a point. There's a scene

where he's eating all this fucking junk food because his metabolism is... That sandwich. Back at high level. So he's just fucking putting... And it makes sense. It's actually a scene because it's like, your body is back at that stage and you would eat like that. But he's not horny at all. Yes, that's the weird thing.

But secondly, where's the hornyness? About that sandwich scene. I didn't eat like that and I was still fat. You know what I mean? Fuck that kid. Fuck that sandwich. And I don't want to hear just solely about metabolism. Where is the weed?

Yeah, totally. That's a fucking, that's a weed sandwich. That's a shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Exactly. That sandwich is one of two scenarios. Either you're fucking highest ball. or you're pregnant. But imagine being in health class.

And we're doing condom jokes, whatever. And then some kid, some little weanis, maybe he's good looking, maybe he's not. Oh, it's weenie. Weenus. I knew we're weanis back in Korea. They blew his brains all over the Pacific. He's included in a wow, weenies of war.

They got a wall. Weenie war wall. Oh, yeah, we did a prank on him. We took his drawers once and put him off on the. flag bowl salute that skin mark we said yeah we took there's one little ween back in w w w2 and he was this little tiny boy from brooklyn we injected him with his super soldiers oh no that was the captain america origin story oh but actually the real kid i'll tell you about that and i remember is we fucking killed him and blamed it on the enemy

You ever seen casualties of war? Imagine that with weenies. What was the podcast called? The Veteranage Talk? Oh, I forget. Whatever it is. I like, wow, weanies of war. Weenies of war is actually probably better.

But like some little kids, like, we need to, we need to, we need to band together and have abstinence. This kid would be a pariah in seconds. Absolutely. There's the guy that talked me out of getting laid. Exactly. Hey, Christian kids, you throw in Bibles at this kid, it would be brutal. Throwing Bibles. They probably would.

Bible talks. So at some point, he goes over to his former residence. Sure. You know, pretending to be friends with his own son. Quick question. Yes. Does Leslie Mann have a job? She must, right?

She's starting, well, she's doing the backyard landscaping. So Matthew Perry ruined his life and, in quotation marks, by having a kid. Yeah. And getting this job that he hates. But somehow this is enough to pay for this. enormous mansion house they have with this fucking yard, this Encino Man sized yard, man. You graduate

high school in 1989. You could do fucking anything. I guess that's what it is. Gen X fall backwards. And you also have crippling student loan debt, so that's also right. Yep. Yep. Yeah, okay. All right. Yeah, no, it's actually totally plausible. Okay, so I apologize. So he goes over to Lesley Man's house, I apologize. No, and it just, it immediately starts with

like, uh, it's what, this movie, the weird thing about this movie, the weird problem with Leslie Man's character is that Zach Ephron is doing a really bad job at hiding that he's Matthew Perry And she's like, wait a minute, nah Like after the second time of super obvious shit Like she would be like, okay, so you're my husband

And clearly you've been shrunk down somehow. How did this happen? But she's not even making a phone call to Uncle Ned. I know she hates Uncle Ned. Yeah. But not even a phone call to be like, yeah, your fucking kids hanging out here and trying to fuck me constantly. Does she hate him?

Yeah, they'd make a whole point that none of them like talking to Ned. That's how they excuse not fucking checking on this absolute nonsense. Well, there was a panty-sniffing incident a couple of summers ago. Tom Lennon was in trouble. I went in on the shower, took five minutes to leave. But Leslie Mann is like, oh, wow, you look a lot like my husband did in high school. No, I'd be like, oh, fuck. Because I mean, like, yeah, memory changes, et cetera.

But like, if I saw, again, if I saw any of you fuckers from 15 years ago, I'd be like, oh, fuck. That's exactly him. What happened? Something happened. Magic exists. Oh, you know what I would say? That's fucking shitty looking kid looked like Steve.

He looked like Shrek. Whatever, right? Yeah, like who cares? But by the way, in this scene, like, she's grabbing his face. Yeah. I would say she comes on. She comes on to him first.

A little bit. His defense. Because is it Nicole Miller? Is the other woman in this? Is she from Reno 9-1-1? Nicole Sullivan. And yes, she is. She was on Mad TV.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And she's doing, I think, the same exact character from King of the hill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not King of the Hill, King of Queens. Yes. Oh, she was like King of Queens? You think of Lisa Rina.

No, no, the friend. Is it the same? Leah Remini? Leah Remini's mom, but her friend, isn't that? Oh, maybe Nicole Sullivan's on that. I've never seen a second of that show. I couldn't tell you. In any event. So, like, Nicole Sullivan's sort of a character, not really. She's like, you got to get out there and fuck. And she's like, do I? And then, like,

she gets drunk. Yeah, this is what she starts touching his face. And then, like, Zach Ephron's movement here is, like, I'm going to ingratiate myself with his family. Right. I'm going to help her with the lawn. Like, because he's, like, helping the one kid try out for basketball. He's psychotically stalking his daughter to protect her virginity. And he is trying to, he's like, hey, could I help you with the lawn, Mrs. whatever the fucker name is?

She's like, well, I guess you can. I think it's still O'Donnell. O'Donnell, I think she should have the address. Mrs. O'Donnell. Mrs. Actually, she's going back to her maiden name, which is whatever the fuck. Mrs. Whatever. Ms. Ms. Mizz whatever the fuck. And she's, yeah. And like basically this turns into the paper boy and she pees on him at one point.

That was weird. That was weird. And she was like, listen, it's for the lawn. And then all of a sudden Tom Leonard is tied up spread eagle at a hotel room naked. They're like, what the fuck? I mean, Lee Daniels 17 again is quite something. that movie's a wild ride i've still never seen it i just know about the peeing it's yeah it's i mean it's like kind of worth watching once i feel and Nicole kidman's doing the peeing yes yes on zack effron yep interesting i haven't seen it either do we see a stream no no no no like direct no direct uh no but no but no she pees on them but it is sort of it's like a sexy sort of but i had just always thought that it was like they were in the bedroom yeah i don't know

and it was like water sports time you definitely see some Jobs coming down, though. They don't cut away from it. But, like, nobody's getting like a gold medal in water sports? No, no, no, no. Well, at least there's drops. Look, I've seen that movie four times. It's okay. It's like a B-minus.

Eric, just fast forward to the part where he pease. I watch Roadhouse. I watch Bloodsport. I watch Bloodsport for the fighting scenes. And the Paperboy for the piss scene. Paper boy for the

jellyfish. scenes. There's a weird thing around here you'll notice this and it's just like, it's weird because I guess this movie has to take place in 2009 because we do have like an early like first-gen iPhone.

But we also have a lot of bad flip phone videos. This is my theory about this movie that it's put out by big cell phone. It's like trying it's an advertisement for the idea of cell phone. You're right because it's cell phones of all kinds are getting close-ups in this movie. It happens twice.

At one point, this is a fight that he gets in with Stan in the middle of school. And it's like, Stan beats the shit out of him kind of. Yeah, he gets his ass kicked. And then everyone films it. And then this idea is like, oh, and it's like hilarious. Look at all these like, fucking grainy ass phones. It's so funny. And they're like, oh, man, let's send these videos.

Let's literally text message each other these videos. That's all we could do with them. Someone says, though, I already saw it on YouTube. Oh, okay. YouTube was just a mere two years old. How do you like that? leave it. But so he gets sent to the principal office because of this fight. It allows Tom

Lennon to come back. And this Eric is when he's peacocking. He's dressed like a disco cowboy. He looks ridiculous. Right. And he's spouting off some like pickup artists lines about doing. And this is when this gets cut because he's like, she's like, oh, are you trying to peacock me? And he's like, maybe. And then like

cut. Like you know what I mean? It's like, you know that that was a six minute scene. Yep. That, this whole sub-story with two of them is absolutely unnecessary. It's totally useless and you can see it coming a mile away. You know that at the end

I turned to my wife and I was like she's going to be a nerd. She's going to be a huge nerd. And it would have been fine if it was just like he says he does a throwaway line in Elvish and she returns it and you just know they're going to date. You have to see their whole fucking thing

like a date and then a second date and then a fucking. In bed yeah. But the land speed bed, by the way. Oh, yeah. The Star Wars Landspeter bed. Pretty cool. Were you jealous?

Yeah, I thought you were jealous. I mean, I kind of wanted that. This is like a horrific window into if I did not get married. Yeah, exactly. How about that Darth Vader coffee mug? I thought you might be spotting that one. That one you could pull off. You just keep it at work where no one from home can see it.

Or vice versa. I can keep it here in your house. That's right. So we have a big long montage of helping. He's helping train the basketball kid. He's helping with the yard maintenance and everything. thing. She turns over this yard pretty fast. Oh, my God.

It's crazy. It's like the property brothers were involved. There is a fucking moat in this backyard now. I gotta tell you, it looks fucking sick. It looks amazing. I couldn't even believe it. This is the kind of shit where I'm seeing it. I'm like, see, if I could be guaranteed I'd have that, yeah, I'd want to like own a home.

But I also don't want to do anything to achieve that. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Work on the lawn. SvU and we. work on the lawn SVU and weed

fuck there's a really awkward thing like after she shows him the lawn and whatnot they're like doing some flirtatious stuff here Leslie Mann's like kind of falling for literally the person she fell for

in high school they're dancing learning how to dance dancing yeah and the doorbell rings and she's like oh I have a date and it's like

I don't know this actor's name but he's just like a schlubby guy in a lot of things either in like a dating scenario like this or like he's maybe like the fourth guy in like

a CSI kind of office. And I mean this is Leslie fucking man. You know what I mean? Like this dude should be carved out of marble. Yeah. So this dude like comes to pick her up and fucking Zach Efron is like douchebag alert. Like right from this guy like oh you're going out with this douchebag.

And again like and the joke is like she's like the guy's like well yeah. Oh that happens. You know, he's just protective of his mother's like oh that's not my son. It's my son's He's like, yeah, that's kind of weird. I don't get the fuck out of here, kid. Yeah, totally, you little turd.

That's kind of funny. I'm actually half douchebag on my father's side. I got a good eye, kid. Why don't you just stay here and fuck me, your house friend. House friend. Not a husband. She does even sort of, like immediately when he even says, like, oh, let me help you with the lawn work. She's like, you know, look, I know you guys are into the cougar hunting or whatever the hell.

Right. That's not going to happen here. And he's like, oh, I just wanted for extra credit. I could use it on college applications. I don't know. Yeah, a little job experience. I want to be a lawn person. I mean, up until recently.

Lawn person. A landscape artist. Up into recently, this person was your nephew. Yeah. Like, that never really comes into the land. No, no, no, no, they are not related. It's a friend uncle situation. I mean, if it's Matthew Perry's fucking brother and they were married.

No, no, no. Isn't it Uncle Ned? No, no, he's uncle. As in buddies. They're life-long friends. It's like if I had a stupid baby and I brought you over and it was like, look, it's Uncle Chris. Yeah. No, they're not brothers.

Oh, Jesus. Okay. No, this is just something people do. They're like, we're all family because we're friends. This is the party scene where Stan picks up Michelle Tractonberg. Roland, by the way. What are we talking? It's 2000.

Is this? My question was, is this a joke? I think, yes. I think it's supposed to be like, look at this asshole. still listens to Rollin unironically. Got it. But it still doesn't make... No, it's No, it's...

Or No, excuse me. But still doesn't make any sense. Like, the kid... It would make more sense that Matthew Perry was listening to fucking Nookie. Isn't this the weirdest soundtrack in the world? We got like spoon and then limp biscuit.

Yeah, it's weird. So then they go to this party, which took me way too long to understand was at a bowling alley. I mean, I don't even... But it's like a bowling alley, but there's other shit go... I mean, like, sometimes you get rock and roll bowling alleys,

But like, well, it's like those places we have in the city, like, bowlmore lanes now where it's like it's an entertainment complex wherein the majority of the property is taken up by a bowling alley, but you can do other things. You know what I call that? What? Too expensive for bowling. Yeah, no. It's how much a person? Yeah, I'm all right. I don't think so.

I don't think so. And you know what? Here's the other thing. Bowling shouldn't ever, ever be fancy. It should never be luxurious. It should never be fancy. It should never be hip. It's fucking bowling.

and it's awesome just the way it is. Everything should smell like 40-year-old cigarettes. There's warm beer at a bar, having a great time. Chicken fingers are everywhere. Well, chicken fingers everywhere. Welcome to our live show, Walls of Wieness or Veteran talk, whatever. Who died in Korea? You know someone, huh?

Would you like to go sexy bowling after this? Just normal bowling. Well, you would do Wow, the live podcast of Wow, at Bowling Alice. Exactly. regular bowling. Yeah. And you do a lot of crowd work because we'd forget you were you were hosting a thing. But even like, Steve called it rock and roll bowling. Other places we call it like midnight bowling where it's like we're turning the lights off. The music changes. There's black light paint everywhere. Even that was a little too much for me, man. I'm a tried and true like Labowski like a kingpin.

Like those kind of bowling alley depictions. Absolutely. You shouldn't be able to get a martini while you're bowling. That you're absolutely. You're absolutely. And you see those posters for Bullmore and it's like come have a luxurious time only $50 a person and it's a three drink minimum And there's a live DJ Fuck you

So that's this bowling alley They're there it's a big part It's somebody's birthday or something Yes And basically He's trying to find his He's A trying to get This is literally Matthew Perry

He's trying to get his son laid And his daughter not laid Right So that's one lay and one no way one cock and one cock block so he's like trying to

he's getting the son with the other girl and he's looking for Michelle Tractonberg and these three women just should and this movie does does well to be like

shut this shit down immediately like because it would be weird if he fucks anybody as a 17 year old oh sure and the movie knows that it's really because these girls come up and they're like

aggressively sexually sexual They're ready to go. It's not just like, oh, you're cute. Let's get a car. Let's get a soda. It's like, I want to fuck you right now. And the other one's like, no, I want to fuck you. No, I want to fuck the other brains.

It's my birthday. I get to fuck him. Yeah. And, you know, kids are growing up so fast these days. It's crazy. I mean, one second, they're learning to ride a bike. The next second, they're fucking in a swank bowling alley. They learn to ride something else.

They'll do you know much. And to ease of war. There's a good bit of physical comedy here. where the son's trying to talk to the girl that he likes. And he accidentally sets his pants on fire. And this kid's doing some good physical comedy about it. He does the, like, he's

going to just walk away really fast gag. I was laughing at that. And see, because at least if he had wanted to like have sex with the teenagers, like that at least blend in or like he has to like repress it. Yeah, sure. It's not a Larry Clark movie.

It could have been. Oh, it could have been. Larry Clark No, it would be 13 again It was Larry Clark 17 again's a little old for Larry Instead of that

You get like You have to respect yourselves And like I'm like Give me a fucking break Yeah Just get out of there And then again They're like

Oh fuck I forgot It's Christian kid What was I even thinking Fucking wasting my time And like basically he Blah Blah Blah He cock blocks Michelle Tractenberg

He does There's a big blowout Right here They have a huge argument And she rightfully Is like Who the fuck are you What is

going on. Yeah. Don't try to intervene in my sex life situation because she's like she's doing the whole like, oh yes Stan, like he's my forever guy. I think at this point she says they're going to move in together after they graduate. She's going to skip college. He, Matthew Perry, is aware that she has been accepted

to Georgetown. And this is I guess California. And she's like, you know, and so Stan's going to fuck off and do whatever. I'm going to go to whatever community college just to be around him and we're going to move in together. Yeah. That's sort of a He's on the Home Depot track. Oh, to be a manager at Home Depot. That's right.

That's also a weird, like, we're just shitting on honest work. Yep, exactly. Which totally bothered me. Of course, because that's the joke. It's like, oh, these people are in the servant class. Yeah. And we're in the fucking building our lawn class of people or whatever the fuck. In this bowling alley scenes, you notice that weird thing?

I think someone may have had to call the ambulance here. There's all these nerds locked in the trophy case. Yeah. This was so weird. And they're like sexualizing them as women. It's a sexual humiliation, yeah. This is what the jock. Oh, I didn't even notice.

The jock, they're like, they're dressed up as princesses on their head. Where is the manager of this bowling? All the jocks are like yelling at them. It seems very homerata. There's no teachers. Also, in that scene when Zach, Margaret Cho. With Zach Afron is dressing down that kid in the lunchroom, he's bouncing a basketball and yelling at this kid, you can't bounce a basketball in the lunchroom.

Hey! Yeah, we're Strickland, dude. It's just like, that's the bullying is when. Whatever, but you're not bouncing a basketball on my lunchroom, Mr. This movie could use like 40% more Jim Gaff again. Put him in as an authority figure. Yeah, you're totally right. Yeah, have him defuse these situations in a comedic way.

He's both the math teacher and the whatever and the coach something. So, whatever, we're at the big game. Yes, there's a big game. The son has also made the basketball team at this point. And basically, it's like the game ends. It's a play for Stan. He has to take the three in the corner. But Zach Efron throws it to his son.

His son makes it. Now he's a big basketball hero. Yes. And in all this commotion, everyone's like, oh, shit, this is exciting. Zach Ephron, like, later, like, the next day or whatever. They're, like, all still high on the thing. And he just yells out in the middle of school victory party at my house. And the whole school's like, yay, got it.

We'll see you there. What's your address again? This is when big cell phone comes in again because they're like, tip, tip, tip, tape. Big party at Mike sounds Teep, teep type I think That's how you texted Back in the day

You'd go teep, teep type Oh, hi Mark Teep Teep type I'm texting you Mike Teep, deep, teep I'm sending your text message About the big party at my house I'm using my keyboard

It goes from T9 Now I'm doing Twitter They're three, tweet, three times Tweet, tweed. Oh, we do a video chat, the Cipiscope, the Skype, Grip. Oh, I love it. Yeah, so it's like, oh, no, that was, my wife noticed one of the cell phones just, like, the address or like the two they're sending the text message to just says everybody. Yes.

Okay, cell phone. Because also, concurrently, this is when Tom Lennon finally gets a date with. Malora Harden. Oh, right, right, right. And it's just like, it's one of those things where, like, he does something ridiculous and he offers to buy the school laptops. I just, can I just fucking go on one stupid date with you now that you're aggressively wearing me down?

It's what we do in movies. Yeah. Persistence, huh? It works, everyone. Just keep on harassing. At this point, she asked somebody who walks her to her car whenever Thomas Lennon's on the premise. Exactly. Oh, my God, he's out there again.

So, you know, it's, it's under the, the guise of a pity date or whatever but when they finally get there is when the elvish comes out and they realize they have this common interest and this this thing she's a super nerd as well she's like star war is this she's fucking elvish that into all

of it yeah and Halo comes comes up she's like oh wow how did you get Halo when the download pack doesn't come out until Thursday and like not everybody not every nerd like I happen to like comic books Eric likes fucking game of Thrones and we both kind of overlap a little bit

But we're not all the same. I love Star Trek. I don't give a shit about Halo. It doesn't work that way. That dinner scene is so obnoxious, though, because, and this is where, like, the movie has told you there's about to be like a big party that's going to pretty much end the movie. Sure. And you're like, oh, cool, here we go, movie, the big party.

And the movie has to stop to do this date scene where Thomas Lennon is taking two minutes on a gag about tasting wine? Oh my Lord, is this all unnecessary? You give that guy room for a gag he is going to make that gag. It's just insane and I like him a lot. I do too. I think he's incredibly funny.

These characters are not needed in this movie at all. And I mean, I guess the point of it is like oh, since they're away, they can have the party at their house so let's look at their date. Like, I don't give a shit. Look at the party. Yeah, like I know he's out of the house. That's all. It doesn't matter. Thomas Lennon should have

as much screen time in this movie as Matthew Perry does, which is to say not a ton So they At the party The son hooks up with this girl And he's like, yeah, way to go! While Leslie Mann's also watching, by the way, because she shows up.

But Michelle Tractonburg earlier in the day breaks up with Stan because he wants to have sex with her. No, no, no, no, no. Stan wants to have sex with her. She says no, and Stan dumps her. Exactly. And like, you know, Matthew or Zach Effort's like doing backflips about it.

And then at this point she, and he gives her again this like really sensitive speech about wanting to be with somebody you love, et cetera, et cetera. And that's when she starts to fall in love with him. Yeah. Yeah. This is another back to the future scene.

Get a little back to the future here. Yeah. At some point he gets knocked out by something. Because there's another fight at the party. Got it. And Stan again punches the shit out of him. And he wakes up. And this is exactly a back to the future scene

where she's kind of caressing him. Yes. And he's like, oh, I dreamt. I was back. 1989 and 17 and blah blah blah it's like why didn't you also just have her say like well you're back now and good old 2009 like you don't know like just really do it if you're going to do that like whole hog it well i already drained your balls three times oh my god oh come on like he can't

escape he just he's sorry you had sex with your daughter yeah i mean look you're 17 again that's what you're doing this is what happened hey this is what you wanted right oh shit Brian Deeril Murray turns into a monkeys there is not enough of him like appearing in class reflections or something

he told you he should be like the bar by daughter that's what you wanted right that's why you wanted to go back to high school that's how you can tell it was your daughter she's got a bow in her hair oh you thought I was a messenger from God

he just bursts into front and goes through the ground. Brian Doyle Murray, don't think it. Don't say it. I found my name written in the inside of an old desk. You say it backwards. I go back to hell.

So he realizes that she has his head in her lap and she's like leaning over him. There's a cleavage joke. Sure, yeah. And he gets up and he's like, no, we can't make out. There's a weird, like another two-second thing

if she's like, oh, you're confused? Oh, oh, oh. And he's like, no, I'm not gay. Well, that's what I love is you're in this position where your daughter is sexually attracted to you. And a good way to put fucking water on that, is like, yep, I'm gay. Yeah, why not? But he can't even, even for want of that, he can't even be perceived as gay in this

elaborate ruse anyway. Yes. Because she goes out, like, and this doesn't make any sense because we just got over the fact that, like, she doesn't want to have sex. yet. And like, she's like, I'm a line and you're a gazelle. I'm like, where the fuck did this come from? Yeah. She, well, that's what's, it's so fucking obnoxious about

the writing here. She changes into a completely different person. A cartoon. A cartoon. And it's like, now, now wait a second. That's like, it's just, it's bad. It's so obviously terrible. And then like, but he's like, oh no, I'm not

you know, I'm not gay. Definitely not gay, but I've been in love with the same girl forever since I was 17. and she's like okay blah blah blah this is when he meets up with Leslie Mann he tries to kiss her she slaps him in the face Michelle Tractenberg slacks in the face well it's a funny like

she's saying like Michelle Tractenberg is like there with a couple of her friends or whatever and she's like well he said that he's been into another girl or I don't know who that girl could be and then like the whole group of them look up and see the making out and she's like mom

none of that comes to anything no it should have She slaps her in his face, and then, like, everybody slaps him. And then Tom Lennon and Malora Hardin show up, they kick everybody out. And then there's a gag where Tom Lennon slaps him in the face a couple times. Yeah, that's pretty funny. And, by the way, ever, guess what? You, this house is full of relics and memorabilia and probably lose cash.

This guy is, everyone's stealing from this guy's house, right? A bunch of, like, little high school kids, they got sticky fingers. I'm sure they fucked with everything, like all those collectibles, all the Star Wars helmets. and stuff. You're putting a lot of beer bottles in things only to be found months later once the smell

has struck. Action comics number one, yonk. Speed rate, I mean, the racer bet has got to be destroyed, I would have been. Oh, yeah,

somebody fucked on that bed. Oh, definitely. I see that bet. I'm fucking on it. And like, sort of, now this is the last act of the movie.

Yeah. His divorce proceeding is the next day. Yeah. And he goes with Tom Lennon and like he does this thing where he's like, the divorce.

proceeding is going to happen without him because you know he's been given ample time to show up but I have a letter here for Leslie man dated told me not to open until 2009 me and the boys had a bet down of the office as to whether or not you'd be here at this court proceeding can you get Joe Flaherty dude get Joe Flaherty and I want it I am quitting the office

and he starts to read this letter he says it's from Mike O'Donnell right on his behalf and it's this really long speed like this is the emotional get of the movie he starts crying he's crying and you know

then he just like leaves the letter and he walks out and she's like you know what your honor like can we take a break the judge postpones it she picks up the letter and it's just the address of the courtroom and he said that all from the heart and this fucking

finally is when Leslie Mann is like wait a second also like I mean, a failure of this movie, I think, is not establishing Matthew Perry either physically or, like, habitually where, like, then Zach Afron could do some of those things to sort of link those characters. What's funny is he, well, he does, though, at the basketball game. Oh, does he? Because she, there's another big game that's happening.

That's the end of the movie, yeah. He's on the court, and he does a, like, he does, he, like, touches his face. and points or something. Oh, okay. And it's what he did when she walks into the gymnasium with the beginning of the movie. And that's like,

finally the beating her over the head, like, oh my God, that's my husband. Like, she kind of, she's pretty much believing it when the letter happens. I just went more for the audience's perspective. You know what I mean?

Right, because he has to look at. Exactly, because he is doing kind of, I think he does a decent job at mimicking Matthew Perry's like vocal pattern. I do, I think so. I absolutely think so. I remember that thinking that the first time I watched was even though I didn't remember much,

the movie. And apparently he did actually, like, reach out to Matthew Perry and was like, we don't have any scenes together, but like, can I talk about how to, like, mimic you and stuff? But, yeah, so he does whatever, like, the finger thing is on the basketball court in this, like, final scene. And she's like, what? And it's the same thing. There's another Gaffigan's got another scout in the audience.

Gaffigant, by the way, doesn't make sense. Like, he's, like, 51 times. It's kind of funny that he's just, he looks identical to what he did. Well, because earlier in the movie, they, like, guy's hair and he's got a hat on cover up my bald hot pocket spot yeah he hides the hot pockets under his

hat yeah because at this point Zach Afron is so distraught he's like yeah she deserves the divorce I've been a piece of shit right what I'm going to do is disappear forever as this 17 year old and literally just get a basketball scholarship and again Tomlin is like you have to leave my house

that's fine you got to get a job or something Even I, your main worshipper, him saying, the Jim Jones cult is going against you this time. Now he's got this girlfriend who says that he could raid her dungeon any day. Plunder my dungeon any day. Because she says at the end of the party,

like this is why, this is why, you know, I don't date parents of my students. This is so awkward we can't go out. So at the basketball game, she fucking shows, Or he shows up, like, dressed like a wizard.

And he's doing one of those, like, this is me. This is who I am. I'm wearing fake fucking Elfirs right now. Because he's like, oh, I'm wearing a cloak like Gandalf the Grey in the two towers. And she's like, that's not possible. Because Gandalf the Grey died in fellowship. And then damn it. Came back as Gandalf the White.

And it's like, we are going to pound town. You just knew the difference between Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White. We are going to pound down. And guess what? that I'm having sex, you have to leave my house. That's absolutely. Yeah. Get out of here, Zach, Everett. And then it's just, I mean,

this is the last scene of the movie, basically. Brian Dolmerie, is at the basketball. Oh, of course he is. I'm in the stands this time. And he just decided. You've been dead the whole time. That would be great. This is the other place. But like, he gets off the cord and then like he starts

transforming back into Matthew. Perry and it looks like when in the film Moonwalker with Michael Jackson when he starts to turn into a car, look at the shadow it's just like it's like this weird body horror transformation.

It would be great of his American werewolf in London like he's on a rug and his face is getting longer. Could I be any more grotesque? His face just starts inflating. All right.

knotted up and back. Well, it'll be great if, like, it's actually like the American Werewolf, where his skin rips off, but then there's other Matthew Perry skin underneath it and he just sheds this whole Zach Ephron skin. It's like a Zach Ephron hand and it rips open and it's a Matthew Perry hand like with the wedding band back on. And she's just, like, Leslie Mann is so unimpressed with the magic that she's just fucking ridiculous.

Not only is she okay with it. She's just like, oh, weird. Okay. She says weird and that's it. I'd be throwing up. What I was supposed to do here? Oh, and you apologize for all that stuff? Okay, then we were no divorce. And also, shit, I should have fucked that 17 year old. Yeah, totally. Totally. It would have been totally fine. Because guess what? Fucking that's not going to be no picnic.

I still don't understand how he grew two feet. I don't get it either. It's really strange. And they're just like, he's like, she's just like, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. and I've learned my lesson. Oh, what a great guy. I've learned not to do anything differently except for maybe I act a little less like an asshole. It's going to take him to 10.

Give this guy one more fucking down week and he's going to be like, no, you should have never fucking got married again. That's not for us to say, man. I guess not. Because that's the credits hit. That's for 17 again, too. And then we get a big fat, the end.

Dude, that was pretty dumb. That's bad. And then we get a stinger scene that actually shouldn't be a stinger scene because it completes the movie? Wait, there's a stinger scene again? Is it the end? No, after the end, literally.

After the end credits. No, no, no. It's the end, a little bit of credits, and then we immediately go to the thing. Matthew Perry's like been hired to be the basketball coach. No, I missed it. Because they make, Jim Gaffigant makes reference in the middle of the movie that like,

yeah, it's his last year as the coach or whatever. So, yeah, it's like their lives are going okay. Matthew Perry's happy at his new job as the basketball coach. Your movie says the end, it's over. Exactly. And I don't understand. Like, why can't you just have that? Before the end.

Before the end. Well, because it's such an awkward tacked on scene where, because, like, he interrupts Tom Lennon and Malora Hardin having sex. Oh, right. In the speeder bed. Like, they're not having sex. They're just laying.

They're about to do something. I think they just did it, dude. And they just did the deed, the space deed. And the gag is like, oh, get this fucking guy out of here. Right. He's like, wow, everything worked out for me. And they're like, and even Malora Walters or Malora Hardin's like, yeah, magic is this, I guess. So is Brian Doyle Murray watching all of us right now?

Is he here, is he kind of come for me at some point? That's pretty fucking hot. I think he's watching. I see you when you're sleeping. I know when you're awake, little babbled boy. It's three pounds of veal. For Malora Hardin, it's probably a lane stretch. I'm drunk.

I mean, if you want to fuck this thing Yeah, so it's like whatever It's like his day on the job He's excited to be the basketball coach That's fantastic That's it, that's the end of the movie Sure That is 17 again, would anybody recommend it?

No, no, no, no It's a quickish one It's pretty close to a hangover movie I guess because it's so innocuous mostly But like it's just, it's totally forgettable For all the right reasons Because you should forget this movie yeah i mean i i really don't like this movie uh i really don't like it because the whole point

of something like this like he has to like like everything he thinks is right is right at the end like yes like he he's not unpopular other than from stan beating him up other than that everybody kind of likes him and yeah there's no like actual culture clash of yeah oh these kids today right there's a little bit of like that would just make it so much worse though i know but it's just like dictating what music they should listen to you've never seen back to the future or whatever there's no slobs versus snobs

there's some other ways this could have gone like he doesn't like you would think like at the beginning I thought he was going to like make friends with the outsider kids in gym class and that doesn't happen he's just a popular kid I just don't fucking get it so yeah no no for me yeah I'm also not going to recommend it but I do think like there's some funny moments

I think Tom Lennon's pretty funny not I mean not I mean some of this material's pretty and Gaffigan's funny and it's got its moments and yes, Zach Ephron is a revelation

but overall I found this movie to be like a I don't know detrimental detrimental to society yes to society on the hole

I don't know I guess I'm just getting soft in my old age I would recommend this movie I laughed all the way through it I'm never gonna like actively tune in again I think it would be

kind of a fine Like you're hungover in free form somehow comes on your television and it's there. I don't know. It is a movie. It's a movie that I laughed enough all the way through that calls itself a comedy. So at the end of the day, it's like, well, I'm laughing. So there's something there. Sure.

You know, I don't know. Whatever. Maybe I'm just blind for Zach Efron. He's so fucking handsome. Oh, of course. He's so handsome. He gets better looking every week. I know.

Now he's going to play the most handsome serial killer of all. I love Ted. We love Ted. we want dead we want ted uh that is 17 again directed by burst ears if you want more we hate movies check out our patreon patreon dot com slash we hate movies you got an episode on there yeah it's death wish 2018 the eli roth film yikes and if you are listening to this the week it comes out you should check us out uh check out our tour tab on w hm podcast dot com because we still have shows dc philly and new york this week that's right all nicholas cage movies all the time

There are some tickets still available to some of those shows, so definitely check it out. And specifically, I mean, if you're listening to it, the day it comes out, the afternoon or morning that it comes out. DC, we'll see you tonight at the DC Improv. That'll be exciting. But as always, the We Hate Movies Train keeps rolling on. What's the next movie town we're going to, Steve? Another supernatural being fucking with teenagers. It's final destination.

Oh, man. Tony Todd is death himself. Who would win? Tony Todd or Brian Dolomery from this movie? Tony Todd is death or Brian Doyle-Murray is this weird god tornado Tony Chad. I don't know. Oh, what? Really? I mean, this guy could change reality.

Yeah, let's say, let's say Brian Doyle-Murray then takes Tony Todd and makes him 17 again. And now he's just a more powerful death deity. Yeah, wow, dude. Teenage death. That's a comic book, probably. Oh, yeah, teen death. I love teen death.

Kevin, come on. You didn't weigh in. Who's winning? Oh, I would say probably Tony Todd. Yeah. So until next week when Tony Todd crashes a plane, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Gavin.

Eric Siski. Take it easy.