We Hate Movies - S9 Ep418: Episode 418 - Final Destination

Episode Date: April 30, 2019

On this week's episode, the gang is chatting about the Mouse Trap-esque horror film, Final Destination! What is with all the shots of Devon Sawa's bedroom fan? Would this film have been better in its intended form, an X-Files episode? Why did all the characters need to have names of famous directors and actors? And what's with all the tasteless use of real plane crash footage? PLUS: It turns out that guy from The Terminal was a real pervert! Final Destination stars Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, Kerr Smith, Kristen Cloke, Daniel Roebuck, Roger Guenveur Smith, Chad Donella, Seann William Scott, Amanda Detmer, and Tony Todd; directed by James Wong. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, it's like the board game Mousetrap only played by the Specter of Death. It's Final Destination. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Cabination. Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies.

Thank you for tuning in. As always, this is a comedy show where we start with the seed of an idea that is a bad movie. And then just go right off the fucking rails. A beautiful tree out of it. This week's selection, Final Destination from the year 2000. Directed by James Wong, who you may know as one of the big players on the X-Files. He wrote and directed a lot of the great episodes there.

The Black Christmas remake. The third final destination and previous episode, The One. And Glenn Morgan also of X-Files fame. Was a producer on this? He also wrote it? This movie, we'll get into all of the parts. of the movie.

Are you sure? It would be better as an episode of television, maybe an hour long? Well, no, this is, I read a piece

of trivia that made, like forever I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with this movie. And Eric's totally right. Wow. This movie was written

as a spec script for an X-Files episode. That's right. And that would be so much better because A, it's an hour long is what you want. And B, you have a focus other than the kids

and then you're focusing on sexy and paranormal investigators. Right, exactly. Instead of these schlubby detectives. Exactly. Oh, my lord, these two cops we have in this movie, one of whom once portrayed Jay Leno. Yes.

Daniel Roebuck. Yeah. He's amongst the Sam Gerard's crew on the fugitive. Oh, yes. He's one of them. The movie you're talking about is the late shift. The late shift. The TV movie.

And the other guy is, I forget the actor's name, but he portrays age of. Agent Shrek. Yeah. Agent Shrek. No, he's the other one. Agent Shrek's the one who's in all the Spike Lee movies. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that's Agent Shrek. Oh, I thought you're talking about this. Yes. No, yeah, the guy who plays Agent Shrek was like smiley and do the right thing. And the movie Shrek came out in the year 2001. Uh-huh. That's what I'm saying.

Final Destination has a tie-in-law. This is you trying to be Zian-on again. By the way, it's not Shrek, like the Mike Myers thing. It's pronounced. He's named after Max Shrek. Because all of these characters The shame.

All of these characters in this movie are either named after like famous directors or actors, so Mac Shrek from Nosephirut. Oh, no, here I am investigating sexual assaults. Why did she get it off the plane? One more question, please. You know, this is Agent Shrek. Wow, like a Shrek Colombo?

Yes, yeah. One more thing. Can I use your fax machine? And then an imp John Cassavetti is like his villain, I guess. I'd watch that. I thought you were going to go more towards like agent donkey. Yeah. Is the more like sensible one?

Thinks more about the science. Gotcha. Gotcha. This is shaping into something. The Shrek files. Yeah. Oh. Puss and boots could be the skinner.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right. I have finally watched the taste of Shrek 2 out of my fucking mouth. Please, let's talk about this stupid horrible. Get it back in. Did anybody see this in the theater as I did? No, I do not.

I don't think so. I rented it on DVD after the fact also, which is the last time I saw this, so probably started like 2001. But I saw this in the theater, and I'll tell you what, at the time, people were going to ape shit. Oh, yeah?

Were people afraid? No, but they were having fun. No, they were laughing at it. They were having fun? total fucking roller coaster ride this really eating it up every last second of this movie people loved it this good movie i think this movie's pretty fun it is pretty fun it's got like it's it's got peaks and valleys for sure and a lot of valleys on top of that and more valleys after that and then a bunch of valleys yeah it's a good idea for a movie yes not movies no somehow though it's

97 minutes feels like 197 It just runs out of gas. It runs out of gas is the problem. If you don't know, this is the start of what became a pretty successful franchise about people who dodge death at one turn, but then death sneaks up on them and murders them hilariously. Also known as mortality. Yeah. Death was just looks like a gas leak in this movie. Like in the background, like, oh, fuck, they left a stove on.

Shit, get out of there. It should be called Kitchen and Cars, because I did a rewatch of. all these movies. Wow. Those are the main killers. I do agree though. Like the fact that like what should have been called, uh, Ali Larder at the end of the movie, she's just back in a car. I'm like, um, I saw the car part earlier guys. Let's figure something else out. They should all live in a bubble at the end of this. Yeah. Oh, totally. Cool. You're constantly wearing like mittens everywhere. Like you're just obsessed with safety. There's one episode of Batman the animated series when the, it's the Ridler episode where this guy. The Ridler ever.

The first Ridler episode. So he only was in one episode, is what you're saying? No, he was in the first episode. They introduced him. And he's such a menace to this one guy. The last shot of this children's cartoon, I'll never forget it. It's like Batman's narrating like, well, he did get off by screwing over the riddler, but I don't think he's going to be sleeping very well.

And it's this shot of this guy checking all over his house and he's got his shotgun and he sleeps in his bed with his shotgun. It's awesome. It's awesome. It rules. That's why it's one of the best animated shows of all time. I would do. I'd have a shotgun for death. You know what I mean? I mean, you wouldn't be moving from anywhere. I mean, like, I feel you'd be in the corner of a room not doing anything. After something like this, I mean, we see what happens to poor Devonsawa towards the end of this movie where he's just talking about God. I am a God

or God doesn't die. All that kind of fucking nuts. And so let me ask you this about the sequels because Chris and Eric, I've seen them all. Stephen, I just saw this one and that's it. Do any of the other protagonists go like kind of crazy? that because that's an interesting part of the back half of this movie. Devon Swah. What was his name? Sawa. Sawa. Devin Swana? What did you? Sala. Sawa. It's flora and fauna.

Okay. So, Devin Fuana. He dies like off-screen in part two, I believe. Like someone's just reading a fucking website that says, hey, that kid died. Oh, really? That's ass. What's crazy, you could have brought him back for at least the second movie. That's the cold open. You know what I mean? Now we're doing

something, you know? That's because that's the called open of Friday the 13th part, too. Yes. Is Alice, I believe her name is, the survivor from the first film. That's the movie. Fucking eats shit at the start of that movie. Also, another great movie, Scream 3. At what point in the series do they pass the torch to completely dead-faced actors?

I think number two. Yeah, yeah. You still had Allie Larder. She's on the bubble. Mary Elizabeth Winstead's in the third one. Yeah, but the thing is like, yeah, each. Each film basically has a new cast and it's just diminishing returns, pretty much. Yeah, yeah.

Although the last one in 2011 was kind of fun. Four and five don't have anybody in it, I think. I was sort of looking through the listings because Mary Elizabeth Winston is like a notable enough actor. She's the main part of the third. David Kekner's in the last one. Oh, does he play death? No, he plays a dude that dies a lot, though. By the way, Devin Sawa, previous episode.

Does anybody recall? Casper. Yeah, he's the real-life Casper. Stay tuned for idle hands, though, right? Oh, definitely. That's a big deaf one. DefCon one with the idle hands. Oh, he's in Little Giants.

Should we do that, too? Should we put that in one of those mighty ducks, too? No, he was not. I appreciate in this movie that you could see the makeup covering his acne. Yes. Because it's like, thank God. Finally, representation for what I was. I mean like he's a regular

That's the thing You know He's good looking but he's a regular looking kid Like you can buy him being a regular looking kid Exactly An SLC punk He's in both of those movies by the way There's a second

I know he's in that second movie Yeah he made it in the second one But he doesn't die on a website in that movie So we open on The credits are kind of really boring The funny thing about the credits They're showing a bunch of like It's really just him packing

But they're also trying to make it spooky So it's like oh should I take death of a salesman oh wow that's my favorite ghost story even before that like i would understand after your first movie when you know all these little tiny things around the house can kill you it's just a shot of a fan and like a shot of a bookcase what is with this fan though they go back to that fan like seven different times in this movie and nobody gets killed by a fan we should say that right now nobody gets killed

by a fan it would make a little bit more sense somebody gets indiana jonesed by a fan Oh, fuck, that would be awesome. Remember that big Nazi gets it by the propeller? It's amazing. I think about that at least once a month, of course. There's no way to unsee that. It's great. What I do love about his room here,

now that we're talking about objects in it. The pecker poster. I was going to say, yep. I was thinking, like, is this Chris Cabin's room? I know he's been doing that John Waters' rewatch for the past few months. Well, also representation for me, a big buck cherry poster right there, baby. Oh, dude, you better believe it.

I had that CD. You got the Goo Goo Dolls are involved. Oh, I didn't see that. This is a room to end all rooms. I love that later in the movie, we can talk about it now if you want to, but it becomes a pornography palace for a second. Oh, yeah, dude. Maybe we'll talk about that when we get to it. So, yeah, so the basic gist of this movie, if you don't recall, from 19 years ago, it's a movie about a bunch of kids are taking a class field trip to France.

They're going to Paris. It's like the French club or whatever. and Devon Sawa has a vision of the plane crashing and exploding or whatever and he freaks out a couple of them get off the plane the plane crashes they dodge death and then they start being eliminated as if it's a slasher movie without a slasher

and like usual it's a fucking mother's fault because in the beginning he's like leave the tag on my on my briefcase or whatever the fuck it is my roll pack carry-home suitcase? I mean, any of these words.

I forget there's a specific name for those things. If you take the tag off my box with wheels. My pack-pack. It's my pack-pack. Pack-pack loose sticker. Pack-pack-no-sticker. But we could all point out that briefcase

was very wrong. Yes. Yeah, briefcase was certainly a correct. I don't know. Oh, man, Kevin. Anyway. Never go on password, all right? I'm never going to.

Dude, did they bring password back? No, I don't know. They should. You know what nowadays, you've got to fucking include a special character and a number. Sorry, Chris. Well, so Devonsal was like, don't take off the damn thing. It's like, I'm paranoid and it's a suspicious thing. She's like, ha, fuck you and takes it off anyway.

But the dad is also a fucking minister of creepery right here because they're giving him a big hug. Like, oh, you're going to have the time of your life. And this motherfucker goes, live it up, Alex. You got your whole. life ahead of you and Sawa looks like the fuck did you say? Is this a senior trip or is this a

just a trip to Paris? No, I thought it was like a French class. Right. French class. It's just if looks could kill with Richard Grieco. It does seem like it's at the end of the school year at least like it seems like they're pulling out. And by the way, did you notice who plays his dad? Uh, no,

who's that guy? Pusher from X-Files. Oh, seriously? That's his dad. Oh. Better. Oh, no. No, Scully, these kids are being killed in a methodical fashion. I think the personification of death is coming after them. Mulder, I keep having to tell you, Tony Todd is just a mortician. And then at the end, it's like very clear that the Grim Reaper actually exists,

but we're just going to move on to the next thing. So many times at the end of those episodes, like reality has changed dramatically. And it never comes back up. Oh, vampires are around. But anyway. No, it's just the monster of the week, Steve. remember there's a there's a gargoyle in one episode which was fun of x-piles yeah living gargoy well they touched on all the monsters there's a lachness monster one

jupacobra shows up there's jersey devils in one yeah personally he actually appeared i don't know scully we can't go back to jersey or the jersey devil get us oh god scully did you hear about this pewty pie oh my god he's out there in the europe the jersey devil is actually a great episode because it's one of the classic like earlier on in the series where Scully's like, you know what, Mulder? This is really fucking stupid. I'm going back to D.C.

And most of the episode is Mulder just on his own because she's like, this one is too dumb even for me to answer. You know what I'm out? So yeah, he goes, we meet the rest of his class. Allie Larder is doing her best Ali Sheedy impression in this movie

from the Breakfast Club. Right. She's got her hair in front of her eyes. She's reading Tropic of Cancer, I believe. Or is a tropic of Capricorn? No, it's a traffic of cancer. That's a try-hard move, all right? Like, in front of everybody. What does that mean?

You're walking, you're walking and reading? Fuck you, asshole. You're just like, hey, look at the book cover. Ain't that smart. That's like a super sexy book. So it's kind of like, oh, man, this wouldn't be, they wouldn't even assign this at school, but they can't stop me from reading it outside.

Hold on a second. I didn't read this book. Yeah. Isn't that sexy? No, I mean, is it like, drop your pants quick? No, I don't know. I don't know how quickly you would drop your pants.

It's sexy enough that it's the book in the episode of Seinfeld with the book library detective that Jerry took out. And Jerry makes a joke about like he took it out of the library because it was supposed to be like dirty. And the coach with their teeth like the baked beans. Can't stand you. That's right. But yeah, it's a try.

Oh, Mr. Bevelakwa. I don't need to know that. It's a try hard move. What does that mean? I asked you already. No, just we're trying too hard. Oh, I thought it was one. you're like millennial phrases.

Well, it is, but it's pretty self-expertial. Well, I don't know. It's the word. He's just saying it because it's not just a playboy or a play girl. I see. We're also trying to de-age ourselves because, you know, we got a whole fucking audience here that needs to fucking stay around. I see.

And then you've got Dawson Creeks Kerr-Smith as the bully. This dude sucks. Named Carter. A tiny bully. Quickly mention after you mentioned the tiny bully that they There's Harry Krishna at the airport. What is this, 1978?

Yeah, that's one of those things that hung around in movies where it was just like you could continue to make that joke that the Harry Christians were still hanging out at the airport as much as they did back then. Yeah, and they hands out this literature that's like, death is not the end, reality beyond matter. Oh, wow. Death is but a door, time is but a window.

I'll be back. It comes to nothing, because now you say death is like not the end or something. and I'm like, where are these ghost kids to advise us on how not to get hit by a board or whatever? Yeah, that'd be something. It'd be something. Yeah, and it's, uh, is the, the tiniest bully there. His girlfriend is Amanda Detmer of saving Silverman fame, I want to say.

Wow. The lovely Sean William Scott is playing Hitchcock. Billy Hitchcock. And I got to say this about Sean William Scott in this movie. This is a year after, uh, American Pie. And I didn't remember it this way, but it's a rare instance of he's playing a much gentler doofus that he normally does. He's a geek. He's pretty much a geek. He usually plays that agro sex offender. Right. But in this one, he's not. He's kind of just a lovable dork that likes to ride his bicycle.

Yeah, like he's not doing the Steve Stiffler thing. Yeah, he's just riding his bike through town. He's wearing like a New York Rangers jersey. His voice is extra squeaky. It's very interesting. It's a performance. This Rangers, jersey he's wearing is an ugly fucking jersey. This is a Statue of Liberty. That's a dark time in all of sports jerseys. We still use it from time to time. It still gets brought out every now and again.

Also kind of wrong of him to do because he should be wearing an Islander's jersey because this is the one horror franchise I think that takes place almost entirely on Long Island. Amityville. Oh right. Yes. Of course. But that's a real life event as well. Oh yeah. You're right. Right, Mulder.

Did they have a bunch of islander jerseys in Amityville horror? I haven't remembered. That's like the pig war. What should have been called? The elder Brolin there, just fix it a car in a James Rowland. Well, that's what it is. Do you remember

recall in the original Amityville Horror, the priest walks in to the house to bless it and get the spirit out. The fucking demon sees that he's wearing a Rangers jersey and that's when you hear the Get Out. Is that all those flies come in? I'll tell you how you. you know that movie's from Long Island. If you ever watch

the documentary, Miami. Oh, my God. That thing is a crock of shit. What is this? What is this? Oh, Steve, tell the audience what this movie is. It's a documentary. Is this a movie you made? No, I didn't make the film. No, it's about the kid who survived the Amityville massacre. And him. Is he in it? Yeah, it's a god. It's all him. Whatever,

Ronnie Defeo Jr., or whatever. And those fucking Longon and the accents, my friend. Delicious. And they interview the woman who is played by Vera Formiga in the conjuring movies. Oh, you know, Elizabeth Warren or something? No, not. Elizabeth Warren. It might be.

Not Elizabeth. No, no, no. Ed and Lorraine Warren. It was like, Al, fuck you. Yeah, she's in it. She's like totally bad shit crazy at this point. her house is full of roosters and like they're like trying to interview her and then she's like oh this is fricking this is frack or something it's like they're identical twin yeah identical twin

roosters yeah oh it's great oh and also it's by the way those people were con artists yeah if you're ever wondering the conjuring series is based on conno Lorraine Warren yeah uh no and it wasn't Ronald Defeo was the father but he was like the stepdad I think the son it was Daniel Lutz let alone or no wait Ronald Defeo I think was the murderer. Okay. That's what it was. And then it was George and Kathy Lutz. And so the son is Daniel Lutz. Hold on a second. I think the president's on line one.

Oh, go ahead, scumbag. Yeah, that's right. Actually, Elizabeth Warren's parents were con artists. They were involved in all sorts of supernatural hussifedges. Those roosters aren't even twin brothers. We have to close the demon gates.

And there's twin brother Speaking of a identical twin, a twin, I don't know if they're twins. One is this kid who's like basically Vinnie from my cousin, from Dugie Hauser. Yes, he very much is. My cousin, Dougie Hauser. My cousin, I got it mixed up. Okay, I'm just saying it happens to both of us. But it's him.

And then from Roswell, it's Brendan Fair. Not to be mistaken with his brother on that show, Jason Bear. The bear and fair connection. I am lost in the woods. I have lost to. Wait, this is the show Roswell? Somehow I know less than before you started talking. We're now all dumber for listening to you.

You are. No, but the lead on that show is... There was a bear in Roswell? The show's real name was Jason Bear, B-E-H-R. This character actor is... Or not character, it's actor's name. In this movie, who's also on Roswell, who plays his brother, is Brendan Fair, F-E-H-R, totally strange.

That's impossible. Do you have like a cork board with red ties going every which way over this? Bar and Fair, I've never been able to figure it out. Never been able to figure it out. One was Max and one was Mike. That's right. Oh, shit. I never watched the second of that show.

They're both aliens. Didn't they bring that show back? They did. Nobody watched it. Is it like a reboot or is it like a swatquel? I just made the, my shoulders went all the way up over to my years because I have no idea. So, yeah, we're checking in at the airport, and he, you know, is nervous about flying as it is. And he's starting to see all these, like, coincidences. Like, well, first of all, he checks his bag.

We see a close-up on the ticket. This is very cheesy. The sticker on the suitcase says, final destination, right on it. His birthday, the woman at the counter points out is the same as his departure time. It's like, you know what? The dumbest thing ever. Just stop. She would never point that out.

You think she gives a fuck about your birthday loser? Fuck you. And what's this? You know, we call the plane, Alex, and that's your name. That's interesting. Holy shit. All right, everyone, get on board Alex. Alex is going to be riding inside Alex tonight.

Actually, one time that happened to me at the airport, I was coming back from Chicago. Got on the Steve flight? No, I, uh, it was, it was my. birthday while I celebrated my birthday with some friends in Chicago and my ID expired whilst in Chicago because it was my birthday and I kind of didn't realize that

until it was too late. So I was like, oh fuck it'll probably be fine if I have an expired thing. The security guy on my way back to New York grabbed my ID looked at it, you know, he checked it, he's like, huh, happy birthday, renew your fucking ID and he gave him back to me. What? Yeah, dude. He used profanity? Oh, absolutely.

Welcome home. He was annoyed with me. He was really annoyed. Speaking of Chicago. We'll be performing there on June 16th. That's right. You know, there's two incredibly tasteless incidents in this movie. The first one is around here where he's like freaking out looking at things. Someone has a newspaper and it's just fucking the crash footage from Princess Diana's car accident. Yeah.

What on earth does that need to be in this movie for? Wait, the newspaper has footage on it? A photograph, rather. He's just hung up on the Elizabeth Warren thing still. Just let him go. Yeah, you're right. I'm angry that I messed that up. I mean, yeah, it happens to the best of it.

It's just like all these cheap fucking moves to be like, did you know that something bad could happen? Do you have any idea that something bad could happen? This movie is so disrespectful to the estate of John Denver. It's like really, right? So that makes three actually. Yeah, because it's just like, it's kind of a running motif. I love John Denver.

It's like, oh, that's the portent of death because he'd died on a plane crash. There are at least two scenes in this movie where right before someone expires, Rocky Mountain High is playing. Great song. Great song. But like, there's definitely a line, though, where someone's like, John Denver, oh yeah, he died in a plane crash.

And you're like, what the fuck? Again, that would maybe make sense if you didn't also have the Prince's Die thing, if you didn't also have the final destination thing. And go back, you know, it was, the nation was still reeling from, John Denver's passing at this point it was a more innocent time

let's go back to the big bopper you know that guy died buddy buddy holly he's got plenty of Richie Valins

they were all on the same plane oh my god just La Bamba is playing like Eerie La Bamba hauntingly

playing like they they slow down all the songs now for the trailers yeah actually what they should do yeah

get either you know get because he did it for they used a tune of a cover of his in um i believe it was house on haunted hill the maryland manson your rhythmic's cover oh of it sweet dreams are get maryland manson to sing

la bamba dude do it the worst one is at the beginning of justice league them doing the slow down everybody knows by lettered cohen oh please how could you even get slower if you want to be really on the nose i think buddy holly has uh that'll be the day when i die oh that'll be the day make me cry yeah that's how that goes it would just the trailer would just be a bunch of shots of people ominously walking towards things yeah

yeah la la la bomb dude you slow it down and you get little kids to sing it and on the soundtrack there's like a little someone's playing a triangle this would be like the new mad world that yeah oh yes yep

Gary Jewel you hack oh my god so yeah there's another tasteless thing coming up so basically his friend who's his kid Todd not Brendan Ferry Brendan Farrer's brother

you see this you notice the dumb little like a writing thing with this kid's name the name Todd yeah it's pretty dumb it's Todd but it's with 1D Todd

German for death oh wow that's clever yeah stupid town dude population in this movie hey hey i'm the only guy who's trying to do a new york accent in this movie it's one of those things let's let's go take his shit let's talk about this you and me need to take

listen you don't want to be when becky frampton goes into the bedroom after you're on the plane you don't want to smell your shit he actually said this is the way he first describes it he's like hey devine sour i got to go talk a wicked cable what just so you got to do you have to shit next to me in a stall. Dueling shits in this movie. Because I might have to take a shit at so, or you might have to take a shit at some point in this airplane. Then a woman would enter it and not want to have sex with you.

Who thinks like this? Also, horny 17-year-old kids who are about to spend the summer in Paris. That's why they don't get late. Yeah. You think it's bad when you're pissing next to someone talking. Yeah. If I'm shitting in an airport bathroom, you keep your mouth fucking shut or I will kill you.

I don't want people to hear my little stalagmites and bites to go bloop, bloop, bloop. Like, no. If I have to fucking drop trial in an airport, you better believe AirPods are in. I'm blaring something. Dude, you got to put something on, yeah. I just, because I don't want to hear myself. I don't want to hear others. Air pods on other people because I am fucking going to town.

You don't know what it's going to be. A drum solo could become out of your ass. You don't want to know about what. Yeah, exactly. It's like Pompeii. Speaking of Barlin Manson, whenever I go to the, whenever I take a massive shit, I put on the beautiful people. I always put on the dope show, so that's interesting.

I have more of a glam rock feel. Well, now, in the, that's the poop show. What a great remix. The, yeah, this is what he listens to, he's like, oh, wow, John Denver. Yeah, great. But that's the thing to do is, if it's just John Denver, that's like, huh, that's kind of ironic, and let the audience fill that in, but he has to look at the camera and he died in a plane crash.

Because you are making this movie for 16 year old and 17 year old kids to go see and unless you're a fucking you know nerd like me you don't know who John Denver was really I mean you were like all right maybe you saw him on like the Muppet show or something

that great line and dumb and dumber that John Denver is full of shit man so we're getting on this plane and there's another horrendous line right here where they're talking like They get on the plane and they walk by a woman in a first class that has a baby. Yeah. And is it the jock right here?

No, it's Brendan Fair. It's like his only line. It's Todd's brother. Yeah. Okay. So he's like, oh, good, there's a baby on here. Would have to be a really fucked up God to make the plane go down with a baby on here. Not when we're, I'm not a nervous flyer.

I'm not. I'm really not. But we just, you just don't talk about that in an airport or specifically not on the plane. Well, like babies dying? No, just the plane going down. down like you just don't talk about it and then he looks and from the baby to he sees a disabled man like being helped getting buckled into his seat and he goes a really fucked up god man just your movie can be 96 minutes thank you i kind of wanted him to keep going with that Kevin

Fetterline oh he would never be they're not taking him that be a fucked up god nobody gave a shit about Kevin Federline the year 2000? President fucking Clinton. No, there's no way this is going down. Jimmy Carter is in the plane, too. I can't wait to go to Paris. Oh boy, I think the spectra of death's following us. I did not buckle that woman's seat.

I buckled my own seatbelt. Can you define buckle? It'd be amazing. Mother Teresa's on this plane? One active president about to leave office. and then other presidents, Mother Therese? I mean, this is... It'd be really fucked up.

God! It's like Air Force, what's better than one? Negative. No, that'd be a blast of. Air Force, Year Zero? Yeah, zero would be something. You know what I was jealous of in this movie right here at this part?

Sean Williams, Scott's, he's got a huge carton of whoppers. I was jealous. Yeah. Like a good malted milk ball. The characters... Oh, I thought you were talking about a bunch of hamburgers. No, I mean, that also would be cool. I thought you were talking about breasts.

Yes, he's eating... These fucking whoppers on this guy I don't think you're You shouldn't it's happened once before Someone actually brought McDonald's onto a plane Once and they should be kicked off Where is the Sky Marshall Seriously

You should fucking shoot this guy Take your little leg gun and fire Well people like We'll go in the terminal and buy food And then just haul it into the plane Yeah exactly Pieces of shit Those are the real terrorists

Not not Also regular terrorists are also the real terrorists edge them out just slightly on the heinous rhinocer. They tend to bring their homemade food, though. Wait, but are you saying you were on a flight and this happened to you? And he used like a box cutter to cutter to cut the fucking Big Mac. Oh my God.

No, he did not. What was the food situation? It was just a hot, disgusting, like sandwich that was like smelly. I was just kind of on the plane. Like this, another reason why you get to the airport early so you can get a a meal in if you have a long flight because fuck you bringing hot food on a plane. Anybody here, a nervous flyer?

No. Cabin, really? Cabin raised his arm forgetting it was a podcast. I meant it's for the room, but yes, I don't like it. You don't like it. You don't like it. You don't like it. I mean, I just don't like I really do. I get it really uncomfortable.

I'm usually so doped up on all sorts of stuff, man. I don't even know when we take off. I like whiskey. You know, you get in early. I don't care what time it is and they don't either. and I just start drinking. The airport, there's no time. The only, you have to pay attention

to the numbers on the clock because that's when your plane's going to leave. But time doesn't exist in an airport. You can be drinking at 6 o'clock in the morning and nobody says anything. There was one time, it was actually, it was on a flight to Chicago, actually. I asked for a bloody Mary.

And the dude gave me like the fucking can and tomato juice, like just the mixer or whatever. And I was like, and the vodka. And he gave me a dude. dirty look. And I was like, fuck you, dude. You just give me my fucking alcohol. You charge me and you shut the fuck up. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Time doesn't exist in airports.

Why aren't we just live in there? We can fucking live forever. That's a great idea. That sounds like a great idea. That's the plot of the movie The Terminal. Oh, is it? Yeah, you just be eating fucking ketchup packets. Oh, yeah. They got woppers in there, too. They do. I return the cart. I get quarter.

I buy ketchup package. I live forever. That movie's fucking stupid. My name is Robert Terminal. Or whatever his fucking name. I guess it's Robert Terminal. It's a sequel, like the year 2255.

It's still Tom Hanks. Like, I've only aged six years. Oh, no, dude. You call it Terminal 2049. Yes. Yeah, and now like Ryan Gosling is a flight attendant, but is he? Is he human? I don't know.

And he's saved up a bunch. Now he can eat relish packets. Oh, God, relish. Relish is bad enough, but in a packet, my God. I haven't had relish in a long time, but I think I'm okay with it. I'll go through relish phases. Really? Phases of relish.

Yeah, I'll have relish three times in seven months, and then I'll never again for five more years. What place on your pickle cycle are you now? Oh, you don't want to know. Steve Zanex pickle cycle. It depends on the moon. So the plane takes off, and we have to witness a quite. horrendous fucking plain emergency I love this

death sequence you know we get the fire licking Devin Suava's face Sawa what did I say Swava I liked mine better I mean I'm sure he would appreciate

if you said his name correctly I don't care he's a very nice Canadian Listen Devin Botswana Wait no it that's not it No it's not It's just Swana Sarr No

Wawa it's like the grocery store Yes, there, that sounds, wait, no. Bava. Yeah, Mario Bava. This is why, this is why, you know, normal folk like me couldn't say his name. So therefore he never became a bigger star. Yes, that's one of the reasons.

Yeah, but it's kind of, it's, it is horrific. It takes a while. It's really, it's pretty well shot. It's the most effective part of the movie where you're like, oh shit. It is. I mean, it's a little outrageous. Like, I feel like this plane would just explode.

Like, everything starts. You've got people getting sucked out the side. You've got one person definitely goes through a jet engine because there's a blood splatter. Well, that's, I didn't know what happened. I just thought I saw a guy throw a bucket of red paint against the plain wall. And I was like, I don't know what just happened to whoever. Because some of this lady, this girl, like the teacher, the female teacher who's a character in this movie is like trying to hold on to this girl's hand. Oh, she's a character in the movie?

Well, she's a bigger character. Okay. She's one of these survivors. Not a documentary, no. No, she's She was the woman from Millennium Speaking of X-Files stuff

I would have You waterboarded me I would have been like Oh it's Carla Gugino In this movie It's Carla Gugino in this movie It's Carla Gugino in this movie Yeah

No it's sort of a lookalike situation This is Kristen Kloak Clok is the woman's name Yeah And she You know whatever A lot of stuff happens Yeah you do get to see

Flames It's Krugertown a little bit here Yeah he really starts Burning up And looking like Courtney Cox Oh Kruger I thought he's at Coagertown And it's Devon, not Devin, right?

Yeah, I would say Devin. I think it's Devin. Devin Salwa. Yeah, it's Devin. With an I? No, she's a... With an O? You can say Devin with a O.

Fuck this name. What's your feeling on Eric with a K at the end there? I'm actually against it because it's like a natural adversary for me. Because it's not like my name. It's spelled differently. That's me with a V, man. Fuck you, dude. Stephen.

My middle name is Stephen with a V. the fuck you dude so we're the actual enemy i mean i don't want to get into my whole you know grudge with chris christopher so oh dude the k okay get out of town with the k k k chris is even i'm against that yeah i mean that's you're talking about try hards i mean christ on the cross and listen if anyone's listening who has names like any of the ones mentioned we're go to hell no we're having fun we're joking around it's totally fine to have a name including colby i'll say it i'll say it now

including Colby. Do you think Chris Christopherson changed the spelling when he, like, became a musician? Like, it was originally, like, C-H-R-I-S, and then Christopherson with the K, and he was like, you know it would be cool chicken shits of the music industry if I was double K.

Well, you listen here, I got a romance to myself of Bet Miller soon. Yeah, I saw that a remake, a bunch of horse hockey, taking your own life against the Lord like that. at least my character had the decency to die in a car action I'm sorry

Like a man It was the first final destination movie It took too much peyote That wasn't bet me That barber stride Damn I thought I had them both Totally bit me There was nowhere to be found

So yeah But then he wakes up And also there's some like Seat switching business With like there's like two sexy girls Oh right I want to sit next to each other And this is when Todd's like

No bro Don't don't fuck this up for me I'm sitting next to this girl. He tells this girl that he is a urinary tract infection in order to not give up his seat. Like, this is going to be attractive. Blame the 90s movies on this because those two boys think they're going to join the Mile High Club on this fucking thing. That's what they think. They saw American Pyes.

He's got, Devin's Tyler's haircut in this movie is horseshit. This haircut is really bad. It's the same thing as the foot in the crotch thing. It was just something we were believed that was going to happen to you. but never did. That's true. Wild high school sex. I lived my entire life up until now thinking that at one point a sexy lady would rub my crotch with her foot and it never happened. Never happened. Never did. Never will. And it never will. This one for the X-Files.

Mulder, I'm going back to the office. No, Scully. All these men are ejaculating after women place their socked foot on their on their genitals. Scully, I guess you never saw Gremlins to the new badge. That doesn't happen, Mulder. Scully, look at these lists of the last couple decades. You know how many men have gotten off with a foot in their crotch?

Three, three and three decades. It's just not normal. They all paid for it, Mulder. They all paid for it. It reminded me, he's pulling this line about like he has to, I got to sit on the aisle because I got a UTI.S. It reminded me of that episode

of curb last season where June Diane Raphael says that she's got like a bladder problem and she needs to sit on the aisle so Larry switches with her and they're doing like a New York to L.A. flight and she doesn't get up the entire time oh it's fucking great. That's pretty awesome.

There is um so he wakes up from this dream and like all all of the same sequence of events that happen right before they take off. Oh right. Happen and he's like oh shit I just had a prophecy and he's like I got to go off the plate I got it off the plate he's freaking out. A lot of sweating right here, a lot of head sweat.

And then tiny bully, uh, Kerr Smith is like, Carter, sit down. Like, it's, I don't like a control bully. You know, you want to bully somebody that's a nerd. Aren't they all control bullies? Yeah, but it's like, follow the rules. Follow the rules. Well, that's the thing.

Browning, he's calling him. He's being a nerdy bully, man. Like a bully would not care if someone else was breaking the rules. Kind of bully tells someone to follow the rules. Well, yeah, he'd think it'd be badass. Yeah, yeah, fucking ground his pain, playing. Yeah, exactly.

do it. I don't want to go on this stupid Paris trip anyway, fuck it. So he gets up and he starts getting in his face, start shoving him. His girlfriend gets up and the pilot's like, everyone who's in the aisle has to get off the plane, which includes both teachers, all these kids. Which is pretty stupid and arbitrarious.

Yes, it is. And then one, basically, what you call it? Brendan Ferrer goes to his brother. It's like, hey man, go check on our boy there, make sure he's okay, which I would be like, fuck that kid. That kid's... Yeah. He's That's what parents are for. I'm going to Paris.

Well, I think it's because you're supposed to believe the three of them are like closer buds than normal because, like, their dad gives Devin Sawa's character a ride to the airport. So it's like maybe they grew up together kind of a thing. And they, and then Ali Larder is like, rightfully so, it's like, I'm totally freaked out

by this event. He's like, the plane's going to crash. And like, everyone's like, oh my God. Like, no, it's not everyone. It's amazing to me that anybody stays on this plane. I would be very, and so she gets off too, and they get off. Now they're in the terminal, basically the one of the... Catchup packet?

No, I'm fine. We were just dodging death. Thank you, though. Okay. We go back to hole now. Do you want me to play matchmaker with you and that lady over there? You want to kiss that lady? I'd like to watch you kiss her.

Is it okay? I live in the terminal. I watch people kiss each other. If I do this for you, will you do the Catherine Zeta-Jones so I may watch and masturbate? Oh, okay. I watch your kiss each other.

Go into the bedroom, give each other kisses. I drink water from toilet. It's the same he's got a beard down to his knees. Yeah, it's like half cast away, half terminal. It's okay. It's just me. Victor Navorski

watching you kiss Did you just look up that name I did Of course you did No one remember that I was trying to think of it It wasn't Robert Terminal Turns out now

Bobby Terms They call me Bobby Terms Kiss him You give him a kiss It looks like your flight is delayed Maybe you kiss for a little while You have time With your lipstick

It looks like you eat ketchup packet Kiss kiss kiss I help Catherine Zeta Jones build a fountain in Terminal or some shit would ever happen in the movie. She smelled like ketchup packets. One time my wife and I were on the west side by the river there just kind of looking out there's a bunch of little areas

you can kind of do that on. And you're looking out of the river. We're very old in a relationship. Hudson River. Hudson River, they call that. And this guy was like, oh, I'm shooting. And this guy was legit shooting a video for like some stupid rap thing he was doing and the photographer was like,

you mind, I take your picture, the two of you? And we're like, you know, sure, whatever. It is like, okay, why don't you hold hands? And I was like, okay, hold his hand. Holden hands like, now you give it a kiss. I'm like, no, you know, dude, we're not doing that. Hey, before I take a picture, kiss her. Why do you do nothing with your fingers?

Do something with your fingers. Oh, yes, take off pant. I put on video mode. How about you put foot in crutch? Very popular American pastime. So they're all freaking out. They're all yelling at each other. Tiny bully wants to go after Devin Sawa.

They're trying to fight each other. I think Devin Sauer specifically says, I wish you got on the plane, which will crash. Right. They're arguing. Ali Larder, I think, screams at the bully. He's not a witch, which is kind of funny. And whatever, the plane does crash.

Kaboom. Nice. Loads. Poor, poor Professor Murnau gets burned up. Yeah, well, because he's like... Him and JFK Jr. Vincent Fuchsia, please. Yeah, so that's...

And then like the thing is like, oh my God. And I don't even know, I mean, I feel like if you're Devin Sawa's character, I mean, I know this is pre-9-11. This kid wouldn't see sunlight for a month. Like, this kid would be... It's just like, I don't know what this kid is. We are locking it up until we figure out what the fuck out of this plane. They kind of just give him a bunch of questions that he leaves. You got any of those underground prisons?

We're going to put him in one of those. That's where, that's where we... We may have a... This is year 2000, by the way, so we may have a full-on X-Man mutant on our hands here. You got one of the Magneto prisons you can put this kid in. One of them there are plastic prisons. You should have killed me when you had the judge! you got a little too much of iron in your blood

Steve great, great line second movie and he's basically so they're asking everybody what's going on and like everybody kind of goes through their thing this is when we

Agent Shrek and Agent Donkey No we don't No it's an actual donkey An actual Shrek An actual Shrek When we're done with this tragedy I'm going to make waffles Well done.

So there's a big like interrogation montage of everybody's like, you know, Devin Sawa didn't do anything. I think this is actually where Ali Larder tells these two dudes that Devin Sawa is in fact not a witch. Thank you for clarifying. And then everybody's parents comes and rushes them out and everyone's really excited. Except for Ali Larder who went stagged to this tragedy. Oh, yeah. Well, you hear why later on, dude. Oh, I missed it.

I just thought a van down by the river type living. for her. No, she's got a house. I don't know what her deal is. I mean, I think she's probably living with like an aunt who wound up on a deleted scene. Yeah, that would make some sense. What kind of kids own in a house? That's what I mean. I don't understand it.

There's got to be somebody. So, uh, everyone, uh, we cut to a month later and we're at this memorial for all the kids who died. Giant metal eagle statue for this tragedy. Pretty cool. I think that that's probably like what the school's

mascot was. They were going to build that anyway for the basketball team. Yeah, just carve in some names on there, huh? I was going to say, is this an express fucking order? How did you decide all of this? No, that's, I think Steve's totally right. It was going to originally have the basketball team's winning record on it.

Oh, man, good thing this was in my high school, so it wasn't a giant Indian. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. I had the Indians. Did they fix that or no? They tried to, and then people protested the attempt at fixing it. Of course, that makes sense.

So it's, you know why? It's about heritage, dude. I guess. High school heritage. We now unveil this memorial statue of a football with the school's name on it for the dearly departed that left us last month. Look, guys, we did what we could. Okay, we did what we could.

And of course, the honor of their memory, there's a beautiful soundbite when you walk by the sensor on the statue, you can hear John Madden yelling, touchdown. Sure, they might have lost their skins, but we've gained a pig skin. Yes, yes, yes. I know it looks like all their names are just there in Sharpie, but trust me, we chiseled them in there with precision. We paid a lot of people to do this. It says 18 and 0 on it because 18 was the median age of all the deceased and oh for how many days they have left on the. the planet.

And yes, the coach is on there because he's a great guy. And he took it the hardest, really. The coach is devastated. He dug all their graves. So, yeah. I want to say, I have to point out, though, because it's the last, like, disgusting

fucking thing, like this exploitative thing we're using in this movie. It's a high school from Long Island. This is a crash going out of JFK. The footage that they use, for the crash footage where they're watching the news

in this movie it's actual flight footage from TWA Flight 800 Jesus which is crazy because oh this movie was sort of inspired by that

well yeah that you can't fucking set it in Long Island then like you know way man this needs to be we're in California

and somebody's fucking going to Japan exactly you cannot just do this thing again was Brian Gosling on the TWA flight and said there's going to be a crash

I mean what what do you mean they were inspired by this They were inspired by a crash? The idea of a plane crash, I guess. Oh, that's a new idea. Well, also because Chris Cavend...

TWA Flight 800, it was going to Paris. There was a French club from a high school. Really? Oh, I did not notice. Yes, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's... This movie's abhorrent in its inspiration. It's absolutely abhorrent.

Yeah, well, the thing is, it's like, oh, my God, how shocking was that plane crash? Because it happened to American people. Meanwhile, they're fucking going down Across the globe nonstop. Did we ever find that Malaysian plane? I think we found enough to be like... I didn't find it.

I didn't find it on the headlines. I think we found enough to rule out a Bermuda Triangle type situation. Did we, Scully? But yeah, so you're seeing actual fucking crash footage from TWA Flight 800. It's abhorrent. That's pretty cool.

Or it's just realistic. Yeah, it's pretty cheap too. At this memorial service, they all like get in line to put flowers on the football teams. I mean, I'm sorry, the dead students memorial statue. And this dude Carter gets into it with Devin Sawa quite a bit because they're all like pretty much blaming him, even though there's no real proof or whatever. And he fucking yells out at a memorial service for deceased high school students, I'm never going to die. I was really waiting. Yeah, winners, I'm 18 to no bitch.

Like, I was waiting for a record scratch after that. Like, the whole place goes dead. It's such a fucking douche chill, dude. Unlike all of their sons and daughters, I am going to live forever. Do you hear me? By the way, I live, they died. That baby we saw? Dead.

Me, alive. Pretty fucked up God. Man, if my kid dies in this high school trip, I'm not going to this thing. Yeah, totally not. Like, I'm done, you know, it's fine. Yeah, exactly. I don't know that there's... I wouldn't let my kid go either.

Like, if they survived through clairvoyance or not, I'd be like, no, it's okay. Don't go to this fucking memorial service where some assholes are going to scream and shit. I thought you were going to say you were going to allow the fucking body of your son to be at this memorial. Listen, dude, the fucking finger they found cannot come. The coach is going to get a spoon out and bury it. I put it in an altoids can here. The teacher's like, you scare me because she, you know, dark magic is involved. Because she also has an extreme feeling of guilt right here because both of the teachers got kicked off the flight.

And then she says to the dude, hey man, you're actually fluent in French. You get back on there. I'll take the next plane. So she feels incredibly guilt-ridden. Allie Larder gives this kid a flower. She's like, it's your, you're the reason I'm still alive and I want to give this to you. Which is the way they should all be looking at it, by the way. Also, I want to S your D.

That's kind of what we're talking about. S&D, big time, dude. I mean, he is a freak, though. This is like a fucking weirdo that probably should get his head bashed with a rock. The teacher in Kursmith, his dad, Todd, everybody. He's only alive. He'd be kissing by hairy beanbag right now.

Fuck that. Steve is right. Kiss the beanbag. For all we know, just like Shrek and donkey suspect possibly, this kid could be involved in some way to bring him down this plane. I don't know, man. You know this loser from your high school.

You know whether or not he's capable of bringing down a flight. Let me think. Luser from my high school and, yeah, no, I'm not going to S his D. If he's responsible for you living, you better ask that D, dude. You think I want to live? Yeah, you got to kiss the beanbag, man. Look, I'm not against. I don't think so.

I'm not against this perspective. I would not say that at the memorial. Yeah, probably not. I would evade, you know, just think about a better time. Hey, Carter, S my D, dude. Right. Like, so every time everyone comes up to say something at this memorial service, they have to S his bean bag.

You S the D, you kiss the beanbag. Look, my son's beanbag, not one kiss. Not from any of you little bastards, okay? Meanwhile, there's a bunch of burnt bean bags in the fucking harbor. They're still fucking crazy. No, those beanbags are fish food now, man. So a bunch of fish are sucking those dees. It's just a weird.

It's weird. It's strange. After a tragedy to demand people as your D. I'm just saying you guys, if you're ever involved in a 9-11 situation or whatever, don't say that. Sure. That's fair.

Todd is very upset because his brother is dead. He's like, yeah, my dad is riding my ass. I got to do this. I got to also give a speech at his memorial. He's kind of like Colombo, but he's like, hey, maybe in a couple of weeks when my dad gets over, we'll go down to the city, catch the Yanks.

And I'm like, why are you the only one like this? You're from the same town. What has to happen in this situation is the director needs to come over and be like, hey man, you're a less fan. I appreciate that you read the script more than others. You understand where this film takes place. Unfortunately, you're literally the only actor in this movie that is doing a Long Island accent

and it's making it weird. California. Yeah, so you just, you have to stop it. I appreciate it. Listen, Brownie points from me, the director, but just stop. Okay, cool. I'm going to do a Proust reading.

This afternoon, which is so certain. His little speech is so fucking Long Island. It's fantastic. It's so funny. And then we cut immediately to this guy, Todd, taking another shit.

He takes two shits in this, movie. I can't believe it. Has that ever happened in cinema? A character takes two shits in the same movie? In one of those clump movies, yes. In the clump movies, absolutely. Wait, it doesn't count if it's the same actor playing different people. Does Jeff Daniels

take another shit? No, it's a singular, it's a singular disastrous diarrhea. I throw it, I throw it to you the audience. Come at us with movies where people have taken who notably take two shits in a film. Same character, two dumps, one movie. Wow. I don't think it's ever happened outside of Final Destination.

I mean, I've seen two girls one cup. That's still one shit, though. That's the one. Exactly. It doesn't fit. It doesn't pass the test. Remember, there's two girls, so they take separate shits. I can't believe that never got a sequel.

You know, I, yeah, I mean, I guess I'm due for a rewatch, because I can't remember if there were two shits in that cup or one. I guess there's one shit. I think it's two shits in one cup. Oh, that's our criterion's putting it out. I'm going to go on the channel first. Right, yeah. Of course.

It's like the Beastie Boys video on. It's that. Charlie, you bit my finger. Any other big viral sensations out there? Oh, the Kelsey Grammer falling off the stage. Well, I'm going to say it at a memorial service screaming that someone needs to kiss your hairy bean bag. That's got viral potential. Kiefer Sutherland tackling the Christmas tree. That is great.

And they all look beautiful in the new 4K restorations that Criterion put out. And the Hulk Hogan sex tape. That's your main disc, I think. That's like, that's a solid 20 minutes. We should rewatch that because he might take a shit twice in that. Oh, you might be a start in the end or something, you know. Honey, I'll take another break. I only saw the best of.

Oh, you know what? It might happen in any given Sunday. Who's taking shit twice? There's a bunch of like football players taking shits. Okay. They go back to like when they cut, when they're all in the locker room. Yeah. But it's the same, I think, the same character.

I think it's the same character. dumps. The guy who plays Max Shrek Jr. This has to have happened, by the way. There's got to be some dumps out. The floor is open to the audience. You come at us. We're the only show that cares about stuff like this. So Todd is dropping trow again and you see like the toilet starts kind of leaking. And meanwhile, Devin Sawa's character is reading, he's like catching, like he's getting a little obsessed with the crash. There's tons of literature about. about air disasters all over the place.

This is, you're getting the eerie kid. And it is exactly the year 2000 because he's on his computer. Yep. Stop looking at his computer. Then goes to the left. It opens up a drawer that has a pornographic magazine. Right.

And house. Also, he was on Netscape, I believe. That was the browser, I believe. Did everybody see what the lead up to the penthouse? No. Because this is a bigger scene that I think you've latched on to here. Because he looks at a picture of Alice. Larder that was taken at the thing.

This is a deciding, is it early enough for me to jack off after facing death? The series of events are as follows. He stops reading, like, there's another newspaper article in Netscape. He grabs the porno mag and he's looking at it. He goes back to the newspaper article and it's a picture of Alley Larder because it says, like, kids memorialized today or whatever. And then he looks back at the magazine And he does like a

Speaking of no one's looking And then he immediately is like Nah, not yet Closes the magazine It's about right A fucking minute after I survive a plane crash Guess what the fucking D and beanbags Are making appearances

I totally agree You gotta run to that airport bathroom dude You're not even out of the terminal yet I see you are drinking off Ketchet I help for quarter I don't have job My country no longer exist

I help you jerk off for quarter Purell technically lubricant Well you know what If weird foreigners Mashing my junk I think Purell as a lubricant Might be a good choice I don't know what's on his hands

He's living in that Grammy airport That recycled air He hasn't breathed fresh air In months. Then an owl comes to his window and he's like, who, who, who's jerking off. Yeah, I know. Also, close the blinds, you know, all sorts of owls watch you jerk off. Or maybe you do.

I don't know. That's my thing I can only shoot if an owl is watching. And a fan has to be on, too. He's fucking fan again. There's another close-up of this fan. With the owl, I mean, you want to look at some hooters, right? Oh, man. And he throws the magazine to get the owl away from his window.

Which, listen. Also, so first movie with two shits, one character, first movie where everyone threw pornography at an owl. Possibly. I don't know. Maybe in the early DW Griffith years. I was going to say when Fritz Lang came to Hollywood. I think somebody chucked a porno mag in an owl.

That guy had some crazy ideas when he first washed up. Well, I don't know how many licks it takes to the get, Ow! Ask the D fucking Al. Mr. Al, you piece of you. You had a fucking ticket on that plane. So when he throws the magazine, it goes right into this enormous fan. It gets, he gets porno confetti, which is going to take him all night to clean it up before his mom cleans it up.

Right. And one of the things that comes out is a little thing that says Todd. And he's like, oh, shit, that's a sign that Todd's going to die. Right. So we go back to the bathroom. And this, I think, is the scariest moment in this entire movie. This kid, Todd. Yeah.

takes a straight razor and just start shaving his neck no shave butter no shaving creamy his face isn't even wet he just rubs a fucking razor on his neck and cuts his throat and it's like well yeah what did you think was going to happen dude and then he's like

he makes no effort to stop the bleeding clean it up any of that he just like goes on to like plug a stereo in like what is this kid doing in the bathroom it's a tragic scene his brother was teaching him out to shave before this and he told him just take your raise to your thing oh wait we gotta go to paris

oh crap bobby only got to pick up the razor I don't know what's next what's the next step in shaving shave butter do you put that on toast he's also cutting his uh his nose hairs a little young for that I think but this is what's crazy so you take a dump you try to shave for a little bit and then stop yeah you start trimming your nose hairs and then fourth you're like I'm gonna plug in this boom box

which makes no sense of anything why don't you do it before the noisy dump. I got to put on Marilyn Manson. But of course it's fucking Rocky Mountain High. Yeah, what a weird coincidence. Kind of listen to the yikes. Everyone loves John Denver

in this. It's so bizarre because later the teacher has it on vinyl. Yeah, that was impressive. Yeah. So he, all the while, by the way, this leak from the toilet is sort of like coming out onto the floor more and it's like sentient. Yes, yes,

yes, because at the end of this sequence, fucking leaves. It's just like, goodbye. And this is what's weird. It's the only instance, and I don't know if they do this in the sequels, but this is the only instance in this movie where death covers its tracks. Yes. Yeah, it's weird. Why didn't they continue that

idea? That's at least kind of something, because the thing that's annoying about this movie is like, it's a little, like I said at the top. It's just mouse trap with waiting for kids to die funny ways. If there was at least a thing aside from this like bogus shadow imagery that we have, like show it doing shit like

that covering itself up. Well, that's the thing is that this, there's only two real mousetrap deaths. It's this one and the teacher. Oh, the teacher's fantastic. The teacher's insane. But like the other two, it's just like, oh, I'm on I left my car on the road.

Sean William Scott's death is kind of fucking goofy. I mean, like, if a fucking bowling ball hit the train and that made it go, maybe I'd buy it. But it's like the death and death wish, the bowling ball. Hit the man out of the can. And so, yeah, so

he like goes to the shower and he slips on the water and his mom has got laundry hanging up and the wire wraps around his neck and now he's got slippery feet in the bathtub, man, friend. Because he knocked all the shampoo all over the place. I think you can get up out of this. I think really if you try

to, like he's just like relying on, why am I slippery feet working? Like, you know what, dude? Use your ass and get up. Use your ass. Well, death, I think, really wanted this one to go, like this is his first one out. Yeah. Tug's a little sloppy you think. Well, no, like he's got to go big.

like a, this slip here, this thing here, like all this bunch of stuff. And then to cover up his tracks, too, he's like, you know what, I want a big one. I want to go out big. It's also like piano wire that they have in this house. I don't know. But Steve is right because like, well, it's the connector for the laundry thing. Yeah, yeah, it's stupid. Showers sometimes have those.

You pull it out. It's like a thing that's attached to the wall. You pull it out and it latches and then you have a little laundry hanger. You can let stuff dry. But he definitely could have gotten out of this because the police and the parents later are like, oh, he just, he killed himself. because he could have gotten out of this if it was a mistake,

but this is clearly a suicide. Yeah. Bullshit. Get out of the bathtub. Get out of the bat. Use your elbows to get out of the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

He lost the will to live. Yeah, it's true. He's like, oh, whatever. So he dies. And Todd runs over to the house. No, Todd is dead. Sawa runs over to the house just as it happens. Alex is his name.

Alex. And his dad is like, you did this, you little piece of shit. He's like, Todd was so upset about the death of his brother that you caused, by the way, that he took his own life. Well, it's totally plausible that he caused it. It absolutely is. I don't blame this dad for nothing. And the dad should, if we're doing this and this, we're the dad, he's like, yo, you fucking gumad.

Let me tell you what you did of my son. You got him all worked up about his brother dying. He has to be wearing a white tank top. He's in his boxer shorts and he's holding a baseball bat. Yeah, not one moron. I'm sorry This fucking kid Come over here

This death kid over here Oh look at you Miss I blew up the fucking plane You're gonna get a baseball bat And your fucking buck teeth asshole Oh Oh pardon me Let me get out of your way

He won't kill my wife too Ah Mr. Death Man Let's take it You know what Wipe out my whole fucking family Here's a gun Shoot me in the fucking head But you're already jerking off

You wanted him to SUD Now he's dead You know what Shoot me in my fucking bean bag. Pardon me. Pardon me. I got dogs here. You want to do that to my dogs as well, Mr. Detman?

Burn down my fucking house with all my possessions inside it. Asshole. Oh my. I see a plane in the sky. Bring that one down too, you piece of shit. S is D. You got, you made me my kids. You deed. You deed is G.

It's a grave. You dug his grave. You killed my son. I'm sorry. I've been drinking. You killed both my sons. You D their G. Dude, you got to D that G, man. Somebody's got to do it.

But then he's just like, Todd was very upset. Yeah, exactly. In any event. So now he's really on to something. He runs into Allie Larder who's like snooping around as well. Yeah, she takes him back to her house. Her abandoned mansion.

I don't know. And she's guttled as fucking Catherine O'Hara Beetlejuice art in there. Yes, it definitely looks like that. We're talking about castaway. It's like the end of castaway. Yeah. We weren't.

We were talking about the terminals. It's a different time. We were talking about it. I did mention the castaway. Oh, did you? Yeah, yeah. Funny enough, it was not. It's clean the shit out of your ears.

Funny enough it was not related to a plane crash, which also happens in that film. When did it come up? Talking beards? Talking beard? The turn on the beard, the thing. Yeah. The terminal would have. Mr. Terminal would have aged enough

that he would have been like a halfway between the Terminal and Castaway. Fair enough. But then yes. Oh my God. The fucking those FedEx packages. Oh, what a tragedy. Final destination for FedEx packages.

But she's like, here's this like weird sculpture. Yeah. This is where the flirtation kind of starts because she's like, this is my interpretation of you. You make my head go crazy. And I'm like, what's going on right here?

There's got to be deleted scenes because later in this movie, she is calling him baby. Yes, thank you. I know exactly where it is, though. According to the Tribune trivia, there was an extended part where they, later in the film, they drive out to Jones Beach like you would. Nice. Well, Long Island location. I appreciate it.

That's right. And when she finds him on the beach, they fuck in that scene. Oh, that would make some sense. Yeah. That's the anti-diff fucking. But they don't fuck? No, not in the movie. You don't see them.

Like there was a sex scene in the movie That's why from the beach scene on She's calling him baby and babe But it doesn't make any fucking sense Unless you leave that scene in Oh, I see your fucking your girlfriend On the beach here My son's D the G

I come here for a midnight stroll Look what I see you You fucking beanbag Look who it is Mr. Murder of my fucking family Now maggots are eating his F Oh, look, public sex. I have two kids in corphins.

In any event, the teacher's the next one to get it. Or actually, no, no. We got to cover something important here. One of the weirdest, most cavalier things in this movie, she's like, you know what we should do. You should go see if you can, like, get some sign from Todd. because she believes he's got like some gift or whatever. So she's like, let's go see Todd.

Because he says like, I wish I just could have seen him one last time. Oh, right, right. So they break into this funeral parlor to see their dead friend who's laid out on this table. And this is where we have the great Tony Todd comes in. Right. They were trying to kiss his bean bag, but then Tony Todd interrupts. One less K to the B dude before he gets put in the G. Yes, exactly.

and he's great in this scene I mean I understand like The death sadistic design The whole point is to not have a A killer of any kind Death is unseen That's like what makes this movie apart And it does make it interesting

But like when you have Tony Todd right there And he's also what he's like Then you're like The best line of this movie is You're messing with the groom reaper And you don't want to fuck with that Mac Daddy And it's like But it's a chilling rendition of that really kind of silly line.

This franchise fucks up by not keeping him throughout all these movies. He comes back and forth. I think like the fourth movie he's not in whatsoever. In the third movie, it's like a carnival ride has his voice for a second. Yeah, he's not in it. Oh, stupid. But a few of them do bring him back.

I think maybe two to five. He's like in for a flash in the second one, I think. Not for that long. I mean, I just want him to like be around. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's, he's there. He's on the scene of all the deaths. Exactly.

What's, what's the thing he said before that about fucking in death? Like, he, during this, he, because he gives a little bit of a speech here. You can't fuck during death, dude. But he's, like, saying like, and the sex we have. Oh, right. And I'm like, what are you? What fucking world are you going off on here, man? I don't remember that part.

He's just, I mean, it's just weird scene where he's clearly the Grim Reaper. And these two kids are like, well, that guy was pretty odd. Like, they don't. bring that up all the time like, hey, you want to go back to that fucking mortuary and talk to that dude? Talk to his boss, maybe. Like, it's insane that this is Tony Todd's only seen in this movie. Yes. I can't believe it. It should start, like, it's a wonderful life where it's a bunch of stars. And one star is Tony Todd like, I need to collect more souls. And they're like, well, you got to get this fucking plane. Oh, you want to earn your scythe? Yes, exactly. Every time

a plane goes down and Reaper gets his scythe. Amazing. That's, that's a movie. Beautiful. Oh, Clarence, I want to live again. Oh, no, Tony Todd. Why don't you get old Mr. Gower? That guy's 149 years old. Come on. Take Gower. He's right there.

I don't have your dead kids there at Fred's house and Mary's house. Someone's K and the B over at Mary's house. Jesus Christ. So, Devin Sawa comes away with the, he's inspired by Tony Todd to thinking that, like, death has a disease. and there's a grand plan. And that the Grim Reaper is a MacDaddy. Now he's almost positive that the Grim Rie Pers of MacDaddy.

And you don't fuck with that MacDaddy. Absolutely. And so, you know, he starts to theorize that by ripping them off the plane, he's futzed with the design and has caused trouble. And I think at this point, oh, no, so he's kind of explaining this at a cafe. To Allie Larder. To Allie Larder. All right. And then at this point, everyone in the movie re-meats up.

Yeah. And it's like I guess Curr Smith and his girlfriend are driving around And he's like I'm gonna go yell at that kid One more time for saving my life Right he fucking pulls a Ui He almost knocks Stifler off his bicycle And the teacher is actually just getting a cup of coffee

And we're all yelling at each other And Amanda Detmer Who plays the girlfriend here is like I don't owe you shit And she says the line This plane crash will not be the most important thing in my life It kind of is It would have to be

Why? Like, what else do you plan on doing? Run for president, lady? Like, what's going to happen here? You know, I said the same thing on 9-11, and I just didn't think it would take over. I knew it would be a big deal, but I didn't know it was going to dictate the rest of my life.

And it turns out it did. It did, yeah. It got everything. Sorry, plane crashes are big. They're a big fucking deal, specifically if you survive with them. Yes. But she also, though, is like, you know,

I'm not going to keep berating Devin Sawa. Like, I don't blame it. You guys are all fucking stupid. and whatnot. Because the teacher, I think, right here, does she announce, like, right here that she's moving also? Yes, and then, like,

Kirstsmith's like, oh, great, you made teacher leave town. I'm like, Kersmith, relax. That's it. He's like, you're my favorite teacher. It's like, you're just looking for a reason to be mad. That's not a real thing.

So Amanda Detmer then says, you can drop fucking dead. She steps off the curb and gets hit by a bus. She gets to meet Joe Black. It's pretty good. This is a pretty good one. It is a good to meet Joe Black Death.

This was in the trailer. I believe. Well, not the splatter. Well, not the splatter. All right. No, not the splatter, Steve. You got to splatter my D, dude. That B splattered.

No, no, no. No, that S my D, the other S my D. Don't splatter my dick. Suck it. I guess that's why you want to use specific terms. That's true. That's why words are important. Oh, no, it's been splattered.

You can't bring that back to life. What's your dick a splattered, dude? Forgive my... No, Megatron. I said S my D. I didn't mean S my D. Does he have a dick? Yeah, of course he does.

We spent five episodes on this. I think we landed on him having a dick. Yeah, that's right. Because then it's like when he gets refueled, it's like being blown. It's like the world's biggest Kawasaki motorcycle. So we cut to Devinzawa's drinking Alka-Seltzer. It's in this movie. because he's so like bugging out

and then it's also we cross cut to Allie Larder also drinking Alka Seltzer and it's a weird I was reading on the Tribune trivia about this and I don't know if the fucking weirdo who submitted this like got it off the DVD commentary or what but apparently they had like the one shot of Devin Sawa drinking the Alka Seltzer

but they didn't think it was enough like downtime after the horrifying splatter of the bus so they're like oh the audience needs to chill out a little more why not have another shot of someone else drinking I'm sorry at this point I would be going crazy

If I got off the plane It then exploded There's one of my My best friend just got mousetrapped death And then a bus Just fucking rolled over This other person I was friends with I'd be losing my mind

And Chris your favorite teachers Leaving town That's a bigger thing Yeah forget all this death Someone's moving away Also you D got splattered So he's watching the news with his old man and they show

like a seating chart and they're like oh the FAA's determined that there was a leak in this fucking thing it sparked a chain explosion through the gas line and you see like the chain of the explosion go through this little seating chart and Devin Sawa starts to realize hey I think this

is where everyone was sitting. Yeah. We're doing a lot of like I'm putting this seating chart up to a fucking television and tracing things. So stupid. And I mean like I guess you would remember but I wouldn't have that good of a memory of where everyone will see it. Especially in a bunch of horror.

So the idea is like those who got blown up first on the airplane would be the ones that were killed first by death and lucky for DS. I can't say his name. I won't say correctly. Is seated in the back? Yes. In the back of the plane?

So he should be the last one to go. Right. theoretically. So this is, he does the math here on his little seating chart and he realized that the teacher is next. So he starts, like, hanging around her house. She has him arrested briefly. Of course, it's fucking little weirdos hanging out of my house.

Ew. But this is, you. So this is like she's on the phone with somebody. And this is where she's talking about, like, oh, I got to move. I can't be around these kids anymore. Oh, look at that. One of these little weeners is outside right now looking at me. Yeah, he's picking his nose.

So then she's like. Hey, she opens your window. You know, I'm not getting paid right now. That's the only time I want to say. your ugly face close the window so he gets picked up by the FBI

Shrek and donkey come get him been there have you because you were stalking a teacher yeah yeah some people

were hot for teachers Steve Zadak was stock for teacher were you trying to rescue the princess yeah she's in another cast I'm stuck for teacher

stalked my deed dude see that's why you couldn't just say ass. No one didn't know what you meant. Yeah, so it's just like some dude like hanging around my D watching to go to work and shit. I said S my D dude like three days ago. Well, I am. Oh, you wanted to splatter. Hold on. Gers splat. Gere splat. G. My D. Dude, Gallagher, that shit. This is where she flips through the record collection. She goes, oh, mom's favorite. This is John Denver. So you hear this beautiful Rocky Mountain High. You know somebody's in trouble.

Who has viciously died out of my collection? Ooh, Sunny and Cher. The mama's and the papa. It's perfect. My question is, did the John Denver estate know what they were signing on for? Was it like a, oh, we want to use it for a horror movie. Oh, what kind of horror movie? Oh, never mind. I think it might be a like take what you can get situation. Yeah, they're kind of into it lately. You know, like Alien Covenant has John Denver. And I fucking loved it. I think that's one of the reasons why I like that movie. I love me a lot.

I do, too. You can fucking ask my D. That's why I like son-in-law so much. By the way, S-my-D, I'm sorry, I should clarify, you can shout in my direction if you disagree with you. Not shout at your dick. Shouting at my dick. So this teacher has the mouse trap death of the millennium. She's trying to make tea.

She's trying to settle her nerd. and she realizes the cup she's using is the fucking high school cups and like that's a bit much she freaks out she she cancels the tea and then pours ice cold vodka in it and then cracks the cup that leads this fucking mousetrap

scenario it's insane put the vodka in the computer monitor it's just pouring into that computer how do you not notice that like how stupid is this person she deserves to die yeah she kind of does And it starts fizzling, and she, like, looks at it.

And this, the monitor explodes. A shard of computer monitor glass cuts her throat. And you'd think that should be enough, Tony Todd. And he's like, no, I'm not taking any chances. Well, this dude, he is the fucking Death Mac Daddy. Yeah, that's true. You don't fuck with him. She's, like, trying to, what goes on?

She's bleeding. Then, oh, by the way, with the explosion, fire is now, following her around the apartment because she's got she's leaking vodka the booze is burning up and this is all I'm going to go the fire is following it

S my D S my D get back here she falls on the floor because of the like she's slipping on her own blood yes she falls on the floor and she's trying to pull this towel down to like wrap it around her neck

and we had seen earlier in the scene she puts the towel over this knife rack which I know I do all the time yes she pulls it down to try to you know cover up the wound a knife falls right into her fucking chest breaks through the rib cage no problem there yep it's kind of impressive and Devin Sawa shows up just this moment is it oh my gosh let me start grabbing like dude I would be very much like where's the phone I'm gonna call 911 here yeah exactly hands in the air and also just immediately pulling out a knife out of someone like first of all you're just going to make them bleed

even more yeah now she's gone yeah and and then now you're you've got the your hands on the murder weapon and what you want to do is just put your hands in the blood yeah that's the smartest thing to do in the situation is just walk away exactly that's true you got to walter white that shit you're like look at it you just go that's enough for me i'm going to watch her expire and then quietly leave the room well and that this teaches you he why he's not thinking because he gets there and when he notices he can do nothing to help the situation,

he leaves and Sean William Scott sees him right before the thing explodes. Sean William Scott's got to be taken care of. Oh, yes, definitely. By the way, Walter White also caused a plane crash. Oh, that's right. But it's a weird, Sean Williams got eerily riding his bike at night

in the suburbs. I've never seen him in a performance like this. It's so strange. unsettling. Everything else, he's just Steve Stifler. Hello, mother. Exactly. That's kind of the thing. It's not super dorky. It's just immature, which is

an interesting kind of choice. Yeah, he's not a nerd. He's just like a gentle immature goofball. He's an innocent. It's like really fucking, especially what happens next with him. Right. So the fuck, like, he sees Devin Sowell running out of the house. The house explodes.

Great fucking IRL explosion. Absolutely. That's why you want to watch this on DVD. Don't pour vodka on your computer monitor because your house will explode. That's exactly right. That's a lesson to be learned from this A to B. It's a crazy chain of events. So she's dead. S my D. I said sip my drink. What are you doing? What? Hold on. I mean, I was wondering how I was going to splatter in this place. That's an interesting fetish having your drink

sipped. Oh yeah. Look at oh, she's totally taking a sip of my whiskey. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you like that? Don't touch the ice. Don't touch the ice. Don't, oh, God. A single malt. The girlfriend experience is $100. It's me taking a sip of your drink.

That's $8. Oh, my God. All right, I got $16. That's two sips. Okay, all right. Oh, two sips. I get to keep the drink. So we all meet up at the fucking monument,

the death monument. Yeah, sure. It's the surviving members. It's Carter, Allie Larder's character, Devin Sawa, and, Billy Hitchcock there, Steve Stiffler. And the coach is just like, God damn it. We were 18 and oh, that should be my name on that monument.

You know, I spent so many months fundraising to get this monument erected. That's a monument to my dead dreams. A record died that day. A quarterback was on the plane. But so they say like, all right, we all got to like stand together. Devonsawa explains the situation again. This is what, no, Devon Sawa is missing for some reason and

only, oh, you're right, you're right, excuse me. He's on the run. You're right, excuse me. He's on the run. He goes to the fucking crazy cabin. No, no, this is coming up. This is the Jones Beach sequence. They all drive to Jones Beach. They have sex and then they all get in this car together and they don't have sex. It's not in the movie, but they should have sex because she starts calling him baby.

They all get in the car at this point and like Devin Salas now explain the thing in the car. Now, you're right. And now Curse Smith is freaking out. He's like, So what am I going to die in any moment? He's like, yeah, have you been watching the movie? He's like, no. No, I haven't.

I've been busy. I don't know what happened. Your girlfriend just died. Oh, yeah. Man, I haven't been following along for shit. Dude, I got lost for a while. On the beach, though, I do want to point out because this is obviously, after this, you would have sexual intercourse because she explains to him.

She recants the tale of her father's violent death. Oh, God. Because she's like, oh, I've been thinking. about, you know, death, obviously and just the randomness of everything. My dad went into his 7-Eleven and the guy told him, he came up from behind and said, don't turn around.

And my dad thought it was a friend being funny. So he turned around. And a man shot him in the face. You know what, dude. Don't turn around. Also, like, this gives Devin Sawa a boner. It does.

I mean, there's clearly intercourse here. But this is also, so she's like, oh, my dad died and then my mom couldn't handle. and then she got a new boyfriend who's now her husband and he didn't want kids so now she doesn't either and now I live

at the end of fucking cigarette road in an abandoned museum I don't know how this happened the last part just don't worry about it that's what happened they should just double up

and have Anne Haysh play her guy in charge of the lady in charge of her too exactly do you think it's a thing where they just left her that house like you know what we're heading west this shit's paid for

you can stay in this Old barn. Or you could ask my D. Sell my dwelling. But later in the movie, this house is showed to have boards on the windows. So like, what the fuck happened? The whole reason was abandoned. They just nailed it to this.

Yeah, I'm going to leave you the house. We're going to be back on maybe Thanksgiving. A board up my windows because that's my bedroom. That's not your bedroom. You're not allowed to sleep in there. I want the windows board it up, Missy. It's Long Island, dude. Maybe it was hurricane season.

Oh, could be. I wouldn't go to my bank and try to take anything out of my account. They might take a put a gun to you. Because I told them there's some strict shit. So Allie Larder says like, all right, well, my uncle or something has a cabin in the woods. We can go there and like be safe. Yes. Is the idea.

And this dude, Carter is just not fucking having it. And he's like, well, if we're all going to hell, we're all going to hell. we're all going to go to hell tonight and he's like driving like an asshole he's all over the road he's taking his hands off the wheel because also devonsawa tells him at this point that mathematically or on his list like he's next no he doesn't say who's next he said he might be next and he's he takes that as gospel and he's freaking out or whatever so she says stop the fucking car he stops it on the train tracks and of course there's a train coming by the way and now both devon Sala and Ali Larder are in hell, which is in the back seat of a two of a two door car.

That's like literally, you know, fate worse than death? I hate it. I hate riding in two door cars. They're like, can I just get out of the car. I can't get out of the car. Yeah, guys got to get out. Oh, you got to lean, you know, you know what the worst of those is as when someone tries to move the seat forward. But refuses to get out of the car.

Yeah. To get you lazy ass out of the car so I can get out of this fucking stupid two door car. Why don't you just say, can I ask your D? sit by your door. Oh yeah, you're right, Kevin. I didn't think of that. It's also known as riding shotgun. Easy. It's very easy.

So, they're yelling and we get out of the car, get out of the car. He won't, but Sean William Scott does. So they get out. I love that Devin Sama closes the passenger side door. Like, well, I mean, you know. He's still a polite kid. You don't want to leave a door open. And then Kerr Smith realized

he does want to live, but uh-oh, death does have it in for him. And there's some signs before that about the seatbelt. Well, Devin Zawa starts having visions and he realizes that he can use these visions to his advantage by, you know, he can see what's going to happen and then prevent it from happening.

Yeah. And make death skip the person. And with the seatbelt is stuck, so he gets through it, he gets the kid out. The car explodes by the train and like they're having this loud argument. He's like, I did it, I did it. And Sean William Scott's like, you know what, you guys are a bunch of jerks. I don't want to talk to any of you guys.

anymore he's doing this like i want to be out of this movie and then there's like a shard of car i guess it's under the it's still on the tracks and the vibrations are making it like flip and fly on under the train it comes i mean it's so stupid with this much velocity yes but that's what i'm talking this is why this is another mouse trap death i am oh yeah because this thing shoots out and cuts his head off but like yeah from like the middle of his mouth like it's a good like his jaw is Like the bottom of his jaw is left on there. I've never seen the actual original vanishing, but I've seen the remake with Jeff Bridges.

Jeff Bridges and Keeper Sutherland. Yeah. And that's how Jeff Bridges goes. Spoiler for the movie. Yeah, well, yeah, I've been seen a 35-year-old movie. Keeper Sutherland takes a shovel into his mouth and shoves it. Nice. And it goes right through.

Yeah. That's pretty bad. It's fucking killer. So, yeah, so Billy Hitchcock drops dead. And so this is dead. He asked his D actually. He shoveled his death. Right.

And so this is where Sawa can confirm. He's like, oh, I saved Carter. Yeah. And then the next person in line was Billy, and now Billy's dead. So it skips a person if you can prevent their death is the idea. And he's like, okay, I'm next. I'm going to go to Claire's house. I'm sorry.

I hate to interrupt you. But there was a great production design detail right here. When they're having this argument, even after Sean Williams got is killed, you catch the look of Carter his pants The kid definitely is pissed his pants It's so awesome Of course you would

But it's a great detail Not enough people In terrifying situations In cinema pissed their own pants I'm in my pants Would be wet this entire Oh I'd be peeing my pants In tons of different movies

Walking off the plane I'd have piss in my pants I'd ask my D I would shit my drawers Exactly He also has the dumbass line I must be a guy and then someone says gods don't die we do yeah great and hey great so now he's in this cabin

and claire's dad's fucking whatever fucking nightmare shack it's where he wrote his manifesto exactly and he's like trying to like booby trap booby trap it proof like he's putting corkscrews or cork on all of like the ragged edges kind of a thing what is the deal with the uh the duct tape what was he doing this? I guess the idea that things wouldn't be able to move out and like fall on them. Oh, I see. I mean, they've gone full like Michael Shannon and bug at this point. This movie should end with somebody lighting themselves on fire. And I do think that was pretty good in this movie in doing the panic shit. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. He's paranoid. It's pretty obvious. That's his like motivation. The paranoia is good shit. Yeah, he hits it. Is he eating cat

food in this scene? I don't know what's going on. Because that's a can that, you know what? a titch too tiny for tuna. Yeah, it looks like cat food. I wouldn't put it past him. Because he makes, he's moving his jaw, there's like a little gristle in there. I was like, I think he's eating cat food. Also, like, he's

he also has this elaborate plan and he's relying on a kerosene lamp for fucking light. That's the least safe thing in the world. But did you see the fucking half ass safety precaution though? It's in water or something? It's like on a platform that's like also in, it's so

stupid. That just makes it unstable. You know what I mean? It's just going to easily fall over. Yes. Well, the best part is him shitting in the corner so he doesn't fall in. And at this point, he realizes, uh-oh, I did my math wrong because I was supposed to, I wasn't, it's either I was supposed to switch seats or I wasn't supposed to switch seats either way, I got to get out. He was going to switch seats back to be with Todd. So then he would have died earlier or he would have died later and Claire would have died first.

So then it's, it's Claire's turn. And, uh-oh, she's in the middle of fucking. in the middle of an abandoned fucking wax museum. I don't even know where she is. This is like Edward Cisorhan's castle. Yes. I think Vincent Price was rolling around in there. Be serious.

So she goes to the broken glass museum. So, but as this is happening, Claire is like, hey, look, I'll tell you where he, she tells the FBI agents who are kind of character. She goes to Asian Trek and Asian donkey.

That, look, he's at this cabin. if you keep him safe you know that's where he is so they go and i mean like they come they come with a swat team which they should absolutely this kid gets away in a rowboat are you kidding me swat my d dude devon zawa jumping in this canoe and rowing away from fucking law enforcement is the single funniest thing how about just get a shot off on that canoe sink him he escapes them with a canoe and then they drive around to the other side of the shore or whatever this is. Yeah, the Long Island sound. Yes, they, so they drive to Connecticut and he shows up in Connecticut and he just runs away and he evades them again. It's pretty, I mean, these guys are

dunderheads, man. The weird thing about this is he kind of keeps almost dying at this point and I'm like, but wait, isn't he not on the list? Like, you know what, how does that work? I don't think the list matters anymore. I think that's the kind of thing. You could also just die. Oh, yeah. It does not to get you, but, you know, you can also be stupid. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, I guess that's true. In any of those sequels, do any of the characters, I mean, do they follow the same like there's a line of people? It's not like this at all in the sequels. The pattern, I think, is just thrown out the way.

You know, because it would be awesome. Yeah, it's a little hard. Well, it would be rad, though, if it was like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to beat death at his own game and someone kills themselves. Are there any suicides in that in those sequels? Remember there's being. Just in the audience, I think. Yeah. Boy, would Tony Todd's face be red, dude, if someone beat the Grim Reaper at his own game?

I mean, that's what I would be OD overdosing. This is a wrong episode to say that. So what do you do to your dick, dude? You're over-dicking? Been there. You got a blister. Agent Shrek is going to investigate you're over-dicking, dude. no in any event but yeah i would be like i would do all of the hardest drugs and just be like that's the

way i'm going to go down totally if fucking tony if it's going to happen for sure that's what's going to go out guns blazing steve uh but like yeah devon sawa escapes being impaled by a tree at this point oh i forgot about that weird tree and like claire is like oh man this is cool look at my fucking abandoned mansion and she hears her dog barking outside there's thunder and lightning going on this. Now lightning hits a power line near our house and there's a live wire just whipping around. This live wire is one of the greatest

characters of the movie. Exactly, because it hangs out for like 30 minutes. This kind of nuts. This thing could easily qualify for supporting as Oscar nomination. It does, but it also roars. Yeah. Yeah. It's alive, dude. It's like the electric gremlin. I think it's the same wire

from the ice storm. Oh, yeah. dude, that guy got her on. He got work. I think that roared, too. And it's, it's whip it around. And she's like, oh, no, my dog's out there. And I'm like, I'm the biggest animal person there ever would be. I would almost do anything for my cats. But if I am on the Grim Reaper's shit list, and there's a live wire outside my house, sorry, Sparky. You'll see it next week. The dog should know better. You can fucking think roaring at it. You can fucking get away from this better than I could. And also, you assume you're going to die anyway, so you'll see him eventually. Exactly. Maybe up there.

And also, this looks like an older dog. It's like a German Shepherd. It's barking. Shut up, you stupid beast of shit. You started to do that bath and you're just like, well, probably three, four years left anyway. I'm just saving myself some vet bills at this point. Exactly. I got some hair from him.

I can clone him later. Exactly. Wait, you're going to ask my dee strides in my dog. Because she fucking has those weird clones. She definitely does. So Sawa shows up and he's like, she's like in the car. She backs out of her garage door. The fucking garage door opener falls down on the windshield.

Like death is really trying his heart is here. Rose McGarrowing's hanging out of the garage, I guess. I'll be right back. Yeah. And so, yeah, he comes up and he's like, all right, here's the deal. I'm going to distract Mr. Live Wire. you get out of the car so then he starts rasseling with this fucking thing

and it's like because yeah and like she jumps out he gets zapped he goes flying which is kind of funny we get one of the two babies oh no baby are you okay baby baby baby yeah it's fucking crazy how did they not be like you know what

we should eliminate any kind of like you know lovey-dovey talk like that just in case we cut the fucking scene or just have to make out or kiss at some point just to make it okay. Yeah, do a reshoot on the beach

of them kissing for half a second and you cover your bases. By the way, Shrek and Donkey are also on scene for this. They see the car explode now as well. They're doing jack shit. Dude, they're S&D, my friends. S and D.

This is our thesis. Thank you. That's it for tonight. Hackman and Kane in the same movie, dude. I could stop watching TV. But they watch this kid get zapped. And we kind of cut to a hospital almost. And this is like, the ending is so clearly a reshoot.

Oh, without question. Because not only is Alley Larger blonde now, because she just just blonde anyway. And it's like, I'm not dyed my hair again. Well, six months later, dude, don't worry about it. And fucking, I mean, literally, Devin Sawa looks totally different. Like, everyone is. It's really stupid though. So it's the, so it's six months later, the three surviving people now. So Carter, Ali Larder, and Devin Sawa, they all are in. and they're like, you couldn't, by the way, I would be John Madden for the rest of my life. You could not get me on a fucking plane

ever again. Six months. It's ridiculous. And also going to Paris with your high school bully, who you had sort of an okay near-death experience. Yeah, sure. Right. I mean, he was, Carter was still a fucking dick. But dude, they

SD, man. They shut out death. So now they're buds. I think this is turned into an E2 Mama final destination. by the way, the three of these people. Or actually more appropriately, the dreamers, where dreamers are in each other. It's France.

You can just fucking hang your D out the window and get a bunch of people to get up there. You have a whole thing going on. But it's so dumb because the way they're delivering this dialogue, it's like, wow, Paris. I never thought we'd finally get here. I'm like, those people are,

I mean, they're finally cold in the ground, but it's been six months. I would, woohoo, Paris. Could you imagine going back to town about this crippled town that was really like with like you want to hear about my parents vacation

no my son is still dead yeah who are you talking to there's no friends left oh maro this fucking kid went to where how fucking day you so they're like sitting at this cafe and Devin's always like you know one more thing

about our whole death adventure and the two of them are like you know what man shut the fuck up oh then the waiter comes by I was like oh yeah so what would you like Could you ask my D? What the, what did you said to me? Zutte my duck, please. Thank you.

I would like you to saute my duck. Thank you very much. So they're like, oh, here we go again, dude. What are you saying with your crazy conspiracy theory? And he's fucking got a little piece of paper. He's mapping it all out again. And then like the dude Carter fucking freaks out. And he's like, you know what?

Fuck you, man. This is what we came here for. And then like this huge, looks like the sign for the Moulin Rouge starts coming down. What happens is, um, uh, In this moment, Devin Sauer realizes he's the next one. He's like, you guys stay here. I got to go back to the hotel. Oh, you're right.

You're right. He's going to go and a bus almost hits him. And I'm like, I saw the bus already, guys. But he escapes it. Well, doesn't he have a vision here of the bus, like driving by? I think he does. And then, like, it causes all sorts of chaos. Like it goes to like a fruit stand or something.

Kirstmith saves him, pushes him out of the way. And then picks up and he's like, well, who's next? And as he's saying, who's next, then the Maloon Rouge sign. is coming at him and you know he's pretty much he's toast. It swings down and I think it's like just as is about to make contact we cut to black. Right, that sign, uh, S is D. Singles

is, say Singles is 10. Signal. Yes. But let me tell you that blackout gag cut to me in the theaters in the year 2000 the theater went fucking ape shit. It's a good ending. It's a way to end a movie man

and the audience responded in kind. It was fucking crazy. They SD at that moment. They shouted the devil. It was, it is a good ending. It's a strong, I mean, it's clearly a reshoot. I would love to know what the original was, but it's, it's a strong ending. They get all on a plan again and just explodes right there.

Oh, no. It should have been a scene. Here's what it is. You can go to Paris again. That's fine. But then, by the way, fucking Kerr Smith is not on this vacation. There's also in the cafe scene, they are holding hands throughout the entire thing. but they're like

we finally did it like we avoided it like we now we're here let's get out of our lives fucking Tony Todd is the waiter at the cafe yes there you go or he's like he sits down

maybe it's like the dark night rises at the end there like they see each other at the cafe like across the way Tony Todd's reading the newspaper he just sort of like nods at Devon Sawa

on Allie Larderner I won't bury a I won't not bury another so Whatever, man. That's the movie. Now, there's two of you have seen the entire franchise. Do you want to rank them really quickly? Oh, yeah. I think everyone has to rank them. Steve, she can start. You're going to ask my D, my friend. What's that? It's just one one to one. Yeah, I just, I've won. I haven't seen any sequels.

It's just the two of you. Chris Gavin, go first. I think it's three is the best because I think it's where you things get self-aware enough where they're just like good deaths. Let's just do good deaths. That's what matters. Let's do that. We need. We know everybody's coming for this. This one is number two just because it's in the, I mean, it's the original. Yeah. After that, it's kind of a crapshoot, but I would say probably two, five, four. Does two attempt to continue the mythos at all? Because Allie Larder's in the movie, right?

Alley Lard is in the movie, what they do is each one of them opens with, like, a big death. Right. But, like, this is an airplane. The second one's, like, a roller coaster. Ten car pile up. Third one is a roller coaster. Okay. That's the only thing they really do.

Benchon Bridge in one of them. I think that's a fourth one. Or maybe the fifth. Could be. Yeah. Anyway, my rankings are one, three, five, two, and four. So we switch two and five and three and one, and that's our. There it is.

There you go. Now, as far as final destination, anybody recommend the OG FD? I would, yeah, 100%. It's a super fun movie. It's too long. It loses gas. Like, every time I watch it. movie i'm always like why isn't this working better because you only when you stop watching it

you remember the good stuff but the experience isn't as good as the memory of it it's it's a totally fun movie it's also a hangover movie movie for sure yeah it's a good one i like it i think it only works as a hangover movie honestly because the problem is is that what we're talking about is like there's only two uh like mousetrap that's like these needs more deaths like fucking Shrek and donkey they should be dead like it's just two big deaths and then Sean Scott gets his head fucking cut off

but like after that I was kind of like okay I'm like I'm done here that is a great point because these these fat no nothing cops what are they doing in this movie they need to be killed yeah that's true yeah they should Tony dad's like you're intervening it would be one thing if they like

continue to wonder and built up the fact that he might have blown up the fucking plane that might have led somewhere but they don't do that. Right, right. Yeah, they kind of just do nothing. Um, I would recommend it because it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's fun enough, you know, I had a good enough time watching it. Right. I'd also recommend number three. Three, I think, is a, is a state tuned and a half, maybe a spooktacular coming. Oh, I would know about it. Yeah. Uh, yeah, I'd actually recommend this. I think like as far as the year 2000 and horror, you know, this was a little different. It did

like set off a nice like little successful franchise here 100% in the hangover category because even with this movie where there's more story quote unquote like at this point in like 2019 everybody knows what these movies are you're just watching and see the stupid silly deaths anyway so it's totally fine wait so this is a round of the horn recommend yeah full on so i mean you should you should ask that d see the DVD that is final destination directed by james wong if you want more we hate movies. Check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. Where this month we are running

a special episode on Death Wish 2018. It's amazing. Yeah, we got a ton of stuff on their Death Witch 2018. We're doing a nexus on city on the edge of forever and elementary or dear data. You almost want to listen to that one. Speaking of Shrek and Donkey, the animation

damnation is on Pussin' Boots. That's right. That's right. The only good part of Shrek too. Yeah, there's is an animated show. There's apparently an animated show on Netflix. And we did the episode, Brother, my brothers, I think. And this is a gleepe glossary on the $8 level of the Hammerhead Alien from the Mosais and Kintina. Yeah, Moma Nadan or

Mama Nadeon, whatever you prefer to call him. He's a gleepe glop in that canteen a scene and that's just new side show we did at the $8 level. Where I tell these guys, Star Wars facts and they laugh about it. So there it is. And as always on we, movies. There's a new episode right around the corner. Steve Sadek, which episode are we talking? So this is final destination. Oh yeah. Get it right this time. I will get it right or pay the price. We're actually continuing our Sean Williams Scott Love Fest because next week we are talking

about, dude, where's my car? Oh, that is episode. I guess it's going to be episode 420. It very well could be. There it is. Is that true? Is that actually I think so, yeah. Wow. If we plan that, we're pretty smart. So until next week, where someone's a dude and something else is sweet.

I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Take it easy.