We Hate Movies - S9 Ep419: Episode 419 - Serenity (2019) (CLIP)

Episode Date: May 3, 2019

On this month's full-length bonus episode, the gang is chatting about the absolutely ridiculous Matthew McConaughey/Anne Hathaway neo-noir (?), Serenity! Why is he a single-customer—WHOOPS! This episode is for subscribers only. To access the full show, head on over to our Patreon page and sign up today! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

His name is Baker Dill on the island She calls him John Mason Which I'm sure Who else is John Mason? That's like a movie name That I've heard a million times You're thinking of John Matrix

Yeah, right, John Matrix Hello, my name is John Matrix Now, you know what, if fucking Commando ended and it's like Arnold Schwarzenegger, you've always been in a video, I'm like, yeah, obviously. Of course, that makes perfect sense. Commando. Commando may be

the greatest video game adaptation of all time. Of a non-video game. Exactly. A non-existent video game random shots of Alyssa Milano at a computer screen just typing away. Hackety hackin making this game. My daddy told me about all the people he slaughtered. Yeah, like his dad, her dad died in Nicaragua, and she made a game about him and his fun adventures. Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's like the bonus level is when like he's ripping the door off the car or the seat out of the car and you got to like press the buttons really fast. Oh, like Street Fighter. Yeah, exactly. Come on, rip that car seat out. Matrix can't get in the car unless you rip the car seat out. A, B, A, A B, A B, A B. A B. So what is that in the street fighter? A B. A B. A B. A B. B. So what is that in the street fighter? I got to beat up his. Are you like beating up Blanca's car after you defeat him? I think it's a thing. Oh, no. Now I can't even drive myself to the hospital. These are all M. Bison false insurance claims. I see. Hey, can you beat up this car?

I told Allstate that I got in a wreck. I think it might be a thing where, like, you just have to beat the shit out of that car for fear that you're so amped up from your victory, you might go and beat up one of those spectators that are watching on the airport runway. Got it, got it. This could be you.

Yeah, it's a safety precaution. Okay. Yeah, E. Honda's going to fucking smash the guy in the steam room. Yeah, so that's the other thing. He's got a stupid name, Baker Dill. That's his name. And, yeah, so it's like John Mason,

nobody calls me that anymore. It's Baker Dill. Hey, I'm Baker Dill. And she, it is revealed, is his ex-wife. And she says something about, like, of course you pick that name because Dylan Baker was, was the kid's favorite teacher

some shit? What was that line? One of his favorite teachers was a math teacher. Oh, okay. And I think his name was just, was it just Baker Dill? Oh, no, Dylan Baker. He is a huge fan of the film, Happiness. Oh, sure. He likes all the stuff that he did. That's right. Yeah. That guy's a real brave actor to be a pedophile like that,

man. And that guy really should have been the lizard. You know what? That guy should have been a lizard. Talk about Hollywood. Classic Case of getting strung along for a role, man. He's in three movies. They never let him be the lizard. I'm just, I'm going to tell you, I love Sam Ramey. I love Evil Dead, Evil Tattoo, even Army of Darkness, but that was a raw deal he handed the Dillon Baker. That's some shit.

That's some real fucking shit. So now after my alternate identity, it's Baker Dill. I also have a sandwich named after me of the Baker Dill, which is just bread and pickles. Oh, ew. Butter pickles, a little smear mustard, not terrible. No, no mustard, just pickles. bread. I ain't got no middle name

named mustard. My name Baker Mustard Deal. Also, by the way, just a quick pro tip for the real world. If you ever meet someone named Baker Deal,

clearly they're hiding their identity. Yeah, exactly. Because that is about as fake as a name can get. And that's why, that's not what I'm looking for in a guy that's taking me

out on the, on the ocean. I want, I want documents. I want fucking. Credentials on the wall. Exactly. That boat better be clean.

Because, and I mean, like this is Ann Hathaway's plan, it's like, hey man, anyone can go missing on these boats. Of course they can. It's the ocean. Yep. It's terrifying. You're out there. You could

fucking kill somebody and no one can prove otherwise. Look what happened to Natalie Wood. Yes. Yeah, my name is a Baker Dill. Yeah. Yeah, we went fishing and she fell. Baker Dill fishing enterprises. She hooked a tuna. That was her end. Listen, Robert, Robert Vaughn was in a video game. game.

It was Robert Wagner. Robert Wagner. I wish nowhere to be found there. Robert Vaughn impression for no reason. Gene Hackman, give me any contract trouble? Just get Robert Vaughn. I'll do it. That's the Robert Vaughn promise.

I'll do anything Hackman will do for one-third the price. I was almost in Royal Tenenbaum. You need a father figure and when you're Jesus-y-movie? Robert Vaughan's your man.