We Hate Movies - S9 Ep425: Episode 425 - Deep Rising (with Jamelle Bouie)

Episode Date: June 11, 2019

On this week's episode, the 2019 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza rolls on as the gang welcomes journalist and friend of the show, Jamelle Bouie in-studio to chat about the 1998 big-budget b-movie, Deep Rising! What's with Kevin J. O'Connor's riffing? How did Famke Janssen's Catwoman-esque jewel thief movie wind up on this pleasure cruise? And how bad ass is Wes Studi? PLUS: Bernie Sanders recruits the Deep Rising monster, a fellow Brooklyn native, to feast on the Top One Tenth of the One Percent! Deep Rising stars Treat Williams, Famke Janssen, Anthony Heald, Kevin J. O'Connor, Wes Studi, Derrick O'Connor, Jason Flemyng, Cliff Curtis, Clifton Powell, Trevor Goddard, Una Damon, and Djimon Hounsou; directed by Stephen Sommers. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, it's like diehard on a cruise ship with monsters and a splash of Jurassic Park. It's Deep Rising. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zadak. Chris Cabin. Eric, Siska. And Jamel Bowie, I guess. And we hate movies. That was good.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. And that's right. As you heard up top, we are very delighted to welcome in studio today, a friend of the show, Jamel Bowie. You may know him from being a CBS news person. personality used to write for slate magazine the daily beast and now of course the new york times opinion column how are you buddy i'm doing pretty good thank you guys for having me yeah no this is really cool now this was i think kind of technically your pick so yeah i'm sort of curious what your history is with the movie and in how your love for it came to be so my history with this movie is extremely shallow i've seen it just a bunch over the years right um i think i probably saw it for the first time when I was in high school, a bunch of friends I would always get together every so often, just like watch a bad movie, watch something terrible, it's how I saw.

We like, one night just like bingled this summer party master movie. It's like that kind of thing. Oh, nice. And I have been watching this movie on and off for a long time. And I just enjoy it. It's sort of, I appreciate that the writers, the director, everyone involved was like going for a very high concept thing. right, like sort of die hard, you know, a bunch of people on a boat, confined spaces.

You get terrorists, you got sort of like corrupt people. And then why not let's just throw in a Lovecraftian beast. Let's throw in some like terror from the deep that no one understands that will murder everyone on the ship. Well, when you're watching different scenes in this movie, you're like, wait, which movie am I watching? Is it the Lovecraftian movie or is it like a diehard movie or whatever? And it's like, it's kind of all of it? For the first 20 minutes, right? It feels like a very familiar, it feels like a sub-Steven Segal movie even, really?

Sort of like Treat Williams, who is the star, is like, is the guy you call after the first six names of decline. Yeah, a couple of hang-ups. And so, you know, it feels very rote and standard, which I enjoy nonetheless, I like, I watch, siege a lot. It could have used a giant like monster from the deep. And it on top of me. Yeah, yeah.

Tommy Lee Jones could play electric guitar on top of the monsters. Steven Seagall can cut off a tentacle and put it in the microwave and be like set to cook pizza set. You think you're a tough guy? You got your big tentacles? He does the

slap hands thing with a tentacles up. Tenticles up. Come on. Are you going to eat in the ocean worm? you're going to try to eat me now? That's actually the saddest part about doing some of these movies is I haven't watched Fire Down Below. Is that that that movie? Is that with Howie Law?

Oh, no, no. That's Firestore. I'm thinking of Undeadly Ground, which is years ago and I haven't seen, that's the Slappans movie. And now just watch it, like, oh, I miss that movie. But I've done it and kind of like filed it away, but I do miss it. Oh, you should call it.

It wants to hear from you. I should say this is, of course, Deep Rising from 1998, directed by Sir Stephen Summers. We did Summers last week, and now it's these endless summers. Endless Summers, indeed. What was last week, what the hell that we do? G.I. Joe.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra. This was his first, like, big production, right? Because this is the year before the Mummy. He was like a Disney director before this, which is weird. He did the live action jungle book of 94 and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn with Elijah Wood. Yes, I remember that. And then he went to Hollywood, pictures, which is, like, Disney's, for a while was Disney's, like, serious label, and he was

like, hey, I'm going to do, like, this monster movie. And it was made, I think it was done mostly by 96, by the end of 96. And they just had an effects issue that made it go after Titanic, after Anaconda. Let me tell you something, Chris Cabin. Yeah, they just had, like, that's the same month. Like, this is the seventh or so month that Titanic's number one. I would argue it still has an effects issue. I was going to say that effects issue, not carried It's not incorrect. I, you know, the weird thing about this is, like you said, Jamel, the fact that it's Treat Williams is kind of amazing because originally it was supposed to be, or they offered it to Harrison Ford with a budget of X. And then he said, no, and they slashed it down to whatever this was very obviously.

And Treat Williams is that guy. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. The substitute, he got that from Tom Barringer's garbage. You know what I mean? Like, Tom Barringer's like, I'm done with his shit. And he's like, yeah, that jacket. it looks pretty good and he wears it. I mean, Stephen

Summers really moneyballed this cast really well. Right. He got like, Harrison Ford, you spend all your money on him. But instead of that, you just break up, you got Cliff Curtis, Clifton Powell, Trette Williams, Fanky Jansen. I mean, just names after me. Jamon Hans, is just like

hanging out when I saw, when I watched this like more recently before, before, for this, but maybe a couple months ago with my wife, because she hadn't seen it because she's a, the same regular... Honey, you gotta watch Deep Rising. Once a year, at least.

Kind of like a once a year thing. I love this information. Around the holidays? Not around the holidays. You want to watch something. You don't want to think too much about it. It's 10.30 already. You don't want to go to bed just yet.

Maybe you want to, like, dick around on the computer, too. And it's like, let me just throw on Deep Rising. I know I'm going to enjoy it. I know when the kills are going to come so I can look up, take it in, go back to what I'm doing. But we were watching it, and I just had forgotten he was in the movie. And I was like, this motherfucker. It's like famous now.

Yeah. And it's just like, it gets like an axe to the head. 20 minutes in. This was this follow up to Amistad, which is, I mean, but to Chris's point,

I guess they probably filmed this way before Amistad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably not like what Jim and Huntsu's manager, but all right, you're going to come out with Amistad. It's going to be great. They want to follow that up

with like a deep rising kind of film. You know, one for them. Do you think one of Spielberg's producers saw like an early cut of Deep Rising and was like saying. I got it. I was shocked.

I was shocked because I mean I grew up with this movie too and I will fully admit I didn't realize I was watching with my wife last night and I was like oh yeah I saw this movie a lot she said why did you watch a movie a lot and then like the first scene of that Famca Jansen I'm like oh that's right it was just like I was 14 absolutely but no

but I forgot how deep this cast is including Cano for Mortal Kombat Kano for Mortal Kombat definitely in this movie I was healed yeah yeah it's like why is that guy seemed so familiar Yeah, the angry Australian guy. His Wikipedia page is really interesting. By the way, he's passed away.

Yes, he has passed. He's British, but always pretended to be Australian. Oh, is that right? Yeah, like, he was just tell people he was Australian, and then he just played roles as Australian. Did he think, like, he got like some sort of market cornered with Australian? Before the internet, you could just Don Draper anything. Well, did you read that thing about how after he portrayed Cana,

all the versions portrayed Kano by the way The BAFTA nominated movie Mortal Kombat It's not like fucking Paul Giamatti playing John Adams That's a portrayal But Kano, you know He studied Kano for a long time Got into Kano's head

Kind of figured out a lot of video game playing Memorize those fatalities John Adams is my favorite Mortal Kombat character Finish him Like every Mortal Kombat game they made afterwards Kano now has an Australian accent Like where he just didn't talk before He was just like

It was such a good portrayal That it rewrote the history of the game Wow And now even though he's passed away This guy's like immortalized His legacy lives on dude He's Gato related legacy He's immortal with it

Immortal combat Yes exactly Oh Anthony Healed is also in this movie Of Silence of the Lambs And Boston Public A show I watched way too much of And had no business watch I kind of miss that guy

Like he's like a good character A squirmy worm character He need a smarmy asshole. Anthony Heald was there for you. He's a dean. He'll be a dean, a crooked judge, for sure. He's probably just retired now. I saw he's coming out with something, like nothing big, but little stuff here and there.

He's all those actors that, like, David Fincher would, like, fish back up to be in a small, like, lawyer role somewhere. And then it's a, like, a supporting Oscar nomination out of it. Probably. So this movie starts off, a We Hey Movies favorite, a little bit of a scroll. Not so much a scroll, but like a little intro tech. And it's such horseshit. Just this information of like, the sea is pretty deep. But at some parts, it's deeper.

Well, it's just, yeah, well, it's like the South China Sea, something, something. Underwater mountain rain. Yeah, and it's like, if you drained it, you could fit the Himalayas in it or something. You could get into the hollow earth down there, I think. I would just go full Bermuda Triangle. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought, yeah, exactly. That's what this should be.

Well, you can wipe it all and just say, monsters? Or I would get it. Look at this old map of the sea. It says, here be monsters. right here at this longitude latitude. Enormous ocean worm? Eh? Maybe. A lot of vessels have vanished, we're told,

and the mysteries have never been solved. So he's, um, is there, it's almost like a first kill, but it's not, because you see like monster POV. Definite monster POV. I was so excited. And it's sort of screaming in pain for some reason. I didn't get that part, but yeah.

Well, because James Cameron was chasing it around with his camera. What was going on? I was actually, speaking of James Cameron, sorry, but Cliff Curtis is in this movie and I was like, what's Cliff Curtis been up to? And it's like, she called.

He was doing. Ah, you know, we're old buddies. How you doing? It was like he did, it's like, oh, he's in like, Fear the Walking Dead, this, that and the other thing is like, nothing for a while. And then he's in all of the next four Avatar movies. I'm like, man.

Those don't exist. No, they don't exist. They don't exist or not. That is such a, I'll believe it when I see it. Like, I can't even tell you. Like, every six months, there's like a fake poster that comes out.

It's like, Avatar, we promise. No way. Not telling my fucking fat asses in that theater seat, which I know it will be, because that's how pathetic I am. I hate that first movie. I'm going to see the rest of these. The crazy thing right is an avatar is this massively, like, well-grossing movie, like made a ton of money. Apparently, a lot of people saw it. A lot of people love it. So theoretically, there are people who like every day, they open up their computer. They go to like, I don't know, Google.com, when does the next avatar coming out? Oh, yeah. There's countdown websites, I bet.

They want to, they got to know. They're moving the football on you every single time that James came. And you have to, yeah, that person's probably furious every time. It's like not, you can just give people another one. Yeah. You don't have to say there's going to be four more. Like, let's take it one sequel at a time, everybody. No, you have to sink all your money into it.

Make it so it's an end, a studio ending disaster if these don't do well. I mean, we'll get to it at the end, but I'm very excited to talk about the fucking audacity of the end of this movie. It's pretty great. That's the other thing. I remember Famke Jansen and the end of this movie. Everything else was not so much. So Treat Williams is the captain of this like bucket of bolts kind of ship. It's outer space, dude.

The way they're piloting this boat, it's outer space. Absolutely. And again, because this was supposed to be Harrison Ford, this is like an F-grade Han Solo character. And this is why he turned it down. Yeah. Right. I see what you're doing here and I don't like it.

I think he turned it down for a lot of reasons, but that's definitely one of them. First of all, this fishbaka in this script is got it. Then they paired it down and then he left and then they just said, all right, no fishbaka. What would fish vodka be like, you think? Fun, dude. Jabberjaw, maybe?

Yeah, I could get into that. Oh, yeah. Maybe he's wearing like a cool little, like a sailor outfit a little bit. You know, like a cool one, though. Oh, but a cool one. Yeah, like a cool one. Not those lame sailor outfits. Isn't there a fish wearing a sailor outfit on something?

Is that like a tuner? can or something. Yeah, it's, uh, is it, is it a, is it a star kiss? Star, yeah, star kiss. I think it's, I think, I was going to say it's a dolphin, which is. That's what it really is. That's inside the can. No, I believe it's a shark and his name is Charlie.

And I know this because I watch way too much lifetime and there's a commercial with Candace Cameron Beret and it's like, it's a snack, right? Is it a beret or is a beaure? Yeah. Sorry. Uh, and basically. it's a buffalo chicken snack and it's in a bag

it's like one of those bag snacks you can just eat and it's like wet meat and she opens a bag and she's talking to this cartoon she's talking to this cartoon shark and she goes buffalo chicken in a bag bold choice Charlie which I love you know who eats meat from bags dogs and cats

you're eating dog food Candace Cameron a walking wet bag of meat I would remember that commercial if I thought I didn't not see that. Bold choice. You don't want to talk to anybody else today, huh? Well, I actually know it is Charlie the Tuna because I remember when we did the food fight episode 108 years ago. So he is a tuna? Yeah. That's Charlie the Tunes.

Hey, everybody. Not a dolphin. All right. You're right. Yeah. Definitely not a dolphin. Don't know why I think that. But it's also like you're making a cartoon out of something you're eating. Yeah. That's weird, right? I need a cartoon. Yeah, but like for McDonald's and stuff, it's like a clown. It's not like a fun cow. Yeah, I guess that's true. I'd be it in two cans, Sam. It's delicious. It's wonderful.

There's definitely bird inside of those fruit loots. Taco Bell had the Chihuahua for a while. That's definitely dog meat. It's great D beef. Come on. Fruit loops was made by bird bones. That's what. It was ground up and they reshaped it.

You know what? I don't care, man. Just paint them. Just sell it. Just paint those sugary bird bones. Yeah, so he is the captain of the ship. He's on this. It's one of those like, I'll take.

where you're going, don't ask any questions, I just want the money, as long as the check clears, whatever. That is, that's his first mistake. Well, that's how you fall in line with terrorists time and time again. Right, just like Hans Solo did. And I mean, I do like, you know, I get the idea you're doing like, you know, you're a rogue or whatever,

but that's how you get shot in the head and dubbed off the side of your own boat, which would have happened to treat Williams. Right about the scene, is this part of the movie is that West Studi is like the head terrorist villain. He was like, you want to know what's what we're transporting? And he's like, no, I don't really care. It's like, you sure you really don't want to know?

And it's sort of a, I'll kill you if you say yes. And I really want to kill you. So just say yes, please. It's a bizarre quiz. It's like, all right. Yeah. It's like, you know, I'll tell you. It's right back there.

Nah, wrong answer. Like, oh, shit. West Dutie, man, awesome in this movie. Yes. West Dutie totally rocks. He elevates everything that he's in. Oh, my God. I just realized he played SIGOT in that Street Fighter movie.

Holy shit. Oh, wow. Yeah. We got street fighters, we got Mortal Kombaters. That's amazing. I didn't remember that. Now this is something. I was just so fixated on him getting eaten on a gaming table.

Yeah, so I guess he's like the leader of this group is the idea. It's him. It's the dude who played Henry Jekyll in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Jason Fleming. Wow. Lockstock and two smoking barrels. That's one of those. That just made him famous.

But that was like in 96 too. So it was like, they got a. right off that. Oh shit. Look at all these hot commodities in this movie. Pretty great. But yeah, they're all, they're transporting something. It's warheads. Yeah, it's warheads. But Kevin J. O'Connor is, the comic relief. I had like one legitimate laugh with Kevin J. O'Connor in this movie, and I'll get to it eventually. But I was, he's super annoying. And he kind of amps up the annoying at certain points, but sometimes like, this guy's kind of funny. He's putting the juice in. Like, I really like him in this. Like, every time, like, they said he impersonate.

a lot, and it kind of shows. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, this is, I think, the most I've ever seen him do anything in a movie. He's hilarious and there will be blood. It is. When he falls asleep by the river and gets murdered? Yeah, yeah. I thought it was a very funny movie.

Well, we just had him in, what was a chill factor, where he's just in the prologue. Yeah. And he's, it's kind of the same character. Because in that movie, he's like the hip nerdy scientist, he's got a Hawaiian shirt on. He's calling the scientist like Dr. J. and whatever, right?

And this is kind of that, but he's just like, I think he owes Treat Williams some kind of life debt, much like a Wookiee, actually. So you think they rewrote Fishbock into his character? Look at that haircut he's got,

just that like wild mane of hair? That's a little Chewbacah-esque, my friend. Now, just listen to me here. Let me just pitch this part to you. Maybe we make him a wolf boy. We make it's Treat Williams with the wolf boy, and they're going to go and stop a monster. Yeah, George Lucas said he's going to sue us again.

Yet again. Wolf boy far too close I don't know about wolf people man A wolf guy and a roguish fucking pilot dude He doesn't have a leg to stand on because in 96 He was erasing the wolfman from the can'tina scene In Star Wars which is unforgivable It's a dude hitting a hookah instead

I know Wait wait I'm sorry I'm sorry I've not watched The original Star Wars in a long time They're a wolfman I know they're a wolfman I have a firm memory of both of them. This guy's not born yesterday. They took them out of the special editions

and added like a lizard smoke and a vape and some other lizardmen. Yeah, it's just a dude vaping. It was weird and I only noticed it recently because there was like a TNT or TBS broadcast or something of Star Wars and it was like a lazy Sunday. We had it on for a little bit and I was like,

this dude vaping in the canteen. That's interesting. And then I recommended, oh, we got to talk about Vap Guy on the Gleap Glacery and Eric's like what vape guy? I was thinking like oh you mean this other vape guy. There's an old like Englishman who's also vaping

elsewhere in the canteen. But he erased the fucking Wolfman. I guess because the Wolfman I mean like clearly that's like he got those suits bargain bin you know what I mean like you're just like let me fill out my monster thing right here's a Frankenstein here's a Wolfman whatever and it's

like oh in retrospect I want to fix everything maybe George is secretly editing all the TV versions like he's like you know the jewel pods are very, very, very, very popularity stage, you know, maybe we put a little few in there. He invented vaping. Yeah, he did. So I prefer Wolfman.

Oh, then vaping lizard, of course. Yeah. It's a fucking werewolf in Star Wars. That's amazing. It should have never been erased. I think there, I think if we learned from our three hours, star, was it three hours, Star Wars episode? Something like that. Yeah.

We talk about his history and he doesn't actually change from man to wolf. He's just a wolf. No, he's just a straight-up wolf person. I guess it's a little bit of a difference there. So Treat Williams is running the ship with this woman who is also... She was in Deep Impact and she's kind of a big rolling... All the deep movies. She's in all the deep movies.

She's in the Truman Show. She's one with Paul Giamatti's technicians he works with. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And... Oh, and did we say Clifton Powell fucking Pinky from a couple of the Friday movies? And Deep Cover. Woo!

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I'm due for rewatch on Deep Cover. That's been a while. The best Bill Duke movie. It's kind of amazing. that yeah he's like you've got all these huge actors and then like Clifton Powell is like the guy that like last you're like oh wow this guy's like really he's like one of the last guys's year you know what I mean like he's like people nominated for Oscars that he's like he goes like he goes right before West Studio yeah he's like second to last not too shabby and all these like rogues are hanging out in the hall talk like Cliff Curtis is like a sex addict I guess is what we're talking about what does he say he wants to have sex with a woman from every country on the planet that's right he's reading he's reading a book that's like how to accomplish your goals or something

and one of his books like yeah what are your goals he's like I want to fuck you know what straight and to the point Cliff Curtis I got to respect and I have to respect that wild ponytail he's got in this movie that would be a big carbon dick print I was but later in the movie

fucking uh what's his face no not if he buys dick offsets yeah he can buy dick carbon offsets it's like Genghis Khan Like he left a big dick footprint Yeah What is it like one out of every 20 people

Is related to him or something Some insane number It's like 2% of the human population Yeah it's oh that's wild And it's terrifyingly disgusting See I wouldn't trust that he's gone that far On that list though Because later on he's just like

He's being a maniac He's like talking dirty two center folds That are just posted on a cork board Well, he's in a ship filled with mons. He's like, oh, shit, pornography. That sounds great for later. He's a man who has his priorities, dude, and see Monster or no, he's going to stop and admire pornography.

What country of these girls from? He does the weird thing, though. It's like the little boy thing of like, right there, that's my future wife. And it's like, that's like a 20-year-old porno picture, man. What are you talking about? Do you want to come and warm me up, ladies? don't exist. They're very old now.

Those women are dead. They're also trying to make Kano throw up, which I kind of like. Because he's getting seasick. Nothing like a tough getting seasickness. And it's just, I mean, look, it's adding color to this movie. It doesn't need to have this bit. You know what I mean? But then all these guys

kind of die and it doesn't matter. They do, but the movie bothers to establish like, because we're right now remembering like different traits about them. Which is, I mean, because this is like a sci-fi slasher movie basically. But the movie bothers to like amp them up a little bit. This actually could be a sci-fi movie on the sci-fi channel. Oh, sure. Yeah. S-Y-F-Y. You're talking about. Sorry. What a genius rebranding.

They're all also bloodthirsty. Yeah. Like, that's the other, just sort of strange thing. Like, they can't just hang out. They're like, they want to kill now. Yeah. They want to fight each other. They're all, like, punching each other and stuff. Like, they're like a bad football team or something. Well, that's like Kevin J. O'Connor gets the beating of a lifetime. They start kicking the shit out of him because he opens one of the crates and he sees the warhead and he's like hey treat Williams this is kind of fucked up and they start kicking his ass

which is quite entertaining but I mean look honestly treat Williams if you're taking people in the middle of the ocean international waters the whole bit warheads is your best case scenario at that point I'd rather that than like child pornography

or whatever else sex slaves sex exactly more likely you have ludicrous from crash in your back you know what I mean You don't know what's going on back there if you're not asking those questions. But that's, I mean, that's Treat Williams Bag, man. That's how he does business. He doesn't need to know as long as that check clears. Hey, he doesn't care.

I feel like he should have a sign to point to, much like bus drivers. Like, we were paid. We were paid. So then we have like a hard cut to this cruise ship. To another movie, basically. Pretty much. Yeah. And it's like, you know, the richest of the rich.

I was kind of hoping for like we're out on international waters it's the hyper rich we're getting like really fucking weird out of here it's a casino boat they don't show it but these people are here for gambling and weird sex weird degenerate sex

I'm talking like maybe some cannibalism like what's going on at that midnight buffet on this cruise ship I guarantee you this was about to turn into society and there was going to be a shunning couple of shuntings before the night is over gonna say in a couple minutes the eyes wide shut music's gonna start playing

the guy the pair from the shining the guy in the bear suit he's like getting ready and then the fucking thing kills him they'll have a big board of everyone's net worth and the lower you are

the more you can be hunted by every other fashion that's what yeah definitely hunting humans for sport in like a gymnasium kind of thing yeah there's like Baccarat for humans

like that kind of stuff that would be great if it was just like we run these tickets on the radios and they are being hunted that's why the robs are there Yeah, totally. A couple of farmers or something. Now that's like a whole movie in and of itself.

But also this movie, I mean, like at the end of the movie, like obviously all these people die. Yeah. This is going to be a very weirdly haunted boat. Like when this sinks, this is like ghost ship territory. Right. So, but the ship would sink. Yeah. But then the ocean be haunted?

Yeah, I guess that area of the ocean possibly? I don't know, man. You're getting a bunch of fucking obnoxious millionaires off the place. planet. This little sea monster's kind of doing the Lord's word. Gotta say. Well, I'll tell you why

this is definitely going. A bunch of tax judges getting... Income inequality is too high. Yeah, exactly. McKenzie Bezos shouldn't be allowed to just donate half of the money to where she wants.

It should go to the government. When this monster hits the boat, it is the most beautiful death sequence I've seen in a long time with the, everyone falling off these balconies? There are some hard falls off these railings. It's kind of great.

Although I did notice there's definitely one that they kind of missed. It's a, I believe it's a woman who kind of goes over and you can see the wire and she just kind of like hangs for a second. It's like one, like half second too long before they cut. And she's like, eh, like kind of stuck for a second. But Anthony Held comes out and he introduces himself, welcome to the Europa, whatever, this is dark tourist, whatever the hell this thing's called. The Argonautica.

And, to Jamel's point, it's a pleasure cruise. He uses the word pleasure cruise. Pleasure ship. The word pleasure and anything, it's sticky. It's just, it's sticky, and it's not where I want to be. Every room has a hole that you can fuck. If you didn't bring someone with you, room comes to the fuckhole. Exactly.

Exactly. There are no single suites on the Argonautica. Yeah, I spent $3 million and my fuckhole is broken. Could you get somebody in here immediately? I would love to know how it. exactly you found out a fuckhole was broken. Oh, you know how. Oh, of course.

What did you say? I said, of course. Yeah. You stick your, you know, your whatever nethers into the fuck hole. Right. Or maybe it's a fuck stick.

Oh, whatever you like. Yeah, I mean, you could customize or mix and match. I'm sure there's buttons. And then it's just not pulsating. Look, they took my little bit security. Undulating. Yeah, it's not, yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah, you got to get front desk. It's not unjust. at all. No. I tried that. Yeah, I tried that too. Yeah, I paid extra for the It Comes Back model. Yes, I have put quarters in it. Oh. And then you're introduced

to Femke Jansen, who is like three weeks into another movie. I want her, like, jewel thief movie. She's Catwoman. She's pretty much Catwoman. Pretty much, but it's like, how did she get here? You know? And you never really find out why specific, what she was after really other than

Jewel's? Yes, just riches. But isn't that what everyone's after for some reason? The mercenaries are going there to rob the boat? Is that right? To blow up the boat? To blow it up because Anthony healed has some kind of like insurance scam. But they're also concerned about what's in the vault too. So some things in that

I guess like when you go I mean you're also probably laundering money if you're going on this boat too so maybe you're bringing a lot of cash possibly. Well that's the thing maybe they don't want to like sink all the you know riches that are there. And here's a thing, man, if you're opening a Jurassic Park, if you're starting a pleasure cruise, check the weather. There does not need...

Oh, there's an enormous storm. I'm sorry we're going to have to wait for another week. There's an enormous storm going on. Yeah, no, that's, again, very poor timing for these maiden voyages or maiden... And it's always a fucking... Rating in Jurassic Park. It's like, fucking Seattle over there, man. Well, that's the weird... The line Anthony Hill has where he's like, It's impervious to whether, really, motherfucker? Have you been looking around? Hey, buddy, Titanic just came out.

Yeah, totally. We all know what happens. But also, Famucid Jansson, I don't understand, like, what's her exit strategy? Like, I'm going to steal all this shit and then just ride it out, I guess. Like, I guess until, like, this test cruise is over with. She wasn't expecting them to be, they're, like, faxed. The boat is, like, faxed a wanted poster. Yeah.

And then they catch her in the act. And they bring out this wanted post? She breaks into a vault and this The captain of the ship, anybody recognize this guy? No, he looks like kind of a busted Michael Palin a bit. Yes, wow, that's pretty busted. Oh, wait, isn't he lethal weapon too? I don't know about that, but he's definitely Ben Affleaks priest and daredevil.

Yeah, oh yeah, he is. He's the guy who's like, maybe you should be the daredevil. You know, Jamel just added himself. You've seen Daredevil like 10 times. I've seen Daredevil. exactly one time. Really? That's the exact right amount of times.

I've seen Daredevil too many times. I was like, you know what? We could smell our own. I got to get confused. The real question, though, was it in theaters? No. Oh, see, I was in theaters on Valentine's Day with an ear infection. Best time to see Daredevil.

Yeah, no, it was pretty great. No, he kills Riggs's wife. And he's the guy who killed Riggs's wife. Oh, really? You know, right. This is coming back to me now. Oh. But they find Panca Jam.

Anthony Heald and this guy catch her And Anthony Heald like punches her to make himself less likable Like you're already less likable You're going to be like I saw you and was pissed off It's a real punch too It's not just like a slap He like he punched that woman in the face And it's like okay and then they put her

Speaking of the Shining in like the food storage area Oh right yeah because the what is the thing The Brigg isn't finished yet or something? Yeah There's some line about like We couldn't afford it, so here's a pantry. Well, we originally wanted a hague for the ship, but we settled for a brink. And he was like, well, I know I said that I didn't want any rules, but I wanted to brig at least.

Right. So, yeah, she's thrown in, like, the freezer or whatever, a pantry. She's like having sushi. She's kind of having a good night there for a little bit. A bottle of champagne. Yeah, it looked pretty great. Canapes it looked like. Sit around with some, like, sushi and some bubbly little finger sandwiches.

Mm. And then, yes, the. because of the bad weather and the monster, everything goes crazy. It is a great, like, kind of everybody's jumping around. Nobody knows what's going on. Also, due to a classic CD-ROM hack. Oh, my God.

Yes. This is, so I was kind of thinking, I was reminded of in 2001, when he's taking all the little chips out of how at the end. It's kind of that, but just with these CD-ROMs that are just being plucked from this creature. It's a three-CD system,

which is very sufficient. You need not one, but three. It was like a Final Fantasy 7 box. It's like three CDs. It's like, you know, never mind, Rod Stewart, MTV Unplugged. Odley. He takes the, the thing is, he takes the good CDs out and puts in bad CDs. So then, yeah, that's it's dangerous.

So stained goes in there. Something from Slipknot. Puddle of mud. There you go. Yeah, so that causes like some sort of electricity failure sort of first, right before the, conveniently right before the monster attacks. Because I think, I think the broad plot, right, is that like he wants to collect the insurance money off the boat. And so he's hired the mercenaries to come and take care of it. So he's, what's happening for him and for them is that he's getting, the plan is now in order.

He's going to shut down the power in the boat. They'll come and board it. It'll be a thing. Everyone won't be scared. Right. They'll rob it. They'll sink it. Everything's done.

and then the monster intervenes. Again, yet again, the monster is not only trying to take down the rich, but he's also like corporate espionage, you're not cool with that either. No, absolutely not. Capitalism needs rules. He's probably also got a real problem with insider trading. Absolutely.

That's a real sticking point for him. Maybe the monster works for an insurance company. You know what? Fraud alert. Get this monster on the McLaughlin group. Oh, wow. Yes, well, thank you for having me, John. Yeah, I do think that we need a,

higher gains tax if we're going to be completely honest about it. Well, they usually have monsters on that show. That can't still be around, is it? No, he's got to be long dead. It would be like the RIP McGlachian group. I did he only have the McLaughlin group on Halloween? That's mean.

Oh, that's terrible. It's not nice. It's not nice. So in the in the chaos and the ship going crazy, one woman decides, boy, I just need a minute. I better go sit on this toilet and just collect my thoughts. And again, like Jurassic Park, here we go.

Classic toilet murder. This woman gets pulled right through the can. I would so rather a T-R-X take me apart in a port-a-potty than what happened to this lady. That'd be pulled through a toilet? Yeah, absolutely. I think the first time I ever had to sit down in an airport, not airport, airplane toilet, I thought this would happen to me. We get sucked down, like you flushed it while sitting on it.

I was like, you know, I was first on an airplane very young and I was, it's just like, that goes right outside. Yes. And there's clearly an air monster right below the plane with tentacles coming through. Yeah. But I had, I will say, by the way, this was the so far, and I don't think it's the last, but this was the first and only time I've seen this movie. And I didn't, I didn't really know. This was another, like, I had seen the poster or the box and the video store it on,

never got around to it. The poster says Harrison Ford crossed out. This is a big red eggs. says Harrison Ford Crossed on Alec Baldwin Kurt Russell Crossed Ann Chris Catan

Ellen's DeGeneres question mark No she's still out there Chris O'Donnell Yeah I could see that Yeah he could have piloted this thing But when that moment happened And this woman was sucked into a toilet And blood flew up

Like you turned a fucking Strawberry shaking a blender on with the top off I was like Oh wow man It's a great kill It's so great It's so great What a great

way to start this movie I was like I because it's one of those like I didn't know what the movie was really about even and I was like oh it's oh it's a this oh that's not too shabby

we're going down from an A plus at this point you've already hit A plus territory yep we gotta and you get down to like you really have like you started out this curve really nicely could have kept it going if it was all toilet related

just toilet kills I gotta I gotta tell you though if I'm in this situation and I'm like oh my God everything's going crazy I got in the bathroom the first thing I'm doing is pulling my pants down

and I'm literally going to the bathroom tagline you gotta go sometime yes isn't that what Goolies is I've never seen the goolies Goolies are they toilet

Are they toilet based? There's definitely The covers are always them in toilets Yes exactly Weirdly I never watched them But I don't really know

This is just like The VHS cover Was always them on a toilet Like hey How are you doing? But even when Goolies went to college, though? Maybe it's a college toilet. I actually think there's a VHS copy of Goolies 4 somewhere in this room right now.

Have you seen any of the Goolies? I think I've seen the first one. I've never watched the one that's literally in my house right now. But I confuse Goolies a lot with critters. Exactly. That's the problem. It's like I think I've seen critters, so I never went to Goolietown. Goolies is more like puppet master where there's different ones.

I mean, critters are all critters. They're just critters. Well, they're called like, they're like crites. Because critters are aliens. Goolies are like little monster. from this realm. But yeah, I think they're toilet-based. I think that they're a toilet-based society.

We want what you want. Civilization. And a wider bowl. Isn't DiCaprio in one of those ghoulies movies? Oh, was he a critter? I think so. There was a photo of Leonardo DiCaprio next to a critter, I think. Or is it a tremor, which is a difference? Oh, he's definitely not a tremors.

I think it was a critter. I posted that picture on Twitter, and I said, great shot. with Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese. So, yeah, she gets murdered. We cut back to the boat. You know, I think at this point, like Treat Williams, you find out that he's a badass

because they're beating the shit out of Kevin J. O'Connor. And he goes up to all these stuntmen, and he's like, hey, that's my buddy, you're beating up over there, kind of a thing. And he's kind of being... He draws a line in the sand right here. Yeah, it's like if you kick the shit of him a little bit. Yeah, exactly.

Just a bit. You've had your fun. And it was hilarious. But he's, because he says something like, if you kill my machine man or something like that, like, we're not going anywhere. And I was like, I'm pretty sure you can fix this thing, Tree Williams, if it goes down. But, sir, I only got to kick him twice. And they all got to kick him four times.

All right, have a couple more, buddy. He is getting his ass kick, though. This just in from the internet ticker that gooies, there was as a child, Jonathan was almost killed by his father, Malcolm, during a satanic ritual. Oh, it happens all. all the time. After being saved and raised by Wolfgang, played by Jack Nance, by the way. Speaking of

beaten to death. Oh, come on. I mean, yeah. Speaking of beaten to death, and it came up. You know what? Yes, speaking of a beaten to death, but also, oh, come on. So it's satanic ritual. They later then jokingly perform a black magic right, and gooies come in a toilet. From the can?

It's not can't specific, but the poster sure is. So at this point, West Judy reveals like, hey, look, we're going to board this ocean liner deal with it. Everyone has super guns, which I always love a movie that doesn't need super guns, that add super guns anyway. And it's a really great supergun situation where it's West duty, I think, has the line. It's like, something, something, oh, this is from China. And everyone in the American audience is like, whoa, yeah, clearly. China probably does have those kinds of weapons.

Yeah, absolutely. We're not going to question this at all. Has a Homer, the racing stripe is neat thing where the barrel just rotates for no reason. Yeah, it does. I mean, it looks pretty sure. Yeah, I'm kind of into it. He has somebody had the unlimited ammo code because they're never loading these things. West Duty has a line where these guns, which you can't see from looking at it, can hold 1,000 rounds.

Do you know what a thousand bullets looks like? Especially these, they're big fucking bullets. That's a guy that has to hold the other thing while it's being fed through the, machine gun. My favorite part around here, though, is when they literally start attaching, like, torpedo launchers to the front of Treat Williams' boat, and he's like, hey,

what are you guys up to out there? I said no questions asked. Again, that's why you ask, are you going to modify my boat in some way? Excuse me, sir. Are you okay then? Because depending on 98, we're still

not, we're okay mostly, but not great. 25 torpedoes for one boat? Are you sure? Well, it's a cruise ship. Listen, they're thorough. They really want to get the job done here. That's fair. And so they actually, because of the monster crash,

there's this a life raft that is jettisoned. No, it's a rich people speedboat, dude. Oh, okay. Because that's what we're doing here. It's like, it's a killer, like, Miami Vice-esque speedboat that just falls up. I think someone brought it from home. And I mean, I... B-Y-O-S-B, you know.

And it fucks up, Treat Williams' thing. It's like, oh, my God, we're going to have to board this boat anyway so that we can find supplies to fix our boat. Right. And it's raining. And by the way, it's raining. Oh, geez. And me without a slicker.

They board the boat, and like, now we were doing the thing where it's like, what happened on this boat, even though the audience kind of know, but I kind of wish we had like 10 more rich guy kills like you know yeah yep the toilet scene like but like seven or eight more times like a guy running out of hallway something happens etc etc yeah don't make like the the mysterious thing here doesn't make a lot of sense to me just like the pools of bud like I have a couple like you know decapitations a couple heads everywhere like well no that's what's also genius about what this monster does though it gets a mop and it cleans it all up and he brings it downstairs just this I've never heard lore like this where the monster eats you

and then, as it's described by Anthony Heed for some reason, drinks you, like drinks all the fluid out of your body, and then excretes your entire skeleton. That's pretty great. That's why there's no decapitation. It's weird because the monster knows the idea of a bathroom because it only shits all the bodies out in one place. That's right, that's right.

And when they're like, they eventually get forced down into that area and they're like, oh, no, it's the feeding room. No, it's the toilet. I thought the same thing because they're like, what is this? and Treat Williams is like, looks like some kind of feeding ground. I was like,

no, it's the fucking bathroom, man. Occupy! This is kind of Sarlac-esque-esque-esque, too, because it's a thing that digestes you live. Well, you think the whole movie, spoiler alert for the end of the movie, you think it's a bunch of different slugs or whatever, but it's actually one thing.

Original title of this movie, Tenticle. Yikes. Really? Yeah, not some of the deep rising much more. Exactly. Much better, because then I'm not thinking about weird Japanese pornogical. I was about to say

the title is already probably taken they don't want to confuse it with Tenticle 90s they don't want to be Tenticle 972 or yeah no exactly

you know what's funny there is a movie called Tenticle about a big octopus that stars Henry Fonda and John Houston like

legends of the screen in tentacles does that involve fucking because that sounds like I think that octopus is into fucking as well

if it didn't it should have and that's a fucking missed opportunity Also, that kind of sounds like that late in career, John Houston, I'm trying to keep the lights on. Let's act in these, like, secret bad movies. Yeah, it's definitely a boy in his dog level. Yeah. Or that's Robards, I think.

No, what is the, what's the movie, though, that Draft House re-released a few years ago with the, it's John Houston, and there's like kind of a psychic girl, or she's got telekinesis. Oh, the visitor. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That movie's bad shit crazy. If you've not seen The Visitor, that's well worth your time. I can get into that. Um, Famkee Jansen breaks out of the freezer kind of around here and she's sort of exploring the ship. Everybody's kind of meeting up. Like, so, you know, uh, West Studi and his guys, including Tree Williams are kind of just like what, what happened here. We're seeing a lot of eerie shots of like blood everywhere and such. You know, and that's it. We, we run into a room where Cano gets it first, right? Cano is the first guy to go, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah. This, the one beef with the kills here, all of the like, I'm getting pulled under water things.

I need that toilet splash back up from that first kill. Like have something fly back. Like, Kna, unfortunately, just gets, like, dragged under water and that's it. Bummer. It's red water. I appreciate that we don't get the CGI thing too early. That it's kind of like just stalking around. No, I'm not saying, see the monster.

Just like the splash of blood. Yeah. That was, like, a really nice touch. It's true. That would be good. Or just get like a chummy kind of a water. situation like yeah exactly like uh like when uh what's speaking to Jurassic Park when Nedry gets it like all that shit that comes out yeah that's that's a weird see

nah lafasaurus or whatever eats him and then shits him out like that that quickly like it's like this water and then the thing comes out well it's like when you eat a steak and you realize like it's a little too fatty I see like oh I don't want to eat that the gristle I would have liked to see the law so put like a newspaper under its arm and bleed done with today my favorite part of the movie is right around here is when we cut back to we're working on fixing the treat william's boat i believe yeah um and uh oh yeah no it's um the woman who's working on the boat they leave her back at the boat but yeah like stay here and fix this okay with one other guy yeah and this corpse

flies out. Yes. And it's just this like bloated fat dude. Do you know that that guy, his IMDB picture, is him as a naked bloated corpse? No. That's incredible. It's like, you know, Johnny whatever known for deep rising and it's just him. He looks like he just got like drowned or something.

He didn't even get eaten at all. It seemed like he got naked and jumped in and drowned and that's how he died. Again, pleasure crews guys. I want to see, like, that dude was, like, fucking a goat or something, and, like, the wall blew in, and he got sucked out to see him and his goat. That'd be funny, if it's blood everywhere, and there's just all these dildos are just wading through. It's like, oh, they filled a raft out of it. What kind of cruise was this?

Exactly. Oh, the sex goats, oh, they're up on level three. And actually, dildos would be very helpful if you're trying to plug a hole in a boat, you know, depending on the consistency of silicone-based thing. Dildos are great when you want to plug a hole. even see that. Oh, well done. I was like, to patch a whole patch. One kind of problematic thing about this movie is that at, when they were back at

the boat, the Truman's boat, this crew member, she gets like got, like it's got by the monster and no one gives a fuck. Nobody cares. No one cares. It's Kevin J. O'Connor's girlfriend, supposedly, and he does not care whatsoever. Also, let me just put in the required. Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, yeah, this gorgeous lady.

This gorgeous Layla. I mean, I know it's lonely and LN. I'm seeing everything. You're with fucking Treat Williams. He's right there. And it's not even Kevin J. O'Connor and there will be blood where he's like in his Tom Noonan phase. This is like he's firmly looks like the lead singer of the crash desk dummies right here.

It's long, scraggily hair. Yeah, it's like a Garth Algar's situation. It's really bad. He got cut out of the singles. Cameron grows singles. Yeah, yeah, Kevin. I think Temple of Dog is better than Pearl Jamty. He was supposed to be sitting on those steps with Matt Dillon.

That's what it was. But yet again, tall, skinny white guy just failing up. You know what I mean? He's got this girlfriend. That's how that. You just see those. He's like, oh, okay, great. That's another good part of that scene is because the one guy they left back, Billy, who we will meet again in a different form in a second.

He just is up on the boat, like trying to fix things. And he just starts stopping. He's like, you're not the boss of me. You're not the boss of me. And it's just right. And I'm like, man, you're going to be dead soon. Don't worry about it. Yeah, she does just die.

Again, like, it should sort of either matter or be a cool killer. Maybe she, like, gets the monster a little bit, kind of a thing, you know what I mean? Because they work to establish her as kind of a larger character. For sure, right, right. Dead meat situation.

So we're hunting around the ship, trying to figure out what's going on. And then this is quite unexpected. And I guess that's because, like, I think of him now is, like, Jermon Honsu's been in tons of huge movies. Jaman Hansu opens this door and Anthony Heald

fucking puts an axe in his head. It's kind of a great death. It's kind of an amazing death. It fucking rules. It rules. Then some of those rich guys get shot instantly. That's what's great. Then they immediately open fire

and like three rich, it's like two dudes in a tuxedo and a woman dressed like at Sunset Boulevard just go flying over a table, bullet riddled. It's so fucking funny. Yeah, it's a misunderstanding. Classic misunderstanding.

I mean, yeah, I mean, like, I guess I'd be afraid of the monster, but I wouldn't like, I don't know, I'd give it a beat before I ax into something. But isn't Wes Stutie like, there's no monster? Like, he's like next to the monster. He's like, there's no monster in this ship. Yeah, he's a non-believer. Well, there's even like Cliff Curtis down below with, he's with Trit Williams and Kevin J. O'Connor and they're like, Cliff, Cliff Curtis is looking at pornography.

Cano gets got and it's like do to do and it's like oh there's no monster what did you do to my best friends like there's a fucking monster it's this is kind of a weird geography because cano gets pulled away but then like blood splatters above Treat Williams and Kevin J. O'Connor and his gun just falls on their table yeah oh yeah convenient I mean the monster just like he's having fun you know I didn't do it you did it I like the idea the monster's trying to frame someone on this shit His prints are on that gun I don't trust the Treat Williams guy

I don't know I don't know I'm an adventurous eater I like eating things in different ways This one's up on the ceiling This one's underwater I do like Cliff Curtis's death Because it reminds me of that scene

In Ace Ventura When he gets bitten by the shark For a minute And he goes back and forth And back and forth It's not Snowflake It's not Snowflake Oh right

One of the non-transphobic moments In Ace Ventura One of the three There's a couple I've not watched that movie in years I don't think I could I think I would watch it and just be like Both of them

I mean for totally different reasons I mean that first one is like The transphobia is out of control And the second one is like Tommy Davidson as this like African dude And you're like The whole thing Golg

Golg Oh yeah It's not great That's a series And including Little Ace Ventura Whatever the fuck's going on that I didn't see it I didn't see that one.

There's a little boy, Ace Ventura. It's a little kid that I think is his progeny. Oh. Interesting. It's not a prequel. One of many, I would assume. What? Baster children of Ace Ventura.

That dude's never wrapping it up. If you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt all of the time, you don't use Congress. 2% of the human population is derived from Ace Ventura. That's a lot of bad haircuts and annoying catchphrases. And yeah, you can tell if they, you know, if dudes start talking with their ass all, you're like, oh, that guy's related to Ace Ventura. Yeah, that's for sure. Who had the kids in the hallway in school screaming Ace Ventura quotes? I did.

Yeah, everybody. Oh, yeah, everybody. That's around the morning. Yeah, yeah, definitely. It's Viteri kid. You had to do it because it's so funny. I'm using air quotes. In any event, so, yeah, so now there's two groups of people.

They were, uh, True Williams and Cliff Curtis gets murdered. Uh, Triliums and Kevin Jarekarner run into, uh, Famca Jansen. There's a very long elevator sequence. Yeah. And it's kind of like that cliche. shade like we're in an elevator and girl from Eponema's playing. Oh man, I don't like that song.

No. Elevator music is like a gag kind of thing. Right, but more often than not in an elevator music gag situation, it's the girl from Epinema time and again. And now they're supposed to be like kind of love interests, but they really don't go together. They don't work together.

I mean, I think treats out to lunch for this whole movie. Yeah. I don't think they push it that hard though. Like he because they kind of diffuses it because she's like, okay, if you get me on this boat and get me out of here, and he's like, I can get it whatever I want. She's like, oh, fuck, yes, fine, whatever.

He's like, gonna get a cold beer. Yeah. So it kind of like diffuses that whole thing immediately. But that's why when at the end of the movie, spoiler alert, when they're saved, we're making out. And you're like, no, man. He's like, he's your dad. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

She's like, she can't be older about like 25 or something. Yeah. He's a 45-year-old man. Like, and he knows. And he knows. And that's why he asked for that cold beer. By the way, sidebar on Tree Williams, does anyone else follow him on Twitter? No. It is a delight.

He's wonderful. Yeah, he's posting pictures of like the farm he owns in Vermont. It's like Sam Neal. He posts pictures. Oh, Sam Neal's a good Twitter follow. Sam Neal roaches me on Twitter. Oh, really? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you got to tell his story.

What happened? I was watching Jurassic Park, just, like, making fun of the neckerchief he had in that movie. And I didn't tag him or nothing. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, I mentioned, Sam Neal shows up just sort of like, you should like, get over yourself. Jesus Christ. Say that to my pig. That's pretty crazy.

Does his profile pick have him in a neckerchief? I don't think it did. His profile pick is like him on his farm or whatever. I did a Skype Q&A with Sam Neal one time for when Hunt for the Wilder people came out. Did you tell you got over yourself? No, but it was awesome because it was, you know, it was nighttime here in New York. New York, you know, and but he was back home in Australia. And the whole Skype Q&A was Sam Neal at his kitchen table.

And it's just like the newspaper and there's a cup of coffee. And he was a delight. Oh, man. Absolute delight. So by the way, Tree Williams also posts pictures of cockpits he's in because he's one of those actors that flies planes. Oh, much like Harrison Ford. Yeah, exactly.

That's why they thought of it. Tree Williams keeps him in the air, though. So those are two parts. of his tweets and the third part is this Trump's full of bologna. So it's total wholesome content. I mean, I'm looking at his feet right now and his photos are definitely

they're like very wholesome. Right? Like I just baked this bread. From two days ago, I have a photo of his garden, I guess, done. Tomatoes, potatoes, cucumbers, yellow squash, zucchini, brussels, brussels, sprouts, peppers, beets, onions, leeks, chives, pumpkin, arugula.

See? That's a fucking involved garden. I'll hang out with Treat Williams. It sounds like I can. And he hasn't gardened in a while. Wait, hold on. So it's like a big thing for him to be gardening right now. So it's great.

Good for him. This is awesome information. This is nothing but helpful. I like Trude Williams in a couple of stuff. Do you ever see he plays Michael Eisner, like an evil Michael Eisner in that late shift movie? Oh, yeah. Oh, I don't remember him in that movie. If you come with us, Dave, everyone will be.

Like, it's basically like he's just being like very intimidating. Yeah, he's like that and he's also evil in, uh, you've seen the devil zone that bad Brad Pitt Harrison Ford movie. Oh, yeah. Is that the movie where Brad Pitt's doing a fucking heinous Irish accent? Yes. Yeah, okay. He like plays the head of the mafia and like he's terrified. And he's also evil in the substitute too

previous episode. He's very good to Prince of the City Sunilumad. I like him. I just don't think he's good in deep rising for whatever reason. I wish I had his hairline man. You see that thing is just like tight. Yep. It's not going nowhere. It's going nowhere. I mean, he's got to be in what in his 70s now? That of hair is there.

That's going to be there till the end. And what a great name. Treat. You've got to bring that back. Name your kids treat. Yeah. Stop with all these like, you know, the trend now of like bringing like olden names back for babies. No, treat.

This treat. Here's my son or daughter. Treat. Just watch it because they're going to start like snack Williams. I was trying to figure out where else I'd seen him in because I haven't seen him in a ton of movies. Sure. Everwood. Oh, yeah.

Oh, right, right. He's also the dad in that god-awful hundred twenty-seven hours. Oh, the James Franco versus his arm. It's pretty bad. I saw once I do not remember much of it. Well, then must have been great. If we're talking the shitty Danny Boyle movies, though,

this yesterday, I can't be bothered. I mean, what are we doing? How about that job movie were like a world where no one knows where the Beatles are? Yeah, this one guy wakes up one day and the Beatles don't exist, but he remembers them, and then he starts playing their songs publicly.

and Ed Sheeran goes Hey man That's pretty great Come open for me on a stadium tour No And that's like the movie I feel like no one would give a shit Yeah I mean like

I love the Beatles But like yeah No one It's just rock and roll It's a good rock and roll You know what I mean Like But no

You would never hear a Beatles song Like out of context Oh my God You know Like I don't know Or if you know It was something That was magically

invented in 2019 You'd be like What is this fucking old rock music. What is happening right now? It's pretty derivative of spoon, you know. Listen, we had the the band thing back in 2002.

The career trajectory would be the luminaires. Right. Like, that's what you are now. That movie just looks like shit and it's like... I can't deal with it. Where was the man that gave me shallow graves? What are we doing?

He's been gone for a while. He's long dead. I should have suspected something with Slumdog Millionaire, but I didn't. I don't know We're in the elevator That all happens It's a lot of like running around

And now everybody kind of meets up together sort of Very terrifying elevator falling situation Oh sure That happens And that's what I have to say about this movie It's not just like wait around For this monster to do shit It's like a human being is putting an axe

In another dude's head We're shooting people The elevator's falling There's more going on than just waiting for Jason Voorhees to come out and kill some And the monster is very active Like, this monster hates human. Yeah, he's not sleeping at the job either.

No, wants to murder everyone. I just don't understand. So we know that it's his arms, right? And he's got multi-tenticaly things. I just feel like, you know, you ever like you drop your keys under your car and you're trying to reach for him? You know what I mean?

Oh, I had that this weekend, dude. But I'll tell you what, it wasn't with keys. It was something much more nefarious. A piece of a tuna fish sandwich. We were sitting having lunch in the car. and I'm eating this like delectable tuna fish sandwich and I see just part of this too because it was dolphin meat.

It definitely was dolphin meat. Tuna fish sandwich in your car. Bold choice, Andrew. My new car is tuna fish in it. No, but it was not really like a mayo based tuna salad situation. So like the tuna was way crumblier. He's more mayo than man now.

Is it buffalo tuna? Like the meat sack? Yeah, I was just eating meat from a sack. You know, sitting in my car like you do. And I just saw... It's a loose of your rope belt. It's an extension cord, I'll have you know. And I just...

It was like slow motion. This piece of tuna just like fell. And it went like betwixt the seat. And Chelsea and I were both trying to get it. It was like, where's that tuna? No. But I'm saying, this animal, this monster just knows where everybody is. He's making independent moves.

He's like using doors and stuff. Could you imagine if your hands had mouths on the... I agree with that. Every day. Every day I wish that was true. But again, that's another thing where this is like Jurassic Park because there's definitely a shot where like the tentacle comes up and totally like touches the doorknob a little bit.

I was like, I'm seeing it. Hello. Excuse me. I knocked three times. But actually now you're thinking about mounds and hands, you see this tentacle beast and like it's all these rich perverts. And finally one guy's like, yes! This is what I paid for!

He told me it wouldn't be ready in time when it's here. He's in DeVore, man. Getting eaten alive, dude. Nice. Is there a documentary about that? Not yet. So there's a nice, like, close quarters hallway situation where there's, like, fucking carnage going on in this hallway.

There's a weird, like, the monster's banging on the walls right here. And now at this point, like, we've all robbed the dead of their weapons. So everybody is armed. Yes. Treat Williams is just, like, blasting this wall. Because, like, West Studio is like, look, I don't like you, but I respect you as a gun guy, dude. We're bonding over being gun guys. Hey, man, let's talk about guns when this is all over.

Look, you're a piece of shit and I'm a piece of shit. Let's go fight this monster, huh? I just love watching West Studio work. I'm sorry. I'm into it. Can I tell you? I was at a film festival one time, and West Studi was like... Told you to get over yourself.

I was criticizing a neckerchief he was wearing at the time. Yo, I got lit up by Sam Neal. I'm embarrassed about it. That's awesome, dude. No, first of all, you'd have to criticize a neckerchief you wore 25 years ago. In a movie that someone else told him to put on. No, he was like the guest of honor at this film festival, and they did a, there was just like a Q&A with him. This dude was conducting the Q&A.

And it was like, I, I've been around long enough. that, like, I can't do Q&As anymore. It's just I can't. I've seen enough of them go wrong. I hate it. I sat through this entire... He fucking controlled that room. Just, like, telling these stories.

And the conversation was really around, like, you know, like Native American representation in films and this kind of thing. And he was so fucking awesome that, like, when he appeared on screen in this movie, all of that came back to me immediately. And I was like, West Duties in this movie, yes. Well, I was like, I was watching him as, I like him as a villain in this.

Actually, I feel like I haven't seen him as a ton of villains maybe or maybe I don't, I don't think so. He'd be a good, like, diehard villain kind of a guy. He's, he's, I guess, the villain in Last of the Mohicans. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. I just think about him in heat. Like, he's just perfect in that menagerie.

That was actually, it was cool about that Q&A was a lot of it was him just talking about, like, working with Michael Mann and, like, telling cool Michael Mann stories. So, oh, what's weird right here? And I didn't really, I guess it's just because, like, he's Treat Williams and he's supposed to be, like, the coolest guy on the high seas. But, like, his name is Finnegan, by the way. Everyone's just calling this dude, Finney. And also, Femke Jensen's name is Trilium St. James. Which is what?

Exactly. Just take it again. Whatever you said, just say that again. Let's just, do you say Jillian? I heard Gillian. We're going to say Gillian. No, Trillion St. James, dude. That is an 80s porn star if you've ever heard one.

I think she was boarding the boat and saw everyone had, like, tons of money. And she was just like, yeah, a trillion. I've got a trillion. Trillion. All those rich people. What about like a Muffy St. Clair? Yeah, yeah. A Chesty LaRue.

Right. Hootie McBoop. So wait, what are you saying? It is a pleasure ship, I guess. Those names would fly. What was I saying? Oh, no. Treat Williams, like, sort of, like, almost instantly figures out.

Like, he kind of beautiful minds the whole situation. He's like, oh, I understand it. Anthony Healed. this is an insurance scam. Yes. Like immediately, and he's like, well, you found me out? And I was like, really, Tree Williams? Like, how on earth did you...

Hold on. You do solve this. If Tree Williams is like, ferrying terrorists, like, back and forth across the scene, he's almost certainly been involved in an insurance scam. Those are his life. I ran this shit in 85, bud. Yeah, nice rerun of my scam from 85.

Been there done that, West's duty. Well, thank God you're not just throwing children overboard. Like most of the people I carry and don't ask questions about. So, oh, there's also a weird thing around here where, like, Treat Williams and Famkey Jansen flirt over a gun. But back to the insurance scan. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Anthony Heald is like, hey, look, yeah, me and West Studio cook this thing up. This boat is worth $487 million. Not too shabby. And, like, the captain's pissed off. It's like, you risked our lives for insurance. Like, look, because you didn't plan a hand. And he's like, look, I just didn't know that the overhead

being quite so high. It's a pleasure Cruz motherfucker, figure it out. Yeah, you got to pay for all that sex insurance. Exactly. And that's, you know. Do you think any, no, none of these rich people are going to sue you to death after they get, they're dead. They've all been shit out by a monster. But the original plan is for them to get out safely

in like, uh, like, uh, safety boats. Well, I forget what they're called. Life boats. Speed boats or something. It is interesting to think about. So on this boat, every single person who was murdered by this monster. These are all very wealthy people. They're sort of like billionaires, millionaires,

billionaires and billionaires. And they're international. So presumably their governments are kind of wondering what's gone down. Right? Sort of like, you know. You would never be like, oh, it's a monster. No, no, no. There's some sort of like attack happened.

Yeah, time to increase the estate tax. If like Mark Zuckerberg suddenly just like disappeared after like, I don't know. I mean, the markets are crashing after. this after this I mean all these people the titans of industry are gone I think yeah treat Williams as Bob Eager or Bob Eisner was also

on this book. Wait a second though I mean so this monster then honestly I mean he's setting the reset button on society he is doing it he's doing what can't be done it's like the end of fight clock I'm doing this to break up Disney it's the only way it'll work

he's like Bain and the Dark Night Rise is in the stock exchange look they're gonna fucking buy Fox it's gonna be a disaster, we've got to eat them now. And we're going to give it to you. The people. You think the ocean is your ally. I was born in it.

Literally. Yeah. I'm a monster. You know, Bain's, I like, Bain had some good ideas. Bain has a good idea. Let's just say it. The fight club idea is kind of great.

Yeah. Just blow up all those credit card companies. Well, you know. Get that a smart bomber jacket over the monster. And you're going to Don't do that stuff at home And if you do... Good of you to join us.

Remember do it safely when there's no one in the buildings. Senator Sanders, this is one policy point. I think we should just delete from the old list. No, we're going to get all the rich people on a boat and a monster's going to eat him. We're going to get the insurance money.

I know a guy from Red Hook. He's a great monster. Keep his trap shut I didn't mean to offend the monsters It's actually a large ocean worm It's an ocean worm from the 40,000 feet Around here by the way We have to say this is the first appearance

Of like the big tentacle And they shoot the shit out of it And what falls out Is this dude that's been hanging out outside And it's fucking robocop town This movie never gets there after or before this This guy is like And we hold on it

a really long time. Well, you know why? Because a lot of it, and this is like, this is when I realize this is like 100% Stephen, Stephen Summers movie, because this is the same, like, it's an entire person in CGI. It looks a lot like the way he made Voslu look in the mummy. And this is like, this dude just gets spit out and he's like half melted or digested. I consider everyone in this room, a friend, if half of my face is gone and you can see my skeletal hands, and you're holding guns, you have permission to shoot me right in the head. Tough luck. I was thinking that to

watch. I was like, they hate this guy? He's clearly in unimaginable agony. It's like, put a bull in his head. You're right there, your buddies. And I'm watching this for the first time, and I'm like, all right, well, who's going to do it? Someone is clearly going to fucking shoot this man in the

head. And they keep, I think they kind of, in the edit, they're sort of playing that game, because it's like, they're all holding the guns and it's West Dutty and they're all looking around like and then he just kind of falls over melts yeah well because he has no face and no hands or not but yeah you need to kind of

he need at least if they're not going to actually pull the trigger that guy needs to be like kill me what they don't and it's fucked up and it's weird because like they must have seen something from Anaconda beforehand because they do the same thing where you can see his hand like tracing along like you can see

Owen Wilson's face and anaconda Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did they? Yeah, there's a little of that going on. Oh, I didn't even notice. Well, now already, if I hadn't before, which I definitely did,

reason to rewatch this movie. See that hand. CGI hand. You guys catch that hand? We're in a position now where we're all running and we have to like go on, this is run very much of like Alien Resurrection

when we go under the water and kind of have to get to the other side kind of a thing. All right, only in this movie Winona Ryder wasn't almost killed. Oh, really? She almost died. Oh, that's the famous story from that movie. When they were filming that scene, Alien Resurrection,

she's, like, literally almost drowned. I think Ebert said this was an alien knockoff, and he actually put it on his worst films of all time list or whatever. Let's relax, Raj. Right, number one crash. Believe what you will. Did he rate that the number one movie in 2004? That's his favorite movie that year.

Crash? Crash. Are you serious? I'm 100% serious. That movie feels so many. Black? This is not the David Cronenberg one. No, no, no, no. I would understand that and be very, very, I would support that.

Listen, no, I mean, that's, it proves to you, though. Like, that movie, like, no white person was impervious to the fucking scam of that movie. I feel Chazzy and I was like, Roger, come. Oh, whatever. It caused a big fight in the Ebert Townhouse in Chicago. Yeah, so, like, everyone has to go underwater to get to the other side kind of a thing.

This is kind of a fun. bit of stuff. Somebody gets it here, right? Or no, Clinton Powell gets it here because he blows up Yeah, he has a grenade in aid, yeah. This is a, this is a baller situation if you ever saw one. Like, he's getting taken

and it's like, we're going to go to hell tonight, Monster, and you just see him pull that grenade? Oh, absolutely. Well, also, like, after I saw my buddy, like, again, faceless screaming in pain, like, yeah, I'm putting a grenade in my mouth. You would have killed yourself by now, right? Oh, absolutely. Oh, Steve would have been dead at the toilet death.

That's why I won't go on a cruise. I would take a cyanide pill if the lights went out. I was like, that's it. Steve's like, hello, sounds like a woman was sucked into a toilet. The buffet looks iffy. Better kill myself. After he sees the half-melted man and, like, I was about to shoot him, he's like, I'll get in front of him. Anybody cruise people here?

I'm not a cruise person. Never been. I've never been. I don't know that I'd say I'm a cruise person. I've been on a cruise. Okay. I once went on the big red boat. If anybody who remembers that, that was the boat owned by, like, Warner Brothers and all the

Warner Brothers characters were on it. Right. I remember this. It's, um... You telling the story. I wasn't there. I mean, no, well, it was a weird, like, it was a disastrous family vacation where it was half of it was spent in Disney World, and then half of it, then you went on this big red boat cruise. It was like, both high pressure situation.

Oh, no, absolutely. So you got Disney and Warner Brothers. Yeah, no, I definitely did. It was very weird. No, this was, this was, I've told this story in the air before was I got lost on the cruise ship. It's very easy to get lost on a cruise ship. I found an elevator and I was like, okay, well, I know like what deck my, my room is on, so let's try to do that. The elevator door is open and I was clearly in some like employees area.

I was like maybe like 13 or 14. And the guy in the dog suit was on his name. Yeah, definitely. And there was an, there was a dude who was playing a character and he was off duty. It was a man in a Marvin the Martian costume. but holding the head from the costume like at his side and I just let the doors like oh oh the reality's been busted

I just don't know if I would want to be like on a boat with a bunch of other people and the whole thing I mean it's very weird loaded maybe that's kind of fun it's like a floating hotel basically it's a floating hotel situation but like we went on this cruise before all of the heinous like we're shitting in bucket stores what would it take to get you on a cruise Jamil

so two things because my parents do these all the time. They love them. They were in the Navy. I don't really understand why they would continue going on boats. But the two things that would give me going on a cruise. I'm both being completely serious here, not jokes. The first would be just, I would love a cruise that sees like actual exotic natural locations. A cruise through like be Alaska, you know, whatever. That'd be really cool. The other thing would be if like there were a Guy Fieti Cruz, I'm on it. Kid Rock Cruise, I'm there. Any. Any, Any sea list celebrity

With enough of a fan base To have a cruise Sign me up We're rolling out to the secret island We're donkey sauces I could see that I could see that I was like Ponce de Leon going down there

And I found a fountain of donkey sauce In this jungle And now if you're the guy Fietti cruise First of all I love the pronunciation That's the correct way You got to trill it up dude Fiati You might have Matt McConaughey hanging out too

That's right And he's got the Goodweed quite a revelation that they're hanging out together. I was rocked. I was literally rocked by that news. It makes peanut butter and chocolate. Makes perfect sense. That's the thing is I was rocked and simultaneously not surprised.

Mousanaughey is a clear, he may put on a nice clothes, clean up well. Guy's a scumbag. Absolutely. Yep, yep. I was going to go, and I mean, I think it's similar. If you wanted to make a draft of people who are going to have a good, time tonight, Guy Fietti and Matt McConaughey. Oh, sure. And it's

a scumbag time. It is a scumbag time. But it's also, like, built within that scumbag time, it's a lot of good weed. Uh-huh. We're talking tons of queso. Tortilla chips out the ass. Snuff films.

They're not making them, but they're watching. The kinds of cruises that I don't understand now, and I've seen this, I subscribe to the magazine, and they do this, I think, once a year. where it's the nation. Oh, yeah. And they're like, come join the nation cruise.

And you're like, why? Similarly, though, on the other side of that, there's like, Glenn Beck's getting on a fucking boat. He's going to tell you the history of America. And you're like, but why? I would go on that because that just seems like it'd be, you know. Well, that's like research for you, though. I mean, it would be like a study of something.

And you go on a Duck Dynasty cruise? I mean, like, any of that class of people. I cruise with Phil. But I think a stipulation for that, though. I can see myself on an ironic cruise, though. I can definitely see that happening. There was an ironic cruise that I seriously considered, which was, it was like bands from the 90s are on a cruise ship.

And it was like Goo Goo Goo Dolls, Third Eye Blind, unfortunately, I think Smash Mouth was affiliated with it, Sugar Ray. Semi-Sonic, maybe? Yeah, totally possible. I actually saw the lead singer of that band one time. Oh, gin blossoms. That might sell me the gin blossoms. But then I think, unsurprisingly, that was canceled for one reason or another.

Honestly, I feel like the only 90s bands that would be able to sustain, like, a fan base to go, because no one makes this music anymore, would be sort of like your lib biscuits. Yes, your P-O-Ds. Oh, oh. Listen, on that cruise, don't get in the pool. Free cocktails! Don't get in the pool, man. Don't. Hep C. Oh, you know that pool turns into the chocolate

to hot dogs living water. The cruise ship itself would be one of the ones that they had to quarantine. You get it at a discount. Everyone's got pink guys somehow. No, no, no. The band orgy's playing. The band orgy. Too late now.

Also, though, that pool is disgusting because someone literally dropped chocolate and hot dogs into that pool on that cruise. You can't just eat at a buffet at midnight, though. That's a real thing. on a cruise ship. And for a little fat kid of 14, I was like, you know,

it was in heaven. It's like Homer dancing through the chocolate land. I was ready to go, man. We're running around and now basically at this point, I think we kind of figure out how to get out. This is when we find the feeding room. Everyone kind of breaks up.

West Judy and Kevin J. O'Connor are buddies all of a sudden or they get paired up. This is kind of like if they both got out of this movie, I'd watch the Hobbs and Shaw as follow-up, like whatever adventure they went on next. I also, I was looking at

Kevin J. O'Connor, I'm like, if him and Tom Noonan played like crooked morticians in a movie, brothers. Brothers. They'd have to be brothers. Definitely. Yeah, I'm watching that movie. Oh, 100%. Tom Noonan is amazing. And then, you know, Kevin J. O'Connor, the talent that he is,

would be lifted up by Tom Noonan. Crooked morticians? Yeah. They're like touching them and stuff. Look what are evil stuff or they're maybe doing rituals or grave robbing or oh wait was this actually the plot of bad boys too were hiding drugs in the corpses maybe that would do it

that's a thing a friend of my parents was a crooked mortician maybe they apparently he was interviewed in one of these like travel channel shows about like ghosts and stuff yeah yeah and he was just like oh yeah they were talking about my family mortuary that closed down this funeral home closed down

So he's going to take the money to talk about it on this ghost show Because people who own it now are claiming it's haunted And then like my mother saw it was on And was like texting him like oh my God He's like yeah I don't appreciate the slant they did And when they were talking about that My grandfather was having sex with the corpse

Did that make the cut on the travel channel? Apparently and he was like unaware of it And then it was just on the show That's like What? Thank you. Thank you very much. Wait, so you're saying that they made this show

about an out-of-business funeral home. And somewhere along the way. It might be haunted. By the way, this guy was totally. Yeah, it was. You cannot have... You have his grandson who was like the family business being like, and he's an older guy now, and apparently, at the final cut,

that's what was that. I didn't see the show. My mother is a drinker. I won't preface that. Oh, you think she accidentally changed channels and didn't realize what was going on? Just watching a movie. I'm just saying, if you're making one of these ghost shows,

you can't have a thing where we're covering both a haunted funeral home and the general manager was fucking the corpse. I mean, it's a buried lead. That's the story. That is the special, exactly. What I want to watch a documentary about, the other one, I do not.

And it's the fucking. That point, I need a movie that's as long as OJ made in America about this one thing. Every nook and cramination. of that story, absolutely. Get Peter Himes out here to talk about it again. I don't care. Oh, he's weird in that. He is funny.

My grandpa went to go sell the corpse to some guys in Vegas. Dude, those, I want a whole world about those collectors so much. Dude, yeah, sports, like, memorabilia people. Gross. That's a, that would be a gross, like, showtime show. But West Dutie and Kevin J. O'Connor running, and they're like, we need to slow the monster down. and Kevin J. O'Connor's like, oh man, the only way to do that would be to feed him

and West Dutty shoots him in the leg. Yeah, fucking badass. Great move. Bad ass. I was like, I know you're the villain, but I agree with him. Yeah, also this guy sucks, you know, you're good. This is, because it's kind of around here where I was at, like, peak Kevin J. O'Connor tolerance

because it is, like, super whining. I will say the one laugh that I got is he's like, we're hanging out, like, we're right off the elevator scene. He's like, struggling to be. He's like, can you just, like, get at. asthma or do you need to get do you need to be born with it right and that's apparently one of his his famous uh improvised lines in this guy's a genius dude's a genius uh oh dr jekyll gets eaten around here somewhere and it's kind of a hilarious like he's screaming at this thing through a stove right yeah because they're locked in the galley at some point yeah and he's doing like i'm just gonna stay here because the doors are all right right and this is where treat williams tells this bullshit story of like he's like you know one time i saw a guy put a fish in a bottle and then this octopus came by you know and he uh well he broke that bottle and ate that fish and i'm like oh great story yeah and they're like what's the lesson in fam because

it's like we're the fish right yeah yeah yeah but it's like it's kind of because this movie made me think of jaws twice first when cliff curtis gets it because he's getting pulled around much like robert shaw and then this bullshit story is kind of like the g-grade robert shaw's story you about the USS Indianapolis. Like, when time I saw a fish get put in a bottle. Yeah, because it's not like... It was putting fishes in bottles.

I don't know what sick fucker was doing that either. That's what I mean? It's not like, oh yeah, one time I was on the boat and all these sharks came dollars. I saw a guy put a fish in a bottle once and an octopus ate it up. As I said, it's the G-grade version of the USS Indiana. That's a story that would be told during

scumbag time. I mean, if treat rooms is more of like a bayou guy, That would be a better story for a bayou type. It was something that was happening around a boil. Everybody was getting ready to have a feast of some kind. That same guy would go. He got arrested if we're going into she food restaurants

that trying to strangle lobsters. He then got arrested later breaking into a funeral parlors and fucking the corpses. Allegedly. I also love the idea of sending that in a text message. I did not appreciate when they brought up that my dad had checks with corpses. I was told. Frowny-face emoticon. Oh, you know, it's a weird effect that they put in when they find the,

I know we're past it at this point, but the Hall of Gore slash this monster's toilet. They're looking around at all these bodies, and there's just like voiceover, like the screams you didn't get to hear. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, come on. No, that's the haunting. It's happening already.

Oh, shit. Instant haunting, huh? Instant haunting. The ghosts are unionizing at that point to start talking about where they want to be. These ghosts are going to get together. I got a guy in Red Hook. We're going to unionize these ghosts. You're collective bargains.

Our way into heaven. Collective boogan. That's terrible. Moving on. So, yeah, we're all running around. Kevin J. O'Connor makes it sort of. He, like, runs away, and he finds West Studi. This is him being eaten by, like, he's, like, about to chew West Studiac.

He's, like, you shot me in the leg, man. And he looks at him, and he looks like, he's, like, getting, like, completely. West Dutie is making this weird face. It's that face. It's ass stuff is happening. Yes, it's like, oh, I'm realizing right at the second I'm getting food poisoning. Like, that's the face that he makes, but it's because half of himself is in this tentacle. And I eat beef with it because it's like, you have rapidly eaten every other person.

Why is, like, West Dutie the one that you're savoring? Because this is, I mean, this, it's, we're getting towards the end. There's only, like, three people left here. This is, like, the monster's, wait for thin mint. Oh, he's a paratif, you're saying.

Oh, God, I don't know if I can eat anymore. I better get a bucket I'm going to throw it. I mean, in this case, was this whole thing

sort of like, it was like a people eating contest. Like a monster has, like there are other monsters in the sea. Yeah. You've got to find something

and then eat as many as you can. He's like Jerry O'Connell and stand by me. He's eating all those pies. Oh, man. He's puking up skeletons. Oh, I could eat West Judy. Hold on. Hold on.

No, no, no. That's cool. He's not that bad. I get it. Once, when I was in college, there was sort of like a taste of the town thing. And I was with my girlfriend. I was like, hey, listen, I'm going to try every single restaurant in this town. And two hours later, I'm like, on her bed in her dorm room, like, you have to put a bullet in me now. I'm going to die.

So I get it. I get it, but kill me. Shit, I could eat all these fried people, but I was wrong. It was, oh, God. Oh, man, I shouldn't, I shouldn't have done. You know, that speedboat was too much. Honestly, it sounded like a good idea at the time. Wait, they shot the half disintegrated man out of me.

I can make room now. Now, don't fill up on speedboats. You'll spoil your dinner. Oh, also the boat sinking. Just to add a little bit of a timeline to it here. But West D.D. is like, there is this thing where Kevin J. Conner's got a gun. Oh, oh, yeah.

And he's like, you know what, man? don't say I never gave you nothing which is a pretty good line because he's like hey go shoot yourself in the head because you're about to have the worst death imaginable right and West Judy tries to kill him anyway which is kind of great

it's awesome but then I mean dude this it's monster karma man he then goes to commit suicide no more rounds left in the chamber oh that's a rough ride that's gonna you're gonna remember that one yeah yeah well you're going you're riding straight to hell you're thought to be turned into a gatorade

so Remember it for 10 seconds. You know, a lot of stuff's going on. Anthony Heald also is trying to kill people too because, and again, like, I don't, because he's like, I can't have witnesses for my big insurance. I'm like, dude, monsters are real. Yeah. Let's all get out together and figure that when you're in the military hospital an hour

later, maybe you want to like stuff a pillow over somebody's face. That's when you kill people. I mean, right now I need everybody to get off this. Your insurance scam is over. If they ever find this boat and it's full skeleton. Like, just go with the monster angle and pretend you never did the insurance scam. Exactly. And I think someone does bring up the point like, hey, man, I'd rather do a little time than be eaten and digested and shit out by this monster. Yes. Precisely. Yeah. So he's running around. We get back on, Treat Williams gets back on the boat. And Kevin J. O'Connor is like dead sort of, right? There's a goop everywhere in his hat. His beloved hat is there. So you know he's dead.

Is it a, like, we're in the late 90s, he's wearing a Kangle hat? Is that what I'm remembering? Okay. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Because that, this kind of character would wear a Kangle hat in that fashion. Well, it's like a Kengel style, but not exactly a full-on.

No, it wasn't officially licensed. Not a Sam Jackson Kangle. Is he still wearing those or no? I think so. I feel like he still is. Is he still sponsored by Kangel? I mean, he wears where the fuck he was. Dude, he's not taking fashion tips for me, that's for sure.

The biggest proof of what you just said was what you just said was what he wore to his 70th birthday party, which I think is the cool. Does anybody see this? Birthday suit? No, it was I think, well, I think one, I know this all from Lovar Burton's Twitter feed because he was invited to it and he fucking live streamed the entire

party, which I don't know, Sam Jackson appreciated it, but I believe it was at the Apollo Theater and he wore a suit that just had the title of every movie he's ever been in all on this suit. And I was like, yep,

the good ones are on there and the fucking horrible ones around there and you don't care and you're one of the coolest dudes of all time it was like you know what it was like it was like denzil washington's Halloween costume it or is it Denzel Washington's Halloween costume in Philadelphia where it's the lawsuit yeah it was that which I went for at one year you did do that yeah you just pinned garbage to yourself and also like it's different when it's very easy

FYI it's different than when Denzel Washington does it and then when you do it FYI we're charming Chris Crabbin covered in garbage. How's that different from any other day in that year? I'm sorry, it was actually Robert De Niro in Brazil. Nice. I just love that. He was pointing out, like, there was like snakes out of plane.

It was like on his, it was fucking great. You can put Freedom Land in the armpit. You don't got to, you know, place them somewhere. Knowing that Lovar Burton was invited to his birthday party, it just makes you wonder of sort of like, was this like if you were a black, if you're a black person entertainment, if you weren't invited to this,

is this like an massive, no? Yeah, you're just sort of like, you know, I got to quit. I guess, yeah, like, you wonder who made the list who didn't. I mean, like, I guess it must have been peers, LeVar, and, yeah, that sounds right. I mean, I don't know if Sam Jackson's, like, a Trek fan, but maybe he's, like, a Roots guy. Yeah, all right, yeah. And paths crossed and strange things. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. I just feel like, you know, like certain people, like, he was up against might not make it. Like, you know, like, I feel like Courtney B. Vance wasn't invited because, like, they, they fought for the same road. Yeah. Exactly, fuck that guy. He got that role. Too many audition rooms.

Yeah, exactly. No, dude, sorry, dude. Oh, you again, huh? Well, it was always Sam Jackson. Like, Sam Jackson won. Like, I think Courtney B. Vance was invited. He's like, fuck that guy. Oh, yeah, no, that's definitely.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to pay tribute to Samuel O. Fucking Jackson. That's what I need to do. I just like the idea of Samuel Jackson's wife going through the list. Blair Underwood. Really? Do you think? Ah, maybe.

I guess, yeah. We got the space. Why not? Tyrese? Maybe Sam Jackson really loves like the Fast and Furious movies Oh yeah, no, Tyrese has to come So yeah, this boat's sinking, we're trying to get off it There's like hilariously because it's the late 90s

Jet Skies are involved We have a little jet skis into the equation Yeah, so like basically there's this thing Where like Trulims is using his own boat as a bomb Kind of a thing to blow up the thing Right And that's his mission and he's going to get on this jet ski.

He needs to get some speed on there. Anthony Heald thinks he's winning the day by getting on Treat Williams's boat. By jumping off the side of his body and breaking his feet. And it's a thing in, I mean, we just talked about the shunting a little while ago. Like I've seen society multiple times. But like, if you show me a compound fracture in a movie,

look out below. And that's what happens here. He gets a compound fracture because he jumps like 50 feet off the cruise ship. on a treat's boat and his fucking bone pops out of his leg and you're like and he still think about this insurance scam this is still front of his mind I wonder if I can deduct this so he climbs into the the pilot's chair because it's a spaceship yeah it definitely is just in time to blow up with the most of the ship and I guess part of the monster well treat Williams fights the monster face to face first this is

another horse ship moment where I guess the monster was just like a little full and it was just waiting for a while because Street Williams is like raised up like Faye Ray with King Kong. This is when we realize he is Chitulu. He's not a bunch of monsters

he's a big, there's a big leg head. And also actually, I don't know who here has played Mario Odyssey. I have. But does the squid monster

in that game not, you know, somebody, you think not resemble the monster from deep rising? You could definitely steal

from deep rising. No one cares. I'm just saying because I've been going through Mario Odyssey recently when this monster was finally revealed and you see the big head I was like oh

okay I'm still digesting with Studi okay oh Famke Janses here oh no okay one of you gets to go I can't do all of it oh god they do start shooting limbs off though oh treat Williams shoots this thing in the eye

what are you looking at yep what are you looking at shoots him in the eye with a shotgun and we should say that he's had a catchphrase this whole time in this movie which is now what which is like every time something goes wrong like the elevator goes out he goes now what when they go in this big room

he says now what which again it's a shitty F grade version of Han Solo yeah exactly again yeah yeah yeah just just they really were asking him to turn this movie down daring him to do so

and like so he's on a jet ski with family Jansen we're running and around, we finally get off the thing. We do see the boat explode. You don't know that the, I mean, the monster does die, but I kind of want to, like, let's see some meat, some meat flying around a little bit. Yeah, totally. Like a big hunk

of something falls on their face. You probably say how the monster looks terrible. Yes, yes. Most of the movie up to this point, you don't really see a much glimpse of the monster, sometimes see tentacles they're fine, it's kind of dark or whatever. But here in the end, you see the monster and it's like full, you know, computer

glory, and it looks like shit. Yeah. It is 1996 CGI to the limit. It's pinker than I would have thought it would be, too. It's very pink. It did have those dreamy blue eyes there. That was something. I mean, look, I know that you have to make the eyes accentuated because it is, like, it's about to get shot in the eye. But it does, it's just a little too silly looking. Like, you know, it's like, you see it earlier and it is very grisly and gross. And now it's like, it's got a whole face. Yeah. It's making facial expressions. You can see it be aggravated.

It's got a full tummy. And so they're on the jet ski. They finally make it to this island. And I read because Kevin Jay and Connor died, but in test screenings, people in the audience were so upset. What is fucking family? Who was complaining? But they were like, oh my God, I can't believe you killed Kevin Joe O'Connor.

So they reshot the ending because you could tell. They're like, oh, man, Joey died. And they're like making out sort of. And he just shows up, hey guys, I found his surfboard or something. And he even makes some reference to like they hit him with the jet ski. Like they drove right next to him. Which if you're reshooting this whole thing, reshoot that. Joey died.

It's really sad. Hey guys. Bump. It's really sad. So super sad. I would prefer the naked gun version. Did you hear something? No, I was super sad, though. Poor Joey, man.

Pour one out for Joey, guys. I'm still here No, no, Joey's dead They back up Thud But like he's like This is when like He uses the word

Lip action Which I've never enjoyed Because he's like I don't they ever heard Yeah Have you heard this before? It's like a movie cliche I think it's from all the time

Steve has watched Deep Rise Oh here's the lip action line He's like oh you guys Are getting into some serious lip action Don't stop on account of me Yeah Steve at 13 Can I lip act with you?

I'm a lip actor. I lip act so well. Look, this was, so this came out, what, 90s? I was kissed by my grandmother today. Another lip actor. Another one of these lip actors in Sandy Hook. This was, what, 98? So this is like three years after she was already Zinia on a top?

This was every heterosexual teenage boys dream. Sure. Come on, come on the spectrum. It's like, I'm going to see what that looks like. Maybe she'll strangle me to do. death with her thighs. Maybe that's your thing. I don't know. Um, so, and you know, this is the end of this, we were on this

big island and like, even Kevin J. O'Connor's like, wow, this isn't such a bad place to hang out. Guess we'll have to repopulate the earth. I'm not kidding. Too bad my girlfriend died and I don't give a shit. Who? Yeah, exactly. They do a thing where Chit Williams is like, uh, by the way,

I think Layla's dead. And like, Kevin J. O'Connor politely nods. Yeah. Like, yeah. I knew it was too good to be true. Oh, man. She had our Allison Chains' concert tickets. Now I'm never going to... Oh, man.

And an earth-curdling scream and everything kind of... The whole island shakes. We pan back. We see a volcano. And I watched this for the first time this morning. Yeah. Oh, nice. And I was like, wait, are there...

There's a deep rising coming out of the land now? There's another deep rising. But apparently that's... not the case. Well, so at least if the IMDB... But the last line is... Oh, right. Treat Williams says, Now what? Here's a question, because I don't remember exactly. Does that Now What

come after we hit the black out? Oh, what? Do we like cut to black and then it's a now what? No, I think it's now what, then we cut the black. Okay. Because if it's cut to black and then now what, way cheesier. Yeah, no, it's a classy film. It's Steven Somers.

Oh, of course. Yeah. But so if the IMDB trivia is to be believed this movie was supposed to be setting up a reboot of King Kong, which Stephen Summers was going to direct, and this is supposed to be them crash landing on Skull Island. I mean, I love that the idea is like, well, how are we going to get people to see a King Kong movie? Well, what if we tack it on to the end of a movie, nobody gave a shit about it. Like, it just doesn't make any sense. It is, if that's true, it is, it is the most insane thing I've ever heard.

How do they crash on them? island what got them there yeah maybe maybe they just you know they were like sailor and then crash slant no too too easy to insurance scam mercenaries although i'll say if you left out the deep rising monster and it was just a story about a weird fucking degenerate sex crews yeah where something went awry because of a storm and a couple of survivors then wound up crash landing on skull island now that's a turn yeah because you haven't seen or heard a monster that entire film

because it's just people fucking goats and gambling or get rid of the tentacles and just give me a wet ape give me King Kong in the water and ocean his son was going for a swim the boat hit him

and he got pissed off fair enough well Stephen Deep Rising didn't do well but you know we're going to give you King Kong has to be Deep Rising 2 it's Deep Rising 2 Deep Rising 2

Deep Rising 2 Kong coming like that I No, it has to be called King Kong. No, Deep Rising 2, King Kong exists. It's one thing to do your first Batman movie, and at the end, he flips the card over, like, ooh, the Joker's coming next. It's another thing to not have a franchise in a movie whatsoever, and then at the end, it's

like, by the way, King Kong? At the end of SkyCaptain and the world of tomorrow, Batman just comes in. It's as incongruous. Oh, that should have been Spider-Noer or whatever. Oh, right. You show up fighting tentacles And then they show up with Giant Apes

Oh yeah It's escalation And that giant ape He's wearing Cavalong Kevlar boots I'm not wearing monkey pads I don't know This ain't has a flare

For the theatricality He certainly did Maybe King Kong was best friends With the sea creature He's like no Oh no not Dave That was my girlfriend, you son of a bitch. And now Dave's not here, man.

Yeah. Because then he just started smoking weed on the island. That's right. Well, it's just, it's totally bizarre. And, like, the fact that you don't see anything, how is the audience supposed to think any of that? Which is why it's like a little. That's why I'm pointing it out because this morning,

I didn't know anything about it. I didn't read the trivia. I did not get any of this Kong stuff. Well, I mean, the idea, it works, quote, quote, both way. the other idea is like now they're on another island what other wacky shit's gonna happen right question mark yeah but then it's a weird like your king kong movie has to star treat

Williams famka jansen and kevin j o'connor it just was never gonna happen i don't know why anyone was just like stephen no but then i think because like this movie didn't really work out they were like dragging ass he was like how about i just go direct the mummy instead i thought it was gonna be land tentacles and they would call it land rising land rising would be something it's a bad title

but it would be a terrible land tentacles just seems like tremors yeah that's I think that's what yeah that's what the tremors were land tentacles either way it was a huge failure and that none of that happened but apparently just through like

a development hell whatever the fuck that initial seed of an idea supposedly became the Peter Jackson King Kong which take it or leave I don't know well wait I'll do King Kong but does Treat Williams really have to

be in it. So I really hate Treat Williams. I hate him. Hate the substitute. And this has to be called Kong Deep Rising 2. It's a lot of stupid stipulations here. I mean, who even saw that? Did anyone even see that movie? Well, people in this room certainly did. So I guess the question on the table and we'll start with our guest, Jamel, would anybody recommend this movie?

I'm in the tank for this movie. I love it. It doesn't quite work, right? Trying to kind of mass together three different genres of movie doesn't really work all that well, but it's still extremely entertaining, just the fact they attempted to do it, the fact that they have a murder's row of great actors in this sort of like kind of slumming it in this very bad movie. But, I don't know, there are great kills. I think Treat Williams is kind of like a really fun protagonist to have.

And it's like a perfect, again, it's a perfect, it's late at night, you want to watch a movie, you don't want to think too much about it. Put this on. I think it's this, I agree. And I do really like this movie. Fuck you, Cabin. Off the air, you said you loved it. I loved it.

I'm sorry, I'm not so effusive. I love this movie. It's the best version of like, I'm trying to make a B movie with a bigger budget, which everybody tries to, but I think Stephen Summers actually does this shit. Yeah, yeah. He has one thing,

the CGI kinds of ruins it a little bit. Yeah. They had Rob Botton did, the design, and he was the guy who did the thing, the Fog, Mission Possible, for some reason. I don't know what creature's in that. Tom Cruise. Yeah, he did the design for Tom Cruise. Yeah, he did John Voight.

That's right. But, like, I think if, and he wanted it to be practical effects, and I think if you had him doing the practical effects, big time, it'd be great. That would, that would sort of kind of amp it up to the next level. But still Best Summers, uh, by a mile and a hell of a watch. Yeah, I agree. I do think that, like, Stephen Summers works better as a B movie director.

and like this kind of whatever hybrid thing I do yeah it just it's super watchable like this movie if this was on cable I feel like what used to be on when I watched it was on cable a lot and like probably not so much anymore but like it's a great cable movie like you can go to the bathroom for a little while come back

you go to bathroom for a long while you can skip 20 minutes of the movie and just hop right back in when they get in the elevator go right ahead and yeah it's I think it's super fun the cast is great the cast is very fun anyway and great tough No, it's a heart-he recommend.

It's fine. I would say hangover movie, sure. Yeah. But it's very light recommend for me. It just... You saw this morning for the first time with a cup of black coffee. I did.

9 a.m. with black coffee. Big problem. You got to start watching movies like this when the sun goes down. Yeah, well, I'm too busy here. So there it is. This was a great delight. I really enjoyed watching this. And what was funny was, I mean, I used to rent movies like this all the time in the 90s.

And it was one of those things that I was like, you knew what this was. It was right there, man. You could have done it then. You waited 20 years to fucking watch it. But I'm glad I finally watched it. It's a definite hangover movie. It's a definite, I'm uploading a huge video file and I need something on. So the hell with it.

I'm going to put it on. I will be revisiting this at some point. Look out for the hand, dude. What's that? The hand in the tentacle. The hand in the tentacle. Oh, right. Oh, I gotta go look.

Hand spotting. That's right. No bathroom breaks. That is Deep Rising from 1998 directed by Stephen Summers, who I believe is technically in movie jail right now. Is he? Yeah, because he had that... Throw away the key.

He had that... That weird Anton Yelkin movie. Yes, Odd Thomas. That was like 2013, I think, was the last we heard of Mr. Summers, unfortunately. And he did not direct that third mummy movie. Oh, he didn't? No. our good friend noted Hollywood scumbag

Rob Cohen directed that movie. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. Stephen Summers, I think, wound up being like a producer on it or something. So, yeah, there is that. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out Patreon.com slash we hate movies. A lot of great stuff out there as always. And again, by the way, this is part of the summer blockbuster extravaganza, which I did not mention up top. But Steve Sadek, speaking of which, as you pull it up right now, how long can I drag this out without having to cut it in the editing room.

Steve Sadek. Get out of your spam. You know, and it's a spam. 400 plus episodes. Why do you have an email called lip action? Hold on. Gosh, darn it.

Steve's wearing a cool return of the Jedi t-shirt. It's nice. I'm actually jealous of it. Not too shabby. Okay. So Steve Sadek, the summer blockbuster extravaganza continues next week. What do we have on the docket?

We are kind of coinciding with our upcoming show in Chicago where we're doing child's play tickets are still available you want to check out WHMpodcast dot com slash check that tour tab click on that tour tab that's right but we are doing

Bride of Chucky next week in the studio oh that's right so this is him and I will say Marissa Tomey but yes it's definitely Jennifer Tilly and John Waters cameo who oh really I've never seen this movie oh yeah the latter

Chuckie movies were hard skips for me. Not hard. It was easy to skip it hard. Of course. And of course, big thanks to our buddy Jamel Bowie for coming. This has been a lot of fun. Thank you for having me. My pleasure. We've been trying to get you on the show for a while now, so this was very cool. And you had a fucking ace pick, my friend.

Thank you. Thanks so much. Drop back anytime you're in town. We're happy to have you. So until next week with The Bride of Chucky. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddette. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. And Jamel Bowie. Take it easy. That was a headgum podcast.