We Hate Movies - S9 Ep433: Episode 433 - The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Episode Date: July 23, 2019

On this week's Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza episode, the gang is chatting about the completely unnecessary remake, The Taking of Pelham 123! Why did Tony Scott think all that drop-frame effect stuff looked good? What's with Travolta's casual use of the word "bunghole"? And on what planet would Michael Rispoli talk shit to Denzel like that and not get punched in the face by the end of the film? PLUS: Can Steve and Andrew make this fake streaming content-licensing thriller a reality? Eric doesn't think so! The Taking of Pelham 123 stars John Travolta, Denzel Washington, Luis Guzmán, John Turturro, Michael Rispoli, and the late, great James Gandolfini; directed by Tony Scott. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, everybody gird your bungholes. It's the taking of Pellum 1, 2, 3 remake. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cavan. Eric Cisca. How was it not Eric Bunghole? Well, I mean, I don't know.

That's derivative. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the fine program as it is, known as we hate movies, by the way. Yeah, we are talking about the taking of Pelham, one, two, three remake, directed. By the late Tony Scott, RIP... Where should I take it? Bend over and I'll show you. This is the only podcast that will use the word bunghole twice in an opening.

Yeah. And we're going to say much more coming up. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is the bunghole app to... Welcome back to the bunghole hour. Listen, I'm sorry, but you have a major motion picture in where the lead actor uses the word bunghole in such a way. We're going to be talking about it all night, baby. If it's not a Beavis reference, you really have no reason.

You don't have a leg to stand on it. You're just saying bunghole. It's a weird word, but, you know, if people like saying it, that's fine, too. I like the bungholes. Walk like an Egyptian's a great tune. Steve, that's not the right name. What? Yeah, so this is a remake of a Walter Mathau movie.

Who else is in it? Quint from Jaws, Robert Sharks. Jerry Stiller. Hector Elizondo. A very young Hector Elizondo. Anybody have no direct that movie, Chris Cabin? Well, B, B, B, B, Sergeant. Yes.

Oh, Joseph Sargent, of course, the director of previous episode, am I getting this right, Jaws, the Revenge? I believe that's true. Joseph Colonel, man. Yeah, I think that taking a Pella 1, 2, 3 is a masterpiece. I just love that movie. It's just such a... It's really good. I saw it film for him last year.

They did, like, a whatever kind of a thing. It was like a new... New York something, I think. Yeah, but it's just a very... I mean, and this movie, actually, to its credit, does evoke New York quite a bit. It tries to.

It does its best. But it's through the Tony Scott lens, which is probably the problem. It's directed, I think, by a dude who didn't really give a shit about this city, which is the thing, like, you can... Like, I would not qualify this as a New York movie,

which, whereas the original, 100% is a New York movie. Well, it's not a good movie either, so you don't want to watch it. Well, yeah. also that. So we kick things off. We love, we're loving numbers. We got Pelham 1, 2, 3, and we are starting with Jay Z's 99 problems. That's fantastic. Yeah, well, like, this takes forever, this like, remix, cut up version of this song. I don't know what this is. It's so cool. It's

contemporary. It's letting you know the setting is contemporary. Doesn't like you settle into any kind of rhythm. You're just kind of listening to breaks and breaks and breaks. It ages like a bad book though doesn't it it's just yellow and crackly it's really weird like this movie like thank god for all you purists out there we are keeping within the confines of the 10 year rule with this movie uh it feels so much older than 10 years old watching this this is like a DVD movie but now but now but now but now but now but now you just you can just smell the special features feature at just just hovering around the margins of this film i realized rewatching Hey, hey, yeah, John, for the featurette, say something funny.

Hey, for the DVD featurette, say something funny. You wouldn't steal a bunghole. You wouldn't steal a bunghole. Why would you steal a movie? Bada, but, da, pna, pna, pto. DVD. The legal purchase of this bunghole provided 10,000 jobs in the industry. What, what, I mean, if you don't know what we're referencing, I'm sorry,

but what were they thinking with those commercials? I got to say that spy game might be the ultimate DVD. It's like a movie that I don't think it exists on Blu-ray or you can't stream it. It only could be watched via DVD. I liked that movie. No, it's totally good. One time I saw it. Still never seen it.

I need to get a DVD. Dude, it's a total fucking dad movie. Those are right up your house. I love Dad movies. You might be seeing one's Blu-ray copies of it, but actually that's the devil's own in there. but this is actually a dad action movie to your point a little bit it definitely is or it's like i don't even know a dad it's a dad afternooner kind of a thing can i tell you the perfect the exact perfect time to watch this movie four o'clock on a sunday afternoon yeah that's exactly when you can watch

this movie because it is so low octane right but i guess still qualifies more as an action movie than it does a heist movie i would say never is the best time to watch this is absolutely Absolutely never. But so we cut it. It's none of nine problems. We do open on Travolta. He's the first person you see. Yep.

And this movie posits that the toughest, most scary person you can ever encounter on the New York City subway is the edge from you two. It's just like that. That's what this look is. And like it looks, it's supposed to be so fucking bad ass. If the edge was turning into Killer Crock. Like very slowly, but it was getting there. he's just sort of like strutting down the street in this movie yes he's got the skull cap on

this horrendous handlebar mustache dude he's auditioning for the village people with this thing it's not good it's so so not good but he gets it's fine to audition to the village people I just want to get that out of the way he gets on in Times Square I guess he takes the S train to the to the east side it makes no because it's 40 seconds he gets on like Lexington, which is, you know, on the other side of town. By the way, the S-Train, imagine a movie where somebody hikes the S-Train and no one notices? Where would it go?

I wrote the S-Train today. Really? I did, yeah. You know, it's hot enough, I guess. Yeah, getting from Grand Central to Times Square, but I thought this was like the seven train platform. Okay, so maybe it takes the seven. The seven's more of a useful train.

Well, that's an actual train. Yes. One's a train, and the other one, it's S for show. Shuttle. I just think it's... Oh, my God. The S train has gone under. Oh, my God.

Someone hijacked the S train. I knew this day would come. Holy shit, he wants $10,000. That's the thing. My shuttle is gone. If you hijack a train that has literally two stops... Three. You go to Brian Park.

You go to Brian Park. On the Times Square Shuttle. No, we're talking the Times Square Shuttle, which is Times Square to Grand Central And back again. That's it. Chris Cappen is correct. You can only ask for a maximum of $10,000.

Each one of them is worth, eh? 50 bucks. You have to demand that the New York City Transit Authority pays off your sort of large credit card debt. And you'll be surprised the shuttle does get crowded. Oh, does it? It's super crowded, man. I'm anti-shuttle. The time it takes to get down there to swipe your card.

No way. No way. No, because you're walking towards Times Square in Midtown. It's just so many people. How can you deal with the people? What are you talking about? That's the best part about it. I am usually pro-walk, but I was running a little late today.

I got a couple of S-Train guys in my face right now. You got a couple S-Train guys. I'm with Steve on this. The shuttle is for the suckers. S-M-D-S-Train. Wow. First of all, you keep calling it the S-Train. Nobody calls it that.

I do. The Times Square shuttle and it's convenient as bald. Steve thinks it stands for shunters. shit. That's a shit train. Only shit people take it. You walk down to 41st. It's a little more walking. You walk down to 41st. Then you cut across and you get like so less people. Come on. I don't know, man. I just, that whole area is a nightmare. I just cannot. And I only go down there maybe like once a month for a screening or like if we go see some some theater. But it's like, it just makes my fucking skin crawl. I should say by the way, we should have mentioned this before that whole quote unquote S train riff. I don't know if it was a riff This is going to be Well tangent diversion Alternate route

I would say it's a classic riff I think it's one of our best Well see the thing is I had to take it today Because I had to be somewhere by like 1215 And it was like 12 And I'm like I'm not walking there in time Gotcha I'm just gonna point out

I'm just gonna point out It's gonna be a very New York heavy episode There's nothing we can do about it So he gets on And, like, it's, the original, to everybody's point, has Hector Alizondo as the number two. This movie has Louis Guzman, who's great, but he has nothing to do in this movie. At least Hector Alizando has, like, a thing in that movie. And they got two Croatians or something?

Yeah, like, I don't know who these dudes. What are these guys? They are non-characters. They might as well not even be in this movie. Yeah. They pulled them off the fucking set of taken one. Like, who are these guys? I would just get John.

Marco from Tripoya. You've got John Tororo and James Giannifini in this movie. Make them the whole. crew. If it's Travolta, Tataro, Guzman, and Gendelphini, now we're thinking. Yeah, but as much as I like you're thinking, Steve, and I do. That's way too many heavy hitters, and that means that

whatever's going on on those fucking train cars, it's getting way too bloated. Because then everybody's going to have to have a thing. Because Gandalfini would be on the way too blood. Also, like, if someone shot it, him, he just, you know. He just keep walking. I meant that he's a larger man. Yes, no, I got you.

There was. Well, he was. He's been dead for like five years or whatever. Yeah. Quite some time. Tragically so. Watching this movie, this piece of shit movie, I think he's still good in it. He's great. I was getting furious with the universe watching this. He's playing like Mike Bloomberg, I guess. Pretty much.

Yeah. He's like a rich guy that's mayor. But he is, I got to tell you, why I love Gandalfini in this movie, he's so against his type which is Tony Soprano sure like he's such a fucking

wuss in this movie and everybody's taken a dump on him and tell him to go fuck himself and publicly humiliating him at every turn I love it and it's another flip because Bloomberg is a tiny daddy

and Gandalfini he's a big daddy who's a big old daddy they're a big daddy well if a Bloomberg ever found that turtle shell he'd be enormous that's true

well because he's also doing the whole like Bloomberg was always very big on, yes, I take the subway to work every morning. Oh, yes, of course I do. I think Diplasio still, like, mentioned that here and there, but Bloomberg was like, yes,

I am a billionaire, but yes, I do take the train every morning. I travel there on my golden subway car. I had it built especially for my birthday. Whenever they say that, it's got to be like a special car that no one ever sees. Oh, yeah, and it's spit shine every day. Right. It just zooms through

every station going 150 miles an hour. It's a train car, but it's really a teleportation. device. Nobody. Oh, yeah. I got a tell her. It's shaped like a train car, but when you get in, it's just a transporter. This is Bloomberg's money. I'm not saying, it could be invisible.

Tracks, Mr. Mayor, where we're going. You don't need tracks. What? I never saw that movie. So then this is happening at the same time we're introduced to Denzel Washington wearing a fabulous

dad's only sweater vest. This fucking thing that they got in And he's supposed to be, I guess, a little pudgier in this role. Oh, he's a real jelly donut here. Yeah. Really? I didn't notice. That's part of it.

He's just like more of a lived in kind of business. He's just like a working stiff who's not a police officer but pretends to be one at the end of the movie. You're coming up against the greatest of all the schlubs, Walter Mathau. Yeah. You have to like give a certain nod to it. And I think that's what like he spills coffee on himself. They also nod to him by naming him Walter, his first. he was Walter. Right. And, well, no, Garber.

His, his, his last name is Garber. His last name is Garber. They're both Garber. Yes, but he gave, he's name is Walter Mathau played Garber. Okay, Zach Garber. Gotcha. Yes. Sorry. I didn't notice that, Steve, so thank you for pointing that out. They mentioned his weight, too. He says he's like 220 on a good day and there's a little apprehension there. Oh, right. Yeah, well, he doesn't start drinking at 9 a.m. And this is also during Denzel's train phase, because right. A year after this, he did Unstoppable. Also by Tony Scott.

Oh, my God. Everyone's on the train. Everyone just got on the train train train. That movie's also bad, but it's better than this one. I never saw it. He's correct. Well, I think that's the movie Tony Scott wanted to make. I want a train to go all fucking ape shit and crazy.

And he even throws it into this movie for no reason. But then, like, stops it very unceremoniously. This is supposed to be like that 70s movie. That's more of a pot boiler. The train in the 70s movie does go pretty fast at the end. So it's kind of mirroring that a little bit, but they do try to make it pretty extreme. Tony Scott was really fighting to do under siege, too. Oh, fucking definitely, dude.

How about that? Better movie. So, yeah, Denzel also kind of like getting shit on in this movie. It's kind of funny. He spills the coffee. This, it's a massive control room. This whole room turns to laugh at this man who spilled coffee all over himself. I would be too scared to laugh at Denzo, Washington.

I mean, because he's terrifying. He's a really cool guy. He's an intense guy though. You can't not. You look at that guy. You're like, I don't want to talk to that guy. He's also supposed to be a big wig in the company of, I guess, the MTA. Yeah, he's currently eating shit right now.

Yeah, but it's like still, I mean, people that eat shit could be on top again. You don't want to get on their bad side. That's true. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're right. And they've all seen him angry. I mean, like, during some, like, walk out or something. and he's just like there's a bunch of backed up trains. You've definitely seen him flip his lid

and you've all know that he can go there if he needs to. He was my question about this control room because the New York City Transit Authority, like the MTA, it's a piece of shit organization. This is science fiction. This is the bridge of the enterprise. Right? Okay, thank you.

I'm looking at this room like, are you kidding me with this fucking NASA Command Center? In the real one, there's like two rats on a wheel running around. Well, I also love it at one point It's early on, we're like, sir, sir, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the train stopped for, the, yeah, the, the train stopped for no reason. The concept of it just being, like, oh, this is the name for one individual train, I guess it exists.

I mean, you, when I. When I hear a one, two, three in the subway, I think about the one, two, three line. Yes. But this is on the Lexington line, the four, five, six. It's very confused. But it gets to, it gets to Pelham or leaves Pelham at 123. Well, Pelham, okay, that's how. So really, there should be one colon 23.

Yeah, that would make sense. Also, Pelham Bay is where the six train, this is the titular train of this film, is the one that I passed out on and wound up waking up. And I fell asleep before Pelham. Bay, I was asleep at Pelham Bay, and then went all the way back. It went all the way back. Steve was kind of living this movie a little bit. Where is that movie of that train going crazy with you on it?

There must have been apparently like some control. I'm like, sir, there's someone sleeping on the Pelham one, two, three line. Oh my goodness. Beep boop, beep, boop, beep. I'll just sweep around him, I guess. Exactly. So this like heist or whatever starts at precisely 2 p.m. I think is the move. of everybody's synchronizing watches.

Travolta runs up to the front of the train and fucking pulls a gun on somebody. I'm gonna fucking blow your brains out if you don't eat. He is, I mean, here's the thing. The cast is good. You know what I mean? You've got Denzel.

You've got Gandalfini. You've got Tatoro. You've got, even Michael Respoli is pretty good. You know what I mean? Like, Michael Respoli's not bad in this movie. That's, of course, Jackie Appreel from The Sopranos, which is weird when he and Gandalfini are in the same room in the third act of this movie.

That was freaking me out. And Guzman, you know, a good, is known to be a good actor. And Travolta can be a good. Travolta can be good, but you give him a fucking ham sandwich, man. Forget about this. The Travolta show. No one else matters.

No. Because you got like John Totoro trying to like look tense, like, oh my God, this fucking train situation. And then you got Travolta on the other end of the line going, you Grace Ball! You Grace Ball! I'm going to fuck you with the ass, you greaseball! I don't get why he is turned up to 15 and a half in this movie. I think I know why.

Because Robert Shaw is at, like, a simmering to that whole first movie. Because he's a mercenary soldier who's now taking over this train. He, like, has the training and the temperament to do this. This guy's just some monster. Even when he makes out with the third, third rail at the end. Oh, yeah, he does. After, like, he's at two. There's nothing going on.

So all Travolta can think to do is be like, go the other end of the spectrum, go to nine. How am I going to make it different? Yeah, exactly, the opposite. Hello, I'm John Travolta. I live with my parents. But, no, but I don't think it's that, Chris, because this is just the John Travolta villain standard. I'm going to be over the top.

Now, here's the question, because this movie. It's him in face off. It's him and fucking Swordfish. Well, Swordfish, this is what I was going to ask. Yeah. Is he higher above the bar in Swordfish? or in this movie. I feel like this movie for sure.

Swordfish is a better movie and it's a better villain. I think watching that fucking dick sucking made him mellow out in Swordfish. Right. Who? Oh, right. He watches the Halliberry's blowing Hugh Jackman in that movie. Oh, he's cracking the code. Was that Halliberry?

No, it's not. Halliberry's not blowing him? No, no, no, no. No, she's just in the movie. Oh, she does full frontal nudity. She does. Or topless. Excuse me.

She's just topless. This movie, though, again, And the other thing that I hate about what they change from the Robert Shaw character, which he's like a trained mercenary, blah, blah, blah, blah. Travolta is like a fucking white collar crime money douchebag who did. He's the only white collar criminal in history to do hard time in a jail where he comes out with fucking neck tattoos. And this is what this movie tries to tell you. Like, well, hey man, if we actually put these like white collar wall street criminals,

in prison. They're just coming out as supervillains. So you just can't do it. You just can't do that. We got to keep them out of jail, man. Them, all the Jeffrey Epstein's, you don't want that to be a super villain. You got to keep that guy out of jail. Too late, man. Seriously, my lord. That's what Alex Acosta was trying to do that. I think we should make him touch the third rail. Yeah, touch it with his fucking dick. That'd be cool. I'd watch that. Yeah, and it's, you know, it's just garber. He's going through his daily

thing and then like oh my god something's wrong with the train and he calls in and this is the the tete-a-tete begins between him and travolta which and somehow shockingly that first movie in the 1970s makes two people talking on a fucking radio tense and exciting yes not here friend well because again they're giving two different energies and like none of it makes sense and like i think if you had like somebody on the other end of delton zell washington's line, like, actually giving it? Right. You know who could give it?

Give it right back to fucking Travolta? Dennis Leary. Could you imagine, like, Dennis Leary playing like a coaked-up fucking maniac? I guess. Screaming back at him? Who would you cast? Look, we're dream casting this bad remake. I would cast Gary Busey.

Ooh. Gary Bucy's all right. Welcome to dream casting. Well, also, it would be Dennis Lerer would be smoking in the commanding. Man center. Sure. Yeah, I'm surprised that he doesn't smoke with this fucking edge haircut and hat. He takes his hat off eventually and you realize

this was the end of the Travolta natural hair. Because it's like, it's kind of gone at this point. Even though it's buzzed short. But you know what though? It's dignified. It's totally. That's the thing I was like, I know we're going to be talking about Travolta's hair in this movie and I have to defend it.

It's fine. It's totally fucking fine, John Travolta. You just, you have the front balding going on. It's what it is, dude. You look like a fucking clown in the rest of these movies. It made me realize he could be potentially a good Frankenstein's monster. Uh-huh. Right?

That's not what somebody wants to hear. That's a great role. Oh, look at that haircut you have. You could play a fucking fine monster. The thing about him with some bolts in his neck walking around. Here's how I can tell you that he would react poorly to that. I can't believe. I haven't thought about this in a really long time.

One time when I was a kid, my uncle got a bad haircut. It was bad. It was like someone like took a bowl but it was like a lot it was like a motorcycle helmet and they just cut all the hair

that was hanging outside of the motorcycle. I was out with him and my aunt. We were going somewhere. They brought me back at the end of the day, brought me back home. My parents were at the door.

We walk inside. They come in to say hi. My mother sees my uncle and goes, oh, did you get a haircut? He says yes, she immediately not a fucking second of space in between the sentences goes

you look like Charles Manson. Dude, holy shit. He didn't let that go for like 20 years. Oh, so did he like get a bunch of female followers, kind of living in the hills? All right, you know what? If that's what you think, that's what you think. Give me a tattoo

a fucking swastika between my eyes. I guess that's what we're doing. I'm leading into it. The reaction was something close to I'm going to lean into it if that's the way you feel. It was a massive dust up. But like, don't tell someone you look like Charles Manson.

Did he let you, like, hold the baby after they cut it out? Anyway, I'm just saying Travolta's hair, it would be fine if he was in other movies. Yeah. What are you giggling at him? He's laughing at Sharon Tate.

Oh, I see. Yeah, that is pretty hilarious. But he would be a great Frankenstein. you know and this was like 10 years ago now I don't know what he'd be like my bunghole mama bonka now like the 2019 John Travolta

maybe the mummy but you're seeing all these movies where he's like that fucking race boat guy yeah speed kills this fucking movie he's in it's just out now it's one of these

the hilarious categorization of still in theaters aka we can't find fucking anybody to book this in theaters where it's him and Morgan Freeman and like they're assassins or something Oh the something rose

Yeah and it's again he's just Got this fucking asshole wig on I mean that's him and that Moose movie That uh Fred's move Oh yes directed oh It's now called the fanat Fanatic yeah I thought it was the fan but then I realized it's the Fanatic yeah I guess I got to see that movie

It's coming to Amazon Prime Sometimes and this month that actually something went wrong with that like it was a different movie screwed up all the cogs I was trying to fly in the transporter when they were trying to send it to Netflix and now it's a monster

it was the wrong what like they had screwed up the title it wasn't the 2019 the fanatic it was some other year what I love though okay if that's true that's fucking hilarious because that means Fred Durst has no idea what's going on with his own movie because I saw someone on Twitter like

retweet him being like yeah that's right baby, it's coming out. It's like, come on. I actually now just thought of a new pot boiler, like a 1970 style pot boiler. We need more pot boilers. You put marijuana in water. No, it's, you work, it's

a guy. Put a fire under it. It's a woman who works at a website. Butter works better. And she's trying to work at an entertainment website and she's got up until noon to find out what's going to be streaming in the next month. And like, I got to get the numbers. I got to, like, she has to like

go through all these back channels to find out what's going to be streaming. That sounds boring. Well, that's why I have a question. What are the consequences if she does it? I mean, they unleash the daily beast. Jack. Actual rancor that is the beast.

Jack Nicholson's her boss. Like, hey, you better get those names for me by noon or else you're out of. Hey, you know what this sounds like a bunch of chili on the floor. Pick it up. I'm old. Yeah, Nicholson did. So it's already spent. 50 million at least

This I mean You can't handle the streaming You know something like that But what you're describing And it's fine Sure You're describing a play That's adapted into a movie

Yeah You know It's low stakes Which is appropriate For the theater But it doesn't usually work so well in movies In this context

But maybe like some There's a manila envelope And it says Netflix on it And she's like What's in here? Your whole thing is like It's like a website being like, what's leaving Netflix

this month and make the fucking blood sweat tears. I mean, that's fucking article. That is the film. That's what it's good. And then it turns out. You think it's just something you could look up. No, no, no. You've got to find that information. And I'll tell you what, dude, she's banging some dude who claims to have

like intel on it. It's like her boyfriend. Then it turns out he's been crooked the whole time. Crooked how in this scenario? I don't know. He's been trying to take the streaming rights of Frasier. From Netflix to Hulu And it's a huge fucking scandal

This guy's doing it What's he wrapped up with this reporter for? For sex, obviously. By the way, reporter, let's not get nuts. She is a reporter. She's an intrepid reporter. She's like going to write, in her article, it's like, Fraser's leaving Netflix.

And he's just like, yeah, now that I had such good sex with her, she's asleep satisfied, if you know what I mean. He goes over to her computer and like erases the, Frazier from the article. Yes, exactly. He mails it to the editor. Because he's got like

somehow money on it. Like the stock's going to go up. Like if there's stock options involved, this is a fucking, it goes all the way to the top, Eric. Oh, then, oh, how about this? You're getting closer. Keep digging. Frazier is leaving

Netflix. Dude, and then. Is Frazier on Netflix, by the way? Oh, absolutely. Oh, fuck, I got to dig in. Dude, we just started season 11 of Cheers. And right after that's done, dude, we are heading over to Frasier Town. And then how about this?

The end is like, uh, there's a call for you. Like she saves the day somehow, right? Frazier, Frazier remains wherever Frazier was supposed to go. Absolutely. It's like there's a call for you. And she's, she has to leave the celebratory party that the office gave for her. So she walks into her office, her new office. She gets a new office.

Of course. She puts her piece of cake down on the table, picks up the phone like half laughing at somebody. Oh, sure. Hi, what? Who's this? Oh, thank you so much for saving Frazier's streaming rights. And it's a Kelsey Graber full on, you film him on the book of phone camera. This is not how streaming rights work.

It absolutely is, actually. So it's just people just print stuff and it's like Netflix as well, I guess we're going to rid of that at the end of the month. Listen, I'd watch it. Question is, where would you watch it? I don't think they let something escape. scandalous of this. Go on Netflix. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Maybe this is fucking YouTube

Red town. You're not wrong. You could go to Crackle. Fraser's going to YouTube Red. Oh, shit. We need to stop it. Oh, man. I've always been curious about that Cobra Kai series.

Uh-huh. But I never... Not curious enough. I guess not. Yeah, I mean, I've been kind of curious, too, man, but not curious enough. And I have CBS All Access. Nice. Yeah, that's how not curious I am about YouTube read. And the movie's called Coming to Streaming this January and it's incredibly confusing

because you're like, wait, what? Is this the article? Is this the movie? What? What am I doing? This is savvy marketing. I think this idea sucks. Yeah, okay. Yeah, all right. Well, boy, where you're your face will be red dude when Steve and I fucking sell this great idea. Listen, it's better. It's better. Well, first of a movie. Well, first of all. If you use anything that I'm, you use anything that I said in this, I get a piece of the action. He gets up my voodoo money? Yes, but this is better. This idea is better than the taking of Pelham, one, two, three, parentheses, 2009.

That's true. So, John Travolta murders this transit cop because it's one of these like, oh, you don't fucking believe me. The guy just starts nose in his way in. Right, right, right. And actually what have, oh, this guy, because he's like, uh, transit. You see this guy like following them for a little bit. He's like sniffing out something.

And then it's like, whoa, whoa, transit police. And this fucking, it's not, it's not Travolta. It's one of these Euro trash dudes just murders this guy. He's fucking stuntman, man, man. Just give me somebody. Anybody. But, yeah, he gets murdered and then it's like, oh, shit. They separate the rest of the train.

It goes back. So it's just the one car, which is like the original. They do that, yeah. I feel like there's more hostages in this movie than in the original. It's about the, no, there's a good amount. It's not the same. probably about the same. But they actually go to the lengths of like, let's really delineate these characters.

Well, I can do it in this movie. Mom, Mom's Scared Child, Black Guy, a dude watching a fucking strip tease on his laptop somehow. We're going to talk to this guy. I thought he's going to be on the phone. But yeah, this is fucking ridiculous because there's no way you can actually stream content on a laptop in the New York City subway system. Not now. Not now. Not now. Not now. Not 10 years ago. Like they have transit Wi-Fi now, and it's a fucking joke. Well, it's like when fucking Martin Sheen is texting Leonardo DiCaprio and the departed on the fucking Boston train. He's like, got to follow the money. It's like, no, that's not happening.

Definitely not. On your fucking dad, Motorola float flown, dude. Yeah, he's getting. He's getting his drafts at the end of the movie. No, he gets it three times an hour later. Oh, he's been dead for a while. This is creepy. But yes, this dude, this kid is, like, in his early 20s, is on his laptop. Horny is fucked up on his boner. That's how horny is.

And he's, like, he's, like, stream chatting with his girlfriend, who I thought was, like, across the country. He's actually just in, like, Brooklyn or something like that. Yeah. Which makes it even weirder. It does. Like, text or call. but you're video chatting. Well, because I think, dude, I think the deal is like, hey, like it's a, it's started with a text, right?

Like, you should come over. I don't know. I'm playing PS3 right now, you know? Yeah. No, you should really come over, open your laptop. And then he sees the little strip tease that's going on. Right. So then it's like, ooh.

Like, click this link. Log in to sky. Okay. Do do do do do do. It's 2009. Do do. Okay, now there it is. I don't get it.

It says it's connected, but it's not connecting. Hold on, baby. It got to update my flash. And I think that's why he runs out the house because he doesn't know what's going on. And then he gets on the magnificent transit Wi-Fi. Where his real player starts kicking in. You just touch the pole and it lights up and everything works. And she's like, oh, baby, I'm so into you.

And she's like flashing him and stuff. Yeah, no nudity here. But I guess somebody, probably Tony Scott, was like, well, where is the TNA in this movie? Like, well, it's on a fucking train. It's about a bunch of grody-ass men in a fucking subway tunnel. We had to take it out because you said bunghole like 15 times. We're not for all the bungholes. You could have had some nudity somewhere and it would have found you something.

Exactly 13% of the dialogue is motherfucker. Yes, motherfucker is throughout this movie. Which is weird. It's a bad screenplay. Travolta, a period on the end of a sentence is motherfucker in this film. Yep. It's like, let me talk to the mayor, motherfucker. Motherfucker.

But I think what he's do, it's an interesting motherfucker pronunciation because he's the mother part. I think all motherfuckers are pretty interesting. But the mother. He's fucking the mother. Yeah, I get it. The mother is mother. Oh, yeah. But the fucker is fucker.

So he's doing motherfucker. Yeah. Motherfucker? Yeah, yeah. Motherfucker. Yeah. Just, if the A is on one, the A is on the other one. Can we on the phone with Hulu, motherfucker?

Oh, yes. See? Yeah, that's true. Dialogue from our movie. Most Travolta in it? Yeah, yeah. Nice. Listen, we're getting very seriously, dangerously close to the point where John Travolta will do your movie.

He is like, he's like the head of the competing online publication that's also doing an article. Starcast.com or some shit. What's streaming? There's one of those websites that's like that. It's like, it's not that, but it's like, who's streaming where? Oh, yeah. Oh, there's every, every month at the beginning of the month,

what's leaving Netflix? What's coming to Netflix? It's a big, it's a big scoop. Apparently it's a giant industry. IndiWire does those all the time. And you know what? Who gives a fuck? I've written several of those.

Oh, dude, is it like what I'm talking about? Hold on a second. We just got the life rights of Chris Cabin. The credit will definitely be based on a column written by Chris Cabin. It's just as harrowing as you think. Yeah, I would think so. I mean, Ansel Elgort is Chris Cabin? I like this, yeah.

Wait a minute. What the fuck are you doing? What? Well, we said on the poster Ansel Elgort is in this movie. Who just came on the set? It's fucking Alden-Earon Reich. No, no. Mixed it up. Alden is the dude that's sleeping with him.

Oh, nice. He's, like, working for the other side. Like, he works for Stravolta at the other website. And he's the one that's back. He's, he's the one that's the leading Frazier from this, from the Chris Cabin article. Now, I understand, like, if something's coming to a stream. Sure, sure. But, like, the whole, like, better watch it.

Now, fuck you. I don't have enough time to watch the shit I'm going to watch. I don't at all. And if I want to watch something, I'll just look up where it's streaming. Yeah, just. Let it die quietly. Like, I don't need to know what's leaving. Because I don't have time to fucking watch it in two days anyway.

You didn't care before. You won't care now. They're just trying to give everyone FOMO. Right? Have you heard about this? That's what kids are saying these days. FOMO, dude. Fear of missing out.

Oh, yeah. My dog's got that really bad. Really? Oh, yeah. You can't go in the other room. Dog wants to go outside. No, she'll be like... Missing out.

I don't want to piss on the floor. No, like you go into the kitchen. She'll follow you. It's like, what's going on? I don't want to miss anything. What's going on here? Nothing. I'm getting a beer. I'm sure she also misses not pissing somewhere else. Yeah. That's true. Dogs love watching Frasier because there's a dog actor.

That's true. Oh, big time. It's also just very soothing. Yeah. It's a very soothing. Dogs read the most of these online websites. So the police show up to Grand Central to like get down into the tunnel like because there's reports of gunfire and stuff going off. One of my favorite shots in this movie is right here. It's an overhead shot of Grand Central. Central. Nice, really great-looking shot of the area. All these cops pull up. Do you see, they all come to a screeching halt, except for one cop card that just slams into another one

like accidentally? Well, that's the thing that they try to make this movie because basically what, uh, he, uh, Travolta asks for $10 million dollars and the idea is, you have 60 minutes to get it there. I'm going to kill one passenger for every minute it goes past. Right. So the thing is like, oh my God, we have to rush

the money there. And that happens to the original, but like maybe there's one little, in this one there's like 40 it's nuts you're like hitting people with cars motorcycles are flying everywhere by the way he asked for is I think it's it's it's $526,000 300 man I can't read numbers that's a thing I've noticed about me is that right disgusting it's it's 500 god damn it I'll put it on the curriculum along with the biology I wrote it down I you know what we got a burn your school district to the ground, dude. They did you no favors.

It's my brain. Chris, read that number. You're the published author. I circled it. 526,315 and 79 cents. Right, multiplied by the passengers. $525,600. That is the dollar

amount. Every passenger's worth. It turns into 10 million and one cent when they do the math. And he tells Danzel that he could keep the one sent as a broker's feet. In bungholes, in motherfuckers, and fuck yous and fuck your fathers.

Talking about trains. The gandle of Feeney getting humiliated in every scene he does appearing with a smile. $525,600. That's the dollar amount. Every passenger's worth.

It's kind of beautiful. It's not too shabby. This can go on the soundtrack to our Netflix movie. Wait, maybe it's a musical. Oh, yeah, totally. Stream, streaming, streaming along. With Rogers and Hammer farts over here. Uh-huh.

This is around, so Travolvely. Volta is on the horn with Denzel, and he's like, yeah, broker's free. You can keep the one cent. I want the $10 million. Stick it up your bun ho! It is one place where it could go. Oh, ass pennies. And this is the great line where Travolta says,

get off the radio and notify the man, motherfucker. Yeah, it's just like, okay. And like, Denzel's like trying to have a nice movie and John Travolta keeps ruining it, kind of. He calls him the Gerber baby at one point, because the last. His name's Garber. It's close enough. He's like, ooh, Gerber baby boy. Like, he's like, like, that's the other undercurrent is like, whatever.

He's, like, flirting with him the whole time. He wants to fuck him. He mentions sex in prison and how he would make Denzel his bitch. He's got a sexy voice. Yes. I think, yeah, Travolto is one of those fucking dudes that's way too into phone sex. Like, way too into phone sex. Like, it's the only kind of sex he has is fucking.

Phone sex. And it has to all be yelling all of it. Not one under a large decibel. It probably depends on the, like, certain phones are probably better for phone sex, right? You want that long cord that gives you something to a little, like, play with, right? Or maybe hands free, though. Yeah. If you want all the.

I guess. I don't know. I just, that, remember that, remember some phones when they had that super long cord? Oh, yeah. The longer, the better. Right? Because then you go to all sorts of different areas if you're living there. You lasso around your genitalia with that. Yank it up and down while you're talking.

I'm never calling you on the phone again. Yeah, if it's speaker phones, you've got two hands to play with them, baby. You can do whatever you want. I think you want the accessories of the phone. Eric, whatever you want. I could bring the accessories there. That's just voice sex, guys. It's not real phone sex.

It's not real phone sex. So we cut to a different six train. And Gandalfini is on this one. He's coming from the Bronx, it appears, funny enough. And there's like a 9-11 joke where it's like, oh, you have to go to this place and read a children's book, which is like kind of referencing the Bush. Yeah, he's talking about his like the schedule for the day.

But this assistant, another assistant comes, they stop somewhere, the door is open. And the rest of the detail, like, I guess they're just like following him. It's this part in the Bronx where like the six train is above ground. So they're like driving underneath it or whatever. And these dudes run up. And this guy, this like the number two or whatever, gets on the train and just yells, somebody just hijacked the sixth train, which they're on. Yeah, yeah.

And it's not like the mayor has a private car. There are like public citizens all over the place. And this guy comes in screaming. Gendellini's like, uh, would you please quiet it down? Yeah. Not so loud. And then somebody, he's like, oh, we got to get there right away. We'll skip all this.

This train is being express. No, no, it's not. It's not being expressed down. They all start freaking out like, oh, I got to get to work over it. What I love is this movie is like, okay, now you are Piggish New Yorker number seven. You're a Piggish New Yorker cop. You're pickish New Yorker firefighter. We got up to triple digits.

It's Piggish New Yorker 105. It's because they're all like, oh, I go, go, go, go, I do. Like every last one of these extras are like somebody with like one or two lines. Do you know what we're going to do? We're just going to tell him Spiderman's in trouble. We're going to express Spiderman's in trouble. Oh, well, if you mess with one of us, you best with all of us. Ah, good, that shut all those pigs up.

They think Spider-Man is real. There's also a weird thing around here. They're back on the horn with Denzel and Travolta. And someone asks, or is this where... Yeah, no, they're talking... And Denzel, somebody asks something about terrorism. Yeah, if they're terrorists. Do I sound like a terrorist?

Yeah. And I'm like, kind of. And he also does... Do I terror... you. Oh, right. Yeah. I guess. You got a bad Joe Pesci for a second. Yes, definitely. There's a lot of him doing bad Joe Pesci in this. He's supposed to be from Jersey in this? Yeah, that's what he says. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chivalta is from Jersey, actually. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's nice. Oh, that's cool. That explains it. He also mentions that he hates sitting inside like the motorman's room of the train. Yeah.

Because he feels like he's in a confessional. Yes. Uh, so then like, uh, Denzel's like taking notes just like From Jersey Catholic question mark Oh yes God this sucks It sucks dude So this is where Tuturo comes in

Trying his best to save this fucking sinking ship of the movie Yeah he's like kind of doing his Night of character a little bit Except for the weird feat thing I was just gonna say thank God I didn't have to see any fucking foot cream in this movie You know what bring it back Oh no way

spice this up a little bit spice it up sure you're not spicing it up with foot cream buddy athlete's foot never spiced up anything I've never tried foot cream it's not a hot dog side bed I mean it might be maybe there's a little spice to it but yeah so like he's just like

he's the hostage you go shit he tells he's like all right I'll be taking this over Denzel Washington you could leave the movie and his or you could just you hang back And his boss, Michael Rispoli, is like, why don't you get the fuck out of here? Take a, take a hike and leave the movie. And he's like, all right, you take the day off. So he leaves.

And Treviltz's like, I want to talk to Garber, motherfucker. And he starts calling him fucking, he calls Travolta a greaseball or a tour of a greaseball because his thing is like. Because he's Italian, but so is Travolta. But not this character, I guess. I guess not because his name is Ryder with a Y. And I guess this would be a fake name. It's a fake name. his real name later in the film. It's like John

Gifford or some nonsense. Tatoro is Detective Caminetti though, so that's giving Travolta carte blanche to fucking whip out grease ball. I always just think it was a huge mistake that he wasn't Luigi in that Mario and Mario Brothers To Turo? Yeah, absolutely. It's an easy

one. Absolutely. I think if when you watch John Tarturo jump, he does that little like leg thing. Yeah, you ever see John Tartreau do that? His knees are amazing. I've seen him go down a pipe. I'll tell you what, man, this fucking Jesus movie, they just like announced it's coming out.

Not Jesus Christ, the sequel to the Big Labowski, the pseudo sequel. The Jesus rolls is now what it's called. These used to be called Going Places because he was inspired by a French film. Yeah, the Jarre d'I do a movie. But so this is like, I mean, this distributor is no one. Of course. Like this, nobody wants that one's asking for this. Nobody even likes the movies you actually have directed already, John Trituro.

None of them. If I gave Totoro my script about the coming out in February, you think he'd go for it? Maybe. He probably doesn't know enough about streaming, so he probably thinks it actually sounds like a good idea. What if his character from Rounders was in it? Oh, what if that happened? Joey Kinnish, dude.

Everybody's asking for Joey Kinnish to get his own movie, man. Oh, you know that pseudo-s sequel to Rounders? Streamers? Yes, it's called Streamers, and we're done. Yep. Now you've got to cut, Eric. Now you've got some points. Thank you.

And then, like, well, streamers, isn't that also like... It's a Robert Altman movie. Yeah, but like, it's like something kids run around with... Yeah, you got streamers, yeah. So you have that on the poster with, like, TV not working. And Frasier as well, yeah. Something tells me that no matter which way you slice it, this movie's getting a bad poster.

So, yeah, I mean, he's any... So he's called Hode Garber. They're trying to get Garber, and in the time limit, they don't get it. So he winds up shooting this motorman in the heart. The relationship that Denzel has to this motorman changes in like 10 minutes. They realize it's Jerry, whoever the fuck, is the motorman who is driving this train. And Denzel's like, Jerry, blah, blah, blah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I think I went to motorman school with the Jerry, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. and then like this dude Jerry gets murdered and Travolta comes back in or Denzel comes back in and there's some dialogue back and forth and then Denzel I think only because Jerry's dead has the audacity to say Jerry was my friend

of course of course Jerry wasn't your fucking friend you haven't spoken to Jerry in years you liar well he's just because he's dead now he's your fucking best friend he's got the heat down his neck yeah because they think he's fucking got paid off but right and this is a weird thing

like apparently he got paid off by a Japanese company to set like he was going to pick this Japanese car like train subway car yeah to be in the New York City subway system which is also fucking rich the idea that anybody from the MTA is outsourcing new trains for our subway line haven't seen him okay dokey the trains that are in this movie are still the trains now yep they definitely are selected one and then the Japanese were like, here's $35,000 as a bribe on top of that. Like, he claims he had already would have selected that one anyway, right, right, right, right. But he took the money supposedly. No, he definitely did. Yes. Yeah. He says he also used it to pay off his kids' college loans.

And he was only demoted. Because it's like, it's like the investigation is going on. Right. So what happens is ongoing. Travolta has a gun to somebody's head because he's like, I didn't know who I'm dealing with motherfucker. Did you just take that money? And he's like, no, I didn't. And he's like, did you take the fucking money? I'm going to fucking shoot

this kid in the head. Yeah, he's going to kill fucking strip show streamer. Right, right. And then he dishes on the whole situation. But it's a weird parallel with the original film because Walter Mathau is like saddled with these people that work at the Japanese subway

system that are taking a tour around. I'm stuck touring around all these Japanese. And that's it. That's it. That's where it ends. Like, that's the extent of the Japanese. Hey, stop taking pictures. That's the joke, though.

In the movie, it's like the fact that Japanese, oh, great, now Japanese people are here. That's a joke in 19703. Come on, dummies. They don't understand English. Come on, dummies. He calls the monkeys. Yikes. And then they're like, goodbye.

It was nice seeing your facility. And he's like, oh, oh, was a racist. We have to talk about Because around here I got Robert Shaw calling me Saying something about a bunghole Lick your what Who is this?

I think this guy really wants to fuck his mother You hear of these times She's been saying it I'll find that bunghole I'll kill that bunghole for you Let me talk to blue Put Blue back on the phone. He at least wasn't speaking of whatever bungholes are.

Dark bungholes, like a devil's bungholes. Like a doll's bunghole. All those bungholes in the cold ocean water. Jesus Christ, Jerry Stiller. Did you hear that? He said bunghole again. Great Jerry Stiller in that first movie. Show me the way to go home.

I'm tired and I want my bunghole went to sleep. Well, I had another drink about it. an hour ago, and it's gone right to my bunghole. Ew. Chili, chili drink, dude. Chili drink. Oh, stupid.

What I was going to say 10 minutes ago was what you see in this movie, and this is just like textbook Tony Scott, when the tension is really rising, we have this bullshit, like, it's not slow motion, it's like stutter frame shit. Boy, does this not work. It's that, and it's not like,

Like, you know, in the first movie, I believe it's the middle of the summer. If I'm not mistaken, it's like one of the, you know, your classic disgusting. Sweating my balls off here. Speaking of bungholes, am I right? Actually, I'm not sure about that. Oh, maybe not? Yeah. No, they're wearing jackets.

Steve, you're thinking of die hard with a vengeance. Of course. But, I mean, like, it's, you know, a lot of long tracking shots of 70s. Yeah. This, the fucking camera's like spinning around. Yeah, I was getting nauseous. Yeah. You know, literally, there's one, I think the first scene with like, uh, when Gandalfini gets off the

train it's like spinning around his head for some reason for yeah for no reason and it just keeps cutting like you can't stay on a shot for like more than a second this is like you know it's tony scott like this is like latter day tony scott he doesn't know what he's doing anymore it's just all trash it's just like a fight he's like thinks it's all commercial another angle another angle another angle another angle another angle it just it doesn't like i hate movies that are edited like music videos it's michael bay's the same thing like i just cannot let's slow it down let's fucking look at something. You've got great actors, I guarantee you, Denzel

Washington isn't blowing a take. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's not like we need a lot of coverage with Denzel Washington. So there's a bunch of cops that are coming up the tunnel, like approaching from like a safe enough vantage point or whatever. This is where we're explained that

$10 million is the legal limit that James Gandalfini as the mayor can just request from the New York Reserve or whatever. and they can just issue it, like, without much delay or something like that. So that starts getting Gandalfini thinking about, like, oh, that's weird even I didn't know that. Like, how does this person know that?

That's a little too much of a quinky dink kind of a thing. But his whole backstory doesn't matter. Like, his backstory does matter at the end when, like, he embezzles all this extra money. But that doesn't mean anything to the audience. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't add any more weight to the character or anything. No, because he's just a fucking scumbent. Wall Street guy who went to jail and he's

fucking, you know, got his knickers in a nod about it. There's also something in this movie that I feel like is a drop thread and maybe it's, I hallucinated it, but it's... Oh, that's possible. It seems like Travolta was trying to game the market as well because like he's like, oh, look at the

stocks going down because of the... No one cares if someone, if 10 people are taking a hostage who gives a shit. That's what's weird, but yeah, the $10 million is a decoy for this larger scheme that Travolta is running on buying gold while it's low. He embezzles $307 million at the end of the film.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he looks up his laptop again. He's like, ha ha. And here's where, I'm like, this is how it works. Like this is how your economy works, everyone. This is what it's all based on fucking bullshit numbers and manipulations. Oh, no, 10 people in New York were held hostage. The price of gold is going through the room. I guess.

Oh, well, we better, better take all your money out of the bank. Someone was taking hostage down town. It just doesn't make sense.

No, I don't understand that either. Yeah, I mean, the stock market in general is bullshit. Yeah, we don't have,

we don't have pensions anymore. We have, you'll play the market. I'm not playing shit. I got a mattress and there's fucking money under it. So this is, so it's weird,

though, of the Denzel took that bribe shit really comes up. Tuturo is like instantly suspicious of him and he's like weird so you've always worked this desk.

Did you ask to get this desk? Why is this guy wanting to talk to you? Do you mind if we send people to search your house? Which is the weirdest part. I was like, yes I do. Honey had the weed. Honey had the weed. Honey the weed. Honey the weed. I mean just saying, NYPD if that was fucking Michael Rispoli and Denzel's position.

Yeah. And Denzel was somewhere else in the office, man. Someone's house isn't getting searched. That's all I'm saying. Dude, the end of this movie is science fiction. I'll tell you that. Dude, I thought I was on another fucking plane. I thought I was watching the Twilight Zone with the end of this movie.

We will get there. But yeah, like, yeah, it's like, hey, do you mind if we volunteer? I can get a court order to search your house, or you can voluntarily let me. Oh, you can get a court order. That's what you could do. Yep. Am I being detained? Question number one. Am I under arrest? Question number two.

I would hold the whole Jerry thing over this dude's head for way longer. Sure. Just be like, oh, you know what? I'd love to. But you remember how you fucked up that whole thing with Jerry and you told me to go home? Guess I'll just go home again. Oh, you want to search my house? Guess I'll just go home to my house. You know, Jerry, he was the godfather to my daughter. You know, that was, we were close.

Ten minutes later, Jerry was my brother. in law. He does. He does call his wife. He was like 29 years old. I don't know who this woman is. I don't know. I do not know. Second wife scenario. I thought it was his fucking oldest daughter. I was like, oh, someone's home from college

answering the telephone. Oh, he must be living with her. Oh, because he's, okay. And she's like the only woman in the movie period. That's it. Pretty much. Yep. Yep. Yep. And so like, well, don't forget Camgirl. Oh, that's all right. I apologize. Camgirls got some fucking

dumbest dog shit stuff coming up later in this movie. Well, because basically he's like, hey, he keeps the camera on this kid because he's got fucking unlimited Wi-Fi and the MTA and he's like oh, babe, keep streaming. Call the news organization. Well, it's a weird thing where like he gets

shoved or something and the laptop falls under the bench. Yeah. And he doesn't notice it right away, but he's also got some like Bluetooth earpiece going on, which again, I just don't think that this is happening in a subway tunnel. Not today. Not today. Also, babe, could you take your

top off again? If I'm going to go out, I want to go out the best way possible. Or actually, you know what, babe? I can't see you right now because I'm being held hostage, but I want to have a boner. So could you just like read me some penthouse for them? I want to have a boner. Yeah, I just, I'm in this type of situation.

I don't have a bone right now. Honey, honey, honey, do you know what ASMR is? Could you open a Mickelope Ultra for me? Quick, quick, quick. Tear open some mail. No, no, no, no, slower. Ew. When Travolta's doing the whole thing about admitting to the bribe and whatnot,

Travolta's got the gun in Camkid's face here, Travolta has another weird line here where he's like, yeah, he's got an 80s skateboarder look. He's making it work. Yeah. I'm like, just will you please stop being so viciously horny in this movie? Everyone's horny in this movie. There are times to be horny,

and then there are times to not be horny, such as subway terrorism. Yep. So this is around the time when all this money is plowing through New York that we kind of get a little bit of the two guys driving it

and like these fucking idiots different car accidents that delay this thing. Again, and the first one was one, the cars are flipping. This is what happens when you can't take the six train anymore.

There is a wild moment where they blow through an intersection and I think the move is they say something about Like we've cleared all the streets, all the lights are green. Like, you can go, da-da-da. He, fuck, this dude driving this cop car, it's like the fucking blues brothers. There is, I don't know what it, I don't remember what it is.

It's not a school bus. I think it's just like, oh, I think it's a cab. Yeah. They plow into this taxi. The taxi goes flying. And the cop car has got like a weird, like, it's not a cow catcher, but there's like a thing on the front of it. And they blow through this car.

They tear it to ribbons and keep going. And I'm like, well, that dude's dead. It kind of, well, you said the 16th year and isn't running. It reminds me of that it's a trailer that I've had to see all summer. And I'm sure this is going to be the dumbest movie of the year. That Chadwick-Bosman movie that's coming out. What are you talking about? 12 bridges, where like six cops, 21, you might, I forget.

It might be 21 bridges. Six cops get killed. And, like, Chadwick Boas is like the lead detective. And 21 Jeff Bridges show up. Bring him to justice. Oh, shit. I'd watch that. It's a multiverse of Jeff Bridges

Remake multiplicity with Jeff Bridges Definitely Taylor Kitch is in it But the... Ooh What is the movie called? I'm trying to get it. You got Taylor Kitch first

But you didn't get the fucking name of the movie? I believe it's 21 bridges. I think it's 21st. I think it's 12 horsemen. What was that movie with Michael Shannon with the horses? Oh, the horse soldiers of something or other. Yeah. Well, strong.

But 21 bridges. It took me fucking four seconds. Okay. 21 bridges, and what happens in this? So, like, eight or ten cops get killed in some sort of a sting operation. It's a big deal. And Chadwick Bozeman's investigating is it like, if these guys who killed these cops get off the island, we're never going to catch them. We need to close New York City.

So they close off all the bridges in New York City. It's crazy and stupid. It looks like a lot of a dad fun. Wow. Well, look at this cast. J.K. Simmons. Sienna Miller, Taylor Kitch. What about the tunnels, dude?

Chadwick Bozeman, Keith, David. Tunnels are close to you, dude. No one's getting off this island. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is tunnel erasure. Where are the tunnels in this title? Oh, it's 21 bridges and 17 tunnels. Something like that.

21 B&T, dude. Dude, that's what you could bell. B&T. It's the same plot, but then also they just keep cutting to scumbags going to Ranger games. And for some reason, the Staten Island Ferry is still operate.

That's fine. Oh, they won't try to go there. You keep that boat going. They're not going to go there. That thing will lead them alive. But it looks like a really dumb movie. So, yeah, whatever. They're running up

to the deadline. The deadline's about to happen. And because John Travolta is so in love with Denzel Washington, it's like, you have to give me the money now. You have to come here and do it. Right. But before we get there, can we talk about the ass model? Oh, we need to

talk about the Icelandic or the Ludvica or something the Lithuanian ass model I took to Iceland Yeah Yeah

What about? I was just reading the rest of my notes And it said the asshole of the dog And I'm like, I don't know If that's from the movie No it is Okay Because yeah

Travolta's telling some story Oh yes that was the story About the asshole You're always looking at a dog's asshole If you're not the lead dog you're always looking at the next dog's asshole right and it helped him in prison because he got shit all over him from this dog when he was on a dog sled in iceland and he was like if that dog could shit anywhere he needs to shit i can shit anywhere i need to shit so that when he went to dog prison

dude that's another movie i would watch is john travolta in dog prison dude john travolta stars in pound puppies this summer prison is going to the dogs he's the warden I don't know. I tell you, if John DeVolta went to a kill shelter, 30 days would pass. And everyone was like, well, I don't know. God, he wasn't very good. Ironically, Pitbull would come and get him. Oh, that makes sense. Then they'd make some fucking direct-to-streaming movie together that nobody would see. But this asshole line and this, the Lithuanian ass model, like, everyone's charmed by his story.

Like, Denzel, the other people in this control room, they're like, Give him the money. Which I guess is sort of what that's supposed to be, right? It's like humanizing him, but it's like, it's just that guy that's, like, bragging about ladies, he's banged. You're talking about how you fucking flew this woman from JFK to Iceland on a whim. Yeah. Because he's like six hours from JFK. Okay, well, like, let's go through the flight histories, Ludvica.

Yeah, exactly. Lithuanian national going to Iceland. I mean, we should be able to find... Well, that is how they'd find out who Travolta is. Oh, really? Okay, I stopped watching. It sounds like you did. It sounds like you should, honestly. This is not a movie.

In my defense. It really falls apart. Basically, I mean, it falls apart from the get-go, but at this point, Denzel has to go. Oh, actually, we should say Louise Guzman gets shot in the head. Oh, this is so fucking stupid. A sniper. Well, they find out who he is first. Okay.

That's Phil motherfucking Ramos, somebody says. Yeah, he's like, he's another fucking disgraced MTA employee, though, which is hilarious. Who winds up killing, getting, who winds up, who killed some people on the track by accident because he was drunk? He was drunk driving a train and nailed some people on a platform somehow. Yeah. Which I don't know how you, I don't know. Anyone demands. That seems like it's their fault.

Not his fault. Yeah. Well, he only did two years It's manslaughter Right, he did some time And he met Travolta in the clink And that's how he's part of this scam But also

Here's the thing about Louise Guzman, man He's known for being like a great little Like motor mouth character actor He's got like six lines in this movie It says nothing. It's so dumb His only thing is like, oh man I think I'm going to die today

And he's like, well, if you keep visualizing it You will and it's like that's it And then he gets shot in the head Because this fucking sniper's got a gun trained on him And he gets bit by a rat and he fires the gun off. This is so stupid. Well, also, Travolta thought he got a good line in. Yeah, yeah.

Let's get him out of here. And Guzman is doing a thing. Am I remembering the original correctly? Someone in the original, is it Martin Balsam has the thing on his nose too? Yes, yes. Well, Balsam is the one who has the cold, right? Yeah, but he keeps on blowing his nose. Okay, that's one of does.

As Luis Guzman, it's the same motor man that has, he's the inside job angle. And he makes it throughout the entire. film, and he's the pivotal thing at the end. And the fourth guy, I'm almost positive, is Wilson from Home Improvement. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, he keeps going behind that fence and giving everybody folksy wisdom in that movie.

Yeah, Earl Hindman, you're totally right. And in this, it's fucking Louise Guzman who's dead and two fucking stuntmen. Who, whoever's? That's what I mean. It doesn't have to be like an all-star cast, but no, you can find two other people in 2009 who could be those characters. By the way, Earl Hindman

left this earth in 2003. Oh, I didn't know that. Wilson is dead. Tim Allen's still running around. Robert Shaw is named Bernard Ryder in the original fan. But they also do like Mr. Blue, Mr. Green, Mr. Gray, Mr. Brown, which is pretty fun. It is fun. That's where they got it from for the Wizard Wars.

I think that's where City on Fire got it from. Then Quentin Tarantino double stole it. Yeah, it's called Double Stealing. I didn't steal it for you, Jan. it's much better than jacking I don't like when they jack images Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack

Jack ideas man I double jack So then there's a So the weird thing And this is I think I think Taturro's character Needs to be put on some sort of suspension after For sure

This bungle Because Well first of this sniper shoots him And causes huge dust up Another passenger gets killed here Like the guy who's in the Air Force The black guy gets killed Well, that's what I'm getting to.

So his second bad piece of advice, he's like, all right, so listen, the time is clearly going to run out. You just have to keep talking to him as if the time didn't run out. As if Travolta on the other end, like, isn't paying attention to the time. He's like, just talk through the deadline. And Denzel's like, okay. But then the fucking deadline happens. And, of course, then Travolta's like, well, it's 3.13 p.m.

Hold on. Oh, I was not 313. Let me pitch you a movie about streaming rights. And he's like, wait, hold on what? And then they go on for 20 minutes. What is streaming? And then it's like 349. So wait, Fraser's going to one site to another. You're going to put a whole television series on a thing and you can watch it whenever. I think it would be great to try to explain streaming to someone.

It would be, yeah. I mean, you're from the past. Yeah, exactly. Where do the bonus features go? He just loves commentaries. What about the bloopers, motherfucker? What about to me a motherfucking featurette now? He wants to hear about that dog's asshole from Frasier.

Moose. Eddie's asshole. A moose was the name of the actor. The dog actor, yeah. The canine, Thespian. R-I-P-D Moose. He just died recently. No, he did not.

Oh, wait, am I thinking of a different dead dog that died recently? I mean, that dog, yeah, the Uggie from... Oh, did he pass away? He passed away. Jesus Christ. They're all the greats. I don't think Eddie saw 9-11, my friend. I think he missed it.

No, Eddie definitely saw 9-11. Frazier lasted until, like, 2004. No, they swapped that dog out, that dog died. There were several eddies. This is why we need, like, a dog reel in the Oscars. I need a dead dog movie database. But, like, in the in memoriamium. The M. Memorium at the fucking Oscars.

You're right. And it doesn't have to be all the like stunt dogs, but like a dog that is played a pivotal role. I don't need to see the 50 from a dog's purpose. Just give me the big dogs. A dead dog, IMDB. And it's like played by bingo dead in 2004. Yeah. Played by.

I think it would be butter. I think it's great. For all pets. Like, do them all. Get the parrots in there. Yeah, parents. Look, Jimmy the Raven has an IMDB page. Why is this so hard?

What about the fucking parent from Pauley? What about that? Oh, that fucking bird is still alive, I bet. Dude, how about the fucking Bigfoot from Harry and the Henderson's? I think that was the dude who played predator, who is dead. What about all, now the question here, if we're going all animals. Do all of the roaches from Joe's apartment gets credits or what? No, those were puppets.

Computers and puppets do not qualify. I want a living, breathing animal. I bet you there were some actual cockroaches in that movie. I don't think so. I think so. Then definitely, I think there should be at least one or two represented. And hopefully they have names. They should be named and cataloged.

Or at least like numbers or letters. And were they any of the same cockroaches from that X-Files episode? Like, I want to know. Oh, great point. Like, we're, you know, I think it starts with like the critter wranglers. Like those guys. Yeah. Those guys that supply all the critters.

I'm sure they're busing their bugs from movie to movie. I'm just saying, in, insect, movie database maybe should be a different website. Oh, same one, okay. Bandwist, man. Bands, right? People have like worms, because that's going to get really out of hand. I think worms needs to be on there too, because people have pet worms.

I can listen. Listen, I'll tell you this, I guarantee you there's no paperwork on those worms. You wouldn't be able to trace that. What about all the centipedes from Indiana and Jones, the Temple of Doom? All those guys got to be on there? Yeah, but you know, they could be like a group. Okay. Like, like a performance troupe. All those

stunt spiders from arachnophobia. Oh, totally. They need them in there. Dude, you don't like it. Just don't go to their page. Stick to your dog pages. I'll be over on the fucking bug page. But if I'm looking for fucking Eddie that moose the dog,

I got to look for mongrel to fucking centipede. Well, listen, they're not, I feel like they're not being named like that. I think they're being named like, like crate number 482. Yeah, like it's like it's like centipede A, centipede B. Yeah, yeah, there's going to be a drop-down menu near the search engine. Okay. You got it. There's going to be sections.

You don't include dog in your search, if that's what you were. Or I think the move would be just look up the movie. Look up the movie, you know, and then they'll tell you. Oh, yes, exactly. Like the movie page comes up and there's no actors. It's just the animals. All right, you know, that's true. To be fair, I do want the tarantula from the original home alone featured heavily.

Oh, yeah. That guy was great. That guy's a pivotal character. Put buzz in there, too. Guys are an animal Half of the Lon Cheney's relatives Can go in there too A featured interview with the butterfly

From Midsummer Yes Yes So anyway All this to say Talking through the deadline Doesn't work Travolta decides

He's going to kill the mother Yes This dude who has discussed Previously in the film With the mother She notices his army Rangers Ring She's like

Hey let's fucking rush These guys Terrible idea You in And he's like, why are you looking at me to do that? And she's like, oh, I saw your ring. He's like, that was a long time ago. He's got a whole Punisher movie that you didn't get to watch.

Yeah, so this dude stands up to defend this woman. Travolta fucking blows this guy away. Sure. And like, so, like, at the end of it, basically, Travolta's like, you've got to come down here, Garber, you're the only one I trust, man. Oh, right. So he, like, takes all this money. He's got a fucking, like, crane or something.

He rides it up there. One of the guys, one of the cops gives him a gun. Bad idea. This is just a fucking private citizen. And the idea is he's supposed to like drop all the money off, but no, he actually brings him on the train because he needs someone to drive the train. Right. Now that Luis Guzman is dead. Now, we have to mention, though, the fucking worst idea for a phone call ever is right when he's leaving to get set down on the train tracks, they're like flying him in a helicopter somewhere. And Denzel's like trying to get on the helicopter.

and he calls his wife real quick and he's like, yeah, so spoiler alert, I am the guy on the other end of the radio talking to this terrorist. She's like, yep, I kind of figured. And he lays out like what he has to do and then he starts talking about like giving

their daughter track and field advice for a meat that's coming up because he's clearly planning on dying. This isn't a thing to say to your wife before you're about to do this. Just say, hey, get the icy high. ready, I'm going to have a bad one tonight. He's like, make sure that Denise

runs through all the hurdles just like we talked about. What you do is you always have to write a long intricate and involved letter, put it in an envelope and give it to Michael Kane. And in case you don't need it, he will decide whether or not to burn it.

But then he'll deliver it if I'll you know. And then it says that the streaming rights for Frazier. Wait, hold on, in this envelope or the Streaming rights to Frasier. It's a passcode the all 11 seasons of Frasier.

It's a secret Netflix channel. It's a streaming rights. It's all it's left of you. He looks over in the cafe and he sees Frasier Pames was seated there. Was it just his hallucination?

Who knows? I've already buried Cheers. I'm not going to bury another spin-off. Joey was... The Tortellie's a dead. Joey was too much. Oh, and the other

dumb thing in this helicopter ride that we got a point that this is another fucking stupid. I really feel like if 9-11 hadn't happened, this line isn't in the movie at all. They're riding in the helicopter. Duturo's looking out the skyline. And he says something about like, oh,

it's really great, like seeing it from this vantage point or something. He goes, you can see what you're fighting for. Fuck it. And flush that line, please. It's the Spider-Man line, man. You mess with one of us. And then this is...

This is around also where they... So the team at the MTA realizes that the cam thing is going on because it makes the local news. Right. The news is now watching this strip camp. And the way it's revealed, though, like the scene starts with the girlfriend being like I love you

and he's like yeah that's great I'm in a fucking hostage situation she's like uh it would have taken you less time to say you love me back than what you just said and she's like fucking yelling yes and what doesn't make any sense right here is one of these fucking Lugash

motherfuckers comes up sees that the camera is there and just goes like stupid kid and like kicks the laptop because it's like blinking like that the battery's low you gotta kill this guy. Well, I mean, that's, the thing comes to nothing. It's a, it's a thread that does nothing for the movie. It's just to show you that you could scream on a fucking vio computer. Yeah. They even get footage of

Ryder and it's not like he's identified from it. Yeah. Nothing really comes to it. No, no, they identify Phil Ramos. That's how they get Phil Ramos. That's how they see Ramos, I think. It's either that of the sniper's camera. Well, I'm pretty sure it's him. No, because Ramos doesn't leave the fucking control room. I think the snipers get him on a camera separately. Because they see after like, they then also see

that the murder, the accidental shooting happened or something. So it really comes to nothing. No, really there's nothing for the movie. And Travolta tells them in the command center like all right, you know, you need to call me when like Denzel is down on the tracks like making his way there. And this is another like, Totoro

calls him and he's like, oh I'm detective, whatever. You know, we spoke earlier and he goes, oh yeah, you're the grease ball. Would you go out for a pizza? Yeah. Well, then he goes, if you don't tell me where he is, I'm going to fuck you in the ass, grease ball. And it's like, what? I think

that man just said he was going to fuck me in the ass. Exactly. And it's not even, it's just a bizarre choice. But yeah, so they've also yeah, so they tell Denzel that one of these bags has a false bottom. That's where the gun is. And this fucking

name, so rider he turns out to be Dennis Ford. Nine years in prison for white collar something something. And yeah this is this exposition train falls like an avalanche. It's like this is where he's, they find out he's

manipulating the market. The movie's over. It's irrelevant. I do remember the best Travolta line, an actual funny joke is when Phil Ramos is dead and he's been shot in the head. Yeah. Yeah. And Travolta says that he was the brains of

operations. That's pretty funny. Yeah, it was nice. Brains are all over the country. It's a great like, that's a line the Joker would have. Yes. It's not too bad.

Travolta would have loved to play them. Could you imagine? I would, oh, he lobbied. John Travolta and Fat Joker. I would be into it actually. Jack Nicholson already fucking nailed that. Jack Nicholson was the original

Fat Joker. You're right. I just rewatch that the other day. He's pretty thick. He's a little thick. Hashtag Dad, Bob. Oh, Thick Joker. Joker with two See, love that thick.

Do you see, by the way, how Todd Phillips is already trying to get ahead of the nerd outrage? It's just going to happen, Todd. Because he says it's not connected to the comic. Yeah, he was like, this is a movie about how someone like the Joker would be made or something like that. He's trying to dodge it. Which I don't care. I mean, that's fine. I just don't make the fucking maniacs out there.

They're going to be complaining. Oh, there's Joker heads out there, dude. Oh, I've seen those t-shirts. Those tattoos, my God. tattoos. Yeah, you're right. You think anyone's got a tattoo of John Travolta and taking Capella 1, 2, 3? Yes. Yes. And there's a little cartoon bubble.

It says, look my bunghole, motherfucker. That would actually be pretty cool. It actually accidentally says, lick my bunghole mom. It's on stupid tattoos.com. I definitely think there's a rash around it too. Oh, without a doubt. So, yeah, so they get Travolta,

or they get Washington on the train with all the bags of money and they have them drive it. They get to a point where, because it's on one train. They're going downtown the 6th train, but Travolta wants to go to Coney Island. They have to do a track change or something. So they're doing that. They jump off. It's a whole like misdirection. A real thing, by the way, the Roosevelt Tunnel. Real thing right here, secret New York thing. Tunnel under the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. The

President Roosevelt used to use to get in and out. Nobody saw his disability and whatnot. So he says, like, direct me to the Roosevelt tunnel. And it's a weird, like, Denzel, like they really take advantage of like having this character work for the MTA because he's like, take me the Roosevelt Tunnel and Denzel looks to the left looks to the right and then is like

yeah it's that way. I'm like come on you're just in this tunnel man but then he just basically goes like hey look over there and runs away right because another train is coming crosses their paths so he has a chance to escape and everyone put your hands together because that should be the end of Denzel

Washington in this movie absolutely because like at the end Mathau of the original like he's just sort of investigating after the fact he's not like trying to take anyone down that's what the cops are for right like he's just sort of like hey there's some dirty motor man out there I want to find him and he does

but through the sneeze which is a great end of that movie oh yeah but like Denzel's like I've got a gun I've got to stop this guy and it's like this is not this movie like he gets away completely and then he's like hmm nah and then turns around he does

and like this is when Travolta his guys get to the Waldorf they part ways they all have bags of money great line from Travolta when they realized that Denzel's gone because like these two Lugash guys are like freaking out and he's just like

fuck it let's go I said yeah fucking indeed end this movie and this is when the two guys get murdered by the Lugoshes get turned into guloshes oh my god do these guys get fucking shot to show it's not too bad

it's not too good it's squibs It is your classic NYPD overkill, man. My God. Yeah, just two guys who got guns. They get surrounded by police. They just get obliterated. They get treaded. No, I was just going to say they turn into soup here.

I got the full Sunny Corleone. It's the, Sunday Corleone. It's that part in the Simpsons and the Roddy Dangerfield episode when Homer gets murdered, but it was a computer simulation. It's that, but it's not a computer simulation. Now, again, what he'd look like if he was hit by a wave of baseball? or whatever. Kent Brock that joke is there. So, yeah, so then this, the train

is still going. They have it on like, they attach a thing around it so that the Dead Man switch doesn't get activated and it's flying towards Brooklyn. And the thing is Michael Rispoly never, he's like a stuff shirt that needs to get his, but he never does. Yeah, because he's messing with Denzel

this entire movie. He's messing with Denzel this entire movie, but then at the end he's like, no, I guarantee you all the terrorists is still on the train. The train is moving. How could it not be moving? Right. And, like, he's proven wrong, but he doesn't lose his job. He doesn't get, like, a pie in the face.

Also, he said, like, oh, yeah, we closed, we got people at every tunnel. We're out, except for the one super secret one that anybody who's run the actual tunnel knows about. I forgot about to tell you about that one. I'm sorry about that. I'm stupid. I don't know what I'm doing.

Could somebody write me out of this movie, please? They do. He's just gone. He's out of the movie. Denzel, by the way, commandeers somebody's fucking car. Oh, he's like, guess what? You're going to jail now. Yeah, you're an MTA employee. You just can't do that.

It's like some like painter truck or something like that. It's some dude who's trying to just go to work. And it's just a fucking car chasing this movie for no reason. He's chasing this cab. He gets to the Manhattan Bridge. Do you notice the fucking geographical cock up here with the filming locations? No. Because Denzel is following Travolta.

Travolta just hails a cab. Yes. And he's clearly seen driving onto the Manhattan-bound side of the Queensboro Bridge. I fucking drove up that on-ramp every day of my life for years. It's a good-looking on-ramp. Tony Scott's like, no, that's the right on-off. It's a great on-ramp. Show me on-ramps today.

We're going to try to find the perfect on-man. Oh, definitely there was a meeting about that. Absolutely. Look, I'll even take a Cincinnati on-ramp if it looks like I want it to look. What are those smokestacks doing in the background? And so then immediately after that is when Denzel's like he's heading for the Manhattan Bridge. And I was like, what? And then they actually do use the Manhattan Bridge at the end of the movie.

And like Travolta, there's a huge traffic, whatever. Travolta gets out of the train, out of the cab. Right, because the police have like cordoned off the bridge now because Denzel calls 911 and says like, hey, no, listen, I'm a guy that works for the MTA and tell them. rider. It's like, who is this one? He's like, there's no one's catching you through. Okay, I'm the guy who's being investigated for the

bribe. Oh, oh, right, the bribe. Oh, the, right, the bribe. Oh, the train thing, didn't that's still going on? We thought you went to jail. Oh, hey guys, it's the bribe guys calling 911. So he, yeah, they like, they closed the bridge. It's like 21 bridges over here. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. we're all pretending like we're not definitely going to watch that movie by the way

I'm going to go see it in theaters I don't know maybe if I lose my job between now and then you never know you do never know I actually fingers crossed Steve that's the audience they're pitching to I think it'll free up time for you to write the streamers yeah that's true that's my that's my retirement plan that's true my retirement grease

and he he could he confronts to Toro, Trevolta, with this gun, and he's like, that's it, it's in the line, writer. And like, there's a bunch of cops at the end of the, the other end of the bridge, they're running towards them, and I'm sorry, but

they see a black guy with a gun who they're telling, they're instructing to drop this gun. Yeah, they are, they're yelling. They have their guns out, they're like, drop your gun, drop your gun, and Travolta's like, you've got to kill me, motherfucker, you got to do it, you got to sit, everybody knows we own we owe God a great death. And like

Washington's doing, no man, can't do it. I'm not going to kill you today. I'm not going to kill you. He's like, if not, I'm going to kill you, motherfucker. Travolta's also like giving him this fucking spiel about how because he doesn't like say it correctly. So like unless you've paid attention to the rest of the movie, you don't really get it. But he's basically saying like because he's made Denzel kind of like the hero of the day that he's given him his life back. So he's like, I gave you life back. You know, I gave you your life back. And if you don't kill me right now, I'm going to take your life back.

Look, I forced you to confess on the air On a recordable device So yeah, you owe me You owe me Big Daddy And you've given me a boner all day So you're the one that needs to kill me And then In the greatest piece of science fiction

Tony Scott ever directed Denzel Washington shoots John Travolta to death And these six police officers Running over the bridge do nothing Well they're like drop your gun man Hey drop your guns still They have guns drawn Yeah on him

Like, if you, you, a black guy who fucking opens a wallet and he's 41 shots or whatever the fucking that number is. It's 41 shots. There's the Springsteen. Yeah, that's what I mean. I mean, it's so insane. Wallets, loose cigarettes. Like, what are we talking about here movie? Because it's not the real world.

And like, these cops finally get up there. They're like, oh, you killed him. Like, what are you talking about? I mean, I guess the idea in this magic world is everyone knows what John Travolta looks like and everybody knows what Denzel Washington looks like. they've been briefed on this situation? Yeah, okay, so which one is it? Which one are you looking to kill? Which one is it?

Yeah, it's the one that looks like a fat the edge. Roger, that's a fat the edge. Got it? Hold on, is that the edge from Slipknot? No, the edge is not in Slipknot. The edge is in you, too. I must have been thinking of the edge, the wrestler. Are we talking about that guy?

Long blonde hair, got it. You too. mean the spy plane over and out that's right there is a spy plane that has a gun drawn on a man on a bridge all right we got a bridge of spies situation where we eyes open for a

mark rylance over and out we got a bfg on the bridge I heard there was a mark rylance on it now you know what we're going to just shoot the black guy okay over and out oh man so yeah Travolta fucking drops down this is another like busted frames

missing frames jangly looking garbage as Travolta falls to the ground and this is oh this is dumb Travolta's final words this character's final words on this earth are

you're my goddamn hero what are you even talking about what are you talking about what what was this like if you wanted to die Travolta yeah there are so many easier ways and not bothering all these people

and then now James Gandal Finney's like, you took, you went to bat for New York City. And New York City's going to go bat for you. And this city has a very good batting average. And we don't know what that. I guess that means they just... They cleared his fucking record. The bribes stuff.

Of course. Yeah. It's about the bribe. Yeah. Because Gandal Fini says tomorrow... Hey, New York's corrupt, you know. So it's cool. It's fucking cool.

Oh, $35,000 drop in the bucket. Don't worry about it. Sweetheart, it's over with. That'd be funny if all of a sudden he started talking like Tony Soprano for a second. It is still to this... By the way... By the way, Denzel, the Vig starts tomorrow. Don't worry about it. I've seen him

in so many other things that aren't Sopranos, but every time it's unsettling to not hear him talk like Tony Soprano. It's very strange. He's got quite a flare for it. There's also a really bad because we realize we have John Duturo in this movie and we forgot to wrap up this character. After the murder has happened

here, the helicopter flies by the bridge and it's Titoro fucking saluting him. Yeah, it's like whatever man I'm going home buddy see you later spider man or whatever happened that fucking helicopter just took John Duturo straight back home to Brooklyn

that end of the day that was his personal helicopter shooting on set he flew off movie island he's just gone and the end of the movie is Denzel Washington returning home to his 25 year old wife right via the subway via the subway and he picks up a gallon of milk

like she asks and like it's this weird free frame that fades to black, it looks terrible. It's stupid. I will say the one thing I did like about wrapping this up is when he's on the train going home, he sees another train driving by and it's this like, I don't know if I'm being a little too generous here, but

it read to me like a nice moment of this character like seeing the trains and you see like he's still like in awe of this industry. Like he's like, oh, I just I like trains. Here's a train riding by kind of thing. I read it as he goes. clearly died in the scuffle and this is his death dream of the trains working

after a fucking terrorist thing happened in the middle of the... You're totally right, Kevin, because that's the only way you're remembering that milk. I saw that milk. I was like, I'd forget that fucking milk. I'd also have a fucking load in my drawers because I shit my pants. Oh, I would take it.

Mayor Gandalfi's fucking nice ride back home. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. To take him. Mayor Gandalfe. That'd be cool. Gandalf? You shall not pass. Yeah. Budget legislation.

This happens to me. I am going home in a fucking wheelbarrel because I'm going to Mulvaney's and I'm getting wrecked. Yes. Yeah, definitely. Oh, that's what it is. That's what it is. He goes to a bar.

Yes. It's all the dudes. Yeah. Because there's some other like tertiary characters in the command center. There's like a young kid who's like kind of got some lines here and there. It's like everybody from. Right. You have everybody from.

from the office there to celebrate the maestro and this he fucking punches Michael Rispoly in the face. Sure, that's an end to the movie. Then you want to walk home with milk fine, but Rospoli needs the comeuppance in this movie. He doesn't get it. But here's the thing. Well, the first hour

and a half of this movie has nothing to do with the last 15 minutes at all. No, not in the slightest. Now, here's the thing. Did anybody watch this all the way to the end? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Wait, yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you. It's not a stinger, but it's the Now, funniest fucking thing is like, when we get to the very end and it's like the production companies or the distributor and everything, each one is separated by a shot of a train whizzing by?

And you get to hear like the train noises. Stand clear of the closing doors. And then every time they cut to a different, like, it's like Scott Free has one Sony obviously. Jesus God. It just wooch. It's the same. whoosh every time. They thought it would be a classic movie. And then the last

thing is like whatever the last fucking production title, whatever it is ends and the last thing you see is whoosh. Then the movie lets you out. Yeah. It is so fucking funny. Just the same whoosh every time. No, what are you saying whoosh and you're seeing trains? It's like

it's a shot of a subway whizzing by a camera. We leave the black of the credits. And it goes to the same. It's a fully lit shot. Jesus God. Of a subway car just whizzing by a camera. The same one, it happens like five times. I didn't know I could lose respect for this movie. I didn't think it was possible. With that in mind, Steve said, like, would you recommend this movie? No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I think the original is a legit great movie. It's

great Mathau. It's, and it's like, it's just, it's tight and it's got, like, everything has its place in the screen plan at all kind of plays out perfectly, and this does not do that. And I mean, like, you can see that they're shooting for it because they get a great actor in Denzel. They get a great actor in Tertoro. They get a great actor in Travolta sometimes. When he's got a director who knows what to do with him. It's just, it's not there. It's a mess.

It's awful. I think it's probably Scott's worst movie. Wow, that's saying a lot, dude. He had some stinkers in his lifetime. He does have a lot of stinkers. I mean, he did have some good movies, too, but like, this is awful. Top Gun Rules. I mean, it'll be a, we'll do it on an episode on one day, but it rules with a capital Z at the end.

It's very good. There is a 1998 made-for-TV version of this. Oh, right. That has, like, an opening, like, party of five. Did you watch that? You can't, you have to buy it. Is that I'm not doing that? Edward James Almost.

Edward James Almost. James Woods is in it, isn't he? No. Is it James Woods? Who's the other guy? DeNofrio. Oh, DeNoffrio. Denofrio is the Robert Shaw character, the Travolta character.

Okay. And Edward James Almost is the Walter Mathout. I can get into that. It's really stupid. The six minutes, it's really, really stupid. But this is like obnoxious as hell. And I was really bored to tears for parts of it. So yeah, no. Yeah, I'm going to also say no for reasons cited within podcast. And the original is great. If you haven't seen it, check it out. It is nothing like this movie. So it's like a different movie. It is. So if you watch this in preparation, did your homework. Go back and do your real home. homework and watch the 70s version. Yeah, I'm going to recommend that. No. What's wrong with

you? And I'll tell you why. Incorrect opinion. I'll tell you why. You're fucking leaving Netflix, dude. Definitely in a body bag. Because, dude, Travolta is so hilarious in this movie. It's so fucking bad. This is like, you know, and

let it be several, several years from now whenever he leaves this earth. And we have to, we're having discussions about like... Three years from now. I'm going to call it 20... What is it? 22.

That would be 22. The good Travolta's and the bad Travolta this will be the shining star of the overacting and the ridiculousness. Yeah.

And it's so fucking hilarious. And I will say though, like the rest of you have said, go watch that original. It's fucking great. It's so good. And some good fucking Tony Scott,

I don't know, Beverly Hills Cop 2, The Hunger. Will you ever? see a movie that has faces like Walter Mathau and Martin Balsam and fucking Hector Alessando and Robert Shaw?

They're all rock people. They're like made out of rock. This is what we need in movies again. Like we've lost our threat. It's all pretty ball. I need some fucking old catchers mitts on screen. Some slubs, some oddities. Yeah. But the thing is the way you get these faces, you need to like

age them like with cigar smoke for years and years and years. It's like they have to be people that have lived a life And it's drawing from that life experience in their acting Not being a baby model Then just pretends to know what human life is And are British as well Of course, they're always British

I thought I had something else about this But I guess not We've had a lot of fun here today We sure did Oh no I was gonna say Because similarly with television Just speaking today of shows like Frasier and cheers My God, cheers.

Just look at it. Look at it. Just look at it. Eleven seasons of that. All right. Well, the most, like, the ugliest person you can see in something now is David Harbour, who's handsome as fucked. Yeah. Like, he is incredibly handsome.

Wow. Here it is. Give it another shot at Remake Town, taking a Pellon, one, two, three, David Harbor as the test. Ooh, I like that. Did anyone see that Winona Ryder clip with David Harbor that's making its way around the internet? No, we're going to have some last second interneting here. We are. We're going to put it on the air?

Yes, we are. As soon as you can find it. Uh-huh. What is, it's like press for stranger things? It is. And he's like being self-deprecating about his weight. And she's doing that thing like the supportive sister. It's like, right, here it is.

It's hard. It's hard. Crazy. It's just one word. It's two. T-O-O. He's too big. Stop with that.

Seriously. Stop. I mean it. Next year, you're going to go to college and you're going to knock them right out. Oh, come on. You lost so much weight. You look amazing. Speaking of looking amazing, that is the taking of Pelham,

1, 2, 3 from 2009 directed by Tony Scott. Rest in Peace. Until next time, which there will be next time, but I'll say, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, shut up, shut up, shut up. Well. For more we hate movies, check out Patreon. That's what I was telling you, shut the fuck up. I wanted to say what the Patreon episode is.

I know, I know. So go ahead. Just say it. Forrest Gump. Yes. It's a two hour plus hour episode on... That's T-O-O. Oh, stop with that.

Your podcast is plenty skinny. It's fine. You look great. Forrest Gump. No, it's a two-hour episode on Forrest Gump. People are raving about it. The reviews are in. Yeah.

And you want to... The only way you're going to hear that is if you go on the Patreon, you will also hear our animation damnation on the Hulk Hogan wrestling cartoon from years ago. That is right. God, I can't even remember it out. Druga the Hut. Durga. I can't even fucking remember.

What clep glossary? I can't even remember these characters, but check it out. It's a lot of fun. And you unlock everything we've ever done. Yeah. Everything we ever, you could listen to Jurassic World one and two. You can listen to anything we've done. Any player one as well.

There's a lot of great stuff on there, as well as the now infamous Independence Daymentary, just in time for summer, by the way. That's right. So, you know, get your feet in the pool. The pool that you have in your living room is a little like, you know, inside pool. And check out our YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash we hate movies.

If you wanted to see what we're talking about commentary-wise, we got a couple previews up there for Independence Day. That's right. So where are we, are we, this isn't it. We got something else cooking. We got one more. We got one more. There's one more episode in the summer blockbuster extravaganza,

which by the way means that WHM season nine proper, such as it is, is coming to an end. Not to say that there's nothing coming out in August because there's a ton coming out in August. There is, but just season proper coming to an end. The season finale of We Hate Movies is next week. And what are we capping off the season with, Steve? Just in time for Hobbs and Shaw. It's the fast and the fury. the original.

Well, not the Roger Corman one. No, but the 2001, I believe. The Fast and the Furious. So next week, the season finale of We Hate Movies, we're talking about that first franchise starter, which I don't know, put Vin Diesel in my heart personally. Oh, for sure. Wasn't that Riddick nonsense.

What are you dropping over there? A bottle opener. Oh, that's fine. All right, let's get the hell out of here. Next week, the Fast and the Furious, season nine, we hate movies. finale coming your way. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Steven Say it, Ang. Chris Cavan. Eric Cisca. Stop with that. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be this Cisca.