We Hate Movies - S9 Ep434: Episode 434 - The Fast and the Furious

Episode Date: July 30, 2019

On this week's episode, the 2019 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza comes to a close—as does WHM season nine—with a conversation on the absolutely bonkers, but fun-bonkers, blockbuster that started it all, The Fast and the Furious! Did anyone notice that this is just Point Break with cars? Why did they make the huge score a bunch of DVD players? And how did no one think to rename the big racing convention something other than, "Race Wars"? PLUS: Vin Diesel LOVES making tuna fish sandwiches! The Fast and the Furious stars Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Rick Yune, Ted Levine, and Ja Rule; directed by Rob Cohen. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On this week's episode, Get Out Your Pink's Lips. It's the Fast and the Furious. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Torretto. Eric Siska. And this is the season finale of We Hate Movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We hate movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. And that's right. We are wrapping things up. The season and SBE 2019. Talking about the Fast and the Furious from 2001. But don't unsubscribe yet. There's going to be A lot of fun material all through August. It's a brand new, new to you, new to me. Yes, we are going to be releasing all of our tour episodes from the Nick, the East Cage tour, all these Nick Cage movies. All the ones that fucking made it, thanks for nothing, Philadelphia.

Right, the National Treasure episode was lost to the sands of time, but do not fret, National Treasure 2, Book of Secrets will be on Patreon. But speaking of tour. Oh, we have a live date coming up for New York City. It's a charity show, which is a really cool. right all the proceeds are going towards them and this wonderful cause uh yeah housing works uh which uh does a lot of great stuff for aids activism and uh just a lot of LGBT stuff housing works is an awesome organization really happy to partner with them to present you with two live episodes of animation damnation wait what that's right we've never done it before we're doing

live episodes of animation damnation uh we're screening episodes so we can't tell you what they are that's right unless you know the feds the federally's come after yeah you'll get the chair we'll blame it all on you

and you'll get the chair it's just a surprise we just it's just a surprise we're just a surprise it's a Friday night oh yeah September 27th at Housing Works

at their bookstore and cafe you can find all the info you need at WGMpodcast.com check out that tour tab it's got all the info you need you can get tickets there they're going to go fast

It's a, it's a, it's a, they're going to go fast. They're going to go fast. I mean, it's, it's a great place. Yeah. It's an intimate venue. It is. It's going to sell out. Those tickets will go fast and furious.

Directed by Rob Cohen. Christ. Christ did not have anything to do with this. Well, I guess that's true. The Lord wasn't anywhere in this movie. Christ's eye was far on the other end of the world when this was being made. Yeah, that's fair. He's too busy worrying about Frodo and the gang.

He's involved in those. Who? Christ? Do they worship the Lord God in that world? He's got a beard and he says do not pass to goblins and legion, the demon hoard. That's true. Christ seems more of a Gosford Park type to me. It was a real who-done it. Who nailed him on that cross? All right, I've gathered you all here to see who betrayed Jesus Christ. It was obviously the Romans, but they keep saying it was the Jews. Oh, I thought it was Ryan Philippi in that movie. Yeah, he actually did.

He washed his hands of it And that allowed Mr. Gossford to be nailed to the cross I don't think there's a Mr. Gossford It could not be Judas the Butther Could not be Did anybody see this movie in theaters? Oh yeah Oh yeah I did

Didn't we see it together? Probably This was like in the primo multiplex days Wow I saw this in the theater and then I said You know what? No No

No no no You left that theater fast because you were furious? Yes. And then I was, this was the first time I was like, you know what? Didn't care for it. Not going to watch any of the others. This? And I didn't until we were going to be, we did number eight.

Yes. Last year. I did that and I only had seen this before. So in preparation for this, I watched the original trilogy. Oh, the original three? Because they're all on Netflix. Yeah, it's this, too fast, too furious and Tokyo Drift. where, yeah, that's where the Ewarks are.

I just to have this image of you in the theater after the Fast and Furious doing the whole Al Pacino and injustice for all like speech, like the whole theater's out of order, the studio system's out of order. Yeah, because this embraces that early 2000 scumbag culture, and it

just sickenes me. I was the last angry man about this movie, too. Like, I saw it on DVD, which is the perfect way to see this movie. And a lot of my friends at the time were really into this movie so I was like it was always on at parties

and blah blah blah Wow yeah remember just putting movies on at parties That's what you did it was like a decoration Yeah and like I had a lot of More like friends of friends people who were like Way into car culture And like souping up shitty cars And getting tints and dropping the car

And all that stuff Like car culture Listen I own an automobile congratulations. Granted, it's a Prius Prime. It's not a fucking sports car or whatever. I don't get car culture. I get that there's people out there that love it. And that's, you know, like, I buy fucking Blu-rays. Like, that's my thing. People put money into cars. That's totally fun. I just don't get it. For me, a car is a thing that takes me from A to B and sometimes a stop off at C. But you do not know, like, how a Blu-ray is made, what company made this specific- They're not like making... Well, I guess you could be authoring your own Blu-rays at home now these days. That's kind of the nerd garage. But like there's things like, you know...

You're not souping up your Blu-ray player either. No, but there's like, you know, you know, like the boutique, you know, blue-ray sellers that make special editions of things. Like, I bought that fucking Arrow video special edition of Chud. Okay. You know, I like the criterion collection. That's a higher tier of, you know, home entertainment. So it's not the same thing, but it's like, that's the thing I'm into, you know what I mean?

That's like $40 versus $4,000. Yeah. Well, it's an expensive hobby, sure. But, you know, listen, the money that I've blown on fucking disc media over the years, man. And I probably could have bought another car. Now that we're getting really into the grease, I think that there should be like a spin-off movie. Grease monkeys? Hobbs and Shaw?

Not Hobbs and Shaw, but like, maybe like Hobbs and Shaw, but starring Jay Leno. Just Jay Leno doing his work. Welcome to grease monkeys. Yeah, like, that's fine. Yeah. I live my life a quarter mile at a time, too. The denim and the dumb. He loves cars.

I don't understand why he's not in this franchise at all. Come on, can you imagine? Wouldn't it be great? No, it wouldn't. Like the beginning of the rundown. He's coming out of a car club. Hey, have fun. Right, or like, like Vinduz was like, oh, man, busted the fucking car.

Jay, you got to help me out, man. And he goes to Jay's garage, right? And he gets a car. Well, that's just a thing. No, but I think it's, it's, these are two different worlds, though, because this is like, it is, because this is, like, racing culture and, like, tech and shit. And Jay Leno is like, he's like Jerry Seinfeld where it's like, oh, here's a little, it's a classic car. You guys are thinking about, like, the Jay Leno that he presents to the public. I'm talking about the mean, dark Jay Leno that we don't see.

The leather jacket, Jay Leno. You also know that Vin Diesel is clearly a Craig Ferguson man. Always has been I think you're hilarious Yo, he's the funniest scotsman I ever seen Honestly, I can't believe They didn't give him

The late show I live for that talking skeleton Bring it back all these shows Can't bring back the Drew Carey show I loved him in that It was great Yo, Mimi is my main squeeze Still jerk off to her sometime

Just sometimes I'm rebooting the Drew Carey show It's called the Drew Carey show it's called The Drew Carrey Show starring me, Vin Diesel. As Drew Carrey. As Drew Carrey. Yeah, and if I play my cards right, I'm going to be hosting the prices right. Whose line is it any where you get a lot of points?

Where's that Zodiac guy? He could be my brother again. What's his... I would say John Carroll Lynch could play Vin Diesel's brother. That'd be kind of... Two bald guys? That's what I love, by the way. You notice this is like sort of the last...

gasp of Vin Diesel being like, I'm not going to clean shave this fucking head. Well, it's also like pre-Vin Diesel, Vin Diesel a little bit. This gave us Vin Diesel. He's more, like, in those earlier movies, you watch, like, boiler room or something like that. He's a little more acerobic and, like, kind of wisecracky. Like, he didn't have the, like, I'm just going to do this all the time. Right, right.

He was more, he played more people. Yeah. He, like, played people once. Human being. Right. Now he doesn't. Well, I will say. The difference between Vin Diesel's Dominic Toreto in this film versus Dominic Toreto in Fate of the Furious,

Fate of the Furious is way more robot town than we have here. Yeah, he's still being molded. But, like, in Boilerm, he's borderline good. Like, I would almost use the word good. And nowadays, nowadays, it's just free, five, faux, fum. No, it's just, I am grotes. It's about the blood of an English, man. right and now we got

Sean and Hobbs or whatever the fuck Hobbs and Shaw and he will not be in that no no he hates the rock the rock said that I have poor work ethic and you know what he's probably right

he thinks he can make more money than I do and he does but I don't like hearing it I just loved the notion of like Dwayne Johnson being like you know what man anyone who doesn't make nine movies of the year has bad

work ethic. And also, is he making nine movies? And, like, he's, he only makes that in the Marvel movies, right? He's kind of... No, I'm talking about Dwayne Johnson. Oh, Dwayne Johnson. Yeah, yeah, yes, of course.

The joke was... We weren't talking about the, what, the rock? Is that a Marvel superhero? No. The thing. The thing is... He's made out of rocks.

There it is. Oh, okay. Now, I'm saying, as Dwayne Johnson, he was complaining that people who don't make as many movies in a year, as he does have poor work ethic. Yes. Could you imagine?

imagine going to that many Vin Diesel movies all I think they don't fail like you need like one of your tops like you do like four in a row every single thing that he's done that isn't fast and furious and Guardians has been a failure am I wrong on this?

Ridic movies made money I forgot he was really yeah like I mean you look back like they made okay money but they weren't like they just barely got that third one made like pitch black was an out of nowhere hit like and but Chronicles of Riddick was kind of like,

yeah, it was a failure. So this is the Fast and the Furious. We open up on a container being opened up and loading into trucks. And this movie is edited like trash. It's not even like fast-paced, blah, blah, blah, like scenes are missing. I don't know where they are.

They fell off the back of a truck. They did. I don't like, stuff happens. And I'm like, wait, who are you? What happened? There's also montages where, like, important, like, intimate moments are happening, and they're like, no, just get to the next plot point point point point out. We got to hurry the fuck up. This is kind of, this is also point break for dummies, right? Absolutely.

Yeah. 100%. It's the, almost the exact plot of point break. Yes. Except that I don't think Patrick Swayze is related to what's her face. Lori Petty. Yeah. I think they're just buddies.

Yeah. That's like the literally only different. aside in the surfing. Yeah, it's kind of the same movie, but this time, the hero's trying to fuck my sister. Yeah, we actually rob trucks with vice president masks on. Got my Dan Quail mascot. Oh, yeah.

I can't spell potato. I gave Vince Gore because, you mean, you know. Would you be able to do, well, actually, you can get the LBJ going. You can get Nixon as well. Those dudes were also a vice president. They were indeed. So it was Herbert Walker Bush as well. That's right, Barr.

You could just actually get those masks. No, actually, no, we're not the presidents. We're the vice president. Oh, man, I can't believe we fucked up the mask game. Here's just you be chaney. Oh, you're going to wear a fat suit. So they're in a truck full of Panasonic DVD players. Well, no, that's what.

What's weird is this opening shot. They opened this first container. By the way, we're on the docks in the middle of the day. Sure. We open up this first container. It's a fucking Panasonic television VCR. Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah.

Fucking hot off the rack, man. The street value of a television VCR is up to an including $201. Have you been on eBay lately? Those VHS tapes go for a lot of money. They do. Well, not at the time, I guess. Not, yeah. But, yeah, this is like the last.

Yeah, there's TVVCRs. There are DVD players involved. They are. And then as the movie goes on, we're told that that's all the commodities are. There are so many fucking FBI agents in this movie saying DVD player. It's great. What kind of an operation is this, though? I mean, who, I mean, that's the question is nobody.

A, I don't know why the FBI is this concerned about this. Well, actually, what we get to later is there's, like, trucker justice coming. Did anyone else? I love that thread. That's what I hate, though, is that the main FBI agent in this movie is trying as hard as he can to prevent a better movie from happening. Because if this movie was fucking truckers versus gearhead robbers, holy shit, that's awesome. That's a better, like that scene at the end when the truckers get, I was, I was, I root for the trucker. It's an only exciting scene.

But imagine a whole movie of that. Right. It's like the road warrior. And then just flashing to Ted Levine dressed as a pimp or what. whatever he's wearing in this fucking movie. A suit? No, he's got like those big like Stanley glasses and he's got rings on. Oh, I didn't even notice that.

Oh, man. I think he's in too deep. So whatever, the first heist happens. The way the heists are is these really conspicuous cars, which is what you want if you're doing a hight with a green tint at the bottom. Yeah, you need the fucking green neon lights so everybody remembers what your car is. And they pull up in front of a car, a truck, and they'll use like a grappling hook to get in the car. It's kind of a Gotham city scam, honestly. And they just steal the truck.

Or do they steal the truck? They just, how do they get the material? We don't see. They cut it so you don't really know what the fuck's happening. All you see is a grappling hook bit and then it's like, oh my God, it's all been stolen. Yeah, the next time these things turn up, it's in some Chinese guy's garage. Yeah. You're like, okay. I think the theory is that they would have him pull over, take the truck from him, and leave him on the side of the road. So this franchise goes from stealing TV VCR's through line 2 Idris Alba as a super soldier

And the end of the world Like the fate of the Furious And Furious 7 both hinge On some fucking computer code That will end the world My lord Yep Oh my God

Speaking of Gotham City Well sequels Raised the stakes man And I gotta say This franchise fucking skyrocket In the stakes I guess And we are introduced To Paul Walker at this point

playing Brian Silben Who is a, by the way, Paul Walker for those who do not know is deceased. Yeah, I heard that. Oh, I can't believe it. Wait, what? Yeah, it turns out.

Sit down, Chris. I am. Wait, what? Paul Walker. Is that why he's been taking a break? That's right. Oh, Jesus. The man burned to death

in a car accident. Can we not? We could do a little bit. Yeah, I get it. I mean, I got no way of a will to the guy, I was just wondering what happened to him. I was missing him. He died like his movies. Fast and furious. I thought he would have been

in a Marvel movie by now. He probably would have been, yeah, for sure. That's unfortunate. Who do you think he would have played? That's a good question. I mean, he's just your standard white guy archetypes so you can play any of those guys. That's true. He's a real skeleton key for playing superheroes. He might have taken Renner and done Hawkeye.

He could have been a Hawkeye. Yeah, he could have been. Better Hawkeye. Better Hawkeye. We're putting Stephen knows a sticky stuff. Look, here's the thing. Paul Walker, I'm sure is a really nice, a really nice guy. Yeah.

Jeremy Renner is terrible. Yeah, but Jeremy Reni could act. You know what, though? You would have had movies where there was a Hawkeye that didn't look like fucking 24-7 constipation. Jeremy Renner looks like he has to take a shit in every one of those fucking movies.

Well, you probably do. Think about this. Like, Thanos, all this shit's happening. You know, life or death is happening. You don't get time to go to the bathroom, so he's probably got. a loaf on the ready i've been constipated ever since the blip happened i i held it too much once and it just i didn't have to go again oh my god that's thor and his hair oh oh turtlehead

he could have played turtle head that's a great name for a superhero uh so he is an undercut a very bad undercover cop yeah he keeps going up to everybody's so we're uh what's like the crime situation going on over here. Hey, uh, how did this gang form? Tell me member by member how they join this organization. No, I'm just a guy looking around for some crimes. Not a, not a cop, no. Just a crime enthusiast. Just this guy eating a tuna sandwich from a gas station. Right, which he, not only that, he requests, he requests the fucking crust to be cut off. Come on. Grow up, dude. Exactly. He's a five-year-old, FBI over here. He's at Touretto. market and cafe.

It's one of the, like, fronts for Vin Diesel's operation. Does he still operate this cafe? That's a great way. I don't, because it looks like the gas station from Twin Peaks, the returns. Yeah, I gotta go. I couldn't get anyone to cover

shift at the cafe. Sorry about the nuclear launch codes. But honestly, Becky is sick and everything is fucked right now. People need their tuna fish, man. Yo, man, I know we're trying to save the world, but you know what I'm trying to save the American small business.

My Oscar Meyer shipment didn't come in, okay? Is that what you want to say? You want me to hear? We are all out of hot dogs. I have a responsibility to the community. We live in a food desert. What? You ever heard of that?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I never heard of it. What, really? Yeah. It's like in certain neighborhoods when there's only the corner of bodega. I see. They're not in like a grocery store. So they depend on the bodega.

The bodega McDonald's. Or Torrettoes. Yes. Cafe gas. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't want to eat a tuna fish sandwich at this place. Like, this is a burger or bust scenario. No fish involved. Yeah, no fucking char that thing.

So I know there's an impossibility of food poisoning. That's the thing is you don't really see them like doing any of the makeup for this thing. It looks like Jordana Brewster just takes a fucking plate from underneath the shelf. It's just like, yep, here's your tuna fish sandwich. Remade tuna fish sandwich. She knew he was coming, because we're told he's coming every day. Oh, right. And he's asking, hey.

How's the tuna fish? I'm coming in. Follow-up question. That's a lot of good game, dude. I'm coming in Toradoes. I'm coming in the McDonald's. It's terrific. Follow-up question.

How is the crime? Hey, how's the crime today? Any illegal shipments going on? Um, yummy, yummy, this tuna sandwich. Yes, and that is indeed Jordana Brewster as Mia Toreto. She makes it in some of these movies. she comes back i should say i've only seen the first three and then the one we did i've not seen the rest of them yeah she's flying around she's in that uh seventh one she's in the six two she's in the six and seventh one i think that might be it she might get like a single don't we see her at like some island villa in eight like because they've hid her away well they they write her off if i remember the one we did which which was the fate of the furious yeah yeah uh the eight of the furious they write her off with Paul Walker because

it's like oh they they go off together they go off together which is kind of like Jordan Edwards is like come on man so she dies too well that's the whole the end of them seventh movie is like the cars and his like kind of

goes into clouds or whatever cue that weird Wiz Khalifa song so he drove like a plane off of a way he drove a car off of a plane and he just fell through the clouds no oh well I mean yeah

Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about. He raced into heaven. The end of that movie is like Paul Walker and Vindiesel go for like one last ride. And then, because it's like Paul Walker's like, I have a family now. Like I'm going to get out of the saving the world game. And he like, their paths diverge and Paul Walker drives off into the sunset. That's what Paul Walker's fate should have been. He should be running Tourettoes now.

Oh, my God, talk about a sentence in hell. Because the problem about Torrettoes is it looks dumb. It looks un-air-conditioned, and I'm going to eat tuna fish in this. I know there's an angry guy that comes in and yells at him and starts a fight. And he drops an F-bomb, not the fuck word. Not the fun one. Not the bad one. Tells him to go eat at Burger King instead.

But he goes, he says, go to fat burger. You get $2.99 burgers, you, and he drops it. It's like, that's a weird sentence. This is just a weird looking sentence. It's a sentence that the president. of the United States that's probably very true. That was a Mickey D's

though. He ain't a fat burger guy. The other thing that's weird is like we're in the middle of L.A. And this place looks like in the middle of the fucking desert. To Chris's point, it does look like the fucking Twin Peaks Roadside Diner there. Totally. My favorite part about this was anybody listening to the soundtrack? Oh, very closely.

This song where it's just, watch you, watch your back. Because someone's going to punch you in the back of the head. I'm translating what's happening in the movie Go to Go to Fat Burger You're gonna go to Fat Burger, you Hit on Hit on Jordana Brewster Hit on Hit on Jordana Brewster

I'm pretty sure Because I watched Too Fast, Too Furious Directed by John Singleton Yeah Entirety of fucking Kid Rock's Ball with the Ball And that thing What do you know that play end to end?

That's like your chase scene It's just all Ball with the Ball Radio edit Yes, I think that's even said of course it is it's part of the song um yeah so this guy is like hey man i'm he's part of uh vindiesel's crew right it's this dude vince is the character yes uh he's like this big dude he starts beating up paul walker they get to a fight and vin diesel has to break it up well vin diesel this whole time is hilariously like the guy in the back of the bodega which is like it's always

terrifying when you see those dudes it's like don't look those guys in the eye just pay for your fucking diet Pepsi and get out of there. He's looking at some ledger you do not want any part of. Exactly. Yeah, the kill count ledge. Yeah, he doesn't have a diet Pepsi. That's a diet right especially. There might be crimes in that ledger, so maybe

Paul Walker would want to take a look. So what's going on that ledger, dude? A lot of crimes or what? Hey man, I'm just here eating a tuna fish sandwich. I couldn't be a cop. But it's that weird thing where like this fight is happening outside the restaurant and they're like Dom, you got to come break it up. And he's like, all right and he goes out and he's like he's like don't push it you embarrass me he's like

yelling at this dude vince and he's like you and he tells paul walker never to come back again right he checks out his wallet and sees that his name is brian earl spliner sounds like a serial killer are you serial killer and he says it like it's serious i know i was about i was waiting for him to be like where were you been to the white chapel district of la fogg old Londontown lately buddy where were you in 1888 turns out this ledger's just a track of my hunting down

serial killers you call me the mind hunter am I talking to the BTK killer? It's also yeah but I love the idea that if you have a middle name that means you're a serial killer I mean he got the three like that and Earl right in the middle man

Earl is kind of tough yeah that's tough that's James Earl Ray right there I think BTK could fucking trounce Vince Vindies. Oh, really? Dennis Raider, that fat nerd? That dude was fucking built, dude. He was a big guy.

No, he wasn't. Well, he was like big. Here's my question about the... Not like muscular, but he was imposing... Are we doing neutral court, or are we going to the BTK's domain? Because if we go to BTK's domain, he's got it, I think. Right. Which is like suburban Nebraska.

Yeah, like, you know, if he's got time to set his BTK traps. That's true. Yeah, I don't know. I think BTK would be more... sourceful, I think BTK could surprise him. The guy's got a gut, but I think it's solid muscle. Oh, he's like the kingpin. And you look

at that guy's photos, man. That's a mean dude. Yeah. Oh, God, it just punched him in my hand broke. Oh, no. He kind of just looks like Kurtwood Smith. He looks like a fat Kurt Smith. I think Kurtz Smith could also beat up Vin Diesel. I don't think so.

I think so. Well, you got to give him the special ingredient. In the prime, like Bodiker, dude, like Clarence Botaker, that dude, that dude, scrappy. Boddiker had to hide behind firearms and a team of goons, man. He was a wimp, too. No, Kurt Woodsmith could take him if he gave him his special ingredient, which is cocaine. Yeah.

Cocaine, Kurt Wood Smith versus Vin Diesel. I think he's got it. I think he's got it. Vin Diesel's not even that built. He's not like the rock. No, he's not. It's just like, I'm not impressed with it. Vin Diesel's not even that built.

I'm trying to body shame Vin Diesel. He's trying to get there. He's actually pretty small in this movie. specifically like in those later movies as things get souped up as it becomes an action movie franchise they all look like action heroes nowadays he just looks like an old man he i mean he is kind of aging up well isn't that the joke is that he's the exact same age as paul giamati no yes almost like identical and like you just look at him too and you're like oh man you know that would be a close one too that would not be a close one might be oh god oh god i had my

jaws loose. Oh, fuck. Vin Diesel is, in five days, Vin Diesel is going to turn 52 years old. Good for him. God bless. I mean, this movie's fucking made 18 years ago. Yes, people age. I don't know why we're caught up on this. When he's like 70 years old and doing fast 30, like that'll be something. That'll be really something. You know that's happening. We're definitely going to, if we're seeing Indiana Jones at age like 76, we are seeing Dominic Touretto in the old.

folks home fucking I live my life a quarter mile and a dude would be great they're like they're like souping up rascal scooters

no but they're my life a quarter take of insulin and a task that's right my new protege mutt Williams is going to help me out so there's a fucking

I don't know what they call these things a car meet up well he Brian gets his ass kick he leaves he goes back he's like working at an auto body shop.

Oh, right, Harry's auto body shop. And this is my favorite scene in the movie. He just goes and changes his shirt at work. He's got some Von Dutch T-shirt at work. There's a ton of Von Dutch all over this movie. It's 2001 really hard. It's a douchebag touchstone, dude. That's right.

There's fucking Von Dutch hats. All over the audience too. I see Ashton Coucher around this time. I did not own a Von Dutch hat, but I certainly borrowed my older brother's Von Dutch hat a couple of times. Oh, and hats, when you were going out on the town? Oh, yeah, dude.

Did it go well? No, it did not. Fucking BTK over here. We were just telling women around, like, you see, this is a Van Dutch hat. It's a really nice one. I would mispronounce it as well. No, that was just you wearing a knockoff hat. Oh, but where's the Van Dutch hat?

So, yeah, he changes his shirt, I guess to then go to this car rally. Yeah, he was like, oh, I got to soup up my car. He tells this dude to see him from his car. And yes, now we're here. We hear like five songs in 12 seconds What is with this? Because there's like two seconds of fucking limp biscuit

And I was like oh here we go And then just like transitions Into another song I think the idea what the movie's trying to do Which doesn't do very well Because Rob Cohen is not only a bad director But also a monster Yeah he's a piece of shit

It's an absolute piece of shit I mean right there But is It's like we're going from car to car And this is what people are in Oh the soundtracks are changed Oh I see I think so

But it just it sounds like a mess yeah it's like a clip game like you want to get 30 seconds of each song on the soundtrack but that would be it would be fine if they made it so like like they did something with the sound design where like you could tell that yes yeah it's supposed to be like diagetic sound and it's like it's every car stereo has the different song but this is just like it's it sounds non-diagetic and they just like switch it there's no transitory sound or anything like that it's almost like that whoever was making this head knowing idea what they were doing. It's almost like that. We meet Ja Rule, actually. Fire Festival's Jha Rule, the star of two huge documentaries last year. Massive documentaries. He's doing a great job. His acting career is off to the races now. He's making

more movies a year than Vindiesel. He's playing Edwin, which is kind of funny. He's got an old man name. This is one of those things where I would have swore that he was in this movie a lot. And he's only in this one scene, right? Yeah, he doesn't come back. Right, because he doesn't go to the thing at the end. Yeah, I think this is just

it-ish. The cameo almost. Yeah, I would have swore he was in this movie a ton. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I thought he would be more when I remember watching it the first time, like, oh, fucking jaw rules in this? It turns out that it's just, we're watching him not have a threesome. You know what, guys, this is all

for the best. Oh, yeah, I'm not asking for more genre rule. Although my favorite part of the fire, I think it's the fire. I only saw the Netflix one, not the Hulu one. Netflix is the good one. And I think I saw the Hulu. one? Hulu one is Fire Fest.

Yeah. And then the Netflix one is just fire. Yeah, I think I saw the fire. The one where the guy says he would suck some dick for water, which is my favorite part. Right. That's the one I saw. That's fire. That's just fire.

Okay. It's more like serious. And the Hulu one's more like tongue and cheek. Look at all this stupid shit. Yeah. It's just like more of a like, let's see everything about it. But my favorite part of that is when it's Jarl rule, they're in, they're in a meeting the day, like the day or the week after the fire festival. and everyone is fucking crestfallen.

And everyone's like, so I guess like the company is over and we're being sued like a million times over. And Jarl's like, no way, man. There's a lot of smart motherfucking people in this room. We're going to figure this shit out.

I'm like, you're going to turn around the fire festival? Like, how? It's over. You've done it. Jarl rule versus the FBI, man. So yeah, this is some street racing.

This movie is based on an article, by the way, about street racing. Wow. How about that? I thought you're going to say it was an article based on stealing DVD players. But they licensed the title from the 1955

Roger Corman movie. It's like, what more do you need? That had cars in it. Why do you need to base it on an article? Was it just an article about street racing? Can I go to the actual Torretto's and get a tuna fish sandwich with no crust? It was that.

And then Rob Cohen was also like getting immersed in illegal street racing culture. Wow. Maybe there's a Dominic Torretto reality. tour. I'm like the real Dominic Touretto. I was in the article. And that guy looks like Paul Giamale.

Yeah, I've been managing a Burger King for many years now. I used to be on the racing circuit. My name is Donnie Torado. There is a bunch of illegal street racing going on in the back of the Nathan's in Yonkers, man. Is that right? Yeah, like bike racing? No, no, like car racing. This sounds like the most glamorous.

thing I've ever heard of. Well, that's what I mean. I've seen it happen. I mean, like driving past it or coming into the Nathan's. Those guys are the coolest guys ever. Oh, it's totally. Hanging out behind Nathan's and yonkers. We got street racing in this neighborhood here in the city, but I don't think, it's not as involved. It's just assholes like speeding and like, let's see how loud of a noise I can make, which is like, fuck yourself into the 12th circle of hell. I cannot stand that shit. It's that. And you know what else we have is like the little dirt bikes it's not a motorcycle

because the state like won't give you a license plate for it it's clearly like a dirt bike that you should not have on it's basically a toy I fucking hate it I want all of that to just be simultaneously melted down well yeah it's of course their toys

the whole point is to make noise like any fucking toy and all those people you're hearing were inspired by this film I mean this movie did inspire a lot of that oh yeah And a lot of DVD player theft. And a lot of car crashes. You know what we mentioned it, but we haven't commented on it, and we're going to get away from it.

So I just have to say, if you are a grown adult, like, if you are over the age of six, and you are asking someone to cut the crust off a sandwich, knock it the fuck off. It's not cool. It's not cute. It's just like, I'm not your mother. Or you just eat the piece of bread. Could you waste some of that bread before you give it to me? Could you just throw some food in the garbage for me? Also, just stop eating if you don't want the crust.

It's easy. You don't have to get around the crust. It's the last thing. Well, that's a slice of pizza, I think you're thinking of. How do you avoid the crust on a sandwich? You eat the middle first. Yeah, you eat the middle. You have to have a narrow mouth, is what he's saying.

You have to have a very narrow mouth and you got to angle it. You got to do the anglers. Are you presupposing that this sandwich is already cut in half? Yeah. Well, I'm not cutting sandwiches in half. What? Like a Wonderbread sandwich? What the fuck?

But if you're at a diner or some type of place, like maybe, they're going to cut it in half for it. Well, sure. Yeah, that may be. This sandwich didn't look like it was cut, though. She just cut the square. Oh, you know, that'd be interesting is you get a sandwich and you cut the crust off just one side and then you try to eat out the middle after that. Like, just, you cut yourself an opening.

No, no, you understand it. Just eat out your sandwich. Just go ahead and eat out your sandwich. No, no, don't worry. I don't got to cut off the rest of the crust. Just eating out this tuna fish sandwich. Go down on your sandwich. I was picturing Steve taking like a wonder bread tuna fish sandwich and folding it in half, avoiding biting the...

Oh, that's actually a great idea. That's amazing. That's the good idea. That's the other way to get around the problem. I just didn't think of it because I never, if I'm making a sandwich at home with sliced bread, I don't cut it. Why? I would call that. Because I'm a grown adult.

I don't. You're allowed to cut your own sand. It is a handheld tiny sandwich. What do you need to cut it for? If I'm doing my own, I won't cut it either. Thank you. But I do like the idea of folding the sandwich. I would call that the event horizon.

Steve, don't worry. I got a mouth narrowing guy. I can get you. He'll narrow your mouth right there. Right into the mailbag if you cut your own fucking sandwich. Like everyone does. But, you know, it's got a.

be, there's got to be a nice story to it. Like something happened during the cutting or not. You cut your sandwich and happen, met your spouse. I guess I'm not as busy as you guys and I have the time. I am furiously busy dude. So, Brian shows

up, but he's like, hey, I want to do some illegal street racing. Who's going to do it? I am so excited to break the law. Oh, with all my friends who aren't cops. this is Unit 15 comment

No that's just That's my cool Um New that's a new rap song I just paused it It's my new rap song Unit 15 coming So Toretto shows up also

He is like the king shit of this thing Everybody's like Odom is here Blah blah blah He is with Leti Played by Michelle Rodriguez She gets out of the car and goes Smell

like skanks or I smell skanks. That's what she does. It's even worse because it's just two women are like just groping on Vin Diesel and she's like, it's like Vin Diesel man, your fucking lady friend is right there. Hey babe, I can't help if women start grabbing my

nipples, dude. It's just, it's if I go to race wars, it's gonna happen. Look, you just got one lady hanging off one nipple and another lady hanging off another nipple. It's my natural musk, you know, the smell is sweat and rotten cheese.

We all smell like the tuna fish from Toreto's Cafe. He's in there making it all night, right? Oh my God, that's the guy from Toreto. Oh, wow. He's a great chef and a car racer. Oh, my God, he's a small business owner.

Yeah, Toreto's got a Michelin Star for its tuna fish sandwich. I'm pretty proud about that. Yeah, because it's avant-garde food. Like, it's the deconstructed tuna fish sandwich,

aka the one that fell on the floor. Frank Bruny is going to fucking Tourettoes for lunch. It thinks it's amazing. Well, what they do at Tourettoes, which is really great about their tuna fish sandwiches, they make it for you, and then they fold it in half. The Event Horizon style.

You bite into it, you fucking bleed from your eyeballs. Yeah, they don't use mayo. They just use a Dom spit. Oh, I'm not eating there now. Yeah, but so we're getting ready to race. But his spit is very mayo-y for some reason. It's a thick spit. It's very thick spit.

I spit mayonnaise. It's a genetic condition. Actually, it's my spit mixed with an egg yolk and some salt. It's actually quite good. Like, I'm going to fucking throw up everywhere. I am trying to furiously and fastly get out of this part of the conversation. Prepared it while I bathe. So, oh yeah, but Jaru.

is a promise to threesome well he's like this lady comes up to him and she's like hey grab my breast and he's like absolutely i'm jar rule and she's like you've got this but if you win you get me and my friend there i thought no wait a second i thought she because he's grabbed them or bust no no i because she takes his hand and puts it on her boob and she's like you got this one and if you win you get the other i thought she was talking about both boobs no no no no no it's a friend there's lady in the... Oh, I guess that makes more sense. Which, like, what's that contract?

Like, what was the discussion? Like, look, if Edwin wins his race, you want to do a three-sum? But if he doesn't, it's off. It's all completely off, Christine. If he doesn't win, I'll just fuck him. I mean, you can watch, I guess. It's just, like, rooting against the race. I don't want to have a three-sum-a-night, man.

I got work tomorrow. Shit. Christine's a close friend. I don't know if this is really good. I don't know if I'm ready for this. Please lose, please lose, please lose. Yeah, and Brian's like, hey, Vin Diesel, I want to race you specifically, man, because you are a really cool criminal.

I mean, a dude that I like. And if I win, we have a three-song. Now we're talking. You, me, tuna fish sandwich. We eat it from both ends. Yeah. Oh, like the lady in the tramp. Yeah, meet the middle.

We're going to lady in the tramp this tuna fish sandwich. Weirdly, we would be sandwiching a sandwich. we could scissure a sandwich What would that even be I want to see this I'm picturing it I guess they could like I guess they could both hold the sandwich

with their erections together Yeah yeah and then just kind of like mush them together Well dude if you're scissoring the sandwich That's fucking hands free man Yeah dude Sounds good So that doesn't happen But yeah he's like

They're gonna race for pink slips here No they're only racing for his pink slips here No they're only racing for his pink The buying is $2,000. And he's like, well, I don't have two grand, but you can have the pink slip to my car, man. He is kind of an edgy Zach Morris in this movie a little bit, right? Yes. And speaking of which, I don't believe this.

I don't either. I think this is some fucking bullshit on the Tribune trivia, if you can believe it. The IMDB Trivia, did you see this? I didn't. I avoided the trivia. You guys always read it, and I just want to be surprised. Well, get ready to have your fucking hat fly off your head, dude. The trivia tells us that Rob Cohen's initial casting for this movie,

Dominic Toretto, played by Mario Lopez, Brian O'Connor played by Zach Morris, Mark Paul Gossler. And then the little, like, mousy character in this movie. Jesse was going to be played by Dustin Diamond. You know, it doesn't, it doesn't, you know, it doesn't, it's not said enough that cocaine is a hell of a drug. Just one hell of a drug. I just don't believe it. I think someone's having fun on the internet. I think so

too. I think someone's having a goof on the IMDB. I think someone should edit that and change it to Gallagher was going to play Dominic Torretto. Like we did with the Power Rangers. Yeah. Is that still up? I don't know. Maybe some other podcast made that joke and then somebody infiltrated

the IMDB. We've heard of race wars in this movie which is somehow about race cars and not something else. But Now we got pod wars, because if other pods are influencing the IMDB Tribune, which is our bread and butter. That is our bread and butter. We got to get more involved there. I'm loving the notion of there's a giant airfield in the middle of the California desert and all these podcasts meet up at it to have the pod wars.

Yeah, pod racing. Oh, yes, it would have to be pod racing. It's like the handoff and lethal weapon one in the desert where it's just like there's heat waves. Oh, yeah, definitely. A helicopter in the background. I've got a, I'm in the, no, it was like, oh, where's Stephen? Like, oh, Steve couldn't make it, but I've secretly got a sniper rifle aimed at Griffin Newman's head. Just to make sure nothing happens, you know what I mean?

Like, I'm in the, nobody knows that I'm there. It's Pod Wars, dude. It's Pod Wars, you got to take, winner take all, I guess. I'm now, I'm just looking up the Power Rangers trivia to see if our thing is still there. You know what? I'd be into the Gallagher casting, but then I'd want him to also play Letty. Yeah, I think Gallagher. I smell skank, Mark.

Wait a minute. That's a new bit, too. I'm just going to work part of this script into my act. Smelling skanks, curse of plant. I think someone deleted it. I searched Gallagher on the trivia. The Federallies found us. So this watermelon represents you owning your car. And this sledgehammer is Vin Diesel beat you in a race.

Curst Blat. I think I'd rather watch Gallagher. retell me this movie than this movie. That's actually a great... That's a new bit for him would be like him doing movies. Right.

Him retelling movie plots with a couple bad jokes in between. Yeah, and some watermelons and stuff. He could start a podcast for sure. I give this movie five stars because they use one of my favorite slurs in the first five minutes. Yeah.

So Casey Affleck goes out for some beer, right? And in this harrowing scene, Michelle Williams forgives them for murdering her children. Yeah, his dad was in the drawer. Then he just walks away with his nephew with her throwing a tennis ball around. And then Mark Ruffalo says, we got to get these guys. I give it a thumbs down because there were approximately zero watermelons in that movie.

So, yeah, Lady Gaga's having a concert, right? And Bradley Cooper is supposed

to go, but he feels like he wants to kill himself. Ben there. All right, so listen,

there's the white guy, and he's got to drive a black guy around. And the white guy's

this fat Italian guy, and he eats pizza quite entertainingly. Gallagher, would probably love Green Book for some

for some reason. To your point, Eric, uh, Vigo Mortensen does eventorize in that pizza in that movie. It's true. It's true. When I saw that, I was like, I kind of want to do that once. Yeah, just once.

But you got to add, the weird thing, if you're doing that, the fold, you got to ask them not to cut it. Because then it's going to be everywhere. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know how you can do that, though? It sucks that I know this. If you order a domino's pizza on the Domino's pizza app, you've given up on life.

So I've given up on life several times at this point. Well, it's like, do you want to, instead of do you want to accept cookies, it's like, have you given up on life? Click yes. Oh, my God. The adding of the cookies is just, it's a bridge too far. No, he's not talking about real cookies. Oh, really?

No, accepting cookies on a website. Oh, but doesn't Domino's have fucking desserts? You can get cookies. They have dessert. You can get a dessert pizza, which is like a cookie. But the thing is, you can request your pizza not be sliced. Really? Yeah. So you could, you could do this, Steve. You could order a pizza and event horizon that pizza. I don't know. Folding a fucking Domino's pizza. What am I? What are my, uh, Hercules here? I can't. They're really thick. That's true. Speaking of pizza, by the way, they're lining up this fucking row of cars do the street race to block off the traffic.

And uh-oh, Pizza Hut delivery guy can't get through played by scumbag, Rob Cohen. Yeah, and he has the line, dang street racers. Yeah, oh, that's funny. So they do this race. Brian almost wins but loses. Yeah, he sort of like does the Nas thing twice. Yeah. Part of the car turns into the Flintstone's car, something like the fucking bottom falls out.

What is this fucking laptop that he's working on? This is the extreme car shit. This is the stuff that Jay Leno does not go near. Well, like, hooking a laptop into a car telling you, like, when this gauge is going to blow and whatever else. It's all, like, I don't know what's going on here. It was like the fucking cockpit of a plane this car. Well, it's like the, it's a Batmobile-esque. Sure.

Oh, that's what they needed. I mean, they get them later in these action movies. But in this movie, man, it would be like Dominic Torretto is racing somebody and then like, uh-oh, it's a missile coming out of the side of that car. I'm surprised they haven't gone there yet. Have they done any of the... Because I'm trying to think of any of the sequels if there's a missile car.

That they've had to put weapons on some of those cars in those sequels. Good down, Brian. It's a tuna fish catapult. Oh, you. So, yeah, so Vindiesel wins, and then it's like, all right, you know, you owe me a car, blah, blah, blah.

Almost had me. Almost had me. Oh, right. Almost had me. Paul Walker's like, oh, I almost got you there. And like,

like this tends to do a thing where like everything Vin Diesel's character says to Paul Walker's character, the fucking like 60 extras that are all around them are like laughing at Paul Walker, like spitting on him and shit. Because he's like, oh yeah, you almost had me, but you should have done and he starts talking car nonsense that I could even begin.

Something about a double clutch and I don't even know. Yeah. And this is again, him not doing like, this is what I do. He's like, hey you almost had me man what do you think and he's like doing jokes I don't think he's ever told the joke in this franchise after this

he has told something that was meant to be a joke it comes out as dirt like he's just not a funny guy like he's just not funny no no no it's just that simple watch that find me guilty movie oh you'll see how not funny he can is he oh I was thinking about that movie is that a fat suit or did he get fat for the part I forget uh it's kind of neither he's got a wig in that movie. Yeah, no, he's just a fat guy. Yeah, like, I think it's a column A, column

B situation. He got a little fat anyway. He's just not very in shape. John Rule gets humiliated here, too, because his car, he loses, like, immediately. And this woman, like, because he's like, oh, hey, baby, and she's, get the fuck away from you, whatever. And again, public humiliation, all these people are laughing at him. How would they, how would you even hear what's going on or know the context, I guess? But the, yeah. But the cops come. It's like, oh, shit, cops, cops, cops, cops. right and vin diesel gets in paul walker's car because all of his boys are not around right

vin diesel drives to a parking garage to like stash his car and then he's walking down the street this is kind of hilarious this like squad car rides by and then this dude like totally doesn't want 80 he's like hey tureto stop where you are i was like this guy just like dominic taredo is a known dude to the authorities apparently and then paul walker comes up in his car like get in come with me if you want to live hey tureto can i

pre-order a tuna fish sandwich for tomorrow's lunch. I just want to make sure it's ready for me when I leave. Don't worry. It's always, we got ready-made tuna fish for you. I already made it and then left it out on the counter to age overnight the way you like it. Stomped on it with my bare feet, just like you like it. Make sure there's extra flies on there. Yeah, so they go, they wind up going into the wrong side of town, which is a gang run by Johnny Tran. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is like the villain of the film. Kind of so, yeah, I mean, he is the most boring

villain I've ever seen. Yeah, sure. It's another racing team basically. He has three scenes and like 20 lines tops. I know, this is like the guy with the DVD empire, right? He's been boosting DVD players. Well, no, he's not. Later on, we'll get

there, but later on, they say they were legally purchased. So this guy just loves buying DVDs. It's Andrew. I don't have multiple decks floating around. I'd like TV Ted Levine to sniff around your house.

Hey, what's all these DVDs? You buy these legally or whatever? Well, actually, I like to use a new DVD player every time I play DVD. Oh, my God, can you imagine? That's the height of decadence. Unplug it from your media counsel, break it over your knee, and toss it

in the trash. It's like never washing underwear, just like buying more. Yeah. Which I've heard people do. I'm going to catch you, droop, and you're going to mess up with one of these DVD players. someday. You know, I don't think any of these DVD players are street legal. We're going to have to look into all these DVD players. Oh, it looks like you modified this one to make it a region-free device.

You're coming with me. You took off the little stands at the bottom to make it lower. So you've got a VHS player and a TV with a VHS player. That smells like copying tapes to me. You're going up the stream. There's a crazy thing, though. while when they're driving to they wind up in Johnny Trans

neighborhood or whatever but Vin Diesel like they're having a conversation in the car and Vin Diesel's like, yo you have a dude time or whatever and Paul Walker like lies to him and then he's like oh yeah except for that two months you did in Juvie for boosting cars and Paul Walker's like

blah blah blah and Vin Diesel has a great line right here he goes you can find anything on the web anything about anybody so while I live So why lie about it? What? Also, you're an undercover cop or what?

Yeah, so Johnny Trant comes up. They sort of like threaten him or whatever. There's, you know, we'll see you later in the desert. We'll settle this in the desert, blah, blah, blah. They do a drive away on their motorcycles and then come back and shoot the shit out of Paul Walker's car until it explodes. Not too bad. It's pretty good. Vin Diesel's got a great line here because, like, the car's on fire.

They drive away. Disa goes, oh no, the gnaz! And they, like, get down because the car explodes. And it's like green fire. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty cool. Yeah.

It's like a wizard did it. Yeah. And, uh, I'm the last witch hunter. Look out for the gnaz and the green fire. He admits that the reason that there's a problem with Tran is that he fucked his sister at some point. Yeah, there's some mention of that. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Right. Vin Diesel slept with Tran sister.

Yeah, it's something, he's, Vin Diesel says, like, there was, it was, uh, it was, uh, Well, it's a two-prong thing. One was there was a business deal that went south. Also, I fucked his sister. Just call this movie Sister Sex. It's all about. We're all trading sisters. It's just

my sister sleeping with you. I'm sleeping with that sister. You know, everyone's related to somebody. Hey, Brian, you can join my gang. Question number one, do you have a sister? Because I got a fucker. That's just straight up. I got a fucker.

Before you can enter this this little club we have here. The best part is like so they'll start walking back. He's like, oh, I guess we're walking. He's like, it's like a two mile hike, man. Doesn't he says 20? Oh, 20? Yeah.

He's like, call a cab, first of all. And he's like, yeah. So like, what happened with you and Johnny Tran? He's like, I can't get into it. He's like, hey, man, we got a 20 mile hike also. He said, there's a real long story. Yeah, he's like, let me just adjust my tape here real quick. Let me just, okay, hold on.

Rewind. I just, I record conversations with all my. my friends. All my best friends. Oh, yeah, I'm podcasting, right? Who are your guys? Crime guys? Who are your crime guys?

Well, Al Capone, I suppose. BTK was mean when I met him. Trounced me. So they go, they do wind up taking a cab back to Vendiesel's house. There's a fucking killer, 2001, a house part. going on right here where you have everything going on at once you've got a bunch of people making out someone is playing a PlayStation 1 Michelle Michelle Rodriguez is playing a PlayStation 1 that other dude is fucking jamming on a guitar which is to say he's playing like two chords over and over again

a guitar he stole from Power Man 5,000 do you look at this thing yeah like fucking like psychedelic circles on it yeah it's a pretty wild one and also like we got to talk about the guy's outfit. It's Vince. He's wearing two tank tops at the same time. What does that do for you? I don't know. It makes you feel like a man. Well, it was one like a like undershirt tank top.

And the one's like green and then he wears like a fishnet over it. Oh, the fishnet right. It's the fucking fifth element. Yeah. I think it was just, it's just sexual, right? It's to attract sisters. Also the male when trying

to attract a sister will wear a double-pronged tank top. Oh, he put the fish nuts on, did he? Oh, it's really going to happen now. I'm making tuna fish. Oh, the mating call has begun. The sister

is safe for now. Someone's sister wasn't safe because there's two girls here just making out. That's another, like, just put it in, it'll be fucking cool, man. Two chicks make it out. It's the height of 2000. Yeah. one and

Jordana Brewster sees him and she like gets dressed or something she wants she wants to attract this dude she's upstairs studying or something and she hears the car pull up and how old does this girl question mark she's clearly like 20 something doesn't matter

of age doesn't matter she's a sister you have to have sex with her so he comes down and Paul this Vince guy is like what's this piece of shit doing is this piece of shit was the guy who got me away from the cops and you did it.

I got to say, I wish it was a piece of shit, but they are using the slang phrase, or term Buster. Oh, right. I forgot we're using Buster. What's this Buster do? This Buster kept me out of handcuffs. Buster. What is a Buster? What is a Buster?

That's a, from that No Scrubs song, right? Also known as a Buster. Yeah, somebody who nuts a lot. No. Incorrect. a Bugs Bunny line. Or a Buster Bunny from a Tiny Tunes. Maybe that's what I'm thinking about. That

fucking rabbit came a lot. Although, yeah, those Tiny Tune Adventures, well, they were in Acme-Loon University, man. They were college kids fucking. Oh, well, I'm glad it was legal. That's the thing that that show alternated between a lot was sometimes it was like they were older, like, college

student-y. And then they were kids. Yeah. We were going through something, because it's all on Hulus. We were like watching some of it. We watched a large chunk of it, sort of in the last year or so. And it's like when it's convenient, they're little kids. And then when it doesn't matter, they're not. So the timeline's like all over the place.

Has anyone tried to map the cannon out? I don't think so. No, it bugs me like, all right, welcome to Acme University, a 12-year course. Well, because that's the weird thing, is like, they're at a university, and all of the older Looney Tunes characters are college professors. It's very strange. So the Buster keeps him out of handcuffs. great line here from Vin Diesel.

He goes, you could have any brew you want as long as it's a corona. Because we're contractually obligated to say that. Thus, creating, like, this is the ground zero for all the corona in the rest of these movies from here to Kingdom come. I think

Tokyo Drift is the only one that beats the rap. If anyone was like, hey man, you can have whatever you want. So long as it's a corona, I'm like, awesome, what kind of water do you? I don't like water. But it's like, I got to be either A, at a barbecue or be on vacation. Those are the only two scenarios.

It's a fine beach beer. Yeah. I don't mind it, but I'm not going to be like at a house party in the middle of the night just drinking a corona. There's another great beverage part. So like everybody kind of, it's amazing. So like everybody kind of brings, uh, uh, Vin Diesel goes upstairs to have sex with Letty. Um, which is another where she's like, give me a massage.

Why don't you go upstairs so you can give me a massage? And you're just like, all right. You're just yelling this in the middle of the party. And so Paul Walker starts talking to Jordana Brewster And he's like hey what do you want to drink And she's like She's like oh just get me anything He grabs her a fucking snaple

There is so much snapple in this movie though Later on there in like the garage or something And there's just like a fucking crate of snapple Just seen like a full fucking snaple bottle Drift into the frame It's just unsettling I would never imagine I would never presume to give someone a snapple

No way all that sugar forget it in the middle of a sex party also weird so that's like pretty much it she says something to him like oh let me give you a ride home and then it cuts I don't know if there's

you're supposed to guess that there was fucking there or not you don't know like it just because there's definitely fucking later between the two of them I think that's supposed to be the first fuck yeah I think this is just like I'm going to take home maybe a peck on the cheek no yeah right right

and so that this is like this is like the it's just like a fun like hookup fuck versus the other one where it's like we went on an official date and now it's like relationship fucking and this very different it's well that's fucking with consequences um oh interesting fucking with consequences actually the title of steve's autobiography because now you got some skin in the game yeah or skin in the game um this is when we find out that he's an undercover cop like 40 minutes in yeah and this was my question because I didn't look up on YouTube to see any of the trailers. Did they tell you

this in the trailers for this movie that he's a cop? Probably. I think they do. I mean, you know he's an undercover cop just the way he's acting, but like, I don't know, though. I think that's in hindsight because you know what this movie's about now. I don't exactly know that if you didn't know anything about this movie.

Yeah, it's supposed to be a reveal here. Because this is definitely supposed to be a reveal because he gets fucking pulled over. They pat him down. He's arrested. He's brought back to this random. fucking house and there's weird mansion he's like oh yeah

Elizabeth Taylor was given this house and now we seized it right from Elizabeth Taylor the famous crime outlaw Elizabeth Taylor Hollywood crime kingpin Elizabeth Taylor All right Liz

we'll let you walk this time you better give us some houses though No I think it's a thing where he says like at one point somebody gifted the house to Elizabeth it's not like her house now this is ted levin yes as sergeant tanner who his thing which only happens once but it's one time too many is like all right we're going to have a status meeting about

this bust a round of iced cappuccino's for everybody oh right and then they'll just have these huge mugs of iced cappuccino see this is what i hate about this movie really takes me back to that time of like 2001 where everyone had giant fucking lattes yeah nairna nairna nairna nairn a Snapple. Oh, yeah, dude. And Corona was the only beer available besides Samuel Adams, I guess. I'm about talking about Seinfeld, and I should because the

FBI boss is Elaine's landlord in Seinfeld. The guy who doesn't want to bring in the armwarr, he can't do it that day. Oh, right. He's also Michael Jordan's father in Space Jam. Oh, nice. Is that the same landlord where

the guy, when she is the race, at the guy right of the road. This little son of a bitch. Yeah. Oh, I fucking love it. The, what do you call there? The, what do you call? He winds up, uh, I was looking at Seinfeld because the Snapple thing, people would just

go into Jerry's fridge and grab a Snapple. That's crazy to me. Yeah. Like you, if I've got to, I remember back in the day, like, SNAPL was like a part of people live. No, but like just going into somebody's house and like, hey, how's it going and helping yourself. No.

The helping yourself. If I've got a two liter, yeah, pour yourself a glass. you know what I mean like go nuts don't start opening up snapples I don't I don't care about the opening of the Snapple like you can have a Snapple just ask if you can get something Well it's like free take whatever you want

It's a cornerstone of the show is Yeah the mooching yeah And they all know that you know Jerry Clearly did voiceover work for a Snapple commercial And he got to free Snapple So they'll take it as they like It's the best stuff on earth I'm fucking Wendy the Snapple lady

You see this Snapple fact George it's the Snappel lady I'm dating the Snapple lady and she is wild stuff

so this dude the FBI guy updates us that the tally now the total amount the dollar amount of stolen merchandise from this scheme has capped

as topped excuse me, $6 million. $6 million in DVD players and TV VCRs. Wait, that we later learn are purchased legally? It's two different DVD stacks. Listen, you can't be two in DVDs twice on me, folks. I'm getting confused. And then this is when he's like, look, and he's having meetings with truckers, I guess.

He's like, the truckers are getting restless out there. He says they're going to start taking matters in their own hands. I just imagine it's like, it's like the warriors and it's a warehouse full of truckers. And he's like, people, people, relax. We will get your DVDs back. He's trying to prevent the film convoy from happening. Those fuckers take matters into their own hands. You better believe it.

It's true. But truckers would be such a good villain. Like if they would do that in these new movies, like just have it be truckers. That would be awesome, though. If like, let's say Dwayne Johnson's like, you know what? I'm making like 17 movies a year. I got to cut back on something. You got to get, we have to end the Hobbs character.

And it's like a fucking trucker rebellion is like Hobbs and Shaw 7. I like that. And like all these truckers just descend on him like a horde of zombies and just fucking tear him to pieces. A bunch of two by fours with nails in them. Oh, he's going to get it. And you get David Harbor in there as the king of the truckers. Oh, that's a fantastic. Oh, my God.

Because, unfortunately, J.T. Walsh isn't with us anymore, who is a great evil trucker in Breakdown. Oh, right. Oh, fuck. Really good movie. That's a great trucker movie, guys. These truckers are killing people. It's nice. I like trucker movies.

Convoys excellent. Convoy fucking rules. Steve and I saw a screening of Convoy, like, kind of recently. Yeah. At the anthology of Film Archive. It was so awesome. The FBI guy, oh, so Brian O'Connor is like, listen, man, I just need more time, okay? And this guy's got a great line and goes, you want,

time go buy a magazine yeah it's like all right thanks um and then you want people go buy a magazine you want a band go buy rolling stone what do you want entertainment on a weekly basis hey buddy you'd better go buy a magazine you want high times go buy a magazine doing it all the time You want huge asses Go buy a magazine You want a home and a country You want a supplement

To the New York Times That features book reviews And arts and entertainment You better go buy a fucking magazine, pal Look at this fucking weekender over here So he goes back to Toretto With like this beat-up piece of shit car And he's like I owe you a 10th

They're calling him 10 second cars, which is it does like the quarter mile in 10 seconds is the idea. He's like, so here's this car, we're going to fix it up. The fucking nerd guy calculates that like if he spends, what does he say, like $13,000

like he can make this the best car in the world. I'm like, my God, that it's listen, I am buying DVDs, but you guys are right, this is an expensive hobby, this car stuff. And he's like, and this is when he's like, all right, and then like his sister goes Brewster goes up to say, he

owns you now. And it's like, okay. And also I would be like, I don't know, like, if he wasn't an undercover cop, what would be in it for this guy? Like, why is he here? It would be my question. Because he likes hanging out. I guess so.

Maybe he's trying to find a family, just like the rest of this rag tag group. He's trying to find a sister. So, yeah, it's, there's a weird, this nerd guy is Jesse. He, like, puts this floppy disk in pretty great. Yeah. And they look over all the car specs or whatever. And this is, again, it's a video game. It's a video game.

It's a total video game. Paul Walker being a bad cop right here, he's like, so, Jesse, you seem like a smart guy. How did you get mixed up in the Touretto business? And he tells this fucking, like, life story about, like, whatever. And he's like, I got ADD or whatever they call it, but engines just calm me down. You're like, all right. He's like a math genius, but like he couldn't, he failed everything. I'm like, you still could go to school for math if you're a genius. Yes, and also there's drugs.

Jesse, Jesse, you can make it. You can do it. You don't have to play Pimp My Ride the PC games all day long. Oh, my God, Pimp My Ride. That's right from the same era. Yeah, this is the era. Oh, definitely. I can't believe that's not still around.

Like, there's no, like, Pimp and Ride 10, the movie. Well, like, MTV secretly brings back those shows sometimes. I, like, I don't know if it's still on now, but I bet you, like, there was a more recent incarnation of Pimp My Rue. Yeah, because Cribs came back, I believe. Yeah, exactly. But this is the first of a franchise staple barbecue scene, man.

We go. Oh, right. And Jesse, or Vince, the big dude, sees Paul Walker there and he gets pissed, he leaves, and then he comes back. We're having a nice barbecue. And then we're just kind of like having a Saturday. Like, we're watching a movie. And Paul Walker's like, where I come from,

you can, whoever cooks doesn't do the dishes, too man right he's he's like just getting closer to jordan and brewster this is when this guy comes up to me he's like man doing the dishes hey man what do you put on your dress and i'll i'll pimp you out on the street cutie pie and i'm like wait what's going on dude that he's like it's a very weird but that's 2001 in a nutshell oh for sure that's the way it was listen tough guy i'm going to rip your shirt off i'm going to put a mesh tank top on you and then i'm going to to drag you by the nipples out to the corner and fucking pimp you out loser it could be any tiny responsibility and he would have said something like oh you flush the toilet out after

you piss and shit huh i'm gonna take you out on the corner i'm gonna turn you to my hooker mr old princess brissy pants flush the toilet wash your hands before you make dinner I'm going to take you out on the corner And I'm going to watch But this is when George Dana Brewster Agrees to go on a date with Brian Because also by the way Yeah hey Vince you tough guy

He's running game That's why he's why he's washing the dishes Get the net dude Figure it out It's actually awesome because Jordana He also can't make the microwave work What's wrong with you stupid piece of shit

It's a fucking microwave Also, Paul Walker is wearing a wardrobe, I understand. So clearly he's going to get fucked before you do, Mr. Fishnet. Jordana Brewster does a red thing right here, though, where she's like, oh, hey, Vince, what was the name of that Cuban restaurant you wanted to take me to? And he tells her, and she's like, oh, right. Hey, Brian, you can take me to that restaurant. Fucking sick burn, Vince.

It's a sick burn. And this is what he storms through the living room Vince does. And he's like, you guys can make your own fucking popcorn and leaves. And they're watching Dragon the Bruce Lee story? Because it's directed by Rob Cohen. That's why. This movie is awesome. No, we're not watching a Bruce Lee movie, guys.

We are watching the story of Bruce Lee. There's a really compelling romance in this movie, okay? Yeah, I only watch biopics. We're watching Ray tonight. All right, guys, it's Wednesday movie night. Time for Walk the Line. I don't know. Oh, I don't know.

Good night and good luck. It is somewhat of a biographical picture, but it does not tell the complete story of Edward R. Morrow. Guys, I am so sorry. I put on JFK thinking we'd see about him growing up. He's barely in this movie. Yo, Vince, man, for the last time, man, I got to keep telling you.

Forrest Gump was not a real person. But then why is there all the restaurants? I don't know, man. It's like life imitating art or some shit. Turn this bullshit off. We're going to watch out of Africa. All right, letty's sick pick. We're going to put on Chaplin.

Adaptation. Okay, it's a bit avant-garde. But Susan Orlean is in the movie. I don't understand how. Bob Dylan could be all these characters. This doesn't make any sense. This is not my cup of tea. Yo, man, I put on Lenny because I thought that guy was funny,

but man, Dustin Hoffman, that movie was sad as balls. Time for some bohemian raps. This is the best movie. You're right. It's great. Yo, they're doing Thursday night preview screenings, a rocket man, who's in. I just love biographical pictures so very much.

All right. I will count Apollo 13, even though it is not specifically about one person. Oh, man, this is my fifth copy of Nixon and the double tapes that I've got. Oh, fuck. So that whole thing disperses. And Paul Walker's doing some bad snooping here. All of these gangs, by the way, you know, are all part of. of this race culture saying that there's this other dude

Hector that we do meet at the beginning of the movie and this guy's in a ton of stuff yeah everywhere always playing uh he was in training day a bunch she's in one of the purge movies I mean he's just like a character yeah he's a regular on fresh off the boat that makes a lot of sense uh so paul walker breaks into Hector's garage

and he's sort of like snooping around and everything uh and then like out of nowhere this dude Vince fucking hits him in the face with the butt of a shotgun it's the whole like smells like a cop thing and Paul Walker's pleading with Vin Diesel he's like

no man this is all about race wars I'm doing intel for race wars and he's got expensive Japanese tires on his car man I can't get over the race war just calling it race wars just call it something else they wanted to call this movie race wars

um Rob hi um yeah no no I know that race wars is a real thing that happens but you also know that there's another meaning to raise it for, right? What? Well, no, we're going to call it white power. It's about a cop named Brian White raising into power, right?

White power, movie. White power, movie. Look, it's called the clan because they're a clan of street racers who band together. What if we change that to family, so they stop saying clan. All right, all right, we're going to call a KKK, Car, Cars, cars, cars. But spelled wrong because we're in an alternate universe. That's the only thing different about, oh, my God, that's the mortal combat universe.

That makes perfect. That's actually, yep. Yeah, I'm racing this outfitted Volkswagen and Outworld. I mean, he should, I mean, it's probably. Yeah, I'm half Outworld on my father's side. He could have been Cano. No, I was going to say Go Fulgoro, dude. Oh shit. Yeah, you're right.

Give him two more arms and now we're doing it. You'd probably look normal then. He could drive two cars. Makeup department, if you're giving me two extra arms, how about a third leg? Yep, that's me making a joke in makeup. Two extra arms. Now I can make twice the tuna fish.

Well, that actually, I do have as we have previously established in other episodes, I have at least eight testicles. The only way my voice can reach this register. so vin diesel falls for it he's like oh cool like this dude's doing you know recon on all the other teams or whatever now let's go to the chinese gang and check out what that team's doing and this is where

they get in the the garage and there is in the corner of johnny trans garage a fucking florida ceiling stack of DVD players and i mean like which we we find out is legal what was he was he opening an appliance store like what is the purpose. I think he loves giving gifts. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, Christmas is coming. He's got a time of people. Yep. A lot of people on his list. And it's just easier, like, buy the same thing 20 times. Everybody's getting one. Back to school gifts. You have enough. Yeah, I mean, then you call it the distributor. Like, look, I'm buying, I'm buying 50 DVD players. You got to give me a deal here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So then, like, the gang comes back to the garage while

they're snooping around. So these guys hide. And, like, it's a scene where Johnny Trans dudes are, like, beating up this fucking doughy auto parts guy? I love this. I don't know what's happening. Yeah, I have no idea what's but this guy's getting oil poured down his mouth. Oh yeah. He's the fence. Oh, right. He's a bad fence though. Yeah, he's fencing

DVDs. He's fencing to DVD players. Fence? Yeah, he's the fence. It's a term where it's like you, it's a guy it's where you like take hot material and someone else sells it for you. He facilitates the deal. Oh, so he's selling the DVD players? Or

he's buying it and then going to sell the... It's very confusing, yeah. But, yeah, and he pours oil down his throat. And it's really funny because Johnny Tran and his number two are like really just calling him

Ted a bunch, which is really funny. He's like, hey, Ted, kiss my shoes. Oh, poor fucking Ted, dude. And he's about to do it too. Oh, Christ. But he gets kicked a bunch and then they pour oil down to start all this stuff. And the next thing is like this,

We come back to the police station, which is a house, which I just feel like Rob Cohen couldn't secure a police station location. Yeah, I don't. I mean, it's, because it also appears as if, like, this thing isn't super undercover. No. You know, so, like, I don't know why you need this alternate location as if you're keeping it hidden away from the LAPD as well. And he's, like, whatever, Brian's, like, I think it's Johnny Tran and I saw all these DVD players. This is the, much like point break, but the siege they do on Johnny Tran.

Oh, geez. And all of his businesses, this is the montage that makes no sense. What the fuck is this? Like, it's split between the raid, which is something you would want to see. For sure. And Letty and fucking Dom about to fuck each other in the garage. Dude, did you, I mean, this is outrageous that this is the two things they decided to cut back and forth between. But did you catch what's going on when Vin Diesel sits down on this chair?

No. He fucking totally 100% motorboats, Michelle Rodriguez, right here. Well, they were dating at the time. Yeah, no, but I mean, don't put that in this. So that chemistry is real. Yes. Vin Diesel warns Brian, by the way, for, because this is also around the time where the date happens. Yeah.

He says, you break her heart. I'll break your neck. I mean, I get it. She's a sister, so you have to ask her out. But you'll be careful. You try lightly. In this gang, we treat sisters. with respect mister you make sure she gets three tuna fish a day oh god what is she a seal

whole tuna fish we're good to our sisters here we feed them tuna fish um yeah but this raid makes it's it's edited poorly like they go to johnny trans house paul walker is part of the raid by the way what you shouldn't do if you're a fucking undercover agent but he's got the helmet on and the goggles so it's like okay there should know but there should have been a thing where it's It's like, and I'm coming too, right? And then Ted Devin's like, no, you got to stay back, man. That's not a good idea. And he's like, all right, fine.

I'll put on a, I'll put on the helmet and everything. So like, but I need to be. Well, there's no dialogue at all. It's all set to bad music. There's a great thing, though, like Johnny Tran's getting the cuffs put on him because it's like a family dinner that's about to happen. And the father, like, while the police are holding this guy just fucking slaps his son across the face, not too shabby.

Bringing shame on the family, man. you can't do it. And this is when we find out that the DVD players were actually legal. You wouldn't steal a car, would you? That's what Johnny Tran says. Look, no, I wouldn't steal a car.

And I would not steal a DVD player. I'll pour fucking oil down that dude's throat, but I will not steal a DVD player. The FBI takes him, puts him in a room and just plays that video over and over again. Did you learn your lesson, Johnny Tran? Did you learn your lesson? Well, it's kind of the same thing.

And this is around the time where we're revealed, like what actually happened but like Paul Walker is kind of doing a similar thing with the FBI agent where he's like listen man like I think Dominic Toreto like you're barking up the wrong tree he's not a violent guy blah blah blah and he keeps talking about how Toreto like beat this dude half to death with a fucking wrench or whatever and Toreto tells the story we get some backstory right here where his dad was like a drag car a stock car racer a dude hit his bumper in a race he went into a wall at 120 miles an hour, the car exploded, blah, blah, blah. And

Vin Diesel fucking found that dude, like, the next day, and that's what the beating with the wrench was. And he says, yeah, now he's a janitor at a high school, and he has to take the bus. And I'm like, I mean, people do that. No, I think it's a thing where he beat him

so badly, he cannot drive a car. I see, I see. Wow. Cool. And he's got a real, like, he has a real clearly starling moment about when he's telling the stories. Oh, right. And he's just like, he was just screaming. He was just screaming in the car.

But then what's crazy, though, is he's like, ah, but seconds later, paramedics informed me that it was indeed me screaming. Dr. Lecter. You're coming here with your cheap cars. And I screamed just like this. Burr. And this, so this dinner day. they have at this restaurant. This is again

him being a fucking bad detective. He's like, all right, so tell me the history of the gang. How'd you guys all get together? You know, the whole... Hold on a second. Record? Recording. Recording. Testing. Go ahead. Turn tape over. Got a little tape on the chest.

Oh, boy. Oh, they got a hair. Oh, boy. Oh, I have to say also that in that this is how my dad died speech that he gives, this is where he first fucking says that he lives his life a quarter mile Yeah, that's another staple of the franchise. Yeah, so then, like, later on, like, they find that Johnny Tran was innocent or innocent enough or whatever,

and basically what has to, he's like, look, you got 36 hours to bring me to Redo. So then, uh, they, uh, him and Dom go out for like a race and all this stuff. Oh, I thought it was a lunch date. It is a, it's a nice little lunch date. But they get some racing in on the way to this shrimp shack that they eat at. And he's like, so listen, man, I know you're a criminal. And I love.

crime. And he's like, wow, you seem on the level. Listen, after race wars, which is actually a war about racing, listen, let me explain to you, we're not going around. Listen, this is not what we do. We do not race war. We race cars, and it's like a war because there's many of them. Oh, oh, then I was mistaken. Never mind. I'll just be leaving now. I should get some tattoos removed. I'm trying to get in this gang. I've got to pass this to a different division. Different division. I was barking up the wrong tree with this one because you were saying race war. You know what? Never mind. I'm going to go, thank you for the shrimp. The weird thing, O'Connor, hate crime division.

Better movie. Much better movie. O'Connor's whole thing, though, here is he's like, you know, Vinty's like, what's going on, new best friend? And he's like, you know, everybody has bad days. I have a bad day. All right, I want in on whatever you're doing.

And he's like, whatever do you mean? And he just fucking flat out says to him, he's like, I see all the money that you put into these cars. There's no way you can afford this by running a fucking weird David Lynch-esque truck stop diner. That's all. That's all tuna fish money. It's very high demand. Frank Bruny's article helped.

The tuna king is South California. Yeah. It's true. California knows how to. Tuna. In the city. City of tuna. You know, you can't get good tuna fish outside of L.A.

No, that's the water. It's the mayonnaise that they have out there, dude. Whatever. So we finally see race wars. Well, the weird thing, this is my question about what happens, though, because Toretto is like, all right, you are clearly on to me and not a police officer at all. And he takes out a piece of paper. And, like, slides it across the table and Walker asks what it is.

And he's like, this is the address to race wars. We'll see how you do race wars. And then you can be a criminal with us. And it's a weird, like, when you see this event that has, like, actual hired, like, professional security, it's on this army base or whatever. Like, someone else could get the address to race wars. Like, why is he passing it like it's secret information? Well, yeah, it's all, it seems legal-ish, you know what I mean? It seems totally on the level, yeah.

There's a security detail working at Race Wars. Does you see? Anybody see who the security guard was? No. Uh, E-Honda. No. From the Stephen of the Susan movie. Oh, not the actual video game character.

That would be kind of weird. Although it's funny that you say that, though, Steve, that apparently E-Honda is in this movie, because when we get to Race Wars, and for the rest of the film after this, a lot of the score feels like Street Fighter music. Yes. So, yeah, so this is Race Wars.

We see Lettie doing some racing. She fucking wins. Handedly fucking kicks this dude's ass. Oh, no. E Honda's hitting the cars. Oh, my God, that makes so much sense. He's doing the hand thing to the car. I knew he was an insurance liability.

Why'd we hire E Honda? He hates cars, famous. He does this on all of his brakes. I hired him because I thought he was related to the Honda fortune. You know, the car company. Well, that's why E. Honda breaks cars in that game is like, fuck you Ford. Oh, totally. Steve just did the hand motion in the studio, and it was incredibly accurate.

Thank you. It was right. And maybe sometimes it's fuck you, dad. Oh, yeah, dude. He's crying as he does it. Also accurate, Chris Gavin. Jesse fucks up bad right here Because if they're like

Letty wins, it's great She gets two grand from this fucking idiot easily And then Jesse's up And he's like, hey Paul Walker I'm doing just like you And I'm racing for my pink slip Yeah And then it's fucking

Tran is the fucking Like wouldn't you know that Like who you're gonna race again? But also I wouldn't you I don't even understand this part Because he's like He's like no Jesse man No that's your dad's car

When he gets out of prison You're gonna be in a lot of trouble And maybe during the Jesse monologue, I missed that information. I don't think so because I just watched it this morning before you guys came over. And I remember thinking like, oh, some new information has come to life. Exactly. And this car is like, this fucking shitty Jeddah that he has is like a prized possession. Tribune Trivia alert.

Did you see the thing about this? What happened to this car at IRL? He Honda got to. Even worse, dude, purchased by one car enthusiast Frankie Munez. Oh, wow. Yeah. He's a big car racer. He is, yeah.

Yeah, because he couldn't get other work, right? He doesn't need other work. He's got bigillions from Malcolm in the middle. He'll be the villain in Hobbs and Shaw, too. Oh, my God. Yes, please. Oh, my God. I would love to see, like, a five-foot-even villain.

Oh, like the bagel boss. Yes, exactly. Bagel boss should be Hobbs and Shaw, too, villain. He'd have some things to say about Black Superman, by the way. And being five-foot-tall on dating sites. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, so, yeah, I don't know how he doesn't know that he's going up against Tran, and he's looking at the car and he's being presumptuous about it.

He's like, he's only got a something, something engine in it or whatever. Yeah. But, I mean, is it there like a sign-up sheet or a roster? Like, wouldn't you see, oh, fuck, I got paired with Tran? Exactly. Who's the best racer in the world? And he beats him hand easily. And then, like, this dude fucking skips town.

He does. He just kind of bails. And then this is when, like, that's balzy, man. Tran goes up to Vin Diesel is like, hey man, you know, one, that your buddy owes me a car, and two, I think you're narking on me to the cops, and that's what they, you know, you don't say the word narc to Vin Diesel. Oh, my, this is kind of the best part of the movie, is Vin Diesel not having being called a narc and just starts pummeling this dude.

And he beats the shit out of him. Not even E Honda himself can fucking rip Vin Diesel off this guy. And right before, we should mention right before this is when they go on a day. Paul Walker does plow Jordana Brewster. Oh, that's plow. Excuse me. Well, no, I appreciate that Chris is using a car term. Yes.

Oh, yeah, we do not have sex in this gang. We plow. We plow hard and we plow long. We get up at 4 o'clock in the morning to plow. Yeah, it's the only time it snows in Southern California is when they're plowing. Oh, it looks like the diesel gang's plowing again. Toreto's plowing. Last night.

I had sex with this. What'd you do? I plowed a woman. No, no, no, you plowed a sister. Everybody's somebody's sister. That's all I'm saying. And this is the reason... What about only children?

Shut up. And the fact that they've had sex is the reason he trusts her enough to be like, I'm a cop. Just flat out says that I'm a cop. It's amazing. They've had sex maybe once. maybe even twice. Let's assume that there was an off-screen sex.

Well, no, no, no, wait a second. When the phone call happens, when you're talking, so Paul Walker also hilariously living in the back room of Harry's auto body shop, by the way. He gets a phone call from the FBI. This is where the guy tells him that the Tran raid is going down. And he's like, oh, okay, and hangs up the phone. And she sits up, like, that's the reveal that they had sex.

And then he's like, oh, nothing, wrong number. and they start getting down again. So it's definitely two with the potential of the first fuck at the house party. So minimum of two plows in this movie. He puts in his report to Ted Levine. I plowder three times. 12.14 p.m.

Wait, hold on. Is Toreto also fencing plows as well? Yeah. Like snow plows? This guy is just getting deep. Yes, that's what that's up. goes all the way to the tap. But whatever. Yeah, he goes up to her and he's like, listen, your brother is going down no matter what. You got to

tell me where he's going right now. And she's like, okay, I'm going guy, I pretty much just met and fucked. I'm going to sell it my brother and literally all of my friends. For no reason. But he kind of positions it as like I'm the only one that can help him. He's

walking into this trap. You know what I say? Oh, am I being detained? Am I under arrest right now, sir? I would like to speak to a lawyer. Also, that's her best fucking tuna customer. What the fuck is she going to do? The fucking business will go under. You got to do whatever he says.

If we lose those tuna sales, the market will close. And that's one less business in Southern California. Listen, you got to get close to him. You know what I'm talking about. You got to let him plow you for the tuna. It's no longer going to be Toradoes. It's going to be a victo's. Victim.

And whatever. So this is the last... No one feels good about this heist, by the way. Everybody's got a bad feeling, you're right. Just quick question. Just pause for a second. Because we mentioned how this is like... What do you call for dummies?

Oh, a point break for... Thank you. How does Lori Petty find out that he's an FBI agent? Is it a similar, like, I'm an FBI agent? Yeah, but... Because she's not his sister. It doesn't really matter. But no, I'm just talking about in the grand scheme of an undercover cop

revealing their identity to the lady. I think he just does tell her at some point. Right. She doesn't even like Patrick Swayze all that much in that movie. But they suggest that they had a history. Like when she meets him for the first time. I'm just saying as far as like trying to track how much this movie is exactly just point break with automobiles.

That's the only thing. Could he use James LaGrosse in this movie? Most movies could use some more James LaGrosse than them. Some Bucy would help too. Oh, man. Gary Busey, Fast and Furious Nine villain. Head of the FBI, Gary Bucy. No, he's got to be a villain.

Come on. Wait, can it be both? I was a good guy until I fell off that motorcycle, and now I'm a villain. It scrambled my brains. I'm a fucking super soldier. You can call me White Superman. Yeah, I'm ready for race wars.

Wait, what is it? What is it? You call me white pow. Oh, wait. And you could go along with the theme of, like, in Hobbs and Shaw, Idris Elba's, like, genetically modified or whatever. Maybe it's Gary Busey, head of the FBI. He's riding around in his motorcycle.

He's fucking struck by lightning. Yeah. He becomes white power. I'm ready for race wars, Captain. You know, I mean, like, I know we haven't seen the movie that we're doing this, obviously, because it's coming out this Friday. Honestly, guys, genetically modified people. Now we're in science fiction.

What are we doing? Before it's just like stupid over the top triple X-esque-esque, bond-esque action. Now we're genetically modifying people, which I guess has also been in Bond movies, not for nothing. But it's kind of dumb. I'll say at the time of this recording, because while you're listening to this, the week it comes out, the movie comes out this Friday. I'm seeing it, though. At the time we're recording it, I'm seeing it next week. I'm kind of excited.

Oh, come on. Because it looks like it could be the dumbest movie I've ever seen. in my life. Well, you've already seen the movie. You saw the trailer. That's true. It's one of the worst trailers I've ever seen. I cannot believe it. It's like six minutes long. It's got three acts and a fucking credit sequence. The fucking trailer's got a stinger scene.

I was looking forward to Clifta Gurdis being like a surprise. What's you going to do? No, he's the Roth brothers. Very clearly out of all the trailers I've seen for the Fast and Furious movies because I've only seen the first three and the eighth. Right. I'm like, that one does kind of look fun because those two actors. Yeah, they're funny. That's the thing is that's why I wonder if you might

like the back half of this franchise because they're just dumb as ball's action movies. I'm going to catch up and watch them all in time for, what was it, Calvin and Hobbs? Yes, that's exactly right. That's right. That's right. That's right. I'm playing a tiger. All right, snowman.

You're coming in life and you're telling me what to do. That's what, wow. Is it weird? Am I really talking or is it in your head, Calvin? oh and fucking the rock wants to fuck a sister in that one too really that's true what's her oh shaw's sister is a character in the movie what the hell sister fucking that's what's all about it's about sister fucking family and tuna fish and coronis you can't forget those coronis uh whatever so like this is the last heist

uh it's actually it's the best scene of the movie by by far absolutely unfortunately scored two street fighters slash mortal combatesque music it's so like you need an orchestra da-da-da-da-da like a fucking pulse-pounding not like someone could be waving glow sticks or anything. Or go the other way, go Michael Mann like nothing and like just the sound of stuff.

They do, it is pretty quiet but then the score kicks in and it's a, it's just a, you know, they might as well, someone might as well yell, Fast and Furious! And this is, you know, they're trying to do their old tricks, but this trucker's been radicalized by the other truckers. I guess I don't know

What CB radio radicalized him? What was he listening to? He's got a shotgun and he's ready to protect his The mother load we're told by the way Which I guess means it's the truck with the most DVD players And whatever this guy Vince is the guy That usually goes inside the cabin Right

And he's got some cable around his arm And he's kind of hanging off and all this stuff Reminded me quite a bit of Bruce Willis and Diehard With a Vengeance when the fucking wire like fucks up his arm. Well, what he goes through with this wire wrapped around his arm, I thought his arm was going to look like Anton Yelkin and Green Room. Like the what he gets slung around on this speeding truck.

I think what we don't see, because this dude is like he's sent to the hospital after all this nonsense goes down, you don't see where they fucking have to amputate. Well, it's amputated death at that point. Yeah, I mean, this thing, it looks so bad. It's all on the table. Yeah, so he's bouncing. But then he'll get a genetically modified new old. alarm later. Oh, that's true.

Scumbag Superman. Yeah. Yeah, and like we're bouncing around. Paul Walker is a little too far back. Letty tries to do something. Her car fucking flips over and explodes. Well, she does because we know it's Dom's crew, so we

there's comparative or comparable like driving maneuvers. Yeah, sure. In that first tice at the beginning of the movie and this one, it's Michelle Rodriguez doing the fucking Clark Griswold. Yeah, she does. She's driving the little car under like the carrier of the truck and whatever yeah um yeah she tries to do something goes flying

yeah you know she wipes out there's this other guy who's this guy craig oh nobody face yeah there's like a leon okay so he's just kind of like leon the professional but he's not that professional he's not really doing much here well this the best part like could you imagine doing a crime with your wife like if we were all if you we were all doing crimes yeah my wife was along with us and her car goes fucking flying and then I send Eric to check on her like it's going to be a pretty awkward fucking evening because he's like Leon go check on my go check on let he see if she's okay I'm gonna keep that's good I would yeah I wouldn't even send myself in that scenario well you know I think it's a thing where it's like look when we're in the

heist mode sure we're just a team of heisters I don't know yeah you could say that after the fact Yeah, but when you're nursing a corona later, it's going to be a difference. Also, her car just flipped over three times. Was that a bad ankle? That's about it, right? That's true. This is the Fast and Furyverse. She crawls out of the car pretty fast and then Leon or whatever is like, all right, we got to keep going.

And Leon is, like, collecting the people that fall off because, like, Vin Diesel gets like a flat tire at one point, so he's got to fucking pick him up to. Brian does the thing. Brian, or I should say, Brian Stuntman. Dude, this guy looks like fucking Matt Crane. Raven. And this whole plot, too, because now this guy's dangling off of this truck. He don't even know it, though. That's the crazy thing.

And Paul Walker's big plan, it's like, all right, I'm going to get really close. I'm going to jump off of this car onto that truck. And now we're both in trouble. Well, I think it's, I'm going to untangle him. Because I can't get his arm unwrapped from this wire. Meanwhile, you see, they keep cutting into the trucker, but it's like these extreme close-ups. So it's just like shotgun shell. Shotgun shell being put in gun.

Taking forever to load this shotgun. Get it together, truckers. What kind of a trucker are you? You can't load a shotgun in 10 seconds. You could just stop the truck as well. At any time. And then shoot this guy in the head if you want to. Right.

Well, I think it's a thing where it's like if we stop, then they might like descend on the car, you know. Maybe he's also trying to like make some record. Make some good time. Right. Yeah. He's got to get to the way station. He's got to get that fucking the vat of New England clam chowder across

the country. We're going to steal all this clam chowder. The street value of this clam chowder is $4.3 million. And we're going to cut it with some milk. Make it last longer. Make some more money. Yeah, it's the, uh, it's the blackout joke from the first smoky in the bandit movie, but we're actually doing it. Or no, Cannonball Run, excuse me. Never saw any of those. Smoking in the Bandit is excellent and there's some good trucking in there. They're trying to, they're, like illegally running cores, which you're not supposed to do back then they didn't have distribution.

I think I've seen all the Smoky in the band. I've never seen Cannonball Run. A Cannonball Run is fun. Smokey 1 is good, by the way. The rest of them are terrible. They probably stay tuned. But I meant Cannonball Run was making the joke. Am I remembering the end of that movie, right?

Because it's like, you did the Cannonball Run. And then they're like, now we got to get a thing of clam chowder to wherever. I don't remember. All right, got a next mission here. I don't remember to be honest I think it's that movie That's how it ends

And he's like All right back in the car Somebody just drives up with like The auto A pool truck With clam shower I gotta get this clam chowder To the old folks home

And The only thing they'll eat So This is when we all kind of Vince is safe For the moment He's like Brian O'Connor And Brian and Vin Diesel

Are like Tending to his wounds he uses his next tell at this point he's like this officer Brian O'Connor calling in him for a helicopter we got a sick man here and like Vin Diesel's like the fuck you say you can see it's actually some not half bad Vin Diesel Vin Dieseling right here because he's

staring at him and he's like his like lip is quivering he's like I want to fucking kill this man so bad but I know he is also helping my friend yes and then they kind of go back to Vin Diesel's house Jesse who's been out of this movie for an hour and you forgot why he left the movie

is like, hey guys, and then we do white boys in the hood for a second. Yeah. Yeah, because Tran comes around the corner on a motorcycle, they do a drive-by, this kid gets murdered. Yeah. And is like instantly

forgotten about it. Like he's just dead in Vin Diesel's front lawn. It's just a reason to get Jordana Brewster out of the action scene, so it's just Vin Diesel and Paul Walker versus the Tran cousins. Right, right, right, right. So there's a big chase, motorcycles v. Cars win.

Yes. Every time. They kill both of them, right? Well, the one dude kind of drives off the road and falls and Vindiesel looks and it's like the guy goes to get up and he's like, oh, shell shock and falls over and Vindisi's like, good enough, I am pressed for time.

And this is like the end of this movie wraps up bafflingly. They jump in front of a train at some point. Well, Paul Walker first murders Tran. Yeah. He shoots Tran, the motorcycle goes flying, the dude is dead. And then he looks back and he sees Vindiesel and Vind Diesel like takes off. And then Paul Walker chases him and then this is, yeah, there's a train thing coming up.

They stop together at a red light and Vind Diesel's like, yeah, we used to race right here when I was in high school. It's exactly 100 yards to that stoplight and I'm going for it. Well, I thought they were going full brunt break here where it was going to be like, I just want one more wave man. Yeah. It'll get hit by a train which would be kind of fucking awesome. I mean, yeah,

it pretty much is this. They both make it. Yeah. You know, the train just misses them kind of, but it is that like, just one more drag. Yeah.

And that would have been funny if like, he's like, oh, just one more. And then Paul Walker has left at the line just revs his engine and screams. That would be awesome. Whatever.

Vindies his car gets fucked up and he's, this is, It's a serious car crash right here, actually. And again, this is what I'm talking about. Like, there's some nice stunt work here. We're crashing real cars. No CG. And Paul Walker's like, hey, man, I guess I still owe you a 10 second car.

Oh, right. And he gives, and that's kind of, and like, he's like, you know what you're doing. He's like, yeah, I know what I'm doing. And interestingly enough, shockingly, some might say, somehow, that's at the end of the movie. It's over. I couldn't fucking believe it. He drives off and Brian O'Connor, like, looks at the cops and that's it. Yeah, you can see

like the sirens are coming. Anyone stick through the credits? I definitely did. There's a post-credit scene. Netflix wouldn't let me do that. I'm sorry. What do you mean? They fucking changed screens on me and I tried to go back. Dude, you got to learn how to use your interface, man. They tried it

with me and I said, I don't think so. Yeah, it's very annoying because you just have that countdown. It's like in fucking 17 seconds to fucking trailer for whatever the fuck is about to play. I couldn't believe it. The whole screen thing happened and it was like in six seconds the new azizan sari special is coming and i was like what does one fucking have to do with the other nothing bring me back to these exciting credits so if you

manage to finangle your remote enough to get back and too fast and they're furious yep and you sit through the beautiful credit sequence with this soundtrack which is top notch and it's not just over credits by the way it's this bad soundtrack showing you clips from the entire film oh really biggest credit pet peeve of mine. It's like, I was fucking their credits. I saw it happen. The end. It's Vin Diesel, dude, in that car driving around Mexico.

Oh, Baja. Oh, is it? Baja, Mexico. Right. It's still Mexico. No, I know. They just, it's one of those, like, a title comes up specifically telling you. And he's all like, I'm free. Free at last quarter mile at a time, baby. Yeah, he just does the whole quarter mile at a time thing again.

What he says it? Yes. Who is he talking? He's talking to. Himself. All the sisters of Mexico. The thrilled audience members. Sisteritas. Good Lord. I like it.

I got tuna fish for everyone. I'm not all in my trunk of my car. What do you mean you don't have tuna fish sandwiches here? The formula for tuna fish sandwich up here. It's up here in my brain. All right. All right. That's it.

A tuna fish cassidy. It is. Oh. Back in the States, we call this a patty melt. Oh, my God. There is just something about the combination of the words tuna fish cassidy. I just shit my pants.

It's the cheese that gets you. It does. And I got to tell you, tuna melts. That's an abhorrent food item. Some people like them. I love tuna melts. I know. And what the fuck's the matter with you?

I dislike all forms of tuna fish. I like actual tuna. We cut it up. Tuna fish. We've been with cheese on it. We've been talking about tuna fish so much. I kind of want a sandwich. Listen, we're ordering lunch after we record this episode.

I think I might be getting tuna fish, too. Real tuna party. Well, the bad, actually, you know, you really haven't had it until you had it in Southern California. Yeah, that's true. That's true. There's this one gas station you can go to, and it's got the best one in the entire state. Also, through those credits, by the way, is just Jha Rule singing his heart out. I think he's singing like a fast and furious song, right?

Well, no, it's the song, it's whatever. I mean, maybe he does this on multiple J-R-R-R-R-Tunes. It's him just spelling his name for a lot of it. R-U-L-E. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for playing J-R-R-R-E. F-Y-R-E.

There are geniuses in this room. We're going to take back the narrative. No, you're not. Man, whoever thought one of those entertaining things you'd ever see is a J-R-R-R-R-R-R-room scene. yeah and then that's it this movie's over with and then they made seven more i it's it's a light recommend for me yeah i was shocked i watched this yesterday afternoon and i was laughing the entire time like i was like knee slapping laughing it's there's something very watchable and stupid about this movie that's even more so entertaining to me than these big dumb actiony fast and

furious movies i watched that fast eight i was out i'm i feel like i didn't miss anything i But it's because you don't have a foundation for how much of a family these characters. I just don't like the car. And I also like that the cars just act like cars. They're not fucking on grappling hooks and flying from planes and driving on the boats. The physics makes any sense. It's a bad, it's a bad fucking movie, but it's kind of fun to watch. I recommend.

No, awful movie. The, like, I like when they get old. Like, the seventh one is the only really good one to me because it is just a pure action movie. This more than anything is the one where it's more about family stuff and like you have to listen to all this shit. Like I give a shit about Jordana Brewster and Dominic Toreto's fucking relationship. It is exhausting. And also just like looking at it is, I mean, a war crime. These colors they got and these wardrobe.

It's just too much for me. I'm with Chris here. This whole 2001 shit and just being alive around seeing all the kids. seeing all the kids driving neon green hondas with spoilers on it just makes me fucking sick I honestly watching this movie

made me ill and I just cannot take it and then I watched two more after that and I still didn't like that by the way Dominic Tureto comes back at the very end of the third one I'm in Japan for some reason yeah bye are those sisters here too

I think he was picking up some tuna I go straight to the sword No, I'm going to recommend this movie It's a light wreck only because I think The Ladder movies are better I just I can watch stupid action I just can It's I can zone out to it

Whatever I like The thing I will say is the latter movie is just due to the nature Of what the stunts are Such as whatever that one is with the submarine And whatnot like more computer goes into those shit but there's like actual stunt stuff here it's pretty rad

I mean the other movies do have some stunt stuff too it's fucking stupid but I will say I found it more watchable than the last time I tried to watch this movie several years ago I did a all the way through up till wherever they were at that point I think there was only like five or six of these movies by that point and I just they're dumb as shit but I don't know I'll watch them it's a hangover thing

what they do in the first race and the first race only I remember it taking place throughout the entire film is the whole like the cameras going into the fucking noz tube and use it and they have it's basically like when the car hits the nitrous like the fucking like warp drive visual effects that they have here it's very dumb in that first race but i don't know i'll watch them whatever so it's it's not a hardcore like get out and see it because also i'm sure everyone has seen this movie but like i don't know it's dumb to recommend one of your toleration recommendations. It's a toleration

recommendation. That's absolutely I will tolerate this. And that, my friends, is the Fast and the Furious from 2001 directed by noted scumbag, Rob Cohen. And thus concludes season nine proper of we hate movies. And I got to say, could you imagine

nine seasons of doing this? It's crazy. Outrageous. It never stops, just like the Fast and the Furious franchise. Well, we're actually on our Patreon. We've got a ton of great stuff. We've got Forest Gump, rave reviews. Rave reviews. For our episode, not the movie.

Well, that also, unfortunately, had rave reviews. We've got Independence Daymond Terry live right now. Next month, we've got our National Treasure 2 book of secrets coming at you. That is an in-studio recording, all the Patreon content you know and love will continue in August. That's the thing. The free feed kind of goes on vacation a little bit, technically. I mean, you're getting new stuff, but it's just live shows and whatnot.

but that Patreon man brimming with in-studio content but thus concludes like I said season 9 of We Hate Movies thus concludes the 2019 summer blockbuster extravaganza and as always thank you for continuing to listen to this fucking show man

it's a wild ride that you know the music never stops around here but wild ride thank you for tuning in thank you for being an audience member and if you're a Patreon subscriber thank you for that as well we greatly appreciate the support. Either way, now

it's time to order some tuna fish, I feel. I'm getting hungry. It's lunchtime, man. So until, well, I mean, until next week, technically, but also, you know, until September. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Say that. Tuna Taco. Fucking. Eric's sister, skuh.

Take it easy. That was a hit gum podcast.