We Hate Movies - S9: Episode 393 - Star Wars CLIP

Episode Date: December 7, 2018

On this month's Patrons-only bonus episode, the gang is chatting effusively about beloved, action-packed space opera, Star Wars! There's no point in telling you three measly plot points covered in this episode like we normally do in descriptions, though. This is the longest recording in show history and we had a ton of fun talking about one of our greatest loves!  If you don't yet have access to this exclusive, extra-long episode, check out this extended preview clip and have a listen to what you're missin'! Then head on over to our Patreon page and sign up today to access the whole thing! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

POMAYORILEEN SULLIVAN So now that we're in the Mosaise, the canteena guys. Right. And we've been talking for 80 minutes. This is a pay episode, baby. You are getting your $5 worth this month, my friend. That's right. So I know on this show, you guys specifically like to talk a lot about the wolfman in the bar.

You love this guy. He's a werewolf in space. There are multiple werewolves. There's two. At least, I think there's like three. Okay, so I have with me today, the Star Wars Essential Guide to Characters, the only detailed, illustrated, comprehensive guide to the major and minor characters of the Star Wars universe

by Andy Mangels, Mangels, whatever. Mangels. Mangles? Yeah, Joseph Mangola wrote this. When I saw this, this is my actual copy, I bought in like 96, 97, whenever the special editions came out. Sure. Published in 95. I'm going to take a sip of my beer because I'm going to read the entry for the titular Wolfman.

I got to tell you, Eric, I don't have anything. He's not titular, by the way. I don't have any book that I've bought in the last five years that looks as good as that, just as an FYI. Well, there's some fraying. Did you get it rebound at any? No, I did not. But there are some stainage in the back. I don't know what that is.

Oh, I think you know what that is. That's when you got to the good parts. Droid residue. Now, the character's name is Lack Sivrack. You see that, Chris? Oh, so he's Slovenian. There's a nice drawing of him. Oh, there you.

That's why we're a little funny. That's a sexy doodle. And I'm going to read his bio. I think this is the one, this one that's sitting at a table, and I think he's the one we see, like, laughing into his drink. Like the, the, the, there might be others that Chris Cappin spotted in the canteen. That's the one that's glowing red eyes. Yes, this is the Star Wars. The Star Wars werewolves.

Oh, after his guide, I have my guide. Okay, I can't wait to compare and contrast. All right, this is going to take a little bit, but it's fine because we're already to do it. Yeah. A hunter and a scout, the furry wolfman, laxivrack, was a prime example of the ways in which the Galactic Rebellion caught individuals up in its principles. Servac was a, god damn. So many Star Wars fans are going to be mad at me because I'm butchering all this shit. Shivstavian Wolfman.

They do say Wolfman. No, no, no, no. Look at the markings. She's a Shibstavian wolf, man. Part of the species that ruled a group of planets in the uvian system. Wow, a group, oh, fucking werewolves ran a group of planets.

That's a prequel, that's a prequel I want to watch. They're very different from Latarian werewolves. Oh, look at the neck. Look at the neck markings. Yep, that's it. That's a Shastrian right there. Look at the shape of its genitals. They were excellent hunting.

and the empire used them as scouts and explorers of new and untamed worlds until shortly before the destruction of the first death star when it was decided to cut off exploration into the outer rim territories and closed them off from scouts. So the empire fired the mass layoffs, dude.

And that's fucked up, dude, because the emperor promised he wasn't going to close those werewolf factories. And then one death star blows up and all of a sudden all of these werewolf factories go under. And the shittiest part of it was right before chivarian Christmas. Just totally, absolutely.

We're bringing the wolf men back. One of the empire's best and most famous scouts was Sivrack and ambitious and productive explorer of dangerous territories out of touch. So he's like the Michael Jordan of werewolves

that you're telling you? You think people are like, oh my God, that's Sivrack over there. Oh my God, he's like the Michael Jordan of werewolves. Out of touch with civilization. Sivrack wasn't even aware of rebellion against the empire until he stumbled onto a rebel safe colony secluded deep on in a rocky moon oh shit rocky moon from rocky no yeah i heard that too but yeah rocky moon oh okay a moon that has moon rocks okay from the refugees

syverac learned about the atrocities and tyrannies of the empire he aided them promising not to betray the location of the rebel camp his report to the empire noted no life on the moon, but another scout happened upon the settlement and reported it to the Imperial Navy. Fucking Weasel. He said Oscar Schindler. I could have saved more. Is the Oscar Schindler of

werewolves? The I'm kind of same more. The Shastatian Wolfman's list. So Sivrack's cover-up effort was reeled by a tortured rebel

and the Empire sent stormtroopers after the Wolfman. He killed them. Nice. He dropped his forename. So he just went by Sivrak then. Oh, okay. I guess.

Universal Pictures, 1941 horror film of the year. Frankenstein versus the Sivlark Wolfman. So I guess it's following in line with how Kenobi keeps his last name. Gotcha. He's trying to hide out. It's just stupid.

I guess because every name is very popular because Antilles apparently. Oh, I see. There's a lot of Knobos. Canobi's supposed to be popular then? I guess. Listen, if I'm hiding from the emperor and fucking Darth Vader, dude, I'm going by Frank Johnson. Yeah.

Okay, so he killed them and dropped his name, fleeing to Tatooeen's Mosisley spaceport. On the desert planet, Sivrak revealed little about himself or his past, wary of any information brokers who would happen, who would happily

turn him into the empire. He entertained thoughts of aiding the alliance as a guide in exchange for big of credits. Nice. He's in it for the money, man. But he didn't know how to contact them. Oh, that sucks.

I can't find their number. Does anybody have the phone number of the rebellion? So he just started drinking and never stopped. Sivrak finally made contact with a rebel in a popular Mosaisley Cantina when he met the seductive forlorn imporod. Okay. Amperoid. Amperoid.

Sure. It doesn't matter. This is a race. Florin Amporate. Dice Ibegon. Dice Ibegon. Holy crap. Are you still talking about a person? Are you telling me something from Sears? Okay, I'm just going to say Dice from now, and that is the other person he meets.

That's a different race. Gotcha. Okay. The two were soon wrapped up in a romantic embrace. Dice's muscular coils wrapped around the Wolfman. We're getting into porno territory. I want to point out what this thing is. is now in the scene in Mosley's the Cantina

there's an arm at the table with this guy that is his girlfriend oh nice or his boyfriend I don't know what the gender is this tells me the gender I have a name for that creature too oh what's your name for it I'm waiting okay we're gonna get the Chris Cabin glossary after this but their hormonal discharges were derailed when a fight broke out between two humans and a pair of ruffians

with a flash of some type of static laser weapon, the older human dispatched the pair. Oh my God, this whole story was going on right there. Right dead and right there. Well, so all of a sudden, it's like a history lesson that could be written by anybody, but then it now just turned into from the perspective of the Wolfman?

Yes. How he was on a fucking hot date with his arm. So I looked at pictures of this earlier of what the thing is supposed to look like fully bodied. It's like a, it's like a senator. type of thing or whatever. God, how do they get it? I don't know, man, but apparently they figure the fuck out.

All right, where was I here? Not wanting to be spotted by the authorities, he knew might show up. Sivrak ducked out. Taking the florin female with him. Nice. That night and many thereafter, they discussed the rebellion and grew to love each other. Sivrack's desire to support the alliance grew stronger and stronger. They joined the alliance about a year before the.

Battle of Hoth. The snow-covered planet would become a place of tragedy for Sivrack when Dice was killed in the evacuation of Echo Base. Wow. It doesn't end. I'm heartbroken. As she lay dying. The Imperad told her lover to believe in the force and to continue against the empire.

Abelon, you know. Dude, this fucking centipede is starting a car. This werewolf is screaming at it. He became a hunter, and they, the empire, his prey. Wow. How does this guy not have a book line? The following year, Sivrak piloted an X-Wing fighter when the alliance made their surprise attack on the second death star.

He was in that battle. He was flying an X-Wing with Wedgand Dillis on the second death star. This is my favorite character in Star Wars right now. Oh, my God. This guy fucks. He fights. His ship was fatally damaged, and Sivrack cram. crashed on the moon of Endor

oh he walked out yeah dude that's he'll figure it out taking a boat not before taking several tie fighters with him good for him laxivrak and dice were together were together again their spirit shining as part of the force so his

his plane crashed into his ex-wing crashed into the force moon of Andor and he died quick question because the dead it's no longer canon I know I'm looking at the spread that you have open uh and it's a Because you have one, on one page is Lack Syvrack, and on the other page is Luke Skywalker. I was noticing that exactly thing.

I was just, and I think it's the same amount of entry is for both. But it's just, it's because it's probably like alphematical order. Luke has pages. Yeah, okay. But, dude, does Lack Sivrack have the same outfit as Luke Skywalker? Same tail has tattooing. It was popular at the time, which by the way, what was going around, I'll get to it in a second. The Tatooinean gap.

What was your name for the? the thing. The handjob monster. Green centipede. Oh, wow. Checks out. That was one of the lesser ones. I also, one of them's

worm. Chris, what's your, what's your little appendix there? Okay, so here, tell me if you know who I'm talking about when I say these things. Okay, this is a fun game. Okay, so normal werewolf, which I think was probably laxivrack. My favorite character at all Star Wars.

Right. Wombat dude. That dude, okay Forearmed turdhead No, I can't say as I recognize He has a gas mask as well Oh yeah, I know that guy Why was the gas mask guy?

Because you don't, yeah, first you see him from the back And he looks like he's a turdhead Oh, I see Bat child Yeah, I know bad child Devil Pervert Devil Pervert The devil is in attendance

Yeah, and he's getting blown During that close up I'm sure there's an entry for the devil in here But I'm not going to dig through It's going to take too long Harry fish face Hippo man Women with Dreads

Yeah Monkey Flymouth Dinosaur Worms Yep Flatten gorilla Flatten gorilla Is that the dude with like

The inverse Yeah yeah yeah Oh they got like black hairs in back So it was a big slug Kind of It's like I always call that guy Earthworm Jim. Yes. And he is with Hellraiser. Gay, not gay, gray astronauts. What is with these astronauts? Are they like, can they not breathe in that? They are actually, you know what?

They are their leftovers from like a Twilight Zone episode. They just walked in like, what the hell is this? Pig face. Reptile ostrich. Rat thing. Sure. Spider Yetty. And horny syclops. A horny cyclops, definitely. That dude is ready to fuck. Everyone in there wants to nut. It's a wet bar, man. When the droids come in, they're like, get the fuck out of here with those things.

They don't have genitals. They have no business in this bar. Because some species, maybe laxivreck, doesn't want a droid in the room while they're fucking or whatever. Also, because if you try to fuck a droid dude, it like rips it off. And so they don't want that in there. It's like, you know, swingers night. The band literally looks like a gaggle of penises.

I've seen what it looks like when someone suffers from shock dick. And you do not want to contract shock dick from a drawing. This is when we meet two characters that we're just getting to now, which are Hans Solo. Thank you.