We Hate Movies - S9: Episode 398 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (CLIP)

Episode Date: January 4, 2019

On the first patrons-only bonus episode of 2019, the gang is chatting about the absolutely dino-sastrous sequel, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom! What's with all the overcompensating shots of—OOPS! This episode is for patrons-only! To download the full show, head on over to our Patreon page and sign up today! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I will admit that Chris Pratt is a snack, but Sam Neal is a meal. Oh, yeah, dude. Sam Neal, you need a fucking doggie bag for that guy. A whole plate. A hot plate. It's better for you, too. It's more healthy. That's true.

It's more plant-based. Also, hilariously, when Cromwell takes his last breath in this movie, that fucking SEPTor is seen falling in slow motion to the ground as the amber shatters. And I was like, man, 25 years ago, I thought that was the coolest prop of all time. And now I'm just laughing at it. Wouldn't it be trippy if like the fucking mosquito started flowing? Oh, you. Oh, and then it bites Rave Spall and he turns into Jeff Goldblum and the fly.

Yeah. I wanted it to be like the Citizen Kane when the things say instead of Rosebud. Dinosaur. Justin. Dynastor. No, it just goes, Kurt Russell did. Oh, nice, like Walt Disney.

Yeah, dude, his last words. Yeah. Well, his last words were Kurt Russell? He wrote Kurt Russell on a piece of paper and died. Wow. And no one knows why. Welcome back to Russell rules hosted by Defrosted Walt Disney.

Now, here's another thing about Jews. Yes, well, get to Kurt Russell in a minute, but the Jews. The Jews. Whatever. I mean, like, the little girl hears it. she's hipta rave spall there's a bunch of nonsense we're fighting uh fucking the indominus rack like i don't know like the we're fucking the adominus rats out of nowhere like uh to to

stop the auction uh i think owen grady let's lose some dinosaurs so they start like everyone scatters and the indo raptor is still safely in its cage and ted levin's like hey i haven't gotten that guy's tooth yet better get a good tooth out of these two got to get my Vietnam Trinket. I got one character trait and I'm aching to use it. Also, he walks in, so there has been like mass hysteria, dinosaurs

running wild, people getting killed, all this awesome shit. Ted Levine walks into this now like emptied hall where it's just the Indo-Raptor and he's like, hey, Rafe Spall, what about that bonus you promised me? I was like, dude, something tells me a checkbook is not present right now. Email him

tomorrow. Yes. I got all these teeth here. I haven't washed any of them. My teeth are starting to stink. So he tranks the Raptor. He goes in there. There's a town to do some dentistry, but it's not dead. It's not tranked and

it like, it kills a pretty good death here. Pretty awesome death. He's also, because he's like crying and bubbling and whatnot. You got really, I always say like this is good acting when someone's getting really like mucusy. Ted Levine's like spitting and sputtering and everything. What's weird. What's weird is

then the Indo Raptor because he's smart. He wraps him up in the American flag and puts him on the cage. Dude, I thought the same thing. Yeah, I thought the same thing. It looks like the cage from silence and Ted Levine's in it now. Oh, that's awesome that we all thought. His whole thing should have been taking those teeth.

And Jim Pembray, God damn and talk to him. The Raptor puts Ted Levine's face on and gets away in the back of a ambulance. And he's just like, someone's like, hey, you don't look like Ted Levine. And he holds up the bag of teeth. And he's like,

Never mind, checks out. He should have been putting those teeth into his own mouth. Oh, I'm becoming a raptor. He's like, I'm every dinosaur. Maybe that was the end again. When I bite me, I'd bite me. Bravo. Cut to the rept blue with a white ad on walking down a dirt road in Cuba.

I'm having an old friend for dinner. He's got two bendovers next to him. By the way, it is one of the most disgusting thing we have ever came up. Oh, absolutely. I'm calling it bendovers? Don't put we on there. No, it's we hate movies, my friend. No, this is family-friendly comedian Eric.

It might be we hate movies, but it's Eric loves bendovers. I'm just curious. I, I, I know. I'm just asking. You're bend curious? Everyone is thinking what I'm saying. Sure. So we're doing a bunch of chase around.

Toby Jones gets it all awesomely. Except for the fact. So they're like all hiding in an elevator. Yeah, sure. I could have used this on screen. Yes, I want to see it. Big time. Big time. And what's, what's shitty about it is like the door closes and the raptor is like, well,

whatever. And then it swings and its tail hits the keypad and the door opens. Can we stop with this Mark's brother's horse shit? I've had something very similar happened to me at a job I had once. Your ass bumped to the door button for an elevator? Yes, basically. I worked at a via. I worked at Viacom.

the building in New York. I was on the 49th floor. Oh, shit. And I was going to go leave for the day, and I hit the elevator, and guess what? Boom, it opens up, and there's a dinosaur in there named Sumner Redstone. Oh, no. Not kidding.

For the folks at home, who might not know. Please tell us who Sumner Redstone. He's one of the most powerful people in the world. That's right. He's inexplicably still alive at 95, but he ran via com now at and passed down to his daughter. How were his talents? They were sharp and scary, dude.

So then I was like, I'm not getting it on that elevator. Yeah, he was yelling something about segregation. It was him and his, like, his toughman. Oh, a couple of tufts. So the elevator door closes. I'm like, whof, survive that encounter. All right, well, let me get out of here. I press the elevator button.

It opens again. Oh, no. I felt marked for death, dude. Yeah, dude, now you've inconvenienced to him. And also don't have a fucking Trump stand in if you're not gonna fucking rip his head off on screen. I want Gina Rodriguez as an annihilation. Yes.

Yes. Oh, yes, she gets it in that movie. Because also the same thing, like, and they were talking, like, in an interview, Jay Abiano was talking about, like, how to have dino violence and PG-13. And he referenced how Ted Levine gets his arm bit off in this movie. And they, like, angled all the shots so that you didn't, you never see Ted Levine

like with his arm stump. You know, you see the hilarious arm, you know, in the Raptor's mouth or whatever. Come on, man. We all know what we're getting into here. It's JP5. Let's do it. Fucking stinks. We're doing a lot of back and forth. We, of course, you know, it's been five fucking movies and we're not tired of real dinosaurs walking around near dinosaur skeletons.

We've not got over the majesty of that shot. I can't believe we ape this again. Dude, the Indo Raptor follows them into James Cromwell's Hall of Dinosaurs. Give me a goddamn break. I mean, it goes on and on. The fucking, the circumstances in which this little girl gets into her bed and hides under her covers. So this turns into a stupid fucking haunted house movie. I have no idea.

Dude. You see the shadow on the wall. And this dinosaur, this Indo Raptor is like a creepy monster. Like earlier in the film, the girl is backing up against like some cage bars. And it's like, it looks like, I don't know, like the fucking biobiles. by man. Like the claws come out and all you say these claws. Yeah. Just stop it.

Well, also there's that shot of him on top of the house and he's like howling at the moon. Dude, at that moment. What movie have I watched? At that moment, Steve, you'll be so proud of me. I was watching this by myself at night. That shot happens. It howls at the moon and I just went, Van Halsey

you, Madre. Because it's so dumb. I got a great laugh out of that. But I also got a great laugh. It's somewhere around here, too, just the third act of this movie. This is fucking dinosaur blue outruns an explosion and it is the funny. I was howling myself. I thought I was going to wake my wife up. I was laughing my balls off. It is a really funny shot. It's really, it's, because it is a Stallone circa 1988

shot. Absolutely it is. You know, that's the end of the action hero. Ever since they started putting dinosaurs and movies. movies. Stephen Spielberg killed the fucking action here. What are I got to say? You bring dinosaurs back to life. You make me the endangered species, buddy.

Shit, man. It's a good movie. I can't believe the Escape Plan 4 has a raptor and a stegosaurus. All right. I know I say I have to create you no more Rocky. But one more movie, I go to space as Rocky

and I fight a dinosaur. I'm just saying, you want to make money at the box? Well, you didn't make money? I want to make money. You want to make my Paragia's baseball fighter Raptors. That's all I'm saying, man.

Damn. Oh, my God, I'd watch it. You just know in that meeting he had with Disney to get into Guardians that he pitched them on him doing a spinoff of those characters of his own. Like, right when he found out who it was.

It's called the Cool Squad. I'm