We Hate Movies - S9: Episode 426 - Kingsman: The Secret Service (CLIP)

Episode Date: June 14, 2019

On this month's full-length bonus episode, the gang is chatting about the absolutely ridiculous Tinker Tailor-esque spy actioneer, Kingsman: The Secret Service! What's the deal with that weird—HEY NOW! This episode is for subscribers only! To access the full show, head on over to our Patreon and sign up today! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Now, the Kingsman Service, Michael Cain is involved. He's sitting at the head of this table. It reminds me very much of a better movie with most of these actors, Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy. Oh, man. Absolutely. This is like Tinker Taylor Soldier Spy like ODing on sugar or something. Yeah.

I mean, what I appreciate about this Michael Cain performance, it is your classic late in life Michael Cain. He's barely getting out of a chair. He stands two scenes, I think, or even one. There are several chairs, but there's not a lot of standing. He brought his own chairs. These were chairs that he picked out specifically that he made them pay for the shipping over to wherever he had to be. And the glasses weren't even part of the movie until it was like, well, I'm not taking my glasses off.

Like, well, I guess we'll write those into the film. I guess everyone's got to, no, you've got to reshoot everything. Michael's not taking the glasses off. See, now this chair has wheels, so it rolls. And sometimes you need to put the breakdown or else it's going to roll. And I, sitting in the chair, we'll roll with it. You ever see Mary with children, this chair is also a toilet. Yeah, and I'm taking his chair.

They have to be taken seriously, and their art has, the stuff they like has to be super serious as well. This is why we need to like not only legalize it. We need to like crop dust most of this country. T.HC gas. Like on legalization. Oh dude. Start with my house. Oh man. I'll be outside with my mouth open. But like legalization day fucking crop dust this country. Force everyone to get high just to like. Just to see what the other side is like. Just to fucking chill out for a second. Maybe you won't be such a fucking asshole all the time. Stop getting mad at Captain America's bung. just a barrel of good ideas tonight. Right. Thank you.

You know what? Usually my podcast is me having a serious conversation with somebody, but I just got cropped dust. We're watching Tron Legacy, brother. Oh, man, that Olivia Wild, baby! Highly recommended. Secretary of Getting Down. So he fights for the user?

Just Tron fights for the user? Some folks like to pop off and say that computerize young. Jeff Bridges doesn't look good Obama thinks maybe he does why don't you get a clue as in the character's name which is clue without the E

I'm like all right Roxie you need to go to space and get out of this movie which is like she fucking graduated sent her on the mission to fight Valentine and send fucking Talon Edgerton exy boys

there are essentially two fucking space Two women that were associated with this program. One was the plant who they faked to her drowning. And the other one, they literally shoot into outer space. Like literally, way to go. Literally, your planet almost needs you. There's like this cheap-ass mech suit left over from Reagan's Star Wars project.

So great to know, the Kingsman just fucking jacked U.S. intelligence shit. Absolutely, dude. Unbelievable. Fucking fire sale, man. Take whatever you can get. You want to talk about fucking someone with dementia running something. Oh, yes, you can have it. Sure. No, yeah, you can pay me later. Send a check to Mommy.

Mommy, where's that mex suit? I didn't give it to anyone, Mommy. Mommy, where's Rudy? I have to talk to the Kingsman. They're a spy organization. Mommy, I have a big meeting with Tim Apple. Mr. President, this has been live on the air the entire time. Uh-oh. She warned Exe's mom. like lock the baby in the bathroom. That's sort of something. Kick the key under the door.

It's away from you. Yeah, but he told her to say that. It's just an extension of himself. Speaking of which, Exxie's now having anal sex with the princess. Yeah, it's a thing where like he's got these glasses and Mark Strunk and like see what he can see. It turns it a POV porno. It's like literal POV porno. Yeah. It's like this woman.

Speaking of Brazzers. Yeah. This woman's like, Deschers Michael Cain for Brazzers. A premium membership is only $20 a month today. Wow, sir, Michael, you got a podcast, too. Yep, some folks couldn't watch POV.

Some folks can watch J-O-I. Get a little instruction. Everybody needs a helping hand from time to time. Another wrong with a little instruction. This is

Obama for a J-O-I. You know what's helping in communities these days? Pornhub. I'm Barack Obama, and I am here for ASMR. Those voices just light me up. Light me up. I shoot to the moon. Obamagasm.

I like the idea of like Todd Solid's growing up in like a coal mining town. And his dad is just like That kid's never going to make nothing of his life And he sees happiness And it's dedicated to him And he starts crying Oh, I thought you were going to say Oh, the boy got me

Oh, that shooting everybody Yeah, I've had that fantasy before Good on you, Taddy Well, he saw me with a Tiger Bee magazine too, huh? Wow, that kid didn't forget nothing It looks like the jig is up Oh, that's the exact wording Of the birds and bees talk I gave him

Blood of the BM. Got it. Yep, you got me, Toddy. You're right, son. You are champagne and I am shit.