We Hate Movies - S9: Unlock the Vault: Episode 344 - Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Episode Date: April 20, 2019

We're unlocking the WHM Vault as a special 4/20 gift to present a Patreon bonus episode to the masses! Over a year ago, we released this episode on Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, but if you weren't subscribed to our Patreon, you didn't have access—so here's your chance to see what you're missing! Check out this episode and then head over to our Patreon and sign up today to unlock HOURS of extra WHM episodes, along with other shows and commentaries! It's also no coincidence that we're releasing this episode on a Nic Cage film on the cusp of our East Cage Tour! We can't wait to see y'all on the road, so if you're around the Boston/DC/Philly/NYC area, grab some tickets and come say hi next week! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, gang, welcome to this very special Unlocked. We Hate Movies episode. Wait, what? That's right. So we went to the Disney Vault and we got it out for one night only. Well, it's not the Disney Vault yet. We hope to be acquired. Anything with the word movie and it is going to be acquired by then soon. I knocked over Disney's head. I'm sorry, everybody. We are free agents, Disney. Come on.

Please, we are very excited to be acquired. But no, what is happening here is we're previewing what we do on Patreon. This episode came out over a year ago, and we wanted to share it with the folks that are not on board yet to show you you get that same old, good old, we hate movies quality on Patreon every month. And now this is, of course, tying into the fact that we are heading out in just a few days. This is Saturday. So in two days, we're heading it on the road to kick off the East Cage tour in Boston. So here is a Nicholas Cage movie we are not doing on the tour, but we, Also did not release to the masses.

Exactly. There's a nice, a little bit of synergy there. Yeah, and like Eric said, every month on the $5 level, you get an extra episode. If you subscribe right now, you'll be like, oh, I already heard that freaking Ghost Rider one that was for free. But you also get everything. Yes, you'll get Bright, you'll get Man of Steel, you'll get Ghost Rider, you'll get Jungle to Jungle, Transcendence, America's Sweetheart, Jason, Jason takes Manhattan, ready player one, Van Helsing, The Grinch, Star Wars A New Hope.

Holy shit. That episode is three hours long, ladies and gentlemen. We love movies. Jurassic World Fallen, Kingdom Bad Boys, Lara Croft, Tomb Raider, and now Death Wish as well. That's a ton of shit for five bucks. You also, because you get everything below

that level, too, so you get all the animation damnations, and there's probably like 20, some, 25, 30, who the hell knows? There's so much content. And you also get the first 100 episodes unlocked, which are locked for a reason, trust me? No, it's not.

They're fine, but they're locked for a reason. Right. The full archive of our first 100 episodes of us just starting out and podcasting. And if you want to go up a little bit more, at $8 level, you'll also unlock all of our nexus, which are our Star Trek podcast, which is one episode of TNG and one episode of TOS, done mostly in order, except for sometimes you go out of order. But not only that, we've done for the We Love Movies Month we did in December. There was a two-hour plus episode on Star Trek, the Wrath of Khan.

That's right. Treated kind of like we do every episode of the show, but in a loving way. And you also get all these commentaries. We're almost through the entirety of the Twilight Saga. One of those guys going to do the Twilight Saga? It's all in commentary form on the Patreon. That's right. So that's it.

The East Cage Tour is kicking off this Monday. Boston, Washington, D.C., Philadelphia. and New York City, WHM Podcast.com. Click on that tour tab for ticket info. We would love to see y'all out there. And in the meantime, please enjoy Ghost Rider, colon, Spirit of Vengeance. This month on We Hate Movie's special Patreon bonus episode, we are debasing ourselves by talking about a movie someone else asked us to do.

It's Ghost Rider, Spirit of Vengeance. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadak, Chris Cabin, Eric Siska. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, thank you for subscribing to our Patreon, of course. This is an exclusive episode. There are like so many people out there who would be dying to be listening to them. That's true. Yeah. And you know, if you know any of those folks, tell me to, you know, just wake up, man, and find five bucks. That's all. Yeah. Stop going to the pirate bay.

Stop going to the pirate bay. Maybe try wiping your ass with leaves for a week. Take that TP money. You know, it is nice to get back to nature. I've been trying that lately. Yeah. It is refreshing. Also, look, if you kick junk, you'll be surprised how much money you have. That's true. I was. I really was.

Exactly. I go outside and I see the garbage can and I kick it. There's stuff in there I could sell to the thrift shop. Eric, he means heroin. Oh, that's in there too. Now, today, yes, we are talking about Ghost Rider, Colan, Spirit of Vengeance from 2011, directed by Mike Neveldine and Brian Taylor. What a twosome.

What, what are you fucking bitching about over there? That's not how they're credited. Oh, Neville Dean slash Taylor. Yeah, that is pretty hip. They are. Slash fiction, director slash fiction. They're like station. Is there great?

Do they merge together? They must. Or is it like a quado situation where it's like in his chest? Oh, that's what I prefer. Or I think it's more like, what's his name? The rest of peace of the guy from Ghost, who's the... Patrick Swayze.

Vincent Chavelle. And X-Files, his little brother who's in his stomach and falls out. It's a fucking creep show episode or the freak show. I'll tell you what,

I had the novelization of that episode. Wow. Nerdy. Was it different? No, same exact thing. It was like also approximately 75 pages long.

Were they all novelize? No, no. There was every single episode. No, it was like a select. So like the heavy hitters that had like permeated pop culture beyond the one with the living elevator.

Does anyone want to step into the ribbon with me and do the alternate version of slash fiction of directors, which would be what would that look like? Were you writing slash fiction of like Coppola and Lucas hooking up? Oh, that would be pretty interesting. Oh, I've never done this before. Hey, Francis, I've never done this before.

Welcome to my winery. And Martin Scorsese is just watching. What a Francis Ford Coppola could do to George Lucas's that you should see that you should see Scorsese De Palma that would be pretty intense ooh

that it's a blowout so much lipstick so this is the sequel to the 2007 film Ghost Rider which I think three out of the four of us rewatched in advance of talking about this one also

well I'm sorry well you are wearing a Ghost Rider t-shirt so that it does it does make up for it Steve that's good You look at that t-shirt, you get the first movie. That's the thing about Ghost Rider in general. Ghost Rider is a print medium period.

You don't ever need to see 360 degrees of Ghost Rider. 2D is plenty. I can maybe, maybe see like a Spawn-esque animated series for like adult-ish short. No, no, ban that. Ban spawn. You know what I've heard though, like on the Tribune or whatnot? I haven't watched this show in years so I can't imagine how it's worked in.

The guy from Asians of Shield. Yeah, he's Ghost Rider. But what are we doing? Yeah. Why is that there? You don't want to know. He's Ghost Rider and what? No, there's a guy now playing Ghost Rider on Agents of Shield.

That is insane. I haven't watched a show since the first season, so I don't know what's going on. It's a catch-all. You know what I mean? You go to Kevin Feigy and you're like, look, who are you not using in the next 20 years that I can have on Agents of Shield.

It's like, all right, here's some inhumans for you. I got, let me look at the garbage here for you. What do I got? I got Ghost Rider. You want Ghost Rider. That's not even the limit of it. There's a connection, I think, this season, the Guardians of the Galaxy. Wait, what?

Is that right? I'm pretty sure. Well, they were fucking around with like a Tessor Act or something in the first season of that show. What is that? That's the thing that kills Red Skull. Oh, cool. Yeah, I believe that's floating. Listen, let me, let me ask you, do you want to do U.S. agent?

that's like Captain America almost exactly but he's called USH dude is that a real thing that is a real thing oh that is some creative bankruptcy I mean give me Sergeant Rock lose some dust off some boxes I found your plastic man right here you can do whatever you like with them

you know and the fucking boner jam about the whole thing is like from what I've seen of especially like older collections of Ghost Rider comics like it seems pretty cool as Steve said like as a comic book but in this particular instance, boy should something not be adapted for the big

screen. It doesn't make any, it's not fun for anybody. And if you're going to do it, it should be more on the horror tip. You know what I mean? Like yeah, closer to like a horrory, or like an evil dead. Like if Sam Ramey in 1982 made Ghost Rider, I would be cool. Sam Rame

now could make a ghost writer movie and watch it. That'd be great. You know, Darkman meets Evil Dad. Sure. Has he directed a movie since Drag Me to Hell? Yes. Has he? That like wizard Oh fuck you're right Oh

Oz The God Yeah the fart tornado Is the great and something The wonderful And powerful I just said it Clean the shit out of it

I don't listen to you He's done more since though Right I mean He does Ash versus Evil He's like big on that show Still I think This sequel was supposed to be this like

And this happens a lot With like sequels Of failed first ones Where they're like The second one It's gonna be rated R And look the fuck out And then like

Hey that's a bad idea anyway, just to put action. This is an action franchise. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it doesn't need to be action oriented. No, I don't need action scenes. And that's like, I, in rewatching both these, and I rewatch them out of order, too.

Ooh, smart. That second movie, we'll talk about it. But, like, it's got that ridiculous set piece where he takes over that fucking bit of construction equipment. Yeah, yeah. And all that shit's got, and you're like, what is going on? It's like he touches something or he can make it.

Yeah, he can turn any kind of machine to do, like, do his bidding. Oh, I guess like the motorcycle. Yeah. It's the same thing. Yeah. Or like in that first movie where Sam Elliott touches a horse. Well, that's my question. I mean, and that's canon. That is something that goes He was the first dude.

But like, how horses are machines, I guess? That's the way I've always seen. Yes, yes. Yes, because in cars it's horse power. It's a bunch of little horses. Do you don't get ghost rider in a boat? That's what I want to say. Oh, boat rider.

boat rider you bet your ass i'd watch that dude that's like homer watching night boat exactly i would watch the fuck out of boat rider speed boating across the river sticks well you know there are the oceans are full of sinners yeah links to rivers yeah no good nicks on those all right he could be right next to colin farrell miami vice i kind of like this yep oh totally dude going to get that john ortees and can put him away forever he goes to like that that drug smuggling nazi Island or whatever happens in that fucking movie. You mean Cuba? I haven't seen it since like the theater, but they're Nazis in that movie, right? Or Neil? There are. Yes. Oh, I thought you were thinking about the beginning of Bad Boys 2 when they break up that clan. No, not Michael Shannon Nazi. Oh, okay.

Michael Shannon's one of the fucking Hillel? Isn't that movie? Oh, yeah. Oh, really? He's the main one, baby. Oh, wow. All right. So Ghost Rider, Johnny Blaze, starts reading a book. Uh-oh, it's the never-ending story. He gets on Falcour. Now we've got Ghost Rider Falcour. Nice. I would like to see that. That would be pretty cool. Oh, no.

This hurts. I'm burning alive. Shut up Falcour. We've got to go steal the soul of Atreou whatever happens in that movie. So yes, this is the second and for now final cinematic outing of Johnny Blaze

in a motion picture. I do want to finish that thought though it's not this was not rated R because like oh yeah Sony pulled the plug it was like oh wow it's going to be so dark and crazy and over the top action it's not rated R yeah it's pretty out there I mean you got people decaying in front of me yeah but it's just like computer decay though man like this and that's the computer blood

they're not roasting people alive no but it's also it's not graphic in it yeah it's cartoonish but it's the same it's the and this is part of why I hate the first one it's the exact same thing like the freezing black heart freezing them. Yes. It looks exactly the same as them decaying.

So you change nothing about these movies, essentially how they function. Yeah, except like one, you know, in the first one, he's doing the devil's bidding, the devil Peter Fonda, by the way, trying to get him to assassinate his son, played by Wes Bentley, remember him.

And then this movie, it's like, he's just running away from these Romanians the whole time. You're also trying to assassinate Mephisto's son. Right. Oh, right. The little kid is going to have, or he's already born as the devil son or they're going to put the devil son inside. He is the devil son through and

through. But he's going to be the vessel for the devil eventually. And the devil in this movie, it's not Peter Fonda, but it's Siren Heinz. Yeah. However you say this man's name. Apologies to the great nation of Ireland. For sure, but it's pronounced Mance Radar. Yes. Eric's got a correct.

Someone corrected. I said it on the drawing for this when we pulled it out of the hat. Mance Rader. What are you referencing here? It's a Game of Thrones character. Of course, I should have known. And someone was like, you're saying it wrong. You're saying it wrong. You're saying it wrong?

Do they say his name on the show? Mance Raider, yeah. Oh, okay. I thought it was the thing where it's like, you're saying it from the book wrong. I just don't remember if it's Raider or Radar. It's all fine. I saw him on stage once.

Really? Doing the Crucible there. Oh, shit. Which part did he play? He was like the bad guy. Oh, nice. Not the, it was Ben Wishaw was the proctor there. and Shorchernan was in it as well.

Sersha. Sertia. See, a lot of difficult names. But the best part of that whole play was to beginning of the second act, a wolf is on stage for no reason. And it's awesome. A real wolf? Real wolf. Chained up?

Okay, now who played that? That was Brendan Gleeson. No, it was like so you, you know, the curtain comes up for the second act. And like, there's just a wolf like walking on stage. Chained up, though? No, not changed. What? They did.

And by the way, it probably wasn't necessarily. Wolf was probably like a half wolf half husky, but this is a big motherfucking wolf dog. You know what, dude, good enough for me. Good enough for public. No, no, no. That was... It sounds like a hair-raising performance. But the best part of it is you see you see if you have

bad seats like I did, like you can see behind stage a little bit. You see the little trainer with a little laser pointer. I was like, come on, come on, go on, go on, come on. That was a shock ray, dude. Yeah, it wasn't a laser pointer. That dog was getting fucking jolted in the nuts. Take the shot. Take the shot.

No, Ben, no. It's the eighth wolf this week. Yeah, so... By the way, Romania, man, what a happy marriage that is. The cheapest place to film a movie and the setting of the movie. Well, that's also just where Nick Cage was, I think. Him and Christopher Lambert, those were the two places. It's whatever fucking...

It's whatever fucking castle he was foreclosing on that week is where they had to fill. this movie. I was going to say, because they're not, they haven't quite gone Seagall where they're like only getting things like in, you know, nation states. Stephen Seagall, may we remind you again, gentle listener, enemy of the state. Still making movies. He just, sure, disposed a trailer for a new one. Yeah, go ahead. Before we get too far away from this, the start of the film, we get a card that says Marvel Knights. Yeah. I was like, is this something they were trying to do? What is this? This, it was what? It was what? Punisher.

Punisher Warzone. Yes. And that's it. Okay. Were they supposed to be connected in any way? No. I mean, I think that was,

there was, the Marvel Knights was a comic line that had characters like Ghost Rider and Punisher and Daredevil like the darker. In the medieval ages? No, just a darker,

edgier kind of like, it was just like a tag that you could put on it. You knew like if you were, yes. Yeah. If you had a Marvel Knights comic,

it was going to be a little on the edgier. Man. So I think that's what they were trying to do with this line. That's why Punisher Warzone was rated R. I believe. It had to be. Oh, my God. Definitely. That fucking old woman getting her head

turned around. That's a rated R and a half. And then this were sort of kind of, even though I don't know what studio put out war zone, but... I think it was Lionsgate. Yes. That sounds about right. This is Sony. Yeah. Well, we're doing a Columbia picture. So it's something like Paramount Vantage. Remember that? Paramount Vantage. That was their

art line. That was like the Fox Searchlight. And I think there will be blood came from there. And that's where I remember Curen Heins from the most. Oh, yeah. And there will be. He's great. That's right. So yeah, but it's it's so funny though because you look, you take one look at this movie and you're like, this is a classic case of we had no fucking money for anything. Nope. So we have to shoot in Romania. We're changing the look of like the effects of like his ghost rider power. This is really pathetic. That first movie, he's stealing souls. You're going like inside the body. You're watching the soul like harden up to like dirt and all this shit. And it's pretty cool. This movie, it's like, the skeleton is just like jaw, like its mouth is open. He's like, an angry Muppet. It looks terrible.

They blew the whole budget on fucking cameras that can be put on motorcycle for chases. Yeah, yeah, we need all those. We need all those go-pros. I will say the skull looks better in this movie than the first movie. A little burnt out, yeah. Yeah, the first movie, it looked like, you know, it's an action figure. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

the first movie also he's definitely talking a blue streak through the whole thing yeah and this movie we're like dialing that back and he's like sort of like monosyllabic again though this is just a budgetary thing because you have to animate that mouth otherwise yeah you're saving some bucks there too i would wager that nick cage didn't film a lot on this movie no he'd known the scenes where he's nick cage yeah and some stunt guy was ghost around for like 80% of that this movie. I just realized, by the way, we're like 15-ish minutes into this combo. We should stop and thank the fucking dastardly individual. Oh, of course. Requested this because this is, of course, the March Patreon exclusive episode,

but we're still wrapped up in listener request month. So Chris Cabin, this comes from who now? It's from James. And where was James from? Do you recall? He didn't put it in. Oh, he didn't put it in. Fair enough. Address withheld. James is in witness protection. Read his email and IP address.

he gave his last name I don't like give it out people's last names unless they're specifically we're not giving out your last name no no that's not going to happen you don't want to get docks because of we hate movies we don't even give out our own last names those are all fake these are all character names

yeah that's totally definitely there's a sypowitz in the bunch there's a real life sypowitz mafia exiles so the beginning of this movie which I love is I saw this in theaters I think everybody saw this in theaters

Oh, in theaters. Eric and I saw it in theaters together in 3D. Oh, you got to, yeah. I had to watch that flame piss in 3D. But I remember when this movie starts, I'm like, yeah, I saw this movie. It was only five years ago. I remember, yeah, Karen Hines is the devil. I kind of remember there's a temple at the end.

That's it. The movie starts and fucking, there's a motorcycle. I'm like, oh, it's Nick Cage. He takes the helmet off. It's Idris Elba. I'm like, holy shit, Idris Elba is in this movie? Totally. I was shocked.

I would have been less surprised it was fucking Chris Farley, man. I'd be like, oh, wow, Chris Farley was in Ghostrider Spirit event. Didn't he die in 95? Oh, okay, all right, yeah. It's weird. That's a bar bet you will lose. Living in a motor, on a motorcycle down by the river. Yeah, no, this came out the same year as that first Thor that he's also in.

It's weird. So this is a fucking trade right up. He is playing a priest named Maurice, or what is this? Moreau. And he has the same. contacts as he does in Thor he looks exactly the same. My wife pointed that out to. She was like

same contacts there, huh? Take off the stupid golden hat or whatever he's wearing. Wait, wait, is this the same character? Is he like jumping that whenever Thor goes out on his fucking pick up lunch or whatever? Mario's Rainbow Bridge? Yeah, is he like fucking jumping down there

and becoming... I seriously doubt it. He has like an alias and he lives he's got like kids down there that doesn't tell his wife up. he has to commute to work I was watching the beginning and he's like why isn't Idris Elba goes right like why is he always playing the second fiddle

in these fucking Marvel movies? You can't have a fucking black guy playing fucking Johnny plays Hey buddy Hey buddy Everyone's skull is white And if you do It has to be Method man who plays him

Why that Because that's his nickname in the Wooten All the Woothing like a lot of the Wooten clan guys Have the names of Marvel characters Okay as their, like, aliases. So Method Man is Johnny Blaze. Oh, who is ODB?

I don't know who O'DB. Ghostface is Tony Stark. That's right. Oh, that's starting to kind of ring a bill. I also feel like Method Man. You're just saying that because you like marijuana. Yeah. Of course it is.

But Ghostface also seems like a fan. And Tony Stark doesn't. Yeah, I mean, Tony Spark. And this guy is just saying Tony Stark because he likes the military. Military Industrial Compil. Yeah, he's a big fan. Ghost Face Killer loves the military industrial complex. Guarindee.

Yeah, I mean, like, so, but like, I feel like Idris Elba should be a superhero and he's not, he's wasted in that. And all three of those Thor movies, he's wasted in this movie. Like, you could get him as any, literally any superhero, like, he could do it. And it's starting to piss me off now because, like, the talk of, like, the post Craig Bond is now moving on to Daniel Kalua. Yeah. Calooia rather. I keep saying Calua like that fucking coffee liqueur. Kaluuya, I believe. But like, fuck you, man. I don't care if he's getting older. I will still take an Idris Bond. I do not care. And I do not care to hear your argument how Bond is a white character and I'm not making any sense. Do not at me about that. I don't give a fuck. And I also want to just mention I do not care for Idris Alba's accent in this fucking movie.

And what is that? What is that we're trying to pull off exactly? French, but it sounds like it belongs in top secret with Val Kilman. It is just that accent next to a flying cow. Yeah, there's like a giant pigeon and yeah. Oh, the devil is a coming. Oh, man amy.

Oh, who is this? Anthony Stewart had from Buffy. Yeah, he's in this movie for like for a hot second. I was like, hey, look at that. And I think it was a thing where like, I didn't remember him being in the movie because like Eric and I had like you know a tall glass of water

or two before we went into the theater possibly someone was in the theater out of our minds out of our mind we don't watch Ghost Rider sober no but I just remembered thinking like wow I didn't even notice Giles was in this movie

and I was like well that checks out yeah it's about he dies immediately almost immediately they set up that like you know the devil's coming for the order the order there's this

they're coming after this kid we're putting the order together what do you want pizza or Chinese. We're not doing the chicken place. That takes forever. No, I'm not going to two places. We're going to decide on a cuisine

before I fucking open seamless. No, I'm not using Grubhub. Hamburgers travel poorly. Everybody knows that. I'm not ordering a hamburger. It's not like we're all going to get smoothies, so no. All right, let's just go out.

Yes, the order. A bunch of priests protecting this baby. The winter solst is. is coming and that's when the big thing is going to happen. There's a big attack and then you think Idris Alba dies and it's like whatever. And who cares?

It doesn't even matter because he's back. There's like a there's like a is this road chase before after he goes to the compound? Because there's the ridiculous like he's on I believe a motorcycle he's chasing people. He flies off a cliff like in slow motion and it is some

heinous CGI. It's really bad and then they show like oh how do you get out of that one he's stuck in a tree and it's like oh literally it looks like highlights for kids magazine yeah it was kind of funny and there's like a cartoon of edres alba in it it's kind of funny and also that's when i started to think top secret i think that's the tone well because it's so quick you don't know what it at first i was like what was that yeah so that's still from fern gully that got in here so iderselba we do get the ghostwriter opening credits or whatever and johnny blaze is telling everything that happened in the first movie.

Kind of sort of. Is this where he says, It doesn't matter how far you run. There are just some demons you can outrun. That's right. Did you, is this where he does the rundown of sins? It doesn't matter if you killed a person. Or did an illegal download.

Oh, yep. You wouldn't steal a car, would you? DVD. I mean, like, so is that what he's doing? I think it's kind of that. He's burning people alive for intellectual property theft? That's why he's in Eastern Europe. Oh, that's where they all are.

That is a ghost rider thing, though, is that the rider does not, he doesn't have levels. It's like if you've done something bad, it doesn't matter. Like, lead a genocide or fucking use the pirate bay man, you are getting burned along. Did you buy that book secondhand? That means none of the money is going to the publisher. Burn it up. We should have known this from the beginning of Mepistow and Carrigan clearly run the Pirate Bay. And this is all a whole hit.

Oh, no. My son, Yulvani, Yulvani Ghost Rider here. He's going to kill you now because he steals the movies. I tell him no steal the movies. Look at all these stolen movies on his computer. We do not get the Oscar movies. We have to get the screeners from all. He wake up every morning going two more days, still screener season.

Two more days, still screener season. And I'm like, Yulvanny, you will burn in the hell for what you do. What you do, your poor mother. Okay, Ghost Rider, kill my child. Cost too much anyway. Take him out of house, though. I want to dab. I don't want the sulfur smell.

Yes, come into my house, Ghost Rider. My hacker son did rig U.S. election. Come right in. It's just so... It's a dumb rule, Ghost Rider. Do you want to know the other hackers in building? Yeah. But the weird thing is,

Cage's doing, isn't in the first one too? He's doing this like weird southern drawl. Yeah. Well, because the first movie fucking appropriately takes place in like the American Southwest. A lot of it's in Texas. Sure.

Like this is where this movie should be. He should either be rotten around the American desert or he should be like maybe fucking farting around in like L.A. Like make this like a gritty ass. L.A. movie. That would be kind of cool. Not fucking Romania, man. And it's the whole thing of...

He's kind of like a Bruce Banner. Yeah. Like, he's on the run because he's trying to avoid everybody so he doesn't bring the rider out and murder someone for internet piracy. Oh, no. Oh, come for my son Gregory who makes pornography game that make you come in for a second.

He's called Nutbusters. It's in App Store. Is that true? Wait. Wait a second. I'm going to change back to a human. Show me this game. And do you have a stopwatch? I'm telling you,

it's going to be very difficult for you not to come when you play this game. Okay, I'm going to try to come in four seconds. And if I don't, I swallow your son's soul. No, no, no, you stay in the room. You watch. You watch me come. You watch what your son made.

Is fair dear ghost rider. It's fair deal. Wait, I'm trying to click the mouse. It's not, wait, what? How do you get their tops off? Are these in-app purchases? This app is terrible. Spend four minutes and no one's come.

Fuck it. But yeah, it's dead. It's Romania. It's not Texas, which means no fucking sense. No. He goes, yeah, he's doing the Bruce Banner bit. It is, it is very Bruce Banner because apparently like, he, when the lights are out, and he's around anyone that's evil even or remotely kind of bad you will steal their soul so he's like kind of drinking heavily living in a weird burned out shed it's heavy on voiceover i think because he has a voiceover studio in one of his castles absolutely yeah it's like i will

fucking i will email you an ultra high res afe of this whole monologue you can split it up however you choose i'll do like let's say six takes you'll be fine from my Thai make your ghost rider movie from my Thailand bungalow but that's a weird thing is like a noted comic book fan that's a weird

like that's what he's a ghost writer fan right I think he has a ghost writer tattoo I think that's the level of fandom we're talking doesn't he just get one of those for every movie he does that's a lot of tattoos

that is a lot of tattoos it's a lot of tattoos of him as a father who's lost a child It's just the face, his face from each one. Yeah, I got to say, I really appreciate Nick Cage in this franchise for one reason. And that's, I miss the era. And this was the end of the era where the superheroes were 50 years old. Yes.

I miss having a 50 year old superhero. Everyone's a baby now. Everyone's a very young baby. That's what's great about R.D.J. Yeah. And I'm sure by the end of that Fourth Avengers movie, he's going to be laying down in a pool of blood dead. but it's very refreshing just to see this old fucker not old but you know

not a little kid he's pretty old not a little kid model I mean like Bozeman's older I mean they're all nobody's that that young but I mean like two aren't anymore it's been fucking 12 years Spider-Man maybe I mean he's a legit baby yeah which is great that was great casting on their part for that movie

bring back the 35 year olds no I don't want Toby McGuire doing anything ever again well sorry Michael Michael Shan's next Spider-Man that's it. Oh, yes. I got bit by a radioactive spider about 38 years ago. Spider-Man, Spider-Man, do

whatever a spider can. MJ's divorced again. This is a middle-aged spider-man. I fucking love that. Yeah, I don't go out much anymore. I'm living in this basement. I never really had a lot of I didn't have a lot of money. Even being as Spider-Man, I was kind of the gimmick. I didn't need MJ. I just made

a, I made another MJ out of webbing. I've been fucking this fuck doll that's made out of webs. Ever since the bugle opened up that subscription service I, you know, the readership is way down. Everyone's got a camera on their phone. What do they need

me anymore? Who's that? Who's that? The lizard's loose? I don't got time for that anymore. I can't do that. No. Fuck, that's like the villains would be even older, dude. That'd be crazy. I went to Vulture's funeral yesterday.

The vulture played by Gilbert Godfrey I love this idea That would be pretty great It's an A plus movie What's not an A plus movie More of an F plus movie Ghost Rider's Spirit of Vengeance by the way He's doing this southern thing

Idriselba comes up to him He's like look The devil's son Or just this kid is on the loose You have to go find him I know your ghost writer I'll make you a deal If you find this kid

I will get the curse lifted off of you What? Yeah Like, wait, what? Like, seriously, though, like, how dare you? He's been toiling as the writer for like seven odd years or whatever. And you're just like some fucking French priest, this like pseudo French priest who's like, by the way, that thing you've been like cursed with forever, I can lift that in two seconds. Where have you been, buddy?

How do you know who the ghost writer is? What are you? I hate this. Because of the first movie, the devil offers him to get the curse lift. Right. said no yeah he says like what is this shit it makes no sense because in the first movie eric's right he's like no no no leave me as ghost writer i'm gonna keep this curse and use it to fuck you over the devil and then peter fonda goes harrumf and now he's just trying to take the easy out they also

retcon a little bit slightly of in the first movie it's it's it's not like he's approaching the devil and like yes i will sell my soul to get my daddy healthy it's more of like he got tricked by the devil Yes, he did get tricked. And in this, in the opening, you know, a little montage of previously on Ghost Rider, it's just like, I sold my soul on purpose. And it's like the Sin City nonsense to black and white. I was throwing up.

It looks terrible. Everything about this movie looks awful. I'll tell you, I would sell my soul in a fucking heartbeat. Thank God the devil doesn't exist. Or I would have sold my soul years ago. And I would have been like the homer worth buying. Exactly. I would have been like the home.

Simpson, man. It would have been for some petty shit. Your heads are donut? Yeah. I'd be sitting around and be like, God, I would fucking sell myself for a bag of jerky right now. Hello. I'll tell you, if I had the devil's help, I wouldn't be on this show. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're still right.

I wish we were cursed. Like, everyone that's successful. By the way, the part I hate about this movie the most is there's this montage of like, the devil's came in many forms throughout the age. Oh, my fucking God. You know, he was, he was this guy, that guy, Stalin, Jerry Springer. Oh, dude. Dude, a fucking 2011's Jerry Springer joke, are you kidding?

That is insane. Nobody knew, like, my wife did not know who it was. Oh, really? Just genuinely did not know who it was. Who's that older gentleman? Yeah, I mean, and it makes no sense in the real. So Jerry Springer died in this canon, I think. I guess so, but it also doesn't make sense in the, in the world of the movie,

wherein like Kieran Hines has been Jerry has been the devil for the whole movie for the whole for Johnny Blaze's whole life because they show him as it so like when was he Jerry Springer and when was he Peter Fonda when was he Peter Fonda they also flashed just a fat clown because they couldn't do like John Wayne Gacy oh you couldn't afford the gasey estate dude listen here's the thing if you cannot afford to license a file photo of fucking John Wayne Gacey don't make a movie just don't make the movie no no Nick Cage was like No, don't use, don't use John. I love John's family. They're big fans. They love Raising Arizona. I bought his costumes at auction. Somebody's got those. I'm broke.

I got all these paintings in my house. Too bad it's not no portraits of Dorian Gray in there. Or his pyramid grave, which does exist in New Orleans. Everybody should know. Oh, yes, yes. It's amazing. Who's pyramid grave? Nicholas Cage. Get at. He's prepared for the afterlife. He has this huge pyramid in this ancient graveyard. It's insane. Oh, shit. You've got to see. It's just the most insane thing. Wow. Yeah, man. I'm excited. Not bad. I'll be honest with you, not bad. And you say he's been having money troubles. Interesting. Interesting. So the weird thing is, so the ghost writer, it doesn't necessarily explain. Like, you know, he turns into Ghost Rider. What happens to the peace? Does the peace grow back, I guess? Or is it?

Is that, like, bonded to his soul as well? Oh, that's part of the curse. Oh, that's part of his deal with the devil. Because that's what I would do. My deal with the devil, I wouldn't make a quick one. I would have a lot of addendums to it. Right. And that's what, oh, if anything goes all with my hair, I need a cool piece.

Well, that, the piece in the first one is so much worse. Oh, is it really? Because, like, it's just like floppy strands up front. It's, well, here's the thing. It's like, it's unnaturally dark. It's also. They give him black hair. It's a piece.

for a movie character. What he's doing in this movie is now what we call the contemporary cage. Yes. Which it's just like as much of the five head as you can get away with

before it's like terrible. But then it's just kind of like if there was enough hair it would look like it was parted down the middle but there's not so it's just kind of like pushed back and in two waves. This is my hair. I'll mess his hair up

if I want to mess his hair up. It's awful though. I mean and why would you not bring that wig back? Why does he have to look worse? Oh, I don't know if it's worth. I mean, it is really honestly for me, it is the perfect symbol of the differences between the movies.

Like this one, you're like, you're fucking bald, man. It's a piece of shit. Just do it. The first one, they're pretending like he has hair. It's just the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. I mean, it's also Romania. You can get down on the cheap.

That's actually true. So he sets out to find this woman. We get to meet this woman in in a restaurant it's what's her name in this movie I forget Tanya maybe sure

Nadia it's Nadia it's great there's this American businessman who comes up it's my favorite the whole movie who's just like

hi there he takes his wedding ring off he's like are you a prostitute by any chance I don't mean to be rude no dude it's even worse because he's like

hey are you one of them you know gypsies Yeah. And she's like, yeah, why? And he basically is like, because I've heard gypsies fuck good. Yeah, and like how much you want. Like basically. Yeah. Fucker. You know, fuckers. Now you fuck good. This is why you need to go to the American sex tourism websites before you go on a sex tourism cruise. Because then you're in these awkward situations. You know what I mean? Like you have to know the hot spots to go to. Well, it's just like, you know, if you vacation to a foreign country and you don't speak the language, right?

Like, you've got to prepare in advance for what's going on. You got to know the lay of the land. You got to know where you're going. And you know what? Don't be an ugly American. Try to, try to, like, make your way around some possible conversational bits of their language. This is a perfect platform for me to launch my new, it's Yelp for sex trafficking and sex tourism. It's called fup.

Oh, man. You're going to put my print business right under business of horny planet. Horny planet. Welcome back to Stephen Sanex's horny planet. Here we see two leopards that they're about to engage in sexual intercourse. Yes, it's just two white people doing the missionary. So what goes on in FUP? Is there are dollar signs as well?

I mean, obviously, there's a rating system. Yeah, I mean, well, it's also like what kind of, like, is it somebody's house? Reservations. Yeah, it's also this. There's no drop in. beverages, alcohol licenses except cards, yes, no. You might do well in the United States, but I think

globally, fuck advisor might give you a restaurant. Yeah. So, yeah, he, uh, the kid like picks his pocket. The kid, by the way, is named Danny. And I'd be remiss because people would yell at me on the internet. He's apparently supposed to be Danny Ketch,

who's the second ghost writer. Huh? Yeah, I know. Who cares? What? There's a thing. Wait, what? I know. I know. I know, I know. They don't say he's only named Danny in the movie. So I'll call

Danny, but like also they go out of their way to like avoid the mythology essentially. Like Kerrigan is essentially supposed to be blackout right? Yes, he is blackout. Yeah, but Kerrigan becomes blackout in this movie. But they never call him. They fucking totally do. Do they call him blackout? I didn't hear it.

I didn't hear it. Karen Heinz says it when he makes him. Oh, you got a different cut man. I just rent a blackout cut. I just rented it on Amazon. What is blackout? Is that one of his rog's? Yeah, that's one of his famous His villains is. Cut to someone being like, I got a blackout tattoo. Look, it's fine.

Don't tweet about it. Yeah, don't show me that. I don't care. Don't take a picture and tweet it to me. So, blackout. Tweet whatever you want. Has the power of decay. Yes.

Actually, in the comics, in the comics, all you could do is make everything dark and he has like razor fingers. They can cut you over. Oh, whoopty fuck. That's not enough for a tattoo. What's stupid about this character? I know we're jumping ahead of ourselves a little bit, but there's no movie here.

Don't worry about it. So the devil gives this dude, the resurrects him and gives him the power of decay. Yeah. And it's like, okay, now go find my son. Oh, whatever you do, don't use your arms or legs to touch him. That's a great question. Like what?

Like you've got to give him a net then. Like a big old like dog catcher net. Well, the little kid doesn't have the decay power. No, but if you touch. Oh, if, yeah. But I guess maybe it wouldn't work because he's the anti. Christ. Yeah. Oh. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, that's true. So this dude who's trying to pay for fucking, he's scared off. The little kid picks his pocket. Sure. And you just

sort of assume like this is how they're living. I mean, this is Romania. Yeah. I mean, I know it's not Romania, but like it's this movie's vision of Romania. We'll just live as pickpockets. It'll be fine. And she says some line about like, I'm sorry that we have to live this way. And he's like, what? I like it. Yeah. Okay. Well, he's half devil. man, he loves picking them pockets. Yeah, but you know what, little kid? Wouldn't you love a Nintendo, too? Or a house.

Heat. He's nice. Indoor plumbing. Oh, he prefers idle hands as the devil's work. Oh, yeah, dude. So, Carrigan, who is this guy, Johnny Whitworth? Is that the actor's name? That sounds right.

Who is in Empire Records? Mm-hmm. Who is he in Empire Records? The main kid. He was like the... What? Yeah. The main kid?

The one who ends up with Liv Tyler. yeah no that's him holy shit it's been a while speak of decay been a while Johnny thinking can fly Johnny

so speaking of terrible movies Empire record yeah it's a bad movie they grab he grabs he kidnaps them it's revealed that he had a relationship with the mother

Ghost Rider finally shows up and no one is like shitting their pants like oh my God that's a flaming skeleton nobody reacts appropriate like listen you can see Spider-Man fly and you'd be like there's Spider-Man, okay. A dude

is a flaming skeleton fully dressed up like a person by the way with a motorcycle. It's not a big deal. In Romania you see them get on the bus and commute. Oh, that's just ghost ride. What is the deal with the fire, by the way? It's hellfire, my friend.

Yeah, but so that's why we're not like burning people. Yeah. Because he's like picking up people in this movie and carrying them to safety and nobody is lighting on fire. They're just toasty.

Well, his hands aren't burning, right? It's his head. No, it's the end of the movie. He's got the boy in his arms and he's like cradling him and I'm like how is this fucker not setting on fire? Yeah, but he's a devil. Yeah, the Antichrist as well. All of that endicrist's umbrella. I refuse to believe

that that's a catch-all. It's an acceptable catch-all. It's a Marvel night movie. That's the catch-all. So we do see the penitent stare from the first movie. Chris, you had a good description of it via text. Because they ran out of cash. Yeah, it would have to be. Like, I mean,

what else are you doing? Like, it literally, he just looks like he has lockjaw. Exactly. He doesn't. He doesn't, in the first movie, like, he does that stare and shit happens. And there's, like, that's what I was talking about. Like, you go inside the person's body. There's a bunch of flame effects. Yeah. You come back out and you

see, like, their eyes turned to dirt. And it's like, you know that the ghost Rider has burned this person from the inside out. That's pretty fucking cool. But in this he's just like, ah, and his mouth is wide open, and that's kind of it. It's just Jason and the Argonauts. And the guy

just kind of falls out of the screen and like you see something red happen. Yeah. It looks terrible. It looks really bad. This is this, right before this, is this where we get the one big cage moment? Like, I didn't, I,

in the first one, he's on total, like, neutral. That's later in the film. When he gets unhinged a little. He's scraping at the door. Yeah, that's a little later in the film. Which I do want, I'll counter you on when we get to it. Okay. Because there was a moment I noticed in the first movie where he's totally fucking caging out.

Here was a question I had, though. Is this little kid dubbed? This little kid sounds like he's dubbed. That's entirely possible. I mean, this movie wouldn't surprise me if they didn't have a mic a child. I'm totally like, oops, we fucked it up. Maybe he's a Romanian local. Oh, maybe?

Yeah. And then Nick Cage over. dubbed him himself. I'm a boy now. Reading for the part of daddy. You gotta pay me twice. I like it. I like pickpocketed.

Hey, ma. When, like, when this kid, this kid and Nadia are, like, run off the road by this Carrigan dude. Yeah, yeah. And he's like,

Carrigan's, like, kicking the shit out of this kid, which is kind of funny. And then, like, this is where Ghost Rider intervenes. He fucks up this fat dude. in Kerrigan's gang and then says something I don't know what exactly

I don't know if he's making fun of the fat guy or what the deal is here but he just goes hungry like one of the ghost riders like five words he says in this movie he's hungry for souls that's the first one too that's adorable there's like a scene

like he kills one guy in this in this group and then he like you know when you put down your controller for Super Mario or Zelda and they start kind of like dancing. He does that.

Like he's just kind of shaking back and forth. And like everybody in the circle is like, what the fuck is he doing? You're totally right. It's like when a video game character goes into like screensaver mode. Or like Mario falls asleep on the fucking sidewalks. Sonic the hedgehog is tapping his foot because he's got an attitude. Yeah, he's the most indignant one. He stinks.

Yeah, no, it's kind of weird. but he does more or less look like a cheap screen saver. He does. That's this movie to a T with its fucking Romanian special effects. Skeleton people, man, it's better in 2D. It's just so much easier if it's on a printed page. It just looks cool. I like skeleton people.

Sure. You know, I like the Jason of the Aginauts effect and stuff. Maybe they should have gone that round. Maybe it should have been practical effects. They got to play up the cheese factor. This is trying to be like super cool. we're at Hot Topic and you know what

is not helping that failed initiative at all is the fucking score to this movie it's just some dude just going to town on his dad's electric guitar

my green rock is what I call it another thing that doesn't work is when they just go to that they go to that island and like Pierce Brosden needs him to help write these memoirs and I'm like

that's a writer oh did you watch the wrong movie again. I was Ghost Writer too. Yeah, he's Ghost Rider is on the beach a lot. Ghost writer, Spirit of vengeance. It's when it's now Ewan McGregor's hunting down the director of the

film. Well, that's what I was going to say you can't put Ghost Rider in the same room as Roman Polansky. That got to be a fucking dust in two seconds. It's true. That'd be kind of cool. That would be great. Oh, that would work on your director slash fiction. Oh yeah, Ghost Rider slash Roman Polansky. Yeah.

Oh, goodness. So at this point, Kerrigan, like, it's the first of, I think, three times in this movie where this kid gets kidnapped. Yes. Yes. And Kerrigan calls up the devil on the phone who's going by Mertag. What does he call him himself? Rourke. A Rourke.

He's going by Mertag and he's calling Riggs because the devil has now accidentally sat on a toilet with a bomb on it. Why are we called the devil Rourke? Like, come on. Because he's just, he's supposed to have a cool name. Does Peter Fond have a cool name in the first movie? It's supposed to be Mephisto. Yeah. It's his main villain.

Oh, he just goes by that? Methistophiles at one point. Like, I don't, I don't care what's on your driver's license. The devil. You're the devil. I'm calling you the devil, right? Yeah, I'm Greg Devil. Hey, I'm Greg Devil.

I'll be able to pick up your daughter. You shouldn't be Lucifer devil? Lou Seifer. Oh, shit. Lewis Seifer, baby. Yeah, Lucifer. Got myself some Aaron Lewis tickets for next week. I think I just realized

they were probably writing this movie they were like Louis Seifer oh wait no that's too obvious what else happens in Angel Heart Mickey Rourke okay the devil's name is Rour Oh nice That is how they got there dude

I bet you yeah That's what happened to Mickey Rourke It's like yeah I would love to be the world's most famous actor And he's like for all the wrong reasons famously deformed Oh mercy he does kind of look like the thinner guy at the end at this point

good lord poor Mickey Rourke Hey he's he's trying the wrestler's amazing But he might as well be dead now I mean what has he got to live for anyway let's continue He should be fucking riding riding cycles with Seagall in Ukraine man Oh yeah It's kind of surprising that he's also not an enemy of the state

Right? Like, listen, if you were that deformed and wealthy enough, wouldn't you just go crazy with it? Just go crazy. I think he has. I don't think because I don't think he supported Trump and I was waiting for it. I was like, that's got to happen. And then I don't think it happened. Yeah, no. I mean, it's it's kind of the same thrill I get with seeing Ron Perlman's Twitter feed. I'm like, wow, that went the exact opposite way I assumed it was going to go. Pretty cool to be wrong. You were in sons of anarchy. Uh, so, so, uh, this dude Kerrigan puts the phone to this kid's here. This is one of the dumbest things in this movie. And the devil, like, says a little curse over the phone and like, deactivates this kid from ghost rider's radar or whatever the fuck. He's getting ready to leave Japan, man.

He's got to go and he's got to tell her what he, he thinks of her. But like, what of that at least happened in person? What of those phones were tapped? And suddenly, like, some government agent. now knows the code to not be tracked by Ghost Rider. You just got a bunch of crooked Romanian cops that are also not

tracked by Ghost Rider. Activating antichrists across Romania. Why not? Actually, that's a pretty cool turn. It's like, oh, no. The Romanian police department of some kind was listening in on this. Like, oh, fuck.

Oh, what are we going to do? Now all these dudes are waking up. Oh, shit. Sleep, we're saying. That's what it is. It's a real monster party. Get me a monster party. Not just one monster. And not the devil again.

You're already in Romania. Guess what? That phone call woke up Dracula. And it turns out that, you know, the devil was essentially Romania's Will Chamberlain. Just everywhere. Hey, so how did this Nadia woman get fucked by the devil? Well, because she was... Sexually.

She was running with Kerrigan back. in the old days, back when Kerrigan was cool. You know what I mean? Back in the all or nothing days. It was like right when his first solo album came out. He was on tour with Aaron Lewis. It was Kerrigan Laker Palmer or whatever.

But so like they're running guns or something and something goes wrong. She falls out a three story window. She's going to die and the devil shows up and he's like, I will save your life if you do me a favor and carry my son. Nope. That is the one thing I won't do.

the devil, because always giving birth to the devil's son is a dicey situation. Well, you get a bad rap after that. You get a bad rap. It's got to be, it's always painful. Horns coming out when, you know. Yeah, exactly. You don't know how that's going to go. It's tough enough. You know, after, uh, after

the pass a baby. My God. It's tough enough to pass a fucking gallstone. You're right. It's worse. No, we think about like after those closing moments, speaking to Roman Polanski, right? Like, Everybody

Outside of the apartment cult Everybody else is like Fuck you Rosemary You fucking birth the son of the devil You put the son of the devil That's the lady that sex with a devil She's just getting yelled at on Central Park Where's that lady with that fucking devil baby

Fuck you Rosemary Hey Rosemary That the Yankees got a shot anyway fuck you But like Rosemary voted for Koch twice But the thing is Yeah With yeah

But also it's a it's a raw deal for her too Because like Johnny Blaze doesn't have to get pregnant You know what I mean He saves his soul He becomes ghostwriter It's not such a big They should make him pregnant Like a junior type of thing

He saves his soul And then he watches his father get murdered I'm pregnant Every time the devil gives you a job Essentially Yeah that's true essentially gives ghost riders got to be his like personal grim reaper. Right.

And then the lady's got to carry his fucking child. He's fucking antichrist. Yeah, it's not fun. So she does that. She winds up meeting Cage in the hospital because Cage gets like shot with a grenade launcher and like knocks out. Yeah, I guess it deactivates Ghost Rider, which never happens again in this movie. The rest of this movie, he's getting blown to kingdom come. It does not matter.

It's God mode. He just puts on God mode. I forgot to put in the cheat code. and yet something called a slug thrower actually does damage to him that they never explain it like it's just like oh this special gun hurts him I think he gets hit with that special gun later in the film

and nothing happens at least one time it hurts another time it doesn't it's very up and down is it because he gets thrown into like the side of a car too you think like the combo sort of oh right maybe did something there I don't really that's ghost rider's weakness so there's a lot of getting thrown against cars that's like what Gary Busey was

a ghost rider and he I hit a car and my brain got splattered and that's see then the power went off somebody through holy water as my face was coming back to normal after being ghost rider now it looks like this yeah Gary Busey in 1982

Sam Ramey's ghost rider oh shit fuck yeah it would be like all puppets and shit it would be great you know what though it would probably also be kind of shitty dude you'd be like like you watch like I think it's the end of evil dead one I think by evil dead two there's less of this but like the claymation stuff gets into play dude I would go for that that first evil dead has some serious clay play play going on there was a lot of clay play in horror back then the gate has tons of claymation oh yeah it does actually waltz and grommet that is horrifying which since it's patron there's a paywall I could say that we did

psychotropic mushrooms one night and Chris Cabin decided to put on walls and grommet and I spent the rest of the evening coming down trying to understand what humans looked like.

And then we put on like 30 Rock and I was just like Alec Ballt, that's not a person. He had the wrong trousers on. I was like, that's a bunch of clay. Also, by the way, they keep talking about

like Cage made like the D. right the deal the devil blah blah blah and they say something in this movie about like yeah it's because of the deal that everybody thought we would ascend to this higher thing but it was a bad deal and i was like did this shitty ghostwriter sequel predict the rise of donald trump oh maybe because we're just like the deal the deal the deal the all of a sudden it's like no no no it was a bad deal that was a bad deal i i only the best deals with the devil the iran deal is a bad deal is a bad deal It's a bad deal. No, I'm not the death. No, Obama. Obama's the death. My son, Don Jr.

At night when the moon is rising, his skull catches on fire. And he becomes the ghost rider. Everything Eric touches decays. He would just be doing like donuts in the front lawn of the White House saying, Hey, Dad, are you watching me? Dad! The thing about the devil is, you need to.

keep going. You have to say, I want to be very successful. And the devil's going to say your wish is granted. You have to say, no, I want to be successful in real estate, then have a shitty TV show, then somehow survive bankruptcy 16 times, and then have an implausible presidential election, and then avoid

special prosecution for years and years and years. You just got to say it all in one breath, man. That's how you make the best deal with the devil. I was watching a... Good deal. I was watching... He is president deals, I mean. I was watching at old Seinfeld the other day

and it's where Jerry is coming back from like Memphis or some shit and he's got like the barbecue sauce in the suitcase and the flight attendant smashes it and the overhead and it breaks the establishing shot of his is him at the airport Jerry Seinfeld flying Trump Airlines

Oh wow! Yeah it was crazy like ooh the 90s were alive So they wind up working together because there's a will they won't they work together. They work together. This is where Chris Cabin was talking about the scraping at the door moment. Because she's like, oh, I know where Kerrigan's friends are. It's at this underground fight club that looks like where Blade hangs out. Emphasize club because there's like a DJ. There's fucking lighting. People are dancing and

people are fighting with a glass. Here's the problem with this. And maybe, I mean, I don't think it's, I think it's, I've never been to Romania. No, yes, I haven't. But I think a lot of this is Hollywood's interpretation of Eastern Europe that every single thing, looks like a cave or a missile silo? Yes, everything takes place in a basement. Yeah, it's all Chernobyl. It's just a bunch of Chernobyl. I honestly was waiting for like the virtuosity audience like,

ka-paw! Yeah! Capao! Yes! Yes! Oh, I miss that movie. But you're right. But it's just a weird that comes to nothing.

It's just like these people are cage fighting for no reason. Like, literal mortal combat is happening. You should, dude, there should be like a side suit. Oh, shit. I'm an outworld. Oh, fuck, I'm going to get my head uppercut it off. He's pretty much Gary Busy. I mean, it's a bad impression, but he's pretty much Gary Busy.

Like, he does, like, it's almost like, he'll get there. It's Jimmy Stewart. It's like, it's the idea that your gums received when you do that much cocaine. To Cabins, to counter Chris Cabin, your point about. So he says something about like, you hear what is it the devil scraping out the door? Who's creeping? He's like, he's, he's holding back the ghost rider in front of the, informant or an informant.

Oh, yes. He's gripping at the door Scraping at the door Right and while yes Chris Kevin That is crazy I may point you back to the first film The first time in which he converts Into the Ghost Rider

Is some of the funniest fucking caging out You will ever see in your life But that's more CGI And he's not saying anything That's fucking ridiculous Scraping at the door He's scraping at the door Reminding me of

You dudes remember that show American Goth a little bit not really it was it was one of those like right before the x-files shows it's like wait wait I think I remember this was an old man holding a pitch for next to a next to a lady right and it was the the guy who's in that third uh fast and furious movie Shane Black yeah not Shane Black Shane Black is a director Lucas Black I think from the Friday Night Lights movie yes he is like this little boy it was like some sort of a supernatural thing in the commercials was always this kid going,

someone's at the door. And then there was like a knock. I'd never watched it because I remember my mother would always be like, oh, that show's too scary for you. But then like around the house, she'd be like, someone's at the door. And I'd be like, you can't mimic the thing. You said was too terrifying.

That's just good marketing. So, but the weird thing is what he does, and I don't know if it's in the first movie, like, where he's almost ghost riding her out, this is the worst effect you'll ever see. He does not Jekyll and Hyde in that first movie. be what he does, which doesn't happen here, is he turns it off like a fucking faucet.

Okay. On and off, he's like, now I'm the ghost rider, now I'm not. Now I'm the ghost rider. Now I'm not. To your, that is, the transformation scene is one of the best scenes in the first one. And like, it's exciting.

And like, you're like, oh man. But like now it's just like, there's that fucking, like, it looks like a bad Madonna video where he's going through the streets. Yeah. And his eyes are bulging out. And he's like, oh, that is terrible.

But he's also playing it. he's got fucking ghostwriter ibs like he's like oh i got a oh jesus can i use your bathroom i got a ghostwriter can i use your coffin scraping at the door yes you are absolutely i i've been in a scrape at the door situation oh absolutely turtle heading hey john he had the bathroom yet john john he's scraping at the door he's scraping at the door now listen this is an initiative for all listeners who We're consuming this podcast right now. Chip fire tonight.

We want to get that started. So now whenever you have to use the bathroom, specifically for a number two situation, and someone's being slow about it, get up to that bathroom door and just knock and be like, it's screaming at the door! Oh, it's screaming at the door! Get that going.

Get it going, listeners. That would be fucking great. I just want to be in a bar somewhere someday and I'm waiting online for the bathroom. And I see the person in front of me knock and just go, Oh, he's scraping at the door! And I'd be like, look at that influence. I feel like that would change the fabric of American society.

Yeah. Well, it couldn't hurt to try something. I will tell you that would have helped me when I was at the Alamo the other week. Probably a whole month ago. Some dude was just on, he was a worker. He was just on the toilet looking at his phone. And you could tell he was fully clothed in there. But I'm like, you're going to go to the door.

You know what? You got to get on Twitter and tell them about that. Hold on a second. You could tally's fully close in there? I just saw the pan. The guy brought out of your mirror. He didn't have to bring anything out. They were always stuck on the tip of his shoes.

Yeah, we're wingtips. Shiny wing fucking Chuck Barry. What we call the Larry Craig. Wait, that was a guy in the airport, right? Yeah, that was a guy in the airport, right? Yeah, a hundred years ago. Yep. Okay.

So, I mean, like, he, you know, he doesn't ghost writer out here. They find out where he is. There's another. This scene is almost interchangeable with the first scene. That's a thing. This movie. is like a bunch of Ghost Rider fucking backstory and then four

chase scenes. So this is the scene where like they're buying guns to stop Ghost Rider. This is where that crazy missile gun is in. That's not even, that's like the first fight. Kerrigan does that in the first so they already have this weapon that decimates him.

There's another one though because the thing that Steve is referring to if I'm thinking of the same part of the movie, it's like a heat seeking missile. Yeah or something. And he's kind of ghost riders around. and makes it crash. Well, the first one's called a slug thrower. The one you're talking about is the vacuum bomb that, like, sucks the fire out.

Sucks the oxygen and then it explodes. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah, that's about where I'm mad. He does that. And it's like, oh, no, Ghost Rider's down for the count, but he gets up. Oh, he heard it from the crowd. The Romanian crowd.

And his fire goes out. He's just walking out like a skeleton, which looks pretty fun. And then, like, they're like, oh, we got you, Ghost Rider. But then he gets inside of a crate. and he starts Crane 11ing everybody. It's outrageous. This thing like comes to life in the rider fashion. Yeah, yeah.

I read somewhere, I think it was on the movie's Wikipedia page that this is like the biggest motorized vehicle on the planet. Until like 1995. Yeah, but the funniest thing was they didn't give up like what the thing was that took that over. I know. I want to see like a whole chart. Like give me the sizes. Totally.

It's like, you know, like like this, the, the, the, the, the, the, the line of man. Yeah. The evolution of man. Oh, shit. The evolution of machine. That's why the end of it is just a Terminator. Yeah. Oh, man. Ghost Rider versus Terminator. I'll watch that movie. Like, you can't step on his skull. Oh, what? It's getting up.

James Cameron was playing with a little bit of it. I think it's the second one. The beginning of Terminator 2, there's that shot of the Terminator, the skull, and there's fire behind it. That's fucking Gross Rider, baby. You're totally right. You're telling me James Cameron didn't know what he's doing. He knew what he's doing. doing. He was auditioning for Ghost Rider. There's a scene in this movie. It's after all that machine nonsense where it's like we need a downtime scene and they go to a diner. And this scene more than any of the other scenes is where I don't know, maybe this was like the first scene

they filmed or something. Cage is really laying on this southern accent. I don't know why. More so than the rest of the movie. And in that first movie, he is doing an accent through the whole thing. This movie, it's not as prevalent. But when we sit down at the this greasy spoon he's twanging it up man it's really weird is this where he's drinking the pitch like the pitcher of water yes because he yeah also the i mean the scene's kind of inconsequential like ghostwriter fucks everybody up in a crane but the kid he's about to kill the mother because the ghost rider is like oh you're evil yeah and the kid is like you're not ghost rider anymore like wow i'm not ghost rider anymore oh that's right yeah that never comes up ever again

and also like if the kid is devil and if the kid is the devil and he can do that why can't the devil do that. Why can't they'll be like, you're no longer ghost rider. Stop being ghost rider for five. Yeah, problem solved. Yeah, exactly. Oh, also in that dumb fight with the crane is where a dude shoots him in the face with the machine gun and he eats

all the bullets and then vomits up like molten metal. That's first of two bullet vomits in this movie. Excuse me, I've seen the film of The Mask and that's nice try movie. That's a ghost rider too, right? He swallow souls. He kind of does. swells bombs, too.

So isn't this where Kerrigan dies? Isn't that around the machinery at least? Yes, he gets crushed. He gets just thrown into like the scrap metal or something. And then... And Mephisto comes and gives him the powers. Yeah, he's like, I'm going to make you blackout now. I guess that's pretty much it.

And around this time is where we get the first pissing flames joke because Cage is like, explaining to this little kid what it's like to be ghost rider some shit and what happens when you pee and he's like well it goes like this and he's like he and it's fine it's a fine little joke like we're trying to do like a Terminator thing right he's bonding with the kid

and he goes like this and he's miming pissing and it's like it's a flamethrower and that's like a fine joke like I'm kind of almost chuckling but then they go to the cartoon and they show it right why because we are scraping

together as many seconds as possible in which we can create a feature film. You know that Michael Bay is awfully stodgy. We got to make it stupider than that. This is the fun and games portion of the film. They do the

little montage. It's the downtime. Yeah, that's, you know, it's the heart of the movie. And yeah, yeah, it's true. It's where he bonds with Danny. Exactly. And somewhere around here, if I'm not mistaken, they meet back up with Idraselba. Like on the Road. Go to the ruins.

And like, because she knew, he's like, hey, you know, you just, you know who Moreau, you know, black priest, alcoholic, has a French accent, you know that guy. And then he also says, you're like the devil's baby mom. Oh, right. Hey, audience. Back row. Is this working for anybody or what?

But so they meet back up with Idris and he's like, oh, you know what we can do to like keep this kid safe as go to this temple. This is the second time I was shocked, floored, by a cast member. And so we go to this temple. It's back where Giles was murdered

at the beginning of the movie. So like, yeah, safe place, buddy. But now I guess because Giles was killed, this place has been taken over by Christopher Lambert.

Nice. And just like Nick Cage, he has tattoos of all of his faces from all of his movies, all over his face. Dude, he's got the punch card on his face. I got to say,

oh, hey, ghost ride. This one's for Fortress. This is that Beowulf movie That no one's ever seen I will say there's two Trivia Facts about Christopher Lambert's performance as By the way, Methodius

Oh God, who is keeping track Two things. One, He got three months of sword training For this role. What? Three months. Three months. Hey, guess what? If you do sword training, they have to pay you for it. Does he?

I got to study. I'm on the clock. Genuine question. Does he handle a sword in this? For like 18 seconds. I was going to say there's not much, man. This movie doesn't top 100 minutes. I would be getting my sword money's worth. Yeah.

So I'm just saying if I got the hold of sword, I need at least, let's go to three months of sword training. It's Christopher Lambert's jury duty. Hey, hey, if you're going to do something, you do it right. The other one, the best part is The tattoos, the fake tattoos they gave him, took so long.

He left them on overnight when he went back to his hotel. Dude, I love that. Wow, I'm starving. Let me get the number three extra mayonnaise. Also, don't ask. That's probably what Doug Jones did for the bye-bye man. Oh, that was fine, Judy. He just had to take off a hoodie.

Well, these are all method actors we're talking about. So he stayed as, what was it, Mephodeus? Methodius. he stayed as Maphotius for the entire time. I have three lines in this movie. I better really get into character. That's all he could say when he was in character back at the hotel

is Danny No. And whatever else he says. They are at one point in this film subsisting on communion waferes. Is that correct? Yeah. They got wine too. I guess that's the blood of Christ. It's really weird.

Idris opens up this I'm a lifelong Catholic or not really lifelong, at least the first part of it anyway. Idris opens up this huge piece of old crusty bread. I was getting hungry. I was like, that's what I wanted in church. Not these fucking little wafers. Yeah, dude. Like you I would dream of

because again, Ray's Catholic. Shiflong Catholic. Let the membership card lapse at this point. But on Thanksgiving, they would have. Because they would do like a quick Thanksgiving pageant. which for an Italian Catholic church in the 1990s,

it's about as racist as you'd suspected to be. Sure, sure. A lot of people dressed up as Indians, right? But you would get instead of the communion rave, they had like a little like pre-wrapped roll, and you would go and like get to like get a piece of bread. And that was the only time. Everything else, it was the hyper-compressed wafer.

Well, here's what you do. You go to Greek Orthodox service on Palm Sunday. There's actual bread. Wow. That's cut. Not like a little roll, but like the cut and bread. That is the hearty body of Christ, dude. That's true.

That's Greek Christ. You could dip that in some fucking Campbell's soup, man. Yeah, that was some really good sound. Reggie! Are you eating your communion bread? Tired of communion bread that leaves you hungry? Blood of Christ now, chunky vegetable style. Oh, God.

Ew. Well, that's the thing is Eudris Alba's like an alcoholic in this movie for some reason. So basically like Christopher Lambert's like, oh, thank you for the child. By the way, thanks for the sword lesson. I'll use them in another movie where presumably I'll get the hold of sword. They're remaking first night. I'm going to be there. Are they really?

No. Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry to get you excited. Now we're taking the plot of Superman 2 and Spider-Man 2, which is like in the middle of the movie, the superhero loses his superpowers. Yep. Voluntarily, and he's so happy and, oh, no, he should have been a superhero the whole time. So, you just able to take him to some weird, like, fortress temple thing. Yeah, he's got some vision quest that happens here. We're eating a lot of good bread. He's taking all these

old wine out. He says, oh, this wine is just, or I'm sorry, this wine is two thousand years old. I'm like, at a certain point, wine can't be good. No, yeah, exactly. And no, it's not, by the way. Yeah, that's not 2000 year old. Oh, yeah, that's a that Carlo Rossi is 2,000 years old.

Well, he makes a talk about it later when he's like, it's a salad dressing because that's what happens. Like, it just turns into vinegar and it tastes like vinegar. Right, right, right. Peter brewed this himself. He helped found the Catholic Church.

He made this wine for you and then he now guards heaven. There's also the black plague in here. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You don't know what you're putting in your body. If you open that bottle. Yeah, dude. Hellraiser's coming out.

Notes of the black play. You'll wish you were suppressed by the devil. I can't bring a plant back from Australia yet. You could drink this. Oh, hey, a filmmaker, excuse me. I'm looking at this script. It seems like my character is in charge of all this wine. I should take wine mat making classes for like seven months.

I'm not filming this wine scene until I'm a certain. art to find Samalier. You know what? We got a fire fucking Christopher Lambert. You know what? It's happened. We got a fucking fire him. Get Jason Statham. I love that they cast him, though. He keeps making us register him for all these adult ed glasses. He wants to become a tattoo artist.

So Christopher Lambert, by the way, is like, oh, and the other thing, we feel it's best if we murdered the child. Yeah. But short story, the end of the Idris scene is he takes away the Johnny story, the Johnny Blaze ghostwriter. He cures him, fine. Right, right, right, right. So now he doesn't have any power.

And he's like, oh, by the way, let's kill that fucking kid. Which makes all the sense of the world. Yes, yes, yes. Sorry, Lambert is correct. But as always, Lambert is correct. Also, this is so fucking, oh, the devil's after me. Yeah, yeah, sure, why not take away my powers? Yeah, no, it makes no sense.

Let me just be a mortal guy. Like, why don't you wait until this whole thing blows over? Exactly. Then if you don't want your powers anymore, fine. I'll come back in a month. Exactly. You know where this monastery is. Well, let me get this straight. You want a guy, the devil's

Grim Reaper guy, he's going to be the influence that stops the Antichrist from being the Antichrist. I guess that's the plan. I guess so. I think that's the idea. That's fucking ridiculous. Kill this kid now.

Exactly. Yeah. Who knows what this kid's going to turn into? That's very true. Yeah. Kill them all kill all the kids so what they want to do you kill johnny blaze while you're at that guy's part of the devil's exactly we don't want this devil shit they should they sure they really should just kill them all immediately yes exactly instead they have to put lamb bear with his sword training has to three months has to put on a show and like we're going to a field we're going to get in a circle and we're going to hold hands and i'm going to cut your fucking

head off exactly like just stabbed this kid in the back when he's not looking exactly so the ritual by the way is they're going to take Rorke's soul and put it in Danny's body Danny's soul is just fucking garbage at this point and then the Devil himself

and I don't understand what the difference is here because now the whole thing is like well the devil will be able to walk the earth what the fuck is he doing? He's been Peter Fonda all over the place Here's something because when he makes blackout when he turns Kerrigan into blackout

he has like a stroke face. He does. He gives gives himself a stroke fix, he used his power. Oh. So now he needs a new, you know, a battery, essentially. Oh, I see what's going. Oh, so this is just the next, like, transfer. Yeah. It's almost like being John Malcovic in that way. But it's also,

you know what? It's almost like being John Malcovich in that way. It's the sixth and a half floor. Hey, oh, wow. This screenplay sounds a lot like being John Malcovich. You better get me the Blu-Rae so I get to watch. Heinz. Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz, Heinz. I'm so glad I did my research because now I get that joke. Hey, can I just get the first ghostrider comic sign? It's the only way I'll be in this mood.

No, but yeah. So Blackout comes and kills Christopher Lambert and kills all the other people. But the other thing about this ritual that's going to happen is the kid, because he's the devil's son, is stronger. And, like, apparently Kieran Hines was just some guy, this will be. make him even stronger. Right. Which is, you know, that's, that's bone shilling.

Well, he's got the vitality. It's a young kid. He's a young whippersnapper. Got your devil vitality serum. Used by the Antichrist. We do have documentation. I've seen that research. There's authentic stuff, people.

This is right out of the book of Revelation. You're going to want this in your bunker when the time comes. Shaved demon bone soup, folks. puts 50 years on you. Not only that, you need your brain pills. You need to be smart. Brain farts, flux. You need to buy these.

Paul Joseph Watson, you tell them about these pills. They're excellent. Thank you so much. Oh, no, we've been canceled off YouTube. No, we're not. YouTube loves Nazis. Man, his fucking groveling to that David Hogg, too. Oh, yeah, that was fucking great.

Oh, would you please debate me? Oh. so Idris is like all right if we're going to fight these fuckers these monks are packing heat and they go into this fucking chamber and it's one of the worst lines in the movie it's like this crazy arsenal

and all this stuff and Cage is just like wow naughty priest that's great yes so at the end of the movie it's this ritual is going on and all these acolytes

of the devil show up and I think it's all these like Romanians we haven't seen before I think they mentioned them as like devil soldiers they're devil soldiers because there's politicians so and so and so and so oh that's a detail I totally fucking yeah dude Ted Cruz is there

oh my God he's totally there and he gets up on stage and talk shit about the devil but then he grovels afterwards then he makes some fucking horrendous Homer Simpson comparison and then he commiserates with Tom Cotton

Oh, you said Ted Cruz, I won't have an erection for at least five days. Yeah, that's how that works. Okay. Well, just think of him liking that porn tweet. Oh, yeah. Totally. You hear about this? Yeah, we heard about that one.

Yeah, that was like a year ago. He's definitely jerked off in his office. That's what that tells me. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Of course. So, yeah, we're having this big, dumb fight.

Yeah, I guess they're all these fucking acolytes, man. I didn't really put that together. I was like, oh, look at all those Romanians. Yeah, I know. That's just a bunch of... Well, no, I think we're in, like, in Turkey now. Don't we like... Oh, right.

We do... We jump ship to Turkey. It's, yeah. It's all... Hey. What is it going on? Do you have another seat on that bus going to Turkey? I just...

I don't have anything to do for the next couple of days. It just kind of never been to Turkey. Oh, you know what? I don't want to go to a country if I don't know it's language fluently. Better get some Turkish language lessons. Oh, actually, I need this seat for my backpack. Oh, man. And those people are scum.

So somewhere around here, do we mention this yet, that Idris gets murdered by Blackout? This is sort of the end of the movie. Like, we infiltrate the compound. And it's just, Edris gets killed by Blackout. But he starts shooting all these devil soldiers, these dudes in the black robes, which is great. But then, yeah, he's quickly dispatched himself.

And the kid then vomits fire on Nicholas Cage. Yeah. and gives him the rider curse back is the idea? Yeah. Underwise circumstances. He's got the power of the devil. And the devil made me the rider.

Wait, he could do it without documentation. I don't got signs. Nice. Yeah, it's just, it's a big, dumb, fucking stupid fight. A lot of these, like, acolytes, once the rider comes back in full form, it's just a shot of these dudes running away. Yeah.

Kill those guys. guys. Let me see those dudes be murdered. Where is his fucking chain that he's carrying through all of that first movie? Maybe that's the... No, there's a chain in the Yeah, he kills a lot of these chains. Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. And he kills all these followers. He does the twirl thing. Yes,

I sit corrected. But there's like that's the R-rated cut that nobody got. What a fucking Duke catastrophe that decision was. Sony is a stupid company. Sony Paramount. They're all run by morons. You know what? Sell them all to Disney.

then all the characters will be together. That's awesome. Can we just stop with that? Can we just stop with how awesome that would be if Disney just owned all of your precious characters? You don't want to see classic characters like Indiana Jones and Mickey Mouse getting into

an adventure together? No. I don't want to see that fucking happen, dude. You don't want to see American Gigolo with the X-Men just hanging out. Actually, I kind of do. or the 20 Sean

Sean Penn from 21 grams Yes Just hanging out with goofy It's about time He would be entered into the MCU Get Jack Nicholson from the pledge To hang out with Logan They could fucking really bring you down

I'd be into it Was the pledge of fucking Sony movie? Oh I don't know I forget Oh I see That actually might have been Paramount Vantage It's just a movie And now all movies

Are gonna be connected Yeah Every single movie is related to another movie and we're going to repurpose every single character and reboot everything and we're all going to live together and be happy. In a big house. You loved fandom thread and

Lady Bird? Well, guess what? Her last name is originally Woodcock. That makes both of those movies better. Right. Daniel DeLewis is now coming out of retirement to play great, great grandfather to Lady Bird and on the Lady Bird's sequel. Buddy Bird. He's going to

have a wheelchair, talk about his time of the old country, and how he used to do dresses and everyone says shut up grandpa shut up I'll tell you buddy bird that's pretty great not how we do things in Sacramento

Buddy Bird his wife brings him some tea and he pauses for a moment but then drinks it it's 2003 he starts designing cargo shorts it's the fashion now and it's like a

he revives big dog you can I put a little something in all of my cargo shorts secrets you know that woodcock he's such a genius he only can work right if a smashmouth CD is playing oh no all he came in everything seemed normal all star was playing he fell over the cargo shorts we have to redo them oh no no no no no no no no he has to microwave the hot pocket himself all right ladies make all the calls you have to make we're going to be here all night fixing these cargo shorts could you not slurp your slurpy quite So loud. Everyone in House Woodcock is eating jerky. Yeah, man.

Yeah. Oh, so whatever. Dude fucking Aquaman watching Phantom thread. That'd be great. He loves Buddy Berg. Oh, yeah. He does mushrooms.

Yeah, you show her. So, like, now we're just doing another car chase scene. There's a Wilhelm scream because, you know. Sure. You know what? dude fuck it throw it you know what i always appreciate it i know it's dumb that's fine that's actually the one that's the one thing connecting all cinema is the that's the thread that's the thread that's the through the phantom thread uh the rider at this point kills carrigan by just taking him

and throwing him under a truck and he gets run over i was like isn't this a fantastical being yeah i was like oh is he going to get up no oh he's dead that's that's the end of that just like the rider he's not he's not immune to cars and trucks that's the natural enemy. I see. That makes total sense. And he says, road kill. He certainly does because I'm looking for this fucking cartoon to make jokes at me. You have

so few lines. That's the one you went with. And so the devil is driving away in a fucking geo with this kid doing like 40 and the rider's like, I'm going to run and roll off the road. I'm like, that's a bad idea.

Yeah. Are you trying to kill this kid or what? I think it's two technically supernatural beings. Yeah. Just flip that car. See what happens? Take your chances. That's what happens. Look, what's the worst that happens? They're both dead? That's not really that bad. That's true.

If this kid comes up dead at the end of this movie, son of the devil, I got no time for it. Totally. He does come up dead kind of. He kind of does. He is sort of dead. Nicholas Cage drags him out of the car and like tosses him back to the mother. He goes to exterminate the devil in

the laziest way possible. He basically, it's like, you know, in Mortal Kombat, there was like the basic fatality and like the way cool fatality. This is like the basic ghostwriter fatality. You can always uppercut him into the fucking. And it's just like, you know, why don't you go home or whatever the fuck it is? He strings him up with his chain and then just slams him on the ground and he goes back to hell. Really? Which is at the center of the earth.

Yes, an actual tunnel to hell. We opened a tunnel to hell It's in Turkey That checks out You can't leave that fucking shit open Yeah, that's true You better be like Pushing a boulder into it or something

Covering it with a bunch of sticks Yeah Some branches Oh, the river sticks That's what happens to Allison What's her name In Drag Me to Hell She falls in it

She's like oh cool Oh no Oh that's right Man that was a good movie Why did he make that Oz movie Why doesn't he just make Drag Me to Hell all the time Yeah

Every two years Mike Grant driving me to hell. I really like Ash versus Evil. I think it's a really good show. I think I agree with you. While we were talking, I looked at his IMDB, only directed one episode. Only one? Yeah, but I'm sure. But he's like the main producer on it too. Of course he's cash and checks. Come on. How much Ted Ramey on that show? I don't remember. He's probably a little bit. I don't know if he's actually in it. I'm fortunate. Come on. But I haven't seen the new season yet. Have you seen the last season or the upcoming? No, the upcoming. It's already starting air. Oh, it already did. Yeah. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. the vibe is changing. They're going more horror less comedy now. That's what I heard. I mean, I thought there was more evil dead and less evil dead too. I mean, it was pretty horrific before. I don't know what they're talking about. I watched

like half of the first season. I liked it and then I just fell off with it. But I do like it. Maybe someday I'll get back to it. Too much TV. So there is, that's, oh, the rider go ahead. So basically in the middle of the movie, when Idris Elba takes the soul away, he lets him know what the demon is

that's inside him. It's called Zaratos, which is actually from the comics and blah blah blah and there's a bunch of stuff wherein he was a good angel but then the devil made him crazy so now he's a spirit of vengeance and he's like I could feel the good angel inside me hold on let me just use that a little bit

let me just shuffle my butthole here a little scratch it in the door oh now I just turn blue that's pretty cool awesome but it's it's kind of a great reaction from the mother because Nadia right here is like well this kid's dead so yeah fuck it Yeah, touch his head, do whatever you want to do.

I would be, if I was that lady, I'm like, you know what, leave it. You know what? Just leave it. Let's bury this kid and move on. He's got like some big like greet the day yoga mantra. Like he like presses things against his chest and then goes like this. Yeah, I don't know what that is. He doesn't move a little bit of a Wakanda forever at the end of the movie.

He sort of does. It's pretty stupid. And then, yeah, the kid's alive. Everybody's fucking happy. His narration kicks back in again. And he ends it with, yes. Hell yes. Oh, does he?

Yeah, dude, that's... Because I heard, I'm Johnny Blaze, Ghost Rider. And then it ends. It just sounds like there's going to be... That's a really long speech. It's like, I'm Johnny Blaze, Ghost Rider. And I learned a lot on this mission. Yeah, I don't know what he's...

What the first part of the statement is. It's something about like... I wrote down hell yes, too, but I don't know what it's in reference. Yeah, it ends with yes, hell yes. Whatever it is. So is there any way I probably would... need some automotive repair lessons. That's a good career.

You can make a lot of money. Hey, hey, pay me to learn how to fix an air conditioner. I really, really may need that in the coming years. For this movie. This Mortal Kombat money is running out fast. Oh man, Christopher Lambert as like an old dude who spent his whole life repairing air conditioners. And he's like, the world is changing. I don't know what to do.

You know? And he's just like downtrod at the economy. Ah. I would see that movie. He kills himself in the end. It's a beautiful. It's a beautiful art film. Yeah. Beautiful art film. Get an Oscar for Lambert. I've said it before. Yes. I think you should just get an honorary

one at this point. It's really good in the Sicilian. You could have done that. There you go. That was your one chance. Yeah, it's it. Or Highlander. Yes. So that's the end of this fucking terrible movie. He rides off into the sunset, sort of, I guess. I don't know.

Most of this movie, which is supposed to take place at night, is definitely the worst day for a night you've ever seen in your life. It's like fucking Tuesday afternoon in the Turkish desert. Can I just really? I hate to go back to Christopher Lambert, but Eric just put it in my brain. I love to go back to Christopher Lambert. What a scam he was running on these people. They're like, oh, Christopher, in this scene, you have to use a sword.

And he's like, a sword? What's this? It's like, that's your most famous fucking role. You're totally right. You know how to use a sword. sword, motherfucker? Exactly. I don't. How do you hold

this thing? The point yet? Wait, do I hold the point here? I guess we have to get them these three months of lessons. S-W-O-R-D? Nope, never heard of it. God damn it, Christopher Lambert. I used to repair air conditioners. Now I'm trying to repair myself.

Oh, yeah. Right? Yes. Get the Oscar. Get the Oscar polished. Would anybody recommend this movie? no it's not a movie it's not a movie it's that's it i was surprised how little story there is here and like i guess if you're this is an affliction t-shirt come to life it really is it's like it's the flames and the studs and the shit you're like get me out of here yeah thank you oh absolutely no it's awful uh i i don't like either of these movies they're both bad to me about equally but

yeah absolutely not i will amend i would override chris what just chris just said that i think the first one is watchable it's bad it's not good I don't even know if I'd recommend it but I would say if you're curious about Ghost Rider that's the one to check out this one is a strong no I guess the other one

is a light no but yeah this one is a strong no I'd say the other one what the heck I rewatch it this afternoon I it was much better than I remembered it being I saw both of these in theaters and I remembered that the you know before I watched these thinking like these are both trash they're bad

but they're on different levels of bad entirely. I defer to Andrew on this, but he said is correct. Dona Logue is in the first one. Doesn't it have a horrible death? Oh, yeah, dude. He gets fucking murdered by West Bentley in that movie Something Fierce.

It's pretty great. Also, I don't like, like, Blackheart is supposed to be like a big, like monstrous thing. Yeah. And fucking West Bentley with ghost teeth. Yeah, I just don't fucking need it. I got you. Also, speaking of the rider,

but you need to get Sam Elliott back in this movie some way. Yeah, sure. He'll do it. He's in that first one. He plays the original Ghost Rider, like the first ever iteration of the comics. I don't think they're ever making another Ghost Rider, right? This is done. The Agents of Shield thing is probably, I mean, maybe when they run out of stuff. I just feel like there'll be another Ghost Rider movie. Why not? Or maybe it'll be a Netflix series. Probably a Netflix series. That's the way to go. That's the movie, I feel. Hey, Ghost Rider, you could live in Hell's Kitchen.

Oh, God. We could film it in Long Island City, Queens, in the same form. factories. So I was smoking a jail with the devil. And I said, listen, I know this guy, Jack Kirby. You're going to want to know this guy. That's Ghost Rider, Spirit of Vengeance from 2011, directed by Neville Dean slash Taylor.

Thanks to who was it that put this Obama? James. Thank you very much for not only supporting the Patreon, but writing in to request an episode. But thank all of you for supporting our Patreon month to month. We greatly appreciate it. Until next time i'm andrew jupin stephen sadak chris cabin eric ciska take it easy