We Hate Movies - S9: WHM Mail Bag: Cat In the Hat Stand-Ins, Messing with Michael Myers, and Blowing Up Your College Bathroom

Episode Date: November 30, 2018

On this month's Mail Bag, the gang reads letters about eating lunch with Cat in the Hat stand-ins, dudes named Michael Myers getting messed with on Halloween, poorly timed pre-party bathroom runs in college, deranged haunted houses, and more! There's one more Mail Bag episode left for 2018, so get your holiday-themed letters in now! Write in to [e-mail]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to W.H.M. Mailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin alongside the whole gang. Christopher Cabin. Eric Sisko, Stephen Sadek. We are here. We are fucking drunk and we are ready to read some letters. Oh, yeah. We are. And we, you know, just after Thanksgiving, we just all finished our turkey and stuffins. Oh, right. We all celebrated Thanksgiving together. Only the four of us in a dark room. Stuff and so we got a turkey and, well, it was really just a pigeon because this is a New York City show and we stuffed it with Doritas. That's right, dude. I could get into that.

I bet you could. Then we went to a classic New York pizzeria, famiglia. Got some Thanksgiving pies. You were a couple of disgusting shit boys. No, well, no, you wrap the pizza around the pigeon. Oh, now I'm back with. all right Pete's

Pigeon it's like a turducking let's get down to some letter reading Steve Sadek start us off

My Sussian nightmare uh oh hey guys I just finished your amazing cat in the hat episode

I really wanted to hit the that's right that's right and I wanted to write and share a story from a few years ago

that still brings chills to my spine uh even today you should get that looked into chill spine is not a laughing matter and consult your physician

FYI if you've had the chicken pox virus, the shingles virus may already be inside you. That's that was a, that was a symptom when the Tylenol killings happened in the 80s. The Tylenolkills, oh yeah. It's a great Bert Reynolds movie. The Tylenol killing. Yeah.

Someone's a real thing. Poisoned all these pills. No, I know it's real, but it'll be funny if Bert Reynolds is starting a movie about it. I would like that. Yeah, now we got a copycat killer out there called Iveu Profin. Let me get in this cool car. You see, I had the pleasure of working on the major motion picture, the cat in the hat. Oh, fuck, dude.

I was a production assistant at the time of working on the production offices on the Universal Studios lot. This was my first time working on that lot, and I loved everything about it. Okay, so this might be revenge. These guys shouldn't get revenge on us. We don't know. We don't know. Well, let's see. Let's read on.

One of the perks of working on that lot is when the crew called lunch, we would hop in a car or a golf cart and get to have lunch with the crew. I love driving to the lot, making my way through the Hill Valley set. Which burned to the ground, by the way. Oh, 30 years ago to this day. A lot night just like tonight. I loved waving to the famous universal tram as it drove by and sometimes catching movie stars hanging out outside the soundstages.

Meals were usually served in an empty stage wherever they were filming that day and it would be buffet-style with lots of tables set up, much like a school's cafeteria. Since I worked in the production office, I didn't get to meet a ton of the crew, so most meals I would just grab my food and sit wherever I could,

mingling with whoever was sat near me. Then it happened. Diarrhea from the buffet. As is common in... I got a shit! As is common in films, every major character has a stand-in, so I'm going to stand on stage

for purposes of camera and lighting. well one day for some reason to stand in for the cat decided to sit down and have lunch right across from me the thing is he has in full cat head makeup oh no i wouldn't be able to eat i would not be able to eat now imagine a human body no cat suit no normal human clothing but the head is just the cat ears whiskers yellow contacts and all and it is eating i almost threw up other crew members who might have been used to this site, I was not. This is what it's like to just watch this movie by the way. I commented

how you can see inside that fucker's human mouth. The poor bastard could take the suit off of breaks, but the head was just two time consuming, so he stuck in it all until the end of the day. The man cat started chatting with me in a pretty thick Canadian accent. Turns out he was one of Mike

Myers' pals from Canada and has been a stand-in on several movies. Listen, here's the thing. If any of you guys get really famous making movies, I'm never going to be your pal who's the stand-in. Why not? No problem. I couldn't stand in

for you anyway. I'd actually have to get like boots for cabin or stand on my knees for Steve. You weren't an inch and a half taller than me. Congratulations. I'm just saying I couldn't be a turtle. You know what I'm saying? Give me like an Aryan wig and I could do Eric.

Yeah, they saw those. Just buy one of those Trumpy bears and scalp it. Shave it. I've heard that there's a lot of people out there scalping the Trumpy bears, and you know what? That's a hate crime. Illegal. What a stupid thing to do?

What a stupid thing to do? You're a racist. A bad-b-b-da-ba-ba-bah. A stand-up. Very nice guy. As one would expect from our neighbors to the north. However, choking down this mass-producing. spaghetti. I'm eating spaghetti looking at the cat in the hat. Get me out of here. I'm like buffet style spaghetti. Thank you, Eric. Cat in the hat or no fucking fuck. I'm bringing my own lunch. I'm bringing my own lunch. I know this is Los Angeles, but spaghetti in the buffet. No. This is genuinely what Steve's Kruger nightmare would be. Talking to a cat man, eating fucking cafe fucking spaghetti. Goof. Hey Steve. There's peas and

carrots in the sauce. Oh, no, you sons of bitches. Had to be a stand-in from Mike Myers. Got served nothing but egg noodles and ketchup. Talking not even to real Mike Myers, like a schnuck. Choking down my mass-produced spaghetti,

staring into the yellow contact eyes of this man cat, saying, A boot was a tall order. We politely chatted and I finished what I could have my meal. What should have been the bread. Yeah. The water, maybe. The milk carton.

Oh, Jesus Christ, dude, you're eating fucking buffet spaghetti and drinking milk, ew! Through the rest of the production, the same event happened to a dozen or so times. I would sit and begin to eat with the human feline hybrid. I would plot down next to me and start chatting about the day. But again, just in the nicest way. I never got used to the side of that terrible visage, and it haunts me to this day. Interesting postscript. I have no idea what this gentleman looks like without the cat head.

You guys hook up. That'd be pretty interesting. Oh, shit. You just accidentally hooked up with Mike Myers' cat standing. No. Leave it on. Yeah, exactly. That's a definite leave it on situation. You would have to do, right? Just to try it out. Oh, yeah. Just do what it's like.

Take that head for a spin. See if you swear off sex forever. Interesting. I could not pick him out of a lineup. Love the show and keep up the great work. Foster. We'll think about it, Foster. We'll think about keeping up the great work.

I don't know. We might just close up. shop. Wow. Well, after this story, I might am I throw it right up. That shit is bone chilling, though. It reminds me of the time I saw it. It was the reverse, actually. I saw a dude who was portraying Marvin the Martian, but he had the head off and it was fucking under his arm.

I've never dealt with anybody like that. I have a big problem with face paint, period. I can't do it. I can't look at it. I can't be around it. One year, a good buddy of mine for Halloween was an umpa lupa. It just grossed me out. It's just something

about the face paint. It's clownish. It's a problem. It's like clowns, but like more intense. Depending upon the face paint design. Because you know it's going in your mouth at some point. It's just like, no, no, no, nope, nope, nope. And then eating spaghetti. Ooh, I might not be able to

continue. Chris Cabin, go ahead. Okay. Papa Myers. Ooh. I hope he makes pizza. A. W.H.M. Gang. The devil's pizza. That beats at the blackest dollars. The devil's.

He's pepperoni. There's nothing supreme about him. Sorry. Sheriff! Lonnie! Get your ass away from that office. 30 minutes or less. The night that pizza came home.

I'm not paying for. Well, Dr. Lumaeus here. Here's your order. Oh, we ran out of Cajun garlic bread. Yeah. Yeah. It fits in all sorts of places. All right.

Okay. Pop-a-H-M guys. Okay. Hey, W.HM gang. This may be a little late for the October mailback, but I'm going to see if I can squeeze it in any way. So I grew up in Augusta, Georgia, the home of the masters, which, if any of you are unfamiliar, it's like the Super Bowl, but for golf, which is exactly as exciting as it sounds.

Not as much Pepsi sponsorship. I never watched golf in my life. Here's the thing. I don't give a flying shit about golf, but I can watch it. It's very zen. Also, with some tall glasses of water, you'll get like a nice little calming state. That's true. but it is obviously a sport for the rich and indoctrinated.

The elites, you might say. The elites. Augusta is also the home of multiple religious shipbacks. Okay. Who stand on the side of the main road in the city and wear Trump masks and have assault rifles that they point and pretend to fire our cars as they drive by. Wait, what? Now, this country is fucking great.

Do you live in Mad Maxia? No, they live in a fucking state that has open carry, and that's what white. people can do in those states do it do it put my face on and commit drive-by shootings i will pay your legal bills until i won't walk away just walk away just walk away the lord humongous grants you that protect the village it um it was uh it was in the lovely town that it was in this lovely town that my poor father received multiple prank calls every night around Halloween. Why was he

prank calls so often? Because he keeps fucking standing outside yelling at those kids. Because my father's name is Michael Myers. And a bunch of idiots thought it'd be hilarious to call the house, play the iconic carpenter theme, and breathe into the phone or quote loose Loomis. I could get in this. Yeah, baby.

Shagadelic. And call him, like, who's Anthony? Who's Anthony? Who's Anthony? My drummer. Woo-hoo. Camera one. Camera two. Camera one. I think he's poking you. Can I get a cup of chino?

Can I get a billion dollars? Myers residents. Heed, punts, new. Hello. Hello. Mariska Hargitin. Gotcha. Gotcha.

Oh, yeah! Myers' residence, are you just saying inglorious bastards over and over again? You know, dude, watch the movie again, get the quote,

and fucking call me back. Myers, residents, I want to suck your cock. That's from 54. Goodbye. Sorry. I had to make the rounds. This was a common thing for my father had to deal with.

He was born in 63, long before the film came out, and he has suffered ever since its release. To this day, any store I go to that he has some rewards program at loses their shit whenever I say the name Michael Myers. Jesus, you as the cashier have to keep that together, folks. Michael Myers is of common enough name. Like, Jason Voorhees, I will tear into you. but Michael Myers

come on you're working at a liquor store you swipe the savings card of one Fred Kruger yeah okay I'm gonna say something but Michael Myers it's kind of innocuous

it's like a smirk and then you say oh you know there goes name Michael Myers and then your friend goes Michael Myers huh the night his visa got the climb

that's stupid it's all right I'm all right with it Mr. Leatherface that's Mr. Leather. However, there was one night that things went a little too far. My dad killed three babysitters.

I hadn't been trick or treating. My family didn't really do Halloween. Yikes. Instead, we'd get a pizza, and my parents would rent movies for my sister and I'd watch and turn out all the lights so no one would think we were home to give them candy. Actually, you know what? Yeah, this is me as an adult on Halloween. Never mind. This is awesome. I'm sorry.

I remember walking to our kitchen late that night after I had gone to bed and saw my father sleeping in the den sitting up right by the lamp with a phone in one hand and a baseball bat in the other. Yikes. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I did notice we got considerably

less calls around Halloween after that. A few... Is it a video phone? Well, exactly. I got a baseball bat. Okay, asshole. I think maybe this father was into some weird side business. Some mafia stuff.

Oh, totally. And this is just unrelated to the name. I love how Eric was going the mafia route and Chris just went like peyote. Why else are you fucking hanging out on Halloween with a fucking phone and a baseball bat? Yeah, that's true. Sounds like a Chris Cabin night right there. Some peyote and a telephone. See what happens.

A few years later, my mother would tell me that we had changed our name in the phone book to her name. as my father had started to receive legitimate threats to both himself and my family. Norma Bates. Or Judith Myers. I don't know what these threats were, but my father is not one to get himself worked up for nothing. So I imagine they must have actually been pretty serious threats.

What stupid asshole? They're just bullshit, you know? I wouldn't say they were, they're probably not serious. Like what asshole, like, looks somebody up in the phone book and it's like, I won't get that guy. That guy, he's named after somebody that also had a name in a movie.

I'm gonna get him. There are parts of this country where there is not much to do and the internet ain't consistent. We don't entirely embrace education in this country. That's true. Mr. Pinn had took his phone off the hook

for the night. It's called Myers. Gonna go down. Shit rolls down hill tonight, boy. Here come. Sorry dude. Fucking Dr. Leatherface didn't pick up the phone.

I have never asked him what they were and probably never will but it sure is shitty to think that people would threaten someone probably has a joke over their fucking name anyway, love the show you guys are the only Patreon I support and this show has gotten me through a lot of hard times

keep doing what you're doing yours truly scarred for life in the South well yeah thank you scarred for life and we should mention that Patreon on dot com slash we hit movies is a great way to support the show it is and you can get an episode on the Grinch you can get some nexus stuff you'll get some

commentaries and a nightmare on Elm Street commentary but if you're listening to the mailbag you are you know a super fan sure you should check it out it's probably for you this shit is crazy though about this dude sharing the name Michael Myers because I just I recently finished listening to

all of Halloween unmas the Amy Nicholson podcast which I highly recommend she does an episode where she's talking to people that have the name Michael Myers. Oh, that's pretty funny. And it's just all about that whole what it's like having that name.

And I wonder if this person, this person's father anyway, was like involved in that. But it's a very fascinating thing. You know what she called? And then he threatened her with a baseball bat. You know what, Amy Nicholson? Hey, how's Jack Amy Nicholson?

Exactly. What's good for the goose, man? Got her. Eric Siskel, let's do it. Mailbag story. The titles for these, I don't, I just made them up. Oh, so you, you created Mailbag story and the next one. Can I ask you how many of these letters did you write?

Only two this time. Chris Gavin only wrote Mailbag story and Mailbag Story number two. Gentlemen, while listening to the toilet camp discussion during the Urban Legend episode. I don't know if it was much of discussion as it was. we just made a joke about toilet cam. Well, we opened the red door anyway. You're right. You're right.

Well, you're right. I was reminded of a stinky situation for my days in undergrad. Okay, this is not sex crime, confession, by the way. No, it just sounds more like your standard we hate movies. By the way, if you, in case you're wondering,

if you confess to us over the internet, well, we're going to turn you in. Yeah, we're actually... We're not priests. We're licensed bounty hunters. We have the mullets to prove We're deputies of dog Well it's been a while since dog has been prominent

So we're trying to get that renaissance We're trying to get that second wave The dog isons get that going Well that guy turned out to be like a racist piece of shit right Oh that's right I forgot he was a racist Shocking Where all the good bounty hunters gone What is going on with this letter?

I don't know All right let's find out together My hold my hand my roommates and I rented an old farmhouse, a couple of blocks from the heart of campus, and a few blocks from the college bars. Needless to say, we installed a bunch of toilet camp, no. Needless to say, we had a lot of parties after our events at our house. Sick.

We had a dining room that was specifically reserved for drinking games. Yeah, you want to live here. Oh, yeah. And it typically was only cleaned up after, it was only cleaned up before. a party took place. Plastic cups often sitting around for a week or two until hours before the next big party was about to have it. That's disgusting.

But you know what, though? We've all been there. We cannot judge. We've all been there. And as Steve just pointed out, we've lived it. G44 philosophy. That's right. WHM. InJOS.

And I don't think that's a grandiose term to use for it. It is a philosophy. all right oh god this evening was no different so i was a bit surprised when we had a group of guests arrived at our house before nine p.m it was a group of sorority girls that lived up the street one of which i had a significant crush on oh so later that day i went back in with there with a baseball and i came and i said anyway signed ted bunda ted theodore bundy oh shit esquire That was Bill S. Preston. Oh, wait. They were both...

Bill S. Preston, Esquire, and Ted Theodore and Logan. Oh, Ted Theodore Logan was not an Esquire as well. No. No, he was not a lawyer. Disbarred. I was really excited that she had shown up, but I was a bit nervous that they had arrived so early. I had not quite accomplished everything I had wanted to before people were supposed to show up. So while people were saying hi and grabbing drinks, I, page turn. Nice.

quickly darted up to stairs to use the only bathroom to make sure I was able to take a dump before the party started. Pre-party dump, man, very strategic, very important. You need to do it. Yeah, dumping, you've got to dump first. Listen, let me throw this scenario at you guys. Sure.

Party. Imagine having to shit it apart. Party, full swing. Yeah. Eric Siska sneaks away to take a dump. Right. Parties going on. Somebody says, where's Eric?

Oh. somebody whenever i'm not around that's what people say where's poochie and then someone responds i think he went upstairs to take a shit oh humiliating right do beforehand but but with this product you don't have to do that the move shit your pants the move is you you start talking up a lady and then you're like hey you want to do me a favor you want to come in this bathroom and wait in the shower while i take a shit people will think that we're making out but then i'll be able to shit. Look, I came prepared. I have some ear plugs and a fucking

clothes pin for you. This is nothing to do with sex at all. Literally, I need you to be my shit beard, okay? I am not even attracted to you at all. I just need you to be my shit beard. I have slightly better beer. You can have some of that. I've got some sick IPAs up in my room, but I

need you to be my shit beard right now. You guys are disgusting. Hey, it's practical. Unfortunately, all right, now I'll get back to the letter. Unfortunately, this was no ordinary bowel movement. Oh, yikes. I quickly realized my mistake as the stench began to fill the bathroom.

Well, fucking courtesy flush, dude, story over. In a panic, I started the bathtub. What, no, that is, no, because then the steam, dude, no. And quickly flushed all the turds. I reached for the book of matches that was typically in the bathroom. We found that the last match had already been used. Oh, that's a comical situation. This is like that scene from dumb and dumber.

Yeah. After washing my hands, I thought I could quickly run to my room, grab another book of mattress, and burn the whole damn thing. When I opened the door, however, there was my crush waiting to use the bathroom. She's getting in line to use the bathroom. Duge chill, though, man. Oh, I just went cold. By the way, this sorority girl, hard partying.

I'm sure she's taking huge nasty dumps all over town. All over town. I don't know. You know, go to you. Anyway, she liked. You go to J.C. Petty? Yeah, dude, sometimes you go to J.C. Petty, you got to take a shit. You've also got to understand, though, when you're throwing a party like this, when, you know, everyone's invited in air quotes, you know, you got to assume some people are going to show up early.

You got to set up a little bit earlier than this, but, yes, definitely. You should have checked the matches. Two hour buffer time. Yes, exactly. Two hours prior to a party, you have cleaned the dormitory. You have taken your shit. Yes, precisely. Yep.

Oh, boy. Where was I? I froze. I wasn't sure what to do. She asked if I was going to get out of the way. Somehow I calmly... Bathroom bed! Bathroom bed!

Excuse me, I have to take a shit. Bathroom bed! Don't go bathroom. Bathroom bed. If you're going to hurl, hurled to this. So I handled the situation well. Somehow I calmly apologize to her and let her know that when she was about to experience

it was going to be unpleasant. No, don't do that. Never do that. What are you? No. She said she didn't care and that she really had to go bad. I moved out of the way of the doorway

and she slipped by me slowly showing the door. A moment later I heard her loudly through the door. This is fucking nasty. Oh, man. Yikes. I was mortified and convinced that any efforts to continue to pursue her romantically were dead. However, as the night worn on,

she continued to tease me publicly about the situation. Somehow, I rallied my confidence. Hey there, shit boy. But he started to get into it. He was like, yeah, I am a shit boy. Hey, here's this total hunk that fucking wrecked that toilet. And then I, oh, let me read the rest of the letter. And now I pay women to do this to me regularly.

I go into prouted restaurants and they're like, Oh, there's that nasty shit pig that shit all over the bathroom. Can I say for the listeners at home? I'm embarrassed in Iowa. Thank you for your letter. No, no, no, no. That while Steve Saneck was doing that fake bit of letter reading,

he was using the notes we have as if he was reading the letter. That was much commitment. He's a great actor. He's the greatest. Sorry. It's like the Gary Oldman of reading shit. Um, anyway, there's in a fat suit, uh, I, you go method, dude.

I live it. This ain't no disco either. I don't remember many other deal, uh, details of that particular night. Although we did eventually hang out a little bit that summer. Nothing happened between us on that particular evening. But what about the evenings over the summer? Don't, don't structure the sessions like that. That's my next time.

Do you guys have any embarrassing stories making complete fools of yourselves in front of people that you were romantically interested in? Thanks so much for all the entertainment Embarrassed in Iowa So obviously That moment that you used the bathroom Ended any Any possibility with this young lady

I suppose Right? I mean he said they hung out some over the summer Yeah it was like But that was a different thing You're gonna say like Oh and then you know We started dating or whatever

But this is just like No we had a relationship where she called me shit boy And I just took it And then my life went on and I wrote this into a podcast. I thought it was going to be some classic mailbag stories where it's like I did something

fucking horrible. A boo-boo in the bathroom. And then we got married. Which happens often on this show. I'm a little let down. I'm kind of sad. I'm not sure. The wet shit to marriage romance ratio.

Not great from what I know. I will say there was when I was courting someone romantically in college. Nice. And this is a good story about Chris Cabin. And like, you know, we're hanging out. We're just friends. We're just hanging out. We're just hanging out. We're doing a long

talk right out in front of her door, her apartment door. You start spinning the web, dude, with the long talks. And we're just having a long talk. And out of nowhere. I don't even know. I didn't talk to you all. I didn't talk to Chris all day. I didn't know anything.

Just the door opens from across the way. It was an outdoor apartment complex situation. She had an apartment one way like, you know, 200 feet away. This door opens. And I hear, Steve, beer pong. Come on over here. We're doing beer pong. And I'm like, yeah, that is pretty cool.

That's where you grew up. How well where I grew up was? Yeah, man, we're doing beer pong. Shut up, loser. Get in here. We're playing beer pong. And I'm like, yeah, well, my favorite movie is, but beer pong.

And I'm like, well, I guess I'll have to leave you to kill that man. Well, look. I have to have that man to kill. And you've been. Look, my time as the devil on your shoulder. Yes. Was long and storied. That's about to say.

The relationship with Chris Cabin has been never ending. Yeah, wow. It would have. Happily ever after. That's true. What it would have been. cute that was the first time we met you're just screaming that to random people

in the street you just guessed the name Steve yeah didn't I scream at you on the the tail end of a date one time downtown yes yeah we told that story where uh you would tell that story about how you guys threw up in the in the Japanese restaurant oh right yeah I lost a bed about drinking a bunch of wasabi wait wow we have publicly humiliated you a lot haven't I done it in an time when I yelled at you

at some boy, is that the girl you like? Yeah, no, yes, yes, yes. It's shocking that I'm married today. It's amazing. No one saw that coming. No. I never lost it bodily function was in front of, you know,

there's always a thing where you're like, I always find fascinating, you're paranoid about the, like, the first fart. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, right. That's a big thing.

I've been married six years now, so all bets are off. But like, the first fart is always a weird thing. We're like, oh, my God, if I don't fart right now, I think my head might explode. Like, I just, I have to fart so fucking bad. And like in those early stages of relationships, and also with drop and trow and whatnot, you're like, you're making excuses to leave entire buildings. Oh, sure. To go just fucking cut wind and also like drop a deuce or whatever. There's a lot of like, oh, I am.

forgot that back at my dorm. I'll be back in 20 to 26 minutes. Oh, rich boy. All right. I love these Chris Cavan fucking subject lines. Mailbag story two colon mailbaggier, which is just genius. Hey guys, I hope this reaches you all in time for Halloween.

It didn't. Did not. I thought I'd share with you my most horrific Halloween memory. Fair enough. Let's do it. At the tender age of 10, I went to my first haunted house. house in my small town in Iowa. Well, a lot of the Iowans writing in.

I love it. It's my best. We need them. Yeah, you should vote against Steve King next time. Yeah. Get him out of there. God, how the fuck did that have? What were you guys fucking thinking? Probably not these people that rode in.

Blood oaths are a tricky business. You don't really know how deep they go. I went to the first honan house in my small town in Iowa with my best friend, Angela. My dad drove us the entire 10 blocks across town to the country where a makeshift haunted house had been constructed from storage units donated by the city council.

Well, that gives me a reason to go to Wendy. Nadi da Frosty and the spice of chicken full. The good Wendy's. Yes. The good Wendy's. You're out of spicy nuggets? Oh, what the fuck. That is a fucking crime.

The fuck. Can I talk? Do you manage your having back there? Is Wendy back there or what? I heard my dad. I want to see Wendy. Bring me Wendy. March her out here now.

Oh, she's dead, child. Oh, y'all want to speak to Wendy? Oh, it's going to be a minute. I got to go get my crystals, y'all. Let me speak to Wendy. Your mother's on Cox in hell, guys. my dad decided we were old enough to go in

by ourselves. Big mistake. No sooner had we began approaching the entrance then a man with a mask and a chainsaw came running around the corner and began chasing Angela and I. This is unrelated to the haunted house. I took this as something similar

to you being terrorized by that man. Oh yeah, yeah. I mentioned it on a another mailbag. You definitely did. Are you getting flash mask right now? Yeah, yeah. Well, as a child, I was chased around a playground by a man in a jumpsuit and a Jason Voorhe's mask, you know, like a hockey mask. And, yeah, he stabbed me with a fake knife, and I've never been the same. I didn't think you would be.

I should mention, I had recently seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre at 10, my goodness gracious, and was legitimately terrified. I began running back to my dad's car, screaming and crying. completely abandoning Angela. I got in, closed the door, and it was immediately the door reopened. I thought for a second it was Angela. No, no, it was not. Instead, I found myself facing the chainsaw man.

What? You can't do chainsaw man. You're not allowed to open doors. You can't be touching cars. You know what, Jerry, you can't be touching cars. We told you this last Halloween. I know you like to chase the pretty girls around. That's fine.

But you cannot be touching cars. His chainsaw still running. Wait, we're talking real chainsaws? He leaned into the car growling and waving the chainsaw in my face. I began hysterically screaming and my dad bolted from the driver's seat and grabbed him by the shoulders

pushing him up against the wall and screaming, your job is to scare kids, Jerry. Not terrorizing this dude's name was actually Jerry. I swear on everything I hadn't read this email before you. Nailed it. After that, we just left. Never haven't gotten to the haunted house. How about this?

You didn't just leave you. You have a fucking, the lawsuit of the century on your hands. Have you guys ever been terrorized inappropriately by small town haunted house workers? Love the show. Keep up what you're doing, Heather from Arizona. Well, Eric, yes, his life was ruined. Yeah, well, I guess I kind of just summed it up. And it took me a while to get into horror and Jason.

But now that, like, I face that fear. Yeah, fuck that dude. I've become the Batman. Like, I'm all about Friday the 13th. And you know what, dude? I bet you anything? That dude who did that to you? He's long dead. Oh, definitely. I will say I refuse to go into haunted houses until like I was in college. I wouldn't go in. I hate them. I absolutely hate them. It seems like an unpleasant experience. Oh, oh wait, you're telling me that at any moment some person is going to be like right in my like my personal space.

Yeah. Looking at me in some stupid mask and yelling at me. I could just visit my father for that. Yeah. I got family, man. Oh, cool. Oh, and it's. smells like gross candles. Awesome. That's cool. I've never got it with the haunts. You know what I mean? I've never cared for it. And I think it stems from the fact I'm not a huge

fan of audience participation. And that is technically a situation where it's 100% audience participation. Although, shout out that great documentary Hell House. Oh, man. It's incredible about the Christian haunted house. Oh, no. That one's good.

There's another one. Yeah, what's that one? I don't remember what it's fucking called. There's, no, so I know, a fight house or something like that. I know Hell House. I haven't seen it yet.

That's like Christian stuff. Yeah. Steve and I are obsessed with this one documentary. It's about like extreme haunted houses. Yeah. And like the lengths that these people go to, to like physically abuse people, there's like waterboarding and shit.

And it's awesome because of course, behind it all is a white man throwing away his entire family savings to do it. There was a, hold on I'm finding that name of that doc that guy the most famous guy in that documentary is he in jail for life now

no I was watching this show it's on Netflix I don't know if it's a Netflix show is like a New Zealand Wild Country it's the same no it's the same guy it was fucking O'Sho running that haunted house

it's the same guy who did tickled that like New Zealand guy he's got a dark dark as we call DAC Tourism and it's like he's going around doing all these DAC tourist things

and he goes to America and he goes to that that guy's haunted house but it's like he had to move like three towns over because it's been the years and like you have to do this whole whole thing and now you got to wear a snuggy and you got to

like he's making people wear diapers it's getting real weird with this dude shit how extreme is it are you son of way like can they murder you the movie is I'm sorry the documentary is called haunters the art of the scare yes you have to Chris Cabin, Eric Cisca, and everybody else in listener land.

You have to watch this movie. I think it might be on Shudder or Netflix or something. It's on Netflix. It is stupendous. It is like just the fucking epitome of people wasting their money on shit. And it's that weird thing where the guy is justifying it being like, well, honey, the fans are counting on me. You know what, dude? No, shut down the waterboarding station.

That's what I keep telling my wife about this podcast. Fans are counting on me. me. Steve Sadek, let's do it. It's the last one. Halloween 2018. Hello, WHM crew. Thank you for everything you guys do. Stay awesome. I mean, I always like that, but it's always like, you know, there's

like cops and firemen and like EMS. Yeah, and more better than them. And do me a favor everybody. Throw some money to those California firefighters, by the way. I don't have any particular links. I know you can find them using the power of the internet. Fucking throw those dudes some money.

Thank those dudes for the deal. I mean, also thank you for listening and also it's nice that you'd say that but yeah you can throw throw us some money while you're out it's always it's just funny when that happened uh i wanted to share my horrific experience watching the new halloween movie oh my wife liz hi liz and i went to see it on sat on sunday night during opening weekend i expected a slightly rowder rowdy crowd but nothing we haven't seen before of course i was wrong oh shit um as the trailer started up a couple brought in uh a couple brought in a line of young girls ages ranging from

5 to 12. What? What? You do a fucking census? And in front of us. It went down exactly like you'd expect. These girls were chatting the whole time and even worse. They also seem to be trying to out-scream each other. Everybody knows. Preteens love

David Gordon-Green. Yeah, that's true. They just kill for George Washington. It's fantastic. Oh my God, I fucking love all the real girls. Yay! Danny McBride, co-wrote it. Snow Angels is overrated.

One of them would shriek at a mile square, and they would giggle and then one would shriek at the loud, scream as loud. Prince Avalanche is better. It's louder at the next possible opportunity. That sucks. Your hindus is better than Pineapple Express. Kiss my ass. That is a lie.

ma'am, that is a lie Don't teach your kids to lie They were also on their phones Sharing and chatting about Facebook or something Nobody saw your brand is crisis But that's not all Uh oh The couple to our right

Fought about popcorn Through the entire runtime What is there to fight about? Well, you listen up Okay, sorry, sorry He did something with Al Pacino too Apparently the man was eating too much of the popcorn And that was simply unacceptable

He got up three times to refill their bucket That's insane That is insane That is a crazy person That's four buckets of popcorn Between two people That's two buckets of popcorn each The fucking movie's under two hours long

What are we doing? There's just that's there's a problem I'm sorry hon I said dinner and a movie I just you can't even You don't have time to chew that much popcorn Oh my God That's disgusting Scoring his front of each time

His counterpart talked to him over the phone Every time he got up Using the world's worst staged whisper To speak into her popcorn glutton of a boyfriend Wait I'm sorry So this woman was calling this dude While he was out of the concession stand I think it was probably a thing

Where he tried to come back in And she was like Jason, Jason, I'm over here. I certainly hope so. Instead of like you're on the phone, like, it's fucking butter in the middle, Jason. Fuck it. No, then tell her to dump it out and do it again. And last but not least, the lady two seats to my left repeatedly shouted such gems to scream to like, listen to what he has to say.

And what are you doing? You know he's over there. uh she obnoxiously she obnoxiously shrieked several times and once even jumping so bad she spilled half of a large popcorn all over the floor and then the couple from the front started eating it off of the floor no that's not true uh they definitely did though unfortunately my wife and i's passive aggressive stares were not enough to stop this they never are uh i enjoyed the movie my experience was a bit ruined have you ever been uh have you ever uh have you have have have your movie going experience has ever been ruined by a bunch of children or a couple fighting about popcorn consumption thanks a bunch Logan and Liz from Ohio Eric clearly has the only really relevant I'm not going to meant you know what if you want to hear that story about me and popcorn getting into a fight go listen to our episode on SWAT I think it was I forget

that's right back when it might be in the archive I have a half a story it's my brother who is a notorious concession person this man will spend 75 five bucks at the movie. He'll just do it. He'll just go and like he's getting candy. He's getting popcorn. Then there's a rail. Soda pop. He's got the whole thing ready to go. It's disgusting how in shape your brother is. And one time he did this, he was his girlfriend at the time and like it was super crowded bad movie, bad movie theater. He puts his soda down. He sticks his straw in and like he starts to watch the movie and he looks over to his right and the woman is sipping soda out of his straw.

Get the fuck out of it. Is it, what, what? And she was like, oh, I thought that was mine. And he was like, why should some have so much and others have so little? That's fucking outrageous, dude. You know, one time I will say this really

quickly, I went to go see in the theater the Passion of the Christ. Gotcha. Oh, tear. Because, you know, why not? And it was... Well, there's a couple reasons. Yeah, there was a lot of why not. but there was also a lot of whys. And so, reverse that. So anyway, we're in the theater

and like the lights go down. And, you know, if you haven't seen that movie, it's fucking like crucifixion torture porn. He gets a cat-o-nine-tailed in the eyelid. It's really fucking brutal and violent, whatever. This little old lady is walking into the theater. Like, I can't wait to see this new movie about Jesus. Yeah.

And as far as we could tell, she was totally alone. She sat alone. She didn't walk in with anybody else. And she walked in carrying a large popcorn, like a big ass bucket of popcorn. Yeah. Fucking chicken tenders. A huge soda.

And like, because the auditorium just reeked of fried chicken. She had the chicken strips. Yeah. And it was like, you're about to go watch this movie where Jim Cavizal as the Lord Christ is brutalized. And, you know, he would want it that way. yeah that's right fuck him

fuck you Jesus I got all this food now this is your body and I'm eating it up like this dude's getting Eli Rothed in this fucking I worship the devil oh my God

she was a Satanist but I just have to there was something about and this I guess the message of this is like pick and choose where you're getting which concessions because there was something about just watching

who many believed to be the son of God be tortured and murder you were having a trans dental experience at the theater and this woman mucked it up for her. She mucked it up because it fucking smelled like fried chicken throughout the entire auditorium.

It was disgusting. You're like being horrified but you're also kind of getting hungry. That's exactly right. I was pissed on. Waitress. Waitress I'm out of honey mustard. Dude, you see it at the alibo. That is W.HM Mailbag for the month of

November. If you have some fucking crazy ass letters, man. Get those letters in December. It is happening. So maybe some holiday themed disaster stories. We always love those. My new favorite holiday. That's right. We all hate movies at gmail.com. So until next month, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zadak. Chris Cavan.

Eric Siska. Take it easy. That was a HeadGum podcast.