We Hate Movies - S9: WHM Mail Bag: Obnoxious Children at the Movies, Spooktacular Exes, Eerie Event Cinema, and Waiting to Meet Doug "Pinhead" Bradley

Episode Date: October 28, 2018

On this month's spooktacular edition of the WHM Mail Bag, the gang is reading letters about obnoxious children ruining press screenings, eerie exes creeping out former lovers at college, a movie review website hosting a cinema event featuring a contest of dubious motivation, and one guy who almost lost everything just to meeting Doug "Pinhead" Bradley in the forest! We're now collecting emails for our November edition of the Mail Bag, so if you want your stories read on the air, or have questions for the gang, write in to [e-mail] now! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare. Sometimes, death is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in!

It is time to keep your appointment with the Wickham Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks he's seen one too many movies. Now, Sid! Don't you blame the movies! Movies don't create psychos! Movies make psychos! More creative! Put the fucking lotion in the bad after!

What an excellent day for an exorcism. Welcome to WHM Mailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin alongside the whole game. Eric Siska. The whole game? Game. The game is on. Want to play a game?

Time to play the game! Well, we've fucking got your IP address, motherfucker, and we're going to hunt you for sport. You downloaded this podcast, and now you're going to die. It's October. If you die in the podcast, you die for real, by the way. That's right. That's right.

try this again, though. We're here with the whole gang, Eric Siska, Stephen Sadek and Christopher Cabin. We're here reading some hopefully spooktacular letters. Let's get into it with Steve Sadek starting us off. A kid creepier than the boss baby. Oh, yikes. Hey guys, happy Halloween. Oh, I get it.

I got to tell you about a creepy incident. I got to tell you about a creepy incident that happened last year. I'm a film critic. And one of my assignments, is this signed by Richard Roper. I think it says Chris Cabin.

Oh, I see. You wrote in the mailbag. Oh, you got my letter. Oh, my God. They read my letter. I have a little critic, and one of my assignments was to go to a pre-screening of the boss baby on a Monday night. Yes, that movie was a complete turd, but this was the least of my problems. When I get to the theater, it's packed with parents and they're annoying off-spection right away. Press screening where there's parents and their kids are press screen.

For like animated movies? Really? Yeah. Oh, my. Because they want to get the kids to fucking talk about it at the preschool. That's actually a good point. Actually, A.O. Scott brought his kid to Australia when we saw the pre-screening. Oh, yes, he did. Wanted to get his kid talking about that three-hour gem. Get his kid hating him. Talk about that huge Jackman. So just another reason why I hate press screenings, by the way. Words cannot express. Oh, okay. How I, how much I hate this combination of children in movie theaters. And unfortunately, all attempts to find a scene.

away from one of the many families failed. About 10 minutes into the movie, the kid behind me got bored and started kicking the back of my seat. I would too, man. Get me out of boss baby. I'll kick anything. I don't know. I feel like I'd be like too haunted by what I was seeing.

Haunted by the minutes that drag on. It's a great barometer in your press screening. This kid got bored with the boss baby and started kicking seats. after waiting a minute for his mother to say something, I turned and stared daggers at the kid. Yeah. Yeah, you feel like a real big man. He was about eight years old, and he looked back at me with a little smart-ass smile.

You're never going to beat that smart-ass smile, dude. Sorry, try all you will. You could with physical violence, but then your life is over. I'm not going to say anything until the end of his letter, but I'm having flashbacks really hard. When you beat up a child. His mother whispered loudly,

Brandon, stop that. Get your ass away from there. She was wearing a coat, and a shit burn on her face. He stopped keeping my seat. A few minutes later, he started again. And at this point, I turned around and looked at his mother. She apologized and told Brandon if he didn't stop, she would take him home. From that, I got a cold dead stare from Brandon that silently said,

This ain't over. At one point in the movie, when the audience... This rotten fuck. I'm sorry, this rotten fucking child. at one point in the movie when the audience laughed Brandon laughed

mockingly in my direction oh my guy's gonna kill him oh my god he's gonna kill he's got a knife his mother gave a final warning about it Brandon if you don't stop

I'm going to kill you this is your final warning you're gonna die at the boss baby tonight Brandon about an hour out of the movie I started feeling a cold wet drip in the back of my neck I thought the roof might be leaking

no it was Brandon flicking coke off of his straw Oh, shit, dude. I looked around for another seat. This kid's going to be president. It was Brandon. He had slipped my cat's throat, and he was dripping blood on my neck. Red round.

I was looking around for another seat, but this is a packed house. The only open seat was right down in the front and center. Fortunately, at that moment, some people got up and left, so I changed my seat and suffered to the rest of the boss baby. In parentheses, that movie sucks. When the movie ended, I stayed in my seat and left the crowd dispersed. I saw Brandon walking. behind his parents as they walked, as they turned a corner, he looked at me and mouthed something that I could swear

could have only contained the word motherfucker. What in the world? You know what you do that if a kid does that to you? You seduce his mother. Oh, that's right, dude. No greater revenge than sleeping with his mother. That'll teach him. You want to call me a motherfucker, all right?

Also, by the way, it sounds like they have a real problem child on their hand. junior before heading home I stopped by the men's room nice the rest room is back hell yeah dude well the rest room was packed just like this screening what a busy movie but I got into a stall rather quickly as I said there

a small pair of feet appeared outside the door this gets me scared knock knock knock knock the person yanked the door and I heard an adult say Brandon someone's in there use this one the feet remained and suddenly I heard I saw an eye peeking to the

crack in the door. The adult said, Brandon, and he walked away. Jesus Christ. I thought seriously of telling Brandon's parents what he was doing, but really, what was I going to say? I waited a few minutes. When I left the stall, the bathroom was empty. I walked into the empty hall. I didn't see anybody.

I walked out to my car. And cried. From my keys, I see a station wagon drive by, and in the back seat is none of them little Brandon. He spotted me as the car drove away. I was reminded of the final shot of the omen. The worst part of this, because of all the distractions, I had to see the boss baby again.

Thanks a lot, Brandon, you little fuck. Thanks for the laughs, Jerry. You know what, Jerry, one thing, man, you didn't need to see the boss baby again. Got it. Come on. Alec Baldwin says suck it, you know. There it is. That's the movie.

I can give me a thousand words on that. So, Andrew, please regale us of whatever you were going to say about harming children. The year was whenever Iron Man 2 came out. So 2010, maybe. That's when you first got the thirst. We were at RIP, the Ziegfeld Theater in Manhattan. Seeing this movie on the big screen. It's me, my wife, a friend of ours.

And this fucking turd behind me is kicking the seat. Oh, no. And he's kicking the fucking seat. And this is a historic Ziegfeld theater. Exactly. So he's kicking. Have a little respect. Landmarked seats.

And he keeps kicking the seat. And I do this. I mean, my story is Jerry's almost exactly without all the weird bathroom and parking lot stalking. But I kept looking back, looking at the kid, and he's like smiling at me. And I turn around the other way and I look at the parent like, what the fuck? What the fuck are you doing? Are you that invested in Mickey Works swinging electric whips or what? And it just didn't end.

It did the whole movie. It just did not end. this kid did nuts. And there's like, it's this weird thing where like there's nothing you can do. All I want to do is fucking strangle this kid. That's dedication.

He got to you. Holy thing. Well, the thing is like, we need to just break down kids. They shouldn't be allowed to leave the house until they're fucking 19 years old.

They shouldn't be allowed to have confidence until they could serve in combat. Yes. Like, seriously, if you're young and you're confident, you shouldn't be. I have a little bit of an addendum there that actually

You were the kid kicking his seat? No, but Andrew said that all that happened except for the bathroom stuff, I got one about the bathroom stuff. Get out of town. I was at a movie theater in the Bay Plaza in the Bronx. Nice. I don't know what I just saw. The police might be listening to see. Statute of limitations.

No. Come and find me. No. I was watching Die Hard 2. It was 1986. I'm going to go back to my home in New Bruns. Wick. No. Um, so, uh, I'm just, you know, I'm always, I, it's, it's, it's a point of anxiety of me, for me. And I'm, I'm not alone. Anytime the lock doesn't work on the, oh, God. Oh, God. It's just a fucking nightmare. But sometimes you're in a situation. Yep. You got to go.

Okay. So you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're doing a major one. And you're not like trying to lean forward and push your hand. I'm doing that a little bit. Yeah, but it sucks. But it's a swing both ways kind of a situation. Oh, that's number two, right? What were you taking a shit in a saloon? It swings both ways. The shit saloon. Steve Sadek shit saloon. Come on down to Steve Sadek shit saloon.

These bathrooms don't got no doors. We're practically giving them away. You know what? Because it's not one of those ones where it's like you close it as up against the thing and you got a latch. Yeah. Sometimes the latch is broken. It's one of those like, it's the worst of all bathroom stall locks. It's a thin door with a circular thing that you have to twist and sometimes it'll match up to the latch up to the latch.

more often than not those things have been pulled out by some baboon some bathroom bandit exactly one time I took a shit in a stall without a door at all oh yeah but I've also been I've been in combat so it was actually fucking my high school dude oh high school is the worst I don't know because some fat dude had to prove his worth to somebody and kick every door open exactly congratulations so I'm shitting and this kid he he opens the door the other way away from me. And he's just staring there mouth agape

at a 16 year old kid taking his shit and I had to say it I had to close the door you little piece of shit or you're going to meet your brother and you throw a turn at him. You should start throw a turn. That's what it is dude you go into full monkey mode and you start hucking turns

at that kid. Absolutely. Mom I met Gigi Allen. remember this I should have man he did close the door my friend was howling with laughter because he saw the whole incident well Gerald I think after

several years of sessions we've been able to pinpoint that the day your desire to slaughter women innocently occurred when your brain was smashed into shattered pieces when a 16 year old boy threw feces at you in a movie theater bath

yet But that's what that was. I just love that you were taking a shit. Yeah. And you call them a little piece of shit. Yeah. That's great. Chris Cabin.

Ex-girlfriend from hell. Uh-oh. Is this a fucking Richard Lewis story? It might very well be. Dear Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve. That's all of us. You got it. Yeah, but, you know.

First of all, I love the podcast. Thank you kindly. Your episode on The Amazing Experiment 2 never fails to make me and my friends laugh. I like that. That's great. You asked for spooky stories for the October mailbag And I went through a time Where every day of my life

Was like a horror movie And I just had to share this All right In high school, there was a new girl in our grade Which was a big deal in such a small town So I did the typical small town thing And befriended her before anyone else could I swear that she seemed normal in those early months

She was a bit sheltered But we just blamed it on her being homeless Oh, that'll do it. Yeah, that's pretty easy. Every time. Yeah, that's dangerous, man. Home schooled people? Yeah, mm-hmm. That's like Dahmer training, right? Gerald, after several years of sessions. Welcome to the Dahmer Training School. We are now taking neighbors. Welcome to Skull fucking 101.

You've got to bring your own squirrel from home to kill. My yard's tapped out. And we've got the Geysie preschool going next. store um one month later she asked me to the Halloween dance and we started to date nice dating her is not my horror story no the horror movie began after we broke up as we made the decision to stay friends bad move I know classic fuck up fast forward to years later when we are at the same university both of us no triple bad no what do you go to high you go to high school with someone Are you going to university with them? I mean, it worked for these two, Chris Cabin and Andrew Jupin.

I went specifically, what's the farthest one that I can afford? This was the largest automobile I could afford. The furthest one, which was like... You went to his school 15 minutes up the road! Well, we didn't have a lot of money, Andrew. We have this much gas to get you to university. At which point, we'll live with you until we can work to fill up the car and go home. We'll push the car back.

Go on, Chris. Okay. Both of us only knowing each other in this new city. We had grown apart before this because all of my friends were convinced this girl was insane. And there was plenty of evidence to back it up. My sister once saw her playing paddy cake with a fucking brick wall in the middle of our high school cafeteria. That's a fake story. No, well, that's just bricky.

One, two, Freddy's coming for you. She would talk about slow dancing with her cell phone as her boyfriend. boyfriend. He was also her cousin. It's a long story. Wait, the cell phone was her boyfriend and her cousin? What are we saying? Is this girl a calculator? She was talking about slow

dancing with her cell phone as her boyfriend. I mean, it might be a missed word there somewhere. I don't know what that means. The sentence is telling me the cell phone was the boyfriend. Might be a missed screw somewhere. Screw loose. Yeah, yeah.

Now I don't trust anything. From California was on Skype Oh, oh, now I see. Oh, okay, now it's all coming together. Classic read the whole sentence problem. Here we go. So this was her cousin in California on a like a FaceTime type of thing. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah, still can't dance over that. That's even worse, by the way. Isn't it weird that you could fuck over Skype, but dancing's like totally nuts? Wait, hold on a second. You could fuck over Skype. Like masturbating or whatever. Well, I think it's a thing, dude,

you could have like Bob Dylan or John Popper's like harmonica holders. Just get one of those But it's like a little longer And put the cell phone on it And then you're just kind of dancing Oh, that's kind of fun That's a good idea I don't know

Lonely people figure stuff out man You get a whole string thing Like home alone going I know a guy Who can really do the cougar My dad's going with Michael Jordan right now Nevertheless As a desperate and confused

College freshman I said That I could ignore the crazy for a few months I lasted until the end of September until I could no longer live in denial. The girl followed me everywhere. Our first day on campus, she followed me back to my dorm and when I said that I had to take a shower, she got into the shower next to mine.

What? I should mention that at this point, she had gone back to identifying as straight, so this wasn't a half-assed attempt at winning me back. This is wild. She didn't live on campus by choice, and so she was always in my room because she didn't want to go back to her place. Hello, Campus Police Department? Yeah.

Can I get a guard at my door? We had been at university for a week before she started waiting for me outside of my classes. Oh, man. Her last class of the day would end at two and mine would end at four. And I would see her pacing in front of my classroom for the entire duration of my class. Yeah, this would start to get to me. At four on the dots, she would open the door and hold it open for everyone as they left. even after I started actively trying to avoid her

she would always find me after class where she knew I couldn't escape Jesus Christ I really hit my breaking point when I when my head started to itch I had head lice and she was the only one who gave them she was the one who gave them to me

oh I almost threw up all this delicious beer weird I mean how do you get head lice in college at that point right it's a little yeah what are you doing what are you up to yeah I don't know I know what God I don't know Anyway

Maybe she would only go in the shower With him next door With her It's a lady Pay attention I'm trying here Read the email There was no way

That I could have gotten Them from anyone else As nobody else was ever in my dorm room And I only left to go to class or to eat Wow fucking single Your freshman year Not too shabby There was also the fact

that if I wasn't sitting on my bed she was laying down on it. To walk into my room and lay on my fucking bed as if that's a thing people do. I feel uncomfortable just sitting on someone else's bed. Yeah, no thanks. Yeah, I'm not. Floor or bust?

Once the lights were gone. That's a hell of a thing to say. I got rid of her too. Well, thank God. I killed her. To be more exact, my sister and my best friend ambushed her when she was...

Chopped her with a... It's an axe. And then put her in a bucket. Oh, no. It wasn't the bucket. When she was home for Thanksgiving and told her to stay away from me or else. Oh, wow. I didn't find out about that detail until years later, but I'm forever grateful that they got her out of all of our lives.

Have any of you had experience with crazy exes? Thanks again for all laughs. Keep it up. And sorry for the long email. Who is this? Teresa from Canada. Oh, so that was Canadian Thanksgiving They were celebrating

That's cool She was talking about someone's girlfriend From Canada here Oh, they had proof this time Jokes us Americans We wouldn't We wouldn't know her She's from Canada

Yeah, exactly No, I don't think I have anything Crazy ex-girlfriend I think I'm the crazy Yeah, you're a maniac, dude I'm fucking nuts No, because the thing about it is I got a lice right now

I like that she's so crazy she has lice. How did that work? You're lice crazy, man. That's how crazy you are? Yeah, totally. No, I never had any crazy things like that. Because you know why? You stop talking to them. Yeah, exactly. That's how that goes. Just amputate that appendage.

And I mean, like, yeah, I remember specifically, not to go back to my college choices. Everyone, like, all these banners started getting held in the school of like, so-and-so's going to this university. So I was going to that college. What? Wait, this is in high school? Dude, that's fucking weird, dude.

The class is only 200 people, so it wasn't that many people. Only 200 people. Wait, you graduated with 200 people? Yeah. I think I graduated like 50 people. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, no banners for us.

Go talking about your great banners. No, at your school, dude, every time someone got into a college, they spray painted the name of the school on the side of a cow. Exactly. But I could never find out who was going where because they were all tipped. but the but I just remember specifically being like well I'm not going to that school

I'm not going to that school I'm not going to that school wait did you get a banner I think I was the banner yeah I was very nervous I was going to follow my banner interesting yeah that's it like one that like flapped in the wind no no it's like what he called

they're a construction paper joint oh okay oh interesting so not like a not like furled over a castle No, no. Not like a retired jersey. No, no. More of a placard. Yeah.

Eric Siska. That's me. Oh, I'm reading an email. Also that. Getting Pinheads autograph. Nice. Sick. Fucking sick, man.

You finished? Dear W.HM, I figured since the spooktacular is upon us. Indeed, it is. And you did an episode on Hellraiser 3. Indeed, we did. I would recount the time I met and subsequently got an autograph. from Doug Pinhead Bradley. I'm sure he loves that, by the way.

Yeah, he was, please do not refer to me as Doug a pinhead Bradley. You know, do me a favor. How about some consideration? Doug, full staff, Bradley. Known as Pinhead. I was about 13. Jesus, first of all, too early for Pinhead. Too young for Pinhead.

Too young to talk to actors. And my friends and I decided to visit one of the many Halloween attractions in our area. The attraction in question was known as Jason's Woods. I guess they couldn't say Crystal Lake or get sued. Yeah, there was probably like some flyers that were initially printed, and then the cease and desist quickly followed. And the main draw of this journey was an autograph signing by Doug Bradley. Could you not book any of the Jason's?

Clearly that's what this was supposed to be. I am the large drive, the king of Jason's woods. I'm staying in a shitty Pennsylvania hotel. Motel, probably. Which to a younger horror fan like me was a dream come true. We spend a good portion of our night lost in the back roads of Pennsylvania until finally reaching our destination. Let me tell you, some things just aren't worth it. I've got some sites to show you.

This is 90 miles outside of Johnstown. That same mobile you saw about 20 minutes ago. Again, you're in a loop. That's also where you're eating dinner. You wish there was a Burger King. You wish. Oh, look at this. What a delectable sight.

A road sign directing you to the nearest fireworks outlet. An abandoned diner. A museum about hay. Welcome to Jason's Woods, where I dug Pinhead Bradley, Raid Supreme. Yes, it is right off the interstate next to the haunted place

where you can buy a trailer hitch. No, not that one. The shittier place to buy a trailer hitch. Hey, Pinhead, what you want on your pizza again? I told you. you delectable pepperoni's grist always grist they look like nipples that i want to cut off the pizza yeah whatever pinhead you got ten minutes in there you got to sign some autographs pinhead get out of that bathroom we waited in line for close to two hours just to go through the various

attractions and during the course of our waiting i got separated from my friends how did how did you do that, you're probably asking. Well, no, I didn't. Well, I want to know. I stepped out of line in order to get food for our long wait. You needed food while waiting online to get an autograph from a dude who's in a couple of horror movies. Yep, he brought us back to speed.

Oh, look at that. You've brought me some cheese covered twisty fries. He's just taking them, dude. Of course he is. Dude, Pinhead got a notch. Thank you. And it's offering for me, Pinhead, the dark lord. Oh, the photograph is still also $50.

But the delectable twisty fries add a bonus. As I was getting it, a drastic movement in the line caused my friends to move way further ahead and me left holding a massive tray of food. Panic gripped me as I began searching for them, to no avail. As I hope as hope seemed to dwindle, a voice boomed from the stage not too far

and I heard my name being page. I love that this dude gave up all hope. He's like, I'm going to die here. I'm going to die in Jason's woods. After the trauma occurred, we finally got inside to somewhat underwhelming experience. Yeah, I'm holding

a tray of food. Underwhelming experience of some over eager performers and some who clearly didn't want to be there as we went through four different rooms until we finally reached the very end. Each of us got hot giddy.

I don't know what that is. I don't know what you have you never been hot gitty. No, dude. You have lived. Each of us got giddy. Yeah, hot giddy. Each of us hot giddy. I'm awful sorry, pinhead. I got hot giddy

over here, man. I guess they did mean got giddy. Right. With the thought of meeting a real celebrity. And by the way, you were like, oh, wow, Steve Sadek. Of course, that doesn't sound anything like Pennsylvania, go west in Pennsylvania. You will find that

person. You will find Ott Giddy. Yes. There is there are parts of Pennsylvania that are literally hell. Tell me about it. I've got such wonderful Confederate flags to show you. What are they doing up here? I couldn't tell you.

Here's a hot sauce making fun of Osama bin Laden. After close to an hour of waiting, it was almost 1.30 by the time we got to meet Doug Bradley. This is too much time to wait for Pinhead's autograph. I'm assuming this is 1.30 in the morning. Of course it is. Could you imagine being Pinhead sitting there at 1.30 in the morning in Jason's Woods? The Baskin Robbins is closing.

Hey, Pinhead, I know we promised you ice cream, man, but that basket, Robbins closed down four hours ago. I would kill for a Fudgee the Whale. Well, where am I going to cash in my drink tickets? I got five drink tickets. Part of my pardium. The Strow's people left already, buddy. Oh, yes.

Jason's Wood sponsored by Stros. Sorry, sorry. And my worries that he would be some sort of prima donna faded as I shook his hand and he was beaming and grinning from ear to. ear. Oh, that's nice. Happy to see his fans. I got my poster signed and walked away happy. All of the other awfulness

fading away. Thanks. Well, did you fucking eat the tray or what, man? See what happened to that food? That is the biggest mystery of all. Forget the puzzle box. What happened to that tray of food? Thanks for the laughs, Kevin. Well, Kevin, I'm glad that you had a tray of

food and you met Doug Pinhead Bradley. All right, I'm up. Bad parenting at its finest. Hi guys, in honor of Halloween, I thought it would write in about the time I saw true horror in the theater and the possible birth of a serial killer.

I like that. Do you? I don't know. I like what I get to read the weird ones. Okay. The year was 2006, and my now husband, nice, and I were broke-ass college students. Not nice.

Somehow we managed to luck into a few extra bucks and wanted to use it for a rare night out. We decided to go to a movie at our local dollar theater and have a semi-decent dinner. At the theater? Well, you have to like balance that out, don't you? I have such delicious concessions to show you.

It's a hot dog. Yeah, if you're going to the IMAX, you get the Burger King. It's a perfectly sane food to eat. Hey, Penn, add the ketchup and the mustard free, but them onions are going to cost you. It's coming out of your pert to eat, Pinnett.

All the relish you want, big buddy. Fine. Forgo the onions. Paying for onions. Oh, that is the gift that keeps on giving. The dollar theater was where movies that had left the big chains, but it hadn't been released on DVD yet went. That January, our choices were shitty rom-com, shitty comedy, kid movie, action flick, and Saw 2. We flipped a coin between Action Flick and Saw 2.

Saw 2 won the toss. They will kick this way. No, you lost the toss. We pay our dollar to get in and then $10 for snacks and settle in. The movie starts and after the first scare, someone starts crying. Like they just came home to find their loved one dead sobbing. My husband, who has never given a fuck in his life, I love this dude, yells at the crier to shut up. Yes.

This is awesome. It stops for a minute and turns into loud sniffles. We're annoyed, but we press on. Even you keep watching the movie I mean you're pressing on Well doesn't anybody remember the start of Dunkirk Yeah we press on

Oh we have to turn back now boy Oh awesome 80s Dunkirk Listen the Saw 2 just started We've got 91 awesome horror minutes left There's no escaping this We're going back to Saw 2 Donnie Walberg's still out there The next big scare happens

and from behind me, someone starts screaming. Not a little scream. It was an... I'm sorry, you saw, saw, too. What's the big first scare? I was trying to... No, I was going to ask cabin. I forget.

I don't remember. Is that the one with like the bear trap on the dude's head? They all have a bear trap on something. That's right. I turned around to see who was screaming in my ear and freeze horrified. It was a girl no older than four

wearing a door of the explorer shirt. Shut up. Sitting in her father's lap. Yeah, these are terrible parents. She's grabbing at his shirt and sobbing while he's looking straight ahead, not paying attention to his sobbing toddler. My husband gets up to find an usher, and I keep looking at this toddler, waiting for her father to comfort her

or notice my look of disgust. Baby child, or no, we press on to saw two. And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. Watching saw two. My husband comes back, grabs his jacket, and loudly says we are leaving. The usher says he can't kick them out because they don't know where they're sitting. Clearly, behind us screaming was not enough of a hint on their location. As we go out, two other couples get up and we all go to the manager.

Turns out that one couple had a pair of kids next to them so freaked out that they had crawled under the seats while their mother ignored them. How much do these fucking scumbags need to see the second saw movie? It was a big hit. the other couple were special ed teachers who were sitting near a boy who had Down syndrome they said he looked 18 but probably had the mental capacity of an 8 year old

it turned out he had been the one sobbing during the opening this just keeps getting worse does this kid love I mean like does he love horror movies or what or are you just dragging this kid that doesn't want to see we can't find anybody to watch this guy and we so desperately need to see sought to like the fucking losers we are Even gorehounds breed, which is a thing you should not be able to do.

Oh, trust me, I've seen that, man. You don't want to see that. Your rental history should sterilize you, like the government should come in. Mine did. That's true, right? You got sterilized. Excuse me, sir. Did you get past Hellraiser bloodline?

Okay, yeah, yeah, we got to snip this. We got to snip this right now. Yes, fine. I will sign your pinhead tattoo right next to the tattoo of your daughter. Nice juxtaposition Fuck face After getting back our 12 bucks Hey Pinnett, don't mouth off over there

Hey Pindad, you be nice to these fans, boy How's your shopin' doing? It's a guy in a lifeguard chair Like poking him in an aluminum stick Fucking blowing his whistle in his ear We both agreed that in 10 or 15 years If that girl became a serial killer, her parents would blame violent media

on her behavior and not their shitty parenting skills. That is, if she didn't kill her parents first for being shitty parents, yeah, usually they are the first to go. Yeah, man. What is the worst movie you've ever seen parents take their kids to? Thanks for all the great laughs and have a great Halloween, Gina. Well, thank you, Gina.

I hope to have a great Halloween. I hope you do too. Yeah, I, you know, there's the, the... Yeah, the hostage story, that's a classic Steve Sade. A hostile, excuse me. Yeah, I can't remember any. It is hostage. It is hostage, sorry.

Great movie to bring your kids to. What is hostage? Hostage is a Bruce Willis movie wherein he's held hostage in his own house. It's like Ben Foster is playing like a psychopath. It's a little bit more gory

than you would expect for a Bruce Willis movie. Yes. And at the gory's part, some guy, some kid starts crying. Some guy from the other end of the theater goes, great movie to bring your kid to. If you can't get a babysitter, wait for VOD.

In this day and age especially, the theatrical windows are smaller and smaller. That shit will be on Amazon before you know it. Allegedly. Well done. Steve Zadak. I'm a nightmare person. We know, but could you read the email? Yes. Oh, nice.

You've been waiting for that. I love it. Trapped him. Is the title of the email. Loving the spookacular. As always, I can't wait to hear the commentary on Nightmare and Elm Street reboot. Thanks for the book. Yeah, that is on patreon.com slash we hate movies. And why don't you just

go, if you're listening to a mailbag, you are WHM super fan. Not everyone does that. Just go, poke around, check it out. It might be for you. Which has been long been my vote and others, no doubt for listener in Quest Month. On that note, I decided to share, I thought I'd share a story about Freddie versus Jason and how I'm the most embarrassing person and suck as a girlfriend. Uh-oh. The year was 2003 and ain't it cool news. Oh, fuck. A special world premiere screening event of Freddy versus Jason as part of their Rolling Road Show, known as Camp Hackenslash.

My God, In the cool news is just the bottom of the internet. Dude, fucking Camp Hackenslash, will you just please, for the love of God, just let me go to the movies. What are we even doing? It was set up as a summer camp in Kyle, Texas, not far from Austin. It had a bunch of different camp activities that attendees could participate in, such as Dodgeball, Random and Freddie Jason-themed craft. Just let me watch a movie. Or just wait until it comes out, dude. You know what?

It's not worth it. I'm sorry. It's just not worth it. Burn the hot dogs, Freddie hot dogs. Just make them in the microwave. And that's, you know, that's all you got to do. Hey, this is on theme. Shitty burnt hot dogs.

I, however, had spent the week cramming for the trivia contest. I'm a dyed-in-the-wolf, Fredhead, but my Jason knowledge was not up to snuff. Oh, fuck. He's the one in the hockey mask. Hey, tip. I had not heard that Fredhead, have you heard? No, I'm sure that's got to be a real thing.

That's disgusting. Oh, I don't think this person would make it up. In my desperation to get picked, I went as far as to wear cat ears. As you may have guessed, 18-year-old me was also an anime nerd, which did not help my coolness factor. Or it did, depending on who you're talking. These days, it would help. I was heartbroken and even cried when I wasn't chosen for the trivia contest,

despite my Kermit the frog flailing. Oh, that's this. Gotcha. I wish people at home could have seen that. But damn it, I wanted to win something. My best, my ex-boyfriend and my mom came with me, but mom was not having any of the shenanigans. Well, you dragged your mother to Camp Hacken Slash.

I hope mom brought two fucking packs of cigarettes for that day, my friend. And a big old jug of Carlo Rossi. They got beer at this hackin slack. They got a cigarette machine, or what? I'm with you, madam. Bourbon to go or what? My ex participated willingly in the hot dog eating contest and came in third. Unfortunately, no prize for third.

No prize for third, and he ended up vomiting up black sludge of hot dogs the next day. What was in those hot dogs? That was before we said, you complained about those hot dogs, Pinhead. It's the best you're going to get. Piped down, pinhead. That was before we started living together, so lucky I had to clean it up.

Not to be deterred, I pushed him into participating in the wet t-shirt contest, which was open to both genders. How progressive. First of all, wet t-shirt contests. Oh, yeah, ain't it cool news presents the wet t-shirt contest,

giggle. I figured the more attention the better, so I drew a bunch of hearts, and flowers and lipsticks on his chest beforehand. Literally right before he was about to go up, the dude in front of him, dropped his shorts, and started doing some sort of Marilyn Manson impression. My ex lucked out and managed not to publicly embarrass himself

and all of a sudden end up having a relatively good time. The movie was god awful, but there was a Q&A after with Robert England and Ken Kersinger. Now, Ken Kersinger played Jason in that movie? Yes, I believe so. Okay. And later, once the DVD was released, DVD.

I was pleasantly surprised that I showed up on the extras as part of Camp Hackenslash. Finally, vindication. Dude, now we're putting, we're putting AID Cool News on DVD.

80 Killed News fucking practically financed that movie, my friend. That's the reason it came out. There are movies out there where I guarantee that Harry Knowles did a commentary for it. Oh, of course there are.

Anyway, there's probably some in this house right now. I'm sorry, but there's probably some. I have Freddie versus Jason on DVD. Well, we'll go, we should check out and see

Sam from San Antonio. Anyway, do you guys have any stories about special movie events that went off the rails Q of the great work and I promised not to do the same shit I was 18 that I

that I did when I was 18 when I now that I am 34 Sam from San Antonio screenings that went off the rails well I've never been to like event cinema shit like this because I don't care yeah

they did like a lot of this kind I went to I had to cover Comic Con once and they did a lot of this kind of shit there Yeah, like, and then they would premiere like... Yes. Were you shit in me? I don't know.

Cabin, did you participate? I did not. I mean, I, I, you waited. He shit me. He shit me. I shifted you. You shit me, man. All right, go on.

Like, you would watch, like, you would get to, like, hit, like, foam Rick and Morty's, and then we'd watch the first episode of the next season. Dude, that sounds off the rails, yo. Comic-Conn's where it's at. I'm just not a fan of this, like, immersive. brand shit. That's the thing. I don't care about any of it. I don't want to participate. I will watch. I'm not

participate. Yeah, no way. I enjoy bar trivia. That's about as close as I come, man. If you got treats for me, maybe. Like food and stuff like that. I've never been like a dress up, a cosplay person. Again, it's all totally fine to enjoy that stuff. Just never been my scene. No, yeah. Halloween

is the time for costumes. Mm-hmm. How I live. In this, in this, in this story we've revealed our bias and our old age. We're a bunch of cranks. I know. By the way, a penis was brandished and then they ushered out elderly

fucking Robert England to give a Q&A. How fucking sad. Hey, saw that dick back there at the wet t-shirt contest. Why'd that get shut down again? Saw a talented young man up there. Hey, Kruger, you want these drink tickets or what?

Better button up about that t-shirt contest. As far as you're concerned, it never happened. Can I get some of those hot dogs? You get half a hot dog. You share it with pinhead, all right? I'm picturing them both eating a hot dog and kissing like it's a lady on the tramp. I like where that goes. Beautiful. And that is the October mailbag. Thank you for scaring the pants off us with these emails. How about some food related stuff? Thanksgiving is right around the corner in November. Family, family friendly. How about that? Like Eric Siska family friendly.

comedian. We want some family friendly stories. Exactly. Exactly. Less pukes and shits for next month, too. I mean, because you're saying food, it's all going to be pukes and shits. I don't want to hear nothing about no diarrhea. Until next month, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Chris Gavin. Eric Siska. Take it

easy. Sometimes, dead is murder. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks using one too many movies. Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies?

Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos. psychos for creative put the fucking lotion in the bag was an excellent day for an exorcism that was a hate gum podcast