We Hate Movies - S9: WHM Mail Bag: WHM (At Work) Without Headphones, Concession Stand Thieves, and Flying with Hot Food Terrorists

Episode Date: July 12, 2019

On this dip into the WHM Mail Bag, the guys address super important issues like: how awkward it can be listening to this show without headphones, stealing concessions from the multiplex you work for, and one of the worst flight companions to ever exist. PLUS: Is it too late for a Vega Brothers movie? If you want your questions answered on the air, or have a wild story you want the guys to comment on, write into the Mail Bag: [e-mail]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Check on the catam bala la la la la la la la la la la la Hey gang big news in the world of we hate movies live appearances in this one Well you better get your holiday code on because it's not happening until December. We're so excited. It's actually a hometown show for this jersey boy. Only you. Jersey City's beautiful White Eagle Hall will be hosting the We Hate Movies podcast

and we're going to be talking about a Christmas movie. Eric Siska, what is that movie? Oh my God. It is the Santa Claus, the original film. I don't know. Is it original? Yeah, it's original. The first one. Tim Allen, yes. Finds a fat so false office roof. Yep. We're going to be talking all about it on December 7th, which is a day that will live in infamy at the White Eagle Hall. I mean, it incidentally lives in infamy. We're just went to the side of it. We're adding to the infamy. Yeah, exactly.

It's more infamy because this will be our debut in Jersey City. And this is what it's come down to, folks. Steve Sadek, refusing to get on planes, refusing to get a driver's license to help out with rent a cars. I refuse to get on a train for this show. I'm fucking walking. I got to walk to the venues. I guess this is the new normal gang, only wherever Steve's legs can carry it. But it's an awesome venue, and it's really close to the train.

If you're like, you're in the city or if you want to drive in from Pennsylvania, wherever. Right, the path train's not too far. Path train's not too far. Stones throw, folks. Come on out to the White Eagle Hall. That's right. It's Christmas time Again It's time to be nice to the people

You can't stand All year Welcome to W.H.M. Mailbag, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupin alongside the whole gang, Steven Sadeek, Christopher Cabin, Eric Siska. We're going to read some letters for you. That's what we're going to do. We're going to read some letters that you wrote. Welcome to the mailbag. What is that? along with us as we go on a, on a, on a, on a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, is John Reese Davies?

No, that would be more racist. Oh, ho ho. This journey. Uh-huh. John, that's a good name. No, I'm not going to, I'm going to stop doing that. Let's get right into it, though, Steve, you can start reading the first letter. Yes, uh, it is titled, what are you listening to?

Uh-oh. Hey, gang. Uh, this is a short one, which I love. Uh, yeah, I appreciate short correspondent. That's not you. I thought that was you for a second, but that's what the letter says. It says this is a short one,

but then I added what I love. Being a short one myself, I appreciate it. I love a good short one. You like shorts, right? You wear some high, high shorts. Oh, definitely.

Salute them. You know, respect those shorts. Get the fuck out. Thank you for your shorts service. Yes, exactly. Respect the shorts. Because it's summer.

This is summer bag, right? Shorts live? The summer bag. We're recording this after. Memorial Day. So it is a summer bag. It's a summer bag. Well, actually, it's not quite a summer bag because my balls aren't sticking to my leg quite as much yet. Not just yet.

Not just yet. Fingers crossed for next week. Garbage smell hasn't started wafting through the New York airs. Although the hot piss on the sidewalk certainly has. Thanks a lot of homeless people and the drunk. You can finally put your balls in nice whites. You can wear whites. Your balls can wear whites. Cotton white. All bag. I get the all balls. letters. No, I guess you consider it a PSA

We 8 movies is not safe for work, which I mean, that's what that E is for, man. That's what the E is for. Well, you thank Tipper Gore for that shit. You don't think people want to hear about Joe Pesci's maggot. To be fair, it depends on what kind of job you have. It's true.

Maybe, you know, maybe you work at an adult bookstore. I don't think anyone's going to care if you know. Or, you know, suggesting at Joe Pesci's maggot looks like the little worm from a labyrinth coming out of the wall. Gotcha. I haven't been listening to one of

your infamous mailbag episodes while it worked yesterday. Mind you, I didn't have my headphones on as they were charging. First of all, what are you fucking doing? You're like, you're walking around with a loaded gun. You're the boombox practically. Seriously. I don't, I mean, whatever transpires

after this buddy, it's your fault. And this is why I always I'm a wire man. wire me. I'm not charging my headphones. I need headphones. I don't know when I'm going to be on the subway. I use it to sleep. I just need headphones at all times. I've travel phones. I've desk phones. Yeah. I've got them in multiple locations. So they're always there. I just use my AirPods and act responsibly with the battery. Yeah. Well, that's just fantastic. That's just fantastic. It would be fantastic to have that much time. Yeah. You know, like they should have that much time. Or memory that one. That few things to worry about. I'm worried about AirPods. Dude, you know what, Steve, ABC. man, always be charging. As one of my much older female co-workers. Take that lady.

Wow. Take that Marge. We were in high school together. Much, my much older female co-workers. Why does it underline? I didn't know you could do that in email. Is this podcast about Rosie the Riveter? Oh my God. Leave Rosie out of this.

Rosie was great, man. Yes, she is great. Wait, did you seriously not know that you could fucking underline text and emails? You can? Oh my lord. It was one of my much older. There's a word doc there. Female co-workers walked in the break room. She greeted me as she walked

over to the vending machine just a few feet away from me. She said you listen to those podcasts again, Mr. Vega? She asked casually. And then Vincent Vega shot her in the belly. Wilsst taking his shit.

By the way he has, he shits twice in that movie, I guess, supposedly. So we don't hear. Yeah, we don't hear the splash. I don't think so. I didn't it to rewatch that, but does you do the splash? You can hear the splash back? You just see him on the turn. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He could be backed up. He could

be backed up. I need confirmation. I need at least splashing or wiping. You don't need it. You just want it. Actually, speaking of the other Vega brother, I'm going to read this as Lawrence Tierney and Reservoir Dog. Oh, wait. But I was going to listen to those podcasts.

again, Mr. Vega. Right, because Michael Madsen was also Mr. Vega, right? They were going to do the Vega brothers forever. That was going to happen. You go buy headphones, you plug them in, you go home, that's all you got to do. That's all you got to do.

Vic Vega is outside. Who? Vic Vega is outside. Before I could even answer her question, the poor woman is subjected to the following. I don't know who said this originally. Did that come up when you googled beastiality? Affleck stink.

Then somebody else said, the Affleck will spray his mate before penetrating. Yeah, that sounds like us. That sounds like Eric and me specifically. No, this does not bring true to me. I immediately stopped the episode and hung my head in shame before I could even respond.

The woman simply stated, I'll do a, I'll do Lawrence Tierney again. You have to. I guess I shouldn't ask. and proceeded to leave the room. Stop pointing that podcasted at my dad. Yeah, that's humiliating, man.

Larry, you and me go back a long ways, and we listen to a lot of podcasts together. But if you talk about bestiality in front of my dad, I'll shoot you in the head. Hey, where's my podcast dead? He's in the bedroom. Yeah, I mean, this is a sign John, and I imagine.

imagine John Vega unless he's using a nom de plume here. Maybe he's being clever. What is it John Vega? I don't know. Well, why is that clever? Well, no, because he says his last name in the middle in the middle of the email. Well, maybe it's just a mistake and you just fucking docks this dude. I mean, first of all,

the one John Vega in America. Yeah. Well, he left his address too. I mean, if my last name was Vega, I'm definitely going by Johnny Vega. That's how that's going to be. And then eventually, and depending upon how hip you were to participating in orgies, that would then transform into Johnny Vegas.

I like it. Real quick. Johnny Vega, don't you have to become a street fighter then? Yeah. Isn't that by law? It depends if your face is mangled in some wish. Yeah, if you ever been in a car accident.

Right. Street fighter, that guy was named Vega. He was. He's the third Vega brother. What was his first name? You don't know, it was just Vega. Yeah, dude, who's a man of mystery. It would be a Vega brother's movie. it would be Michael Madsen, John Travolta,

and somebody playing Vega from Street Fighter, and they have to go to Spain to get him out of trouble. Was Vega in that first Street Fighter movie? Yes, he was. Barely. That's too bad. Yeah. I think nobody played him.

Oh, that checks out. Wow, that's that first Street Fighter movie. But it would be great. The plot would be great. You'd be like the Vega brothers got to go save someone. Ask Vega because like some dudes just poured acid on his face. Oh, totally. You know, the crime business that happened.

Yeah. He fucked up our brother. I got to say it's not too late for a Vega brothers movie. It is, I'm sure people feel that way. One of them's been dead since 1994. And the other one's been dead since 1992. Damn it. I don't, well, yeah, I guess that's fair.

You would just de-age them like they're doing for the Irishman. Yeah, that's what I want to watch is a fucking de-age Travolta, no thanks. What if it's just an alternate universe where that shit didn't have it? Oh, that could be. And it's just the two of them and they're doing something. I could get it to do it. Okay, so it's a what-if story. It's some fan fiction I wrote, man.

Yeah, I'm a fan of myself, Jan. And this fan fiction has no foot fetishes, no foot fetish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll believe it next year. All right, Chris Cabin. I mean, yeah, that happens a lot. You know, you should always, always listen ahead. First of all, nobody needs to listen to your podcast, whether it's this podcast or anybody else's podcast or music, headphones.

Well, especially anyone else's podcast. Yeah, definitely not everybody else. No, but the point is just stop bothering people. Exactly. Indating people with your personal preference and fucking put headphones on. Just email it to them. Nice little link. Just send a couple of links.

Forward, forward, forward. If they click on it, it's their responsibility. Uh-huh. All right, Chris Cabin. Okay. Grand Theater larceny. All right. Your recent mailbag discussing movie theater popcorn thiever

reminded me of an especially egregious instance of theft from my time at a rave theater in Louisville. Kentucky. Yeah. Do you do acid at that? Okay. That's pretty good. Oh, God. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, you've definitely been to a rave. Do you do that again? Vic Vega.

Yeah, oh, totally. Yeah, and now you're going to go punch a card. DJ Vic Vega. Or DJ Johnny Vega. Yeah, that's it. There it is. DJ Johnny Vega. Vega's got the claw and he's holding the head. Yeah. Yeah. only worked there briefly, but made some close friends in my time there, including an usher concessionaire named Andy. I know who that guy is. Hey, Andy. Take this popcorn, Andy. Andy was 20 years old at the time of his employment and thus unable to legally purchase alcohol.

Fortunately, for him, this theater had a restaurant serving liquor and the worst possible inventory controls. Oh, Jesus. There you go. It just gets you every time. Shitting hands and thrown in a people. That sounds like a disaster. That's exactly what it meant. numerous times Andy referenced to me how easy it would be to pilfer beverages from the restaurant in a joking manner but I was...

Joking. Yeah, exactly. What if we stole all this? Yeah, exactly. It's a perfect crime. Except for they know exactly who did it. Maybe you think we could steal these chairs. What if the till was just a little light tonight, right? That'd be kind of crazy, right?

Hey, what if we made out? What if? What if? What if I take home the movie? Breescreen. That'd be fun. Brillel of like rolling up like a rug, right? It's funny. It'll be hilarious if we bootlegged all the movies in the theater after hours.

Wouldn't that be greatly hilarious? That's a good idea. Not bad. But I was technically his supervisor at the time. Oh, idiot. Shot him in the head. I shortly left the theater for a different career and ended up moving in with Andy and a few of our friends. I see two left theater employment.

We were planning to throw. a party the first weekend we had moved in and the subject of alcohol came up when I offered to purchase necessary libations, thanks buddy since I was since I was of age Andy laughed and looked at the

other roommates knowingly hold on, hold on, hold on. So timelines get a little messed up here. Andy is 20 when they're working in the theater and apparently still can't buy alcohol while you're moving in with someone who works under you Yeah, I was technically, he left the theater shortly there.

Shortly. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. This all checks out. Okay. Don't worry. We're not being lied to yet. He can't drink libations yet. Oh, man. You are so annoyed at that word. Still weird. Still weird. He directed me to his room where he pulled out a surprisingly, surprisingly heavy plastic tote from his closet and opened it up to reveal at least 30 or more bottles of liquor, including makers, Mark. And Crown Royal. Yeah, it'd be funny if we did it, is what I'm saying. It would be funny. Look how hilarious this is.

He also had three wrapped packs of theater readmission tickets. Oh, dude. Wow, this is like Oceans 11. Yeah, this is like literally larceny. Yeah. This is a crime. Well, Grand Theater larceny. Yeah, it's true.

Which were typically given to theater goers who had experienced some sort of issue with their showing to see. movie a different day. Each pack effectively contained 50 tickets to the theater. So today, like, so 50, 150 times 12 bucks. That's, yeah. Well, the problem in the middle America's

10 bucks. We're not getting money. Yeah, they're not selling it. But $1,500. You know, that's, but the cash value matters when you steal stuff. Yeah. Oh, no, I see what you're saying. I thought you were like thinking some sort of resale scam. No, no, no. Like going down to the street corner, handed out movie tickets. The first one's free just to get it.

paste. Oh, no, I'm out. Okay. This is a bad business. How you like that Avengers, that Avengers Infinity was, huh? Yeah, guess what? In a couple months,

you're making an end game. Everybody comes back in that one. That was like the other movie didn't matter, but you need to see it. You need to see it. $1,500 for these tickets. The first day is free.

They're more expensive than just going to the theater. Yeah, $100, $100 to see Endgame. Infinity War was. was free. Endgame is that would be fucking awesome if Marvel did that. Not awesome but terrible. Like, oh yeah, end game is just 90 bucks a ticket.

Oh, yeah. That would break those people. You want to know, you want to know what happened to Captain America? Yeah, you wouldn't be fucking laughing about watching that movie four times in the theater. And now I'm broke. Combined, I estimate Andy had stolen well over 1,500 worth of theater

value in his time of employment. And all without being caught or suspected by management. What? Wow. That's stupid. Charlie from Louisville. Not until we just, I mean, I hope we're using pseudonyms here. I hope Andy's not, you know. Oh, you know Charlie? Yeah, yeah. He moved with that guy, Andy.

Yeah, Andy used to work. Yeah, he stole up from us a lot. Yeah, yeah. Oh, call the police. How do you just miss 30 bottles? Yeah. Well, you know, one every, you know, a week or so. You think he was doing that? Like a little bit, a little bit. Oh, yeah. It wasn't a massive heist. Just skimming a little bit here and there.

I wish it was a massive heist. They play Paul Oakenfold while they're taking like makers mark out of the... Yeah, and also maybe the inventory was so as such where they had like 30 makers mark. You know what I mean? Like where you're not like you can kind of just slip away with that stuff as opposed to like, I don't know, I feel like most places, a movie theater should have like one bottle of makers mark on it at one time. Yeah, that's like whiskey you serve it at this place. Well, it depends upon what kind of, I don't know what's going on at rave theaters.

I've never been to one. This theater deserved it. I'm changing my position. Fuck these guys. You guys did right. I agree with that. Fair enough. I think that's a good statement.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not, I certainly never stole anything from any of my jobs. Present or past. I don't know. I used to steal stuff from the multiplex all the time. Wow, that sounds like a crime. Boxes of candy, bulk candy, drinks. Oh, yeah. Well, you notice we're not saying what theater we worked for.

Well, it's also been demolished. Also, just listen to any other mailbag to find out which theater you were. He sent you together. I don't think we ever let that one out of the bag. for the right reason it's no longer standing I would when I worked at a bagel place

I would make my own bacon sausage sausage egg and cheese uh huh that'd be free though that's not that's not too bad you're giving yourself double bacon on that

oh yeah yeah oh yeah you do it you're making a fucking stack you can fucking put as much bacon as you want on it's your own sandwich I can know like

thievery stories really I remember once I was in the mall as a child very young as most children are a minor yeah and like

Someone had, like, dropped, like, a $20 bill in the store. Uh-huh. And I went and, like, picked it up. And the shopkeep was like, hey, that ain't yours. I'm like, how the fuck do you know? I was like, it isn't mine. Dude, did you go prove it? No, no.

I was, I was frazzled because I thought I had the perfect crime. Yeah. And I just put it on the counter and walked out. I got caught shoplifting with that little shoplifting phase in my mid- Really? Was it brainstorm or whatever, whatever this game? Bones. Oh, bone storm.

Bonestorm, this instance. No, there was a little bodega down the way that I'd go to all the time, and I was very into gum, and gum was pretty expensive. You know, gum's like two bucks a pop for gum. You know, like the dentine ice kind of gum. Oh, yeah. Kids used to be into gum. Now they're into gun.

I don't get it. And I had like this huge, like, kind of zip up hoodie that I would wear, and I would just like, you'd go up to the counter and talk to the dude, and you'd just be like kind of grab and stuff. Oh, shit. Yeah, I did that for like, a month that I didn't get caught until I finally didn't think I was like get out of my store I'm like yeah

I was like please don't arrest me it's humiliated to get caught that's stealing that's a more honorable thing than me getting caught stealing pornography which did happen Monday this month yeah this past Monday I was arraigned no I was like there was a local

like it was just kind of a bodega but it's into the suburbia so it's like a news shop yeah yeah yeah Colson's, you know where I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. We're just throwing out all sorts of proper names today. But so, okay, so I did it. I, like, I had like a little, a bigger pocket in my coat.

It was a pornography size pocket. Hold on a second. They didn't keep this shit behind the counter? No, no, no, no. This is straight out there. Really? It's disgusting. It was a fucking, like, gross liquor store.

Yeah, yeah. It's a magazine rack, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they covered it. They did the cover thing, but, like, yeah. So I do it, and I get out out of the store, fine. And I hear, I hold the door open for the guy behind me, and he says, hey. And I was like, yeah, and he's like, you want to put the merchandise back?

Oh, man, and he's calling pornography, the merchandise, by the way. She went around, you had a blade, and you slid his throat real fast. I can't get caught. I won't go back to porn. No, he's this retired cop guy who looked like Philip Baker Hall. Oh, God. And he made me go back, like, he's like, I ain't going to bust you, nothing, just go and put it back. Okay, that's what that's not as bad.

I went and put it back. And then I locked eyes with the guy at the counter who clearly knew what was going on. Oh, sure. And that guy later substitute taught one of my classes. Did you slip you some porno at school to like make up for it? Just death stare. What kind of mag we're talking about here? I think it was a penthouse ladders.

Okay. The forum? Yeah. There's not even any pictures in that. I'm not, I'm just getting what's easy, man. Some people. The mind. They still had pictures.

The mind. is an erogenous zone, Andrew, okay? So, like, painting a picture and literature. That's horses shit. I never read Penthouse letters or penthouse. So I don't know what's in it. Well, I didn't get to, Eric.

Well, they are all fictional stories. Right. So there's that. Yeah. Yeah. And they're fictional ladies, too. Within the stories, yes. Yeah. All right. Next letter. Me? Yeah. Yeah, that's right. It's you. Is it the two shit flight?

Yeah, that's the one. Hey guys, I'm a huge fan of your show and have been listening for years. I thoroughly enjoyed your recent episode on Final Destination, particularly, particularly the, oh, God damn it, you people put in these fancy words. Tangential. Discussion. We can trade off about the time. I'll just say line. Lime?

Reading. about yeah i didn't do that too good in school about the uh time not existing in airports the etiquette of hot food drinking on planes that was a slash i kind of drove right past it's a slash it's pronounced slash and movies with two shits i travel frequently for work and have a story i'd like to share

that includes all of those topics well let's get to a email you'll tell you a movie doesn't have two shits is that bird man movie because I didn't give two shits about it. Wow, still complaining about Birdman after all these years. That's Lenny Butter's movie reviews. I didn't give two shits about that bird man.

First of all, if he shits, is it like a little white plop. Oh, man, there's Birdman to have a thing like real birds where it's like the pissing and the shit's in the same thing. Oh, that's amazing. That's what birds do. There's a word for it that I can't remember

and you wouldn't be able to read. It's a plop. This week, we're doing Spotlight. I gave one shit about this. I gave it precisely one shit about Spotlight. Yeah, I like this. Because them priests were fucking horrible. Mad Max Fury Road five shits.

I gave a full five shits. That's a full toilet for Fury Road. You see Charlita Ron in that movie? She's amazing. He was transporting a tanker of shit. Anyway, a couple of years back I was traveling home From a week-long work trip overseas I had just gotten off a red-eye flight

And was headed towards the gate To make my early morning connection flight back home I don't sleep well on planes But thought I could if I had more leg room On the second flight of my trip I asked the woman at the gate desk If she had any emergency exit row window seats available because I wanted to open it mid-flight.

I was going to say, that's a bit suspicious. Nobody ever asks for those seats. Were you sweating and itching yourself as well? She didn't have a window seat, but she got me the next best thing, a two-seater row with no seat next to the emergency exit. Oh, I've played this game before. It was technically a middle seat,

but there was no seat to my right. Yep. And there would be extra leg room. I boarded the plane in one of the early waves of people took my seat and prepared to settle in. As the time moved on, no one sat down in the aisle seat next to me. Was I going to get lucky and have a two-shooter myself?

That's the dream. Which is the best. You just like the hair on your neck starts tingling. Everyone do that before? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've gotten that too. Oh, yeah.

It's beautiful. We, for my honeymoon, we upgraded to, not first class, but like into the first row, whatever that they call that the emergency exit the first were behind first class and like so you got all this extra leg room anyway but it's still a three-seater right third guy didn't show up so it was like it was practically like being in first that's awesome that's great you gotta love it mm-hmm a few minutes before the scheduled departure one final man boarded the plane as he approached i could see he was sweating like he'd been running oh and his clothes were dirty and not like i've been traveling for

hours dirty. More like I'm wearing old clothes because I ran out of clean things. And this was the cleanest outfit I had, but it's still pretty gross. Oh, God. This guy should not ask about the emergency exit. Yes. Seriously. This guy will definitely get kicked off. He sat next to me. Oh. I'm going to pupe. It was unpleasant, but I figured I could turn towards the window and still catch some sleep. Except 15 minutes after takeoff. at approximately 6.15 a.m. The man reached below his seat. Oh, no, no.

I kid you not. No. A piping hot, huge ass burrito. Oh, come on, everybody. 15 in the morning. Where do you get this? It's the airport, dude. Yeah, do not do.

Do not do. Is he going to jog in this fucking plain? What's going on here? He lowered his seat back tray and unwrapped the foil of the burrito and bit into it. Where is the fucking air marshal, dude? This guy's a terrorist. Burrito juice sprayed everywhere. Perito juice.

Ew. That's a plop. That's a plop. That now that. That's a plops. Brito sometimes come out as plops, by the way. Oh, definitely. It dribbled down his neck and onto his shirt.

Oh, stop it. It smelled like beans and cheese and barbacoa. Did I say that right? You did. There were five hours left in a phone. Holy shit, dude. About an hour later, the man let loose a silent, deadly fart.

Absolutely a terrorist. I glanced at him and I could see that he was sweating again and looking mildly uncomfortable. Good, fuck him. Then he farted again, but this time it wasn't so silent. Oh, man. I thought about asking for a new seat, but a quick glance told me that the flight was completely full.

You don't want to sit next to me? You got a problem. You should, by the way, if you're not watching this on the YouTube channel, you should have seen what these guys just did. So the man got up from his seat and made his way to the bathroom, about 12 rows behind us. Loud begging. Loud plopping.

He returned 20 minutes later. 15 minutes after returning, he got up again. Back to the same bathroom. Round two, huh, buddy? Then he pulled out another burrito. And he saved himself the time and shoved that one directly up his ass. And then he pulled out just a plastic cup labeled burrito juice. Oh, God.

Oh, God, it's gross. Oh, my God. It's so fucking disgusting. I considered myself lucky that our seats weren't anywhere near the bathroom. The remaining hours of the flight sucked, but nothing like the first two hours. I did not get any sleep. I've been on dozens of flights since then, but have never chosen to sit in one of those two cedar rows again. Also, to anyone listening, I don't care how hungry you are at 6 a.m.

A burrito is 100% inappropriate as airplane rides to eat that shit in the airport. Completely, completely. I have an egg in it or something. Not fucking barbacoa and beans and cheese. There is such a thing as a breakfast burrito. Oh, yeah, that's true. Don't bring it on a flight either. You don't snarf it when you're in line.

You don't get to bring hot food in a plane. That should be like a rule. Yeah, they really should be a rule. You should be fucking removed. We're all eating dinner because we're on a fucking 12-hour cross-country flight. Right. It's foods everywhere. Did you bring enough for the rest of us?

Oh, man. Yeah, get like a school marm on him. Yeah, dude. I felt this McDonald's cup full of burrito juice. Everybody can have a ship. Thanks for the lamp. guys, if you've had any bad experiences during a flight or a road trip, I'd love to hear

your stories, Rachel from Minneapolis. Well, thank you for the email. Yeah, I mean, plenty of bad flights over the years. One, including because of Chris Cabin, which I will never forget, we went to a friend's wedding in Seattle. He pulled out a burrito. And we were on the flight back, which I believe

was some sort of a red eye situation. Yeah, and we were going, oh, is this where I left my phone or my iPod or something like that? Oh, I don't know. maybe but I was like really drugged up I like don't fly sober ever I'm either drinking or stone or something and I was like mm gonna tuck in for a nice quiet sleep and I'm fucking sitting bitch right in the seat and Chris is not a good flyer and so he had the tray table down and do you remember this you were watching Simpsons DVDs and I'm like all cuddled up like here we go time for some

sleep and Chris Cabin is losing it laughing at the Simpsons and like every minute or so There's like a chuckle, and the chuckle is like an arm-expanding chuckle, and I'm going flying in the middle seat. Your joyful laughter, which usually brings me a lot of heartwarming joy itself, was really fucking kill. I wanted to murder you. Okay, no more joy for me then. I give up.

You're out on joy. I mean, yeah, I've had a bunch of bad fights because I do not like to fly. Yeah. I've gotten better over the years. Right. just because I just didn't do it a lot when I was younger so I didn't get used to it and I don't know how much

I would need a lot of drugs to calm me down I would need a trank I would need a straight up trink I would need a straight up trink you know no I've I've flown a little bit under the influence as Chris just mentioned that's a fucking nightmare man oh really that is terror in 20,000 feet I'm with Steve on that I don't think I could

There's something on the wing Oh man you just can't handle I mean like not that but like if you kind of sometimes like you know what all you're doing is getting high and putting yourself at a position with a lot of authority figures which is not a great situation. I'm so paranoid when I'm in public and I guess

I just don't give a fuck. Oh dude. This guy. Funk rock. When I was flying back we were coming by the way just blast me with whiskey the entire. Yes I know I do I do whiskey because I can handle authority figures with whiskey because that's when the chest pointed Yeah, you can handle them all right, yeah, I bet.

Yeah, but if I'm high, I'm, like, pointing at myself. Exactly. It's on my bowl. I've had too much. But if I've got whiskey, I'm getting, you know, we were coming back from Mexico on our honeymoon, and we're in the Cancun airport. And there was some sort of delay, or we got there early or something. We had, like, a shit ton of time to kill.

And they had, it was a fucking Jimmy Buffett. airport Margaritaville location. Now we're talking. And we spotted the fucking table side guac and it was like, that's all we need and went. And I got, it was called like the premium margarita or

something like that. Sure. And we put a little corona in there as well. No, not that, but we're putting in you better believe, no less than three different varieties of tequila. This thing was, and it was frozen too, it was just a brown slush puppy. It was just brown. It was just

brown there was no like margarita green about it and i had a fucking great time i down that thing did you bark it back up no i was drunk at the airport it was awesome we get on the plane i sit down we're getting ready to take off and like by this point it had been so long now i'm just getting hung over oh and i'm like oh this kind of sucks and then like my back started acting up and i'm like oh no this is even worse and i'm like contorting and shit and this was this air River was, because this was back in 12, and so this airport, or this airline didn't have, like, select your own movie. It was still

like, this is the fucking movie deal with it. Yeah. So on the screen is just men in black three, which I had already seen. So I'm contorted, hungover, watching the third men in black movie on fucking mute, just like, oh, this is awful. And then so, like, I'm on the window, Chelsea's in the middle, and then there's this woman

sitting next to her, and across the aisle was this woman mother, and they were two heinous Queen's residents. Oh. And they're just screaming, like, just quetching. You are not allowed. That's another thing you're not allowed to do on a plane. If Chris and I are sitting here and here, we are

facing this way, and that is it. Absolutely. The fucking cross talk on the aisle, no thank you. No. It's just too much. It's too much. All right, what we got? One more here? Yeah, man. All right, let's do it. Avengers Drunk Game. That costs even more than $90.

Hello, W.HM crew. I'm a long time fan of the show and love every second of it. Thank you. Every second. Well. Was this second enjoyable that I interrupted?

There we go. My day job can get pretty menial and listening to your podcast is one of the biggest aids to get me through the morning. I wanted to tell you about my experience watching Endgame for the first time in opening weekend.

Don't worry, no spoilers here for the listeners. My friend, who I'll call Anna, and I went to see Endgame on Sunday night at the Alamo Draper test here in Brooklyn. I'm going to call her Anna because her name is the answer. 100% without question.

It was an 8pm show wing showing and we got there with a little too much time to spare. So we waited into the bar next to the lobby. Good bar. I like that bar. I love that bar. That's a good thing before or after to go there. Although my beef is it doesn't open early enough.

Yes. Like it's some weird it's like 3 p.m. or something. So if you're getting like catching like a noon show or some shit. And it's like, oh, you want a little afternoon cocktail. Yeah. You're fucking S-O-L. You have to get drunk elsewhere. You've got to wait five minutes to go inside the theater and order it. If the theater is

open, the bar should be there. Yes, that's what I feel too. Totally agree. Yeah. It's like an airport now. Anna had been out all day at a friend's birthday party and had a few drinks already, but she still ordered a vodka soda at the bar while we waited. I didn't order

anything. Alcohol makes me sleepy, and I already knew pushing a three-hour movie on a work night was going to be tough enough. I got to really quickly I went camping last weekend and we're up. You fight a bear? Yeah. All right. Beat that bear. You saw Endgame? Out there in the woods. No, we went. Does this campground have a movie theater?

One for endgame. Please, Mr. Bear. This is the lake, sir. No, we just went out to like a little roadhouse dinner thing on the way up there. And this huge table of people. people behind us like it was the most banal boring conversation that was going on so much so that this woman regaled the entire table for about 20 minutes on a story that it involved going to see end game validating her parking for three hours but that's a three hour movie what am I

supposed to do how are they going to like the whole and that was the whole was the whole table hanging on her everywhere wow what a bunch of losers but that's what the real world is like A lot of it, right? Like those people are out? Boring stories. That is most of life. Boring stories. I just told two boring stories in a row.

I mean, that's totally fair. Sorry. Let's see. Fast forward to getting our seats in the sold-out theater. I ordered a popcorn and a soda. Anna orders popcorn and another vodka soda. Nice, Anna. Yep.

By this point, she's already definitely tipsy, but nowhere near drunk yet. Might I say, I like where this is going? The thing about Anna, and I guess most drunk people she gets loud and talkative yeah knowing Alamo's very strict policy

about talking and being a pain in the ass during movies I was already a little nervous about being kicked out don't worry I've tried to get people kicked out for that and they don't actually do anything and yes it was during a screening of Incredibles too fucking Netflix

Narcos over here yeah we take the right and we don't do nothing right I mean what do you Wait, what was happening during the Incredibles too? That's the thing. And this was not what you think. It wasn't kids joyfully enjoying an animated film. It was getting drunk.

There's a couple of vodka sodas. There's a couple little anas over here. No, it was these two women just fucking gabbing. And it was a thing where they brought their kids and they didn't give a fuck about the movie. And they're just talking. And not even, it's, I mean, if you talk during a movie, you should fucking

burn in hell for eternity anyway. But yeah, shut up. It's fine. For maybe a year. a year and a half. No, and you should be banned from the movies. You should be banned from the fucking movies. But there's a difference. There's a difference between talking like about the movie in the movie

and just talking about whatever other innocuous bullshit that's going on in your life. And it was B. It was option B. They're just fucking talking about nothing. And I was like, at least mention Jack Jack. Please do fucking anything. And I put up two cards.

Two fucking cards. And I was like, I did the fucking C count. and I was like, look, there's people four seats over, they're talking, it's disturbing me two cards, server came over, looked at it both times, jack shit. And it turned out that he was

fucking his secretary named Jack Jack. Thank you. They're talking. That's not on the menu, sir. Okay, let's see. By Anna's third vodka soda, I was sweating so hard my shirt was getting damn.

I want to hang out with Anna. Seriously. To Anna's credit, she was still cognizant enough to know not to talk out loud. But she decided the next best thing was to use the food order cards to scribble down every single thought she had about the movie as the movie was playing, which honestly was equally as distracting. Yeah, that's terrible because at least if someone like leans over and says something, you can keep looking at the screen. Yeah. But if it's like, look at this card I wrote on. Now you're drawing the eye somewhere else. That's a knock.

That's Captain America. He was the first. He was the first Avenger. I lost count at her fifth drink. Holy shit. I love it. I'll tell you this, too, five drinks. Listen, I love drinking at Alamos.

That booze ain't cheap. Yeah, Anna's got deep pockets. Seriously. All of which she consumed well before the 90-minute mark, Hachi, machi, machi. Okay, maybe Anna has a problem. Yeah. The constant scribbling was a pain in the ass,

and when I felt brave enough to ask her to stop, she just whispered to me, I'm writing stuff down, so I don't talk during the movie, which wasn't my point at all. I wanted her to stop writing and talking and just watch the damn movie. But she was already six plus drinks to the wind,

and I didn't want to risk more talking. Although I'd had to shush some of her louder comments, and I was worried if I kept going that she'd get mad and loud and we'd get kicked out. Well, after the movie's halfway point, she was ordering yet more drinks, and I was debating using an order card to discreetly ask the waiter to stop

serving her. Good God. Dude, I was cut off at the movies. Are you kidding me? Or just, or you know, everything comes. Stop serving her. That's not on the menu. We go to the movie that it, poison his drinks. Kill him. There'll be $5,000 for you

outside after the movie if you poison his drink. I will wire it to you. She didn't complain and the rest of the movie went fine, but I'll never get back. those first two hours of sweating bullets clutching my armrests shushing her and being distracted by her drunk scribbling. It really wrecked my experience of the movie. My question for you guys is, have you ever watched a movie with a friend who was such a bad movie buddy that you debated ever seeing a movie with him again? Love the show and thanks for all the laughs, Gabby from Brooklyn.

A buddy of mine that I watch almost every movie in my teens with would always be one beat or two behind the movie and then be like, who's that guy? again and I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, man. We just gotta keep up. We just gotta keep up. That person's a stay-at-home movie goer then. That's what that has to be. So that's Iron Man? I mean, eight times out of ten

we're a stone, but still, but still quiet down. Quiet down. I have a few cousins who are discussers. They like to whisper and you're like, oh, that's interesting, huh? And I'm like, no, God, we're not doing

that right now. So they have been taken off. the good movie buddy bliss oh yeah i don't have any movie buddies i go to movies alone or with my wife and now we don't talk hey we've gone to the movies together fuck head how often chazam we saw shazam pretty recent pretty recent really recent but me to be calling you every week yeah my phone's not ringing we just we saw we saw we saw shazam and this you want to go see ma together i do actually okay Because Ma's a cool, Ma. He'd come party at my house.

But when we saw Shazam, the problem with that, this fucking, by the way, save the assigned seating for fucking important nights, don't force it at a one o'clock screening of Shazam on a fucking Wednesday. Oh, yeah, that's unfortunate. So we go see Shazam. Yeah. I'm like, I don't care what this fucking assigned seat is. No one's going to put a number on my arm.

I go. I go. We go. We get seats in the. very back. We're like, all right, no one's going to fucking be, you know. And the movie has begun. Oh, you're walking in late? No, no, no. We

were, oh, I see. I see. We were cool. Marie and Manudas, takes her bow. There's like five people in the theater. Yeah. So, and then what does this dude? He comes in with his fucking flashlight on his phone at, like, that's awful. Shazam's been on for like 15 minutes.

We're already deep into the caverns, like fucking, anyway, I'm not going to Was he already Shazam? Almost. Like, Lord. Kishazam and Ariov. He was like, shut, oh, what? This guy's going to find a scene.

So this guy comes and kicks us out of these seats because that was his number. Oh, wow. He's fucking nerds. You call him a pencil neck or what? No, I just politely left because I was high. I mean, the thing about that,

and I've attested to this, I think we're talking about this on the John Wick three on screen. I am for the assigned seating. However, if I find myself in that situation, which happened to me like kind of twice in recentish memory when I went to see

Into the Spiderverse and it both times it was like an afternoon thing and I walked in and someone was there and it was like well it's not packed

and I just moved because I'm not fucking dealing with it well I'm not getting in any confrontation I'm not talking to anybody if I don't have to conversely the other thing is I saw that fucking horrendous like alien ripoff

life oh last year fucking terrible right uh late show uh on the upper west side empty fucking theater right so and it was a huge auditorium and totally totally empty

these motherfuckers walk in late and their seats were like like it was assigned seating their seats were close to me and they fucking like sat down in them and I'm like hey man look around it's

empty as fuck. Just go a few rows down. There's no reason to crowd everybody. We're going to get cozy. It was a mistake. I mean, it was fun for a while everyone. I enjoy it for very specific reasons, but you know, sometimes it can get me to be too much.

I mean, it's just, it's not a fucking binding law. At Alamo draft house, it's different. You're fucking sitting there, you're getting dinner or whatever. I feel like that's a special circumstance. Yeah, yeah. But at an AMC regal, I just don't understand it. P.m. on a weekday, my Lord. And we're going to, and the guy's

going to make me move. Wow, you're still Steve? I am. I wanted to kill him. I was there. He was very angry. He was very angry. That is W.H.M. Mailbag. Again, if you want your questions answered on the air, or if you have some crazy story you want us

to comment on, right into the mailbag. We all hate movies at gmail.com. That's going to do it. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zadak. Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. The fuck was that? I don't know. It's cinematic.

Put your 3D glasses on. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.