We Hate Movies - S9: WHM On-Screen: Dark Phoenix

Episode Date: June 7, 2019

On this very special WHM On-Screen, the gang is chatting about the new X-Men film, Dark Phoenix, the final entry in the (possibly unfairly) much maligned "alternate 1985 timeline" mutant film series! Caution! Spoilers abound, so if you haven't seen the film yet, hold off on this until you do! Or spoil it for yourself—whatever works. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thank you. Welcome to WHM on screen, everybody. I'm Andrew Jupiter alongside Stephen Sadek, Christopher Capman, Eric Sisko. We are here to talk about, my God, X-Men, colon, is there a colon here? There's no X-Men. It's just Dark Phoenix. It's just Dark Phoenix. But in international places, they're just like, it's X-Men, Colin, Dark Phoenix.

We don't know if you know what's going. I want to say at the top here, folks, we are going to, this is going to be Spoiler Town. Ooh, we got beer on the computer. Beer on the computer. There's beer on the computer. There's spoilers on the pod. We're talking about Dark Phoenix. We've seen it.

So if you haven't seen it yet, pause this. Leave it on your computer for hours. And then come back. And then re-download it. Redownload it. And then re-stream if you're YouTube. Or if you're listening on the pod,

you can put on YouTube and watch it. That way we're getting two bites of the Apple day. Actually, what you should do is just send us $300. That's the best way to do it. We're going to give you our Venmo right now. Yeah, man, so this is the fourth and final X-Men film of that... Final. Of this...

Let me finish the fucking sentence, you ape. I'm quizzing you. You fucking ape. This is the final film ever made. That's right, dude. Filmmaking's dead after this. Closed up shop. Yeah, Spider-Man's not coming out.

Simon Kinberg did it. All right. This is a serious program. There's enough ape shenanigans. Please continue your... No, I'm just saying of the sort of alternate 1985 timeline that the X-Men franchise created at Fox.

This is the last of those, which started with X-Men First Class, then we did Days of Future Past, X-Men Apocalypse, and now Dark Phoenix concludes this. That's very much confirmed. That's... Jet is a doorknows?

This is the last one that Fox owns exclusively. These actors are all done. It would have to be... an incredibly humongous it. Exactly. For it to for them to be like, all right, do we, I guess we have to keep these things. It ain't going to happen. No, it's not going to happen. No, I doubt it. Do like, Avengers

numbers or better for Fox to be like, you know what, let's bring Maccaboy back. You know what I mean? Like that kind of stuff. I don't know that Fox has any of those decisions anymore. There's no, I'm sorry, Disney. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Be like, oh, we're making a new X-Men movie, but we're going to bring McAvoy in. We're going to do a soft

reboot. That's not going to happen because this movie's not going to make that much money. It'll make money, but it's not going to make Because there's women in it. Oh man, there's women in this X-Man movie. They're already pissed off about that line. That line is a bit sweaty. It's a bit overly. What line is this? There's a line

I guess it was in one of the newest trailers, probably like the last Here's the entire movie trailer. Yeah, they did one of those for this for sure. But it's the Jennifer Lawrence line where she's like, you know, which is one of the many scenes where she's reaming out Charles Xavier. She's like, you know, the women

I don't know if you're looking around here, but the women are saving the men's ass way too many times. Maybe you should change the name to X women and she stops out of his office. Right. And people are like, bach, muck,

they're like, oh my God, an SJW X-Men movie. And I'm like, hold on. Have we met? Hi. I'm X-Men.

Do you know what the X-Men are? No, the X is a swastika, right? But, I mean, that line is a bit, the way to do that line, I just need one more edit. The line should be, I don't know if you're looking around. A man's going to tell us how to say it.

I mean, a man wrote it, too, by the way. You know, the women are saving the men's ass here. You should think about changing the name and slam the door. As opposed to say, and you should call it ex-women. It's because you've got to spell everything out for audiences these days. But, I mean, I like the sentiment of the line because that is sort of what this movie kind of does a lot. Oh, absolutely. I guess what do we think?

What's a general consensus? What do we think in a general thing? For me, as a fan of this thread of X-Men movies, this is my least favorite. Huh. I do. Really, out of all X-Men movies? Of this, of first-class, days of future past.

I mean, I think I agree with that just because the last two were pretty solid. I didn't hate it at all, but because I think I've mentioned this before. Like, I'm soft on X-Men. Sure. Aside from last stand. Well, I'm hard on it. like a hard on or you're hard on

he's a rouse I have a hard penis you're soft of them because you love them so you love the X-Men I do I'm a sucker for an X-Men movie I've

like X-Men the first one was my gateway into working in theatrical exhibition so like it's that's it started it all

so you're hard for it I'm hard for it I'm so hard for it that I'm soft on these movies okay I'm this I like this movie

probably more than you did um and you could talk me into, even though it's less fun than Apocalypse, I think it's a better movie. Like, I think that this movie is actually, like, one of the better, like, I think it's weirdly tonally consistent,

which is hard for these, for any of these superhero movies to, like, strike a balance. I mean, like, it's less fun. It gives me less of what I want as an X-Men fan. Yeah. But I liked it a lot. And also, I'm similar to you, by the way.

X-2, as we know, is one of my top 30 movies of all time. I love these movies. I love the characters. I love the storylines, et cetera, et cetera. So I, too, I'm a soft judge. And I liked Apocalypse as well. It's my favorite of the four.

Oh, wow. Wow. By quite a margin because it's the one, four of them. Days of Future Pass. How many guys just listed them? You said there were three. No, I didn't. Three before this one.

First class. And then this one. Apocalypse and then this one. Apocalypse? Oh, geez. I forgot that movie. Yes. I think this is.

I didn't realize that had the young cast in it. It does. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of that. Days of Future Pass is the one. that has both casts. That's what's throwing me

the fucking Star Trek Generations. Yeah, pretty much. They should have buried fucking Picard under a pile of rocks. So I apologize, Chris, my ignorance, because clearly I'm the least in love with X-Men.

I know that. I mean, I think it is definitely the most, like, totally consistent of the bunch. It's the one for me that feels most like a movie and not just a collection of scenes.

The, like, show-off stuff actually, like, there was an advancement, like, Nightcrawler going from, like, a simple kind-hearted guy to a cold-blooded murderer decimating those people

that stuff mattered to me and like the I didn't need the show off like here's the ball you see the bob he's being carried out of the fucking ring yeah let me just say like the thing that soured me on this movie I think I'm ever gonna think ooh interesting so let's see if Steve is correct

but I was having a fucking ball with this movie I think the train sequence at the end is outstanding what this movie does is what I love about X-Men, which is they're just X-Mening around getting to be X-Men. If you get them to like team up,

that's why I like to Apocalypse so much. They all fucking team up and use their powers to fuck that dude up at the end of that movie. It's rad. And I like this movie. What soured me on it is the very fucking end.

You can tell, like, nobody's business that they didn't know how to end this movie. And that fucking final scene with Xavier and Magneto in Paris, and they're trying to just play a chess game and he's like, You're retired now.

Yeah. It just so stunk of, I don't know how to get out of this. I thought you're going to say that the scene before that was the one that stunk where it's Beast looking at the photo. Oh, my God, I haven't seen two blue people in love that much since Avatar. Well, that was pure lust. In Avatar, it was pure fuck lust. We're stepping on it. What did you think, Eric?

What did I think? I thought it was kind of just fine. It was okay. I liked it. I think I liked all the other ones before it more, you know? Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's fine.

I do, the train sequence was cool and all, but I think there was some weird geography going on because I remember like we got to a point in that train sequence where I was like, wait, there's still people on the roof? Yes. Wait, wait, wait, there's still another helicopter? And it just felt like they just tacked shit on to make it more of a big splogie-splogey-s.

Yeah. that's the stuff that doesn't bother me in these movies. Like, I'm not paying attention to that. You know, with this stuff, as long as I'm believing, because this does have a central idea, trauma and the after effects of trauma, and how that makes you weak in some aspects and stronger in other aspects. Sure, absolutely. So that was what I was hooked on to.

So that I wasn't really like, oh, yeah, that's probably at least three dozen too many alien people who were the worst part of it. That's what that's where I was going with you. I mean, and that's the other thing. I should also mention, by the way, that I saw this, like, two weeks ago. You guys saw it, like, just the other day. Yeah. So I'm a little fuzzy on it.

But that was my other problem. Jessica Chastain and an army of faceless fucking gleepclops, dude, what are we even? There's no villain in this movie. Well, that's the problem. I mean, like, and obviously the point is, like, Phoenix is kind of the double villain. And I actually, like, and in other movies, I was actually kind of listening back to some of the stuff we talked about because sometimes I contradict myself. I actually think I liked Magneto's involvement in this movie. I like when they bring him back.

for two reasons. One, because he kind of fits the story and it's like, oh my God, they killed Mystique. Again, spoiler alert guys. I think you got to say the alert before you say the thing. No, it's too right now, now you know.

I know everyone knew that two months before this movie. What's funny is like, thanks a lot, trailers. I was watching the goddamn movie. And I'm like, oh, that's Mystique. Hey, that's Mystique. Yeah.

And then they kept calling her Raven and I was like, oh, shit. Did I get that wrong? Mistique another person? Dark home? Yeah, that's her real name. I didn't realize that until after the credits rolled

and I had to ask someone. I was like, what was the deal with that? I thought that was mystic. Now you've become the old person of the movie. Did anybody get it? I did. I did because I can't keep track of all the names and the mythology and the whole kit and caboodle.

But, um... I did like the aliens, though. I did. I actually, no, I kind of agree with Eric. I like the aliens. I think, like how strong they are. I wanted more of it. I wanted more of them as aliens.

It was cool showing them walk into that fucking beautiful, beautiful little, uh, rich person dinner and start killing people. And it was nice seeing them like just some reflections and stuff but like I don't want to see actors. Give me the galeen. Well that's the thing. The entrance is actually great. What the problem is is that like

Jessica Chastain, she's an actress who really like all she really is in all of her face and reactions and stuff like that. So you tell her to do nothing. And shave her eyebrows or whatever the fuck was going on there. She's a blonde in this movie and it's a bit unsettling.

Yeah, I was unsettled. I was thoroughly unsettled. Like you have to have her like kind of be interested in the world a little bit. Just having her be a cold villain means nothing to me. And I agree with that.

And that's sort of a thing with a... That's clearly a decision the movie made, not Jessica Chastain made. This... And the thing is like, for that, I wanted them to do... Because what they are

is the race is the DeBari. I was looking this up in the comics. That's the planet. The Phoenix destroys the DeBari. And that's when Gene Greg, it's sentenced to murder at the end of the actual Dark Phoenix saga. That is that race. And this character, Vuk, who's Jessica Chastain, that's all fine.

But there's actually more colorful aliens from the X-Men lore that are in the Dark Phoenix saga that are involved in it. To pull from it, like Lalandra and Death Bird. Yeah, exactly. You can't do. Like Wolverine, if I recall from that, is like a big part of that person. Sure. Like Phoenix story.

He's an alien? No, I'm kidding. Like, and I remember when they do. did when they like attempted to do the really fucking janky dark Phoenix shit in last stand it's like well we got Wolverine

but they're not in fucking space so like that I guess that was the tradeoff I finally got my X-Men in space and they actually this the original ending to this movie was them in space they filmed it it tested poorly and they reshot it they went back to space they filmed it in space yeah it was the most expensive movie

ever made they filmed it on the moon by Stanley Cool oh man yeah they went to the moon only 50 people died it was really it was quite something Tommy Lee Jones was there sitting down just having to sit oh we we lost another best boy oh fuck okay I also you know what here's here's another thing that bothered me and it doesn't just bother me in this movie it's bothered me with all of them since days of future past is that Jennifer Lawrence hated being mystique yeah and it's like you by the time you get to this movie, they've altered down

her mystiqueness, so it's barely like anything. It's just CGI and then she's just like, she's Jennifer Lawrence for most of the movie. It's like, you know what, man, you're fucking signing on to do this. I don't care how many Oscar nominations you get. Buckle down and play this character right. And also you Nicholas Holt with

zero Oscar nominations, because he's the Beast and he's like, oh, I'm the Beast, but in this version of the Beast I can go back and forth. It's like, nah, that's what Beast does. I don't like that with Beast. The thing, but I thought Holt brought it in the scene where he gives Xavier the business. Oh, because he's a great actor.

He absolutely did. Like, that was the thing. I felt like Beast didn't really have much to do in the other movies, period, as the Beast or as Hank McCoy. Whereas this one, I actually was like, oh, holy shit, he actually knows what's up. Okay.

In Days of Future Past, him and Xavier kind of doing Sunset Boulevard a little bit where it's like, he's like... Someone's falling in a pool? No, basically, like, he's... Xavier's Norman Desmond, like, Hank! Get me a drink Hank

He's totally right Oh he's always like this He's like doing this He's like the care ticket Yeah He's Eric von Stroheim Hank my legs Yes professor

I love the scene Where Xavier gets He fucking picks up the X phone And that dude's just like This line is being canceled Now he's not buds with the president anymore I really like the whole we're here, or the X-Men deal with it, we're out, they're fucking famous at this point,

and it's like Xavier just fucking dancing all over the world with this, like, fame. That was all super cool. I liked McAvoy's whole plot, and I thought he's good in these movies. They always kind of give him interesting stuff to do much more. I mean, like, not that he's better than Patrick Stewart, but they give him more, like, Patrick Stewart was just like, I'm very old and here does exposition. But, like, in these movies, in this latter four, it's very much about him and Magneto, obviously. and they always have like

interesting kind of emotional kind of things going on. They brought back that that ego from the first one where he's like just trying to score chicks off of knowing all about genetics. And I was like also I'm like, oh, that's him. That is because the last two he's got to be like a mournful drunk or like a recovering like hero. But this one he's an asshole again.

He's also humbled because he gets that fucking bullet through the spine at the end of the first class. I really liked the line. where it's mystique and is it Hank when they realize they're the last of the first class? That's a fucking rad line. I was happy that they brought that back. Most of them died in Vietnam.

Yeah. Scenes deleted? Yeah. When that future past comes on, it's just like, oh, all these mutants are dead from Vietnam. Close folder. Yep. Yeah.

The perils of only watching those movies once when they come out and not going back. There's a lot to juggle with a man and I totally understand it. I was really glad that we got to see is it Oa? Is that what they call it? No. What is the island? Oh, Genosha.

Genosha. Which, uh, oh, is Green Lanterns? Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Genosha. You want to move your glasses again? Get my stupid location. But you just show everyone your shirt. They'll know you're your next see, there you go. I didn't wear my ex-men shirt. I should have. Or I should have said one of my ex-men shirts.

I did. Then you're the dude who's wearing the fucking. band you're going to see t-shirt. I did and I actually played the thing board game this weekend and I was like I went to The Fantastic Four, you were the thing? I'm sorry the thing John Carpenter outpost infection at outpost whatever the hell that board

You've been talking like everybody knows what this thing is and that's not a true thing so please explain it sounds interesting. It's just a board game that is the thing like kind of a it's almost it's just a board game of the thing and I was like should I wear my thing

shirt to this i was like oh no i did not and i went there and i was like because like half the people hadn't even seen the movie i'm like i'm so glad i know you can't be playing a board game of a movie if you haven't seen the movie nothing above the fog t-shirt yeah but the fog t-shirt that's fine did you get to play as keith david no i played as the fat guy whose head because of spider like the the main monster dude yeah totally it was him first time then i was like wait can you play as wilford brimley yes you can oh i think we might might have to play this game. Well, consider that purchase.

Andrew, get off of Amazon. We're trying to do some work here. But no, I don't know. The Genocia thing was cool, but nobody said, and I actually like the way they kind of introduce it. Do we not use the G word? We don't, we're not dropping the G word. And I'm like, come on.

Had Disney acquired the G word before the rest of the characters or some shit? Yeah, I don't know. I liked that whole bit. And again, like, I kind of want Magneto's crew to be a little more defined. He's got Dreadlock guy and other, like, Dreadlock guy fucking sucks. Are those the actual comic book names? Yes, Dreadlock guy and other lady.

I'm running out of ideas here, Jack. My power is I'm other lady. So I was smoking a J with my dealer and I was like, hey, I'm trying to find a new name for a mutant. And then I saw my inspiration across the way. It was a man sunk deep into a couch. He was doing mushrooms at the time. And he had long braids that he just kept whipping at people. And I was like, say, Dreadlock guy.

And then I started making out with some lady I thought it was my girlfriend She's like hey who are you and I'm like sorry other lady And I was like wait a minute Other lady But like there's like a million mutants you could choose from And or like I do like it's kind of that weird balance Like those earlier X-Men movies did that way too much

Like those singer movies specifically Or not the or like last stand specifically You got juggernaut you got archaids Yeah yeah all that stuff like shoving everyone in Just to shove everyone in Yeah But here, like, even just, like, get me a henchman that is just a henchman, but, like,

you call him Shatterstar, you call him strong guy, you call him whatever. Oh, the, okay, so we haven't even really talked about Sophie Turner. Yeah, oh, right, who I, who I think is great in this movie. She was very good, good. And when the Phoenix Power first kind of arises at that, like, cook out there having, yes.

What is that character singing with the, with the cool light show? I was like, I was like, that's got to be somebody. That is Dazzler. That is Dazzler. in here, which is kind of cool. I appreciate that as someone who doesn't even know who Dasler is. And I was that was cool. That was like a very cool like nice. You got a little dazzlers. I could just tell

it was like a fan thing and I was like yeah. Dazzler was in the arcade game. She was. Yeah. She was like a big late 70s, early 80s, X-Man. Kind of fell off. She was like the disco X-Man. Right. That's awesome. Yeah, she's doing Coke all I think we should do like a disco era X-Men movie. They did. It was X-Men

first class. It takes place partially in the 1970s. No, that's all the 60s. Is it the 60s? Days of Future Passes. I want one that's just... Oh, wait a second. No, but Days of Future Past is. Did you just say that? I'm sorry. Yeah, because now I'm remembering Nixon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want Professor X running a nightclub. All right, everybody, listen. We're not, if somebody dies in the bathroom, feed them to the blob. This is a big night for the X-Spot. We've got a reviewer from the New York Times. Welcome to Studio X-4.

Yes. It's the last day as a disco, but with X-Men. Oh, shit. You're doing Coke off Wolverine's claws. Absolutely. Everybody's fucking and sucking, by the way. You don't even know where one person stops and another person begins.

Good times. We have had good times. Oh, my God. It's a new mutant, the human centipede. It's just 50 mutants tied together through sexual bondage. I really loved the big fight on Fifth Avenue. Yes, that was cool.

We're, dude, and this is Fastbender as Magneto. The Rising of the Subway. Quite fantastic. And when he, I saw this in one of those those new big Dolby theaters. They have one at the Empire 25th on 42nd Street. They have one at the Lincoln Center one, too.

The balcony one they turned into? The Lincoln Square AMC, they turned the major room into a Dolby theater. And like, it was fucking huge. Or no, I'm sorry, it wasn't the Dolby one. It was an IMAX one at the 42nd Street. Oh, okay. And when that whole scene, when that fucking train came out of the ground, I literally just went.

You ran? Whoa. Like the Lumiere brother's first movie? I said, whoa. I was like, whoa. And it was the same thing happened when he fucking destroyed Auschwitz in that last movie. Which was also, yeah, it's, I mean, it's, it was, the action was really good in this movie. It was like sparse, but like it mattered when it happened, which was cool.

I, uh, I like that, that whole exchange with a cyclops suck. in this. That kid from Ready Player 1 is just like a turd. I'm sorry, that kid's a turd. I don't know if he's the problem. No, he's probably not. Yeah, I know, but they've just never done Scott Summers right. Exactly. They've never had a handle on that character even when James Myers didn't play them. No. Yeah. They just don't have it. And like, it's not his fault necessarily, but I've only seen movies wherein he's a turd. So although I will say it was

turd cast. It was fucking rad when they were like, hey cyclops battle stations and they use his visor as a laser for the ship I'd never seen that before I'm sure it's a invention of the comics but I'd never seen it I loved him telling Magneto

I'm gonna fucking kill you I was like that's pretty fun that's a cool version of your 1F bomb for your R rated movie I uh PG 13 to avoid your R rating but yeah I remember being like oh nice just like the casual

fuck thrown in not too shabby well that's like what I what I miss is that him turning dark, like Nightcrawler going dark, that's a very big scene to me. Like, what I wanted was him like to, I blast the shit out some of these aliens for a little bit.

And you get some of that on the train, but it's not personalized. He's doing it as part of the team. But Nightcrawler gets the best kill of the movie where he transports that that lady alien in front of the train ahead. And then fucking baller moves, man. It was cool. Just being hit by train. I like the

night crawl out of, okay, let me check the schedule. Okay. 15, the Assoning will be here in three minutes. Hold on. Tied her to the tracks, too. Also a cool move for Nightcrawler that I hadn't seen done anywhere. And again, I'm sure it has been. So, you know, I know it's not news to you.

But it was rad when he was like, oh, when Xavier's like, I'll show you where we're going. And he could see it. And they transported really far. Oh, right. Because Xavier put the image in his mind. Yes. And that was, again, awesome. Anytime they fucking team up, like, the goddamn Power Rangers coming together.

You know what I mean? Like, it's so cool to watch. And that was another cool moment. Yeah, but to go, just because where Sophie Turner is, like, the crux of this movie. I like, yeah. I actually like that they brought it. It was, again, like, like, like, Chris was saying it. It is, like, a traumatic event.

Like, they've done this in these movies before and all. It is kind of a remake of last stand in a lot of ways. In a lot of ways, yeah. That car accident's brutal. It is. And that's what sort of changes. I love that. sad sack dad oh yes jesus christ don't get your water

and i like the scene with mackavoie and the girl like this is a pen you can stab somebody's eye out with it or you can draw me a nice picture it's a gift and it's like yep that's like just good writing and good kind of ex many kind of like this is what we're talking about here yeah kind of stuff yeah uh it had all that i think she's really great and she I think kind of unfairly takes shit as playing Gene Gray and has like in the last movie too

I thought she was totally good in that last movie and she like was eating shit up and down for it because nerds felt they couldn't jerk off the appropriate amount of times or something

I don't fucking know what these people I can make that happen give me a minute here of course you can but none of these fucking rats are satisfied with anything they're rats

they are rat people I mean, I think the weird thing about her, you have to realize, is, like, she's kind of got a weird way of talking a little bit. Like, it sounds monotone, but it's not. It's British. Yeah, exactly. I think it's a lot of, she's mentally working really hard to not let the accent out. But she's doing stuff in this movie. At least I thought so.

But she definitely is. Yeah. When she comes alive, like when she has that first ruts of the dark feet, you see a real change, both in physicality and the way she talks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of attention like that that I kind of felt was missing in the other ones. Yeah. I also really like the woman who plays Storm and she gets to do a lot of storming in this movie. She does.

I would like a little more of her. I love the Emperor Palpatine lightning shots across that train. Big time. It was really good. I also like that this movie took the gas out of those astronauts, always thinking that they're so great. Yeah, I've finally taken them down a peg, dude. I also think, I don't know, you get six head. of seven astronauts. Oh, the captains.

That's what like, just go. Sorry, dude. We've really kind of, first of all, X-Men, let's, if we're going, and I understand it was an impromptu mission, it's like, oh, can the ship go to space? Guess what it can? Let's get some rudimentary fucking space outfits.

They're just hanging out. Did they duct tape a helmet at some point? Oh, I guess that color is going to need a helmet. Like, you're all going to need helmet. Yeah, that was weird. Also, like, you're willing to sacrifice Sophie Turner, who just went to space that day, didn't know she was going to space that day. Meanwhile, this astronaut guy, again, these astronauts, this guy was training to go to space for years,

and he knew the risks, and he signed papers saying his family won't sue the government. And NASA's got better benefits than the X-Men. I'll tell you that much. Any benefits at all. Not many people know this, but Eric here, he clapped whenever someone died in first man. He thought it was just, oh, right? He's so pissed off. He was like, finally, finally, Jason Clark's out of here.

Oh, Jesus. Where they got lit up, where they were trying it out for the first time. That's a hard scene to watch. And that, someone was mentioning watching that movie for the first time the other day on Twitter and was like, holy fuck, this is like the best directed movie of last year. I was like, nobody gave a fuck. And Eric was just light up. Like, he was so happy. I thought it was a feel good summer here.

Yeah, see you and hell's you, Wiggum. You know what was weird? And maybe they've addressed this before also. But man, when an X-Men dies, buried on the school property, huh? Yeah. What's that fucking graveyard look like? They're like dogs. You know what I mean?

Like, they don't have families. Xavier's got some type of like child athlete thing going, like a scam going on. Like a basketball. A situation. Oh, yeah. Well, yes, everyone. when you finally get to the Big League. When you get to the Avengers, you'll be paying.

But here on the X-Wit, we can possibly pay you. The education you're getting is so good. Speaking of the school, not a fan about change of the name. Oh, that is a comics thing that you do. I just never liked that one. I don't know. I actually, I liked that moment. And I do like Headmaster Beast, but yeah, it is.

Also, if you're going to do the moment where he's, like, looking at Raven, because that's kind of like his thing. Right. Let's get a photo that isn't a promotional. still. Oh, it's coming this summer. Jennifer Lawrence is Mystique again against her will. Any other photo? Maybe a photo of them together?

Yeah. There are... People laughed in our audience. Oh, really? Which is not what you want at that moment. It's not what you want. No, you really don't. Because she's in the X-Men outfit, she's like looking away, like, you know, her problem sisters look right next to her giving her water. Like, you know what I mean? All right, everyone. Get in the photograph

now. Here's, now here's your ID badge, mystique. There you go. It looked like. It looked like a mug show. It looked like literally when she gets killed by something it looked like they caught it right before. Here's a question. Are they getting wrecked at that

dazzler party? We're drinking, drinking. Oh, yeah, dude. Okay. We're getting wrecked. Really? It's the past. You're allowed to get wrecked back. But also these kids are now in their like mid-20s because like the last movie's 83. This movie's 92. If they're 15 then, they're in their mid-20s.

Right, okay. And you know, that's... Right, I think they're like teaching. now, I guess. Yeah, exactly. And I'd be like, I don't know. If I'm like, if I'm like, Hank McCoy, I'm like, well, who's, okay, Leach can't be out there. That kid's 14. He goes out there. Leach. Come on. Yeah. I was, yeah, I was cool with that whole scene. Because you can imagine, man, right? Like, just a Saturday night at the Xavier compound. Nothing due and all's quiet on the magneto front, you know. Like, well, I don't think we're going to have to work tonight. And they're just like getting fucked up, using their powers in. weird ways. I've never been more impressed with Storm than her making ice cubes. Yes. I was like, I need that so badly. You just put your hand

over a glass, instant ice cubes. Right, and then going across the lake to score with the other students at the ungifted school. Well, what's the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants place? It's like an island too. I think I'm thinking of Janosha,

which is. Oh, okay. Is that where the taradactal man is? Oh, no, no. You're thinking of the Savage Land. Okay, yes, that's what I'm thinking of. who soar on the living taradactal man. That'll never make a movie. You never know. I was like,

did I miss something from this film? I guess if Dreadlock guy can make the cut. There was a taradactal man in this movie? That would be cool. If Magneto is just hanging out and there's fucking Soron

and it's just a cool looking thing that you spent a little bit more money on. And it's just like even if he doesn't have lines, it's like, oh, I know what that is. That's sort of something as opposed to Dreadlock guy. You know what was cool?

The gun thing. Oh, yeah. All the guns, Magneto with all the guns. Oh, yeah, that was cool. I think that, and I actually, I'll disagree with you. I liked the last scene of them in Paris. I nudged Chris to sit next to it. I was like, you expect Michael Kane to, like, give them a toast at the end?

Like, if I see you and I'll see Magneto over there, and I'll see Professor Xavier playing chess, I'll know it, you've lived a good lot. It's just for me, it actually more felt like the end of space cowboys. They're going to fucking play that chess game We just have this bad CGI shot of Paris Which you know what, fucking please just go get some B-roll You're a multi-million dollar film production And then I was just waiting for fly me to the mood

It's just so him being like Oh well you're retired now like just fucking shut up Wow wow It just it really didn't work for me I felt like it was going to be one of two endings It was either going to be the Dark Night Rise ending Or it was going to be like Xavier going to

find Moira McTaggart. And that's like the Captain America ending. Get it out. It does kind of suck that she's just not in this movie. It would have been a nice I think I actually would have preferred that a little bit. A cameo, yeah. Just to be like oh, Charles. Exactly.

And be simple about it. Well, where's if he was like, hello, Moira, I'm coming over now, talk to you later, click, clink. Or if like, I don't know, Xavier moves to Genosha. Yeah, yeah. Have it there. That would actually be cool.

It was just the look, like, it's just so fucking random. Yeah. Now he's in Paris. This character has never spoken about Paris once and any of those four movies. I kind of buy that. It's cheapish.

You know what I mean? Like, that's where you retire as you go to Paris, you know. And that conversation could have been something better. That's the other thing. Like, when they play chess at the end of X2, yeah. there's that's a thing sure you know and it's you're like wow you know it ends with him fucking yelling at him

you know where the future charles not them like iconic magnetoing and xaviering happening there also retire pretty young it's probably gonna need to rob a bank or something oh he's just rich and lord knows all those endorsement checks went to fucking xavier's oh yes i'll certainly hand this off to storm cyclops and night crawler yoink oh yeah i need all their per dieum Make it out to cash I'll hold on to it No no He's basically like a bad stage mom's like

No I'm gonna hold on I'm putting in a trust fee When they're older Yeah exactly Yes yes yes it's the Gene Gray school But Gene's dead you know That's a good That's a good text dodge

Send all Send all bills to Gene Gray Goodbye So this is The end of the road For these series of Fox movies sure now I guess there's some will be joining the MCU and that's the fucking boner jam of it is

I don't I've always appreciated that they're separate and I knew that like I'm getting an X-Men movie and it's a fucking X-Men story and that's great and now it's like I'm worried it's just going to be a thing where there's some MCU movie and you're going to drop like a couple of them in here and there and it's like when are we going to get a team X-Men movie? This is what's replacing your Ironmans

and Captain Americas I guarantee you they're going to go whole whole hog on X-Men. I mean, that's the thing is I wonder if, I don't know if they can meld these two. Like if they were really going to push like Avengers Meet the X-Men and there's a huge big fight thing. I'm not sure

if the audience is actually going to grapple onto that one. Are you kidding, dude? They'll grapple on to anything, won't you folks? They will, dude. And that's what the bummer. I would love for them to try that and have you be right and it fails. And then they're like, yeah, maybe we'll keep these pools

separate. Yeah. It's not going to happen. I agree with Eric. I think that's what their new ten polls are going to be like... The biggest thing is going to be who's the next Wolverine? Yes. And how do you bring Wolverine into the MCU? He'll be the first one to go, guaranteed. I'm kind of curious to see... One thing I would say, I hope. Yeah. Not that

this movie's perfect and like we've finally we've finally... We've certainly improved upon last stand exponentially. Oh, sure. But I don't need to see the Phoenix ever again. I mean, it's been two full fucking movies. No, you're totally right. And I know you will. And I know because like, they're going to redo it and the Wolverine's going to be there and then like they're going to

recast jean gray and then like they'll be like jean what's that and like a little thing in her eye and it's going to be six movies later if i see that orange glisten dude i'm be fucking furious you're going to see that orange glist every decade of your life you're going to see this story retold it's bizarre it's kind of bizarre that that's where the way we're living it's just it's dumb but i also like this movie because it wasn't an mcc movie too like it didn't feel like end game and end game is its own thing and I'm not trying to elevate this movie by shitting on that one.

No. Like that movie was on a different scale entirely, but this felt like, oh, this is like, it's its own world. Yeah. Let's end this world this way. Yeah. No, I think you're totally right.

And I also think with these four movies, you can more or less. I don't think it's a, it'll be a clean getaway. But I think you can more or less watch any of those four movies. I mean, obviously, especially first class, it's the first one. You can watch the other three without having seen the others. Yeah, sure.

Totally fine. Like this movie, I think more or less, if you have like a base knowledge of X-Men, you can just watch only this one. And you'll be totally fine. You could watch Apocalypse. You'd be totally fine. Maybe Days of Future Pass just because there's so many different strands going on. That would be like a little wonky if you don't know the other movies.

I had a hard time following on this one. Yep. Really? Yeah. I needed to like re-acquaint myself with the characters. I should have watched some of them before I went to this one. I feel like now that it's all done, it's like, there's time now.

I could go back and watch all for it. Yeah. Well, I mean, even the fucking originals. Go all the way through the whole time. Just go do it. But you can kind of do, I mean, I guess, because you could kind of do. Well, no, it's a whole franchise of hangover movies. It really is.

And I've seen them all a thousand times, so it's not like you need to super pay attention. But I feel like these, what is that? So it's three of that first, three Logans, and then four of these. Anything else in there? No. A Deadpool's, if you're going to count them. No, I'm not. Like, that's like a whole box set worth of having something on in the background.

They kind of these movies, they feel, are more akin to the Star Trek movies than anything else. The Star Trek motion pictures in a weird way. I don't know why. This is like the Chris Pine one. ones. Yeah, kind of sort of. This like first class. But I was actually just sort of thinking like all eight, like these were more like these these were the next generation. You know what I mean?

Like it's a different cast, different kind of vibe. These four movies from first class are like the next gen movies. And then those are the OGs. I don't know. They feel like that. I don't know. It just because like a hot, heavy sci-fi, heavy on the fie, I guess. Heavy on the fide, dude,

you got to go heavy on that fie. Yeah, I don't know. So like overall, it's totally worth a watch. Yeah, I mean, it would be amazing if this movie made a fucking trillion. It was the biggest movie in the world and then like Disney's like, what the fuck?

Right. Like, you know, they have to pay fucking Maccoy a trillion bucks to come back. I liked it a lot. I really, really liked it a lot. I got to think about it. I think it's, yeah, I think the best out of this four,

the one that I'll probably wind up going back to a lot is Days of Future Past. Apocalypse is the most fun X-Many of the bunch and the best tonally is this one. And first class kind of just soured in my brain. I rewatched it. January Jones is kind of terrible. Kevin Bacon's around and it's good enough.

I like Kevin Bacon in that movie. I bought that. That was a rando like when I got like a 4K TV and a 4K deck. I was like, oh, what's out there that's cheap and I can just see what shit looks like. And that was when I got almost like reluctantly, but it was like $6. I was totally fine with it.

I mean, it's not great. There's a whole lot of who the fuck could care about any of these mutants. There's all a lot of that. I mean, like, apocalypse is uneven as,

did say the least. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. I think this one is incredibly well-paced. Insane, like the,

and I think that is partially them not trying to emceu the thing and, like, because even I like, I'm a big defender of apocalypse. I like it for the most part, but,

and I like the Wolverine scene, but again, it's another, like, we have to pause to remind you the guy you like is still, year. And I'm like, I didn't really need that. And it slows you down. And it doesn't allow you to just

seed the movie to these characters that have been here for a while. And this movie feels like it totally seated. Like, for, you know, Nightcrawler, Storm, Cyclops, and all of them felt like they were there. And yeah, I thought it was most totally consistent. I moved around. I was never bored. And I usually am with these. So, yeah. It's under two hours, which is nice. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Yeah. I think all these movies are, like, great just popcorn movies. Totally. Just a nice reminder that it's okay to have fun at the movies.

Exactly, exactly. I had a good time. I wasn't the best. I think Days of the Future Past might be the best. I actually really liked first class. You're the man now, dog. I liked first class when I saw it. I haven't seen it in a while.

Apocalypse I was fine with too. And I think this is kind of, for me, that it's on that fine level, but which is still good because I'm having fun of the movies. Yeah, no, exactly. Not everything's life and death, people. That's also true. And don't comment below that you hated Apocalypse, I know. I think, I don't know, I guess it's weird

because I saw it by myself two weeks ago and I'm like legally barred from talking about it on the internet, so I've just kind of like stewing with it. It has been nice to talk about it. I think I, you know, I still think that that last sequence is fucking dumb as dog dick. And chest ain't just tough. She wanted to do more, you can tell.

She's like, you know, you got. me for the whole day. Do you know I'm an actor? Yeah, so that's all kind of unfortunate. Man, that fucking boozy dinner party, though, just get fucked up. I wish I could have seen more of it to be completely honest. Honestly, give me Jessica Chastain

hanging out being a bougie person for like an hour. And then have the aliens come in and then it's like, wait, this is an X-Men movie? I thought this was a Twilight Zone episode. Yeah, dude, just at that lake house. Yeah, beautiful. It's a movie called The Lake House, and it's just her,

having a dinner party, aliens come in. And then it's like a four-hour movie. Like, oh my God, now the X-movoo is starting? Totally. Fucking X-Men landed the back yard. You're like, what? The fucking X-Jet just comes down. You don't show any of that in the trailers.

And if they're watching or listening, I would like to formally apologize to the two security guards I had at my screening, who I made wait because I insisted on watching to see if there was a fucking stinger scene at the end of the movie. Oh, you're the only guy doing it? Yeah. The only one. I mean, there was only like 10 people in a huge theater anyway, but like this dude was just standing there and I'm like, hey man, got to see if anything's at the end. And he's like, yeah, I don't know.

They didn't say anything about that. And I'm like, yeah, that's why you got to check it out, man. I'm glad someone stayed because I bolted. There's nothing there. And it was funny because then like, it was just one guy and then a second guy came in and said to the first guy like, what are you doing? You called it back up? And this guy like, no, like the guy. walked in to be like, why didn't you come out of the theater yet? And the guy pointed at me

and he was like, ugh. And then the two of them just stood there watching me watch for Stinger scenes. So gentlemen, I'm terribly sorry. But that has been W.HM on screen for Dark Phoenix. Or if you're overseas or not in America, X-Men Dark Phoenix, as if parts of the world would forget. Or X-Men into Darkness Phoenix. So until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Chris Gavin. Eric Cisca. Take it easy. That was a HitGum podcast.