Wednesdays - 112: Is the guy I'm seeing secretly gay? Ft. Toby Watkins

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

Melissa's boyfriend, Toby Watkins is back for even more dilemmas and gossip this week as Sophie is on her honeymoon! Melissa and Toby tell us about their recent celebrity sightings, while Toby dishes the dirt on a recent stag do. Plus, we discuss dates lying about their weekend plans, navigating moving back from Australia when your partner wants to stay and being cheated on by your boyfriend with you best friend?!?This week we are drinking Bowl Grabber Alvarinho! Rating: 8/10 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only. Guarantee void if platform or game outages occur. Guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded. Or 11 p.m. Eastern. Restrictions apply. See full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either, and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts at anything. anything in fact we just chatted all the shit so and we love giving you

guys advice but as we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help all right we're back for round two with mr watkins he's back we're drinking the round two with Mr. Watkins. He's back. We're drinking the same wine because we thought it'd be wasteful to open another bottle of wine and we're doing a double record. So we're having, let's read it out again just for reference. Just for reference.

Because it's obviously going to be coming out a week later. We are having the bowl grabber. Does it actually say? Yeah, the bowl grabber. I'm not joking. Okay, anyway, so you were drinking this wine and we actually rated it an eight and it's bloody delicious it is highly highly recommend i don't know even on a hangover i actually don't know what type of wine it is though albarino so it's not

like an albarino it's an albarino never heard of that one before albarino is spanish and this is obviously a portuguese it's very light and crisp and refreshing and just really nice anyway i'm in a very sorry state today oh yeah we've got loads to talk about Toby's just come back from a stag my brother's stag and I've purposely not asked certain questions so I can ask I wish so much we were doing the lie detector test on Toby today that would have been so good no I'm the worst liar ever so you wouldn't I know but I would ask questions about like we're about like... I think there's certain parts of this tag that are probably confidential, but I'm just going to ask other questions. I'm not at liberty to discuss the tag.

Sorry to those guys that are lying to their girlfriends and their wives, because I'm fucking finding out everything on this episode. Hit me. Are you ready? Can't wait. Okay, so he's already outed that there was a stripper. I don't think he's meant to tell me that. Well...

Lars is like, that was a stripper. That was a stripper. Lovely lady, can't remember her name. Did you touch her? No. Did any... to tell me that well I was like that was a stripper that was a stripper lovely lady can't remember her name did you touch her no did any oh

did you touch her boobs no no I didn't what did you touch then didn't touch Tomi Watkins how dare you touch another woman

right I didn't I didn't even look at it you're going bright red did anyone else touch her obviously the the green

what happens on the stag stays on the stag I'm not a lipstick no no no we're on a podcast right now this is for entertainment of everyone else I'm so excited

that I've got you on today right after this oh my god oh god he's really going red the whoop's gonna be freaking out right now oh my god your stress levels

are like 100% okay so there was a stripper so he knows that there was a stripper yep you may or may not have touched her by the look on your face yes you did just just nod one blink once if you touched her boobs i didn't touch boobs what did you touch then oh my god you know i've also seen i've also seen guys toby scratching the back of his head right now and i've also seen this thing and it's like people lie when they scratch the back of their head or rub their neck yeah rubbing the neck when you're stressed no no i didn't didn't touch the boobs there was a stripper we're in a very tight compact limo okay

it was a logistical error so she was just what falling on all of you she was just fear she fell on me were her tits out did you have tits in face did you do that thing where you like rub your head no there were no tits in face i promise that was it it was just a very compact limo journey from any of the other people on the stage single or not they could have been single no they have a little play around who knows had to be there oh for fuck's sake also guys they also had this weird like social media no rule no rule yeah no it was because my brother's uh fiance's hen they there was a video of them coming out of their limo to this thing in chinatown the to the dinner that they're going to in chinatown and this girl was like busking and she was singing and just as she got what's the song the one from um yeah

she was singing that just as she hit the chorus this like sea of like girls and pink hats came out and started singing with her and the video went viral so they were like well we can't compete with that so let's just not put anything on social media so it doesn't look like we're trying to it also is like way more mysterious because now i'm like what the fuck happened it's just a load of blokes being really simple and having quite a fun time but like nothing that bad also can we just talk about the difference between how her hand was obviously just so elegant gorgeous outfits so sophisticated so much fun just gorgeous gorgeous girls and then poor old and then the photo what i did see some photos like that show toby showed me since i'm like

men are just disgusting it is something weird about like like group mentality with blokes it's just everyone like for no reason gets told to see off a pint which i'm terrible at doing and the groom did one out of like a shoe did one out of a shoe he had to wear a horrible he had a pair of lonsdale like shit kickers on and it was just very blokey it's just the the contrast between the two had a great time yeah um we know that stripper really just I want to look at what your weep was doing

at that exact time my weep died oh thank god for that lucky for you I know it was on 20% on Friday

oh the weep would be such a giveaway guys anyone has a weep you can just go and look at their track record from like a

Saturday night or something and see what happens if they're cheating on you it's like boom boom boom heart rate

up at like midnight what are they doing you can't hide anything you can't hide a thing oh right well maybe we'll swing back to this chat if anything else pops up in your memory okay okay yeah not a lot Boom, boom, heart rate up at midnight. What are they doing? You can't hide anything. You can't hide a thing.

All right. Well, maybe we'll swing back to this chat. If anything else pops up in your memory. Okay, okay, yeah. Not a lot's going on up there right now. You let me know, okay? It's just a monkey playing the cymbals. Okay, sweet or dry, honey? Oh, yeah, sweet or dry.

Do you want to read out the first one? Okay, yeah. Sweet or dry. Sitting on each other's laps in public. Sweet. Yeah or dry. Sitting on each other's laps in public. Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. I like PDA too.

I like shows of affection is great. Yeah. And I love it when I see like my parents give like a little kiss or whatever and that sort of stuff. I don't know why I'm talking about my parents. But like when couples do that, it's quite sweet. I'm trying to think if I ever sat on your lap in public. I don't know. Yeah, you have. We're at the pub and there's like one seat and you just sit on it. Oh yeah, fine. Sweet It's quite sweet. I'm trying to think if I ever sat on your lap in public. I don't know. Yeah, you have.

We're at the pub and there's like one seat and you just sit on it. Oh yeah, fine. Sweet. Yeah, sweet. It's just, you know what it is? It's when it's like... It's excessive.

And baby talk. Getting off. Or when they're sat facing. Like if the girl's sat... Don't straddle. Like don't straddle someone in public. No, no, no. Slash definitely probably like that.

Yeah. But don't do it. No. It's not sweet do what i say not what i do um yeah no it gets to the point where it's just awkward you're like i don't know where to look it depends you know what i think it completely depends on circumstance if you're in a group it's just not acceptable because you make other people feel uncomfortable there's no need for it be cute hold hands fine sit on a lap be social but don't mack on like when i'm sat next to you

absolutely not don't smash on out next to me um so yeah oh god i think it's a bit it's a mix and it's a fine line between the circumstances in fairness to us like on like our early dates we were definitely way pda but in private like we would sit next to each other like we would kiss kiss kiss yeah if I was I'd be like yeah but it's quite sweet when you see another couple do it in a restaurant it's quite funny and you see that they're like really in love and you're like oh that's oh my god we need to talk about something oh who did we see yesterday in Otolenghi oh my god how have we left this out fuck Fuck. Okay. We saw so many famous people yesterday.

Yeah, we saw Melissa Tattum. I'm shaking. Okay, we saw Tom Holland and Zendaya. We were walking out of Otolenghi. They walked, guys. We were coming out of the doorway and they were coming in. They waited for us to walk out as they walked in. Yeah.

So close. He was standing in front of her and she wrapped her arms around him. They looked so in love. They looked sick. So normal. Their outfits were unreal, glowy, and very in love. It was quite a special moment really.

It was cool. I wanted to go back. She was like, don't be weird. I was like, no, I want to go and get another look. She was like,

I want to linger around. I was like, no, no, we can't do that. Also, they had like so many security guards playing there.

There was an entourage. I didn't really notice the entourage. They were dressed as normal people though, but you could 100% tell they were security. If you had security, would you make them wear an outfit no but like

yeah I know I think it depends on like if you want to be fair the Bieber's security guards wear black and that big army

so you can kind of know they're like security yeah it's kind of like don't fuck with me but I think that maybe Bieber's on a different level to send her but yeah that was

pretty mental but on the point of PDA they just look very in love and it was like the perfect amount of PDA they just look very in love and it was like the perfect amount of PDA she's just oh god they're just so cool

and like they looked frightfully normal like bless them they've just gone into Otter Lange got a couple bits of their Sunday night dinner and they're just gonna go home

and eat me me just like us just like what we did and oh you so happy Toby wanted to go to Five Guys and I was like no no no inflammatory inflammatory

we need to go to Otter Lange get some healthy food because you're feeling over it or worse thank god we did i know okay he gives you pedicures depends how no no toenails dry dry dry dry as fuck yeah that's disgusting melissa even said last night me picking not picking cutting my toenails once and he you went too too short with it and you made yourself bleed and it really upset me for 48 hours yeah that's sorry because you're asking me if there's ever been a one-time thing where it's been is that anything that's really driven me to the edge and it was that moment really i don't know what it was it was just like

sick i don't know what it was it was also like crouched over like i don't know no it was like give me goblin vibes it just wasn't nice i think i was also maybe a bit annoyed with you at the same time so when you did that it just nothing worse it all just piled on and we were hung over i think and it just wasn't really the right time so absolutely dry i don't think even whichever way around we do it i'm not giving you a pedicure and you're not giving me one. It's dry. Asking about Russian history midway through the act. Someone's obviously done that.

Yeah. But nice to be able to laugh with each other during sex is good. A hundred percent. So if you found it funny and it was like, but if it was like just a moment of like social unawareness and you're just like asking about a source text from Russian history, then maybe not the right time keep it romantic keep it romantic right dilemma one oh also looks like it could be talking about you okay i've been seeing this guy

for a while we met through okay right dilemma one sorry it's the guy i'm seeing gay because if you read the first sentence you can see see it. Who'd be talking about you? No, no, because you'll see why. I've been seeing this guy for a while. We met through mutual friends. He is a model and so hot, so I was delighted for myself. What did you just write in there? Oh, so that's the bit that... That's the bit that I just saw, yeah.

Don't worry. I thought you meant I was gay. No, I know that you're very much so not. Oh, thanks. We had been going on dates every weekend, and when planning planning the next one he said he couldn't do that weekend when i asked what plans he had he said he was having a family reunion he'd be busy for a whole weekend i thought nothing of it and went out with my girls on a night out that weekend instead one of my friends is gay so we went into a gay bar for a change of scenery when i was in the bar who did i see dot dot dot

only the guy i've been seeing my normal response was to go up and say hi but then i remembered he said he had a family reunion so he lied to me i ran in the opposite direction because i was caught so off guard and didn't know what to do the next day he messaged me acting normal so asked so i asked how his family reunion was he said it was great and nice to get away for a few days but he missed me. Obviously he was lying. I didn't know what to say. So do I ask him, is he gay?

By do I pretend I don't know? I don't know whether to question his sexuality because I don't know how to call him out on something he is so not comfortable with. My friends said cut ties. I don't want to jump to conclusions and judge him that he was there, but he clearly lied to me for a reason. Please help. What should I do? I think you should cut ties i think he's probably gay and he's finding himself and he's not ready to admit it to the world and to himself maybe fully yet that is so awkward why not in there poor bloke that is awkward i hope he's all right and you know what poor bloke but also really not

fair on you like don't string me along like if you're if you're going through a process that you're trying to figure out what you want in life regardless if you're finding out what your sexuality is you can't be lying and no i don't agree there's so many things to this regardless to him being even if you just saw him in a club it's the line the line yeah it's the last part like even if it was just a normal club i would still be like well he's telling me he's on a family weekend he's missing me he's still in family weekend that he's missing me, he's still in the club. So no, dumpable offence.

Yeah, I agree. Take away the gay part, the finding yourself thing is another thing of sympathy. Sure. You know. But it's not, I don't really think it's fair

for him to be putting you through it and dragging you through the line. I guess he probably is seeing that she wouldn't be in a gay bar. Yeah, yeah.

So I'll get away with that. Obviously. Also, how hard is it to like bump into somebody? Yeah. Yeah, I guess he probably had seen that she wouldn't be in a gay bar so he was like I'll get away with that obviously also how hard is it to like bump into somebody yeah yeah that is random oh this happened once we were early on dating

you told me you'd gone home and then Ruby bumped into you on a night out oh shit yeah and also it was the most innocent thing and she like sent me a photo and I was like that's awkward

he's just telling me he's gone home and he was like night it was so bad it wasn't that bad it was winter we went to winter wonderland with loads of friends and then it was pissing it down with rain but he's just telling me he's gone home and he was like, night. It was so bad. It wasn't that bad. It was red-handed. We went to Winter Wonderland with loads of friends and then it was pissing it down with rain. So I was like, I'm just going to go home.

So I went home and everyone else went to Paradise, which is this club, which is near to where I live. And I got home and it stopped raining. My friend Gus was like, just come back out. And I was like, I literally just walked through the door and walked back out. But I'd already texted you when I was on the bus. Saying I'm going home. I'm on my way home, like night. And it was like early days where it was like just come back out and I was like I literally just walked through the door and walked back out but I'd already texted you when I was on the bus on my way home like night and it was like early days where I was like we'd literally been dating for like three weeks and then I went back out and Ruby was there on the storm Christmas party and she just came down and I was like

and I was like oh f**k now I look guilty of sin so what's the roundup on that one just quickly we didn't it's I think you need to I think maybe you say look i saw you it's okay no no no just cut ties don't just cut ties all right it will probably also be doing him a favor yeah true true true i think you just cut ties save yourself save him control alt delete yeah dilemma okay should i try read this one give it a go yeah my dilemma is a pretty big one i've been with my boyfriend for six years just for context we are in our early 30s in 2019 we left to come traveling to australia and are now in our fourth year here my partner is totally in love with australia and really wants to move and be here permanently after lots of backwards and forwards thinking soul searching and a trip home to england i think i know deep in my heart i want

to come home to england we both see ourselves having a family in the future and ultimately i just can't bear to bring them up so far away from our families as family to me is the most important thing however when i think about potentially leaving to go home without him my heart breaks into a thousand pieces and to be quite honest i can't imagine my life without him i'm crying crying as i'm writing this just at the thought of it i really don't know how to even begin dealing with this situation i can't even how to even begin dealing with this situation i can't even talk to him because i'm scared the outcome could could be we both go our separate ways i'm worried if he if he decides to come back to england with me he could live a life

of unhappiness and resentment but i also think i would feel the same thing living here in oz i don't even know how to start making a decision choosing between close to my family and potentially leaving the person i love most in this world or staying and possibly living a life not completely full of happiness and how i want it please help what do i do where do i start that's really that's a really really that is really tough okay first i don't envy envy anyone in this situation because it's really tough but there is situations like this that i think a lot of people could cut the hurdles like this that people go through ultimately i would hope if you've been together for six years that you are so solid and breaking up just isn't an option you're in your early 30s

you're gonna have a family you're gonna get married breaking up is that it's not even in your vocabulary like i actually watched this thing and it was like we never discuss divorce divorce is never ever ever on the table because once you like bring that up as like a threat or like when you're in an argument or whatever like it's game over like no no it's just not even something that is possible you're a team you work through things but so hopefully like i'd say there's got to be some level of compromise and she's right i know that feeling feeling of not wanting to bring something up because you're scared of not abandonment. You're like, I don't want that to happen.

So you're like, I don't even want to address it. But then you also owe it to yourself to be like, well, I don't want to do that because it will only create more problems down the line. So I think you've just got to be like, well, at some point I want to move home because family is everything. Or maybe there's a compromise

where you live six months in I'm having it also Australia is a very hard place to move to and live to like to get like a permit or a work visa or whatever like it's not like it's not like just it's a big deal and it's hard okay if it was me I wouldn't hold back from having the conversation at all yeah I would just be like I love you and like i want to be with you forever but ultimately i don't i can't see myself living here but i also can't see myself without you so if we have a family and that's like a whole other thing i can't be in australia and like bring up my kids without grandparents and cousins and i want yeah it's that is a really tough one i think there's you gotta have the conversation because you'll never know if you don't yeah it'll just be smoke and

mirrors so you've got to kind of address it really understand but you'd also hope that maybe he's picked up on the vibe that how close how much family is you know how much family means to you so yeah he would be aware to be like okay i know i'm loving it here but also my other person that i love most in this world wants to be home. So let's think of a compromise. They've been living there for four years. Of the six-year relationship. That's what?

That's three- You've really built a life there together. Three quarters of the relationship. So I would find that then hard. I get why he's then like, I love my life here. I think you need to have the conversation. Ultimately, if you guys are strong enough, you'll make the decision together and you'll move back together. Yeah, you've got to make that. It's the conversation. Ultimately, if you guys are strong enough, you'll make the decision together

and you'll move back together. Yeah, you've got to make that. It's the conversation. And I know it's tough, but I don't think you need to worry about the conversation itself being the cause of a breakup because it seems like you guys are really tight. You've got a lot of skin in the game.

Just have the conversation. You guys are really tight. You've got a lot of skin in the game. What's skin in the game? I don't know. I feel like I'm giving a team talk to a football team. Wow, I know. life coach over here i am that's what i might do might just move to bali and be a life coach please don't um so i think that they just as you say you need to just

speak to him about it and understand how important it is for him to stay there would he consider going back to the uk and giving that a go for a few years because it sounds like you've done all right you've done the australia for four years you had a relationship in the uk for two years at the start of your relationship so let's go home see what it's like if we hate it after two years and having a baby then we can talk about moving home but ultimately the next stage of our lives is having kids and being like i mean you want to be with the you want to be around family i totally understand that come from grandparents and stuff. Yeah.

Please follow up with us. I feel like maybe we weren't that helpful, but I feel like this is also an area where we're not experienced at all. Like this is just one of those life decisions that. It's a tough one. Yeah, it's really tough.

Please tell us what happens and update us. And I'm really sorry that you're sad. I promise whatever happens, you will be okay. You'll be all right. You'll work it out. Okay.

Dynamo three. Do you want to? Yeah. On Saturday night, my boyfriend, cheese dummy in the same nightclub that i was in with my best friend fuck's sake guys that's awful we were dancing together and my friend thought he was just having a laugh he can be very touchy feely and flirty when he's drunk he then proceeded to kiss and bite her neck at this point she pushed him away and told him to stop he then asked to follow her to follow him into the men's toilets as he wanted to fuck her that was the most aggressive sentence i've ever read yeah wow whoa she once again told him to stop because she is my best friend and he replied with several times, don't worry about it.

This guy's an arsehole. Wow. Then when he came near me, I was obviously so upset that he could, and he could see that. So I kept asking what was wrong. I tried to stay calm as I didn't want to ruin our group's night. Me and my friend then left in a taxi. He tried to get in the loo. Into.

No, sorry. Tried to get into the taxi. He tried to get into. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Tried to get into the loo. I was like, we're jumping from tried to get into the taxi. He tried to get into... Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Tried to get into the loo. I was like, we're jumping from the loo to the taxi. Me and my friend then left in a taxi and he tried to get into. I told him to go home to his parents and get away from me.

He lived at mine at the time. The whole way home, he was texting me asking what he was doing wrong and why I was kicking off for no reason. Yeah, arsehole. What the fuck? The next morning, I was so um i had so many unpleasant messages from him within 45 minutes he had text again apologizing that he was out of control he's blaming everything on the alcohol but surely if you can do that when you're drunk

he must have been apart from deep down the wants to drunk acts are sober thoughts he continued to text me and at times tried playing the victim about how he was having a rough time. I told him to give me space and I need time to think about things. I'm heartbroken and really unsure on what to do. Do I really want to lose a two and a half years of my life

that I've built together over this? But am I stupid to forgive him and then accept him back? Yes. He did it right in front of your face, which is not a good sign for them. It's like a step too far. stupid to forgive him and then accept him back yes he did it right in front of your face which i think it's like it's like a step too far i think no this is really really odd behavior two and a half years it's also like follow me into the loon let's have sex like he would have shagged

her if she said yes like he did not care that you were there at all like also i'm trying to blame it do drunk things really make you go that out of control i don like also i'm trying to blame it and your drunk things really make you go that out of control i don't think so like fair enough if it's a one like i've kissed and you're like uh-oh what have i just done that was like even then that's like pretty savage you need to get out of there it sounds like also i kind of want to know what how old you are because to me i might be wrong this is like 18 19 year old territory so and at that point i get people i get people make silly mistakes and boys especially when they're really young and alcohol can do super weird things to people but i do not think there's any coming back from this

you can't blame all of that on on booze that's it is sober thoughts i do agree he clearly has a bit of a thing for your friend he was very very keen on oh yeah getting something going on with her i agree i think you gotta you need to get out get out also like he's just gonna do it again when he's drunk again like every time he gets drunk yeah and then you'll try and get and shag my best friend even if i'm there yeah that's how little he cared about you finding out the fact that you were there and he was like oh don't worry about her horrible horrible get out get out now get out

you deserve so much better you do so so shit I know it's going to be heartbreaking it's going to be difficult just remind yourself what he was doing

in front of you is that what you want to be in a relationship with no no and that concludes that that's some solid advice got to have a real range

of different dilemmas there. Are you ready for this? Yeah. A brand new podcast from Jam Pop, the makers of Nearlyweds. Why am I so nervous about this conversation? I'm teething my voice, all right? Yeah. Write me dirty.

Hmm, that sounds a little bit sexy. I once went for an eye test and then ended up sleeping with the optician. That is unbelievable. Isn't that good? How young or old? Am I the only person ever to chat up an optician during an eye test? Okay, so sexy stories, but what's the title about? Write Me Dirty.

Sounds a bit like home-written erotica. His chest hair peeking through the seam like a huntsman spider out of its den oh wait it is home written erotica in an instant my back hit the wall and i whimpered lovely so that's two celebrity friends reading some home written erotica to the other oh my god my God. We're getting into it now. I was reading it. It was all quite sweet up to that point. Definitely worth a listen, I'd say.

Write Me Dirty, coming Monday the 12th of June. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. You going to have that conversation with your dad? Nah. Nah. Never. Never. Lock the door.

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Okay, lovely listener messages from our tiny, tiny whiny. Hi ladies, big fan of the show. Thank you. I just listened to your last episode about the uni house with the nightmare housemates and had to write in. In my last year at uni, me and my partner had to leave our accommodation as the landlord sold it to a private buyer. We found a place quickly and loved it straight away. Within the first day, the man in the room next door to ours made me feel very unwelcome, staring at me whenever I left my room. I heard him calling me a posh bitch to the others every time. Wow.

Oh, Christ. It's quite a nice compliment, though. a posh bitch to the others every time. Wow. Oh, Christ. That's quite a nice compliment, though. You posh bitch. I heard him calling me a posh bitch to the others every time I went to the kitchen. It was awful. By night four, me and my partner were woken up at three

and by violent banging on our door so hard it almost came off the hinges. It was the man in the room next door to us. He was clearly on something and screaming, come out, you posh bitch. Oh, God. We were terrified, but he eventually tired.

We did not sleep all night. In the morning, we found stab marks on our door and knives all over the floor. We packed and left immediately. We called the landlord and explained. He came straight away to pack our stuff as we were too scared to leave our car in case he came back.

When the man woke up he was so angry we'd called the landlord he went to the kitchen and emptied a bag of trash all over this guy's not well emptied a bag of trash all over our luggage still horrified to this day a week later we heard from one of the other housemates that he stole stuff from all of them including xboxes and mobiles and left in the middle of the night no one's heard from him since so so happy the landlord helped us and let us stay in another one of his properties freaking hell this is mental and you know what's blowing my mind about this he could have murdered you that's awful fucking horrendous god it's a dangerous world out there isn't it but i'm

very happy that that was a happy ending for you so i'm very glad that you're safe and that's good but scary stuff I've never had anything like that um my ex-girlfriend had a um just before we got together in lockdown she had a um she lived in Stoke Newington in a basement flat and this guy got into was like banging on her window um she had french doors at the back and he'd obviously hopped a fence was banging on the window she was all by herself oh my god no no he was like let me in let me in and she was like fuck anyway he was like just wouldn't stop she called the police um and then they then had to come and there's a big part of the story that i'm missing here i can't remember anyway luckily she was fine the police got this guy but she like had a moment where she was like

this is this is the end like he was could have smashed the glass and like got in and surely she would have run out the front no she's she i think she hid in the bathroom called the police so she was like at least if he comes in oh no that's like one more yeah horrible one more door for him to try and break down i always think about that where would you always think i always like make these like panic plans i'm like okay right so if someone breaks in here like where would i hide that would be obvious and i always like i'm not going to say it on the podcast but i've got like a plan in my head so in case anyone breaks into it don't tell anyone the plan i don't want to tell you where my plan is but like i've got pretty good security as well just just finishing off the the podcast is there anything you would like to say

about the stag no not really my brother doing a pint out of his shoe was was pretty joke there was some naughty business on the dance floor there was some yeah oh we went to a strip club and all got on the stage did you know ollie did you went to a strip club yeah on the friday night saved that for head, didn't I? What the fuck? So there was a stripper and a strip club? Oh, you're just a greedy, disgusting man, really Why do you need both?

So you had like a private dance And then you got to see them together? No, no, no, we just went to the strip We didn't get, no one got to dance at the strip club It was just a sort of like Just a watch Watched in, yeah, walked in Did you put any notes in any girls' pants?

No, it wasn't that sort of place What was it then, Toby? Just dancing around, poles, always on stage. Then we got kicked out. Did he get a lap dance? No. So why was he on stage? Because I've got the photo of it.

So what was he doing on stage? Because you don't get the dance on the stage. You go to the private room for the dance. Come on now. Stop gaslighting me. You go on so normally in a girls thing

you get taken up on stage they sit you down they do like that no no no so I got on stage which you weren't meant to which is why we then

got chucked out oh I see so then the kind of pimp guy the guy in charge then came down and was like you can't do that

how much did you pay to get in £15 worth it on the Monzo oh it was quite funny so no cash was taken up

for the old no it's all automatic these days 2023 oh what so she's got like a little like contactless thing on her pants

she's like tip tip tip shake it tip how does it work fascinating

was there any fit girls tell me everything boobs out fanny out yeah pants on but pants aren't there was flaps flaps Was there any fit girls? Tell me, boobs out, fanny out. Uh, yeah. Pants on, but pants aren't,

you know, there was, there was flaps. Oh, I'm really not sure how I feel about that. So you've seen lots of naked, naked girls. Yeah,

I did. I saw two naked girls. I really followed rice, but I know. Sorry. Stags are stag. Got to do what you got to do. What I will say is that I obviously,

with you doing your podcast and whatnot, I couldn't, even if I wanted to, which I do not want to, couldn't get away with anything because there's eyes and ears to the ground everywhere. I'd get found out in a heartbeat. Yeah, where were you? And someone was whisper, whisper, whisper. So we went to a pub in Soho before the dinner.

She's got eyes everywhere. And I sat down next to these three girls and next to the two guys i was at on like one of those booth things so they had their table there and i was on this one but i was kind of like sat there went to the loo and then apparently the girls i didn't hear them say it but to the guys were like oh they oh that's melissa's boyfriend right so whoever you guys are please write in and tell me exactly what you saw okay yeah perfect anyone saw this going on give us some updates also they were at the fox and peasant and um i was very close and we always went there for dinner and i was like you know we can't fucking go there for dinner poor waiter was probably in

ptsd she wasn't we had to switch her shift why what were you doing just ordering a lot of drinks and a lot of food but she was you know what what, she got a lovely tip and it was, you know, we're boosting the economy and it was all in the name of good. It's all good for the environment at the end of the day. Yeah, exactly.

All right. How much did you love coming on the podcast? I had a lovely time. Thanks for having me. Thank you guys so much. Love you. See you in a bit.

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