Wednesdays - 120: Decoding Men: What his texts REALLY mean ft Toby Watkins

Episode Date: January 7, 2026

Heyyyy Tinies!For our first episode of 2026, Melissa is joined by her lovely boyfriend Toby (aka Rick).With January blues looming, Melissa and Toby share how they romanticise January every year and flip the post-holiday slump into a new era.The pair get into New Year’s resolutions - more date nights are firmly on the agenda, while Melissa manifests a Kendall Jenner–style wellness centre (because why not dream big?) Plus, we unpack Toby’s wholesome obsession with Ollie Proudlock (sweetness).Toby steps in to decode texts from men. What do they actually mean? Are they interested, breadcrumbing, or just bored? And most importantly…what’s the best response?In this week’s dilemmas, one Tiny needs urgent advice: she broke her boyfriend’s heart…but now she wants him back. Is it salvageable or has the ship well and truly sailed?Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]:Producer: Helen BurkeAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Lizzie McCarthy & Jake JiSocial: Anthony Barter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys. Welcome back. Today we are talking about January and putting positive spins on January and how I feel about January. How you feel about January. We've got Toby back on the podcast. I'm back. We talk about your obsession with Proudlock. Yep. And we have the juiciest dilemma that I think we've ever had. Enjoy the episode. Hello and welcome. Happy New Year to all of you tuning in now. 2026 has got a good ring to it. It's an even number. I always feel like it's... Yeah, you know why? Six is like more five. It's just six. Five. It just rolls off the time. Did you have a good 2025? Have you had a lovely year? A lovely 2025, thank you very much. Apart from my UTI debacle, which I feel like it's defined me as a person.

Yeah, it's become a character trait. That was quite hellish. It really went on for a long time. What are you going to do with that when you don't have it? I don't know. I don't know. What I'm in new my every time. I don't know what Chagogy BT is going to do. They're going to go bust. We're on a healing journey. I was just saying to Tavia, I really want a wellness center, a wellness room in our house. So listen, this is my plan. So I already have this like bond charge red light LED thing, okay?

And because it's it's not a year's resolution, it's been a resolution the last few years for me to be a bit more tidy and organized and make more of an effort to live in a less cluttered room and house. So I've got a vibration pad from Santa And it's getting those lymph nodes going Yeah, it's really good So you stand in the morning And it vibrates you for like three minutes And it gets all your lymph nodes going to detoxes you It's brilliant

And also quite fun So I'm going to put it So I'm going to put it You know the wardrobe I have this little walk-in wardrobe section And there's a plug in it So I'm going to pop it in there And then I'm going to put the Bond charge LED light

On the shelf in there too So I can open it And that's my wellness centre in the cupboard Oh, that's a nice idea I was thinking about that one I couldn't sleep last night I'm going to organise it so it works And then I just, when I'm finished it I just pop her in there

Shut the door, Wellness Centre's gone, gone, bye-bye Perfect, it's all happening in the wellness room So my dream, if you guys have ever seen The Kendall Jenner, like architectural digress and things like that They have like wellness rooms They have like an oxygen chamber and all that stuff Yeah, my New Year's resolution is To stop chewing my food so quickly

Sorry, to stop eating my food so quick And to chew more He inhales his food like a fucking Labrador I'm like I've had three mouthfuls and he's like almost done he's like he finished that yet and I'm like no it's a real bad I don't know where it came from I had I had two older brothers so whether or not it's because when I was younger they would knit your food but it makes it sound yeah it wasn't that feral but I honestly when I see a lot of food

on my plate I'm like it needs to go so you're going to chew your food some more anything else as a couple we're going to aim to spend more quality time yeah more date nights more date nights and more weekends away yes we've just had a lovely weekend away actually in the Cotswows. The good thing about the countryside, right, is in the summer you're outside, fresh air, the birds are tweeting, it's all quite lovely.

That's a nice walks. But then in the winter it's cosy, you can light the fire. You can hear the rain on the windows. You're all tucked up. The hot water bottles. There's loads of sport on as well in the autumn, which is nice. There is. We watched a lot of sport. We went Friday night just Melissa and I, Saturday night. We had some friends who have a little cavapoo called Luna. She was real cute. And then Sunday was just

us again. Yeah, it was gorgeous. We ate lots of good food, went on lots of nice walks, watched some football, watch some rugby, and lunches. And because my friend that came was pregnant, she was a designated driver, but like, it was fantastic. We went to the ball, Burford had a lovely roast, went to the ball and Chaubury and had a nice meal. We did the full work. And we're back there again next weekend. We've got three Cotswell weekends back to back. So we're doing, we're doing very well with our knees resolutions already, aren't we? Any other ones? More quality time, less, more chewing of food, wellness room. I would like to sauna more. Which brings it back to wellness, but I was told by my functional doctor about my UTI that I need to be saunering to be getting

rid of the toxins and stuff that I've got going on in my body. And I did know that, but I just get scared about going into the sauna. So I think being less afraid is maybe another. What is it about the sauna that scares you. The men in there, the pervy men. They're not pervy. They're just loud. Yeah. If you're there, it's fine.

I don't worry about it. But if you're not there, I'm like, I prefer it to just be a girl's and a boy's sauna. Like, can we just keep it like that? So more saunering, that's another one. Nice. Oh my God, guys, we went to this dinner the other day. I have to tell you, sorry,

just sort of get a little diver around the subject. Went to this dinner the other day. And Toby is very good friends with Proudlock now, Olly Proudlock. You want adult years? When did you say these friendship sort of blossomed? I say started as an internship when I was younger of the, like, office. And there he was with Perry, who's another friend of mine now,

formed a good friendship. But they were walking together and I was like, fuck. How am I going to do this? So I like scurry over. And I was like, excuse me. And he was like, hey man, how are you doing? And I was like shaking. I'm a fan of search name.

Can I please? If you need an intern, shit. Like, if you need an intern, let me know. He was like, actually, we were looking for something. We're looking for one at the moment. And so I gave him one of my model cards with my email on it. And I was like, here you go, like, just let me know if you need to one. Went on holiday.

And this was before roaming. You know, and like when you go on holiday, you could be like eight quid. Getting the Wi-Fi was like... And we were on a boat. We were on like a little sailing boat in Sardinia. It said no Wi-Fi, no like 4G. Was you thinking he made it going to bed at night? It has probably messaged me.

And I emailed him just before, like literally the day before we left. And the whole time I was like, when I turn my phone on, I wonder if I'll have an email back. And I did. we got back to Gatwick, turn my phone on. And there it was. And then I went to my internship and you never turned up. It was just all the other people in the office and he wasn't in that week. Wait, baby, your internship was only a week?

Just the first one. Oh my God. And I turned up and it was just me Perry and this other guy and Ollie wasn't there. So I was like, fuck's sake. Now I just have to do stop counting and actually work and I don't get to meet him. And then anyway, friendship kind of blossomed from that. And then fast forward what? nearly 10 years

no i think longer han he's your 28 now if you were 16 oh my god 12 years yeah that's actually what i know that's weird 12 years and we're now friends and hopefully doesn't think I'm a weirder anymore honestly i think he loves it

that you were his number one fan we were like going back to the pictures felt like so funny so cute good times good times it's like a lovely story for the um it is quite so much the archives that one I just liked his style I thought he was cool

but he dressed well he was always nice in the show he never got into too much drama that's true he was always too like very cool calm collected like was relevant wasn't like a nobody but didn't cause loads of drama i remember there were certain people that like if it was them on the show like if it was a scene with them i'll be like oh pooring not gonna say it was but then there'll be some people who like jamie proud lock spencer you'd be like when i was in there it was just like i just wanted to watch like yeah it was like the drama between like someone having a romance is the ones i always wanted to watch and i just skip skip skip i'm still the same now with watching tv if i'm not

interested in certain people skip skip skip skip it's like love island you just have your favourites i knew who you were before our hinge encounter encounter and i know who you were from the tube and from jamie but not quite the same the tube i was on a tube campaign right that was really quite cool it was a lucky turn of events that tube campaign being out what was it bertin men's wear not the best brand ever but you know what his face was everywhere it was like a it was like a whole year i was on that thing like they did the summer one then the autumn one then the winter campaign And I was on the tube for a solid nine months, I'd say. How do you make that happen again?

I don't know. It's quite hard. That was a good time. Every time I got off the tube, I was just there. And then sometimes people used to like clock that it was me. I used to stand there. When you were there? Oh, stop. Is that you?

And I'd be like, oh my God, that's so weird. I totally didn't notice that there. Yeah, that is me. Shut up. That is so you to do that. Oh, I did it once. Actually, I shouldn't admit this. But I pretended like it was the first time that I'd seen it.

and went oh my god that's mad that that's there and this guy's like yo this is such a special moment like can I take a photo and I was like yeah I'd already seen it like five times before that I just needed the confidence boost and then the day it stopped being shown I was fuming I got replaced by by a condom advert on one of them it like went from me to then like fucking Jurex January is it's a bit of a slow month also no one's up for doing anything

you feel a bit guilty for drinking I'm also going to try and do dry jam this year I feel so sorry for my brother my brother's birthdays in January and everyone does fucking dry jan and I'm like don't I feel like it's kind of like the Christmas hangover no one's got any money

it's grey the anticipation of Christmas has gone also you all of those dead Christmas trees and you're walking through the street that's not fun I do agree that and every other street post has like a really withered old Christmas tree. I think for me, I try and make January not this, like, negative thing because of my brother's

birthday for one. And also, it's like people get, like, the Monday blues. I almost feel like the week, and a Monday is like the January in terms of a week comparison. 100%. And I really enjoy a Monday. I'm like, I feel like it's like a new mini opportunity. It's like a new start, if you will.

And I feel the same about January. I don't know, it's like not that much of a big deal. I'm like, I know it's not amazing, but I'm like, we've now got summer to look forward to. It's like sort of the clock resets. I feel like February, though, you start to be like, okay, but I don't mind. There's the kind of initial excitement of like new year, new me, new resolutions, business plans, personal plans. And then the reality of like the dark nights and like everything just gets a bit shit. Do you know what I mean?

I agree. But you are right that actually from the past the 21st of December. The nights get lighter every night. That's the winter solstice. So the 21st deck onwards. We have a light evening. We're on the way out. Okay, so January's not that bad then, is it?

We're getting through it. And then I love spring. Spring is my favourite. I love Feb. Feb's a short month. March, then you're fully into, then the clocks go forward or back, forward. In March. Yeah, then we're lighter morning.

The dark mornings get me a bit. The dark mornings are a bit grim. It's the dark evenings. For me, like, listen, I've ever. busted my body clock. Winter comes, I'm listening to my body. I'm sleeping in more in the morning and I'm going to bed earlier and night. You love listening to your body and a lot of the time your body's going, I need a nap. I never nap. But all the wellness people say, listen to your body and you are. I don't know. But that means that you nap. Can you stop trying to make it

something? Sorry, not a nap. I never nap. But you're a late riser. Wake up at 8am. I don't think that's that bad. No, it's actually not bad. Because I'm not going into an office every morning. I'm like, I think that's quite normal. I don't know why I have such a weird thing about... You don't give me shame. You made me for shame for like sleeping into eight and I'm like... We have my brother living with us for like two months.

Yeah. God, he gets off so early. He's up at six in the gym, on his moped, into the gym. That motivation. And I'm like, fair play. But listen, that's because he also is going into an office in the day. So he's like, if I don't get it in the morning, if I don't get it done in the morning, I'm not getting it down. I was like fair. It's true. Because he's like, the last thing you want to do is do it in the evening. He's like, I want to come home. I remember when I worked. I worked in an office for a year

and a half and I used to go to the gym and fitness first, top and court road. And I used to get in there like seven in the morning. And there was like a tiny bit of floor space to put my little to do my stretches and that was like, I was literally clambering on top of people to like, would you even like copying that Proudlock stretches and stuff? He's got the Made in Chelsea Fit DVD on. Do you know, do you guys want to hear a great fact? Do you put yourself under pressure to go on long haul runs, okay, if you're a gal. Yeah, this is another bit of wellness that Melissa I have been told by hormone experts that long form running for women is bad for our hormones. So I've been trying to, I won't be doing any half marathon's marathon. I've been trying to get

Melissa to come on a run with me. So you need to go and run. Your heart's bad. No, okay, hey, that, I, you were worrying about your heart rate variability being low and I was like, the way to get that up is go running. And you were quite close to buying a pair of running trainers and getting on that trend. I was not. No, you weren't. But. You were going to buy me about. Now the hormone expert has ruined me and brought me right back down and now that dreams are out of the window. She's piped up and she told me it's actually not like,

if she's at a bit of running, it's all right, but like long form running for women's like not great for our hormones. But what about, I feel like it would be a real, you never have a not clear head. You're always very... Yeah. So if it's not broken, don't fix it. True.

You're quite lucky in that respect. You kind of just always quite a naturally calm person, aren't you? Yeah. I'm not. You annoy me this morning with the coffee. Fucking annoyed me. Oh gosh. Melissa made a coffee.

We've got a new coffee machine. So good, guys. Which is unreal because the old one is just a bit average. So we've got a new one. It's like a professional barista one. It's a sage. It's really fun. You sort of feel like real baristery, but you don't actually have to do much.

And Melissa very kindly started making me a morning coffee and put protein powder in the coffee. Which I'd like, it's quite a weird move putting protein in a coffee. It's like a collagen. It's flavorless. I would be able to taste it. But you could. You can't. I know. You can't taste it. Because then you sipped it and it's only because you've seen me put it in and you're like, I can taste it. And I'm like, I know. Next time,

I made it for you so many times. If you put it in and I don't notice it. If you put it in and I don't notice it, then. Pretty round me up. Then I'll find it. Piss me off so much. Don't know why it really got me. And then you have me too. I know. I think it was a five in wake up. I think that's what. Yeah, it didn't help. So obviously I'm alone. in this partnership about loving january i don't love it but like not not hating it but i know there's a lot of people that do really struggling in jan like it's quite like i think in this hemisphere with the sun not being on our side in jan the post-christmas blues the fun and like the anticipation of the end of the year also everyone's always gone oh we'll look back after

christmas so then all that looping back's got to be dealt with in jan oh shit yeah it's such you know what it's like putting off a plan it's so great or like putting off like a chore or something it's All those things, let's out in my hands, like, it's not enough time, but then you've got to go back to it. So it's a tough time. I would say my advice for anyone who struggles with Jen, from a practical point of view, a sad lamp. Oh my God, what a lovely idea. They're really good. And they're like a little panel of concern.

I'm rubbing off on you finally. And it sits, and you've got on the little bond charge one. And it just goes on your desk and it puts out all of the, you know more about this than I did. Lumilite has it. It's like give your mitochondria, I think. It basically emulates the sunlight so it can help you deal with seasonal, effective disorder. Yes. Also, known as sad or like depression, like winter.

Winter's blues, basically. Also, some good vitamin D, like a good quality vitamin D supplement actually can really help that if you take that first thing in the morning, so that's your circadian rhythm. So those bits and bobs are quite nice and like a holistic, wellnessy point of view. But also, I feel like if you are feeling a bit like low and shitty mentally, it might not actually be that you do have sad or anything. think, but you're just like, oh, January, like, that's all so okay. Yeah, that's normal. Like, just ride that way.

Like, you've got to remember that everything ebbs and flows, right? And Christmas and the end of the year is such a big high that you've also, you're always going to have a bit of a lull afterwards. It would be weird to have, like, the rest of the year. One thing is quite a good thing to do is if you've got the capability in your holiday allows it. Yeah. Save your winter sun. Oh, yeah.

To Jan. Or just don't do a summer holiday when the weather's actually nice in London. That's true. struggling. This is when global warming is on our side. We have quite a good summer. It's not an under, I'm not saying. So then winter time, get yourself to Cape Town.

Yeah. Also, can I just say Lanzarotti, I think, is like really cheap. Actually, I don't know if it's that cheap anymore. I think it's quite expensive. Well, yeah, Lanzarotti's closer. But there's quite good places that are, like, closer and cheap that have fantastic, like, winter sun. And I'm like, oh, God, you're going there for a long weekend.

That's a good option. Or even if you can't do that, just book yourself like a nice staycation or something to look forward to so that Jan's a little, you need a little, you need a little, I milestone at the end of the month to be like, right, it's been a bit crap, but actually, that last weekend. Yeah, exactly. It's definitely important. So we to look forward to and also remember that the 21st of December, this is what always

gets me through. 21st of December is the darkest date, so it is up from there. Okay, fine. I love it has all about light for you. Well, it's just, it's nice knowing that every night is getting a little bit lighter. Yeah, that's true. Also, January is a really popular month for breakups, divorces, that whole sort of separate thing. So listen, let's try and be really positive and look at it. Is the universe getting rid of old,

but I don't know, like, let's get rid of like the negative things. Like if, like, let's say someone's broken up with you in January, that's like obviously so much worse than someone breaking up with you in summer, but also like let's look at it as the universe is like getting rid of bad energy and things that aren't meant for you exactly and that we're moving on. It's a whole new fresh start. So that's really great. And then also you've got all the way till summer to recover from the breakup. Hopefully in the summer we can be back on that horse, hot girl summer. The quicker it's done, the quicker you're healing, you know?

Yeah. So if you've done it pre-summer, then by the time it gets to summer, you're feeling a little bit more confident, you're feeling more yourself, ready to date, hot girl summer, hot boy summer. Yeah. It's all happening. I also feel like seek some comfort in the fact that a lot of other people will be going through breakups in January.

It's weird that that's, I mean, it makes sense because you think everything like at Christmas time, A, you're with each other a lot more because you're not working. be you sometimes can be things can be masked by Christmas because it's like such a happy time you kind of all of the potential problems in your relationships aren't evident until you're like jam

okay and then you're like fuck I was thinking that Christmas would bring out the problems because you realise how different your families are and like your values are you're like how is this actually going to fit into the long jeff like the long haul of this and you sort of do all that comparison

And so if you're the breakupie or the breakup, I don't know if that's the right terminology. I like that. I think good for you if you've made a change in a negative relationship and you've taken the plunge of breaking up because that's not easy. But also, exciting new chapter for you. New Year, new you. You're single. 2026. Got a good ring to it.

Yeah. Yeah. The swag gap. Tell me about the swag gap. So the swag gap's a new thing, right, that people are talking about. You've got age gap. Now you've got swag gap. Yeah.

It's basically where you've got. Correct me if I'm wrong, but a difference in your level of coolness and swag. Yeah. Would you say we've got a swag gap? I think when we went to that party, I was definitely more cool than you because your outfits sucked. When you were dressed really like posh. I did go particularly posh to one of the least posh parties. Sometimes I hit the mark and you don't, which is great.

You're, I think you've got a better wardrobe than I do. You've invested more in your wardrobe. The other way around it is to it as well. Yeah, that's true. But I feel like in my mind, swag's people that are like naturally cool dating like a loser. Is that kind of what it's? I'm like, is that ass probably? What?

So who's natural? I'm just a main Chelsea loser, really. But at the end of the day, you're just as much of a loser because you are the number one fan. I was a fan. I feel like we're quite matched on our loser-ness, loserishness. You know what? I think if you're okay with like being a loser, that's like, that's something. quite comforting about that yeah there is quite

comfortable i remember the biggest change for me at school was when i accepted that i wasn't going to be one of the cool kids genuinely was like a massive i used to try and be the cool kid and like they were going for sikis behind the astro turf and i was like trying to join them and like trying to get on the chat they were like football and i didn't really like football but i pretended i did and i was like kind of was there like they liked me and i was like yeah i'm kind of part of the cool group but it was a real effort and then i stopped one day i was like, what am I doing? Why am I trying to be cool? And I had all of these amazing friends that were like still cool guys and like lovely, genuine people. And they were like right in front of my

nose. And they're now still my friends to this day. And life got easier. So were the people that were cool. Yeah. Yeah. So the people that were cooler down with some of my friends. But always better. This is real. This is me. This is me. That was like when you were walking back to like your original group, you were like, made my decision. A little film moment. You know, you sat at dinner and you're like, I'm with my right crowd now. Okay, right. So listen, we're playing a game. Yes. The game is called deciding a guy's message. What does he really mean? So I'm going to read out a message sent in by the listener.

And we're going to break them down. What does the guy actually mean? How might a girl interpret it versus a guy and what the best reply is? I'm in. Are you with it? I'm with it. Okay, right. Text one.

Sent by a listener who's 26. He's trying to arrange a first date. The message is from a guy on hinge. Right. So he said to her, let's meet up some time next week. You can pick where we go. I don't mind. Right.

So if this is girlhood, we would have this on the big screen. Yeah We'd be sat on the sofa Like I don't mind That's your least Favorite thing Isn't it

It should be assertive There's nothing more sexy There's someone who's assertive I can't stand Flip Fluffy It's it comes from And I'm guilty of doing it When you're organising something

You don't want to It to be shit So then You don't take responsibility But actually It's way worse To just have a wishy-washy answer like that Better for it to be

Not quite right But you've taken control only made a decision. But the question is, so what does it mean? Like, how do we interpret this question? So you've just said it's not assertive. So already you as a guy is not thinking this message is good. But listen, let's meet out sometime next week. Dot, dot, dot, top. You can pick where we go full stop. I don't mind. For me, that's just like a lack of effort. I think if you'd left it, you can pick where we go dot, dot, dot, dot. And hadn't said that, I don't mind, it would have been a better message. Yeah. You've always made it a bit of a game for her to pick

it like oh quite fun you let's see where your head would go to where we're going to go but now you've said i don't mind it's like your intention is you don't you can't be able to make the effort i would just reply lull i would literally reply lull full stop and he could go what and i'd be like look you've said let's meet up some time but now you're making me do the work i'm like you've asked me on a date and gone but you arrange it yeah that's what that's saying i'm like no yeah fair i'm here i'm here i'm going to who's 26 you deserve better I would reply, loll. Let's make him graft you.

Agreed. Caught you, sorry. Agreed. Nice so much. Ready for another one? Yeah. Okay. So this is sent in by a listener who's 23, who has been dating a guy who's 31, for over a year that never made it official. What?

I know, that's quite a long time. Dear God. Text from the guy. Friday night, question mark. Date night at mine? Question mark. Got time for your favorite boy, or do you have another fave you spend your time with?

Question mark. if that wasn't a year in, I think that's quite funny. For the same. I'm like, lull, that's like trying to, that's almost trying to be like, a wee exclusive. Yeah, I think it's like quite good chat. I like that sort of quite weird chat. But. But a year in and also, he's that much older. I'm like, what are we doing? Why are we not boyfriend, girlfriend at this stage? For over a year, but never made it official. That's a long time to be. Oh, it's so difficult because, like, your heartstrings are being pulled in every direction. Ultimately,

it's him that's probably making the decision not to be official and he knows that and he's being all am i of who's your favourite or it's so he's playing a bit of a game with you i don't think it's come on you're a 31 year old and you're dating a 23 year old actually let's not put that image in your head i would say what do you think so he needs to grow up a bit the context of it is good i think it's like if this was two months in i'd be like funny message nothing to read into there but because they've been together a year i'm like is he trying to have a conversation by exclusivity is he just playing a game with you? So many questions.

I don't think he's playing a game with you because he's clearly there's a level of interest if it's been a year but there needs to be more intention, you know? Yeah. It needs to be more like,

okay, we can hang out but I'm not just going to hang out with you forever. It also depends on what you want. Yeah, if you're 23, you've got life to live. Yeah, I feel like, if you're just having a bit of fun

and you're happy to have a bit more fun but equally if you want to be with him What does this message mean? I don't think it means a lot. if I'm honest, I think that's just clearly the way he speaks and he's just wanting to hang out with you and that's the way he's phrased it. My interpretation is far more complex at that. Really?

It's like, he's like, he's just keeping you on a string and he likes to, he likes to hear things like, you're my favourite. And no, I'm not seeing anybody else. He likes to hear stuff like that. Yeah, maybe it's like the classic, do you have anyone else you spend your time with. So you wouldn't say that sort of thing after a year. Yeah, so he obviously wants, he wants to be. exclusive. That's what he's thinking subconsciously, but maybe consciously is a bit scared of commitment. So it's come out in his text. Yeah. God, we're good. Okay, right. Text number three.

Sent in by a listener who's been dating a guy for like four months. Everything is going so well, immediately clicked and alluded to asking her to be his girlfriend. And then he sent her a text one Monday morning out of the blue saying, I keep wanting to tell you something, but every time I think I'm ready, I stop myself, not because it's bad, but because saying it would make everything a lot more real. I don't know if I'm ready for that shift yet. So I'm just sitting with it for now. He's going to say, I love you. This guy's... That's a game. I don't think it is. He's been to therapy. He's been to therapy. His message. The sitting with it for now is quite, it's quite therapy coded. Is it? Yeah. Interesting. See, got CIA in here sitting on all right. As a man who's

been to therapy, I would say... Sit with it. Sit with it. Do you say that quite a lot, actually, now I'm thinking about it. So, yeah, I would say that... He's got a couple of issues he's working through and he's sitting with it, but he loves you. Maybe he's got a little bit of a commitment problem. But he loves you.

But he's putting the effort in. He's doing all the right things. So he's being true to himself by not trying to jump the gun, but he's also keeping up to date. Maybe being too honest. I don't think you maybe... I don't know. Seems like a little bit confusing. Like, okay, thanks for that.

Just might as well just not say it for a bit longer until you are ready to say it. Yeah, maybe. How long are they been dating again for months? Yeah, we're ready to say I love you. I think he's trying to say I love you and I don't want you to think that I don't feel those things. That's exactly what he's done. But I'm not quite ready to say it yet. Yes, that's exactly what he's doing. So, yeah. Dialemes. Time for some dilemmes. Are you ready? I don't know why I keep talking like this. I'm really enjoying it. Right. Hi, I love listening to your podcast and I look forward to it every week. I have a dilemma and would love your guy's advice. So at the beginning of uni, I dated this incredible guy for five months. I've never met anyone like him and we had an amazing compatibility. He envisioned a future together and was very in love. And that made me feel very guilty for not having feelings as strong as I should and was forcing myself to be in love with him. Oh, God. I couldn't continue anymore and I ended up not being attracted and not wanting to kiss him, etc. So he decided to end things. He could hardly. I hardly breathed when I told him, and I cried for weeks because I knew I was hurting someone I loved. He was extremely sad and wanted no contact, which I have, of course, respected. Fast forward to now, two years later, and I've dreamt about him for months and months,

and yesterday he accidentally drunk texted me after a year and a half without talking. I can't hurt him again, so if I reach out, I need to be 100%. I need to be 100% that I want to be with him. The problem is, I don't know what I'm going to feel. If I see him in real life, and I'm very scared I'll end up. feeling like I did last time and not be able to continue. I've imagined him every, imagine every single scenario of us together and imagine us getting married and having children, etc. Would love some advice, love you so much. Oh, poor gal. That's a tough one.

Baby, you don't fancy him. You're not attracted to him. I don't think that's going to change. You had the ick. You can't kiss him. You know what? It's almost like a great gaspy thing where your imagination like runs wild with you. And I've used this analogy before because it's so important we always build something up in our heads and we're away from people in our minds that it's this phenomenal love story and then in reality it's just not and this would be that you've already been there i don't think you can i mean in my experience either your the attractions there or it's not i'm not a grower person yeah i think you're the foundations and if i've got the ick with someone and repulsed by the one i'm like i can't even

kiss you like well that is not i'm not no i think the foundations of it aren't great and i think you're maybe imagining the idea of it's really nice but if in practicality you've been there and you've been able to kiss them that's not that's that's that's kind of page one i also feel like there's an element of like there's something really nice knowing that someone's so in love with you like there's something that's lovable about them about that i think that's more of a girl thing than a guy thing I don't know. I think if you're not in love with... Knowing that someone is so obsessed with you, it's like quite alluring in a way.

Yeah, maybe. You're going to find someone that you're going to feel so madly attracted to, which is the main part of a... It's the main distinction between a friendship and a relationship, I would say. Yeah. And that's quite important. Amen. Amen.

So that's that one. Yeah, leave the poor guy alone. No, you can be friends. I don't think you can. I think we need to respect. that he needs to have complete cutoff and I almost think that you should block him. That's been quite a long time though

to keep dreaming about someone. Two years later and I've dreamt about for months and months. It's quite a long time. Okay, why are you going to, are you going to be back on your eyes? Just go shag him to see what happens. See how you feel.

No, mom, no doubt. That's what you should do. Maybe you should just see him for a coffee and see if there's any butterflies. But then you will hurt him in the process. Like saying that you're going to meet up with him, probably isn't fair. You might just have to be like, hey, I want to see you for a coffee.

Be like, don't say, I want to see you. You be like, hey, you have to go down this route of like, how are you doing, been thinking about you a lot recently, just wanted to check in, like, see how you were. But you have to make you clear that the meetup situation is in a very platonic. And then after that, you can then go about it, how you feel. Might be sparks. You never know. Or it could be like, actually, you know what?

It was a fantasy in my head and actually there's nothing in. Yeah. Okay, right, love you. Please tell us what happens because I'm kind of desperate to know. Maybe you'll, though, butterflies and you'll get married. Maybe that. That's the end of the episode, guys. Thanks for having me back. I think that's the last time Rippity's going to be on. That is. That was my sort of, didn't quite make the hat trick, just the two appearances.

Just the two appearances. But hey, it's been a pleasure. Thanks for having me. If you behave well. Who knows. For the rest of you, you might come on again. But thank you so much, guys. Love you so much. Thanks, guys. Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel at Wendell.

Wednesdays podcast. Bye. That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then, tinies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now listen,

subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes it's pretty amazing it's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations and it's super easy you just listen on your favorite app how cool is that amazing and all the info is in the episode description and in our instabio