Wednesdays - 129. Millie Mackintosh on Made in Chelsea & Her Self-Care Routine

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

Heyyy Tinies! This week, Melissa welcomes the gorgeous Millie Mackintosh, the OG Queen of Made in Chelsea, for a proper girly chat.Melissa and Millie reminisce about their MIC days and revisit some of their most iconic fashion and beauty moments over the years. Millie also shares her ultimate self-care secrets, the things she actually swears by, the trends she has fallen for, and the fads she definitely skips.She also opens up about her recent ADHD diagnosis and how her relationship with sleep has changed since becoming a mum.As always, the dilemmas are delivering: one Tiny’s ex best friend wants to rekindle their friendship now their boyfriends are friends, and a Male Tiny needs urgent advice after dating a friend turns sour…Enjoy the episode x Got a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSExecutive Producer: Ewan Newbigging-ListerProducer: Magda Cassidy & Helen BurkeAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Lizzie McCarthySocial: Anthony Barter & Amber Hourigan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, Tynies. On today's episode, we have the lovely Millie McIntosh joining us, and we are talking all things, M-I-C, and of course, the usual dynamics. I hope you guys enjoy. And if I could ask one favour, please subscribe to our YouTube channel at Wednesday's podcast. Before we dive into the episode, I would just like to say a massive thank you to Nivia Lip-Bamp for sponsoring the episode. Nivya is that OG beauty brand, the one that's been in your mum's bathroom cabinet, your teenage sleepover bag, your festival wash bag, it's seen every era. you. Thanks so much Nivia Lippam for supporting the pod. Right, let's get into it. Okay, guys, so we have Millie McIntosh on the podcast today. Welcome, Millie. Hi. Round of applause. Thank you for having me. And we were just saying, I can't believe we've never actually properly met. I know. We've been in the same room, I think definitely once a wedding. But we've never... I feel like, I think because of the podcast, I just feel like I've met you before. And you two from Maine Chelsea Days, because you were on season one. Season one, season two. No, probably thinking about four, I reckon.

I can't remember. It was literally 15 years ago. How old were you and you first went on? 21. So young. I'm like, I didn't really have a fill to them. I look back and I'm like, God, I was really okay with so much stuff. Probably didn't have done that.

We just did not know what we were doing. I know, especially when you did it because it was all like... It didn't even have a name when we were recording it. We had a working title. It was going to be called Chelsea Girls. I remember this is such a good day I didn't know this Yeah it didn't even have

Like we were recording something We didn't know what it was going to be called We didn't really have any idea what we were doing My gosh Wait how did you get like scouted for it A friend of mine They were interviewing her to do it And I lived with her

And she ended up not doing it But I was home when she was being interviewed So I kind of met the producer And I was there like Trying to decide what to wear for a date And was like running in and out the room like being like, is this too slutty? Should I wear them?

And they were like, okay, who are you? Like, why are you not? Yeah. I was just like total car crash. They were perfect. Like, perfect. We won't have because, no, I'm joking. I don't know.

But that's like such good, um, organic way of auditioning. Because you're just like being yourself and they were like, that's thing. I knew that it was going on because other people I knew were involved. But we kind of had heard these like whispers, but we were like, what is this thing? And there was nothing else like it at the time. It was so iconic. I was only other big reality show then was Tawi that was already out in the UK.

Obviously, like, you know, you couldn't really compare it to like the US ones. What was there in the US? Kardashians. Like the hills? Oh yeah, of course. The hills and like... Like Laguna Beach, like those kind of ones. I remember when I first watched, I think I started season two.

And it was just like so iconic. I was actually saying the other day that like it was like people's screensaber. It's like the cast of me in Chelsea. Like in my year at school, I remember people were so obsessed with it. I walked past them filming it a few months ago. And I was like with my daughter in her push chair going to nursery and they were like filming at Bluebird. And I was just like laughing to myself.

Like that used to be me and now I'm, and it was some of the same producers. They are always down that area. I did a walk there the other day. I saw these people walking past me and I was like, well, I recognise these young guys. And they were like quite good looking. And then I watched them walk in and I was like, oh, okay. And then I saw the cameras. And then you see the cameras.

And then you were like, where are the cameras? I actually really don't miss those days at all. Some people are like, it was so fun. It was, but... I feel like I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have done. I'm like, if I was to redo it now, I would have really had so much fun. But I think because I was so, like, stressed,

I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have done. I wish I could go back and just redo it and chill out there. And be 21 again. Yeah, be 21 again. But you're like, you're meant to be making mistakes when you're 21. I know, but I wish I would. like made more and like lent into it more. Okay.

You know what I mean? I wasn't so like aware of like cameras and stuff. I feel like when you guys did it, it was less like that because we didn't know what we were doing. We didn't know how big it was going to be. I think we weren't guarded. Yeah, I was too guarded. That was my issue. I remember that always being told to be where producers as well like, just

let it go. Let's go back on again. It's all goes to shit. I'll just head back on. Let's go back on do it again. Enough about the past. What's sort of going on with you? You've got a book. Come here. So I have got a book that's out, bad drunk, which is all about my sober journey. How long did it take you to write it? About a year.

Was it hard? It was really cathartic, but it was very healing, but like also hard. Like before I would do the writing sessions, I would feel like physically sick. Really? Yeah, and it's all like energy needing to leave the body. I remember actually really thinking I was going to be ill and being like, maybe I'm coming down with something. I must have got like, and it was crazy.

How powerful. It's all just like purging. Wow. Once I got the words out, it started to feel better. A year was actually quite short. Some people take really long time to write something. I really like the process, though. I like that feeling when you've got something that you want to work on.

It's like a project that you really care about. And you wake up really early and be like, okay, I'm just going to get up and work on it. I'd get up at like five every day and just work on it before the kids would wake up. I was going to say, finding a time to do it, probably is like... And I discovered ADHD meds during the process. Concentation. I am diagnosed for it. I, that really helped me write it.

You just mentioned obviously that you have ADHD. Was that a more recent diagnosis? Yes, I got diagnosed about two years ago. That's quite recent. Yeah. Did they test for you in school ever? I could never focus in class, but instead of realizing I had ADHD, they thought I had something wrong with my eyes.

So I had to go and see an optometrist and go and do all of these different eye exercises every week. Oh. Yeah. I know. She really would have picked up him quite weak. Like what? Yeah, like eye exercises to strengthen my eyes because they thought that I had an issue with my eyes. And that's why I couldn't focus in class.

Oh my God. But yeah, it was in therapy. And my therapist one day was just like, I think you've got ADHD. And I was like, really? And then, you know, when you've seen things like on social media and something kind of clicks in your brain, like Mel Robbins, I think, was, has she's talked about getting diagnosed a lot as an adult. and I started to kind of notice more of those posts and then you know your algorithm starts like feeding you more and more of that and then I was like actually I do do all of these things

ADHD shows up really differently for men compared to women doesn't it if you think of like ADHD or neurodivergence is like a buffet and so different people would go to the buffet and pick up like different parts different things so everyone's got like a different blend of ADHD or you know neurodivergence it's not the same for everyone so some people have like different tendencies. Interesting. I guess that makes sense and everyone's the same.

Yeah. I guess that's why the testing is so difficult for people to get. I am. It's great. It's the wait list. I bet. And I can imagine it's so sad. It's quite expensive.

Yeah, privately it is. So what does self-care look like for you now that you've been diagnosed? I think for me, self-care, it's really about nervous system regulation. and the things that I do that really make a big difference, like meditating every morning, moving my body pretty much every day, even if it's for 20 minutes, ideally in the morning, that really helps.

Avoiding processed foods, avoiding alcohol, avoiding sugar, limiting screen time, getting sleep and having really good boundaries that protect my sleep. I don't say to dinners, I don't say yes to dinners that starts at 8 p.m. Yeah.

Like maybe that affects like how social I am. But I'm like, let's do a lunch, let's do an early dinner. Like 5.30pm, 6pm works perfectly with me. I am so on board with a 6pm dinner. That's how when I eat dinner ahead. Same. I don't want to eat a single thing past like 7pm. Ideally even past 6pm.

I normally eat with the kids like 5. It's much better for us, isn't it? We're supposed to wait four hours before we like lie down and go to sleep. It's like, to like, digest. Yeah. How many hours sleep do you get in that night? Eight. That's really good.

nine. Oh, that's excellent. Probably, yeah, I really try and get my sleep. Yeah. Sleep is so important and I keep reading it more and more and more and more. What was the least amount of sleep? Yeah, being a mom. Probably, yeah, like that young baby stage or whenever they're going through a regression, which is, you know, kind of around like four months probably. Yeah, and the teeth. Yeah, teething and they're like clustered feeding. Whenever your children are sick, um, Ciena had to wear like this, she had hip displacier and she had to wear it.

a special harness to reposition her hips so that her hip joints would form properly. And she was three months old. And then you've got this tiny baby like literally in this really restrictive harness. Like her legs were like held up like a chicken or like a little frog. Toby's niece had the same. And it was horrible because she couldn't settle. So she'd actually cried for the entire night, the first night. And I didn't sleep at all that night. That was probably like the worst night. Well, that's like, really stayed with you. Yeah.

I just stayed up the whole night with her, like, on me. And I was just like, I've just got to get through the night. That's what scares me the most about parenting is the lack of sleep. I feel like suddenly everyone around me is having babies. I guess like everyone gets a certain point in their life where they hit that age, it starts to happen. And I'm like, I'm really happy. And you're like, I'll never sleep again.

And then you do. And then you're suddenly like, oh, my God, sleep is so good. Yeah. And it just goes, yeah. But when you have two, then one sleeps and the other one doesn't. And you do it all over again. Yeah. I definitely was not getting eight hours sleep.

And actually my five-year-old came into the bed last night. She had a nightmare. And I could never be bothered to take her back to her bed. I'm just like, come on, come on in. So I did sleep. But it's quite broken when she's in the bed. And then I tend to have really weird dreams. Yeah.

And also then you're in a light sleep and then you dreams so quickly. That's why I think social media is so great that things like that. Sometimes they can be a bit much. Like some of the biohackers I've followed, I've had to actually not follow because I'm like, you're taking this way too far. And like, have you seen these people waking up and like peeling off all this stuff? I mean, I think I made a meme of like doing that. It was quite like, you know, like doing all the different like masks and like the thing of the head wrapping your head up and the neck.

Which I actually have fallen to victim of buying. Is it good? I'm not used to. Yeah. It's so awful. I'm like, full victim to all of these things. I have a vibration board. I wake up with the red light every morning.

I don't you're going to say something else. Okay. Part of your glow-up routine. That's what I routine in the evening. I got the vibration plate and I used it for about four days. Oh, I use mine every day and I have done for like six months. Okay, do I need to get back on it? Fucking amazing.

It's just good for your lymph system. I used to before, this is annoying, rub all my lymph nodes in the morning. Yeah. Under the armpit, wherever. Yeah. Yeah, and then jump around for three minutes in my bathroom. But now, when you're on the vibration plate, do you still need to stimulate your lymph nodes? Probably, but I don't bother because I just turn my red light on and I just relax for 10 minutes.

And it's heaven. The thing is, my daughters, they can hear when it's on and they want to come and do it with me. So it's really untilled. So I'm trying to do it. And then they'll both be standing holding onto one of my legs while I'm on there. Both going, uh, like that. And I'm like, I don't know if this is bad for you. I don't think you should maybe be on here.

I wonder it's like with a, I always think that about my own. like my spine? Like, is my spine going to be okay after this? I'm thinking like this is shaking me an awful lot. Like, do we know if it's good for us? Like, actually. Because there's so many of these trends. I'm currently doing the, I've fallen victim to the lemon and olive oil shot. Have you done that?

No, I see people doing it. How is it? Then someone said you're eating so many calories in olive oil and I was like... But it's really good fat. And like amygia three. Yeah, but I think it is actually a good one. I've really noticed the difference in my skin. Have you? Like more glowy, less redness. How long have you been doing it for though? Like a couple of weeks. I've put Kay and Pepper in as well. Oh, spicy. We were just actually talking out before we started recording me and Millie were talking about love story. Oh my God. And how amazing. I don't think I've watched yeah a series in a while

that's kind of captured my attention so much. It's so well done. Like I don't want to sit and scroll when I'm watching it. I know you do well I'm so addicted to my phone. It's actually really upsetting and I've I'm like, okay, phone away. There's nothing. You do need to concentrate on this. I need to look up because I always think that time in the evening when I'm watching something is my time to like finish editing something, to like reply to emails to your plan content.

I'm like always doing something else. I think it's an ADHD thing as well. I'm like, this is so good. It needs like all of my attention. 100%. Like the clothes. Oh my God. Everything about it is so well done.

I also imagine it's really accurate to what happened. Yeah. I mean, we don't know how accurate it is. I like to think it's so accurate. I know. The chemistry is unreal. I've got such a long list of stuff I need to watch. What else is good?

Okay, so love story, unreal. Have you seen heated rivalry? No. Oh my God, please watch it. I'm trying to make everyone I know watch it. And then I'm like, please just watch it. And then can we just talk about it? Kind of the yearning is something else.

It is. I know I need to. So hot, so hot. And they're really like gorgeous men, aren't they? Also just this amazing love story and they're so vulnerable and like literally cried so much. Everyone says the same thing. You're either literally like dying because it's so hot or you're like sobbing because it's really sad.

Did you watch Wuthering Heights? Yeah. What do you think? I mean, I'd just like to be Margot Robbie. I know. She's so stuck. She's just kind of obsessed with her. I thought it was really well done.

It's quite dark. People say it's bad. I honestly thought it's the best one we've ever seen in my life. obviously so easy to please but I thought it was incredible yeah I mean I love Emerald Pennell so I think her take on it was really good it was like so funny as well

like I felt like it was hilarious everyone in the cinema was like laughing so much obviously it was so sexy and then I was weeping sound I started crying quite early on me too because I knew what was happening so when they're like children at that point at the beginning

and showing you were crying then yeah and then so kind of from That's like literally two minutes into the veil. You know when he takes the beating for her as a child? Oh, to be fair, yes. That got me. And then from that bit on, I was just like weeping kind of continuously.

And then at the end, I was just like full on sobbing mess. I could barely see. When she was yearning for him. Yeah. And then, spoiler. Sorry if you've not seen it. And then he like, she imagines him holding her foot. Oh, that was horrible.

Sorry, but the bit with the eggs. It's so random. But so good. I'm now so tempted to just put some eggs under our sheet and let Toby sit on it and be like, but he hasn't seen the film, so he just be like, what the fuck is going on it? Yeah, no, they would not get it. Okay, guys, so today, because this is a full Nivia lip balm takeover, we're going to do something a little bit different. So obviously, Millie and I were both for Made in Chelsea back in the day.

So I thought it would be fun if we looked back on some of our OG Maine and Chelsea looks. Nivia lip balm have helped us to uncover some fashion and beauty gems throughout. the years. And we're going to rank them from iconic, rent-free, of its time, brave, and lost the plot. Do you want to go first? Okay. Okay, the first one. I mean, I'm going to have to say I've lost the plot. I mean, it was kind of of its time. So, Millie's in a lilac tool mini dress. I don't hate this at all. I mean, it's the amount of eye makeup. It's the hair. It's the shoes. the tan. I will say you've got that gorgeous hair skin blend going. You know, and people's hair and skin is like a similar colour. We call it hair skin blend. Jennifer Aniston had it. Oh, I've never

heard of it. Oh my God. It's so nice. And it's like one of those things that you're like born with. I do sometimes see my old hair colour and think, oh, I could go back. But the dress, it's a no for me. Not acceptable. I actually tried a wedding dress on that wasn't too dissimilar to survive to this. As in like those flowers. I think Lilick is also just quite tricky. Lylec is tricky, but I think you're pulling it off because you've got a lovely talent going.

What are we going to rate this? Okay, maybe brave. Yeah, I think brave. I also think it's like quite sweet. You look gorge. I, so for people listening, not watching, these are some Zara trousers, I can remember.

They're very sexy trousers. I honestly thought I looked fucking amazing. They've got the zip up the front. It's quite suggested. Well, we do. It's really. And then I'm wearing some Zara heels, which are really comfy. I remember that at the time.

The fit on the trousers is quite nice. The fit's great. I would never wear this now. Is it like of the time and like, you know, you need an outfit. You go to Zara and get, you know, a dress and a nice top. A jeans and a nice top. Yeah. And also I would just like to point out to everyone that I was about 16 at the time.

So I'm going to say it was off its time. I feel like it's not overly offensive. But I wouldn't wear it now. Okay. That's you. Next one down. So this is back in the days like when I was doing, um, just after Maiden Chelsea or around.

that time before we even had Instagram, I would do like a blog and post like what I was wearing. So for people that are not watching, I'm wearing a lime green, very short kind of jumper dress with some kind of teal boot shoe things and kind of large costume jewelry style necklace. Which I may add also picks up the colour in the shoes. Yeah, it's, I think lime green is quite a difficult colour colour. I think this has lost the plot. I would also like to say it's brave because I would also like to say it's brave because I think of its time that would have been so fashion-y-story.

You would have been like, wow, that girl's got sick out. Really? At the time. I'm giving it quite a fierce pose. Okay, maybe it's brave again. Okay. I like my dress. It was a cute reformation dress.

This is a zebra dress. I wouldn't wear it now. And it's got a little, again, quite suggestive with that slit up the front. I'm not sure what was going on with me. I think it's like of its time. I'm going to do of its time. Let's move on. I just don't really know what to say.

This is like what the makeup and the lipstick. I mean... Was that like makeup done for you? What did you do that? Yeah, this was on a shoot. So this was for like a hair campaign, which was probably one of the first jobs I booked after Maiden Chelsea. Good volume in that hair.

So I didn't, you know, I didn't kind of know how to advocate for myself or how to like what I liked. Like someone was doing my makeup, I wasn't like. this is how I'd like to do it. I was just like, do what you think. And then you end up kind of not really looking like yourself. It's kind of a very dated... It's really not that bad.

Like, it could be way worse. Like, I still think you look really nice. The hair is, I would have tried to have had hair like that. I used to back comb my hair like nobody's business. We wanted big hair. We wanted all the makeup. That's everything I actually would have wanted. It was like more is more.

So maybe we say of its time. Of its time. Because I think that's great. Okay, we're going to just brush over this really quickly. this awful pojo of me. For the listeners, I'm in a bikini and a ski jacket with some ski goggles on my head. This is when Kendall Jenner posted in the snow,

in her bikini right underwear. I've done it. It makes great content. And I don't know if she had a ski helmet on. Maybe she didn't. I didn't have the snow boots and I was like, fuck it, I'm going to put the goggles on. And I thought it was really cool.

Clearly it's not. Yeah, on your way to the hot tub. Quick, let's get a little pig. candid picky. I'm going to say that this actually lives rent-free in my head but for the worst reasons. So it's a completely lost-the-plot scenario. So that's my vote and I'm happy to move on from that now.

Thank you very much. Back to you again, Millie. Okay, I'm not going to to toot my own horn. Actually, you know, sometimes it's good to bake yourself up. I think I looked really good in this one. I love this. There's something very pleasing for me when I match like a tonal outfit and it's all the exact same color.

I was just looking at your shoes. I was kind of actually a fluke. I found the dress, then I went looking for a hat, found a hat the same color. And then I found the bag and shoes, and they were all really matched. Yeah, they are literally, couldn't be more perfect. Maybe that lives rent free. The hat is incredible. I miss the days of people wearing, like, hats to weddings.

I always thought that was, like, so formal and lovely. People don't do that anymore. This is my first ever sort of red carpet day. I think you look gorge. I hate my dress. I feel like the hair and the neckline and maybe like, not like you've got this one shoulder. But lovely glowing young skin.

Yeah. So I think we're going to have to say, I'm going to say of its time. Okay, this next one of me, so for people that aren't listening and not watching, this was one of my first ever red carpets and I have gone to a premiere. I can't remember what. And I had nothing to wear and I remember clearly I went to Zara and bought the whole outfit that day. I think probably, I'm guessing these are like Kurt Geiger heels.

Lovely tan, lovely, well done with your toenails. That's quite difficult to get right last minute if they're not done. And then definitely a few layers of fake tan and or some instant maybe. I'm wearing some leather shorts, which are kind of hot pants short, with some platform heels, a white silky shirt and a blazer. The blazer is like a sort of tweet. I mean, I don't hate it. It's definitely not really like a kind of red carpet outfit.

I'm not... No, it's slightly more cash, I guess, but it might not have been... I think this has just had like no idea what I was doing, like no stylist. No one tells you what to do. No, no. It's really difficult. I'm going to say it's of its time. Like, if I had seen that I would have probably been like, right, I need to go and get that exact outfit now and wear that out to my dinner.

I remember thinking I looked great. Also, that makes such a difference at the time. That makes a difference. Like, I kind of, like, enjoyed it. Yeah. Felt confident. I felt confident in it. It was very of its time.

Okay, we'll give it of its time. Okay, let's go to your one. We all used to love a bandaged dress. Yeah, this was a guess number. I used to really love this. Like, at the time, this used to sit in my wardrobe, and I just couldn't wait for the day until I had an occasion to wear it.

Fucking loved it. I loved the colors. I love the print. It's so of its time. And I also felt really good in it. Like, I loved it again. You can kind of tell in your face, I think that you feel.

really good in it. And they wore it with some cork wedges, a classic. A cork wedge. Nothing quite like a cork wedge. With a peep toe, I think it had at the front as well. Of course. Sling back. Um, so I'm going to say over its time as well. Oh my gosh. This is very like fashion blogger of you. Oh no, this is, yeah, in my fashion blog days. So I'm wearing a red tweed suit with the shorts are really short again. And I do I just think red and black together. It's quite a kind of harsh combo. It is harsh, but You are pulling, well, it's got black in it already. I'm wearing black tights with those kind of, it was the knee boot era. Yeah.

And then I've also gone for a hat and a black bag. The hat, I feel like, is very you. O.G. I used to always wear a hat. That's how I remember being a hat on. I'd say iconic or obit's time. Okay, let's talk about yours. So this was for a House of CB event.

So I had to wear this dress because it was what my agency had sent to me from house a CB to choose. So like cuff me. It wasn't my choice. And the shoes, I was obviously going for a bit of a Manolo Blarnick look, but it wasn't. It was a Jimmy 2 shoe with a clip from Amazon, clipped onto the front because I thought that that was going to look really sick, glitzy. I actually do.

I actually like the shoe. I think it's like with the dress. The dress is just brave. because I had no choice about to wear that dress I mean I honestly still think you look gorgeous in all of these the tan looks quite nice

I obviously had a bit of the old I remember I used to use that Bondi sand it was like really quick working one and always used to like pull out the stops but you can tell from the colour of my hand next to my leg that I haven't done anything the hand is like alarmingly blue in colour

almost and the leg is like really tanned so That's not fun. Okay. Right, we only to move on. Okay, the next one. This one was at the BAFTAs a couple of years ago. This is amazing.

I loved this dress. So, for the listeners, Millie is in a black dress with some sort of sneaky, gorgeous heel. I think we do iconic. I feel like you would wear this again as well. I feel like it's an amazing outfit. Your dress, can we talk about this look? So sometimes it's funny. This is amazing.

I really loved it at the time. It's got like an open bit on the hip. It goes like, oh, it was very sexy. I couldn't wear any underwear with that. I think the colours really suit you. And like the hair and makeup is stunning as well. I do like it. I like the dark nails with it as well.

Yeah, I wonder if I planned that. I must have done. I don't know why I'm struggling so much to remember because it was only a year ago. I feel like this is quite a long name. Or like lives rent free. I'll do rent free. Okay, right.

I think we're going to move on to some dilemmas now. Okay, dilemma one. This is a friendship dilemma. Hi, Lovelies. I have a dilemma. about an ex-best friend who wants to reconnect after about two years of not being friends. For context, she was the one who sort of dumped slash drifted away from me when she got a boyfriend. I feel like this happens quite a lot.

I was devastated, but I moved on, which was hard to do because her now boyfriend's boyfriend is friends with my boyfriend. They met through us. So I've still seen her from time to time to go to gatherings and such. But recently she came to me to apologize and tell me how much she missed me and our friendship. it. I don't know how to approach the situation because I was really hurt, but we were really close and good friends are hard to come by. But at the same time, if she hurt me once, can she do it again? What do you guys think? Love the pod. Congrats on the engagement. So thank you so much. A friendship breakup is quite hard, but I'm like, once I'm done, I'm done. I'm not sure

I'm not sure. It's a difficult one. Sometimes I do feel like you drift away from friends and then you do come back together again. But on the other hand, it sounds like, you sound like, you sounds like it's like triggered a wound. Yeah. And I always feel like actions speak louder than words. So she's coming to you now and saying sorry. So that's like, that sounds lovely. But you need to maybe judge her by her actions. That's good advice. Make sure she really wants it. Like, you know, it's easy for her to just like kind of come back into your life with a message or just telling you she's sorry. But see you want to see if she's actually going to show up for you how you need as a friend. True. And also I feel like she's only coming back into her life because

of your boyfriends. She's not coming back. Yeah. She's not coming back from a separate thing like actually ever reflected. She's like, oh, we've had to hang out a few times because our boyfriends are friends. So I kind of want to be mates with you again. You think is that you want to make your life easier because everyone wants an easy life.

So for the sake of that, I would maybe just, if it was me, I would be like, look, I'm happy to obviously be mates again, but I don't think we'll get to the same place as we were because I'm still like. There would probably be like a category B friend, not an A. Yes. So she'd be on the B list for like your 30th or something.

Like, she's not going to be at that dinner. she can come to the after drinks, after party, but she's not the main event. I think that like friendship breakups do happen quite a lot. And girls, for some reason, I don't know why people do this. And boys do this too. When they get a new partner, they sometimes just drift away from all their friends. And I don't get that because I'm like, when that relationship or if that relationship ends, you're not going to have any mates.

I don't know what the thought process is behind doing that or like why people feel the need. I think people just get so like caught up in the relationship. that they kind of forget everything else. That's such a shame. And I'm also like, like if my partner was doing that, I would be like, it's weird that you don't have any friends that you need to make an effort with your friends and keep friendships because I'm not going to get rid of mine.

But some people hone everything into their relationship and maybe you don't really spend time with other people, I don't know. I haven't really actually had that with anyone that I know. Apart from when we were much younger and it was like first relationship and you spend all your time with them. But like as an adult, I haven't experienced that. And if that happened to me, I would find it hard to figure it. someone, especially if it was out of convenience like this. This isn't genuine, like,

she wants to be your friend, I don't think. Yeah, again, I think actions speak louder than words. Yeah, see how it goes. Maybe don't say to her like, I'm not going to be your friend, because X, Y, Z. I'd say, let her show you if she really wants to be your friend again. Yeah, make it work with. Very let them. Mm-hmm. Have you had that book? Of course. I haven't. Farn it's really good. I'm just so dyslexic. Just audio. Audio, audio book it. That's true. Yeah. And there's so many podcasts where she like breaks it down. Is there? Yeah.

I'll send you some. Okay, dilemma two. Hi guys, love the podcast, male listener messaging for the first time. I'm in my 20s and I have spent months in an intense almost relationship with a close friend who was in her early 20s. We were doing five hour calls and daily texting and we eventually became physical. We have so much chemistry. I thought this was really something. When I finally asked to date her, she admitted she had considered me and written in her journal,

Is it supposed to be this easy? But then she hit a wall and she said she wasn't ready to date. And I felt like she was running into something without taking the time to think about it. I respected this and we went back to being friends. However, since then, whenever we've met up as friends or just in a group, it's been so awkward. I can't help but think have we completely ruined the solid friendship. My question is, is it actually possible to reset being just friends after that level of intimacy? Or do I have to walk away to save myself?

Oh, that's a complicated one. I don't know. I'm like, you obviously really like her. I know. Also, why doesn't she want to be in the relationship? Like, what's wrong with her? It sounds amazing.

I would be like, I'm so down. I think it will probably have to come from you a bit more because you're the one that was like, I want to make this into something. She was like, oh, no, don't want to ruin our friendship or something doesn't feel right or whatever. So I think you have to put in an extra effort to pretend like everything's fine and then eventually it will become a reality.

So just pretend to be fine even though you're not fine. Kind of. And then hopefully that's... Fake it until you make it. I think that would then like just break the eyes and you settle back into a routine of being friends. I sometimes do feel like once you've crossed that barrier, like you've always got that thing in your head of like we've shagged.

I don't know. I could be wrong but I feel like it's sometimes I think I would struggle. Like if it's meant to be like if you stay friends but then like you're Like maybe it just was the wrong timing. So maybe it would happen for you in the future. Yes. If it's too painful for you, then definitely set a boundary. Okay, so how would we go about that?

Well, like, say to her. Or just be like, I can't be friends with you right now. It's too painful. But what if they're, like, meeting? And you're like, oh, I hate that. It's really awkward. And then it's like you then are the one that's missing out because you're like, I'm going to have to take a step back.

But then your whole friendship group are doing stuff every weekend. And you're like, I'm not by myself because they're all together. It's like so difficult. Yeah. I remember that kind of stuff. It's horrible. It happens to everyone, I guess, at some point. Because it's like, even if you're like actually with someone and then you break up and you're in the same friendship group all the time, it's just one of those things. You have to sometimes push through it. But I feel like, I wouldn't make it into a big deal by being like, we need to make this not awkward. I think you just fake it and be like, hey, how are you? Like, so nice to see you. How is everything? And then maybe don't be as like chatty with her. So like don't make an issue. But keep your distance. Down-read within yourself. And don't be like, if you're sitting, everyone's sitting down, like, don't always be sat next to her chatting.

Just make a conscious effort to believe. And then she might then be like, oh, where's we doing that? If you like withdraw a bit, then she might realize she likes you. That always happens. Like when someone pulls away. It's like you've got to play games. Sometimes you do a little bit. It's just the nature of the beast.

But that might then make her realize that actually, like, he's so wonderful and like, why didn't I give that a go? Do you know what I mean? You could always just do the standard, like, just fly out with someone else in front of of her as well. That always works. Just test the water. She might come running. It's like awful advice. Honestly, some of the advice I gave a long time is like really quite unhinged. But it sometimes works. There's method to my madness. Method to the madness. It's also like girl madness, I feel like. So I'm wishing you lots of luck with this. And hopefully she realizes how great.

What was it that he said about the journal? She told him that she'd written in her journal, is it meant to be this easy. Isn't that really sweet? It sounds like she maybe got like scared. She's probably used to maybe more of a toxic relationship and she's like, why is this so normal? If something's going to go wrong sort of thing. I think just always be there for her in like a way

but allow her to come to you because that's what needs to happen. I feel that you've obviously been really sweet and wonderful. So good luck. Good luck sending you lots of love. Yeah, and follow up please. Please follow up the update. Okay, Millie, that was the end of the episode.

Thank you so much for coming on. Yay. Thanks for happily. Could have chatted it all afternoon. That was so nice. I know. I feel like I could have spoken about biohacking for a long time. It's quite fun to find someone else who loves that sort of shit.

Oh yeah. I can go in on it like hours. Deep dive. Before we wrap up, a huge thank you again to Nivia Lipbaum for sponsoring today's episode. An absolute OG brand that's been there through thick and thin. So that was the end of the episode. Thank you guys so much for listening and we will see you next week. Bye.

That's it for this week Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well, then, tinies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad-free with bonus episodes. It's pretty amazing.

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