Wednesdays - 136. The Friendship Advice We ALL Need To Hear

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

Heyyy Tinies!Friendships can be SO complicated. From being stuck between your ride or die bestie and a new boyfriend, to group chat drama, to being randomly ghosted… sometimes friendships feel harder than relationships.So to help all the Tinies in the trenches, we’ve gone into the vault and pulled out our messiest, most relatable friendship dilemmas to help you navigate those awkward, confusing moments.From a best friend copying your style, to figuring out how to gently phase someone out of your group, Melissa and Sophie share the honest advice you actually need.PLUS, they break down the girl code rules they actually live by, from the group chat to IRL.Enjoy the episode x Got a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Magda CassidyAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsEditor: Kat MilsonSocial: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, Tiny's, this week we're taking a look back at some of our best ever friendship bylemers. Sometimes friendships can be complicated, whether that's dealing with jealousy, complicated group dynamics, or even friendship breakups. So, we've headed into the archive to find you all our best advice for dealing with those tricky friendship moments. Because friendships deserve just as much love, care and attention as romantic relationships. Enjoy the episode. Hey, Sophie and Melissa, I'm an OG Tiny. I'm a bit of an awkward situation with one of my friends.

and I don't know if it's me being paranoid or if it's something I need to address. This is going to sound really petty, but she keeps copying what I wear. Melissa's outfits. It sounds ridiculous, but ever since I started noticing it, I can't get it out of my head. We've been friends in school and we live near each other, so we see each other all the time. She's always complimented my outfits, my nails, jewelry, etc., which is obviously completely normal for friends to do. But recently, I've noticed she started buying the same clothes as me. clothes she's seen me wearing and asked me where I got them from

now that's where she went wrong because then it's sneaky like don't ask oh it's like me going where's that shirt from and then wearing it tomorrow without telling you you'd be like that's just odd yeah that is weird maybe yeah why don't you just say can I buy that shirt it started off as the odd top

and I thought it was just a coincidence but then she came to one of our friends's birthday drinks wearing the exact outfit I'd worn to a night out a couple of weeks before no oh come on it is a compliment copying is the biggest factory or whatever Some of our other friends even commented on it

So it's not just in my head I want to say something but I'm not sure how to go about it Has this ever happened to you before I'd love your advice on what to do Melissa's got it like going on like Consistently at the minute I've had it like at school and uni Which is like very similar to when it should happen I guess

Yes People haven't got their own identity at that point Totally I'm copying one another I think at this age it's like a bit bizarre Although like you and I copy each other But that's different It's like that's sick

I'm going to get back tomorrow is that all right Also, like, we will just turn up in the same outfit. There's nothing we can do about that. Or sometimes we'll send each other something, be like, you need to get this, you'd love it. It's almost like we're encouraging the copying, which is maybe... Yeah, we are. But, no, we don't copy. This is not the same.

It's not the same. So listen. What are you doing about it? Have you addressed any of it? No. Guys, when I say, like, this is happening, like, Melissa will put an Instagram photo up. And from head to toe that outfit will be copied and then another, and then that will then... It's like exact items.

like a belt, a bag, a coat, and they're all like luxury statement pieces, I would say more so, do you know what I mean? They're not just general tank tops, like it's an obvious thing to copy. And then the photo start will be copied and you're like, ah, what do I do about that? And then it like, then I was like, is it in my head? Do you have a comment on the photo? Yeah, I think so. So you are encouraging it. So actually it's my fault.

But I bet you. Scar, I think we need to turn inward. No, but you know what the thing is, is if I was this car, I'd be like, oh my God, you look so nice because what else do you say it's so awkward? It's like you can't not comment. The whole thing is really odd. But listen, I don't think you can do anything. I think you've got to think of it as such a flattery thing and it might be a bit annoying

about the end of the day, it's somebody wanting to look like you and it is just a really sweet thing. But then it's annoying if she gets like really complimented on it and you're like, fuck, take she copied me. It's annoying if she looks better than you then that's really annoying. Like if I was like, for example, Sophie, very kindly lent me her pink dress. This is my phone background when I went to Tia's wedding.

I had so many compliments on it and I was like, it's not mine. So I friends ovies, she lent it to me. Thank you so much. I just felt like I had to say that. So if I'd have outright copied somebody. Yeah, if you'd bought that dress without telling me, because that was a very statement dress. Such a statement dress.

That's fucking annoying. I'd be like, that's fucking annoying. Because you looked unreal in it. You know what I mean? I would just be so like. But the fact that you were like, that's such a gorgeous dress and I was like, you should wear it for tears or whatever. That was so different.

I think I was like, can I feel. please wear it. And I was like, absolutely. It's just funny the cheek of like the copying, this is what's the funny thing about this dilemma, like the fact that she's going to an event, however many days after, in the exact same dress. Don't tell her where it's from. Be like, can't remember, cut the labels out of everything.

Can you check the label? Oh, I don't know. I agree, and I would stop getting things from like Zara and places, like I would just get something really niche things. Tell her you're getting it from Deepop. Say it's your mom's. It's my mom's vintage. Or, but then she can take a photo of it. Also, we can remember we always talk about reverse secretary.

You could always be like, oh my God, this girl keeps copying my drawer. It's really fucking annoying. Like she's wearing. Get your fucking identity. Yeah, say that in front of her. That would stop her from doing it. Because you need like it happen, but like you're so right. It's no one has an identity.

And also like you are one another's influences as such. Totally. You didn't have that inspiration about them. So like your roommate was like your inspo. Absolutely. And it was annoying about them. But now it's like, come on. Copy Jiji Hidit.

Not me. Well, I know. I mean, look, like we said, it's a real flashry thing, but I think that you should try and like... I get it. It would have really found me off. I so get it. I think I would do some reverse psychology and be like, oh my God, how weird they've copied completely what so-and-so is worn? And also like, okay, first of all, stop telling her where everything's from. You must. And then be like, I kind of want a gatekey, this one actually. I don't want anyone else for wearing it.

Just say that like that as well. Oh, by the way, also, like you have friends like Bella, who is literally like, I'm getting these glasses, don't you dare fucking get them. And I rate that. So you should just be up front about it and be like, oh my God, can you not copy that? Yeah. Don't copy that. I really want to be. She's going to want to copy it even more if you say that.

If you've said it, then she can't. Then she's really going against the grain. Yeah, fuck. It's going into like breakup territory that is friendship. Yeah, I would be. And then if she does copy, you can be like, what the fuck you do? Yeah. But then it's also like seems petty from your side.

It's a really difficult one, isn't it? I think at this point you've got to be like, please don't copy it and just make a joke out of it because I would just have to snap. Otherwise you're going to hang you. Or you can be like, oh my God, how nice is this so unique? No one else is going to get it. I hope no one copies it. Yeah. You've just got to like lay the law down in whatever way you can at this point because

this girl is unstoppable. She is unstopped. She really is. She's got it three weeks later wearing the same thing to a party. She's working overtime to get these outfits in. She's going straight onto that website. What is it? Google's her.

She's taking a photo of you, putting it into Google Image search and finding where that shit's from. Oh my God, she really is, isn't she? I think my best friend might be jealous of my relationship. We've been friends for years and have always been single together, except for the odd situation here and there. We live together, work in the same office and go to the gym together, so we spend a lot of time with each other. I started dating my boyfriend around seven months ago.

At first, she was very supportive and seemed happy for me, but recently that has changed. I feel like friendships can get jealousy over stuff like that. Me too. A few weeks ago, she blew up at me for spending Saturday and Sunday night with him, saying I'm not prioritising her and leaving her on her own at the weekends. Oh, go up. She's even annoyed that I don't always invite her when my boyfriend and I go out for breakfast or lunch,

even though she has come along a few times. She's also taken issue with my boyfriend staying over at ours, even though it's not constant. And now that we've decided to stay more at his, I'm sure she'll get upset by that too. It's really starting to get to me, especially because she doesn't act this way with other friends who are in relationships. It's starting to feel like I need permission to. to see my boyfriend. What do I do? If you're going to get friendship of it, this girl needs to chill out.

She needs to fucking chill out. I'm just to be happy for you. Naturally, your priority is going to change your boyfriend over your best friend. Also, like, God doesn't she know that girl go just bitch you are the friends about it for a bit? Yeah, and get over it. Like, don't go to her. Like, you don't have the right to go and be like, I can't believe you and Toby don't invite me for lunch. You'd be like, what? I'd be like, that's so weird.

There's not three of us in a relationship. I agree. Like, that's just like, like, go for lunch. If you want to be like, oh, like, if you want to do it. be like, can I come for lunch, guys? Sorry, can I just be in a thupple for a little bit? Like, don't be annoyed at it. That's, like, really, like, you're acting like she's your girlfriend.

Also, she's just going to push you away. I agree. I'd be like, you're driving me out of the wall. I almost feel like your boyfriend and her need to bond a little bit more. Because if she loves him to bits, I agree. It won't matter. Maybe she's, like, one of those girls who needs, like, so much attention. So if your boyfriend becomes, like, very, very, very friendly with her, she'll feel included.

She obviously feels neglected. but quite punchy from her really in some ways respect. I just don't have like shame. I'd be like I could never voice that. Even if I did think I'd be like got a bottle this one now. I'd probably be passive aggressive which isn't the right thing to do either. I get both sides but she's taking it a little bit far. I do and you know what it is.

It's like the whole benefit of having like a flatmate is so that you have like fundings to do. Or like you're not alone on a Sunday every Sunday. I do get that. So if it's like three Sundays in her own, she's like fuck say like I'm alone all weekend again. She's probably getting just like lonely and annoyed. Yeah, it's like it happens in every stage of friends. Like you're all fun and you all hang out with the girls. And then everyone slowly becomes in serious relationships.

And then there's always like a couple people who are left. And it is, I've been there. And it sucks. And you're like, what do I do? Gym on a Sunday. But like she's got to suck it up. We've all been there. 100%.

I think that you should try and make your boyfriend and her really get on. And like maybe just include her like now and again. Like I don't know how. Like do breakfast. on a Sunday at home instead of go out. I'm going to invite her on a Sunday. On a Saturday night. Have like tacos at yours be like, right, me and Jim are going to make you tacos tonight.

Let's get some wine. Let's make some like fun tequila. Yeah. Whatever they're called. Margaritas. You can like make it a fun thing and then like they'll be friends and that's what you want really. Like Toby sees my friend live all the time. He's like, where's my favorite girl?

She's his favorite. And like they love each other so much. But she's actually single but not that she lives with me. But like you have to build. friendship between your boyfriend and your friends. Like, otherwise it's never... And then likewise, like, you have to build friendships with his mates. Otherwise, it's just like a shit show around.

You've got to, like, merge as one and, like, his friends are your friends and your friends are his friends. Absolutely. Try and also set your friend up. Like, does your boyfriend not have any single cool friends? You can all do a fun layout together. I agree. And even if they're not single and you don't think that'll work, like, just bring them. So that is two single people, so it's not thruffle vibes.

A hundred percent. And there's just more fun. I agree. My best friend's boyfriend has told me he's planning to propose, which should be amazing news. Except he's planning on doing it at her birthday dinner in front of all her friends and getting his friend, who she literally despises, to film the whole thing. I know that she's going to absolutely hate it. She's told me and him so many times her dream proposal is something low-key,

just the two of them on a beach, on a holiday with no one else around. Definitely not a busy restaurant with loads of people watching and a guy she hates filming the whole thing. I didn't say anything at the time because he sounded so excited and to be honest, we're not that close. Do I call him and gently suggest he rethinks the proposal? Or do I somehow warn my best friend about it? What's the right thing to do? Don't warn your best friend. Call him now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dear God. Call him now. Although I will say, I would call him and if that was happening to you, I would definitely just be like to him, she's not going to like that. Like, if it was that extreme. You know what I mean? 100%.

Because, like, I would genuinely hate that. I would absolutely. Me too. I would almost say no, because I would. I would be so angry. I'd take Jamie into another room and be like, what the fuck have you done? It would make me question. I'd be like, you don't know me at all.

I know. I do think there's no harm in calling and being like, look, I know she has said to me before that that is like my worst nightmare. I just want to give you a heads out. I'm not saying it. I think it's a bad idea. But she has told me what her dream is. So like if you want to make her dreams come true, I would do that. And I know that she would really hate that.

I would also be like, look, also just so you know, I know the idea is amazing. But for me as a girl, I would also find that so intimidating and awful so that he can... Because sometimes I think boys would be like, they're like this. They're so exciting. I'll be like, hey, she'll love it. She'll love it. She'll have all her friends there. She'll love it.

And you're like, no, hon. Seriously, she won't. Yeah. Like I know. You need to tell him. You must tell him because that's a disaster. Don't tell her. Because like, there's the proposal, the whole idea is that it's a surprise anyway.

You can't tell her. If you knew Jamie was proposing, say you saw Jamie walking into an engagement. up, right? And you're just like off the back, you're strolling around and you see him walking in and then you see him buying a ring. Would your excitement just be like, and have to tell me? No, I would never tell you. I would completely ruin the surprise for you. That would be so selfish. I'd never do that. But you know when like, you would just want to call your friend and be like, oh my God, you won't believe. I would tell another friend. I would never tell the friend I think is getting proposed to. Yeah, that would be awful. That's like the meanest thing ever ruining that surprise. Horrific. I would never do that. Horrific. I agree. That's like being like, hmm, this person's planning huge surprise birthday for you. It's really... But at surprise.

You're like, what fuck? I know. Or like, oh my God, you know what your 30th birthday present is. It's like, that's quite me. I used to do that to your department presents, didn't I? Oh my God. So if you once, like, basically tell me what this huge present was that Toby was getting me. And I was like, shush.

I was so drunk though. She was like, you don't want to know. And I was like, I don't want to know. She was like, okay, but I'm like, shush! I was like, I'm going to have to move away from you in a minute. You fucking really surprised me. I was absolutely gagging to tell you very bad advice. I don't know what, but I think it was because I was like, she's going to love it.

Also, for me, I'm not bothered about a present. Like, I can get told. Just tell him. That is the last piece of advice. Tell him that she's going to hate it. Tell him that you know that she's going to hate it and tell him what the dream is and be like, please, I cannot be on board with this whole proposal. Just be really honest, but you get one shot at this mate. Like, you can't fuck it up and do it for yourself.

It's not, you're asking, no. This is wrong on every level. If you want to go and do a private proposal and then you will join us for the day, after and celebrate, fine, but you can't do it in front of other people. Just like, say, be firm. Because like... You have to be firm and be like, I'm highly advising you and I actually hate to think like she would be upset if you did this.

Yeah. I think it's the right thing to do. Yeah. Hi girls. One of my six-form friends is getting married next year and our friend to a group of six was really closed back then. Five of them went to school together too, but we've grown apart over the years. The bride in particular doesn't make much effort to see us and rarely comes to group meetups.

When she got engaged, we were all really happy for her. We met up, got a gift and a later attended her engagement party where our long-term partners weren't invited, which stung a bit, but wasn't such a huge deal. From the start, she was excited about Hindu plans and we all got on board. We've now put an expensive trip aboard, just our group and the bride and the groom's mum. Now she's told us our partners aren't invited to the wedding due to the guest list limits. I can't help but find it rude that we're making such a big effort and spending so much. yet she's not considering our lives in return. I get that guest list are tricky, but I know other guest partners will be there too who she isn't as close to. Would it be wrong to pull out the hindo?

I can change my flights and go elsewhere and I'm struggling to justify putting in all this effort for someone who isn't showing much back. I do understand you have to make cuts and sacrifices somewhere. I think if I was having like a big party or something for my 30th or a wedding, I wouldn't be inviting people that I didn't know. So like if I hadn't met like,

If I'd met someone like twice, they're probably not coming to my wedding, you know, and I wouldn't expect to be invited to theirs. Well, that's the thing. Maybe she's not met their partners. Yeah. And you know what? If that's how you feel about it, then don't go to the hen. I understand it.

I understand your side, but I also understand the bride's part. It's always a bit shit when everyone's sort of huffing and puffing about how expensive a hen is. It's like, well, don't go. Yeah, don't go. Because it's also not fair on the bride. She might not have really thought about it. I don't think she's thought about it. I think she probably thinks you, you're a good time, fun.

You're a long-term friend that you've known for a while, but you're not that close. As you said, she doesn't make an effort to meet up with you. It's a tricky one when you're, like, a long-term, but you're actually not close. Yes. Because I can understand why she's like, well, she's probably never met or met your boyfriend once. I think you'll have fun on the hen. But, like, if you're bummed about the wedding and, like, that your partner's not going to be there, then... No, but I don't think I would take offense to it, and I would never be, like, how rude.

Like, obviously, I'm married, so now I would be. be like, that's bizarre. But before, I'm like, there's a lot of people who don't invite unless you've got a ring on it. Like, it's kind of like, I don't need people realize the expense of having like a person. Person and like that person, that bride has got limited numbers. If she has met your partner twice, you shouldn't really expect him to come to, I agree. I agree. I also think because there's obviously a lot of you in the group, the bride's thought, you know, they've all got each other. It would probably be different if like you didn't know anybody else going to the wedding, then she probably I thought, obviously I'm going to give them my partner as a plus one. But you're going to be there

with all your girlfriends. So that's probably her thought process. And I so get that. I really do. One of my friends who's getting married is literally having the same problem with, like, a few people that have been with partners really not that long, but their wedding's not until quite a long time away, over a year away. And they're sort of like, you know, do we invite that partner? Because we don't even know if they're going to be together by then. We've barely socialized them to start with. But by that point, we might have socialised them a lot. What the fuck do we do? But I also understand your frustration because you're thinking, does that mean you don't value the importance of my relationship and I'm spending so much on your wedding? But I think this is just

like a red flag on your case. Like you don't, you're not going to, you don't care about your friend enough. Yeah. I get it. I think pull out a fucking hen. You'll be there and you'll be like pissed off. Yeah. I think pull it out because also it's not fair on her to have gas there when they're like, I'm not wanting to be there. It's also okay to say no to things. I think with with weddings and this is something that I'm learning, weddings and hands and stuff. Yeah. It's sometimes it's okay to say no and not go. Like, it gets to a point where there's a lot of them and it's a lot of money and then

you think, you know, it's so kind of person to invite me, but like, I think it's perfectly fine to say, I can't go. Make up an excuse. And then go to the wedding and have a good time and don't spend the money on the hand. That is what I would do. Sorry, I felt like we weren't necessarily that supportive of you. Yeah. That's not what you wanted to hear, but like.

Not judging you at all. Like, I so get it. Like, my point is, I think you should just be strong in your conviction. Like, you don't really want to go. I don't go. If you're bummed out about how much it is and you're like, oh, I'm spending too much. Listen, go on a lovely weekend away with your boyfriend. We give you permission.

Yeah, you spend that money and put that towards a gorgeous weekend with your boyfriend and be like, sorry, such and such is but to the romantic trip away. Didn't realize. Can't double work. His parents put it for our anniversary a bit early. It's the only weekend they can get. Sorry. And off you pop.

Hey girls, I'm 28 years old and started dating my first serious boyfriend this year. I've had a rough few years with illness, I haven't been focusing on dating. But I met this guy as I was getting into a positive headspace, and he's been so good to me. He's kind and someone who I share my anxieties with. It feels like a true partnership. Oh, lovely. We love this. Last week, he finally met some of my university friends.

We all live in different cities, so we meet up twice a year. We're all at different stages. Some are married, trying for kids, and some are single, but meeting up allows us all to get back on the same page. Gorgeous. The last night of being together, one of my friends pulled me to the side and told me she doesn't like my boyfriend. Oh my fucking God.

Their humour and personalities are quite different, so they didn't have much to talk to me. Sorry. Savage. I told my boyfriend everything, he got pretty sad as he wanted to get along with all my friends and I can't bear it. How should I move forward so they have the opportunity to find some middle ground and has anything like this ever happened to you?

Sorry. Let me tell you what I think has happened. your friend's got drunk and we all know that I can be get me the wrong drink and I'm outspoken and being bitch she's got drunk and been a bit aside and be like no but I just think if I did you would surely be like Sophie's being an absolute not that that happens being a knob I also wouldn't go and tell that person like not sure what that's trying to achieve I agree you shouldn't have told your boyfriend you've done it now but you really shouldn't have said it's really horrible your friend should not have done that there's no excuse but I'm I'm going to put it down to alcohol like making her like just be outspoken

yeah I can make people fucking say weird show all the time but I she says it's so over the next year at a date, leave me alone. That's rude. Don't fucking say that. You're not fucking dating him. Jesus Christ. As long as he's not to anything wrong, if you don't like his personality, that's none of your listeners. You have no right to actually say that. Yeah. If you don't have anything nice to say, you don't fit to me.

I would not bite my tongue the first time I see meet them. Yeah, the first time I'd give them a fucking chance. Also, like, he's probably acting a bit. Shame, poor guy. He's probably a bit nervous. Like, I don't know. Bunch of uni people. He doesn't know any of them. I honestly can't believe that she just fooled Jerusalem. I really don't like your boyfriend.

And also, like, let's be honest. It's hard to dislike something like. I don't dislike really anyone in my life. Like, yeah, there are some people that I really click with and there are some people that I like but I don't click with. And I wouldn't go for a coffee just me and them on their own. But like, I don't dislike anyone. I've never, ever disliked any of my friends, boyfriends, apart from one.

I dislike them because of the red flags they were doing, not because of their person. It wasn't because their person was bad. It was like they did many, many acts that were unacceptable and not unforgivable. in my eyes. I didn't dislike their character. No. And even, like, there is definitely some people that you're like, rather not sit next to them that didn't take you.

But, like, I don't hate them so much where I'm going to pull one of my best friends aside and be like, by the way, fucking hate your boyfriend, you should probably break up with him. He could be saying the same about you. I bet he thinks same about you. I don't want to be mean, but you shouldn't have told your boyfriend this. I know. Because that's just like, you know what, that's like, that's like me introducing you to one of my friends. And you being like, fucking don't like her, she's really annoying.

And me going and telling her, what is that going to achieve? Or Jamie's mate saying, by the way, we hate your wife, Sophie. And then Jamie telling me, I would, like, be devastated. It's just going to make him so anxious. And, like, the next time you see them, like, what the hell? I think you should, like, backtrack and be like, oh, my God, she was drunk. She doesn't. Like, you need to.

I think you should call her and be, like, that really upset me. Yeah. And give her the opportunity. I'm really hoping that she just had too many drinks and was, like, being odd. Like, you know, just being a bit bullshit. Because that's not nice. Unless she knows something that you don't. I don't know.

there's always something beneath the surface. I feel like with these things, like, either she fancies him. It's a really weird thing to say. Or she's known him from, they've known each other from before, or like she knows what she's done, or, like, she's seeing traits in him or thinks that she's seeing traits in him that you haven't seen. I don't know.

Like, how, if this girl is your best friend and you really trust her, then you should probably call her and be like, look, I'm really fucking upset about what you said to me the other night. But, like, can you elaborate on what you meant? Like, is there something that you're not telling me? Like, do I need to know something? should I be worried? See what she says.

And if she's like, no, I just didn't like his humour, then you basically need to tell him to shut the fuck up. Ultimately, you've done, you know, no one can be held. You're probably emotional and you're most sure at the matter of view and you told a boyfriend, but like that was a bad decision. I'm not sure how we can go back from this

other than downplaying it and being like, I would firstly never mention it unless he brings it up because maybe he just, or I would be like. Yeah, boys don't really think about things too much. Do they? He might be confident enough to just pull. that friend decide and be like,

her, do you think I'm pretty fucking boring? What we're going to do about that then? Yeah. You don't know. If he's not, then they're just never going to be mates. You know, and then you ultimately just kind of decide

between your boyfriend and your friend. Or make sure when you next meet up, you go for a drink with another couple, a couple that you think he'd get on really well with so that he has some sort of confidence. He has like an ally in a sense. Ally, exactly. Because you can bet that she will go to your other friends

and be like, I hate Chris. He's so boring. And you want your other friends to be like, really? I think he's great. Like, get on so well with him.

Exactly. Hey ladies, I've got a friend dilemma for you. Oh, we don't get these. Yeah, I love these. I'm a part of a really close-knit group of friends. We all met at uni,

all moved to London, and have been friends for over a decade. We've got a very active group chat. See each other a lot, holidays, weekends, away, etc. I feel so lucky to have met this group of people. Over the past 18 months, one of the girls in the group has been making little to no effort. She never responds to any messages.

If plans have been made, she never comes, and it feels like she isn't actually that bothered about being friends with us anymore. That happens. People move on, particularly in that circumstance. I know there's so many of you. Yeah. Whenever she does come to things, it feels awkward, as she knows nothing about the day-to-day of our lives, and she just sits there contributing nothing.

One of our friends recently organized a birthday dinner, and this girl didn't message to say that she wouldn't be there. She didn't apologize for her abstinence, and rather had one of the other girls say she couldn't make it. I feel like I could excuse her behaviour if I thought there was more going on behind closed doors, but I truly think she is lazy and a bad friend. I don't want to be friends with her anymore. It's my birth in a few weeks, and I don't want to invite her to come, as I don't believe us to be friends. Am I being unkind by wanting to phase her out of our friendship group, or do you think a proper conversation with her

could help resolve my feelings towards our friendship? I don't think she wants to be friends with you guys and I don't know why you're bothering. She does not care. Also, like, to me, this seems like you're like, you know you've got your core girls and then you've got that wide a group who sort of meet up at Christmas and birthdays.

I'm like, those people do, you have your core and then those... Sometimes they fall apart. Sometimes those people, like, there's one or two, like, they move, you know, that happens. Like, you can't... always, you know, as you grow up, you can't keep that core, core group. You're going to end up with like four core girls and that's, you know what I mean?

And that's okay. And that's great. You can never have 15 best friends like you did when he was 16. I think making it too much of a thing is not going to be worth it for you and your friendship group because I think it might make it a little bit of a drama. I don't mean she's done anything wrong this girl though. Well, she hasn't turned out to someone's birthday and then like given like one of the other girl's relationship route to like be the messenger.

quite fucking annoying just let me know absolutely I've made a dinner reservation for eight and like that's only seven people it's just a bit rude to like the other girl turned up on was that by the way

she can't come yeah on the night yeah that's really bad form it's really rude but I just think I would just be like God well if anything I invite her to your birthday

really not big dog if you don't want her if anything you just like could just send her a message and be like miss you yeah do you know what I mean

or just like is everything okay I probably believe it's everything okay it was quite weird that you didn't say that you could come. Like, it would be quite weird if no one, if I looked hard through a friend, I'd be like, well, why haven't they told me they can't come?

Who's she hang out? That's what I wouldn't know. She got a new group of fans? There could be obviously something going on behind closed doors. However, if you don't want to be friends with this person, just don't invite them to your birthday, no. Like, you don't have to do that. And if she's like, oh my God, why didn't you invite me? And be like, oh my God, really sorry,

but I just didn't think you'd want to come, considering you haven't come to X, Y, and Z. I just think there comes an age, right? You're not at university where you are for, to see these people. There comes an age where you're like, my energy, my time's important and my energy's important.

And if you're wasting my time, like, no. Agree. Like, you're not forced to see this girl every day, so what's forcing you to, you have nothing holding you to friends? It's hard sometimes letting go of friendships. Yeah. And it does give you an underlying bit of... anxiety.

Yeah, it does, and I get that. But, like, if she's clearly not... wanting to turn. Like she doesn't sound like she even wants to be in this group anymore. Like she's just not turning up. It's also like, I get it. At first you're like angry but deep down you're actually just really upset. You know what I mean? At first, I've had it in the past where I'm like, oh my God, they don't they? And then actually you're just upset. You know what I mean? Yeah, because it's kind of like offensive. Like how fucking dare you like not? And also friendship groups changing even when those people stray away is quite sad at the beginning. We've done a real 360 here. If it was

me, I would probably still invite them, knowing they're not going to come. That's what I would do. And then the next year, you don't have to invite them because by that point, they wouldn't have come to anything else, but at least you don't want it to be on you. And then the whole birthday would be about the fact that you haven't invited them and it'd be a drama. You will feel worse for it. Invite them, and trust me, they'll face himself out at this point. Like in two years time, they're not going to be, no one even been, you know, that's their

decision. but I always think when you do those things and you're like, I'm not going to stand my ground. I'm like, it's like drinking the poison, right? You know, you just feel wash yourself. She's probably not going to turn out, but like you already preempt it so you don't get affected because I feel like it's just affecting you,

which is rightly so, right? And then if she does come, you also don't get affected. Like you've got to have a chat with yourself and be like, I don't want to let her decisions affect my day. So I've got to like protect myself. And then whatever, whether she comes, she doesn't, you're just going to be having a fab day anyway. If I'm honest, like, I've never intentionally phased out a friend.

But there has been a few people that were in our group initially that have just naturally fallen away. And that has been through things, like just not turning up to things, always saying no to things, which is fine. And, like, there's never been a drama. But eventually it does get to a point where people just stop inviting you because you always, always always say no. Like if someone's not asking you to do things,

like they're facing themselves out. They might be facing you out. Do you know what I mean? True. For me, facing someone out is like, if someone's like trying to really be your friend and you just stop talking to them. That's mean, actually, isn't it?

That is me, but sometimes... But like they obviously are doing something. It's really hard friendships because, right, if you're done with someone in a relationship, you break up with them. I know. And you have the right to do that and no one questions it because you're allowed to do that.

In friendships, You're a fucking cow if you do that with someone. Yeah, it's so true. But you're like, this person doesn't make me feel good. Yeah. X, Y, and Z. I don't want them in my life anymore. But how do you go about doing that?

When you're in a friendship group with them or you've... It's really difficult. You phased them out. A phase out is basically a relationship break out. Let's strategize a phase out. Friendship phase out. How are we going to do it? You're going to phase me out.

How are you going to do it? I am not going to ever pick up your phone calls. You don't anyway, but yeah, right? Is that what's going on here? Am I being phased out? You're being phased out? I am never going to reply to you. Yeah.

I'm never going to speak to you. Do you speak to it, phase out? Yeah. You don't say happy birthday. That's a, no, God, I can't say this. It's quite a statement. Guys, I can't say this. Because I literally don't reply to anything.

Don't apply to anyone. I never say happy birthday, dad, and I never pick up the phone to anyone. No, you're right. No birthday card, no birthday present for Zofi. No, it is coming. Oh my god, I'm being phased out. She's doing. No, I'm now thinking people at how you're going to miss it?

Have you written this dilemma? I wrote this as like a reverse psychology. Because I do think I'm really bad. Now I'm just thinking I'm a bad friend. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm fucking upset. I'm being phased out. It's all coming out now.

I think phasing out is basically what I should have. No, it's not funny. Like, you should just be a better friend and better on your phone. I feel like sometimes I'm a bit not bad on my phone. Sometimes. I also think it's necessary to have a conversation with someone. If they're causing... Upset.

Drama, upset, trying to start arguments with you, that's very easy to face someone out like that because you can just be like, this is not for me. I don't need this in my life, and I'm very happy not being your friend and stepping away from this friendship. A hundred of that.

You can say that, but if they're not doing that, if I'm honest, in this dilemma, this chick's phasing herself out. You don't have to fucking do anything. She's done all the work for you. I think she's phasing you all that. She's done, this chick. And you know what?

She's being a bit of a bitch because she could have just let you know she wasn't coming to the fucking birthday dinner. So that's a bad form. So she's also being rude. So you now have... Yeah. Actually, you know what that isn't...

If my friend didn't tell me she wasn't coming something, I'd be so annoyed. I would send them a text to me like, by the way, I'm really pissed off at this. Yeah. And then I'd be... And then I just wouldn't invite them. Yeah.

There's a lot of options and a lot of avenues that we can go down in this. If it was me, I do a last minute invite, be really brief, play it down. And then the next year, hopefully, you don't even have to think about it. You're never going to see this. This chick's done. That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But, God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa?

Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well, then, Tiny's, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now, listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad-free. With bonus episodes. It's pretty amazing. It's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups, which we love, and some of our more personal stories and recommendations.

And it's super easy. You just listen on your favourite app. How cool is that? Amazing. And all the info is in the episode description and in our Instabio.