Wednesdays - 33. Love or Lust? Boyfriend's My Soulmate, BUT I fancy my Lecturer!

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Sophie and Melissa are back, serving up a heaps of advice for all you Tinies out there - from crushing on a married lecturer to leaving a ten year relationship with someone who was leading a double!The girls dish on their latest adventures, from Sophie becoming an aunty to Melissa's unexpected Parisian escapades AND the juicy reveal of which Netflix celeb Sophie slid into DMs of?! You would never guess who...👀We're now on WhatsApp and ready for your voice note dilemmas! Send us one in to: https://api.whatsapp.com/message/54SRBQ66M633F1?autoload=1&app_absent=0Instagram / TikTok / YouTube: @wednesdayspodcastEmail: [e-mail]:Producer: @ben_johnsEditor: @kat.milsomAssistant Producer: @gurlinaheer_Exec: @jemimarathboneVideographer: @jamierg99Video editor: @jakeji.pSocial Media: @thechampagency Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either, and we're not psychologists. We're not.

We're not experts in anything. In fact, we just challenge all the shit. And we love giving you guys advice. We love giving you you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help guys welcome back to wednesday's podcast i almost said wednesday's you drink wine then that's a blast i nearly went nudie west. It's all about fucking newlyweds at the moment. I'm over it.

I'm over it. I'm over it. I'm over it. Stick a fork in me. I'm done. Stick a fork in me. Where's that from? Australian.

Stick a fork in me. I'll stick a fork in it. Why are we doing that? I don't think it's Australian. It's Irish. No, it's Aussie and it's like we're not here to fuck spiders.

That's what they say. What? Don't worry about it, Aussie boys. No, it's Aussie. And it's like, we're not here to fuck spiders. That's what they say. What? Don't worry about it, Aussie boys. You poms. We're not here to fuck spiders. Because there's spiders everywhere. I don't know. I just remember traveling.

Oh my God, the biggest. Just minding my own business. Went for my morning, you know, wee as we all do. Sat down, opposite me is my sink, glass jar where I normally keep my cotton buds for my sweet face, taking off my sweet makeup. Fucking slider. I'm not even joking, Sophie. The body was that big. Like I'm not even exaggerating. And the legs were huge. It was just in the jar staring at me. It was already caught itself. But there was no cotton wool in there, thank God. I screamed.

I ran out of the room, Toby put the lid on it and just let it out the window. Thank God. Thank God. We have won a big black widow. I'm not joking, she looks like a black widow. A big black widow. And she is creeping and crawling and she's back every year around this time of year. Every year.

Get rid of her. We do and then she comes back. There must be a school of them or something. They probably have children. Like every year. You know what's horrible? Once she's on the bed. I'm not bothered by spiders at all.

Oh, I am because they can actually bite you and they can actually lay eggs inside you. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to hang out with her at all. But Jamie, like, cannot go near her, so I have to trap her every time and let her out the window. She's definitely a girl as well.

I can sell it on her. It just reminds me of like, what's the piggy thing? Like Little Miss Piggy. Babe. Charlotte's Web. Charlotte's Web. I know, sweet. That makes me like them. But it doesn't make me like them. It just makes me feel so, it just makes me not want to kill them. But I still want to get rid of them from my house. Totally. It's a good sign. It means you don't have damp in your house. Apparently you have spiders.'re like dry areas Dry dry house Okay guys

I've got some news My sister is pregnant So I'm going to be an auntie Girl mum Girl mum How does that feel? That's what I say to her All the time

Girl mum Girl mum She's something you need to start More She's a girl mum Like she's not a boy mum Yeah yeah yeah How does that feel

Being an auntie? Honestly I've genuinely Never been happier Or excited for anything she's a girl mom like she's not a boy yeah yeah how does that feel being an auntie honestly i've genuinely never been happier or excited for anything so for those of you who don't know my sister's really had struggles with pregnancy and fertility so she got told that she probably like had no egg reserve so this was like it was like not gonna be in a situation she did three rounds of ivf and they managed to to freeze some embryos and then she actually ended up she got married and they just thought we may as well try it you know it's like really slim slim chances she got pregnant naturally that you know what's mental to me

I'm like what doctor told her that she was basically like barren well I don't know but I think a lot of these doctors do they do it's just just like well she was she was it's like really it's literally a miracle she literally had like four eggs

I do think it's just always good to get know about these things it's good to have an idea of it because there's so many things you can take to help like supplements and stuff that really make a difference

but it is also I still feel like something that we're really learning about still because they're saying like because it happens to some people they're like there's no way you can get pregnant naturally.

And then lo and behold, it happens to people and they're like, you fucking told me I couldn't get pregnant. Yeah. And now I'm with child. And now I'm with child. Which is obviously a miracle. But it's just fascinating that it can just happen like that when there's no pressure on you as well.

Because she obviously was like, oh, it's probably not going to happen. So we'll just enjoy ourselves and then boom. I know. It's honestly like the best feeling ever just having a little girl and I just can't even cope I think about it

all day long oh my god you know like keeping like the babies on tour with us oh my god she's been there every step of the way

I know do they know when they conceived her now that's really graphic but it wasn't on the honeymoon yeah it was honeymoon

oh my god yeah it was in Mald God. Yeah, it was. 100%. In Maldives. In the Maldives, yeah. And it's so weird. Oh my God, they came over right before they went away for your birthday.

Oh yeah. And I'll never forget, Tom Barry was like, yeah, we're going to the Maldives, yeah. Yeah, just before then. Bosh. I couldn't be more excited. I'm really broody and maternal anyway. When you have a great year, you're so broody. I'm like, oh my God, I'm so, I feel like it like i'm when you have a and now i'm so

rude i'm like oh my god i'm so i feel like it's tickled the fancy a bit you know what i mean like i've got a baby in the family 100 like i my key is like i need to be next to her like i want jamie literally sat me down he was like put his knife and fork down me eating dinner because i speak about it so much it was like you do know the baby isn't going to be with you all the time like it's georgia's but i'm like no no but it will like i picture baby with me 20 horns ever and i know it won't be well you can be a hands-on auntie so you can be going and babysitting because that will help a lot i think you do need like the odd night where you're like i just need an hour or two where you can just go around and just you know look after baby while while she goes and gets her hair washed or something.

Yeah. Gorgeous. Can't wait. And you'll be wanting to do that because you're the blood and you're the auntie. I know. It's so funny. Like, you're going to be so one of those people, you know, like this is what Toby was like when he had his nephew,

showing me faces like, look how cute he is. And I'm like, yeah, all right. He's really cute. But like, I don't have the same connection to him as you do. Yeah. He actually loves him so much he's like I just love him so much I know I love that baby so much already and I can't explain it it's so weird I can't and I think about my sister all day long I'm like I wonder if she's okay right

now purely because of the baby it's so sweet imagine what we'll be like together maybe you're gonna be way before me so that's okay you can just show me the ropes so anyway that's exciting anyway guys she's actually gonna come on the podcast in a couple of weeks to just talk about her journey and her experience and like she had a bit of a her pregnancy experience too because i was just fascinated by everything like symptom i'm like so what are you feeling about now like what are your cravings what do you feel what's your hair like what's your skin like and how did she find out she was pregnant like did she have like sickness to tell her was there a warning

that was something really interesting actually she'll tell you tune in I'm sadly not going to be on that episode but I'll be listening she'll be listening

where will you be again I mean I'm just going to go to see my mum for her birthday with the family like we do every year so lovely it's

it doesn't quite feel like summer holidays yet do you know what I mean well it's because it's fucking freezing in London. It's really annoying. We had that one day. Do you remember that one day we walked outside and we were like, oh my God, it's here. It's that weekend. It was 10 out of 10.

It's here. When we went for lunch. When we went for lunch. I was in a summer outfit. Sophie was in a summer dress, her legs out. It was 22 degrees. We were ready. And then it just got snatched away.

It got stripped away. I got really excited. Got loads of summer dresses. Just evil. It's fucking gone. But I'm off to Paris this weekend. Oh my God, yeah, I forget about this. So should we talk about that?

We can talk about that. So I was just telling Sophie this, so she's probably bored of hearing about it. But when I went to Paris, just before Sophie's 10 actually, so it was like this time last year maybe a few weeks before that I went to Crazy Horse the first time with my best friend and we like made a pact that we would never go there with our other halves because the girls that dance are very sexy very gorgeous very talented and they all dance their boobies out and um it's an amazing

thing to see but i just would rather my boyfriend not be there watching it at all or even with me anyway i was like definitely not fucking taking my boyfriend here like no fucking way honestly you can think of anything worse that bad yes i'm sick and i'm like sophie and i aren't jealous people but i'm just not gonna put that in front of his eyes do you know what i mean like i'd feel uncomfortable yeah i'm not doing that anyway so we're all at toby's family's house the other And I'm like, Sophie and I aren't jealous people, but I'm just not going to put that in front of his eyes. Do you know what I mean? I'd feel uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Anyway, so we're all at Toby's family's house the other weekend and it goes in the group chat. So we're booking Crazy Horse and I'm like, why, why, why would we, why would we want to do that?

I'm also going to sit in Toby's parents' house. I know that makes it a bit better because you're gonna be like you can be like toby don't look your mom's watching you it's a whole fucking show and they have little like horse tails over their butt crack and then some of them are wearing absolutely nothing that's all disguised by like shadows honestly it's like the most vagina yeah wild like raunchy gorgeous thing ever but it's like we appreciate it from this from the sake of it being like they're actually really good dancers what are their bodies like it's great like phenomenal i'm sorry i have to google there's nothing on google so toby's gonna be one side of me and you know his parents

are gonna be like there and then you know guys i'm really sorry she's told me so much about this i have to google it because i literally my brain can't get off it now it's just it's it's just the sort of thing i really would not want him to see if i'm actually on youtube just having to have a look because my heart can't okay right you know tate mccray dancing you know how good she is at dancing how sexy she is imagine that with boobies out and they're like 20 of them on stage and they're actually being really out of control. No, no, it's really out of control. I mean, it's a lot of this.

And you know what? It's really artistic. I need to see more because that's just giving me a taster. So that's happening. I'm, you know, fucking fuming, but it is what it is. Basically, just cancel it. It's fine. They also like fit every part of them a bit.

I'm honestly sick. You can't really see them. It's fine. They also like fit. Every part of them is fit. I'm honestly sick. You can't really see them. It's very dark. They're going to be disguising everything on there because you're not allowed to take photos in there or anything. It's like really. Yeah, you can't really see anything here. It's top, top, top secret.

Wow. This is fascinating. I'm just having to play it really cool. You literally can't get anything of them. Like this is all you can see that they do. Imagine like the most gorgeous body on the planet. Them also being, like, Tate McRae-style dancer. Boobies out.

Butt out. And there being ten of them on stage. Their bodies are nuts. What? Right, look. They're fit as fiddle. Am I just making really horny? Oh, no, stop!

The whole thing is horrible! That's not good. I don't know why i said that it's a bit of a try to get with you i'd be like you fucking sicko you're turned on i know why you're trying to do that i can't bear it like if we ever watch like a raunchy movie and jamie tries i'm the same if toby's like you know how boys just naturally just sort of rest their hands in in like the waistband of their trousers and he does that pretty much with everything he's watching like even if it's just like the news or the weather if something like remotely raunchy comes on in his hands down like what you doing yes you're

obviously getting turned on by that like get off me disgusting yeah and even if it's like four hours later and he tries to kiss yeah i'm like you're thinking about that person on the television yeah that is so me we currently have tate mccae on and Dua Lipa on quite a lot. What do you mean? Just music videos of live performances on his laptop on YouTube. Why? Because he just thinks it's hot. And loves the music.

No. Just hanging around. Wait, I'm confused. We'll be making dinner and he'll put a Dua Lipa live show, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'll be dancing to it and then they're watching her dance like. Whoa, whoa, I am not okay with that. I'd be like, why are we not listening to it on Spotify?

Why do we have to watch it? Because he likes, he thinks that she's sexy. But does he say that? Yeah, it's like kind of like, it's almost a joke now he does it to annoy me because it's become so ridiculous. Fine. Yeah, I know.

Do you know what Jamie does which is worse? He's like, i've not prompted anything he'll be like staring intently he'll be like i just don't get duolipa do what do you think of her why is all these guys so obsessed he will be like i just don't get her i'm like why didn't you say that about that girl but the girl who's actually like drop dead you want to bring up i've not said anything I'm like what do you mean you don't get her

I haven't said anything he's like loads of people think she's really hot do you while she's like doing the splits in front of us yeah stop trying to

gaslight me that's like almost like trying to have an stop trying to start an argument because I know what you want from me because he almost

feels awkward watching her like at the break so I could see he felt quivering because he obviously was like so turned on and he was like

yeah I don't really know what everyone's on about with you like shut the Brits, I could see he felt quivering because he obviously was like so turned on and he was like, yeah, I don't really know what everyone's on about with Doolaga. Shut the fuck up. Oh, shut the fuck up. You know what I mean? We all know, you know, half the nation fancy Doolieper. Boys love her.

And you know what? Don't rate them. She's sexy. She's so sexy. Don't need to be looking at it every day. But you now can't react to it because you're kind of weird. If you do,

so you've got to just leave it going. It's also just become a running joke now and it's just quite funny. Also quite fun music. Fucking amazing music. Love her new song. So her boyfriend is fit. So Callum Turner was in a TV series. What was he in?

And it was called... Googling him now. The Capture. That's when I first watched him in The Capture. I don't know if anyone watched that. It was amazing. He's really gorgeous very like you always have to listen to his voice and the way he is before you probably fully get it because he's not like classically i'm trying to google him ken vibes but he's um in a new film i believe with austin butler oh yeah fit but

interestingly looking interesting looking looking, very English. And he kind of gives me the guy, he was the guy that played Stephen Hawking in that film. Eddie Redmayne, yeah. He kind of gives me Eddie Redmayne. Yeah, he's hot. He's like quirky vibes.

Yeah, yeah. Model-esque. Yes, yes, yes. He's hot. He's sexy. He's sexy. Eddie Redmayne is sexy. Yeah, it's that vibe.

I once was running in the tube after our podcast in Southwark and i literally just walked past eddie redmayne and he was in black tie he must have been going to like a brits or something because he was in that area of town or what's like the big one must have anyway i was like wow wow we love jewel ether we do and we love callum turner it's the fucking hottest couple i've seen in a long time actually and it's giving Bex and Posh all over again no I think it's giving edgy of eyes like

who's it giving who's it giving I don't know I'm quite into Bradley Cooper and Gigi Hadid same that's quite cute that's sexy sorry that's quite cute did you just see that cute I couldn't think of a description word then someone said they saw the Mature's Firehouse the other day and it literally just walked past. They were like... I bet power. Just oozing from their skin. Just fucking cool.

Okay, bye. We've got to get into the style numbers. Ready? No, we have to cover one more thing. Oh, yeah. I've been watching The Gentleman recently. Oh, yeah. And Sophie just randomly drops a bomb.

The guy I fancy in it. Should I find the DMs? What's his name? We used to DM and I'm like Harry something let me see I'll read you I'll show you the DM you guys need to watch

Harry Goodwins oh my god stop it follow back uh oh I must have unfollowed him oh wait I'm gonna read some of that

no no only the oh god he really used to message you Sophie no guys I told you I played hard no no no

you're the first to message him no we'd already we'd already been texting we'd already been Guys, I told you I was played hard. No, no, no. You're the first to message him. No, we'd already been texting. We'd already been... Guys, can we also just go back to when Sophie has given advice, never reply to a story, never send an emoji con. Do you want to know what she's done?

She's fired. You're fighting in the rumble, Questor. No, guys, I'll explain. Replied to a story. Let me an emoji con. Do you want to know what she's done? She's fired. You're fighting in the rumble. No, guys, I'll explain. Reply to a story. Let me tell you, we were texting first and then he fought in Raffles Rumbles. I was like, hang on, we were texting a while back.

From Rhea? From Rhea, I think. That's where it would have been. This is vintage conversation. This is literally just before. I'm just going to have a little look-see, look-see. Oh God, he is absolutely. Guys, this is literally,

I'm talking this is weeks before I got with Jamie. Oh, my God, he's so gorgeous. I wish you'd just gone there for the sake of me being able to talk to you about it. Anyway, he's in The Gentleman, Melissa Hoyer's fit. Yeah, he's great. He's the boxer in The Gentleman. I'd recommend. It's a great program.

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Without insurance, your assets are at risk from major financial losses, data breaches, and natural disasters. Get customized coverage today, starting at $19 per month at zensurance.com. Be protected. Be Zen. Hey, girls. I'm from Cork in Ireland, and I moved to London last summer and started a new job. My boyfriend also lives in London, but apart from him, I know no one else.

And I don't get on with him very well. And I don't get on with very well with my colleagues and work. I'm struggling quite a lot. I feel lonely and homesick. And every time I go back to Ireland, I cry when I return to London. I wish I could move back home, but Cork reminds me of a bad relationship with my ex-boyfriend i don't think i'm strong enough to move home and not fall into old habits with him i know that us getting back together would be a bad idea but every time i go home i find myself unblocking him

on social media asking my friends what he's been up to and thinking about him all the time should i move back home and risk falling for him again or should i stick it out in london every time i'm not happy here i'm worried that if i moved back home and risk falling for him again? Or should I stick it out in London every time I'm not happy here? I'm worried that if I moved back home, my current relationship wouldn't last. Thank you. You shouldn't really be thinking about your ex. Your current relationship should be stable enough

that your ex shouldn't make a difference. Do you know what I mean? It's quite not vibes. You shouldn't really be unblocking the ex. I feel like that's a bit of a red flag. Within itself. That's almost a whole separate issue I think this is me being biased but I think London's the best place on the planet

so I can't imagine why I'd want to go back to my hometown and leave London but that's just because I love London so much and I'm literally just the biggest advocate for it I think everyone should live in London I also agree but I say one helpful I think that if you want to go home I feel like something's up with your relationship and that's why you're homesick because I feel like if you were happy with your relationship you would be happy in London and I feel like you should maybe put I think you're holding on to like old ties and ex-boyfriends at home for a different reason. Yeah, I feel like you need to like, if you don't get,

try and like maybe join a Pilates club, a running club, like try and develop London a bit more and be a bit more independent of your relationships. It feels like you're not that happy with your current boyfriend. Yeah, it does. I also wasn't even gauging

that you were in a relationship right at the very end of that. It wasn't like, you know, you were in a relationship right at the very end of that it wasn't like you know i'm in a relationship that's amazing and i love it and i love him so much blah blah blah however it was just talking about the ex to start with which is maybe not even i'm not you're not in love with your ex you're probably as sophie said just falling into bad habits because you're not happy in your current situation maybe he's home and like you're just you're relating that all to the same thing I feel like you're just yeah I think look don't

like pressurize yourself or rush yourself into it not everyone loves London and you know some people are homebodies and Cork is apparently it's beautiful um I don't think you have to stay here for the sake of anything if you want to go home go home but I think the boyfriend thinks a red flag and I think you need to not go back to him it's tricky feel like you're like self-sabotaging a bit at the moment without me yeah there's like several elements this it's like the job and not getting along with your colleagues which I think we've probably most people go through that at some point I think that's maybe an another thing that you can like tackle like if I move to a different job where I actually enjoyed the people I'm around it makes a

big difference we spend a lot of time at work like you have to like the people that you work with in order to have a good time unless you're like obsessed with your job so I feel like maybe I would look into that a bit more and just feel like is there any other options like for me to move to a different department or I don't know something I think if you don't like London as a place and you don't really have any friends here I do get that it can be really lonely in London when you don't know anyone so I think it all sounds like you're still really settling in and you're like oh the easiest thing is for me to go back home where it's safe and where I know everyone and I have my friends and my family, which is understandable. I give you a year.

But the ex should not actually be anything to do with it. If you want to go back home because you just prefer living, they're fine. But that doesn't mean you have to get back with your ex. No. We need to leave him blocked and leave that in the past. I agree. And I wouldn't sabotage your current relationship for the sake of you maybe just not enjoying your job and being homesick. Your relationship might not be the problem at all. It might be you're not happy in all these other areas.

I agree. You know? I hope that helps. I think that you got to like spread your wings a bit and like try and do push yourself out of your comfort zone a bit. Also give yourself a year. It takes people a year to settle into a new place. Sometimes you settle in a straight road, sometimes you don't. If you're ultimately really unhappy, then do move back home.

There's nothing keeping you here. Don't make any rushed decisions. I think the X thing is just because you're homesick and you need something to fill up. I also think it's a part of your identity that you're running back to. You're running back home like the person that you were when you lived there with your friends. And he's just another part of yourself in a weird way. Totally. Yeah.

Because not once have you said like, I still really love him. Do you know what I mean? It's not that vibe. I think, you know what? You've got to really...'s coming london's depressing in winter it's been a really long winter i think summer's coming everything's up there go for drinks with your work people i know you don't get on with them but like what's the harm you've got to sometimes try to get on with people like yeah you have to you're put in a situation in work that

you don't it's kind of like your family you don't choose your work colleagues and you don't choose your family yeah so you have to try and find things in common and like I don't think it's necessarily right to be like I don't get along with them so I'm never gonna hang like you might just try and get to know them yeah I agree and also like does your current boyfriend have any friends and then girlfriends that are attached that friendship group or does his friends have girlfriends that you like and enjoy hanging out with because I feel like when you've got your own friendships away from work and away from your partner it feels like you've got your independence back and then I feel like you like yourself more agree and I think you should start writing five

things or thinking five things you're grateful for every day about London, whether it's going to girls to get a coffee or how quick the chews are or the possum trees. The opportunity or anything. Totally. And I think you're going to change your mindset. Yeah. Give it a go. Right. Dilemma two.

Ooh. Skelt. Hi, girls. I don't know whether this is lust or love or just a bit of a flirting, or just a bit of flirting, but I need your advice. I've been with my boyfriend for five years. He's the absolute love of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I'm currently training to be a teacher and qualify in June,

but I feel a connection with one of my lecturers, one of the lecturers on my course. You're kidding me. Shit. We started back in October. We kept having these awkward coincidences with each other, like doing the awkward dance when you're trying to walk past someone and accidentally touching each other's hands. Sick.

In our seminars, he'll always make eye contact with me and hold a stare for just that little bit too long. And in our big lectures we'll always catch each other's eyes it's intense sometimes there's just like connections he's a married man but i feel like there's a connection i can't stop thinking about him and i always look forward to the date to the uni day when he's teaching us what do i do oh no you've got a he's not your boyfriend's obviously not the love of your life you wouldn't be feeling this no i think that people have affairs right and they're that they'll have an affair with like and that's the love of their life and they fuck up and do something wrong

i think you're having one of those moments like we, we're human. You might fancy him. I don't think, I think you need to rein it back in. Stop what you're doing. No more flurry flurry. Have a pep talk. No. He's married. I also think you see what you want to see. So he might not,

he might be holding stares with a lot of people. But because you're feeling that and you're like, oh my God, every time he looks at me I'm like, oh my God.

He might be doing that with five other girls in the room. Also, like, you might God, every time he looks at me I'm like, oh my God. He might be doing that with five other girls in the room. Also, you might just mildly fancy each other. It's not that deep. Yeah,

that's true. I fucking hate it if I knew that Tony was going to work every day and he was having that with someone. Honestly,

I would literally be like, we have to break up. Same. So, what you're saying, ultimately, the guy's married and you're the love of your life.

So, you know, the ball is completely in your court. Either you break up with the love of your life for a married man, he's a teacher and you might get with him once and be like... And you might break up his family. And completely ruin his marriage. Look, these things like really... Ultimately, we are not going to give you permission to cheat because that's just not the right thing to do the best advice i can give is get your diploma and get

the fuck out of that i think it's last i think you'll ruin your life and his life if you don't act upon this i think it's last you'll leave it's like ski instructors when i was like 15 i literally thought i was like i will never love someone as much i fancy the ski instructor by the way i'm literally 13 at this point. And I would leave at the end of skiing and I would be sick to my stomach because I'd be like, I won't see him again. It's like a gappy at school.

And then you leave and you're like, oh my God. And I was 13, but like the love was so strong. It's lust. It's lust. And it's new and exciting and because it feels like that forbidden fruit sort of thing. And he's like authority because he's a lecturer and it's the same legacy. Trust me, it's new and exciting and because it feels like that forbidden fruit sort of thing. And it's, he's like authority because he's a lecturer

and it's the same, like I say, trust me, it's lust. You don't, no, no, no, no, no. You can't act on that. I think also,

if you're asking us, is it lust or is it just a flirty thing or is it love? I don't think it's love if you already have the love of your life. I don't think it's physically possible

to completely fall in love with someone if you already have the love of your life. I think it's impossible and I don't think that you guys have communicated enough to be in love with someone if you already have the love of your life i think it's impossible and i don't think that you guys have communicated enough to be in love you just fancy that thing that johnny depp said if you fall in love with two people always go for the second because you can't love the first one that much if you fall in love with the second yeah but i don't

think she's in love neither do i i think she fancies the shit out of him and he's a teacher you know what i know would happen you would kiss and you would literally want to vomit in his mouth and that would you'd be like why did i do that that is what would yeah you'd be like oh my god what have i done that is the worst thing ever and the minute you stop that diploma you will forget about him you'll forget about him straight away also he's a naughty boy because if he is looking at you too young because i actually do believe that like us as women are quite like emotionally intelligent I feel like you can tell when someone's looking at you in a certain way can't you like we fucking know and he's probably done that with a lot of people I hate to say it you're

probably not that special I mean you are but I mean in the sense that he I think he does it with a lot of people and he probably makes a lot of girls feel like that and he knows you know he gets a fresh batch of people in there every year every two years yeah i think my advice is no get your diploma done yeah into it if you want to be in lust or whatever for a bit don't act upon it and then you'll forget about that motherfucker we all have those people and i'm not saying that i have but like every now and then you get excited about going somewhere because there's someone a bit fit that you can have maybe a bit of a flirt with and it's harmless and it literally stays there. Toby's not allowed to have that.

No. I am. I'm joking. I'm joking. But like, you know what I mean? I know that if I had that, it would be harmless. But the thought of my partner doing that, I'm like, you're cheating on me. So I think you also have to put yourself in your boyfriend's position

and be like, is this okay? Like, I would genuinely be gut wrenched if I thought Jamie can't wait to wiggle his ass into work. To get to Candy Kittens, to see that girl at the front desk. Perfect. The thoughts. I need to go in and bat every girl in there. No, this is on it. But it's true.

I would be sick. So it's like you have to think what is actually okay in your mind for them to do. And be like, actually, is it all right that I'm doing this? No, it's fucking not. You need to just actually have a reality check because sometimes you can live in like a bit of a fancy world yeah like when you're in certain scenarios people seem better than they are because they're out of context of the real world so like at school like the gappies you'd be like oh my god or like oh my god that teacher's like my sister's boyfriend and then you go out into the real world and you're like, you are literally,

I'm not even looking twice at you. The ski instructors were the main people. You see them out of their ski clothes at night and you'd be like. It's true. Well, it's like, no offense, but like some people, when you watch them on stage

and you're like, oh my God, they're, I don't know, the main character of like a play or on Magic Mike or something. And you're like, oh my God, he's the love of my life. Like I physically feel something.

And then you see him in his clothes and his trackies and you're like, oh my God, he's the love of my life. Like I physically feel something. And then you see him in his clothes and his trackies and you're like, oh, just a normal person like in real life and like I don't feel what I'm feeling.

It's just completely gonzo. Context is everything. Context, timing is everything. How long do you think you can hold a status in your life? I really don't mind

having eye contact to the point where I have to sometimes remind myself to look away Neither Your eye contact too, that's why I think I got it, you and me instead We're like this at each other Do we really? Yeah, I really, I constantly have to be like, look away now

I know I have to look, if you know someone well, you look in their right eye If you don't know them well, you look in their left eye and it subconsciously makes them feel more comfortable talking to you. I really struggle not to look at people's clothes. So it means I look up at girls and boys and I continue to do it. Like the whole, like I have to see, I like to see them. Sophie does it with me all the time, but I know that's what you do. And Sophie will go like this and she'll go, yeah. And then bite her lip and like look away.

It's so what you do, isn't it? Yeah. About what? Just answering anything? Just like about the end of a conversation. Just like rounding something off. You're dirt. Eye contact's important.

Don't get me wrong on that. I think there's actually a lot, you know, when people go, oh, it was just a bit of staring. Like there is actually a lot to be said for eye contact. Seriously. It can be quite fucking intimate. I think when a boy stares at you for too long,

it's like you want to... I'm literally like, God, that guy wants to have sex with me. Eye-fucking me. Yeah. That's what I always say to Jamie. It can be powerful.

I'm like, that boy wanted to rip my clothes off and Jamie's like, what? He fancies me. I say it all the time. Like, what? Eye-fucking me. Yeah.

Oh, my God. It's true, though, because, you know... But they might just be doing what I'm doing to them because I'm probably staring that you fucking me yeah it's true though because you know but they might just be doing what I'm doing to them because I'm probably saying that intently too I do feel like you can

I do feel like we know when there's a vibe and like you can feel it in the air sometimes and when someone's staring at you like the difference between someone staring

at you like sexually and then someone staring at you just like normal so like if I'm looking at Sophie normally I'm just like yeah yeah yeah and I'm blinking and I'm smiling and then maybe I'm at you just like normal so like if i'm looking at sophie normally i'm just like yeah yeah and i'm blinking and i'm smiling and then maybe i'm looking at sophie shoes and i'm like yeah it's cute right if i'm eye fucking someone you almost i don't know what it is you

like stare through the eyes i don't know what it is you know when someone does it and you're like what are you almost like looking i think you look down a little bit too like you said and then you look down up yeah and then you look at their lips and then you look at a little bit too. Like you said, then you look down, up, yeah. And then you look at their lips and then you look at their eyes. Like you do that whole subconscious thing. You basically look around their whole, God, I must look like I'm eye fucking everyone

because I do that to everyone. Because I'm like, nice lips, nice nose. She's got a nice makeup on. Like I can't. I'm just fascinated by humans. I love staring at the human body.

I know. Okay, well, if you meet Sophie, don't think that she fancies you. She's just. I'm also do it to girls too because I'm like really checking out. meet sophie don't think that she fancies you she's just i'm also do it to girls too because i'm really checking out i'm doing it's easier to do it with girls because there's more to look at yeah in terms of things that they've made choices on with their face i.e makeup how they've done their hair look i don't think i i fuck back in the day when i was

saying i don't think i'd like fuck a guy with my eyes, whatever you call it, from when they're close to me. Like I would just be like eye contact. But like what you do is you do it in a club if you fancy someone to be like,

yeah, you can go home and that. Yeah, it's like we have this weird telepathic form of you can communicate with people through staring. I'm trying to think

if I ever had someone where I've had like instant chemistry and i felt like they've been eye fucking me i'm like i don't know if i've ever had no i have and i'll explain what's interesting about it so i had it and i was like whoa that was like intense and then i spoke to my friend she comes out she's like oh my god he stared at him to my soul like i feel and we were both like oh interesting that must just be the way he is but I genuinely was like that was almost uncomfortable it felt like he was

eye fucking me so much oh no I've had it and then she was like same and then someone else was like same we were like interesting

so maybe we're reading that wrong does it to everyone that's annoying when you have that much power and then you think oh my god you know what someone did to me the other day

that really brought me down a few pegs it was like the most backhanded bizarre like thing I've ever had. We were having drinks with some of Teddy's friends and the girlfriends who I really love. Anyway, one of the guys goes, oh my god, why am I doing an American accent? I can't, it's giving me the hairs. We have to scowl at it. She goes, oh my god, let's call him Jude. Dude, didn't Sam say that Melissa was the most beautiful girl that he'd

ever seen the other day like this is all in front of me and then he goes no i'm like oh oh like why i would still take that as a compliment it's so like the it's like the most like backhanded weird thing you're like ah why did you just say that in front of me then like laugh as if to be like no that like really brings you down a few pegs i was like oh god yeah why did she say i don't know and then it was like no one had said it to actually said the compliment to me but it was like was it said and then no do you know what I mean I would still be like I bet he did I just sat there like no I was just like that was weird hey sophie and melissa i have got i've just got engaged i'm so excited but i've started having a nightmare with my mother-in-law we usually get on so well but when i told her my wedding plans

she laughed in my face and called me delusional oh no she asked me about my plans for the wedding and i said that we wanted to do a small wedding with a modest budget when i told her what we were planning on spending she told me that I was um that I had unrealistic expectations that we needed to save for a house and that we needed to save for a house rather than spend that money on the wedding. I had the dream wedding in mind and I'm already struggling with the reality that I'm going to have to cut back on it. I'm happy to do a lot of the wedding prep ourselves and I'm excited about looking into those options but it made me upset that she laughed in the face of our plans I'm scared that my mother-in-law to be is going to make me out to be a diva princess to my fiance's family I want to involve her in wedding

process but I don't want to be upset every time I tell her about my plans how can I navigate it without making myself or her upset sorry I'd be devoured if anyone laughed in my face. I find it the most jarring. That, like what you just said, like it jars me. Yeah, it's jarring and you don't know how to react. It really embarrasses me. I'm like, I really find it one of the most insulting things ever. Why so? Oh my God.

I would not communicate with her. That'd be me done. You are not getting involved in the plans. I will tell you when and how. Also, like, if it's you are her money then why does she maybe it is maybe it is i think that you give her the bare minimum you involve her with how much you want to involve her in and i do i ultimately it's your wedding she'll turn up on the day she'll think it's beautiful and you make it your special day i don't think it's anyone else's right i think

if it's your money and it's your wedding day you can fucking do what you want like i think there is something to be said for like someone being a bit older and wiser maybe you've been there with life and having to buy a house and do a wedding like i do think sometimes people spend their life savings on their weddings and they don't have anything for afterwards which i do think is something to consider but ultimately maybe her laughing at you and putting it like that's really just impolite and unnecessary it could have been like look I'm really concerned that you may not haven't thought about x y and z and like if you do have a baby soon after and all the money's gone on the wedding have you thought about how

that's gonna all pan out I don't know these things are to be thought about but I don't think maybe you could say that to her. You could be like, look, I appreciate maybe there was a place of concern. Yeah. But I think the way you delivered it was really insulting and actually embarrassed me. Totally. And I want to take your advice on board,

but I just felt like you were mocking me more than wanting to help. Be like, yeah, I'm really open to your opinion, but I didn't really like the way you laughed at my face yeah I'll just be really honest yeah and she'll probably be like shit I didn't mean to sometimes I laugh in people's face but not in a bad way but then maybe I'm laughing with them not at them it's very different I also think in this scenario it's quite serious it's not exactly like a joke is it it's like something exciting that's a lot I would also think that your fiance to be would be like mom we've obviously thought about do you know what I mean like it's his mom he can also like haven't like

pipe up and have your back a bit yeah the conversations need to be had if you ask me yeah and also like you don't feel like you have to involve everyone sometimes too many cooks spoil the broth I actually didn't really have much of either parents say with our wedding because i found it too overwhelming like i did your mom help you a bit not really but i would have loved her too but it was just i think she didn't want to stress me out like i just wanted to do it all yeah there's a lot of fucking plan with that wedding as well well everyone has a lot but i think you just it's your taste at the. If I want someone else's opinion, I'll ask.

I ask you for people's opinions. You sent me things that you had done and chosen, but it wasn't like, what do you think of this or that? Because I think it's overwhelming. You had ultimately done it as a couple. There's enough to just,

the two of you to fucking decide on something. No, Jamie didn't have one say. I personally don't think there needs to be any form of resolution. I don't think it's that deep. And you haven't fallen out as such. She's just pissed you off a bit. I actually think if you air this, it will make it into a big deal.

And then you will have this awkward energy between you. Don't let her know you're... I wouldn't let her know you're upset about it. I would just distance myself. Not distance yourself, but just keep the planning a bit to yourself. You've got your family. And if she asks again be like

look Fiona whatever your name is I want I really want to share the plans with you but last time I did feel a bit embarrassed because you told me

I was delusional and now you know I feel like a bit embarrassed yeah because if you sit down and be like

we need to discuss something she's going to be like fucking hell this girl's that is drama queen it is but also she has been

fucking rude haha you're delusional yeah do you not know you need to save her a house like can you imagine your mother in law

I would just distance and then wait for her to comment again because you just don't want to give yourself that ag who are you you don't want to

organise a schedule in a day to meet with your mother and be like xyz no I agree maybe she went away

and was like shit I was a bit rude then and she'll really change her behavior yeah you're gonna have so many people

chiming in and telling you what to do and what to wear and what how much you can wear oh my god you're paying for that you should go

this person follow your gut listen it's your wedding because you will just be swallowed if you listen to everyone else's opinion story time hey lovelies just wanted to write in and share my positive outcome for leaving a 10-year relationship i'm in my mid-30s and i love your podcast and hear so many of your listeners say they are afraid or

anxious to leave a toxic relationship i had enough of my toxic gaslighting ex. I packed my bags and went to live with my sister and never looked back. All my suspicions about my ex came true. Two days after our breakup, I found out that he was publicly in a relationship with another girl on Facebook. I scrolled through their photos and found out that he had also had a secret eight-year-old. Ten years, you're sick. You're joking with

me, right? I'm sorry. I gasped so much I couldn't speak. Eight-year-old child that was. He had an eight-year-old fucking child. I couldn't believe it. My friends got their detective hats on and turns out the child's mother had tried to get in contact with me but my ex had been on onto my phone and blocked her so i never knew how do people get away with this shit people do it all the time people fucking do it all the time how do you know i'm seething with anger same i'm sick at the time i i was crushed and i was at rock bottom but it was the beginning of the start of my new life at age 29. I later met the love of my life on Tinder. We now live together and have a beautiful baby girl.

My life is a big, gorgeous ball of happiness. I just wanted to share to say to all listeners out there, trust your gut. If you aren't happy, get out. If you think something is wrong, it probably is. And time really does heal. I will always be thankful to myself for finding that strength to leave love the pod i'm so proud of you guys that's a really inspirational and very true like you if you've got an inkling we can all resonate with that in a certain sense you've got an inkling it's going to be worse than you even think i think by the sounds of it wow that is brave brave and look at you now thriving your life

with a little baby and a gorgeous gorgeous partner fucking brave i mean this is amazing we love you love you so much we'll be you next time. RRSP. For a $50,000 transfer, that's a $1,000 cash bonus. Enough to buy a fancy parka. A ticket to somewhere you don't need a fancy parka. Or just be responsible and top up your retirement fund. Plus, move any other eligible account and we'll give you a 1% match. Minimum $15,000 transfer. Register by March 15th. Additional terms apply. Learn more at wealthsimple.com slash match. Hey, you're a Canadian podcast listener, and that makes you important to us. Additional terms apply. Learn more at we can say thanks for your opinion. Just go to mypodcastsurvey.ca and have your say. That's mypodcastsurvey.ca. Do you have business insurance? If not, how would you pay to recover from a cyber attack,

fire damage, theft, or a lawsuit? No business or profession is risk-free. Without insurance, your assets are at risk from major financial losses, data breaches, and natural disasters. Get customized coverage today starting at $19 per month at zensurance.com. Be protected. Be Zen. That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow- up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then, tinies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays.

Now listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes. It's pretty amazing. It's also packed full of Dilemma follow-ups, which we love, and some of our more personal stories and recommendations. And it's super easy. You just listen on your favorite app. How cool is that? Amazing. And all the info is in the episode description and in our Insta bio.