Wednesdays - 37. Will my selfish sister ruin MY dream wedding?!

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

Want More? Check out our new subscription: ad free, bonus eps and ALL the goss wednesdays.supercast.com/Tinies, Melissa is back!!!!!And her and Sophie are wasting no times in getting into your dilemmas on this week's ep.They're tackling a potential real-life 'Bride Wars' situation. Two sisters getting married in the same year, and ONE is being a bit of a drama queen, and one dream wedding is at stake...The girls are also getting to grips with a boyfriend who could potentially be covering up his cheating tracks, and giving their advice to one Tiny whose seven-year relationships looks to be on the rocks.Got a dilemma, any personal advice for another Tiny, or a follow up to a dilemma? You can send us a voice note or message using the link here.Instagram / TikTok / YouTube: @wednesdayspodcastEmail: [e-mail]:Producer & Editor: @ben_johnsAssistant Producer: @gurlinaheer_Exec: @jemimarathboneVideographer: @jamierg99Video editor: @jakeji.p Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either. And we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts'm not a doctor either and we're not psychologists and we're not experts in anything in fact we just chatted all the shit so and we love giving you guys advice but as we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help hi Hello. We're back in business. We've got her back. We're back in business.

I was only away for 10 days, guys. But it felt like three weeks. But it felt like forever. But in recording time. Do you know what? 10 days is a long... Were you in New York for 10 whole days? I was only meant to be there for seven days,

but I extended my flight forward because the podcast got changed, so I just then went earlier. She's been away. I'm going away. We're all over the place. Where are you going to? Ibiza. Ibiza, of wednesday i'm so excited it's the anniversary present well it's not really

i think jb just didn't want to get me a present so he's saying that our holiday of the year is the present i think that's quite nice i'd take that i would take that but yeah i need to make sure i'm gonna like sprinkle some holidays um i don't think you need to go to Glastonbury. And I'm going to go to my dad's in Marlborough instead. Much nicer idea. Much nicer idea. Much, much nicer. Much nicer.

To do it in a way, now that we're older, not to sound like snobby, but I've done Glastonbury so much when I was younger. The camping and the portaloos and the whole thing. Oh no, we would be staying in Winnebago. You'd want to do, now I'm too old, but I would just, it's something for myself. I would want to stay in something that feels more like a house or a hotel rather than in a tent and not showering for a week. Then it's so expensive and I'm like, God, it's more than a holiday.

I can't do it. Yeah. Can't bear to do it. We've got loads to catch up on. What's been going on? So much to catch up on.'s been going on so much to catch up on so i was just in new york and then i went to bodrum new york was just my family for my mom's birthday it was really lovely and my sister's birthday kind of thing very wholesome gorgeous

some sad news and i do think it's relevant to everyone because i feel like everyone has a family pet we lost my family dog which was honestly the most like my heart hurts and like unless you have a dog a family dog or a pet that you're close with, like people just don't get it. No, I get it. Your heart hurts. And I'm like my dog. It's the worst thing in the world.

And I was like, every time I would say it, I would like well up. And like some people are like, oh, I'm sorry. And I'm like, no, you don't get it. Like it's like losing a sibling. Like it's honestly like it affects you so much. It's like PTSD. It's awful and so sad.

But ultimately when you get a dog, you know that time is going to come. Like you're always going to outlive the dog. So that happened, which is just so, so, so sad. I'm you get a dog you know that time is gonna come like you're always gonna outlive the dog so that happened which is just so so so sad i'm finally getting to a point where i'm like i can talk about happy memories with her now i like look at photos and i can do it without crying no i don't know how you look at photos yeah looking at photos is like the hardest thing ever i know i watch videos i like go onto my camera wrong click on pets and click on her and then all the photos of her I know it's really traumatic maybe I shouldn't do that I don't think I could do that I feel like it's important to touch on like those things actually being really hard for people I completely

ruined like my whole holiday if I'm honest because I was just and I could see my mum was so upset was she crying the whole time yeah quite a lot and my auntie was a lot it's so sad the family when a pet goes. Poppy had been with you for so long. She was honestly a special lady. Rest in peace, Poppy.

Love you so much. But she's out of pain now and sometimes, you know, you just got to do the right thing. Yeah, she had a good stint. She was 88, I think, in dog years

and human years. Great life. What a life she lived. So what a life. Anyway, what about you? That's my update. So I, um, what have i been doing i've i literally feel like i've been on the live show finished but have we thank god that took over

everyone's life that took over everyone's life but then i don't know what's been going on stunning lips you need to do this lip liner every time really yeah I've over lined my lips and my lips are really artsy but loads of people are DMing me being like what lip filler

have you got yeah because it honestly makes the biggest difference like if I saw you before but at least they look natural

yeah they do they look stunning it's just this little bit stunning I'm gonna keep going for it it's very Isabel

Mathers if you know who that is oh yeah she over lines so well we've got to tell one story

we'll keep it very brief and vague because this is actually so genius and I cannot believe that we never talk about this more Melissa when she was single

got with this guy she was drunk and she passed out and he put a blanket over her and he left the house and we were like they were obviously

kissing back at home whatever but she took him out to her house and she then she she fell asleep if your parents listen

they'll be like absolutely dangerous dangerous vibes he put a blanket on her and left the house because he obviously was a lovely

lovely boy and thought right she's too drunk she's passing out let's leave her to sleep I just die that you were passing out

I know anyway upsetting we do not know who this man is we never let's leave I just die that you were passing out I know anyway upsetting we do not know who this man is we never I did have a missed FaceTime

from him but I didn't know what his name was to say bits I just left it fast forward a year later

maybe or six months later we're on a hen and our very good friend goes to us me and Melissa

have been like mystery boy mystery boy mystery boy never seen him again they got with each other in raffles who knows six months later we're on a hen and our very good friend goes i'm seeing this guy and it's it's pretty serious we're like who show us a photo and she shows us photo melissa goes it's mystery kiss and we're like and she now with boyfriend and girlfriend with this guy who By the way, we love him. He's honestly the best guy ever.

But it's just so weird to me that I ever get that. I don't know. It's just the funniest thing. Because no one really knew the story. And we racked our brains because we found it so funny that this boy had also put a blanket on her. Like we were like, I think he took your shoes off too, right? He took her shoes off. He put my phone on charge.

He put my phone on charge and put a blanket on me. I'm like, thank God it was such a lovely guy. Like, we were like, God, it's a shame we don't know who he is. Because, like, who needs to say thank you? Anyway, I found that story. I, to be fair, could have messaged him to say thank you. Because I did have his number. She was too cool, Calum Maclectus.

No, I was then, I then went on a date with Toby, like, two days after that. I was, like, fully with Toby from then on This is it right? We're going on this amazing trip. We are going with this incredible brand to the French Open We're so excited. You'll see it all being posted about we're gonna post non-stop and we're Content we're just pushing out the content with we'll are we saying the same bedroom I don't think I think we get our own rooms, but obviously'll stay in our room we'll stay to the same room yeah obviously i'm not one of stephen is that our bedroom do you know like have to get ready i'm so excited we're staying in a lovely hotel we get to watch the tennis so excited we're going to the french open guys it's just like

so fun so cool we're honestly so excited i so honoured to have been invited. We keep pinching ourselves. Not that I'm a tennis guru, but I know that it's a big deal that we get to go to do this. I'm so excited. My mum's like full, full tennis lady. We need to go to Lacoste and get ourselves tennis outfits. Yeah, we do need to. We're going to wear some cool outfits. We've got

it all planned out. We're just very excited. We're going to bring our cameras and we're going to really capture these moments. We really should we talk about haley b getting pregnant so excited makes me want to get pregnant so badly i am like something's happened something terrible has happened in the last month where i literally i daydream and you were saying you were really last year no but then i got out of it it was really weird so i was like this feeling and then i sort of was like oh you're actually fine like i'm 29 i why like just chill out calm down sophie and now i've got this thing where if i feel bored sad anxious anything i just go baby and then i

i just picked the baby and i'm like away in a dreamland and i'm so happy i just want like a mini me so bad and obviously a mini baby but like just so precious. I just want like a mini me. Same. So bad. And obviously a mini Dove too. But like just so precious. So precious. They're like soft, soft skin. Never really wanted this before but also just need to put out to the universe.

I do not want, I'm not looking forward to being pregnant. That's not something that my body's yearning for. Nor me. But I'm yearning for the baby part of it.

I don't know if anyone yearns for the pregnancy I feel like people do and people that have good experiences are like I'd love to be pregnant again because it was the best feeling of my life and I'm like god I really hope that happens to me wait what they do Courtney Kardashian I remember she was like being pregnant's the best thing for me like I feel my best when I'm pregnant wow I rate that so much I just don't know if that'll be the case some people are just blessed some people are just to feel now good she do you know what she feels really good her

tiredness is back like she i think it's just adjustment it's a weird thing to look down and your body is changing alien like it feels like something alien she's like it feels like something is taking over your body sort of vibe you know what i mean yeah it must be quite weird it's very powerful it's it's crazy also she because she has an ulterior placenta she can't feel the baby kick yet because okay that's where she popped earlier i think when she feels that happen it will be really not that she's not excited she's not having a bad pregnancy at all she's just like I'm not I wouldn't choose to do this no no yeah yeah but I'm also not I'm very lucky yeah she's not having a bad time with it your first friend in your friendship group's got engaged this is a big

moment yeah so my friend Libby's engaged she's so exciting and also like that's just like I feel like when the first person like I was the first person in my friendship group no Izzy was but I do think that it's like once one happened, it's like a domino effect. Yeah. Like I know who the next people in my friendship group will be. And you start getting hungry for it. You also can just tell who it's going to be next. Like unfortunately, men are the ones that do this most of the time.

And they're not very good at hiding stuff. And they're not very good at keeping secrets. So I think it's always really obvious. Do you not think? No. I think they're terrible. good at hiding stuff and they're not very good at keeping secrets so I think it's always really obvious do you not think no I think they're terrible I had no idea and you can always bloody tell

when it's happening you didn't know when Jamie was doing it yes I did how no he didn't do it at that exact moment but I knew that you

had found the rings clues but that was you know that was a year before I waited a whole year having seen those rings

and tried them all on that is torture to a human being fucking hell that is ridiculous I was like what have I done that was a year before. I waited a whole year having seen those rings and tried them all on. That is torture to a human being. Fucking hell, that is ridiculous. I was like, what have I done? I was like, he's changed his mind.

I was like, he's changed his mind. Yeah, yeah, the whole time. Then when we went to Barbados and he didn't propose, I cried because I was like, he's fucking changed his mind

and he's leading me down the garden path. I remember that happening, I remember you. Put a ring on it while I'm at it. Okay, we've got dilemmas. Should we get back into them? In we go.

Okay, dilemma one. Dear Sophie and Melissa, I've been with my boyfriend for two years now and I'm so happy with him, but there's been issues over the time we've been together. Trust has always been a bit of an issue, as I know he cheated on his last girlfriend. I know I can't compare our relationship to his last one, but it's always in the back of my mind. About a year into our relationship, I saw a screenshot on his phone of a DM from a girl who had been, been who had been rumors he had cheated on with his ex with however when i went onto his phone to see what he had replied back to her it was gone so it was

clear he had deleted the conversation red flag red flag red flag burgundy flag i told him what i saw and he said that his friend told him to delete it because it would only cause problems with me he swore nothing bad was said and it was a general conversation don't reply don't reply i was really upset about this and contemplated breaking up with him but not but chose not to in the end i know i shouldn't go onto his phone but every now and again i can't help myself recently i was looking for a girl in his dms who had been messaging before we were together but notice it was gone he had oh gosh this is really quite fishy this whole story this is really bad he has deleted multiple threads or conversations with different girls that he used to message no i can't help but think was he messaging them and this is why he deleted the messages or did he just decide to

delete the old messages in general no he didn't i feel like i can't bring this up with him because i shouldn't have been going through his phone please help me right going through someone's phone is fine okay we've all been there we've all been there you will i actually have never been through toby's phone ever and it's something that i would love to do but I just he almost goes through it in front of me anyway I really just like if anyone any man I've met Toby would be the also he's the worst liar he would honestly like that boy's anxiety yeah no the anxiety would eat him up before he'd even get a chance to reply to someone he would also tell he'd be like oh this girl guy's message me like he just can't like there's no one i'd rather i bet money that he would never do something like that do you know what i mean yeah going through phones i will say one thing you're always

gonna find something you don't like if jamie went through my phone i'm sure there'd be something even before you met and it would be someone that he would then be like fuck's sake like oh my god she was messaging that guy like before you met it would still have an effect on him and the same with like me if i used if i go through the messages that toby of girls he's like dated or whatever and then you see i'd be fuming i would then also become psycho jealous and psycho over something that happened before we'd even met so like it's it's it's not clever it's not a good hobby to have but this is but you've done it now and let's be honest and sometimes we have to do it to find the truth and you need evidence i do think

like you have a gut feeling whether you should go through it or not like i have definitely in the past had gut feelings and i definitely have had times when i don't have gut feelings i do always think like it's you probably will find something but i do think there is something about gut feeling like if you're really feeling like you need you need to do it you need to get to the bottom of it yeah you're like why do i feel this way something's fishy and you've obviously your gut was right because this is fishy i to be honest with you it's difficult because what you're finding is nothing but something it's deleted conversations so it's like there is no evidence but there's evidence of it being deleted so you're like well do you then just be honest and like look i've seen all these

deleted conversations it's really difficult if that he there's no proof there's no proof yeah delete them don't listen but why i'd keep an eye on it we don't have any concrete evidence as of now listen if it was me i would i would not be able to hold it and i'd have to like freak out with him and be like look i've gone through your phone and like there was chats there that were there before now there's not and like i've got a gut feeling and my gut feeling was right because you've deleted them for whatever reason and if it was something so innocent and something so in the past why would you delete them like i don't delete messages with like my old like hookups or my old friends like why would you do that also like the chats wouldn't be at the top like less so recent like my chats my yeah they're years down like you're not

and why are you going down and deleting them from like three years ago like what's the point in that fishy fishy fishy fishy i also do agree with your like being worried like of the once a cheat always a cheat thing and I don't think that necessarily applies to everyone but like if someone had cheated on his ex with one specific girl I would be like why her if she was messaging him again oh absolutely not I would be like your rank she's right what are we gonna do about this then i personally like that would cause borderline breakup i'd probably move out it's a lot to take i would probably like distance myself and if he like built back trust he builds back trust but like that for me is probably a dumpable offense like if i saw it's too fishy all of it's really weird i would also go on his

instagram if you're on his instagram just see you he's been searching go on his search bar he's probably deleted those there because he's too sneaky but the fact he's deleting all is like he's a 101 cheat i do think like ultimately him cheating or not he seems to be shady and he seems to be a liar so that in itself is enough for me to be like i don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that do you know what i mean yeah and he's 100% gonna gaslight you and be like you're crazy why have you looked through my phone like this all these things so you prepare yourself to like completely have your head rattled and be like why have i done that and am i crazy or you wait and get a little tiny snippet bit more of concrete evidence or you very casually ask him and

see if like you call his bluff i'm also going to put out a piece of information which some people might not agree with you could go to the girl and be like look girl to girl i know it's nothing to do with you even if you've been sleeping with my boyfriend like you don't owe me anything i just need the truth for my own sanity do i need to leave this relationship yeah i need you to be honest with me so i just know what the fuck i need to do because he won't tell me the truth i think it's worth having that conversation because clearly you're not going to get anything from him he's going to lie he's going to cover it up no matter what and he's good at it by the sounds of it so hopefully the girl would be honest with you and i feel like we've got a really good place to start.

If it's the same girl that he previously. Same. If it's that same girl he's already had this affair with. Yeah. I would go to her and just be like, or I'd find one of her friends. You've got to do some digging at this point. And because the thing that I worry about with this guy is like he's just very manipulative. Like he's deleting things.

He's like shady, sneaky. And he's going to lie through his teeth. And that in itself is not, I don't think it's a good enough personality trait to be with him. No, that's not good enough for me that you're like that. Me too. Regardless to cheating on me, stop being so fucking shady and making me feel like I need to go through your phone. Yeah, me too. That's not how you should feel, you know?

Me too. Sketchy, sketchy, sketchy. I think you should get out while you can. I agree. Let us know what happens. We love you're strong you're great don't let him walk all over you and don't let him gaslight you because he will and also don't be afraid to go like full fbi mode on this bitch because we had a girl once writing a dilemma like this and she then followed like ordered this pizza to the house and like saw who came out of the house she went in deep and the story we got out of it was phenomenal but also the answers that she got

from the whole thing were really great concrete evidence i've got another tip you know how to move someone else i know said that the fact the way they found out like they they put the nail in the coffin where their cheating boyfriend is they got his google email so he logged into google email or they got his email and they went on to that and every time they could see when he logged into snapchat they could see when he logged into all these weird apps and he was using all of these different apps to find out when he went to cheat and that's how she caught him so like she would be on his email and she'd get google alert and it'd say you've logged username x i said is log back into snapchat or all these different

apps and he was using them to talk to girls and that was how he was doing it so that's also another way there's just this is unbelievable there's also like this new netflix show was it you telling me about it oh yeah but this is the um these people cheating on their wives ashley madison yeah so ashley madison is like i think it's still around but it was like a scandal a few years ago and these guys had it was like a tinder for affairs and girls would be able to sign up free married women and men would have to pay to talk to them it was a bit like OnlyFans like if they even wanted to be like hey they paid like married women and married men so they were completely married they didn't want to get a divorce. They just wanted to have an affair,

but they were not going to leave their partners. And everyone was like, oh my God, who would have gotten that? And then it got cyber hacked and every single name got released. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, We'll be right back. Exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca.

Please play responsibly. Hi ladies, my boyfriend recently proposed to me with a lovely intimate proposal at home. I called my family to share the great news. They were initially very happy for me. They immediately started asking when the wedding would be and I replied that I didn't want to wait too long and we're excited. Throughout the day my family kept calling eager to know the date without much thought I mentioned we might be considering next year. However my sister is getting married next year

after being engaged for a year already. She called me and we had a huge argument. Oh my God, this is so sad when this happens. You're lucky that you and your sister are all right with it. She said she didn't want me to get married in the same year as her because it would take the shine off her engagement and wedding.

I've explained that I really want to have children since I'm 29 and will be 30 next year. I've recently been diagnosed with PCOS and I'm worried about my fertility and want to start trying as soon as possible. I agreed not to get married in the same year as her to avoid family conflict but I feel this situation is really unfair. My partner and I want to start a family soon but also want the wedding we always wanted. I'm worried that if we prioritise having a child, we might never get the wedding we want. I'm left feeling conflicted and stressed about my wedding planning.

My dad and step-mum seem more than confused on, more than focused on pleasing my sister and avoiding drama. What should I do? I think she's so, I think it's so weird when people do things like that. Neither, I do not get it. Like, I don't get it. Like, me and my sister literally got engaged a week apart and I was like that I do not get it like I don't get it like me and my sister literally got engaged

a week apart and I was like when do you want to do yours like it shouldn't be a thing why are people like it's my year to get married like people

it's her fucking year I think you need to stand up to your sister I think she's so selfish or you get married quickly before and do it better yeah

or I just think like your sister's not very nice to do that like i feel like she's in the wrong and like you have these p you have pcos you understandably are stressed about that and you want to get going with you know children and babies and i think if she's not understanding then she's not being a very good sister and you should play this to her and let her listen i don't think it's very nice it's very selfish and she should share her year and you can both get married in the same year it's honestly so pathetic like i can't even

believe this is even a discussion but i'm sure it does happen all the time i agree like i just couldn't imagine i couldn't imagine also there'll be other people getting married in that year like it's not her year exactly if i was you i would just say i would also have a word with your family and be like i actually think it's quite outrageous that you're not standing up for me to be fair you're just backing up my sister which is like it's not okay like and um yeah i'm gonna get but if it was me and i was like worried about things like that I would just do the best wedding that I could as soon as possible regardless to it being like in the same year I don't know how big you're like wanting this wedding to be but like

if it was me I'd be like right I'm gonna get married this year I'm gonna plan what I can plan in the time frame I've got gonna make it spectacular as I can but for me time is of the essence and I'd rather prioritize that over having an enormous wedding I don't know and then I'm not going to piss off my sister but I'm also doing it before my sister so haha because I'm getting married before you and then I'll probably be pregnant by the time you get married yeah and when you when you enhance your wedding, I'm going to enhance the time pregnant. Yeah, I'd do the same. I think I would do that. I would too. And I really try and plan it so that you can announce when she's going to be established.

But I just think it's so mean. I also think, of course, you want to have the wedding of your dreams. But I think a family and a baby is personally for me. Same. Timing's more important. Also, I'm going to say Sophie's small wedding that she had, the legal wedding, was one of the best weddings I've ever been to. It was so fun, so intimate, so special, so chic. And you could have done that a bit bigger if you wanted to. You kept that especially tiny.

But you can do things. They don't have to be big and princessy and blah blah blah blah blah like i love that day they can be so special and just not be as elaborate and you know you could plan that in a week yeah you could plan it so quickly so i mean you probably i think if you've got the rest of this year that's actually a long time you could have a late september wedding gorgeous still nice weather you know yeah and then you can also like have a party next year for your wedding if you wanted to like throw the big party if you want a summer party you could do that when you've got

you're pregnant with your baby or you've got your baby i just think like if you if that's a worry i personally think that's your priority i agree i think a wedding is a wedding and they're beautiful and they'll be beautiful no matter what they are but they don't have to be something that's taken two years to plan yeah like honestly i just don't get it at all like if my friend was getting married two weeks later i wouldn't care i don't i don't know what i think i would find stressful for you and your sister or if i was your sister planning your hen and still trying to plan her own wedding was a lot of planning no georgia quite stressful georgia that's when it's stressful it wouldn't make me like want you to change your wedding date i'd be like fuck this is a lot i agree i had it easy because

i was done and then i had to plan her head because we're both each other's made of honors way more like less hectic than yours she must have had a real lot of stuff so much organization so much organization but she's incredibly organized she's good at that she's good at that but i would have I think she must have had a real lot of stuff on her plate. So much organisation. So much organisation. But she's incredibly organised. She's good at that. She's good at that. But I would have had a mental breakdown. So I think they're sort of the things.

And obviously, you know, there is your dad. Sometimes the bride's parents pay. So there is a budget situation. Yeah, that's tough. They're both working one year. That is a big thing. And like you both get equal amounts. And you probably, I don't know, you both get equal amounts and you probably i don't know

you probably get less if you're both doing it one year because it's like they're not gonna do yeah it's too much to try and do all in one go it's too much money to spunk out all in one year so if you're doing so that there are elements that i can understand but it is what it is and they're your family and they're your sister and you should just both be really happy for each other exactly dilemma three hi girls i've been a fan of your podcast for a couple of years now and it always cheers me up when i'm feeling down it always feels like we're just having a well-needed catch up with friends in podcast form i wondered if you guys had any advice on how to deal with being ghosted knowing a guy is no longer interested i've been on two dates with a guy and we got on really well

really naturally even kissed on our second day i'd messaged to ask if he'd been up for doing is no longer interested i've been on two dates with the guy and we got on really well really naturally even kissed on our second day i'd messaged to ask if he'd been up for doing something again he said he'd love to and we should get dinner and get back and he would get back to me it's been three days now and i still haven't had a word but he's seen my story and i know he's active online i can't help but feel awful thinking he doesn't want to see me but doesn't know how to tell me i can't help but have this not my competence so much right right we've all been there to a certain degree and you know what i bet you have done that to other people as well yeah sometimes people don't have chemistry and like that's okay you know like not everyone's gonna fall in love straight away and not everyone's gonna get on and not everyone's gonna fancy each other i know but sometimes it happens when it's not

reciprocated both ways and i'm sure that you've had that with guys you're like no super nice i just necessarily wasn't feeling like that could go anywhere beyond this date and it is tough because you just have to be so honest with yourself yeah and just rate yourself and don't let one person not wanting to take you out again knock And it is tough because you just have to be so honest with yourself. Yeah. And rate yourself and don't let one person not wanting to take you out again knock your confidence. Totally. It's easier said than done. And I totally understand.

I totally understand. But don't. I know it's so hard. It's so easy said than done. Yeah. And also. I personally would advise you not to double text him. Like, I know you're probably thinking, you know, if you left it on that, should I reach out?

I personally would say no, let him come to you. Because if he, you know, he might not want to hurt your feelings, but maybe he doesn't want to go on a second date. And maybe it's just for various reasons. He's got a new job. He's moving abroad. Like, he just wants to sleep around. Like, there are so many reasons. You've only only been on two dates just try not to take it personally i would just get straight back on that dating course and date someone else just keep going

keep pushing forward no know your worth rate yourself just try really hard to like fall in love with yourself and know how good you are so that you're always like here's lost like honestly that that's the only way you can look at it because if you dwell on it it's just not gonna it's not good for anybody yeah and it's a really hard frame of mind to get your mind into like oh here's loss but if you just practice and practice and practice like your brain will just like literally start thinking that way like the neurotransmitters in your brain will be wired to think positively about yourself and so when things like this happen like you've got some sort of form of protection and your brain won't instantly go to the negative side and be like oh my god it's because i'm not good enough he obviously doesn't fancy me so you just got to

really practice that self-love and i know everyone says it but honestly in times like this it makes such a difference there'll also be times where you go on dates with guys and you're like oh my god sweet lovely guy i just wasn't feeling it but he's gonna be so into you and you're just gonna be like look there's nothing fundamentally wrong i just don't think it can go beyond this date and like that's gonna happen to you probably quite a few times with other boys and it might happen to you a few more times with guys with you you know what i mean that that is dating and dating is tough because there's a lot of this there's a lot of you know i've been dating for three weeks and then they ghost you or scenarios where we've had where girls been dating multiple guys you never know what people dating's tough and you have to just prepare yourself for like, it's not an easy ride.

It's not an easy ride. It's just one of those things in life. And like the more you do it, the better you'll become at it. And the more it will just kind of be water off a duck's back. Yeah, because you obviously haven't got strong feelings for this guy. You've just met him twice. Yeah. So it feels like you're just new to dating and it's like obviously nice to connect with someone. But then you'll connect with the next guy too exactly for me i mean i would normally always

either see sophie before a date if i'm honest and i would have a glass of wine i would spend a long time getting ready and i would do an everything shower so i just felt my best and then i would loosen up have a lovely glass of wine pre-chat with a friend and then you just feel I don't know it was just the best I could have felt before a date or like before anything I just felt ready to go and then I never thought that much too much about what they were going to be like because I feel like when you do that you always expect something that they're not going to be or whatever you just have to go in there with an open mind like I'm just going for a couple drinks with a new with a new person and i might get on with them and i might not yeah and you just have to look at it like that i personally think

dating's so fun to do drinks i wouldn't want to do dinner because then you can just get you get stuck there and if you don't like them you're like totally just instantly feels a bit bummer drinks are just fun because you could do that before going to meet your friends anyway absolutely always make a plan after I think for me was quite important so I'd always have like a late dinner or like meeting friends for drinks afterwards and god forbid if the date was going really really well I would just message my friends and be like it's going really well I want to stay longer or I think I'm not going to come tonight obviously I wouldn't bail on one person I was planning on meeting for supper but I'd always try and have a rough plan afterwards just so that if I was disappointed I'd be like oh god that date just really didn't go well or whatever you're already

a bit drunk and then you could have some fun for the night out and if you can't go see your friends just face home your friends while getting ready exactly give yourself just distract totally totally totally just really like honing on that girlness yeah get your support group around you yeah hey girls i've been in a seven year relationship seven year rich we've got together when i we oh my god we got together when i was 18 after two years we moved in together five years later we have bought a house and got a dog the four works back when we first met i had a lot of issues with self-esteem and anxiety. I never fancied him and wasn't physically attracted to him but we became best friends and one thing led

to another. I had a lot of family drama going on at that time so time too so having him as a constant insecurity really made me fall in love. He is still my best best friend to this day but my dilemma is that for the past three years I've started to feel i'm outgrowing my relationship i have done a lot of work on myself over the past year over the years and can can happily say now i love who who i have become and proud of my achievements that is incredible to get to that point is like some people never get there so that's really really amazing my boyfriend is amazing person and nothing is wrong with the relationship other than I don't feel attracted to him the way I think I should and find myself sometimes happier alone than when I'm with him. I see him more as a best friend than a partner and haven't been sexually attracted to him in a very long time. It sounds like you never work.

You said you weren't in the beginning. We have tried going on more dates, trips away, away all the usual but it just hasn't worked obviously there is a lot more other details i could go into but that's the long and short of it what do i do is it worth giving up a seven-year relationship while i'm being shallow and need to suck it up no no no i think you guys are just right and you've outgrown each other when you get together that young you're really different people i really just think that's so lovely but you also like that's a natural progression i think that you are just it's the natural ending i agree i get there's no two ways it's harder when there's nothing wrong in the relationship and i've been there with that where there was nothing fundamentally wrong no one was a dick there was

no arguments but it wasn't a relationship you were just not friends what is it companions you were just an old woman with just yeah you can just it can get that way and I can only I mean my relationship was only like three and a bit years but I can imagine when you were that young and it being that long I mean when I was 17 I was a completely different person if i was with the same person that we were with and we were that age no no it's a miracle you made it last this long and like it's a beautiful thing but you don't want to allow that to turn into something that turns into like resentment or like you're settling or whatever like you guys and hopefully you will continue to be friends like you never know but you I think you just look at it it's a very natural ending and you just look at that like you just look at that like that was lovely

and I'm so grateful for those seven years yeah and I think if you don't fancy them right even from the very beginning that's a little that's difficult because normally like you know people when they've been together for seven years let's say or like 10 years you're not going to feel the same as when you first got together with them like that's a given but at the beginning you should i guess have that attraction otherwise they do just become a friend that you've because like in a sense like you do fall in love with your friends and your friendships because you become reliant on them totally and like i just think you're just friends now and it's very sweet and maybe if you were 50 i'd be like obviously you're just that's fine but you probably have the chance to i don't think this should be happening this is your first love

and your first relationship it doesn't sound like it's your soulmate yeah i would say laughter and sex for me is on par because i couldn't just laugh laugh with someone and then not have sex not be attracted to them same so i think love is ultimately first but i really think it all comes in peaks and troughs agree it's all like a equals magical trinity of the three yeah you want like a pie chart and it'd be split into three and all equal and like that's what you want and sometimes the love's gonna be like winning and sometimes sex is gonna be winning and sometimes the laugh yeah you can't be connecting on all three at the same time i agree with that yeah but you also cannot not have one of them one of them otherwise then it is just is just... Like I really think laughter is so, so key.

If I didn't have someone who made me laugh, I couldn't be... Totally. And also you can't have like a boring relationship but just have loads of sex. Totally. Because, you know, it has to be a magical combination.

And also you don't have to want to, listen, rip their clothes off 24 hours a day. But you have to look at them like, oh yeah, fancy, gorgeous. And you have to want to have sex with them. Yeah, you have to look at them like oh yeah fancy you gorgeous and you have to want to have sex with them yeah you don't want to be like yes you don't want to be like the end of the bed no just on whatsapp tiktok scroll scroll scroll i have done that before but you don't want to be doing no you don't want to be doing that so i think you need to i mean i have friends you

have friends that i've been that have been in relationships for longer than that. And they still really are attracted to their other half. And there's still romance there. My parents have been together for 25 years. They still very much so fancy each other, are very in love. And, you know, it's real. Yeah, you don't really want it to ever go. Yeah. And I also think that's like a thing.

I know you grow older with each each other but i i just i personally don't want that to ever go no neither i think it would life's too short it's got to be special and sparkly in some way you know yeah and your relationship should be that totally you can't settle guys we love you so much that was great that was gorgeous i miss this so much we love you guys we'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Wealthsimple's Big Winter Bundle is our best match offer yet. Get a 2% match when you transfer over an eligible RRSP. For a $50,000 transfer, that's a $1,000 cash bonus.

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