Wednesdays - 54. "Once a cheater, always a cheater?!": What we REALLY think about men who cheat...

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

To mark, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we're excited to have the lovely Emma Walker Health Information Manager from CoppaFeel! join us! As the only youth-focused breast cancer awareness charity, Emma is sharing the charity’s incredible message, and discussing how to perform chest checks, and the super easy ways you can stay abreast of your chest health.Meanwhile, Sophie returns from yet another destination wedding, where she encountered some mean girls slating her in Spanish—totally unaware that she could understand them! The girls reminisce about their own school days and the not-so-fun girl drama that came with it.Plus, we tackle the age-old question: once a cheater, always a cheater? The girls share their relationship experiences while helping a Tiny, who’s grappling with trust issues in her boyfriend.Want More?! Check out our premium subscription The Follow Up - AD FREE, BONUS EPS and ALL the goss wednesdays.supercast.com/If you have a dilemma, any personal advice for another Tiny, or a follow up to a dilemma send to [e-mail], SLIDE into our DMs @wednesdayspodcast--For more information from Coppafeel!:Website: https://coppafeel.org/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coppafeel/?hl=en--Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]--Credits:Producer & Editor: @ben_johnsAssistant Producer: @gurlinaheer_Exec: @jemimarathbone and Holly NewsonVideo editor: @jakeji.pVideo editor: @lizziemccarthySocial: @laurabcoughlan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only. Guarantee void if platform or game outages occur. Guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded. Or 11 p.m. Eastern. Restrictions apply. See full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either, and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts in anything anything in fact we just chatted all the shit so and we love giving you

guys advice but as we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help welcome back boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Our podcast. So I've just got back from a lovely holiday. I just went for another wedding. You know it's my ninth wedding this summer. This is like Jamie's friends are all married now after this, no? I've got another wedding in a week, which I'm incredibly excited for.

But let me tell you, my God, there's been a lot of weddings. So Toby's brothers have been to two weddings in one weekend once and they've had to fly from one to the other. I've got this, guys, in March next year. I've got a wedding on the Friday and a wedding on the Saturday. One's in Ibiza and one's in Mallorca and I'm going to try and make them work. Who knows? Who knows? Anyway, I went to Spain.

As always, I got delayed. I woke up at 3 a.m. I went to the airport on my own with my massive suitcase. Arrived. The airport was honestly like ghost town. then they were like your flight's been cancelled next one was two days later I was like perfect so I ended up getting there like 3am I had to get another flight went to Gatwick all of a nightmare and then I just had a lovely wedding honestly your luck with flights is not okay it's so weird and you know that Jamie and I had a feng shui lady come on to... Feng shui.

She calls it feng shui. Feng shui, okay. She said that one of our rooms, as she described it, and it's actually our spare bedroom, which you know is like my PR box room. Yeah. Which is full of boxes. And I really need to go rifling through those, but I just haven't had the time.

She said all of that clutter is blocking up my flight path. What the fuck? Also, apparently if you put something by a door, it's like, oh, it's going to block up your bath. No, guys, if you open the door and you can see straight all the way back to the back door from the front door, all your money is going out the door. So you should block it with plants or something, which is the case in our new house, which we just got the keys to.

Woo! Yeah, I'm very excited. When are you actually going to be moving in to live there? Do you know? Or is that sort of to be decided? Well, the thing is, we could move in now. Going around yesterday,

I was like, fucking hell, it's so lovely. Well, can I come next time you go? Well, you can come whenever I've got the keys. I was strutting around it. I went and used all the loos. Like, there's loo roll. She christened the bathrooms.

I christened all the bathrooms. We aren't probably going to move in. Spades go in the ground on the 20th so probably by the time this podcast is out there will be spades in the ground there will be builders okay we're currently working out who will be our builder so anyway guys it's all very exciting although jamie and i had a huge argument um regarding the house? It wasn't really regarding the house. Probably can't go into what it was about, but it was just like a really stupid argument. I think he's really stressed about the house.

Guys, it's fucking stressful. Right? So I found the wedding really stressful. Some people don't find that stressful. I haven't found the house situation stressful. Yeah. I also just think I've not really been dealing with the lawyers. This part is not stressful

when the builders come in and they do things wrong because they always fucking do well don't tell me that I'm already feeling drained and stressed you need an on site manager

so you need someone there all the time like literally like on their case you have an interior designer right which she's going to sort of double up as that role

yes so I think you'll be in better hands but it is and obviously I'm going to be spending a lot of time at the house but this is what I'm saying

like Jamie did the lawyers and that side and all the contracts admin and all the admin we all know that's the worst part and obviously I'm going to be spending a lot of time at the house but this is what I'm saying like Jamie did the lawyers and that side and all the contracts admin and all the admin we all know that's not my forte like I'm not into that sort of thing

neither this is where I'm going to come into play so anyway we had a huge fight because you're not doing enough admin because I'm not doing

enough admin but the thing is is I've spoken to you about this Jamie's having like burnout situation at the moment so he's really stressed

I could honestly say the sky is green and he'll be like, no, it's not as red. I mean, the sky is blue. So if I write the sky is blue, he's like, no, it's not as green. I get me in that scenario at the moment. Whatever you're doing is wrong. Even if you're agreeing with him. It's wrong. He would then go, I know you're not actually agreeing. Yeah. He'd be like, you're just agreeing to please me. And I'm like, right, got you. So that's the scenario that I'm going through at the moment because he's stressed, which I get. So I need to take on more roles.

To lighten the load for him. But then also, sometimes if you're not good at them and then you do them wrong, you're like, oh, then you should have just done it. I think we should all just play on our strengths, right?

I so agree. What's Toby's role in your relationship? Well, we don't live together so we don't have like specific roles but I did ask him if he could like take out the bins

every Wednesday I think he's genuinely taken them out maybe three times in a hot relationship that's Jamie's one role oh he's also his role

his role his role and he's not very proud of it but I have to like big him up make him feel really manly it's like cleaning the outside patio

like every time someone comes around what with the jet wash yeah when you think you move in together and like admin stuff comes around I think he will be more that role because When you think you move in together and like admin stuff comes around,

I think he will be more that role because neither of us are very good with admin. He loves admin. He loves the spreadsheet. There we go. He loves post. He loves opening post,

organizing post. Whereas I've got a pilot post that hasn't been touched in about two years. Yeah. Because it makes me feel stressed. Jamie is horrified that I have 238 WhatsApps unread.

Like he's like, you're a terrible... I'm so like that. Okay, what other things happened? So I was on holiday. It's been a lot. Oh my God, these girls were really horrible to me I'm so like that okay what other things happened so I was on holiday it's been a week these girls were really horrible to me

okay so I went to like this place called Super Sol or Super Cool like a Spanish supermarket okay anyway you can walk

from my dad's house okay so I walked from the beach all I wanted to get was one watermelon I was desperate for a watermelon yeah that refreshing

off I walked and my dad's like you can't go in your bikini and I'm like I've got my skirt in my bag long and my dad's like you can't go in your bikini and I'm like I've got my skirt in my bag long white skirt

he's like I think it's okay they're a bit funny I'm thinking it's fine they can't wear that in Mallorca too I walk in

in my skirt and my bikini top and my sign hat all the girls were talking to me in Spanish I can fucking understand Spanish girls

so don't be doing any of that and they were like she's English she can't understand what I'm saying they were walkie-talkie each other they all came to me and they were like she's English she can't understand what I'm saying they were walkie-talkie each other

they all came to me and they were like you can't come in without a top and I replied in Spanish yeah I've just come off the beach I'm literally only getting

this watermelon I'll be one second is it okay they were all pissing themselves laughing they were like she's fucking English she doesn't understand

stupid English and I was stood there my whole body was red that's horrible I'm not joking there was like eight of them looking at me laughing I was just stood there with whole body was red like that's horrible I'm not joking there was like eight of them looking at me laughing I was just stood there

with like this what did you say and then this man came over and I was like I'm so sorry I don't have a top I just came off the beach influence vanished

I wasn't saying in English he was like yeah you can go get it and the girls were like yeah bitch he met me I was like it was awful

how old were these girls do we think like my age and I thought guys maybe they're a bit jealous you've just come off the beach and you're all just gonna get my watermelon not me just going they're jealous of you it's like anyone that was mean to us they're just jealous clearly that's it it was really mean and for the first time in so long I was like I felt like I was back at school

and everyone was laughing I was honestly so intimidated. I was like, this is hideous. That is hideous. I hate things like that. No matter how old you get when something like that still happens to you, it's like, it's like so jarring. You forget what that would have felt like when you were younger as well. It's so jarring. And now I always think, like, do you remember just being so intimidated by like the girls who were older than you at school?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, actually terrified. So scary. Like, face that something think it was like even now i don't know what it is like if i know i'm gonna go into a group and i know i'm older than them for some reason i automatically feel slightly more like oh okay i can relax because i'm older yeah it doesn't fucking matter now but for some reason that's like drilled into my nervous system

that i'm like gonna be scared if they're older than me still I'm like what is that about older girls just are fucking scary especially at school yeah like the top year no no with the massive messy

like hair I was lucky because my sister was in their year so I was like really lucky I was big time protected I know that sort of like

if anyone fell out with me it was not good for them because I had my sister and all her friends but on the side, when I got to the stage where I was like going clubbing with school people, do you remember the saying jog on? Yeah. I will never forget being in the loop, in the club loop and like an older girl's boyfriend started talking to me. And he then actually became my boyfriend. What the fuck?

You just made a clear enemy there. That was scary. And then the whole of them cornered me in the room. They were like, jog on. And I was literally like, get me out. I know.

She had a really nice mouth. Oh my God. I mean, that was scary vibes. We had like so many things at my school. God, tell me then. It was like such a big school and there was like a huge dining hall. And like they've changed it now.

But like there was sort of like unsaid allocated spots that the students had established. And it was honestly like a fucking runway. Like you would walk down this thing and all the boys, the first team boys, would sit at the back and like stare at you. And like if you were like... No, that was fucking terrifying. It was honestly the most intimidating thing. So every day you had to look good. Oh God, it was honestly horrendous.

The older girls had come to prep school to like prep us for it. And they were like, if anyone more whistles at you, do not turn around. It's like this weird test that the older boys do. Shut the fuck up. And if you turn around, they go, you cocky bitch. Like something like, yeah, yeah, yeah, honestly. And we set up, we were like, just keep your head down. My friend Annie were like, getting more whistles. And they were like, just keep your head down. My friend Annie were like, getting more pissed about it.

They were like, just keep your head down. Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking. It was honestly so stressful. It feels like Harry Potter. It was honestly... It feels like Hogwarts. It was so stressful. I had this situation where this older boy, two years above me, kind of fancied me.

But he's kind of had something going on with this girl that was in his year. So then she hated me and her whole friendship group hated me. And it was horrible. Hell no. The anxiety you felt at a young age from like older people was really horrid. Like horrific. Even my sister's friends, before I got to an age where I could sort of communicate with them when they thought I was really young, I was so intimidated by them.

They could have been like, jump off that cliff and I would have been like, okay. I know, it's horrible, isn't it? It's actually awful. I hope that that's not the case in schools these days. So, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, guys, if you didn't know. And we are going to be having the lovely Emma Walker coming on to talk to us. And she's a health information manager from Coppothil, which is a breast cancer charity. And she's going to be telling us about how to check your breasts and chest.

But first, we're going to get into some dilemmas. FanDuel Casino Daily Jackpots. Guaranteed to hit by 11 p.m. with your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Daily Jackpots. A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed winner by 11 p.m. every day. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only. Guarantee void if platform or game outages occur.

Guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded or 11 p.m. Eastern. Restrictions apply. See full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com. Please play responsibly. Are you ready for this, ladies and gentlemen? It's Dilemma 1. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We are so comfortable around each other and seem to fall more and more in love every day. Oh my God, lovely. However, my man has a very naughty past.

He has never been faithful to a girlfriend. He cheated in his previous relationship of eight years multiple times, including a month-long crossover when he started to date me. Shit. No, no. Shit, off the bat. I'm not loving this stuff.

I truly believe him when he says that he had never been in love with any of the previous girls, and because of that, he behaved selfishly. Although he has shown me no reason to distrust him, I worry that there is still a cheater hidden within him. I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater, but I think repeat offenses are a red flag and not to be ignored. So I wanted to get both of your opinions on this. Do you have trust issues in your relationship and how do you overcome them?

Right. I think, you know, Jamie definitely had a massive reputation. Like he was a walking red flag. The problem with that is he was in a weird anomaly because he was also like this really young like celebrity. And also back then he was in this new thing it was like the only reality show that really existed blah blah blah girls were falling for him kind of in that like it's just a different world to being in like a normal day-to-day life right but what I would say is it would always play on my mind if someone has cheated on a long-term girlfriend or wife or relationship with you which is what's happened

I would just be forever scared that it would then potentially happen again to me because it's almost like one of those weird things where you cross over that boundary and you don't have immediate like fuck I'm so sorry I regret it I've made a mistake remorse the whole thing then I'm like it's almost like a cheating bone in this case because he doesn't seem to like regret he's then moving on to the person he's cheating with every time. Well that's why I think this is different though because if he had just slept with you or sat with somebody and cheated I'd be like you're cheating but it feels like he fell in love with you it's just shit that you crossed over for a month like he should have slept with you and been like I need to wake up and then got with you. There is a case where like you can be the person to change

somebody. Also, can I just say, his previous relationship was eight years, and he might have been really young. And, like, I feel like sometimes in those situations... Oh, my God, yeah. Do you know what I mean? You can be really young and, like, feel a bit trapped. I'm not contending that behaviour, obviously,

but, like, that might not be a good example of, like, what he's actually going to be like in the future. I agree. I think that you are getting too much in your head. I think that you should be too much in your head I think that you should be wary but unless there are signs I don't think you should look for signs like you shouldn't ever look at someone and be like you know if I did that I'd be living in fear of you know what I mean like if there are signs you'll have those signs 100% also you've been

together for two years I think you would know by now you would know and I'm like there's obviously something in your intuition or something's niggling away at you that you've had to write into us and ask. Do you know what I mean? I disagree with wants to cheat or is a cheater. I think anyone can cheat. A hundred percent. If the circumstances are correct, anyone can cheat.

If any of us can cheat, then we're all cheaters. Do you know what I mean? So it's just been the circumstances haven't been right for him. He was obviously too young or he didn't love them enough or all these different things. But I don't think that you can like hold his past against him. I think if someone has been in lots of relationships and he has cheated in every single relationship,

then yes, I do think it's a cheat or it's a cheat. I think some people have that cheating bone, unfortunately. But I don't think it applies to everyone. I mean, I think with one of my first boyfriends, I wouldn't kiss someone else. And I was like, what have I done? But you know, I cheated. That was me then cheating. I never got found out. I never got found out. Until kiss someone else and I was like what have I done but you know I cheated that was me then cheating

I never got found out until this moment and I was so young it was one of my first relationships I was like oh my god I'm never doing that again it's made me realise how much I like my boyfriend

shit what have I done you know but that was technically cheating so I don't think that's where you can blame the case once it's a cheat or it's a cheat but for me in this scenario

I get why you think it's like a red flag like I do get it let's take Emily in Paris for example I know it's like a red flag. Like I do get it. Let's take Emily in Paris, for example. I know it's like not real. Oh my God, one of the guys is at my gym. The French one? Yeah, the French one.

He's at my gym. Yeah, so him and Camille were together for like, I think eight years. And him and Emily had this unbelievable connection. And, you know, they kissed a few times. And, you know, then they slept together. And, you know, that was cheating. And then he never fell out of love with her. And, you know, sometimes it does happen. Wait, so now he's with emily well i'm not gonna give any spoilers

you know it's complicated they're on and off throughout the whole three series but he never stopped loving her that wasn't him being a crazy tutor he fell in love with somebody else ultimately what you've got to think is you even know in your gut whether you can forgive them and whether you can sort of like teach them wrong from right or change them as such and if you can't you'll know it in your gut and then write into us when that happens but keep us updated love you okay dilemma two my boyfriend finally proposed and we're hoping to get married next summer congratulations my very close friendship group is made up of four girls i went to school with i'm closer with one of the girls than the

other two as i've known her the longest and we often socialize together with our partners because of this I only want one school friend to be one of my bridesmaids however I'm worried that I'm being mean by not asking the other two so how can I let them know they won't be part of the bridal party I think that's fine because there's two of them don't you yeah if you're secluding one no go however I will, I will say, look, having got married myself, I just ask them all now. I really regret just upsetting people with rising situations. Just ask them all. If you think it's going to upset them.

If you're going to ask everyone, then you'd fucking have like 20 people walking down the aisle. If it's ever someone who you're even contemplating, I do just think it's not worth upsetting people. But then some people say the opposite. I think sometimes if you upset people and their reaction is being upset yeah that's also really selfish I'm like no it's not your wedding yeah do you know what I mean that's generally not the reaction most of the time I hear advice from people which is like don't make people a part

of your wedding party have them on your home because you're trying to please people if you're going to keep it really small which it sounds like you're going to but I'm just going to have Emma or whatever her name is as my bridesmaid because I've known her literally forever I'm keeping it super small it's like my bridal party and I'm having my sister or whoever else you're having but like obviously I want you to come on the hen I want you to be a part of like my day but I'm just keeping my bridesmaids really small most people don't actually get like upset like this and they're fine with it and like out of my friendship group of school girls there's seven of us right I would not be expect to be a bridesmaid

of every single one of those girls and vice versa there's too many yeah you know what and you're always going to be closer with some than the others

you know also bridesmaids are really like it's a big deal like it's a lot of responsibility and you don't get to choose your dress

necessarily you know I think they'll be fine with it don't let it get you down don't let it freak yourself out just enjoy the wedding process this is your time

this is your moment and there's nothing to worry about. We love you. Love you so much. Congratulations. And keep us updated, please, on how that whole thing goes. And send us pictures of your wedding dress. Absolutely. And the hair, everything if you can. I'm loving this content. Dilemma three. Me and my fiance met three years ago. In that time, we moved in together, had our first child, got engaged, and now I'm six Wow. That is moving quickly. I like it. I'm so down for it. As I'm pregnant, my body has changed a lot and I'm feeling very insecure,

particularly because our sex life has changed. I asked my fiancé why we were no longer having sex and asked if he was still attracted to me. He got very upset that I felt this way and gave me the reassurance I needed. He said that he didn't know how to navigate having a sex life with changes of pregnancy. He has recently started going to the gym and taking more care of himself. He also started to not leave his phone unattended. No, no, when she wrote the gym sentence, that to me, red flags, alarm bells ringing. Everyone keeps saying this. He also started to not leave his phone unattended, which made me question why.

I know I shouldn't have, but last week I i checked his phone all of his messages were either his friends or work but then i opened his archive chats oh my god wait wait wait what what then i opened his archive chats where i saw all the messages from his exes all of the chats were old but reading through the messages revealed some new and very graphic sexual preferences. In our three-year relationship, he has never disclosed some of these sexual interests. I now feel I don't know him at all

as our sex life was one of the ways I felt closest to him, especially with all the recent changes that pregnancy and motherhood bring. What do I do

to rebuild that connection? Right. She's thrown the cards aside. I'm really into this dilemma because I think each relationship, we have sexual relationships.

As in, your relationship with each person generally is different in the bedroom too. Yes. It's different in every other aspect. Like you're not going to have the same thing with every person, are you? Yes. But if you've got an actual fetish, I don't have any fetishes, but if I did, I'd imagine I'd carry it on to the next relationship, but maybe you wouldn't. Also, there are some people that do like wild, like weird things and they experiment and they grow up and they're like I actually don't even really

like any of that stuff I just wanna I don't know that could be the case here you know you could be young and you thought it was hot and sexy and then you're like oh I actually feel more comfortable with this person don't need to be performing I don't I'm not actually into that like maybe he thought his ex liked bondage or something and he actually can't be asked for it and then he is with you and he's like no also yoused for it and then he is with you. And he's like, no, also you are the mother to his children. So perhaps there is an element where he feels differently, like he doesn't want to do those things with you

because there's a different level of respect. A hundred percent. My sister's obviously pregnant. Yeah. And I know her husband's a bit like, I don't, I feel like the dick's like poking the baby's head. I know, I so get that. Which I get it.

I get it. I so get it. It's such an odd thing. It's such an odd thing. It's such an odd concept. And also, I don't think that you can expect it to just like spring right back. I really think there's an element here that you are feeling insecure about your own body.

You're probably not having as much sex because you're a kid, so you're tired. You're not pregnant again. Like, I don't know. Some people have a really active sex life when they're pregnant. Others don't. Others really calm down.

Like, there's nothing that's right or wrong. You have to understand and not take it to heart. Like, none of that is reflecting on you. I really don't think it means anything, but I know that I'd feel the same. So I totally get it. Don't let any of those things get to you. I think it's fine to process them now,

but also you need to tell yourself, he was younger. That was like a different time for him. He was experimenting. He's with me. me he obviously loves you he's had a child he's got two children with you I think you just need to lean into that and then and also I'd be vulnerable with him I'd be honest and be like I feel really insecure my body's changed I feel like you're going to the gym I think this happens a lot when mothers have babies and they sort of you know your body changes and it's hard for some

to sort of fall in love or get to grips with their new body like it's hard before having a baby so you know all of these different changes and then the man's decided you know I'm actually gonna get really fit and look my best now and you're probably like what the fuck like I want you to go through those changes with me so I think you've got to be really vulnerable and speak to him and I feel like he will be really receptive and it will make you feel better. And I think don't not talk to him, like lean on him. We've said it before and we'll say it again. Communication is key.

Sometimes those conversations can unlock like a whole new lease of life into your relationship for a bit. Oh my God. It's so powerful. Sometimes when we do it, me and Jamie and I, I think we communicate all the time. And then you suddenly have one of those really really vulnerable it's always like really vulnerable conversations you're like that's it then the happiest we've ever been I know it's bizarre it's such a deep level

yeah so many women here will listen to this and completely understand and have been through the same feeling that you are going through and I'm sending you so much love and I just feel like you're fucking legend like all of you mums are please update us on like what happens with this because this is actually a dilemma that we've never really had before and I bet there are so many listeners right now who are like right I felt the exact same way I feel the same okay so now we're gonna welcome Emma onto the podcast. As you said, she's from Copperfield. It's an amazing charity doing so much to raise awareness about breast cancer and we are honoured she's joining on Wednesdays.

So please welcome Emma from Copperfield. Emma, do you want to just explain to the listeners what Copperfield do? Yes, indeed. We are the UK's only youth-focused breast cancer awareness charity. It's coming up to 15 years ago, actually. It's our 15th birthday this year. Chris Helenga and her twin sister, Marun, founded the charity after Chris's experience. She's so young, 23, and she actually had to keep going back to the GP to get her diagnosis. By the time it was diagnosed, it was stage four, which is also known as secondary or advanced or metastatic. You hear lots of words. That means

it's spread at that point, sadly. It's not curable as such. It's treatable. But after her experience, she didn't want any young person to go through that again and have to keep advocating for themselves. And she felt dismissed due to her age. She was only 23, obviously, when she was diagnosed. So Copperfield began. We are really focused on awareness and education and making sure all young people know to check themselves, really. And the legacy is huge. The reach is incredible.

And the message is literally life-saving we hear from people that because of us as a charity and because we encourage them to check they found something but they were diagnosed early so they could be treated and the outcome is is a lot better at that point of course so it's an incredible charity I feel amazing yeah I feel very proud to work there. And very sadly, Chris died this year, but the mission continues. You know, we are doing it for her and continue to raise the awareness across the whole of the UK. We were just saying before you came, I personally don't actually, A, know how to check my chest.

And we just, neither of us like doing it. I've never done it. Because it gives us both and I think this is common because most of my friends say the same thing makes me feel just a bit strange always has done I also didn't realize since 18 I should have been doing it so now I'm a bit oh no that's okay I mean we start from that age group so that you can then have that healthy checking habit taking you through life really but completely understand it's quite daunting we've got a self-checkout web app so you

go on there it takes you through the whole checking process especially if you're brand new to it you can choose your preferred terms so what you choose to call this area um yeah it's really kind of inclusive and straightforward as well but it's just kind of getting started and finding a routine but also we like to highlight you're not looking for signs of breast cancer you're getting to know your body yeah and what's normal so some people have lumps and bumps anyway don't they so I guess it's just knowing okay that's in my boob that's been there forever and that's normal and that's my anatomy whereas if something new comes along you're like oh okay there's a change maybe I should get it checked absolutely yeah go to your GP you're not wasting

their time if something's still not right then back. That's what we really advocate for is that, you know, you know your body best. If something doesn't look or feel right or it's unusual, there's an unusual change. We help on our website, copperfield.org. We've got all kind of hints and tips and ways to support you to go to your GP. So whether that's making a note of when you first noticed a change, feeling prepared, wear a separate top and bottoms because if they want to look at that area, you don't want to necessarily take everything off. Take someone with you if that's going to help,

but that will help you actually get there and have the confidence to get checked. And before you sort of go to that stage where you feel like you have to go to a doctor or a GP because there's something that's concerned you, do you have any sort of advice on how to just check your breasts or chest? Yeah, absolutely. We don't tend to say this in a really specific way because, you know, everyone's different.

Everyone's got a different body and something that will work for them. But there's some key things. We say check monthly. Monthly? Yeah. I was going to say how often. I didn't realize it would be that often. Yeah.

Find a time once a month. We've got a text reminder service. On the first of each month, you'll get a handy reminder from us. You text check to 8228. And every month, on the first of each month, you'll hear from Copperfield. And it's just that prompt. We've all got busy lives. You can just forget.

Yeah. And a point in time that works for you quite often it's in the bathroom for example so you know that's a natural place to be checking look and feel the whole area up to collarbone armpits as well this whole area is all breast tissue and just collarbone yeah. All this tissue around here. But there's no real right or wrong way. We like to kind of say find your own routine. The more you do it, the easier it becomes and more routine as well. I don't know why I have this sense like when you're younger that having breast cancer is not as common. In the UK, every year around 2500 people aged 40 and under diagnosed with breast cancer so it's quite a lot yeah as

you get older your risk increases but Chris our founder was 23 when she was diagnosed so it's just so important yeah and it's just that awareness that people of all ages and genders and everybody that is everyone's got breast tissue as we say guys gals non-binary pals all checking your chest because it can affect you and what about if you know implants how do they sort of affect checking your breast because obviously that's a good question yeah the guidance is very similar so still around looking and feeling and a monthly basis but you've got to keep in mind that things might be a bit different now so what's kind of normal and what's changed if you've got kind of any new scars or firmness post-surgery just being aware of those as well you've had surgery things will be different so have a look in the mirror

get to know your new chest area if you like and find different positions we hear that sometimes it is about kind of lying down or standing up there's there's different preferences really if it's to look and feel if I were to look at my breast what would I be looking out for that I should be concerned about yeah so obviously quite common one is a lump so that can also be things like changes in skin texture the nipples really pay attention to them as well so they might become pulled in or there might be kind really pay attention to them as well. So they might become pulled in or there might be kind of liquid coming from them as well. I feel like once you've probably done it a few times, you then don't think about it. I agree. That's it. Yeah. Just make a start really. And don't worry about how you're doing it. It's more about getting started really.

We've got to start. We'll have to remind each other to do it once a month. I'm going to sign up so that I get the Copperfield text so I think that's a really good idea Emma thank you so much for coming on and helping spread awareness and guys

we will leave the link to the Copperfield website so you guys can go check it out on the Instagram and just please help support and let's all start

checking our breasts bye guys please keep sending us in dilemmas and please follow and subscribe on YouTube if you wantas and please follow and subscribe on youtube if you want to watch the episode and subscribe to our podcast and obviously if you haven't already the follow-up which is where we share all of our duty follow-ups and all of our

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