Wednesdays - 57. Dirty talk, yes or no?! | How chatty do we like it in the bedroom…

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Heyyy Tinies!We’re diving straight into the aftermath of Sophie’s 30th big birthday bash, with all all the juicy details from the night and Melissa’s also spilling all the stories from her friend’s hen do, and giving her tips on the best places to throw a hen do in London.With Halloween just around the corner, we’re chatting inspo for costumes by breaking down some of the best celeb looks. And of course, we have to talk about the man of the moment, Adam Brody aka Hot Rabbi from Netflix’s ‘Nobody Wants This’ with Sophie dishing her surprising “connection” to him...The girls are dissecting a dilemma all about dirty talk—how far is too far? Sophie and Melissa share their thoughts and reveal if dirty talk gets them going, or gives them the ick. We’re also supporting a Tiny starting a new chapter in life, after discovering her partner’s affair following the loss of their baby. The girls send her all their love and offer advice on moving forward, and reclaiming her strength in this tough time.Want More?! Check out our premium subscription The Follow Up - AD FREE, BONUS EPS and ALL the goss wednesdays.supercast.com/If you have a dilemma, any personal advice for another Tiny, or a follow up to a dilemma send to [e-mail], SLIDE into our DMs @wednesdayspodcast--Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]--Credits:Producer & Editor: @ben_johnsAssistant Producer: @gurlinaheer_Exec: @jemimarathbone and Holly NewsonVideo editor: @jakeji.pVideo editor: @lizziemccarthySocial: @laurabcoughlan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either. And we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not a doctor either. And we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts at anything. In fact, we just chatted all the shit. And we love giving you guys advice. We love giving you guys advice. Do not take what we're saying as gospel. If you do feel like you need to speak to somebody, please seek professional help. Coming up on this week's episode of Wednesdays, we are debriefing all about my 30th birthday party and Melissa's handy weekend weekend and the dilemmas are exceptionally juicy this week. We're debating how dirty dirty

talk is allowed to be and I'm revealing the weirdest thing that someone said to me in the bedroom. We're also helping a tiny starting the new chapter of her life after the end of her 11 year relationship. And we're also giving advice to a tiny whose best friend keeps breaking her privacy and I chat about that Made in Chelsea moment where the words I said in confidence got exposed. Let's get into the app. Ladies and gentlemen we're back it's Wednesdays. Hello. Hello. Spooky. It's not actually spooky season yet but we're approaching. We're approaching we're gonna do a Halloween special it's a gracious. Oh god yeah and i would love to know what everyone's

wearing for halloween so you can please everyone send in like what they're wearing what their plans are because it's needed for inspo can i just say if we had the best halloween party to go to it's the halloween party of the century it's really hard because part of me really just wants to like fuck being sexy and just literally be really scary. Oh, do you mean girls and come with big teeth in? Yeah, or like Heidi Klum. Oh God, yeah, when she puts all the prosthetics on. Where she really goes for it and like she comes as a worm.

Like part of me would like to come as like Mrs. Alpha. No part of me wants to do that, to be honest. No part of me wants to do that. And like just no one knows who I am and I'm just having the best time at this party and I could be so weird and just so

rogue right so you're going as Mrs. Doubtfire to the Halloween party of the century and like the pressure's off like no one

fucking knows who it is or I'm gonna go as it depends because I could go as anything and just make

that outfit sexy so who do I want to go as I don't know I know you're going as Dallas Cowgirls. Dallas Cowboys.

I feel like everyone will do that. It's the same as the Barbie year when everyone went as Barbie and the same as the Harley Quinn year when everyone went as Harley Quinn. Harley Quinn. Right. Still really cool. Wish I could have done that, but I just don't think I could have pulled that off.

But I would go as, I don't know which year it was or where she was going, but Rihanna, when she wore that sequined full outfit with the first scarf and she had the like head piece to go with it. And it was or where she was going but Rihanna when she wore that sequin full outfit with the fur scarf and she had the like head piece to go with it and it was all diamantes

and you could see her boobies through it and she was just phenomenal and I think that's when she got on stage and she went she can beat me

but she can't beat my outfit oh my god and would you wear your bare boobies oh yeah I'd do the whole thing oh my god you need to I would do the whole thing

I would go Shakira then when she has her ass out. Oh yeah, oh my God. And Kylie Jenner did it. Kylie Jenner did it. Yes, yes,

yes. And what song was that when she was singing that? Whenever, wherever, we're meant to be together, I'll be here and you'll be there.

That was like, he's so good. Okay, right, so that's some inspo for you guys. Shakira and Rihanna. No, I'm thinking it's Kristen Aguilera with the bum out that Kylie Jenner went as. Actually,po for you guys Shakira and Rihanna no I'm thinking

it's Kristen Aguilera with the bum out that Kylie Jenner went as actually I'd rather go Shakira Shakira's a bit more like so the Shakira's like a bit more blondie

it's a bit more like low key I like it you went as the two made the ones right no yeah you did both you and like four other girls

went as the same and I thought you were very hot you did you went as like cowgirls haven't you I went as a very hot you did you went as like cowgirls I went as a cowgirl oh yeah

I went as a cowgirl and Ruby went as like some latex queen basically that was like a moment you were like that's already in my house it's very

so easy I literally got a top no Hermione had a top from Amazon that she had worn the night before that said cowgirl on it yeah

so I wore that and the night before I just wore a black dress with the little like fairy crown if I really thought about you put me on the And the night before, I just wore a black dress with a little like fairy crown. If I really thought about it, you put me on the spot. If I really thought it, I'd have to come up

with a better idea than that. I know. Well, let's brainstorm and guys send in your inspo for other girls because this is a time when everyone's planning their outfits

and it's hard to be unique. We need some unique inspo ideas. It's so hard to be unique. You'll see our outfits soon in the next week's Halloween special but we're going to keep that under wraps because obviously

we want that to be a surprise. We want to be unique. We want to be unique. Right. Let's talk about things. Oh, catch-up time. Catch-up time. Our favorite time of the episode.

We fucking love this, guys. So Sophie has had her 30th. Melissa wasn't there for, but we all knew this was happening. She had her best friend's hen. You're a bridesmaid. You had an amazing time. Tell me about the hen. We had so much fun. Yeah, fun yeah it was quite an intimate like hen and then stag and then we joined together for sten at the end which was really good fun so how long was the hen for so we started at

four o'clock had dinner at like seven what just the hens yeah no we started for dinner at 6 15 dinner was at the main it's very very like New York vibes in there. The live band is like jazzy. And it's very sexy. And like sophisticated. Very cool. Had a lovely dinner in there. Then we went to Leo for the show, which was so fun.

Which is what I did for my sister's hentai. So I will take credit for that because it was my idea. It was. It was like, that's what we should do. Yeah. Got it. And it was so fun. I lost my phone.

Left it in the Uberber shock and my brother was like she does this every time and to be fair I have did he come to the stack he was on the stack yeah he said Hermione had to call my brother he didn't pick up the phone to call Toby like Melissa's lost her phone blah blah blah was Toby on the stack yeah and I had to log into another girl's like find my iphone played the noise in the back of the Uber to Uber driver came all the way back and I gave him 40 quid cash and he gave me a hug the sweet man oh my god I know I was like do you remember us we were like the sweet girls in the back of it because he was like a really nice Uber driver and I think we were like chatting with him a bit sorry that's I'm really lucky because when you lose your phone in London as you guys know properly you don't

normally get it back when you leave it in a taxi that That's unreal. I was like, oh my God, as if I'm going to be the drama. Am I the drama? It was one of those moments. Anyway, so I got my phone back. Then we all went to this really fun club and met up with boys and just had a really fun time. And what time did we go? Called it a day about 2 a.m. We were in bed 2 a.m-ish, which was gorgeous.

Perfect end to the night. Got back to cool the detox vitamins, you know the drill. Woke up feeling good. Woke up actually feeling okay, yeah. But just tired. Just tired, yeah. Okay, now you talk me through your night. Okay, so my 30th, we did it here at the Candy Kittens and Jam Pop offices.

Headquarters. I did it with my best friend Chrissy and we got ready in the Savoy and everyone was there. It was just really fun, like my mum, my sister. And then we were meant to only have like 50 people. We did the guest list for the balance of the night for. There was 98 people. We're like, how the fuck has it got to 98? So 98 people and they all came.

I guess also you were sharing it with someone else. So it's like 50 people each is probably good, I guess. It's easily done. I think 96 people came. So two people didn't come. So it was pretty like. Great turnout. Great turnout.

The only way I could describe it is, like, I'm 30. I just, well, I'm not actually yet. She's not 30 yet, guys. I'm actually 29. But it felt like I was 18. It was like an 18-year-old's birthday party in the best way. Like, the music was great. The vibe was great.

Everyone was so drunk. Like, the drinks were apparently so strong. It was just really good vibes, really fun. It was, like, hectic vibes, but it was so fun. Everyone was on the best form, and it was just, like, everyone I loved, apart from you, in one room. So it was really fun um it was like hectic vibes but it was so fun everyone was on the best form and it was just like everyone I loved apart from you in one room so it was really fun everyone bought presents it was like we had like a present day when I was like what the fuck I'm actually 16 in the best way like who turns up to parties these days and brings actual wrapped presents I guess when it's the 30th you need to guys I think I need to check myself in like I do

not bring gifts enough like I need to really be better with the gifts I really do so anyway that was that and it was unbelievable and it was so much fun and I also got home at like 1 30 so it was like gorgeous really it started at 6 so that's it it's the same thing when you start earlier you can end earlier which is right not saying it 2 30 still quite late it's still good you did a bigger stint than I did oh people a bigger sin than I did. People stayed way later than I did. I was just like, I've had enough.

And it was so hard. Because I get to a point when I'm older and more mature, I will like notify when I stop drinking so that I go to bed more sober because some people make the mistake of doing shots and then they go home

and I'm like, well, you're now going to go to bed on like two shots. That's so dumb. Which is what's important. And that's going to make you feel really sick tomorrow and I have this problem

where I throw up the next day if I drink too much now. Did you throw up? No. I still don't feel quite right. Like, I'm exhausted. I know,

but it does follow you. It does follow you. And I'm like, what is that about? Like, I can't. I know. Well,

actually, I'll explain why I got it really wrong. So, we finished the night and we're all going to this next place and I'm thinking my head i'm

flagging i'm like really flagging i'm like but i can't possibly go to 1130 on my birthday so i'm like right emily champion i'm like we need to go downstairs into the office i know there's matches down there so i'm like let's go get one she's like i need one too we run down there's no matches all gone but what there is is coconut flavoured Red Bull oh my god how was that it was genuinely delicious

I've never tasted it it tastes like coconut ice cream it was like vanilla oh yum anyway I'm having one we bring two each Jesus

oh no she brings one I bring two because Jamie was like grab me one anyway get in the car I'm with Ruby, Jamie and me and we're all

fighting I down two Red Bulls at 11.30. When I say I left at 1.30 and I got home and I have never been so awake in my life. But I was so tired. Like my body was so tired. Oh, I'm so sorry. Your brain wouldn't switch off. But I was like, my eyes just wanted to stay open.

I ended up not sleeping till 5am. So that's why I think I'm ruined. Because then I just felt awful. And then by the way Chrissy debriefed with me at 6am she woke up at 6am so I literally

had one hour of sleep what time did Chrissy go to bed? I think like 2 gorgeous that's like a really sensible night I know some people

stay till 4 so it was like some people stay till 5 nothing good happens after 2 I know people say it's 12 but I'm a firm believer

in 2 it's 2 because sometimes you get some magical things that happen at 1am. A hundred percent. 2am, nothing great is happening after that. And can we talk about your little birthday present you bought yourself? Because that's Gorgie Pops. Oh yeah, I got myself a bag, guys.

So I needed a bag when I go on planes or on holiday. I don't ever have anything. And I'm bringing a duffel bag. I don't need it that big. So I treated myself to like this big Loewe bag. It's stunning. I know. And then I treated myself to my shoes. Did you see my Labouge hands? Oh, I did. I did. I did. I did. Can we talk through like the name of the bag, the color of the bag, the size of the bag?

I don't know, but it's big and it's a really dark khaki gray because I thought I was going to get it in black. And then I was like, no, no get this I can wear it in summer and in winter yeah genius so I can bring that on my summer holidays as like my apple bag it's so big it's that is the sort of thing that you could literally fit like everything in everything in like including like a coat and like it's so much stuff but it's like comfy on the shoulder yeah and it's also a comfortable bag if you don't have that much stuff in it by the looks of it it looks like you can have it more empty but you can have it really full you know why it's because of that drawstring situation it's genius it's also a comfortable bag if you don't have that much stuff in it. By the looks of it, it looks like you can have it more empty, but you can have it really full. You know why? It's because of that drawstring situation, I think. It's genius. It's really, really genius.

We'll find out what the name of the bag is, guys, and then Sophie will shout it out at some point. And maybe we should look at some dupes. Absolutely. Because I bet there's going to be loads of dupes for it. Absolutely. But I just wanted to invest in something, treat myself. It's 30. I'm 30. You deserve it.

I deserve it. My mum actually got a really nice camel coat and she was saying that a camel coat is one of the hardest and best investments you can ever do. Her last one she was like she got when she was literally like 35 and she got herself this gorgeous new one. She's literally kept the one from when she was 35 until now and she's basically

60. Right, I just really need to talk to you about something. Yeah, go on. Because I'm like suffering. I feel ill about it. I'm having sleep apnea about it. What? I have goosebumps talking about how much I love Adam Brody. Like to the point where, no, no, you need to watch Netflix's. Nobody wants this, guys.

It's on Netflix. I can tell you all about it because it's got a case of women. Everyone's talking about it. Kristen Bell and Adam Brody. And it's based off Sarah Foster and Aaron Foster, who are two sisters. They've actually got a podcast. I don't know how to deal with how much I love him

because I've not had this feeling in since... He's not a monk, is he? He's a rabbi. Rabbis. He basically was in, obviously, the OC. Oh, in the OC. So my first ever love was when I watched OC and then Aaron Taylor-Johnson in Angus Thompson.

And I told you about that. And it hurt my heart. I cried when I finished it because I was like, I'm never going to have them. I'm having the same thing at 30 and I'm married. And I don't know what to do about it.

Who did I have it at? Oh, Vampire Diaries. And we both did. We both also had that over both of the brothers. Pretty fucking weird, actually, of us. No, but like, this is on another level.

Like, that was like, I fancied them. Like, I wanted to have sex with them. This is like, I actually, he's my heartthrob, I'm in love with him. So I've only seen the first episode,

and me and Toby were too hungover, it was after 10, on a Sunday, and then we fell asleep watching the second, so I haven't seen it, but I need to watch it, I need to watch it, I need to watch it.

Alright, I've got this story to tell you. Oh my god. I told Ben this, producer Ben, but I forget this story has happened to me, and it's such a distant memory. So, when I was about 15, there was this older guy and it's kind of a bit creepy now I look back at

it because I don't actually know who he was he was like someone's older brother in like the area that I lived in okay and he was an actor and like you know his Facebook photo was an actor like he was an actor okay and he used to always message me on Facebook chat or whatever and I'd be like okay cool anyway I must have done a status about how much I was in love with Adam Brody he DMs me or messages me and it's like I know him from acting I'll get him to follow me on Facebook like obviously he was like oh my god I'm his biggest fan like you need to choose me and he was like I'll get him to follow next thing you know Adam Brody's Facebook is adding me on Facebook so I'm like fucking hell I'm 15 Adam Brody's following me on Facebook and I'm like,

hey, and me and Adam Brody every day after school speak for about a month. No, not actually Adam Brody. Well, I think it's Adam Brody until years later,

I would say, until newlyweds started and somehow I got in the conversation with Jamie and Jamie was like, you fucking moron, that obviously wasn't

Adam Brody. That was the guy, the actor, who created a fake account who created a fake account me little 15 year old believed it was him and I spoke to him

every day sorry did you not absolutely tell the whole world that you were hosting Adam Brody yes I told the whole world so I got catfished by someone pretending

to be Adam Brody but what I'm more concerned about is that that freak of a boy was just like talking to me every day

pretending to be somebody else that's what happens on facebook so it's like catfish yeah but anyway i went through all my life until probably 28 thinking that i was breaking to adam brody i know but like you know what i was really happy about it and i often like would show people and be like look adam brody follows me on facebook maybe i was younger it's a bit creepy when I think about it because I think this guy was probably like 18

and I was like 14 how old is Adam Brody he's 44 oh my god he's so gorgeous he is gorgeous you will die when you watch it

like I've never I can't wait it's like is it sexy no he's literally the same character as Seth Cohen isn't he

I love Seth Cohen Seth Cohen's my number one for sure you know what it is that is an example of an American that I like. His personality, his wit, everything about him.

But there's no one like Seth Cohen. Out of ten. I've never met a human like that. And just the fact that he was like geeky and like just didn't care. I don't know. But also so cool. So cool. Oh, yeah.

Like his chat was so good. He had it all. He had it all. And so fit. Anyway, this character is literally Seth Cohen. Like it's the same character, which makes me think it's Adam Brody. Rachel Wilson always said, like, Seth Cohen is based off Adam Brody. Like, they are the same person.

So, essentially, I'm not in love with the character. I'm in love with the person. Yeah. Sorry, Jamie. Sorry, Jamie. So, you need to watch it. Right. Should we get into the dilemmas?

Absolutely. We'll be right back. dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly dilemma one hey Sophie and Melissa I have a sex dilemma for you both which I'm too embarrassed to speak about with my friends. I've been dating this guy for a month or two and I really like him. When we're on dates, he's got a great chat and big on texting, so communication didn't seem to be a problem.

That was until we had sex for the first time, and let's just say it was interesting. I know. Throughout the whole time of us having sex, he didn't say anything. It was complete silence. And I'm thinking about it, I'm like, do people talk in sex? No moans, no good girl. Good girl?

Look, I'm going to be honest. If anyone ever said good girl to me in my life, are you fucking okay? Good girl. Good girl? Pat my head. What? Surely it's bad girl. If anything, don't be such a bad girl. Good girl? I don't know if we need words with you because I'm not sure you should be getting a guy and I'm saying good girl to you. Someone's telling you that you're a good girl. I mean, each to their own.

She's a good girl. Oh, God, you think you would be like that? Yeah. Who's a good girl? You're a good girl. No, no, no. It's like being talked to a dog. I personally find chatting and sex

really fucking weird anyway, so... We're getting a bit carried away. I thought it could have been his way of concentrating so he didn't finish too quickly, but we'd had sex multiple times since and again nothing I've been putting in a shift to make him feel good I'm not looking for 50 shades of grey level of dirty talk but everybody likes a bit of encouragement and appreciation right and I'm finding having sex with someone who seems to stay silent a bit of a turn off how do I bring it up with him that I need a bit more chat in the bedroom without making myself

sound sex crazed and shallow? I'm really trying to phone. The amount of phoning would actually make me feel slightly low. It's deadly silent. It's like,

aren't you kissing? Silence speaks a thousand words. Like, silence is really weird. Also, talking I don't like either. Okay, right. Going to be honest,

a little fuck yeah is fine, okay? There's nothing wrong with that. Or oh yes is okay. Words of an affirm yeah is fine, okay? There's nothing wrong with that. Or, oh yes is okay. Words of an affirmation. It's fine. I think expecting someone to say,

good girl, who's your daddy? Or all that stuff, it's maybe you're expecting too much. For me, it's just either working or it's not. Like, I think, but unless you've always had someone who's really vocal, I've never, ever slept with. I've never really had anyone that's vocal.

No. Every now and then you'll get an oh yeah or a fuck yeah. Now I'm really thinking about it, but unless you've always had someone who's really vocal I've never ever I've never really had anyone that's vocal no every now and then you'll get an oh yeah or a fuck yeah now I'm really thinking about it but I wouldn't say that we have dirty talk no

that's never been I'm not like spank me I'm not saying that but like it's not silent I know that but I can't actually think of the top of my head sorry but what about

he's like turn over or something like that or can you do this or can I do this sometimes silence is really it's the lack of my head. Sorry, but what about he's like, turn over or something like that? Or can you do this? Or can I do this? Silence is really weird. It's the lack of moaning. There's vocals. There's moans,

there's groans of encouragement and enjoyment. Yeah. Silence is definitely Are you speaking? Are you saying stuff? Yeah, why don't you

just be fucking vocal? Sometimes you can catch me on the day and I'm really vocal. It just depends what mood you're in. I can't with the fact that he's completely silent. I'm like, is he breathing? I'm more like, are you not kissing? Like, are they kissing? Because then I'm picturing like you're both looking at each other. Like, if you're doing missionary and you're both

just like staring at each other, like silence. And I'm like, that is absolutely... That's so uncomfortable. It's horrific. What is the weirdest thing that anyone's ever said to you? Oh my God, loads since I've been married. Because obviously, like, I've been married and it's just like loads of weird shit. Right, go on, tell me what the weirdest thing is. Don't be shy.

I'm always an oversharer on this podcast, it's your turn. Once, Jamie went, yeah, bearsie. And I just turned around and went, what the fuck? Bearsie? Is that your new nickname? It was like a nickname that we said once. Or like, lamby bear or something. And I was like, oh no, no.

Lamby bear. It was something like that and we were both like what the fuck but in like a very exaggerated I also remember sleeping with someone once and um I think they said something like they called something cute and I was like no oh my god I've heard that and I was like cute no I'm not sure about that I'm not sure I can have a compliment down there let's just spell it out

they called your vagina cute I was like cute I was like cute I've heard someone and I genuinely I just don't think

like maybe because it's also really uncomfortable when you're like I'm also really prudish I'm really prudish I'm not like

Sophie's not really into that vibe unless you're really comfortable with someone so like let alone someone that you're like newly like seeing or whatever that's like yeah I've had someone you know this call my vagina a beautiful flower no your flower is beautiful is what they said and I was like I'm sorry I've never heard that

I've never heard that saying and I almost was like what is a flower and I obviously was like oh you must be talking about but that's quite strange I didn't quite know saying. And I almost was like, what is a flatter? And I obviously was like, oh, you must be talking about. But that's quite strange. I didn't quite know how to react. I didn't know him that well. If you want a bit of chat, you literally just have to initiate it. No, I think that you just talk to him. Yeah, you initiate it. Do you like that or something?

And don't just be really vocal yourself. Like if I want, sometimes I'm just. I would ask a question in a dirty way do you like that hon do you like that but like are you being vocal are you moaning and groaning I know this is the thing like or is it deadly silent you need to just put in the moans give him some reassurance that what he's doing is great like oh my god that feels great blah blah blah yeah in your own spicy way and then if there's no response and then he's completely silent, I would just be like, you don't chat much, do you, in the bedroom?

I'd be like, you're silent. Be like, does that feel nice? Be like, I need you to tell me. Just like kind of joke about it. You're sleeping with someone new. Like maybe you need to figure out what they like. Ask them if they like something. Blah, blah, blah.

Yes. And also make sure that you're maybe being a little bit more loud yourself. Let's get some heavy breaths in there I don't want to do an example but let's do some heavy breathing yeah just like

you know the drill throw in a couple of oh yeah baby in there I can't don't go oh yeah baby and do a good boy

throw him a good boy yeah if you want him to say good girl if that's what you want him to say to you say it to him and see how it goes

and surely see how it lands all you can do here is like give say it to him and see how it goes and surely he'll gather him all you can do here is like give him the olive branch and show him the way like he obviously isn't used to doing that

or maybe he thinks that you'd be like what the hell are you doing like not everyone likes being vocal you obviously do so you've got to make him aware that you like that

so the lack of moaning which is freaking me out like even when he's like climaxing or whatever we want to say it is he not making a noise then is it just pure silence is it just I don't think so this is what I'm thinking Like, even when he's, like, climaxing and whatever we want to say it, is he not making a noise then? Is it just pure silence?

Is it just... I don't think so. This is what I'm thinking. I'm thinking she likes actual chat. Very hard to be silent. It is. I've never had that in my life. This is a niche thing. But you know what?

I'd rather someone be silent than be, like, talking and cringing me the fuck out. I know, but she likes the talking and each their own. So you've just got to make sure that he knows you like that talking. So just talk away. Don't shut up. Just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. And girls, write in, do we like dirty chat? And if you do, like, how have you initiated it with your boyfriends?

Help us out. Absolutely. Because Melissa's more of a dirty chat than me, but I'm like not. So I'm not going to be very good at it. I'm not very dirty chat. It sounds like you're getting more lambies in the bedroom than I am. Yeah. I wouldn't call that dirty.

No, I agree. I would say that's like borderline icky. Don't think, you're not shallow by being into certain sexy things. Totally. It's totally, it's all preference. And I think it's so normal. Yeah. I just would like, I'm calling all girls to help us out on this one

because I don't know how to create dirty chat in the bedroom. And guys, like if you have any advice on like if you're shy, but you are into that, how would you like a girl to approach you in that subject? because sometimes it's got to come from the girl because the boy's too shy totally dilemma two hi sophie and melissa i was with my partner for 11 years and last year i fell pregnant we were both over the moon unfortunately i lost the baby 10 weeks into my pregnancy i didn't know at the time but within a month of losing the baby my boyfriend had started an affair whilst on a boy's trip to Barcelona there must be something in the water what is it about fucking Barcelona no Jamie's

also it's been a while since we've heard about Barcelona boy it carried on behind my back for months however at the end of last year I found out the truth he admitted his affair we broke up and he moved out what the fuck is going on I can't even imagine I've just watched The Selling Sunset where she finds out

that her husband's having an affair and I'm like I genuinely can't even Chelsea oh my god I need to watch it after months apart

and countless conversations we tried to make it work however it didn't happen and we split this summer for good I really rate it when people try and like give things a go

and I watched something the other day on Instagram and it said actually 80% of like people that cheat in relationships get back together and make it work. And it ends up okay. So it is possible. So I rate you guys for giving it another go. Yeah, me too. I have now found out he started dating the girl he cheated on me with.

And they are starting a new life together as a couple. I've just turned 31. All of my friends have recently gotten engaged and having babies. And now I find myself having to find out what adult life is without him. We have been together since we were teenagers. That is so tough

because your whole... I actually genuinely have goosebumps over my entire body. This is horrific. Your whole identity is like intertwined with someone. And also 31 and having it all ripped away from you.

Oh yeah, I get it. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this new stage of life and the best way to start this new chapter? The past two years have been awful, but I'm ready to put them behind me and I'm struggling to work out how. Lots of love.

First of all, big fucking hug. And also, like, you're tough because it's not fucking easy. Like, I can't even. That's really fucking horrific. It's really hard. Like, it's never going to be easy, but if they start dating the person they've cheated on you with, it's like, some people say it's better because you're like, oh, they did it for a reason. At least it was worth it.

At least it was worth it. But like, you know, it's pretty fucking hard on like the heart. I think it hurts more rather than being like, it was a one time fucking mistake. Like, we were in a bad place. We had a yada yada when it's a full blown affair. And they're like, and obviously like have feelings for the person. No, no, it's unbearable it's actually unbearable yes my heart like really hurts for you but you've really got to just like put all your belief in like I know it sounds lame but

like the universe and just be like everything happens for a reason like I know I'm gonna find my way like everything will make you a stronger person like this is obviously part of your journey you're gonna find your person and then this would have happened for a reason it might make you stronger or more resilient or maybe you're gonna help somebody in your future life like deal with something similar like it would have happened for a reason and you will get through it the pendulum always swings if you're having a shit time it's gonna fucking swing the other way and you're gonna have the best time because you deserve it and you know good things happen to good people. And if shit things have happened, it only means that you're going to get shoved in with a load of great things. And I really believe that.

I also think in these scenarios, it's like a good way of you finding your own identity. By the sounds of it, like if you've been with this person since you were a teenager, you probably don't really know who you are by yourself as like you know a single human and most people in your position would have gone through like maybe three or two or four five relationships and really found out who they are how they deal with certain things and grown and whatever and this is your opportunity to do that like you're still very young 31 like I understand the pressure yes I get it but equally like you are still really bloody young like there's so many people that I know that are single and they're 34 that's just a shit like part of society I guess like there's this societal norm society but also it is fucking like human. I get it. We do, unfortunately, like regardless to society or not, we do have a body clock. So the panic is frustrating for us because it then can sometimes force us into settling.

And also, thank God you didn't fucking like get married and have a baby with this guy. And then he cheated. Like, do you know what I mean? Like this has all happened like in a really fortunate way for you. And you've had that all happen before. And, you know, thank God none of that's happened and you've got this fresh start and as you say, you're ready to move on.

I think in terms of creating this new space for yourself, he's moved out. This is what I would do. I would facelift the flat. Yeah. Facelift the home. Not majorly, maybe a lick of paint, change up a rug.

I don't know. Pillows, cushions. Just make it feel like a new, fresh environment. I would change the bedsheets because you slept in them with him. Yes. I would just change your bedsheets. Maybe some new cushions on there. And new pillows.

Maybe some new bedside table lamps or something. Freshen that up so it feels new and fresh. And then you do have to like... Kessel drawers, I would put them on Gumtree and buy new ones because his shit would have been in those drawers. Unless you don't have a problem with this, I do think would put them on Gumtree and buy new ones because his shit would have been in those drawers. Unless you don't have a problem with this, I do think it's quite nice feeling like it's a new space because when you share memories with someone,

you're like, oh, it's really hard to like move on and feel like you're not stuck in this one place, especially when you're like, oh my God, he's like gone off with this girl and he's got a new chapter in his life he's building a home with, whereas I'm still stuck in our old home that we were building a home together with. So definitely do that. I feel like that's a really like fun way

it's a fun project as well and it will just get your mind off things and like you can earn money from it like put it on Facebook marketplace and like you know be savvy with it also there's nothing better than like that glow up where you like glow up from the inside and it really like shows there's quite a few girls on Instagram now and it's called like the glow up phase where they like really make their diet like really healthy and clean so they feel really great and then they're working out more and like they're just really like my body is a temple kind of vibe and it's like really cliche but like hot girl walk like all those things that's what i would do i'd be like i'm gonna feel the best i've ever felt and like love your body so much that you put all the right food in it.

Just really fucking take care of yourself. Yeah. And there's nothing better than bumping into him and him being like, God, she looks fucking great. And you're like, you know what? I'm having an epic time. I'm doing X, Y, and Z. I'm taking care of myself.

I feel great about myself. And also, not that I'm encouraging you to ever think about your ex again, because I get this is all about moving forward and moving on. There's nothing wrong now with putting yourself out there in terms of dating if you're ready to it's been two years have a little browse online or say to your friends like you're going to be starting going to weddings as you said like people are getting engaged so many fun people to meet at weddings and like go and shag about have a date have a I mean you've been not locked up for 13 years because that's the wrong way to put it. But like, ultimately, you don't know.

You could actually be like, gosh, you know what? Thank God I'm not with this guy anymore. Because in comparison, this is actually quite dull. You don't know because you don't know any different. This is a really exciting time for you. Yeah, I think you've just got to rewire your brain and look at this as like such a new fun time. It's an opportunity.

This is the opportunity of a lifetime. You've just literally been rebirthed, basically. You've been reborn. So actually, congratulations. We don't feel sorry for you. just literally been rebirthed yeah basically you've been reborn so actually congratulations we don't feel sorry i don't know how you're feeling yeah and i don't i'm like i'm actually jealous of you to be honest i know you're basically getting a whole new life you've been reborn whole new lease of life also there's nothing worse than being in those long-term stagnant relationships and i do feel like if he was like having this affair right you were probably I don't know you might not have been checking out but I do feel like there would have

been a disconnect of some sort you might have been getting to a point where it was stagnant but you were like kind of okay with that and he maybe acted on it wrongly which he shouldn't have done but you might have gotten to that point eventually anyway do you know what I mean so I really think this is a blessing and it's an amazing opportunity. Go out and get it, girl. Yeah. And message us and send us updates. Like if you've been on dates, if you're having fun, if you're going, traveling and you're doing a bungee jump off the side of a mountain, like send us the updates because we miss it.

We're rooting for you. I am rooting for you. Dilemma three. Recently, my best friend has been driving me mad we just kept one like they're starting to go into like friend dilemmas now a lot more so right yeah they're complicated she doesn't respect my privacy and doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut for example last week we were out with some friends and i was talking about how much fun we had with one of our other friends out of the the blue, my best friend said, that's not what you said about her last week. For context, I'd gotten a little bit frustrated with our other friend for cancelling plans last minute. Nothing serious though and I didn't say anything to her, just to my best friend.

This obviously led to a lot of awkwardness and me having to explain my way out of bad mouthing a friend. I'm not a very confrontational person, however she is. How do I get to her to stop exposing me in front of everyone when I just want to speak my thoughts to my best in private? That's really weird. Yeah, that's fucking weird. I've had that shit before.

That is so weird. That's like me or you venting to each other and then I'm next around that person being like, you know why you guys are friends because you were bitching about her yesterday. Sorry.

Are you okay? I think you've just caught a What the fuck? She's like, it's giving unhinged, like it's really, really odd. She's wanting to sabotage. at her yesterday. Sorry? Are you okay? I think you've just caught a sort of cookie attack. She's like, it's giving unhinged, like it's really, really odd. She's wanting to sabotage.

Yeah, she's wanting to sabotage. A little bit there. I'm not sure how that is. There's being direct and there's being up front and then there's just plain like being a bit of a dick and throwing someone

under the bus like right like that. I've been sabotaged majorly by someone that I thought was a really good friend. They played a voice note that I had sent her about someone else and I I thought was a really good friend. They played a voice note that I had sent her about someone else. And I thought she was a really good friend and she just played it on TV to the person.

Also like that was unreal. And we've really controlled ourselves, but we both used to be quite mouthy and use uncouth words, not meaning them. Yes. It's like kind of like part of this dilemma. It's like you learn that you shouldn't you can't sometimes trust your mates

and you shouldn't say those words willy nilly there's always going to be a consequence Jamie wouldn't get this because he's not a girl he would be like but that's what boys do

you did say that and I'm like no no no but a girl I'm like she's trying to sabotage me and he would be like no Sean

you did say that like girls just are different and we know there's a girl code if you ever vent to me about somebody you don't fucking mean it

you're just like oh well she bailed on me also she bailed fucking annoying like oh god you don't dislike her she's just a bit claky isn't she

and then two weeks later oh my god had the best night with you we had so much fun didn't say that two days ago I can't bear that she's doing this I can't either

I would really so unfortunately it sounds like you can't say anything to this girl unless you address it just just address it be like don't appreciate being thrown under the fucking bus like that i would a thousand percent be addressing that it's really weird it's like really odd unless you need to like maybe like you're being a bit too sometimes there's a maybe you're being a bit too... Sometimes there's a danger in, like... Maybe you're being a bit too fierce and you don't realise it. Yeah, and you're being... And it's pissing your best friend off. Yeah, and, like, that is the case where girls sometimes, like, we don't mean it, but sometimes it is just easy to, like, say things

and, like, we don't actually mean it. And, like, sometimes the other girlfriend can be, like, hang on, you are bitching a bit about now. And then now you're hanging out with them and you're being best friends, playing besties. So, like, maybe have a conversation with her and she could turn around and be, like, look, you do keep being really two-faced.

I don't like it so I'm going to call you out. Like sometimes in our big girls friendship group, someone will annoy someone at some point, right? On a holiday or whatever. It happens. It happens. You can't fucking get on with everyone all the time. I mean, look how much our boyfriends

annoy us sometimes, you know? There's being mean and then there's venting. Like if I'm sat and I'm being really mean about someone, you should be like, Sophie, hang on a second. Exactly. A exactly you shouldn't be friends with that person if you're talking about them that way and b that's just fucking mean and i'm so on board with that call someone out it's not cool i probably wouldn't do it in front of that ideally not doing it in front of that person because you're just upsetting that person and it's actually a bit childish

you're just causing a bit of an argument i would just take you aside and be like i think you're being a bit too face it's really quite uncomfortable like you're being a bit yeah be like look I get it that like if she's annoying you one day but like you're being quite nasty about her and then you're being nice to her so it's confusing for me and then I feel like you're being a bit too face and I'm questioning whether you're doing it to me because that's probably where my head would go if you were constantly bitching about like Chrissy do you know what I mean I would be like hmm you're probably saying the same about me but then I see you on Instagram together

the next day having the best time I would be like I get that would piss me off I get that and I'm feeling like you might have to

take a step back and see whether that's what you're doing because it feels like maybe you are doing that without noticing and your friends just being a bit like

hang on a second she just called you out you would call me out I feel like I probably wouldn't in front of the person no I wouldn't in front of the person. No, I wouldn't in front of the person. But I would definitely.

I would message you on Instagram and be like, we friends now? That would be it. I would like DM you or something and you would do the same to me. A thousand percent. And then it would be like

an explained situation. On the other hand, if you've not really done anything wrong, you were just having a very harmless vent, like, oh, she bailed on me, it was quite annoying.

And then she's calling you out. I would just really give her a call and just be like dude that was really uncomfortable like why did you do that also like friends are like relationships like boyfriend and girlfriend

it's the same thing if you don't communicate you're never going to get anywhere I understand it's harder with friendships than it is with relationships I think that you both need to communicate

I have a feeling that you've both done something wrong I think you think you're just venting but I think the way your friend is getting it is that you're bitching about her. And you're being a bitchy face.

And she doesn't like that. And we all get that, and we've all been there. So don't worry about it. Just check yourself. Sometimes you just need to be put in our place. Let us know what happens though, because I really think that's a very common situation. And it's a good lesson for all of us girls.

Absolutely. There's venting and calling out, but let's stay away from bitching about one another to each other. Yeah. And it's easy to do, but it's easy to stop too. It's true. Guys, as always, if you want to find out what happens next in the Dilemmas Hard on Wednesdays, then make sure to be subscribed to the follow-up.

Our VITs get a bonus episode every fortnight. We give follow-ups from the main episode our most recent episode we find out how our tiny tackled her boyfriend's bad wardrobe oh my god that's a real thing bad wardrobe isn't it yeah we'll struggle with that a little bit did she stick or did his skinny jeans just keep giving her the ick we also go back to dilemma from episode 52 where our tiny was debating whether to get back with her ex or pursue a potentially exciting new relationship the link is in the bio and we're also letting you into our upcoming halloween special too so good luck get subscribing we love you okay guys that's the end

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