Wednesdays - 68. We debate friendship BREAK UPs: Is it ever okay to phase out a friend?

Episode Date: January 8, 2025

It’s our first proper episode of 2025, but we’re throwing it back to 2015—chatting about who we were 10 years ago, the big trends, and the advice we would give to ourselves now!Back then, Melissa was in PA school, and Sophie was back at university, sharing her classic night-out routine: chaotic pre-drinks and post-night-out food. Melissa reminisces about her clubbing days when she’d waltz in for free—those days are long gone! And let’s not forget the beauty and fashion choices we’d rather leave behind—foundation lips, Kylie Jenner-inspired lip suckers, and (why, oh why) the wedged boots.On the dilemmas this week: one Tiny’s chance encounter with an old fling has her questioning her current relationship—is it fate, or is she overthinking it? Plus, a friendship dilemma: is it ever okay to quietly phase someone out?Want More?! Check out our premium subscription The Follow Up - AD FREE, BONUS EPS and ALL the goss wednesdays.supercast.com/If you have one or a dilemma, any personal advice for another Tiny, or a follow up to a dilemma? You can send us a voice note or message using the link here.--Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]--Credits:Producer & Editor: @ben_johnsAssistant Producer: @gurlinaheer_Exec: @jemimarathbone and Holly NewsonVideo editor: @jakeji.pVideo editor: @lizziemccarthySocial: @laurabcoughlan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either. And we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts'm not a doctor either and we're not psychologists and we're not experts in anything in fact we just chatted all the shit so and we love giving you guys advice but as we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help coming up on this week's episode of wednesdays it's our first proper episode of 2025, but we are looking back at 2015 and chatting out the people we were 10 years ago, all the biggest trends of the years, and so much more.

On the dilemma front, we're helping a tiny whose chance encounter with an old fling is making her rethink her relationship. And we're also discussing a friendship drama and whether it's ever okay to face our friend. There's loads to get into. So let's get into the episode. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome. Oh, sweet little tinies. We've missed you dearly. It's 2025. That's bonkers. Wasn't there a film? I know it's 2012 when the world ended. Wait, but let's just be really positive for the start of the year. It is 2025 when you're listening to this. We wanted to go back 10 years and talk about what's been going on since 2015. Rewind the clock.

What was going on? Let's go back a century. No, not a century. A decade. Wait, hang on. 10 years ago, I was just going to uni then, wasn't I? I was 18. No, I was leaving uni. I'm sick at my stomach. I was 18 when I't I I was 18 no I was leaving uni I'm sick

at my stomach you were leaving because I was 18 when I was 18 should I explain my theory which is so so stupid but I basically think I was 18 and when 2018 I think I was 13 in 2013 so in 2015 I was like I was 15 but no no no Sophie you weren't Because that means I'd be 24 now. God, I wish I was. It is spooky. That actually 10 years ago, you were still actually an adult. Isn't that weird? I know. You were 20.

I know. 2015, I was second year of uni, loving life, having a great time. I definitely thought I would probably just be married with three kids. With whoever I was with then. Oh, I see. Like I was like, well, that's what's going to happen. Yeah. And now it doesn't.

Well, at least you've actually ticked the box off of being married. That's quite an accomplishment you've achieved that. Not me. What did he think you were going to do? I don't really know. I think I imagined myself, I think at this point I was going into PA school. I was like, PA school I was like yeah I'm gonna be a PA part-time PA quest yeah it's a PA and business course that you do for

nine months nine months yes sorry what do you do for that was my uni so we would study shorthand are you fucks gonna use your hand what shorth hand? It's like abbreviated words, sentences. So you can look back on notes really quickly. So if you're taking minutes, it's effectively another language, but like serious abbreviation vibes. But you have to learn. And the next or something would be one little symbol, effectively. So sorry.

And as a dyslexic girl that was really impossible so I quickly learned that being a PA was not going to be for me so I sort of mentally clocked out did you learn any shorthand though I'm fascinated yeah I had to learn for fucking nine months so it's like algebra but it was kind of kind of do people who aren't PA know how to write shorthand sorry yes I think it's actually like a thing it's like a business thing if you're a PA or an assistant or an EA or anyone that's having to take notes quickly and blah blah blah you would know shorthand it's a great skill to have if you can learn it I'd recommend but it didn't work for me fascinated and you were living in Fulham living in Fulham very close to actually where I am now and yeah that was my uni how wild is that it's like 10 years ago and like you're like

wait what's fucked up it was 10 years ago and it just feels like it was maybe three it's just so bizarre and life was really different then in London like I'm like the amount of stuff that actually we could do for that amount of money was pretty good like now I couldn't afford to do all those things I was doing I was like god how did I manage it I was going clubbing five times a week in like prime clubs in London I know it's really wild you know what weirdly back then like I embarrassingly went to a club this weekend and had to pay entry and I was with the boys and I was like oh but I'm a girl he's like doesn't look like that anymore unfortunately it's like oh my god 10 years ago I'd be in for free I was 10 years ago clubbing my ass off that's what I was doing how the night start okay right I would drive everywhere in my

car but like I'm talking to the waitress which was there I would drive because it was so cold I was so cold and I was always just like cold and so lazy I don't think I got one step in the whole it's really weird when you're young that you don't understand the concept of like walking I remember when I was in London I would get an uber everywhere. Couldn't possibly think of walking. Really strange. Really strange. I would go to our waitress even though we were students but that was just the local supermarket in and we would get a prosecco that was my drink of choice. Lovely. And so we would all get a prosecco each a bottle as our pre-drinks we were 18 to 20

the stamina is really quite something it's just very annoying you know like me like that's just you're quite lightweight I know so we would have that

and it would be warm because it would be from like the thing and we would just not put it no you're not drinking for enjoyment

it would be painful I do remember like vaguely being like and we'd drink it out of plastic cups oh yeah we'd get it half-naked. You're not drinking for enjoyment. It would be painful. I do remember vaguely being like, and we'd drink it out of plastic cups. Oh, yeah. We'd probably take it to the boys' house. We'd all drink that. And then you'd go to a travel bar. Just brace yourself for the amount of alcohol.

Travel bar? They're called Famous in Newcastle. I think they've been shut down. And it was £9 for three travels. And in each travel was three shots. So it's nine shots for £5. Sorry, it was five pounds for nine shots and we would get it and i would get which is actually disgusting you can only imagine what

type of vodka it was i would get like a skinny one yeah i had to put lime cordial in because it was yeah it was so vile um and then we'd go to the club after that and then continue drinking yeah like we would like vomit in the night and then carry on dancing. I know, it's actually, it's actually feral. Like, I'd be like, I need to go to under and then, like, we'd be sick.

Oh, yeah, just go TC and then you feel better. And then I was like, ready for round two. I can't. Oh, my God. Please don't do that. But then occasionally

there was a night called Digital. It was, like, a rave night and they were my nights. They were my nights. They were the nights. I would drink beers all night. To be fair, a bottled beer

is some of the only safe options because at least you know it's got a cap on it and you know what it is. I think beer is probably the nicest drink. It is on what it is on the outside of the tin. Whereas if you get a vodka soda,

you don't know what vodka that is. Like they might have just poured it into the other bottle. I always think that. I always also just think like vodka soda, like whoever's pretending that's nice, it's not fucking bottle. I always think that. I always also just think like vodka soda, like whoever's pretending that's nice, it's not fucking nice.

I like vodka soda. No, you don't. But only after a few drinks when I'm so drunk and I actually can't handle it. But a beer you would have at any point in the day, right? When I need. Quenching. Also, when you're like so sick of the sweetness of wine,

Prosecco and stuff like that, the beer, it gives you that salty almost. And I'm like, oh, I really needed that. Savour it. It's quenching. Anyway, those are that salty almost. And I'm like, oh, I really needed that. Savour it. It's quenching. Anyway, those were my uni days. And then we would come home

and then the next day. Would you, no, would you like a kebab on the way home? Well, we would in first year, we would go to Subway

outside Tup Tup. Subway's underrated. Or La Mashera and we'd get pizza and everyone, it was like so sloppy. Like I look back, like we would be on the floor

like all eating pizza together it was so wild and then occasionally like in the halls there was like vending machines there was a chair

and like everyone would just sit there and like dominoes would come through and like you'd everyone be wasted like it's quite a lot

anyway then third year came it was a bit more like civilised it was more house parties kind of better more fun I think more fun but then if you want to boogie it's frustrating no there was music on and like every room okay was a different disco it's actually just really fun times I do look back at it and think what a

life give yourself some advice go back and tell yourself some advice what would it be for 2015 so don't worry you going to marry Jamie Lang and it's all going to be okay. I will tell myself... That vision you have of marrying someone is not going to be what you think it is. I would say... Nothing really.

Maybe, like, save money. Yeah. Not that I ever had money at that age, but, like, now I've hit 30, I'm like, God, I wish I wasn't so stupid with cash. I would also say like it's all going to be all right. Like your happy ending is going to come. That's quite comforting.

Some people when they're younger, they look really freaked out about that. I actually never did. I would say it gets better. Like, let me get this straight. I think life probably was like so fun and I loved life. But I think it's like gets better. I like how you said with your birthday like like you get to know yourself better and like you do when you're that age it's weird I

don't know if you had this like I obviously didn't know myself at all but I also didn't know anything about anything so nothing seemed that deep yeah ever like actually quite bad shit would happen but like sort of water off a duck's back and I'm like oh my god how are you all right after that happened she didn't even process it it's just it's literally just gone sort of in one ear and out the other yeah because I didn't know what was happening I wasn't a warrior child whereas there's some people that I know that like were really like not anxious but like really processed things or took things on board at that age and I'm like I didn't I don't think I did either I can't really remember it's all a bit of a blur exactly I just remember like having

fun and then just being psycho when I drank oh yeah that still happens I was I was psycho at university that's all I will say come on what advice would you give your little 18 year old self there was a period of my life where I really panicked about my future and I was a bit like I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life it wasn't like that deep I remember thinking like all my friends are at uni they've all got quite a clear path like all my friends really were set on what they wanted to be and they followed through with that wow I wasn't whereas I really sort of didn't know and I was like education is not for me like what am I gonna do do you know what I mean I know I was a bit so career wise and in a sense of relationship I was never like lost with that I was always quite sort of happy with

that and my friendships but I think career wise I would never, like, lost with that. I was always quite sort of happy with that and my friendships. But I think career-wise, I would just say, like, carry on what you're doing because it's all going to be okay and you're going to have so much fun. Don't panic about it. Just enjoy the ride, which is exactly what I did. But it's just a nice thing to hear reassurance, isn't it? Yeah.

So I would if I could tell myself that. Enjoy the ride. It's so true. And also, yeah, right, not get so many fucking Ubers. Start walking to places. Yeah, like, just be a little bit careful about those things. Like, I really was, like... Preval really was like prevalent stupid like i really was stupid and i would always advise to myself like pre-make some food and put it in the fridge when you get back from

the night out there's something to eat rather than ordering like a rancid pizza that you don't like and then eating half of it and it being waste absolutely and also i would say to myself enjoy it more because it goes really quickly and like there's no way I can like go to Waitrose

in my pyjamas on a hangover like you know what I mean it's like life's very different now so just and every stage

is great but like it was freaking fun it was so fun I think I'd also tell myself say yes to more 100%

I was a little bit sometimes a bit introverted and shy at times and I don't understand why no actually I go back to it I was actually wild bit, sometimes a bit introverted and shy at times, and I don't understand why. No, actually, I go back to it. I was actually wild, and I sometimes am like, how was I so unsafe? Like, when I went travelling, I'm like, whoa. Some close calls.

Yeah. Again, that's like the niceness of, like, not caring too much because you have a bit more fun. But then you look back and you're like, ooh, that's actually really stupid. Like, wild. I would never do half the things that I would do. half the things oh my god oh let's talk about some makeup I love this I feel like 2015 was really quite a pinnacle part because social media was like becoming like huge what was your makeup what do you remember my makeup wasn't oh we both used to do the same thing heavy heavy heavy. Line on the top line.

No, I didn't at uni. That was only when I came to London and joined MIT. So it was a few years later, to be fair. I wasn't 15. I'd say 2017. 15, what were you doing? I wore barely anything. So I just did mascara and then foundation.

I just did mascara and foundation. But I used to put brown instead of a liner. I put a brown, dark eyebrow pencil. I smudged it across my my thing but it didn't look nice it wasn't nice like it made my eyes look very round rather than

it just it wasn't very nice elongated also why no like colour on the lips I was still not the foundation lip stage but it was very much so

there was no colour on the lip yeah there was nothing and I put my foundation on you know it goes a little bit over your lip I just leave it

and put a little lip gloss on. Gross. It kind of liked it. Yeah. I can't even think what I did with my hair. Like, I can't remember anything. Oh, no, no. I don't like this.

And there's nothing wrong with it. But I just did, like, such a limp wave. Same. No product. Not one. Same. And it would be, like, dead straight here. And then just wavy at the bottom.

Not a vibe for me at all yeah also this is when Kylie Jenner was really coming into her lip vibe her era yes because you know that's what I did my dissertation on oh yeah fascinating you always tell me about that lip sucker that she started to do yes me and my friends bought this lip sucker off Amazon and we all used to and we'd suck our lips as soon as it came off we would overline that so use it as like our drawer and honestly it was phenomenal we looked like we'd had lip filler and then what happened when it went away it was kind of all night you would have big chunky lips yeah you could go overboard though and they'd be like this big it was me Bella and

Megan and we were addicted they were in the bags they both tried to gatekeep it from me for a while and then I was like, what's this little red thing? And then they showed me and I was like, guys, this is transformative. I must use that. I know. So that was a really big thing. What else is big? But it's kind of lol looking back at it that we all believe that that's what Kylie had done to her lips. That she was using a sucker.

I never even heard of this sucker until you told me about it. I'm sure that's where they got it from. They were were like this is what Kylie uses And I was like I think it's filler But I don't think we knew about filler then No it wasn't really Well I think you knew about plastic surgery Exactly

But I was like she surely hasn't had surgery when she's so young She was like 16 But she Baking and banana powder No I didn't do any of that I remember Kim Kardashian with the banana powder It was this yellow banana powder. There was a photo of her

that went like literally all over the internet. That's what I remember, but no one I knew had it. No, not me. I tried to get it online once and it was like, you can only buy it in America.

It was like baking. I've never been into baking once I had it done to me. I've never seen it. It's not for me. It's quite like white and flawless there. It does actually look quite amazing,

but then quite fake, I think, sometimes. It's just not how we do our makeup. No, it's got quite amazing but then quite fake I think sometimes. It's just not how we do our makeup. No, it's got to be a full glam I think. Yeah, you've got to bake the whole face.

I mean, Alex Harle does it the whole time. She goes under the cheek. Yeah. Urban Decay Naked Palettes. I did have that. Urban Decay's quite nostalgic.

It's a real nostalgic one. Yeah. And not Bobby Brown. Benefit. Benefit Brow. Benefit Brow. You used to use the Benefit Bronzer. bronzer hula bronzer i still kind of have it knocking about that was in my makeup it's a classic benefit everything i would have a huge brush and i still have it yeah that huge one with the tiny chubby end yeah and i just put it all over my face forget putting in specific areas

like that stuff's going all over and then i have to do it all down my neck as well and then if there's a photo of me with my hair tied up it's like pale at the back of my neck so I've done it all on the front of my neck and nowhere else do you know what I was quite into um Sally Hansen at uni that's where I discovered it you were still into that when I met you because I remember yeah some more white jeans and it rubbed off onto your white jeans you like Sally Hansen and I was like what the fuck's that you went are you wearing fake tan and I went

no not me and then someone got off and her leg was covered in fake tan and I was like it's not fake tan it's Sally Hansen

and I was like who the fuck is Sally Hansen it's like foundation I need to get my mitts on some of that flawless airbrush vibe should I tell you what I was wearing

I was wearing skinny jeans i was wearing um ash heel wedge trainers oh my god i remember that brand ash wedge trainers they were copying isabel moran yes exactly with the built-in wedge i so know i was wearing them with skinny jeans like a big cozy um hoodie uh like jumper woolly jumper and like a nice jacket, a leather jacket. I wore a leather jacket everywhere. And then I moved to like bomber jacket, skinny jeans and Nikes because I thought I was like edgy at uni. I was in biker boots, black skinny jeans, leather jackets.

That was just all it was for me the whole time. Leather jackets all day, every day. From All Saints? Yeah, nothing else. I think I had a grey one and a black one and that sorted me out that was me done yeah just like just a polo neck underneath yeah so plain so boring well actually no at university i wore crop tops every single night of my life i didn't go out without one they were like bras i was like they were so cropped i can't dream of wearing that now like some of them were crocheted

like basically wow the sheer confidence that is the thing you just don't care nipples out don't care also everyone around you is so like your age

and is doing the same things it doesn't matter I know my parents must have been like she's out in Newcastle they would never have known or seen any of it oh my god I need to talk to you about how much I need to see Baby Girl They would never have known or seen any of it.

Oh my God, I need to talk to you about how much I need to see Baby Girl. All I've seen is this really short trailer. And it's Nicole Kidman and this young guy that was in... Did you see Where the Shoredads Go? Where the Crawldads Go? Where the Crawldads Sing? Yeah. The boy that was the bit of a dickhead that was in it I didn't see it

oh god he's actually really gorgeous was it in the movie yes had bad reviews anyway his name is Harris Dickinson

in real life it's like a very steamy scene of him and Nicole Kidman and I think it's basically she's had a really it's an erotic thriller which is VR vibes

like if someone was going to say to me like what's your porn like it would be that as in I'm not going to watch porn like like what's your porn like it would be that. Really? As in I'm not going to watch porn like for me

I'd rather watch a film where there's a bit of romance in it. Can I tell you what is porn? Yeah go on. A Day in the Jackal. Have you seen it?

No I haven't. Eddie Redmayne I don't know what it's done to me I'm not well watching it Jamie with me and I only announced it to him on the last episode

I said I have to tell you I have never been so fancying somebody so much in my entire life so it's not erotic it's not sexy he's a sniper but my god almighty something about him you need to watch it something about it's like porn i can't explain it wow maybe i'm on my own and saying that but i've never been so around okay well i'll give it a go and then i'll let you know if i feel the same i think he will do there's something about like he's just so amazing with this gun i'm getting like i'm maybe it's a protector thing he's just got such an eye like he's just got a real good eye for that yeah i don't know what it is it's freaky january's gonna be filled with some excellent

tv because it's a real it's a shit month you know what i don't want to like manifest it being a shit month and i kind of hate it when people say that because i'm like it could be great i think it's a real it's a shit month let's be honest. No you know what I don't want to like manifest it being a shit month and I kind of hate it when people say that because I'm like it could be great. I think it's just because we're on we've had so much to look forward to and then there isn't so much in January. But like January I feel like no one does anything like I in my mind no one goes back to work in January by

the way I'm aware that we all do but like in my mind I'm like do we all just sit on the sofa the whole of January. It's really weird isn't it. You know what I think it's from I think it was from this one lockdown where I couldn't go home to see my family for Christmas and I sat day in and day out and watched The Crown for the whole of January and like my whole mind of January is just that and that's why I'm like god I've got that all to come on that whole month of just sitting in front of the sofa. Well you don't. I know also by the way I keep getting little ads or like little clips of follow this on Instagram about Desperate Housewives having a reboot and please god just be true I know it's been going on for years but like there

is sniffs about it even on Korea always is like I would jump on it she's like I would be Gabrielle Gabrielle but then I have also seen her do an interview where she's like the director or the writer or whatever exhausted the characters so much because we had so many episodes in a season yeah there's not much else for the characters to give yeah so i'm not sure she's really leaving that door open bro i might get the cueing i was guessing so we're gonna do diamonds now yeah because that's what we're here for at the end of the day that's what you guys came and that's why you're here to stay. feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated 19 plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600

or visit connectsontario.ca please play responsibly dilemma one hey girls I'm struggling with my boyfriend's sex drive and my health conditions over the past five years i've been in and out of the doctors battling with chronic etis and sex is one of the main triggers and then my friend yeah i deal with the symptoms daily oh my god and it often means i don't have sex because i know it will make it worse my boyfriend has made my problem all about him and he said that he's finding it very difficult because sex is a really important part in a relationship. I don't like the fact that he's getting so annoyed at me and it's pushing me away. We still often have sex but just not every day. I don't think it's that much of a big deal. What do

you girls think? Am I being unreasonable to think that he's not being understanding enough? Oh my god you don't have sex every day fucking hell. right listen just to give you a few little tips and tricks and health tricks because this is what really helped me because she's been there we'll get to him being a dick about not shagging you in a minute because that's not right obviously but like in the early stages of relationship naturally you're sleeping together a little bit more than you are in the later stages and if i forgot to pee after sex or anything like that I was ending up with a UTI I think I had genuinely like seven UTIs in one year which is quite a lot if you're having them daily I understand that's maybe a different thing but something that helped me just in case you're wondering for tips

on this I got something called Hiprex that you can get over the counter I think you have a prescription from for it which is great what is it it basically makes your ph yeah it's a little tablet it makes the ph in your urine more acidic so it kills any bacteria because i was like taking antibiotics and i don't want to be doing that no so i took this tablet sort of prevented it great drank loads of water always after sex that that saved me and saved a few of my friends in my friendship group because we've all been I think it's really common by the way like it's so fucking annoying and like there's nothing worse than if you've ever had it oh sti's back um yeah all the time uh uti as in like what's it called an infection what's it called

society yeah I've had society I've had cisitis. It's the worst. I so get it. And the last thing you want to do is have sex. You do have to go for a PR. I just go for a PR every time. You must wear a sex mask. But I have the desire to go. I need to go for a PR every time.

My friend is the same and I was like, I didn't. I just want to sort of sleep. No, I'm like, I have to go for a PR. It's like I suddenly need a PR or like something. As in telling you to go in your body yeah so even if nothing comes out i just sit and like for something yeah yeah same same thing same i make sure i do stop me but like i know so many of my friends who've had what you know honestly everyone i know has had a uti at some point i want him to say sgi i know me too so can

i just say that i will say i obviously he probably might not but that is a thing that boys can carry like things like thrash i'm sorry i'm gonna say it because they can carry it and they don't have any symptoms and so then you can get like bacteria from them and they they just don't know like they have no idea so they're not going to take medicine for it no and then they give it to you or whatever and also the last thing you want to do is have sex when you've got a cystitis I so get it and he needs to be more understanding and unless he's ever had it he's not going to know what it feels like feels like you're weeing out razor blades and he is never going to understand that so i think you need to

really it's not right he's like making you feel bad about it but there's other things that we can be doing okay in the times in between or when you're going through having cystitis do you know what i mean like he can sort himself out or you can do other things i don't know but he shouldn't be putting you under pressure making you feel bad about having it it's not the point that he wants to have sex it's the point that he's not like being like oh my god are you okay so he's like we need to have sex he's not quite understanding the severity get some chili chop it up give him a hand job go you feel that pain every time we have sex that's the pain that i'm feeling it's literally just down to communicating you need to communicate

to him no no no this is not me wanting to have sex i just can't help it this pain is happening it's unbearable he needs to understand like you need to just communicate more rather than just being like you know that's what i feel yeah let us know um what you guys decide to do and please let us know if you have any tips and tricks because i feel like this is something that girls have all the time it feels like we're missing a trick i really hope you get through this because i really sympathize with you sending you loads of love lots of love It feels like we're missing a trick. I really hope you get through this because I really sympathize with you. Sending you loads of love.

Lots of love. Dilemma 2. Hey, Sophie and Melissa. I am in my mid-twenties and I've been with my boyfriend for two years. And for some extra context, because I know you love it, he's my proper first relationship. I love that. For the past few months we've been doing long distance as I've recently had to move back to my hometown for a new job. We talk daily and share deep emotional connection but I have a difficult time envisioning

us together in the future. I struggled with this for a while even before I moved. Today I realised that I might have already checked out as an old fling has come back onto the scene. Five years ago, I worked with a guy. We spent a night together and started a situationship, but kept it secret from our colleagues due to our age gap. He was 29 and I was 19 at the time. Eventually, we lost touch and I haven't seen him since until last week. I saw him for the first time in five years and it felt like time froze. Oh my God. for the first time in five years and it felt like time froze oh my god we just stood there eyes locked and stunned in silence for seconds which felt like forever after we said goodbye i felt

the urge to text him it was a brief interaction yet i can't stop thinking about him i've missed this feeling of excitement but i feel guilty about it i love respect and care for my boyfriend but i'm not sure i'm still in love with him i hate that i feel this way and i don't want to hurt him I know I'm young but I'm also terrified of not finding my person if I break up with him what should I do you've got to break up with him you can't just stay with him because you're worried about not finding someone do you know what I mean totally like there's no doubt in my mind that you have to break up I agree you're gonna waste his time too let's relight this old flame though that sounds fun let's dump go back with a ten year old guy absolutely even if it's just for one night

I know you're completely over your current boyfriend let's be honest let's set him free he deserves to send him back into the wild he deserves to find

his true love and so do you absolutely and this old flame could be the one and this could be the one the fact that this the time had stopped

oh my god I don't think I've ever ever experienced that in my life I wish that we had photos of this sort of thing I'm like I must be the one. The fact that the time had stopped. Oh my God. I don't think I've ever, ever experienced that in my life. I wish that we had photos of this sort of thing. I'm like, I must see. But you know what? He'll find someone. Time is a go-to healer. Also, sometimes I think, don't feel sorry for people.

Like, your boyfriend right now sounds like a bit of a catch and he will find someone else. Like, don't worry about them too much. Yeah, you're so right. You know, they're like, oh my God, I feel sorry for them. I feel bad about hurting them. I'm like, they will be fine. Yeah, so you know they're like oh my god i feel sorry for them i feel i feel bad about hurting them like they will be fine yeah you're right it's actually more offensive it is like don't fucking feel sorry for me like i'll be able to move on i'll find someone else and the worst thing would be if someone stayed with you because

they were like out of sympathy well sorry like i would i would be i'd actually hate them i would hate them for the rest of my life same what. What are the signs, do you think, for checking out? Well, I think one is if you're thinking of other men. Yeah. It's not great. It's a red flag. What do you think? I think...

You know the signs, big time. For her, for you, the sign is that you were thinking that you didn't, that you know that you've got no distance to go with this boy. So regardless, you're thinking about other people, you're already like, kind of don't feel like this no distance to go with this boy so regardless you're thinking about other people you're already like kind of don't feel like this is going to go the distance do you know what I mean sorry the biggest sign is that you saw some other guy and it felt like it froze and then you had the urge to text him like that's quite a big move it's not good it's not looking good if that happens really and also you've been there before with him.

So sometimes we have this weird, like, fantasy about someone that we don't know, right? And that we might have seen in a bar. And we're like, oh, my God, I feel a certain type of way. You've had a fling with him before. And you're obviously not over it. Not good. And you felt the need to text him. But before that, you were already checking out of your relationship.

So I think it's just there's been two quite obvious signs. I think if you can't envision yourself with somebody in the future, then that is absolutely the sign. Like, if you cannot picture yourself marrying or having kids with somebody, you shouldn't be there. No, no, no, no, no. And again, don't waste his time. Like, for me, that's the biggest red flag.

I'm out of that. And that crosses your mind pretty early on. And you're like, no, no, no, no. And again, don't waste his time. Like, for me, that's the biggest red flag. I'm out of that. And that crosses your mind pretty early on, and you're like, no, no, no, no, no. A hundred percent. What should she text the guy saying? Really nice to see you. She's obviously already done it. Don't look any different at all.

Don't look a day over 29. Wait, how long? So five years later they see each other? That's really quite... That's a long time. God, I just would be shocked. Well, it sounds like from his perspective, it was quite mutual. You both stood there and looked at each other in silence from what you said, no?

Look, I think that he was brought back into your life for a reason. I think you're meant to be together. If anything, you're meant to have a shag. Potentially. They've got to, got to seal the deal. I think so. He's the perfect rebound, if nothing else, for God's sake. God, yeah.

Just get back on that horse. Please tell us what happens. I think we need to be respectful. Yes. And end it with boyfriend first. And then we can go back to... Do the right thing. Older man.

Obsessed. Okay, right. Dilemma three. Hey, ladies, I've got a friend dilemma for you. Oh, we don't get these often. Yeah, I love these. I'm a part of a really close-knit group of friends we all met at uni or moved to london and have been friends for over a decade we've got a very active group chat see each other a lot holidays weekends away etc

i feel so lucky to have met this group of people over the past 18 months one of the girls in the group has been making little to no effort she never responds to any messages if plans have been That happens. People move on, particularly in that circumstance. I know, there's so many of you. Yeah. Whenever she does come to things, it feels awkward, as she knows nothing about the day-to-day of our lives, and she just sits there contributing nothing. One of our friends recently organized a birthday dinner and this girl didn't message to say that she wouldn't be there. She didn't apologize for her absence and rather had

one of the other girls say she couldn't make it. I feel like I could excuse her behavior if I thought there was more going on behind closed doors but I truly think she is lazy and a bad friend. I don't want to be friends with her anymore. It's my birthday in a few weeks and I don't want to invite her to come as I don't believe us to be friends am I being unkind by wanting to phase her out of our friendship group or do you think a proper conversation with her could help resolve my feelings towards our friendship go I don't think she wants to be friends with you guys and I don't know why you're bothering she does not care care. Also, like, to me, this seems like you're, like, you know you've got your

core girls and then you've got that wider group who sort of meet up at Christmas and birthdays. I'm like, sometimes those people, like, there's one or two, like, they move, you know, that happens. Like, you can't always, you know, as you grow up, you can't keep that core, core group. You're going to end up with, like,

four core girls and that's you know what i mean and that's okay and that's great you can never have 15 best friends like you did when you were 16 i think making it too much of a thing is not going to be worth it for you and your friendship group because i think it might make it a little bit of a drama i don't know anything wrong this girl though well she hasn't turned out to someone's birthday and then like given like one of the other girls the wrench at route to be the messenger. Absolutely.

Quite fucking annoying. Just let me know. Absolutely. I've made a dinner reservation for eight, and it's only seven people. It's just a bit rude. So the other girl turned up and was like, oh, by the way, so-and-so's not coming.

Yeah. Oh, on the night. Yeah, that's really bad form. It's really rude, but I just think I would just be like, God, well, if anything... If you don't invite her to your birthday, really not a big deal. It's really rude, but I just think, I would just be like, God, well, if anything. If you don't invite her to your birthday, really not a big deal.

If you don't want her there, don't invite her. If anything, you just like, could just send her a message and be like. Miss you. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Or just like, is everything okay? It was quite weird that you didn't say that you could come. Like, it would be quite weird

if I let her through a friend. I'd be like, why haven't they told me they can't come? Who's she hanging out with? That's what I want to know. She got a new group of friends? There could be obviously something going on behind closed doors.

However, if you don't want to be friends with this person, just don't invite them to your birthday. No, like you don't have to do that. And if she's like, oh my God, why didn't you invite me? And be like, oh my God, really sorry, but I just didn't think you'd want to come considering you haven't come to X, Y and Z. I just think there comes an age, right?

You're not at university where you are forced to see these people there comes an age where you're like my time's important and my energy's important and if you're wasting my time like no agree you're not forced to see this girl every day so what's forcing you to you have nothing holding you it's hard sometimes letting go of friendships yeah and it does give you an underlying bit of anxiety yeah it does and i get that but like if she's clearly not wanting to turn like she doesn't sound like she even wants to be in this group anymore like she's just not turning up it's also like i get it you know at first you're like angry but deep down you're actually just really upset you know what i mean

at first i like i've had it in the past when i'm like oh my god they don't want it they and then actually you're just upset you know what I mean yeah because it's kind of like offensive like how fucking dare you like not so friendship groups changing even when those people stray away is quite sad at the beginning we've done a real 360 here well listen if it was me I would probably still invite them me too knowing they're not gonna come that's what I would do and then the next year you don would probably still invite them. Me too. Knowing they're not going to come. That's what I would do. And then the next year, you don't have to invite them because by that point, they wouldn't have come to anything else.

But at least you don't want it to be on you. And then the whole birthday be about the fact that you haven't invited them and it'd be a drama. You will feel worse for it. Invite them and trust me, they'll face themselves at this point. That's their decision. But I always think when you do those things and you're like, I'm not going to stand my ground.

It's like drinking the poison, right? You know, you just feel worse yourself. She's probably not going to turn up, but like you already preempted it so you don't get affected because I feel like it's just affecting you, which is rightly so, right? And then if she does come, you also don't get affected. You've got to have a chat with yourself and be like,

I don't want to let her decisions affect my day so I've got to like protect myself and then whether she comes or she doesn't you're just going to be having a fab day anyway if I'm honest like I've never intentionally phased out a friend but there has been a few people that were in our group initially that have just naturally fallen away and that has been through things like just not turning up to things, always saying no to things, which is fine. And like there's never been a drama, but eventually it does get to a point where people just stop inviting you because you always, always, always say no.

Like if someone's not asking you to do things, like they're facing themselves out, they might be facing you out. Do you know what I mean? True. For me, facing someone out is like if someone's like trying to really be your friend you just stop talking to them that's mean actually isn't it that is me but sometimes they obviously are doing something it's really hard friendships because right if you're done with someone in a relationship sense you break up with them I know and you have the right to do that and no one questions it because you're allowed to do that in friendships you're a

fucking cow if you do that with someone yeah it's so true but you're like this person doesn't make me feel good yeah I don't want them in my life anymore but how do you go about doing that when you're in a friendship group with them or you it's really difficult you phase them out a phase out is basically a relationship breakout let's's strategize a phase out, friendship phase out. How are we going to do it? You're going to phase me out. How are you going to do it? I am not going to ever pick up your phone calls.

You don't anyway. Yeah, right? Is that what's going on here? Am I being phased out? You're being phased out. I am never going to reply to you. Yeah. I'm never going to speak to you.

You don't say happy birthday. That's a... No, God, I can't say this. It's never going to speak to you you don't say happy birthday that's a no god I can't say this it's quite a statement guys I can't say this because people are

going to think I phased out because I literally don't reply to anybody don't reply to anyone I never say happy birthday to anyone I never pick up the

phone to anyone no you're right no birthday card no birthday present who's AV no it is coming never answer my phone calls

oh my god I'm being phased out she's no I'm now thinking people are asking me this. Have you written this dilemma? I wrote this as like a reverse psychology because I do think I'm really bad. Now I'm just thinking I'm a bad friend.

I'm sorry, everyone. I'm really bad. I'm fucking upset. I'm being phased out. It's all coming out now. I think phasing out is basically what I should have. No, it's not funny. Like, you should just be a better friend and better on your phone.

Sometimes I also think it's necessary to have a conversation with someone. If, like, they're causing... Upset. Drama, upset, trying to start arguments with you, that's very easy to phase someone out like that because you can just be like, this is not for me. I don't need this in my life. And I'm very happy to not being your friend and stepping away from this friendship.

A hundred percent. You can say that. But if they're not doing that, if I'm honest in this dilemma, this chick's phasing herself out. You don't have to fucking do anything. She's done all the work for you. I think she's phasing you all out. She's done, this chick. And you know what?

She's being a bit of a bitch because she could have just let you know she wasn't coming to the fucking birthday dinner. So that's bad form. So she's also being rude. So you now have. Yeah. Actually, you know what? That isn't. If my friend didn't tell me she wasn't coming.

I'd be like, I would send them a text. By the way, I'm really pissed off at this. Yeah. And then I just wouldn't invite them. Yeah. There's a lot of options and a lot of avenues that we can go down in this. If it was me, I'd do a last minute invite, be really brief, play it down. And then the next year, hopefully, you don't even have to think about it.

You're never going to see this. This chick's done. That's my advice. But follow up, please. We'd love to know what happens. Okay, guys, that's the end of the episode. And I loved it. We're back with a bang.

We bloody love doing Wednesdays. And last year, we launched our very extra special bonus episode, The Follow Up. We're back with a bang. We bloody love doing Wednesdays and last year we launched our very extra special bonus episode, The Follow-Up. We did. And we do an extra bonus episode with our VITs, which is our very important tinies,

where we chat about the things we love, we get into some of your opinions and the reactions on some of the dilemmas in the show and also those all-important follow-ups. Now, in the most recent episode, we go back to episode 62, and we find out what happened next to the tiny who had to split the bill

with a man who turned out to be a millionaire. Do you remember? Oh, my God, I do. There was a lot of discussion over that one. Yeah, we couldn't quite make up our minds. We also hear your feedback on splitting the bill etiquette. Chat Skiwear and I am filling Melissa in on my recent wellness scan, Necco Health, that I'm just obsessed with.

So tune in, subscribe and listen. Well, Happy New Year, tinies. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. And then next week, we've got Briony Dairy coming on. We're talking all things like New Year's resolutions, goals for the year, health, wellness tips and all that good stuff. Bye, guys. We love you. Bye, guys. We love you. Bye, guys. in the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Daily Jackpots.

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Guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded or 11 p.m. Eastern. Restrictions apply. See full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com. Please play responsibly. That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But, God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas.

I want to know what happens. Well then, tinies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now, listen. Subscribers get access to the podcast podcast ad free with bonus episodes. It's pretty amazing. It's also packed full of dilemma follow ups, which we love, and some of our more personal stories and recommendations. And it's super easy. You just listen on your favorite app. How cool is that? Amazing. And all the info is in the episode description and in our Insta bio.