Wednesdays - 84. Sophie and Melissa Spill the UNHINGED Things They Do After Getting Rejected

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

Hey Tinies,This week’s episode is a wild ride down memory lane, where Sophie and Melissa spill the tea on what it was really like being Hollister models, bad haircuts inspired by Emily Ratajkowski’s iconic new do, and the details of our old dating app profiles...Then, we go deep into the male vs female gaze, sparked by the internet’s latest obsession with Benny Blanco and how vulnerability in men is definitely in! In this week’s dilemmas, one Tiny’s partner is feeling a little shaky before their wedding—so we dive into how love languages could be the key to making her partner feel more secure. And then, we’ve got a Tiny whose newfound sobriety has her questioning if her relationship is still the right fit. The girls give some supportive advice on how to navigate this new chapter in her life x Enjoy the episode! 💌Got a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail]--Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]--Credits:Producer: @gurlinaheer_Editor: Kat MilsomExec: @jemimarathboneVideo editor: @lizziemccarthySocial: @laurabcoughlan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts at anything. In fact, we just challenge all our shit. We love giving you guys advice, but as we said- We love giving you guys advice.

Do not take what we're saying as gospel. If you do feel like you need to speak to somebody, please seek professional help. Coming up in this week's episode of Wednesdays, we're talking about the male gaze and how everyone's loving Benny Blanco. We kick off with me debriefing about Willis and we also talk about love languages. With the Dilemmas, we have a tiny who has gone on the pill and she's having some trouble with bleeding, so we're just trying to give her some support. And we've also got another tiny who's nearly sober and struggling navigating her new relationship being sober.

Enjoy the episode. Hi girlies, I'm Boise. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Oh my God, kind of matching today, but not the same color. Oh yeah, but not the Chanel palms. Melissa's, I've just got myself some Chanel palms. I actually was on the hunt for any other palm because I wanted like a vintage-y type of palm. And then I saw these and I was like- So cute.

... really cute. But I know what you mean. They're like a mature vibe. They are a certainly mature. Chanel is just something so sophisticated and mature vibe about it. It's a real investment piece. It took me a long time to choose which. It's a classic. You'll keep them forever and ever, pass them down. Let me tell you guys, if you are going into Chanel or you want to treat yourself or whatever, the sizing is so off key. I was like, I'm a 38. These are six and a half and they are tiny. Jamie was losing his mind in there. He was like, pick the shoe and get out.

Did you go to the one on South Kent? No, the one on Harrah's. Love it. Oh, gorgeous. Was that nice, like, shopping with Jamie? Was he, like, annoying you? Jamie sits like this wherever we go. You know what's so great in those shops? They always put a sofa for the blokes to sit down on because you just know there's a sofa full of dads and like one toddler. Dad, Jamie, cap on, sat like this, he's got sport on loud and he's like, he doesn't even

speak to me, he just goes straight down. He almost gets the YouTube all sport on before he's walked in. Yeah, he knows the drill. He sits down and then if it gets a bit much, like maybe I'm in there for like half an hour because I'm sending photos to my mom, my sister, I'm FaceTiming them with all my shoes on. He'll then be like, which one do you prefer? And I'm like, which one do you prefer? And he's like, have you chosen the one you like? I'm like, the guy's getting me another size. Like, relax.

Chill out. Like, he's desperate. And then of course we go in and he sees how much I own. He's like, so how many do you sell of these a day? So what's that on a week? So on a Saturday you sell how much? Wow. So you're making this muchne. I was like, I know Jamie, we can't be asking these questions. You know what kind of blows my mind about these stores is that there's never anybody in them. This one was really busy. Was it? You went on a Saturday. I went on a Saturday and it's half term. And the woman next to me was like, get this color. Like she was like, is that your first pair? She was like, actually like American, she's like, is that

your first pair? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, is that your first pair? She was like, actually like American, she's like, is that your first pair? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, that was my first color, but I chose two. I was like, seconding. People that work at Chanel get a Chanel bag for like 200 quid when they get there. Like it's like a certain sale date for employees and they get them for 200 pounds, which makes me feel sick that you can pay 10 grand for it

when it's brand new. Also sorry, that's worth working in Chanel because like the investments you're making. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh my God, I've got a funny story. Someone I know. She worked at this makeup brand. So she leaves and she's still got her 50% discount when she went to the store.

She was like, fuck, they've not closed it off. So she's like, guys, guys, calling on everyone, like go in. I've still got my 50%. Like six months later, everyone's been using it. She gets a call from the lawyers. You've been using it. It's just to pay it all back in installments. It's so bad. But that's not using it. She gets a call from the lawyers, you've been using it. She has to pay it all back in installments. It's so bad.

But that's not her fault. I kind of agree. Well, morally it's slightly not right. I kind of agree. I'm like, you should have done due diligence. Anyway, M-Rat's hair. Have you seen it? Oh, I have. People are saying it's a publicity stunt. It does feel like it. She's gained like a fuckload of followers and people are really talking about her about

it. Also, people like said about her right before this, Emily Raskowski's becoming irrelevant. I just saw this TikTok about it. It might not be something that was generally going around because they were like, she had this really successful bikini brand, which was actually sick. I used to buy some tops from that and I loved them. I never even knew she had one. She just stopped fulfilling orders, really random, never gave her an explanation, stopped her podcast,

which I actually really enjoyed, I found it really interesting. And suddenly this bad haircut happened and now everyone's talking about it and I'm like, hmm. Maybe it is, you never know with these things. If it was, it was very clever because she's like very- Very clever, but now she's got this fucking awful mullet haircut over the top of her haircut.

Can I just say, I've had my hair cut similarly and someone's cut stuff back here, short layers. Do you remember? And I had the fringe. I tried to do Melissa's fringe and it fell badly. It's a very British thing. I think it's like the shaggy chic look. It's not a vibe.

It's actually like a French. I think it's kind of going for the Jane Birkin vibe. I don't know what it's going for. Is that what she has? She had that choppy fringe and then these choppy layers. It's not for me. Very French. I mean, she still does look tan out damn. I also just, I'm going to describe this haircut. You know what? I don't even need to describe it. Go onto Emily Ratajkowski's TikTok right this second or just Google it. It will come up on the Daily Mail and look up her haircut. Emily Ratajkowski haircut. It's actually like worse

than we can possibly describe. Like me just saying that she's had choppy layers doesn't do it justice because it's literally like someone's gotten a bowl cut over the top of her hair. Like it's the weirdest thing and she can't really hide the layers either, did you see? No, you're not. She's like trying to curl them underneath and like hun. I kind of liked it when she, I mean, look, she pulls it off and it's really frightening that she can pull it off, but the whole thing is that my sister, who you guys have seen, her hair is so thick, you cannot understand. The world's thickest hair.

She wanted like sort of this, this, which is like shaping around the face, on the jaw. Sort of like a long layered sort of situation. It's like around the jaw. Yeah. She came out and they did half a mullet around the top of her head. With the thickness of it. When her hair's not starting, it's like curly and like... You need to see it. She'll send a photo and you will gas.

And she went to like four different hairdressers in each. Apparently hairdressers would like try and then they would stop and they'd be like, put their hand over their mask, be like, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Cause they were just like, this is- Who the fuck cut it? They were like, it's almost sabotaged.

Like, this is weirdly bad. Sometimes I really question like these hairdressers with all these haircuts. But you know what it is? It's just like the choppy ones. They're so sweet and they're like, and you're like, relax. And it's also when it's wet, it's quite alarming because it then falls shorter because they pulled it up wet and then it folds sort of in half and falls like that and you're like, fuck, what have you done? I've never seen you have a bad haircut.

And then you comb it back out and you're like, okay, fine, it's fine. No, I haven't really. I've been always quite lucky with the haircuts. Anyway, talking about hairdressers, not that Willis is a hairdresser. Oh my God, no, I need to know the story. Okay, she's not been telling me she's ready to tell it. I took Willis CL on Friday for a little bit of the old. In chat room. A little bit of the old. Anyway, I went for moral support and then we went for lunch afterwards and we went into a bookshop because he was like, this is where all the hotties are. I was like, okay. Hot bookshop.

The one down the road called Dawn Books, so many hotties. Oh, we must go immediately after this. I was in shock. Also, lovely vibe just sitting chill. But I was like, what? Then we went to go and drink coke. He was obviously in like the frisky mood

and suddenly we meet this lovely waiter and we're trying to work out, is he gay, is he straight? Like, what's the vibe? You just can't tell. And this guy's so lovely and we're really getting along with him. And I'm like, I think he's too nice to be, like, he just was too, there was something about him. Personable to be straight. Maybe, I don't know. I was just like, he's too much of a vibe. I don't know. Lo and behold,

we asked the other waiter. Oh, such a good idea. We're like, come in. This lady comes in and we're like, and she's like, I don't know if he's only worked here a week. We're like, for fuck's sake. So anyway, Willis slips his number, Willis, into her hand and she's like, as I leave, put it into his hand. Perfect when you've left because then there's no embarrassment on either party.

God, that's really old school and just lovely. I was so shocked, guys, when I say like, I got a prank. That's like really confidence. And I was like, we need to leave. I just felt so overwhelmed that he was doing it. I was like, this is the coolest, but like most intimidating situation. Like, I don't want to... It's quite scary. I was like, what? So that happened. It was really exciting. Oh my God. And I just thought, that's a really slick way to do things. Guys, right, listen. If you're looking for

some sexy men, go to Snoggy or Go-Oh, I think they've closed down. I think Snoggy was closed down, but they used to just hire models because they wanted people on these contracts that were like- That was so hard. ...Toby worked there, all his old model friends used to work there. The one in Covent Garden. Fuck me. Soho.

It was in Soho because we walked past it. There's only one. And it had closed down and he was like, oh, imagine just walking in there. It was like a 15-year year old girl and just being served. Like Abercrombie and Fitch. That was a lot. I absolutely died. Oh my God, Abercrombie, don't even get me started on Abercrombie.

No, I would genuinely have a plan when I'd walk in. I'd genuinely. Do you remember they'd stand up on the balcony and dance at their tops. Do you remember that? It was so wild. It was so wild. You know what? The Gen Z's of the world will not know what we're talking about and it's such a missed

out on that. It's a real thing. Basically, Abercrombie and Pipp Fitch would pump this smell, which I still think is their signature scent, through the streets of London. And they would sometimes be- Put it through the air concert, just becoming around everything. You'd smell it like 500 yards away from the shop. Oh, God, yeah. And these models, topless, may I say, in a pair of jeans, they all had a spray down. When I say they're models, I mean, they are looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. They've really just been working hard on those rigs. And they are walking around outside the shop and then they sort of like bring you in.

Don't they like give you a hug? Oh my God, they used to, I think you could pay extra for a picture with them. How lame is that? They must have thought they were hot shit. I then became a Hollister. Same, only one shit. And I put on my Facebook, me too, and hot shit. I then became a Hollister at Wrapping at Hollister. Same only in one shit. And I put on my Facebook, me too, and I only put on my Facebook, Hollister model.

She literally just got the job just to pop that in there. And I left it all throughout uni and then at the end of uni I'd like obviously like maybe come out of my small town Warwickshire like I was like, that is so lame, get rid of it. Get rid, get rid, get rid. I think I put it on mine as well, which is horrific. You know what? I still remember that interview too this day and they were like, what are your hobbies?

And I was like, I'm pretty good at like skiing. And I think I blurted out and lied. I was a good surfer, which is just, I've never surfed in my fucking life. Obviously Hollister 101. Also, the shop that I had to go to was hours away from my house. Same, mine was in Bath. I had to travel an hour on the train. I think I went there once.

And all my wages just went on the train journey. Like it was like 30 pounds a day and it just went on. My train was 1990 and my dad literally said to me, he was like, why are you doing this? It's an hour. For the clout dad, obviously. I was like, don't you realize? So we need to figure out if Snog Yogurt's still a thing

or not because that would be an unreal place for people to just go and have a little bit of eye candy. Oh, okay. It's gone. Just confirmation, snog yogurt's gone. End of an era of that. It is, because you can barely get it on Uber or Uber Eats. And if you do, you have to wait. I used to get a snog three times a week.

Every night, she used to get it. And then I started to just just- That is way too strong. I know. It is slightly unbearable. Guys, this match that we're drinking right now is where Harry Styles gets his match, if I'm not big deal. But-

Yeah. There's actually always like a very from, not Big Dale, but we shot it. There's actually always a very cool, this area is like- It's quite a niche crowd in that much, I'm sure I will say. If I was single, this is where I'd like fur about. Do you remember that app Happen? And it would be that you pass somebody in the street and then you go ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and it'd be people that you've walked past. So my friend was like, I'm just going to go into the city into really good banks and just

walk around and get matched with guys that do really well in the city. So that's not a bad idea. Yeah. And also that's such a like, lol, were you just in like the coffee shop? Yeah. It's like a bit more of an organic place and oh, should we meet up? Like you're around the corner from me. Yeah.

I would wait. If I was single, I'd be all over happen. Who uses dating apps and which is the best ones? I feel like people love Bumble. Hinge. I think it's hinge. But Bumble, I hear people get married on Bumble. So when I did my rare account, I did it with Frankie Gaff.

Oh yeah. And I was at a house and we had a test shoot. And this photographer that we- Wait what? You actually get a photographer? No, we had a test shoot. Like me and her were doing like Instagram pictures. Oh. And I was like, okay, I'll set it up that day. And he chose my music. And it was very like-

What was it? It was very something I'd never listened to. It was like, cool. He was like, this is cool. He was cool. And so I was like, okay. Because all I was going to put was like Taylor's Pepper, Justin Bieber. Yeah, we can't do that. We can't do that. We absolutely must be doing that.

Did you not have a, you did have an app when you were single. Yeah. So did you ever talk to many people or was it very much like- No, I downloaded it and then- Deleted it like the next day, no? Not to be like annoying and say this, but like because people recognize you from Made in Chelsea, I think it was quite close to when I'd come off it, you get so many people just trying to like

talk to you about that. And like, I just had a lot of notifications, obviously, because they were like, oh, so it's legit or like whatever. But the one person that then popped up was Tobes. I was like, oh my God, it's that boy that Jamie wanted to set me up with. So then I clicked it, and then he had obviously already like matched me. And then he mess messaged me on Instagram and then I deleted it. So I didn't

really get much use out of Hinge, but it was nice because Jamie and I could, I guess, semi-connected through it. You did really connect. Because I don't think we probably would have then ever spoken. I probably would have always just been like, no, he's not for me, if I didn't then match him through that app. It's so true. Otherwise I just sort of been like, no, he's not my vibe. Why are you like, no? I remember at the time you were like, why? And I was like, he's just

not my vibe. He's too Instagram-y. Don't judge a book by its cover, guys. That's a lesson to be learned for all of us. We need to get Toves on the podcast. I need to talk to him all about those meditation things. I remember he cried yesterday watching, so we watched adolescence. It was actually not what I was expecting. I remember he cried yesterday watching, so we watched adolescence. It was actually not what I was expecting. I was expecting like the dad, it would like to be this twisted thing that the dad had like abused him or like whatever. But sorry, spoiler alert, skip past this for like 30 seconds. But I think obviously the moral of the story is that like the danger of social media can actually fuck a kid up so much.

Well, yeah. And the stuff on the internet. And it's so true. I guess they were like alluding to the Andrew Tate stuff. It's like what I feel like they were talking about. It's really scary, all of this sort of stuff. And also it's so true, because like you don't have the get target. It's not something you necessarily have to type in. It just fucking comes up.

I know. And so I have made the decision that if I'm lucky enough to have children, I will not be letting them have a, when I grew up, we were so lucky. I had a brick, I went to boarding school when I was 11 and I had like just a phone that I could contact mum and dad on like texting or calling, that was it.

And then my family would have a desktop that I was able to have Facebook on when I turned 13, but that was only like a family living room slash kitchen that I'd be able to use it and chat to my mates. Whereas if you're alone, like the phone can take you to dark places and you can see weird things and I don't know. So I would make my kids like share a room if they weren't going to be, if I didn't like have them

in school where they were sharing rooms with other kids. I agree. I just think every kid is so like lonely now because apparently in schools people are just like that and it's silent. Now schools are having to say, you know, in my school it was like quiet and down, quiet and down. Now it's like, speak up. Like they ask a question, no one speaks because they don't know how to, like they don't know how to communicate because they're

just glued to their phone. It's so, it's so like, it's really wild. Jamie always says to me, we always have this conversation. I'm like, I think obviously we're on social media and it's a massive part of like jobs and whatever. There's so many benefits to it, but there has to be a, it has to revert. Something's got to change. Must be a line drawn for sure. People are going to get so bored of it. People don't want to have no privacy. There's no fucking privacy. But then there's TikTok. Justin Bieber's sat in a coffee shop. He's out videoed and that goes on TikTok. And then 80 million people see him TikToks from the coffee

and it's like Alex Hull goes to a club and Emma saw Alex like it's too much guys like stop it don't you think? It is too much right so Benny Blanco who I didn't even know was existed until Selena Gomez suddenly engaged him I was like fuck that came out of nowhere they've been even known each other for like a year yeah so apparently everyone fancies him now just because after that Jay Shetty interview that they both did together. Well, I think this is the situation with like the male gaze and the female gaze.

It's like because Selena saw like Benny as this stunning person, she's in love with him because of the way he treats her and he talks about her with such love and like respect. And he's just so like vulnerable and in touch with his emotions. There's been a shift and we're now all, when at the beginning everyone was like, why is Selena with Betty Blanco? Now everyone's like, I get it. Even with Jamie's run and everything, there's such a shift in

like men being like vulnerable. It's like not, like back in the day it was kind of, even I'd be a bit like, always a bit sloppy. Apparently so many people are like, Jamie Lang is like, I've seen him. That's the female gaze because of watching Sophie and how she was with him at the end of the run and everything and like what he's achieved and how emotional he's been. Like he's like the most attractive person to me and I get it.

Who said that? Toby told me people are writing that on TikTok. Oh, he's gonna love that. You know what's so nice about that, sorry, just to go out there, like honestly, do we think we'll ever stop talking about this, right? I know. We walk down the street and like, it's only men. Like men come up and they're like me,

and they are like genuine tears in their eyes and I'm like, thank you. Wow. I just think it's so nice. That's wonderful. But I'm actually, I struggle with like being like very emotionally vulnerable. Like I, even today we did a newly resume, a proud look on and like they're so open. I feel like you're quite similar to me. Obviously, I'm like, I love you so much too, but I'm just not that vulnerable. I would like to say-

There's not much for me to be vulnerable about. Well, that's what I would like to say, but I watched them today and they were so raw and vulnerable and I just found myself just not speaking. I was like, I literally can't, I almost laugh it off because I actually still feel slightly uncomfortable being so vulnerable. Like he's like crying, like they were so nice and like, crying just being like, I'm so proud of you and like you guys make each other so happy and like all these different things.

And I'm just like, because I just, I can't. Whereas like I used to find it almost uncomfortable how sort of that, because Jamie's always been really vulnerable with me, but I used to find that uncomfortable. I'd be like, it's because you're probably more comfortable with him now. Yeah, this is like back in the early days. Like he'd be like, I really love you. And I'd be like, you know, like, I don't know. I don't know. I guess it's like, it is a shift. Like you just find that like really cool. Yes, them being vulnerable. Toby recently, actually for the

first time, this is really weird, three nights ago, just like had a cry to me in bed, like a full on cry, like tears come down and says it's the first time I've ever seen him like properly cry. So he might get upset about stuff, but like never like cry and he's like, oh, that feels really good. And I was like, literally about nothing. He's just like obviously going through a bit of a like transition. I don't know, like I think maybe he's like getting really along with this therapist. She know, I think maybe he's like getting really along with this therapist, who's like really, and he's like being able to like do that.

And I was like, that's taking you my whole years to do that in front of me. How crazy is that? I know, and I was like, nothing bad's gonna happen if you do that, do you know what I mean? I'm still gonna love you the same. Well, that's the thing. I think it is the same, and you're so right.

Like I say Jamie was horrible, but I had like literally never seen him cry once in my life until that run. So it's like a different, like he was vulnerable with his words because he did a podcast and you knew how to word it, but it wasn't like raw emotion. And like, it's like, I don't know. There's different phases of like being emotional. We need to start crying. Me and Melissa, we're like the ice creams on the edge of the bed. Like it's okay, cry because I never do. If I'm alone, I cry, but that's because I'm mourning things.

I still mourn my grandma, my dog, and my sister's mom. I still mourn for them. But you don't do it. But I'm by myself. Not really, because when I'm alone, I sometimes I'm like, oh, and then I feel so much better. So I do feel like I am really like, I'm a very emotional person. I'm happy to get it all out, but I'm not necessarily needing to do it to someone else because like crying and mourning somebody is very different than being stressed about something

and needing to talk about it. I feel like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I feel better like mourning and talking about it. It's like not going to make someone come back from the dead. So like me crying and like grieving is different. I feel like. Dilemma one.

I've been with my boyfriend for a long time. And when we were younger, our relationship was built on partying. We went out all the time, drank a lot and did things that looking back were definitely reckless. I feel like this happens to so many people when they get together so young. It was fun until it wasn't. At some point, I realized that our lifestyle was consuming us and I knew it had to change. That's when I decided to go sober. Now, a year into sobriety, I feel amazing. I'm clearer, happier, and more in control of my life than I've ever been. But there's one problem. I feel like my relationship hasn't caught up with me. My boyfriend still drinks and still parties and I can't shake the feeling that he's

not happy with the way things are now. It's like we're living in different worlds and no matter how much I try and bridge the gap, something feels off. I can't help but wonder, am I the problem? Did my decision to get sober create a rift between us that can't be fixed? And if so, what do I do? Oh my God, congrats. get sober, create a rift between us that can't be fixed. And if so, what do I do? Oh my God, congrats. This is amazing. And I feel like this happens all the time, but mainly, I think a lot of the time in friendships, this happens. Do you think?

I think this is just me talking about my friendship group, but there's a few friends that like friendships weren't necessarily based on, but heavily relied on seeing each other through a theme of them going out and going big all the time. And that's how their friendships were for years. And then people grow up, get into relationships, really calm down. And then those friendships just aren't as close anymore naturally. And those friendships don't go away, but they obviously change. So I feel like in a relationship, I understand it's like quite a difference in-

I think it's just like a major transition. Lifestyles. Yeah. You know what I will say? I feel like being like more wholesome and not going out all the time and having a partner who is a huge party animal is a really difficult thing, I think, to like align. If you've got like a partner that likes partying once in a while, like once a month, he's going to go out and he's going to have a big night, but every other time, you know, it's a few drinks at the pub and you're all together and you're going home at the same time, you probably wouldn't have,

you wouldn't feel like there's a huge divide, but it sounds like he's still living the same lifestyle as you guys were living when you were like at uni or whatever. Yeah. And like, that's hard for any relationship, regardless to being like, I'm not sober and I still like going out and having a drink. But if my boyfriend was going out every weekend and going huge and coming back at God knows what time in the morning, I would have a problem with that.

Yeah. I like going out and having fun. So I imagine this is just a big lifestyle difference that you guys have and like this happens a lot in relationships. I feel like probably some people grow up and some people just don't change. I agree. I think my advice would be like, all you can do is keep your side of the street clean. Like, if it's not going to work, it's not going to work, but you just look after yourself. You could only control yourself. You're happy doing what you're doing.

Good for you. And don't feel guilty for it. That would be my thing. And like, congrats. 100%. It's a really, it's a very strong, epic thing. And you obviously are just enough is enough. And I just need to make a change to my lifestyle.

And it's a shame that you feel like that's caused a rift because it's such a positive thing to have changed. Definitely. So I understand that because this is one of those things where it just might end up not working out. Obviously, like if you feel you need to talk to him about it, I would just be really honest and vulnerable and be like- 100% talk to him about it.

Yeah. You need to and be like, look, I've made this change and I'm feeling so good about it in myself, but then I worry about the effect that it is having on our relationship ultimately because, you know, I guess it's probably a big wave you guys spend time together. Yeah, people call it a chemical relationship. Like you're like, you have a relationship based on like getting high and night drinking. I never heard that. Yeah. And it's like then when that's taken away, there's like, there's nothing actually left to bond over. I it's like, then when that's taken away, there's like, there's nothing actually left to bond over.

So I think actually you'll probably find that you're going to want more from your relationship. And this might, this is the start of you making a decision that it's not the relationship that you want because your life's never going to go back to being the same as this. And actually it's such a blessing. You should really flip this on its head and be like, how lucky am I that I've now stripped away all the bullshit and I can see that we actually don't work together. That's fine. But like, otherwise you were going to be with the wrong person just because when you were

fucked up, you got on really well. So like look at it like that and be like, thank God I've realized. And now you can go meet, if that is what happens, somebody who you get on with. Shares your values and everything. Yeah. I know there's such a big, like, guys are so much fucking younger than us and like sometimes you've just got to wait a little bit to find, like, unless you find a really mature guy and there are them out there, but a lot of guys need to get their partying out of the way and their priorities are off.

And some guys don't ever grow out of it. Some guys never do. And some girls don't. You know, some people literally have these chemical, this is the most unbelievable phrase I've ever heard, chemical relationships until they're well into having their children and they're still girls. That's a shocker. I've seen it. And then they have the kids and it's a shit show because they're suddenly like, what the... We can't carry on this lifestyle. We don't actually get on. We actually hate each other. That is awful, isn't it? I think that you've been really strong and the fact that you can see this so clearly and also the fact that you're not like, you're going to get, I think, put off by this because

you're going to be like, I've stepped away from this and it's like a bit icky. Me too. You'll be like icky when he comes in at 4am, like stinking of fags and b*****s and you're going to be like... It's also when they're hung over the next day and they can't f*****g do anything with you and you're like, oh, get out of bed. That's the pits. That's the pits. Or they to be like... It's also when they're hungover the next day and they can't fucking do anything with you and you're like, oh, get out of bed. That's the pits. That's the pits. Or they're just like... I want to go grab coffee and go for a nice walk and enjoy the sun and they're just like, oh, hungover until midday and you're like, this is just so boring.

It's so boring. Wasting away your life. Let us know how it goes. Please do. We're really proud of you. Congratulations. Yeah, please tell us what happens. We need to follow up on this. ASAP. Love you. Love you so much.

Okay, dilemma two. Hi girls, I've been with my partner for over four years. We've recently got engaged and our relationship is fantastic. Lots of love, congratulations, communication and appreciation. But every few months he falls into a bad mindset, over thinks and questions our relationship. Are we okay? Are you being off with me? It catches me off guard, makes me defensive

and leads to arguments. I know I'm the more blunt one, he's more sensitive, likely due to the past relationship trauma. I try to be mindful of that, but I get frustrated when this pattern repeats. It makes me feel that I'm not doing enough, even though those doubts seem to come out of nowhere. My question, do I need to be more patient and reassuring or should we address this to prevent it from being a bigger issue in marriage? If so, how? We usually argue, take space and then he apologizes, but I want to understand the root of his feelings without invalidating them. Thank you. Oh, that's hard because it's just an insecurity.

It's just a therapy question, I think. I genuinely think. I would say me to go have a couple therapy session. Therapy would be unreal. You know what? Couple therapy might not even be necessary. He just needs some therapy by himself. But I would go to couple therapy and have the therapist sort of say it's a him issue. Got you. We've got something to work through. You go off. Oh so then you're not like, you need to go to therapy. You're like, I think that we should do this together to just help us out with those tough times. Good idea.

Absolutely. And I think that's a really key thing for all relationships. If it's your partner's got something and you're like, I think you need to go to therapy. It's like, why don't you just say, let's go to therapy? Or you can make it sound like you really want to go and understand certain things and you think that someone can really help you have an insight because I will not understand this and make you feel better about stuff. I agree. I think that's a hundred percent a therapy question. Because you don't want to make someone feel like you need to go to a therapist because you've got some issues clearly

that you're bringing up every month. Which is so true. Like he does. And I don't even know where to start from this. Like there's obviously some trauma. He's got like PTSD or something. Yeah. Like something's obviously bothering him.

And like they say that like, it's sometimes in your nervous system and it's a loop. And clearly that's what's happening. Cause it's every few months, it's the same thing being brought up again. What do you mean by that? Apparently it's your nervous system getting stuck in a loop, anxiety is not actually in your head, it's in your body. That's so scary. So is that like generalized anxiety disorder? That's so awful. It's interesting,

it's like trauma trapped in the body. You know, there's so many different approaches to it. But like it's obviously something that's deep within, something that's happened and it's ingrained in him. It's not like a one time, I'm anxious about this problem, so I'll move on. He's going back to this over and over again and you're going to get married. That's not something that you want to be worrying about, especially when there's not actually an issue. It's a shame.

You don't want to be constantly having to reassure somebody. It's slightly irritating. Fucking patience over here. Fucking annoying. I really think a therapist could help in this. But how much can she be like, I love you? is slowly irritating. Fucking patience over here. Fucking annoying. I really think a therapist could help in this. I love you.

I do too. You know what? Sometimes you just need to really like meet someone's needs and like, you do have to reassure them and that's okay. I've got a really good piece of advice. Okay. So you've got to find out each other's love languages. Yes.

So his love language might be physical touch and yours might be words of affirmation and you might be telling him that you're not touching him. And that could be causing triggering his little insecurity. And he's like, ding, ding, ding. Do you not love me? Are we not okay? Okay. I think main thing is to just ask what each other's love language are and get on with

it and just like start doing those things, you know? Yeah. If it's physical touch, start holding his hand all the time or kissing him or hugging him. I also think you have to like put the shoe on the other foot and think he, I would really appreciate if I was going through a shitty time, like that reassurance, that abundance of reassurance would be much appreciated and can fix a problem. Do you know what I mean?

So I think, yeah. Me too. But what I will say, it's a huge step in the right direction. He's being honest with you about that. Vomitability. Because this is what happened with Toby and I. He had this anxiety and this relationship and this commitment anxiety that because he didn't share with me, then built up so much in his head. And he was like, I can't possibly share this with her because it's a dark book.

And I get it because you don't want to say to someone like having a bit of anxiety about you, like, don't know if you're right. Like, it's so insulting. So I think it's a really big step that he's actually being honest with you and just be super reassuring. Touch, touch, touch. Yeah, whatever his love language is. Lots of reassuring words.

What's Toby's love language? I don't actually know. Jamie says acts of service. Words of affirmation, I think. Like me saying things to him really reassuring. Acts of service. I'm like, that's- I'm naturally an actor. I'm not an actor. I'm not's love language. I don't actually know. Jamie says acts of service. Words of service, I think. Like me saying things to him really assure it.

Acts of service. I'm like- I'm naturally an acts of service person. I am not. I am everything but I will tell you I love you 400 times a day. I will touch you till the cows come home. I will not go home and be like, oh, I bet Jamie's hungry. I'll whip him up a little egg muffin.

Who the fuck's going to do that? That's an act of service. Or like, oh, I'll take something off Jamie's hand and I'll just like, call and book a reservation. Like, I just don't do that shit. Or like- Even like when I make the bed, he honestly is like thrilled. Like obviously I do that every day, but like that sort of shit turns him on. And that does not turn me on. I naturally feel like I'm giving someone love when I'm like feeding them. So my whole time, like when I've been looking after my brother or like anyone, I'd be like, Genie thing, like, let me give you like as much food as I can possibly eat.

You hungry? I'll eat a smoothie, like anything. That makes me feel great. Oh my god, you're an aunt or something. But then I also feel like I'm so affectionate and I'm very good with words of affirmation. I think my giving is mainly every fucking thing I'm probably so overbearing to be with. I like receiving physical touch. Nice physical touch.

And then maybe the odd word of affirmation, but like, as in like, I don't think I want it but then when I get it, I'm like, that made me feel great. Oh me too, I never get it. I get a lot of I love yous, but very little you look nice. If I get a you look fucking amazing, wow, I use sometimes I'll get a wow when I come down the stairs. That makes me feel unreal for that. Puts me a pep in my step for the rest of the night. Yeah, it's so true. Maybe I'm my nears, words are baffling. Mine is physical touch. I really

like to be touched at all times. I really like, I need a hand on my back, on my arm. Even just like that, I'm like, oh my God, love. I'm loved. Men, listen, guys listen up. Every woman, I've seen this on TikTok, like that, when you're just sat next to them and they have the hand on the thigh, it means so much to us. Like it touches our souls. If we're dating, second date, fucking put the hand on the thigh. It's phenomenal. It's phenomenal. And carry that through till the day you die, until that marriage ends, hand on thigh at all times.

Just touch me at every single thing. It just means so much. Reach over in a conversation and just graze my hand. I know, it's unreal. Like I've got butterflies. I know. Any sort of touch. It's underrated.

It's like, whereas Jamie I think is quite like, oof, get off me. I'm like, I'm literally like a monkey on him. Once I was like, we were quite drunk on the tube and I was like touching Toby's, I can't remember what I was doing. I think I was like stroking his shoulder or his neck or something.

He's like, shh, get off, get off, get off. There's people looking. Like scared. And I was like, so pissed off. And like for the rest of the three days, I was like, don't fucking touch me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like so embarrassed. You told me to get off. I'm never touching you again. 100%. He's like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, you rejected me.

Oh my God. No, 100%. So insulted. No, this is worse. Once I like tickled, you know, and you do it in the same place for ages and it all hurts. I was like,, you know, and you do it in the same place for ages and it all hurts now. I was like, I will, you forget me ever talking to you again. That is it. You are like lava to me and my hands will never go on you. I was actually embarrassed.

I know the feeling, it's awful. It's so like shuddering. It's jarring. It's like that sudden bit of rejection. And then I like, you know what's so calculated. I then remembered that and the next time he tried to talk to me, I was like, get off. On purpose. Me too.

I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's jarring. It's like that sudden bit of rejection and then I like, you know what's so calculated, I then remembered that and the next time he tried to touch me I was like, get off. On purpose. Me too. Just to like make him feel that smidge of rejection that I felt, but does he match as he had?

No. Doesn't even notice. Oh sorry. Carry some of what he's doing and I'm like, I need you to get annoyed. Or like if I'm even trying to talk to Jamie and he's like on a text or like picks up the call to like proud or something, I'm like rejected. Yeah. Then he comes over and then he finished the call

and he's like, you should go on a walk or something. He tries to kiss me and I'm like, oh, get off me. It's just a constant psychological game. It's so master. He's like, what's happened? I'm like nothing. I'm like, don't want you to like stop kissing me. Claustrophobic smothering me.

That is literally what I think. I wonder if anyone else has these problems. I wonder if anyone else has this person in them of psychic. I don't think men do. Jamie Jackson didn't even pick up on what I'm doing. I'm like, Dumbo, can't you just work out why I'm doing that? Sometimes if I'm not chatty over text and Toby's been away, he goes, you weren't very chatty-patsy when I was away.

What's that about? So wait, why were you in the mean? I wasn't, this was ages ago. I just remember there was a few trips where I obviously was busy and forgot to reply that consistently, whereas he obviously had enough time to be on his phone. To be fair, this is a really long time ago, I remember this.

And he always used to come on, I'm not very chatty-patty, it happened like every trip. She was a busy girl. And then I was like, I kinda like it. Yeah, they knew you were so- I would on purpose not talk to you when the next girl in. I know, we really- Just make you beg for my attention.

I would not want to generalize. It's what we're like, and I hope that some other tinies can relate because that would be really upsetting if it's just us. We're just constant manipulators, really. I know. What's that about? I don't know. You've just got to keep them on their toes.

I know, it's true. It's true. Okay, ready? Dial number three. Hi, Sophie and Melissa. I've just started dating someone. So wanting to be safe, I've gone on their toes. I know it's true. It's true. Okay ready? Dial number three. Hi Saviour Melissa, I've just started dating someone so wanting to be safe I've got on the pill. The problem is that I constantly feel subconscious about having sex because I won't stop bleeding. It's not a full-on period but it's enough to make me overthink everything. Oh god. I really like this person and things are going well but I don't know how to approach

this. He is really sweet about it and says he doesn't mind but I feel like it isn isn't the sexiest and I feel like I can't get into it because I'm worrying. Do I just pretend it's not happening? I don't want it to become a big awkward thing, but I also don't want to feel uncomfortable in such a new relationship. Have you ever dealt with this? How did you navigate it? Would also love any advice right now because I feel stuck with emotionally and physically. It could be the pill making you have that mild bleed and then it's not the pill for you and you need to and then it's not the pill for you and you need to change your form of contraception. So common.

Does it do that? Really? So common. I actually, when I was really young, I had this. It was like every time, this is my first boyfriend and it was every time it was like a mild bleed and I was like, this is so weird. And it was so small. Every time you were set?

Yes. And I remember then going back to my college, I was like, this is so weird. And it was so small. Every time you were set. Yes. And I remember then going back to my guy in college, I was on Yasmin, this is when I was like really young, I was like 15, 16. And he said to me, basically, when you're on the pill, it does something, something, something to the lining and it can make cells that are more sensitive come out to the front and whenever they're touched, they'll bleed. Because they've kind of like gone out on the outside rather than being on the inside. I said, it's very interesting. Anyway, and apparently it's really common and the pill can make that happen. And my, I actually just

grew out of it. He was like, it might just change. It then just stopped after a few months. I grew out of it. Thank God. But really common happens all the time, but it could be several things. It's definitely worth getting checked. and like maybe seeing what your biologist says. I think so. Just go get checked. And don't let that be a problem with your sex life. Oh my God. I get it. If it's a marble, they really don't. I mean, they shouldn't care anyway, and if they do

fuck them, but I really don't think he's going to care. He won't care. I honestly understand it though, because as you said, he's expressed that he doesn't care, but you're in your head like, I can't relax. And I so get that, I'd be the exact same. I'd just be panicking about it. It's annoying. It's annoying. I fucking hate being on my period. It's just annoying, but it comes every month

and you've got to deal with it. So like, I can't imagine every time you're trying to like have intimacy with a new relationship. Also that's the time you don't be worrying about that. A new relationship is stressful enough, do you know what I mean? And sex and new relationships like, yeah. Oh, that's the time you don't be worrying about that. A new relationship is stressful enough, do you know what I mean? And sex in new relationships is like, yeah. Oh, it's stressful enough. You're already feeling a little bit self-conscious.

So don't worry about it because firstly, we've all been there. Melissa's literally experienced it. Totally together. Go get yourself checked and yeah, I'm sure just go to the doctor and if they think it's the pill, they'll do that. And if they think it's anything else, I'm sure it's not an STD, but you may as well just get tested for it anyway, unless it's the first time you're having that. And if they think it's anything else, I'm sure it's not an STD, but like you may as well just get tested for anyway. Unless it's like the first time you're having that, so in which case you just produce it. Just like force them to get to the bottom of it, I reckon, at the doctors. Sometimes

they try and fob you off the stuff. Be like, no, no, no, I need to solve this problem. I really don't think you've got anything to be embarrassed about. You know what is embarrassing is boys poo. That's more embarrassing. You know what I mean? If you had poo somewhere, that was embarrassing. Oh my God, have you had the skid mark story? Have I told you about the skid mark story? I can't say who it is because I actually don't know them, but I know it's a friend of a friend. And he had this one night stand with this girl and he was underneath and she got up and went to the loo after they'd finished and he like slid down the bed and turned around huge scared

mark. He left on the bed sheet. He was like, what do I do? I think in the sheer panic, he took the sheet off while she was in the loo, the bottom sheet and was just like, I need to wash this. No, no, no. I've got a wild story. Someone at my uni. They were being promiscuous. They were very experimental. She was around there. She was around there. She was around there and I think, no. Yes.

No! So when I meant like boys poo, I mean like, that's more aggressive. Shut the fuck up. But you know that's an issue for guys because they have so much hair there when they wipe. They're called dangle berries. Dangle berries, thank you.

That's what I was meaning when I meant boys shit. I didn't quite go into it. Don't even worry about a little drop of blood. I mean, honestly, this girl ate somebody's poo from her pubic hairs. It's magic. That is just the worst thing I've ever heard in my entire life. I know. She must have been severely unwell.

It's not someone you may have known. It was like a very... She must have had a horrific ego, like poisoning off. I can't remember what happened. But it went around our entire uni and I remember thinking, that is the most shocking thing I've ever heard in my life. That is honestly the... What would you do that? I would freak out. I would get a salt water and wash out my mouth. That is horrific. I

would vomit on the spot. Okay, I hope that helped. I'm really sorry we went off on a slight tangent there, but I really hope that helped. Me too. As we said, you're not putting skid marks on the bed. It's all going to be fine. Love you so much. Please tell us what happens because I actually feel like a lot of girls have this and you're really brave to speak about it because it is, can be deemed as like quite embarrassing but like talk to your friends about it I'm sure it's happened to one of them. You know it's happened to me. I fucking get it. Okay guys right that's the end of the episode I hope you enjoyed it. Love you guys so much. See you next week. Bye. Bye! I wanna know what happens. Well then, Tynies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays.

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