Wednesdays - 86. UTIs, HPV & Smear Tests: The Advice We Wish We Had

Episode Date: May 13, 2025

Hey Tinies,This week, Sophie’s in recovery after a face taping experiment gone horribly wrong — RIP to half an eyebrow — while Melissa’s brought a test to find out once and for all: are we actual psychopaths?We’re also diving into the down-there diaries with our top tips on handling UTIs and HPV, plus the awkward reality of smear tests. Are you a small talk girlie during it, or do you demand total silence while staring at the ceiling tiles? We’ve got thoughts.In the dilemmas, we’re getting into the nitty-gritty of sex aftercare. Is showering after sex an absolute must… or just killing the vibe? And wait until you hear this Tiny’s tale — there’s a foot fetish, a surprise sister plot twist, and a man who seriously needs to keep his toes to himself.Got a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail]--Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]--Credits:Producer: @gurlinaheer_Editor: Kat MilsomExec: Holly NewsonVideo editor: @lizziemccarthySocial: @laurabcoughlan and Beth Owen Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts at anything. In fact, we just challenge all our shit. We love giving you guys advice, but as we said- We love giving you guys advice.

Do not take what we're saying as gospel. If you do feel like you need to speak to somebody, please seek professional help. We're back with another Wednesday, so we've got some very fun things to talk about. I am going to tell Melissa about how I ended up waxing my eyebrow when I started face taping. I'm going to talk about smear tests, and also I'm going to do a psychopath test on Sophie. I can't wait. I'm slightly scared. I also have got a dilemma to tell you and it does spark a bit of a debate whether you should shower after sex or whether you should cuddle after sex. So listen and enjoy the episode. Love you.

Hello guys. Hi guys. How are we? We've had a lovely day. We have had a very lovely day. It's such gorgeous weather outside. It's such gorgeous weather. I just really love summer. You know what? I just, I love it. I'm just really, really excited. It's sunny outside. It's just lovely.

We're both going on holiday soon. Guys, I left, I'm in a tank top. No jacket, no jumper, nothing. I just left the house in a linen skirt. I was, I was like, this is what life's all about. Yeah. Not having to worry about that extra layer because I was like, nothing will actually make this outfit look good as a jacket.

That is an issue, like no jackets in summer for me, like work. I've got one like really boxy, but like, it's not boxy. It's like cropped Kate denim jacket. It was a real investment. And it's amazing for summer because it goes with everything. But other than that nothing.

A leather jacket three weeks ago is all I was wearing every day. Now it's a bit too hot for me to be wearing a leather jacket. Now it's Cardi season. Yeah, you know what Cardi sort of like not around the front. It's quite limiting really because someone created something new. Because it's not like we're in Spain where like you are in a town. What I would give to live that like that. To walk out and have that heat, having the face to be in shorts and like almost like a bikini every day.

And all you do is put mascara on and some lip gloss. I know. Because there's something about heat in London like I'm puffy and I'm more to retention whereas abroad I'm like. I know. I actually had a really nice, because it was really nice weather the other day and we had Toby's grandparents over for dinner we hosted, which was really awesome, really cute. I was cooking and they were sat outside around the fire pit. Tell us what you cooked.

I cooked one of Toby's recipes and he was meant to be doing it, but it was an orzo dish. So it's quite hands on. You can't leave it. I heard of this. It's kind of like a risotto. That he's cooked you. Oh yeah, you have to say it was an orzo. Yeah, you would have done it. It's one of the first thingsotto. I've heard of this. That he's cooked you. Oh yeah, you have tritzo. It was a, yeah, you would have done. It was one of the first things he ever cooked me when we started dating.

So we were like, fail safe, we'll just do that. It's delicious. It's like spicy and tritzo-y and really yum. But like a risotto, you would always be on there stirring, making sure the liquids would be fucking not very good for socializing. Anyway, so I was like, Tobes, you just, these are your grandparents.

You just go sit outside with them. And like we had all the windows open so I could chat to them. And then they were saying the most fascinating, interesting things and stories and stuff. I told them about the fact that I had done like a whole foods like haul on my TikTok and someone had commented that I have something called dead eyes. They go dead eyes.

And I was like, what? And then like 10 people liked it. And I was like, what the fuck is dead eyes? I Googled it, apparently I'm a psychopath. I've shown an emotion through my eyes or something I was like oh my god this is terrifying. So I was like telling them about that. Dead eyes. And then he did this like quiz on me, his godfather. God no because I do come up as a psychopath all the time. Do you? Yes. And I'm like I'll make sure you feel better about my dead eyes. I don't blink at people. I can stare at people for hours and hours. They have to look away and I'm like like, Oh God, I've made the feeling uncomfortable. In therapy, my therapist, I sometimes look

so far and I'm like, Oh, my cute look away too. Otherwise I'm like this the whole time and I see a lagoon. I'm like, Oh, I better look away too. Unbelievable. Right. I need to try and remember this properly. I'm really sorry if I get this wrong. Okay, right, so there's this funeral. Okay, this girl's father has died and there's a funeral for her father. And this guy goes and he sees the girl and he's like, oh my God, this girl is really beautiful. This funeral, which is obviously a mutual friend,

he's never met the daughter before. And he like, semi just like falls in love with her. And he's like, how the hell do I meet this woman again? Like, how am I gonna get to see her again? Like, I didn't ask her out, like, what can I do? So what do you think he does to ensure that he meets her again? Ask someone for her number?

No. Okay, that's good, I'm just like that. What does he do? He kills the mom. So if the mom has a funeral and he gets to meet her again at the mum's funeral. Did you say kills the mum? No.

I was like, maybe I would like gave like the most long winded like outrageous answer. I was like, maybe he then like figures out like where she like starts working and then more like try and like find her on LinkedIn. Yeah, I was like, sorry, that's the psychopath. So that is apparently the thought process. It's just an example of a psychopath. So that's what they, it's very simple and they'll just go to that, that's how I get work.

Yeah. Yeah, well that is like psychopathic behavior. It'd be really disturbing if you went off, probably kills mom. Although like some people I know would say that as a joke, but my brain wouldn't even go there. I do think sometimes I do have mild psychopathic behaviors. Oh well, in relationship terms, maybe.

Like if Toby's pissed me off, I can definitely feel my inner coming out. Yeah, me too, me too. Jamie like often does just say, sometimes I can be like particularly, I'm just quite a lot at the minute. Like my whole, I'm just like giving him a lot of shit and the poor boy just sits down and he just looks at me and he goes, I'm thinking quite a lot at the minute. I'm just giving him a lot of shit. And the poor boy just sits down and he just looks at me

and he goes, I'm thinking about this. You need to really concentrate now. And I'm like, I'm concentrating. And he's like, Sophie, I'm being serious. I'm thinking I can't go through this anymore. And I'm like, you're joking. And then he goes through and I'm like, oh God, that's when I've taken it like a step too far.

When you're being too far. And he always does the same thing. He's like, basically he tries to scare me. And I'm like, oh God, that's when I've taken it like a step too far. And he always does the same thing. He's like, basically he tries to scare me and I'm like, okay, that's more psychopathic though. But what I will say, it's putting your boundaries in place, which I really respect. You must. Because if the shoe was on the other foot

and he was just being like, all day, I don't know how psycho you're being with him, but you know, if you were like, he was being a lot, you would have to lay down the law and be like, look, I can't carry on like this. You need to change. I think it's good to set a boundary. I really do.

And what were we just talking about before we came on? Oh, Melissa's got red nails. And we were saying how her mom approved of the red nails. And I was like, my mom loved it when I had red nails. But then my mom like will caveat it with like a bit Christmassy though. And I'm like, oh no, my mom is fascinating. Like by the way, I think my mom's fashion sense is impeccable. I think she's so well dressed and really classy.

I think she's so stylish, but she really doesn't like the trends. So she really, you know, Jewelry is not giving it to my mom. My mom is liking Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. And so the BFA is, for example, I'm like, can you help me find a dress? And it's so, it's so, it's so, not giving it to my mom. My mom is liking Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. And so like the BFA is for example, I'm like, can you help me find a dress? And like it's so, it's really

classic what she'll send me, but like, I'm not, I kind of want it to be a bit out there as British fashion wars. And like it's, it's like, just honestly, it's like, it's so, I mean, it's nothing bad, but it's just so simple. Like Victoria Beckham, which is them. And then I'm like out there in my red corset with gloves and my mom, I just feel like she's a bit like, Ooh, she likes like me and like a lovely pair. Like, you know, when I wore those lovely cow, like flare jeans with like a frilly shirt, like cowboy, cowboy pair of cowboy boots. She's like stunning. I feel like my mom's actually quite good at not following a trend, but like when trainers

obviously started to come back in at a certain point, my mom likes a plat like a bit of a wet like she doesn't like the flat sandal. Same, a thicker heel, a bit more. And I agree. Add something. Well, they just need a bit of height. They love height. Like with us, our generation.

I know, why don't we, we're like, like five and a bit short. My mom won't wear a flat sandal, like a flat flip flop. Oh, her flip flops are like, got a bit, they're like, platform. You know what my mom loves? Mincing around the house, fit flops.

Melissa, I just bought some, and they are so sick. You bought them? No, no, no, Okay, okay. I didn't buy them. They sent them to me. They sent Jamie a pair. No, I'm going to get them up because I'm wearing them. It's a workout whilst just doing a flip flop. No, no, no. I know. My mum used to have the really ugly ones before they looked chic. Like, no, let me show you the ones I got. They are stylish. I will give you a pair. I want to show you because I- She says they're really comfy. No, they're next level comfort.

I think Birkenstock's the least comfortable things ever. I've got these really thick ones and they're like basically they look a bit- Dad, you're going to be walking around the house. Also, I can hear my mum coming down the corridor with her fit flops. It's like there's nothing like the fit flop sound. You can't find them the exact one,

but they're very Hailey Bieber. Show me. Like that, you know, like the row. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Like they're not like that, but they're a bit of a sheik of a version of that. And they sent them a Rachel board and I was like, fit flops. And then I put them on and I was like, these are the actually A, the comfiest things in the world.

And B, my legs are getting, my calves are getting slimmer by the second. And C, they're sheik as hell. Okay, but I need to tell you about my face taping situation. Okay, yeah. I got her into this, guys. She got me into it. So, firstly, I started following a girl called Arielle Lorque. You need to follow because she's all natural.

Following immediately. She stopped having Botox. She just face tapes. Her skin is absolutely fucking amazing. Hold on, hold on. Let me just follow her. You really like her. Arielle.

Oh, no, the woman. She had a lift nose job and she's done like all these videos on I've watched her. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So she, so my PT was saying that she does the face, she's here. So I basically started off with silicone scar tape.

Amazing if you sleep on it like, and it's still, but if it crinkles, you wake up with a crinkle. I told you this. Do you remember? Have you tried it? Yes, I told you to buy that. And I said, honestly, this is like a breaking record. This is our whole relationship. I bought it under my eyes to stop my puffy eyes at night. Sweet. And I crinkled it. And then I woke up with big crinkles and I was like, it's just not quite right. That's when I got the silk pillow. This is same as yours. So carry on. So

anyway, I did that and I was like, oh, crinkly, crinkly, crinkly. She was saying the same thing, how like it crinkles. So then what I got was her Japanese face tape and I put it here, so sort of me from like jowling, so like that. Okay. Just near your jawline, above your jawline, I guess. Basically, you put it anywhere you're going to like smush your face. You just like stretch your face out basically. And what I do is because I'm definitely, my eyelids are getting so saggy, I can't even like put liquid eyeliner on it anymore because it just cracks in half.

Also the sign that I should probably get a bluff at some point. This is what everyone's getting guys, an upper bluff. It's like a little, they slit out a little bit of skin in your eyelid so that it's nicer for makeup. They sew a line where wear your eye creases, and you're only out for a week. So all the models get, because their eyes need to be good for makeup and shit.

But anyway, my point is, is that I've started putting the tape from my eyebrow, pulling it up, to try and stretch out the breath. I don't know if it's working. But, I wake up and I'm like, I like it. But you don't wanna stretch it too much. Ripped off all my'm like, I like it. But you don't want to stretch it too much. Ripped off all my eyebrows though, didn't it? Peel it off and I'm like, waxed all my eyebrow hairs out.

And I was like, oh my God. Also, I'm just thinking you stretching the skin. I know, I don't know whether it's working in reverse. Isn't great to then you stretch. I really enjoy it. Like I love going to bed with my face like a mummy because I feel so tight on a pillow. Nothing's being washed.

So when are we putting on our skincare? So I put my skincare on like a good two hours before. Right. It's a bit rough if you're going to do like skincare straight. I only use a thing called SkinAround at the moment. So it's like dry. It's drying. It's not oily and nothing. And then what else I got was like these little nose things and they go, I don't think it's drying, it's not oily and nothing. And then what else I got was like these little nose things and they go, I don't think it's what Toby's getting. I need to get that. Mine are not very good. He does. It's like a sticker here, sticker here and you put it on and it goes and your nostrils open

by 20% extra or something. It's like a sticker with a little metal thing in it. Because Jamie had an expert on and said that the mouth taping is not a vibe. You're just like closing all the passages. So yeah, that's my situation at the moment. Nearly waxed my eyebrows off. You're gonna see me at Bella's hem because I'll be sharing a room with you. We're just like, you're gonna be shocked. I can't wait to share a room with her.

She's the funniest person to spend more than 12 hours with. Something happens to you. And like you just become so odd and so funny. I can't describe it. Really? I only have it when I like share a room with you. It only happens when I'm with you for a really long time where I share share it with you. It only happens for a really long time when I share it with you. I think it's just like we get a bit delirious. I don't know what it

is. Something happens to you and you're so funny. You know what it is? It's when you're really around a lot of people and you're not in your own experience. Like all my weird quirks come out because it's just like you can't hold them in, can you? You know, sweet is the FB. Yeah. So she had posted, there's this basically girl you filmed me and Chelsea, she's quite big on TikTok. She posted this thing, I think I forwarded it to you. You did, it was really scary. She has had, I think she had like reoccurring UTIs and I think she said BV and then she also has an HPV, which are all really common things in young girls. And she was like, I just wanted to be honest and open about it. Cause so many people have spoken to me about having it as well, which

is going to be feel better, blah, blah, blah. And she was basically talking through her experience and her journey. She's going to see this H no, a UTI specialist. I basically have spoken about it on this podcast before that I had UTI so badly. And all the doctors wanted to do is put me on bloody antibiotics every fucking time. And at one point they told me to take it every day for a year, like these really mild antibiotics. And I was like, I am not doing that. Like I'm in a room, I got health blah, blah, blah.

And I refused to think that that was the solution. I researched and researched and researched and found this thing called Hiprex. I've spoken about it on this podcast before. You still have to get it from the doctor. Basically it doesn't solve, if you've got a current UTI infection, it won't get rid of it, but it's a good preventative measure. So it's a tablet and it basically makes your urine more acidic so that the bacteria that's in your bladder that causes the infection is killed off immediately because it can't survive in the acidic environment. So when

you've had sex, this is how I had to deal with it. So every time I knew I was going to have sex or I was having sex, I would take a tablet and it would prevent it from happening. I have not had one since. That is unbelievable. So I messaged Izzy. I don't take it every day, but I'm like, if I need to take it, I'll take it basically. I messaged Izzy and I told her all about it. I was like, see if that works for you. And also the HPV thing. And HPV is a virus and there's like 200 strains of it. I think only like 13 are like potentially can lead to an abnormal cell, which can then lead to a something cell, which can then lead to cancer.

Got you. It's all a virus, but basically there's only 13 strains or something out of these 200 and whatever that exists in the world that can lead to cervical cancer for women, which is why we get smears basically. So all the other ones that might give you certain other things or they might give you nothing aren't dangerous so they don't bother testing for those, they just test for the dangerous ones. Just going back to the smears. So why is it when you go for a smear or like a wax even for that matter, they go, just take your clothes off and then

lay on the bed and just put the blanket over your vagina and I'll just pull the curtain around so I can't see you getting under us. Two seconds later, they're like literally head and side truck. Head and side truck. Well, I would have much more reveals if I had my bare vagina around. Would you? Absolutely. I would not be happy about that. I would be like, listen. And then they try and have a normal conversation. So you've been up to this meeting? Yeah.

Have we done yet? If I could go through my life without having small talk, I would go through my life without having small talk. Me too. I dread getting my everything done because of small talk. I really struggle in general with small talk, like at a wedding, like I'm just like, Oh God, does anything last in that small talk chat? I literally would rather go sit on my own in the toilet until the small talk time is over. Do you think that I don't ask some people small talk questions because I'm like, they're just going to think I'm so boring on this chat shit. So I then don't ask the questions. Then I'm like, God, they're going to think I'm rude. I try and like, if they give me

small talk, I then try and be like, go in with something that's so off topic that I'm like breaking a small talk. Like I'll be like, Oh my God. I'm like, ow, I think I got stung by a bee over there. It really hurt. Like there's loads of wasps over here. You've got to be careful. That's such a you thing. Like I just have to go off. I'm like, do not ask me how my plans are for summer. Please. Have you got lots of other things this summer? Yes, I do. Do you? I know exactly what you mean. I've got one in France. I've got one in, I mean, I'm snorting.

But then sometimes that can lead to good shit. I know. I have to be in the right mood. So then you know what? Like, yeah, I do have 10 weddings this summer. And you know what? The weddings that I had last summer, oh my God, there was so much drama. One of the couples has got divorced. You can tell when it's going to go down that route though, can't you? And when it's going to be like, oh yeah, me too. Yeah. It depends how like chatty somebody is, I guess. And how good at someone is. That's the difference between someone that's really fucking good at small talk. They'll let that

get onto something like juicy. By the way, I had the most wholesome weekend. You've not asked me what I did. You were at the wedding? No, that was Friday. Saturday, Jamie and I walked to Borough Market. We had a lovely, lovely lunch, walked all the way back. We went through like London Bridge, everything. Oh my God, how gorgeous. Sunday, took a picnic to Kew Gardens. Shut the fuck up. I know, I don't know what came over us. We were like, we've got to do this. How could

this happen? Anyway, point is Sunday evening, we watched Notting Hill and have you ever watched that movie? Yeah. Sorry. Have you ever watched it? Of Were You Born Yesterday? No, I've never watched it. Julia Roberts is the most stunning person I've ever seen in my life in that movie. I know she's beautiful, but that's her prime.

Like, wow. And Hugh Grant is like- She's so charming. So charming and not that hot. I thought he was really gorgeous when he was younger. I was in love with him in it. Yeah. But looking at his face and his crooked teeth, he wasn't. But that's English charm. That is old school

English charm. How different are the old school British, actually the American ones? The American ones are on another level. What do you mean? Look at Brad Pitt and like Paul Walker. Who's like the American love heartthrobs at the minute? Jacob Elordi. I would actually say Jacob Elordi is on the similar vibe of the British heartthrob old school look. Me too. And Timothee Chalamet certainly is. I feel like we've moved away from that like perfect looking male.

The Chad Michael Murrays. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've moved away from him. We've moved into like the quirky European, like a bit of grit. We like a skinny boy. That's what I'm seeing. We do. Look, I've never been for the beefy bodies. It's never done it for me. They're like those really, really muscley boys and people die for the arms.

It's not my vibe. I just like a bit of like cushioning is the wrong word. I don't like the rock hard muscle. I basically just Toby's body, but like when he's in really good nick is my dream. But like sometimes he doesn't have the time to work out and he still looks phenomenal, but I'm like, that's just perfect for me. I don't need anything else other than that. It's too much. Right. Should we get into style lovers? Yeah.

Hi, Sophie and Melissa. I'm in a relationship and honestly, the sex is amazing. Good for you. However, the issue comes after the sex. I'm someone who loves a cuddle, especially after being intimate. I need that feeling of closeness and reassurance, but my boyfriend doesn't really provide that. It's not like he's being mean or distant. I think he's just really energetic and always ready to move on to the next thing. Whereas I need the aftercare post sex. I'm not sure how to bring it up. I have mentioned before that I like cuddles and sometimes together after sex to feel loved, but I don't think he really took it as seriously as I would have liked. And now it feels awkward to bring it up again without worrying that I'm forcing him into something he doesn't actually want to do. Have you ever experienced

this with a partner before? Are Jamie and Toby good at aftercare? Maybe it's just a boy thing and I'm expecting too much. Oh, we never got a laugh to say this. But me and Jamie are like- Really helpful for this girl. I'm sorry. We're like riddled with ADL. I'm like, I've done- What? You're like, I need to sleep? No, I'm like, I go, I get up, I'm done. What, you're like, I need to sleep? No, I'm like, I go, I get up, I pee immediately. Oh, must get up and pee immediately. But then when you get into bed and you like,

don't touch me, you're like- Oh, we're not really late time sleep. We're not really, we're quite afternoon sex. I rhyme. So let me think if I would have sex in the evening, would I have a cuddle? Well, because you're getting back into bed. No, no, what happens?

This is TMR. What happens is, Jamie's like very, very OCD clean, let me tell you. So he will like- He's getting himself in the shower. He will have a shower after every time he has sex, he will never ever, ever, like that boy showers six times a day. So we'll have sex, we'll lie there for maybe a minute,

debrief for a second. Yeah, forget your breath bag. Get your breath bag. I go, I pee whilst I'm peeing, kill jump in the shower. Then we come back in, go to bed. That's nighttime. Yeah. Okay.

Afternoon, like we're not having night. So you get back into bed, don't touch each other. He is so hot. Jamie, I mean, this is like my biggest thing. That boy won't let me, he won't let me touch him. Like I'm, he is like, so you have to get off me. You're like a radiator. And he is like a radiator. If it was up to me, I would like a cuddle. Maybe I'll give him a spoon. Not really though. I'm just like, I'm ready to go to bed by then. I've had the time. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Well, we fall asleep on each other every night. Do you really? Yeah. That's so lovely. Look, she's got the secret sauce to the recipe. But I've never had it before when I haven't done that even.

I also have never until Jamie. Really? I mean, if you touch Jamie right now, his skin is- I'm roasting. It's boiling hot. If you really want to cuddle, just lie on him or spoon him just for a few seconds. Be like, I know you don't need this, but I do. So I was just fucking make him do it and then roll away after two minutes. You'll get hot and blasted and you'll be like done now.

I mean look if I wanted to spoon or cuddle I would just do it. Do it. Yeah. And like he would probably give it maybe I reckon I've got three minutes, five minutes and then he would be like do you want hot? Yeah. But like I get enough. Maybe like get your hugs from like being on the sofa. Like I lie on top of Jamie on the sofa. You know what I mean? I'm not, so I can't really sleep on top of somebody, but that's just the habit I used to, like I have done in the

past. It's not good for the neck, let me tell you, I get a neck ache. But equally like, is it that much of a deal breaker for you? Because for me, I probably would have done that before Jamie, he doesn't, I just go into the habit, I'm like, sweet, that's fine. I actually am a really like tactile person and like I- I am, but I feel's fine. I actually am a really tactile person. And like, I... I am, but I feel a bit like, I'm a bit of a clean freak in after sex. I actually do feel a bit like,

God, I had it with someone when they showered after sex every single time. And I was just like, I'm not that fucking filthy. You wouldn't get over Jamie, I'd be devastated at that. I was like, what is wrong with you? I've had a B day. Jamie, I'd be devastated if that was. I was like, what is wrong with you? I've had a B day. I'm like, also you didn't get that hot and steamy mate. What sort of shit do you think

you put in? Honestly, sometimes I'm like, a shower really? And he's like, just quit it, Gwenn. I'm like, honestly, it's like a habit. It's like a tip. It's really unnecessary. Oh my God, that is so funny. I do understand it. I like showering before. Obviously me. Me too. I like being spick and span clean. I do understand it. I like showering before. Obviously me. Me too. I like being spick and span clean. I really don't actually love to have sex when I've not showered. Oh my God, neither. That's when holiday sex is so great.

You're constantly in the pool and in the sea and you just feel so squeaky clean. If I'm going to give you some advice, I think Sophie's right. Let's not have a conversation about this and make it like a deep big deal. I think get up after you've done the deed and if he wants to shower or go for a wee and you want to do the same final and you get back into bed, just give him a cuddle and I'm sure he'll cuddle you back. And if it's very much so a get off me situation, just be like, no, please, I really just need to have a cuddle for five minutes. Yeah. And he's not going to reject you. And it's okay if he's not the one forthcoming with the cuddle. I'm sure he's not going to reject you. And like, it's okay if he's not the one like forthcoming with the cuddle. Like I'm sure if Toby like at this point in our relationship, he just knows it's routine. He just puts his arm out ready for me to come

in, but I'm sure he'd happily also sit there without me. He wouldn't notice if I didn't want to cuddle. Do you know what I mean? Like boys are very like, yeah, you just have to train them a little bit. And I'm sure he would be fine. And I don't think this is anything you need to worry about, but I do understand the need for that like skin on skin connection after you've done something so intimate. I get it. I think, yeah, you don't overthink it. I think also, by the way, I think so many women have this. You've just got to train them.

Okay, right. Dilemma too. We're ready. Hi girls. I'm writing in as one of, oh, as one of your male listeners, because I need some advice on how to handle something with my girlfriend. For a bit of context, I'm in my late 20s and my girlfriend and I used to do long distance. We recently moved in together and now that we're around each other much more, she knows exactly when I go out, dot dot dot, and this is where I'm starting to get annoyed.

She expects me to message her every time I go out and also while I'm out. I'm not even a big party boy, but sometimes after work I'll spontaneously go for a few drinks and when I do she's constantly messaging me, asking me when I'll be home, where I am, etc. It usually ends with us arguing and honestly I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. It feels like she's keeping tabs on me and it's starting to feel a bit constricting. Do you expect Toby and Jamie to do the same when they're out? Any advice would be massively appreciated. Hmm. I've always been incredibly relaxed about boys going out.

Jamie communicates with you a hell of a lot. Yeah. And Toby communicates with me the same. Jamie will just call you like literally 10 times a day. Mommy, what's going on? I'm just doing this, bye. Like just little updates throughout the day. Yeah. I think like the biggest thing is like real communication really and that will really put her mind at rest and like send her a photo of like your drink that you've got

or like your mate that you're with. Like she'll just feel really, if she's a bit worried about her, that will reassure her. And then over time, like maybe she'll become more relaxed. Like you don't know what her last relationship, maybe the guy like went out and cheated on her and didn't speak to her. Or like, she's obviously got a bit of an insecurity about it,

which is so common. I think it's just like communication. Also like never spring on the girl that you're going out. I really don't like that. I don't like her like a 7pm, gonna go out with the lads tonight. I would obviously would. So coming out, I've just been really chilled

about anyone going out. I obviously would be like, oh, all right, fineads tonight. I would obviously would, so coming out, I've just been really chilled about anyone going out. I obviously would be like, oh, all right, fine. But inside I'd be like, fucking, I'm going to go out and have more fun than you. I'm like that. Because I'm like, I haven't made a plan. Like, what are you doing? That, right.

This is the problem. That's outrageous. So you've moved in together. And also like you've chosen to really do life together when you move in. Like you're not flatmates. You're not flatmates. You don't have the same freedom as you did if you were living with a friend. It's a relationship and this is your life partner to be, right? It's considerate to let them know what you're doing and when you're doing it and ask them if that's actually

okay. Do you have plans? Did you have plans to make me dinner this evening? She could have been like, fuck's sake, like I want us to have a nice night in. I don't think there's anything wrong with being spontaneous, but just as Sophie said, just be like, just communicate loads. I might go out this evening. Can I say something? Jamie also always invites me and obviously he knows I'm never going to go, but like- Please come. He's like, do you want to come? He's like, I'm going to for dinner with Proudlock, do

you want to come? And I'm like, no, you have a boys night, but like, do you want to come? He's like, I'm going to for dinner with Proudlock, do you want to come? And I'm like, no, you have a boys night. But like, it is quite nice to get it. I would be a bit offended if it was like very much like, you'll never like, it's a boys night. I'd be like. I agree. I've never not been invited unless it is strictly

a boys night. If it's like Toby going out with like two of his pals, the guys. It's just all the boys. I would not want to go to that anyway. I really think it's down to communication. I think like the minute you are even thinking, firstly, go on a Monday, what are your plans for the weekend?

Do we have any plans? Yeah, figure out what you guys are doing first. And then you can be like, oh my God, she'll be like, yeah, I actually fancy doing this or we've got plans with these people. You'd be like, shit, you know what? So and so actually wanted to go for a drink. You're just this open comms. That's what it's all about.

As you said, you were doing long distance and now you've moved in with each other. She probably doesn't have that many friends in the area. That's probably feeling like, I would feel so left out. I know maybe it's a little bit wrong, but she probably feels like this sense of maybe it's a little bit wrong, but she probably feels like this sense of your, her only social life essentially. So when you're off having fun without her, like, she's going to feel left out. I would. I'd be like, what the fuck? Like I moved back here so that we can be together and now you're just going out spontaneously all the time. You totally have the right to, but that's the irrational thought that's going to be going through her head. So if you're also sending pictures of her, like sending a selfie of you and your pal, picture of your beer,

like miss you so much, things like that, she won't care if you're then out. And then also- Over the top communication is fine. Say tomorrow when you're out, be like, tomorrow can we go for breakfast together? Yeah. Also, one thing I will say, like do you put it in your mind, like do any of your mates have girlfriends? Because I would actually, Jamie and I just always do things in couples. And like now we're like pretty married and like whatever he will, and like

lots of his friends have kids. It's a lot, a little less couple-y. So now he will do like boys nights quite a lot. And I really, I'm literally so thrilled to watch my own TV and just like stretch my legs, but stretch my legs at the beginning, it was all in couples. And like, I don't, I think you should like probably my legs. But. Stretch my legs? At the beginning, it was all in couples and like I think you should like probably move into that area, like try hang out with some couples. I think what this is, and this is why

we can't quite imagine it, this is not, we have such a like different culture in our work. This sounds like he's working in the city and there's that going out for beers every time work's finished, like Wednesday to Saturday, Friday. And like, it's all so social and like boozy and I get you don't want to miss out on that. And if she's not in that working environment, I would find that so annoying. I'd be like, Oh my God, 6pm, like he's coming home. Oh no, he's not actually stay out till 10. Can I just say something in your girlfriend's defense? Like I know loads of girls with boyfriends

in this industry and they all fucking hate it. It's really hard. It's tough. And I think you also ultimately do need to compromise a bit. You can't keep going out Tuesday night, go out on the Thursday night with the boys. My sister's husband, he's very much in that industry. He goes out on a Thursday night every week and he has drinks, but he could do a Wednesday, he could do a Friday, he just does a Thursday. He just connects to that day of the week, which is great because then you guys can plan around it and she knows it's happening.

Yes, it's the spontaneity. So I think you're going to have to compromise a little bit. A little bit. Sorry. Being an honest, you can't be as spontaneous. No, no, you just can't. Unless she is also as spontaneous and she's going out on a Tuesday with her pals, but it doesn't sound like she is.

Let us know how that goes. We really appreciate that you're an avid listener. Love you. Yeah, love you. Hope that that's all right. Okay, dilemma three. I really need help. I am in a huge dilemma. Oh my God. So a bit of background. My sister and I have never been super close growing up, mainly because I spent a lot of time living abroad in my twenties and we are quite different as people. While I was away, I had a fling with a guy. It didn't last very long, mainly because he had a slight foot fetish and I absolutely hate feet. It just wasn't going to work. Fast forward to now, I've moved back home and the other week,

my sister said she was bringing her new boyfriend home and guess what? She's now seeing him. I honestly couldn't believe it when they walked through the door. Oh my God. I can't believe, I don't believe it. I'm now stuck. I don't know whether I should tell her about my past with him. On one hand, I know every relationship is different and I don't want to take the start

of something that could be good for her. She might love feet too. On the other hand, part of me feels like she would have, she should have a head's foot up. No, come on. A head's foot. A head's foot. A head's foot. A head's up.

It also feels extra awkward because when I see him again, he act like he didn't even know me, like we'd never met before. Shut up. He hasn't said anything to her as far as I know, and now I feel like I'm carrying this weird secret. No, sorry, that's absolutely bizarre. Shit, why didn't he say straight away?

Like he obviously also would have seen you on like Instagram and shit, like that's Instagram and shit. That's so fucking weird. That's so fucking weird. What should I do? Should I leave it alone and let her figure it out or should I say something now before it gets any more? No, no, no, no, no. You must tell her.

You've got to call her up and be like, firstly, my mom would be involved in this. I would call up my mom and say, I need to tell you that I had sex with that guy. I wouldn't even bother going down the road for that shit. He fucking cares about that. Yeah, neither him nor that. Really, that's not what they do. Mind you, it sounds quite severe because you pull things off because of it. So it must be quite a lot.

Oh God, I remember that once at uni this boy tried to finger a girl with his foot. That would also let me just tell you do nothing. Like really, whose toes are like long enough and like what the fuck. And like you don't have control of the muscle very well. Oh God. We just don't have control of the muscle very well. Oh, God. We just don't have a clue, do they? I would tell your sister immediately,

I understand that you don't have, it's hard for me to relate because I am so close to my sister, like it wouldn't even be at this point. You know what's shocking me, like how straight away you weren't like, oh my God. Red flag that he did that, that psychopathic behavior. So fucking weird, maybe he's done it to get near you.

Close to you, I find that so weird because sorry, Instagram's a thing and no one can go, like there's no way he's not stalking your sister. No way. Also, you probably have the same last name. I'm guessing you look somewhat like, like you probably got similar feet. I think you should straight away call your sister and be like,

look, I don't know, I panicked so much because it threw me off guard that he was like pretending we'd never met, but I sat with that guy and obviously it didn't work out. But I just feel weird on telling you. You just need to know. And it also felt like it's very strange that he's also not said anything. She might be like, by the way, he told me.

And then he tells her and then you've not said anything. That makes you look so bad. You need to say something now. You need to call her immediately. Before he gets there. Also like it's just so odd not to tell her, like it really is so, so odd. He's being introduced to the family. Also like you didn't do anything,

quacking, you met this bloke on holiday, you slept together like nothing to hide. I understand it would have thrown you off if he was like nice to meet you. He obviously has something for your family DNA. Can I just say, imagine seeing a guy you'd shagged and him being like, hi, nice to meet you, He obviously has something for your family DNA. Can I just say, imagine seeing a guy you just shagged and him being like, hi, nice to meet you, I'm John. I'd be like, what?

Also, they hadn't just shagged once. They'd slept together quite a few times since the sound of that dilemma. Okay, well, look, listen, we've given you our advice and I strongly stand by it. Like, I really think you must tell your sister there's no divulging into that. Do it quickly.

Do not wait a second. The minute you listen, yeah. Don't waste another minute. Just rip the bandaid off and just call her. And if you need to text her, just text her and let her not wait a second. The minute you listen. Yeah. Don't wait another minute. Just rip the bandaid off and just call her. And if you need to text her, just text her and let her call you, because I know what you mean. Sometimes an awkward call is like,

you can't physically bring yourself to do it. So it's the fact you said you're not very close to your sister. I know. I get that. It's brutal, I feel for you, but like you'll feel so much better when you've done it. It's definitely the right thing to do.

We love you. Good luck. We love you so much. Thank you so, so, so much for all of your lovely, funny, weird and wonderful dilemmas. We really appreciate them. And if you have any more, please send them in to the Instagram DMs or the email, which is wednesdays at jampopproductions.co.uk. Yeah, keep sending them in. They're all weird and wonderful. We love reading them out. Love you guys. See you next week.

Love you so much. Bye guys. Bye. them all weird and wonderful. We love reading them out. Love you guys. See you next week. Love you so much. Bye guys. That's it for this week Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then, timies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes. It's pretty amazing. It's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations. And it's super easy, you just listen on your favorite app. How cool is that?

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