Wednesdays - 87: The Big Xmas Reunion ft. Jamie Laing & Toby Watkins | PART 1

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

It’s our Christmas special and we’ve got boys in the building! Toby Watkins is back to explain himself, the secret Santa goes wrong and we find out some of Jamie Laing’s weirdest Christmas traditions. We are drinking Jamshed mulled wine!Sophie: 5Melissa: 5 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either. And we're not psychologists. We're not psychologists we're not we're not experts in anything in fact we just

chatted all the shit so and we love giving you guys advice but as we said we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like

you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help this is a special episode wait are we starting are we not yes we're starting are Wait, are we starting? Yes, we're starting. Are we recording? Are we starting, pisshead? You're the pisshead.

I was Sophie in terrible form Saturday night. No, I wasn't. I was on good form. Yeah, but you were drunk and then hungover the next day. Oh, I was so drunk on Saturday. No, not Saturday, Friday. Yeah, how drunk was she? We were both pretty pissed, but then the next morning she threw up.

You threw up, Preshy? Was it just pure alcohol? And paracetamol. It was bright pink. Yeah, I don't know why you... Because of the paracetamol. I saw it. I saw the remnants in there.

It didn't go down. It didn't go down. The capsules just kept floating to the top. It was very fresh. It was almost like as soon as I swallowed them down, my body was like, no, no. And then I bet you felt fine. And then the headache went.

I felt absolutely fine. But then I was sick a few more times. Why are you sick on a hangover? She never normally is. Because it was alcohol poisoning, clearly. Alcohol poisoning. Well, that's just your body being like, this is shite, get it out of me, no?

That's so true. This is too much. But should we tell you a little snippet about the night before just to... Okay, I can't wait. Just explain to her more than that. We've obviously got... Oh, I can't wait. Just explain to everyone that we've obviously got the... Oh yeah, we've got the two men on. We've got the two men. Wait, is this how we start

the podcast? Yeah. So you just ramble into it? We just chat and our guys love it. In they go. Okay, in we go. No rate back. Straight in. There's also no, none of your structure. There's no like foreplay. No, there's no foreplay. Straight in. And I also get loads of girls coming and let me tell you there's no like foreplay no there's no foreplay straight in and I also get

loads of girls coming up to me loads and they go do you know which podcast you've heard nearly once

and I go what's the comment you just said the wrong one I mean I mean delete they go

do you know which podcast they've heard they then say delete she also just continued with it like didn't even realise

Wednesday and they go Wednesday so he also went to sniff her wine at the beginning She also just continued with it, like didn't even realise that she... Wednesdays. And they go, Wednesdays. So he also went to sniff her wine at the beginning and sniffed the microphone. And she went, oh, sniff the podcast instead of the wine. Sniffed the podcast as well.

If only a podcast is sniffable. Anyway, so you've got the two boys on for our little Chris-mica special. Chris-mica special. What does that mean? What do we do? Anyway, so you've got the two boys on for our little Christmaka special. Christmaka special? Yeah. What does that mean? What do we do? Christmaka is Christmas slash Hanukkah.

Yeah, it's... Seth Rogen from the OC. Yeah. His little saying. Yeah, but we're not Jewish. Are we Jewish? No, but we just love the way... We love the way...

Sorry, I'm Jewish. I forgot. Yeah, you haven't got a foreskin. That's true. I know, my mum ate it when I was younger. Ate it? Yeah, she did. Obviously my mother didn't eat my foreskin.

To be fair, we all went, oh no, is that tradition? Is that something we should know about? Did go to Radley to eat fair mix. Everyone hates each other's foreskins. Des. Why don't you have a foreskin? I'm not complaining. It's lovely.

I thought Jamie was... It was a car accident. They got shut in the door. And then my parents drove off. Honestly, stretched it off. Left him there for three months. Got dragged behind a car by my foreskin. Anyway, you're getting real topic ready. It is what happens. Toby, do you have a foreskin alright anyway

you're getting real topic ready it is what happens Toby do you have a foreskin I do really very much so

I thought he didn't have one though I told Sophie I went oh my god this lovely boy Toby doesn't have a foreskin just like Jamie

like three dates in we'd obviously slept together straight away and I went so you've been circumcised? She went, no, I have not. Is it because you constantly had a boner around her?

Just constantly had a reaction. And if I didn't, I'd just, one of those, oh no. Not the mulled wine. Not on the sofa, sorry. Not the sofa. Oh God, anything but the sofa. I won't lie. I don't really see the difference

between, like, a fourth and both. Really? Willie and a non. We'll show you. Don't worry, we'll show you next week on Wednesdays. Get them out. Oh, Shia. Toby's just said you're Willie.

Oh, my God. Right, guys. I've already seen many pictures of Toby's Willie. Of the whole penis I've seen yours as well What the hell Yeah Me and Melissa got drunk

Once Melissa goes Go on then Just show me And I was like Alright We were comparing notes I'm gonna show Toby Your vagina

Toby's genuinely Like Pass me my phone Pass it The fuck I am a bit like that Toby's They've been showing

Our penises That was that weird Saturday where there was oh no it's happened since okay right this is taking a very unwholesome turn

because it's Christmas and it's about being wholesome and giving gifts absolutely sorry about your sofa by the way invoice me I just don't think

we can brush over that quickly do all girls show each other girls their boyfriends penises no it's not normal at all Sophie and I just have

a very close relationship. But you show... I showed a nice photo of it, don't worry. It looks the same from every angle pretty much. No, there was one particular one where it looked... She was going, you're going to be jealous. No, I'm healthy. Look how beautiful this penis is.

Which one did you show? It's very complimentary. You're right. You probably what? I don't know if you'd remember it. It was one from lockdown so that long ago i looked absolutely horrible in lockdown i don't think it was a full body image it could have been any it was gonna be any penis it was just the helmet what position was it you

were just stood up with your arms on your hips with your big dick out flash on flash on yes it was it was that picture tattoo in i just can't tattoo in that's when you know toby do you not feel violated you've seen a picture it's the same picture mine was a good scene you've seen it we were all out together drunk and it we i passed the phone around toby you were actually seen it as well has he really yeah what i don't remember this i i now want to see it. It wasn't really that much of a big deal at the time, was it? We were all just like

nice Venus. No, we were just like lovely Venus. Yeah, and more, you know. I just also want to quickly touch on the fact that we're drinking a lovely mulled wine

from Jamshed before we forget and get really deep into the episode. Is this a Jamshed or have we just heated up a Jamshed wine? No, this is a Jamshed

mulled wine. I can give you a little quick pricey price. Love it, guys. And you know Jamshed's one a little quick pricey price love it guys and you know jam sheds one of our favorite wines we love it it's one of my favorite red wines it's one of the wines melissa and i drank when you're just broken up with your first boyfriend yes and we were doing the podcast and we're doing the podcast at my house back in the day so fun we got really drunk with you guys and we were like whoa this wine guys if you drink it be careful because it is

we got so drunk and it's very sweet it's if you drink it, be careful because it is so strong. We got so drunk. Did we get you nice and drunk? And it's very sweet. It's like you almost could have it as like a dessert wine. Yeah. But this is the mulled wine version. They also do white wine. Just trying a sip.

Mmm, that is. How did that sip go? Delicious. Oh, here it is. Got it. Mulled wine. Is this your first mulled wine of the season? Yeah.

Okay, here we go. Mine was last night. Yeah, me too. Oh, I like that. It's lovely. I think someone just heated up red wine. Genuinely, that is mulled wine. No, it's not.

You put some orange in it. There's some spices in it. I think it could do with some other bits and bobs. I don't think we've gone the full extra mile on it, but at least we're being festive. I think you do put some sugar in m and bobs. I don't think we've gone the full extra mile on it, but at least we're being festive. I think you do put some sugar in Mild. Yeah, you do. You put sugar.

I think you can put like sherry in it as well. You can really go full out. So it's Christmas time. It's really exciting. Oh, you're taking control, aren't you? I'm not taking any control. Is this your podcast? No, I just...

Are you guys spending Christmas together? We're not. No. No. Unless there's a ring on it. Yeah, no ring bring yeah is that what it is it's the watkins rule even the tattum rule but even then i don't know if my parents would be okay with like being left like i would never leave my parents and you would never leave yours so it's like you're gonna have to guys yeah it's gonna bring them all together what vow desire your parents are coming out to vow desire love

me that's absolutely banging. With all your siblings as well. The whole lot. And their girlfriends and wives. And their kids. And their kids, yeah. It's a difficult Christmas, actually. We were talking about this earlier, isn't it?

Like dividing it all up. Imagine like we're lucky because I guess our parents are together, so we don't have to divide that way. But some people have like four options. You've got four options. Both parents. Both parents. You're coming to my parents again. You haven spent christmas with your family about four years you know it's hard no you did it once in skiing with your dad we did and then i went to

my mum's the year after and then i've been with your parents the last two years yeah because last year there was covid so my flight to portugal got cancelled on the day we literally went we went i remember that yeah it was awful we literally got to the airport and they were like no you can't come but but do you like spending christmas with me i do but it is funny you have your own family traditions and it is different and there's like certain things that you know only your family do or you just do it your certain way so it is like something you've got to sort of like adjust adjust to so who finds it weird that we like open presents naked on my parents bed like jamie's family wear black tie she needs to get over that get over it a lot of people do that black tie i know i i know one family friend that do that and they dress up

mega and i think it's so lovely yeah yeah we dress up mega because then we undress on i'm actually really excited about about the black tie situation but what i'm confused about you said you said do i have to wear a ball gown and i went damn straight i thought a ball gown on the on Christmas day. I'm actually really excited about the black tie situation but what I'm confused about is like- You said, you said, do I have to wear a ball gown and I went damn straight up. Well, I thought a ball gown

on the day. Oh, not a ball gown. Yeah, but black tie is- Just like a lovely fancy dress. Yeah. You don't have to wear like a ball gown.

Like more of a cocktail dress. Cocktail dress or a bit of glitz. Just something to just finesse it up. Lovely, got it. But I, for me,

black tie was like, wait, hang on a second. You're not wearing a tuxedo, are you? Yeah, I'm wearing a tuxedo. It's black tie.

It's black tie, Melissa. What do you think I'm wearing? Fuck me, I thought maybe just like a really lovely shirt and some really lovely trousers. Yeah, I struggle with my family. Melissa, that is not black tie. I know, but I thought maybe we could bend the strings a little bit, like it's your parents.

It's not like a straight. That's what I mean. So, oh, someone just did a flip-flop pretty quickly. I'm really excited for it now. No, I am really excited. I am really excited. But I, my family dress up really smart for Christmas. Yeah, so do we.

We all wear a lovely dress. My dad will wear a nice shirt. Yeah. But not a tuxedo with like a bow tie. Yeah, we're the same. But I always get told if my brothers and parents are really like, they have a nice smart wardrobe. And I just don't. So every time I come down and mum's like,

darling, put on a nice shirt for the day. And I'm like, I actually don't own like, I don't and mum's like darling you've got on a nice shirt for the day and I'm like I actually don't own like I need to get some nice buy me one yeah

what's in my stocking you're a casual boy I'm a casual boy wait hang on so you don't like the idea of no I do but now you understand

I love how Melissa was like I thought it was full black tie like a black tie dress code Toby if you got asked to go to a black tie dinner you'd wear a tuxedo, right?

Yeah. So Melissa, I don't know where you're thinking that, that he's going to be in like an ice cream. I thought that was like quite a loose term, saying like black tie dinner. I thought you just meant you will dress up mega. Like my mum will wear like a lovely glitzy, like jumper dress situation.

I do get that, a lot of families do. Maybe some tights and then like maybe slippers. It's like you're dressing up, but like you're still kind of like at home. My mum will wear heels and like a lovely, lovely dress. And home. My mum will wear heels and a lovely, lovely dress. And so will my sister will wear heels and a lovely dress. But after lunch, the slippers are on. But I've just never worn a full black tie for the day.

I would never wear a gown and sit around the tree and open my gifts. Oh, he's wearing a full tuxedo. This is going to be a bit uncomfy. No, hang on. This is just Christmas Eve dinner. Yeah, but it's meant to be. No, no, it's meant to be christmas day but we've moved it no it's always christmas eve it's always christmas i've been around 33 years 34 i've been around 34 years so i think i know i've i've read the chat it said we're changing up this year it's always sophie's

involved in the family chat i love it yeah i'm not involved in hers let's get on to that really i'm not in her chat i was in toby's and then i got she left no hang on you left did not get removed wait this has been removed yeah no that is the biggest i left the chat should you leave the chat yeah but like maybe like a few weeks later broke up it was my people were writing stuff on it my sister-in-law's is-in-law? Yeah, my sister-in-law's birthday. But leaving's almost more awkward. I didn't leave straight away. I left a couple days later. Everyone was sending the happy birthday messages.

And then Melissa was like. Actually, it was weeks later I left. Because I forgot it existed until people started putting it on. And then it went to the top of my chat. And I was like, I know this is death. I've got to get off now. So you just left. Didn't you say bye to everyone?

Well, I can't just fuck. What am I going to be like? Ciao, ciao. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bye, guys. See you later it's been fun bye motherfuckers

you just had a picture of your boots you never said that or you just shagging someone else and then leave that would be

the ultimate way of leaving a family chat setting up a hinge profile yeah that would be the honest fuck off you you just surrounded

by four blokes naked just taking photos and then sent to the group chat I'm over it full stop yeah that would be the honest you just surrounded by four blokes naked and then sent to the group chat I'm over it full stop I think that's what you should have done I agree that would have been crafty or just say sorry wrong chat and then just leave

the best way to end a family group chat anyway so you're not on sophie's family group chat nope i'm not on it haven't been invited there's two two there's two family chats there's one with my dad and there's one with my mom if our parents were together you would be on it but they're like little threes like three no no no so i don't agree with you being on it full stop even if your parents were together like you're never gonna be on my i got added to my ex's group chat within a day yesterday got it back yesterday it's really exciting i can't wait for christmas what do you mean a day we would be no not a day but we've been dating for like not that long and

i got added into the famalam group chat fucking that's so intense that is was that the group chat name do you ever reply because i never reply to jamie's group chats i don't well they're gonna all hear this no but not because i don't want to no just like you don't know what to say no i'm agreeing with it all but what am i gonna go oh yeah great like i'm just like yeah i'm like oh joining along yeah true to it but i don't have any input because there's so many join the chat can i join the family chat it's like annoying I don't have any input because there's so many in the family. Can I join the chat? Can I join the family chat? It's like annoying. I don't know anything.

Yeah, if you really want. All right, add me right now. No, because it's just a little... No, you can't. Can you... You know what you can do?

You can create another group chat which Jamie's included in. Yeah, that's what we've got. I mean, that's the nice compromise because that's what you had and it was more relaxed. We've got the one

with the parents which is family-welcome which is just family. Blood. Blood. And then we've got the one with the grandparents. You don't want to be in that. It's boring. Then you've got the one one with the parents which family which is just family like blood blood and then we've got the one with the grandparents you don't want to be in that's boring then you've got the one no they're sweet but it's just yeah yeah i feel you mine are dead sorry they are they're all dead okay and what for what type you go over it merry christmas um and then there's the one with the siblings and the siblings Go over it. Merry Christmas.

And then there's the one with the siblings and the siblings' girlfriends. Other halves. That's the one I was added to. Are you back in it? Is she back in it yet? No, I actually said I don't think, I think maybe we'll wait till an occasion where there's like a whole new group chat created

and there's like a holiday or something and then I'm fine to be on it, but it's too cringy for me. I had to back into the original one. I'm like, no, no. So we've all been told to do Secret Santa, but what I, my end of the stick, and Toby's end of the stick,

was that we had to get it for one another, as in I get one for Toby, Toby gets one for me. Which was correct. And then you and Jamie get one for one another as well, but what did you guys do? Basically, we slash Jamie told me that it was us getting it for you, even though I said, no, I'm pretty sure it's us getting it for each other.

And so we bought you guys a little gift. Yeah, we got Secret Santa wrong. So I thought it was Secret Santa. Oh, my God, let's get couples the present. So Toby won, Melissa, you won. I was like, this is going to be sweet. We're going to do couples Secret Santa. Turns out it's not.

You guys just bought a present for each other. Well, I thought we were getting it for you guys too, but then someone said to us, no, no, no, I think it's the couple, but I'm not sure if I read that wrong anyway. It was all very confusing. Well, it turns out you're getting four presents. Sweet.

And we're getting nothing. Oh, no, this is too sad. You can have Toby's if you want. Ours really isn't that. Neither are ours. Ours are all Sophie's idea. No, no, one of them's my idea. Oh idea and did you put a lot of thought into them no spending budget by the way also me and toby challenged ourselves to get everything from our local supermarket well i'm really really

pushing the general the general store it's quite bougie in there guys if you didn't know so listen to me you're exchanging the gifts okay okay mine's heavy i'm excited oh okay so you have to give a commentary through the budget the budget was 15 pounds so my the actual present i wanted to get you was a little bit under so i just filled it out with same with mine okay right you don't the budget you can't fill it out. Oh no, it's not what I thought it was. That's part one. You've got a bottle of kombucha. I love a kombucha. Do you really? I love a kombucha.

And then a garlic crusher! Well done. I've been talking about needing a garlic crusher for like the past year. That is so sweet. It's actually so thoughtful and such a useful gift. I know, right? And it's dishwasher safe. And it's non-toxic.

And it's non-toxic. Shut up. No, it's not. No, it's not. Presley, do you cook a lot at home? Yeah. I love that. Toby, what have you got?

She eats that a lot as well. Oh, you got me the CBD gummies. Yeah. That's going to help the anxiety. A life supply. To be fair, they were £13. Yeah. That's going to help the anxiety. A life supply. To be fair, they were £13. Wow. And the Raspberry Ripple lipo shield.

What the hell is that? It's hair. Because you're worried about your hair. Sweetness. A hair supplement. Women are so funny because what's happening here is like, okay, so here's some CBD. It's to help your anxiety.

And the other one is to help your anxiety of your hair. It's like, what? This is a podcast. Here's some Sp ingredients to help your anxiety and the other one is to help your anxiety of your hair. It's like, what? This is a podcast. Here's some Spanx. I know. That's literally like saying to you guys. In fairness, that is exactly what he's saying. It's like literally saying to you guys something like,

I don't know, like going, here's a subscription to Lipo. Or like, here's a Pilates class subscription. That is horrendous. No, you're right. It's true. I always look at them and they're new in the general store

and I thought, oh no, do you remember we saw them together and we were like, oh my God, they actually look really cool. I wonder if they were MG. I bet that's wicked.

No, 12MG is quite... I could do with one of those. But also quite interested to see if they... Are you quite anxious? Here you go. Do you want a whole packet? No, I want to try one first.

Well, should we give you our presents? Oh yeah. But you guys have got to close your eyeballs. Okay, so why don't we give Melissa some. Melissa, why don't you open yours first? Toby can open his eyes now. For fuck's sake!

You have to get it out. No, but look what it is. Oh my God. Useful. Another one. Christ. No, it's not a vibrator. It's cleaner.

It's to clean your... Oh my God, wait, how did you know that I needed that? Oh, how dirty. No, that's so weird. So my best girlfriends got me a Lay-Lay for my birthday and they were like, you need to buy the cleaner for it. Yeah. So we got you the cleaning products.

What's the other one about? I can't remember. I got you something else. Personal moisturiser, water-based. Oh, there you go. AKA. The loop. So share it, precious.

So we got you cleaning. I know she recently got given a very expensive bougie vibrator, so I thought she'd give her a clean, which we have made for you. A what? Yeah, it's phenomenal. Don't pull that face, trust me. It sucks the clitoris. Wait, I'm a fucking dinosaur.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Catch the clitoris, catch the clitoris. It takes weeks. Wait, I'm really confused about that. Like, surely you do have to look a little bit to find it find it well obviously i know where it is toby struggles a bit i just i just grab his hand i'm like no let me do it sophie's is on his like whack-a-mole it's like there it is there it is there it is like oh that's the same is it there isn't there it is there it is there it is there it is it's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, whoa, whoa. Why does it move? Why does it move?

Why is that pal? Why does it move? Why does it move though? I know what you mean. It does move. Hello, hello, hello. You think you got me? Catch me if you can.

It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Right, anyway, thank you so much. That's so thoughtful. That was pushed over the limit. Toby's like, we felt quite mean because it's not true, but we thought it was the only... Basically, it was the cheapest music we could get at the time. And we don't mean this...

It was just Jamie. I feel mean! I feel mean! I feel mean! Close your eyes and get it out. I feel mean! Close your eyes and hold it up to the camera. He's...

Okay, you ready? No, I feel mean. Close your eyes and hold up to the camera. Don't. He's... Okay, you ready? Okay, here we go. Is it a token for four sessions with Mal? Mal's a pervert. It's a flake. You bastard. It's a flake. Because he broke up with Melissa.

Flake on the relationship. Flake on the relationship. That's your flake. Because he broke out with Melissa. Flake on the relationship. Flake on the relationship. That's your back leg. That's actually so clever. That's real good. Is that good? Thank you. I should have got you a chomp.

Or a double decker. That doesn't mean it's there. No, I don't know. I just tried to add it. No, no, that's not. Try to add it. Thank you very much, guys. You're not a flake.

You're not a flake. But on that note, do you want to talk about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do.

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Please play responsibly. I never actually said why we broke up. I never even said that you broke up with me. I was always very, like, mysterious about it. Aloof. Well, I didn't want to, like, you know, you weren't here to explain yourself. I didn't really want to say too much.

Oh, that's very cool of you. That's wicked of you. Well, what was I going to say? You know, it's not here to explain yourself. I didn't really want to say too much. Oh, that's very cool of you. That's wicked of you. Well, what was I going to say? You know, it's not fair when someone else isn't there to say that side of the story. But I think, sorry to cut in, and I won't cut in anymore. I think it's very easy when you're broken up with

to feel angry and upset and hurt. And then just hit your vengeance, especially on a platform like this. And the fact that you didn't is very immoral. It's a testament to your character. Yeah, but also, it wasn't like you weren't a dick um a very moral testament to your character yeah but also it wasn't like he was a you weren't a dick or anything like you always like it wasn't like you teased on me or like you know what i mean it was like a very it was a very bizarre situation

it was a horrible yeah i basically had real well yeah i had real bad anxiety and i the newest thing in my life was melissa and i therefore misdiagnosed the problem that it was her um and i it's weird i don't have anyone who's experienced anxiety like your mind gets fixated on something and you just like ruminate on like non-stop and for whatever reason it kind of got fixated on that and completely and i knew it wasn't true but it's weird like when you're in an irrational headspace to like be rational and so i was like oh fuck you know maybe this is the thing maybe it's my relationship maybe it's like something's not right maybe i don't need to be in a relationship right now maybe i need to strip things back and like i never wanted to do it but i always thought i need to like i need that peace of mind so maybe i need to just

like work out if it is that and i handled it like wrong and I should have opened up and like spoken to Melissa about it more than I did anyway I just got my knickers in a big old twist and freaked out and broke up with her and felt even worse so I realized that that was not the problem and I kind of was very fortunate that Melissa was understanding enough to like realize that there was so much love there and it was not the problem. And there was some stuff that I needed to kind of work out and get to the bottom of, but that our relationship was not the problem at all in any way.

And that actually is the best thing in my life. So yeah. I am. Press you crying? No. Do I look like I'm crying? You look quite sweet and emotional just then i quite liked it continue i was going to say i i guess i always had faith that like i knew that i wasn't the

problem i knew what you were kind of going through but then i also couldn't understand it you remember it was like the desperation to me like i was talking to you guys about it every day i was like the desperation to be trying to almost understand it and i was like i know it's not me like i know yeah yeah it was like so weird and frustrating yeah i was like i know at the bottom of my heart it's not me but then also like what can i do when someone's like saying you can't i can't do anything yeah and i yeah it was and i don't know yeah i think it was i knew that as well i knew deep down it wasn't and i think i'm always kind of like it was like self-sabotage in a weird way which i've never actually done to myself but it was like i i'd like you know when you

overthink something so much that you almost just kind of like fuck it up in your own mind and then i was like oh i just need to like instead of just being rational being like just chill out like relax and think about this rationally you kind of get that rationality back for a bit and then i just be like ah yeah you did you got it back quite a lot and then it would like be overtaken again yeah suddenly go and then you've a little he's gone and now i've like realized that i'm like okay that was just me being silly i'm wanting to pin it on something that i could then change and then be like okay i've got rid of the anxiety now it was my relationship when actually with them when it got worse when we went together and i was obviously then heartbroken and anxious which is awesome that's a sweet that's

actually a real good combo right there that's great really fun yeah that's um I was like yeah I was in I was in bits and luckily Melissa was like understanding enough to kind of be the most supportive person ever and and be there for me and we managed to rekindle everything and happened to be in Bali at the same time which was like a weird yeah that was a spooky coincidence that was really nice as well we kind of always anticipated that had happened because you guys knew that you were going to be in bali but we could have very easily not seen each other actually yeah but we were like i think if if there was going to be a time then you because you know being in that sort of environment with your eyes you both are still really attracted to each other it wasn't because you didn't fancy each other it was you both have one different like that that was

hopefully been the way that you would have got back together i also think with anxiety it's the worst right because when you have anxiety that bad all you want to do is like change anything you're like oh god you try and run away from whatever you're feeling yeah and and typically what happens is you either think okay it must be my job. It's the things that you can change, right? So you think, okay, it's job or country or relationship or whatever it is. And then you change it and you have a moment of relief. We're like, oh yes, I've made that decision. Therefore now I'm cured.

And then the anxiety comes back and actually you realize it's just, it's yourself that's hurting and you have to change or understand what it is within you rather than your relationship. Yeah. Often more often than not, I've become so clued up in this stuff because it's like i feel like everyone now

in this day and age so many people get anxiety and i like i never want to say you have anxiety because it's not something you have it's not like it is obviously some people are more sensitive more susceptible to it but it's completely something that you can do something about and overcome and you don't have to manage yeah and you don't have not even manage it's something you don't have to like i do strongly believe that now with modern therapy and like technology and um medication and all of that sort of stuff not medication like supplements mindset like yeah yeah there's so much emerging stuff that people actually hopefully in one day will not have to live with things like depression ocd anxiety because it's rank.

It is rank. Fucking sucks. And some people say when they have anxiety, like, oh, I've got anxiety. But then when you have anxiety, oh, my God, and it's all consuming. It's terrible. It's not a lot of fun. But I also believe that I don't want to have that victim mentality that actually there's so much you can do about it. And the thing I've kind of learned recently is like feel it to heal it

which is the same thing as like okay this feeling often isn't about so easy to run away the thoughts but maybe it was i'm allergic to gluten or maybe it's my girlfriend there you go actually you just like okay i'm feeling it and the more you just sit with it and focus on your body and not go into the thoughts the quicker it just passes through and you like sustainably heal it from the source oh that is so true it's the biggest thing the hardest it just passes through and you like sustainably heal it from the source. God, that is so true. It's the biggest thing. The hardest thing in the world to do,

so the hardest thing in the world to do is accept it, right? Yeah. Acceptance is the worst thing because you don't want to accept you're going to have this feeling. So you try and run away from it. But actually running away from it is the worst thing. That's why it's fight or flight. You actually have to sit and accept it and just fight it.

And when people say the power of acceptance, you think, oh, that means I'm just accepting that I have anxiety. But actually, the more you do it, the less you feel it yeah it's so weird you're then like actually fuck it it doesn't even bother you anymore dude i said it i said it before in my other podcast i said what when i was like feeling so shit we're actually on holiday in the maudies and my therapist mal who i said mal um she said the hardest thing for you jamie to ever do is just accept it and i went and i went oh god and she said why the hardest thing for you, Jamie, to ever do is just accept it. And I went,

and I went, oh God. And she said, why don't you just give it a go? Like, I just wish you would accept it. I went, all right,

fine, I'll accept it. And I accepted it. And it was like, it was just that, that's the beginning to recovery. Yeah. It was insane,

but it's hard to accept. What do you think, Sophie Haboo? I think that's so true. I think you've got, like, it's so funny you say the gluten thing, like Jamie literally did the same thing.

He was like, because obviously Jamie struggled with anxiety and I know I remember so well when you like it's because I eat meat it's because I'm vegan for a bit yeah I still do think I've got B12 deficiency yeah yeah well I was convinced I had bipolar I got it I've got PTSD yeah yeah I've got my yeah I've broken my brain from stress and I can't process my emotions

and I'm never going to get my brain back I remember you said that to me a few times you were like I've damaged my brain yeah I was still thinking what?

no you haven't stop what would you have got PTSD from? from myself from being cuddled too much

but yeah I think it's and also it's the best thing with melissa well there's so many amazing things but also you're such a level-headed calm person that for you to then have like learned all this stuff about anxiety and like wanted to help me so much was amazing and i think that society i didn't see in in a first part one of the relationship that i've now seen is like this kind of the sense not that you've

always seen a sensitive side but i've seen the more kind of nurturing nurturing because you've always been i guess i put it on a bit of a front at the beginning of our relationship to a degree because you were so level-headed i thought i'd had anxiety in the past i didn't want to accept that it was back so i was then just like this girl was amazing i met her when i was like in the prime of my life not prime of my. I was in such a great headspace. I didn't have to worry about that shit. And then when it started to creep back in from those travel and being, you know,

work was really busy. I then just made it 10 times worse by like not wanting to show that side to Melissa fully. Yeah. I was like hiding it, which then again, same thing. So yeah,

she's going to find out. She's going to find out. I'm boring. Then it makes me like almost the villain in it which then probably then sped on yeah exactly it was because then i was like oh i'm going to melissa's house tonight and i feel a bit anxious i want to try and get rid of the anxiety before i go there so i'd then like what the hell that's crazy so interesting what would you do then to get try and get rid of it drink yeah i was actually quite wholesome i'd go to the gym i know and like you did you actually did it wasn't just melissa it was like the pub and everything i was like if

i'm going to the pub with my friends i don't want my friends to see that i'm anxious or i want to well actually it's more it's more i wanted to be on good form yeah yeah yeah so i'll be like okay i'm gonna go for a run before and i'll do some deep breathing and i'll chill myself out then i'll go to the pub yeah i don't know and that process is tricky right because then it's like a constant process really good way to have dealt with it I have to say I was quite oh I just drank

all the time yeah I used to like drink like two bottles of red wine on Sunday just to chill out yeah yeah

it was real bad like my I would just nail alcohol turns out that boy it helps in the moment but then the next day you're like oh god it's back

yeah yeah and then drinking in the day is not acceptable it's not not so good but anyway that was the gothic stage which

I learned a lot about myself and a lot about Melissa we're back I remember when Presh they went Presh phoned us Melissa she phoned us

and I thought it was a joke I was like what the hell it was like a minute after you'd left so Toby we'd broken up and I wouldn't

wasn't even willing to listen to the excuse i remember at the time yeah like just get out i don't fucking care about what you're about to say just get out like i don't care about the reasoning leave yeah and you would do this thing which was the most upsetting thing when you said because sophie was like on the end of the phone like 24 7 oh god it was epic but you see this thing which was like so sad this sweet little face and you would be like telling what is like a story like about toby or something and then you suddenly go and then start like crying again and it was like what it was like this it was like i but sophie you have this as well such strength but also weakness and it's not weakness it's just vulnerability but you're you're almost you're almost irritated showing the vulnerability

you have that as well you were like why am I crying after a while to be fair I cried so much after the first two weeks by the third week

I had this harrowing message from one of my friends at school being like I'm not sure if you've heard but Toby's actually going on holiday with this girl

to Bali next week, and they've been seeing each other. And I tried to cry. Obviously, that's the most gut-wrenching feeling I'd ever had, because I thought, oh my God, there's been a crossover. I remember that.

That's why he was so anxious, and it's because he was cheating on me, and now he's going on holiday to Bali with this girl. All that dark chocolate anyway i tried to cry in the middle of this cafe like no tears came out of me and i was like no i should be fully crying i'd obviously genuinely cried out the tank like it was fully empty so if you have things with me which was like we've had like times in the past where sophie has come up to me and been like and sat me down and be like look Jamie

it's okay if you're gay and I'm like she said that to me I don't know why you guys have it in your head girls quite often oh that was loud

girls quite often I promise it was in boarding school don't count I girls Sophie actually looked at me like

I know you fucked up like she honestly looked at me like she honestly looked fucked up like that's what she honestly looked that's what she honestly looked her mind was and there's no problem that she have yeah there's no problem that she have

but also my thing is if I had had sex with a guy I would have told I would have said that's what you said to me I would say I was like of all the people I was like I kind of wish I was gay

then that would get rid of the anxiety yeah how did you say it I went I called you and I was like I was I was in a really bad way and I was like how I called you and I was like I was in a really bad way and I was like how are you so okay?

I was like I'm dying here, I'm not okay and you were like, I think then you kind of cried a bit but you were trying to be strong because I was crying Yeah, I was I had that initial You were like getting the phone and just going I've got to put it on mute

God, these girls meanwhile i was fucking having a breakdown the other side of the phone but i um i it was i remember it was before i was going to work we'd had this like this is really this was a really dark period of both of our like not that we can laugh about it now because we're on the other side but it was rank at the time and we would have this conversation where i'd come up i was like melissa i fucked up i need to like and i want to speak to you about getting back to like i think i

made the wrong decision here if you want to meet me for a drink blah blah so we met at the fountain in stone square which we still have to walk past every day which is unreal um and i was like um but then she sat down she's like you just clearly didn't she like kind of just and when you're in that anxious mind like kind of i was a bit of a wet cabbage yeah of, she was like, you just clearly didn't, she like kind of just, and when you're in that anxious mind, like kind of, I was a bit of a wet cabbage. Yeah, of course. She was just like, feel weird. He seemed like a different person. Like you were so, I was used to this like strong, big,

funny, like I never saw this, like, I guess. The vulnerable side. But also just so like my brain, I was just like, I wanted to find answers. So when she was like, oh, you just clearly didn't love me. Clearly didn't want this, blah, blah, blah, blah this blah blah i just was like yeah maybe that's what it was yeah because i just didn't know any answer i anything i gave him he went yeah maybe that's it and i was like i wasn't like maybe you didn't love me i was like do you think maybe it was

because of that and like then that put you on depression you were like yeah maybe it was that and so then i was like okay and i was like quite strong at the time and i walked away from that like oh my god yeah she seemed really strong like over it and i remember making jokes like do i get to keep the dyson fan and you're like no i want it back i've got that i know so he's fucking got it toby dropped and then played it's every single night in our room i know i heard you talking about the podcast and i almost replied like this is my freaking dyson air purifier the next day is when i got the phone call you tried to call me at midnight and i'd gone sleep I just applied like, this is my freaking Dyson air purifier. Thank God. I know it's an air purifier. And then the next day is when I got the phone call.

You tried to call me at midnight and I'd gone to sleep because I'd work the next day. And then called me at seven in the morning in bits. And I was like trying to hold it together. And I was like. And that's when I went, do you think it's because you're gay? She's like, you can tell me. It's fine. I was like, just honestly.

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