Wednesdays - 91. Forehead Kisses And Happy Endings: Sophie And Melissa Reveal Their WILDEST Massage Stories

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Heyyy Tinies!This week, we're getting into some serious body talk. From Sophie’s humpday hor-moans to unexpectedly getting turned on during a professional massage... There’s a reason Melissa’s banned Toby from getting one! We're also cleansing more than just our auras, chatting all about crystals and how to clear out bad vibes from your house. Plus, we discuss how we’d survive a blackout. Think filtered water dispensers, luxury bunkers and a very chic survival kit.In this week's dilemmas, one Tiny's worried she might be getting too wet during sex. We discuss whether it's possible to get too turned on and how to feel less self-conscious about sex as we get older. And, after hearing about Melissa's sweaty pits, another Tiny needs help dodging the dreaded disco fanny. She asks for our advice on how to keep it airy down there during summer.Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail]--Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/wednesdayspodcast/TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail]--Credits:Producer: @gurlinaheer_Exec: @jemimarathboneVideo editor: @lizziemccarthySocial: @laurabcoughlan Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Life throws challenges at all of us, but how do we cope? I'm John Robbins and on my podcast I sit down with incredible people to ask the very simple question, how do you cope? We explore the moments that shape them and the ways they've learned to move forward. Whether it's mental health, grief or overcoming fear, we talk about it all honestly and openly. So if you're looking for real conversations about resilience and finding light in the dark, follow How Do You Cope, brought to you by Audible, wherever you get your podcasts. Melissa, are you a doctor?

I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either, and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts in anything. In fact, we just challenge all our shit. And we love it. We love it. We love it. We love it.

We love it. We love it. We love it. We love it. We love it. We love it. Are you a doctor? I wanna be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either, and we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts at anything. In fact, we just challenge all our shit, so. And we love giving you guys advice, but as we said. We love giving you guys advice. Do not take what we're saying as gospel.

If you do feel like you need to speak to somebody, please seek professional help. Guys, on this week's episode of Wednesdays, we're talking all about the potential blackout, and I'm talking Sophie through what's going to be a mess if I forget. I talk about my pregnancy massage, which was very interesting. And we also have a tiny who's written into us about a sweat issue down there after I opened up about my stinky pits. We try and give her some advice on how to manage that. Enjoy guys. We're back. We're

back for another day, another episode. Another day in the life. Another record with the pregnant lady. With the pregnant lady. Right. And it's official now. It's out in the open. Oh, thrilled.

Thank God. Absolutely thrilled. Really, I'm so thrilled. That photo dump was really stunning at the wedding. The wedding photo dump. That was on my phone. It was so nice. And that dress was amazing.

Where was that dress from? You have to tell them. Rebecca Vallon. So I wore this really lovely dress because it's really hard, actually, I will say, that none of my clothes fit me. And like no one thinks about that because obviously you do, but like what are we all meant to buy a whole new wardrobe? Well, yes. I don't know. But it's not like, oh, you can squeeze into it. Like, no, no, no, no, no, they're not fit.

I would walk around with my flyers undone. She does. She does. No, these, no, no, they're not fitted. I would walk around with my flyers undone. She does. She does. No, these are like enormously... Those are new ones on the way back from Ibiza, through the airport, she had like a tank top on that was cropped with the bump out and her trousers fully unzipped and like the bun open. And I like bumped into like one of Toby's sister's friends and you were like, I just saw her like look at my belly and I'm like, well, you are trying to like... Not exactly.

It's really hard because you know, also like a t-shirt, which obviously I was like, I just saw her look at my belly and I'm like, well, you are trying to, like, not exactly being subtle. It's really hard because you know, also like a t-shirt, which obviously I was like, I don't have to buy new t-shirts, right? They've got stretch in them. They just rise over the bump. Maybe you need to buy some new clothes. You're not trying to like get your stomach out, but like you walk and it's just like suddenly a crop top, a bra alert.

And I'm like, this is not a vibe. Anyway, so I went to a lovely wedding, my friend who I have known from one of my best friends since I was six years old. And we have like a really lovely relationship as in like, we don't see each other often, but it's literally as though I saw him every time we see each other. So the wedding was just like, it was phenomenal. You know, when you go to a wedding and you can't, there were so many reasons why it was amazing. I mean, obviously it was so great.

Like the parents were so generous and like there was this three piece band. It was just everything and more. But the vibes were 10 out of 10. Like it was the perfect amount of rustic, the perfect amount of like the details. Like it was just so stunning. She looked like a princess. He looked like a prince. He's so lovely.

It was just 10 out of 10. And Jamie, bear in mind, literally didn't know anyone. And he was like up there with one of the best weddings I've ever been to. I know. Oh my God. Yeah. And he literally genuinely was like one of the best weddings I've ever been to. It was just so great. But the best man was so fucking funny. This guy called Tommy. You're going to die. So it was black tie and Alice is very well put together, like everything's done to a certain extent, you know, like if it's your birthday, you're getting the perfect most thoughtful person, like she's that sort

of detailed lady. And he goes to look at his suit, they'd all had them tailored together, the ushers and the groomsmen, so they all had the same suit, this gorgeous suit. He opens it up, black tie, no, no, he's got brought a white linen suit on. A white linen suit on the day, in the middle. It wasn't in, it was like in the sticks of Majorca. Like, you know, the countryside, like 40 minutes on Parma. Yeah, in the hills. Shit. I know. So they had to go to like a outlet place in Majorca and he had to get like a new Hugo Bell suit like an hour before the wedding.

Oh my god. I was like what the fuck is that? That is the sort of thing that Toby would do. It's classic boy. Typical Blake. She's not checking in the suit carrier. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, just got any old suit.

I just can't. It just makes me not. What are they like? So boys. There's nothing like, there has to be a bit of drama or something at the wedding. There has to be something. And that's great. That's all that what it was.

It would have been quite funny if he was wearing a white linen suit though. Well the guy, the groom was wearing a white tux. So maybe not. Oh, we don't want to be stealing the thunder. And also linen, like no. No, not black tie. Not black tie. Wait, so what was this about Jamie wearing a red?

Right. So the Sunday, the pool party, like the boat party, sorry, they did the opposite to what other people normally do, and everyone wore white and they were coming in color. Cool, I like that. Love it. And she's like, colorful outfits. Anyway, so I'm like, Jamie, what are you wearing? I told him 49 times to the point where we went to,

we went shopping the week before I tried to get him some lovely, like, linens, whites. He was like, I've got loads of white stuff, like, I'm good, I don't like linen. Like, he's really against, like, smart clothes. I'm like, you're not Justin Bieber, honey. There's stuff he pulls out. I'm like, you will never wear that. So I don't know why you're picking that out. Like, literally Justin Bieber's clothes. And I'm like, you're never going to wear that. Anyway, he's like, I've got it sorted. I've got it sorted, I've got this set and the other one. Okay, fine, I've drilled it into him a million times. There's no possible way he can get this wrong on the day.

An hour before, so what are you wearing? I'm wearing this. He's in a red duo, a red shirt and a red shirt. Wait, where is he getting the, sorry. He was wearing what he wore to my second age. Remember that red shirt with like the burgundy shorts? It was like a red burgundy. It was really cool. It's a really lovely outfit, but it's like a massive- A red shirt and burgundy shorts. I'm a massive photo.

Sorry, it's a burgundy shirt. It's a burgundy set. Like it's a burgundy and cream set from like Casablanca. It's really cool. But I was like, so he had that on. I thought he had just had it on to go for lunch with me because this started at like 3.30 PM. We need to get changed into a white outfit. He's like, what are you talking about? I'm wearing this. And I was like, no, no, no, it's white.

He went, oh, they won't mind. No, they will. Anyway, we rallied and we managed to get him some like nudish outfit, which was fine. He like seeped into the background. It was bad times. It was really bad times. I thought he was wearing that to the thing and he did. No, he was going to. Find new trim, made him change. The only way that I got him out of it, I was like, no, you don't understand. They are in

color. Like it will not be acceptable if they're... Jamie is next to them, who they barely know, in color. I think that Jamie just doesn't listen. And in fact, I know he doesn't listen because I will be like to him, I feel really, really sick. I'll be like, I don't feel well at all. Like, I feel so dehydrated. This is me. Like, egging on and he's ignoring me. And I'm like, no, Jamie, I'm so, and he goes, that's beautiful.

Right. Can I tell you why he's doing that? I don't know. Can I tell you why he's doing that? Because your whole life that I've known you, you have done that. Pre-pregnancy, no pregnancy, every day. I feel so unwell. I feel sick. Do you feel sick? I'm frozen. I just don't feel right and I don't know what it is. I'm not well today.

I'm not well. Yeah, she's not right. She's not right. She's not a well girl. That's why. So he has just tuned that into being background noise or silence. It's background noise. Sometimes he literally looks at me.

You're the girl that cried wolf too many times. He just goes, oh, that's beautiful. I don't know what the fuck is beautiful about that. I feel sick. I'm dehydrated anyway. Oh, God. But that's why I knew he doesn't listen, but that is very true. I feel like poised though.

That's why when Rebi was like, when Sabi told Rebi she was pregnant, she was like, I feel really nauseous. Rebi was like, I didn't told Rebi she was pregnant, she was like, I feel really nauseous. Rebi was like, I didn't think anything of it because she was so fucking nauseous. All tired. Tired is the best. You're not as tired as you used to be. I went through a real stage of like, I genuinely think I was deficient in, I wasn't having vitamin D and iron.

It was midwinter as well. Guys, I genuinely, I had to change my supplements and it changed my life. So over the weekend on Friday, actually, my girlfriend, Mills and her lovely boyfriend, OJ moved in because they're just living with each other. OJ Simpson, that's what I think of. His name's Ollie James, so we don't want to knew that.

And it's been the most fun ever. I'm just loving having them around. It's really nice to just get home and then there'll just be people in the house. Lots of girlie time, we started watching Sirens, which is so good. I haven't finished the last episode yet, so you need to get to that. I then on my TikTok or Instagram had this news article pop up that we're going to go into a power cut and a blackout from Russia or something. I don't know. Anyway, it's on our government website that we should have this emergency

pack in our house. It's on the government website. Not fucking making this up. What is it like what happened in Portugal and Spain recently? Yes. Because they went into a blackout. So this is everything we need in our backpacks. So you ready? Torches, spare batteries, ideally a power bank, right? So you can like charge your phone and stuff. So I've ordered a solar powered power bank, 300 quid worth every penny.

This is fucking weird. Yeah, yeah. Swiss army knife, canned food. I'm fucked because my reverse osmosis water machine won't work, there's no electricity. And OJ was like, so where are you gonna get your filtered water? And I was like, dear God, so I'm gonna have to order like a portable water machine.

And keep it what, under your stairs? I can keep it anywhere in the house, but it doesn't know where it is. As in like that thing that you have like in a doctor's room? No, you can literally buy stuff. The taps hopefully will still work. So hopefully all water will still work, I'm thinking, because taps and electricity isn't quite the same thing. When is this power cut happening?

We don't know. It could happen at any time. What would our plans be if we had a blackout? Well, I've got my kit, so I'm sorted. Well, listen, both my parents went through a blackout about a week ago, or whenever it happened in Spain, in Portugal. They were both involved. Mum was in Portugal, Dad was in Spain. They seemed to survive perfectly fine.

Wait, how many days were they in blackout for? About three days. Oh, shit! Yeah, but it was quite scary in Spain because all the lights on the roads went off. So if you were driving, you had to pull your car over because you couldn't see where you were fucking going. Another thing in the park, you need to keep a spare thing of fuel for your car. So sorry, I just want to understand, in this rock sack, we've got a water dispenser, a

petrol, those things are petrol like that. We've got a fire safety kit, fine. We've got a torch, fine. We've got a solar panel in there. Right, so my plan is I will come to your house. Yeah. You will provide me with all the goods. I've got everything.

I've got sausage. I will have fresh filtered water on tap. I will have some gorgeous, gorgeous organic canned food. Oh, absolutely. All from Well Easy Canned Food. I've got my click and grow growing herbs. We'll have fresh herbs every day. We'll have the fresh herbs.

We've got the Celtic salt. Maybe we should get a couple of chickens to put up on the terrace and we can have fresh herbs every day. We'll have the fresh herbs. We've got the Celtic salt. Maybe we should get a couple of chickens to put up on the terrace. I mean, have fresh eggs every day. That's a great idea. I love a cow. I would. Some fresh milk. I love a cow. I'll just put the cow.

What other things? Maybe we should get a horse so we could transport ourselves. That would be unreal. Have one just somewhere near where we can walk, we can get on the horse and we can go and collect things from, I don't know, a green grocers. We could go to like a green vegetable patch. I don't think there's going to be any food shops open, Sophie. No there isn't. Because all the fridges will have gone down and all of the food will be mouldy. And that's why we need to start growing a green garden already. We can move into heart medical and we can just have free treatments for three days.

But there won't be any electricity to give us any single thing and there won't be any light for her to botox us. Oh yeah, shit. Natural light. So Heart Medical doesn't have any natural light, let me tell you. It's pitch black, that's where. So basically we're going to have to move, what the ideal situation was is if you lived in like the sticks and you had like a farm in your back garden.

You're fine. You're absolutely fine. You're milking those cows. Do you know anyone who's got that? Because we would just get on the horse and we would go to their place. We could go to Hatton Country World. What's that? Is that a zoo?

It's in Warwickshire. Is it a zoo? And they have goats and pigs. And I used to go when I was a little kid and they had guinea pigs. Let's just relive your childhood in this blackout. We'll go to Warwickshire. Yeah. We'll go to Warwickshire and we'll do a little tour.

Because it's closer than Somerset. It's probably at a good distance really. What about Hampshire? I think we'll do... You can go to Farmhouse. Farmhouse would be nice. It would be really nice. I bet they have generators.

They'll be sorted. And I bet... There'll be no blackout in Farmhouse. And also they'll have candles everywhere. And solar panels. They'll be fine in farmhouse. And also they'll have candles everywhere. And solar panels. That'll be fine in farmhouse. They will be. We've actually got solar panels in our new place so I'll be alright.

Oh, well, fucking hell. So everyone could just come to mine. Why didn't you mention that before? Forgot about that. The blackout literally won't affect you whatsoever. It won't, no, because I think we also have electricity. Well, yeah. But we could have like-

That'll be rooms that will be dim lit. Perfect. And that's all we need. Perfect. And we'll save it for the night. I don't know because I think we also have electricity. Well, yeah. We've got both. But we could have like- That would be rooms that will be like dim lit. Perfect. And that's all we need.

Perfect. And we'll save it for the night. And as long as there's a working fridge. And if it's in the summer, it's absolutely fine. Well, so you've got your fig tree. We can just eat figs for three days. I've got an apple tree and a fig tree and rhubarb. So we'll just munch on rhubarb for a bit of sour.

We'll eat the fig for a bit of sweet and a bit of fiber. And we'll have the apple as like savory. Raffage. Gorgeous. Yes. Swarming. Okay, talk to me about living with people. I know obviously it's great and it probably will always be great, but like it's a very short amount of time, which is, which does change things. So, well, it's been great for me and no different for me. I really like the company. I also don't

really like, they're very like clean and like respectful and like, do you know what I mean? My thing would be like the cooking. I'm not sure I'd like it if someone was like cooking a salmon fillet in my house and it's stinky and I don't want to eat a salmon fillet. Oh, it just doesn't bother me. You're fine with it. You're actually really chilled.

Just doesn't bother me. But one thing I will say is OJ was like really flabbergasted with the amount of boxes and like the order. He was like, he came back from work, he was like, is this all just from today? And I was like, don't even, don't go there because this is what I got from my boyfriend. He was like, what the hell, Melissa? Yeah, it's really annoying. And I was like, it's quite bad. He's like, so what is it all? And I was like, it's just packages, shopping addiction.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. It's a shopping addiction, not PR packages. In this scenario, it was all my own doing. What did we get? I'm absolutely fascinated. Those are crystals. I need to show you. You'll love them. Oh my God.

I've just done a new crystal order with my amazing crystal lady. She has come because you know, you guys, I get my house crystal-ed and cleansed. Anyway, she had to fill the socket. She was just going to do the two top floors. And I was like, let's just fucking do the whole socket. This is in the new house. So I've had to add a couple more crystals. Yes, fine. To complete the circuit.

To complete the circuit. Jamie was like, I don't want to hear about it. If you want to do it, just do it. I don't want to know. I don't want anything. So what I'm doing is I'm going to pile all the crystals up. She's going to come, she's going to cleanse them all from this house. Then she's going to take them to my new house and place them all in a socket so that it all flows nicely before I move in. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah.

So do you get to choose them or does she do that all for you? No, she chooses them all. It's not really aesthetically pleasing. They just happen to be stunning, but it's all- Got it. It's like this energy needs this energy. I thought you meant to go energy. You were drawn to. No, she's like pretty amazing. This lady guys, I mean, look, some people will think it's rubbish, some people won't,

but like- What's her name? She's not on the internet. Oh. She's just word of mouth. Okay. But she's like gone into houses before and people have been really, really ill and had symptoms, you know, had, I don't

know, certain symptoms. And she said, she's like gone, she's cleansed the house. She's like, it's the house that's making you feel this way. Anyway, she's cleansed this house. Anyway, that person has then had the crystals, all their symptoms have gone. Turns out the person who lived in that house before had, say it was like a disease or whatever, they had that disease and they died in that house. Oh yeah, she was in there. And she's done it so many times. I can't. I really believe in it. I think she's amazing. She's changed so many people that I know. Oh wow.

And she's only word of mouth and she's just incredible. I think the energy in my house is really good. Hopefully I don't need her. No, the energy in your house is so good. And the energy in my new house is really good. The energy in my current house is no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, you don't like it. I like the minute I got in there, I was like, bad energy. Right, so you've been spending loads on crystals and you've been just buying them. Well, not loads. I just was like, I just want, I don't know, I felt really off one day and I was like,

I know it will make me feel better. So- What, the crystals or just the spending money? Because it's either or, really, at that point. The crystals, I just felt like I needed some more. So where are you getting them from? I thought you were getting them from the shop. The crystals, I just felt like I needed some more. So where are you getting them from? I thought you were getting them from the shop. I get them from a really sweet person.

They have a shop online, but it's like in Wales, I think. And when I've got them from him before, he always writes me a little note and says that he's like saged them and like cleansed them before so they're like clean or whatever. Stunning. Right.

Obviously because Sophie's pregnant, we need to make a whole segment for this. It's just going to be a quick one that we're going to talk about every week. Hump day hormones. I love it. Wednesday, hump day hormones. Oh my god, it is a lot. Yeah.

You guys probably got that before I did. So yeah, on a Wednesday, it's hump day, happy hump day. And we're going to be talking about, Sophie's just going to give us a bit of a moan. Really? Oh, it doesn't even have to be a moan. It should be something pregnancy related that you just want to touch base with us every week. Okay.

And you also, you're also going to give your hormonal hormones too, because you're a woman and you have hormones too. Anyway, let's talk about you. I don't really have anything. I feel much less hormonal in this trimester. Really? Yeah, much more balanced. I was really quite seething in my fat. You

were hungry guys. I was quite scared in certain points. We'd be talking about something. You never got the wrath of me ever. You didn't piss me off once. But you got pissed off about people I was talking about or something I'd be talking about and you'd be like, and I'd be like, whoa, and you were like, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like really come in hot with like my opinions. Yeah. Like, that's not why, but... But like, I've never seen sass like it. Yeah, there was sass. It was like steam was coming out my head. But like out of nowhere, like I could have been the happiest person ever.

And honestly, you could have smiled at me and I'd have been like, what are you fucking looking at? I don't know what was going on. It was... But can I tell you something? I know, it's really good. Pippa Campbell. I don't exactly know what it is. I know.

But essentially it's a crystal. Yes it is. I don't know what type of crystal that is. So this is the necklace Pippa Campbell gave us and she has collaborated with. I'll find it. This wonderful woman. And it's basically to help your hormones.

Now I didn't really think much of it. Melissa then wore it and I was like, it's actually really lovely. Put it on, I've never been calmer. So she's done a collaboration with Amy Russell Taylor, who is a crystal and energy healer. It's unbelievable. You know what's really weird? I took it off and then I was like, oh, I feel really weird. And then I put it on Toby because he was like, I don't feel very good. And he was like, oh my God, I feel much better. And he's like, do you think it's this? And I was like, God, if it is, that's so amazing.

No, I'm telling you, it changed my life. What are the things? Pregnancy massages, you're now allowed to have facials, you're not lymphatic. Yeah. I'm now allowed to do all of those fun things, which is just so fun. I had a pregnancy massage, stunning, stunning. I was telling Melissa that the lady did kiss me on the forehead whilst I had my eyes shut at the end of the massage, which was, you know, sweet in all sorts of ways, but I didn't know what was going on. That's a little bit of an invasion slightly. She also said that she was 63 kg, but I was half asleep and I went, you're not 63 years

old. And Jamie was listening, because I do it in the same room as Jamie. I've got a real thing with doing massages on my own. I like to be in a room with other people. I know what you mean. I like him gaming silently, my music's on and he has to go and I like to be in the midst or I just feel very antsy. I can't relax on my own. I don't know what it is. Something about a massage sometimes makes me feel anxious. No, because you're alone with your thoughts.

No, it's the physical feelings. Even when I'm in a massage chair getting my hair done, you know, when they put the massager on, like when you're getting in the hairdresser, the basin, something about it makes me feel like a really strange sensation. Oh my God, you might be one of those people who have like physically had to like,

Trauma. Trauma in them. Unreal. Because some people do like, you know, M.M. sculpt on their stomach. Yeah. Some people like put that on and out of nowhere, they are sobbing because it's a physical, it's literally forcing your body to release trauma because you can't hold it in because it's like, and they're sobbing. They're like,

I don't know what's going on. They're like lawyers and these like, estheticians are like, should we stop it? And they're like, I don't know what's happening. I know. I think you need to get some more massages to just cry, let it all out. Take it out. I also just start laughing in massages sometimes because a thought will pop into my head. I thought this time that, okay, it's not going to be funny, but I'll try and repeat the story. So this particular masseuse.

The spoons? No, it wasn't. This lady who comes to my house and she's so amazing, but like... I really hope she didn't listen to this. I let her out once and I didn't tell Willis and he was in the loo. And she very politely just stood in the hallway like this, waiting for Willis. And Willis was talking to me and he was like... Like, there's a random lady in your hallway. And it was just so funny because I never...

I knew what he was thinking but I couldn't be bothered to say, yes, she's about to give me a massage. Because she was just stood there like head down like this and he was leaving and I just was like, okay, bye, Willis. And he was like, and I, as she was giving me the massage, it just popped into my head and I was crying while she was doing it and she was like, oh, tickly. And I was like, no, no, not that, not that. Oh dear God. It was actually too funny. The only massage thing that's ever happened to me, I've told this story on the podcast,

this is one of the first stories I ever told. So my friend went for a massage and she made him take all his clothes off and then she started brushing his willy and ended up having a happy ending. I know I find this absolutely fascinating. By the way, you know women get more happy endings than you think do, by women. It's a real thing. So the same way like a man- Oh, I can believe it to be honest with you. They can say to a man like, I don't know the logistics. Is this legal? Well, this is the thing. So with my friend, he thought he was going for a normal massage. But he obviously went to one of those Thai

places on like, Fulham Road. That's exactly where he was! That's exactly where he was! They are like, well known, but like, I would never know that. I only know because like, boys have been like to me, no, no, no, that's like... Is it green on the outside? I think so. That's so funny. I know. And he ended up fingering her. They had like a little rendezvous and then they showered and washed each other. Oh wait, wait, wait. She didn't charge him so it's not like illegal. She just thought he was quite gorgeous. Made him move. Oh well that's quite raunchy and like sexy. I don't know about what to think about that.

Well, I'm like Toby, you're not allowed to ever get a massage ever again. Well, I know. This is the thing. This is the thing. I do get, because boys do get boners and massages and it's not their thing. Toby's thing is like, he's like, I'm like, what's it called? Fantasy? He's like, don't really have any fantasies. I quite like the thought of like a massage turning into something and I'm like, right. I think there's a lot of massage porn going on. You're not going for a massage anywhere other than this house unless it's like an urban massage and I'm in the house. And it's you've picked a man.

Yeah. You must simply pick a man. No, I don't. I'm not that mean to him. I do let him have a lady. I think men are actually way better, Missy says. They're so much stronger. A bit of a stronger touch. But then when I have the lymphatic drainage massages, they go, the lymph nodes right into the groin guys, they go right fucking in there. It's on your vagina. It's on your vagina flap. I'm like, it's touching flap.

They basically gently prog, and it's actually slightly sensational in the way that you're like, I don't know if that's the right word, but there's sensations going on. You're like, think of my grandma, think of my grandma, think of my grandma. It's awful. It really is. It's really not good. So I can only imagine. For a bloke.

For a bloke. But I will say, men, I don't think, I always say, I'm always like, and I've had a lot of male masseuses, right? I don't have a thing like, yeah, women or whatever. And I'm always like, what do you do when they really massage your butt cheeks? And James is like, they never do that. And I'm like, they literally rip the blanket off my butt cheeks and they're like, and he's like, never. And I'm like, well, that's fucking weird. I don't think I've ever had a man massage me.

I know you told me this once. You said none of your family do. None of my family do. And then that really freaked me out. So I was like, never again. My dad's like, nope, lady only. My dad's like, nope, lady only. My mom's like, nope, lady only. I then literally from there have never had a man. Male masseuses. My dad's like, there's just something wrong about it.

I'm like, I know what you mean. I don't like the thought of going off into a room. Well, especially with this whole story. Well, I know. What I have heard about- It's risky. I can't remember who it was, but she said that her friend had a male masseuse and it was just like genuinely turning her on, like the sensation.

Well, it is quite sexy. She just opened her legs and then you can imagine what happened. He was like massaging up her legs and she just moved her legs open and then they ended up having sex. And I was like, I know. I am fucking dead. I know. But you know what's wrong with that is it's all these ideas that pop into people's heads. And I was like, I know. I am fucking dead. I know.

But you know what's wrong with that is it's all these ideas that pop into people's heads whilst you're having a massage that then make it all very uncomfortable. Intrusive thoughts when you have a massage are actually quite awful. I'm like, no, no, no, no. It's not that I'm having intrusive thoughts. I'm having intrusive thoughts that they think I'm having intrusive thoughts. Me too. So I'm like, no, no, no.

Obviously I'm like, I like that a bit too much. I know exactly what you mean. I have the exact same. It's actually too much. It really is. It's really too much. It really is too much. Life throws challenges at all of us, but how do we cope?

I'm John Robbins and on my podcast I sit down with incredible people to ask the very simple question, how do you cope? We explore the moments that shape them and the ways they've learned to move forward. Whether it's mental health, grief or overcoming fear, we talk about it all honestly and openly. So if you're looking for real conversations about resilience and finding light in the dark, follow How Do You Cope, brought to you by Audible, wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, dilemma time. Ready? Mm-hmm. Dilemma one. Hey girls, I was with my ex for five years. We lived together, got a dog three years ago and we're literally house hunting.

Then out of nowhere, just before Christmas, he'd been out with his dad all day and came home to end things, saying he wasn't ready to settle down. Fuck that. Son, you've got a dog for three years. Jesus Christ. The next day, I checked his laptop and saw a message from his dad said, did you have the chat? Question mark.

He replied, yes. Then his dad responded, well done. Proud of you always son. Time is a healer. Right. Well. It depends because he might have opened up to his dad. That's what I'm thinking. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. There's nothing wrong. Let's just see. Since then, he's taken the dog, moved on like I never existed and refuses to let me see my dog. Like, sorry, did the last five years

just not happen? I've been healing, traveling and building my business, but a big part of me still wants him to realize he fumbled hard. I'm trying so hard not to go for crazy ex, but it's difficult when he's acting like he did nothing wrong. What would you do if your ex acted brand new and took the dog too? Question mark. I mean, look, it's so shit, but like this is just what happens. Yeah. I think he's doing you a favor. Like what can, what do you want to do? I know it's sad because you obviously love the dog, right? But he's doing you a favor, there's nothing worse than being single with a fucking dog.

You also don't want to co-parent a dog with your ex at your age. He's done you a favor. I honestly think this has been really clean for you because this could be messy because by the sounds of it, you obviously not expecting this breakup. In my mind, I think that you're angry about the dog because you're angry that he's left you and that's your deflection. You're like, you can't take the dog. Ultimately, you're so- You're clinging onto that.

Yeah. How are you going to go on a night out and find a new guy or have some fun with your girls if you've got to be home to walk the dog and let the dog out to pee? How are you going to go for a quick weekend away? How are you going to go to Paris for a rendezvous? All this traveling you've been doing. So I think he's done you a favor, but I know it's frustrating because you're like, there's nowhere for me to release my anger and frustration because all he's done is come back, broke up me, packed up and left. And it's been clean. And you're just like stuck with all these

emotions that you've now got to like seep through. The worst thing you can do is vent to him, send him big message, how the way you've done this is really upset me and you went- He's actually done nothing wrong. Because I don't want to tell you this and be cruel, you're going to just give him a serious ick. Yeah.

And the best thing to do is just go silent. I know it will be painful, but once it's over and you're out of it and you find someone new and whatever, you'll be so happy that you didn't do that. Don't message the family, don't message the dad. Don't do any of that shit, don't talk to his friends. Keep it all in, like keep to your friends. It sounds like it's a healthy breakup, right? Like nothing bad has happened.

Yeah, don't go venting about this to everyone because he's not done anything wrong. You really have to remind him. And he seems like he was obviously in a sane place, spoke to his dad about it before doing it, like did it. Obviously taking the dogs not ideal, but that probably should have been discussed first. I do agree with you on that. Yeah.

And it's just really hard. Right, but what I will say, she says she wants to make him to feel like he's fumbled. Okay. So, right, let's get a revenge. So this is where we can get fun. This is the revenge vibe that we all get after a breakup. And what happens? Boys don't get it.

So I'll tell you the difference. Boys go out, they get fucked up, they eat loads of pizza, they kind of look really, really shit. vibe that we all get after a breakup. I don't know what happens. Boys don't get it. So I'll tell you the difference. Boys go out, they get fucked up, they eat loads of pizza, they kind of look really, really shit. They can look just like, yeah. And cringe, they like get drunk, they end up shagging like, or just like, er, ick. Girls, ooh, let's go to the gym. Let's eat clean.

Let's work on ourselves. As you said, let's heal. Let's heal. Let's go on holiday. Let's have a girls holiday. Let's let my hair down. Let's do this. Let's do that. Let's go to Rome. I've always wanted to go to Rome. I'm going to buy myself some new clothes. That's what you're going to do. You're going to get on some podcasts and you're going to go on some lovely walks and you're going to make up your head how you're going to feel your best. Revenge body vibes. Let's go down that road. Let's take some sexy photos. Let's put them on Instagram. Let's not try too hard, but we need to... Let's get close friends and him not be on it. So when you want to post drunk videos,

he's not seeing them. Absolutely. You've got to be very, very systematic here, I think. So strategic. It's like really like slightly counterproductive because you need to get over him, but also totally understand where you're coming from, where you like need to make him be like, fuck, she was quite fit. Damn right. And then at some point in the summer, you're going to cross over, there's going to be a pub event, there's going to be this, there's going to be that, and you're going to walk in there feeling the best you've ever fucking felt, and you're going to feel so good that you won't get drunk and cry to him because you're going to feel so good in yourself. And he's going to be like, shit, what's going on here? And you're going to be like, hey,

how are you? Also, if you ever get the opportunity, this is, I think, such a good thing. If you ever get the opportunity to speak to any of his friends or you bump into them, just be like, you know what, he 100% did the right thing. The relationship just wasn't right. And it wasn't right for a long time. And like, he was much braver than I was. So good. God, that's like, that takes a lot to do that. But that's genius. I've never thought of that. It takes a lot to do that, but it's better than being like, I was really heartbroken. Yeah, because that gets back to him and then he's like, God, get over me. Yeah, yawn. Yeah. Whereas he'll be like, oh, well, she thought the relationship was not

good. And the boys will be like, no, she's chilled. Like she's so fine. She's got no hard feelings. She wishes you well. Yeah. And be like, okay, I think I'll see him at this event with you guys or whatever. Also always be nice to her and be like, yeah, he's so great. Like he's a great guy.

He's such a great guy. But like, oh, it just didn't really work for us. Yeah. Keep it short and sweet. Less is more. Say less. Say less. Say less.

Okay. We love you. Good luck. Love you so much. You're gonna be fine. We've all been there. We've all been through this. Okay. Dilemma two. Hey girls, I really need some advice, please. So for context, I was in a long-term relationship through most of my teens and early 20s.

And while it was great in some ways, we were each other's first everything. Looking back, I feel like we didn't really explore that much when it came to sex. It was comfortable, but quite safe. Anyway, now I'm seeing someone new, it's a totally different vibe. The chemistry is really good and I want to be confident. But I'm honestly feeling so self-conscious about something and it's making me quite nervous to get with him. So here's the thing, I don't struggle with dryness at all, quite the opposite actually,

like the point where I sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with me. I get really wet. My housemate even told me once she heard it through the walls and nearly died of embarrassment. What? I heard my wetness. Wait, how? Like the shh. How are you making wetness sound? Can I just tell you something right up? No boy's going to be turned off by that.

No, it's fine. They think it's like a compliment. They fucking love that. You can be like, oh my God, look what you've done. Yeah. They will be like, I am God. Yeah, I think this is positive. Like, really lean into that. Anyway, I don't know if it's squirting or just how I am, but the sounds, the sheets, the whole thing makes me super aware of it.

Right, so really well learned, the sheets. Maybe that is a squirting thing. I just thought squirting was weeing. I think it is weeing, I'm still convinced. I think you just lose control for a bit and a little bit of pee comes out. They say it's like 50% wee and something else. I don't want to turn it into a big deal, but I also can't stop overthinking it when things get physical.

Do I just own it? I need some reassurance or confidence tips because it's not something I can really control and I don't want it to ruin what could be sounding really good. Oh my god. Firstly, this is like way better. Boys don't want it like the worse eruption is like dry. Yeah, I agree. Like not there's nothing wrong with that either.

Like honestly boys don't care about that. This is just slightly less high maintenance because you don't have to worry about lube. So it's just one less thing to think about. I promise you that surely is turning on a boy. A hundred percent. You got to embrace that. Please don't worry about this. Lean into it. Lean into it 100 percent. Like it's really fab. It's really fab. It's really fab.

Think of all that money you're saving on lube. I've never bought lube. I have. Is it like a nice organic-y one? Yeah, that is. That's why I bought it. Because lube makes me really itchy. like the olden day lube. I bet. I bet. It's loaded with like silicone and stuff, isn't it? Yeah.

So like, I was like, I need to like sort myself out. You need organic. I mean, I never, I always forget to use it, but I will say Liv Bentley's lube, but that one time I used it was like, it's no fucking joke. I really never thought anything of it. I didn't know if I was dry wet or whatever. I was just like, we're having sex. Here we go.

I think if you don't know, then you're always fine. There's a lot of spitting. No, no, no we're having sex, here we go. I think if you don't know, then you're always fine. No, no, no, no, no, it's the old. Yeah, and which is still like my, I think it's a bit of a faff to be a word, salute, good God, grab and get it. And I just like, I don't care for it really. I think women in general, for some reason,

are so fucking self-conscious about sex and being in bed. And like, there's always something that we're worried about. Either like not being smooth enough, like an ing worried about, either like not being smooth enough, like an ingrown hair or like not being wet enough, being too wet, vagina flaps. And you know what, it's all because of fucking porn. Like they all have these like cut out vaginas. We actually have someone that we know

who had a designer vagina. Oh yeah. And she's got into a relationship with someone new recently. This is through someone, through someone. And she's saying the designer vagina was the best thing she ever did, and her sex life's phenomenal. But listen, that, I just wanna lean into that,

that's not because the guy likes a vagina, it's because she will have the confidence to now orgasm. She'll feel better about it. Right. Because if she didn't like a vagina, she's gonna be clans and then you can't orgasm. One thing I will say is like, I definitely can see, like right at the beginning, when I first was like having sex, I was like free as a fucking bird. Like I didn't know anything. I could have literally

sat on my legs right over and I was like, I didn't know what I've done. I was like, everyone's driving me a bit so am I. Also sex, I would have done anything. I was just like, I didn't know. And then like, it's so sad as you get older. I know, you become a bit more stiff. You become like really stiff and like weird and like all these different know. And then like, it's so sad as you get older. I know, you become a bit more stiff. You become like really stiff and like weird and like all these different things. And I just think, I look back at like those days when I was like younger and I'm like, God, I was like such a free spirit. Freaking the sheet. Freaking the sheets. And I think we should just all lean back into that.

I do agree. I think we're under way too much fucking pressure. And I do think that porn might have done that to us. Not that I've ever really watched porn. When I was younger, I'd watch it out of pure education purposes to try and understand how to get a good blowjob. I haven't either. So I don't know where I'm basing it on. How to give a good blowjob. And I remember looking at their vaginas being like,

oh my God, there's nowhere. Yeah, the hair. And there is no vagina flaps. It's like from the clip, it's like there's nothing. It's like in. It's like wild. But also it's like the Barbies, they're walking around and there's actually not, they don't even have a vagina.

There's nothing. Yeah. So I think obviously we all do, but like because they're in the porn industry and that's the only thing that we can maybe really look at, it's all so different to what is like normal real life and we're becoming a bit self-conscious and aware of things. Like sex is sex, like it should be fluid and free. Also, I'm never like, unless I'm in a relationship with someone, even then,

I'm not like getting a magnifying glass and examining someone's cock. You're so right. Like I'm like, an eye size or I'm like fucking tiny, but I'm not being like, oh, they had like the bit of full skin was a bit weird. You know what I mean? You're so right.

Like they're not doing that either. Also you forget that men like really are sexual beings. You know what I mean? Yeah, 100%. So I really don't think, I think we need to take a breath of fresh air. I also think like if you're seeing this person and he likes you and you him, like, that's, you don't have anything to worry about. No, you really don't. And I also think if anything, like we said, it's going to be a bonus, it's not a negative.

Absolutely. But keep us updated. While I would lean into it, if you are embarrassed, I don't think bring it up with shame around it. Absolutely not. Hold your head high and know that you're, A, it's going to feel better for him and B, it's only going to make him feel like he's Billy Rock. Make him feel like he's the Wizard of Oz and then he's done something really quite magical with it.

Which maybe he has. Okay, right. We're ready for the next one. Yeah. Dilemma three. Hi girls. First of all, I absolutely love you both and I'm such a loyal listener and we love you too.

That episode when Melissa talked about her stinky pits inspired me to write in a dilemma of my own. Oh my God, I'm thrilled. I've about her stinky pits inspired me to write in a dilemma of my own. Oh my god, I'm thrilled with my pits and stinky pits. Now that summer's officially here, I'm honestly struggling. I'm quite a sweaty person in general, but my legs and bum in particular are the worst. Swamp bar is very, very real over here. Like the second I put on shorts or a dress, I feel sticky, uncomfortable and weirdly self-conscious. And don't even get me started on how it feels sitting down in the heat.

On top of that, I'm getting the worst chafing. It feels like I'm waddling with what feels like sandpaper burns inside of my thighs. That's horrid. Do you have any tips, hacks, miracle products, literally anything to stay fresh and pain-free down there? Okay, right. I actually do have one. I wore, I'm not going to say the brand because it's

very well known brand, but I wore a brand of trackies, like yoga pants on a flight to New York. And I came out of the flight and I thought I'd pee myself. It was so wet around my vagina area. Sorry, that's TMI, but like not in that sense. I'm sweat. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, no, no, no, no, no. Anyway, it obviously must have been the material, but then for the rest of that trip in New York, I thought like, there's something wrong with me was when I thought, I thought I've got some sort of like infection down there. I didn't, I think it was the material and they obviously really share. But what I did was I got my cream deodorant, which I

need to show you, it's really good off well easy and it really works. And I, cause it's natural and organic, I smeared it like moisturiser all around my vagina area. As in on your vagina or like in the crack? No, like in the cracks. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, well, this is it because I'm not wearing gray trackies. I had sweat patches

around my vagina. It was unacceptable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was bad. Well, I guess it is a crease that you get sweaty everywhere, don't you? I wore that and then I did a spray over of deodorant on top of it. So you just put toxic spray over it? Yeah, I basically toxicated myself. Lovely organic. But look, I'm just going to say something like just deodorant and your vagina and your bum.

Make sure it's not got chemicals and stuff in it. And also you don't want to give yourself like, what's it called when you get an infection from putting like stuff in your vagina and your bum. Make sure it's not got chemicals and stuff in it. And also you don't want to give yourself like what's it called when you get an infection from putting like stuff in your vagina. Yeah. I also wouldn't maybe put it directly on the vagina. Do what you did and put it like around the crack. Yeah, like around the lid. Can we find out what deodorant that was? That sounds like a great one to recommend. Yeah, I saw someone then recommending it recently. Oh.

The natural deodorant. And is it like a cream? It's a cream, but it's like- Brilliant. It's not thin, so it's like a paste basically. And I smear loads of it on and it's just like basically like a thick moisturizer and I put all of that. Can you just read out that, Brian?

So it's the natural deodorant. The natural deodorant, I get mine from Well Easy, but they've got like all sorts of things. It smells really nice and it's just all sorts of goodness. So there we go. Okay, right. So maybe we give that a go. Yeah, because you know what the other stuff is? The other ones are too thin and they're

like watery base and that's like thick paste. And then armpits. I don't know. You haven't really mentioned anything. You're not that concerned about the armpits. You're more concerned about the bottom and the thigh area. But armpits, you can get Botox on your armpits and you don't sweat, which I think is brilliant for wedding season. Me too. My mom used to get that. It's really genius actually. But I wonder whether then like where are your toxins coming out of? Well, this is the thing.

So apparently I stink at the moment and my friend Eleanor, she works at Health, was like, you're smelling because of all the detox tablets that you take and it's your body getting all the toxins out. And at a certain time of the month, it will smell more than other times. What does Tobe say? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. And what's Tobe say? You could nap under there and it'd be lovely.

I don't really ever smell too much. I just pretend that I do to you. I'm like, yeah, me too. I stink. No, there has been months where I've smelled you and you're like, yeah. Oh yeah, you know why? When I smell a spray tan,

fuck, you stay away from me. Cause then, you go to a spray tan, you go to an event, you stink that night. Really? But the trick is guys- But not B.O. yeah, because it blocks your pores and it's so, so smelly. But I found a hack and what you do is you, you're meant to put talcum powder, but I don't own that. So what I do is I get like a loose powder,

like a makeup powder, and you go onto your armpits and around your vagina area. And then it doesn't crease. And then know when it's drying. And then I don't know, it stops it going into the pores and then you never smell out of the armpits. But I'm talking like the minute you've done the spray tan, you get that powder and you get a brush and you dab it all under or like on a tissue and you put it under your armpits and that's it. And you're gonna save yourself

from that smelly, smelly spray tan smell because it stinks under the bits. God, that's such a good tip. Yeah, I know. Make sure your pants and the shorts you're wearing are good material. Because the brand I went in, I don't know what it was. It was obviously like cheap material and it made me stink and sweat. And I think get yourself some light airy organic cotton.

Organics is really great. And like flowy linen trousers. Yeah, I think we stick to the loose fitting. Don't wear the chafey shorts that are like up your bum and like chafing and causing itches and scratches. No, no, no, no, no. And girls always sweat. What do boys call it? Rave vagina or something. Disco fanny. Disco fanny? Yeah, disco fanny. Why have I not heard of that? Right, disco fanny is when you're in a disco and you're sweating, you're dancing, you're partying all night and you go home and you shag somebody and your fanny smells. So it's basically like disco dick. It's the same thing, but...

Disco dick, vinegar dick. Ugh! Cheesy dick. I've never had a cheesy dick. No, normally, because I would literally kick them out if anyone walked into my house with a cheesy, smelly dick. Never had a cheesy dick. Can I just say I will never forget being on a train once, and I went, what's that smell?

And my friend Victoria tells me she went cheesy dick. And I, to this day, forever more, know exactly what cheesy dick smells like because it was wafting out of this bloke's trousers and I was like. Okay, so let's just run that off. No Lycra. Yeah, organic cotton knickers, that deodorant,

let's give that a whirl, and loose clothing. Make sure you sleep naked, like nothing around around you like air that shit out at night. And I think like not so tight clothing around the bottom area. Agree. Let's get some flowy hits to skirts on it. Dresses. Stunning. Let that air get up there and then like if you are sweating, so be it.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Couldn't agree more. But keep us updated, let us know how the deodorant works and that is the end of the episode? Couldn't agree more. But keep us updated. Let us know how the deodorant works. And that is the end of the episode guys. We love you guys. Thank you for listening.

Bye. Bye. Life throws challenges at all of us, but how do we cope? I'm John Robbins and on my podcast I sit down with incredible people to ask the very simple question, how do you cope? We explore the moments that shape them and the ways they've learned to move forward. Whether it's mental health, grief or overcoming fear, we talk about it all honestly and openly. So if you're looking for real conversations about resilience and finding light in the dark, follow How Do You

Cope, brought to you by Audible, wherever you get your podcasts. That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then, Tynies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad-free with bonus episodes. It's pretty amazing. It's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups, which we love, and some of our more personal stories and recommendations. And it's super easy. You just listen on your favorite app.

How cool is that? Amazing, and all the info is in the episode description and in our Insta bio.