Wednesdays - 93: How to handle a fetish in the bedroom ft. Toby Watkins

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Sophie is away on hols this week and Toby Watkins is back for co-hosting duties! This week we get a boy’s perspective on long-distance relationships, absent boyfriends and how to handle a fettish in the bedroom! Plus, is Liam Hemsworth the most hated man on the internet? This week damp Jan continues and we are trying Gordon’s 0% Gin- it’s a good one!Melissa rating- 8.5Toby rating- 8.5 See you next week! xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Melissa, are you a doctor? I want to be, but I'm not. I'm not a doctor either. And we're not psychologists. We're not. We're not experts'm not a doctor either and we're not psychologists and we're not experts in anything in fact we just chatted all the shit so and we love giving you guys advice but as we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody please seek professional help guys toby's on the podcast and sophie's not here sophie's not sadly, so you've got me for one app.

She's gone off on some sort of a health retreat, laughly, with Jamie. What a way to start the year. So it's just the two of us. It's just us. Quite excited to be here, to be honest. I know, and this is going to be a normal episode. We're going to try and make it as normal as possible,

but Toby's helping us with the dilemma. It's exciting times. I'm going to weigh on in it, give my advice, put the world to rights. And we're drinking non-alcoholic gin from gordon's which is actually so nice it tastes exactly like it so i've broken the dry jam so did well toby you you told me you were going to try and i was always going to try and do a damp jam but you didn't and it got really soggy on the weekend and i've been paying the price swimming in it to be

fair we had my brother's birthday and then then you had another night but another but when you've got a birthday i feel like it's only polite to be like, okay, I'll make an exception. Having a January birthday must be the worst because no one, it's like the end of party feeling. No one wants to get involved. It's grim. But then I do feel like for me, I'm always like, okay,

January's not that bad because I've got my brother's birthday. So it gives me a bit of a... You've got something to look forward to. Something to look forward to. like a lovely night out. Best time to book a holiday in Jan, because otherwise it's just... Very true. ...the worst time of the year ever.

I'm excited for February. I'm excited for January to be over, if I'm being honest. Anyway, topical stuff. Here we go. Miley Cyrus and her new song. I don't think it's that new. I haven't heard it. Yes, you have.

Have I? If I can buy myself flowers... It's it's like used all over reels like it's everywhere okay yeah and it's apparently what's the gossip on it apparently it's um well this is all new information for me so i'm reading it here for the first time rumored that it was released and written as a response to liam hemsworth's cheating when they were married allegedly with a no way with over 14 women he cheated on her with how do you have time for that oh my god the song was released on his birthday okay that's a clear messaging releasing a song on someone's birthday is quite

a clear message isn't it the lyrics responded to a bruno mars song when i was your man which was their song when they were married it includes a scene filmed i haven't seen the music video it also includes a scene filmed in I haven't seen the music video. It also includes a scene filmed in the house where Liam supposedly, she's still mighty, wears a vintage gold dress from YSL. Fans were speculating it's a reference to the gold dress Jennifer Lawrence wore at the Hunger Games premiere.

Insinuating Hemsworth cheesed on her with his former comestar. Oh my God. What the hell? This is all such fresh information. Do we think people actually get this from like sources or do they just speculate and make it up? People go this in? This is all such fresh information. Do we think people actually get this from like sources or do they just speculate and make it up?

People go this in depth and find all this stuff out. I wouldn't know where to start. All I know is that Slide Away was about Liam Hemsworth. Oh yeah, we like that song, don't we? It's a good song. That is a good song. I've seen these videos floating around Instagram of Liam and Miley at the,

I don't know, some sort of of red carpet and she's like making a silly face him like you know she does that like silly thing she like licks her tongue and really sexually obviously for a picture and he's and he just looks her and goes like behave yourself for once but he's obviously like saying it to her quietly but it's so obvious what he's saying and it's that video what do you do if I was that controlling would you have I ever been that controlling? No, that's just not in your genes, is it? Yeah.

Have you ever done that to me? Behave yourself for once. I feel like you have done that to me once. Because I'm not controlling. Put me on a lead. Have I told you to behave yourself? I don't know. No, but that's quite outrageous, quite bolshie doing that in front of everyone.

And they know it's going to be filmed. And then her little face, she's just like, afterwards, quite mean. Yeah, that's real savage. Bless her. But then I guess from his point of view, they were quite different and young when they first got together

and then she just grew and changed into this fiery, different human. She went through a wild start. Wild start? Yeah, wild face. But she's back now. She's back. She is back,

but she's still got that little bit of finesse, but she's still quite she's feel like she's she is back but like she's still got that a little bit of finesse but she's still quite yeah yeah so as we're talking about this what's the worst thing you've ever done to an ex or the worst thing that an ex has ever done to you oh my god i feel like i have yeah what is the worst thing you've done tell me i bet you've done some horrible stuff the worst thing i've had happened to me okay yeah when I was younger I remember at school I had a girlfriend at like the age of what I didn't know you there when I was like 15 and we went on a school CCF trip do you remember those oh CCF guys legendary days on the way back from CCF I got with another girl and wait Wait, were you broken up? No, no, we were still together.

What the fuck, Toby? I know, I know. Really bad. Adultery. I know, it's not fun. Actually, my brother gave me a stern talking to after a little bit. I haven't done it since. I love how it was the CCF outfit,

didn't it? You were like, yeah, yeah, I can't resist you. Three days in the Brecken Beacons for the worst time to get to someone after that. Stinky. Wait, so hold on.

Wait, so the girlfriend that you were with was there at the same time no no so she was on a different trip and we got back and obviously people had seen us do it and it got back to all the girls and i was walking from the dining room back to house and one of the girls threw a cake at me from out the window you deserve that sorry okay so you had a cake thrown at you and then what and then what did you have to break up with the current girlfriend yeah what's the worst thing that's happened to you all the worst thing i've done i don't know i haven't done anything that bad no well behaved i guess i could have been quite i could have gone into town on you on this podcast yeah i know yeah you got so nice roast me

i was like no he's so everyone who watched all of my friends that watched the new series of maiden chelsea when obviously we went together said that you were very sweet oh yeah because even on that i was like yeah because you could have been a twat to me yeah but also i don't think they even would have included it if i was because they don't know they didn't know you there so it wouldn't have been relevant but yeah i think having a platform is a very easy place to be impulsive and do things that are like quite mean that you that you obviously in hindsight wouldn't want to do but like if you're in a like a horrible headspace and you're like fuck you see red yeah it's a dangerous like area oh i know one thing that you okay so you once on this podcast spoke about an ex wetting the bed oh it wasn't toby toby's toby's like been desperate to clear clear his name on that

i was like everyone's gonna think it was me that it the fucking bed. It was not Toby that wet the bed. I didn't wet the bed. I would never name who it was. I haven't wet the bed since I was, I don't remember the last time I wet the bed. I don't remember the last time I wet the bed. But it happens sometimes when males and females, when they get really pissed. I did follow through with Barley. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God, guys. No, no. Our relationship changed a lot after Barley. We have had a really bad run of bad stomachs in the early days of our relationships i've had food poisoning like three times oh my god no it was honestly three weekends in a row i've never seen anything like it oh it's terrible your poor gut health oh yeah and then i had to go on antibiotics because i had a savage chest infection that would not go away i just told everyone that you for some reason and then i turn up to one of his

family basically just didn't agree well with my tummy and i just had like a bad stomach for like 10 days turn up to this family event thinking like obviously Toby's the only one that's aware and they were like oh hon we've heard you've got a really bad tummy and I'm like a bunch of a bunch of strangers and the whole family and I'm like brilliant thanks you've told everyone I've got my icebreaker for the day oh god that was so annoying okay right also we have to just touch on this because it's getting the better of me this whole carrie johnson thing that i've now put out to the universe the cia are after us now i'm so scared i do feel but also like she's done it and also it could

have been like 10 years ago like when did you first get instagram well 2015 there we go it could have been back in the day before they were married. Exactly. She could have been inquiring about like, Videography. Exactly. Or like, where I got my dog from or something. Or maybe, yeah.

Picture of her. Maybe she just wanted your number. Maybe she likes a younger man. Maybe she does. There's nothing wrong with that. She likes powerful men, so that's probably why. I don't blame her.

She's got good taste. She does. But yeah, we have to just clear that up. I feel quite bad about it. But yeah, we basically to just clear that up. I feel quite bad about it. But yeah, we basically, we don't know. So the Instagram thing has, we've tried it before and it's, I think it is true that when you send a message, if you don't follow the person and then you unsend it, you get the

accept. Oh, it's 100% true. And that's what came up. There was no message. Yeah. And she still followed. It was my brother's fiance that spotted it at Christmas. She was like, why does Carrie Johnson follow you?

Stop trying to blame other people and I was like I didn't even realise I kind of forgot who she was and I clicked on it and sure enough

she still followed me and we went on messages and saw it but that was as far as it goes yeah we did it together didn't we and we went

and you went surely not and you clicked on messages and people were like no oh my god but I don't think

there's anything hopefully it was just innocent intentions and it was obviously before her and Boris were married I mean I don't think there's anything. Hopefully it was just innocent intentions and it was obviously before her and Boris were married. I mean, I don't know. Also, it was probably about videography. She does like a blonde boy, we'll put it out there. That is true.

Oh God. I bet she's... But also, after we put this podcast out, one of our friends who actually used to film me in Chelsea said that she also follows her and she speaks to her, she replies to a lot of her stories. So I think she's probably just like see maybe I don't know yeah maybe she sent a clapping emoji to like just anything who knows what it was who knows and then thought maybe not I don't think she's a fire sender or you know what is another theory that I

thought does she have children yeah maybe they've sent something off her account I don't know I was just all these scenarios are going through my head i'm trying to really save you here carrie but i don't know i think you need to come forward and speak up okay let's hit carrie on the podcast okay a former member of the saturdays i don't know if you guys know the really beautiful ginger one she's in a thruple with david hay and his girlfriend and. That means there's three of them in a relationship. Let's just talk about how we would do that. What happens if one person's away, right?

Like, for a couple of nights. Yeah, do you get... Are you allowed? Are the other people then, like, building more of a relationship? More of a bond. Do they, like, gang up on each other? Yeah, and also, like, are you allowed to see each other

without the other person because is that technically cheating? What happens if, like, bedtime? Where do they clean their teeth? Also, what size bed do they have big one or watching tv two of them are watching white lotus one of them oh god how do you agree it's hard enough to agree with two people how do you try and come to an agreement with three leftovers also what if like one of them is pissing you off and you want to go just can i just have you tonight not the other one there's a there's a lot to handle there. So many components going on. I wouldn't recommend the third one.

But she looks very happy. I can imagine she probably is. I'm aware of the time. Shall we move on to dilemmas unless there's anything else you'd like to discuss? No, let's do it. No, okay.

Right, should I read the first one? Yep. I'm excited to get a boy's perspective on this, guys. I'm excited to give my... Sorry if anyone's disappointed that Soph isn't here giving her advice. Yeah, sorry, everyone. This isn't what to sign up for.

The next best thing, the next best thing. Oh, stop it. So, I've been single for a while and have mostly been in casual situationships slash unhealthy short-term relationships. My friends always say I have shit taste in men and I very much gravitate towards quite emotionally unavailable guys prioritising looks over everything else lol oops we've all been there though haven't we 100 that's a young thing i think sort of get over that in a minute however i've recently started seeing this guy who was very sweet we went on a date a while a while ago but i was getting over

a bad relationship and wasn't in the right headspace to date fast forward six months or so and he asked me out again soon to the dms soon since the instagram dms and i decided i'd give it another chance i'm very comfortable around him and it feels really easy he shows he cares about me and it's not been a whirlwind romance which i guess is reasonable a few months into dating okay it's not been a whirlwind that's what she's trying to say so it's it's more healthy rather than a crazy world okay but i can't help feeling like something is missing there we go I'm used to being like obsessed with someone thinking about them a lot I don't know if that's because my previous encounters with dating have been quite toxic and I need to be more realistic about dating or if he's just not the

one for me so I guess my question is what is the right level of obsession with the person you are dating to know whether you are you should be with them do I need to reset my expectations on love and realize a slow burn is healthy I think it's a bit of both I think you want to have like at the beginning those kind of the butterfly feelings and then they're like wanting to see each other the whole time right and then definitely but then i do feel like it shouldn't be toxic and stressful no it shouldn't be like are they going to reply are they like it's hard to like they're going to sack me off yeah are they going to ghost me you should have like a level of comfort like comfort in it but also at the beginning it is always a bit like treading on eggshells you know sure no exactly like every message you send it off oh am i going to send something weird is she gonna now like ghost me is she gonna yeah what does she think

about that instagram post that i put up does she think all of those on my outfit like my shoes but all of that sort of stuff you should be thinking about them a lot but then i think when you've had so many toxic things before it's almost like that level of drama and the level of the ups and the downs is something that we naturally kind of crave as humans which isn't healthy and for some reason we all secretly like it a bit it's weird weird i so what is that doing i've done my research on uh the nervous system totally everyday readings i'm obsessed with it yeah anyway your body gets used to like those things you're you you like what you're used to right so if you had like kind of a toxic relationship in the past yeah and your next one your one year and now is

quite stable your body isn't used to it so sure it comes it like can be a bit it can throw you off underwhelming almost you're like oh this is not right am i not feeling enough yeah exactly that's not enough eyes and nose yeah it's just consistent yeah so there's that so you've got to kind of like what's all those different things like attachment styles i haven't learned about them but apparently that's a big thing but yeah i think maybe it's like that's a big thing that was a really helpful point i'm a psychologist um but i don't know okay i reckon i'd say yeah you want to have you i think you need to be fully obsessed i heard like a podcast the other day with um jay shetty and he had who's the guy who dates um i was telling you about it he's that lovely man who writes he does the songs oh john legend john legend was on it uh yes and um he

was saying at the beginning of most relationships right you think it's love but it's actually infatuation and you're just like obsessed with somebody but that doesn't mean it should be toxic so if to me if you're like not that bought like you're not that into it and you're like meh you know take it or leave it which is kind of like what you're saying I don't necessarily think that that's how you I don't think that I don't think i'd be happy and satisfied with that feeling i'd be like i'm not into it yeah i think the other thing i remember my thing was my brother's wife's mum it's cat's uncle's brother yeah anyway she said that like that person that you're with shouldn't doesn't have to be like sparks and fireworks and sparks yeah um yeah just that person that makes everything a little bit better like

going to the shops is just a bit more fun with that person or like staying in and watching tv is just that little bit nicer with the person that you are with right like that just gives you that warm sure but like in the beginning it should be like it should be like absolute obsession fireworks and like you should be worrying about the messages you're going to send like all that sort of stuff yeah yeah yeah how many minutes do i have to wait until after after i reply i've done that i love that shit beginning with you where i'd like wait an hour and i'd sometimes actually set a timer yeah be like you'd send a message like 407 and i'd reply like 507 oh my god yeah so i think there's probably a bit of both going on here for you

because you're, like, referring back to the ex. But I think if you're kind of, it just sat to me sounds like you're a bit bored. But also, like, if it's not causing any harm and it's making you happy, then carry on until, you know. You never know. It might, like. You never know.

It might turn into something more than you can imagine not having him in your life and, you know. Exactly. Give it some time. Let it simmer. Don't rush into a decision. But play it my ear all right next dilemma mister would you like to read this one out okay i absolutely love your podcast thank you very much i was hoping you could help me with a weird situation i found myself in i've been hooking

up with a guy for a while now and the sex has been amazing, but he recently tried to dirty talk with me, but this wasn't the usual type of talk and I think he has a very strange fetish. Oh no. He asked if he could show up in his muddy bellies and there was even talk of using an umbrella. I won't divulge. An umbrella?

Sorry. Where the fuck's that coming from? I don't know, but I don't want to know. I mean, there is a name for this. Is there a name for this type of fetish? It sounds like kind of like posh country boys. Yeah. Weather fetish.

Shuffle fetish. Oh, God. What should I do? Go with it and buy a new rain mat with matching hunters or call it quit? I actually like him. Please help. Oh, my God. If you really like him, you can just follow through with the fetish. Just give it a go. You might like him. Please help. Oh my God. If you really like him,

you've got to just follow through with the fetish. Just give it a go. You might like it. Turn up in your muddy wellies. But I know, I just want to understand. So are they shagging with the muddy wellies on? Is it like the floor is lava?

So I've got to wear my muddy wellies. Yeah. And then what? But then where do the muddy wellies go when you're having sex? The muddy wellies. The sheets would get filthy. This is a logistical nightmare for a filthy. This is a logistical nightmare

for a start. That is a logistical nightmare. And the umbrella. I love it how she's like, do I just buy my new frame? Just crack on. I was like, you know what?

It's not the worst fetish in the world wearing a raincoat. It's spot there, I'd say. Actually, there's probably a lot worse. At least it's like,

no one's getting hurt. No one's getting hurt. There's nothing going in weird places. I'm a bit concerned about the umbrella situation, but I'm hoping that it's going to be not as weird no one's getting hurt there's nothing going in weird places I'm a bit concerned about the umbrella situation but I'm hoping that it's going to be

not as weird as I think the muddy wellies is weird is it because he wants to go out into the field can you please report back to us on this I think you need

to give it a go it doesn't sound like he's asking you to do anything that disgusting is he from Sirencester it doesn't sound like he's asking you

does he work on Clarkson's farm yeah I was going to say is it Jeremy Clarkson is that who you oh god it doesn't sound like he's asking you does he work on Clarkson's farm yeah I was gonna say is it Jeremy Clarkson oh god it doesn't sound like he's asking you to do anything that like red roomy or weird yeah that's true so I'd just give it a go and then can you report back please I really want to know what's happened that's so weird I if you did that to me I think I'd have to have strong words with you I need to go and get my muddy wellies from somerset somerset got them hooked in friday night oh god i'll be there in my uh my barber jacket my tweed cap oh my god what are those hideous ponchos we used to wear in bali when it was raining oh god yeah get one of those on bring your rain poncho oh my yeah that's really weird tickling my pickle that is that's just so odd you know the jack will's hoodie with like jack

russell fur on it and then jodhpurs and Muddy Wellies. Oh my God. Should I talk about this? Right. Speaking of weird fetishes. Hey, I'm Jen. This is an email that we had through to our like sponsorship potential thing.

Hey, I'm Jen from foot fetish content site funwithfeet.com. I wanted to reach out in relation to a sponsorship opportunity for Wednesdays We Drink Wine podcast. Perhaps something a little different from standard podcast ads. 60 second parole, mid-roll, etc. Over the last few months, we've had an explosion in traffic and a large portion of new sellers tell us that the rising of cost of living is motivated them to find alternative ways of making money and selling feet pictures one of our users told us i had six

weeks of rent money left a friend told me to get on your site and i thought why not this is how weird so like the email goes on and on basically trying to convince us that we should um sell pics of our feet i think or like promote this website that encourages people to send self-pictures of their feet there's a lot of people with foot fetishes out that's why i don't get like of all the fetishes why can't we speak we haven't had a drink i swim in non-alcoholic i still can't anyway why feet you've given my feet a kiss once once i've sucked a toe we've all been oh god we've all been i've never sucked your toes and it's never gonna happen not with my athlete's foot oh no stop i gave toby's feet i don't know he was like on the

sofa the other day and his feet are so clean and i gave him a kiss and you went oh at least and i was like, no, don't tell me that's what's on there. No, I haven't. You would see it. Yeah, no,

I haven't. Isn't it like dry skin? Yeah, it's like flaky, horrible. You don't have that at all, your skin,

your feet are baby smooth like you're fresh out of the pedicure. Thank you. Why are they like that? Mine were like that ever since Barley. It's because they used to

walk around barefoot. Barefoot. Makes your feet really, really smooth. So you're going to do it? Are you going to take the sponsorship?

I don't think we are, no fair enough well if times get tough you never know exactly lots of weirdness okay and also no hate on anyone who sells their foot picks like if someone offered me the right price i'd sell mine what's the other one that people like sweaty underbunny buttons oh my god i've got some i've got some weird stories i'm not sure if i can tell this anyway my friend was telling me all this weird stuff. And she was like, there's these websites where you sell like three day old underwear and you send them in the mail to men. And they like pay like 20 grand for it. And then one of these guys was like, I can tell it's not three days old.

I'm not paying you the money. I'm like, what the fuck? I know people are very, very strange. Again, not hating on people that send the underwear out. You know, you've got to do what you've got to do. As long as it's consensual. Wealthsimple's Big Winter Bundle is our best match offer yet. Get a 2% match when you transfer over an eligible RRSP.

For a $50,000 transfer, that's a $1,000 cash bonus. Enough to buy a fancy parka, a ticket to somewhere you don't need a fancy parka, or just be responsible and top up your retirement fund. Plus, move any other eligible account and we'll give you a 1% match. Minimum $15,000 transfer. Register by March 15th. Additional terms apply. Learn more at wealthsimple.com slash match. Hey, you're a Canadian podcast listener, and that makes you important to us. We'd like to know more about you, what you think of this podcast, and the other podcasts you'd like to hear. So we put together a super brief survey we'd like you to fill out.

Complete it, and we'll give you a chance to win one of three $100 Amazon gift cards. That way, we can say thanks for your opinion. Just go to mypodcastsurvey.ca and have your say. That's mypodcastsurvey.ca. I'm 19 and I've been with my girlfriend for three and a half years. We've been doing long distance for the past year and a half and it's been going well because both really enjoy our uni experiences the time we spend together is great despite the occasional argument but recently I've been struggling with the lack of face-to-face contact and wondering if I would enjoy time being single it's not even that I want single life at

uni experience I'm just interested to see how i feel without the safety of a relationship as i've not been single since i was 15 i still love her i want to be close for the rest of our lives and i'm just confused how do i tell her this without sounding like a dick and am i being an idiot throwing away the perfect girl at this age especially if i never connected with someone like her again oh no this is heartbreaking but i feel you i personally think that you need to live your life really yeah yeah oh it's a that is a really tough one because it's like is the grass greener or do you just stick with it like you hear some people a lot of my brother's friends who are they're, like 30, and they've been,

one of his best friends, they've been together since they were like 13, met at school. Oh my God, that is mental. I know. That is, they've been together

since they were at school. Absolutely. There's like pictures of them on like school trips when they were real young and they're now happily married, living in, I don't know where they live,

but they live in London. I'm going to say something about that though. Mm. That is the exception, not the rule. That's extremely rare. I though. Mm. That is the exception, not the rule. That's extremely rare. I agree.

I think you've got to... Does that mean they've never had sex? Anyone else? No. Only ever seen each other's genitals. From the age of 14, 15, whenever it was. Wow. But what I will say is if you...

Okay, so, yeah, I reckon you go... Maybe you go your separate ways, right? Still a lot of love there. Yeah. what I will say is if you okay so yeah I reckon you go maybe you go your separate ways right still a lot of love there you end it on good times and you go and just explore the world just be free for a bit

be free and if the universe brings you back together it brings you back together it was meant to be if it doesn't it doesn't and it wasn't meant to be

so you just gotta trust that and sometimes circumstances are the reason why things stop for a bit or, you know, come to an end because doing long distance is hard. Like, even, like, for people that live, like, two hours away from each other, that's hard, let alone being 19. Even when we do, like, 10 days, we're, like, freaking out by the end of it. So it is tough.

Even being 19 and then being a different year is so hard. Also being, like, some people can do it, but I think I personally, long distance is just, like, you've got end of it so it's tough 19 also being like some people can do it but i think i personally long distance is just like you've got all yeah it's tough so hard when you're that young you don't really want to be and to me it sounds like it's a safety net because she's so lovely and you love her to bits but you're not you're it seems like you're growing up a bit more now like the fact that you've like realized that and i think also the fact that you've decided to write into us to ask advice on it means that you've really thought long and hard about it yeah i mean i personally think fly the nest for a bit i would just spread your wings you know the long distance just isn't working for you and you want a bit more than

that and you don't want to be and it does sound like you're you're almost relying on the security of just having a girlfriend there to speak to like on those nights when you're a bit lonely like oh let's have a face time with blah blah familiarity but then you're so young to trust me i would go out enjoy yourself also you can be so selfish and i don't know that's a weird thing to say but like it's that there's actually nothing like that feeling of being so single and free and selfish do you know what i mean yeah yeah it's quite an important part of growing up necessarily like hooking up with other people but it's there is yeah something to be said for that freedom of like just being at your own like if you want to go on a big night out you don't have to worry about texting someone or you can loads of those sort of things yeah 100 i think it's just like a rite of passage

really it's got to be done because otherwise you don't want to get you know you you might be sweet now and make the decision that you're all good and you want to carry it on but you don't want to then get itchy feet when you're like 30 you know and think oh what if you want to kind of enter the next stage of your life with being ready for it yeah without thinking oh maybe you know oh i wish i'd gone and done that wish i'd been wild and you might end up getting married and being together but then you know you had two years or a year apart where you had your fun and then you can go into that relationship now okay sweet i've done that exactly scratch that itch let's just talk about how long they've been together

hold on so they went they've been together three and a half years they're 19 so they met when they were 16, 17 15 what that's mental sorry imagine if I was still with my boyfriend from the age of 15

to be fair I'm still in kind of contact with him and I see him every now and again he's very sweet but I can't imagine still being with him

no trying to think who I would have been with who were you with when you were 15 I told you he was quite the ladies man at school

he was a player. No. I was saying to you the other night, I've got a bit of like, I went through a stage where girls were repulsed by me. No. It happened. Did you say they still are?

I remember we used to play kiss chase at school. And they used to run away from you. And they used to run away from me. I would never run away from you thank you oh no how savage is that

imagine me like 10 year old me oh no I bet you were so small and blonde as well wandering around trying to get a kiss from the hot girl at school

and then she'd kiss all the other boys she'd get to me and she'd run off maybe that means she fancied you more though maybe back then it was

reverse psychology it was all about if a boy pushes you over in the playground it means he's in love with you and all that stuff i'm still waiting for that kiss back it's been a couple years god's sake she's really playing hard to get she's playing the long game really playing the long game she really is she's longing out i've been with my boyfriend just under a year and i'm absolutely mad about him we're both in our mid to late 20s he's really someone I could see myself with long term

and from the day we've met, we've just been joint at the hip. Gone travelling, met each other's friends and family and have just been absolutely smitten on both sides. Lovely. That's lovely.

He started a new job a couple of months ago. It was pretty intense with long days. He's taking it really seriously but I'm proud of him making the steps in his career he wants to take.

God, these guys sound so wholesome and wonderful. I'm excited for the next one. next however since he started his job he's not wanted to have sex with me ever initially i put it down to being a bit stressed or tired but he's been fairly consistent that he's just not in the mood he doesn't seem to want to kiss me that often uh-oh he's starting to really it's starting to really affect my self-esteem as i wonder am i the problem and why has he suddenly lost interest in me? Sex isn't the most important thing to me in a relationship,

but it is a bit disheartening when my boyfriend seems to have lost his physical attraction to you. I've been a confident person, but I'm second-guessing myself a lot, wondering if I've put on weight, if I should put more effort into how I present myself. If something I said annoyed him. To make matters worse, there's two girls he works with that he speaks about a lot. I'm starting to get concerned if there's anything going on between them. However, I don't think he's the type to cheat.

Honestly, I'm starting to go crazy. Please help. Do you think it's possible to get that physical... I can't... Physical assault with someone back. Yeah. Is there any tips or advice you guys have for me? Or do you think if someone has lost

the physical and sexual attraction to someone, is it good for gone? Good, gone for good. I don't think it's gone for good, if I'm honest. The work thing sounds a bit weird if he's talking to you, talking about two girls. No, no, no. They're not even together a year and he's saying no to me. Oh, it's been a year? Yes. Sorry, I missed it. Baby, you're the one who read it out. Hold on, hold on. Let me just go back here. Just under a year? Mm.

No. Yeah, that's that's not good and he started this new job he's nattering on about these two girls but what is wrong with boys why don't they just break up with you why would you carry on if he's not attracted to you and he's saying no to sex he's not even kissing you it's one thing being like i'm very stressed so my sex drive's gone yeah i just need i just need to like catch my breath for a minute and like get like a handle of this stress but then why not kiss someone that's weird that tells me he's checking out and i think you deserve better you need to get out you look you're guessing if you've like gained weight and shit like that no fuck this i'm really sorry

like you need to you deserve so much better if it's i thought, for some reason, I missed the bit where it was a year. It's funny when you're reading it, you don't take it in as well, do you? Yeah, I know. You're just concentrating on the words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the full stops. Yeah. I get the stress thing.

Like, if you're stressed or sometimes boys, also sometimes boys' sex drives. Yeah, talk about this. Like, they go through, you almost have, like, a boys' period. Really? Where you have, like, a week where you're really randy and then a week where you're just, like, couldn't think of anything else. And then, like, maybe two weeks where a week where you're really randy and then a week where you're just like couldn't think anything worse and then like maybe two weeks we like really not interested in a week where you're really randy so that happens but the fact that he's not even kissing her that's not ideal and that it doesn't sound like it doesn't sound

like it's a good thing and you're thinking you're like second guessing everything you do and you're thinking like have i said something that annoys him like do i need to make more of an effort with my appearance like no like think about how this is making you feel this is actually fuck the fact that he's not making having sex with you and kissing you you're now feeling so badly about yourself yeah you don't want affecting you yeah i think you need to love yourself more than you love him in this situation and take a step back and just be like it's actually not the type of relationship that i want to be in you've not even been together for a year this sort of stuff fair enough happens a few years down the line then you have like a dry spell maybe i don't know but no yeah i my advice is

that you deserve a lot better than this and to me it sounds like something fishy's going on i'm wondering also if you live together can you please i really want some follow-ups from like these two dilemmas about the this one and then the one about the um the um fetish oh yeah that is you know what i'm also thinking about with this fetish situation i'm just imagining proper ducks why am i imagining i don't know i'm imagining proper ducks in a puddle i'm just like like black labs being in the room as well what is it with you in black labs why are they in the room i don't know why are they in the room with well. What is it with you and black abs? They're fucking sweet. Why are they in the room? I don't know. Why are they in the room with the fetish?

Because it's so like countryside. He wants wellies, umbrellas, mud. I don't think it's to do with the country. I think it's to do with weather. I think it's weather orientated.

Well then, okay, the rubber ducks are getting from the rain. Yeah, the rubber ducks get it. I'm thinking like, it's like some countryside thing

where he likes to have really posh countryside, like earthy girls, you know? Yeah, maybe. Maybe he's going gonna get you on the back of a fake horse or something yeah or in like a four by four oh yeah the back of the old

land rover yeah open the doors with the with the muddy wellies she's just there naked in wellies oh god and a barber jacket yeah so we need to follow up some of these two please i'm really sorry if that last advice on that last dilemma was harsh but i genuinely don't like the way you're talking about yourself i don't think it's healthy for you and i think that you deserve so much better and if it was me i wouldn't like my best friend or myself like i don't want a boy looking at me as no and me thinking like am i fit do i need to lose weight that's just terrible no you don't want that and you know we've been together for a year this is i think you need to be in the halloween period at this point before you just like go full-on breakup i think you've got to

have a conversation be like what's going on is there something you need to tell me this is starting to make me feel bad so i want you to give me the honest answer do you still love me are you still interested in this if he goes oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't know it was coming across like that i like yeah of course i do blah blah and just really stressed and like a bit absorbed in my job but i I still love you, then great. And you give it some time. If you might, at that point, be like, actually, you know what? This is better advice.

Yeah, I don't think you need to come home and fucking break up with him, you know? I've done that before, it doesn't work. But, like, if she's... It's just the whole talking about other girls at work thing. I don't know, to me, I think that your suspicicions you've got suspicions in your brain for a reason i think you need to follow your gut as okay i'm fine maybe have a conversation about it you have suspicions but you can make up stories in your head like sure you're so right you can run with things in your brain

i also think you should say like look obviously sex isn't the most important thing to me in a relationship but it is top like up there it is important part of like yeah it's the defining part between a friendship and a relationship right not the pda but the um affection the affection like watching tv and like cuddling each other and stuff and they just give me having a kiss like that's it's an important especially a year in even my parents and they've been together 35 years every night they come home my dad comes home from work my mom comes home from work little kiss yeah yeah it's important it is important so that's our two pence on that one let me know how that one goes I'm sorry to hear that but also if you know if there's anything fishy going on you deserve better because it just doesn't sound like you're thinking about yourself in the best way which I don't like and you should think about

yourself in the best way. Okay, right. We just have to breathe. We're going to... There's no point in us doing not-so-single-dice because we're both here, but we have quite something funny to tell you. Oh, no. I actually cringe every time I think about it.

So, the other night... Was it last weekend? Last weekend, yeah. Very, very drunk. Very drunk. And we were in the Soho house that's like on Greek Street

and they've got this like little room I don't know if anyone's been there there's like this little club room the library room and it turns into

he knows what the name is turns into a club turns into the club it's pretty cool cool the cool kids are there and we

they play like really like good music and it's like just a real vibe it was really fun we were really we hadn't drunk for a while so we were trying to do dry jam and we just it was my brother's birthday we let loose will's birthday miss's brother yeah having a great time everyone was in good spirits

and then we were dancing with like the group of friends that were there and they all started to leave and we were like let's just stay for a bit and it's just the two of us dancing away and people would come up to you and be like oh oh, I love your podcast, blah, blah, blah. Getting some, like, few people, fans, whatever, that were coming up. And we were, for some reason, just aggressively getting with each other. Like, there was no need for any of the stuff that was happening.

Salsa dancing. Salsa dancing, which I can't do. Grinding on you. I did the little twirl. Oh, yeah, the whole time. So fun. Literally twirling you into other people. Oh, God.

Kissing, kissing, kissing. then toby just goes to me okay pretend i'm a stranger and then walks away from me we're playing role play in the middle of soho house there's fans you know who we are and he goes just oh my god and then like walks up to me and he's like hey I'm like no what are we doing we can't do this every time I think about it

also then we dance dance dance and then you did it again you're like okay pretend I'm a stranger and just walk away every time

you know when you're walking down the street I think back to it and I just go oh god no no it was so funny I also think at the time I secretly liked it

I was like yeah yeah yeah change your hair up. Oh, God. So if you saw us there, I really apologise. Yeah, yeah, I really apologise for that. I ruined your evening. That was so much fun, though. Honestly, so fun.

That was great. I really enjoyed that night. That was the end of Dry Jam. Okay, right. Let's rate this gin. I've loved it. I've loved it so much. It's the best non-alcoholic gin I've tried so far.

I've only tried one before this, which is the Clean Co one. This, I think, is better. I'm really sorry. Yeah, I agree. I've never tried... This is my first non-alcoholic gin, and it tastes exactly the same. Tastes exactly like gin, but just slightly not as bitter. Yeah.

It's, like, just quite... Not mild, like, smooth. Is that the right...? It's just easy on the palate. like just quite, not mild, like smooth. Is that the right? It's just easy on the palate. I'm going to rate it an eight. Actually an eight and a half because I don't know what I rated last week. No, no, guys, it's exactly like gin. I'm sorry.

I'm going to give it a... I would never guess. 8.5. You actually gave us real gin just now. Yeah, I know. So realistic. Okay, thanks so much, guys. I hope you enjoyed having Toby on.

Thanks for having me, guys. Bye, guys. Love you. See you later. FanDuel Casino Daily Jackpots. Guaranteed to hit by 11pm with your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

I do. Daily Jackpots. A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed winner by 11pm every day. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600. Or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only. Guarantee void if platform or game outages occur.

Guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded. Or 11pm Eastern. Restrictions apply. See full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com. Please play responsibly. That's it for this week Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then, tinies, we have got some news for you. We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes. It's

pretty amazing. It's also packed full of dilemma follow ups, which we love, and some of our more personal stories and recommendations. And it's super easy. You just listen on your favorite app. How cool is that? Amazing. And all the info is in the episode description and in our Insta bio.