Wednesdays - Ep 22: Friends with Benefits with your ex?!

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Hey guys,Welcome back to a new episode, pour up a glass, we’re getting a bit wasted this week on a 13 percent wine!We get a bit deep this week… is right person wrong time a thing, and does everything happen for a reason? Buckle up gang!As always, keep sending in any of your dilemmas and wine recommendations… and send us your follow ups if we've read out your dilemma in any of the eps!This week we're drinking a Jam Shed Shiraz: (listener recommendation!)https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/295459023We rate this wine:Sophie - 8.5Melissa - 7Much love,S & M x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hey guys it's sophie here and melissa and welcome to our new podcast wednesdays we drink wine hi guys hey guys welcome back to a new episode i've got like clunky jewelry on right now i feel like that's gonna oh god she's late she's eating mangoes you ordered tell me 10 minutes before i need to be somewhere just so that i'm not rushing. And also taxis are... You look very snatched today. I put oil in my hair to try and push down the baby hair. Oh, I put hairspray and wax in. Do you not do that?

I don't have that kind of stuff. Normally I leave it so it looks so greasy that it actually just stays there by itself. Yeah. My hair never goes down these days. Just a little background. Melissa came 15 minutes late to recording but ordered a pret mango bear in mind i live around a million shops pret mango and a matcha when i have a coffee machine the best of the best and matcha coffee i don't really like

coffee that much anywho we're not gonna have the matcha i just had a couple sips why are you flagging no we're gonna have the wine now i'm excited well yeah okay guys little suggestion this was a suggestion from you guys it's real this reminds me of like a um a circus i do and so many people talk about this wine are you joking so many people talk about it on like youtube like the youtubers like all talk about it all right guys we're down with the kids it's a south eastern australia 100 carbon natural australian rich jammy and smooth jam shed sure as 2020 let's give it a go yeah i'm really actually intrigued just because it's very hyped up this one oh god here we go oh god it's fat don't you just i just love love i wasn't i was thinking how slim and tanned your

arms look quite jealous they look quite muscly when you open muscly you're opening that the tiny little muscly oh god i definitely don't this smells like my poppers wine how much was this guys this wine was a whole lovely £7.50 okay great great great and oh whoopsie oh my god okay right i'm really excited no it's like a disaster is it oh my god is it really you know what also it's the first day of autumn so booyah why am i talking like oh my god it's the first day of autumn is it fair it does feel like it's kind of been autumn for like a week now it's cold cheers cheers your wine glass is dirty i'm so sorry that's hideous wine glasses can't get the stuff can't get the right service no that smells like a pure creamy dessert oh my god it's really nice it's okay i'm comparing

everything to that apophic one that we love that's like that but that's really young guys this is really lovely katie our producer who ordered this for us the best thing i've ever tried that was really that's like honestly like what you know when it warms it warms it warms it's also 13.5 percent alcohol i love it so if you always comment on like the percentage of the alcohol but i think that's quite no because look it's there i actually i wrote know i thought i wouldn't like it so i got a little bottle of um prosecco just as a backup yeah but i think white wine is always less red is always more you know roses it's so like it's such a myth that roses doesn't really get you drunk it's so it's like well i guess we're hammered yeah i know but oh all right well no but it is then high percentage that is that makes sense then

because it's more than that and you think that that's high what is like the normal 14 is like a high red wine like if you go above 14 it's like really alcoholic that's i i'm honestly like that i'm serious it's really lovely i am i am just comparing it to the apothecary and the apothecary is like my favorite like even someone gives me an expensive glass of red wine i'm like no people i think that's smooth do you really yeah do you think we should do a little comparison next week and try another glass of the apothec the apothec is just i used to only drink red white web wine web wine because somebody told me which is absolutely bf i know what you might say red wine's good for you it's an antioxidant to like get the benefits of the antioxidants you have to

literally drink like 10 bottles a day so it's not enough well and then you just destroy yourself exactly just have a bunch of blueberries but i think it has um endorphins in it like chocolate it does oh yeah you're right it does what wine did you have when you were away oh the wine nice portuguese okay like it's so boring but can i tell you we had like a real regime so we'd we were pretty healthy and like we'd wake up we'd go get our breakfast i became obsessed you know like the fresh cheese cheese orange cheese it's like just next up and you don't really get it anymore I was like drinking I was like Jamie get another one

like almost like a sugar addiction I was like oh in the morning orange juice I was like downing in it it was like pure heaven sounds a bit weird to me then I'd have a plate

of the melon because it's my favourite right is it I wish I feel like melons so like Marmite

I really don't like melon neither does Jamie but do you know why? Because you've obviously got it from like M&S in the packets where it's soggy. There's like soggy melon. No, I've just never liked it. You know when people have Parma ham and lemon as melon? Melon.

I love that. Wait, not when you're abroad. What about watermelon? I don't love it. I would have it if someone was like, have some watermelon. But like, to be fair, taste changed because I never used to like mango. And now I've suddenly become addicted to it. Anyone who doesn't be fair, tastes change because I never used to like mango and now I've suddenly Anyone who doesn't like mango,

you're kind of out of my life. But this, but you know what I mean by mango has to be a bit furry. Yeah. This wasn't. This was like not quite ripe enough. I kind of really like it like that as well.

I'm a bit of a weirdo. My mum only likes fruit when it's literally unripe. Like a pear. Seriously. Literally is like, Crunch. Yeah, like pink. You know, they've not even gone green. I know. A banana when it's literally unripe. Like a pear literally is like... Seriously. Crunch. Yeah, like pink.

You know, they've not even gone green. I know. A banana when it's not ripe. Have you ever tried that? Oh my God, guys. It's like the worst. It almost sticks to your tongue and everything. Oh my God, it's a horrible feeling.

But also a banana when it's... My granddad used to eat bananas when they were black. That's next level. It's better for you. Ew. They have more antioxidants in them yeah but way more sugar um nutrients isn't that weird how it's the same exact fruit but over time it just develops more sugar like it's just that's how what wine is isn't it fascinating um what was i gonna say oh yeah

so i'll give you my routine yeah you had the melon had the melon then we'd like do our little thing in the day we'd go on an hour and a half beach walk oh stunning which jamie just really works you out as well because it's like walking on sand is flip flipping i was starving after and we just i was like god i've got to have lunch i'd have to have like a smoothie then jamie's like quite good well i suppose he'd eat a lot more breakfast for me i'd then have a smoothie then i'd wait like an hour then we'd go for lunch and then we'd what play like a car game in the afternoon have a little swim whatever go back to him then every night at 6 30 we went to the bar and got nuts yeah i had two glasses of champagne every night jimmy would have a margarita or like in moscow we were rogues choices ever because they were just not that beat

and then we'd go for dinner and i'd have one more champagne i didn't drink any wine that's okay sparkling wine just the same thing yeah champagne it's within the category isn't it yeah i do think next week we've got to pop this over this one's actually oh my god i didn't know yeah everyone's making like rose oh my god someone actually dm'd us i actually looked and they were like trying actually loads of winemakers are all made by men just like i guess just traditional like owned I guess, just traditional, like, owned by, like, vineyards and stuff. Like, try and find one that's, like, purely women. And then they suggested...

I think it's not Gwyneth Paltrow. Goop. Surely she wouldn't. No. There's two American ladies. Nina Debrev is doing it with her friend, that dancer, the blonde-haired one. They've come out with their own wine. Naturally they are. like all organic and like clean and like meant to be like the cleanest wine

ever but like you can't get in the uk i tried to get it for us well um we've got to try kendall janet so that's gonna be good oh my god yeah we've got kendall janet's tequila to try yeah eight one eight apparently it's really hard to get hold of well we also did get that bugsy malone is it bugsy malone post malone he did send jamie the rose but i drank it one time sorry and maybe i've got the name completely wrong sorry everyone if i have um so that was my wine situation did you drink much my wine this way i don't even remember what i was doing whilst you were away um we've got to talk about something because scott and courtney oh my god i just don't i don't think court Courtney's actually done anything.

I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. She's just been having her sweet, wholesome time with her new boyfriend. And also, like, he parades around, getting with girls, dating 15-year-olds. Okay, sorry, correction. She's, like, what, 19? 19. Is she literally 19? She's actually 19.

Is she? Yeah. Her jewelry's high-end. I didn't even buy her some ridiculous diamonds. She's dra 19. Is she? Yeah. Her jewellery's high-end. Didn't he buy her some ridiculous... She's draped in diamonds. So Scott, if you guys don't know, I'm sure you do, but he basically DM'd Courtney's ex-boyfriend. What's his name?

Uni. Unis. Unis, yeah. He was also really... Much younger, very gorgeous, and with a photo of Courtney and her new current boyfriend, just being a bit of a dick. Like, who is this bitch kind of vibe like what we've actually got we've got it here we've got it let's get it fat for fat i don't want us to start saying scott said stuff he went

yo is this chick okay exclamation mark question mark question mark question mark question mark bro like what is this in the middle of italy uh yes hun. And it's just Courtney, like, having a little smooch with her boyfriend. Oh, my God. She is kind of straddling him a little bit, but, like... Oh, yeah, they're really PDA. It's a bit launchy, but, like... So who cares? We all love to see it.

Do you know what I mean? I give more power to her. But apparently Uni replied, whatever he's called. I think he literally just went to the press. No, he replied being like, I'm not your bro. Yeah, and then he took it to the press. He must have screenshot it and then like... Yeah, how much cash do you reckon he was paid to do that?

Do you think he was? Why do we think, like, when people sell articles or stuff, like, are they doing it for the money? They're not just, yeah, well, what else? Surely he's not just doing it to, like, be an arsehole. Like, he must be getting paid your right. Or he's just like, yeah, he probably wants to link his name to the kardashians again who freaking knows maybe he's just a nice guy and like i hate scott because yeah scott's a

troubled old soul isn't he i don't understand because like on the kardashians he seems actually really great like they get on so well and they're like co-parenting works so fabulously and but clearly this is not this is toxic but something's obviously he obviously does something to prevent them from getting back together because she's done it time and time again you're still not doing things you're still not doing it they're obviously not wearing it he's obviously doing drugs sorry that's a real big assumption but like what else is it no i don't think it's that i think he's not taking care of himself i don't think he eats healthy i don't think he works out and i know that that's's like, obviously with Poosh, like she's so health and fitness orientated.

She's not going to not get back with the love of her life and the father of her kids. No, I feel like he's done so many things wrong that it's just like, unless you fix absolutely everything, I'm not fucking putting up with it. So you don't think he does drugs? No. I think that he was so unwell when he did. Like, I just don't. I'm not obviously an expert. I'm friends with them.

I can't tell. Well, apparently Travis is like one of the nicest guys ever. There is a lot of PD. Travis Scott. Yeah. The one, no, no, no, no. Travis Scott's the one that's with Kylie. What's the one that's with, it's Travis something, right?

Travis Barker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently he's a lovely guy. And also like they do PD. Did you see the one where he like put it as his thumb? Yeah, I did. I did. I did.

That was when she like, it was a video of her like sucking his thumb. Oh yeah. I mean also sucking your thumb is a bit ridiculous. I mean we don't need to see that really. I mean. Not really. I think fine if you're being papped and you're trying to be in a private location like that photo was like clearly like.

Mate, they're just so in love. I know they are. They're jealous. Like also. Also, why reach out to the ex-boyfriend for like validation he's obviously trying to gain an army against courtney like no no not good well he's gonna be careful as well because his children are getting old enough to the point where they will actually probably see that you know that's not getting the little one

penelope is so cute i want to call my daughter penelope do you see yeah jamie's mom's also cool penny oh yeah but it's actually coincidence but i love my daughter Penelope do you? yeah Jamie's mum's also called Penny oh yeah but it's actually a coincidence but I love the name Penelope and then they call her Poosh and that's where Poosh came from shut up yeah

because there's like I remember there's this cute little clip of Scott actually with Penelope and she's like yeah Poosh and she's like ice skating and she's like trying to fly and it's like really sweet and he's like yeah Poosh and that's probably where to fly and it's like really sweet and he's like yeah

poosh and that's probably where i came i do like really i do agree we're really overdoing our conversation on this but i do really like him that's called right to my head and you know when you can like feel it like in your lips or like in your bones in your hands that has to happen i've literally had three sips what the heck you've got a bit dizzy i'm not with it guys let's have some more oh my god here she is um whoa the wine the wine is actually crazy guys i wish i could explain maybe it's because i haven't eaten that much yeah that mango is not really gonna line no it's. No, it's not. But, like, I just... You know when you can, like... I don't get it that much, but I can feel it, like, in my bones. I quite like it.

I'm liking the jam shed, guys. It's going to get a high rating from me. This is getting hugely high rating from Melissa. This is going to get a high rating. Right. Moving on to our dilemmas. There's some real juicy ones, as always. Shall we...

Do you want to read the smallest one okay hi girls absolutely love the podcast i've listened to every episode please can this be anonymous of course i was just wondering what your opinion on right person wrong time was do you think it's this is a thing would you would love for you to discuss this on your podcast thank you so much yeah i definitely think it's a thing i think it's 100% a thing and then some people do come back together when it is the right time yeah have you ever met anyone in your life where you're like oh right person wrong time kind of vibe or no i've not really dated that many people i've kind of gone from boyfriend

to boyfriend i've only really aside from jamie had one like jamie's i'm my most serious and then i had one before that and that's really it so i'm not oh god sorry not that experience in this but no i do think it is a thing like i've had one person where i'm like i have but now i look back and i'm like oh wrong person but at the time I thought right person wrong time yeah if that makes sense yeah and I did actually think oh maybe we'll get back together and like I'm we both ended up not getting back together and now I look back and I'm like actually no you were the right person at that time yeah not now yeah so I actually always change so much I don't think you realize how much you can grow like even in a space of two years like as a person people change apparently everyone changes every two years something about their personality changes oh i actually think he got a lot better that's quite nice yeah um i think

my theory is when people say things just like on a tangent do you have a soulmate brother my theory is there are lots of soulmates as such and there are lots of different paths that you can take and no one is right and no one is wrong you just whatever path you take that's a different route like i don't ever think oh shit i did the wrong decision like i honestly believe everything happens through a reason yeah trust your process trust your process but you do have to sort of as with that you do have to align yourself and be on high vibrations so woohoo and what's the word like hokey pokey but i do believe that yeah went off on a bit of a tangent but yes the answer is 100 i think that's the thing

yeah i think it's imagine even if like you met like the the perfect person but you had just been given this huge job abroad and you were like this isn't the right time for us to start this relationship I'm now going abroad for this amazing job which I can't not do yeah you know like things like that circumstances like that I think it's a hundred percent a thing I do think it's a thing yeah but it's the it's the wrong time for a reason as well as Sophie says so that's part of the process as well and if you don't come back together then yeah it wasn't meant to be and I think I said is we need a bit more on this would you be able to let us know whether you've actually been together or whether you've just sort of met like I want to know how far into the relationship you are because I do think that not that that changes things

you're asking me I thought you were okay um not that it it changes things. It's just been someone I've dated briefly, as in like a couple of days. No, I was actually asking how far I wanted it. Oh, from my information, guys, it's a bit of a juicy answer. Someone I've dated briefly and I've been like, God, on paper, like this is like perfect. But like, it's just never worked out for circumstances or whatever.

And then I just in my mind. FanDuel Casino Daily Jackpots Guaranteed to hit by 11pm with your chance at the number one feeling, winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Daily Jackpots A chance to win with every spin and a guaranteed

winner by 11pm every day 19 plus and physically located in Ontario Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Select games only games only guarantee void of platform or game outages occur guarantee requires play by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded or 11 p.m eastern restrictions apply see full terms at canada.casino.fandu.com please play responsibly i was like right person wrong time like it's not the right time so in short version i met a boy around a year ago through a mutual friend and we have been

getting together on and off ever since we got on really well from the beginning and i got myself excited although he never made any effort to see me on one-on-one so i called it off a couple of times as he said he didn't want a relationship which i understood however we'd always end up coming back together and he would give me false hope. Oh no, oh no. Because he'd get jealous if I'd be speaking to his friends thinking that I'd get with them. Text me a lot about a month ago, he finally admitted he had feelings for me. Fast forward to a couple of weeks later and he is now seeing someone else. I'd sit around a group of our friends listening to him tell everyone how he has found the one.

Loves her. Oh, fuck him. Loves her and found the one loves her oh fuck him loves her and is planning on asking her to be his girlfriend it was horrible i felt like i've been used the whole time until we found someone better and struggling to come to terms with the fact i've lost him forever but i'm also angry that i can't get over it because i know i deserve more than that yeah any advice on how to get over being replaced stay anonymous right you have to it all comes from within unfortunately like you really have to every day I'd start by the easiest thing is write 10 things you love about yourself or five things you love about yourself and five things you're grateful for I know I've said it

before but I truly believe it you obviously need to like learn how great you are and love yourself in order to be like I don't care that he's not replaced me because i'm better than that like you have to know your self-worth yeah it's not about him and also like unfortunately it was a bit of an abuse situation which happens all the time girls do it too we are both guilty of doing that and i think that and i think yes you definitely have done that i have definitely done it and it's not good because it's almost like it's someone that you just don't like enough but like you kind of like them but then it's not use and abuse because you you don't know you don't like them until the next

person comes along I guess yes but like it's almost like you know that you're not as committed as they are that yet you carry on with it anyway which is tough but like I guess that's just part of life and I think we can only be so good at noticing it now and like being instinctive like I know if someone's being 110% with me or if they're being like 70 80% and then they drop to nothing and then they go up again it's like no no if you actually like me it would be 100% all the time yeah you know so I think that the only way that we can be is like just be wary of it happening like now it's happened to you once it's never going to happen to you again because you're going to know the behavior yeah don't let it don't fall into that trap don't fall into trap and it does unfortunately it just happens and it's how people find out what they do like with people and what

they don't like and it's no you're not the first person it's also happened to me i'm sure i think it happens it happens all the time and i'm sure that it will probably happen to you at some point as in that you'll probably feel that way about somebody else and not even realize what you're doing yeah in a sense it's not really using and abusing it's more just like well i guess he would probably be well yeah to be honest he's been a bit selfish so i'm not gonna because you're feeling like he I guess used used your situation to buffer until he found the right yeah and like you that's where that like came from in my head I don't know if you've been used to be but like I know what that's like I've seen it happen to my friends like I that's a classic boy move and I'm guilty of doing that as well to

be honest it's not nice but like it's not on purpose it's just kind of like oh they quite like me like they're great company I like them I don't I know I'm not going to be with them like I don't like them that much yes but when someone goes is this your girlfriend and the boy's like oh no we're just seeing each other or we're just casual like we're just dating kind of it's a red flag yeah i think there has to be an accumulation of red flags for you to be like actually i wouldn't go to the boy but i'd just sit back and be like sometimes you just gotta have an outside perspective and be like if this is my body and look at this situation yeah i mean this was my friend what did i tell

them yeah sometimes you just gotta stay take a step back you don't have to break up them don't have to like make a scene just take a step back and see where they how much effort they put in exactly and you always find out but we've not really given her advice on how to get no i think that like you just have to you just have to move on like any breakup any getting over is difficult and just learn and like yeah you'll learn and like i think that it will almost bring you up a bit more confidently like oh god like you deserve so much better than that gosh is this a new dilemma guide we've literally got like a symphony written down my gosh right we better get on to this one okay it's a slight novel says we might have to go in a couple stages of this okay for the four past months, I've been having an FWB arrangement with the guy.

What's that? Friend with benefits. Sorry. I used to date for five months. When we dated, everything was amazing. He was literally the perfect guy on paper. After several years of dating complete shifts, I thought maybe it was all worth it to finally meet someone this amazing. Right. Anyway, after five smooth and blissful months involving zero arguments or hiccups,

he turns up at my flat and completely out of the blue with no warning signs, announces he couldn't do it anymore. Oh, God. Oh, God. He couldn't tell me why things had suddenly changed, literally three days after saying he wanted me to meet his mum and that he wanted to be on his own and wasn't in the headspace to commit to anything. Naturally, I was completely devastated and tried to talk him around.

But he was adamant that we couldn't continue dating one another. His sudden gear switch coincided with him coming off furlough and working an insane amount of hours. Up to six days a week some some weeks i attributed it being to him being stressed but he was still wasn't open to dating after he's met someone calm down at work do you think what's my so far that's my instinct oh good get ready we've got mom after an emotional week or so post the breakup he came over to mine as i didn't hadn't been sleeping well and it turned horribly emotional we both started hugging and well one thing led to another. Long story short, we had a good four-month run of hanging out as friends,

during which we became much closer as mates and invariably hooking up each time we met. Oh. Huh? So, basically, they were just hanging out and sleeping together. What, after he broke up? After they broke up, she had a weird blip where she couldn't sleep. He went over and then comforted her,

and then that just led it, fell into them being friends with benefits for four months is that what she said yeah we agreed early on this was purely friends with benefit arrangement and that there was no expectations of a relationship i also said i would be upfront if i wanted to start seriously dating other people but throughout this whole friends with benefits something felt weird it was like he wasn't fully over us and was in denial about his feelings he would do really romantic gestures and that fair enough her being like this is yeah yeah yeah go on girl holding your ground with that especially and also just in it for the sex yeah i love it he would do really romantic gestures and actions what are you laughing at

in it for the sex i love it in it a girl's got needs no it's true he would do really romantic gestures and actions that were more partner like than fuck buddy

like insisting on paying for both of our meals and drinks every time we go out I mean me I wouldn't be complaining but

he's by no means well off sometimes holding my hand when we walk down the street and even buying me an elaborate birthday present oh my god oh yeah this oh I'm feeling he loves you just to clarify well while i still fancy him immensely i've always been realistic about the situation i haven't harbored any impressive

harbored any hopes that he'll grow up and commit to a relationship i've also been on a couple of app dating apps chatting to other guys throughout the four months good that's like almost the best thing you can imagine yeah this is like so strong I'm really loving this yeah I go for but unfortunately I haven't managed to meet anyone I really connect with okay so it gets to the four months of us doing this whole friends with benefits and suddenly one day everything seemed to switch again we met up for a couple of post-work drinks and everything was fine, but then he started behaving really weird and standoffish as we parted ways.

He kept insisting I go to get the train as it stood on the platform, even though there was literally one every five minutes. And I said I was happy to wait, but he still insisted I get it, as though he was keen for me to leave without initiating that he come back to my flat, highly presumptuous on his part.

That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything from him since bar a message asking if i got home okay and he enjoyed hanging out what oh my god this is so convenient this sudden hole in communication is just odd and quite frankly he has left me feeling like a mug i don't understand why he's completely switched i feel massively disrespected also considering what a gent he was while we were going out only to start behaving like this i guess my question for you guys is a do you think this is some bizarre ploy he's pulling to distance himself from me emotionally and b how do you think i should approach the issue with him in the next time we meet i particularly admire a miss melissa's oh all right. We've got our first favourite. I particularly admire Melissa's no bullshit approach to men.

I thought she was going to say no. We all fucking love Melissa's nose. It's the size of a pea. I was like, oh my God. So any advice you can offer would be gladly appreciated. Well, Melissa, the mic is over to you. I don't... I feel like we need a boys' video.

Yeah, this is really strange because it's like he's so, like, intense and you were so, like, held back. Like, okay, this is just Friends with Benefits and the birthday presents and, like, going out for dinner. Like, that's not Friends with Benefits, going out for dinner.

Normally they just come over and you sleep together, right? Yeah, but they were also mates first. That's why it's complicated. And they've had this like mini relationship before for five months or whatever. What's weird is him being like, get on the train. It's almost like, are you okay, hun? I don't know.

I just don't understand. Also, like any boy would want to go back for a shag. So am I right in saying that? Either. He's got serious like commitment issues as in like, I kind of don't believe in that because in my mind I'm like, oh, commitment issues just means you don't like them enough. And also he'd still go back to have sex. Yeah.

Because he'd just sack you off the next day. Yeah, I don't understand. What were the questions? I think he's petrified. I think maybe he's had something that's gone on in the past where he's just so terrified of getting back into that state again and getting back into that being in a relationship, being love again I don't know do we think she should approach it I think to be honest with you I feel like this is too up and down like if it was me I'd be like this is I've had enough of this now like it was really great but like it's not actually fair for him to then just suddenly have a wobble like every four months, you can't live like that.

No, it's really actually unfair. You know, what if you become official and then he does the same thing again? It's really unreliable. Yeah, it's unreliable. That's what it is. And I don't think that that's... Your partner. Especially when you're obviously quite consistent and, like, sensible and, like... Yeah, you see where you've really got your head screwed on.

Yeah, and I feel like you know where you stand with it. And he's just... it sounds like he's just kind of all over the place really he's overstepping the mark in a sense when they're the friends with benefits like going the extra mile with the birthday presents and stuff that's a little bit confusing and then going to being like get on the train by yourself and also you have to remember he was the one who ended it first yeah it's very strange you know like from an outside the point of view like i like the last item i float yourself out of your body look at the situation as if it was your sister like

don't let this happen again you've got to i would i would personally take myself out of it i don't want to say he gets it but you know what i mean it sounds like he gets like you know like the seven month scratch or itch or whatever yeah the itch it's like they say it's a seven year itch but it's like a four month itch but then why would say it's a seven year itch but it's like a four month itch but then why would you go back that many times and be that over the top with it that's what i'm not understanding like i can only you know when i made it to one time when i kept going back but do you remember when i got with that boy a few times and i like really didn't fancy him and then i would suddenly you'd get i'd get the itch and then no i wouldn't be obsessed

but then he'd back off and I'd be like, yeah, I really fancy him. Yeah. I didn't really fancy him, he just really liked me. It was similar. It's almost like a bit of a game

that you want what you can't have. Yeah, perhaps you were very distant and like, I only want to be friends with benefits and he was like, oh, this is quite fair. And then, you like,

you know, your guard went down as it would because you're a human being and that's part of having... Oh, that's a long time as well. I know people say like, oh, four or five months isn't long. It is a long time. Yeah, it's a long time.

Like it's a long time. And that all together, that whole like relationship, friends with benefits, the whole thing is over a year. Like this is a long time. And they seem like they've seen each other a lot. My advice, what should she do? I think that, to be honest, if you do see him and he comes up and he tries to speech you and it's... Oh, he's going to try and speech you.

And he wants to talk to you about the situation, I think that you need to take the upper ground. The higher ground. Yeah, the higher ground and just be like, look. The high road? No, I think you need to take the reins on the conversation take the poor i let him come to you but i would take the reins like when he comes to you and be like you know what actually i really don't think it's good i don't really do this again like i'm over it like yeah but actually you're over it i'm over it it's not what i want because it isn't what you want i think you're great but this is not what i want and then you

leave it at that and like He'll come crawling back. But then it's up to you whether you want to go through that whole thing again every four months. Because it sounds like it's a pattern with this boy. I wonder if he's ever done anything like this before. I wonder if he's ever had a relationship. Or it sounds like he's really a commitment phobe. But people who are a commitment phobe, do you want to be the one to work it on him and change him? No can't convince him talk them around no it's their choice it's their feeling like that and you're just going to give them the ick as well if you try and talk them around like oh yeah yeah we've both had that

and it's like no no i've just literally told you i don't want to be with you and you're trying to convince me not to like don't yeah that's the worst there's enough and then then what we'll do he'll just end up breaking up with you over text or just sending you like something savage because he can't do it to your face. Because you always try and convince him. Yeah. We've been quite. Sorry I feel like we've been quite harsh with this one.

But I just feel like. Well she likes your brutal honesty. So I feel like I take relief out of your book. Where you stand in the whole thing. And I think that you need to do the same thing. With like leaving the situation. And then just know where you stand. And don't get tempted to go back into that.

Because you know you're just going to go through the same routine it sounds like yeah i agree but but thank you so much for all the details love love your writing you're very eloquent it was lovely to read i really enjoyed it we should probably do our whinge of the week have you got one no a wind of the week i'll tell you when someone like the doctor calls you or like anyone you don't really want to speak to you not your mate and it's like yeah or like i always avoid calls like that oh no when they call you and it's like we've you're so slow at telling me what you want to tell me just say i'm in a rush i don't want to be speaking to you and they're like hi Miss Haboo how are you

I'm in a rush and I go yeah that's fine obviously I don't say I'm in a rush I'm not that bloody but I'm like in your head

you're like oh god I'm like hi how are you sorry I'm just I've got called in two minutes so yeah I can speak

for five minutes and then they're like and then they repeat it and they go and I'm like yeah that's fine so I'll pay that I send them my

bank details they go so just to confirm yeah they have to do that it's for okay but then they do that and then they're like okay is there anything else you need help no no i know exactly what you mean i just go all right bye-bye and then they're like yeah i had that today i actually had to call barclays because i've lost a card it's so i've misplaced it because I've lost a card. I've misplaced it. It's somewhere in the flat. Yeah, I've done that.

I need a new one. Give me a new one. I can't find it. God, she's absolutely lit, everyone. I feel like actually exhausted. Like, guys, there's honestly a quarter done of this red wine. That's it. We've had like half of that.

I feel like I could put my head on this table and close my eyes. Yeah, but we're not saying that that's what it is. I'm actually not going to recommend that you have this wine for like a... A dinner party. A dinner party

or anything where you need to be energetic. I'd have it for a movie. Not the one that you want to stay awake for, guys. If you're willing to have a little nap on a Sunday,

after a Sunday lunch, stunning. Oh yeah, it's like a dessert. Yeah. Oh my God, that's what I reckon. Or any,

after any meal really. It's like a dessert, I'd that's what i reckon or any after any meal really it's like a dessert i'd have that instead of my dessert i don't really like dessert wine i normally it's so sweet this is nice to have as a dessert yeah it's quite sweet this is thick and creamy what were you talking about i don't know right we've got to rate the wine okay let's rate the wine okay i'm Okay, I'm going to rate it high, not too high, maybe a seven. I really enjoyed it. I'm going to say a seven. It's not the apartment.

I'd say an 8.5. I really liked it. Okay. I think it's nicer than the apartment. I think next week, we just have to give a go trying the other one next week. We say it every week. We're so stupid how we never do that. We just need to stick to our words, guys. We say it every week. We're so stupid how we never do that. Just need to stick

to our words, guys. Melissa's eyes are closing. Like, honestly, I'm like glazed. Like, she's... I'm okay. I'm really not.

This is like... I honestly feel like... I don't think you've eaten enough today. Clearly not. Right. Okay, well, anyway, guys,

on that note, Melissa needs to go to bed and eat about a loaf of bread to sober her up. But we love you guys. Thank you so much. Honestly, it means so much that you always listen to us and all of your messages we see on Instagram. We love them.

We read them. We appreciate them so much. And to everyone who's ever come up to us, because I had someone come up to me in Portugal. And you did. We just love that you listen and like it. I just want to see, like, how it's wholesome feeling. We're just such a little team and family, New Portugal. Oh. And you did, as I... We just love that you listen and like it. I just want to see like how he's wholesome feeling at home. We're just such a little team and family

and I love it. But guys, thanks so much. Keep sending in the dilemmas. Love you. Have a lovely rest of your week. Bye. Bye. Fandu Casino Daily Jackpots. Guaranteed to hit by 11 p.m. with your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do.

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and it's super easy you just listen on your favorite app how cool is that amazing and all the info is in the episode description and in our insta bio